Between you and Nikki she loves Sam Harris' take on expanding your consciousness, she loves that her sister's students don't have to take end of year tests and Conan's interview with Bill Burr. Andrew slept great on clean sheets that aren't in his room and is apprehensive about a surprise challenge Nikki makes. You Heard it Here First - stuff in cash vaults, a new way of sitting on a plane, David Spade hosting Batchelor in Paradise and Naomi Osaka pulling out of the French Open. Listener mail brings all the swells as usual and a lyric dump in the Final Thought!
Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.com
The Nikki Glazer Podcast. Here's Nikki here. I am. Hey guys, welcome to the Nicki Glazer Podcast. How are you today heading into the weekend? It's Thursday? Wait, is it Wednesday or Thursday? It's Thursday. It's two days after my birthday and my birthday was Tuesday. I got to say, usually the day after my birthday June two, in June three, June fourth not my favorite days of the year because it's just like, oh, it's gonna be so long until another day is mine. At least that's the way I used to feel when I was a kid. Um, But this time around, God, I had so much fun on my birthday. And I know we talked about it yesterday, but the I hadn't gotten all the accolades about what a fun night it was from my mom. And it's just, you know, it's really sweet as that my parents just had a great time and um, and I showed them what fun could be had when they just trust me. And like, because I think sometimes things get caught up with too much planning and there's too much like we need this cake to come then, and then the candles, and we gotta get the card and we gotta get Like my sister forgot it was my birthday. Um or she you know, she knows my birthday, but she it just kind of crept up on her. She's a teacher, she's finishing out school. Um. Even though the kids didn't have any finals because of COVID, no no finals, they just finals were optional for teachers to give. So no teachers gave them because he you know, no good teachers gave them. Can you imagine I did we talk about this being a high school student. I mean, this is the stuff of my of dreams I currently still have. Do you guys ever still have this dream where you're lost on the final day of school, like it's a final and you have to find the class. Maybe it's for a college class and you didn't even go to college, or maybe it's for high school and you were valgetorians. So there's no reason that this should be a dream that you have showing up on the last day, you didn't go to class, you can't really find the class, you find it, and you didn't study at all. Okay, that's like a nightmare, right Well, the dream scenario of that that you would wake up and go that would never happen is that you get to the end of the year and you have to study in your finals are coming up. I mean the way we did in my high school is there's you know, you have a semi final and then you have the final every semester before winter break and then before summer break, and it's pretty much at of everything you learned, either the whole year or for that semester, right, and what you do for those even college classes, when you have your final, you you pop in at all or whatever. You can't you totally um ruin your bodies symbiosis of sleep and like health, to over study, memorize a bunch of stuff and then take the test and then dump it out of your head as soon as it's over. Because that's what I do with every script I've ever learned, um every you know, you ever see actors on TV shows and they'll do a game whether they're like, is this a line from something you did, Sean Penn, or is this a thing that Charlie are A d said to his kids, screamed at his kids last week, you know, and they play those games and Sean Penn, who has been in he can't remember like Oscar winning performance performances of lines. It's because you dump it later. I mean, I don't want to speak for Sean Penn, but like you you they're jokes that I memorized for the sake of a roast or something, and they're dumped out of my head. My own stand up not as much dumped, but sometimes. I recalled an old joke this morning, actually, and I couldn't remember it. It was something about waxing my vagina. I think it's online. I think someone shot me at a Indianapolis Crackers comedy club in like two thousand, ten eleven and or maybe eight or nine, and I was doing a bit about trying to wax myself. I bought a NADS kit. Remember nads? Noah, it's like the waxing kit. I heated up in the microwave. And this is true story. I just told Andrew this in the kitchen. He goes, have you ever talked about that? And I go, I'm telling you, it's a bit that I used to do, but I haven't, I guess talked about it since then. I'm saving it for the next time I do WTF with Mark Marin. It's just like a story. I really think we'll like drop like people's insecurities out. No, it's um. I haven't been harboring it, but I literally I have hurt myself so much for the sake of fashion and wanting to please men. I think it should be a segment on our show where we called beauty is pain or just like and this is for men too. Men do it painful things too. But I've almost died because I was wanting to have a hairless vagina. That's a story for another time. But this I heat it up, n ads. I was like such, I was such a dirty mess bag. Then heated up nads, put it on my vagina. They give you a little strips at the time, like you do individual strips, but got through to first of all, it heated up too much. This is the joke. By the way, this is a good line for early Nicki Glazer stand up. This line where I go, okay, that was something I would right now. So I didn't know how long to heat it up. I put it in the popcorn, I funked it up. I put it in the microwave, I pressed popcorn, and I left the room. So I heat it up too much. I love that line of just like, but I didn't. I just I did heat it up too much, so it burnt me. I only got two strips in abandoned it, and so I had a vagina that was hairless except for two patches, which almost calls back to my joke that I did this past summer where I was getting electrolysis on my vagina and had to stop my sessions halfway through because of COVID. Twelve sessions give you a hairless vagina. Six gives you a vagina that looks like a koala that was survived the Australian wildfires. I had to change that joke when I did on Kimmel, I had to say it looked like a South American soccer field. People got offended by that too. I'm like, I can't win here. My vagina looked like a pause button because it had to like, you know, two strips perfectly perpendic or parallel to each other looked like a pause button. Um at the time, Twigs used to be like Twigs put your life on pause, and so two thousand and eight I was like, I was like some kind of I said, some kind of Twigs catchphrase. After that, this is the joke, and then I said, I called it Patch Adams, not because not because it oh, I said, not because of how it looked, but because I used to go to the hospital and entertain sick kids with it. I put a clown nose on it, like it just became this absurd bit that I kind of stand by, but I forget. The wording was pretty good. Look it up. But it's on YouTube. You can you can watch old stand up that it's humiliating to me from like clubs I did. That would take my set and I can't stand watching my stand up anyway. Um, you you dream about a day where your teacher a dream sneak sequence would be me waking up and being like, oh my god, I had a dream My teacher, Madam Hood canceled the final and said we didn't need to do a fine. That's only something that could happen in dreams except two thousand twenty one. And I know COVID has been hard, but for all of the kids out there that did not have to do finals because your teachers thought it would be too hard for you given everything else, Congratulations. That is the best thing I've ever heard. It's like the snow it's like a it's like a snow week. It's like hearing that you've got a week off of I mean when I my sister told me that they had no finals, I got excited like I was in high school for the kids, because finals used to just weigh on me so much. It's still represents and I think that's why we have those stress dreams. It's because it was the first time. This is my guess, having no knowledge of dream analysis and honestly not really understanding psychology more than a couple of chapters of four books that I've read, because I give up after the second chapter. But I do believe that dreams really can tell you where you're at in your life. And if you have a dream where you are stressed out and can't find the building where your final is, or in you're back in high school, or you're having a dream that you are about to go on stage and for a play that you have not been to rehearsals of and you are playing Juliet and you don't have any any of the lines are memorized, or you have a dream where you're falling and your teeth are falling out, whatever it is that dream it's it's something that happened to you formatively early on that stressed you out, and that's what your brain goes to to get to work through those feelings when you're sleeping. I heard that dreams are a way I mean, I think science is best guess is that dreams are a way to process the information you accrue during the day and like downloaded and make sense of it, and so you have all these weird flashes of stuff. However, Sam Harris, my favorite person and thinker, has says the most interesting thing about sleep that I'm going to butcher. But people always go like, how does what does he compare it to? People are so scared of psychedelics and if I take this drug, what's gonna happen? When am I going to see? What am I gonna do? People are scared of dying. You know, when I ceased to exist? What will be when you go to sleep? Think about this. When you go to sleep, you literally shut down your body. You are defenseless. Your brain goes to places you cannot predict. You don't know where they're going to go. You don't know what you'll see, you don't know what terrors will befall you. You don't know what delights befall you, but every single night, hopefully you surrender to that and you're okay with it to completely be you know, a receiving uh pretty much victim to your mind. Yet we we I'm scared of doing l I'm scared of doing d MT. I'm scared of all these things, what they might show me in my brain when really, every night I sign up for a psychedelic experience, dreaming not moving your body, but also operating in a world in your mind where dogs turn into buildings and then suddenly you're in your middle school, but it's actually your brother's, uh, friends, moms, many even like the way the world shape shifts. If you witness this in your own life, you'd go, what the fuck. So there's some way of him presenting that that I'm probably not striking a chord with people, But the way he presented it was that it's just very interesting that people are so reticent to do drugs that might expand your consciousness and show you things that your your your subconscious might be working through. I'm scared to do LST because I've heard of terrible trips. Sam Harris even talks about it. He even says he has two young children. He said that, And if you don't know who Sam Harris says, I'm not gonna explain it to you, because I honestly can't even list all of his achievements. But he's a very he's a scientist, a neuro scientist, neuroscience. I don't even I can't even say what he is. He's the smartest man, to my knowledge, alive, and I trust everything he says, almost too blindly. He's like a god to me. But the fact that I heard this man say that he wants his two young children if they don't if they live a life or they don't do LSD, he will think it's a life that wasn't lived to its fullest for his young seven year old, like his young girls. And he even says that's something that I remember every time I smoke pot. He goes. Would I recommend they do pot? No? I mean, like sure once, but if they go life without pot, that's fine. I would never recommend them smoke pot every day. That's an insane thing, but like or do LSD every day. But these are human things. Your brain is capable of going to these places on its own LSD just opens it up. It's not like LSD does it to your brain. Your brain is capable of it. It's just a and you can get to it through meditation probably um the places your brain will go. But these are just ways to to facilitate it. And I've even changed my my stance on you know, psychedelics and psilocybin mushrooms for being these like, oh it's just one session and you get through all your trauma. I think what it does is it it gets you through a lot of it, and then you've got to keep up the work to address those things. I used to think it was like, oh, you just take a hit and then you're like done dealing with your PTSD from IRAQ. But no, it's like you you're able to process it in a way that is so much clearer and more focused and not like terrifying. That's the thing. I gotta get to Andrew. But one more thing before we get to Andrew. If you're a fan of Bill Burr, I implore you to listen to his Conan UH interview from a couple of weeks ago. It's twenty six minutes long. All I'm telling you right now, listen to the first six minutes, and you tell me if you're a fan of Bill Burr and what you usually expect from him, you I want to hear what you think after he shares the first six minutes of that interview. I really want to hear from you because for me, as a huge fan of Bill Burr, who in the past couple of years has not been able to enjoy him as much because I just was so um it sames with Patrice O'Neil, like there was a there there was something about he would he would say things about women that I would believe would I would go, oh my god, that's true, that we're like really angry, and it would make me like hate myself a little bit. So I couldn't listen to Billbert because he was like showing me sides to myself I didn't like, and he was so angry at me as a woman, you know, like certain things and not just women, just like things that I stood for that I was like, oh my god, my favorite personal world. I don't like to listen to his stand up anymore because it makes me like feel foolish because he's calling me out. And I avoided him because it was just too angry, and I'm trying not to let that stuff in my life that makes you feel bad, not because he isn't a genius, But then I listened to his cone in six minutes in Just trust me on this. I can't believe people aren't talking about it. And I think as soon as you see what it is, you'll know exactly why Bill Burr fans, you know, Roguan fans, all of these guys who I think they know what's up and hate canceled culture and hate you know, and are don't want to have more empathy. I think they're scared to even watch this because your boy has changed, and how did he change? Well, go watch that Conan clip the first six minutes of the interview with Bill Burr, that's twenty six minutes long, and then watch the rest of it because it's fucking hilarious. But the first six minutes, Bill Burr has changed, and no one's talking about it. And I think it's because it scares every one who has built their persona around I want to be like Bill Burr because if you were pursuing that before, Bill Bird doesn't want to be that way anymore. And you'll see why. Let's get Andrew in here. Hi, little cutie boy, look at him staring Hi Andrew, I'm talking to the dog. Oh man, I started wagging my tail. Oh yeah, No, Luigi is so cute and forlorn. He was just sitting in your chair and now he's out of it. Now you're here, Hi, Andrew. How did you sleep last night? You were out, buddy to myself? Did you sleep good? At Uh? Your ladies? Yeah? She u her sheets are clean. Uh, they're not the cleanest these days. I gotta get back in there, gotta get after that again. I have been wanting so badly to do a challenge, and I think today should physical challenge. It's it kind of is physical. Noah, can I present a challenge? Go for it. This is very vulnerable because my room is a fucking mess right now. Oh god, no, I don't know if we should do this. I know where you're going. We each go into each other's room and we pick one item, or we take a picture, and we bring back the picture and we just go explain this. It could be. What made me think of it one day was when I was brushing my teeth and I looked and I saw one of my old eyelashes, like a false eyelash that I stuck on the back of my floss because I was like, oh, it's and if you saw that, you would just take a picture of and go, what is this? Why? Why? Why? Like just a weird thing that you know you do that you don't even think about that we can then have to answer. I'm trying to think, what is there anything your room? You truly would be so mad at me seeing or upset about, because mine, I've got a lot of stuff in there right now that would be hilarious thing a minute I'll make, but you can get mad at me. Wait, can we just do it right now, real quick? My room is so dirty mine, dude, mine is disgusting. Jingle bells. You're gonna be singing jingle bells when you look in there? Do you know what I'm talking about? Do you know their reference? I know my listeners. Do I know jingle balls? That you probably? I know that fashion egg? Yeah, you know that fashion egg. No. I can't believe Andrew already forgot dashing through the snow ding ding and the one someone wrote to me and said that when they when they sometimes see the drive. All right, let's do they sing jingle bells too. Let's do it. Okay, we're not even gonna pause. Noah, you keep us going. We're going to do a countdown of one minute, and um I am, we are, we will we'll see this up. But we're gonna do one minute. No uh um. We can't go in our rooms. We have to go in each other's rooms, but we can't go. First we take a picture of something. Go get your phone. You're gonna take a picture of something, you see. This is fun. I mean, I know I'm really going to Devin and we might cut it. I just don't know. One minute to get a picture of something and you just go explain this and it doesn't have to be You don't get to touch anything, by the way, no touching, no moving things, no like lifting up sheets or anything like that. You know what I'm saying. Okay, we're gonna go, and it's it's a rush. Okay, yes, we're gonna do that. Go. This feels like sweeper challenge. One minute is definitely worse than yours. Okay, that's been time, Thank you time. Where's Andrew? You're done? Okay? So, uh what are you laughing? I don't even know what was going on in mind. I'm feeling very vulnerable right now. I love that. But what I love about this and Noah, in the future, you're going to be the one that randomly pushes this on us and doesn't tell us because we can't prep for it, you know what I'm saying. So no one's gonna be up to you in the guess what time it is. It's time for whatever we call this segment, and then we just run off and do it because in the future this The only reason it was good today is because I truly I left some weird ship out. I know I did. I didn't. I barely made my bed. I think it just pulled up the sheets. Okay, so can I see what you took a picture of? Okay? I just feel like it's gonna be like we're gonna run out and think, Okay, here we go. What do you mean, don't overthink it. And by the way, we're in the moment, Okay, that is come on my toy. Yeah, I didn't know that it was that much. I thought it might be like jingle bells. Jingle bells. But I didn't even come last night either, And that's from it. And this is a brand new toy I used. I will recommend this toy. I just usually wipe them on sheets that I know are going to be I wipe them on the side of the sheets because I only use one side of my bed, and I wipe it on the side that isn't being used by me. You know, you have a you have a come side on your own bed, and then I would never have someone sleepover or I would never And you don't have a king you have a queen bed. Yeah, but I honestly I don't even touch I use less than a twin in terms of space. I really stay like in a casket. So that is too much. I'm really regret doing the challenge. It is embarrassing. However, I will recommend this toy. You know what I love. I love that I didn't wipe this one though, because it was too much and I was just like, I don't care. I do love that, like it's the come side of the bed is getting you ready for a real relationship because you're like, no, I can sleep with someone else in my bed because I have come side. Now that could be a human body. Yeah, yeah, I mean if I put it up come there, it'll might like build up into a real boy. I could love um a boy because of Pinocchio. I wasn't saying a boy. I was trying to reference that it sounded pedophilic. Um okay, so yeah, I got that. I tried a new toy last night because all of my chargers for my favorite toys have been missing, and I wrote you. I wrote into, uh, Cal Exotics, who makes my favorite toy? Get that green box over there. I want to tell girls what my favorite toy is, really quick, the green box. A lot of people are asking for a list of This one's awesome for single women who want to feel like, oh my god, here's the answer. Okay, so um yeah, I want to feel like the're getting penetrated this one. It does not have the rabbit part on it that like tries to hit your clip. You know what I'm saying. We talked about called it's called the Shameless Flirt, and it's by Cal Exotics k C A L Exotics, and it's about a hundred four dollars on Amazon. It is well worth it fifty thrust per minute. It just like it. The end of it goes and it really feels good and you can plug it up with your heel, or you can use your underwear to kind of hold it in place, like pull your underwear down just to your mid thigh or like a little bit further and it will hold it in place like a UM. You know, fifty per minute. That's that. I mean, imagine how we only type two words per minute. I mean that's so many thrust that it's really good. And then um. And then last night though I used the woman um not to liked like I would say, but it doesn't feel like a man. It just feels like something else is going on that you're not controlling, which is part of why masturbation doesn't work for me as well as because it always feels like I'm doing it myself. Will you open your phone? Um? So yeah, that's what you found in my room. Feel like terminator will start with a vibrator and then we'll just add a gun, you know what I mean. Like like there's been so much like technology improvement because of vibrators to the point of like it's like Boston dynamics or whatever, like that's calixonics. Like I know you have to do with that an arm on there and a gun and you got yourself. This is everyone's man's fear. There are sex robots though, that women have to compete with, like literal dolls that are like I love you and I'm never gonna complain, and they just like have a mouth that's always in a blowjob like opening. So I mean, the technology bottom line is the that is not something that I would recommend a couple do because it does a lot of what a dick can do. But um, another one that I would recommend to women that I opened last night that was in a box that I got sent from Balssa was the Womanizer. That is when Andrew took a picture of and it has the suction on it. It's like it's like a rabbit, so it goes inside you. But then it also on the top instead of the rabbit that's like a vibrated thing. It has a section hole and it does the section and the vibrations. The attachment that goes inside you is not big enough for me and it's not enough to like have a but it still was better than any other toy I have right out that has an operating charging chord. But the problem is, like that's why I love Emily Morris's pod because the other day I was looking at her Instagram Sex with Emily and it said remember to charge your vibrators and I literally was like, oh shit, I forgot, because there's nothing worse than you want to sash and you have nothing to you So unless the one that's churched on the wall, which is the magic one, which I always have, the not the battery powered one, but the charge in the wall. Okay, Andrew, answer to the pictures, you didn't where's your phone? I took it with your phone? Oh I didn't. That's right. I don't know. I was holding your phone, but it was you show it's behind picture, Yes, got it. I just thought because separate rooms, I was, why is there never like a giant? Like? My question to you is why I took a picture of the four corners of your room? And I know that's not fair, but it sounds like a Jewish prayer. Yes, I wonder it sounds like a book that you had on your nightstand, the four corners. Yeah, how to grow into a Jewish man. Um one is uh, this was the first one I took. It is a crumpled white sheet in the corner in your um you know your your corner. That is I would say the one that you're like trying to forget what happened, and that these are the corner you put things in that you're like, something bad happened. What happened to that sheet? Well, if you look closely, there's two cut holes in them. So no, no, I I don't know. I I threw it in over there. And then the bike seems a little bike blair witch. Okay, there's a bike wheel in front of it because he propped his bike. But the the sheet is crumbled in the corner like scared almost like ritualistic lee hidden in the side in the corner. Then the other corner is a red pillow um many sheets, many uh, a blanket, a pull up bar, towels, and it's stacked together in the corner. What's the corner thing going on? And then the other let's go to the other one. You know people, honestly, by the way, a room has four corners, are you asking? So then the corner that has your door attached to it, there's a is another pile of laundry, laundry on top of a laundry bag. And then in the final corner is the funniest corner, and this is The one I think we have to show in the story is a no will you describe this? It's a shoe rack. It looks like shoes from like a hostage room or something like that. Okay, so it looks like a pile of many shoes. But what is in the corner there? Oh? What is that? It's a It's a stripped lamp. It's just a striped lamp with just a lamp light bulb. It's not an Edison lamp by the way, where it's like you put on a fun bulb. It's just a lamp that has a single bulb, no shade, and it's not plugged in. It's in the corner. It looks Yeah, I mean this is all I know where the shade went. It ended up in here. Um, you you took a picture of you know, there's my common So this is nothing. But honestly, I'm more vulnerable when your girl comes over. When your girl comes over, do you do you care if she sees all of this? I would just want to know because there's nothing to really be ashamed of any of this. It's just the laundry will be done by the end of this year, and then the other stuff I don't know. I like a corner, you don't you know, you throw it in the corner, you forget about it. I don't even think about it. I don't see these things because of my A D D. But I got a question. You got a big old room in there that we put a bunch of junk in. It's like a storage room that's past, it's like a closet in a closet, Why not throw all that stuff in there? Because that that that that baby is getting real fool and it might never get addressed because you might put it in there and forget so at least, I mean, that's always been my move is put in the closet, closed the door, forget about it. That's what we do with the trauma in our lives. And that's why we're scared of doing mushrooms, because apparently that's the metaphor everyone gets, is that when you do mushrooms, the rooms where like oh I was molested in that room or I was the rooms of trash that you're not ready to look at and put away. Apparently you open the door and sell someone described it. You opened the door to that room and you see the mess, and you go okay, all right, I see it. This is a lot I'm gonna have to deal with some day, and that's okay, it's not today, and then you shut it and then you're good. Like it doesn't it's it's not this like subconscious like I gotta get to that room and clean that basement room. It's just like it's there. I put it there for a reason. I'm not ready to deal with it. And that's okay. I feel that way about that room. Yeah, I don't. Yeah, Um, I thought you were going to come across. So I have a confession to make. I guess I know you were really nervous, and I didn't see anything in your room stream a d D and you're out of town and sex and the toy wasn't quite working. So I came and got another toy from your your What do you get the one that sucks on the clip? There? Okay, how was it? She came? So I owe you you can do that, though you should have grabbed a vibrator, you know, like you can do the thing that the suction thing can do. I grabbed one of those two. What are you being serious? Why can't you just be honest? I don't know, do you have anything else to say, It's okay, that's it. That's it. One thing and one thing. That's what thing that goes in her because I might want you to replace it, but I just I'll have you write the company and asked for a free one. But I'm serious. Which one that goes in here? I'll show you. I'll bring it into I don't think you'd like it, Okay. If I if it wasn't opened already, I probably was like, okay with parting ways with it. Okay, I'm glad you did that. I think there was the right thing to do. In the moment, I just got so excited and I wanted her to come and texted me. I know you're scared of say no. That's the thing. I don't think you would have said no. Why not text me because your horn? Yeah yeah, don't text me, just steal whatever you want. We gotta get to the news. I'm sorry, No, don't be sorry. I forgive you. Thanks for being honest with me. Truly, I will not have any repercussions from that when we get off air. I'm serious. I don't care. And I was even thinking about it, how I was so stingy with those toys for you and like didn't want you to have any of them. And I was like why because it's the same thing as when my dad wouldn't give me weed that he got from his friend because he was like, this is the best weed. And I'm like, but you don't smoke it. There's no way you're going to get through all those why do you need to hoard it? And I realized me doing that to you was just a control thing and um, and I actually resolved to let you have whatever you want out of that box and be like, I don't know why I said that you couldn't. That was so weird. So I I had already made it up in my mind and I hadn't told you that because it was too Also, there's like there's like thirty in there, like it's not but I'm not just to you to the listener, I want them to know, like I didn't take two out of we have a giant box of toys that bless Us sent me. Be Boutique, Uh it's it's bless U is the porn site and I don't do any promo with them. They didn't ask for this, but they are one of my favorite sites and I pay pay for bless a plus which you name your own price, and it's like really good porn for women and and men. It has really hot stuff. Um. And then they have a a sex voy store that they sent me a bunch of ships and they're very great and that's where you can get your cal exotics. Shameless. I would I recommend that versus Amazon. And you know why, slave labor. Okay, let's get to the news first. Oh, boys, the last day of the week, and we know what that means. It's gonna be a good day because the weekend's coming up. Your your spray tans on, your hair is wet, your extensions are going, your eye latches are on, and your bikini is tight. So you're gonna have a great time in all the swells hopefully this weekend out on the lake combos? Were you thinking of Lake Cuomo? Yeah, but I wanted to say combo and then I'm put them together combos. Okay, first story, I didn't get it, but that's fine. But some one person probably, yeah, someone that loves combos on Lake Como. Oh my god, I forgot what happened. Okay, remember yesterday. I don't know why I'm whispering because I thought maybe follow Okay, so remember yesterday when I shared that thing of our friend Claire Parker saying, uh, the thing about the thing, the part that I loved the most because I the part the reason why I wanted to show it to you guys so much, and I just want to revisit it for two seconds. I know I'm being so ady right now. Yeah, ye, I don't want to keep listaring. Okay, the thing that I showed you of Claire talking about how John Laney and olivium On might be pregnant, right, Okay, at the very end of it, I didn't. I didn't play the end, but look at listen to them. So it's her talking the whole time. We're not in circle, but somebody we now we know to Claire, we know, but listen to this at the end. Be not true that maybe it is true anyway, If it is true, you heard it here first Claire Claire Parker. I love Claire Parker. By the way, UM, I know that that was an obnoxious clip, and probably you're like, I don't want to follow that girl. She is so freaking funny and used to be on my radio show all the time. And um, Claire Parker, she's like an she's any chick who loves celebrity gossip or just likes girls talking about being a girl. Claire Parker, look into her. Okay, what's the news? The first story? Apparently? You know? An Italian artist sells his invisible sculpture for eighteen thousand dollars Salvatory. It sounds like the name of your sex toy shop. Guru described his piece as a vacuum. The vacuum is nothing more than a space full of energy. And even if we empty it and there's nothing left, according to Heisenberg uncertainty principle that nothing has a weight. Therefore it has energy that is condensed and transformed in the particles that Okay, um, talk about a guy that beat the city. I mean, this is the best thing since the pet rock. I mean how much did this sell for dollars? I mean nothing for the concept of nothing? And you know whoever bought that definitely at eighteen lying around in a corner in their room and just did didn't care. They were just like, this is gonna be hilarious that I bought nothing for you. You should have gave him an empty bag and said Hey, there's eighteen grand in there. Just imagine it. That's really funny, you know what I mean? Like, you know, money is really like not actually like when I first I think it was like two years ago that I realized that money is just numbers. Like it literally is just a number you look at. There's not like a room at a bank that has every one of your dollar bills and like has your name on the door in front, and it's like this is their money. It's like it literally is a typed in number. It's funny you talk about that because I haven't told the story about getting locked in the cash ball with the ghost, but I mean, I mean why I don't even know if we can Yeah maybe puddles direct. I haven't told you, yeah, but it's essentially. But I was just thinking about this family, the Lamp family and St. Louis all killed themselves. Four generations killed themselves. It was a bigger brewery than the Budweiser brewery. They had a cash fault, And I was thinking about how like when you lost money, all your money, the room kept getting more, like you saw the physical version of your cash. Like if you lose your money nowadays, you know what I mean you don't see it. Still is living in a mansion and can that have no money? Is that what you're talking about? Know, I'm saying, like so, like take this room right, all your cash. You had a cash room at one point and it was to the ceiling. Yeah, a vault, a cash fault. So every day you're not making any more money, but you're taking money out of a vault and you're not putting any money, and you're literally seen your wealth get depleted physically. It would hurt more see it when you open your bank account. That's why I don't look at my money like I would probably in the olden days have gone wandered into my vault and like close my eyes or blurred my eyes to be ignorant to it because I'm so scared of looking at money. But why don't you look at it the same way as I should look at my closet. It's no way, um I do. I put it in the back and then I don't, and I get it out when I need to, and then i'll I hopefully the troll who lives in my closet a k a. My um business manager will alert me if the money is you always hear these stories of celebrities of celebrity of celebrities like their business manager took fifty millions from them because they never checked. I know. Um, I've made this very abundantly clear to Russell Altman, that I've said it on many pockets. I could be you could steal from me, Russell Altman. You couldn't steal from Russell. You couldn't steal my money from Russell Altman because he's the one looking at it, and he's very vigilant about what spending goes on, and he larns me to any weird purchases, even if it's blacked raw dot com in the middle of the night when you're in the Cayman Islands, and he suspects it's probably some weird activity, but it's really just you being lonely. Um, And did I want to get on tushy dot com to why not? Let's throw it it. If I'm paying month for black Raw, it's fifteen dollars more to get Tushy and blacked and all these other things. Actually didn't buy the package, um, and I regret it because black raw does not have as many things as videos as you want. There's probably like one a month that gets added and uh, and the fact that the chances that it's going to be a gang bang that really like hits the nerve for you are slim to none. But I have told these guys like I could be I could be stolen from easily. I But the thing is I trust him and I trust he's just he's almost like my dad. He'll call me after like my accomplishments. He like I genuinely feel like a love from him that is not based upon me, uh paying for his services. And so I really just trust and I just gotta trust my trust. You know, he helped me. But yeah, please don't steal from me, and Russell will catch you if you do. But Russell, you can steal from me, and you know I'll never see it. Yeah, And if you do steal from where, we're lock in a cash fault with a ghost, you sucking bitch. But it won't be a real ghost. It will be like a vacuum like that yourself. Okay, So next story. He looks like Sam Harris. I think that's why I trust him so much too. He looks and sounds like Sam Harris. Russell, has anyone ever told you that Russell listen to everything I do too. I feel like that would be the perfect account. That's what my accountant. Your account shouldn't look like Tommy Lee. He should look like a fucking nerd who will get put in hot I was watching him in Pam Annerson make out at a party in Last Night that was on. But you're still in the machine Gun Kelly, who played Tommy Lee at that point, So essentially you're you get me into that movie. I might not leave some pictures to take in my room the next day. There'll be some dirt in there. Yeah, the side of the bed will uh there will be a full uh jizz figuring of a skinny white rocker. Um, Kelly, it'll be a machine gun made out of Okay, that's just next story. This is this is falling off the rails. We used to have a show are ap to our show's disagree Next story, all right, twenty one year old student designed a double decker plane seats that are set to revolutionize the way. Look at these seats. Whoa dude, that's so smart. Okay, so what we're looking at let me just tell you, folks, uh plane seats that are on the floor like the ones you know, and then in between them. There's two steps that you would go up to, and it's you're able to fit a person over you so that they're back would be reclined, but when you stood up to get in your seat, you maybe have to bend ford. You'd have to bend back a little bit to get in your seat, but not more than climbing over people that usually do. This is beautiful. I love it. I think this is definitely something that I would be on board with. I love flying Southwest because everyone's the same. But this seems like it would take it to a um, like you could just get more people on the plane and would be easier. Do you know that there's an easier way to board a plane? But they don't do it because it would make us Uh, it wouldn't be able to make them more money in terms of making groups feel special. So airlines make money by being being like, oh, your status. And there's a there's a web YouTube video that I love that explains how airline seating could be so much more efficient and faster, like so much. It just describes mathematically, like you would load in the back of the plane, like it just takes you through how it would be cut down the time by a lot, right, which time is money to air plane people, to the airports and airline industry. However, they must have run the numbers and realized that that time that they would make up for with fitting in more flights would still not be more financially benefit beneficial than making up fake cast systems within the plane that get people to spend more to get privileged to go down. We got to stop letting these disabled people on for I mean, that's where the slowdown is happening. Yes, I am am all four letting the disabled people on first and last and first off whatever they want to go ves and disabled people or dosabled disabled veterans. No, I'm okay with that. Problem with the Southwest saying that it's like, so it's a socialist flight, you know, everyone's the same. Um. However, I like that as a celebrity people always go you're flying Southwest or you poor. I'm like, it's not sucking spirit. It's Southwest. They treat you well, two bags fly free. My problem with Southwest so is even they're getting into the business of you want to pay some extra you'll get in the A one through ten and it's like, no, Southwest, it's not what it was about. And then if you're frequent Southwest buyer, which I am, and you try to sign on for your flight and twenty four hours the flight goes live so you can check in and then you get your seat assignment. Right, we all know that you can be the second person, Like you can do it at ten o'clock on the dot and go and put in your confirmation number and check in and you will get C twelve. It's like, that's like when they say Taylor Swift concerts sell out, she sells out eight stable centers in two minutes. I go, how there was already systems in place for computers to get in line. There's something fishy going on. It is actually not fair. Last couple of times when I flew to Southwest with View, we got like A one and A three. But because we were we we were flown out by companies that booked us on the A list preferred with extra money. So that's why next story. I love this seating though, and I really hope its I just feel like if it's right in your face. I told my dad about you know what I mean that if you farted I get that, but that's no, it's not. I mean I it is, but there's not like event that's coming from the back of your seat directly into the person's face. I will say the real quick. My dad, on the way back from Greece said the worst part was and the way there was that he had to fart so bad and it hurts so bad to hold it in. Because my dad is someone who passed his gas a lot. He's like an older man and he and I'm someone that does too, so I understand his body, I said, Dad. First of all, the sound is not something to worry about on the plane, because you have the white noise of the airplane. Everyone has has headphones on for the most part. The smell is the issue, right, what you do and if you don't know this, my dad had not known this in his sixty six years of living. I go, Dad, you take the blanket or whatever, like your sweatshirt, your jean jacket, and you bawl it up and you sit on it so that it creates a muffler, like a big muffler. And not only does that muffle the sound, which we're not even worried about to begin with, it soaks up the smell enough that it won't get out crazy, It will dissipate a lot, the particles will get out even slower, and you can fart safely without because that's really no, no, no no, no, I would I mean, spread your cheek, but then stuff that sweatshirt up in it. No one's paying attention to you, and really fart into a bald up towel or blanket and it will soak up the smell and won't bother your freshman year when you would smoke weed in the door and you would blow it into the gatorade with the dryer sheets, that's what. But aren't you bringing more attention to yourself next paying attention? I swear, I just straight up fart on planes. I don't even think about it, Like the smell is the smell is not going to come back to you. Uh. That's but that's really rude to do to people when someone farts and they go, well, you couldn't hear it and you can't trace it to me. It's like, that's still just gross to put that poop smell from someone's butthole in the air in the confined space. I think it's rude, But isn't your jacket gonna smell like farts eventually? Maybe, but that's your jacket, and or you could use the plane. And why doesn't he just go to the bathroom because it was because it's what you know. He has a constantly I do too sometimes like I'm a I'm a farter burper, like I just I'm constantly gaseous. Someone wrote to me and said that I've been like burping on the mic, and I'm horrified by it, and I just want to call out that, like I am aware of it. Please do not right in if you hear it. It's really embarrassing for me. I obviously try not to do that. I will be very diligent about not making weird sounds with my throat and mouth, but just don't tell me about it. I know. And it's too embarrassing when you write in that I'm doing it, because then you're going to overthink it. Every other thing you can write in about that annoys you about me, and I'll maybe tell you to stop doing it. But the mouth sounds or like my throat or any kind of things, I really am trying not to do that, and so just know that I can't help it if I'm doing it and I'm trying my best. Next story, Uh, celebrity, Um, Chris Harrison will not host Bachelor in Paradise. That celebrity guests will, and your friend David Spade is one of those people. I know. I've known about this for a bit now because David Spade is one of my best friends. And yes, I am bragging about that because it's the coolest thing that's ever happened to me. Um, because he's the funniest person in the world and is the same person I watched stuff from him in the nineties when I first was like, I want to be friends with that person. He's still that person we're just talking about this morning. He has the energy and the like kind of attitude and he's just a youngster. He's still very he's still very fun and just silly and uh, definitely not someone who big times anyone. Yeah, and he just feels like he really knows who he is. I don't know, I thought comes off like he kind of like he he knows who he is. I mean, he's maybe comedically he knows who he is enough. Well, the other night I was hanging out with him. First of all, he is doing Bachelor in Paradise, which, if you don't know, I am. Also I'm doing a show that's coming out this summer that I can't talk about. And people have been speculating now that they've announced these guests celebrity, that I was doing Bachelor in Paradise. That's what a lot of people while I was down there thought I was doing. It is not what I was doing. It's very it's similar to what I was doing. I would be down there co host. I would because I even told Dave last night. I was like, God, I wish I could be down there with you when you're doing this, because it would be so fun to like hang on. He's like, you should try to do it, and I was like, I can't. I can't, or else it would be because I love, you know, dating reality shows. Dave's gonna be amazing at it. He's gonna be so fucking funny and um and what I wanted to say about, wait, what did you just say about Chris Harrison's done? You said something about he's confident in his comedy. I realized the other night that no, he even at the dinner. He drove me to my set and I went on stage, and I had a fucking great set, so much fun. I'm not even nervous about him watching me anymore, because in the beginning I used to be of like my comedy idols. I got off stage and and he had written me all these notes, like jokes he liked, and tags and stuff, and we were driving to the next set, and I go, I gotta tell you, I sounded like you up there. I go. I couldn't help myself. I was doing so many you isms because I hung out with him for dinner and he is my favorite comics, my favorite stand up um one of you know, top five for sure, maybe tied for first with other people. But I go, I sounded so much like okay, So let me give you this is just Cadence um uh doing a joke. Da dada da da da da da da No no, no no, no, that no dada that like it's like just little. If you listen to me, you will realize. And you listen to David Spade, I hope you see overlap because I'm trying to do what he's doing because he's the funniest. One. More thing he told me after I said that, I go, David, I just want to let you know that if you saw you and me up there, I'm aware of it, and I can't hang out with you because I'm gonna start sounding like you. I don't hate it for me because I killed. I go when I kill. Now I realized it's because I'm doing you, and I don't even mean to do it. It's just like it was. It's I am such a mimic. I'm someone who's so insecure when I was little that I wanted to be everyone else, so I would mimic other people so that people would like me as much as they like those people. Even though the reason people like Kay Miller isn't cutsheet talks like this. If I just started talking like that, people aren't gonna like me as much as Katie Miller. Uh. It's just like, you know, like I would choose, I did the same thing. I would tell if I was talking to someone from New York, I would talk more. I still do it with my hands more, and I'm more in New York. And then when I'm talking to my broad from the South, I'll just say, man, yeah, I love a fire in a little golf. Yeah, I see you do it. You get when we go South yeah, I do it all the time, and you as a kid, I went through every face skater. Uh. You know um guy that checked his pubes in the sun. He told me. Um he told me, though he goes, oh, that's funny. He goes, I didn't notice, and I go, I think he probably did. He goes, uh one of his famous buddies wrote him, or he goes one of you know. He said the name I don't want to say who called me early on and said, you know who is doing you on stage? And he said another name of a comic, And I go, that's so funny, because people accuse me of sounding like that comic. And the fact of the reason I sound like the comic is not because I want to be that comic. It's because they sound like you. I want to be you. And it was just such a I was like, oh my god, it's you. It was you all along. David. I never know whether to call him David Dave or Spade, call him Joe Dirt. He did the funniest thing the other day where I said something inappropriate. I was asking him if he knews those where sex clubs are in Hollywood, and I just was out with it, like I was like, Dave, I go, David, where's where's some Hollywood sex clubs? I want to hear about them? And he goes Nicky Louise was so funny. It made me feel like I wanted to be that's my my niece's middle name. When she asked me about sex clubs, I'll be able to say Poppy Louise. M all right, let's go to the sports moment gears Andrew's weekly sports moment love again and so he sound even more thrilled. Okay. Four time Grand Slam champion Naomi Osaka withdrew from the French Open on Monday and wrote on twit her that she would be taking a break from competition uh these days after she had experienced huge ways of anxiety before speaking to the media and revealed she has suffered long bounce with depression. All Right, I heard about this, Um, I like it. I like her tenacity in the face of Hey, I'm uncomfortable with this part of the sport and I don't want to do it, and if you make me do it, then I just I've already proven myself I don't need to do it anymore. Is that essentially she just doesn't want to answer to everything she did wrong on the court after she just won. Well, journalists took extreme offense to her when we met. You want you, we do questions answered you person that isn't as good at sports as you wish you were, and so you got into journalism because you're good at that, which is commendable as well. I'm sorry, like what why do we need to make this girl I have anxiety? Well also, like so she was getting fine and it was becoming like a bigger story than she even wanted to, which obviously is just going to add to her anxiety of Like now she's like the people hate millennials and and x xers and their anxiety. These these people that these older people that are going oh anxiety to presidents that's all day. It's like, yeah, you would do if you were raised with a phone in your face. I mean she was only fine, fifteen grand but the think people get maddig. Well, that's part of the sport. You gotta answer some questions. You ain't tough enough, and it's like that's two different things. But people don't want to hear that. They're like, well, maybe if you can't answer your questions, you're not tough enough for tennis. And it's like, and you make all that money, people don't want to hear that. Yeah, it's part I get it. It's part of the financial responsibility. The responsibility you have being paid. What you do is to provide content around the fact around what you're doing, like you provide sound bites and and provide you know, ESPN clips of a press conference. You need to give them more. It's part of it. I get it. But does it have to be does it take someone standing up and going know to maybe change that model? Yeah, and so good for her and what um what do you feel about it as as a person who knows sports. Um, I think that she's a little bit and she needs to know. Can you imagine if that was my take? No, I think like I think I I it's hard. It's way harder to go hey, I'm rich, and I still have issues to knowing that she's going to get the backlash, you know what I mean about her being rich. People are just like, why are you complaining your rich? You're rich, You're well you said the other day with Russell Westbrook, like you play, you get paid to play with a ball. But I think that that you know, the the amount. I just I hate that analogy when people say that about these athletes because the amount of work it takes to become a professional and how many people they compete against, and then the amount of less work you can do as working as like a financial analyst and even make half that, And then you go, well, you're just playing a sport. You want to see them play with an hour or in front of you, and it's you just don't know the work that comes behind it. Because if you read Ogassy his book, andre Agassi's book, I think it's called, isn't it AGAs andre AGAs, I say, I think I don't know. Honestly, I don't know who's right here. I felt right, but I would totally admit to being wrong. But when I read Agassy, uh, and I have no interest in tennis, don't know how to score, don't know how to follow it, don't really care um I learned. And also reading this other book called um the Talent Code, which is about how people aren't really naturally born talented, like yeah, you can be have a different musculature structure that makes you predisposed, or you know, you vocal chords that are healthier than someone else's. But truly, what makes people talented is working. And um Beyonce is an example they use in that book that it was like, yeah, of course she's beautiful and has a predisposition for singing and dancing, But if you look at the hours that girl put in, no one can touch it, much like no one can touch Beyonce in talent. And really what the truth behind talent is not you know, a child sitting down at a piano and playing Mozart and just knowing it, and you go, how did he know it? Or Beyonce just knowing how to sing like that? It's practice. And that's what I always say about comedy. It's like when people go, you're so good, I go, or they ever compliment me, it's hours. That's why I do a daily podcast. I want to stay. It's the mount, It's the it's the hours you put in guitar. I'm gonna be as good as Taylor Swift if she if Taylor Swift somehow stopped playing guitar today. In let's say she started when she was like eleven playing guitar. She's now thirty one. If you give me twenty years and practice as much as her. I probably won't sound as good as her because my voice is a little bit aged. But I could be as good as a guitar player as her. I could be as good if I do the same hours, I can pretty much be in that realm of anyone. Anyone listening right now. You could be a stand up comedian right now if I've been doing it for seventeen years. If you started now and did open mix every single night and became obsessed with comedy, you too could be hilarious and carry a show. The hardest part those kind of things a certain sports. For basketball, he needs a hoop and the ball, you know, like for stand up you need a crowp like you can't just it's certain things are easier. You just got to go out. And I always feel guilty that my practice was going out to clubs and like not sitting at home. When I think about Taylor Swift, which I compare myself to her a lot now that I'm trying to be a singer songwriter, and that's a true statement, I think about all the hours she spent alone practicing a guitar and how much work goes into that, and I go, God, I didn't do the same for stand up, and I go, yes, you did. You waited an open mics, you signed up. You waited for them to pick the pick the names. But to me, that's hanging out and it's not like sitting down and thinking about lyrics. But all of that waiting around talking to comics about comedy, about tags, that's all the same kind of work. So I am the tailor shift of comedy. Let's get to the first. But like people like Kobe Bryant and like people like Lebron, I was being facetious when I said that, but I do really want people to compare mental Yeah, yeah, Taylor, Yeah, I've been saying every years. Okay, yeah, you're better than her. Actually fashioning. Oh wait, there's no fashioning there. We could talk about this stuffer all day, but we do gotta get to listener mail because we've got some good ones today. So grateful for our listeners. You guys are the fucking best. I talked about you yesterday on a Yahoo interview I did about mental health, about my listeners and how much this podcast has made me feel like closer to my fans than I ever imagined I could be. And so I'm just really grateful, whether you're listening for the first time today and you're like easy, Nikki, I just like accidentally turned this on, like I love you that much, or you're someone who listens every day. Thank you. Let's listen to Megan's voice message. Hey, Hey, Nikki and Andrew, this is Megan calling from upstate New York. I had to pause the pod and send you a quick voicemail. I think the Machine Gun Kelly song that you're referring to with more like Mandy is because she has wrote a song called called Candy. Yes, Girl, Yes, I just wanted to connect those stats for you guys. Hope everything's going well. Thanks girl. All the swells by all right. Megan, you and several other besties wrote to me and said, Nikki Mandy, I was right about Mandy Moore. I got there on my own without putting it together that yes, of course I know that Mandy Moore had a hit song, her first hit single, called I'm Missing You Like Candy, Missing You like Candy, sweet sweet love it. God, there's a part of it where she goes like, oh, it's like a little bit of Jessica Simpson. It was so good. And the fact that I did not know put that together is embarrassing, and I am grateful for all my besties for not being like duh and being very kind about it, like, hey, you might consider that it was very sweet how they all said it, But yes, you are right and I and it's funny because Andrew you go, that's the joke, that's it, and I go, yeah, that's it. That's why it's brilliant. But it wasn't. It was wrong. But yeah, I never would have went there. All right, let's get to uh. This is from Stephie Stephie Graf maybe obviusly Hi, Nikki, Andrew and Noah. My name's Stephie. And I was a huge fan of the Up podcast, so when the Nicky Glazer podcast started up, I was fucking stoked. I just wanted to share that cut is like my favorite thing ever. It's like my new joy in life to share with all my friends and like, let's go at myself. Whenever I get a Facebook memory of an old status uptain, I feel like that like every single But the thing I really wanted to call and share is that now, whenever I hear a song that has the word cool in it, my brain changes it to CUK and it gives me the best laugh. For example, this song with Jeezy, I hear she said, I'm dude, it's true. Oh my god, pet is so cute. Um. First of all, I love the name Steffie. I think that that is going to go on my list of names for daughters that will never have It's a great name. Um, Steffie, that is such a I love the idea that this thing that I came up with in high school with my friends is like really people are using it and actually not trying to use it. They're just like naturally, that's the way to not be It's got to be natural and organic. That's what we strive for here. And it's really fun when there's songs people are hearing the word cut a lot of times, like there is Yeah, I mean the one the Ali Lohan song that someone sent me that is in my phone now. I mean I can't not play it because I put it on our story And if in case you missed it, you can go to Nicki Glazer Pod on our Instagram to send us d M s and we'll maybe read there's those on listener mail, or you can follow the link in our bio to leave us a voice memo. And for all of you scared to leave a voice memo, I've I've sensed that some people are like, I'm so nervous, I might sound dumb. Girl boy, I some dumb all the time on here. We will never make fun of you ever, So you have nothing to worry about in that way. But here is Ali lohan sister. No, I just I feel like I want to promise them I won't make fun of them, to give them all the swells. Okay, so this one was Silent Night, which we all know the lyrics to Silent Night. Uh is all is calm, all is bright? Right, Okay, let's see what. Let's see what? Oh sorry, this is Dina Lohan. Oh yeah, this is actually yeah her mom. Okay, what the hell is she trying to say cool? Like she's changing the lyrics or is that her attempt at calm. I don't know. I think I hear an am at the end. I mean it's it's I do think it's wild too. I mean, guys, and what it says by Dina Lohan, But the album is Ali Lohan, so I think this is Ali, this is her sister, and it's called Silent Night, and you guys make sure we are going to really rock that song around Christmas time. Who's listening to that song in June? I mean, I mean the girl who sent it to me. I go big, what is happening that you listen to this? And she gave me the whole like what happened? God? And it made sense and it really I related to it of going down these wormholes where you're like, how did I end up on Ali Lohan's Christmas album in in fucking May of and and you know what? Sometimes that's that's that should be like a thing we say, like, you know, listen, it's sucking al A Lohan's Christmas album. I don't know how I got there. That should be a way of saying that. Um okay. The next user listener mail. This one is another voice memo, which are I gotta be honest? My favorite? This is from Emily Hi, Hello, Hello Nicky, Andrew, what's up? Love you guys, Thank you so much. This is mostly for Nicky. Nicky, Oh my god, looking so stunning, shining like sucking mirror ball. You are the moment everyone's obsessed with you. It's just it is what it is. That's why I should f jump on stage. Everyone's feeling you, especially Machine Gun Kelly laughing just a bit too hard to be sitting next to anyhow, Thank you guys so much for you. That just made my vagina twitch. That was too much. Okay, bye uh Emily, thank you for saying what everyone is saying, which is the video I posted of me um kind of stealing the microphone from Usher after he asked me to dance. I proceeded to make some jokes. I haven't even watched the video because I I didn't want to even look at what I said. Apparently you can't really hear it, but if you do look in the background I posted on my Instagram, my own personal one, you can see Machine Gun Kelly laughing so hard, which it was just so generous of him because he knows that everyone's watching him and as someone and oftentimes when I'm in a crowd where you know, I see people know who I am and trust my sense of humor and what I think is cool, I will give people. I will give extra to set a tone for the room. So that's what he did for me, and I even thanked him afterwards and said, legit. Everyone laughed because you were laughing. Thank you so much, so it was really nice of him. And UM, and thank you for saying I'm stunning in all those things. People I keep getting messages of, like you know, from other comics, being like you're blowing up right now, You're so busy, And the truth is, I've ever been less. I'm busy, but in the best way of like, I'm only saying yes to things that are so fun. I'm doing this podcast that I look forward to every day. I rarely have dread in my life anymore, and that was not the case before COVID. And I'm very very grateful that life has afforded me this life and that it's I'm very lucky. And UM, I love that you said I looked like a mirror ball because I posted a picture of myself in my green outfit from the I Heart Words and which I felt ridiculous and because it felt too dressy and felt like I was trying to be something I wasn't. And I wrote I'm a mirrorball because I knew that. And I wrote it all lower case because I knew swift ease know that all lowercase is the waist. It's a fashion egg for UM, Taylor Swift did folklore and it was all in lowercase, like all the song titles in the album and um. But what I wanted to say about those I put I'm a mirrorble. And I knew that I was referencing that because I felt that anyone that saw me in that dress, meaning a couple of people that I think, the girls that I think are going to talk to it about me and be like she thinks she's hot, like you, like she's thirty seven, like what she's trying to do? Stick to comedy. Why do you want to be perceived as hot? And so to a worry to you? In my head, I thought they were going to see it, and I needed some kind of I didn't want to straight it straight out say like I'm a fraud as the caption, even though it would have been funny, because then it's just people go, no, you're not. And I just didn't want to ask for that. So I wrote I'm a mirrorball because anyone who thinks I'm just like feeling myself goes, oh, she thinks she's a mirrorble and she looks glowy kind of like a mirrorble. But if you look at the Taylor Swift lyrics of I Am Mirror Ball, the song is I Am a mirror Ball, and I thought, maybe someone is like, what does this mean? And we'll look it up, and so I google I Am a mirror Ball, and oh, I Am a mirror comes up, So ball you have to put in. And then if you look at the lyrics, I knew Sift Swifties would get it. Some of them wrote uh to me in the comments and I was like, oh good, they get it. But the song Mirrorball I really relate to because it says, I want you to know I'm a mirrorball. I'll show you every version of yourself tonight. So like, as a celebrity, you try to like make people feel them, like, try to relate to them. So you're just trying to be other people for other people, and you're not really being yourself. And it says, hush, when no one is around, my dear, you'll find me on my tallest tiptoes, spinning in my highest heels, shining just for you. Um. And then at the very end, it says the bridges and they called off the circus, burned the disco down when they sent home the horses and the rodeo clowns. So the circus is gone. It's at night. She goes, I'm still on that tight rope. I'm still trying everything to get you laughing at me. I'm still a believer, but I don't know why. I've never been a natural. That's my thing about Beyonce. All I do is try try. I'm still on that trappiece. I'm still trying everything to keep you looking at me. And then it says because I'm a mirrorball, I have goose bumps because of these lyrics. I'm a mirrorble. I'll show you, I'll show you every version of yourself tonight. And I just thought that was the perfect lyric to encapsulate how I felt. I looked beautiful like a mirrorball. But really what it's about is trying to be what people want me to be while also trying to feel good myself and having a problem with both of those feelings. Final thought, I mean, I am I ridiculous to feel lyrics this way? I really want to know, like my obsession with Taylor Swift, I'm not trying to be I don't. I don't think you're ridiculous I think a lot of people, you know, I've heard, I've known lyrics to a song and have no idea what that song means. And you make me want to like understand lyrics more because I think there's a lot of people that can know the words to every song, like a whole song and literally never break it down. And of those people, I when I first listened to Taylor Swift songs, I don't go deep, and then when I have an emotion that I go, wait a second, the song is kind of nailing it. That's when I go in and I go, oh my god, there was a there was this a prime example. The other day, I was one of my favorite Gaga songs, Noah, who looks like Lady Gaga so much that the other day Andrew and I were watching Gaga on that new Apple show where she talks about her rape, which is fucking terrible and so brave of her, and doesn't name the guy and says, I know that I know that a lot of people think that I should name him and call him out, but I just never want to ever think about him again. And it was like, Oh, that's really, That's a thing I haven't heard yet. Really is a woman that says, I this guy is still out there working and I don't want to do it. I can't do it. I'm sorry. I can only go this far and you can't make me name him and it's it's hard. And I respect her for doing the Naomi uh what's her last name? Okasa Osaka thing and being like, no, I have a boundary and I'm sorry. It's not gonna be beneficial for everyone, but this is where I stand on it. However, Gaga has a song called A Million Pieces or a Million Reasons um than You a million Yeah, as one of my favorite songs to sing. Carlyle and were singing it the other day in the car with Ben Gleeb on the way back because Carlyle, uh, I wanted to pick a song that her and I really like jam out too and uh and so I put that song on because we've done karaoke to it. It's a great song. Max, boyfriend, who loves slow ballads, hated this song, and I think that was the time I knew we were going to be done, because I was like, I love this song so much and you you perfect? You like actually made a point to be like, you know that new million reasons song and I'm like, yes, I listen to it all the time. He's like, I've never hated a song more. I'm like, we are not gonna make it. It's so good and at the end of it, but this is the best part about that song. I have listened to the song thousands of times, analyze the lyrics in a million ways, and maybe you have to, but it goes You're given me a million reasons to let you go. You're given me a million reasons to quit the show, which I used to always love because when that song came out, I was doing Not Safe my show and Comming Central with my boyfriend. We start did it together. Comedy Central said, hey, we might cancel it, but we might also just need to restructure the show. What do you want to do? And I didn't want to do the show anymore because my relationship was falling apart, and I didn't want to make a show with a guy that I loved in one of my relationship back. I didn't want our to keep working with him, and so I ended the show. And I used to thing like, you've given me a million reasons to quit the show. You're giving me a million So at the end of it, she's like, I bowed down to pray, try to get through that. But and then at the very end of it, she goes, um uh wait, hold on, let me just pull up the lyrics really quick. No, I'm so sorry. This is like a lyric dump. But this was just one where I go I thought I knew all the lyrics, and then I put together this thing that is so amazing that she did. Um uh, So she goes, all she needs is one good reason to stay. So she's begging this guy. You're giving me a million reasons. Why. Yeah, if I had a highway, I would run for the hills. If you could find a dryway, I'd forever be still. Like if you could get sober, I'd forever be still. But you're giving me a million reasons. Give me a million reasons, giving me a million reasons. About a million reasons I bow down to pray. I try to make the worst seem better. Lord, show me the way to cut through all this war and out leather. I always say pleather because it makes it vegan. Um, I'm just kidding. She goes, I've got a hundred million reasons to walk away. And then it's like the baby, I just need one good one to stay. So she needs one good reason to stay, right, But at the very end she goes, um, I've I've got a hundred million reasons to walk away, but baby, I just need one good one, good one. Tell me that that you'll be the good one, good one. Saying, well, you need a good one. I need a good reason. That she goes, tell me that you'll be the good one, the good one, and then she goes, baby, I just need one good one to stay. And then at the end she said, Babe, I just need one good one to say, She's not talking about reasons anymore. She needs one good guy to stay. And it was like the one went from reason to the guy and then the end being so sad, and she's just like saying to herself, She's like, I just need one. It's not that I need him to give me a good reason to stay that I stay. Really, I just need a guy to stay, and I need to let someone good in instead of trying to change this guy who is giving me a million bad reasons. I don't need him, even though I think I'm begging for him to say the right thing, because how often do we just wait for this person who we know isn't right to just change when really you have to let that one go and be able to let the right one stay. And I just I had epiphany and I go holy ship Carlisle. At the end of that song is I just need one good one to stay, like a good man. So it has a long way to get to that, but I just those are ways that lyrics jumped out of me. Another one is cardigan. You put me on. You put me on like a cardigan like she's talking about was discarded like a card again, and then at the end he put you put me on and said I was your favorite. She felt like an old card again. But then he put her on and was like, it's my favorite even though it's a warring card again. But then Swifties alerted me to the fact that she goes, you put me on and said I was your favorite. You put me on is another way of saying you lied to me. Oh, you put me on and said that you were gonna be here at ten, when it's an old turn of phrase for put me on is a way of saying lied to me. So this guy, she's celebrating that this guy finally came around and loved her. But what But what she's really saying is you put me on and said I was your favorite, because the song is one of the trilogies of the Folklore album in which she's singing from the perspective of the girl who was cheated on by the guy and uh, the guy always comes back to her in the end, and she was like, I knew you'd come back to me, but you put me on. It's just like those double cards, card again. Every time I hear card again, I just think a dumb and dumber. When the cop pulls him, he goes pull over, pull over, and he's like, no, no, it's a card again because he thinks. So every time I hear card, I can't. It's one of those moments in a movie that if you hear that word, because you never hear that, you don't hear card again that much. So it takes me there, which is just someone asked me the other day when I was checking into hotel, it did my car didn't? Can I see your card again? And I go, this is actually a switch. I literally did that. Yeah. I was like, it sounds like you said card again, And they were like, um, do you want to get to a point though, where it's like you could just post yourself in a hot green dress and not even think about those six or seven comics or whatever people that are in your head. No, because I have the bow botom thing of like I need to call out what's really going on here? And it's that, But isn't that? But the point is is you don't need to call it out because calling it out is it's just another way I want people to know that I know, I'm aware, just like the thing of burping. I know. I need you to know that I know. I hope, I don't know. I want to get to a place where I don't even need those people to know that I know because I do know. Yeah, it's it's complicated. Just keep living authentically and just do your best. And that's all a great weekend. I'll miss you, guys, I'll miss doing this. Thank you so much for being here and uh for taking us in. Leave us voice malmos. I love hearing your voices. Uh. Listen to Puddles that's Andrew's podcast. If you want more of us, watch our old videos on YouTube. Um you know, subscribe, rate and review. We we really appreciate anyway you spread the podcast to your friends and tell them about it. Keep using and thank you so much, besties, Thank you Noah for a great week of shows. Birthday Week. I'm doing a birthday year. By the way, Hey, let's do it. It's everyone's birthday year. If if you really think about it, everyone could be like, it's my birthday year. Could we're all coming out of coves? Yeah. And because everyone has one birthday year unless you're early baby, shout out to the lead. Baby's February twenty nine, great day. And you never ate because every four years you turned one year, right, Cat