Nikki holds down the studio while Brian recovers from surgery and is joined by special guest stand-up comedian/creator of the new serial podcast #1 Dad, Gary Vider. They both discuss his childhood and what it was like living with a con man father. He also recaps his Internet viral story of impersonating a Sports Illustrated for Kids reporter in the 90s. He met Michael Jordan and more through this scheme. Nikki and Gary talk about their experience of going to couples therapy with their significant others and how to sort out tough stuff.
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The Nikki Gliser podcastsers.
Here I am, I mean Key Laser. Welcome to the Nikkei Glazer Podcast. I am here today in my studio apartment, my studio, in my apartment, my studio, in my three bedroom apartment, which one of the bedrooms is a studio, so my two but it doesn't matter. I'm thinking about getting a house soon. I'm just kind of bursting at the seams with stuff that's beside the point. Actually it's not, because this is all you're getting today, just for now at least. Brian Frangie is no longer with us, not permanently, but he's just I didn't mean to scare you guys like that. He is recovering from gallbladder surgery, so he had that on Monday. I'm recording this on a Wednesday. I've checked in with him. He's doing well, he is. He said it was not as bad as the other surgeries he's had in his life. What did he say? I think he'd be fine with me reading you this. I had laparoscopic ball surgery in my twenties and it was much worse. And he said the pain of the tooth extractions were worse. He said sleeping is okay. Not bad teeth, He's his teeth pretty much are the same. He feels much better overall. He said, it feels like he was being poisoned, and his deterioration happened so gradually that it was difficult to see how bad it was. After the surgery, I feel much better overall. That's so great when you remove something from your life, whether it be a husband, or a gallbladder or a I don't know what else. I'm trying to think of something that I've removed from my life, and then suddenly it was just so much more comfortable. Uh, jeanes that don't fit, just getting clothes that fit, and then you're like, oh my god, I don't realize how fucking in pain I was all the time. I think, I really, I've always said it on this podcast. I really resonate. I hate when people say they resonate with something. I think something is supposed to resonate with you, but people always say that resonates with me, and I that I read with that. I don't like when people say I resonate. Can you resonate? I think you can. I googled it and I was like, I found out that those people were right, even though they sound wrong to me, but I'm still not I'm not going to say it anyway. I do resonate with uh people having chronic pain because I've had like my rants before, or I don't resonate with them. I have so much empathy because I don't know what it's like to have like long term chronic pain. But I just whenever someone has a headache, I like can't handle it. If someone has a headache in my presence and you work for me, I want you to stay home and I'll try to do your job or something, or if like I just don't want to be around someone with a headache because I can't stand thinking how badly they're in pain. Because I'm just such a good person, can't you tell No? It's just like that's that's my thing. It's not even the nice thing because then they're like, don't take on my pain. I'm not asking you to do that, but I just can't help it. I don't like people being uncomfortable. It's one of my I think number one things in life is trying to make sure people are comfortable. Although I'm not good at offering people drinks when they get to my apartment or house, because I actually have no problem asking when I'm at a guest's house if I can have some water or a drink. In fact, I was at my boyfriend's brothers and his sister in law's house this weekend for Father's Day, and he asked me if I wanted to drink. And I had seen a like a sliver. I just like made eye contact with a zvia that was in their refrigerator when he opened it to get something like twenty minutes earlier, and I was like, I think they have ZVA, Like I just saw a flash of it. But I drink so much ZV I'm like, am I just like seeing it everywhere? And he was like do you I go what do you got? And I was hoping that he's gonna say ZV so I didn't have to be like I saw one and I want it, But he was like, we got Pellegrino, we got Lacroix. What flavor do you want with Topachuka. I mean, they have amazing choices. It's no wonder they also have ZVA. And I go, oh, do you have zva? And he's like, yeah, do you want that? I'm like, of course, but he said, Oh, you mean the routier. I'm like, I don't call it that, but it is root beer. It's so delicious. Yeah, Happy Father's Day. I didn't do an episode yesterday. I'm sorry that we didn't have one for you. Brian was off this week and I just didn't feel like it. I had a micro needling and my face was really red. It still is different shades of red. It looks like I just got really burnt. It looks like I was just like drunk on spring break, you know, early or late nineties. I feel like people were still not wearing sunblock in the nineties. I think that's one of the most embarrassing things is being burnt as a white person. Obviously, I think like that that didn't need to be said, But I mean, black people can get burnt. I think I don't know, I should know. I'm sorry for my ignorance. Please someone educate me. Anyway, I think being a burnt white person is a really embarrassing thing. I've been at before. But like, if you're an adult and you're getting burnt, I'm sorry you are not taking care of yourself. You're not thinking. It's like the same as not wearing a seatbelt, like I just can't handle. Sunscreen doesn't make you gay, Guys. It's not like a it's not a lotion that smells a certain way.
Like.
It doesn't mean you're like treating your body like a woman would and caressing it, even though you should. You should appreciate your bodies just as much as we are supposed to appreciate ours, even though we do the opposite of that. Actually, anyway, wearing SPF isn't gay, or just like beat just not wanting to get skin cancer isn't gay. But when I see burnt people, I really am embarrassed for them, and I think they should be ashamed. And I'm so not in the business of shaming people. But I guess today I am who knew when left to my own devices, Brian, come back, what am I doing? Anyway? So on the podcast today we are having a guest, Gary Veder. He is a comedian. You may have seen him on America's Gun Talent. He is hilarious. He's been on The Tonight Show, I Think Like a Bunch and Colbert and all the things. He's just a fucking great stand up. But he also has a new podcast out where he you might have seen clips for it because my boyfriend had heard of it and didn't know his name out of the gate, but it was the guy who's has a podcast now called Number One Dad. It's on iHeart Big Money Players, which is where our podcast network is, but it's called Number One Dad, and it's about his dad, who is like a con man and who got Gary to pose as a reporter for the sports Kid's Sports Illustrated so he could get back to games in Madison Square Garden and like pretty much everywhere in New York City and I think surrounding areas, and he met dozens, maybe hundreds of athletes and celebrities by pulling the scam, and his dad would pose as a photographer. And it's a podcast and he hasn't talked to his dad and since he was fifteen. There's three episodes out right now. There might be a new one out by the time you hear this. I don't know when the new one comes out, but I think he's gonna meet his dad in this and it's so crazy because he hasn't talked to him since he was fifteen, and I think he's my age. Gary also has a kid, and I want to talk to him about that because I remember him being pregnant. I mean, not him being but you get it. And I don't think i've really talked to him since because it was pre COVID and that's when I would see Gary around, was like in New York. So I'm excited to reconnect with him today. Other things, I do have a dog. She is officially mine. I haven't signed the papers yet. I don't know why I'm wavering. It just feels like once it's done, it's really done, even though there's no taking giving this little girly back. She got spade on Monday. That's always a very bonding moment for two people, is when one has to take care of the other when they're sick and has to make sure that they don't bite their stitches out. But she also I just don't want her to have to wear the cone, so I'm just like having to watch her all the time so she doesn't get in there and try to get her see if her ovaries are still there, because they're not. She's six pounds and her ovaries we were like, what do they look like? My sister and I were thinking they look like lima beans. But she can't have kids.
Now.
That makes two of the us because now I don't need them because I've got this little baby, and I am leaning into the fact that she is my baby. I don't give a fuck. I love her. I also she is a burden. I've thought about naming her that just Birdie, which is short for burden, but no one would know that except you, guys, because I just told you, and that might still be her name because we haven't really settled on Gilly yet, so we're open to suggestions for a little adorable, big eyed, glassy eyed, watery eyed Chihuahua mix. You can look at her on the YouTube to see her. She's in my lap right now and just totally like zoning out, zoning out. She's so cuddly. Uh. But yeah, she is a burden and she is like a kid because like it's I mean, she's she's a kid who is gonna die young, pretty young, because she's only gonna live for about fifteen years tops. I think she's two, and I think the May she'll get to eighteen. My friend's dog, who's very very small like her, just got to eighteen years, so yeah, she'll be able to vote, and then she'll die God damn it, Gilly, I'm not laughing about your death. It's not funny. How old will I be? Fifteen years fifty five? Okay, I'm okay. My first thought was like, I'll look hot when I put you down. Still, what an idiot. I'll be like, look at I'll be sad, my mescara will be running. I'll wipe my tears, but I'll make sure to wipe them up so my skin doesn't get pulled down anymore than it already is. Oh god, you know I am just a product of my Instagram algorithm. I gotta get off this thing. I gotta stop scrolling. I'm tired of being fucked with in my brain about the clothes I should buy, about the face massages I should do, about the plastic surgery this girl had, and the I mean everything I'm getting set not everything, because I get really fun memes sometimes. Oh hey, Gary's here, we'll welcome you with Now what's up, Gary? I was just talking about Instagram and how I'm addicted to it. Are you addicted to Instagram as well?
Yeah, it's a problem, and especially now because I got like things going on, so I'm like constantly on that.
And so you're checking, like how the things are doing, Your numbers are going up, people are dming you like you got to constantly be in there.
Oh it makes me sick to my stomach how often I'm checking it?
Are you also doing TikTok? Are you doing you?
Like?
What what are the what are your apps that you float between? Because mine's just up closed Instagram and just pick up Instagram again.
So yeah, I don't know.
I don't like text anymore. I don't like emails because it's too much stuff that feels like it's if that stuff feels like work where it's Instagram like something fun might.
Be bruin totally something fun, and you see like the likes. It looks cool when it like pops up, it's just like very special.
But I'll check the other stuff.
Only because I feel like I'm not giving them some time, and then I'd go right back to Instagram.
Instagram is still my thing.
And do you get into the reels, like are you using it like a TikTok user would use to.
Yeah, I use it like that, and then I use the reels on Instagram. I use them on Facebook and then you're just like whoa, yeah, So it's the whole.
Yeah, the whole.
No, I mean like, are you consuming.
Oh consuming them?
Oh yeah, I'm like checking them out and then I'm like, I don't even realize that I've been watching them for like thirty minutes.
Yeah, that's where I'm like, I'm sick of I do like I gotta check Mike. I don't like watching myself, so I don't look at my content. I actually have someone post for me and I just write the captions now, and she sends me clips to get We just I just got a girl to like a new company to start making clips for me, and they send them and they go approve these and I just never watch them because I never want to watch myself.
And then they go, we.
Would like, we'd like to start like having you know you post more, like we talked about in our meetings leading up to this partnership, and I go, actually, can I just trust you that they're good and you just post them because I don't even want to look at a second on myself. And but I will say, the thing that I'm constantly feeling just disgusted by on Instagram is just the reels that come up that are targeting my insecurities and that are targeting me to buy cardigans that they know I want that are five hundred and forty two fucking dollars and they shouldn't be. Yeah, they know it's my spending that they know that I will do that.
Yeah, they know everything that you want and then they just put it right in your face. So yeah, I mean everything is like I mean, I'll have uh my wife's not happy about this, but I have like you know, like they'll be puppies. They'll be like, oh, how to make you know, where to get the best burger, how to make the best like you know, homemade pizza. And then also it's like hot women and it's like, I mean, I can't hide from that.
It's just like it knows where.
One watching that you slowed down. They fed you one to test you. They saw that you slowed down, They saw that you pinched to zoom in on her ass or whatever you did, which is a normal.
I blinked twice, and it just it just knew. It just knows everything about it.
I hearted it when you blink. That's a new tapping. It's you're so right, like they they know and I and they they but I don't like the insecurity thing, and I was, as I was just talking to you, I'm like, I don't I think they know my spending habits, and instead of showing me things for a reasonable price, I think they're jacking up the price. Like I think they're like, this person we know will spend this, So we're gonna make this sweater that we would maybe sell to another girl for one hundred and twenty, We're gonna make it three twenty, right and see and put it under a different company name. But like, is that the drop shipping shit where it's just like they just make fake companies and market the same products whatever Tim Dillon's been ranting about recently. I'm like, I think it's all a scam and I'm tired of being a part of it. But I also do love when they kind of nail it sometimes and I go, oh my god, I did want to know this facial massage that yeah lifts right.
Yeah, I would look cool in those pants. I'm like, I'm fine with that, but yeah, and I buy them and then I look, you know, it looks terrible. And then how I have these pants that you apparently you can't even return, makes it?
You know?
So I'm like, oh, that's a beat up box from China.
Yeah, exactly, Like you have no idea where you're like, oh, this is a cool brand I'd never heard of, and then it until you do buy it, yes, and then it winds up being like post rid.
Of They like they'll show you the pant, they'll see that you slowed down on it, right, and then they go, actually, what else does he like? Oh, he likes basketball. We're like put a like a basketball in the shot, Like we'll put this guy walking on a court or something, and then they go, oh, that didn't get him. We're gonna call this the Jordan pant because we know he likes Michael Jordan. So that that's what they've been doing to me with Taylor Swift. They'll change the name of things to get into my swifty like just dedicated. I'll do anything, she says. Kind of brain. It's it's such manipulation, and I think it's happening in in ways that we don't even understand. And it's all a con which is like kind of a thing that obviously you are very either interested in or adverse to, based on I already filled in our listeners on your podcast. I listened to the first three episodes. How many episodes are there? I'm like, are you gonna meet your.
Fucking Oh, thank you so much for listening, But so there's ten episodes all recorded already, and uh yeah, it's been It was like a crazy, you know, crazy thing to go through and everything.
Oh my god, Well you really put yourself out there for this because you can tell like you got this podcast sold, it's gonna be big. Iheartradios behind it. You have producers, you have people who give like they're like making the story, and you gotta fucking deliver. And by when you have to deliver, you might have to have some You're gonna all these ideas you came up with on a pitch of right, meet my dad, you.
Have to go fucking do that, right you completely Oh thank god, yes, you completely get it. So basically, yeah, when I sold the idea to iHeart, was like, oh, like, I have my father, he's a con man and you know, we haven't spoken in twenty four years. And they're like, all right, well, how do you turn that into like, you know, X amount of episodes?
So I was like, oh, I'll do this, I'll.
Do that, and then it's like, but then you have to be as vulnerable as possible and do it and you actually go through with it.
You do because that's the content, man, Like, you got to do it for people have invested in you now, and when you pitch these things, you were like, they're kind of pie in the sky and it's even if it was actually kind of really happening, you felt like, this is a good thing that I do want to happen. You're like, there's just something about pitching an episode where you're like, I'll find my dad and talk sit down and talk with them that you're like, I don't really have to do it, even though you will if you do this. I've done that. Like I had a show called not Safe on Comedy Central and it was about sex and dating and we were fucking running out of ideas. I don't even think we were running out. It was just first season. We really needed to reprove ourselves right, and in the writer's room it was pitched. I had done this one thing that was really funny where I interviewed my best guy friends and asked them if they want to have sex with me, and then a lie detector would determined, like if we really were just you know, it was really funny and it came out great, and they go, what else can we do with a lie detector? And my writers go, why don't we have your parents in and you ask them about their sex life? And I'm like, on paper, that is hilarious, that's so funny. That's a home run. And it was. But it was the most uncomfortable thing I've ever done. I hated it so much and I I honestly regret doing it because it's like just made some tension between me and my parents. So it's I kind of sacrifice something and doing that, I mean, you reconnect with your sister. I don't want to give too many but like there's so much to head. There's only three episodes out now when do they come out?
So every Monday a new episode comes out from now till August fifth is when the number.
One Dad, Number one Dad. This is such a summer podcast to like binge on a road trip if you have like a fun family vacation coming up and you're like, what is a podcast that we as a family can consume together? And uh, a broken family, a broken well anything great your family is because of how broken yours is do you here's my I mean, we have so much to get into, and but right out of the gate, I'm just like it's as if I'm running into you at the cellar and I just listened to this, and I'm like, I just have to get all my questions out of the way right now because you have to go down and do a set or something. But feeling this urgency, do you like uh with you? Oh god, now I forgot my question. Uh are you like do you hate cons Like do you hate when you trick people? Do you hate feeling like you're being conned?
Like?
Is this made because your dad did this and it was the reason for the suffering of a relationship? Like is that something that is like, uh, you like panic about when it happens to you in real life?
Now?
Yeah, I mean I'm pretty aware of like like situations, so I feel like I'm like, I'm always thinking that somebody's not telling the truth. So if anything, it's kind of put it like a bad taste in my mouth in a sense of like not trusting people. But as far as like, oh if I see somebody doing something dishonest, I'm you know, I'm definitely like, just like all right, this is not my kind of person, or like this person's bullshitting and I'm like all right, you know. I mean we see it all the time with you know in comedy where someone's like giving somebody a hug and it's like, meanwhile, you talk shit about that person, you know, five minutes ago. So it's like, all right, that's not real. So it's like I already like don't like that person, and.
I will clock those people.
Yeah, exactly, I clock them.
I never say it to their faith, but I'm like, oh, whatever, you're not You're not my kind of person.
I do the same. And I am one to talk shit and then be nice to someone. Oh. I do it all the time, not because I and I don't feel good about doing it, because I really am trying to be someone who doesn't talk shit. Yes, have you even heard of this in the comedy community? Like this was first brought up to me by a comic that was like, I don't really gossip because I was like trying to talk shit about someone that would be fun to just write off on, and he goes, I don't really. I don't like to talk about people that I wouldn't like say these things to their face, and I was like, what is what are you?
Like?
It was, but I then I explored it more and I'm like, no, this in my research, this is the pathway to being the most happy person.
Yeah.
I mean you give off so this energy when like you're talking about somebody, and it's like that energy could just be used in such a different way and so much more positive to your own stuff. It's instinct. But I was like, that's how I grew up. Like I grew up with like we're always talking, We're always talking shit. Your friends are always talking shit. So it's like then when you get to like comedy and it's like, you know, there's a competitive thing going on.
You're always talking.
Shit always and it's only about some who's doing better than you. It's like rare. It's it's it's rare that you're like almost punching down in comedy. I feel like it's generally when someone is like having a moment, that's what everyone gets real chatty about them. It's just it's so transparent to me. That's why I like to shit on people when they're down, to really make it seem like I really didn't like them all the time.
Well, it's like you're not reading you're not reading your comments. But like some people would just like you know, comment on like a special and be like that's not funny. Where it's like, hey, like you could. You're definitely entitled to your opinion. One you also don't have.
To write it.
But it's like you see people laughing at you know, our specials, like, clearly it is funny, you know there They might not, you might not find it, but a majority does see it as funny.
Yeah, it's I mean, I hate to say that anyone who comments something negative is jealous, but they are, and they might be right in what they're saying. They might genuinely think you're not funny, but essentially they're jealous that you took a chance to do something that kind of maybe didn't work out and they'll never have the balls to do that, and that's what they hate about it. So they have to shit on it to then justify why they don't do it, because then people would shoot on me, like people like me, So that's why they do it. Okay, Well we have to take a break, but I'm going to come back and I have so many more questions about your podcast and and we'll just talk in general. I haven't caught up with you in so long. You're a father now since I last like ran into you, and so much to talk about with Gary Veeter, the star and host and producer of Number one Dad, which is a new podcast out. You should doubled it right now. We'll be right back Gary. You're a father now?
Yes?
How I mean, how old is your kid? Because I feel like the last time I saw you you were guys were pregnant. Was it was pre pandemic?
Right, yeah, it was just that the start of the pandemic.
So June twentieth, June twentieth, June June third, twenty twenty is when.
She had the baby.
Okay, the baby and then so we have one we actually have an we had another one since as well.
Oh my god.
Really yeah yeah, so we have two two boys.
Oh wow, and your your son and that's your oldest son is Sully Sully.
Yeah.
Do you think about the pilot often when you think of that name, like, you know, so up for you.
My wife Ali heard grandfather's middle name was Sullivan, and then we're like, oh, that's like a cool name. And then you're like, oh, then the Pilot and then you're like all right, and then the monsters inc and you're like all right. So she's like part Irish and I was like, Oh, let's just do it. Let's throw it in that movie Help with College and.
Guess what Sully is was a cool guy? That guy if she's.
Yeah, he did save those people. So it was like, if he crashed, we probably still would have named him Sully.
But yeah, he's just like a cool cultural icon and and the rest of his life, your son's life, when he gets people being like were you named up with the Pilot like that, it's only going to be a select amount of people, like people that were born. Gen Z doesn't know who Sully Sullenberger is. I don't think you know, Like it was just a so it'll be a I like when something is someone's name and only a few people know and they get it throughout their life, but it's not constant.
Yeah, I like it.
Like his name is cool, especially like right now he's like the only kid in one of his any of his class. He's only one class, but like his class that has that name, and we haven't like really met anybody with that name.
So I like.
That that's really good. What's your other kid's name?
His name's Tyson.
He's Bladon.
Yeah, we went outside the box for that and.
This actually where did that come from?
So we had my wife and we used to have a dog walking business together back in yeah, like pre pandemic, and our favorite dog was named Tyson. So we were like, oh, let's like and we just like like that name so much, so we're like, all right, whatever, let's go with that.
And we wanted another name that like a lot of kids don't have. Oh god, So yeah, really cool.
I love that your kid was named after a dog, like, you know, like because it's funny. First of all, that's a hilarious reason. Yeah, and uh, it's it's sweet because it means that animals mean so much to us, like it was. I just love everything about that and the fact that you and your wife obviously knew tons of dogs and that dog was super special. What was so special about that dog?
Well, he was a puggle and we wound up getting puggles after that too, Like you talk so much.
So it's just like fine, ad As Tyson are.
Well, we like are we?
I mean we love ours but like but at the same time, Like he was so cool and he was chill, and we would always like watch him and you'd like stay over our house.
So he was awesome.
And then uh, and then I mean we also like the name because like Mike Tyson, you know, like it's cool, so it gives you like a toughness and so cool, and he's like he kind of lives up to like you know, it's funny. It's like you do take on your name a little bit, like like Gary is the worst name. I hate it so much, but it's like I have adapted to it now. Yeah, now it's coming back your whole life.
No last year, I think it's like now it's like because it was kind of not a cool name, it is cool.
That's weird, right.
I kind of feel like there are like times that are changing with it a little bit so, but like I'll definitely never get too cool.
I know that.
Yeah, it keeps you humble. You can't you can't ever get That's so true. What the fuck names do really define you? Tyson is such a great one and so is solely good job with those. I mean, this whole podcast is exploring your relationship with your father. Now you're a father, and you're like reflecting and comparing the experiences and you're having sure your wife with who I love your wife on the podcast, she so shows it. She's so cool and comfortable. Isn't it so infuriating when the people your wife doesn't do comedy first, no living or anything of course, and she's like so natural, and you're like, what the fuck? I try so hard at this?
I know.
I think it's like the not trying and it's just like, yeah, not caring, and like I feel like like she and like other people like when I when I talk to my sisters, like they don't really know what like a podcast is, like, yeah, you're being recorded as you talk, but they don't think about it and they just like go and they wound up all being good voices. And my wife especially like this is the way that she sounds.
Yeah, they all are great because I think you're right, because we obviously know from doing stand up for so long that the way to be truly great is when you break through and you're kind of able to be yourself on stage or at least relaxed right and not be like I'm performing, And they they have that naturally because they don't give a fuck because there's the stakes aren't high for them because of the nature of it being an audio thing. I mean, I'm sure if your wife was on camera it would be a little bit you know, totally that could but you can kind of forget the records there, and so she's just so natural where as you You're also amazing on it, there's no question about it. But like I'm just you know, projecting that I when I know him being on a podcast, even if it's like a conversation in the car, I'm kind of on in a way.
Yeah, well we were, like you know, some of our conversations they do go on in the car. They're going like we're kind of on like the move while I'm doing the podcast, so you know, I'm hitting record, like we're on my way to my mom's house to talk about my father we haven't spoken about in twenty four years, and Ali's in the car and then so I'm getting like the real time like interaction, and I'm like, I want her to say certain things, but I also want it to I need to say, like listen. So You're like, but it is we're going there to talk to him, and you kind of want to.
Apply wild scene. Okay, So Gary had not talked to his mom about his dad, who he's who he was stranged from since he was fifteen, hasn't spoken to his dad and since then, but hasn't spoken about his dad to his mom since then.
Either, correct? Nothing.
Yeah, so we have not even mentioned his name, mentioned his names, no, like never like looked at a picture and been like, oh, this is a picture of you and your dad.
It's like watching a TV show and there's like a dad on it. Do you get do you turn off like a sex scene, Like I'm.
Not watching TV with my mom ever?
Okay, okay, but if we yes, if we if we were, it would just be like not even hard. Yeah, it would be awkward and not even talked about, Like oh yeah, if you see a father playing catch with his son, it's like the first thing you're thinking about is that is.
Yeah, so you're look over there a bird? Yeah, like anything that's not because that is that's so wild to me that you But that's I mean, that's like family dynamics when there's a lot of shit going on. Is do we get into what went went on out? Like I know your dad was a con man and lied for a living literally and could not not lie and just seems to have had that kind of personality disorder. Yeah, that he was not struggling with because he's probably also a narcissist, so they don't struggle with it. But it's also something that's made him a strange from his family and kind of is a fucked up thing to have. Even though he'll probably never understand that was there, there's other things at play though that led to you never talking to him again. Correct.
Oh, yeah, so we do get into those and it's like, you know, in the beginning, it was very much like an attack. It seemed like my mom and that were like physical but like verbal that they would get into and things were like so bad. It's like the house you're growing up, you know, up in, and you're you're just witnessing, like these two people go at it and it's like, you know, parents fight, but the way that they would argue was like they would It became a thing where the kids are getting involved, and then eventually like we're involved in a sense where my father started doing stuff to manipulate the situation with my mom and the divorce, so like he could get an upper hand and he would take things out on us in like certain ways, which I'll get into.
Yeah it is.
It's like, you know, it's not good stuff where you're like, if you're a dad who like loves his kids, you know, part of being a dad is being selfless. It's like you know, you put your kids in, you know, before yourself, and he didn't seem like that was you know what he had, Like those were never his intentions and he really you know pushed us away and eventually not only me, but my sisters and of course my mom.
You know, just cut them off.
God, that's so fucking rough because it does sound like he I mean, have you diagnosed him within this?
You know?
So it's it's hard because like there's a lot of stuff like I couldn't like get into just because of like legal stuff. So it's like you know, yeah, like you know, so you could say like yeah, you know, I could be like, oh yeah, he's a sociopath or you know he's you know, narcissists and things like that, and like he is. I mean, like that's you know, it really goes without like you don't need like uh, you know, some like somebody with like a degree to like tell you that, like I could you know, you just see it. It's like everything he did he love lying, he loved to scam, and that's kind of just how he lived his life. And he you know, his goal was it seemed like maybe it was to like benefit the family with his lives, but if we got hurt in the process, like you know, it didn't mean anything to him.
It just it just came with the territory.
Yeah, well, yeah, the things he did to benefit the family could look like it was benefiting the family, but ultimately just him because benefiting the family was probably benefiting him. Like these people just operate just like me, me, me, and nothing else matters.
And we're around that a lot. Yeah, we're around that a lot.
Obviously in comedy, like I'm part of being a comedian, you have to be very selfish. I mean, like you are going to be putting your family to the side because like, hey, to do this, you have to you have to figure out ways to where you could do it, and you're going to miss out on different events and things like that. And I think like with my dad being a con man, it was kind of like the same thing. But when you have a family, you do have to make that take like you know, priority.
God, that is That's the reason I just don't want kids is because I just think i'll sent them from for making me do things for them that I want to do for myself, or I just feel bad because I'll be selfish and I won't do the thing that they would be better for them because I just want it my way. And it's it's just like a thing I know about myself that I just don't. I don't I won't enjoy naps as much if I know there's like a little kid that would want to be playing with me, and so I'll take the nap and neglect the kid, but I won't even enjoy the nap.
Yeah.
Yeah, these are the things I'm thinking about.
Like, and that's totally good. That's good that you think about that, because there are people that then go through with it and then then they have this like bad feeling. So you know, it really depends what you want and maybe that changes, but like, but yeah, it's totally understandable. It's like, you don't you do you don't want to put somebody in a position where it's like, oh, now maybe they don't like you because you're not spending time. But it's like you're but yes, when you become a parent, you have a responsibility, and it's like that's got to be what you know takes the forefront.
It's crazy, and you say, you even say, I love how you say that. Your dad always said to you you'll understand when you get older, and you're like, I'm older and I don't get it because now you're a father, and the idea of doing the things that your dad did for sure to you And the fact that I forget where I saw this club maybe was on we might be drunk or something where and you'll probably cover it in the show. But your dad wouldn't even introduce He wasn't even your dad. He would be a photographer and you would be a sports illustrated reporter that were just together.
Why would you guys be like so yeah, so I mean, like the biggest con that we did dah, yeah exactly.
Because it's a chaperone anyway for sure.
Agent yeah, oh exactly. It made no sense. My dad, he just levet the lie. So yeah, the biggest con we had was going to Madison Square Garden as a sports illociat for kids, reported me and then he would go as my photographer, but he wouldn't say that he was my dad.
He was your photography.
God. Yeah, and then but.
So he would do this and it's like why he would he would present himself as a photographer of a different last name to me, who was just this random kid this I guess like genius reporter that's like nine ten years old that could.
Just feel what though you don't even have to be good when you're like being touted as this like kids order Like I was kind of thinking, like what if Gary wasn't good at it? And it's like it doesn't matter. The kids are always not good, Like everyone just gives them the benefit of the doubt. Would you get nervous about interviewing these people? Was this something you wanted or was your dad kind of like, no, you're going to do this?
And then I wanted it. I wanted it because I wanted to go to the games. I wanted to see the I wanted to see for myself. It was never a thing where we were like getting caught because I was with my dad. He just kind of seemed invincible, So I was along for the ride. But I would get nervous. But it's like one of those things where it kind of taught me early on to like be around people that are like higher up where you're like, oh, I felt what it was like to be nervous in front of them, and I was like, all right, well, in the future, when I am around people who are like famous or you know, high up, I don't have to be nervous. So it kind of like gave me that edge in a way. Oh but so that's like I guess perhaps to my dad in that sense, but like putting me in these.
Situations used to it, or because I saw like like they're that impressive or like they're kind of just humans.
You got, Yeah, you got what you got used to it, so you know it's like bombing on stage, It's like, all right, that's what that feels like. So it's like, oh, this is what it feels like to be nervous in front of Michael Jordan, that's like the biggest person you could meet ever.
Yeah, and you asked him what his favorite food was.
Yeah, because I'm just a good question.
I think, cute question, Like no one was asking him that. Listen to the podcast to find out what Michael Jordan said. But yeah, I think that's a good point. I get. Really, I think I'm so cool most of the time and have a lot of control over my nervous system for the most part, until I get to meet someone that I'm really like is so famous, and I kind of I start shaking something you met with no yes, but before I was like a huge fan. But I met her boyfriend Travis Kelcey, and I found that my teeth were chattering, like literally, like it was so embarrassing and it and I was filming a thing with him and on camera I was fine, and then having like him just being like where are oh, where are you from in Ohio? I couldn't remember the city I was from, and my teeth were chattering because of just his you know, he's a big deal for sure, but his proximity to her rendered me almost like I was having a stroke, Like I was felt trapped in my body and like abandoned by my body, and in a way that I was like, I don't want to do this anymore, like this isn't this isn't a good look. I don't like to feel out of control. So have you met famous people now, and you like, what's what's your tip for I guess just doing you just said, just do it a bunch.
Yeah I get I know, yeah, do it a bunch, But yeah, I guess just like try and act normal. And I mean, here's the thing. When I was when you're a kid, it's like there's so much more warm to you. So it's like as you know, as an adult, unless you know, they know what you do, and then it's like, oh hey, what's going on. So it's just try and just be as normal as you did.
America's Got Talent. Yeah, we're the judges, and you went pretty far right.
Yeah, finals went to the finals and then Howard Stern, Howie Mandel, Heidi Klum and Melbay and then Nick Cannon was like the major d or whatever.
Yeah, was he cool to you?
He was cool? He was really cool.
Yeah, he's really cool. I like him a lot. I just did the thing on the Mass Singer and I was just impressed at how nice he was.
Yeah, I'm very professional, like yeah, crazy, there's there's no one not an easy job. Like you know when he when he was on America's Got Talent, Like I was just like watching like all the stuff that they made him, you know, go through and like just like you know, reading a telepromter's not the easiest thing, and like you know he's nailing it, like yeah, and I'm just that's the stuff where you're like, oh, that's super impressive.
When you did that show? Did they was it just they call like your you heard from your agent? So there was auditions and they're like send a tape or did someone come to a show?
What was so somebody, I guess some like producer got like my cone in set and they're like, oh, you could come down and like do an audition, and they put me right in front of like the actual judges on like the first thing. So yeah, so I got lucky. I got like bypassed of like any like actual like senten tape yea. And then from there then I was just able to like advance, but like I had no idea like the situation and it they really put I mean you did I mean last comic and I don't know if it was the same thing where they had us waiting in like this room for like hours and then finally you would go and do your audition and like you're like drained.
Because it's like you're geat with comics at mine.
You were so much better Paris.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, exact, and I'm like, oh this par you know, he'll go on before me and then Fanned.
And yeah ventral Quiss. Yeah, it's what a wild thing. So you would be there for hours and then by the time you go up.
You're hoping that that Yeah, and I remember that audition that I did was like the crowd was like two pm at the New Jersey Performing Arts Center in Newark, and You're like, oh, this is a great comedy audience. But luckily it's like I think you only had to do like sixty seconds the first time, so I'm like, so hopefully this is like, you know, good, and and then it did go great and so uh yeah, I was able to advance.
Yeah, that's was that. Uh did that was that a big career moment for you? Like did you feel like things picked up?
Yeah?
Things got where it's like got an agent out of it and then the manager and then yeah, so.
You recognize from it.
Sometimes where it's like, you know, now they've had so many seasons where it all blends in.
I mean, but it wasn't that long. When were you on I say twenty yeah, okay, but I that is I guess that is long enough that people could like forget, but people can watch you. Like I had a pop after the Tom Brady Rose because my face was everywhere for like two days. It was really insane, and so I was getting recognized all the time, and it was like, oh, this is just a new part of my life. It fucking falls off.
So it does, oh completely, well.
Aren't seeing your face regularly when they look at you at Starbucks, They're just they don't put it together. It might have a flicker of a thing, but it's I was, you know, both like a little bit disheartened and also so happy to go back to the way it was almost instantly, but also to realize, like, okay, I could I can't even have a bigger pop than that, Like this might be as big as it gets, and like that's good and it's nice to know what it feels like to have that other thing. But it's it kind of just reminded me of just there's just too much stuff and our retention spans so much long enough, and it's just a different world we're operating in and I don't even know sometimes like what the point of it all is. I question that of like do you feel a new sense of like artistic accomplishment though, and doing this kind of like docu series podcast. I mean, yeah, so outside of what we do.
I so yeah, So I think like in that sense because it's different than like, you know, we're in this comedy world where it's like, all right, we're going to do stand up and here's a special and then that's cool. But like this is just some shows, like another creative side. So I was like cool to like to me, that's cool to like just show that.
And I was like, oh, this is fun to do.
And I really I'm happy with like how so far, like with how it's going, and yeah, I hope like people are excited, like as each episode, you know, I've just gone.
Pumped for the rest. Like I zip through them today, all the first three this morning, and I thought there was just three because it didn't say like of three of ten. So I was like, oh, this is okay. I guess we're only finishing this in three twenty four minute episodes. Okay, well good, And then I'm like, he hasn't met his dad yet, but the fuck. So I'm so excited to hear there were more, and I'm so excited to listen to the rest of it again. It's called Number one Dad. It's on wherever you get your podcasts. iHeart Radio and Big Money Players back with more after this with Gary Peter. Gary. Are you on the road right now too?
Yeah?
So I have a bunch of bunch of dates coming well, definitely coming out, but right now I'm doing like so much promo. But in July and August I have like some dates and like Albany and Connecticut or landing.
So many podcasts right now. Oh yeah, it's what number is this for you today?
Actually tell you this is my first one, so good to give you more after this, I have to do one like a like a it's like a dad's podcast.
I forget what it's exactly.
Okay, yeah, no, no, no, I'm sorry to put you on the spot. I don't know the name of any up here on and then I or like the host names and I'm I'm trying to look on zoom and be like, oh, I shouldn't. I should have researched this before. When you going through press, it's like one after the other and uh, it's it's pretty insane, but it's this podcast is going to I mean my boyfriend even I told him you were gonna be on the show, and he didn't know your name from the show, but then I described your story, He's like, oh, yeah, I saw that ad too. So it's getting goods and everyone's algorithm.
It's amazing with the pants. I mean, this is so.
I mean, like you asked me about like as far as like from a creative standpoint, I'm like, I like, I'm like happy with it, like it's doing. I'm surprised that people like it for read like they like it for different reasons.
They like it.
You know, if you come from a good family, you might like it just because you're seeing what a band family is what we talked about, or if like some people are like, oh, I haven't talked to my sister in ten years, like and now hearing like you go through that, you know, it really like wants me to like reach out to her.
Think so it's like talk to misters and how long it was six years for me? Yes?
Whoa, So she hadn't seen the birth of your son and you had kind of missed down on her kids' lives. Yes, as well, And she said that she it was really sweet. She you call her you tell her you're doing the podcast. Was there a part of you that was gonna be like, oh, so now you're reaching out because you have a podcast, like that's the only.
Yeah, sure, yeah, So yeah, she was on board with it. So I gave her heads up like that it was a podcast, and like, you know, through text we were like kind of like settling stuff and then I was able to get her to like to record. But yeah, you know, it's part of like having a dad that it you know, was this person you're just going through with it? Hopefully you know there's I mean, there's gonna be some damage, but hopefully that these people that you know that you cut off in your life, that they they you know, want to talk about it and want to be a part of it.
Yeah. I mean this idea of cutting someone off and like, did you think with your sister you'd never speak to her again when you decided to do that, or was this like, oh, we'll just take up I just need to make a stance here. Was that really like something until this podcast? Kind of Yeah for you? Did you think it was probably like never again?
I didn't know if it was going to be never again, but it was kind of like you said, like like just a stance where I know I as far as you know, she talked to my dad again. That's the whole reason why we cut why I cut her off, is because she talked to my dad again. I think it was probably I guess it was like twenty seventeen. And when I found out. When I found out about it, I was like, oh, like, I mean we didn't like say we're never talking to him again like as a as like a siblings, but it was kind of assumed. And then he felt betrayed, and it was I didn't want to let him into my life. And I felt that if my sister was in my life and I was telling her things, then he was going to have access to that.
Yeah, I don't said he would just like show up at your guys's, in your guys' lives like would because for first, I'm thinking this is an absentee father. He's just like lying in business, showing up, using the kids when he needs them, but not really meddling in their lives much else. Right, But this was a guy that would show like your sister's on a date and he like just showed up there and like.
So yeah, he was Florida. I mean he yeah, you know Florida.
Yeah, so you know she was in a completely different state, and then you know he he taps her on the shoulder, and it's so it's kind of like this thing where it's like you always felt like you were being watched, even though you know, even though I cut him off twenty four you know, for twenty four years, I was like, is he in the audience of one of my shows? Because this guy could you know, impersonate to anybody?
Because he'd he you have a recording of him talking in Greek. Yes, he speaks French. I guess like he just is a shape shifter and so and and that that video that you played of him that was from like twenty seventeen, that was like in Manhattan, you could have just run into him. Was that a thing that you thought about throughout your life of like completely what'd he be there and have known that you he knows your comedian? How could he have Has he tried to get in touch with you and get in on some of this fame, especially when you've had your pops over the years.
Yeah, So I locked him from like every like type of social media to like know that like where, like, so he wouldn't be able to kind of track me down. But I assume that, you know, it's pretty easy if you just google and be like, oh here, you know, here's my show schedule, and then you could just.
Like show up there.
But uh, but yeah, I was just always in the back of my mind, always hoping that he wouldn't do that.
I could see him just like getting a private table at the stand, them really hooking him up. They come and he's like, I haven't talked to my son forever. They're like, come on in, and then yeah, like at a front table. Like he just seems like the kind of guy that would do that. But I guess he just really knew you did not want to speak to him, and that was very very clear.
And uh, I mean I wouldn't. I mean, who knows.
As far as I know, he like didn't show up and like, but you know, I could also see him just showing up and then not saying anything.
Well what about Okay, so you said you blocked him on Facebook, but was there a time that you were friends on Facebook? Because if you stopped talking to him when you were fifteen, that was pre Facebook, so it.
Was nocked before like you, like, he even has a chance. Yeah, before he even has a chance.
Yeah, Oh Gary, this is so crazy. What the fuck? So you have to I'm guessing you're I'm not going to ask you, but I'm guessing you eventually speak to him or at least you get pretty fucking close to doing it. Were you Was it one of the scariest things you've ever done in your life? Embarking on this? Was this like one of the hardest things?
Yeah? Okay?
Were there moments where you go, what why am I doing this?
Yeah?
I mean, let's say straight up, the goal is to talk to him, like that is everything. So you know, I put that on paper when I like said that I was doing this, and I'm like, and you know, as you go through the whole process, you're like, all right, this is most likely going to happen. I'm like, I'm like, am I gonna be ready for it? But part of what I'm going through, like you know, talking to my sisters and like really trying to re remember the things that happened, you know, going to uh speak to my mom and like going and talking with therapists and all this stuff, and talking to friends too. It like kind of trying to build up like the courage to eventually talk to him.
Well, because when you're on the way over to your mom's house, so you've never to your mom about your dad since you were a strange from him when you were fifteen. So you're going over there. Your wife's in the car with you, and we were saying how great she is, and she's like, so, what are you going to say? And you're like, you have. It reminded me so much of like how we prepare to do a set or something. For me, at least, I'm just like, I don't know, I'll figure out when I get there. Like when I'm nervous about something, I don't prepare because I don't want to think about what I'm about to do. It has to happen anyway, so me thinking about it's just going to elongate the pain. So you really had kind of no plan how to bring up your dad for the first time, not just you know, this is like the first time he's ever talked about his dad with his mom in that long It's like the elephant in the room all the time. And you tell her I got a podcast. I'm sure she was very pleased to hear that, and then you tell her that it's about your dad.
And that is the fun Yes, sound effects, yeah she has, like I mean, and she's very dramatic too, so it's just like going so going going through it.
You're like and so you see her face like light up that like I tell her that I yes, her Bock is like my son, like he's doing something you know, maybe well we broke like and then uh, and then it's like but you know, the catch is like this, you know, terrible thing that happened in our in our lives, and.
You guys have to listen because there's just a sound effect that happens when she finds out it's about the dad, and it's just so funny. And you know, if you're writing this, you would have put something similar. It's just it's there's there's like a record scratch moment. It's so good. But I'm I just really in that you really didn't know how the fuck you were going to bring it up, because how can you prepare You don't.
Have no idea.
And I waited, like you know, I I walk into my mom's house and I, I mean, the goal is to tell her that I'm going to be doing this thing, and I it's always been very hard for me to ever talk to my mom, like just in general. I'm like, it's hard for me to be vulnerable. Why, Yeah, exactly. It's just whatever I was taught and like this emotion that I lack, it's just like it's just grown on me, and it's like it makes me it makes it very hard to have conversations with her. And this is such a serious thing to bring up. And I'm like I'm seeing my wife in like the corner of the room, like a hour and a half into this like stay at my mom's where she is like look at me, like, when are you going to say something?
Well, it's an hour and a half in.
Yeah, it's yeah, it's like an hour and a half in.
It's like we we just like sat down to like eat, and like we're waiting to like I think, like you know, we passed bagels or whatever. And then I'm like, I guess now's the time.
Yeah, and you just you just rip off the band aid. Yeah that sounds like how it went now. I mean you're someone who I mean, you talk in your stand about your personal life, but you're just like a guy who kind of keeps like you're just you. I don't think of you as you're you're obviously are you comfortable talking about your feelings? I mean you go to therapy. I remember we were talking about couples therapy. I think one of the last conversations before COVID happened where I was talking to you about, Uh, you were going to couple therapy and that's the woman who shows up on your podcast as your therapist too, and what got you into therapy? And uh, this seems to be the product of a lot of therapy, the idea that you could even do this podcast.
Yeah, so I mean couples.
You know, I did go to one on one I saw Alan, which was like that the comics, and that was yeah, so I did that.
So this guy Alan in New York saw every male stand up comedian, some females, but usually just for one session intertally. H No, I think that, I think pretty much. I would say, like, how many so many comics do you think this guy sees?
I mean I would say, oh, I mean yeah, I mean I would honestly put it like an over one hundred.
Like it was everyone.
It was such a referral base where it's like, oh, like you're you know, every comic, like we all have something and you know, everybody has something to talk about. So you're like, oh, I'm here's my friend who does comedy. I respect him, and he's seeing this person. I'm like, it seems like he's doing better. I guess, so let me go. And you start talking to this guy Alan and you're like, oh, he's good.
Now. Hey. It for me, it didn't work because it.
Was like it's not one size fits all.
Yeah, and here's the thing, like my issues were like yes, it was so much childhood stuff and like you're trying to overcome I mean, I guess everybody's it always goes back to your childhood and so you're always trying to overcome that. And what really helped was when my wife and I started going to a couples counseling, like we're having problems.
We almost got divorce.
Right, I remember this, and I'm glad you're willing to talk about it. What what was your biggest issue? And then how did you get past it?
Well?
She would say it's me, and I would say it was her, but no, but it was like no, I would say, like the biggest issue was like we so there are a few things. One like all my stuff that like all the stuff that I dealt with like as a kid, I would bring that bagage into the relationship. And then my wife had her own stuff, like she she was a big alcoholic. You know, I guess you don't have to say big alcoholic. She was an alcoholic.
She was bigger than most alcoholics.
But she yeah right, ye did give like I mean like she's huge, yeah, out of control.
And so yeah, okay if she's coming from that, which most of us, a lot of us are, yeah, that just obviously she has her shit too.
Yeah, so we both had it and we were just trying to like live together without this resentment. She got sober and I was sort of like still dealing with like my stuff of like just I don't know, and were you do drink? I like really slowed down, so I'll drink like very you.
Have a problem. You're not a big ayeah, probbably a little one. Okay. So yeah, but that's the thing is like you don't have a thing to quit like she Okay, she gets into recovery and she's working on her shit. And then for people who don't have like an addiction to a substance that is really definable, as like this is the this is where we start at least and then get into stuff you like, don't have anything to quit, Like I think so often there are people that don't, that aren't drug addicts, that are struggling in life and depressed and having all these problems in the relationships, and they're like, man, if I only had a twelve step program for this thing, that I'm right for sure the thing is there. There are those and it's you know, it's usually like children of alcoholics or like children of there's always some kind of group that you can find. But what did you was that does that resonate with you that you kind of felt like what is my thing totally?
Or like you just don't you know.
I was looking at her as like as the one who's the only one who had issues in our relationship. So you're like seeing it because that was the big like red flag, right there was like this person that was drinking uncontrollably. But then my wife got sober and you know, she's been sober for like nine years already, and you're like so yeah, and you're like, oh, like then you start looking at like yourself, because like I started having you know, like we would get an argument still and like or I would have resentment for like past stuff.
Like you have to move on.
And that's where like couples counseling like really helped, where you're like you have to put all the things that happened in the past. There's never any like infidelity or anything, like you can move past things like how do you how do you communicate with one another? And and like you know, my wife's on the podcast, like like you said, like she does like the way that she presents things. She's always very like articulate and like really like could like express her feelings and and she's much better at that than me.
And she's really like opened me up.
And I think like a couple's counseling has really taught me like how to like have conversations and really not never to go to bed angry, not that sometimes we don't, but like you know, we get over our problems pretty quickly.
Yeah, isn't that what I go to with my boyfriend And we've been together off and on for ten years and it's very similar, Like we have had many times where we go like This could go either way, like we could gladly walk away from this and like literally essentially divorce and never talk again, or we could just try to fix it. And there's been so many times where I didn't try to fix it. But I think it is about It's always about communication. It's about like saying you're upset as soon as you're upset, yes, is that like what.
It boils down to completely?
And I witness, like, so my wife and I were having these problems, and it just all made me think of is my parents' marriage, Like I watched them have this troubled marriage. I'm like, oh my god, this is the last thing I wanted. I never wanted to have a marriage that we're like, you're fighting and arguing and.
You don't bring anything up.
Yeah, so I was just like a fight. Yeah, completely, I would just shut down. So and it just made it very hard where I'm like and then so finally, but couples counseling was the thing that my father, I remember, never wanted to ever go to. And I was like, I'm gonna go to this and see if it works, and wound up finding like a really great therapist and we were able to talk through things.
I feel like it is such a good thing to have completely My boyfriend and I like, he wasn't someone that had gone to individual therapy, but he dabbled in it but was not like super into it. And after our first session, he was like, I think I'm good at this, and I'm, yeah, yeah, you are, because you were. I'm with you for a reason. You're so intelligent, You're curious about yourself, and this is all it is, is like kind of peeling back the layers and being just curious and being insightful, and it's like it's a cool thing to do. And I have never left a session, even bad ones. And I'm not gonna promise this for everyone, but I would say ninety percent of the time I leave our therapy sessions where I think maybe we're going in there to break up, and I feel closer to him afterwards, and we haven't even resolved things when the time is up, Like we leave kind of tense, but I feel more connected to him after or we like kind of because you can't not get honest in there, or at least I can't not get like she gets it out of us.
Yeah, and yeah, you have to have like a certain sense of awareness about yourself and then like really just bring it out. And usually and maybe a great therapist will do that. They'll bring out like these things that whatever happened like in the last week, or something that's been bothering you or troubling you, and then now you both have this awareness about your certain behaviors.
Yeah. I like, I brought up something ages ago that I thought, you know, it's like something he wouldn't even remember, because it was just something that I was like, this is just an example of the things that I can't be with someone who talks like this or says that kind of thing. Right, And then there was like that was maybe a year and a half ago, and something came up like the same thing happened recently, and I got the response that I wanted, and I thought, you know, maybe he's doing it because he remembers being scolded for it in there by me, or maybe he's doing it because he realized that's something I need, and he's just doing it because I want it. I don't give a shit, you know, I don't care what the the impetus is. I got what I wanted in that moment, and whether it came from a real place where he was like I should do this out of the kindness of my heart, or like this is what I've been trained to do. I don't care when my dog sits and he's I'll give him a treat like it's that and not that my boyfriend's my dog or whatever. But it's like I will still. I don't mind someone being told or just feeling like doing you know that whole thing in the Jennifer Aniston movie The Breakup where she's like, I want you to want to do the dishes. I don't need him to want to hug me a little bit longer in that moment. I just need longer hugs. That's something I'm requesting, and do it and he does it and it and I'm so proud of myself for not being like, well, you're just doing it because I told you too, Like it actually works on me.
No, it's becomes like a learned behavior that you know now he yeah, so when next thing that happens, he knows how to respond.
It's and it's not easy.
But I also think like as a couple, the greatest thing that you have are the things that you've been through, and like, if you guys could, like, you know, if you overcome certain things like that's that's a badge of honor for you as a couple.
Yeah, Like, we almost broke up recently and it was like I thought it was, it was maybe one word away from being broken up.
Like at one point, man, this ste Briss is really good. Hey, you say, keeps you guys together?
Yeah, it's well, No, this was we were at dinner. This is another thing I recommend if you guys are scared out there to go to couples therapy and you need to get you guys both need to get some stuff out and you need to talk about real shit. Yeah, go and you're reasonable people. Go to a restaurant that's closing in an hour and a half before you bring up this fight. It'll give you. You have to behave yourselves. You can't raise your voice if you're you know you're not. Don't drink and you kind of go to the Olive garden and just wait and then buy clothes. It's kind of like the timer for the therapist and you have to leave, but it lets you get things out and say things and you're in public so it can't get crazy. And I really recommend that. So we were at dinner and it was like getting pretty bad, and at one point we're both like, can't eat. Actually I'm eating just fine, but I'm pretending like I can't get so upset even though I'm like still, but he's like lost his appetite because we're about to break up and I'm still like chewing as I'm crying, and but the waitress comes up or no, he just goes the way I guess. The wait just kind of walked by and he goes, are you finished? And I'm like with the relationship, And it was at that point where it was like weird and I go, I I don't know about I don't know about either, and and it was it was, but it was it was that close like if I would have said yes, it would have been done and it would have been over. But instead we kind of got kicked out because the restaurant was closing and we had to go to this concert right afterwards and meet his friends and family, and I were walking in there like raw as fuck, just you know, just peeled ourselves apart, just got almost or on the precipice of breaking up. But for some reason, because we had just gotten super honest, and I had said some things that I had been harboring, and he said some things that he had been harboring. And we both said things that were really hyperbolic and kind of crazy, which I liked because he's usually so measured, and he said a couple of things that I was like, Oh, that's a fucking crazy thing, and I like, they are playing my game. I just felt closer to him. I don't know why. I felt like we didn't even need to. We resolved it later, but there was something about getting so stripped down and being so honest, which is something we always close out these things and go, hey, we just need to be more honest when things cut out there, Like, but isn't that so hard? Gary? Final thought? Isn't it so hard in a relationship though? To bring up the thing when it bugs you in the moment completely? Like what do you do to do it?
I mean some I mean first initially I'm like, I'm not going to say this, and then I wind up saying the thing that bugs me and then cut it could cause a fight. I'm trying to think of like a good example of what that is, but you know, it could be anything. It could you know, it could be the fact that, like, you know, I'll make a little noise while I'm sleeping, my wife just hits me and wakes me up, and I'm just like, why do you fucking do that? Yeah, yeah, you know, but but you know, it could just be something and then it just spirals. But like usually it's always like something more that that you're like you're trying to dive deep into like whatever that issue is, and then you know, yeah, you got to talk it out.
Yeah, it's it's just that that initial when something is like, oh, I'll just let it slide, and then they just pile up and you eventually explode. But that is interesting that you went the other way, you know, like I feel like I've dealt with that in relationships before where and my parents were fighters too, like screamers and yellers, and I would say stop fighting, and my parents would always say, we're not fighting, we're having a discussion. My first joke was like, well, when we have a book discussion in my fourth grade class, missus Reid doesn't throw a chair, you know. I remember making that kind of joke because they would always say, like, we're having a discussion. So Anyway, I also before we go, I wanted to read some of these things to you that I found on Reddit last night. It kind of fits exactly with the just the idea of being a con person I'm obsessed with. Like the there's this book called The Influence of Psychology or something like that where it just teaches you how to manipulate people very casually by doing and saying things. And I don't really utilize the things in it. It's kind of like Dale Carnegie. It's just about mental manipulation, which is something we as comedians do with our act. Like we have the ability now to like queue a laughter if we want to, Like, you know, if we laugh at our own jokes, we know it makes the audience laugh harder if we sprinkle it with fuck. We might not even do these things consciously, but subconsciously we all are tricking people. Yeah, It's it's rare that you're just getting by on the comedy, which is always our goal. But anyway, this said on ask credit, what's the best psychology trick? You know? And uh, I thought that some of these were pretty interesting. I want to ask your opinion about it. Okay, so this is from a parent asking your kid if he wants three big broccoli or six little ones, same portion size. Do you do stuff like that with your kids?
Uh No, but I heard that's the best thing to do. Is like you give options and then you know and then you you're getting you're getting what you want out of that.
Yes, that's that is what a lot of people said. Oh, someone said, well this is one that you can use for yourself. Just promise to do three minutes of that thing that you were putting off. Usually once you start keep going, keeping going as easy. Are you someone who procrasts Nate's wildly? Are you?
Yeah? Well, you know I do procrastinate.
And then one of the things I try and do and it comes from a Seinfeld where Jerry goes. You know, I'm thinking about like future Jerry, so like you do the thing now. So if I do the thing now, then I'm taking in future Gary's like you know, like basically person as a personal Yeah, I got to think about him.
Divorce from yourself and make yourself someone I that is such a genius thing because I was just thinking about I was literally just writing this to my friends talking about how I've been depressed lately, and I go the only reason I ever do anything is because someone is expecting it of me. Like I rarely do something because I want it for myself. It's because someone else wants it for me. I said, if there was a way to make myself someone else right, I would be able to get so much more done. And it sounds like psychologically that's what you've done with the future, Gary, And that's really interesting.
Gary, Yeah, and I like that.
Yeah, it's tough because like you always have, like I'll make a to do list and there's things that I can't get to and or like I'll just be like I could do this to now, so but you have to because you'll be driving yourself insane.
There's always just too much. There's always something to do.
There's always something to do, and and yeah, sometimes you really just gotta do nothing. And I have. So there's so much discomfort in doing nothing for me because you know, when I get depressed, it's usually because I'm not working hard enough. And people go, well, when you're Depressednik, you got to relax and you're sick and you got to take a break. And I'm like, then that's just feeds it more because if I take a break, because I'm well, I'm usually working too much. Burnout leads to depression. Yeah, but my depression is also rooted in feeling like I'm not accomplishing things and then so I can't rest because then it'll come on even more. And so it's just like this snake eating itself.
And oh yeah, fear of missing out, like oh gosh, you're sure you're doing like your podcast, but then you maybe you're so exhausted, like I want to get on stage tonight, but like I am so tired.
Oh that's why I moved to Saint Louis, because there's no stage time here and I don't because otherwise I would be out doing it. It's when there's you could be gary. If you're not out there, someone's doing that spot that you would be doing. They're getting better because we both know that the only way you get better at stand up is doing it. Yeah, there's no like performing writing for and performing for your family or whatever. We're citing it in the mirror. Okay, there's uh. It says if someone is angry with me or yelling or whatever, I will calmly say I think I understand, but could you rephrase the problem differently to help me understand better. That's a good tip in a fight.
Yeah.
Ten times they stop dead in their tracks, regroup and rephrase calmly.
Yeah, I mean I don't know. I mean with a sane person.
Yes, yeah, that's true. I mean this is a customer service. It sounds like yes, like your wife in the kitchen. Right, there's the one that, oh, this is this is what I thought was pretty good for just us in general and everyone. It's this guy said. My dad used this phrase a lot while I was growing up. Make it easy for them to give you what you want when asked. And this is Dale Carnegie too, Like, incentivize people to give you things that you want. Don't just be like, hey, can I come on your podcast? You gotta be like, hey, I have a podcast that is uh incredible right now and it's blowing up, and here's the premise. And I think we could have a really interesting discussion around like show like show value when you pitch yourself to things like I'm just thinking about when I used to have to like write people for stage time when I first speak to New York, and I'm like, I think I would bring something very fresh and funny to I would always have to. I would Dale Carnegie and go like, what can I offer you, and like, and I will be there on time. Make it easy for them. I'll be there on time, I'll promote it, I'll do like give them. I like this advice of just make things easy for people to give you what you want.
For sure.
I think that's a good one. It's probably one that your dad used as well.
Oh yeah, well, you know, my one of my things, one of my things. Yeah, I mean, yeah, my dad was great at it. But yeah, there's always a benefit to the person that was involved in one of his scams. Like, you know, they think that they're going to be getting, you know, a deal of something, a high commission, you know. I mean that's how a lot of scams work, you know, a lot of the Ponzi schemes. You think that you're going to be getting you know, twenty yeah, twenty percent return on your money where you're like, oh, okay, this sounds good, but then yeah, but then you're gonna get screwed.
And your dad would collect people. Your dad always remembered a name or not. Maybe he didn't remember it, but you said he always got people's cards. Was always extra edge.
Cards, take shit, to take pictures of people, so became a very familiar face with wherever whatever he was doing, very loud, like you know, like, oh this man, funny, jovial guy, and like, you know, yeah, exactly, and then yeah, it didn't seem like nobody could see, like you know, that there was something wrong, you know, because it's it seems like he's just a straight shooter.
Yeah.
I mean you bring his kid along too, so it's like.
And you're cute as hell and just and why would a why would he involve a kid in a scam? Like a kid is a kid? Just complete, it's a genius. Actually, your dad is obviously smart. You're obviously smart. You're so hilarious. Go see Gary on the road. I'm guessing Gary Veter dot com, yep vi I D e R dot com, follow him on socials, and definitely you have to check out this podcast. I'm so into it right now. It's so refreshing to have a new serial type podcast to follow, and because I've been wanting one in my life and I'm so glad you came on the show because I was gonna listen to it anyway, but it was just so good to ask you questions, and I'll probably be asking you more as the season goes on, but it's still early enough. Everyone get on board now because you'll you'll the episodes are a half hour, so you can get through three really quickly and then stay tuned for four, which is coming up on Monday, where we find out more. But I just can't wait to uncover this whole story. Thank you for being so vulnerable and doing it and all the hard work that would into it. It's such it's such a cool thing that you've done, and it's yeah, I'm.
So appreciate it. Thanks for having me.
Proud of you and I just think it's awesome. Thank you so much, Gary, thank you, Thanks Nick. You all right, guys, that's the show. We will see you next week. Brian will be back from his goldbladder surgery. I'm going to be in DC this weekend and also at Foxwood's Casino. It's sold out on Friday night, but or on Saturday night Foxwoods. But if you're in the Connecticut area, which is a lot of places, Foxwoods on Sunday night not sold out yet, still tickets available, come on out to that show. I would love the besties to be there and how great was Gary? That was so much fun. We'll be back next week. Don't beca see you guys fighting.
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