#54 It's A Great Day!

Published Jun 23, 2021, 1:00 AM

Between you and Nikki, she didn't sleep well last night because she was watching too many clips of unrequited love. Andrew also had a rough night after playing too much virtual reality games. Nikki talks about seeing herself in VR sex, they discuss specific pop ups and Andrew drops a bomb about crushing news he received. Nikki is having all sorts of feelings about something she has coming up later today and Andrew helps her get her anger out with his headlines in You Heard It Here First. Nikki shares her latest Redddit Dump and in the Final Thought they discuss some stupid things done for horniness.

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The Nicky Years. Nikki, Hey guys, how's it going out there? It's Tuesday on the Nicky Glazer Podcast. Hey no, uh, how you doing? Hey good? I mean, I mean, yeah, I know, we were just talking before we started the show, and um, I felt that man. You you you were in your backyard this morning and you found a dying mouse, right yeah, and it was just a little mouse that was just kind of like in its final stages. Yeah, yeah, and you cried. I know, I just so I thought it was already um deceased. But when I walked up to and looked at it, I saw it like gasping like air, and then that's it. That just like made me start bawling. We that nothing you could do, and there is nothing you could do. I hate when I see that so much, like I, oh my god, like a little baby bird or something, or like when something is like twitching and like I you want to just like crunch it under your foot so that it's like just ends its life quickly, you know, because if I were that, I'd be like finish me no, you know, like that would be what I would want. But I also don't want to crush something with my I don't want to feel a little bones under my foot. I'm sorry, and but I was just saying to you, like how sweet that that mouse like had someone honor it and like, uh, you know acknowledge that it existed. It's like you know, and like it's it's sweet, but it's so it is so sad, and there's so much animal suffering everywhere because the world is a you know, not just because of factory farming and all that ship that I care about, but like, yeah, I saw a fucking seagull today. I just want to um uh. I mean I'm in Beverly Hill, staying here and you just walked down the street to like the little like two starbucks, my mom and I she's staying here, and uh and on our way there, there was a seagull, a giant seagull that looked a little rough around the edges, just out like in this little like area, like it was almost waiting for an espresso store to open, and it was just walking. But but it's like you're a long way for the sea, buddy, I mean it's like Beverly Hills is far inland, and it was just like it looked like so and I was just like what do I do? What do we do? The seagull like needs help and it was just getting scared by my attention. And then I remember that reeky woman that I saw in the Cayman Island. She told me that um birds are my angels and that every time I see a bird that I like, every time a bird catches my attention, I should just or like as in a spot that it should be or like you know, you should go. That's someone trying to tell you something. And so I was like, what do I need to get new an espresso pods for my brand new machine? Like what is it trying to tell me? Um? So, I I don't know. I'm just uh, I need something today, I need any sign today. I'm having a rough morning. I couldn't sleep last night, feeling a little sad and sorry for myself and like a little Uh I watched UM I realized like I need I need like porn to cry right. Um. Dan Soder is a good bit about like how he he like watches uh you know, a mentally handicapped person like getting a note that he's going to get into college. You know those videos and everyone cries like that's his porn that's like his gang bang of crying like for me, my mine. I realized last night I just have to pinpoint, much like music, when I'm trying to feel my feelings about like a heartbreak or usually about a boy. And when I say boy, I mean a boy, because these are not men and I'm crying over and that's not a slight on them. I am a little girl too. I am such a girl, especially when I'm being um cruel, particularly cruel to someone else, or I'm I'm like in the ways that I've been hurt by boys. When I hurt men or other boys, uh like the way I do, it's because I'm a girl. I'm a little girl standing in front of a boy who's not texting her. Um No, it's not always that, but it's just like last night, I was just feeling kind of sorry for myself, and I wanted to find the right like movie that would like or like scene that would like make me cry. And I always loved the scene. I think when I saw it in eighth grade, it may cause me. It's almost like I knew that I would forever and maybe that I like, maybe these movies made it so that I romanticize love that can't be We should be together, but the world like Roman and Juliet like we can't. Like I love Star Crust Lovers. I love the Taylor Swift video for Uh the Wildest Dreams because she has this romance and then at the end of it, she's like on the red carpet with like she had a romance, like she's in Africa on this, on the set of this or in the music video. It's such a good song Wildest Dreams because it's like, um, will you remember me standing in the white dress, staring at the sunset babe or sunset babe, red lips and rosy cheeks, say you'll see me again, even if it's just in your wildest dreams, because you say wildest dreams of like yeah, and your wildest dreams will be together. But like she's saying, the only time we're gonna be together because of life, we can't continue this romance. I'll see you in your wildest dreams. And then at the end of the music video, this shows she's like in Africa on like a set of a movie and her and the lead have like this romance on and off screen, and it's like tour it and it's like all these things. And then at the end of the video it cuts too. She's at the premiere and she's standing there in the red carpet and taking photos and he's there and there with like the producers of the movie, and he's there with his girlfriend or his wife or whatever it is, and she's standing there and they just are like catching each other's eyes kind of like that. I why do I like that? Why do we like that? Like poor Taylor, she'll never get the guy that she could have loved and and he could have loved her. I like that more than being the girlfriend in that scene. I mean, obviously, no one wants to be the girlfriend of the scene because she's not aware of this thing that's happening, So no one wants to be that. But in the end, that girl kind of one, So like, I always want to be the one who wins the guy, whether it's about another girl or it's about um, a guy just choosing you in general over anything else, the potential of other people. Um. But in the into the movie, so they're in the premiere and they're watching it and she's like crying, like crying, and they're watching their love on the screen. And she's like sitting next to him. It's a great music video, Wildest Dreams. She's a she's Brunette through the whole thing. If so, if you didn't like Taylor because she's blonde, I don't know what. Maybe some people are like, shut up about Taylor, and maybe it's because she's blonde and you're more into Brunette's. Hey, check out Wildest Dreams music video. So at the very end, though, she runs out of the theater because she can't take it, and she's like, I'm just leaving this. And then she's going and she's pulling away and she looks in the rearview mirror of her car and he runs out into the street and it's like wait and she's she just keeps going. She's like too late, so good. So last night to get a cry in I, Um, I didn't watch that because I've watched it too many times and I'm almost desensitized to it. Um. But I did pull up another scene that is the same funck. Oh my god, I'm gonna cry even thinking about the scene because he is just so fucking good in it. Cast Away, Tom Hanks cast Away that scene. So if you don't know castaway. Tom Hanks gets into a uh. His plane crashes. He has a wife, Helen Hunt. His plane crashes. He uh then is on the island when he gets rescued. What is it like a five six years later he comes back and he's waiting to meet Kelly, his wife, who has thought he died. Moved on is now in a relationship with Mr Big from Sex in the City, and Tom Hanks is just all the only reason he lived was because he had a picture of his wife the whole time and just like waiting for her and loved her so much. She moved on thought he was dead. And then they I didn't see this YouTube doesn't have the scene before it, but they have a scene where Chris Nath Mr Big comes into this Tom Hanks is alone in this room. Everyone's celebrating his return. It's at this airport where he first lands and every this big press event. He's in this room alone and Mr Big comes in. It's like, hi, uh, I'm Kelly's husband. And he had the look on his face of just like what And then he's so sad and he looks out the window after the guy left and he sees this guy like comforting his wife who's sobbing in the in the parking lot. Helen's sobbing. She can't go in there and see her husband who's now alive. Um. And then he goes and I think they like he goes to her house when the husband's out of town. He's just like tells her how he feels, and she's like, this is my life. He sees that she has a kid and all the stuff, and then he drives away. No, have you seen the scene? So Tom Hanks goes back to see his wife. They for the first time they've seen each other. There's like a definitely chemistry and she's very sad and she's like, I've moved on. I don't remember because the scene was on YouTube. But then he leaves and it's raining outside and he pulls off and then you hear her at her house like a yard away. Go wait and you see his car just go for him and like go reverse instantly, and he runs out of the car. It's pouring rain and she runs up and they just like make out. She goes, you're the love of my life. You're the love of my life, and like she and she's like like saying, like my husband and I'm with now, wouldn't be here if it like you. It's you, but I can't be with you. And then but then in this moment, you're like, what what she's admitting, Like no, I want to And so he leads her to the car and he gets her in the car and he goes around and he gets in the car and they're in the car and they're about to drive off to their like new life together. She's gonna leave her house, you know, she'll be back to get her stuff later, but like they're gonna pull off, and she just goes, she goes, wait, he's about to drive, like put it into drive, and she's like, I can't, I can't, Like I can't, and he's just like and she just gets out of the car and they never see each other again, but that like we should be together, but we can't because the world is so hot. Him to me, and I was able to uh squeeze out a couple of tears out of this old dry apricot of a head, Like I feel like my head is like a peach and it's like in a dehydrator sometimes and like there's a little bit of juice you could get out of it. But I gotta pull up a clip to summon it. Um. God, Tom Hanks is so goddamn good. I was watching his face when he finds out that Kelly has a husband that scene, I go, I wonder, I've never asked an actor, like, what are you thinking about when you're doing that scene? Are you that man? Or are you aware that you're Tom Hanks being that man? Like? You know what I mean? Like sometimes it's so good because a lot of times you go, Okay, that person is acting, they're saying the lines. But Tom Hanks, I just you. You just are Like I want to know what's going through Tom Hanks's head in that scene. I would. I don't know that I've ever heard an actor asked that, like what are you thinking about when you're acting? Who knows? What am I thinking about? When I'm on stage? A lot of times I'm in the moment, but sometimes, um, what I'm gonna eat later? Uh I I have to call an uber because my next set is fifteen minutes. Uh ago, hand up to beyond stage and like stuff like that, Like I'll be thinking about other stuff. So I wonder if Tom Hanks is going over his grocery list when he's telling his young forest, um, you know your mom would have been proud or whatever. Oh that's the other scene. I love scenes where lovers can't be together, be together. I tried to watch Romeo and Juliette two the the end of the Claire Danes Leo. I couldn't because they look too young, and I was like, don't kill yourself. Come on now, like Juliette, you can go on. You're gonna be sad, but this is Claire Danes is crying in that movie is so iconic and such a choice because and it's so maddening because if the end of Romi and Juliette, if you don't know spoiler alert for the last four hundreds or whatever the goddamn he wrote it, you know, Romeo thinks Juliette is dead. And then she wakes up, and right as she wakes up, literally she opens her eyes and she's smiling at him, and she kind of sees him go to take the potion, and she kind of gets confused, and then she reaches her hand up right with her hand touches him, and he sees that she's alive. He has put it in his mouth. It's like, bitch, just raise your hand a little bit sooner. It came down to like mill a seconds, and I'm just I'm sitting there watching it, going like maybe she will do it sooner, even though you see this movie a million times. And then you know, he's like dying and she's like and then he dies and this is her, this is her crying. Oh It's like it's like it's such a real cry. It's like, oh, it's so if you know, you know, but it's a weird cry. And um, I didn't even get to that part because I was just like, just touch him sooner, girl, because she fully wakes up and she's just like smiling at him, like there's Romeo as he's like about to take this potion. I don't know why I love it. I just and then I The other thing I love in movies is when someone talks to a dead person that is like I tried to make you proud. I'd like that fucking kills me. But you know what that is, it's the same thing. It's it's some it's loving someone that you can't talk to and be with it. It's unrequited love, like if they're dead, and but finding or like a letter from a dead mom to like when a mom writes letters to it she's has a baby and she has cancer or something, and she writes the letters of like every year, I'm going to write you a letter and then oh my god, just talking from the great Like unrequited love? What is that? I have parents who both love me, that are together. Why why do I like, why do we want that? I guess I what I want is like deep deep romance. Why don't I spin this and make it a good thing? Maybe it's not. Maybe those to me are just the most um like those are not just examples of like, oh, you can't have the person. It's like, uh, you know that, like you're the love of my life, which, by the way, I don't think love of my life is true, Like you're a love of my life. I think people can have, you know, different versions of that. Last night on The Bachelor, at this is one of the guys. Uh his wife, his his the only woman he's ever loved met in college, died after seven months after they gave birth to their son, and uh or she gave birth to their son, and he's he's a now on the Bachelorette, it's been a you know he has a son and he's a widower, and he's telling the story at dinner of like how she died, and he's like shedding some tears. He's emotional, but not like I didn't think it was crazy, but um, some people might think that's a little much like I don't want to hear you cry and say how much you loved someone, and like, because he's like the second I saw her, I just knew she was the most amazing woman, all the stuff, but then she died. You know, it's a lot of people. I bet a lot of people wouldn't be able to handle that of like he loves someone else. You would kind of be like, I'll just hold his hand, But I'm really jealous right now, and I don't feel that way I even if it's just a type of love that I never get from him. The way he talks about her my love, his love for me can be different than that you can have. Why are we allowed to have so many friends in life? Like Noah, you and I are friends, but if you get a new friend, I don't go gotch has lust love for me? Now? Some people do. Some people look for drama and do That's true, but not you. Yeah, I think we just allow our friends to have many friends that are on the same level as us and don't require the same, like it should only be me and it's only ever been me. I don't even want to hear about your past like it's such so insecure, um, And I don't want to be that way. I could have been that way, and I understand that some people are and can't help it. But it's because you're insecure, it really is. And that's not a moral thing. You're not a bad person because you're insecure. You just didn't get enough love at some point in your life when you were building up self esteem. That's it, um And And guess what, you can work on it. You can. You cannot be insecure if you work on yourself. That's I had to very much. And I still have a lot of work to do because I'm watching Castaway to cry. Um. But you know, as someone who has had uh, what was I just gonna I mean, I you know, I was in a relationship and a guy that I had dated died while I was in this relationship, and I was so upset about it because he was a friend of mine, not just someone I hooked up with, but like I cared about him and my my lover at the time could not handle that I was crying about another man even though his dead could not handle it. Was very, very jealous, despite himself didn't want to be. I mean, what a what a hard thing to be like mad at your girlfriend she's crying about someone that died. But he was. He was really upset about it because he felt that I cared about this guy more than I than him. He must have sensed it or something, and maybe I did. I mean, I don't know, but I guess what I I even no matter how much I love someone in my past, I just I don't. Maybe that's a wrong. Maybe that's my problem. Is I like when someone is in a relationship or like I don't really I don't really or even married. I'm not gonna like pursue a married person ever, but I don't if that person gets a divorce someday, I'm not gonna be like, he'll never love me like her. And the only reason I'm not gonna the thing is if just because someone died, that's the thing. The dying makes it different than a divorce, because maybe you can entertain dating a man who loved a woman once, but now he hates her because they're divorced. If he still loved her, they'd be together. Well not the case. Actually, maybe they just Actually he might have loved her more than he'll ever love you, And that's okay because love can be different. People always say, what about kids? That's the thing that proves people wrong about loving more than one person. This love of my life bullshit. When you have a kid and you you choose have a second kid, are you gonna have to split your love between those kids? Now? No, you just make more love. No one ever goes. How Like, if I was in a relationship and a guy it was like, I'm in love with someone else, I'd go because that means you don't love me enough. I'm not meeting all your needs. But when a mom has another baby, does the kid go? Was that not enough? You can love something else? Yes, I can, because you can love more than one thing. You don't have a finite amount of love in your heart. So why can't we allow our partners and the our romantic partners to to have loved or have the potential to love someone else. That doesn't mean they don't love you. I honestly, I love that about myself. I wish other people would get on fucking board because I'm tired of dealing with men who are insecure that you might have loved or could love or be attracted to someone else. And I'm I'm tired of I'm just and I'm tired of the expectation that. Um I'm tired of every Uh yeah, I want everyone to get on board with me, but I think I'm alone in this. I really do. Um, I'm tired of insecurity and I don't want to be insecure anymore. And that's why I'm probably lashing out at other examples of it. Let's get Andrew in here, speaking of Hey Andrew, Drew, Hey Andrew, Hey Nikki, Hey Nikki, Hey Nikki. How did you sleep last night? I slept good. I mean, have you done in virtual reality ever? Have you ever done? I mean, I guess dreaming is like virtual reality. Um, yeah, no, yes, I did virtual reality porn. Yeah. My show Not Safe on Comedy Central. They made me a porn like. We were doing a segment for the third season of the show where it would be me using virtual reality porn, and they made me a porn where, um, hot guys, like it was like a Bachelor theme because I love the Bachelor. And then these guys bring me, feed me fro yo, and then a girl. I don't know why they had a girl go down on me, but it was just like for let's stake of it, and then um and then at the end, I squirted, like my my fake body squirted. It was really weird. And I had to watch this with a broom of people and I was kind of getting horned up while I'm watching. It was really weird. Wait, could you choose your own ending or was it already chosen for you? It was all it was like going to be you know, they made it with me in mind, and they were like, here's your surprise of like this is yeah, dude, it is wildest oculist. It's called you put it on and you you go to another world. And I know it sounds cheesy, but you literally go to another world and it's like you're inside. It was like a shooting game and you're like inside this like space and you're and you could see your hands like these glowy hands and I'm telling you it's fucking wild. And you can pick up the gun and you're shooting the gun and then you take it off and you're like back here. I swear to god, it feels like that, like you're like I'm back with my brothers and my nephews. Just put me back in space. Yeah, taking it off and like just seeing a room of crew men just like looking at me, I was just like, oh God, I want to be back in that mansion with those guys and suits had roses and the girls fingering me. It is a it's a weird awakening from it. Oh. It's so funny to watch when someone is else is doing it too, because I know you just go you look so stupid. Yeah, you just like like you think you're in a different world. Look at you. But that's cool. You got to do it. We gotta get one. There's a dance game on it where you could like challenge people dancing. I think you would. I mean it would be I would love it. Let's get one down Martin or something. I thought you were gonna say, Ricky dr Bass, which I honestly would probably prefer going down on versus Ricky Martin actually because Rickie Martin, I know wouldn't enjoy it unless I you know it were I'm beat he maybe he had on a oculus thing and could pretend I was a man. Makes you pretend your ricky your vase? Would you want? How weird would it be if virtual reality you're going down on yourself. I would hate that. I would hate that. I wouldn't want to. I don't think I tried if I could. I don't think i'd eat my own pussy. Like you know, I guys try to suck their own dick. I wouldn't do it. I would not want to do that. I mean, I like sometimes when I'm like real horned up by myself, I'll like lick my fingers or something, you know, something like that where I'm like, why are you even doing this? But it's like, oh, because I'm into myself. But I don't know that i'd bury my Maybe I can't say never say, you know, I touched myself, so why wouldn't I like, Yeah, I don't know what. I don't know. What's weirder Virtual reality where they still make you get flexible to suck your own dick, or a version of you sucking your own dick, it's just the version. It's a it's another world where you're spine is more bendy. Let's only different thing about the world. The other part of me takes yoga. But the thing is you have to have a dick in your mouth to to make it seem like when they were feeding me, like virtual reality fro yo, someone like had to give me fro yo, so it would actually be the you know what I'm saying, Oh, I didn't know someone's touching you like fake virtual reality porn is going to be great, but you actually have to have the feeling on you that makes sense, So you would have to have a pocket vagina and wow, wow cheese in front of Yeah, you have like a fuck machine or someone doing it, and then if that's the case, just have to take it off and like I let the person do it. I don't know. I mean that is the future of porn is virtual reality, and we're all going to be I mean, porn is are are already made sex with human beings so much more fraud and scary and weird and and changed it so much. But so bring it on. Let's change it even more with VR, like ruin it even more. Porn is Like I mean, I I love it obviously, but there's no question that it has changed the landscape of hooking up and what sex is and just being able to be present during it and like, yeah, it's and and what your expectations. I mean, every young boy watching, every young girl watching it because they do see it. There's no protection for kids from porn online. It's the easiest thing to access. And it's just so crazy the images they see. Crazy. I mean, just stuff that is just on the front page is so disturbing and so not even close to what, you know, the kind of sex teenagers should be having is. It's in the day, you had to hit enter, remember it, like are you eighteen or older? Yes? Now scrolled down and find your birthdate, you know, and lie. Yeah, you had to be like I'm over eight you had to lie back in the day. Now they don't even they don't even do that. And the and the and the pop ups are not that you know. Oh yeahs terrible. It used to be horrible. It doesn't even make sense. It's like not even a little um so no, like I my phone, UM I want I get some like viruses on my phone, on my Apple phone, I get viruses from the porn I go to. There's this one that will um just put a bunch of things in my calendar, and it's like your phone has been hacked. Like it literally be like eight pm tonight, your phone's being hacked. It's like it literally litters your calendar with all these or like it starts a new calendar and your like Google phone, and it's like the I don't even care. I'm just like, all right, I left it in for a while to remind myself. I have a porn addiction to be like this is a consequence, leave these reminders of like blow jobs tonight x xex online. It's like eleven pm, call your Graham. You're you're right, You're right, you're right, you're right about that. You know hard. I know porns, but it used to be exhausting, the the just the pop ups that you would get. And now I find on like porn hub free. I use premium, but when i've I've had to do free because I didn't remember my password or whatever on my phone. Um, I don't do premium for porn hubs. So when I go on porn hub now I'm surprised at how little apps there are. And yeah, there's so many more pop ups on the articles that Noah sends me to read I go and hit my car, and it's like you're trying to sell me like squeegees, and I'm like, what, I don't I want to see this woman get hit. Yeah, there's more pop ups on these, like random stories or looking up the lyrics to a Taylor Swift song, I get like, do you are you a horny single? Like that's the thing the pop up I get all the time on my porn. They obviously think I'm a man because it's this virtual reality woman. I listened to it yesterday, the whole A couple of days ago. I listened to the whole thing. But I just if anyone is out there, it's like such a specific thing that has heard this, because it must be at Do you watch porn nub Andrew where you go? You know this ad where the girl goes. It's like there's a sound of it sounds like they're in a cellar or something like it's like echoe and it's virtual reality. And the girl goes, she's like getting pounded from behind. She goes, I think, I think I have to go home. You know, she goes, She's like getting fucked obviously, and she goes. You know, I should probably be going pretty soon. You know, I gotta go home. Someone's waiting for me. There. It's like it's the and then there's like a weird dripping faucet in the background. But it's just this thing. Obviously everyone's turned on by fucking someone that has to go. Oh, a woman that has a husband at home or something, you know home. Yeah, I gotta go pick up my kids from school. Oh do you you got a time limit? Yes, it's like why we watched the show twenty four, like you want you want some That's how everything I love that you do this sound about was making. Dude, that show is so funny. I mean it's like one hour of the day. I love that show. I loved that show. Just Keith were Sutherland like breathing heavy and everything returned on by him. He's kind of hot, right Oh yeah, yeah, I mean not like he wasn't like popping up in my VR porn, but um, he's not. But he's definitely a sexy in that Um god, yeah, I he's manly. I feel like it's interesting when actors come off soship with him. He's like saving the world. Um, do you know what I mean like a rugged actor. It's like, dude, you're you're inquired, like what are you doing? Like do you but he's rugged? Ste lines you were in some class. You were like and inside the actors to do all those dork actors that are like, excuse me, can I ask you a question? Mr? Al Pacino? So when you like acting is so like, well, you've seen Bradley Cooper when he's yes, who does he talk to? Who was it? It was damn it. There was a guy, an inside actor and Bradley Cooper. Jon was the host, but there was some actor that he was interviewing and Bradley Cooper was a student and was like, um, I have a question about this thing. I c k no what. Bradley Cooper has been famous as long as Louis k has been famous. That timeline is way off, so off, You're right, like that was a real poppy moment. Um. Now poppy means just like having a terrible call back. Um, I like, don't you're so right about actors? Though? It's like this ruggedness, But you're really like Meissner and you study and you like do you did like warm up exercises in a circle with a bunch of other actors at some point in your life, Like you're in a trailer with a food plate, Like stop it. You're like, oh, we'll go to I'll go to home, riding away on a Harley. Then I'm going to my mansion where I have a chef cooked me grilled chicken. Yes, it's You're so right, there's it's very It's a being an actor is a soft profession and that is not a slight. But like, don't try to convince us. You're like, do we know who Bradley Cooper talked to? You? Though? I really kind of want to know that. Yeah, I mean, just look up inside that Actra studio. But the reason why it was so funny is that Bradley was a bigger star than the guy that asked the question too, Because Bradley Cooper is a narcissist, no offense. Bradley and he wanted to get on camera. He didn't give a funk about asking a question to that guy. I guarantee you camera. Robert de Niro was it? Yeah, Okay, so de Niro is a bigger star than Bradley Cooper. You know what it was? It was Louis did a bit about no one that ever asked a question to a star from that show becomes a celebrity, and then it cut to Bradley Cooper. That's how That's where I'm thinking of it from. Yeah, No, it is so funny. Those guys you said, like they want to get attention to They stand up and they like they're they're like hello, Robert, Like they try to show their acting. It's like when you're whenever I ask a question at a thing, like there's a part of me that wants to be seen, like I'm sorry. It's like, I of course I want my question answered, but a lot of times people just want to be like, Hi, met me in your movie telepathically. Do you know what I've always said about Bradley Cooper. No one believed in me in my life, no one at this point in my career. But you had fifty million dollars. I'll tell you if there's a hundred people in the room and not one of them believe in you, Bradley Cooper believed in me. But I feel like you had so many fans. Lady Gaga, no one, leave it, hold on, I'm falling out of it. I know I was a very, very successful singer. But I didn't. No one thought I could be a viable actress to put me in a movie that certainly people would just go see, just on the off chance that, you know, I might be a people were studios really took a chance on me. You were not who you are. It's not acting documentary almost with you. I feel like, well, I love that you said that, because you are right. In that movie, I play a woman who doesn't think she can sing because she's ugly, and also I'm not ugly in the movie, and it all doesn't really make any goddamn fucking sense. Dog after he killed himself. That's what I want to know, Lady Gaga. It's none of your business the dog hi um spoiler alert. It's just like I just everything's I'm in a really great road today, clearly, don't. I gotta get in a better hilarious Oh good I got. I'm a little bit negative today. It's gonna be a tough day to day. I had a tough night last night too, so I'm I'm trying to fight it too. Oh, as you bite your finger off, I have skin in between my teeth. Wait, why I think it's called your gum? Line, do you skin in between? Because you were eating skin last night and some got caught in there. It's like Keena, but you you're Keena for For me, it's always going to be keen one my teeth because I eat a lot of it. Yours is always just like a hangnail. Oh. I literally I bite the skin underneath my nail. After I get done with what happened to you last night, I found out Milady is moving, so I know where to our building? She's moving it? No, no, oh my god, that's what you're saying about. She's like getting closer. She's moving in with us. Oh my god, that's so. But what if you thought she's moving you're like, and she asked me to help her. She's just moving across town. And I just really want to like, that's why you're sad. I'm sorry to hear that she's moving where Chicago? Oh shit, yeah, to the next at the end of next month. But because it was a job, okay, well, opportunity was a possibility. Did you know that it was a vague possibility. Um, it was brought up a couple of months ago, and then I really talked about after that. Not because I didn't ask her anything. It just wasn't brought up, and so and then it all kind of came. You know, when job offers come, they come just one day and then you got to make a decision because they go, hey, you gotta make a decision. Now. It's like, do I you waited two months to make a decision, You're gonna hire me? So I was sad. Yeah, I was sad. Yeah, well yeah it was if it Uh, that doesn't mean that it has to be over, but it's definitely I'm really sorry to hear that. And he asked me to help her move to Chicago, and it's like, I think I'm on the road dead that year, I really did go I think I'm on the road. I'm sorry, I can't. Yeah, do you move a girl that you're no longer probably gonna like, let's say, if you guys have to break up because you're moving, like, do you move? Like? Do one last favor? I think you do if you love them or if you like I don't want to throw out the word love or whatever, but if you care about them, when you God, it's the thing that we talked about before, literally help her move on. No, but it's true, like if you love someone like like this is what I was just talking. I was just talking at the top of the show about how I watch like all the scenes I love the most are when two people love each other and can't be together because of external circumstances, whether it's distance or another person, and it's like, this is the same thing. This is so like it makes it makes it so much more like I don't know, it's just love is so much easier when it's nine nine minutes by car away. It's just so No, it gets so much more intense when the distance happens. When stuff like this happens, it brings it to a new place, not that far from St. Louis. Who we're staying in St. Louis for you know, six months maybe I don't know whatever. And that's another conversation to have. It's four and a half um door and and look, Carbondale, I think I did. Yeah, just meeting Champagne on the side of the road in a motel that is hot, eggs. I've never had that kind of sex where you meet in the middle. Yeah, well I thought you guys had side sex before. Were you meeting the middle? Uh? Now, no, No, no, have your fun on an air mattress speaking, I don't think possible. But anyhow, yeah, for sure, I have for sure. Wait where did you lose your virginny in a in a hotel next to a Funny Bone? Right? That was on the air mattress? I believe, No, it was. It was in a hotel. This guy worked at a hotel. Hell and lived in the hotel. It was a nice, like little apartment, but it was Yeah, it was his apartment at a hotel. Um, we gotta get to the news. That hotel is disgusting, by the way, at least on the outside it looked pointed Virginia. Yeah, we saw it the other day. It was a really nice hotel at the time. The other day. Yeah, what are you talking about? Oh, I'm thinking this is in Kansas City, Bro, I'm thinking about the Funny Bone Hotel. Oh what no? Oh? Yeah I did? Oh that one I did. That was the one where stated this is really disturbing and I don't even to tell the story. But it was a sheraton and my ex and I really yeah, yeah, no, my ex we used to stay there because we would get drunk at Funny Bone. It was at the Westport Plaza Sheridan and one night we I we got so wasted in the middle of the night. I guess we had sex and I didn't remember it, and we were joking that. I was like, you like raped me, Like, I mean, that's not a joke. It's not funny if you've been raped, and really sorry, I'm not making light of it. But I was very mature at the time. This was twenty four and we were like, you rape me, And so then we called that place the share share it to the share a ton of rape. Look, it's a huge joke between a couple. You know why we didn't work out and why I constantly pursued men that take advantage of No, No, they don't. He didn't take advantage of me. Well, not that time, but I definitely think a drunken when when you're with your boyfriend having sex in the middle of the night, where both of you are kind of half asleep and drunk and probably won't remember it. I couldn't constitute as rape to me, but we joked that like, I didn't, I don't remember it. So Shardan, uh, we gotta get to the news. What were you gonna say? No, I'm no. I I think a lot of relationships joke about when one is sleeping and one is like half yes, which is not. By the way, if you're anyone out there, it's not okay to have sex with someone who try to get tried. Always can, always, always, always, always, unless you're out of high and then it doesn't matter because that's a nice as hotel boy. Tuesday. Tuesday doesn't get a lot of credit, I'll tell you. But today it's gonna be Tuesdays. A man who used to consume eight to twelve energy drinks per day suffered a heart attack because of it. And it's on a mission the band of sales of these drinks to kids. I know, the Celsius is gonna come up. Oh I wasn't going to I got defensive. Yeah, listen, you're not wrong. Maybe I just didn't. It's I'm not an attack mode today as much as I am attacking myself mode today, I really am. And yeah, I'm I'm not feeling great today. So it's all going to go inward. Yeah, it goes out word and that is also because I don't like myself. But today it's it's all going into yourself. I mean are you kidding me? Love myself? I just people who you drink when you got stuck up. We love the can, the sound of a can. I love. Yeah. Don't you don't you crack my can before you give it to me. I hate when people are like, I popped your Zevia for you. I'm like, that's the best part. It's like lighting a cigarette. Someone lighting a cigarette for any cigarette smokers out there, or you have been before, can you I mention someone lit your cigarette? The best part of a cigarette is like the first drag and a like a pop in a can. So love it um Monster Energy. I had to quit the I was drinking the blue Monster Energy. That was like that was really an addiction for me. I loved it so much and I had to and it's I started getting sores on my tongue. No, I don't remember. I'm trying to remember. I would just it wasn't like I was trying to supplement. It was just like I I don't know. I don't really keep track of my caffeine. I just like want what I want, what I want to and I just do it. Um. But no, I would I would have two monthsters again, and I would or two monthsters a day, and I would have to limit it because um, I would have to pay attention to that and be like keeping it too. But it just tasted so fucking good and it was It didn't make me feel jittery or anything. But whatever was in that the guarine, whatever it was eating my tongue. I had sores on my tongue and I had to stop it and they would burn when I would drink it, and I'd go, that's what's making this happen. And then I looked into it and it was a it's a it's a side effect of those drinks. I mean, these drinks are disgusting. I saw remember True Life, the MTV show, Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. It was like kind of like intervention before that show. There's True Life. I'm addicted to caffeine, oh my god. Or I'm addicted to energy drinks. That opened my eyes to like these people. There's some people out there that have like eight a day. My money was addicted to five hour energies. Was like he would drink like eight hours in a day, you know what I mean, Like you would do a whole week or months. He would open up his card door and they would fall they would fall out and he had a seizure. So yeah, I don't know if they're connected. Is people don't it's people don't have any clue how addictive caffeine is. They don't want to admit it to themselves. They'll never say that, like, but I'm serious When I try to not have caffeine within twenty minutes of going, I want it, but I'm not gonna have it. I have a headache, I am depressed, I'm lethargic. If you want to see the side effects of actual people trying to win off caffeine, follow the subreddit decaffe It's people trying to quit caffeine. Read the horror stories of withdrawal. It takes a year before people feel normal after getting off coffee. A year. So what do you regrettes to seven days to get the addiction out of your body? Even I in my room, I just haven't picked, you know, like I always have the book. It's interesting because no one wants to hear your caffeine problem. It's even less than if you're the weed or alcohol. It's like I don't care, like, oh, you're a fos, Like no one wants to hear it. Um that's not true as that I would want to hear someone that says got sores on my tongue because I was so addicted to this thing. This thing was giving me wounds on my tongue, yet I still drank it. That is a really sad story, or you know, but I get what you're saying, Like, yeah, I uh, I couldn't. Like I was tossing and turning in bed for hours. It is not as good of a sob story as you know. I crashed my car into a fucking church. Um God, last night I was looking at Diana car crash like pictures. I mean, I was in a bad state. I couldn't sleep last night and go to those pictures. Though, if you're already in a bad mood, does it make you feel better to see horrible things? Like what do you think that is? I was just like fascinated by I'm I'm always fascinated by tragedy and like, uh, morbidity. I don't want to see I read all about her death. I don't know. I saw some article and then I just you know, it came up because it's it's the thirtieth anniversary or some twenty some in their anniversary of it's coming up on August and um, and and I was just reading about her last words. Oh it was some headline that was like Diana's last words from the person that was first on the scene, and it was, oh my god, what happened? What just happened? That was her last words? And she was she was her face was not. There's nothing wrong with her on the outside. Nothing. They pulled her out and then like her face. They were like because the people first on the scene didn't even know it was her. They were just like this beautiful woman and it's just so sad. It was so sad. And and she was alive for a while, and you know she had a pulse. The contracies that they killed her after the crash, I'm sure I read all about it the other night. And the first doctor that worked on her, and how they tried to save her life. They were trying to get her heart back working for like an hour after it was stopped. Like they they didn't get they're still trying. Um. Next story, uh, Las Vegas Raiders Carl and the cebe massive. I think is met with a wave of support as he comes out as the first ever openly gay NFL player that's active, that's actually playing currently. He's twenty years old. His video, I don't know if you've seen it. He's so well spoken and it's like so moving, and he he gets gets ahead of all the haters what they would say, you know what I mean, like just essentially, like I don't think that this should even I shouldn't even have to do this, you know what I mean, Like, I hope we get to a point where I don't even have to say this. I don't like the spotlight. I don't want attention from this, Like he has to preface, preface all of this before, and he said that that suicide and kids that kill themselves that are that are gay goes down if they just have one friend or one parent that says it's okay, Like that's wild, and you know, and so I don't know. I mean, it's a beautiful thing. And so many people are coming out, like, you know, happy for him, And that was I could not believe. It was everywhere yesterday the headline. I couldn't believe this is the first person that's out that's playing there. Get the funk out of here. So we just assume every if you play football you gotta want to fun women, and that if you don't, it's like this thing that might make you a different kind of player? What is what? Where are we living? I mean, I just the idea that anyone should. I just I don't even want to talk about it because I want to honor gave you. But it's just like I just can't believe anyone would take issue with it. This world is so sad that that is a especially football. Good for this guy for coming out with it, because that's the thing. You need to come out. You need to say the things and rub it in people's faces so that they get used to it. But it's just wild to me that this is still like who cares? Let's see more football? Who cares? And it's like you can't handle three posts, you know what. I'm kind of saying that right now to those people are like, I don't want to those people. I don't want it in my face, And yeah they don't. That's still a disdain for exactly. And they're saying, no, I don't care, I don't care. It's like you do care because you're saying you don't care, so you definitely care. Stop it just anyway, Yeah, it's uh, you know. I think what happens is people are afraid the more celebrity you are, because you'll lose you know, maybe you're not, maybe not. You won't get as many like AD dollars, but I think you probably will get more if you come out and you're a great player. That's his choice. Like, why does that everybody else care how much that guy makes off ads? I guess enough does. Like I mean, look, I think I think I have a buddy that played in the NFL for thirteen years and he said there's a lot of gay men in the NFL. Andrew, sorry, I mean that, duh. I think there's something like ten percent of people are homosexual. So do the fucking math. There's so many closet Like yeah, I mean, it's that's that's wild to me that anyone would assume this is the only gay guy. And then I've alright, yeah, well there's a lot of bisexual people, there's a and just it's just it's wild. It's this is it's wild, and it should be we should all be very aware of the fact that this is even news in it's just just poor gay people are still having to fight that site and it's bullshit and uh and it makes me mad and I'm probably projecting my anger. But um, next story, I just can't believe it. Really, as someone who doesn't know sports, I'm like, what do you tell this is the first out? I thought it would have two and that would have been late, like what are we doing? And there's so many gay people in football. Just to be fair in the article that um Andrew is citing, it's like the headline is that he received an overwhelming majority of support from from like mentors, h everyone's on blubrities. Yes, yeah, so it was. It was well received. That's the thing. Is like it that it should be. It shouldn't even note that it's well received. As my point, it shouldn't. This shouldn't be a thing. It should like. And I'm not saying like, just play football. I don't care about your sexual orientation. It shouldn't shock anyone that someone who could play football is gay. It shouldn't be of note and um, it's just that's just wild. I literally saw that headline and I go no, the first I read it a couple of times to be like, is there something else about those that's special? Because football is gay? As ship dude, there's so many gay dudes in football, and I just mean gay is like it's I mean good, like like gay is like football is gay. Everything can be gay, like gay people can be in and it can do anything. What are what are we talking about? Like because it presupposes that football can't have gay people in it, Like that's well yeah, so that's why it's like crazy. And football is a very American Christian like it's very like trade ship Friday Night, Let's Texas Republican. It's all Christians all tied up in like like homosexuality is a sin. Football is is God. God is football. It's all fucking yeah. We used to do like the Lord's Prayer before before games, like our father Lord in Heaven. How else do I know? I'm a Jew? How do I know that? Can I tell you something positive? You know? It's Pride Month. I was driving by and I passed a church and on the marquee guess what it said? What be Pride Month? Good? So I was like, whoa that is? I wish I could have stopped and taken a photo of that to share, but I share it with you. There's a lot of progress. I saw something else too, with conservatives because like a lot of times you conservatives are conservatives hate gay people. No, I'm not saying that you do. I'm just saying that I think a general public like might think that that they haven't looked a conservatives are on pro gay for a pro gay marriage. Oh that's so nice. Oh thank you so much for thinking that people who are gay don't choose to be gay. You fucking morons, You fucking idiots. Anyone who doesn't like gay people, you are the dumbest person alive. You literally are one of the stupidest people. I remember I was a teacher. I was a teacher at a Korean prep school in two and my students were making fun of gay people. They were saying gay and stuff, and I go, I'm gonna clean cancer the lesson today. Can we talk about this? I go, when you do you think someone chooses to be gay? Can we couldn't talk about that? And I go, I just really want to hear what you think, Like, do you think gay people would choose to be um the butt of jokes, to have this thing that they have to hide from everyone? Do you think like do you want that? And they were like, um, I guess not okay, so maybe they didn't like I just don't understand people think that people are trying to be getting because I know some people are like, oh, they're saying they're uh, you know, transgender because they want attention or they want to change their sex because because who they know. You don't choose the fact that you are dumb and you can't wrap your head I should have more of a compassion for dumb people. Happy. Yeah, I'm so sorry you are so poppy that you can't wrap your head around the fact that gay people might not that that you you don't like gay people because they're they're not I should, I should have the same empathy for those people that I expect them to have for for homosexuals or anyone that feels like outside of the you know, the gender norms. Um so yeah, I really, I am so sorry. You're so fucking stupid. If you're someone who doesn't like people, and honestly, if you have any family members that don't like gay people, can't tolerate it, fuck them too. I hate them, Like, I'm so angry a show those like I love that we're like people are crying. I mean, if you ten Republicans three of them are gonna say gay people are are wrong. Yeah, step in front of traffic please. I hope a gay priparade us put you out and just flattens you with their consetti. I really do. I hope I'm in I'm I'm in a bad mood today. I'm wishing death up on people. Know. I hope you get run over and like it runs over your toe, un over the part of your brain that's dumb as shit. Yeah, and then you're Okay, let's get to care. Why do I care? I'm so eggryline you guys. It's just so. It's a really hard day for me. I'm going to be in such a better mood tomorrow, I think. Okay. What sick of women commenting on my face? Caitlin Bristow hits back at comments that she looks different after returning to the Bachelor Universe earlier this month after six year hiatus. Fans commented on how different she looks. She hit back, she goes, six years since I was on the show, brow lift, brown microblading, got my teeth, bonded, some filler in my lips, aging darker hair, and I finally learned how to contour. Oh put on some weight that's beautiful. Respond suck you everyone if women who do stuff to their face, who cares if she looks different? You know why you're mad about it people out there, because you you are scared to get stuffed on your face. And when you make fun of someone that might look different, and you go, she looks different, we gotta make fun of her. It's it's you don't like the way you look, and you wish that you could do things to improve it. And so you're punishing someone who tried to improve the way they look because it convinces you further that oh, yeah, I don't I don't try. Yeah, I'm right for not looking trying to look prettier. And she's so like that's the same reason we get mad at girls that try to look out on Instagram. And I conclude myself in this and I used to be one of these people that like got so she ruined her face. You mean she was trying to get more love in this world and more acceptance in this world, because this world is run by men wanting to fuck you. So she was trying to make her face more appeasing to men. So not so that she could get sucked by them, but so that people would like her more and maybe she could have a better career all that. And I'm not saying that's why Caitlin did any of this, But all women are trying to do is to look better. No one again, it's like the gay thing. No one wants to have face work that makes everyone go, you look like a cat or whatever it is. When I see a catwoman, I just go that poor woman like just was trying to look better and it went too far. And I don't know, there's that one that wants to really look like a cat, so let it. Yeah, that's fine, but mad about it because they because they hate the way they love. And I saw this head line, I go, what is it going to prove to our daughter that you don't accept your own face. It's like you're not being accepting of her face, you dumb bitch. That's a really good point. And what does it say to your daughter that you are someone who's commenting on Caitlin Bristow's face work, you lose her. If my mom was commenting on an Instagram post of a girl who wrote a post about admitting telling the truth and like wrote some like thing about me, I'd be like, my mom sucks, get a life, Mom, This woman doesn't know you. You have no right to weigh in on this and guaranteed that daughter, guaranteed that mom doesn't like her face and doesn't accept herself. This idea that we're just supposed to be like, love yourself no matter what it takes. Work. Yeah, and your daughter snap? How about that? What? No? I thought I'd just add on and make you. God, I hope your daughter gets killed. I used to get ship about talking about how I'm insecure about myself and how I want to look different, and how I wish I were prettier. And guess what, I'm not gonna lie and say that I don't want those things, because that's a lie. If I go, I love myself, I always have. I love my curves. Like these things with girls. There's so many examples of women who continue to struggle with how they look, and they project on Instagram this whole you know, body acceptance movement. I think a lot of them actually have accepted themselves. But I think a lot of women say that they do because that's what we're told to say to set good examples for our our children. How about The best example is being honest that it sucks that I feel that I want to be prettier because so people like me more. How about we talked about that. Honestly, I'm not gonna lie and say I love myself. If I don't, I can't. And maybe it's a bad example for your daughter, But at least I'm being honest, and you need to be honest with yourself that you're just jealous that you can't afford to get botox. You dumb bitch commenting, Why don't you I'm so mad at people today. Let's get to Reddit. Dumb what I'm doing so well in between you and me? I I mean, I yeah, in the top of the show, I was really I think I was in a different place. Listen, I am like going to get out of the same space. And today it's gonna be fucking amazing. My mom is coming with me to this thing that I'm scared about. I bring I have emotional support. I um, I have a plan of action for how I'm going to handle anything that happens. Like, I'm ready, what are you gonna what are you doing? We're gonna make up, you wear you look hot? Are you gonna look, no, no, I really don't. I am myself. You know, It's like I I can't. I don't want to make people feel like they're not in on the story. But I just can't talk about what I'm going through. But um, I feel I feel. I'm just gonna be myself today. If myself is a little bit angry, that's who I am. I'm not going to try to be I'm not going to try to act like I'm fine. I'm not going to try to act like I'm mad. I don't need any I'm not trying to get anything out of someone. I'm just gonna go with how I feel. Okay. This is our reddit dump, where I save reddit post when I scour them late at night. This is from the subreddit hole up h O l up up. And this is when it's like wait, hold up, like it's going somewhere and then at the end you go what And this is just a meme that made me laugh. And there's a guy. It's a meme of a guy and his woman cooking and he goes, honey, did I ever tell you that you cook well? And she goes, oh no, babe, and it goes, so, why do you keep cooking. I just thought it's okay. Uh. The next one is, oh man, this one's so fucked up, dude. This is from the subreddit aged like milk. This is when things from the past come back and it's like they didn't age well, Like it's something that like it's it's always so. This is from a uh, the Saturday Evening Post. It's like a magazine insert from July seven. It's called the Post and there's a kid on front that is seriously mentally handicapped. For sure. He is wearing three D glasses and reading a book. His mouth is twisted. Um, he's definitely someone with like a learning like a disability. Right. That's fine to have a kid on the cover like that, but it's a kind of a weird looking picture. He's reading and it says, um, when kids can't learn new ways to read, new ways to read, help for the retarded, How the mind works? Help for the retarded is one of the lines. Let's go to another headline on this very same Okay, so do you see that, Andrews. See the other headlines? Okay, let me read them. Ambassador Lodge reports and it says Colan it's a quote Ambassador lodge says we're winning in Vietnam. Okay, and then the then the one beneath that says the violent oh yeah yeah yeah, the violent Negro ghetto. I mean, this is those are the three headlines. Retarded kids were wedding in Vietnam and the then and this is the other. Did you see the other line? NFL player thinks about coming out of cloth. NFL player acknowledges the color pink is on the spectrum of colors. Don't you say pink over here with the chargers? Yeah yeah, yeah, okay, So this is from life hacks, the subredit life hacks. When keeping leftovers from Chipotle, Okay, you know how they give you like a bowl or salad um and it's cardboard on the bottom and then the tin on the top. Flip your container upside down, placing your food on the metal lid, preventing the dish from becoming soggy and falling apart. Love it. Flip your Chipotle interesting, okay, for that lid is just you get that that sounds. But when you're ready to eat it, flip it back off. Flip flip it back yeah yeah yeah, um. Okay, So this is from white people Twitter, Uh, only psychopath This is a girl that says it's from the tweet at our uh person at Cowboy Energy she wrote only Psychopaths by a sticker and immediately put it somewhere. No, you have to think about all the places you could stick it, get overwhelmed, and then put it in a drawer for three years that I mean it's either going to go on the top of your computer or in your joy forever. I mean those are yes. I just recently got a Taylor Swift sticker myself. I bought it. We haven't even talked about your poster, straight up poster on the wall. We'll talk about that tomorrow. Yeah, I have a Taylor Swift poster on my wall, but no, no, no frame, just straight post. Yeah, I just I didn't. I've been waiting for so long to get a frame for it. And I go, why am I'm preventing having this picture of Taylor stuff. She's writing songs like it's with her guitar and she's bent over like writing a song like at her table, and I loved it so much, and I'm like, I want it up now. I want this to inspire me now. I don't want to wait and I always wait for things final thought. Oh it's final thought time. Um, final thought? Uh didn't ask Reddit sub that's where people ask questions that are cool. What's the stupidest thing you did because you were horny? And then uh, here's the top comments. I was gonna jerk off and thought using ben Gay as lube would lead lend a pleasant, warming tingle. I rubbed it on my sack and everything. I spent the next hour naked on all fours, gently dipping my junk in a bowl full of warm water. But the pain was excruciating. Another guy says, way back when I was was a stupid and perpetually horny teenager, and before realizing that lotion was better, I used vaselinas loop. Once I was ready to go and realized I was out of vassoline, so I pulled a bottle of menthol. I mean, it's the same thing ben gay again, most painful masturbation ever, But you bet your ass I finished. Um. Someone said I had heard or read about someone dying from auto exphyxiation. I found masturbation pleasurable and figured there must be something to it if people would risk death to do it. I also had the same thought once I somehow deduced it was about blood rushing to your head. So I jerked off, hanging upside down from a pull up bar, using the back of my knees to hang on. What I hadn't known is that you get weak in the knees when you climax. And so I fell on my head and continue jitsy on myself in my collapsed, crumpled form. He's gonna need some ben gave for his neck. What's the dumbest thing you've done that's so funny? I don't know. The funny part about the first one is that he rubbed it on his balls. He's putting loaded on your balls when you jerk off, like if you're a guy. No, maybe because you want to stroke your sack too, so you want to all that guy. But why does everyone tell us girls that you go to you go to grow up the balls, but not I've never met a man grab your own balls. You don't lotion your balls when you jerk off. But it would be better because it would be smoother to touch. Then, Like, when I'm going at some balls, I like them to be moisturized so I can like or like spit on them. So that there's a smoothness to rubbing them. True, No, I get it, But I'm just saying it's just something that that I think probably will stand out to the guys listening. But look, maybe he's onto something everything. Okay, what's the dumbest thing you've ever done? I mean where do I start? I mean probably having sex with the girl from Craigslist who was dressed as a cat. Yeah, that was something we could talk about that another time. I mean that was wild. I mean, you've done a lot of things. Oh, We've talked about that already. Yeah, I've done a lot of dumb things. I think jerking off instead of driving. I was a little inebrated in New Orleans during college and I was driving, of driving, or while driving, I should have jerked off instead of driving to my girlfriend's house who wasn't talking to me, and my tire blew up and I was driving around New Orleans drunk with three tires with sparks flying out of the car, and I'm just like, I hope she loves me. Boy, Um, probably text a guy that I shouldn't text and say too much or something, or um, I guess like, oh man, my my hair and makeup people are here. I gotta go. I'm trying to think of the horniest thing I've done. I mean probably uh pursue a man who couldn't love me. And that brings us to the end of the show. Gotta go, guys. Thank you for listening today. Wish me look and whatever I'm doing today, that's making me a crazy person and I love you guys. Thanks for tuning in. We'll see you tomorrow on the podcast. Stay stay with us. This today was I was. It's a great day, all right, have a great one, have all the swells and I'll we'll see you tomorrow on Wednesday show Tuesday. Okay, okay,

The Nikki Glaser Podcast

Every Monday through Thursday, comedian and infamous roaster Nikki Glaser provides a fun, fast-paced 
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