The Nicky Glazer Podcast. Nick Here's Nikki. Hello here, I am welcome to the show, The Nicky Glazer Podcast, starting week Got Fresh. It's Tuesday, guys, welcome to the show. On your marinas here gorgeous lipstick on? Is that a new color one? Hyper? I saw you had some new lipstick ease on Tournay's Weekend. How do you put them out? Do you order them online? Do you go desperation? Right? But like where do you go? Like? How do you know crying are hard to um? You just show crying on a Sephora Believe it or not. These are hand me downs from Kate Walsh. I just get stuff from my celebrity friends. I have to you and Kate, when did she um like give that? Like? Were you just over at her house and she's like, here's my lipstick straw grow She's like, I got sent all this ship do you want it? And she gave me a huge box of stuff which I have made last I think three and a half years, but I got hooked on this one. It's Anastasia and it's soft pink. People ask me about this all the time. I'm not one of those girls. Actually, I am one of those girls that hates giving my secrets away. But I'm telling you now because I want this is the best lipstick soft pink secrets away. That's why I never trust people who give their secrets away, because it's not really their secret unless it's me telling you the plant squalling, ordinary, plant squally. Do not buy it on Amazon. Do not. I made the mistake this weekend rumors that buying skincare on Amazon you get sometimes they have the bottles, but then they'll put different stuff in it that's cheap. But I only thought that would be for high end products. You know, your drunk elephants, your or e bays. I don't know whatever the funk is, like over twenty dollars for a thing mine seven fifty for a little thing five dollars before. I don't even know why I went to Amazon. I paid ten. It was in a bundle, and I paid twenty for it, so I go, oh, it's more it arrives. I've been using this stuff for over five years. I know what the consistency is, and this was gelatinous and the real consistency is more water. And I'm like, I got screwed, So do not buy your skincare on Amazon. Do not buy your skincare on Amazon. Do not buy your skincare on Amazon. They are repackaging it with cheaper shit. And it's like, and you think that why would they do that for a five dollar thing? How much more money could they save by it's five dollars, But they do, And I wrote an angry review. It's the first review I've ever written on Amazon or anything, because people, did you say, I just said this product. I've heard rumors of this happening, and this is a percent happening because I've used this product forever. The packaging is exactly the same, down to the cardboard box. The little thing comes in, but inside it is not the product. And it made me mad because this is my number one product. And I just imagine someone has the chance to find this project product and it for to change of life the way it did me. And if I would have brought bought this product for the first time from Amazon, I would never use it again, and I would still be wearing night creams that are eighty dollars that don't absorb anything. And this is five It's changed my life. So do not buy it from Amazon, and buy it from Sephora. It's super cheap. Again, it's the ordinary plant squalling. The ordinary is the best skin care stuff. It's clean, it's cheap, and it's simple. Um, I just love it. But yeah, that and then Anastasia light Rose, What the hell is soft pink? And it's Matt Yeah. Well, your your ideal shade for your lips is the color of your nipple. Now I'm guessing yours are like translucent, a little like pink. Yeah, because we have the same kind of skin tone. I guess I've never seen so many times I thought years are perfect and kind of like a brownie thing. They can't be brown sometimes, but then when they're like not, they're like more pink. Like when they're harder, they get brown because they condense. They can hear this, they do the skin condenses. I bet men's balls do the same thing when you're cold and it contracts your ball or gets probably darker. Um. Almost, like I just gonna say about tits. You want to say that, Um to toot my own tits. I was doing a I can't do it that was on his voice. By the way, due left it. Here's the right one. That's so good. That's so good. My stylist Danny and Emma. They do a lot of celebrities. And the other day when we were fitting for the Critic's Choice Awards and Chris was there, they did me a favorite. I don't even know they did it because Chris was there, but they were like, because my tips were like falling out of this one dress, I like bent over and they just both came out and like, guys, this isn't gonna work. I was like fastening my shoe and they both came out and I came back up and I'm like, they're both out. Like it was like I was like a woman in a tribe who was like feeding her child, you know, when the kid just like takes it to that, Like it was so that it was address made for that and so um when they Emma was like somewhere one of my friends just asked me recently, who of all our clients is the best boobs And I was hands down you And I was like, are you serious? Like she was like that is so she. I was like that, I don't even care if I want to quit Critic's Choice Awards. You've seen so many famous they Jessica help us tits, you know, I don't know if she saw it, because that day they had to brock paper centers because they either had to work with me or Jessica Albas, so one of them had to take each of them. And I gotta be honest, they were hoping to get me because I'm a good hang and they didn't know Alba ended up being great, but they were like, she could be fucking hard to deal with because guess what, most celebrities are not that pleasant of people. The higher up you go, you're kind of an asshole. I'm just tired of it, tired of hearing stories about successful people being jerks, beloved people that you love. It's not just Ellen. This is the thing, Like, there's so many more Ellen's people that you love who are just genuinely mean to people all the time. What they're famous and what did you say? And you hear it. You hear the real deal from the style from trainers, you hear it from stylists, you hear it from drivers. This is makeup artists. They're all talking. A lot of them are like, you know, really diplomatic about it, but you ask around and you know, you know who's country and you know what going dem want you'll find out there too. You'll find out I eat a dry salad with lots of pepper, but you won't hear I'm a cunt. And if you do, I'm telling you they had it coming because I don't treat people cruelly, especially people who are waiting on me and doing jobs for me, getting paid less to do so much more hard work than me just sitting there and memorizing some lines. It's just insane to me that um that actor that ever actors are talent talent. The word talent just needs to get out of the fucking door. That's what we're referred to on set, talents coming through talent walking and I'm like, easy, I'm hosting f Boy Island. It doesn't take that much mediocrity coming through luck, coming through her parents for five years when most people's parents would have pulled out. Otherwise she would be, you know, working out the middle school right now, coming through that's what they should do, like all your former credits, former substitute teacher. And it's just the talent. It just makes you walk in a room like, oh my god, who am I? And yeah, you need to have a little confidence. I recently told Chris, I'm not staying at an Airbnb in l A. When we go out there, that is a place where of an affordable place, I'm not doing it. I had a good year. I want to be somewhere that makes me feel nice. I want to be in luxury. It sucks that to have a nice place an it's like eight hundred dollars a fucking night. And I know that that is horrifying to some people, and they're like, Nikki, you're you couldn't be more out of touch. I know, but I don't want to feel like I'm roughing it anymore because it really depresses me. And even if like like we said, in a really nice place, but it was so expensive, but it was not super nice, but it was so expensive in Santa Monica, you like on like a homeless encampment. It's like, you know, you gotta pay up. What what do you like to have? Like what is it? Because you said that it doesn't make you feel good? Walls, nice decor, tasteful, like space clean, textured. She wants textured wall, my friend, Sea, I want I want things to be nice. I don't want pictures of like you know that you got it um home good home goods of like a beach setting. I don't care what it is, but I just want some taste and I want I want space, and I want to not be I want to be able to sing really loud and not have the name first complain. I want that, and I want I just want to feel like a little bit special sex. No, we're not having sex right now, are you kidding me? We're both so busy. This is not it's not happening. I just need to whale Taylor Soft songs about how not having sex. No, I am set to fine, don't you worry about it? But um no, it's not. We're not having screaming sex anymore. I have to remember I was on just Thing for the new Soft franchise. Is one of the torture scenes. Um no, it's I just want. I just want to feel nice. But here's the thing that's my like out of touch celebrity thing. It's like Nikki needs to stay a place that's a thousand dollars a night or whatever the hell it's going to cost. But you know what I don't need is to treat people badly to make myself feel better. And that's what most celebrities do, and they're staying at night place nice places. So before you roll your eyes at me, which I would too, and be like, you really need to stay in a nice place at least so I don't want to make people feel bad about themselves all the time like so many celebrities do. It's kind of gross. You don't even want because then you have to be friends with these people because they're at the top, and you have to act like you get invited to the things they go to, and you have to like schmooze with them, and then you like, are friends with assholes. I don't know. I don't know where you draw the line where you're like, I don't really want to be friends with you guys, but it would help my career and then maybe I could get more information to ruin you someday when you die and I write a tell all. That's why I love Kathy Griffin No holds. Like, I've been posting this woman who does dubs over celebrities. Her name is Simon, Simon Tina or something. I was watching videos today, How good are they? The Gwyneth the one I post? I was like, I only post Gwyneth when she's being mocked because get her off your screen. If you were following Goop or Gwyneth, do yourself. This is like we should do goopless January. You know how people are, See how it feels to get Gwyneth and all of that bullshit. Any influencer who has a green juice, perfect life, get him off your feed and see how you feel. Drink as much as you want. Drink alcohol all you want, January, use drugs. Get those people off your feed where you don't see them every day, and see how it makes you feel. Because it does feel great. The second I took gwynethan Goop off my feed, I don't have to deal with that ship anymore. And you don't see it. You're not comparing yourself. Maybe you guys have less of a problem with it than I do, but I can't handle it. I don't. Is her name, yes, Lisa Timmins. She's so funny. She makes she's me with us, like writing like she feels the same way about celebrities I do, except she had one about her and I was like easy, she back away, you back off. Pitch the things about j Lo applying Bronzer. Oh a little melanine is really great, but just the right amount, not too much because I want a career. But the one with Viola Davis Fiola talking to everyone about all these white people about NEPO babies. No, she's talking about just black people in film and being like it's just so good. She's so this woman is so good. So yeah, what's his name again? Lisa Timmins. Lisa Timmins t I M M O N s uh so check her stuff out. My nose is bleeding today, what because I just washed my face and I forgot to take off my pinky ring. I don't know if I think I'm in the mob or something why I have a pinking ring. But my sister bought me like a really expensive, like pair of pants at this um, what's it called thrift store in Saint Luniz is really cool thrift store. And they were like gold and they're really cool to wear on stage and she was like, they fit me, so they'll probably fit you. Did not fit me, embarrassing whatever, So I returned them and this store had nothing I wanted. I mean, my sister was like, you wait, do you get in the store every You'll want everything? And I'm like, why do you want to dress like a sister wife, like, I don't get what's going on. Really, it was all like Laura Ashley stuff. No, it was just it just wasn't my style. I like my sister and I just differ in that way. But I found this little gold ring that has a um, a J or a P. I don't know what it has as a signett but it fits only on my pinkie and it hooked today when I was washing my nose, on my nose and ripped the cartilage like horribly and so on my nose outside, my nostrils bleeding pretty bad. Um. It made me feel alive because it hurts. So sometimes you know when you hurt yourself, you bang your head and there's no blood and you're like, come on, give me something. I just suffered so much, no one's gonna be able to tell that this was actually painful. I love a little blood. It's a perfect amount. It looks like a little dot like I almost have a piercing there. But I felt like that when I slipped and fell on black ice in Kalamazoo leaving the hotel room, and I felt like like an animated character slipping and falling. I was like and then like landed on my back and then this Pellegrino bottle I watched it in slow motion. It fell and then it just shattered all around me. And I was like, oh, I hope I have some kind of cool wound for how much pain and feeling on my hand And there's nothing. It was just like I skinned my hand but you couldn't see anything. Yeah, it's just there's like an indent of gravel, but that's it. And you're just like it looks like you were just sleeping on some gravel and the people are just like, I don't have any sympathy for you unless it's bleeding, like you need blood to get that simp Um. We were in Kalamazoo. We were in Juliet, Illinois, like depressing like Midwest cities cold. I say that as being from a depressing Midwest city cold St. Louis. So I'm only I'm throwing rocks in my cold glass house. I understand that. Um. But yeah, we stayed in like kind of shitty hotels because there's like no nice hotel. There was a nice hotel in Calamazoo. I guess it was really too expensive. It's like, you know, if it were just me on the road, I'd be staying nice places, but you gotta put up you know, for us, it's just two rooms, so maybe we should bump it up. Anyway. We stayed at like places that I would have stayed when I was like working in honky Tonks and just like it's fine. I'm just I don't like when I was literally I went to Kalamazoo and probably two thousand five and worked at something like sports bar, and then they put you at the Super eight across and now that's Super eight is now a home to sweets and it's like a little bit. It was nice, things are clean, the staff was nice. One guy in Kalamazoo, the front desk knew me, which is always sweet. But he stayed stay Bridge Sweets. Yeah. In Kalamazoo's shout out to Zeke who worked for Death or whatever his name is. It was something like Zeke and he was a fan and he kept trying to get my attention and I was just not in the mood for it because there were lots of people in the lobby. I just didn't want to have a moment. I could tell his his comment was going to be inappropriate. I could tell but then I went to the gym and I forgot my key in the him, so I had to go to front desk to ask to get let back in the gym, and of course Zeke is there and he's like, lets me, and he goes and I'm on the phone with my fucking egg freezing doctor. As I'm doing it, he's talking to me and I'm like, sorry, I'm on the phone. I'm just gonna rush. I need to get a key. I'm sorry. I don't mean to be rude, but I'm on the phone. I'm muting the phone and then I'm mute and I'm like, yeah, I can do that. Um. So I started injections on this day and he's just like, I just have to tell you. I'm like, you don't have to just tell me anything. I just told you. I'm on the phone. It's your job to get me a key, let me back in the gym. I wasn't being rude at all. And then he has to stop me and say, I just need to say, did you bring a hastily packed suitcase? Which is a reference to my joke about my vagina, which is inappropriate. Zeeke, I know it, And I said, oh, that's a good because it's travel related hotel, but also like generous, don't don't talk about my vagina. I know I do, but why do you think you can? I got it, dude. I gotta tell you this quick thing about your clip. I'm a huge and you know, people bring me pictures of hastily back suitcases for me to sign. People reference hastically all the time. If you're mind tickets to my show, fine, say whatever you want to me. I just know that I am rolling my eyes and making fun of you behind your back because do better. But I do love. I mean, I met so many besties this weekend. They were all so sweet. They all are just like people I would hang out with. I there's none of that weirdness. There was one weird guy, really weird guy this weekend, and it was ironic because he was at a show where we had cops. I've started getting cops in my shows because I'm scared someone's gonna Christina grimmy me. Um. Look it up if you've never heard of it. It's the most horrifying thing ever. She is a girl that was on I Believe the Voice, and then she was at a mean greet and someone just come, came up and shot her point blank, a guy that was in love with her, and she had never even met him before, and he had for months been talking about her and telling people that it was his girlfriend and that they talked online. And he got hair transplant for her, he lost, he got a trainer, he got in shape, and then he didn't even try to like meet her. He just walked up to her and shot her. I'm like, why did you get a hair transplant? And then her brother immediately tackles him to the ground while his daughter, his sister is bleeding to death because she's got shot point blank in the chest and I think in the head. And then the guy struggles away and then shoots himself. So we never got any answers. Um. But I often times at meat and grades, men will come up to me with their hands in their pockets. Single men, solo men, which I don't have a problem with. In fact, I encourage people to go solo to my shows. But they walk up and they have their hand in the because they're nervous, and they look nervous. And guess what, you would be nervous. You would be nervous before you met someone you really cared about, and you would also be nervous before you killed someone you really care about. That would be a nervous guy. So the energy is the same. And so I honestly, probably five times in my career have braced myself to die where I go, this is it. You're about to die right now. And I'm sick of feeling that way. So I'm gonna start having cops come just to like, at least shoot the guy. If he shoots me, They're not really gonna have a chance to tackle him before he just pulls out a gun and shoots me. I really don't have a preventative. I gotta start doing maybe metal detectors, lie detector tests, where people go do you have a gun? And a little man with a machine goes, he's not lying. Um. But this weekend, a guy comes up and these people come up before him and they're like, really sweet, take a picture, and they go get ready for the guy. And then next up and I go, oh, thanks for the warning. I could already tell this guy was causing trouble because I could. I'm just you know, you just sense your surroundings. And he comes up and he goes, they were no fun and I go why, and he was like, I goosed them. They didn't like it. I go, what do you mean you goosed them? He's like a goost him And I was like, you like, if you don't know what goose means, it means you like grab their butt like a goose would like a goose if it was biting you. Just she kind of like honk hong kong. You know it's to a vagina, it's to a butt. I knew about goosing because in the nineties my aunt got goosed. She was at Ace Hardware picking up something for my grandma and we were all at the house and she came back and she was like, I got ghost and we were all laughing because we had never heard of it. Everyone's just like I look back on it and I'm like, so sorry, Aunt Nancy that we all laughed that you got goose because everyone didn't know what that was. And then you told us what it was and we still laughed. I will say I was in fourth grade, so I was allowed to still laugh because I didn't understand what sexual harassment was. But the rest of my family shame on you. And Nancy got goosed by a stranger at a at a fucking Ace hardware and this guy's goosing people in my line and I go, why are you goosing? He goes, can I goose you? And I go no, but you know what, you can ask me if you can goose me. Do that and he goes, I used to goose a lot of women back at the bars and the fucking I used to goose some all the time. And I go, why, I go, don't goose women. He goes, I I don't, I don't and I go, you promise me right now you will never goose another person. That is weird and he goes, I don't even go to bars. And I go, but you will go to a bar someday and you might pick up goosing again. And I go. All you have to do is ask ask if you can goose someone. Honestly, that is okay to me. Just ask for consent. And he was like okay, And it was just like I what the cops are right there. I'm like, get this guy, the guy that the goosing, the goosing man of Kalamazoo from who has probably multiple reports of goosing women. Broker, that's him, that's your guy. He just admitted to it in front of cops. It was wild. I've never heard of anything, but that's a that's my whole thing though. I goose like that's what I've known for. They called me the goose. He was with someone too, and I go, how can you let this guy out? Like get this guy out of here. It was just so wild to me, and it made me realize that like creeps don't even fucking know they're creeps. They're so stupid. They like they thought it was funny to goose people. Like I'm not saying not all creeps, no, but like some creeps get off from the fact that they are creeps and they like that part of it. But this guy like genuinely thought goosing was like a funput word for inappropriate touch unreal and he I'm so sorry to the people in front of me. I think he did it to the man and he said she was pissed like his girl from us and she had every right to be fuck you for goosen. So don't Why did guys goose each other's balls? I've seen this a lot, Like with guy friends. They're like, doesn't they get get dying for affection? They're trying to be always they do it as like a flicking gay way. So it's like not really touching because I would never dying, but I really want warmth and I'm just gonna go for your scrown them because that way, no one will ever misconstrue that I'm actually seeking intimacy with my with fellow men. But that's really what I want. I want to touch someone, but I got to do it in a jokey way. We gotta go to break, will come back with more of my thoughts about um things that I don't know about and have really no degree for after Okay, Also, wait, there was another story that I was dying to tell about this weekend. I know I have on my list goosing Guy. Yeah, Goose and Guy was out of control. The shows were really fun. We had a good time. You had fun right, Oh my god, it was so fun. You were riffing on songs and Julia and it was like the first time I had seen you kind of just riffing and doing jokes in the middle of singing. I was like, Oh, there's there's something happening here. It was really cool. It was fun. Yeah. I wanted to sing Anti Hero because that's the song I've been practicing with my voice coach, who um yeah, who was very encouraging and he helped me work. We worked on that song the other day and so it was like, oh, I guess in Kalamazoo. I was like, the sound is so good. I kind of want to just like sing an extra song because I sang one song with you, and then I was like, I want another one. Why are people calling me? My fucking front desk is calling me. Something's happening downstairs, a fire. I'm in trouble. Do you feel like you're in trouble everywhere you go? It's probably just like your protein bars arrived, ma'am. I always think a phone call means I'm in trouble. That's trouble. Yes, I almost got in trouble this weekend. I like smoked a little weed at my hotel him and uh Kalamazoo, because I was about to go work out. It's not like I'm smoking weed to be like, oh, just hang out there all day and sucking jerk off and watch anime I do it so I can get ship done. And I spent a little weed and then I left my and the place smells like an armpit. Anyway, weed is dressing up the place, and then this person like I could see that someone from the front desk like came and I was at the very far end of this place. I think they saw me blowing it out the window. That's how they knew. And then they came and they stood outside my door, and I had already left to go to the gym. So I passed this person who was going to reprimand me in the hall and then I waited and I was like, I bet they're going to my door. And then they just stand out on my door like angry, and I'm like, charge me the two fifty. I don't care. You know. When I'm going through spurts of the smoking pot, I always just go there like there's a two smoking fee and I go charge it. Let me just smoke like it doesn't linger And I know people are like, this is rude. It lingers then has to switch rooms. I do it all the time. I got to a smoking room the other day that all like cigarettes. I'd asked to change rooms. I'm sorry, I paid the extra two fifty. Let me do it. I have an addiction. Um, So I almost got in trouble. And the whole time one in the treadmill. Like at the gym, I'm like, there's gonna be cops there when I get back in that I'm like, wait again, it's legal here, recreationally medicinally. Also, please arrest me for weed. I've been arrested three times already for it. Do it again. I need a little bump in the press. That would be amazing to get arrested. I had like a good face that day. I was like, I'm mug shot ready. I was like practicing the face I would make, which was really and I was like, Oh, this is gonna be good. But that's how much my mind spends. And then I got back to my room and there was not even a note there, so it was fine and the room didn't smell so um what was I going to say about? Um? Oh yeah, So I we sang the anti hero song, and then I was realizing that, like, people aren't getting the song, Like they don't they're not hearing the lyrics, they're not understanding why this song is so good. And then because the song is about being depressed, even though like it's it's one of my favorite Taylor Swift songs lyrically because she really admits to being narcissist. She admits to being depressed, she admits to like second guessing herself all the time. And this is Taylor Swift, and I feel like she's really letting us in on some demons very specifically and that we can all relate to. And it's just catchy as fuck. You can't you can't deny that, and so um, I felt like, oh, there's lots of jokes I have that relate to these like lyrics, and so in between the lyrics, I would tell jokes to just think. I also about what you also feel what. I also feel like I shouldn't be singing, and I feel like bad that I'm People are like I paid to see comedy and she's just like doing karaoke like this is It's just it's fine, but it's not what I'm known for. So I also feel like I still have to dress it up, like I I care about people spending their money to see what they paid to see, and they did not see paid to see me sing. That's another thing that they some of them may do that, but that's not what these people paid for. So I feel indulged in Yeah, but still that could be five more minutes of comedy that someone wants, and I could be the story they tell themselves. If they don't like one thing about my act, they could say and it was really indulgent. She sang a song. They always use something again. They remember the thing. I went to go see a comedy show last night. What do I remember about it? The lows? I remember the high highs and the low lows. I know what people do psychologically when they go see a show. They remember the best thing, and they remember the worst thing, and everything in between. They kind of just forget. Um So wait, what were you gonna say? Anya? What was your question? What was that verse about? Do you think that Taylor Swift where she's talking about her nightmare of you know, her future relatives, where I, oh, the sister, my daughter, and I have this dream my daughter in law kills me for the money. She thinks that I left them in the will. My family gathers around to read it, and then someone screams out she's laughing at up at us from hell, um, well, the whole thing is about like She's like kind of like, I'm I'm the problem. It's me, And then she has this dream where in the end she like she has First of all, she admits that she's probably gonna have cuntry children, nep obeyed vise that are like going to use her her daughter in law, like whoever marries her son or daughter. Yeah, whoever marries her son or daughter if her daughter is gay, is going to end up killing her. And then and she doesn't say nightmare. She says she has a dream. And then in the dream she's already she's already planned ahead, knowing that she's going to be betrayed, and she has it in her will that all of her money goes to her cats. And that's in the sketch that um Mike probicularly isn't in the in the actual video, but yeah, they so then they read the thing and they're like, oh, my god, she's sucking laughing at us from hell because we thought we were going to get money, and in the in the will, they don't get anything. So like cat part never makes it into the song, right, Yeah, but I think it is inferred that my family gathers around and reads it and then someone screams out she's laughing at Like as they read it, they're like, oh, she's fucking laughing at us, Like she got the last word. So it's almost about like she can never trust anyone, even her children. She won't end up trusting and they're going to betray her. And because it's like when I heard that there's a celebrity I heard that leaves stacks of money laying out. I think she may have said in her documentary, but in case she didn't, I don't want to out her. But she gave me some pots and pans recently, if you want to know. And this person used to leave out stacks of thousands of dollars and then and her boyfriend's like she'd let them, and then she counted later to make sure that none of them skimmed some from the top. Because she's always always knew someone's going to betray her. I'm glad that I'm not like that. I think that would be a sad place to be. I probably gets stolen from all the time, but I don't know it um unless it was egregious. And I just feel like sometimes my mom is like, you have a lot of people working for you. I have stashes of cash in my apartment that you would never find because I can't even find them because I just forget where I put cash, and it's in my mom's head to like hide your cash, even though I would just leave it out. I mean, when Taylor came to my house to redecorate it, she was like, you have so I know this is like Nikki's bragging about having so much money day on the podcast, but I had so much cash she couldn't. And I'm not saying this to be like I just don't. I don't think about things like I just don't. I don't remember. And then she she now she's paranoid that and I'm like, just and so I will write numbers next to it so people think I know how much money it is, but I don't actually count it. Because if I saw a bunch of cash and I wanted to steal something, but I saw a number written next to it, this person's monitoring. And also, I have so many cameras from when I go on the road. No, you've sent me so many cameras I've smudge or whatever that I accidentally um found one in like a sock drawer because I just, you know, come back from the road and emptied my socks and I forgot that I put it in the socks because I wanted to protect it and not get scratched. So I found one of my sock draw the other day and I put it up on the shelf just to get it out of the way and remember it was there. And then Taylor was like, it's cool that you got cameras in there, because I was. I was like, I do not camera. I don't. It would be so weird if I had cameras everywhere. I'd never want to be that kind of person. But it does work. You just put up decoy things. UM so us night. I had such a fun night. I um went to see Dave Chappelle and Chris Rock at the Enterprise Center UM, which is the same place I went to go see the Blues game a couple of weeks ago, and I was getting back in town. I was so tired. I've done a comedy show every single night for the past millennia, and I'm like, do I really want to go to one? But I've never seen Chris Rock live. I mean maybe at the Seller when I was like passing through the go to the bathroom, but generally when he came by the Seller, it would be so packed down there. And I don't really I don't really care about watching stand up being worked out. I kind of want to see the final thing. I'm not like that interested in the process, and I know how clunky it can be, especially for really famous people. They get away with so much that they can make it like. There are many stories I think of people seeing Dave Chappelle, Chris Rock, Louis like greats and being like or Seinfeld. Even I remember Seinfeld's documentary You see him go up and he bombs terribly in the nineties when he was Sinefeld, he bombs and so because it's just it's so new material and it's uncomfortable to watch. And I think there's people out there that are like, Chris Rock sucks because they saw him one night when he was like but then you know what they do. They always go, I'm working on new stuff, and then that gives everyone to go. Whenever you see a comedian that has a tour that's like working it out or no offense, micro biglio or like new jokes, don't like it's always a defense mechanism because they know it sucks, which is true. But you don't see musicians go like half ass and it tour, you know what I mean, Like it's and comedians do this. I do it. Anytime a joke doesn't do well and it's new, I always go, well that's new, because I have to like let people know. I don't worry. I don't think that's good yet. Anyway, they were great last night. Um, we went to the Enterprise Center. We got you know, I Matt wrote on my behalf to people that were working at Matt you know, on your fiance. He's my tour manager. So I was just at the Steeple Center in St. Louis, which is connected to the Enterprise Center, the theater like connected to it. So he wrote to people there, got me tickets and um, and they fucking did the same blue streatment that I got, private parking backstage like area. I went with Chris and so we went together. He picked me up. He was going to spend six on tickets. He was like there two seventy each, and I'm like, no, we are not paying for comedy in this economy, and so I was like, we're not doing it. And so thankfully we got hooked up. And now I know I can just go to fucking any show there. Yes, you should be acting. I think good. Two thousand two, well, it was nice, and then we got to be in this private area and Chris Rock was great. Um he went on first. I was wondering how it was gonna go, but it seems like every night it's Chris Rock and then Chappelle. Chapelle was running late because his plane got um had issues, so they had they almost moved the show. They almost called the show at like six seven thirty and they were like, we might just move this to Thursday because he's not gonna make it. So he was super late and everyone was piste off because everyone has to put their phones in those yonder bags, so everyone is losing their minds, like and then they sent the opener back up in between Chris Rock and Dave, which is just not how it's done. Like, I felt so bad for rink Ingram. Shout out to Rick. He like killed it. Like it was a hell gig going back up there after everyone had already we saw We saw grick Ingram, then Donal Rawlings, then Chris Rock and then rick Ingram comes back up and it is eleven o'clock at night and we're like, let's do It's a Sunday night too, you know. So he did a really good job. Though, and the crowd loved him. Um. But during Chris Rock set, Um, there was this woman sitting next to us in the bomb Rito booth. Thank you so much to bomb Arito team. They're like a car dealership. We're in a nice you know section. There's this woman sick next to us who's clearly drunk. Green sweater girl, and she's probably in her late twenties, early thirties, and she's drunk. She's wooing at bad times. She you can tell she's like, only knows Chris Rock because of his name and like the slap and like just not a comedy fan whatsoever. I couldn't tell if she was just a date of this guy or like his woman, but I'm guessing they've just been dating a little bit. Um. She keeps wooing at all the wrong places. She's drunk. The woos are so loud they through hockey stadium. You can hear him. And they even give an announcement. Um. DJ Trauma I think is his name, the guy that DJs before the event. He before Rick Ingraham comes on, he says, don't shout out anything, you're not helping the show. There's no question you can ask that they want to answer. Shut like he literally, but he says in a nice way. He's like, don't shout anything. It does not worth it. You're gonna You're gonna it kicked out immediately, with no questions asked. I found out that not only do they get kicked out if they say anything, which they didn't to the girl that was wooing the whole fucking time. But she was in the bomb a Rito booth. But the Yonder Bags people girls will take their nails and and rip out the seams to get at their phones. Like people can't stand they will cut them there. They can't stand not having their phones. They're losing their goddamn minds. We got all this in Intel. But um so this girl is just wooing and just like yes, uh huh, oh my god, I love pizza. I'll mention the word pizza and she'll like grasp onto that word like every second was like a new thing. And then he says something about like guys shooting on Nancy Pelosi's desk. He's doing a bit about January six, and he's like, and they just you dressed like that, just a ship on Nancy Pelosi's does something like that, was his joke. Everyone laughs, and she goes as they should, as they should it, and Nicky can't take that. Nikki's not gonna So Chris puts his hand on my knee because he sees me going crazy. And I go as they should. And she's two feet from me. There is only an aisle between us, so we're both on the ends of the aisle. And she goes as they fucking should. And she gets up and walks over to me and tries to get in my face to start something and think her. Chris gets relieves out of his chair and and it gets in between us, and I told him, don't you ever do that again, don't you I go. All I said was as they should. I didn't get in her face. I didn't say you fucking dumb cunt like I wanted to say. I didn't say you drunk piece of ship. I didn't say anything. I said, as they should, you think people should pick And all I wanted to say was who's Nancy Pelosi? Why don't you like her? What has she done? Why don't why don't you like her? What? What? What is it? Even her title? What is what did she do? Like? I wanted to just quiz her that would have been it, but she I would have loved for her to punch me in the face. I would have loved it. I so later, as soon as this happened, she calms sound sits down. But I'm like, oh, I can't even focus. I'm fired up because I almost just got assaulted. And it really was avoided by Chris doing that. I think because I just wrote Chris being like, I'm gonna talk about this on the podcast. Do you think she would have hit me had you got not gotten the way? And he said, quote, um, maybe who knows to actually hit someone takes something extra. She's she'd have definitely gotten ornerary and in your face. I think she was drunk enough to hit me. I really like, all it took was me going and I didn't go like as she should in her face. I was just you know, I just said it to myself, I go as he as he should. And so then, um, I am just on fire. My body's on fire. I can't even focus. I can't even like listen. I'm like so ready to fucking get into it with this girl. I mean, I am so I look up for a ponytail because I don't want her to pull my hair because I'm ready to go, and I know this bitch will get We'll pull my hair, no, no questions. That my hair looked amazing last night. It was like long, Like I knew she would run for it and just tug me down, because my goal was when we left to say something really snide and then duck out, you know, and then we're gone. And I thought, oh, she'll grab my ponytail and fucking yank me to the ground as soon as I do that. So I put it in a ponytail just so she wouldn't grab a little piece and then rip it out, you know. So I'm gearing up and I go, Chris, I go, babe, I have to say something. I cannot because she kept doing it and he didn't. She didn't realize Chris Rock is making fun of her. And at one point Chris Rock even made mention that there are white there's probably white supremacists in the building, people who literally are at a black black performance and they are white. There's at least a couple, and I remember thinking, there's probably not that like white power people, and then they go, yes, there are. She is right next to me. And then they I think it was Don l made the joke, maybe about the white supremacist. He was like, they're not down here like in the good seats. They're up in the nose blades because they're fucking stupid. And I go, no, they're not. They're in the bomb Merito box because they're rich. These people. This woman has had a V I P. S. Seat and she's saying ship on Pelosi's desk and by the way, she doesn't even know she has. I guarantee she has no idea what Nancy Pelosi does. I mean, this woman is a fucking great a moron and so. And by the way, I couldn't tell you really what she does either, but at least I'm not saying it on her desk, you know, Like I'll admit my ignorance. I do know what she does, but I'm not gonna say it here because it might be wrong. But I believe she's the Secretary of State, right, Okay, No I met her. I listen, I don't. No one deserves to have their desk ship one yea. Oh my god. It was so cool. And a lot of people are rolling their eyes right now because I know that we have listeners that are on the other side of things, like, yeah, yes they should. No one should ship on her desk, let's be This woman was so disgusting and so and my dad almost got into a fight with a trumpee that he plays tennis with recently and like screamed in his face and they almost got into fisticuffs about it because this guy was such an ignorant asshole. And it was also about smearing ship on Nancy Plosi's desk, because that's where it breaks down. If you think that's a good idea, you're a weird monster. That's where all If you think the shipping on someone's desk is a good idea, that's where we don't we lose discourse. Actually, the Speaker of the House, sorry, oh wait, really that's what she's a former Speaker of the House. Former Yeah, Speaker of the House. Now, oh my god, that's so embarrassing. Secretary of State was um god, who's Secretary of State? We look it up, Secretary. People are so hard right now and I deserve it. Um. Anyway, like I said, I don't know. I was going to tell you I don't know what Nancy Pelosi does, but I know she doesn't deserve to have her fucking desk shift on. And so she has some questionable stock trading things. But yeah, but don't then go to jail. Don't get your desk sh on. And by the way, the desk shitting on is is about being she They people wanted her hung, you know, like people wanted to kill her. That's what that represents. And that's what that woman was all about. I could tell so what happened. So I was telling Chris, I was like, I got I gotta say something like I'm not going to let this go, Like this woman and the people next to us were hating her because she wouldn't shut the funk up. She was howling and screaming through all the jokes. He couldn't hear anything. But there was no security in my section, so there was nothing to do any comedy show. She would have been thrown out. How many other people were in the box with you, guys. We were in the very back row so and down below was like a large drop off, so I couldn't see the people in the dark below. She could have thrown you down there. No, no, no, no no, it was just no not all I like I said, I would like to have a big wound on my face from being like I got punched by a trumpy like bring it on, just because I would never start a fight. All I did was just ask her as as they shout as that, and then so then Chris goes, you're guest here. This is a like you don't want to make a scene like you And that was an important reminder, like I've got these tickets for free, I'm a guest here. This is someone's box. These are someone's seats that aren't like behave yourself. So what I did on the way out, I she was drunk. You can tell her boyfriend was so embarrassed, but he was you just tell. It was like the Will Smith thing. Remember when Will Smith he had to he had to punch Chris Rock because if he didn't, whatever was on the other side of Jada looking at him like that was going to be worse than what the repercussions of punching Will Smith and that guy shushing his girlfriend was going to the repercussions of him shushing her, We're gonna be worse than just putting up with her being a complete embarrassment to him. So he let her go right, So I knew this guy was hen packed in and how he needed to know. So as I walk out, I'm like crossing right by them, and I can tell he's aware of me leaving because he knows I fucking hate her and I'm ready to start trouble, but I didn't. It was an hour and a half of sitting next to them after that incident, and I didn't do anything. I didn't shoot a look, I didn't go, oh god, I didn't do anything. I was just like, So, then we leave and I Chris. Chris goes through the curtains to leave, and he's in the next room now, and then I'm just staring standing at the curtain and I'm just staring at the guy. I'm waiting for him to look at me before I leave, and I'm just looking takes him two seconds because he's very aware that I'm there, and then he looks over at me, and I just go and I look at her. I shoot a look at her, and I go and I just give him a look like what the funk are you doing with your life? Like a lot of you guys, a long look of just like oh no. And I did this like kind of cross like and then left, which made me feel so good because it was exactly She's never going to get through to her. But at least I can save him. He needs to know, get away from this monster. Do not allow this anymore. Dropping leave her downtown, find her own way home. But it was so in thrilling. I love almost getting into a fight. I love when someone wants to fight with me until Chris next time. Never if I ever if a trump he ever tries to hit me, you let them, and I know I will be like, why didn't you defend me? I'm begging you right now, don't get in the way. Please. I would love to get assaulted by someone crazy. And I know that that sounds scary, but I've never been punched in the face. I can get punched in the face once by a drunk woman. I can do it. Okay, just let me have it. Thoughts, I'm gonna say no to the person listening right now who's mentally ill and and he's going to pull one of those um things at the meet and great, so Blaze tell everything that he's saying with a huge grain of cops if you do. But in like in a this is not me in telling any trumpets to punch me in the face. I'm saying, if it happens naturally, occurs naturally, if you're feeling the vibe, then do it. If you're feeling my like libtard snowflake vibe, fucking clock me in the face and I'll just be I'll I won't do anything, but I'll defend myself. But you're gonna look like an idiot. You're gonna look like an idiot, and I will prove that you're crazy. I've had that. I just love a fight sometimes when I feel like I'm right in there wrong and I just I know what you feel, the adrenaline coursing through your veins, or you're just like bring it. I'm ready. I'm so ready, even though I don't know who the Speaker of the houses. I mean, I literally said Secretary of State, and we had that, we said that, we all sat on that for ye and there. I cannot believe the reaction we're going to get from people. Do you want to know who the secret between the time where we realize Secretary of State and Speaker of House and then people are gonna write us right after a d m Oh, you just fixed it. We know morons. I even said, before I said the wrong thing, I didn't know who she was. Who the Secretary of State is? Now? Oh, yes they do. I bet I would know it if you gave me like three years right now? Can you give me the first initial? Yes? A. There's just no way you know that their first name is A. Do you know the gender? No? Okay, wait, just because I've known the Secretary of State before, hasn't the Secretary State been Condoleeza Rice? No? Right now? Hillary was? Yes, that's right right now? Who? What's the what's the there's here? What are the initials? A B, Austin, Austin Butler? The last name kind of sounds like an involuntary thing that we all do. Burp. Here's what I'm doing when I'm flirting? What do I do when I flare with a guy? Blink? Yes? Anderson blink Anthony blinken Never have heard of him in my life. That makes me feel so good that there there's no way that I would have ever conjured that. Did you? Have you guys heard of that name? Talk about the four one. This weekend we met a state senator for Illinois. What's his name? Mike Hastings Michael Hastings, state Senator. No, how many how many state senators are there as many of there are states? Actually know there's more. There's there's two senators per state and then the House of Representatives. It's like, you know, based on population or size of state or whatever, you have like local senators or something like that. I didn't know that ship. So I meet this guy and he's a state senator. I'm like, I've never met a senator. This is so cool. I was like, I feel like I'm on veep. I went up to him. I was like, what about this reform bill? Are we getting it past? Like? I was so excited to be v per second and then now wait home. I was like, it's cool. How many senators have you guys met? This pretty awesome. He's like, well, it's a state senator. I go, I know there's two per state. That's like, there's only you know, a hundred senators And he was like, no, it's a state center. I go, what the funk are you saying? And there is state senators because they have their own Congress or whatever per state. That there's state senators and then there's and then there's just senators and I'm telling you, if you want to get a ton of political pussy, become a state senator, because no one thinks you're a state senator. They just think you're a senator. I didn't know they were separate senators. You didn't refused. I'm confused. I don't know any of this, and so many people I can feel your judgment. Who are these listeners? You? We should know this, but we were what we did not educated properly. Well, you should educate yourself. I don't know. It's not gonna stick. I'm only too senators per state. There are hundred senators all at all, But does that mean that there are more there are other senators or those maybe he is important. No state senators are at the state level, so even the state has a like a so a state. The senators you're talking about are for the United States, there's two per state and the Washington d C. And then there's the state ones who can come to your shows and see you because their local. Yeah, and there's probably two per county or something. I don't even know. But but all I'm saying is like you would think it was like it would like be like saying you're in Destiny's Child. But you were like auditioned for it or something. I don't know, I don't know what, or like you were the girl that was in it for like one week. It's like we were falling all over ourselves. I was like, Senator, I'm sorry. I know it is a big deal, but I thought it was one of the hundred. I think how many states senators are there? And then we'll see how impressive it was. I was blown away how dumb I am when it comes to politics. Someone said recently, there's some joke made about no, I don't vote. I'm not what. I forget what the joke was. What? Oh I saw that too? Who was it? Wait? Where do we see that? Was that on It's Nerdy? Oh? It was it? Karen Fiehan, Yes, oh my god, we say this on the same clip. She was like, that's for nerds. Yeah. She was like, because she's like, I vote with my pussy now, just kidding, I don't vote. Voting is for nerves. She was joking about her only fans and how it's changed her like voter status. She has money now she's a new tax bracket and changed how she votes. I love it. Karen fihan comedian does only fans. Fuck yes, and she's making more money than all of us probably, I know what are we doing with our lives. I gotta get on there and see what she's up to. I bet so many of her subscribers are just people who are curious. You know, she's got a lot of goods. I like her. Weares that she's she's freaking awesome. She's badass. I was telling Chris about her last night. Actually, I was like, Oh, we gotta look at Karen Fan. You're gonna love her because she's just like sexy and so funny. I was telling about Karen what the fuck? And it was yesterday r R y N. For anyone who's f had f e h A N. She's so funny. She's to be on you Up a lot um when we did the serious show, She's great. She's gonna come to my show at the Beacon in New York and hangbackstage. She's just like no nonsense, nice but like also really intimidating, so funny, and she does only fans, so fun yeah, and she holds nothing back. Remember she had that breakup when we were talking about it on You Up and she told us every detail and how much she hated him and she had just broken up with him like the day before, and then I think she didn't want and she she's sober too, and she has do not serve on her wrist. Oh yeah, tattoo. Yeah, she's fucking great. Um, I love anyone that's out is that bold and out there. I'm trying to be more so. But the more that I think of, like just saying it like it is, I even get scared about talking about Gwyneth. I'm like, someday I'm going to meet her and be like I love you, and be like, I hope you've never seen the episode from Tuesday, January six or whatever day it's going to be when this air is like, I do have those fears, but Karen doesn't seem to give a fuck. But yeah, have you ever been in a fight before? Have you ever gotten assaulted? I feel like Noah has a yes on this. Noah probably doesn't in training. I do it in training, And I wanted to say that it's. Um, you told the story about your dad getting into an argument with his friend and you gave him very sage advice, which was dead. Just drop it. It's not worth it because what happens to your corticil levels and the stress that you put on yourself with his friends, and he's old, he can't take a punch if you If you think about like how you feel after you get really angry, Like did you feel really exhausted when you gone home? I felt invigorated. No, I felt like I felt really I felt good because I felt like I won because I got the last moment, But after it, I felt I was worried about Chris being embarrassed because I don't want him to think he has like a white trash girlfriend that's like trying to get in fight. So I felt, but you know what, Chris kind of likes when I get like that. He I've only said it twice in my life where I was like, I I said about Andrew Tate, and I said about this other woman who was trying to like get in the way of our relationship, and I was like, I want to kick him in the fucking throat. I said that about Andrew Tate the other night. I was like, He's one guy that I would fear would be like you're ugly and old, and I'm like, no, I wouldn't give a fun I want to kick him in the throat. I've never really wanted to be that violent to anyone. And then there was this other girl that I used to just joke with Chris, and I wasn't joking. I was like, I want to fight her. I'm hard to fight. So what I was gonna say, I know, you get winded, like all this adrenaline comes up and it's great and you have this burst of energy, but then you are exhausted. It's not it's not like in the movie. No one ever looks cool after a fight. But I like wanting to fight. I like that adrenaline. I think it's like, I'm gonna fucking do it. I guess I don't really want it to happen, but I don't. I don't want to win a fight. I just want someone to punch me and then I look like the winner because I didn't fight back, because I don't think violence is the answer. So I kind of I want them to prove what losers they are and then get arrested and then have to like they she loses custody of her fucking child that I know what she has and is abandoning and trying to find the people's desks. Yeah, yeah, that's what I want. But if good a copy of Alan Carr's book, you could have just dropped it in her lap. She can't read. This woman was just the biggest fucking more. And as someone who does not know who the Speaker of the House was or who Nancy Pelosi was, I admit I'm not the smartest to in the fucking crayon box, but I am I at least she was one of the dumbest people ever. And she was also so drunk. And here's this other thing. I don't understand. If you're drunk, I know that you're drunk. I used to be a drunk too. Okay, when you get out of hand and you get too drunk, I know that you're embarrassing. I have a little voice in the back of your head that says you're drunk, You're embarrassing. When I used to get black out drunk, I knew when the world started spinning, I knew I was embarrassing people. I knew I was embarrassing myself, and I would try to like crawl off and die alone in the corner. I would try to isolate myself from the mayhem. But people were showing up that shows this weekend fucking wasted and be like naked out and grabbing me. One girl grabbed me so hard she her head slammed into mine. I felt concussed. She ran at me, She ran and was like beastie and I can't even believe she was a bustie and shout out to you pick up that Alan carbook. But she was so sweet, but she ran up slam my head and then she grabbed my head graceful and she goes, I just want you to be more delicate with yourself with yourself, and I'm like, you literally just concustom me to the point that Matt On your boyfriend was about to call the security guard over and like and afterwards he was like, are you okay? And this woman told me to be more gentle with myself. I was like, the irony, just I just were you guys, we'll get back from the break. I want to know on you were you kind of drunk that you were like proud and loud, being a really embarrassed drunk and knowing that yes, I need this thing. But I'm also like, I'm that kind of pothead. I know what I'm doing is obnoxious. To others. I don't like blowing smoke in other people's faces. I'm very cognizant of how annoying my addiction is. What happened to being a little bit of a empathetic addict. Let's talk about that when we get back us fan thracks. Like the other day I was engaging in some pot smoking with a friend and they did not seem to care that there were people next to us that we're going to have to breathe in the smoke. And I was like, no, we can't do this here, there's people right there. And he's like, but it's it's pot smoke. It doesn't linger. And I know I just said it didn't linger in hotel rooms, it really doesn't. You click at it a cleaning, it does not linger. Cigarette smoke is different, but in public, I don't like to blow plumes of smoke in people's faces. I'm very embarrassed of this thing that I need to do that's inconveniencing other I know it's toxic any kind of smoke. The same with alcohol, like being loud or cigarettes, like just mindful of others? Did you when you drink you guys and would get belligerent. Were you aware of what a fucking mess you were and embarrassing? Yes? I was aware. And you have to have appropriate shame, and you have to have shame, like some appropriate shame. That's the word I'm looking for, just a little shame, dose of appropriate shame, like oh what did I do? The oh nose? The next morning I would be like, what did I do? But when you're drinking, it's always magnified, so you always think you are so much worse than you actually were, at least maybe women do. I don't know. I think it's they think it's I think they don't know how bad it is. I think everything is amplified. But that's why people scream so loud, because your senses get old when you're drinking, because you get more dumb word but you know the R word. You get more of that when you drink. So you're not getting more brave. You're not getting more brazen. You're not like getting liquid courage. You're getting more are Okay. That's what happens to your brain. It's closer and closer to being shut down. So that's why you're more like I'm gonna dance like an idiot and feel free to like celebrate and like live it up. It's because you're getting stupider, you know, like people that have mental handicaps and how they're a little bit more free with hugs and enthusiasm, and they like things more and they scream what they like things. You know what I'm talking about, the things we can't make fun of. You know, the enthusiasm that people that have mental handicaps have for life. That's you when you're drunk. There's no difference, okay, it's it means you aren't as smart, you don't have intelligence, you don't have a moral compass is not more a compass, but just so you just so, that's why people scream, is like everything's deadened. Their ears are deadened there, their senses are deadened. I don't feel like but I don't think the thing that went away. There was always a little bit of a glimmer in me, my little like a little candle inside of me that was like, you're embarrassing right now, because I think I grew up seeing so much embarrassing alcoholism that I knew no matter what's happening, take it. Just pull back a little bit. Even though you feel like this is the right move. That's why everyone who drinks wants everyone around them to drink yes, so that they can let that. So there's no witnesses. But now there's CCTV cameras and there's there's videos. There's a one way that I ever got someone in my life to quit drinking was to show them a video of themselves when they were drunk, and they were like, and then they stopped for a really long time. Yeah. It actually it gets people to start. It doesn't it doesn't last, but it is a quick fix. If you need someone to like kind of get sober fast, is to show them how bad they're because you don't know when you're drunk. You look in the mirror and you're like, I'm freaking hot, I'm entertaining, I'm sexier, like i've I've never felt better about myself than That's why when I watched The Real Housewives, I'm always shocked that, like months later, when they've had all this time to look back and watch the episodes, these women will like, Sonia clearly has a drinking problem so bad, and then she'll just double down on it and be like, no, I was fine, I was having fun. Everyone needs to lighten up. It's like she does not have any guess she's not watching the episodes they show clips. They'll be like, what was this reunion? It's probably drunk when they show them. I'm not kidding you, Like I've been that way before with stuff where you don't want to see it because you're not ready to give it up to you know, like you just you cannot. Yeah, I think it. And but the problem is the only antidote to feeling terrible about how much you drank is what drinking more? Yes, yeah, drinking more. That's all they have, you know, and that's the only thing they can reach to to feel better. They don't have good friends, they don't have a support system. They have a husband that's probably cheating on them, they don't their daughters fucking hate them. They have no So when they're feeling anxious, they gotta go to the And it's so ironic because you're feeling anxious about the thing that made you feel anxious in the first like you have to. That's that's your safety blanket, that's causing you the pain, And that's fucking addiction for you actually have a practice. Oh yes you do. Let's get to it. All right, great, m okay, let's um get Lauren's take on this. My sister, Hi, Nikki, and know this is Lauren. I've been listening since you updates, and I just feel like I really need to say thank you to Nikki for always being so open and real when talking about alcohol, um, in regards to your personal life and society as a whole. I was a heavy drinker for years, and I feel like you were kind of planting sobriety seeds in my head um the whole time I've been listening to you. Uh. And then this past summer when my boyfriend was hospitalized for a week because of his alcohol consumption, I felt like I had you in the back of my head and the advice and resources you have given on this podcast um to help me sober up and help him sober up. So seriously, thank you, And just a reminder to everyone out there. I'm young, he's young. I'm twenty five, he's thirty five. Yes, I have an old soul, um, But just a reminder that alcohol can really funk you up, even when you're young, and I think a lot of people don't remember that anyway. Thank you. Jack Daniels almost killed my boyfriend. Oh my god, dude, UM, that's so awesome to hear. Thank you so much, and it's yeah, I think it's it's just good to have. That's why I do a little messaging here and there, because it just takes some time sometimes for things to get through, and even for me, like I fall back on stuff like I you know, no one's perfect, of I was lucky enough to just not touch alcohol after I gave it up. But even if you're struggling to quit and it's not that easy for you, just keeping the ball up in the air of talking about how it's just isn't the answer to your problems and it isn't as much fun as you've convinced yourself it is. And all these things that are you unequivocally true about alcohol are nice to know. It's so you're so inspiring to me ave to be done and to help your boyfriend through that. That's so fucking cool. I hope he's doing. Wow, it took me two more, It took me seven to say goodbye to it. And and the more that I live, the more it just gets easier and easier, because it's just you get pulled over. You don't worry about anything. You're never gonna be drunk when you get pulled over. That's a whole thing. You you forget someone's name, don't worry you weren't drunk. You don't have to feel like an asshole. You don't remember stories someone told you you weren't drunk. It's it wasn't your fault that you don't remember. It wasn't an interesting story. Like you don't realize all the things that the shame you carry around when you drink too much of like that you just are free from when you when you just don't have it as an option to like always shoot on yourself about. So that's so cool, Lauren, thank you for sharing that. Okay um. On one of the Redded Dumps, we talked about finding hair and food. Oh yeah, so this is a response to that from Marissa. It just made me gaggle Massa. I was just listening to your episode about the Redded Dump about the hair and hair really doesn't gross me out at all. In fact, something my partner, my girlfriend hates it is literally so disgusted by about me is that I use my hair to floss when there's no floss available. You have strong hair so I just wanted to let you know, but that is an option. Oh my god, aren't grossed out by hair. This woman doesn't color her hair. That is incredible. But she what kind of hair do you think she has? Send us your hair? Yeah, you want to see a picture. I need some new floss. It's that is awesome because my hair would break immediately. And there have been times where I've thought, you know, maybe I could because you get something caught in your tooth. I've been awesome, but I feel like my hair would get caught in my tooth and then i'd have a backup. There will be a bumper to bumper ship my teeth. Um. That is so funny. And I remember someone on some show being like, you think that's a bad first date. I went without without with a guy who leaned across the table and pulled out one of my hairs and started flossing with it. And I always it's in some kind of movie or show I really like, And I always thought that is the worst line. No one would ever do that on a first date. But I guess you're someone want a first date with you could, but if they pulled out your hair, that would be insane. At that joke. It got me. I forget what it's from. I wish I could find the reference, but whenever it comes up, I'm always like, I'll ignore this joke. The rest of the show is amazing. Um, all right, next up, okay, next up. Uh, we have renee hies. So I am a therapist. No brag, but I just wanted to say, based on your guys conversations about you know, worrying about what people think, if people don't like me, I have a rule for my clients, and that is, if you wouldn't take their advice, you don't take their criticism. I hope you can't buy that rule. I also talk. My doctor shared a story with me where, um, she had a patient who was like in her seventies and she was due for a pelvic exam or whatever. And she shows up and lays on the table and it's all giggly and my doctor, you know, spreads are open to get in there, and the patient yells out tea time and had pulled had put a tea bag up her pussy for my my doctor to find, and just thought it was the funniest thing and couldn't stop laughing at herself. So I just had to share that because I mean, I can see my real life half going that way at seventy to show Tea bags up my cooter for a laugh. But anyway, so much she's doing what you do and take the care girl than Tee. Was it steeped or had it not been steep guessing that well, I'm guessing if she was in her seventies, that thing was dry as a fucking pair of fresh socks. Yeah, that is so funny, and it really because I've been talking about when I pulled out a tamp on wefter, Like one time I was in I have a joke where I talk about masturbating and I kind of forgot I had a tamp on it and then I wanted to like funk myself, and so I had to pull out the tampon and I didn't. I didn't want to walk into the bathroom before I masturbated, because you know, when you're ready to fund yourself, you just want it. So I just said it on top of something on my desk beside table. I don't want to give away the whole joke, so I said it on top of something because I didn't want it like touching. But it's a bloody tampon that I like. But I was going to throw it away, like it's not like I was like leaving it there for like decor, right, But I said at one point in it, I go, I don't want to walk into the bathroom like holding like a dead mouse. And people aftert that that was a Sarah Lena line. She once said that, um, a guy pulled out a tampon when they were like having they're about to have sex, and he was like, she was like, it looked like he was like carrying a dead mouse. And I was thought that was funny. But now I have a new one of like a steeped tea bag. It's so funny. And I bet she I mean, that old woman had not worn a tamp on for a while, so she just want to put something up there. And I want, as someone who once put a gummy of sugar gummy worm up my vagina, to go pick up my boyfriend who I knew was going to finger me within seconds of getting in the car, and I knew he liked gummy worms and was probably hungry from his long trip across America. That I like a good vagina surprise, U like like what are those little kinderballs or whatever, or like inside there's just like kinder balls and inside it's like a little like Lego, Pikachu or something. A girlfriend. Yeah, fun, I mean some fun stuff. Final thought, Chris and I have. I have so much fun. I'm just like give me it. Like I do this thing where I'll just like try to grab his you know thing, and I just go like, but give it to me, like I want it. Like I start like complaining, like this will be in public, and I'm like when I want it, and He's like, but like, what are you gonna do with it right now? I'm just like just give it to me, and I still keep trying to get it. Um. He also was tickled by what kind of funny stuff have I done with? I mean so much, there have been so many. There's a I oftentimes, like early on in our relationship, by like was naked under this like robe thing because we met when I was doing a TV show and on this TV show, we would get our hair and makeup done in these velvet robes and then we would change it do our like you know, binding wardrobe. And one time I went to go meet him like somewhere in this building because he had worked there at MTV for a while, so he knew like all these like edit bays that were abandoned. We had just started sneaking around and fooling around. He was like made me on the seventeen floor and I went up there and he's like, yeah, so when we're gonna show you his edit down here, when I was acting like I was gonna go look at a cut of a thing, and then we went in there and he thought I was going to have like clothes on underneath, and I opened up and it was like nothing. And so that's always been like a very thrilling thing is where he thinks that I have clothes underneath something Like the other day I met him in a garage to give him keys to my car, and I put on a trench coat because it was like the appropriate weather for it, and I put on this really slutty thing underneath that um I had bought for the Strip Club Surprise, you know that I did in London, but it had arrived really lay. It was Amazon, and it's like Taylor was like cleaning my room and she goes what he's It was just like a tangle of strings and I'm like, oh, it's the slut way I got. So I put it on once for him. It looked amazing, Like I was like, oh, this is great. So I went down there to give him the keys and we got into an argument like while I was giving him the keys, and like it was just over something dumb, but we were just it was tense, right, like I was like, well, why would you say that? And he's like, but why would you say that? And so we're like in the middle, and so it's at a point where it's like we have to go, and he's like, Okay, well I guess i'll see tomorrow, and I go, I want to I have I have a surprise for you, and he was like what. And I'm like, just like, there's I'm dressed all slutty underneath this and he's like wait what. And I was just gonna flash him like in my parking garage and he's like you are, and I go, can I just show you? And he's like, I think it'd be better when we're like better and I go, I go no, he goes, I think it'd be better when we could actually like touch each other. Because he couldn't spend the night he was like, what about when we can actually like do something with it, and I go, but just like now please, and he was like really like I think it'd be better, and I go, just for your spank bank. And it was so good because it got him out of like whatever mood he was in. He was like kind of mad at me. Probably I was mad at him, but he was like annoyed with me, and it just like cut him out of it because I go, it was for your spank bank, meaning like you can think about it later and dirt off. And then I just like unbuttoned it and like opened up and he was like that is really good, and then he and then we just parted ways. It was like a drug deal, but where I just showed him like a tit um. Do you have little fun things like that ever, like just like horny jokes? No, I can't think of them because you're like I don't. I don't think I have any. All mine are like goofy, like just working in the kitchen out of nowhere. That's cute. I just had one the other day, like just say something to Avy and then I'll just like really quickly, I'll be like oh, and then you're gonna come in a face later, and I was like, yes, yes, yes, that's so good. And then like the casually like we'll go to home depot and then we gotta get that we gotta plug in that new um, you know, the new faucet and have that so and then you come on my face like like that. It's exactly started to think of had another one. I always just after sex and like, oh god, that was good. I'm always just like momy like and he's just like stopping. I'm just like, oh god, I feel like I just gave birth. Like I'll just say weird ship that He's just like I don't even know what any of that means, but it's obviously like I'm just like kind of I'm like five stars formidable performance. I'm just like call Cisco neighbor, because that's one's getting in the books. Like I just say weird ship, but like it's and I have, um, I screenshot it, um whoever makes our stills for the YouTube video Baravo. They always look so good. And the other day they had Chris's and I was like on my YouTube looking at my new you know, the new videos put up, and I saw Chris's face, and I was like, that guy's fucking hot and I was like, it's fine, and it was so nice. And then I sent him a picture and I go, uh, we have a problem. There's like too hot of a guy on YouTube and we have to pull this video. So and he was like loved it, thank you, and I was like, I'm not kidding you. Look at this. This is not okay. Things need to change. Rapiats just getting mad about how he was and then I um put that I screenshot at that still and it's now my it's not it's not my spake bank, it's on my phone. It replaced Leon Sealy and his baby and because his face just looks so cute and we didn't even talk about how into his fucking hair, how sexual it is to me when he was on. But um, it was good. It was so fun. Well, so this has been the show. Fan tax was amazing. Thank you all for listening, Thank you for coming to shows. This week, I'm gonna be in New Haven, Connecticut, and then I'm going to be in um New York City at the Beacon Theater on Saturday. Tickets available still to each shows, I think, but they are running low. So if you want to go, and also if you want to do a meet and greet, just message me UM in my d M s and let me know and UM And then just announced I'm doing a kind of I don't think you'd call it a residency, but I have force weekends of dates with David Spade in Las Vegas at the Venetian and that is so exciting. Sale for that started today on Tuesday, UM, and you can get the link at my So like, if you want to plan a trip to Vegas, plan it around these shows. I want to do shows that David Spade the rest of my life, so please let's sell us out. So it's me and David Spade April July one, September twenty nine, thirty, November seventeenth and eighteenth, So get your gals together, get your guys together, come out and see us in Vegas. Pre sale is on now. You can find that at my Instagram. And don't Peke and Jack Daniels