#440 Kicking People Out of IG Live, Bad Manners at Restaurants, Dimly Lit Places, Interacting with Nieces and Nephews

Published May 24, 2024, 12:00 AM

Nikki and Brian talking about kicking out close friends out of Instagram Live. It comes from a loving place. Conversation of restaurant manners arises and each shares their own experience dealing with people who have outrageous expectations. We get updates on Producer Noa and her baby. Plus, what's up with dimly lit restaurants? Both discuss nieces and nephews and setting up expectations with them. How much can we lie to them? Final thought: perfectionism is a disease. 

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The Nicky Glizer Podcast. Glaser, Hello here I am, It's Nicky Glazer Podcast. Welcome to the show. I'm Nicky Glazer. Brian Frangie is with us. What's up, Brian?

I'm doing all right.

Yeah.

I was watching you on the Nicky Glazer Podcast live on Instagram and then oh, yeah I didn't watch you spotted me.

I said, get out of here.

Fuck out of here, Brian.

Get out of here. And I get no business in here. Yeah. I kicked people out of those Instagram lives all the time. So Anya, I was doing one like playing guitar with Anya backstage one night and Kyle dun again came into the chat and I just he's like he's musically talented and he's just comedically like he's just I just don't want him to see the side of me, like yeah, playing Taylor Stiftstar, like it's just confusing to people who don't get it, and they go, oh, I want to see what Nicky's up to, and it's like what is she doing? So yeah, you don't get to watch. And so I blocked him. I kicked him out, and I could not believe it, and I just said, sorry, Kyle, you gotta go. It's not even an insult. It means I respect you too much, Not that I don't respect the other people in the room, but like everyone kind of knows what they're in fort.

He goes in for the live, they know what they're going to see. They want to see that, they know that side of you. And when Kyle Dunnigan goes in and it's like what the fuck?

Who? Yeah he would he is, Like I love him and sometimes I let him stay because I know he doesn't judge me and he's just like a lovely man and a good friend. But I just it's just sometimes you don't need to see certain sides of your friends. Yeah, Like I just I don't need to see like you know, you don't like to see the side of your friend that gets in an argument with their spouse. It's not a good side or with their parents, ye like when they start acting like a child like or the way like I have like one friend who's like rude to waiters and waitresses. Otherwise it is a really lovely person and I'm real weird, and I because I this person's in my life and I want them in my life, I just have to like not go to dinner with them, or if I do go to dinner, I kind of have to like run things so that they're.

Gonna have example without giving our identity away, like what happened something they's just like just.

Look in for trouble, look in for something to complain about looking for and here, Okay, this is not related to that person. But I am one hundred percent over something that people do all the time, and people are gonna come at me for having an opinion about this. People are and I've done it before too, so I'm telling you I've done it before too. I'm gonna slam everyone right now so hard. Okay, Okay, if you go to a restaurant, and maybe I've covered this before because I think Carlisle initially told me about this, because Carlisle did a reel about working in a really fine dining restaurant and when people ask the server like what they recommend, She's like, I can't afford anything here. I've taken nibbles of stuff off plates when I'm starving because I'm working a double, but like I don't get to eat. We maybe ate it once in the beginning of working here, but like it's not like stop here's the thing. Not only do I do, I think that they don't know everything on the menu, so they're a dumb person to ask. They literally have different desires and needs than you, your waiter when you ask. What you can ask your waiter is what what is popular here?

That way that quay popular?

But I don't like when I mean, I guess I've done it before. I just think every time consulting the waiter, like it's like a thing you do. It's kind of like part of your routine with the waiter is like to seem cool or to seem nice. That's it, Okay, I I've whatever.

What is it if you're.

Really struggling with what to get ask the waiter, But if it is part of like this kind of ploy that you don't even know you're doing to get the waiter to like you or to have some kind of rapport like I'm one of you and like, so what do you get here? Like it's it's really strikes me as wasting everyone's time, include your waiter who doesn't give a fuck about what your dietary needs are, or like no one's interested in hearing like, well, I do have this thing, like my friend Cursen is going to feel attacked right now because she does alert everyone of her mango thing, and it's it's a she has a mango allergy that her lips will swell up and look like Homer Simpson if she if she eats mango, Simpson lips vigilant about it.

I don't see Homer Simpson is having.

Big lips, well like that big like the like the the big mouth he has.

Okay, she gets the big mouth, the big brown mouth.

Yeah, I don't eat. Well, it's not brown. It's like you know whatever Homer is yellow.

Well to Homer's mouth is tan. It is five o'clock shadow. I don't think Homer Simpson lips the whole.

Mounts what we're talking about, like the puffy mouth, yes, okay, his mouth extends.

Out the whole thing and not just the lips.

Yes, well, I don't. I think she's just saying, like her lips do that what his face looks like is what I would guess she would be saying. But but no, she can be pretty vigilant about like is there's mango back? There is there like, so I do have an allergy and I'm just like Kirstin all you have to say, is you have an allergy. You don't have to be like, well, my lips like swell up, like they don't need to know like what happens, like just allergy across the board is going to like make them know enough. And then she always finds out that there's mango in a drink that's being served only at the bar counter, and then she goes, oh, that's okay, that's fine, and then she's like oh and she totally is fine with it, but it's like that's always what happens, is like the mango, but not always she has to be vigilant. I get it she doesn't want her lips to blow up. But I do feel that sometimes, and this is not related to Curson. It's not related to the person being rude. Sometimes people try to be buddy buddy with their waitress or waiter, and I would like to hear f some waiters or waiters waitresses how that feels. But when I was doing it, I was kind of like, I don't give a fuck what you're getting and how long it's taking you to side and you're going hmmm, and I'm like, I gave you first of all, I already came out to you're a table to give your waters and I said, you want to order now, and I gave you more time. Then I went back and you said you needed more time. So if you couldn't come up with in eight minutes, let's say eight minutes at the least looking at the menu what you want, and everyone else at your table has there's something wrong with you. Yeah, where people just go they get to you, The waiter just gets to them, and they let everyone else go in front of them and they still are going m And I know people relate to this. I know because almost everyone in my life is like this, and this is why I'm so annoyed by it. And I think I used to be a little bit like it until I realized, Nikki, no one needs to hear your inner monologue about like, oh but I just had this yesterday and sometimes cheese makes my stomach hurt and I do want to go to bed, and this kid of that to come out of sugar will keep me up. It's like no one cares, No, not even people at your table who might love you care, let alone the waitress.

You know what you got to do in those situations, You just order and then they go last, because if it's going in an order circle and they're like, okay, I'm last, then that signals to them Okay, they have to make a decision, but they have quote unquote sometimes this is an acceptable sinnation.

They always go last. I'm talking about they go last and they're still hemming and hawing.

It goes all around the circle and they don't keep get and.

Then it'll get to them and they'll still hem in hawe.

And really usually when I when I put someone in that situation, they go, oh the fish and then they're like, ah, fuck, I hate the fish.

Why did I order the fish?

And yeah, is that too?

Whatever?

I what I say when you're dining with me, because I if I'm for dining, I'm usually getting the bill. It's just gonna happen with me and my friends. I say, get them both, save me this conversation that I witness take the other one home for leftovers. I would rather you get what you want and not have a dinner regretting and not liking your meal and picking at it. Just get lots of things if you don't know, because I enjoy people around me being comfortable and not like hungry or not pretending they're not oh like, oh, I just I don't know. I'm not hungry anymore, even though they don't like their meal, but they're too scared to say it because they don't want to send it back. Let's just all get a bunch of shit. Let's just be comfortable.

You know what I do, because I have You know, I'm very picky eater. I guess I'll look at the menu before I go to the restaurant. In factful, if I don't like the menu at the restaurant, I might not go to the restaurant at all.

I look at a menu too, but I kind of sometimes if I know it's the type of food I'm gonna like, I like to be surprised when I get there. And by the way, I do not know what I'm going to order until the waiter comes to me, and then I I'm not kidding you, I'll be deciding between like five things, maybe even more because I'm getting like I usually get five things. I get like appetiers, And when the waiter comes, I literally sit down the table and kind of look over. If it's a sushi restaurant or a Thai restaurant, stop looking you know what you get. You should. It's all the same. The menus are all the same, you guys, They're all the same. So I just pick up the menu when it's my time, and I go those this, And I guess if I was only ordering one thing, it would be more of a struggle. But and I'm talking from a place of privilege where I can get multiple things if I go out to dinner.

But you're also a vegan, so half the menu is eliminated.

That's a good point. Yeah, that is a good point. I can't imagine looking at me and being like, hmm, that looks good. I can't And it's just so insane to me that anyone is like, oh steak, Like yeah, I just don't get it. But people love it. And but yeah, that is nice a whole Like if I just see anything, it's just like it doesn't even exist on the menu. The menu becomes very small. Okay, that's a good point, maybe the whole menu that you don't. Speaking from a place of but I but generally, I think these people are choosing between two things, and I don't want them to have to ask the waiter.

So to me, waiting around like hamming and hung about the menu is an indecisive person.

But that's not rude to waiters. So what's the rude example?

Rude r friend?

You're rude friend who sucks.

Just it's not even rude, it's like actually nice. They're always have like a nice smile, but they're just complaining about everything. And I am someone al so who will complain about ambiance, who will complain about sound. By the way, Chris and I were at Tokaya the other day. Yeah, And by the way, everywhere in la is dark or loud. Sometimes both it is. You can either. Literally, I'm not kidding you. The restaurant we went to, where was that?

Uh?

That was in Times Square of Hollywood, but.

That should have had some lights. It should have been more Midwestern.

It was dark and there was a DJ, and it was almost like we were in a club.

I told them to turn it down and they did slightly. Go We turned it down in a way that no one will notice. But like my ear drums won't be bleeding during this meal because everywhere has to be loud. That's why everyone has bad vocal cords, because they're screaming over stuffs.

That's constant screaming.

And then everything's dark and we went to I went to so many restaurants with my parents when they were in LA. They couldn't see the menu. They all had to get out their flashlights. We asked for more candles, and they go, we have one candle per table.

It was just like, what is this every restaurant in l it's like a haunted house. It's just it's holly start and the dark, trying to find food they have not.

Your food has like foam on it and like wild berries and flowers, and you need to eat around that shit, Like if the food is that intricate and not just a plate of mac, and I could see eating mac and cheese in the dark, Like I feel like Golden Corral. It's the dark.

You should be ashamed of yourself. It's Golden Corral anyway. It should be dark. It's like the fancier of the place. The darker it is, you should be proud. And because you're.

You're you're eating something that has like eighteen layers with all this, like you're supposed to look at the food like that's part of what's beautiful about food, and like the culinary skill is making it look beautiful. You can't see fucking anything in these places. And I'm calling you out. I'm calling you out, Nobu, I'm calling you out. Cooy, I'm calling you out. Where did we go to Kaya?

No?

No, great great food, like amazing food, amazing service. The ambiance is incredible. Will turn up the lights? What are you trying to prove? What is going on?

Why do it makes you look hot or on a date?

Okay, everyone's hot in LA. That's going to those restaurants. Everyone's hot. They want to be seen. I'm someone who like I don't turn off the lights in bed because I'm like, I'm hot. I want to see myself like. I'm never someone who's like I'm embarrassed. In fact, I'm I have a naked picture in Peter today and I don't care all. It's a yeah, it just came out this morning on Instagram. Today's Wednesday for us, and and I don't care at all. I want to be seen. Why is everything dark? I don't like it? I don't I don't like the dark restaurants and and yeah, the thing I'm talking about is just being so. I will tell a restaurant too, if we can have more candles. But that I'm really nice about it. I know it's not the server's fault, but there's like a just wanting to be like just just a just a rudeness of like thinking. It's the same kind of rudeness where when people Matt is taking pictures for me for after the shows at meet and greets, when people go shoot it higher, doesn't this guy know the angles? And I'm like, he's a person that you just handed your phone to and who's not You didn't pay him to do this, and like, I guess you paid for the experience to meet me, but he eat part of it. Treat him nicely, and even if you are paying him, what are you yelling at him for? It's so weird. It's so weird. And then there's this thing. Oh my god, people check yourselves, dude. There is this thing that has been happening to me recently. It's happened to me twice where and I think we had to go to break at some point, but where I will be with a guy friend and then I will come across a guy who might like think I'm hot shit, either because he's romantically interested in me or career just you know, status interested, right, And my friend will not have this same status as me. Let's just say they're just they're a friend that might not have any connections to the business whatsoever. And it's a male, it's always a male friend. And then if this male senses any kind of threat, but it's not like my they would never do this to Chris, Like if it's my boyfriend, they wouldn't do it. But if they're a guy and my it's not my boyfriend, it's just a male friend, they'll be fucking rude to him. And I really got to say, who the Like they start kind of throwing him under the bus. And it's like the goal of this kind of person to think that I Am going to suddenly be enchanted by someone who comes over and starts blocking out my friend first of all, like stepping in front of them, like they're not in the conversation. Yeah, like almost like treating them like, yeah, they're not part of the conversation.

Yeah.

Is it like at a party or who is the one.

Time it was at an event. One time it was at like an industry event and I was with a friend and my friend was like my date, you know, yeah, and they meet both me and my friend and they kind of know my friend through a person and they all have a moment, and then this person starts talking to me and they just start to start stepping almost in front of my friend, as if he's not in the conversation too. Yeah, And I later said to my friend, I'm so sorry, what the fuck? I like thought I liked that guy, but he is a bona fide asshole.

Yeah.

My friend's like, no, that happens all the time. That's like, that's what men do to each other.

That's a Hollywood movie.

He's not even Hollywood. My friend. He was like, that's just what men do to each other when they're threatened.

Wow. But the other guy was Hollywood, the one that came into the conversation. Yeah, I mean that to me, I've seen that happen. I mean it probably happens in every industry where there's like jostling for power or whatever. But I've seen it. So like, the people look through you. They look through you. They're looking for the next person, and if they get into a situation where they can talk to someone like you, they will completely it's all.

It's unbelievable.

They'll completely cut out anyone else or try to at least, and then you kind of have to like jostle back into place. It's so weird, so immature and insecure too.

Yeah, that's the problem with it is that I see when it happens with someone that I'm like, oh, I'm excited to see this person and introduce them to my friend, and then they do that, I go, well, we're not friends anymore because I'm not friends with people that would ever like strong arm someone or think they're cooler. Then not only anyone my friend, this is my friend that you just met, I'm here with him, and you're going to like, oh, it really irritates me, and then it makes me so sad because my friend isn't who I thought they were, and they're a person that does that, and it's just like kid, they're so good. They think I'm suddenly gonna be like, oh my god, this guy is like softle that he just alphaed my friend he just met who I actually chose to be here with, and this person who I didn't choose to be here with, Oh my god, you're looking way cooler now. Like it is the dumbest move. It will never ever work. I can't even believe it exists in the world I live in, but it's happened twice to me. And there was another guy who he the first guy was just not trying to fuck me, but the second guy was. And he asked my friend are like, are you guys together? And I was like, no, this is my friend. And then he just starts like saying these digs at my friend, like and the guy's drunk, so I'll give him that, but he's just digging like and like and so, and I just go hey, and then I don't want my friend to feel like a bitch by me defending.

Hucking bitch that you're defending.

Yeah, but I'm also like, what the fuck? And so I just let it slide because later on I'm gonna be like he sucks and we all know it, and that's what you know, that's what was Yeah, well no, because I also would have been like if he would have stood up to this guy and been like, hey man, I would have been like, don't make this a thing, Like let's just all get through this and roll our eyes because we know you stop.

Can you please stop undermining me?

Like sometimes we all just got is to call out the.

Like can you stop undermining me? I can't imagine the only thing he could do.

Two options there.

He can ignore the guy and then just be like and let it be wash over him, or he could beat him up.

Both options are terrible.

No, it wasn't that it wasn't bad enough for a beat up. It might have been bad enough for a call out, but this guy was so ridiculous, Like we both kind of agreed we're just gonna laugh at him, So that was the right call. But the cook, Yeah, this this stuff needs to be called out. And women, you should never be attracted to someone who would ever treat anyone you're with like less than because they want to fuck you. It is not a sign that they like like you more than that, like they were willing to fight for you. It's like really antisocial and a bread flag. All right, more with the uh more with me and Brian on this show when we get by what's up?

Brian, it's such a good point about the I just want to put a fine point on this point about the restaurant brightness, because it is like reverse brightness. The fancier of the restaurant is the less shame you should feel for eating the food, and it's darker if like when I'm eating like two Chick fil a sandwiches, I want that to be stark right.

I want to be in the corner with.

The corner of a basement eating my I get two Chick fil A sandwiches in a file at and I dip it in the ranch LUs. I should be in the dark in the basement eating that. Instead you go to Nobuo, You're being like fine fresh fish prepared by a Michelin star chef, and they make it dark.

It should be the.

Reverse, It really should. That's such a good point. There should be really aggressive, harsh. You know what's it called the worst lighting? The tubes?

Yeah, the tubes? Oh god, I forgot. Also, we both forgot office. My got fluorescent.

Yah, good job, Oh my god, what association. I feel like if you pulled a thousand people, only two out of those thousand would not be able to come up with that word. And we were working the same podcast together.

We don't work in offices. That's if you work in an office, fluorescent is like top of mind because it's like the worst thing. I mean, I've been I've worked in office before, and the fluorescent lighting fucks with you.

Really. Yeah, it's sensitive of what fus with you?

Yeah?

Well, so, speaking of so, I went to the doctor yesterday while and I. While I was waiting on the doctor, I was listening to some beautiful guitar music.

Yeah. Then I kicked you out.

Yeah, so I have to the doctor says, I have to get my gallbladder removed. Yeah, just another thing added on top of all.

What problem?

Why, I'm sorry, I'm smiling. That's such a weird thing to get.

I'm not just hit Nikki.

Wait, why do you have to get your gall bladder removed? I'm so sorry.

Well, this year I've had three attacks, and this is you know, I'm just giving this information because maybe someone else out there listening has had their gallbladder removed, or they made me need to have their gall bladder removed. My mom had her gall bladder removed, so it's like in the family. But I had three attacks this year where I ate like a decent sized meal the night before, went to bed, and then woke up in excruciating pain. And did I I told you the Indie story. When I was in Indianapolis, I got food poisoning. The toilet was clogged in a shitty hotel, and so I had.

To puke into the tub next to.

My toilet, and that I thought that was food poisoning. But it maybe wasn't food poisoning. It might have been your gall bladder, my gallbladder, because it also happened on New Year's Eve, and then it also happened two days ago.

God, what does your gallbladder do? I mean, yours isn't doing anything, but what does it do normally?

Do?

The gallbladder stores bile? So it is shit.

Yeah, So the goal the gall bladder is kind of like the appendix and that it's it's like number two in uselessness.

It's not quite.

Totally useless, but it's pretty close to being useless. It's like, you don't need it.

We are going to probably a couple thousand years probably not.

Have one, right, Yeah, and a couple thousand and so if you get it taken out, it's like not a huge deal. But it is like a surgery under anesthesia and stuff.

So what is it gonna? Is it gonna cure this stomach issue you have?

Hopefully? Yeah? But the pain.

So two days ago, I ate a decadent meal at a dark restaurant and I with my wife, and that night I felt like such shit, But I didn't feel like I was in pain. You know how you eat like just like a greasy or heavy greasy either you seat like a lot of food, and then you just feel kind of like I felt like that. I went to sleep. I woke up in the middle of the night. Excruciating pain. Not an uncommon feeling for me. I've experienced IBS symptoms and all this stuff for my entire life. But then I got rid of it thanks to sarno esque type thinking away the pain. But I haven't had a stomach issue for five years, god and so. But this year, three times within the last five months, I've had a stomach issue that caused me to vomit profusely, which is something that I have never done. I I haven't thrown up in twenty five years, and now I've thrown up on three different occasions this year. And the pain is excruciating and I was so. I was in pain two nights ago for sixteen straight hours.

I could not get over it.

And I was like to take anything like an advilla or something.

You can't take advilla that's bad for your stomach. You have to take like my Lanta pepsid tombs.

Like, and you're doing that stuff.

I took pepsid and thumbs and my Lanta didn't absolutely nothing. It felt like it made things worse. But I was in so much pain that I was like, I feel like this is like child what childbirth is like. And I didn't want to be like, oh, I know what. I'm a man, I have no idea. But then my friend's sister had her gallbladder removed and she has three children, and she said I asked him. I was like, she what did she say? And she said, unprompted, she said, childbirth. Get the gallbladder removed. I feel much better now. It's worth it. And also the pain of I would put the pain of a gallbladder attack is this is almost as no, she said. I want to say exactly what she said because I want I want the women to know out there who've had me, I would know.

We don't think.

For a man to experience.

By the way, I wanted to say, as a woman who's never having kids, I would like to have the right to be able to say that something is as painful as childbirth, just because I never I'm like a man too, I'm never going to experience it, so I believe there are pain the.

Fact that child it lasted for sixteen hours. That's why I was comparing it to labor.

Right, right, right? Did you have contractions on it?

I was like, I was thinking, just breathe, just breathe, and I kept doing deep breathing to try to get through it.

ALI like rubbing your back, Like what is she doing during this? Like being in pain this long by yourself is awful?

She had no idea. She was asleep in the other room.

Sixteen hours. You were asleep for.

Well, well she was.

She went to work. So I was in bed and she went to work. I was in bed.

I don't lasted till the day.

Yeah, I don't remember what the time. No, yeah, it was sixteen hours because it was Sunday. She was just asleep. She sleeps until two pm on the weekends. Okay, So this person's sister said, she said the pain of the gallbladder attacks was as bad as labor. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. And I felt so vindicated for my feeling because I was like, yes, I knew it was that bad. It was so bad, moody, it was so painful, and I couldn't do anything about it. The only solution I could think of was to run. So I just started running around town.

In penn in the middle of the night or once was.

In the morning.

This early morning, I just started running because running was really distracting, and I felt like maybe it would help me like digest whatever's happening. Yes, and also just like get everything moving, get the blood flowing. So I ran for like thirty minutes.

Yes, because you're if your body is moving and distracted, yeah, maybe you won't feel it.

Holy shit, it was so it's I'm so sorry, man, I still feel like queasy and not right.

And when are you having the surgery?

So first I have to get an ultrasound to show that I have gallstones, and maybe I don't, maybe it's something else I don't know, but so I have an ultrasound next week.

And then uh so the thinking it's gallstones like kidney stones.

But for your for your gallbladder. Yeah, because I went to the doctor.

That's what they said. Kidney stones are horribly painful. Yeah, I can only match the same.

I went to the doctor and he said, like, you have a gallbladder problem. Because he's like, we we should have filmed this doctor's appointment because it should be shown to medical students to show them what a textbook definition of someone presenting a problem. And then he pushed on my stomach. He did a manual exam. I was laying on the table. He pushed on my stomach. He pushed on the gallbladder. And I'm a guy like, if I get a massage, I want them to destroy me. Nothing you can do that, Well, I'll say that's not gall Yeah, And he pushed down on my gallbladder and I could not help but WinCE.

I was like ah.

And he's like, that hurt you, and I was like yeah. And then he pushed on the other side and he said this is the same pressure. And I was like, I don't even feel that. And he's like and they pushed on the gall bladder.

Definite.

So I have an issue. It could be inflamed, but it could be gallstones. And the that is to get it removed and then hopefully I'll feel better.

But it's just another of your I mean, how many surgeries have you had on your ass alone?

Oh my ass alone?

Well, like you had the surgery alone on your ass, six on your ass? Any others?

Balls, balls, laparoscopic surgery of my balls, any other I mean I had in the last two years, I've had three teeth extracted.

Just like an it's kind of a surgery.

And I've got a gum graph.

Under Jesus Christ.

So now I don't know what So that's a question.

I was like, I would love to do the gum graph in the and the gall bladder removal at the same time, because then I'm just like.

I was just at my facial list talking about when I was going to do some laser treatments and the downtime is eight days, and I go, I can't There's no time where I'm not on stage or on camera for eight days. It just isn't going to happen. And I really don't understand where people have any time to have plastics surgery, which all these women have in Hollywood. I want to know where Emily Blunt went, and I want to know what she did, and I want to know the timeline, and I want to know where she went and healed. And that's not calling her out, It's just stating the obvious that that is a beautiful face and I want it, and.

There's got a way to get it. Yeah, we went a whole month without talking, but.

That was like it under the guise of like this is emergency, like I'm not gonna be able to talk, I'm not gonna be able to perform, but it really if I won't be able to perform, if I don't get a facelift, I truly will not be so sad. It's but yeah, I feel like the running thing is really interesting. I went running two days ago because I was in mental anguish and I just couldn't deal with it. And I was just like, Okay, I just have to like tire myself, like I just need to do something to distract it. So I do think that a lot of times. Wait, it's the best, and I usually go running just for exercise and for fresh air. But the other day I was just like I just need to burn because I had already done a pilates class to day that was really hard. It was one of those like intense plunk I call it plunk p l n K classes that makes you want to die several times through it. But I still didn't. I was still like I can't be alone with these I've tried to pick up a book and maybe get into that, but like sometimes your thoughts are just like won't go away, so you have to. Like when I run, I can feel like I don't ruminate as much, yeahcause I'm focused on like how exhausted I am.

Yeah, and pushing through. Do you listen to anything when you're running?

Oh the whole time? Taylor Swift, No No, and other stuff too, just like I love I love running to music. It makes me feel like it's my Probably my second favorite way to listen to music first is in a car driving. Maybe maybe running is number one though, but that's too. I love car music.

But car that's better than car music. Singing to your car. You're in a box where you can sing as loud as you want. Oh, you just run on town singing.

Well, if there's someone I'm coming across, I stop singing they get close. But I if i'd like you can see kind of around you, and if someone's behind me, that's their fault.

I was I did but in their house or something. What can heppen?

Well?

My thing is like I don't want people to think that I'm trying to sing, so they're like they they think that I'm like trying to be like I have a good voice, Like I just so if someone if I'm singing and someone comes in the gym, I'm not that embarrassed because I don't think they think I was doing it for them. They know I was just doing this alone anyway. Yeah, if that makes any sense.

I think for most people that would be more embarrassing to know you were caught.

Oh yeah. The embarrassing thing to me is not like because actually singing while you're running is so fun, but it's more embarrassing to be like, I think I have a beautiful voice, I'm gonna sing.

Like.

You know, some people just like sing in public and like hum and you know that they like think they sound good and they're just trying to show off or am I being really negative?

My wife does that, She hums all the time, and she's no, she's.

Not someone that does that. I'm talking about people who know there's a difference. Some people just hum yeah, like past the time and sing to themselves.

It's like a soothing it's so it's like it's something that their mother probably did.

I guess I'm thinking about crazy people, like literal crazy people who are you like, they're singing to themselves in public and that happens once in a while at the airport once a but on the train in New York lots or in public in LA homeless people. I'm I guess that's.

Why homeless people trying to busk. I'm having trouble picture someone just like impromptu singing on the subway train because they think they sound good unless they're like a homeless person busking or.

Okay, yeah, I don't know. I'm kind of mixing ideas here, but I do know that some people I don't know, Like I think that some people when they're working out or like singing in their car and you're in the car with them, they're like trying to sound really.

Yeah, so that I can that I can relate to is being in the car, and then.

Can I also try to sound good for myself and you're in the car, are like, and you don't think that I'm trying to sound good for you because I try to sound good all the time, like I'm always working at sounding the best.

Yeah.

Well, I don't want people to be around when I sing because I don't want them to think that I think I'm cool.

Right well, now, I'm a culprit of what you're describing in the car, like, if we're listening to a song in the car and we're singing, I do sing. I try to sing a little bit better, yeah, or especially if it's like a song I know all the lyrics to and I'm like, I'm going to prove that I know everything.

We all do it.

And then I messed up a lyric and I'm like, I'm so embarrassed. I want to jump out of the car.

Confident and hitting that lyric. Oh god, we've all just the way you is a fuck yes, yes, fuck no.

I know it's our I know it's our.

No, the other person probably thinks you're a piece of shit after that, and the yeah get no billy fan, Yeah, oh take got a gun.

Yeah.

That's was a big fear of At Swifty concerts, it's like, oh god, like because everyone's like, oh my god, what if I don't know the lyrics and I'm like, I don't. As of someone who I know, my swiftness could not be stronger. I wouldn't want it to be. I don't know many lyrics to many songs, and that's okay, and I'm a lyric at once. I will learn the lyrics once I really really care about a song and have a romance with it. But it's not. It's it's impossible for me to know.

In fact, if you get the lyric wrong, it makes people feel better because they're like, oh, I'm a little better than this person because I knew that lyric and she did it.

But I do love knowing lyrics. It's it's fun when I'm like learning new ones. It's it's a good experience.

I'm like, it's like such a meaningless skill to have too, It's like it doesn't mean anything to know the lyrics.

No, it's taking up space in your brain that could be for other things.

You could be learning science or Spanish or something.

Or that Mexico is not in South America. Yeah, yeah, found that out the hard way. Oh my god, bygling it. Wait did you get questioned that on a show your recently? No, I just like think it came up once and I was like, I don't know if Mexico is in North or South America. I literally think it's in South America because it's Mexico, you know, like south right, Like North America is just Canada and US, like it just feels we're white.

What I thought North America was white.

Honestly, maybe my brain was thinking that kind of and not that I think it was more. I wish it were more brown. I don't give a fuck. It's just it. That's the way my But that was a really dumb one for me to learn late in life.

I felt, Oh, yeah, I'm trying to I'm trying to implant a bunch of those things into my niece. So like, one thing I do to my niece is I'll tell her wrong information, like but information that just doesn't matter. Uh, Like I'd be like the the the the uh, what's the president face? The Mount Rushmore is in Montana.

That's not good because she's gonna be on some trivia show someday and be like, I know this because my my uncle. She trusted it in my head, she trusted me.

I also for the first two years of her life, only whenever I saw her, I would wear oven mits. And I told her that why. I said, I have an issue with my hands, and I I'm embarrassed about my hands, so I wear of a mits.

All the time.

This is not what you did.

Yeah, no, I literally did that.

No you did it. No you didn't. Yeah, no, you did it.

It was a joke.

Okay, wait, no, it was a joke that you just said that you did that, or you actually wore oven mits around your knees.

The joke really, if I'm gonna it's for my The oven mits around my niece was for everyone around my niece.

So every time you saw her, you would wear oven mits. And how often were you seeing her?

Not very often. It would be like a couple of times a year.

So she just thought maybe you had just some crazy.

She didn't think anything because she's the baby. It was the first two years of her life.

Were you scared of like touching her and getting germs.

To I wouldn't even be with her.

I'd be on the on FaceTime or something and I'd be like, oh, uncle Brian has oven mits on, and it doesn't matter because she's not gonna remember that.

It was more like a bit for my brother.

And okay, yeah, did they like it.

Everyone thought it was weird.

Yeah, it is weird. I don't even know why it's supposed to be funny. But that's I don't know either. I mean, I just and how did were you getting on a FaceTime at one point where like I just put on these other.

The very first time I had oven Okay, so this is the origin of it. The very first time I had oven mits on. When because the first time I ever met her face time?

Okay, that makes sense. Okay, so that's so.

Then from that point on, I was like, well, I'm wearing it because I was I was cooking something and I had oven mits on and it's like, oh, gole Brian ovimtz. And then I said, at that time, now this makes more sense to me. Yes, I always wear oven mits because I'm I have a tell Aila, I have a problem with my hand, very self conscious.

But my mind that's funny. That's funny.

So then from that point on I kept a bit going for about two years and then you know, eventually I saw her enough times where I was like, I can't wear oven mits for all of Thanksgiving.

Yeah, to Grandma's funeral, Yeah.

And the mok kind of thing.

I would say, she doesn't know what any of those words mean, at least not yet.

And so I mean, we lie to them about Santa Claus. Why not throw in you know, mouth that take me?

Or so, now that she's getting older, instead of telling her lies about things, I tell her the truth the brutal truth.

Yeah, I try to. I've tried been trying to do that lately too. We'll talk about more niece and nephew stuff because I have a thing. I saw them last night, and I have a thing to talk about when we get back that. Yeah, Like I'm not gonna have kids. I'm really sure of that, especially now that I just feel like my life is all kind of coming together in a way. I really like it, and I really just am liking life. And so maybe I might do a hotocopy and like adopt a kid in my fifties, but who knows. But I did see my niece and nephew last night because my other nephew was sleeping. I went over there and they kept asking me why are you here? There was a question I got a lot. They are seven and five, Why.

Are you here?

Because I was supposed to meet their mom out for dinner, but then I decided I was like bored, and so I was like, I'll just come over and hang out and I'll pick you up. And so when I got there, they were confused a lot of why are you heres? And then they also my brother in law, Matt, told me that they have been bullying my sister and brother in law and my both my parents for why aren't they famous? Because they are mad that that, like they showed them up me on TV. And now Arlo is like, why are you guys famous? Like it's not enough, Like he wants his parents, like his parents are failing him now that they're not famous, like he's understanding what money and fame are in a way. So I thought I got the text message from my sister, and I got to admit I felt kind of cool, like he is like thinks he kind of under understands what I do is cool, which makes me feel good because usually they just don't care at all, and I'm just dying for them to think I'm cool. So I went over there thinking, like they're to talk about me being famous because I saw them I wasn't this famous and they didn't care at all. Why are you here? And then and they do you have presents for us? And I go, no, I don't have presents for you, because we've done this new thing where we're like not giving them presents anymore. Because I used to give them presents every time I saw them. They're they're obsessed with presents, and so even if you might have one, they keep obsessively talking about it the whole time you're there. Once they open it, they instantly want another one. It's not enough. So we've just said, like, no present.

Man, the other shoe is dropped on this one.

Yeah, and so they're kind of understanding it. But Poppy did say, do you have a present for us? And I said, no, no more presence. I'm just coming up. Isn't my presence enough? And she didn't understand that because she's a present kissed my as, oh that's yeah. And then so she I go, you know what, what, You've never given me a present? Why is it just like get you just get get yet.

Like you're a kid.

And I tell the kids lies and I were often mits around them because they don't deserve anything.

Give me a present, Poppy, I go, next, I will give you a present if you give me presents. And I was like, I go, and I know you don't have any money, I said, but you can make things.

Yeah.

I was like, you can make things and she was like, I don't know how to make things. And I go, yes, you do, make a card, draw some shapes on it, and then send me a message about how you feel about me? And she's like, I don't know. I don't write that. I go tell your mommy what you want to tell me and then put it in a card. And she was like okay, and then I'm going to do it now. And I was like, no, just spend time with me now, make a card later. And she was like, no, I want to do it now. So she goes off and makes a card and I got a card that said, Nikki, thank you so much for coming over. PS, why are you here? Niki, thank you for coming over? And it was nice. But now I oh, now I learn. But I think that is good to think there's a barn.

Give a pony.

Yeah, I got so I gotta go buy her gift because she's graduating tonight from pre school. I have to go to a preschool graduation.

And you see, this is exactly why I tell my niece that Mount Rushmore is in Montana because she won't graduate. It teaches them she won't graduate. I'll never have a stupid, boring graduation. Yeah no, it teaches them a lesson. And the lesson is, you can't trust anybody. You can't trust Uncle Brian. They're gonna lie to you you got to look it up yourself.

No, but thank me, I was trying to actually get through. My nephew is a perfectionist, and I really relate to it. Like they were. They were painting these pottery things that was like a little Gnome house, and on the box for this thing there was a perfectly painted one, and so they This is a tip to all parents that my sister learned yesterday. The kids like can't handle that, they can't make it look perfect like the one on the box. Like it's really stressful for theirs. And so just if you ever have a craft project with the finished product on the box, get the box out of there before you give it to your kids, because it actually stifles their creativity because it makes them want to be uniform and do exactly this. So Arlow was so upset and just like I hate it. I'm gonna throw it in the trash. I hate it. I'm bad at this and like just so mad at himself for not being good at it. And boy did I relate to that, Like that is so me of like if I if it can't be perfect, I want to throw it in the trash. And I'm mad that anyone even gave it to me, like why would you? I mean, I used to feel so ugly. I used to tell my mom why did you and dad have sex to make me? When I was I'm so disgusting, Like it's your fault, and he started even getting into that. He was like, it's your fault for buying this, that I'm bad at it, and it was like, oh my god, we have the same brain. And so I told my sister, I'm like, we need to stop this right now. Final thought, perfectionism is a disease and if you can't get a hold of it, I was like, I do not want him to be pushing forty and fighting it like I am still like it's not this isn't good for you. It's an illusion and there's got to be a way to get in there. So I was like, we both need to google YouTube videos about child childhood perfectionism and how to combat it and what causes it, because they are amazing parents that do not expect perfection from their kids at all, Like they're both not perfectionists in that way, but he is. And I it's so hard to watch because he's he will not hear well, you need to be bad to be good at things like he won't hear it, And I remember being that same kid.

I think I'm a perfectionist for sure, and it's probably the root of almost all my problems. And I think one of the solutions to perfectionism is recognizing that that standard that picture on the box, just because it's on the box, doesn't mean it's perfect. No, that box picture is maybe not the correct thing. And if you made, you might make something that's better than the box thing. And so just hold yourself to some arbitrary standard that society has set for you, or that someone says, whoever says is the perfect standard, that who says that they're right and they're perfect.

And I think this is why like looking at like abstract art in like Jackson Pollock type stuff is important to focus on, Like staying in the lines is not that great and is not is not what makes you good, Like I feel like I wish someone would have told me that, like the things you do wrong are actually gonna make you the most successful in your life, Like the things that the reason you can't draw in the lines on that GNOME's face is actually the reason why you're going to be so much better than ever drawing a fucking gnome pottery house. Yeah, like that that you're gonna be the reason that you're going to be better than you have to be bad at this to be good at all the things you're good at. And I wish that there was some way to make that connection in kids' minds, but it's so fucking hard.

And see, these are the types of things you don't lie to kids about. I like my sister that my niece she is learning now that sometimes foods that you haven't tried yet might be good.

Yeah. I mean there's adults who still don't know that.

Yeah, right, So I mean that's important lesson. I'm not gonna lie to her about that. Yeah, that's these are the things. Yeah, but you still you so like for perfectionism, for things like this, These are all the things you'd be a good What about you?

There was like an argument online about if you should tell your kid to say sorry even if they're not, like teaching kids to say sorry as almost like a serb okay, because I thought that at first.

And then I was like, that's my initial instinct.

Yeah, my initial instinct was that, But then I didn't read the full article. But there was. I guess a pretty substantial argument for the other side, which is just like just learn how you kind of sometimes have to learn how to be a nice person and sometimes empathy does not come easy, and just to keep the world working. Like so like.

Sorry even when you feel when you don't feel sorry or sorry, even when you shouldn't be sorry.

I guess like if you you tell your if your kid is not feeling sorry and like hit some kid on the playground and it is one hundred percent not sorry, you still have to be like you have to tell that kid sorry. I guess I wouldn't. I would say no in that case, but I would then go take my kid to be tested for psychopathy. I really would, because people are psychopaths. And if you don't feel remorse, ever, somebody should check on your kid. Yeah, you should check on your kid if they don't feel remorse paths, if they're like age six and they're still doing really shitty things and not feeling sorry, I would bother.

I don't have children, but I'd feel weird if my kid didn't feel sorry and I told them go lie to that other kid and tell them that you feel sorry even though you don't. Then you'll get the you'll get the accolade of being empathetic and you and you'll love just lied.

Yeah I would. Also, You're right, I don't want to flying lying. I'm really fucking done with I just put out a thing in my girl's chat because I've just noticed that and I do it too, and I just want to to us all to catch it is this like if you don't want to go somewhere, saying you're sick, when you're really not saying that, like oh, not telling like say I don't like something that you did for me, Brian, And instead of telling you, like this wasn't a good enough job you did, I tell you the people that I'm doing this for think it's not a good job, right even though they never even saw it. And then I but it's I still get the message across that you don't have that you didn't do the good job, but I don't have to be accountable for it, or even just saying I don't want to go somewhere or I don't I don't want to Yes, you're my friend, but I don't want to see you. I just don't have it in me, like like, just no more lying about our true feelings.

Yeah, I mean it's hard to do because you're afraid you're gonna upset the other person. And sometimes people can't handle the truth. And that's a line from that movie.

But but it's true.

Sometimes people can't handle hearing that and they can't handle criticism.

Well, then those people need to get out of your life because I can't deal with at AA.

That's why you're afraid to say it sometimes because it's the reaction that might happen.

Yeah, and that probably you need to have that reaction because you need to just those people need to show you their true colors. Like I can't. I don't take guilt trips anymore. If I like can't make it to something and someone goes, oh, we were really looking forward to it, what really? Like are you? Are you? If I tell you I can't do something, there's no wiggle room for me. If there is wiggle room, I'll go listen if you really need me to make it to the set, because whatever, if I'm canceling something, if it's gonna be hard for you to find a replacement, if this is something you were counting on, like, I will absolutely do it. I will put that in there. But if I'm saying I can't do it, no amount of you being like, but I wanted it. Why would you even want me to show up then? Because now I'm showing up because I feel bad?

Yeah?

Like what people are weird that they would even want someone to still with them and hang out with them if they've already tried to get out of it. There was a so I shared this tweet in my girl's chat to emphasize my point, which they were all on board for. And I find myself doing this stuff too to avoid conflict. But it's from Adam M Grant on x or Twitter, whatever we call it. When you turn down a request, you don't owe an explanation. Other people aren't entitled to know your reasons and priorities. Being courteous is not just about is not about justifying your decision. Being courteous is not about justifying your decision. It's about showing gratitude for the invitation and then in quotes honored to be asked, sorry to decline, boom done. You don't need to say why you can't go? This is my thing. Is like when people ask, well, why why can't you go? People don't do that often and if they do, they're a really weird person and you probably are trying to get them out of your life. Anyway, This is the thing most people that like. But she's gonna say something weird back, I go, do you why are you friends with this person? Well? We met early on, and she helped me with this thing a couple of years ago. And it's like, so you don't like this person, Like, if you had a choice to go to dinner with her, you probably did have dinner alone, right, So why are you trying to keep this person in your life in the first place?

Oh my god.

So many people keep people in their lives because they've known them for a long time. No. I can't imagine a worse reason to keep someone in your life than be like, well, I've known them since I was twelve, and.

It's or to be kept in someone's life. Yeah, that's so embarrassing. Oh yeah, I'm just friend. She's friends with me because we met in middle school. That you don't know them anything. You don't know them anything.

I have one friend who has a friend who is a legit piece of shit, and they're still friends because it's this person's oldest friend. They've known each other since they were like five. Yeah, and there's this person has like literally done like evil demonic. Well, they're probably scared of crails.

They're probably scared of them a little bit.

I'm a little scared of some people that i've you.

Know, Yeah, I mean there are some people that like might get really mad at you when you have boundaries with them. And that's why you don't and that's why you say, agree to go on hikes with them, and agree to go to lunches and agree.

To go on girls drips, which situation.

But at some point, and this is what I'm turning forty in two weeks. I think it is so lame to be in your forties and beyond and doing things because other people want you to. I just like don't think it's a good look. I don't want it for other people I look up to, Like everyone I look up to in their forties and fifties, like don't go to things they don't want to go to. They don't, they don't just they're not insecure. Like I think that at forty, I need to leave that shit behind. I'm trying so hard because I don't want to people please anymore. I think it's when I see my friends do it, I'm just like, ugh, it like makes me disrespect them, and it also makes me think that they lie to me. When my friends are making up excuses in front of me about being sick because they don't want to go out with this girl and they don't really like her, the next time they tell me they're sick, it's boy who cried sick. I'm not going to believe them. I'm gonna think maybe they don't like me. And honestly, I don't care if you don't like me or not, just like I'll not you know what, I won't like you anymore because I don't trust you, because I just think you lie to everyone. And I've worked on it too.

Sounds like there's a lot of I don't like.

Shit talking, no more cutting or lying.

No more cutting in front of somebody in a talk circle.

Cutting those people everyone.

Yeah, a number of being rude to waiters, and no more hemming and hawing at the menu.

You're all done.

You're out watching me on Instagram live playing guitar. You watch me on.

Instagram live play the guitar, don't I don't want anyone in there, all right?

I cannot give that disclaimer before we leave.

Yeah, I know a lot of people are going to come at me for being a piece of shit to my knees, for lying to her, and I have it. I just want to I just want to say or or worse, people will be like, who is that guy? I don't care, But if you do come at me for being a piece of shit, I just want to say, I've only done it a few times. And I'm really lizing slowly funny that you shouldn't lie to children.

Know, these people are all lying about Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny and even God at many times, and Jesus and all the things kids are constantly being told lies.

But I do have a very good relationship with my niece.

She loves me. She calls me uncle Brian.

Oh does she that's original?

Yeah, she's well, you know, she could say I don't know who that guy is because I don't live in the same state as her.

I mean, noting that your niece calls you uncle Brian is one of the most boring.

She goes, I love uncle.

My niece calls me Uncle Brian. It was really gonna sound like she had a pet name for you or like a fun.

Like that, you know that feels like my uncle.

Bobo or something like that would be of note, But it just.

Says I love Uncle Brian. I want to see Uncle Brian.

Even though it does mean a lot when they when they say your name, or when they struggle to say it for us to say, he goes nay, I love it. And then we've got the rest of that bar. Why are you here lady? All right, guys, thank you for listening to the podcast. We'll see you next week. I'll be at Bally's in Tahoe this weekend. I think it's pretty much sold out, and then next weekend we'll be Salt Lake City. Two shows in Boulder, one show added on June eighth at the Boulder Theater. Calm on down, It's gonna be so much fun, and I'll see there, Delbika, and listen to my song some Day You'll Die, watch my special Some Dale'll Die, watch the Roast of Tom Brady, and look at my new peda ad and don't eat animals, all right, don't be ka Bye

The Nikki Glaser Podcast

Every Monday through Thursday, comedian and infamous roaster Nikki Glaser provides a fun, fast-paced 
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