Nicky. Here's Nikki. Hello everyone, thank you for listening to the show today or every day that you do listen. You're new. Welcome. It's the Nikki Glaser Podcast, your daily Monday through Thursday dose of whatever the hell is on my mind. Good lord. Uh yeah, We're gonna have some fun this week. I'm so excited to just you know, usually when I get home from l A or some kind of like big thing. I think the last big thing I did was um, the I Heart Awards. I went out there for that, and then on top of that, it is just a bunch of running around l A, trying to fit in comedy sets and podcasts and please remember me, industry. I'm someone who should be working and and am I important? And please don't forget me even though I live in St. Louis that kind of just like HYSTERI of like trying to get on everything, Say yes to everything, Say us to the dress, which is what I did with my stylist that led me to wearing that green dress. I said, yes, that's a news, say yes to the dress. It's just getting women who are scared of being perceived as trying to look hot to just admit that It's okay to want to look hot. That's my news. Say yes to the dress. It's empowering women who think that they have to pick a lane to to uh lean into their sexual side and not feel guilt about it or shame because other women who wish they could do the same thing are going to make you feel bad about it because either they don't have they can't do it because I used to do the same thing. Of like hate on. I don't even know how I got on this topic. There's no plan. Let me is this news to anyone? That I have no plan when I do these things? My biggest fear, let me just say before I continue, is that people skip over the part with me just me alone. Sometimes Noah comes in if I can shut up for three seconds, which, uh, Noah, how are you today? Never mind, I don't there. That was just just people like nicky hear the worst. No I love when I get to talk to you, know, but I did you know? It's here and there. But my biggest fear Noah is seriously, like I remember people and I am even reluctant to say this because it's so rude, and I remember thinking it was funny at the time. But when W t F first came onto the scene or gained an immense popularity with Mark Marin, people used to make a joke. I heard some joke that there was an app that would skip the first ten or fifteen minutes where he just talks, and I remember Mark hearing that or like hearing that kind of a lot of comics were making that joke of like you stupid till you get to the guest, and I used to even make it, but it wasn't true for me. I always liked his monologizing at the beginning because it always was like very vulnerable and lead to things that he'd probably didn't want to admit. And I just got a lot more when he was just it was like stand up, you know. And uh and so that's my biggest fear is that people are like, I always skip Nikki's first ten minutes, and so if you do, just never tell me please, because I won't think it's funny. Um. So that being said, uh yeah, I used to judge. I still do when girls are like hot, because I go like, oh my god, they're just like trying to be hot, And that's my first instinct. Now it's not even my first instinct, it used to be my first instinct, and then I would eventually get to a place of like, let's be honest, you're just like kind of jealous that you are don't have the balls to wear something like that and not care what people think, and you're more you're angry at right now, not because she's being slutty or being a thirst trap, but because she has something that you don't in terms of like not caring what people think, and that's what you wish. So if anyone out there relates to that, and you can pretty much put that on anything, you know, when people get mad at you about something, try to figure out what it is that they're really mad about, because it's generally they're just jealous that they that they can't do what you are doing, and and it validates them not doing it if they get to make fun of you for doing it, much like I realized my a lot of my resentment towards Andrew for being silly and doing dumb things and saying weird things is that he takes chances comedically that I am too scared to take, and so if I make fun of him for it, it revalidates the fact that like, I'm right to not take those chances because look how embarrassing it is Nikki makes fun of you in front of everyone, when really that is just a sad point of view. So I try to stay ahead of that thought. Anyway, This weekend so fun, um, so fun, mixture of fun and not fun. But let me just say that yesterday I had a really sad day. No I asked you how you were today, and you answered me honestly, you were like, I'm okay, because some days you're like good and then the other things you're like, I'm okay. So why the I'm okay? I mean you kind of got into it. But your boyfriend's ad a sound right, Yeah, so his his his grand mother passed away. And then this morning, um, a good friend of mine text in me that her cat has a blood clod and she has to put her down. So it's just like a lot of death. Yeah, well that's and that brings up feelings of you lost your dog last year and know how hard that is. So it's probably reminded, not if you weren't reminded of it. Now I just reminded you of it. But you know, it's all like those kinds of things. And grandma's dying happens. Obviously, it's not as tragic as like if you were to say his mom, not just because of the closeness, because he might be as close to his grandma as his mom. I don't know that. But grandparents, you go, Okay, this is a man who's in his late thirties. I would guess it's time to lose. That's when grandparents go. I'm I can't even believe he still has grandparents right. Um, but it's still sad because it's death and it sucks and uh and you were alone this weekend and kind of maybe thinking about those things a little too much, so you're like kind of hungover from it. Well, I woke up, um the of or night, just like in the middle of the night, thinking like, WHOA, what's it going to feel like when I die? What's that going to be? Let's say, you know, I was in the same situation where I was slowly dying, you know, like just I don't know, and I had to just kind of get rid of that and not think about it. But as we age, I wonder if people think more and more about it. They do. I know, whenever I get in that state. I can only say what I do is I remember that first and foremost I read somewhere couldn't maybe be true, maybe not. Your brain won't let you think about death for too long. It will find a way to get out of it because it's too much of an existential crisis that you can't you don't want to. Your brain literally can't think about death for longer than a minute, or like your mortality. I think there's some like I read that in some place that I like, trust. I don't read science journals, but you know, read it, and um, I read it on read it and so that's interesting. So you can let yourself go there and know that your brain will trually find a way out of it because it's too much. I have that sometimes when I get a little bit too high or maybe some wrong mixture of getting stoned and my meds and like just you know, in life, something that I see on TV or a song I'm listening to, or a person on the street I passed that with when I'm walking Luigi that looks near death and then I get that thing. What I always try to remember that helps me is that if you struggle with the anxiety of death. Um is that before you were born, you don't know what that was like like before you shot into existence, you have no memory. You weren't here. You were essentially debt before your parents, your before your dad went and your mom went, well, uh yeah, keep coming, keep going like and then laid on her back and put her legs up there. Whatever it was, or maybe you were an accident, or maybe you were adopted, but anyway, even if you were adopted, let's be honest, your parents someone came and um, so before that happened, first of all, you weren't even in exist. You didn't have consciousness until who knows when do people know when babies get consciousness. I think it's almost like you can do weird things like babies don't remember and whatever. It doesn't matter. But because there was a time when you don't remember when you before you were born, you were essentially dead, you can kind of think of death as that way, Like you weren't. We're not scared of before we were born, when our parents met hearing stories were not like, oh my god, what so thinking about that. Anything that happens after you're gone the same way as it's and it could just be before you're born again. You know what I mean, I truly believe in like reincarnation. And why did I say truly, because I don't truly I truly the word truly I used like the alcoholic seltzer um in which I it's it doesn't mean anything. I don't really believe in it. I want to believe in um reincarnation, which gives me more empathy for animals that I don't eat or want to help because or bugs that I don't want to kill because that could be me, and not that this grasshopper has any I don't really believe that grasshoppers or house centipedes have the same kind of like I like my life and I don't want to die kind of things. But they do. I mean, every animal doesn't want to die. UM, I think is essentially why is just built into the fabric of your being. However, UM thinking about death is also the other thing that helps me is not listening to podcasts where the podcast host has no idea what she's talking about in regards to these things. But these things do help me is that I also think when I I'm scared of death, I think about the fact that every single person ever has been through it, and we'll go through it, and so can I because I've done things that other people cannot do and haven't been able to do, and I've been you know, brave enough to do those things. Whoever you are, no matter what you do, you've done things that other people can't do. However, dying is something that everyone has done. You can do it too, and that really helps me. When I was scared of kissing boys and having sex, I was like, everyone you know has done this. You know, not everyone there's a sexual people, but like you will. You'll get to that point and you'll figure it out or a bridge will fall on you and you'll be disintegrated in point zero zero zero one seconds and you won't feel it at all, and so it'll be a shock, which I hope is how I go. I don't want to have that moment of oh my God dead, and I also I would rather just I would rather either die slowly, which I know sounds terrible, and obviously I'm not like wishing that God, please don't take that. I would like to know when I'm gonna go, so I could euthanize myself in Portland or Sweden, those are like two places I know that allow you to do that, or I would like to go um in a very quick way. I do say I do recall being hit by a car in two thousand and thirteen. I thought it was the end for me, the only time I ever thought it was the end. I saw the car coming, knew it was going at a speed in which it could kill me, knew I wasn't gonna be able to get out of the way, and my last and final words were my final thought was I'm not joking you. What I thought I was gonna think. What I was thinking when I thought I was gonna die was I can't believe these are your last words. And what it was I saying when the car was coming at me, no no, no, no, no, no no, no no no, And I put my hand out like it was like someone about to drop a drink, or like a baby that was about to spill a drink on the side of a table, and like you know, that's like no, no, no, no, we did. The milk's gonna spill, that's and I remember thinking, bitch, these are your final words. And then my next thought was you're in the street and your dresses over your head and everyone can see you in a thong on tenth Avenue and this is humiliating. You should get up, not you've been hit by a car and maybe you're concussed and that, But it was embarrassing to have my head screw over my head. So that's what I think about with death. I hope that helps you. I hope maybe you passed along to people in your life who struggle with thoughts of death. And one last thing that I can turn you towards is a new podcast by Sam Harris and Ricky Gervais called m M. Just look up Ricky Gervais Sam Harris podcast. Whether or not you like those two people? They put it. They put together podcast where Ricky asked these questions, what's it called? Noah, I'm now you're looking it up. It's called absolutely mental. Yes, that's all I was going to say. Absolutely mental. It's for the entire series. I think there's like twelve podcast ten or twelve which um Sam Yrris does have a business model where you can pretty much get everything for free if you can't afford it, if you just write in. I don't know if you know about that. It's something that I want to adopt at some point with my when I make enough money to support people who can't afford things so that you can still have things, and then the people that pay can support the ones that don't. It's a good system. However, there is a podcast episode. I just listened to his podcast yesterday, Sam's own podcast, and he said, check out Ricky and My met we have a new podcast. And someone on the Sam Harris forum on Reddit was like, can you believe you if you pay for Sam Harris podcast making sense? His like original podcast? Why why don't you get the Ricky one for free? And someone wrote, when Sam Harris, when you bought one of Sam Harris's books, do you expect get all of his books for free? Slam dunk, suck it, suck it. You have to pay for things that you want. That our entertainment that people put work into, not this podcast, though this is free. Just listen to the commercials. Try to make him entertaining for you. However, there's one podcast where it says why do we care? Why are we scared of death? Is the topic that Ricky and Sam get into. And I bet you anything that that podcast If you struggle with this, which a lot of people do. That podcast will help you because those guys both come at it from a very logical perspective and also one that Sam will have some scientific reasoning that, and he's done a lot of psychedelogics and seen things that will help you. I guarantee it, and I'm gonna listen to it at some point. But if you're in desperate need for solace from the fact that we're all going to die, um, give that a listen. It's absolutely mental and I haven't even heard it yet, but that side un scene. Let's getting Andrew in here. Hey Andrew, good morning, Good morning. How did you sleep, buddy? It slept good? How you know? I was doing an away game? Yeah, you played in away game? How was that sex on the floor? Wos on the floor? It doesn't she have hardwood floors? The hard alright? Oh my god? You know what I mean? I think No, honestly, I just the bed she has a roommate. Was it against the wall? Why don't you scoot it away from the wall? Because this is it? The wall? Is that it's hitting? No, no, no, it's not. It's the structure itself. Yeah, you know, you gotta build better stor why don't they make beds that are because well, I was on my desk yesterday having we're doing a uh. I was at my desk just you know, on a meaning and I kept hitting it with my knee and the whole thing shakes, and it's a It's a desk I got from Target. I got it put together by a task grab it who was very manageable, like very good. But it just it just has a movement to it. And I go, you know what, when sucking George Washington was writing the Declaration of Independence, which he didn't do, but you know, like I was thinking of some like person. Things used to be made sturdy. Really, the craftsmanship it used to be great. Burrow, for instance, makes great furniture. Burrow. I remember my task grabbit putting it together. I got a bunch of furniture from Burrow, and he was like, I've never put together such good stuff because in the age of cheap ship and Ikea, things teeter and totter, and I'm sick of it. And beds need to be sturdy so you can bang and not make a whole bunch of noise. So George Washington would take out his wood teeth to go down on his wife. There was some noise on that, but he would declare his independence from her pussy and then come all over her like pulling out as declaring independence. Yes, it's the independence. I know that he did not have a didn't even know the constitution. No, he didn't do that. The constitution was later nothing. It would be great out. Can someone take that whatever Nikki just said and make it like a debate, like I feel like you could do a debate where I would win and prove to you that Benjamin Franklin set to sail on the you know, Nina Pinta, Santa Maria in the Pinto with a pinto bean. Um, yeah, my, we know that. I know nothing history, John Evan, Okay, get to her. Yeah, um, oh my god. I was laughing so hard this weekend when I heard Conan O'Brien's podcast. You guys, I'm so sorry if you want to get in a good mood, and I know you laugh a lot on this one. I'm almost annoyed because on red A Podcasts where it has people talking about podcasts. I love Reddit Subreddit podcasts because it's just podcast fans, which you I'm talking to you right now. If you love podcasts and listen to a ton Reddit podcast turns you into the coolest, different, weird podcast. But also they have their faiths. I've never been mentioned on one, and I don't want to mention my own because it might get it's it's it's a conflict of interest. But yesterday someone asked Rose Betting on his own team. Yeah, I want to put people to know. Someone goes, I just want to light everyday conversation with two friends who just shoot the ship. And I'm like, I'm searching for anyone listing my show and it's no one. I go, why is it? Reddit podcast? Into what I do? I need you to get the red of the count so you can say, hey, I might just do it as Nicky Glazer because I have a Nikki Glazer one. Anyway, Conan O'Brien's podcast made me laugh so hard this weekend because he was talking about there's this serious he did last year. If you just want to it's just him and his host. If you're a podcast listener as you are that likes to listen to hosts with no guests, I'm kind of over. I guess some guests I like, but I like podcasts where it's just friends. This is why I built this one. It's the thing I like to listen to where you don't have too many new guests and like your host like kind of change. It's like when your mom and dad have guests over and you have to like act different. It's just like, no, I just wanted to be like the way you are all the time. Conan did a thing called Summer S'mores with um his co host Matt Gorley and his assistant slash co host um Um sona mouth Sessian and it is so funny. They did it last summer. There's eight episodes, I think, and they just shoot the ship and talk and Conan was doing You just reminded me of it when you said Herbie Hancock, he was talking about being cool with the kids. He's like, I know what the kids are listening to cole Porta like he his waves in cole porter made me laugh so loud on the street, people stared, I speaking of the street. Loving our neighborhood right now during the summer, haven't been more happy. It's like I live in the goddamn West Village of New York with how lively and fun the sense the West end of St. Louis Is. If you're St. Louis and you want to see me and Andrew out and about, that's where you go, Central West End. We lived nearby, we're on the streets. We get recognized often. It feels great. We went to the baseball game on Thursday. On Friday night got recognized a ton. It was so fun. Friday night was hilarious because we go to go to a restaurant and we walked down There's there's a blues band that I was really into. They were a little loud for your ear. They were great. I mean it was like really, He's like, okay, we're gonna have to find a restaurant far away from this brass. It was like the it was the loudest, But that's the fun of it. It's supposed to be loud you're outside. It's not like it was if you got too close to it. It really was like I have I'm glad it was to me because I feel like I've a lot of damage from listening to my headphones too loud in my ears and going to concerts and sitting close up to the thing. I want to start carrying stuff in my like white noise kind of like, you know, ear what are the phone things that you put in your ears? You know what I'm saying, saying earplugs, earplugs. Thank you. I want to carry butt plugs and earplugs with me in my fanny pack, my new birthday fanny pack that I got from Andrew, which, by the way, people have written me and been like, did you really like it? Did you really? One person did? And I literally can't. I'm wearing it right now and I didn't even plan on wearing it. I just love it so much because it just keeps every moment you go, where's my phone, where's my thing? It's like it's on you, bitch, It's always on you. So I wear in the shower. Uh, that would be hilarious if I did, and I might. I love it so much. I'm going to get another one in a different color too, because sometimes this doesn't match my outfit, but I do. I love fanny packs. It's like my new thing. Thank you Andrew for getting me the gift that I didn't know I needed, which is the best gift. So, um, what was oh? Ear plugs? Yeah, I'm I I think we all need to carry earplugs. Because it's really um, it's really bad. Like the it was crazy, how loud it was. So we went to a restaurant, Yes, we went to one. First of all, if you're in the hook, h do what you gotta do. There's a lot of hook going hate you can so much. I don't understand why they can smoke it inside Luigian? What does who could do for you? What does it? Dude? Some people say it's like a who. It's such, it's it's it's it's vape. But it makes it like cool and like, well, here's the thing in alcohol. Honestly it's it's just as dumb as anything. But drinking doesn't funk with me. You could drink, Yes, it does help people get too drunk. They get loud and annoying at a table next to you. However, you put the plug in. Huka is the last to go in St. Louis. St. Louis was the last two. Uh. I liked it. I mean actually I didn't get it, but I didn't mean to like scoot over. Whatever. Joke just made you laugh that you said, no, it was good. People will call why would you put the plug in? That was the joke about what because people get too drunk and loud. Instead of your plugs, you're putting the left turn call back to I don't know what it would accomplish it with the butt plug in that would make you You don't but you want to funk a guy that's an annoying the left turn. Obviously it's the ear plugs. I won with bulug, got it, got it, um, It would have made more sense of a bubblug would really actually help you with that circumstance. But instead it doesn't. But it's still a good joke. I'll let it slide. Slide, Yeah, right up my ass, I'll put the little bit my bucking Uh what what? Okay? So kuca is annoying, but it's the last vest. It's the last thing that St. Louis is clinging onto in a lot of places are it's it's tobacco essentially, but it's flavored and has a good smell. People like it, I believe because it gives you this high. I mean, tobacco gives you a high when I have a sick, when I have my one cigarette in the ten I think it's open. Over something like twelve years since I quit smoking, and I had one cigarette one time and like since then. And it gets you high the first thing, and then it tastes terrible, but yeah, tobacco gets you high. And when I smoke um, when Sharads Small used to roll joints or blunts and I would smoke them outside, the comedy star would be like shrudge of the best weed. I'd get so excited when I saw him because my body was like, whatever he has, it makes you feel good. And then I realized it's tobacco. It's tobacco and wheat, and I was wanting that. So it's tobacco, but you don't blow that smoke while I'm trying to off. But the thing is, back in the eighties, smoking was everywhere, and now suddenly we're like, I can't stand it. Let me just tell you a quick story that I did over the weekend that I want. I first of all, I have to share this thing that I got from this girl, and I will get to everything else. Can I just tell you why hooka is worse than cigarettes? Please you don't The amount of smoke that comes out of a hookah is almost three times to sick of a cloud. I don't want to have to fly through a cloud. To get to a bite of a gyro. I just don't want it, but I will sea smells better than cigarettes, for sure. I don't agree. I think it has like that weird like like fake like like it's like you're smelling plastic somehow. Anyways, um, I wanted to share. It was the sweetest thing I got, but it was a girl. I saved it and then I can't find it. Oh, here we go, it says, Hi, Nikki, this is from Emma. I just wanted to let you know that I've been a long time listener and you've meant to too much to me and helped me so much to me, and you've helped me through your throughout your podcast. I'm in the car stopped for a train and it made me think of you. Before I would get infuriated by being stopped by a train. Now because of you, it doesn't bother me in the slightest. Now, I just think that this is happening for a reason, and overall this just doesn't matter and doesn't make sense to get piste over. I have never received a better message than that, because I say this ship all the time and I try to practice it. But the fact that someone didn't get annointed to train and go con I'm gonna be late and I'm this train is so long. That is such a fucking miracle. And I did it the other day with smoking. We were at my Breath my birthday, um my pre birthday sushi rest. Did I tell the story about the woman smoking next to us? We're getting sushi outside and this almost woman came and she's a local homeless woman. I've seen her a lot. She almost doesn't comeless because she probably has like enough. She had a cigarette. So she sits down next to our table. We're outside. I'm with my dad, I'm with Andrew. Andrew and Dad are their back start to this woman, so they don't see her sit down. But I see her sit down at a table. She's homeless. She's obviously not eating there. She's just kind of like in her own head, kind of swinging back and forth. She lights a cigarette. She doesn't look like she's been having a good day. She's homeless, like clearly. She lights a cigarette and I see I know for sure. I'm like checking, I do the wind thing. I look at my finger. I'm like ship, it's gonna blow cigarette smoke towards Andrew and my dad and my dad more so than Andrew's anger at hooka. My dad hates cigarette smoke so much. Even though my dad smoked for like twenty years, okay, and he used to smoke inside, he just hates it. And his mom died of lung cancer. Your mom has uh cp D, because cop D, I call it COPD. She's got that coptic that makes her illness sound a lot that coptic. Yeah, so yeah, the red smoke I didn't. So, so this is what happened, and it was you. This is an embarrassing story for anyone. So my you, I see you smell at first, and you kind of look behind you and you don't say anything, and then my dad sees it. It's kind of like you know, and just like does the like obnoxious wave. So what would normally happen in the circumstances that he would make a big stink of it, the waiter would come over, or he would go grab someone and go, there's a woman smoking here, she's not eating, and like complained because she didn't look homeless, Like it wasn't a situation where it was like that, And I said, and this wasn't me being like I'm Mother Teresa, because actually Mother Teresa wasn't a good person. She was she was actually like not a good person. It's crazy if you look into it. So anyway, I don't think I'm Mother Teresa, but I because I am a good person. Now. I said to them, I go, listen, this woman is I go, I know this sagarette smokes annoying. I hate sarette smokes so much triggers me, my migraines. I said, this woman is homeless, and I'm talking about this because she's right there. I go, she's homeless. She probably never has a place to sit where like she feels safe, like where she feels like a human being. She's not sitting on the sidewalk. This is actually like a table where no one's gonna bug her because she might be a diner and like the restaurant was so busy that they weren't really checking. I go, let her have this moment. It'll be cigarettes don't last more than three minutes when you're a homeless woman that's smoking to feel anything other than being homeless. Let's just like get through it. I go, Dad, you went through your up until the nineties, surrounded by smoke, constantly on airplanes, we can deal with outside this woman next to us. And the thing was everyone calmed down, And it wasn't because I was like yelling at someone to I was just like, can we just be a little bit compassionate and understand that this woman, that's her one respite of the day. She got this cigarette and it didn't even take this long. I think it took two seconds to say it. Everyone calmed down. It was a little bit annoying, and then she magically gets up and leaves, not because she heard me, but like it resolved itself without and before she finished the cigarette, without having to be this thing where this woman felt sad and shamed. So these mine are inconveniences. Yesterday Luigi tugged on my arm and I dropped another full latte that I just paid six dollars and eighty seven cents for and it's spilt all of the sidewalk, burning hot. Thank god, it didn't get on him everywhere, and I just didn't care. I mean this, I don't even recognize the person that doesn't go and that I just don't even recognize her. And that is what I got from that message from that girl, is that you can really take these things in life that you feel so victimized by and by all means, I am not always like this, you've heard me on the podcast not be this like gentle with life. But when you can let it in, and you can let these little minor inconveniences that seem like the end of the world, you can literally just they kind of disappear on their own faster than they would if you made them a big thing. So thank you to Emma for writing that in because it reminded me not to get mad at trains in traffic and all the things, and um, you know when I'm not mad at hooka anymore. But well, who can you can be mad at because I definitely But they learned and it was interesting because you you were like, I'm not going to eat at this restaurant that was very busy and in like a really cool section because the guy next to us was just puffing out the hookah like a you know, like the pope they just announced a new Pope. The other thing, too, is I can handle it once one cigarette, Like I know she's not gonna hookah. It's it's an hour of just you smoke. And it was right nice to us. But we went to this other restaurant that had the same kind of food. Lost, crowded and uh there was women incident and I took that very remember, I go, oh, yeah, we went so we had a waiter. We went to another place for We went to another place it wasn't and they came out to we was sat there for fifteen minutes and they never They didn't come out to help us, so we would and Andrew had gone in to talk to the girl. She was very busy. We didn't make a sting about it. By the way, I try. I called them yesterday to get take out. The girl into the phone, she was like, can you hold please. I listened to her being like, yeah, I need to block of law and I need to get this okay, do you want to also? Do you want to ring that as credit? And I just hung up the phone, being like, this girl doesn't need another order. They don't have enough people in there. It's a Friday night taste of Lebanon. Get on it. One more guy in there, we'll never get So we went to this other place, King Side Diner, and I love Kings Diner, a big fan. And we got a waiter who was very like distracted and like he had he had a lot on his plate. I get it. I empathize for him. But he's a waiter that decides not to write down your order. And I said to Nikki, I go, look, just I don't like these waiters not writing down the order. I just feel like they don't get it right, especially when it's like a little bit like switched up whatever you substitute some things. I get the ego, I get the time management. I get all of that. And and then you said to me, you go, well, I worked at a restaurant. I didn't write things down and I was able to do it unless it was like, can I sell you this? So anyway, the guy so the guy, So I I complain about this. Nikki goes, you know, I did this blah blah blah. Next thing, I know my salmon. I ordered a salmon walk on the plank. It's the Pirates special ordered like the walk on the plank. I go, what is that? And he couldn't tell me because I had meat in it. I think you were avoiding telling salon. Okay, I don't mind. So anyway, so I get my food. Andrews is delayed, literally the one that has to substitute, and you take out this and you put in this. He nailed it perfect. I wonder why he nailed it. I wanted to read that message I got the next day. Oh my god, so sorry, we royally funked up your meal tonight. I had worked there for a total of seven hours before, and I know now that there's going off. Men, you got writing things down after working for seven hours. That guy has taken some risks. I did to add empathy for him. I could tell that he've been through some ship. But my salmon he just he forgot. He forgot it completely. He kind of like made up an excuse of like, oh, they thought the salads were a starter. It didn't make much sense anyway, he forgot the salmon. He brought it out later when he delivered, he said, it's on the house. We were totally calm and fine, great, And the whole time I was so starving. And I don't like to eat before someone else gets their food. Not because I'm being me hungry because I'm looking at your food. Yeah, but I don't like to eat in front of people that are hungry, because when I eat, then there watching me eat. Even more, which is with my eating disorder. I don't like when people like analyze what I'm eating, and when people are hungry and they're like, you can just eat, I go no, because the whole time you're gonna be salvating watching me eat, and it's annoying. I'd rather salvate with you and look at my food. That's something touched. So I rode back to this guy. I go, Charles, you were great, thanks so much for being nice about us. Being hungry and annoyed. Hunger makes me the worst person, so I'm sorry if you sensed to tute. Hope to see you again there soon. Because I wasn't. I was touted, so I didn't even look at him when he got called over, like I was like not in the mood to like be the one to be like his food is late, so I wanted Andrew hold it, handle it, So I just like dug in my person acted like he wasn't there, like I was being such a cunt, But it was because I was hungry. If I'm in halt, hungry, angry, lonely, or tired, I'm gonna be a bit. So anytime I'm being a bit, and I don't know why. I'm hungry, angry, lonely or tired or some combination. Let's get to the news. Oh yeah, I hope you had a fantastic weekend. I hope you had a great weekend. Man, really a good weekend. I hope you had all of the swells. Yeah, there it is alright, did have all the swells? God, what a weekend. Researchers. I liked that the music is going did like one horned Blair It we have the morning show researchers find a caveman and women had raves by dancing for hours and psychedelic trances while wearing elk teeth on their clothes to active rattlers. Oh my god, that's so cool. So they would have these teeth on for necklaces that would actually make beats for them. It was like the first kind of music or the purpose. That's really cool. I love this story. God, Noah, you always picked stories, and Andrew too. I know you picked them as well. That we worked together totally get to what I want to talk about, because I found the best thing over the weekend about so over the weekend, I um, Friday night we went to the baseball game. It was so much goddamn fun because we live in a building that has Cardinals players in it. I met a Cardinal player in the elevator on Friday. I assumed his day he was he had the day off because he was in the elevator just like chilling, and he goes, I go, oh, day off, and he goes, oh, no, we have a game tonight, and I was like, oh cool. And I knew they were playing the Cincinnati Reds, which is where my family is from. I didn't have anything to do. And then later on I was like, dude, Cardinal's games. It would be so fun. I was also listening to my ex boyfriend's radio show that morning and they were talking about the most fun things to do in the summer in St. Louis, and one of the hosts said baseball games. And I was like kind of like, I was like, you get drunk at a game and the and then I was like, wait a second, I love baseball games. And then it all came together and um, my parents, I was giving them a stay cation because their grease trip got canceled because they got they had to um, they were supposed to be in Greece right now. And I said I'll get you a really nice suite at this new hotel downtown, and then they were going they were headed downtown to that suite. They were going to go to the casino. Because I was like, go to the casino. I'll give you some cash for it. I just was in a generous move thank you mood, thank you a d D medicine, and I, um, then I go, what's all go to the game? So Andrew looked up tickets. We got dope seats, and we went to the fucking Cardinals game on Friday. It was so fun. That's all to say that. Then Saturday night, I was in a really sad mood because um, I just I had Andrew was going to hang out with his girlfriend. I felt like I didn't have really any friends. I not any friends, but I just like I didn't Actually, no, that's not the case. Saturday we went to a pool party. Had so much fun at this at the pool party that was at our apartment complex, which they have activities for us all the time. My dad always makes fun of us because he's been to my apartment enough, he's seen the flyers in the elevator. He's always like, or is uh the National waffle Day. Are you guys celebrating that on Tuesday? Because they'll do like Donut Day, you get free donuts, sign up to learn how to make a martini class and they do fun events to get to know each other, nursing homework. It really isn't That's what I need it. People need these things because we are so socially isolated, and I'm ready to jazzer size in the pool. I want to do it down to the pool. I would do it. We went down the pool to the pool party. Andrew had already been into a mixer. When I was at a town still in the Caymans. He met a couple that he had told me. He told me I'd love them. Sometimes I don't trust him. I go, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm sure I will. I trust you, though I knew I would. It was just like I wasn't like dying to meet this couple, you know. But we go down to the pool party. There's nowhere to sit except this couple is sitting on a place that has a couple more seats available, and he goes, that's my couple, friend, let's go talk to them. We walk around the pool. We sit for three hours with this couple. They're my new best friends. Shout out to Marissa and Pat who live in the building. They are amazing. He's a doctor. He's a he's a surgeon. He's going to he's starting. He's starting at a private practice, nurse for children. He is amazing. They're both in there. The thing is, we need to find couples that don't aren't at the kids stage of their life yet, which they aren't probably will be soon because they just got married last week. But I was like, we need to find younger people to hang out with. She's twenty. I think she's thirty, and he's thirty as well. Four okay, he's thirty. Fourth, she's thirty. Perfect age for us as a forty one year old man and the thirty seven year old woman. They are so fun. They are so nice. I literally told this girl everything about my life that like if she called up someone, and like she could ruin my life with the stuff she knows. But I trusted her. I um got her number. We I have friends in the building. We left that. I was like full of friendship. We talked for three hours and I'm just talking UFC the whole time. While Nicki's talking like relationship stuff we're having, Like it's like where a couple. Where were a couple that found a couple of friends and we haven't even talked about. We're gonna start walking to dinner and you're gonna the two girls are You're gonna walk in front like ten ft. It's the greatest thing you are, my husband that we don't like you have a girlfriend. It's amazing. It's like all I've ever wanted. UM so much fun. So then after that, Andrew left to go hang out with his lady and I was like still feeling just high off of making a new friend, and I was listening and I decided to I wanted to write a song. I was like, I've been talking about it a lot. I've been talking about it to literally um a lot of just my therapy type people that I talked to you about, Like I have a song in my heart. I don't know how to get it out. I've been talking about for months and months and months. And I remembered when I was a junior in high school, before long before I wanted to be a comedian or anything to do with comedy. I had Mr Harrick asked our a p U S class which he would be embarrassed, which out a B euro class actually, and he was like, what do you want to be when you grow up? And I had Dad never even considered like what I would say to that. It was always an actress. But obviously in high school I wasn't very good at that, so I didn't want to say that in front of the class. And I really truly wrote singer songwriter. He had me stay after class because he was so inspired by it. He gave me Amy Man CDs and all these different singer songwriter woman and I remember Amy Man the most and um Elvis Costello, and he he was like, you really need to know these people to understand songwriting. And I just felt like, oh my god, like I forgot about that moment of like I wanted to be a songwriter, and being comedian is a lot like being a songwriter, except it's not a sincere. So what I did. I googled how to write a song? This is Saturday night, six o'clock, how to write a song? A Ted talk came up, Noah, and this is where I'm getting into the caveman thing. A Ted talk came up about how to write a song? This this kind of quirky guy that is kind of says kiss stuff sometimes, but he's really cute. Twenty four minute long Ted talk to a bunch of people that are probably not songwriters in the crowd, and he he writes a song with the crowd. He's like, anyone can write a song, that's how you do it. We're gonna write a song together now. And I learned how to write a song, very simple. And I promised myself before Andrew left. I go, I, what did I say to you? Are you're going to write a song before you go to bed. I can't go to sleep tonight until I write a song. I will not allow myself to go to sleep. I also had the rule of I will not go to sleep until I tackle the laundry in my room to fold, because its a big pile on my floor, like literally a mountain range of clothing, and I need to write a song. I got both of those done that night. What did what I learned? What I learned from the song? I did both at the same time. Actually, so what I learned was that music in this anyone can write a song, you guys. Because he asked the audience, he goes, what are why why do we write songs? And I want you guys to try to guess why do we write songs? Noah, Andrew, I mean either to tell a story or to get an emotion out Noah, Yeah, I agree with Andrew, just to get out I am feeling. I would have said the same thing to emote a feeling, which is a part of it. But you hit it on the head to tell a story. When before we had, you know, recordings, before we had writing, before we learned how to write, before we had learned how to draw on caves, we only before we had uh, we told stories around the campfire, and it would you know, we would only learn lessons and for the next generation if we would memorize stories. What's the best way to memorize a story? A lesson c d E. And so people put stories and lessons and feelings into songs so that they could pass it along to other generations. And to me, that was so beautiful. It was the same way that cavemen did raves like we they're needed. We wanted this thing that we all do now that has no matter with technological advances. We still enjoy raves right listening to music and but It all stems from the fact that we want to be we want to be happy, and stories pass along messages and lessons that will improve life and make life better, or express an emotion that will help you get through the emotion that might be hard for you. So when I looked at it that way, I was like, Okay, what's an emotion I have? This doesn't have to be perfect. The first joke I wrote was garbage. It was like when Ciskel and Ebert get into a fight over if of movies are good or not do they thumb wrestle? Like it was literally that Like it was just like, oh, it was good. And that wasn't my first joke, but it was one of my first things of like intentionally writing a joke that doesn't define me as a comedian. You always think that, like someone's gonna ask me, what's the first joke you wrote, and if it's not good, people will know I'm not Chappelle. Well, I hate Chappelle, and I bet Chappelle wrote a shitty joke at first, And I bet most people wrote shitty songs that you love. I bet Taylor Swiss first song was shit. So I wrote a goddamn song It was very easy and all I did was follow the Ted Talk and I'll leave you to go watch that Ted Talk. It will be the easiest thing to find. Just type in ted talk how to write a song, and I wrote a song. I wrote two songs actually this weekend, something that I've been putting off my entire life, no joke, because it's too vulnerable. I might be bad at it. I did it. I was bad at it, but it is easy. And I also want to say that it put me in a really sad because I had to access feelings that I didn't know that we're there, and it made me so sad. It was such a great way to feel my feelings. I sobbed yesterday because I just wanted but like what exactly, because I I don't know what it was, because I'm so out of touch with my feelings and I don't understand them, and I pushed them down when they come up because I just feel so ridiculous that when I let myself think about the like I was writing a love song kind of thing of like, uh like just processing some feelings about a romance, and I think just trying to write those lyrics and put the feelings into words, brought the lyrics to the service where the cry was like up here in my throat and I just was like on the phone with someone and go listen, I really need to cry, and I don't want to do it on the phone with you, even though she was like, oh, you can cry to me, and I was like, I just really want to do it when I get off the phone. And I hung up the phone. And then I did a podcast to the person that I was wanted to talk to you that I can't talk to. I did a fake podcast where I just it's like writing a letter to someone you know. And I just cried through the podcast and it only took five minutes. And then afterwards I was like, I'm good, and it was like it was crime so good. It's such a release and I never let myself do it. Next story, I mean jokes. When you write a joke so much on that emotion you tried to you try to throw it down, you try to make fun of it so it doesn't hurt. But you've written songs before you wrote Alligator Boy, and like, I'm jealous that you wrote out. I think that's why I make fun of Alligator Boy, because you actually took the chance to write a song that I actually like. Yeah, but I should add a couple of verses which I have in a bridge and a bridge and then jump off it because that song sucks. Man. That well, that's a ted talk. No, I do love that song sounds. Man, the roller coaster in that song, I know I really put you through it. I want you to write a song about how I judged you for Alligator Boy. Next story story. Okay. Ryan Reynolds was inspired by his three daughters to speak openly about his own mental health struggles. I saw this. I saw him put out a thing. Yeah, he put out a thing about how he has anxiety and how he's an over worker. And uh, when I felt the absolute bottom it's usually been because I felt like I was alone and something I was feeling. The actor said that when you talk about these things, it feels set others free. It will help set others free. Yeah. Um, interesting to see a guy like Ryan Reynolds who has a beautiful white wife like Lively. He's always so funny. He always plays characters that are so lighthearted. For him to admit that, Uh, it's just it makes me so sad when I see people that I'm like, you could be free of this if you only knew how, if you only felt about yourself the way others think about you. But that could be said for everyone. And I don't know if it makes me feel better or worse that Ryan Reynolds struggles, because to me, if Ryan Reynolds is struggling, it makes me feel so sad for anyone that doesn't have as many accomplishment as him, because it just makes me sad for humanity, Like he doesn't need to struggle, like I want him to find the path to not feeling like we need him to work all the time, and like because it's there, And I think that there's something about posting about it and saying that you struggle, But there's also something about saying, like, here's what I did to not accept that that has to be the way it is, Like I don't think we have to accept. Of course, we can accept feeling less than and feeling tired and feeling you know, pulled in all these directions, but we don't have to except that as like the way life is, like, we can just we can do things that don't make us feel that way. And that's what I'm want to find. I feel like I found a kind of comic Caldough that like that he had to like, I do it for my daughter. It's like that bit that I've been working on about, like you can't be vulnerable as a man without an excuse, and like children always give you the excuse. Because because of my daughters, I can admit that I have, Like I feel like the next step is no just for you, Ryan, it's just for you, but like you can just admit it. Yeah, people without daughters can't go. I cried, Um, I'm doing this for my son, Spike. Listen to whatever it gives you an excuse to do it, but right through because there are people out there that are like maybe you guys out there that doesn't have kids or a wife. And he's like, I want to dress up in a tea party hat, and like because you have a joke about guys dressing and like a little like is that the one you have? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, the one about you gotta that? Do you have to blame? He blames his daughter, like the toughest guy a no can only be soft if he has his daughter as a scapegoat. Like sports always having their children on the like next to them when they're doing the reporting, suddenly like they can cry. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, there's so much love there. I could fly so fucked up if they only had kids and a wife said that they could like finally cry, which I'm sure it happens. Of like, I want to just be more vulnerable, So I'm going to let in this like feminine energy when really it's there for you at all times. Is all you have to do is put in a fucking tamp on. You pussy, you cry, and then you put out a little when it is the pressure too much, you know, all the time. Because when I walked dogs for you. I also had one other client, who is this rich real estate guy who had two toy poodles. Uh. He was so o c d about his dogs. He would make me dude, he wanted his dog to drink out of the same ball, right, but he didn't want me to give the dog too much water, So he goes fill it up half. I go, why why don't you just grabbed the smaller ball. He's like, well, he likes that ball, Like that's kind of the idea of his control about the dogs. Yeah, he had nothing to do with the dog I remember I came I was taking a ship and I heard him talking to his toy poodles and I was taking a ship and I came out and he's like, yeah, um, but anyways, Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively lived in this building, and so did Jake Killenhall, justin Timberlake and The Weekend. Yeah, give me the one thing that's not going to get you in trouble that you can tell us about celebrities that might blow the lid off something. Can I give you a hint the Blake Lively story? No? Um, the paparazzi. Oh yes, The Weekend lived there for a while and headed they were in the same Uh it's Bella. Maybe it's it's Bella and married. Okay, they called the paparazzi on themselves. This happened apparently a lot I never saw. I know. I'll tell you. I was in the lot. I was in the lobby and I see them waiting together, holding hands, looking out the door, waiting for the paparazzi to get in the perfect spot to take a photo before they came out, and just so organized. So and I was like, man, I should maybe get involved in this, and so when they walked down, I was I'm in the background in on I think it's still on your Instagram unless you took it down, and it's kind of weird feverish, like I kept waking my Instagram so you can see Andrew in the background of the Weekend and fell shot. Look at like risiness celebrities even when they're like, no paparazzi, No, they've called them and it's all set up, so just don't unless honestly, unless it's Princess Diana, it's pretty much that or Brittany back in the day. They're all they all set it up, and they all thrive on the paparazzi to exist, even myself and what I got from Blake Lively though, and I think Ryan might feel alone because she's a little what do you mean, I mean, like, for an example, one of the stories was she brought all anecdotal anecdotal, yeahah on the roof. They were supposed to build like a like a gate or whatever, so you can't fall whatever offense, and she was showing that it was not safe by using her own kids, by showing how they could fall off. Okay, I have support all this, but by bringing the kid up and showing that you want to use your own kids. If it's definitely a safe you could just tell them without using your own kids. No, I think you bring up the kid and you go look at exactly how this could happen. I don't think it's wild at all. I support Blake and the nose job that made her career. Uh take a different turn, um it did her nose job like that you have to defend her in this just I almost feel like it's like a contrariantian. I swear to God that story. I would the same Luigi and I held him out on the roof, out like like like a foot away from like like she was using them. They swear to God, I would do the same thing because if it's safe enough, you would go, okay, so it's safe for me to bring this up here. But here's how it could for Marian and use a dummy. Don't use your actual kids. Who has a dummy of their kid laying around? Let's get to why do I care? Even though I feel like we're already in it? Why do I care? Why do I care? If you're new? Is our celebrity news segment Sometimes celebrity news will be in the before it, but most of the time it's a celebrity news story that's like why do I care? And I try to find some reason why I care? All right? When asked about her new season and the Bachelor at Katie Thurston reveals that she did have sex in the fantasy suits. Told reporters, so you heard it here first. We all know it happens, but no one's talking about. Okay. Katie Thurston is um the woman that showed up to Matt James's Bachelor season with a vibrator right out of the gate. She was carrying vibrated and she said, you know, I'm gonna need this, and it was like a joke thing and she she at one point started she kind of ganged up on other girls at one point, but she is one of the two bachelorettes. Uh. Leading into tonight's UM opener, I if you never watched The Bachelor or bachelorrette before in your listener to the show, stop stop it. Just stop trying to be cool. Just I said it in the UM I could this was where the coup was in my MTV monologue that they took out. When guys say I've never seen an episode of The Bachelor Bachelorette. Kay, wow, are you a doctor? Are you a science rocket scientist? Doctor? It does. What it says about you is that you're scared to like something that's a little big gay to be gay. It's not gay. It's actually entertaining as fun, and it's really fun to watch with other people. I might invite Marissa and Pat over tonight to watch the premiere. I'm doing Caitlin Bristow's podcast Off the Vine tomorrow where we're gonna recap it. So if you want to hear a recap of the Bachelorette tonight, me and Pattern are gonna watch. We're gonna lay in bed and watch you have seed together like real men and hug the whole time so that you don't have to point each other. That's the thing I learned. Will both be spoons. Um, that's why I care. Is that? So she had sex in the fancy suite something to look forward to. That means that, uh, this bitch got some got dick down in the fancy suite, which is when you which is the final stage of the Bachelor series, which has already been shot at this point, and that is the night before. It's pretty much the weekend before they decide who they're gonna pick. It's down to two guys, and she slept with one of them, at least one of them. That's kind of what The Bachelor does, though I feel like it keeps it uh it's it's we're watching the morning show right now, the TV show. I feel like The Bachelor doesn't doesn't let it get that dirty. Like they like to keep it on the surface because they know Middle America. They don't want to talk about, you know, doing anal in the shower or whatever. Like, yeah, they don't. That's why I'm very excited about a new show that I might be hosting coming out this summer. I can't tell you anything, but hopefully this week it gets announced. Um let's get to Top one Bottom one. It's our Monday morning afternoon night segment. Whenever you listen to the podcast Top one, Bottom one, we take a category. We list our top one of this category. In bottom one, it's pretty much most favorite and least favorite, but we say top one, Bottom one. We go around the horn. Noah included producer Noah, who is in Arizona, just got approved to purchase a house down there in uh tucks in uh Arizona and um, but today's uh subject category. That was on purpose. And I say tucks in as a joke. It should be that. That's how my dad says it to. Yeah, your dad's right. I love your dad, and I still use the brush that your dad gave me. I still use that brush. It's like, I don't know how your da yeah hair brush. It was by Moroccan oil. You guys give you gave me a basket of Moroccan oil stuff, which is great products. Did your dad work for Moroccan oil? Yes? Okay, I bought yesterday. No Way texted me, Dude, I need a new brush. The round brush he gave me was amazing and I use it all the time, but I have to um what I do. Girls, this is a cool hack for your round brushes if you get too much hair in it, which mine gets so much hair in it almost immediately, and the bristles are so hard on the thing that they can sometimes hurt my hangnails that I've been picking at and like puncture them and make them bleed if I'm trying to get the hair out. Does anyone know what I'm talking about Yes, you do, I do, okay, so it can make my like I just picked my nail yesterday because I was having anxiety and it's like an open wound, and if I were to clean out my brush right now, it would stab it and make it bleed again and give me a whole ring of issues. So what I do now is I use a scissors that I used to cut my brows, like a tiny scissors or any scissors, and I cut through one of the tracks of the brush, cutting all the hair, which feels very gratifying because you cut through the hair and then you can peel it off very gently. You cut four times like quadrants, and then it comes off very easily and you don't have to and then you make a ball. So that's what I do. And I've been using your dad's brush for like three years now. Um, great brush. So top one, bottom one? Speaking of things, Wait, no, what what's the category? The categories things in our bathroom? Okay, so things currently in our bathroom top one, bottom one. We're always going to start with bottom one. No, I'll kick us off. What's the bottom one thing in your bathroom? Okay, the bottom one thing in my bathroom that I hate looking at is this two hundred dollar micro derm abrasion one that I bought that totally doesn't work? Two micro derm abrasion wand yeah, so it sucks your skin? Oh yeah, I don't like. I don't want to see the company because I'm not very happy with it. Right, you don't Maybe you're just doing but I want people to not buy this. It is interesting though, like the more you pay and a thing doesn't work, the anger, Yeah, because you throw it out. It's a whole box with a kid. Here we go. Can I buy it from you? When you send it to my mom? My mom will love it and not use it, but you'll just love having something expensive of it has my skin cells. She don'tcur she like buys everything from good wealth. So uh. I did read though the other night on Reddit. It was a question and ask women. It said what Instagram? What have you bought on Instagram that you deeply regret? And then there was one that was what have you bought on Instagram that you are so excited about? I'll do that for Reddit dump tomorrow because I saved it. There's so many good products I want to tell girls about and bad ones to avoid, but one of them was the ones that suck the dirt out of your pores. There was like, it has that functions. If that works, girls, we'd all have one. It doesn't work, And I want to say, and I think I was targeted because I've been looking for micro demigration around Tucson and I just like everything is like med spa, med spot. I just want like a regular facial and I think because I was searching for it, I was targeted, Like, Oh, this is someone knows of a nice facial place that isn't a med spa that no one can go to and get a nice Please let her know. Noah Injection n o a injection is her Instagram and you can d m her that, or you can write into the show at Nikki the Nick Glazer Podcast at gmail dot com, or you can leave us a voice memo at the link in our Instagram bio. And by the way, our our instagram is private, so anything we post there is only for fans that have like requested access, So that's just for you guys, busties. Okay, that is a great answer. No, uh, bottom object in your bathroom, Andrew, Oh where you're not ready? I'll go Okay, my bottom one. I have it with me in my uh Fannie pack. I grabbed a couple objects so that I could talk about them. Let me see the one that I brought that was bottom because I have a couple of tops. Oh ship okay, Oh no, I brought all tops. Fuck okay, So I'll say the bottom one is because I brought all tops, and I'm only going to do one, even though the other day I'd said what object from andrew room and I did four corners, but it led to fund So the rule. I make the rules, and I can break the rules. But the number one thing I hate in my bathroom right now is fun. Why didn't I Why did I have all things I like? This doesn't even make god damn sense. I was just so, okay, can I do one that I changed my mind on? Okay, this one's good. Actually I hated this at first. So my nephew and niece came over to my place probably a month ago with my uh sister and brother in law, and they always like to take a bath when they're over to get ready for bed, so they can stay a little bit longer and the kids can just like take a beat. I have no toys in my bathroom. They went in the bathroom, took a bath quicker than the showers I take, which I literally take ninety second showers. It was so fast, and I go what happened? And my brother in law, Matt said, there's no toys in there. They were like picking up your razor and being like toy and they were like there's nothing hammer head shark with sharp teeth and they're like it was dangerous. So they left and in my bathroom are they left all their baby clothes because they changed the new clothes and he forgot to take the old clothes. So I've just had baby clothes in my bathroom that I moved all the clothes. But it just made me feel like, I don't know, maybe I'm a dark person, and made me feel like I because kids don't live here, that they like I had murdered kids, and like they left like there. I don't know what it is, but it made feel like a serial killer that had like these little artifacts of kids that were once here. I hated it, and I literally kept having this thought. I couldn't even pick them up and get him out of the room because I was like, it's just too I don't know what to do with them. This weekend, I washed the clothes because I was like, I'll just be a nice and I'll give them back washed, right. But then there's a barrette that my little um niece had, a cute little pink barrette that is so cute and it does nothing. It's like an inch long and it looks like like it's a little barrette, and it was sitting in my bathtub and I felt like it was like I felt that lovely bones, like scariness of like I read a lot about kidnappings. I think a lot about kidnappings and terrible things that happened to children. I don't know why, because nothing happened to me, and I don't have any dreams of doing anything to kids other than loving them in a very responsible way. But it made me think that I had murdered a child, a chiny child, and that this was like my artifact, and it was in my bathroom for so long and I didn't want to touch it. I didn't want to do anything with it. And then I was like, what are you thinking? Why does this cause you so much consternation every time you see it? Nikki? Why don't you just embrace it and be like and keep it pinned up on the side of a rat like. So now every time I go in, it's pinned up, and I go it reminds me of Poppy and her cute little hair, and it's not a sad thing and it's not a creepy thing. And so it went from being the thing I hate the most because it makes me feel like a serial killer of children, which I don't even understand. I don't know why I'm admitting this to you all, but now it's my favorite thing because it's just a cute little barrette that like makes me think of Poppy, who is just the light of my life. Okay, that's my bottom thing. Andrew, what's your bottom thing? But is that your top thing? What was the bottom thing that became a top? I make the rules all day? Uh so, um, you know it's so hard because no, I'm just as guys. We don't have as many different things. He probably had nothing in his bathroom, you know. That's the thing. He has so much stuff. No, there's so much time. You know what I hate, But I love what. I love fucking wet wipes. But I did not know that you can't flush them down the toilet, and I fucking hate that you can't flush them down. But you don't have a trash spin in your room or your bathroom, so I know they get flushed. I know they get flushed. Can I finish? But why are some things flushable like toilet paper? And then a wet wipe is the same there, it's not at the side. That's about what it's made out of. So you got it, I got I just bought. I just bought a trash bin for you because I don't want you flushing those anymore anymore. Okay, So that's a great thing. If you flush wet wipes, just know you're a bad person that's doing something bad for the world when you really could just hold onto it. I know it's gross as poop on it, hold onto it, walk out of the bathroom and find a trash bin and wrap something around it so that it's just goes in the trash. It's the least you can do for the environment. But we wipe set. Why don't they make a toilet paper wet white? And I know if anyone knows of it, please write to Andrew. Andrew, I think they have a biodegradable one there as thick, thick, regular baby, or we can get a bidet for you. Well, if you have a biodegradable wet wipes, that's great one. I do hate that as well. I don't I want to see wet wipes. And then there's no trash bin and a boy bathroom, I go, what the or a girl's I get really mad because I just know that's not the same with a tampon. Uh, cartridges, girls or pads don't flush stuff. It's really is like this. I know that it's so easy to just do it. Or it's the example that I said an example for myself. This is years ago before I would like I wanted to be a better person. I started feeling really bad about every time I went to a public restroom and you do the paper towels or whatever, and you throw it and there's let's say, there's it's a it's a trashy night out at a bar, and there's paper towels everywhere on the floor, right, and like toilet paper, and like you drop a piece of toilet paper or you know, you're pulling it off in apart falls on the ground that hasn't used. You know, a little piece or you're the tresh bands overflowed and you kind of throw it and it falls out and falls on the floor, and you go, who cares, I'm gonna leave it because there's already shipped on the floor. Just pick it up. I made a rule for myself, almost like break your mother's backstep on a crack, that if I ever leave a piece of paper on a public restroom, toilet floor or any toilet floor where I'm not cleaning it myself, that I that that will be bad karma for me. It will come back in some way because it's the least you can do, And it just makes you feel good that you don't contribute and you're not careless. And think that some woman who probably doesn't have the greatest life has to bend over, is going to have to bend over or reach in a direction. Maybe she's already picking up trash, but she's gonna have to reach a little bit further to pick up your little trash. So save her that time and just create a rule for yourself that it's the smallest rule, and maybe you can teach me other rules you have like this that makes you like superstitious. But I've created a superstitious rule around never ever letting a piece of toilet paper or paper touch the ground in a public qustroom. And I've probably kept this for about eight years now, where I do not litter in bathrooms anymore. And sometimes it's gross and you have to touch the bathroom floor to pick it up, But better me than a woman who didn't do it in the first place, who's getting paid minimum wage. It is wild to me that so man, these people they go into a public bathroom and they treat it like they're mad at like everyone in their life. And it's funny together because they are. That's where it's coming out of it. If they get away their life, they wouldn't do that, and they if they had respect for themselves, they would have respect for the person who has to pick that up. And it's very hard to do one pace where they don't. They know they'll get no no cameras, there's no no accountability. So it really is a good thing to do because it's making you accountable to yourself or to God or whatever might be watching you in that bathroom. And it's in the top thing. No, what's your top thing in the bathroom? Tumbleweeds? Yeah, I don't know what that means, but meaning like one person and then it creates an environment where oh I can throw it out to If you do if this, if you are someone who has done this before, because I was someone as an adult who was throwing paper on the ground for a while and then because it just seemed like everyone else does, why not if you adopt this, let me know and see if if it changes the way you think about the world a little bit, because I think it might help. No, I'm not perfect, by the way, so don't ever think that I'm prostlytizing. I don't know what I'm doing. Noah, your top I want to say, wait before I go to my top one, I want to say I am a person who does that. Like I'll just pick up garbage in the street, and there's something that I really like about, Like if someone sees me, they probably think, oh, this ordinary woman is crazy, and then I just like, I just like picking up Like if I see every seat floating around or something at the top, like near the taco truck, I just pick it up that if it's a clean piece of trash, Because the thing is I think of how many pieces of trash you haven't picked up in your life, even as a kid when you were less aware of the world, even if you're fucking Greta. Greta her last name is hard from Thornburgh. She probably has contributed to trash as a baby that she didn't know. I would still remember a piece of gum wrapper that flew out the window when I was four years old, out of our van, and I remember being like, where is that going to go? What bird is going to choke on it? And having that awareness and I still to this day. I picked up trash when I was in Cayman Islands on the beach, which I really recommend because although it seems like you aren't even making a dent in the world terms of how much trash is an ocean and truly you're not what it does do. The best thing about trash on the beach is that it's all clean from the ocean, so you're never I picked up trash for an hour, the grossest stuff went after everything. Not once did I pick up the thing and go you because it's all clean from the salt water. So it's actually the best place to pick up trash is that you'll never get something that's rotted or soggy or making like smells because it's all washed. So I recommend trash clean up anytime and just and if someone thinks you're like a weird homeless person because you're picking up trash, could could them because you're coulder than them because you have UM you don't care. So no, what's your top thing? You're aout? Okay, So the top thing in my bathroom is I had to bring a hair brush and it's filled with my hair. Yes, it's called um, I just bought it a month ago. It's called a wet brush, yes, and I like it better than the bristles because the bristles make my hair look like poof like bristles like on the one you're dad like the round brush like that the water go through the brush. Um, I had no idea. It's called a wet brush because it's a really great brush to use through your hair when you're detangling. There's many wet brushes. I've been using wet brush for a while. It is a brush that is very soft and well not tangle your hair as much. And it's called the wet brush. And I think pretty much every woman has probably seen these or heard about these. I don't want to say every woman. And if you haven't and you have tangly hair, it's a really gentle brush on your hair. And what a great product to showcase. I love that you got one. And it's a pretty pink color. It's glitterally so cute. Um okay my number one thing. And I have three things in here and it's I'm reluctant to show you which ones um is? Wait? I had this, this, and then the clip, but I thought, I, oh, I have okay, let me see which one. Okay. So from one of our sponsors, Unique Vintage, I would I got to pick out a couple of things from there, which, by the way, everything I picked out fits perfectly, get so much compliments on. I didn't really want new clothes because I'm on this thing of like I don't. I only want secondhand. But I picked out Unique Vintage because they make vintage styles and new stuff and they were a sponsor and they um, I was like, okay, I'll pick out some stuff. I picked up this choker that is a heart on it, okay, and it is not something i'd wear out because it doesn't match many things I have. Maybe I would put it with I almost work for my birthday with my tailor swift shirt in my like badass outfit I put together. But I sometimes I this is in my bathroom. I don't know why I was in my bathroom, but it was so it counted. I sometimes wear this when I masturbate because it's like bondage. It's hot. It like it chokes me a little bit, so it looks like almost like it has a heart on it, so it's like love. And I am now starting to dress up for myself, uh, sexually, so that I can make myself like sometimes I'm wearing underwearth I'm like, this isn't that hot. I try to dress up the way I would if I was hooking up with the guy. Sometimes when I really get into myself. And the other night, I felt ridiculous, And I feel ridiculous admitting this in front of Andrew and you know, uh, and my room and my listeners. Not as much the listeners, because you guys are just like not here. And if I run into on the street in the central west end of St. Louis, I will be embarrassed that you know this about me. But I like kinky stuff. I like bondage not for every sexual encounter I have, but I'm entering into it by wearing Uh. What I would say is like a caller, like I realized, like I want to be kind of like a slave sometimes, like a like a doggie, like like good girl. You know, there's no that's not a coincidence that when Carla Forster had a joke that I like, I haven't bought from her, but she gave it to me where I I like when guys say a good girl so much that when I heard a guy say it to his dog after she's ship, I like got wet and um and I realized, like the way that dogs get talked to sometimes, and there is porn where girls act like dogs. I do not like that porn. Don't recommend it to me, but I like being an ant like uh, like I have to do what you say, but you're nice to me. And this collar with a heart on it from Unique Vintage. Thank you as you didn't know you were a sex supply store, but you are. And thank you also for the jumper. Do you do you? I've only worn it once, by the way, and I'm mast rated probably like ten times since then since the one time I worried. I'm just wonder are you in the moment, like, are you horned up and then you throw it on or is it a whole set up that you know that Like For instance, the other night, I was trying to write that song and I decided to clean my room, and um, by the way, I to get me to do anything that I'm scared of, I I can do it if I film it better. And this is not about the porn thing. This is not but the songwriting thing. I decided to just like record myself trying to write a song and talk about it, talk my way through it, and so I might turn it into like a YouTube video someday of just like this is my first attempt at writing a vulnerable song, it's still embarrassing. So I filmed myself cleaning my room as I was working out the beats of the song. And while I was cleaning my room, I a song came on. I was listening to songs that reminded me of the song I was writing, and that's what I said in the video. But then another song came on after that kind of got me horned up because it was a song that someone had put on a playlist for me that made me think about having sex with that person, and I just started getting horny. I would hung up a poster of Taylor Swift on my wall with tape like a teenager, and I was kind of horn And then I did a thing where I like kissed the poster. But I knew I was being filmed by myself, But I like kissed the poster. That wasn't why I got horny. But I was just like my room was like litting away. I was like alone for the night. I knew that like maybe I was, oh, And I was trying to fit the rug underneath. I put the rug that was in here underneath my bed. No, I was doing it as a joke for the camera because I knew that it looked like a moment I forgot the camera was on me. But I wanted to make if I ever do anything with it, I want people watching it today. Yeah, it was honestly, I was inspired by bogern Um. I realized that later on. So I was in there. The reason that I got horny is that I was putting the rug underneath my bed and I got so My bed is very heavy because it's a really sturdy frame made during the Declaration of Independence, and I was lifting one end to put the rug under and then I go to the other end and pull it up, and I was doing it all by myself, and I was saying, I don't need a fucking man. I was saying it to myself. I was like joking, but I was like, I am doing something that is so laborious for a gentlewoman to do. And I was like, if I had a boyfriend, this would be so much easier, or if I Andrew were here to be easier, but I didn't. And then I was like thinking about, like what if I just like called up a guy to like come over and be like, can you help me with this broke? And then like we ended up. It's kind of like an idea, idea of like that's a way to get a guy in your room. And then it just then I got it horny. And I didn't put on the necklace at night, but that what I did, put on a nice pair of underwear and bra and almost I can't even get it. I'll get into what I almost did later because it was wild. No, it was wild, but I can't say it, yeah, because I haven't done it once, I do it because I almost did it, but I just couldn't do it. But I don't have sexual deviant. I just want to say that is if no one knew that. But I like, as long as I'm not hurting myself for other people, I'm gonna let myself, uh, you know, nurture the things that I am drawn to, which is this necklace? Andrew, what's the top thing in your bed? You're gonna get some hackers out there trying to get into your ship? What do you mean, like because you're like video, Oh, I didn't video. I would never video myself doing anything sexual at this point unless it was with like a partner, or I was being paid a lot, or I had a It worked out, so it leaked accidentally because I wanted to say my career my my favorite thing. I mean, I've talked about it recticare, which is which I always put on before I jerk off. You know that because it really puts me in the mood. I am a man that has a horrible asshole. As many people know. I've had anal fisher and I've had hemorrhoids, but the fisher, especially crying every night taking a ship thinking preparation age didn't work. Nothing worked. I was literally crying every night. It's the worst pain on earth. And wreck the care literally saved my life, like literally like saved me from depression because it numbs your butt and it allows you to live another day. And now, anytime my butt hurts after I eat spicy food and you know hard chips, I take down some rectic Care. I don't take it down. I put it on, and uh, it really does. It changed my life. And uh, and thank you rectic Care for being over the counter too, because if I had to get a prescription, I'm too lazy and I probably would never get it and I would just live with the pain. Um. I love that you discovered this thing that has brought you so much relief for this chronic issue. And I love how I bet so many people have gotten turned onto to this and have no idea that there's just a simple solution to you. I had no idea that this was like I just saw it in CVS. I like stumbled on it, like literally, I but yeah, because I was hurting so bad, I was walking on all four Well, it's a similar thing too, when you had um scabies and you just were like dealing with this immense firing pain, like this is like twenty years ago, but you went to the doctor. You finally cracked and went to the doctor after a hilarious story when you had to pretend like you had a rash on your hand because the doctor was too hot and you didn't want to the nurse was too hot. So he made up another illness even though he was there to get a scab. He's taken care of, so he made up another illness on the spot, didn't get treated for the scabies, but then finally got treated for the scabies. It was a bomb and they gave you right, you put the bomb on? Did someone tell you put the bomb on? I didn't tell you put the bomb on. Do you know what that's from? Well, yeah, sign film. You know you don't know what's in a ball. Jackie Child his his lawyer. Yeah, he put he put a bomb. Well he's he's after the glove don't fit guy, but he um, he puts a bomb on. Cramer puts a bomb on a burn and that is about to secure him like millions of dollars because he got burned by a coffee company because he put coffee in his pants because he was trying to sneak into a movie theater and uh, and all of a sudden his his burned disappears and they're going in to get a settlement from the coffee company, and Jackie Child is like Grammar who told you put the ball on? You don't put a ball on. He goes a doctor told me and he's like, you just give you a bomb. You don't know what's in the bamb but it was hilarious. So the fact that you just needed one bomb and the itching went away immediately literally is an hour literally the second worst thing that could happen to you. I would love to hear from our listeners about things like this that they suffered with forever and then you have one thing and all of a sudden it goes away, and you go, why did it take me so long to do that? And I think it could help other people. I think Mark Norman Dell was something similar, but he had a yeast and he just kept putting it off. You just put things off because we're afraid of a doctor, because we're afraid what we're gonna find out. But that's the way up. You should be the most calm, final thought the other day, I my elbow has been doing this weird thing where I at first I felt like someone's gently touching me on the elbow to be like hey, um over here, you know, and it just feels like the gentlest touch on my elbow. And then I realized after a while it was not someone. It kept happening. It was just like a tingle on my elbow, on the skin, almost like someone outside touching me. And there's nothing on there. There's like a little patch of dry skin, but it's not that. Then it started to feel like a like a like almost like a little like an inch worm an inch No, a spasm is different. I have those all the time. It's felt like an inch worm crawling, like a very delicate like you know, like a spider web touch of on my elbow. And then it felt like maybe it was underneath the skin, there was something wiggling, and I would just and then I would acknowledge it and rub it and it kind of go away, and I kind of wanted to come back, and then it would a couple of hours later. And I told you Drew about this, because it's been happening for weeks and weeks now and He said you that you maybe go to the to her, and I said, absolutely not, because I know of a skin disease called more gallons. I don't know if you've ever heard of it, um, but I am fascinated by My mom will not allow me to talk about the skin disease. I told her about it once and she's can't handle it because she understands that so many things are mental and that if you start thinking about having something, you can actually give it to yourself. And I know that people don't want to hear that, and they want to think that their pain is from a thing that happened to them. I didn't. I'm not choosing it. But even if the pain is in your brain, you're still not choosing it. It's the same. You can still get the same sympathy from me. Maybe not from your dad, but from me. Everyone gets the same sympathy, whether or not you have as someone with anorexia that got judged for like why don't you just eat? And I didn't know why I couldn't eat, but I just couldn't. I've lived on the side of having something that I am everyone thinks I'm doing to myself, but I know that if if it were my choice, I would eat. I just can't. So you understand that mental illness or not something you choose. And I finally accepted that, even though it took me many years. So for me, I have empathy for anyone going through something that's like mental and it's pain that is from their brain and that they're imagining it and doctors can't find anything on scans. I will have the same sympathy for you. You if a doctor found a tumor. Same whereas a lot of people don't get that. But what I realized Moregellin's is a disease. And if this is triggering, turn it off, because I don't want anyone if if you hear about disease and then you start to have it, let's not go there. That's this is you don't need to listen. But it's a disease that um they think is linked to lime disease, which is a whole other thing, which is a government uh it's which is a cover up. People have lyme disease. So many people have lame disease. Anytime you see a headline that says blank and blanks, like US celebrities, mystery illness finally discovered was lime. It's always lime disease. Anytime someone is like, I have chronic pain, no doctors know what it is, I have a chronic thing, headaches or uh fiber manalga, all these things that like people can't really put a pen like a name for it's lime. It's always fucking lime, and lime is uh. I don't want to get into it because I don't want to like be mysteriously killed in the middle of the night by uh, you know, I'm serious, Like, I think it's a huge cover up. I have a friend who suffers with lime and can get no doctors to treat her because it is such a expensive illness to treat and so mysterious that insurance companies won't cover it. And so they act like lime is curable in thirty days, and it's not. It stays with you and does really weird fucking things. Yeah, And people that have they think that a LS is a form of advanced line. They think that Alzheimer's might be a form of advanced line. They think that um, Parkinson's, uh fiber manalga. All these things that come up and people go, Hi, this pain throughout my body. You might have been bit by a tick and not seeing the ring and not treated it, and even if you did treat it could stay in you. There's different forms of it. I don't know any of the science be on it, but I just know this. So here's the thing. Morgellan's might be a form of lime. I watched this documentary on I think it was Amazon Prime called Skin Deep, and it's about women and of men who suffer with more Gelon's and it's so sad because they they're they have these lesions on their skin that open wounds, that have fibers in them, like weird little pieces of like under microscope, it looks like hairs and like blue hairs that your body does not make. And people go, it's from a sweater. It got stuck in your skin, and it's like, I don't know a sweater with And then they put the fabric under all these tests and it's not a man made fabric. No one knows what the funk it is and it's fucking lime. But these people are ostracized from their community and the family because they have these itchy skin problem that it just it rapidly gets worse and no one believes them. It's so tragic, and Joni Mitchell has it of your other people, um and it feels like they have insects in their skin. It's terrible. My mom literally can't hear me talk about it. I feel like this could be a little bit of that in my elbow. And that's not to say so let's say that I got it by a lime tick early on, and I have it. I do believe that even if you have something, you can mentally not go there and stop it in its trucks because I have stopped at the cold sore before in its tracks. I have stopped back pain and its tracks before that let it so I couldn't put on a shirt by just mentally going nope, we're not going there. Yes, I have a little inchworm that sometimes crawls on my elbow. I'm not going to the doctor. I'm not going to give it life and and I'm not going to give it. I'm not going to give it the power that I'm going to make an appointment and focus on it. If it gets the point where it's my life is unman'sament, I'll get help. But right now, when it's just once in a while I feel an inchworm on my elbow. It makes me check in with myself and go, maybe something's trying to tell you something. I think of it now is like a ghost being like, hey, Nikky, I'm right here, your friend that died a couple of years ago, Like I just want to tap you on the shoulder and be like I'm here. Like I think of it as like a ghost friend tapping me on the shoulder because it doesn't hurt. I know, but I I agree, and I did agree. I I I had numb this in my hands. I have had um like my whole side of my body go numb before. I've had spasms like crazy. I've had weird itching like like things, and then I would just ignore and a lot of it was mental of course. But then like when I finally did go to a doctor and found out, like eliminating things does help if it is, if it is changing your life. This is not at a point where I would ever go the doctor because it's not hurting my life. I literally David is talking, but to think that it's the start of but it's not the That's what I could go to and that's what I could because it does. But it sounds like you are going there already without going there, even if I'm going there. So let's even if I have it, I think that I could stop it in its tracts, because I'm not blaming someone that can't stop in its tructs and goes, oh my god, Nicky, you think you have control over morgellons or cancer or anything in your body? You don't. I tend to believe I do, because if my mind can get to a place where I go thank you for I stopped. The fact that I stopped a cold sore in its tracks when it was already at the point where it was going headed to a blister. And everything I read online said this is if you've had cold sores before, you know the point where a point of no return. You know what I'm talking about, the fact that I was able to meditate and say thank you for coming. I acknowledge you, but you you already made I know you're a sign of me being stressed, and I'm going to meditate and get you away, and it was able to go away. I think I have mind control over things. And by saying mine control, I also mean I have no control, because no one has a control over anything that they do. But I believe that going to the doctor before it's inconveniencing my life would be giving it more power than it deserves. But the only problem with that is a lot of cancers, they start with little symptoms, little things, yeah, and whether you think you can stop it or not, genetically, you can't. And a lot of people die, just like Steve Jobs thinking he could stop his cancer by eating plums or whatever. Allie did. Yes, but I don't think that I would do that because I feel like if cancer was killing me, I would try to do the like if it was actually physically making my life. Hell. My thing is is like I think, like if you felt a bump in my boob and it didn't hurt, I would do something about it because there's enough thing. But if I felt a lump in my if I felt a tickle in my boob, that somehow like I try to listen to my body and go is this necessary or not? Of course, a little inchworm, feeling phantom intorim on my elbow not enough. I've been the king of overreacting asking my daughter my dad to feel my balls because he's you know, yeah, yeah, no, but he's a doctor and uh and you know, I thought maybe I have testiclear cancer because my balls were, you know, bigger than I even imagine. And uh, and he felt my balls like reluctantly. And I've gone through the ringer of like overreacting. That being said, if something does feel very awkward, that isn't it could getting something or early in figuring it out. Stories have you heard of, Like I went in for this thing that I didn't even want to be checked on, and then it turns out they found eighteen tumors in my goal bladder that I wouldn't have even known about. Ye who's our new best friend? Is an northmedic surgeon who shoulder and elbow and you could ask him about my phantom and here, I'm not going to until it starts to hurt my line. And if I'm going and if you have a phantom intorm, let me know what you did about it. But right now I'm not going to do anything. Thank you so much for listening. Today. We have a full week of shows. This is one of my favorite podcast for me. I feel really good, uh going into the week. We have a lot more to cover this week. Um, and we're gonna have so much fun. I'm in town usually I'm like leaving town, have to go somewhere. I'm in it again. We're chilling, Luigi like chilling like Christopher Columbus. Alright, guys, thanks for listening to the show, whether it was your first time, second time, or you know, I don't know was this number fifty three because I right forty something. Okay, Well, thanks for listening you guys, and right into us, and we'll read your listener mail on Thursday. Jack Podka, jack Pot,