Nikki just literally got off a flight with a crew member named Franchie. Brian thinks his last name was due to a mix up at Ellis Island. While NYC was smoked out by a disappearing Canada, Nikki her BFFs and Mom went to see Dave Matthews in an intimate concert. Nikki realizes she is not so into exclusivity especially when it costs her fifty grand. Meeting Dave Matthews on his meet and greet line was well worth it especially if it activates the hormone pellet Nikki got in her butt cheek.
---
Watch this episode on our Youtube Channel: The Nikki Glaser Podcast
Follow the pod on Instagram for bonus content: @NikkiGlaserPod
Leave us your voicemail: Click Here To Record
Nikki's Tour Dates: nikkiglaser.com/tour
Anya's Patreon: patreon.com/anyamarina
Brian’s Animations: youtube.com/@BrianFrange
More Nikki: IG
More Anya: IG
More Brian: IG
More producer Noa: IG
The Nicky Gliser Podcast. O Glaser, here's Nikki. Hello, here, I am welcome to the show. It's Nicky Glazer Podcast.
It's Thursday, and it is actually Thursday right now when I'm recording this with Anya Marina, Brian Franjie, and Noah whose last name I always struggle with Avire.
Yeah, that's good. You gotta are Yeah, that's the way.
That's the way, Brian Franjie and Los Angie, as Kirsten suggested.
Yeah, that's really good. I like that a lot. Yeah.
We actually had a flight attendant, almost said stewardess. We almost had a flight attendant on the way to New York yesterday and hollow.
Uh.
My friend Halla, who's a listener to the show, big fan, been on the show before. She and I both freaked out because our flight attendant. They were like, your flight attendant, franch Francie Franchie. What f r A n C h E E Franchie.
Wow.
We were both like, oh, didn't ask was asleep by the time she came around.
You know that there's a man named something Frangie who lives in New York, And I was like, who is this guy? My brother investigated and it turns out he's my long lost great cousin.
Well he wasn't lost though.
He found Yeah, he found himself long ago in the desert.
Any Franji's probably related to you.
There's yeah, well I do know this, that Franjie. I don't know if I said this before, but Franngie is Syrian for foreigners, foreigner, so are you Syrian? So it must be that one of my ancestors, the the O G. Franngie went to Ellis Island and they were like, what's your last name? And then he said in his native language, I am a foreigner and boom, that's my last name for end.
Oh my god, that's interesting. That's how the band formed got their name.
I think that's how it went. You think they said I'm a foreigner and then the person in the US said, ah, Frangie or you mean in.
Syria, like the Syrian Elie Island.
They were like they're in a long line of immigrants trying to get into America and they were like last name, and then you know, they wrote down the names on a piece of paper and the person was like a Frenchy frenchie and like what Frengie and they okay, Frngie. But all he was saying was I'm a foreigner, which is kind of dumb thing to say if I think of you know you, you know, even no matter what the person said, maybe he thought the person was saying, are you a citizen?
Are you a citizen? Yeah, that makes more sense.
But then it's surprising that there isn't more franchis. Do you think my whatever great great great grandpa I think was the dumbest Syrian.
He's the only one.
They're all named whatever it means like I'm hungry and tired, named.
Where's the bathroom in Syrian?
Like McConnell or Jones is like Syrian for I haven't eaten for two weeks. So yeah, we flew to New York, Colin and I to see I got a chance to go see Dave Matthews perform a very intimate concert at Irving Plaza, which I don't know if you know, is like oh, twelve hundred cap It's like very small, yes, And I thought it was gonna be the whole band. It was just him, which my favorite. I love seeing my favorite artists acoustically. That's like the way I want to see them all I wish Taylor Swift played her whole concert with her guitar, but and it was.
It was incredible. I was supposed to do it.
First, they were going to pay me to do it, and then my lawyers caught wind of the deal and they said, you have a podcast with iHeart, and you can't do anything for serious and I was like, okay, I'll kiss fifty thousand dollars goodbye to go so that I don't post one thing, which by the way, I ended up posting anyway, because I went to it. I didn't tag Serious in it, but you can infer. So I ended up nothing changed. I'm still eligible to go to things and post anything I want, except I just didn't make fifty thousand dollars, so that would have been nice to get paid to go do that. And they were gonna give me money for glam and all this stuff, so that was a little bit.
Of a heartache.
And by the way, I Heart didn't catch wind of this, they probably would have never noticed, not that I'm ever trying to do anything shady. I didn't even know it would be a conflict of interest. I didn't even think anything of it. I'm like doing the deal with the guy and I'm like, yeah, this sounds great, let's do it. And then my team was like, hey, this doesn't go well with your contract, and I go, can we change the wording? Because this is I'm promoting their album. I'm not It's not even four serious. And they were like it's gonna be too much, and I go, okay, well can I not pay you guys fifty thousand dollars this year because you just took that from me for calling this thing out that I wouldn't have ever gotten.
No one would have noticed. But it's the right thing to do.
And once I realized it was in breach of contract, kind of obviously, I was not gonna try to do anything for But that's just I never understand why. I get like when when a platform has you like if I'm doing a show on ABC, I'm not allowed to do shows on any other network. If I were ABC and this is just me, I would think it's all about like ego for these people, of like we own this talent. I would think if she went over to NBC, she'd probably talk about the show she's on on ABC, and it would be good for us, any publicity or this person getting out there is going to lead people to google them and find out where else to find them, therefore leading to us.
But people want to own you.
Sure. We ran into this all the time when I was a radio DJ, and it was so annoying because these radio stations have these wars, and like I was in San Diego there were two alternative rock stations and if a band came to ours and not the other one.
The band would be dead to the other station.
It's like, really, Smashing Pumpkins is dead to you now.
Yes, because they came to see it.
I do that at comedy clubs, and you know it's so bad, Like it's not good for talent, and it's all a game of like people people's egos, and I have no ill will towards iHeart. Obviously they've done. They're like the best company to work forever. They've given me everything I ever could want and they had nothing to do with me not doing this deal, literally nothing. But it is weird when comedy clubs used to do this. Brian, You know this. If there's two comedy clubs in town and you are an up and COmON comic who needs as much stage time as possible to get.
Good at what you do. You need to take every chance.
If you work the other club in town, you will get blacklisted from the club you're the club you originally work at. And these because these owners want to like own you. If they really cared about talent and nurturing talent and making you a better comedian, they wouldn't give a fuck if you went across the river and performed at the Saint Charles location or whatever.
But they do. They only give a fuck because.
And and by the way, when you're coming up as a comic, no one gives a fuck who you are. You're not a name yet, no one can claim you yet they just they do this to open micers who have no following. They just want to they just feel It's it reminds me of monogamy too, and which bothers me about like I own someone and your mind now and you can't even think about someone else. And it's like, well, I'm a human being and I want to have experiences and I just just ownership of someone else.
It starts to get it. Man, It gets in my.
Cross in the bedroom.
If you say it, what do you mean, I own? I own you?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's true. It's just but I don't understand. I've never understood why in television, if I have a show on NBC, why they won't let me go on an ABC S.
I'll tell you why.
Human nature is annoyingly such that when you hear something like the power of suggestion is very strong. So if I'm listening to a radio station A one hundred point three and that DJ is like, you know, on ninety eight point five, it's just human nature to flip over to ninety eight point five. So I think that's You're right, it's ego. But I think another part of it is also the power of suggestion, Like you just heard something and now it's subconsciously in your mind.
If I have a star on my network that is the star of a show, I want them to be on as many things as possible that would lead as long as they're good. I understand, like not wanting your artist to go do shitty things like to go do a like beer hugging contest on another station or something. But if you're just if if if my show is your main show and you want to go do other shows, like it becomes when you whittle it down, you go it's not about them feeling like we're missing out on money from this. It's about we just want to own you.
Correct on behalf of the giant corporations. Like I think it's partially pleasing to you. It's partially branding. Like when like you know how HBO, Like you watch an HBO show and like the same actors and like all the all of the HBO shows that come out for the next ten years, they associate just like the major studios back in the fifties. It's like people will associate that star with the network. So like if you only appeared on iHeartRadio, then whenever you post on Instagram just personal stuff, then in the viewer's mind, iHeartRadio will pop up whenever they see you because now you're associated with that brand.
It's just like back in the day, anytime that.
We saw James Gandelfini, we think about HBO.
Right, I understand, I get what you're saying. What I'm saying is if you want the person who is a star on your network to be a bigger star, to have more eyes on your thing, wouldn't you want them to do more things and to expand as a star. But it's it's not it's the same thing as like, I don't want you having fun anywhere else if I can't have fun with you. Yeah, hbo I you know, the Stars Network doesn't get to have you either, because we want you. It's about it's still an exclusive. Yeah, exclusivity kind of grews me out.
I'm realizing when you do.
I think the contract even states like you cannot in this city for six months or something crazy. Same with that.
That makes sense because there are people that don't want to come see me again. But if I'm doing this might be the same. I might bring back the same show to town. That makes sense. But if I'm people don't have a threshold for how much entertainment they watch on TV. They're not going to choose me on a cooking show over me. You know what, I I don't know. You're making sense. I'm kind of making sense.
I agree with you.
I'm just playing devil's advocate, arguing for you know.
The devil. Yeah, the devil, Big Corp.
Big Corp.
But I agree with you that and you know the few Sure. The future I think is in the individual, especially with the dissemination of people's social media identities and eventually everyone's becoming their own company, and the days of the old studio is not is not gonna happen anymore.
You're right, yeah, I agruciately, the people who are running these companies not iHeart. Are these people from that era who are just like SO said, in their.
Ways, and they're terrified of losing their jobs because there is no stability in resport America.
There's I do want to say, if I was in the position, I would take no risk. Yes, I would get.
What no one looking at me, even though your head is constantly in the guillotine, ready to be chopped off at any moment for nothing you've done. I cannot even tell you the amount of times anytime I do a general meeting with executives from a network, I go, I'll have to do this again in three months, because it'll be someone new. I don't if you're listening, I feel so bad for you guys, Like it must just be terrifying every day to walk into work knowing that you could be on the shopping block.
That's why everything on TV is pre existing.
I p now or remake of something, or it needs to have a gigantic star attached to it, like there's no no one takes risks anymore. The art art, the artistry in Hollywood has gotten that jury Did.
You see that jury show?
I really wanted to watch the one where they made a fake world around that guy. You would have been a great guy for that, Brian, you.
Know who was on that? Was? Was that that's the one on free Form? Or it went?
I forget who knows.
Your cousin?
Michael?
Yeah, I don't know who to associate that brand with, but that was it was like James Marsden's in it, and they tricked this guy into doing jury duty?
Was it so fun?
It was?
It was good. It was really hyped up.
Uh and I was like, I'm okay, I got one episode.
Lisa Gilroy's on that and I'm obsessed with Yeah, I didn't get to her episodes. I really like her.
I would love to see her.
Yeah, that I felt like an original thing, like a risk being taken. F Boy Island is somewhat of a I mean, we you know, definitely did things outside of the box. But again like it's there are zones that you can stay in that you're kind of safe, but it is I was pitching some show ideas the other day and getting just like ah, that sounds good, like okay, oh, and like like honestly no response to them. But I wouldn't even know it was a pitch meeting. I just thought it was a general meeting where you just go like.
Hey, what's up. I'm Nikki, you're them.
Let's like talk in the future if we have any ideas, and they're like, but we want to know what you're thinking about, and I'm like, I'm working on my music career.
I don't really care about doing TV right now.
So if you have a TV show about that, I would love to do a TV show where I'm like trying to be a musician and they're like okay, but that is kind of what I realized. No offense to everyone who's working very hard to keep me in this career.
I just want a different career. I mean I want this.
I like podcasting, I like doing stand up. I'm not looking for a sitcom that honestly seems like uh yeah, can I just say waiting for that call from Taylor?
What for the record, I think the only giant corporation that takes risks and does it right and is full of brave, smart people as iHeartRadio I mean, yeah, they really are one of the best corporations.
Not listening big money players network. Yes, No, we're great. I'm I have no complains about I heard anyone. Anytime someone writes me to go like hey, I'm thinking about doing at I'm always like. They have done everything that I've ever wanted and wished. They've given me no notes, they let me be myself. They are They're amazing, so very grateful because you know, when I was choosing a podcast network, it was between of you.
I gotta know more. Oh, yeah it was.
It was a little bit of a not a war, but am rate a scirm. Yeah, there you go, and I chose right. Sometimes you just go.
I don't know what I'm doing. We'll just see if it works out. And it definitely worked out. Like everyone there is so nice and I'm a little corporate bitch and we'll be right back unter thiss. So last night went to the Dave Matthews concert at Irving Plaza with I flew my mom out last minute because she was like, I can't go again. You took me to Taylor Swift this weekend. It's too much, Nick, And I'm like, it's you know, it's a little bit of money for flights, but we stayed at my friend Sara Lina's house. I didn't have to put her up in a hotel. It's a free ticket to this intimate show. She didn't know it was. She thought I was gonna be in a stadium or arena, and then I told her I was probably We probably had ninety percent chance of meeting Dave after the show. And she was like, I don't know, I shouldn't go, and I just bought our ticket. I was like, well, then you're you're going. If you're even on the fence, you're going. So she flew out. Yesterday New York was apocalyptic. It was the fucking air was orange. It was orange and yellow outside. It was so bad. I realized that during COVID I didn't give a fuck about my mask, because yesterday I was wearing a ninety five so responsibly making sure it was stucked over every portion of my face, circumference, totally solid, you know, using that little wiry part at the nose to make sure no air got in. That I realized during COVID, I didn't give a fuck about my mask. I'm coming out with it now. I made it look like I cared because I wanted to respect those around me. But I was never scared of getting COVID.
I just was.
It's not that I didn't believe in it or I was like, this is bullshit. Everyone doesn't care. I knew it was a big deal. I just can't care about things that I don't care about. You know, like, you can't get me to be scared of picking a lollipop off the ground if I don't already care. You can't get me to care about travel and seeing the world if I don't care about it.
You can't something in my brain.
Because it's it's my voice, and because it's like breathing in cancer COVID, I'm like, okay, I just oh my god. I was coughing all day long. I didn't feel it like in my head. People were getting headaches and stuff. I didn't feel it anywhere else. I was just like my voice was already fucked. We would have recorded this podcast two days ago, but I had to go on vocal rest because I sang too much over the weekend at Taylor Swift and stuff and just overused my voice. So yesterday I was trying to do vocal rest and then it was like it was honestly so scary outside people were driving poorly, like traffic was bad. It looked like everyone was trying to get out oftown because the city was on fire. It was really scary. And I know a lot of people in California and such have witnessed this kind of weather Colorado or the skies.
It's it's terrifying.
You're in a city grid and you can barely see the sky and there's like no fresh air breezing.
Through five blocks down. You couldn't see the buildings. Yeah, it was that hazy. And this is our future, by the way, Like this is not like once, It'll be once in a while for a little bit. But I realized COVID was wearing masks inside, and the future is wearing masks outside. The only time you'll be able to not wear masks is inside in the future.
I have an iron well going to personal.
I have an optimistic, erroneous belief about this. I feel like, really yeah, I feel like with the forest fires, obviously, I believe in climate change, and I believe that climate change is exacerbating these forest fires and making them more intense and more frequent. Don't come at me for that. But I do believe that we have a history of not doing controlled burns, which is something that was that the Native Americans used to do hundreds of years ago to make sure that our forests didn't get overgrown. And in fact, for decades we had a policy in most major developed countries of just preserving forests without burning them, without cutting down trees, so that they would become overgrown and more likely to burn. And now with the climate changing, the fires are more likely to start and they're going to burn bigger. And I think what will happen eventually is the forest will be burned and they will be finned out, and we're less likely to experience these gigantic forest fires because they won't be they're all gonna burn, there won't be enough trees left to burn.
I don't know.
You ever fly across the United States and go, there are so many goddamn trees you ever see, Like when you're flying into an area, you go, oh, there is his trees.
Or you take a drive up the upstate and you go.
There's so much forests happening, Like five percent of like North America.
It's just some like low number whoa probably wrong.
I just want to say I'm probably wrong, but I like better.
Yeah, we've once you've destroyed it all, there's nothing left to burn. I do like that theory. There's something interesting there. But it was but it grows badly depressing yesterday. Depressing yesterday, and I was worried the concert was going to be canceled. And you're right, Anya, it does grow back. I was just the thinking about all the birds and raccoons that.
I was breathing in, the burn animals that were.
Like what's happening, and the babies that are freshly born because it's springtime. All the baby animals, Like, that's where my mind goes.
I don't really, they don't know where to go.
And a lot of animals have have evolved awful. A lot of animals evolved to actually run through fire because yeah, because.
Like they're at a Tony Robbins seminar.
Yeah, so they gotta they want to experience the holy ghost. But they run through fire because historically fires have not been big enough for uh, they could just run straight through them and get to the other side and then be safe.
Oh, right, now.
The fires are so big that they might be evolved to run through the fire.
Yeah, and they and there's no way out.
I just didn't answer you for this channel in San Diego, like right before this podcast, because they wanted to talk to former San diegost that were in New York.
And the guy asked me for an on air clip.
He goes, how so these fires like came from Canada, So what is your feeling about that?
Like he wanted you to hate on Canada.
Yeah, And then I don't know why I got infected by the San Diego fucking linguistic curse that you get when you're talking to San Diag's And I actually said, I mean, it's it's a bomber, that's all I had. It's a bummer and it's a drag. I think I said it is harshing.
I mean, Canadians are so polite. It's a surprise that they let that smoke come over here.
I know. I was surprised to hear something catastrophic coming from Canada.
I was like, really, Sarah, she had the funniest tweet.
She's like, what if after the smoke clears, Canada's just gone, like it disappears in a haze.
I was well, I was worried that they were going to cancel the show last night because you know Dave being able to sing, and he did.
Howard Stern yesterday too, so I knew he'd been up all.
You know, you have to get up at like three thirty in the morning to like prepare to be on for Howard at that time, Like it's so early. Not that he did hair and makeup or anything, but he even said at the concert, like, I will go very early so I could be sharp for the interview that happens early.
So he got on stage instantly.
He was like, I'm tired, But anyway, we went to the show, and Halla also went Laura Holly, my best friend from high school who notoriously told me in high school that in a disgusted voice.
How I know you're listening.
She just I remember, she was just like, you think you're gonna meet Dave Matthews?
What?
Oh my god?
Yeah right, And I was like I will, and I really did.
What was the conversation before met him?
It was like me being like I'm gonna meet him someday, just being like sure of it, you know, and like talking to my friends about like when I meet him someday, I feel like I'm gonna say.
This or what you know. It was just a fantasizing.
Yeah, this was like me using that book the power of the subconscious mind to like trick my mind into knowing that this was going to happen in the future without any doubt. And my subconscious mind made it happen. So you made which is what happened with that?
You get her roped into this trip.
Yeah, And she's a day fan and so and we were huge Dave fans in high school, so I thought it was I didn't realize it was a part of the story until I already invited her and she goes, Wow, this is the ultimate fuck you.
To me in high school for you to like bring me to see you meet him.
And the truth is she did see me meet him because after the show we got meet and greets. We like stayed up in this area, and the guy that was handing out the the wristbands, uh came up to me and gave me and my mom one and.
Did not give holloween.
But the thing was we were like, I am so conscious of meet and greets because I do them, and I knew Dave was tired and he had been up since probably four in the morning that day and had to do a sound check for two hours, he said, and it like he had a long day. I did not even want to meet him because it's just like it's too much, and we were and so I just I didn't want to add another person to it. And Holla was like, I'm fine, I don't care because Holly don't curR anyway, and she was just happy to witness it, and she was our It was as if she met him. She's up there, like right next to us all meeting him, and but it was so first of all, I get to the show and meet Brooklyn Decker because she's a Dave fan and she's on Dave Matthew's band radio being interviewed, and then I'm after her, and so we exchanged pleasantries and she's so cute and adorable and was wearing the cutest denim jumper that I wanted to get, and she had like a cropt like she had a Anya's length hair, and it really made me want to get it because I haven't seen that hair on like a tall blode like. She kind of has the same kind of body type as me. She would probably be offended if I said that, but I could kind of blur my eyes and be like, oh, I look cute with that hair and twenty pounds to thinner and anyway, so she was really nice. And then I went on air and then Ari, the guy who runs the channel, was like, so, we're gonna Dave tonight and I was like what. He's like, I think it'd be really cool. And he's just all over the place trying to run the boards and like figure out the timing of the show. And I'm like, well, what are we gonna say? And he's like, we're just gonna go up there for like four minutes before and Dave doesn't like to and I go four minutes just vamping. I go, I gotta have a plan, and he's like, no, we'll just do it. I'll talk a little bit, I'll bring you up. And I gave him specific instructions how to bring me up, because if you don't know when you're bringing someone on stage, like a lot of times, and this might help our listener. If you're ever introducing someone at a conference or like at a meeting at a work function in front of people, and you're introducing someone, make sure that their name is the last thing you said.
So this is like a very great tip.
It's nobody really knows this until you start hosting, because I didn't know it. But you just say, hey, are you guys ready for your next performer? Okay, you know them from blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Please give it up for Nicki Glazer. You always say their name last because you go, are you guys ready.
For Nicki Glazer?
Okay, here she is, And then they don't really know when to clap, like and you gotta save the name for last because you're building the whole station.
Yeah, people go and now welcome Nicki Glazer. You're gonna love her. She's gonna be great. Like people do that and.
They trail off and people are like, I don't know when.
To actually, at least with a Nikki Glazer, the applause is like, okay, now all together.
So I gave him that.
Yes, and now we're going to do the rings.
It's like, what, Yeah, I'm gonna now pronounce Anya and Matt Nicki Glazer. I'm gonna make sure to say my name last when I do that. But yeah, it was so I was really like because he was so all over myself. Was like, you listen to me right now, you look at me. You say my name last. Okay, It's like, you do not say my name. You say it only once and it's the last thing you say. So whatever you say before that make it. And so he's like okay, and then he brings me up, and I did a few jokes about like, thanks to everyone for braving the apocalypse to be here. If you happen to see like any smoke on the stage, there's not like a smoke machine. Someone just left the door open, please alert and attendant. So I just like gave a little couple jokes and then we just were like and and Dave doesn't like to have it be like and Dave Matthews Man, he doesn't like that. He just likes it to like just gently start. So we were like, are you guys ready for the show? Okay, he'll be out a second. Yeah. We just walked off and then the show started, and as I'm walking out of the backstage area, he entered from the other side of the stage, so I didn't see him. But as I'm walking out of the back stage area, I could like head back to my seat. But then I saw like there's a gate up like to keep the front row from being like on the stage, So there's like a little area for like camera men to go. That's pretty much the front row, but then there's a gate behind the front row. Yeah, And I sat on the gate in front of the front row, and I just found a little nestled spot. I was four feet from Dave Matthews the entire time. He played one of my favorite songs, Gray Street, which if you have ever heard that, it really like that's a song that gets me through when I'm feeling really depressed because I feel like that girl in that song, And I love when men write songs about women being depressed and anxious. It just really turns me on when they like understand it's so much and that song really it was just so good, and all the fans are so nice, and they're all all the people there were like from DMB radio fan base that one ticket, so they're like ultimate fans. So we were just all singing long and he was struggling with lyrics to one part and we were all just like helping out. It was so cool, and he looked so good and he was so good on guitar, and it.
Was cool to watch him.
He's awesome. He looks great. He's never looked better. He's never looked better.
He's awesome.
And and Emil and my mom and Halla, who I brought are all in the back, and I touched them, being like, I can't leave the seat. If I leave, I can't get in front of the front row. I'm not even supposed to be here. The security guards are all being nice because they just saw me on stage, so they're like giving me a pass, but I have no right to be where I am, and I'm crouched down because I don't want to make a scene of it, right, And so I texted a Meal like I can't come back there, like I can't give up the spot go on without me, And so they just hung out and danced up Hala, just like dance upstairs. But then after Crush, which is my favorite song of all time, I was like, I can I can go find Halla and dance with her. So I went to the very back after that because I was like, I got to spend some of this concert with my friend. And we danced to Crash and Don't Drink the Water and some other songs.
Yeah, yes, And.
As we're dancing, this guy comes up to Halla because Holla was dancing the whole time, and I guess he noticed and gives her one of.
Dave's guitar picks.
Oh my god, same as you and Taylor.
Whoa, which I knew was a Dave guitar pick because I was up close and I saw the guitar picks he was using, and I was very fascinated because I use a very light pick and I was like, those look like light picks.
It was a light pick.
And a Meal, of all people, was the one to turn me onto light picks because he is a beginning guitar player too, and he was like, you haven't heard about light picks. Don't do the heavy ones, do use the light ones. And I'm like, light ones changed my life. And my dad always makes fun of me for using light ones because you're not a real guitar player if you use light picks, except Dave uses them. Because I got one because Halla gave it to me because she's a great friend.
She gave me the guitar pick.
And then the guy comes back again and gives Halla a set list what and we.
Go, who is this guy.
And so then Halla runs after him to be like, who are you, mystery man? And it's not a big place, so she could and he's like, I'm Dave's vocal coach and he's just one of these nice guys that takes it upon himself to find little things trinkets to give them to fans at the shows, which is must be such a fun thing to do. I did it at a Wilco show when I had an extra set list. I was like, I want to find the biggest Wilco fan that is going to freak out to get the set list because I had the other half of the set list because it was printed twice and I knew I was decided I was to have it, and so I was like, who am I gonna give it to. It's such a fun thing to like pick someone out. So he picked out Holler because she was dancing like crazy, and I go, oh my god, he's his vocal coach. I go, hala wait, go tell him I some might someday might need him. And so she ran back to him and was like, do you know who Nicki Glazer is? And he was like no, and she was like, once again, let me go get her. So I ran over and talked to him, and I was like, I know, I am way out of like I'm a comedian. I was on masked singer. I did pretty well in that. I was like, I have a vocal coach already, but who knows down the line what's gonna happen. I was like, I do not deserve you, but I can afford you. And I was like, I have the means to get to hire you if at any point you'd be into that down the line. And he was like, well, you don't want to mix up vocal coaches because they all have different ways of teaching, so you want to stick with one. And I was like, that's a really good point.
You're right.
So anyway, I got his number and then I'll tell you what happened when we met save Matthew's after this. So then after the show, I am not wanting to meet Dave because I'm like, he's had a long day the show.
He was exhausted. During the show.
He would get done with his song and be like oh, and he was like kept acknowledging that he was tired, but he was also awesome because he was so tired. He was a little bit loopy, and people would like yell out things and he would get distracted. He was talking way more than he ever talks, which in the Dave Matthews universe we call that Dave speak. So he was Dave speaking more than ever, which is just when Dave talks in between songs.
And he was being.
Hilarious and he was so fun and he was just loose and it was great. But I still was very conscious of as someone who's been on the other side of meet and greets. Even Emil and I were talking about what Dave was possibly doing backstage based on what I'm always doing in between the show and the meet and greet. He was like, he's probably putting back on his high heels and stuffing his face with like a rice cake and smoking a joint and being like, yeah, I'll be on a second, Like how many are there? Like okay, that's cool, So do you think there's going to be more than that? Or like okay? And can can you tell them to have their phones ready? Like we were just like predicting what he would be doing. Even though I enjoyed meet and greets very very much, I was just like, I just don't want to make this anymore for him. So I was like, I'll probably just not do one because I don't need to. And then the guys came over and we're like, here's your passes. We were like why we shut and there it wasn't a ton of people. It was like twenty five people, and most everyone else was drunk. I was like, I'm not drunk. I'm not going to talk his head off. I'm going to be so respectful and just get in there and get out. I'm not going to tell him a story about how I love him. And in high school and Ari Ari, the guy from the radio show who I introduced him with, he knew about my Holla story of Holla telling me telling I'd never meet him. And he was like, you gotta tell him that. I'm gonna tell him that we'll bring up all it. And I go, Ari, you listen to me right now. You are not telling him that story.
You're not.
Because Ari was just tired and overworked. And I was like, and Ari even said to me shout out to Ari before the meet, and Greed. I was like, I really don't think I want to stay for the meet and Greed, he's had a long day. I think he should just like and he goes, what what, No, we are not just typical meet and greet. We are, it's not We're not just like fans, and I go, yes, we are. We're actually worse because at least people who are fans and get a meet and greet, they know where they're a fan.
Dave is the talent.
We have this weird thing where we're like, we're not really like them, We're like actually cool and we just want to like hang out with you, which is so much worse than just a normal person being like, nice to meet you.
I'm a big fan.
That is so much better than someone being like I'm There's always someone at my meet and greet who waits in the back of the line and we've called him out before on the podcast who thinks they're special and is like, I don't even want to picture. I like just want to like have a conversation with you. And I'm like, that's so much worse than a picture.
They always say with a nag.
They're like, I don't even care really about you, like you know what I.
Mean, Yes, I don't even know.
I guess like this just came with my ticket, this meet and greet, like, it's not even a big deal to meet, but I just like, I know you to behave.
Like those people crying to meet you.
I'm like, oh yeah, God forbid you act enthusiastic right now.
Or industry people that are just like yeah they walk back to a green room with you, You're like, no, no, no, no, no, this is over now.
Yeah, that's the That's what I said to Ari Igo.
You're you, and I are worse you, especially because you are convinced that you're on the same industry is convinced they're on the same level as him, and you hang out longer and you don't realize no offense to Ari. He's awesome and everyone who works at Serious at that level is a great hang and I had a good time with them. But Dave doesn't want to hang out with you. There's just no way after a show. He wants to hang out with his family.
I'm so glad you stayed because I'm sure Dave's clocked you in the audience.
I was like, oh my god, Nikki laz So he did it.
There was no clocking. There's no eye contact, which I liked. I don't did you know who you were nines. I'm like, don't distract. Wait, I just wanted to say, people that bring signs. Even when Taylor Swift walked to the edge of the stage and was singing, I didn't want to like wave at her or go I love you because she's singing a song and I don't want to distract her from her song, right, So all I'm trying to do when she walked to the lip of the stage was sing the lyrics that were what she was singing, so that I would help her in some way and not distract, right. And so Dave is on stage and I'm I don't know some of the songs because some of the new stuff I don't know. So I was trying not to make eye contact. There was no icon to be made.
But there was a girl with a.
Sign, and I'm just like, stop, don't hold signs, like just like little signs, you know, Like I don't even know what it said, but it bothered me.
But it's all sweet.
I mean, we're all just fans trying to get by, But so I did. I wanted to wait in the back of the line because I wanted to. I said, I want to go last because I know the feeling of when the last person you have to meet, no matter how good the meet and greet, was the last. It's like seeing your car after a hike. You're like, I'm about to get to go take off my shoes. So I wanted to be that last person.
You just want to have a conversation, not the picture.
Yeah, I wasn't that guy. I wasn't the guy being like I wanted to take longer with you. It was like I wanted to be the fastest last person ever. I wanted to like buck the system and so but Ari was like, no, just get up here. You are not going to wait to the last person. You're Nicki Glazer. I'm like, I do not do not say that. He was a little mover and a shaker. So he pulls me to the front and and I just like walk up today. They're like it's Nicki Glazer and they like lead me to him and and.
I just go, Hi, Dave, I'm the voice of DMB Radio.
And he goes I can't even remember what he said, but based on the footage, it was something like I know who you are, come here, and he like, oh, grabs me to give me a hug. Anyone who he goes in for the hug. First for anyone who goes jiu jitsu who listens to this podcast, and I know you do. He did an arm drag on her.
She reached her arm out to shake his hand and he like pulled her in and hugging this huge bear hug hug, huge hug lasted long.
I saw the video when I first when I saw my first thought was that was a genuine hug.
That was a genuine you win hug.
He knew how much I mattered to him, and he was very it was it was so awesome and it was just like so I was just trying to like, I mean, you don't understand, like I I don't. I don't want to be indecent in talking about this, but he had much to do with my sexual awakening and my whole sexual identity, and like everything was just it was I got a rice pellet in my ass yesterday to to like help with my hormones. To oh, a rice pet not up my ass. Holl I thought, I got it up my ass in my asshole. Rice No, that would have horned me up.
Yeah.
No, It's like the size of a rice pellet and it has hormones in it, and it cost me twenty five hundred dollars. I thought I was gonna get for free until they were like, it's twenty five hundred, and I was like, I guess, so you put.
It in your Yeah, it's like, what's that called a uh when you got medicine your butt?
It's not suppository because that's up your ass. They cut her butt cheek, they cut and slided it. I had no idea and by the way, I asked, no, Well, they put lytocane first, so that hurt. A shot of lytocane in my ass really really hurt. And then they carved your ass open. I had no idea. I thought it was just like a little like they just shoot it in with a you know, a shot like you're getting a vaccine. And I had no idea that it was like a minor surgery and it was no stitches or anything. And I was out the door in five minutes. But I have a huge bandage on my butt that's like bleeding a lot. And but in two weeks I'm supposed to start feeling the testosterone.
Is this done by a doctor, like they know you actually need?
Yeah, I was I did blood work back in December and she was like, you have zero testosterone and oh what do I do? And she was like, well, we have this pellet thing, and my mom knows about the pellet. She was like, Oh, my friend Beth did the pellet and it changed her life. And I think I have to get it every six months and it's twenty dollars.
Yeah, is this the reason.
For the.
Testosterone is? The lack of testosterone is absolutely so.
That is humping everything I heard from my friend like it made her so horny.
Well, I can't wait. I mean maybe, but this Dave thing I was so decent.
I was.
I felt rejuvenated because he looked so good and he was so masculine and singing songs about love, like I felt a love in my heart and like a resurgence of like my womanhood.
He's like an.
Animal, like that video you said, the Girl's Chat. He's like sweating and like and you're just like, I cannot not imagine what this person looks like in bed, Like, he's clearly an animal.
I just love the way he plays guitar. Yeah, he does his was like so loose. Oh the way he played guitar.
I was obsessed with it looked like his hand was made of jelly like and my hand's always like and it made me realize, you just have to be very like casual.
I was studying.
I was it was really cool to be up close as someone who's just trying to learn how to play rhythmic guitar and study him and like see that what I thought, what his finger stylings on the fretboard are insane and his fingers do things that like my fingers would take years to learn those shapes and be able to stretch in those ways. But his strumming very simple, very cool and like almost like he's playing drums. But like I always thought he was like so intricate. But I was studying it from the angle I was studying it from, and I was like, oh, it's actually very simple strumming, but the rest of the things he's doing along the front board are very very complex. So I was, you know, heartened to see some of that, and I'm like so excited to attempt some of those songs today.
I was like, oh, I think I can get some of these.
This was a second time you've met him, correct, Yeah, so how did it compare?
But the first I.
Mean a thousand times better because the first one it was just it wasn't ideal. I just like said too much, and I like kind of cried a little bit, and I I and then I was in a room alone with him for a listening session and the whole funky you know this funky story. I think I've told this before, but I just he offered to play a song next from his album. We were at a listening party in a small room, so I've been closer to him than I was last night, four feet from him. I was one foot from him during for an hour listening to his new album five years ago and four years ago, and yeah, he was like, we got one more song to play.
You guys want to hear something.
You know, a little sad or something a little funky. And I had been holding in my like my energy the whole time because I'm just trying to keep it cool because I'm losing my mind, and it just decided to come out in that moment, and I was.
Like fucking and I said it way too loud, and.
I like hurt everyone's ears in the room, like it was a small commerce room. And Bob Abouoie, who was there from the Howard Certain show. He behind me, reaches for it and just puts a calming hand on my shoulder to like just sedate me a little bit because he knew that my energy was like weirding everyone out in the room. And then Dave went on and did not play a function. No one else volunteered a suggestion. He gave us two options and he played the other one. And then I couldn't have that be the last time he remembered me. So afterwards I followed him out and was like, I always knew I was gonna meet you. That's what You're the reason I ever did comedy because I wanted to get in the same sphere as you.
And I said the word sphere a lot.
It was like it was humiliated, and he just seems like overwhelmed by it and didn't know who I was. And this was much better because then after we met, after we took a picture together, and then my mom gets in the picture and he takes a picture with her and.
Me, and then at the end it was like all.
The serious people, not that I'm affiliated with him, but I am the voice of day Matthew's band radio. So they were like Nikki get into and I was on the edge and they were like, no, Nikki, get in the middle. And I was like, I'll crouch, and Dave crouched down next to me and put his face lush with mine. So I had Dave Matthew's face touching him out of here, right next to it, like we were. It was like the most into like and I was able to in that moment stop time and just realize that I am millimeters from kissing this man. It was just like it was very thrilling for a young Nicky Glazer a seventeen year old Nicky Glazer back then, of just like like our faces are touching, like this is the closest you can get to someone. And we held it for a while because of the picture, and he was being just being funny because I was only when crouching, so he was like, I'll crouch with her.
And just face next to mine.
It was so and I was like, I mean we left my mom and Halla and Emil. We couldn't get over it. We were like that was the most insane. It was just so fun. And to see Taylor Swift and Matthews in one week that close. It took a lot of effort. I have to say a lot of flying, a lot of sleeplessness, a lot of money being spent, a lot of money not being made, but it was obviously so worth it, and I just have to do more things like this.
I love going to shows. I love well.
The part of the story you left out was that Dave hugged you that close, he whispered in your ear.
I remember that.
He did say he did nice to.
See you, you know, the la thing, and so I was like, no way, I think he just knows me. He contextualizes me in some way other than that. There's no way he remembers me from Funky and Sphere. There's no way it was I wasn't the same person, and that he would not have been excited.
To see that person sounds like the name of a Dave song.
It's their new album. Oh my God. Anyway, that's my Dave story.
Sorry for a short podcast today, guys, This is all we can give you, but we'll be back next week with full length of so just don't even worry about it.
We love you, Thank you for listening.
Come see us this weekend in Sarasota, Florida, West Palm Beach and we got a lot more tour dates just announced. I'm going to Chicago, Peoria, New Jersey, Calgary, Napa, Wheatland, California.
Where the fuck is at?
San Francisco, San Diego, Riverside, Lawrence, Kansas, Boston, Massachusetts, Baltimore, Maryland, Ray, Rehoboth Beach, Delaware, Rehoboth, Atlantic City, Portland, Oregon, Rama, Ontario, Munhall, Pennsylvania, Detroit, Michigan, Denver, Colorado. Holy fuck, you can get those tickets now, Nikki Glazer dot com.
I can't wait to see you all there. Thank you for listening.
Don't be Ka and digit diggjack off