#433 Benedict Polizzi of CW’s Lovers & Liars, Reality TV Dating & Spray Tan Life!!

Published Apr 19, 2024, 1:00 AM

The first episode of CW's Lover's and Liars has dropped. What better time to have Benedict Polizzi on for a mini reunion? Nikki, Brian, and Benedict chat about past seasons, what it's like to get rejected on TV, how to handle a first kiss when everyone is watching, and how to appeal to a narcissist. Nikki realizes that she will die in a hotel, and it better be a Four Seasons. She and Benedict bond over the necessity of spray tans and teeth whitening. In the Final Thought, Noa has an announcement; they agree that parenthood is complicated, and Nikki explains why Conan O'Brien's appearance on The Hot Ones is one of the best things on the internet. 

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The Nicky Glizer Podcast. Glaser, here's Nikki. Hello here, I am welcome to the show.

It's Nicky Glazer Podcast live from Hollywood, California, in person with my co host Brian Frangie, live for us, Live to tape. Yeah, yeah, I guess I could.

Everything that we're doing is live.

It is. It's this live is a lie. It is a lot.

Yes, it's live to tape. But people say that a lot in Hollywood. They're like, it's live to tape.

Because Hollywood is full of bullshit. Artists don't know they're doing anymore.

I'm doing something live coming up that's live live, and it's a rare thing that things are live anymore. My show on MTV was live. Really Yeah, Nicky and Sarah was the first TV show I ever did. We were just like three two one and it's like on air.

No, Well, did you slip up or anything? Yeah?

I stumbled a little bit. There was like a teleprompter that's been to police. See everyone.

He's two and three, So nice to be here.

Thanks comedian hilarious. Follow him on Instagram. I had no idea how many follows.

I think they're all they're all fake, you know.

The number. You know the you know the number? Can I think it was seven? Yeah?

That on Instagram.

But I've lost so many recently from Lovers and Liars. Why what do you guys me to do?

I like that they're already following you.

They watch you on Lovers and Liars and they go unfollow That really happened?

Oh yeah, how many Instagram or TikTok?

This is Instagram?

So Instagram you.

Had like five because you're advertising it.

That's why it's not like they watch the show and go I'm going to go unfollow this guy. They see the ads you're doing now you're on reality show, and they're like, fuck this guy, he's sold out.

One guy goes less self promo please. I was like, I got It's okay, we'll get it. We'll get him back, we'll get it.

How many followers do you feel like you lost because.

Of he had six thousands for Boys three.

It's for f Boy three. It was like ten thousand and six thousand people the first episode. Wow, more people.

On followed you because of your ads for the show then watched the actual I'm on the show.

Too, though, Like I'm not just promoting your show out of nowhere. Like, I'm on that.

For you. That's crazy.

That just shows you, like and if you if you were to get a girlfriend, they would fall off to oh yeah, like if you were to post anything that like made it feel like these people didn't own you in some way yours. Yeah, because when you make content where you're just doing like who's buying this?

Or you're doing your.

Yeah, the polite cat calling is that what it's called polite cat calling? So he does these like videos where he's in the street with a megaphone and he will heckle and like roast people, but it's all polite roast.

I did in West Hollywood and they ate it up really right by the abbey.

What is like, what are some of the things you shot at people?

I was like this guy had like glasses on he was walking across the crosswalk and I was like, damn dog and like everybody's like and I was like, you look like you know how to use Microsoft Excel like just die And his girlfriend was.

Like he good at it.

Yes, that's so fun. So he does those and then also who's buying this?

Really makes me laugh?

Yeah, he just finds like an insane product, like like, uh.

What's there's like pickle favored mustard.

There's insane, there's like ranch cream, like there's just people will send me just like insane stuff, and I'm like, all right.

Man, let's do it finding the store and to find eat it.

But a while you were just going like who was buying this?

Now?

Yeah, and now you got to do that ship.

Like the symptom of a downfall of the society is to have frivolous products like that. Yeah, it's the beginning of the end.

Yeah.

Yes, the fact that our society is capable of producing ranch, ranch face cream or whatever the fuck is a bad sign for it.

It's not good.

We have too much leisure. We should be at war.

Well, I was listening to Tim Dylan podcast the other day and I already knew this, but just bears repeating. The most countries don't allow the things we put in our food in their food supply. They they it's illegal to sell the stuff that we have that you can buy at seven eleven.

It's legal in other because they know the harm it does.

Yeah, right, that seven elevens coffee reminds me of being broke.

The taste of it.

It's a taste of it because It is affordable and it is good, but the smell and taste of it reminds me of really hard times being hungover in La It was, but it was the one treat of my day. It was like the most delicious thing. I would put those French vanilla creamers in. What do you put in your black right?

Of course you are, but I don't know why I'm doing that.

I'm not doing it for the taste, yeah, just the it's the drug.

You're doing it for the look.

Celsius, do you do those?

I tried one of those this weekend and I mean it's brain. It didn't even stop. It just went right through me and it arctic blasted out of my eye like it was. It caused immense diarrhea right away.

It's crazy. It was crazy.

Great Wallace video about Celsius. Yeah, you shared it with me. Actually, I don't know.

Maybe, oh yeah, maybe that was one.

But it's it's that stuff that ruinds me of monster energy, which I used to be addicted to as well. But yeah, coffee, it's the first thing you think about in the morning. I'm so excited and it sucks that the second one isn't as good as the first that's when you know it's like a real addiction. First hit, it's so good, it's so so good. And then you got me a diet coke at seven eleven, which was so freaking nice of you.

I gotta he doesn't.

I don't think it's.

It's getting to the point where I'm drinking so many that they're not special anymore.

They used to feel like.

A cigarette, like when you're being bad, and now I'm doing them all the time, and I'm like, oh, I'm just smoking a packadet.

You need to connect the coke with an event as a reward.

Weed.

I only smoke weed after after I'm done with things, or right before if I'm like right before if I go on if I'm like really feeling like right before I go on stage, I am feeling like really just bored and like no just no energy and just feeling like kind of sad and like what am I doing?

Imposter syndrome.

If I just like the tiniest puff from a vape, like the littlest one, I just it just gives me energy. It's that's what we does for me. I mean, it ultimately makes you kind of stupid if you do it too much. But for me, weed right away makes me like, oh fun, like everything it's okay, Yeah, it's like it's not it's energy and like mental energy as opposed to like physical I guess coffee gives me like physical energy, but my brain will still be slow on coffee.

Sometimes that does not. Weed does not make me smart.

Or no, it doesn't make you smart.

Sometimes it does make my brain work a little bit smarter and faster and more creative. But ultimately I think it makes you hungry, really stupid and hungry. No, it curbs my hunger. What it does like the opposite for me that it's.

Supposed to do smart and not hungry.

Not smart.

It definitely makes my brain forget things more like when I because I've got I've been everything from like a just a little choke before a show, a little bit afterwards with surprise, to like smoking as soon as I waken, bake all day long, and that kind of lifestyle. If you're smoking weed throughout the day, yeah, it just makes you really dumb and it makes you forget things in the middle of the sentence. I've talked about this before, but I was smoking so much weed at some points I was going on stage, and I would be in the middle of a joke. I'm in the middle of a setup and not remember what I was even talking about. I would forget what I'm talking about. It's the middle of a sent like a word like not just like, oh I got distracted.

What was I just talking about?

I'm talking about it and I'm forgetting what I'm talking about. Well, and that's when I had to like go to a marijuana's anonymous meeting and be like, I think I have a problem.

Yeah, there is that. And I went to one and I got out at it.

He was like this one guy was sharing and what you're not supposed to do in a meeting. I probably shouldn't even say I went to one, because it does work for people if you're addicted to marijuana. I truly believe that. I just didn't stay in it, and so I still smoke. But this my first meeting, which you're like scared to go because you're like, this is really a problem I have and should I even be talking about this? And like and you're it's supposed to be anonymous for even a person that isn't have any level of fame. So I go to this and I think I shared because it was like first timers or like anyone here here for the first time. And I want to just say, if you ever go to a twelve step meeting and they go, who's here for the first time, you do not have to say me. You can just sit there silently. No one's gonna be like, we've never seen you, why aren't you raising your hand? Like there's no rules in twelve step meetings, which is the greatest thing ever. So even if they're like, if this is your first time, tell us about your name, you literally no one will be like you haven't been your share like, you can sit there silently, So don't ever let that be a reason you don't go is because you are scared to share, because you won't have to share. Ever, you don't have to do anything you don't want to do in a twelfsted meeting. It's the only place in the world where there's no expectations of you, but there is to fucking not say anyone else's name. But even if you fuck that up, no one yells at you. There's no yelling like this guy. So I shared because I felt like it and I was like, I'm here, I don't know if I really belong here. Here's my relationship with weed.

Blah blah blah.

This is years and years ago when I was like struggling with it and uh, and then the guy this, you know, we get to the like main shares, and this guy is like, I really didn't know if I was supposed to come today, but then I saw Nikki Glazier, one of.

My favorite roasters.

This is like, I've been to so many twelve step meetings for different things before.

Yeah, favorite roasters. Now she.

Literally roast too.

Blazing.

And I just was like, and I really don't really care if people recognize me in other meetings for stuff, but that one for some reason because it was my first time, and I'm like, this is kind of embarrassing. This is something I'm shamed about. I really was not in the mood for it, and so I just got off the meeting and used that as an excuse to never go back, because I was like, my.

Enemy was broken, so I'll never return. So I yes, because I just wanted to keep talking weed. So that was my excuse.

But it did happen, and it was unbelievable to be and you can tell that maybe someone probably messaged him like, Hey, that's not cool to do, but that guy I didn't suffer anything. So if you go into an AA meeting or a twelve step meeting and you fuck up the rules because there's tons, no one's gonna yell at you about it. Everyone understands that everyone does it, and people break in anymity all the freaking time.

That guy's name.

If you know anyone who's ever been to a twelve set, meaning they're breaking a rule. Me just saying I went to a twelve sub meeting is breaking a rule? Do you know why this is very interesting?

Yourself? Can now you shouldn't.

Reveal yourself because if I have never understood that because I go, if it works for you.

Why wouldn't you tell people about it?

Like I want to scream from the rooftops about one twelve step program I was in because it helped me so much, but I can't because I have too much respect for it and I don't want to let You don't want to put your name with anything because people might do it because I do it right, and then that's good. But what if I start using again and then people will go, well it failed. We know it didn't work for her so if people it's not good to attach your name to any anything. If you're a celebrity and you think like I'm helping by saying this, it's not helping.

You're kind of you're breaking.

The rule television shows. What do you mean, don't attach your name to it?

And casey, you'll lose followers.

Yeah that is true. What happened regrets now?

Yeah, I'm just every time I'm ever on TV, I'm just.

Not No, I don't no, right you do because your life is the algorithm.

Your life is the followers. That's the world of Holly influencer.

Yeah.

What is it like being like really locked into it? Brian?

You you try?

You know, you don't know on this level where you're like every do you put up content every single day?

No? No, no I could because I do cartoons, right that would be impossible.

Yeah, but Benedict, you're every day you got it?

I try to every day. Yeah, I try to post something?

Is there?

It's psych Is it hard? Yeah?

Because you run out of ideas and right now, like I just moved here, like I'm trying to situate everything and it's a little more tough and like when you're on the road and stuff like that you don't have all the time.

But is it like working out where it's like if you get it done early in the day, you're like the rest of the day you kind of feel like, Okay, I can just like relax until tomorrow. Or if you wait, like the second you get it done to you go what's next?

Kind of never stops because you're like what other app to have to post that on? That's about like, oh Facebook, I didn't post once.

It's a curse.

Absolutely yeah, it's it's not good.

And so what are you gonna do today? Have you thought about it?

I've got to edit a clip that I already filmed. It feels good to film something and get that out of the way about like it never have to look at yourself?

Then?

Are you used to that at this point? You don't care?

I hate it?

Is it gotten easier to edit?

It's gotten a little easier.

But like after you like listen to a set that you did and watch like a whole thing that you filmed, I'm like, I'm gonna kill myself everything.

It's it's the worst.

Then I do a yoga class and the mirrors right in front of me, I'm like oh my god, I like to cancel this guy.

But that's when you know you've won. When you finally do it, you get to stop posting.

Yeah that's true, but you can never stop posting, even if you die. Means to keep your image alive. It's true, more money now than he never did.

They need to keep going.

We have to feed the machine because that's how that's what our economy runs on.

This morning, I haven't seen my boyfriend in a while, and he like felt myself and he was like, oh, you got some lads going and I go really like, I was like, oh wow, really because I don't feel that. I was like thanks, and he was like, and I go. The city thing is it's like, he goes, how are you feeling?

Like?

You look good?

I'm like, because we haven't seen each other while and I would do pilates a lot, and he's like, you look good.

How are you feel?

And I was like, it's just I can never stop like and he goes, I go, if I want to keep these abs like, I have to keep going every day and he goes, no, they they like he said something he was he was gonna say something else, and I go, wait, they stick. He goes no, they'll stick around, because he was saying, like, you'll keep this up, and I thought he was saying, no, they stick around, and I almost believed him that they would be that they once you get them, they'll just stay. And I have this dreamy hope that is so based on nothing. For literally zero point two seconds, I had this thing of like, once you get them, they don't go away, which I know is not true. Yeah, but imagine a world in which you get something and then it just stays at nothing like an Emmy.

Yeah, they can't take that away from you unless you get canceled.

Yeah, but then the next Emmy show up and no one gives a fuck. Like that's the thing about even the awards shows. I'm like, this is so important right now, and no one cares. No one will care here. It will be the next cycle and everyone will be caring about that cycle.

Yeah, and you'll be old news.

And then when you're you're in your sixties and you have like a few Emmys in your house and people are like, what what is this? You have Emmys? Yes?

For what what'd you do? Yeah?

Like in your in your in like your cabinet where your plate should be you have Emmys.

Yeah, it's for like the Milton Burrel Hour, yea and which was the biggest show of its time or something like that. You know, it's like the most more people watch it than the super Bowl now in the seventies and no one, you couldn't pull one hundred people in the street that would have ever heard of the show.

Yeah I haven't.

I've just made it up.

But like you know what I mean, Like there's all these like programs that happened in the seventies and eighties.

On the fifties especially, like you know, everyone in the world would like watch Sid Caesar or something like that. Everybody not in the world, in the country, crazy radio, even everybody would everyone everyone listened to Sid Caesar on Sundays in the fifties. Yeah, and that was it. Everyone just knew what it was. Everyone knew what he said, all the jokes everyone got. That was it. And nowadays it's all segmented and everyone has to be their own corporation where you're it's so exciting. You're your own marketing, you're your own content creator, you your own manager, your own everything. And that's why only a few people get to make money and everyone else has to uh just post to Instagram every day.

I just want what the OnlyFans girl said she had on last episode, which is like a bunch of people. And this is what I feel like with this podcast. The podcast fans they only want good for me, like they only want to see me do well. They're only seeing they seeing they love me, like they really love me in a way that's like we like you no matter if you're not that good that day or like it's unconditional love from a fanship, which is so rare to have. Like Swifties obviously, yeah, are like that everything.

But she is.

Perfect, so it's kind of doesn't she doesn't really ever fail your fans. Yeah, but my my fans will accept me for whatever I am, and that is I think that's what I would really like to if you could just have that where a safe space because like, yeah, like I want to do this Swifty channel that has a paywall because I want to talk about Taylor Swift and I want to geek out about it. But I don't want people to make fun of me that don't get it, you know, So I want to be comfortable. And that's what I feel about the podcast. When people listen to the podcasts who I know, don't who are going to meet a little bit judgmental of me. Yeah, like if we have on a guest and they're like I listen to a couple of episodes and we no, no, no, no no, Like you don't get it, like you're you're not who this is for. Yeah, Like watch my roast. That's like a polished thing that I'm like, here it is, And this is just like very like low stakes. This is for like my my, This is like unconditional lots for the people get where you can be without makeup in front of them and they still love you, whereas the other things I do in my life. And that's just more metaphorically. I still wear makeup on the show, but like you know, this is a stripped down version where you're like, oh, they just like me.

For me, there's a makeup on your personality.

Yeah, but I can't make the money I make without having the like I can't be on the level I'm at without I would like this to be bigger, Yeah, but it's harder to find people that love you unconditionally like that, Like, do you feel like your fans you can trust them and do not like be mean to you.

Can you read your comments and stuff?

I mean them being mean to me is like part of the game.

Because you're a little bit roasty as well.

Yeah, like I I got it, comment like.

Look at me, like you We're going to get into look at you because you were such an interesting person watching your you open for me two weeknds ago in Pachanga Casino, and your act was so self deprecating in such a really enjoyable way. Because you are an attractive hot guy that is on a show where you are. You were cast because you're a hot guy.

I'm a scam.

But you're also funny and that's why you were cast too, So it's not all just hot guy, but you you you stepped up the hotness and I think I relate to that a lot, where it's like you get in the door being funny and then you're like, but no, I'm actually hot too, right, and then as hard as you can and you do elevate to that level, but you always feel like a fraud, oh for sure. Okay, so we're gonna talk about that when we get back after this. All right, we're back with Benedict Pelizzi from Lovers and Liars, which you can watch right now. Second episode coming out tonight if you're listening to this on Thursday on the CW, on the CW app on Hulu. Yeah, and Benedict is looking for love this season. He's been on The F Boy Island season two and three. He was on f Bay Island season two as a nice guy, nice guy.

You were there for love.

You ended up being the runner up for Louise, who ended up picking Mercedes. Uh huh, the f fist of f boys that's ever.

Existed, just the final boss. Absolutely, he played a good game. He's incredible in real life.

Greg's the goat Mercedes follow him on Instagram. I just want to give a shout out because he's a narcissist. So I'm constantly trying to feed his ego whenever I bring him up, because I think he's going to find a way to watch this because I talked about him.

And he's searching it on Google.

He's as there's some way he's live streaming this, even though this is a question. Because he heard his name, He's going.

To tap into it. He's in here.

The thing about Mercedes is that you can as long as you're talking about him. He's fine.

He doesn't even care about being made fun of because he likes being talked about and the attention, and he's so confident.

He's unrattlable.

Is that crazy?

But he's the problem is I think I think Mercedes, no offense and actually you don't take any offense to this because I told this to your face one time when we're doing one of our sessions. You are a clinical narcissist, like not the kind that we just say our boyfriends are. And everyone has narcissistic tendencies and traits or they can and that's usually what people are saying. My boyfriend has is a narcissist. You're saying he has narcissist traits. The narcissist personality disorder is and and Mercedes would not call it a disorder. It is a thing that you can be diagnosed as that, like you know, is a it's a big diagnosis and Mercedes, and it's incurable, which is very interesting to me because narcissists don't think anything with them, so you can't cure because to be able to cure something, you have to be willing to participate in the cure.

And if you don't believe it's a problem. It's it's so cool. It's actually it blows my mind that it's in cure. It's like rabies. Narcissism and rabies are the only two things that are incurable that once you get it, like you locked in with it, you.

Have to put it down.

Narcissist.

But I told him, I was like, you're a narciss like I think you. This is the first time.

I'm almost excited that I'm like talking with a real life I don't know that.

Like a creature. It's like a ze.

Yeah, it's like.

When you talk to when Piers Morgan talks to like a sociopath, if you watch those psychopaths or whatever that says, and that's as rare and interesting as a person.

Not they they are very different than a normal human's brain.

And when I get around a narcissist, man, do I give them what they want?

It's amazing. I want Mercedes to like me so much.

I am desperate for his approval, even though I don't trust him, even though I know that his personality disorder comes from a place of feeling less than which I don't judge Mercedes because I also feel less then, but you will never admit that you do. And you're just going not like this to the camera, to your phone right now as you watch it.

But uh so I relate to that. I'm not That's not an indictment on you at all. But i want you to like me so much, and I'm not scared of you.

I'm actually charmed by it, Like I want to look up to him. I love narcissist up to all narcissists.

I'm like, Wow, good for you.

So Benedict's the opposite of a narcissist.

No, he's got some.

Traits as we as we do. There's a part of me that like to do stand up.

Comedy, to think that anyone has to shut their mouths so they can listen to you spout off about what you have to think you're better than people, or you.

Think you're not. You're you're so desperate for a yeah, a little bit.

But that's even Clinton. Let's even like, you know, diagnosable narcissists. That comes from a deep but they.

Can't ever but everyone has that. That's what everyone's weird personality has come from the fact that they didn't get something as a child and believe that they're not worthy for some reason, and it's all a matter of how they their personality manifests from how they chose to deal with that.

Yes, it's all that.

Yeah, God fuck, we're a wreck.

Well I want to get to bendict like you talk about on stage. You came in here today and I made a joke about spraytns and then you said, uh, yeah, I feel that I live that life two weeks a week.

What is it? You can't, dude, You can't spray it on a spray TN.

I know, but it like for me and probably you two, like we work out a lot. Like when you sweat, it washes off, So like do you.

Scrub it all off before you go in for the second one? Nah?

So you will spray on top of one, don't you just end up looking kind of dirty? I just I just scraped my skin off yesterday to get this off to get a new one to yesterday.

That's why I get too, because it kind of like fills it in and.

The other do you go in the booth or do you get someone to.

Do it booth? Yeah, I'm all about the booth.

Yeah, well it's much more.

I've done the person one before.

I've been doing the person one pretty frequently because the booth has burned me.

But do you ever follow the booth?

Oh yeah, okay, like so because a lot of mist is wasted to get Yes.

I did, like okay, so when you're doing the booth, we could do this.

Okay.

So it starts like this, and it tells you to start like.

This, but I will.

NICKI is standing with her hands over her head as if she was in the t s A.

Oh yeah, maybe it was. I start like this and then I.

Go doing like the Egyptian.

I get it on my forearms first because it starts up here above your head because it thinks you're tall. So I get that missed and then I quickly go to this and then down start like.

This, bends over like she's gonna do the deadlift, and then I get to the position.

There is so much miss being wasted if you're not following, I know you.

I didn't think it got my face enough one time.

Oh I do a little spray and it's like I felt that worth my money.

Yes, I have done.

I've gone like this where I try to like collect it in the air because yeah, I just want my insights to be fucking Is there.

No worry that this is maybe bad for you?

Yeah, of course there is.

I think it's better than actual.

Bulbs though, oh okay, well yeah, or do you think it's Do you think it's better than the sun? The sun itself is worse than getting a spray tand do you think spray tan is probably worse?

I think spray tan will end up being like extreme, Like, there's no way this stuff isn't toxic. There's some places that do it organically, but certainly not the versus.

Pop Ro double black Diamond.

I do the versus Spra versus pop Ro double legs.

Do you I've done that double hydration?

Yeah?

Oh yeah, and then yes, it's like and then the voice talks to you.

I'm always like yeah, but I know to put my foot on number two and four, like can we just can you just do it?

We could do this so.

Much faster if you didn't have to talk to me here twice a week, girl, Like, I know, the moves.

It's crazy.

So it's like the same moves as the TSA where you have to like stand and it scans you. But people don't know about spraytand life. But it's just like you just feels so much better about yourself when you have Yeah.

Right when I walk out, I'm like, you get hurt.

Don't you feel like people tell you you look better and you get more positive feedback when you.

Have a spray hand same day.

It's crazy. Yes, why do you look you're glowing right now. I'm like, huh, it's crazy unless.

You ten pounds thinner, at least, it's really changes everything. It's like it's no joke. Actually, this weekend a girl came up to me and said, my dad listens me and my dad listened to your podcast, and he's really against anything toxic and all this stuff, but he said, you can get a spray tand because Nikky Glazer gets one, that was really cool I've heard. Yeah, because it does change your life in such a profound way, like the amount of the attention you get and the people just you know, girls and guys. I'm not just talking about guys. Everyone just like thinks you look better, and you do.

You look better. It's crazy.

Yeah, I wish I wasn't addicted to it, but two a week sounds insane to me.

I really podcast, but you have to leave it on, you said, total tan?

Are your sheets? Like, oh, it's horrible everywhere.

My boyfriend, I haven't seen him in forever, and I've been living in a spray tan sheet and I haven't changed him a while because I'm living in this hotel that doesn't change your sheets except once a week. And it's like, so I've just been sleeping on the orange spot.

Like who cares?

Just give some peach colored sheets.

And he was supposed to get in today and so I was like, oh, can we have my bed sheets chained over this morning?

But he got in late last night and I was like, oh shit, and he sees it's a white bet. It's like, it's insane.

When I've been sleeping, it looks like I've diarrheaed there four nights in a row. It's crazy how bad it looks. But his side was good, so he didn't mind. But yeah, last night it was like I had a fresh spray tand and I was like, I'm sorry you're getting in, like you can't touch me, you can't like we can't do anything, like I can't even touch my own skin.

Those first eight hours off limits.

It's really dumb that we have to do and we don't have to do it, but I thought that was interesting. And you also were talking about on stage one of your eyes smaller than the other, and so you will, you said driving down in the changa, you were doing this the whole.

Way to stretch mine own before this podcast, so you can probably really tell.

So when it stretches out, it does help it. Yeah, it does because one of his he doesn't have a lazy eye. We would determine it because a lot lazy is about your eyeball. His is a lazy eye.

I lid.

Yeah, my eyes are different sizes.

I think it's cool looking. I don't think it's distracting. I really don't. I don't think it's bad.

That's a good thing.

I think it's character.

Yeah, I think it's hot. It's not it's not like I'm not trying.

Like the one small eye.

It's it's not small. It's cool.

It's like it's a mischievous charm.

Yeah, it's definitely good. It's not bad.

But in the morning it is well obvious.

Right, do your parents have it? Did you get it from one of them?

Just one of my friends was talking to me one time and it was like, so what's up, bro, Like made one eye real small, and I didn't know that you knew that people knew that my eye was so you.

Had noticed it already.

Yeah, I was like, do people know you've got some damage? You've never done a nerve. It's not keeping that up. I don't know, which is why stretching maybe works because the muscles are.

You can get an eye.

You'll probably get an eye lift at some point. You're not opposed to plastic surgery. What are you going to be like in your forties?

You want to take a joke over the plastic surgery. What do you mean, like, I want to keep the joke going about the eye.

Yeah that's good. But what gets on a special Yeah?

Yeah, yeah, you're not you. Uh, you're on the show Lovers and Liars, which is all like, what was it like for you? It's my dream to be on a dating show in the sense that you are where you're like looking for love on an eye.

It's not a dream. It's tell us scary.

So like I'm used to like being like in the this pig styve of men, like trying to go after these girls, and now roles are reversed.

I'm dating just eight women throughout.

Real You were more comfortable than the other when you were one of the guys.

I kind of felt like it.

When I was a guy going after one of the girls and I was an F boy, it was kind of just like whatever, bro who cares? Because I could say anything. I didn't have to be nice all the time.

Because you came back to the show as an F boy after you got scorned by Louise who chose Mercedes over you. You came back in F Boy Island season three as an F boy and no one knew. Everyone assumed, oh, he's back as a nice guy. He's a nice guy before, so that was the turn. And then by the end of F Boy three, you made it to the final two again and you were the runner up to Katie Thurston. You and the Answer has come back for Lovers and Liars, which is also f Gero Island, and you be the lead now because now he he really he felt like he was ready to find love with Katie and he came back as an F boy, but he changed back to a nice guy.

So that's your little character arc.

And I thought I knew all the moves, like I thought I knew all the lines like the F boys F girls say the same things and nice girls.

Nice guy says, oh yeah.

And you completely lived like dar, but you're not really an F boy, Like was it hard for you to be that guy because there was some truth to it of like you were there for the money and you kind of were like, I don't really want a girlfriend out of this, So there's an F boy that. But you're not a douchebag like some of these guys.

I can't, but.

That's not what an F boy on our show.

It's just like, if you're there for the money, you would say, be a nice guy, like treat women well. But if you're not really there for a relationship and you're lying about that, that equals F boy.

So you qualified, Yeah, but you weren't. You're not like but.

Then there are some guys that are like, he's a F boy in real life.

Did you feel so bad lying like or like that Katie might think you were a nice guy and that you weren't.

I I kind of thought she'd know like that.

I was scared to reveal yeah, because I was like, what if she has no idea? What if she really thinks of a nice guy and she really thought I was a nice guy, Like so so I was like, wow, in her mind, it's just like I played her like hard, yes, And I was kind of like, you know.

I don't really like I thought you knew like quick quink like.

Yeah, so okay, And and once you revealed, she's already eliminated you, so oh no, no, no, at that point you had to reveal before Yeah, that's right, Okay, I forget.

Them that you didn't have a chance anyway. That was that that relationship was solidified from day war.

We're gonna last n too. I thought they were so in love and.

You yeah, they I really I was like, oh my god, I think we're going to get a proposal.

A lot of this.

Stud mean like we don't think Yeah, I thought I never thought we would get a propose lot of f boy Island. But I really was like, I think these two are so in love but it didn't last. But you still so. But you're on the quest for love this season. Yeah, and you already know if you found it or not. We know if you found it or not. Yeah, So it was more pressure going into this as e Lite because you are breaking hearts.

Is that part of it, And it's just.

Weird when you have like two girls in front of you, and you have to eliminate one because like you didn't like the dress she was wearing.

I'm like, I don't really like blue.

So because you don't know them well enough at some points, like early on.

The first episode, on the episode one, there's a lot of that. I talked to you for thirty seconds and but you kind of know winked at me.

Weird.

Yeah, well you winked at her weird too first with that small.

But yeah, you but.

You kind of do, know, like when you were looking at all the girls standing there, like you zero in on some and then how did you guys all decide like not to go after the same ones?

They kind of the girls just kind of gravitate towards you, like they really get to pick right because you're just sitting there and they're coming up and talking to you, and I'm like, I've never had this kind of attention in my life.

Kissing on TV weird.

Kissing in real life weird, weird.

Yeah, yeah, first kisses in real life.

To do that, to kiss on TV, it's kind of my dream, Like I kind of do want to do it. I think that just anyone being invested in me being happy in that way and being authentic and not having to be funny like interest me.

But I feel like I don't know, but.

Also i'd be Actually, no, I think it'd be good at because I studied can't hardly wait in the way they kiss on the end scene, and I think that's the best way to kiss on TV.

But what was your plans for it?

It was like, I guess you'd be aware.

I guess I'll just do what I've seen people doing movies, like that's the only way guys know how.

I'm like whatever.

They didn't Spider Man when he was like upsided on that one scene, I'll do it here.

Yeah, I was like, do you might hang from a rope?

But would you be aware? You know they always say like you forget the cameras are there?

Would you?

Uh? Well?

God, one time, it was like such a long kiss and I didn't want to open my eyes because I have a fear of opening my eyes because this one girl told me one time that I'm a bad kisser because I my eyes are open.

Was this on TV that you told you?

No?

No, No, it was in real life. So now like when I'm when I'm doing that on TV. I'm like, I don't want to open my eyes. I don't want to And I just kissed this girl for like three and a half minutes. I didn't want to, Like look at the cameraman be like, are we good?

Oh no, that could so scar you. Just one little tip like.

That she was into it, and I was like, oh god, how.

Would this bitch know that your eyes were open unless her eyes were open.

I think it's like when I go in for the kiss, it should be.

Okay, you need to have your eyes open for a little bit, yeah, head.

Butter, yeah yeah, But like keeping them open during kissing is so.

Bad that weird.

Are you ever like you ever opened a check, like, you know, you both check it the same.

I got to get out of here. Oh god, I take it the same time. That's brutal.

But then you then you have you know, so you have all of these girls that you're juggling and you have to and then they make you go on dates with like both of them at the same time sometimes and there's like group dates and is it even fun? I mean, are you are you able to have fun in those times? Or is it I'm talking late in the game when girls emotions are.

They're real wrapped up, They're super real.

But I tried to like navigate around it and pick just like the coolest girls to that I could hang out with that like because I knew it was coming, Like I know, I'm gonna have to date three of these girls at the same time on the same date, so like hopefully three of them are like three that can get along and they are like this bitch.

Yeah.

I mean funny to me that anyone on these shows ever gets upset at the guy for not choosing them or for you know, because that's what this is. Yeah, you know, unless you win, this is what it is. Don't act surprise that these guys are two timing you, because it's that's the rule.

I remember this season.

Yeah, well I remember one time Jared from I Guess F Boy three, like we really they you know. I was kind of getting notes to like go hard on this guy he's an asshole because he really kind of when he revealed to me be an f boy, he went hard on all the girls and was kind of rude, and I just played it up a little just a tiny bit of like how dare you you know? I was like in a mood that night or whatever, and so I'm just like, you're you know, I didn't say scum, but like some kind of like disgust of how he behaved. And he goes, but this is what the show is, That's what I'm supposed to do, right, Like he looked at me kind of like, why are you mad at me? For like this is the And I was like kind of like, you're right, yeah, that.

We need you.

I can't be mad at what you've brought to the show that remember that this is exactly I really liked that moment. It was like a very innocent, sweet moment of this guy that just was kind of acting like such an asshole. And I was like, oh, you're right, Jared, Like he's like, I'm just kind of doing what play the game I'm supposed to be doing, right, I was like, Oh, yeah, forget what showim on. I can't get mad at you. But that is funny to me. On like The Bachelorette when they're like you broke my heart, It's like, bitch, if the only way way this wouldn't happen is if you won, So the only world you live in is where you win all the time.

Like that doesn't make sense.

You can't listen for it. Yes, yes, although it does suck.

If you got eliminated on the first episode, then then it feels like, what the fuck was all this for? Why did I audition for this? Why did I fly out here?

Why?

Then, people someone has to go first as someone who's wanted first off dancing with the stars.

It doesn't occur to you that it will be you.

It never does you just when you enter into a reality show, in a competition show, there's just no way you're the worst. You know what happens to some people, but it won't be you, even if you know you're the worst. Yeah, And then sometimes it does, and it's just it's so humiliating.

It's just because.

The humiliating part of it is that you bought all these outfits, you like, planned your life to be there for a while, and you invested so much into it, and everyone knows how much you put into it too, because all the producers are so nice to you leading up to that point because they think they're possibly dealing with the lead of the show, so everyone's treating you like a fucking queen. And the second you're eliminated, it's kind of like you just realize how fake it all was, and it's really devastating. It's really embarrassing that everyone. You just realize, oh my god, this was never special. I was never special. I'm a commodity. I'm worthless, and they just send they just claw machine you out of this world that they built around you, and they throw you away and they don't call you again.

It's really really embarrassing. First off, that's when.

You gave me the same thing, the same thing, even if you go far, like you went far on the Mass thousand.

More after that, yeah, yeah Mass singer. Yes, when when you were.

You went really far, you were a third place, right, and so then when you got eliminated from.

That, didn't bother didn't bother me at all.

But it's the same thing where you're a commodity and it's like goodbye.

Absolutely, But they call a little bit more because I was a part of the show longer. So now they go, hey, the new season's coming up, snow snowstorm, you want to do a shout out. You got to come back and do another thing, Like they're they still talk to me, I still matter to them. Dancing with the Stars, it was like just they fucked me and they were like, oh shit, my grandpa's coming over. You got to sneak out the window like they made up some line. Yes, they didn't even call me an uber.

They just go.

Uber usually picks up around the block if you want to call just so they give you some kind of wow.

And I'm going to wake up early in the morning because my grandpa's coming here.

There you're never seeing it again. They block your number. It's that that was a different vibe.

And I knock on the door, someone opens it. It's like a Hispanic lady family. What the fuck?

There hasn't been a boy who has lived here it is. I swear it was your last night. Yeah, that's how it felt. And it's so embarrassing. What's been your most embarrassing moment in your careers?

You guys, jesus uh losing twice in a row and that was you out.

I mean, that's not embarrassing. You're embarrassing.

Though.

It's almost worse than third and doing it two times zero round?

So vulnerable.

Did you really think you were going to win either of those?

Was there a part of you I thought You're gonna win? Katie Thurston, I don't know. I was like, maybe she liked me.

Were so that was.

Like so obvious to everybody that they were.

But you never know what's going to happen. I'm like, maybe if she really likes him, like she'll pick me and that'll be That's the big f You.

Really can't ever bank on something being so obvious. And then I guess with Louise that one was actually fifty to fifty. Yeah, she just right, yeah, she just it's Mercedes.

Man. I felt like I can't go against Mercedes.

I known, what do you never do?

I know, I'm like, I don't know. I was like, maybe my finale speech will.

Save it, Like, yeah, you're just honored to be on the same court if he's playing the game.

That's the part that I think I would really have a struggle with. Even though I speak and monologize for a living. Is that speech that you give to save yourself? And you guys always sound so eloquent and like it's a lot of times even for the real dumb guys are oh is it rehearsal day?

Why we have a day to do nothing?

And right, okay, so you guys, okay, work on this. That makes more sense now, because yeah, there's some guys that I'm like, are you reading a teleprompter in the sky, because there's they look up, they'll like kind of go and then they look back up and they get the rest of it, and then they finished it, and it's like, really, I've always been very impressed.

I know, they're always really good, and you know, you it's from someone you don't expect. I'm like, oh, he's gonna butcher this and then he kills it and I'm like I'm next.

Yeah, Yeah, it's wild. It's wild. This season is going to be really good. And has the feedback been good on I mean, it just abuta.

Everybody loves it, like insane, like people that don't even normally watch it, Like my dad's like, it's pretty good.

Yes, that's what the show is.

It's actually what happened to the followers you lost? They went to go follow the F Girl Island Instagram.

Probably I would too, you have to choose.

It's uh, yeah, it's this.

This season's really really good and it just started, so people should really get on board.

I know it's been rebranded to lovers and liars. We all know that it's F Girl Island, but It truly is like a superior show to f Boy Island. Yeah, it's so it's it's so much different to have whatever it is, twenty three girls instead of twenty three guys. They act, they feel so much more vicious, they feel so much into the game. And the guys, you guys seem like you're really in danger because.

We're and you guys are funny and you three guys have been around the block before on these shows, so there's like a comfort level there that just makes it easier to watch. I think you're just so funny. And yeah, it's it's a great show. It's a great show. Lovers and liars right now, you've got to check it out. Just support if you love me unconditionally. Why aren't you watching a liar right on the cw app. Okay, we'll be back with more with Benedict after this. We're back, Benedict polite.

Si is that how you say? Oh my god, I'm so sorry.

Let me see it.

Let's see the same thing with Glasser.

Glasser was so mad.

But I don't even hear it when people suck it up anymore. I'm just like, sure, that's fine.

That's what I'm like. I don't care. It's too much.

Yeah, me too. People say frank Frankie. But at one time in uh, in middle school, the gym teacher called me fran gay and I got a lot of grief from that. Yeah, But other than that, it's I.

Know, I don't really care, but uh, you're from you Yeah, and your comedian stand up comedian from Indianapolis.

Crackers, Yeah, Crackers, Crackers Club Williams there now, right.

Broad Ripple and downtown locations.

Yeah, just downtown now, okay, just downtown.

I'm going into this weekend.

Really?

What with Conover?

Oh?

Nice Conover Helium. That's a good club there.

Yeah, that's good.

So many fucking places.

They said, you really like clubs.

I do like clubs. I miss clubs because I just miss staying in one place all weekend. So good, it's so fun.

Yeah, and just being backstage and getting like to find the restaurants that you like.

You get the same thing every I love doing comedy for.

The food, truly, and you get free food from the club and give you so much.

I'm always like, are you sure it's free? Like every single.

Time, every time, and there's like someone waiting on you in the green rooms. Really.

I used to prop they've got a great man, do so well. And it's the same men everywhere except for one improv I went to where it wasn't the same for some reason.

Helium's punchlines improvs. That's those are the really those are the nice franchise salad with.

Grilled chicken a Helium double. Okay, feeling all.

Right, I'll try that.

It's not very fun club.

Have you ever been to the Comedy Attict in Bloomington?

I have, but it was like my first year.

So I was like, yeah, that's where Nicky and I met.

Yeah, the first club that ever had led me. Shout out to Jared Thompson who runs that place.

Yeah, hosted that show.

Yeah, that's how we met. So I met a lot of people is through the club. Tom takr Uh, Tom Brady, Emil Jaquem Yes, and then and then Ryan. That's so crazy. Yeah, it's it was. It's a great scene still is. But uh yeah, so you're.

You moved, la though? How long ago?

Been here?

For like four months? I was back and forth going to India get my stuff and coming back.

Yeah that's always what you do. Did you make the right move? Are you glad that you did here over New York, because that's always the thing.

I don't know, it was a big toss up, but I was like, I'll probably end up trying both.

You've gotta do l A. You're an l A guy for sure.

Why do people why do people people say that to me twice a week New York.

You wouldn't do it?

I would you have?

You have a lot to offer that is valued in l A versus not valued in New York.

I feel like what is LA doing anymore?

Though?

Like auditions on Zoom.

Like the industry is falling apart. But I feel like I feel like you your personality, what you're you're You can be a television personality. You can be a host, you can be a comedian, you can be an influencer. Those are l A things. If you're like I want to, you know, write for the Daily Show. I want to write for the Daily Show? Or just like I only want to be at the comedy seller and that's it.

But is that the goal?

What standard to stand up? Like?

Do you to be like the best? You want to just stand up?

I already stand up for I'm sure of that, but like I'm if it leads somewhere else, Like I'm open to that too.

That's really happy.

I saw Bill Burklip the other day or maybe it's last night that said the same thing that I always say, which is like I don't care if people do stand up to get into other things. I think do it. It's the only thing that you get on stage every night and you get to like try out so hard and act. Yeah, and if you want to be an actor and you want to try stand up and you're taking stage time from others, well then you're probably better than the others that you're taking stage time from. Like why are you You're probably killing So you figured something out, so like you know, it doesn't bother me when people want to get into other things, because stand up is it's not that sustainable forever for everyone. It's so exhausting. You have to constantly come up with new material. You you can't rely on your hits. It's you have to keep like, uh, giving of yourself in a way for at least for me, of like personal stories and mining your own life and like having to lead an interesting life to it's and then you have to travel all the time. I realize I'm probably going to die in a hotel, like I realized the other day, Like, there's I spend a third of my life in hotels.

It's a really good chance I'm.

Going to die in a Hotel's bad at all me like thinking I was just like, oh, that's interesting, but I do spend.

Life's going pretty well. If a maid discovers your body, yeah.

Marriotte, I'll take it. Marriott, Man, that's where That's where I'm at.

Yeah, well that's where I'm at too.

I want to take it up to the next level of like like I remember Bob Sage I think was that of four Seasons, and that's where his body was found.

I'd like to be that level.

That's the level you want to be. Yeah, yes, you.

See of my life when I see no more.

Yes, You're going to die, don't ask him.

That's that's gonna.

Whatever happens when thrown in a cryogenic tube, and I'm gonna he's gonnacitated. Don't worry in the future.

How white are your teeth?

Now?

What are you doing to white?

Because let's talk about this because I have to go get a whitening pretty soon.

For it's the coffee straw.

Oh, it's dark.

Everybody always asks, why do you drink coffee through a straw? It doesn't hit any of my teeth?

Oh my god.

I mean I use white stirps every once in a while, but.

You're gonna say every day and every once in a while. But you don't do any like massive whitening things.

Just brush, dude.

I did a zoom whitening that was like five hundred dollars for my special a couple days before.

And that caused you great grief.

It was so off. I mean, you know about toothpain.

So when I was bitching about it, you were probably like, yeah, welcome to my world. But you can't eat anything except things that are white. Yeah, for three days and it's so painful. Yes, coolip and marshmallows.

That's great to get the tooth thing.

It's horrible, it's my favorite.

Hurt so much, and I swore to myself I would never do it again, and I promise. At the time, I was like, don't ever do this and makes your life miserable, And you only are doing it to prepare for this thing that you need to be of a sound mind for. Why would you throw your mind?

Name chaofs?

Three days before like, put yourself in so much toothpaint right before you're doing this thing. But I got another big thing coming up, and I'm like, maybe just a little bit further out.

I swear white strips are fine.

They're fine, They're fine. I'm just gonna I'm just gonna buy a kid on Amazon. I don't need to go back to this place again. It was torture. It was so painful. Final thought. Noah, our producer is going to go into labor any second now. Yeah, she should do it right now, very very pregnant, and I want to talk about that she will be when she does.

Her teeth are so white. Do you drink three straws?

No, they're not white.

And you've always told me, Noah, don't waste your money on teeth whitening. Use the whitening strips.

I have said that, but you're not on TV.

Oh okay, I'd never done it either, But I was like, I want, I want Jessica Simpson white teeth for the special, Like I just want to be so undeniably like celebrity white, like that girl is a celebrity, in which I don't really relate to celebrity white.

Sounds like the name of a celebrity.

Sounds in the name of a tooth whitening.

Sure, celebrity company New Crest, right right right, yeah, better celerity.

But Noah's going to be giving birth soon.

Yeah?

What what are you at right now? What's the dude date? How many times?

Thirty eight? That means that the baby's like fully developed.

He's in there crazy.

Yeah, I know she's laughing. She's enjoying him, like rattling around laugh.

Oh my god.

And so are you ready? Are you so uncomfortable that you're like, come on, let's do this.

No, I'm not at that point except for when I lay down. When I lay down to sleep, I have to like literally hold my stomach and like turn over.

But you're ready to meet her?

Yeah, well I need I need one more a week.

I just because doing And you.

Got to get your teeth whitened. You got to get your laugh bright hands. What do you what's stretch out your small what's something right now that if the baby showed up, you'd be like, fuck, I didn't have time to do this one thing, Like what's the thing.

That you're like, Oh, I got to do that.

I got to pack my hospital bag.

Oh god, you got to go bag and.

What's supposed to go in that? Just a bunch of stuff for my underneath.

Oh my god, what they don't give you that stuff? They don't give you dinass.

They they do give it. But I just want something that's like a little bit better, higher end.

Yes, you don't want the state sponsored Yeah, not the marry that four season that I don't even know what you're talking about.

Like, it's just I don't really either, and we don't have to know. We can just live in ignorance because we're men.

At when you start teaching your child how to kick field goals, because that's my plan. Every child should be taught to kick field goals. It's the short most short fire away to have a career in the NFL. What eight get hurt minimum minimum salary eight hundred thousand dollars to kick field goals and no one's good at it?

So funny, that's a really good plan.

Yeah, field goals, that's right.

Did you see Fahim and War had a clip yesterday that I saw that It was like talking about how you know the most talented people in the world, like Michael Jackson and Venus and Serena Williams, and there was someone else, some other black entertainer who's just extremely talented.

They was like they all had overbearing fathers.

Yeah, and he was like, if I ever have a baby, I'm just gonna give it to an overbearing black father.

Just say go, just do it. And he's gonna be like, so, what do you want it to be talented? And he was like, it's not up to me. You you decide.

You sometimes just completely surrendered. It was such a funny bit. I really loved it. But yeah, so what what is when? When will you start the field goal kicking? When do you think it should start?

Two years old? They should start as soon as they cal walk. They need to be able to kick, okay, yeah, and they need to be able to accurately yes, stretches, all the muscular squats.

I would be very worried about my baby's posterial pelvic tilt at this point.

If I saw my baby walking around.

Whatever, that's just best for the kicking is what you need to make it.

It would ruin a child just being not wanting it to do the things that I do.

Isn't that what we do?

He's like, we don't want that's and that's why I think adopting is That was my whole point. I forgot to do that bit. I have a bit about it about how adopting is great. Well, I've done it on the show before, But adopting is great because everything your child sucks up at you don't take offense to because it's not you. You're like, that's his parents, it's not that's not me, that's just my dumb fucking kid. And so because that's where that's where so many kids have so much pressure on them, is because the parents put themselves like you're an extension of their parents, and so when you fuck up, your parents are like, no, this says too much about me me. And so if your parents were able to be like, well, that's serves a fucking birth mom showing up and be a little bit lax about it, the kid won't feel this like shame about who they are as much because you don't need to say that, but in your mind may feel.

The shame from the original parents.

They don't know. They don't because they can fuck up.

They can be like I'm not a really, I'm not good at you know, I'm dyslexic or whatever it is.

That's not a fucked up thing.

But like if you could, if I could see how a parent would be like, I'm really smart, my child's dyslexic, and the child could be really smart but just had this learning disability, and the parent would be so frustrated because to me, that makes you look like you're dumb and I'm smart and it's important. But if you if your kid was dyslexic and you were really hyper intelligent person, but they were adopted, and you secretly thought your kid was dumb because they were dylexic, which is wrong to think, but you, in your mind could just go, yeah, they are dumb, but it's their parents.

You wouldn't say that to the kid. You would just be easy about it.

Yeah, so the kid would read it as like, my parent accepts me for who I am, even though they're really.

Just putting your fault.

It would be healing if they didn't reveal this is your mom's fault, you know, like they just kept it to themselves.

I think it could be better for the child.

Well, let's find out.

No one's gonna be the most amazing mom.

She's so you're so ready to be a very caring and empathetic person and just like just so you're just such mom vibes. Your baby's so fucking lucky. That's what I alway sy. But when certain people get pregnant, I'm just like, man, I have a great mom. But sometimes you just are like that baby's so lucky because you like work on yourself. Yeah, your baby's really lucky.

Thanks.

But you know what, I don't even I still have to like ease into the role of mom. I can't really. It still makes me cringe a little bit.

But I feel like I'll have time for that because right now I just have to like keep a baby alive. It's like taking care of like an animal or something where you can't like really communicate and you just have to make sure you're feeding it.

You're oh, it's gonna be mayhem.

Don't the next don't feed it water water until like six months. No one knows this.

Wow, people like they get that's kind of water.

No, you don't give a pedia light to under six months up to six months. Literally all they consume is breast milk, a formula, and nothing else.

You cannot give a baby water. I had no idea.

What if they're in the bath and some water splashes in their mouths a law and suck it out. They can have diet coke up to yeah, forty four ounce. I just learned that. I was on a trivia show and they asked what a cup? How many ounces were in a cup?

And I didn't know. No, I forget it all the time. What is it?

I have no clue.

Eight?

Yeah, it just makes sense when you hear eight. But then I was trying to remember what are these, Like they're twenty ounce, but I was thinking they're twelve ounce, and so I was like, there's no way a cup this is.

This is at least four cups.

Yeah, how many ounces are in a gallon?

But it's not it's one.

I hate this game.

How many ounces are in a gallon?

Yeah?

If this is twenty a gallon, I would say, is forty eighty ounce?

Sixty four?

Sixty four?

Yeah?

God damn so dumb.

I was on this trivia trivia show, and it's really fun, like to get things right when other people don't, and when you when you know something and the only reason you know it, Like people people were going, Nikki, you're smart.

I'm like, no, it's just because I just got lucky. This is all luck.

Yes, I absorb things and I have information in my brain, but the things that I knew were all just like.

Because my dad's obsessed with that thing.

Yeah, Or it was like the topics were just lucky for you to get those topics.

Yeah.

It was like something about the Right Brothers, and I'm like, but my dad has like talked about the Right Brothers a lot, and like it's just there's been some things that I've absorbed from that.

Yeah.

There was like an episode of Dexter's Lab. There's a cartoon on Cartoon Network episode yeah, where the where he Dexter is this genius boy who can do whatever he wants because he's got his lab and he's a scientist and he's got a French test coming up, and he's not very good at French. So he designs this implementation that he puts on his head and it forces him to speak French. But then it malfunctions and the only thing he can say in French is a'mal let do fromage, which is a cheese omelet, and he keeps saying the whole episode, i'm let do fromage, and he's freaking out because hes gonna fail his French tests because the only thing he can say is om let do fromage. And then he gets to the French test and it's one question and it's how do you say cheese omelet? And he's like the.

All, what's the movie about the the slum Dog Millionaire. Yeah, every question is just a specific thing that he happened.

He wasn't like, you know, studying like speak.

Monkey Man, which came out this weekend is dev Betel's John Wick movie. Oh yeah, we got to talk about that another time. Really, I don't even know if I could talk about it on the podcast because I have such I have such extreme opinions about it because I'm a huge martial arts movies fan.

Okay, but Deaf Betel from.

Slum Dog came out with the movie called Monkey Man with Jordan Peele's and EP and people. It's supposed to be like the Indian John Wick.

Okay, supposed to be Wait before we go first of all, Noah, it will be gone. This will probably be her last episode before she goes. She takes a leave of accidents to go become a mom, study being a mom and raise her baby. So we want to wish her the best and she will there'll be someone taking her place as our producer.

Olivia is her name.

She's not here now, but she will be when Noah is gone, and so we'll invite her in to show. We're very excited for that. So don't think Noah will be back. She's just she's gonna be a working mom at some point, but she's needed that bonding time. Yeah, and she does need to be editing podcasts doing that, but she will be still watching the show. And yeah, she's Noah's a fan of the show as a producer, and she's constantly girls chat. So we'll talk about her, we'll reference her. She's still a part of the show so much. So, yeah, send your love to Noah. She is becoming a mom right now. And but before we go, the thing that everyone needs to watch that I'm sure everyone has. I sent it to you this weekend and was like, you need to watch this. You already knew about it. Hot Ones with.

I've seen like TikTok.

I watched it is so insanely good. It is like it changed the way of like think about comedy.

I think really just.

He had he eats so much of this hot sauce that you're supposed to only have like a little dab of right like, and he's like pouring it in his mouth and smearing on his face, and he's like ingesting so much for the bit that he gets like high. And he's someone who's like a sober person. He doesn't drink, he doesn't do drugs, and so he's always very much in control. And because he's obsessed with having control over a bit, and like I'm always chasing the joke and like I'll do anything for the joke because i want to have control over being funny, he kind of loses control, yeah, but he also maintains it so like he's realizing that what he's doing is making him lose control in a way that he never really has comedically. But then he goes into like hyper vigilance of like okay, I'm gonna take over so much. So you see him like battling with himself because he is drinking. I mean, people are gasping. These people who've worked on the Hot One set forever are.

Like because he's going like this with like the second hottest one and then the hottest one, the one that's pure pepper. He's dumping it in his face smearing it on his face.

He got it stuck under his ring, his wedding ring after he washed his fingers after the thing, and it singed his skin like it's like an acidic and he starts losing his mind.

But it is so fucking funny.

It shows just what a fucking pro he is, and it shows how when you I guess what I learned from it is that just follow the joke always, and and don't give up, and commit harder than you think you should, and that and and be willing to make to just take huge swings, and as long as you stay in the pocket and you commit to it, you'll be okay. Because he took huge swings that were so scary, but he never ever ventured off course and never.

Regredited, and he was so proficient.

He came in with bits to the show He's He's O'Brien can't Stop. That's the name of his show. You should watch Conan O'Brien can't Stop. It's an HBO documentary about how he's not okay and like he needs to do this. And I'm going to actually to his premiere party tonight for the new show I got it. Yeah, I'm so excited. It's amazing. Conan O'Brien. Uh, it's like, go home, Conan or something. It's on It's on Max. But but what were you gonna say about him just now?

My interrupted, Well that he came in with three Brits. He was prepared, but was also well what also he came with was inspirational in the way because he had a motivation for his character, which is like you only live once basically was his motivation. He's like, I'm gonna do this because I'm going to experience life to the fullest year. I'm I agreed to be on this show. I agreed to try the hot sauce.

Why would I?

Why do this? Yeah, we're doing this. It's like that's that's what That's what transcends it beyond just the bits because now he's got that motivation. It's almost like he had a theme to his character on Hot Ones.

And there is a character that he brings in of his doctor checking in on him, and it's so funny. This doctor, who is one of his writers, Jose Royo is.

The right plated it so well.

He was so funny.

It's if you watch a lot of Conen stuff, you recognize this guy from Late Night Days and uh, he he's this doctor that a Conin just keeps saying like he's not the best, but he's affordable. So he just keeps coming in and taking his falls and just doing it the wrong way, like taking his falls like stick out your tongue and putting a stethoscope on it.

He goes, where did you where'd you go to college? Where'd you go to medical school? And he goes out of state and.

Then and he goes, how long was how long was your program? Like you're to get and he goes, what did you say?

It was supposed to be four years?

Supposed to be four years, which is the funniest thing to say, because four years is already not enough.

Does that longer?

Or the program fell apart.

Before you graduate? He did great?

He was so funny. That was that was so brilliant to bring him in.

And then Conan's putting the wings in his pockets like it's it's something that I know everyone has seen clips of because it's taking over the internet. It is absolutely worth the watch because you see the mental breakdown of someone like he don't you agree, Brian and know you watched it that he is I mean he's in a world of pain that we maybe only you understand because of your toothpain, but like he's in a world of severe searing pain.

Yeah, no, it's it's remarkable.

And it definitely was worse than he thought it was going to be. Like you see him.

Realize, Oh yeah, it got real.

It's crazy. And he was talking about like being Irish and how they didn't have a spie. He didn't have a spice on his food until he was fifty two.

It was just planned.

He's so funny. He's the funniest man alive. I've always said it. I think he literally is the funniest person that's ever lived. Yeah, I put him up there. I know I say that all the time about people, but I think he's I think he's he's Mount Rushmore.

Well, without question, he's Mount Rushmore. But yeah, he's the best.

So watch Hot Ones, Conan watch Lovers and Liars on the CW app for free. You can watch it on Hulu with ads, and you can watch it on CW Live on Thursday nights at.

Eight nine at nine eighth Central. How do you say it one of those.

One of those times check your local Lovers and liars cw app right now, download the app and it's free.

Noah, it was easy to use, right.

Oh, so easy, and it's the best. I can watch it anywhere, okay.

Yeah, even on your phone.

Even on your phone, you can watch a TV show on your phone.

Now, what is this?

I would argue that watching on your phone is people go, no, watch that on the big screen, and I go, actually the big I put the big If you move the phone perspective wise, you're watching on an imax if you get it close enough to your face. So if you watch a big screen, if you're sitting in your living room and you look at your fucking big TV that you're so proud of, and see how big it is, now hold up your phone to the same scale of where that is, and you will see that you have a big screen all the time. It's just a matter of perspective and bringing it closer to you. So I don't think it's lost to watch things on your phone. I don't think that makes it for a poorer experience.

That's how most people do it anyway, especially for reality show.

Oh yeah, absolutely put those captions on. Have your other phone out on.

Actually, just splip it up in the corner, so it's an even smaller box. While you're on TikTok and you have the muted TikTok voice playing over Benedict's voice and yeah to your TV and that's true. You can airplay it. Yes, okay, there's so many options. Look into all of them. Lovers and liars. Thank you for being here, Benedict.

You're so fun.

Been so fun to hang out with you. Not only in the show. We did KTLA last week too.

That's great.

We're so in and out.

I know they loved it.

Though they loved it, we actually want to watch this. Usually when reality TV people come on here, we're like, but like, we want to watch.

That was really nice.

They were like they after the segment, they were like, honestly, can you guys believe they're talking to the co host Like that was the only time I've ever had anyone from reality show actually make me want to watch it? Did it and it is true and it's worth it, like like it's it's worth promoting it in that way because when people do watch it, they I haven't had anyone go it's not really for me, literally, no one. Everybody loves and people are really they say that shiit to me about stuff where it's like it just was it's not my kind of thing.

You're true friends will be like, yeah, that's actually.

And it's okay if people don't like things, but this, I've never heard someone going like I gave it a shot and it just wasn't for me. So definitely look into it. And you need a new reality show, you know you do. Love is Blind isn't out anymore. Bachelor just wrapped up Golden Bachelor. They just divorced som love on the Spectrum. There's no new episodes coming out, okay, Lovers and Liars, so we will be back with more shows next week. Thank you so much for listening. Noah, good luck to you. We love you so much.

And yeah, wait, there's balloons coming up?

What yeah on our thing.

I don't know what that's happening on zoom now where you give a thumbs up and all of a sudden the thumbs.

Up will like float into the camera and no one asked for that way. The heart's one, Taylor's heart even.

Talk about Taylor swits on this episode too much. We'll get to that next time, all right, guys, thank you for listening.

Bye, it'll be good.

The Nikki Glaser Podcast

Every Monday through Thursday, comedian and infamous roaster Nikki Glaser provides a fun, fast-paced 
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