#307 It's Good Good

Published Jan 11, 2023, 1:00 AM

Nikki is getting off the Love Is Blind Brazil train but not without dissecting it with Anya who now speaks Portuguese because of her obsession with the show. Speaking of obsession, guess which book Nikki will dig past her usual 3 chapter mark? Spare by Prince Harry. Nikki has some stories to tell, one is about having an urge to cry over and over again while watching Adam Sandler honor the late Chris Farley. It reminded her of her friendship with Bob Saget on the anniversary of his passing. Also, Nikki shares a story about getting a period cup removed with forceps and how a regular guy helped her with a joke. In Why Do I Care? The gals wish they didn't remember the video Chris Hemsworth put out on facing his fear of aging. Nikki's Final Thought is about how a mohawk for charity went above and beyond for her sex drive.

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The Nicky Glizer Podcast. Here's Nikki. Hello here, I am welcome to the the show. It's Nicki Glazer Podcast. It's Tuesday. We're doing two a week. Guys. I hope you you like that. Um, we love it. It's a perfect medium. It's not one a week, it's not four a week. It's two a week. How do you guys feel about that? Um? Anya and Noah are here. It's good. It's a good amount, right to a week. DOGI dodgy dodgy. So Anya has been watching a lot of Love is Blind Brazil and that is the Um that's how I think. That's how Portuguese sounds to me. They say dodgy, dodgy, Ugi, dodgy, doggy, dodgy a lot, and Um I got into watching Love is Blind Brazil, and UM, yeah, it's they don't say as much as I thought. I forget. I remember was the the movie Citizen four, Remember that movie about Um Edwards and one of the journalists in it, Glenn Greenwald, is Portuguese and was talking and I was like, there's so many dogs. And then that's where I formulated that um stereotype. And then it's not but Portuguese is a beautiful language. I've been watching Love Is Blind Brazil on you Have you watched new episodes or that? Have they come out? I think they're coming out tomorrow, the last ones. Okay, I might not even finish the show because I don't. So the reason that I don't feel like i'll watch new ones is because I don't care, like you know, like they If they would have just recent leased them all, I would have probably gone right into the I would have watched them all. But this like sparingly handing them out, I don't know if it's the right move Netflix. I've already lost interest in everyone halfway through watching Love is Blind Brazil, having to pay ardent attention to all of the subtitles because you cannot be on your phone watching the show because there's a dooges and you don't know what any of it is. And you don't realize how much you watch these reality shows like half Asked until they take away the language that you speak. And then I had the subtitles up, and so i'd have to pause it and go back, and you know, you would just be some worthless information like she just said, like her favorite color is green or something, and I had to go back and be like, what got what got miscommunicated here? So then I switched over to English dub over and that changed everything, except you know, it takes away their voices in Portuguese are kind of muted. You can still hear it, but it takes away from it a little bit to have like different voices of the actors. Are they pretty effective or is it like effective? I thought it would be like you know, um anime dub where it's just like so not with the matt like it's it's overacting or something. But it was furious at him. Yes, yes, exactly it was, But I don't know it's I was wrong too it because on the girl's chat you were telling us that you loved it because you could see the differences in what different cultures were like into and what they celebrated and how they communicated versus watching Love is Blind American, Like, what what did you find? And let me just see if I co sign on that. Well, first of all, a lot of the women are tattooed and and guys seem to love it. Yeah, they have like some girls have like chess tattoos. Remember the Bigger Girl, she had a lot of tattoos like towards so chest some arms. Girls. No, once they get into their swimsuits, you'll see, oh yeah, we haven't gotten the swimsuits because they went on their honeymoon. They're like post engagement honeymoon to the Amazon rainforest and which we didn't tell you. If you want to see the weirdest okay, everyone has to watch us. Go watch Love Is Blind Brazil. I wish I had the minute mark when they tell these people who are from Brazil that they are going to be spending their engagement honeymoon. You know, after they get engaged, they're going to go off on vacation to test the waters. And they tell them it's going to be in the Amazon rainforest in Brazil, by the way, and they are around the clues. They're fucking minds. I've never it was honestly like telling a bunch of men they were going to go to space, because I would say just people, but women don't want to go to space. There's like it's three of us that want to be equivalent of the confusion I feel watching The Bachelor Bachelor I whenever they reveal they're going to take them on a helicopter ride They're like screaming, who is excited to take a helicopter? I mean, I've taken one before, and I just go, Should I get a picture before I die? Like? Should I get Am I in a good enough condition right now? Do I look cute enough that this can be the final photo that runs on Daily Mail tomorrow and gets pushed down to like the twentie story after everyone gets over my death? But so is it romantic to be in the loudest mode of transport ever with? It's like being in the club, Dude, you can't talk. That's why clubs are great. There's no communication, it's all body language. You gotta get real close to each other to talk. I was wondered why clubs are so fucking loud, and it's because people got to get up in each other's ears too. There's intimacy locked into like communicating in the club and you don't have to talk because no one in there has anything interesting to say anyways, Like you know, and that's what the excruciating part about first dates is, like what are we going to talk about? You know, like keeping that convo going? And I'm a conversationalist by trade, and I would even stress about it. So I think the first date in like a movie theater where you don't have to talk, but you can talk afterwards, because yes, if I don't like the guy, sure, but if I like the guy, I'm just like, I want to chat all night, all day long, you know, and I and I get annoyed, Like Chris and I were talking. Actually yesterday I did his radio show and you can listen to it on We did like an after show podcast, but you can. Let's do it on The Courtney Show. It's the show itself streams. And then we didn't a podcast for afterwards where I talked about more intimate things, but we're talking about um. She can't watch TV with her partners sometimes because he snipes the whole time. He's making fun of it the whole time. He has comments the entire show, and she's like, I have to purposely watch shows without him when he's gone because I can't stand the sniping because it ruins a show for me. I like, find out this person is a bad actor. I found out they had do a weird tick, or they keep they whisper the whole time. There's a show that she can't watch now because she's he was like, they whisper the whole time. She goes, God, they do whisper, but she would never have noticed it. And then I was like, oh, I'm so grateful. I have a partner who constantly wants to talk during shows with me. Now, now movie. And I told that to him yesterday. I was like, you love talking, Like, have I ever annoyed you during a TV show? Please let me know. Because I can be a little much. We all know that. And if I have enough caffeine and I'm in the right mood, it's diet. But I always paused the show and sometimes he talks and I'll pose it and he goes, you don't need to pose it. And because it's good, you know, we have a good communication. I don't want to watch a show if I can't snipe. I don't want I can't watch things alone, as you guys know. And then we but he said, when if we go to the theater, I hate people talking to the theater because it's rude to others around us. And I do get that. So at the theater I talk very very quietly, and I picked my battles. I don't like get my phone out. I'm very courteous of others, but I will whisper in a zeer. I don't what Elvis. That's one thing I did um say during Elvis because I had taken a little too much micro dosing that day and I really didn't want Elvis to die. I remember that day, remember getting text from you. You're like, I'm crying so much during Elvis. You have to watch it. And then later, like a couple of days later, you're like, I'm watching Elvis again and I'm weeping again. No, I loved it so much. And I don't even know if it was a mushroom. I really there are certain things I was, you know, microw dosing that day, but there are certain things that do and micro dose saying if you don't know it, just it can amplify the laughter, and it can amplify your gratitude, it can amplify emotions just to like a tinge. It's not like I'm like, whack a do So it may have had an effect on it, but I liked it. I mean, I think that was a north There was there's another movie that I did that too, in eighth grade, and I was not microw dosing. I had maybe had like too much sugar that day, or something from the sweet Factory, or like you know, eaten fourteen macro dose peach rings. Those sugar peatings are those long strips of just sugar. Um City of Angels. The ending of that movie, I couldn't catch my breath. I was sobbing so hard. I don't know what the funk was going on in my life that day, but it was acred and I remember my friends looking at each other like it was I remember the credits were rolling and I couldn't get it together. I was just so sad they couldn't be together. Spoiler alert, Is that the one where she gets good? No, that's with Mark Ruffalo. You're got to see that penis shot Meg Meg Ryan gets naked. Yeah, and he gets naked. Oh. I love Mark Ruffalo, But I don't mind. Do you don't like snipe? But you like watching shows with me? Oh? I love watching a show with you because I just get in the mindset of like we're gonna I'm gonna be entertained the whole time and I get to partake too. But you when you watch Love Is Blind for me, I was texting you the whole time I was watching it. That was so fun. Remember when we watched That Couldn't Talk Together. I was peeing my pants. It was so fun. But if it's the Oscars, I need to be alone in an airtight room with nobody around, or like one other movie. But blame to me, honestly, like you really got he's going on at the Oscars that you need to rely so much. Okay, so maybe like back when you were like a cinophile, but like, honestly, kind of the whole thing about the that these everyone feels so self important at these things and that it's just the don't you kind of roll your eyes at it now? Like I used to put the Oscars up on the shelf too, But you go to these things and you just realize it's people playing dress up. It's not real, it's in These people are just actors. Why are we acting like their royalty? And again royalty is even of construct that we've invented, Like I just, uh, you know, the slap last year was phenomenal. I don't know how they're going to top that, but that was I mean, the Oscars have been wild. We had the Slap and then we also had I remember thinking it couldn't get better. Then when they announced the wrong best picture that was great man, that was a flub. I love to see. That was so fun. Didn't that happen two years in a row? It was with like or I think. And then after this slap, there was the after slap of finding out which of your friends were like pro Will Smith and which ones were anti Will Smith. I almost lost a friend over that whole thing. It was that kind of on me. The Oscar that was that was a break in everything we know to be true. It was one of It was just it was like nine eleven in the sense of like I didn't know something like this could happen, you know what I'm saying, Like you didn't know we could be We'd never seen it on our in America. We've never seen an attack like that. We didn't know what could happen. I met someone whose sister died in I talked to yesterday, so it's oars to it is comparable, and I think people will get acreft you just it left you afterwards the day after. I'm not saying it's it's tragic, Please don't misquote me. I'm saying it was just like this can happen. Someone can walk on stage on Life TV and slap another person. It was I mean, you guys were there, you all like, and it's I would say, everyone remembers where they were. Another one of those things with Chris Rock Kurt Cobain's death. I was with my two eight year old parents and they're like, that was a joke. I'm like, that was not a joke. It's like when people always go, is that a bit when I have the most uncomfortable moment on stage of my life? If something happens unprompted, like the mic cord will drop out of the mic and I'll do nothing funny about it, They go, what did that planned? Oh? That moment where I shot myself on the stage and then I ran off crying and then the show was delayed forty five minutes. That, oh yeah, great. That was a bit like New Year's Eve. People were asking me at the merch with did Nicky plan to forget the last verse of the song? I was like, You'll never know, why would I do that? It was hilarious because it was so funny the way you vamped and you were trying to find the lyrics. You're like, hold on logging into my Gmail. Yeah, whenever that happens. I just you's so funny when you feel the audience feel nervous for you and then gets clench and then you go no. And then I would check in with myself and I go, I'm not nervous. I just have to look for this fucking email in front of three thousand people. I just have to download my Gmail app and go to the app store while also creating dialogue while I'm doing it and making you know, like, but I had to check it with myself and be like, am I nervous? Am I worried about this? Am I embarrassed at this? No? And so I say the audience like, I know this seems like it's embarrassing. It's I promise you I decide that it is not. I'm not embarrassed right now. I mean I didn't say that in that many words, but there are times on stage where something I'll seem to lose control of the audience, and if I don't, if it really is embarrassing, you'll know because I won't say that. But if it's not, I'll just be like everyone calmed out, like, I know it seems I'm not awkward, so you should You're just so much of embarrassment is yeah, second hand embarrassment for someone else. You just worry, like, oh my god, they're so awkward. Um. Yeah, so love is blame Brazil. I don't know if I'll go back to it. I am knee deep in Prince Harry's book. I'm a third of the way through. That's why I like reading on my phone because you can kind of get a person like percentages of like hard numbers. I read it read. I mean, this book is gigantic too. I mean, I don't know how many pages it equates to in a normal book, but I think it's a it's a thicky, thick and uh I read. I probably read it for four hours last night, and I couldn't I couldn't stop. Did you know that the book was coming out? When I got an alert on my phone? I pre ordered it and then all of a sudden I saw group and it was like, did you know it was coming out when Megan and Harry came No, I don't know that it was announced. How weird that both things came out around the same time. Well, yeah, I mean they're they have a pr This is the Okay, okay, here we go here we go, I want to get me to get going on this only if you say it. Reason every reason we don't like Harry Megan is because we think they're calculated. We go, oh, this is calculated. What is wrong with calculation? What is wrong with going? I want something, I'm gonna figure out a way to get it. Where did that become a bad thing? All I see on Instagram all day long is people like Ja Shetty and ed my Let and fucking that that one smart the the guy that talks about the stoic way. All they talk about is like, you gotta go after what you want, fight for what you want, never let up, don't ever take any rejection. But the second a pretty woman and a prince get a pr company and do the right thing for themselves because they're act like or the second prince, I am on a crusade for Mega Markele. I am so tired of that. It's true. What what does she do wrong? Even if you say, oh, she wanted to be a royal? Who do you not want to be a fucking royal? If you have to fall in love with the guy, if you happen to fall in love with a guy who happened to be a prince. Would you not think about the guy you listener, or the girl or the them that you are in love with. Did you ever do anything to maybe get them to like you? Did you ever want maybe their attention and modify your look in a certain way, or show up late or not respond to a text. We've all done it. We've all been calculated to get what we want in our careers, in our love lives. Megan did the same thing we all do. Stop faulting her. You're jealous, and as someone who used to be jealous of her, I am now, I'm I am part I was part of the problem. I'm you everyone who doesn't like her, You're jealous and uh, there's no other way about it. You just you can't really pinpoint where you don't like her. You don't like her because she seems to have everything handed to her. She seems to have connived her way into something. Prince Harry is such an upstanding young man who went through such a tragic, tragic loss, got no support for it, never once got a hug about it, losing his mother from his father, not as much as a hug, never was able to cry about it. Except one time where there were no cameras around. He cried one time about his mother and um and then it was shipped off to boarding school, had no comfort from his brother. His brother didn't want to even talk to him. Borders school, classic boy thing. Then he went into the he he was hounded by paparazzi. He at the age of fourteen. It was speculated that his mother had him with one of her bodyguards, which was impossible to even happen because she didn't know him before Harry was born. And but he but the whole country thought he was a bastard child. He was already known as the spare. There's the air and then there's the spare. He can't even fly him his brother and his dad can't fly on the same jet because if that jet goes down, then they both die, and that's the air and the king going down. And so Harry could always fly with either of them though he was he was a spare, and that's what he was referred to within the family. And this kid, you read about his boot camp training, you read about him going to Afghanistan. You tell me this guy isn't fucking awesome. I'm obsessed with him. I love Megan Markel, I love Prince Harry. UM. Maybe less on that when we get back right up there base and we're back. Um, I'm on tour right now, so is Anya Marina with me, and we are all over the goddamn place. This weekend coming up. We got Albany, New York. We have two shows Friday, We have two shows Saturday in Portland, Maine. Next week we have um Kalamazoo Michigan, Joliette UM, and then after that we're going to be in New York also New Haven, Connecticut. UM, tons and tons of dates. It goes on and on into the spring, and then in Europe if you're over there, check out my website Nick Glazer dot com for tickets and as always, if you need a meet and greet and you can't afford one, they are included with via P tickets. You can just message me on Instagram and I will hopefully get back to you and bump you up to a meet and greet. Um. Yeah, So going on tour this weekend. Back at it UM. I am excited to be out again. It's been nice to be home though, I like and it's been nice to just read books and take voice lessons and hang out with my niece and nephew and just do fucking nothing. But I do kind of miss the road. I missed traveling and um sleeping in hotels and not knowing anyone in a city and having like you don't have to do anything all day. Yes, you know, people write me and going like come to our vegan cafe. Not gonna happen. I'm just I don't want to know new friends of the city. I like, I'll meet you at the meet and greet. I don't want to do anything all day. I kind of want to be alone. I like being alone in cities. I just did that. I took a solo trip to New York City. It was heaven. I went for two nights. I ordered so much food, I saw one friend, like I made one plan and then I had like one doctor's appointment and that was it. And it was the best to just be like, I'm gonna order the same fucking thing I got last night, and I'm gonna be gross, And it was just so nice to just be alone and gross and free to watch. I watched so much Love Is Blind Brazil, which was worthless, but now at least I know nobody gather. So the girls of Tattooed. What else do you think the Brazilians like? They give the women the option to propose, which they don't do in the States, which I think is super cool on the show or just in general. Yeah, in the beginning, they're like, now you can be proposed to, or you you can also propose. Yeah, m hmm. I feel like I feel like I would. I could propose in Christos for sure. I could see you getting down one. I don't think he would be emasculated by that at all. I think he would kind of love it. Um. So that's kind of nice to know that's what you want. That's what I like. Those men, they like they don't care. They're not like emasculated, but they're not. There's something about them that they're more emotional, I feel like than men here, or at least the American men. They cry a lot more on Love is Blind. They seem to be. I was like, I gotta go to if I remember single, I'm going to Brazil. I kind of like these Brazilian dude and they kiss like it's a full body athletic event. Really like when they see each other, like like it's insane. I will say the most tragic thing of Love is Blind Brazil, and we got to talk about it because if you don't, you can't just skim over it. But there was a bigger girl on it spoiler Yeah, well no one's gonna want if you want, there's a bigger girl on it. And as I'm watching it, you know, and this is always what Love Is Blind is like. The whole premise of the show is like, you know, you meet through a wall. It's all you do is talk to each other through a wall and get to know each other's voices, and you fall in love and you get engaged before you see each other. And the big fear in the American versions now with two seasons has been if it's a bigger person or someone who's not that attractive, what are they gonna do? You know? We saw kind of examples of this. I think in the first season the guy was kind of there's a guy that was like short and just not the girl's type, and you could kind of see her face drop and kind of she was a little bit just like not there. They allude to not being physically into each other. We have yet to see a very big person get rejected because they're big. There's been like you know with Nancy and um what's that guy's name that had the dumb name? Uh oh god, black guy last season on Love is Blind. It doesn't matter. He there were like moments where she was like, I am not She really like was fine with her body and she wasn't worried that someone was going to reject her based on it. It was very It was very cool to see Bartisse and he could tell he was like, I'm in a more fit look. He didn't straight out safe, but he was into her still like it didn't it didn't seem to matter. It didn't seem to shake him. It was maybe a little bit of an shoe, not as much as you would think. You know, going into this, I just fear for these women being rejected because of how they look or the men too. And then you know there was the case of Coal and um Za nab right yea, and she she is a beautiful woman, great Nancy. Nancy looked like Angelina Jolie. Yeah, they're both beautiful, but they definitely they were curvyer Zena not so much. Zana just had low self esteem across the board, which I don't fault her for but she had really no, there's no reason for anyone to have it. But do you know what I'm saying, Like it was in her head more than in her hips. And then, um, but that doesn't matter, because you can see you can be whatever and on the inside you can feel unlovable, and then you can either way. You can be big and feel like I don't even care, I love myself, or you can be super tiny and feel like I feel like it doesn't matter. That's what you realize. But then on Love is Blind Brazil, No, I'm watching it, and and Anna's already a couple of episodes ahead, and I go, I'm getting worried about this big girl. I'm getting worried. I don't think this guy she's falling for is gonna be okay with this, you know, I think he's going to be an asshole about it. Um. He even said, and fitness is very important to him, And she said, oh, that would be that would be good for me to be with someone like that. So she like she didn't and she even expressed like worrying about I'm black, I'm bigger, Like there are things like it's harder to date for me, and I'm scared he's gonna like reject me. And he did, he did, yes, And it was it was so sad. It was so they kind of glossed over it because I think it is too upsetting. But that's a real fucking thing, man, like applaud a girl who a bigger girl going on these shows and being like, I don't care what their reaction is that they don't like me, that's on them. And that's what kind of what she was. She was like beautiful girl, proud of who she was, strong girl, like I didn't need this guy at all. If anything this guy was, she should have fucking turned on a dime and not been impressed with this guy. He was not cute in my opinion, which is a whole other thing. Like just let's take size out of the equation. Just you don't like their face. You know, it could be just like he's not cute to me, um, but he he was weird because when they met in person, you know, they kiss and they're hugging and stuff, and then they part ways and then he gets behind the door after he's alone. He's like he kept saying the most bullshit thing. He kept saying I don't know if I can handle such a strong woman. She suddenly was so strong. Nothing had changed since they were you know, in the all they've done is kissed and gone like, oh, look at you high, and then suddenly she's too strong for him. It really made me sad. But you know what, to deny that that is an issue for bigger women or bigger men out there dating is to deny It's it's obvious. It does. It does hinder people from finding love and it sucks. And you saw it on that and I was just stark, such a stark like rejection. It was like a kick to the gut. He just like looked at her, hugged her, and then walked away, and it was just like, that's it. You're not going to say anything because he couldn't because the truth was, I'm not attracted to you, and it's too heartbreaking to tell people. I mean, we've all we've got happen to us, like you. But after the whole days of getting to know each other and after getting on his knee and proposing, I mean, like these people aremately in love on this show, which is is the crazy thing. But I something happens in there something special happens when you're just talking um on the phone. You know, it sounds kind of bizarre to me because just from learning about Brazilian culture and stuff through jiu jitsu, women in Brazil like like they embrace curves and and and you know, like all that. I think men like that. So I'm just surprised to hear it. I think it's this girl was fat. She would probably identify as a fat woman, you know what I'm saying. It's different than like all the women on the show are curvy. There's no one who's like a like a you know this new diabetes medication starving themselves buckle fat removal like a skeleton host. Honestly, that's a really good point. The host does show up and you're like, everyone, yes, she always looks starving um and uh so yeah that's that, you know. And I'm saying fat with like no judgment. Yeah, I think, you know. I think that That's the thing I like about the fat movement is women are just like, yeah, I'm fat, and people are like, no, don't say and they're like, no, that's actually like what I am. I don't really care. It's I don't put any morality to it. So I can say I'm fat and it doesn't mean I'm bad, and they go, don't You're not fat, and they go, well, I don't see anything wrong with being fat. You seem to have a problem with it. That's what I mean. Too much. Yeah, that's the thing that bothers me so much. You go, I look gross today, or I look uglier. I look Oh no, you don't know, and I I'm like, well someday I will. And it seems like it's quite a problem based on your reaction, and so should I kill myself before then? Um? Okay, So I've got a couple stories that I can tell from my past week that I wrote down a list, and I want you guys to choose what you hear about based on my list. So I'm gonna read the list and you each will choose one. I'll try to rifles through them as fast as possible. Um, but you know, you know me, it might take a little bit of time. So just based on the titles alone, I'm going to go through these and you tell me what ones you want to hear. Okay, So we have honor at the aquarium. Sad Women Incorporated are low Kanye Glasses, lay sick menstrual cup, mishap, gratitude. Jug Farley said, get sadness. I already did Megan Marco, Crusade, Harry Book, I already did that, Lorie Hill videos or the quote smashed up cookie end quote. Uh noah, let's go with you, okay, Um Farley Sage's sadness. Okay, So sagg it's uh anniversary of his death was yesterday on the ninth, and um, a couple of days ago, I was, um, I don't know if it's been announced yet. There's something going on with Adam Sandler that someone in my life is also involved with. I'll say that. And so the other day, so we have been wanting to watch a lot of Adam Sandler stuff. The other day alone, I put on the Adam Sandler on Fresh, his comedy special from a couple of years ago. It's maybe my favorite thing I've ever seen. It's top top ten comedy specials for sure. It is brilliant. And if you go, oh yeah, I remember seeing it was funny. I did too. I watched it like four times when I first came out. I don't remember anything from it except the Farley song and like that one song that's like phone Wallet Keys, Phone Wallet Keys. But I'm telling you there's so much you don't remember. Go back and watch it. It is so delightful. So watching it, I'm obsessing over everything about it. And then um, the Farley song at the very end, His penultimate song is about Chris Farley and it's just the best tribute to his friend who died ever and it's just so sad and it makes me cry so hard, it makes me cry. There's this one song where he's like one night, one night, late at the office, I walked in and he was listening to Casey in the Sunshine Band and he was crying. He was crying to Casey in the Sunshine Band And I said, Man, what's meant making you so sad? And he said, just thinking about my dad. And it's just so sad that like he just was crying to the song thinking about his dad and he was like late at the office in SNL and then the image behind him is like Chris Farley and his dad on the big screen. It is just beautiful. And then so you cry at that because you just see that this guy, this guy, Chris Farley, was just such an emotional guy and so connected to his family. And then and then he does a guitar solo which is like really good and like has so much emotion in it, like Adam Sandler, Like he's an emotional man, Like I love him so much, Like he has depth to him, like we don't even know, at least I didn't know. And and the more I've been watching this, I'm like, oh he has. He's so much more than like a school do you know, Like he's the real fucking deal. He's a good man. And and then and then the next part of the song he was like you know, uh he goes we um. A couple of weeks later, the party came to an end. We flew out to Madison to barry our friend. Nothing was harder than saying goodbye. Then watching Chris his father take his turn to cry, and then it's like so sad and then um, and then there's like the other and that just like makes me like and then so there's something about the thing that always gets me crying is when people talk to people who are dead like they're still here, or people come back from the dead, like in a in a note they wrote knowing they were going to die, being like like that ship gets me ever since Forrest Gump and he's talking to Jenny, He's like, you'd be so proud, Jenny. He's so smart when he's at her grave, you know, he smokes so smart, Jenny, and that like I remember as a kid being like what is happening to me? I was again convulsive. So then there's this line where he's just like, um, you know, I forget what it is, but it's something about like man laughs, laugh ain't the same since you left. It's something about, like, Chris, life isn't the same here since you've been gone. And for some reason, he's just like the familiarity of like talking to him, like he's right there and like it and Chris Farley was you just realized, such, this guy has been dead for twenty years and yet his best friend from that time is still writing is like writing this long song about him and everyone. The audience is like sobbing. It's such a great and I couldn't stop watching it. I was just over and over because it would just make me cry every time and make me feel this thing that I would think about my dad I would think about I started like worrying about my friends dying, and like, am I gonna have to write a song about them? I already did one for Bob Segon. No. I was just like was starting to like it just makes me think. It just made me feel cry in a way that felt orgasmic, kind of where it was like this thing happening to me that I don't want to happen, but it feels really good but also feels really wrong. I don't know it. Crying to me is kind of orgasmic, and so I just and then it was starting to not work anymore. It was like not making me cry anymore because I was just doing it so watching, listening to it over and over and crying, and and I would just cry for like, you know, three seconds, you know, like it would just go like well up and be like tears, and then it would stop, and so I'd go repeat, repeat, and then yes, yes, absolutely, and because I never just like, it's rare that I just break down and sob and sob and sob. It's only if I'm like on the Girl's Chat telling a story and I can talk for like a long monologue, but usually it comes out of me and like little spurts and so then I just was like what is going on with me? Like why am I so sad right now? And thinking about like like what what is going And then all of a sudden, it was like, Bob Saget, the anniversary of death has been a year, and I was like, it is this. I was, it's the same time of the year, this weird time after um New Year's Eve, where nothing's going on yet my sport tourism picked up again. I was the same thing happened last year. I found out when I was sitting on my couch watching some reality show. Someone texted me Bob sagetstead someone I like barely you know, kind of barely know, and it like it was just some news and it just and you know, like when anyone everyone who's us into this has suffered grief at some point in their life, you remember where you were, You remember like the way it smells. And I didn't even remember this day was kind of coming up. But it's just the time of year reminds me of being like being sad about a friend. I've been like obsessively watching David's Spade clips because I think and that that wasn't even from watching the Farley thing because they're kind of connected. He's even in the song. But I've just been obsessively watching it because I'm like trying to hold on to my friends who are a little bit older than me, like like Saggett that I'm like, I don't these these men that means so much to me comedically and almost like big brother father type status like where I don't want to let them go and I want to like I want to just soak them up, and so I just like keep um. I guess it's just that time of year. So that made me realize it was really nice to be like, that's why it's like when you feel murderous rage and then your period starts and you go, oh, it's not just me. I'm not just being melancholy for no reason. There's a fucking thing behind this. And you know, I even last year when it happened, I really suffer with like my feelings around Bob Saget's death because people were like we weren't best friends, but I was really fucking sad about it. Same thing you were on FaceTime status like he was giving a loving fatherly avuncular advice about your relation, cared about you friends, yeah, vice versa. I just yeah, I just struggle with that though. I think it's just you know, childhood trauma of losing someone and then people going like, why are you sad about this? You didn't even know this kid, And ever since then, anytime someone in my life dies, if it's you know, literally anyone, because I haven't lost anyone that I feel like I have a right to be sad. Yet I really haven't everyone I've lost. I feel guilty about feeling so sad because I go, well, they their wife is sadder, their sister is sadder. Like what am I writing a song about? But you know, I don't think that Adam Sandler thing made me feel good because he's not you know, of years ago this happened, you're still not over it. Well fucking good, he's not. And they were very close, much closer than Bob and I were. But at the same time, it just feels like but they were also in their twenties, it was probably a less mature relationship. I can I can kind of relate to feeling like I would want to write hum a song about Bob in twenty years even though you know, it just made me feel good that not every song you write about grief has to be about someone. I guess that's not what I'm taking from it. But it's okay to be sad, uh, I think because you can't do that you have you have like somebody else's shame put on you from childhood. Because when you're lost a friend, when you were in high school, people close to you, in whatever attempt they were making to try to make you feel less better, they yeah, And so now you have this weird guilt about anytime somebody dies, You're like, do I am I allowed to feel? Honestly, I was thinking about some of my friends and I'm like, if they died, I need to take more pictures with them, because if they die, I'm going to fucking lose my mind and it's all that I'm gonna be able to talk about or think about. And no one's going to believe that we were that close unless I have evidence of it. I need more pictures with them, just to prove in case they die that I feel okay about being that sad. So people don't be like Nikki just wants attention, Nikki, you know, like I know people like that that someone dies and they like get I remember one guy dying and a friend of mine in the local comedy seeing a guy died tragically and another guy got a tattoo of him, and I was like, I kind of realized in a a moment, Oh my god, if I died, I would be commemorated on this guy's lower back, probably too, because the level of they knew each other. And I just remember being like, my sister wouldn't get a tattoo of me yet I would be on the back of this guy Jeff's back forever. That's my legacy. And I remember rolling my eyes being like, he's trying to make this about him. I don't give a funk what people do with their grief anymore. If you're sad, just like have it. And I gotta I gotta feel that way, because, as I know, the only way to feel, to let yourself be something is to like let others off the hook for the same thing. Yes, I loved Bobs. You know, we were talking a little bit about this the other day, and I think it was last night. I went on to Saget's widows page and I was just reading her posts. She's so sweet, Like every few months she's been like I can't believe it's six months without my love of my life and my husband. It's going to choke me up. So I don't want to talk about it too much. Love that. She always would say, the more you know what I've learned through this because they were just together a short time. They like met, fell in love, got married, and then like a few years later he was gone. Right, yeah, I was like five years And I love that. She's like, what I take from all of this is how lucky I was, Like, lucky to meet you, lucky to be your wife, lucky to have all the time I had with you. But that's what I keep thinking, like because I'm obsessed with death two or like how much longer do I have? How much longer do I? Like I just met the love of my life thinking about it too keep you have just that like like what if I lose everyone or my parents are older? And how much time? And my dog? I love my dog so much she's gonnaizing people, but if for what? For Last night I was watching Alone, we started sixth season and this guy shoots uh squirrel that just the squirrels keep like giving up. So when squirrels are like they'll they'll see a human as a predator. So let'start going like and like barking, and so then they're learning every animal to get the funk out of way. And the guys like, I gotta kill that squirrel. That squirrels like given up, you know, my spot. So he like puts it in his like shot line. He's like, I'm gonna this squirrel is just like eating its morning lunch like on this little branch like up in this very high up in this tree, and he's like, look at this squirld, look at him. I'm gonna get at me. Sets the when he fucking hits it, and then he goes to collect the squirrel that he hit, and it's right through the squirrel's fucking brain, like right, and the squirls just squirrels eating a nut and it's perfectly through the brain. And I go, that's the best way to go. That squirrel didn't feel an ounce of pain, didn't know anything and that and I was talking to Chris, and I know that really is the best way to go. You just you don't even go out, like there's no moment of like what's happening, Like I don't want to go in a car crash where I'm like, oh no, Dad, like like, I don't want that moment of fear where the adrenaline like rushes through you. Harry talks about it in his book when he was slaughtering and he was shooting an animal. He was talking about how a lot of times animals when you're out shooting them, which I didn't know, and it makes total sense about factory farming. Why I say factory farming is awful because the animals are filled with anxiety and you eat that anxiety. But when they're hunting, if you if you scare the animal before you shoot it, adrenaline rushes through its body and ruins the meat. I thought there was so interesting. So I don't want to die with adrenaline course with your membrains. I want to die with like a bridge falling on me and maybe just like bopping along to like, you know, the Farley song. Probably you know what I mean, but I don't. I don't worry about dying because I won't be an I'm not worried about like people going on without me, And maybe that's because I don't I don't have a kid or something. But I do worry about losing other people. When you guys think about death, are you thinking about what? Am I? Because Sara, Lena, my friend, she keeps saying like, girl, I don't know. I'm just so scared of dying. And I go, but you'll be dead, like you're not gonna be like, oh funk I die? Like I was like, you gotta take this whole thing like you think of it as like you trip on the sidewalk and you're like embarrassed about You're not gonna be able to reflect on dying. And I know that's like harder to get than not. But do you do you want to How do you fear death? I fear leaving people behind, not finishing stuff I want. I want lots of time. You know, I don't want to die young. Right, Well you're out of the woods for that. But thanks to I always feel like I'm getting ready to know before sixty is dying young folk show at this at this point in time. It doesn't always feel that way in Hollywood, But yeah, I when you're talking about your to do list, like what's your number one thing that you'd be like fun, let's not talk about relationships. Let's not talk about like like like bucket list, like do what would you what would be your gasping last words of like, oh I didn't get I didn't like, yeah, yeah I did that top shelf. I actually don't have a lot of stuff on my bucket list, which I'm glad about. I'm not like I never got to India or I never got to see the Great Wall. It's more just like I want more time with people I love and maybe that and I don't know, like I've had so times I get scared that I'm going to die soon because I feel that way, like I already feel like I've had a full life. So what if someone's listening and they're like, you're listening your time watching Love is Blind Brazil. So someone's going to throw a rocket, You're sending a message to the university, you know what. I'm kind of like biding my time right speeding. Wait, No, what have you been your fears of death? Then? Okay, so my thoughts are a little bit different, Like I think about losing loved ones. I guess, like my dad and just like not having him. They're like, yes, you know, finally wanting to pick up the phone and call him intentionally and then oh it's too late. He's not there or finding it like an old voicemail, and that makes me really emotionally even though he's not dead. Yes, the second part of it is, Um, I think about, you know, for example, my nephew when I die, he's not going to have me there, and like the hurt that he'll go through. And then finally the last thing I just think about, like death itself and what it means and how like just poo, that's it. It's just done, Like you just don't get to open your eyes anymore and you turn into worm food m hm, or you know, it's just the beginning, which is kind of what I believe. But yeah, but so so then what I turned into something else? Like I come back as like a I don't know, a bird or something like what. I don't know. I just don't think it's the end. I don't think it's like I think Noah's done, you know, yeah squirrel, and then you're you know, then then you come back again at something else in two seconds and head off Moscot that someone stabs in the night. Um, I think that I don't know. Yeah, I guess I worry about That's why I try to write my journal in a way that. Oh, I wanted to say this publicly. If I die, public access to all my journals, like, do something with them. No, I don't. I have no qualms about my voice memos on my phone any I have no privacy. Release it all, do something with it. Like's if you want to know my fucking journals are sample from Honestly, it would get me committed. But if I'm dead, it doesn't matter. You know, it's all stuff about myself. But it's just like I wanted to say that because I don't give it to like my parents or like Chris. I don't think they can handle it. But you could handle it on you can I give it to that guy that tattooed your name on his back. Yeah, I forget his name. I should check my He's like, I'm so excited to be the executor of Nikki's journals. Just someone who gives a fuck. Yeah, please have all that ship. I have a whole drawer of it. Um Yeah, I just what was I going to say? You were talking about not hearing from my dad. Yes, that's not being there from my nephew, and I don't know. I have felt it's the end of all the memories you have with them now. But I really feel and I have last someone super close to me. So I don't know what this is like, but I believe I really talk to people all the time who are dead, like in my mind and like when I'm walking around my house like straightening things, like I feel like I have a relationship with dead people. Like there's someone I lost that I was close to eight years ago, and I feel like we haven't skipped a beat, Like I hang out with him all the time in my head, I talked to him. I you know, I don't know. I think that I'm gonna be It's gonna be the worst thing. I don't even like to imagine my parents dying even for a split second. That's what everyone says, is like your life changes so drastically after that moment. But I think I'll still feel like they're around, which I know is maybe, you know, not real, But I just I think I'll feel I'll be able to keep a keep a relationship with Do you guys ever talked to dead people? Oh? Yeah, my friend Romy died and I just, you know, I think about her laugh all the time, her sense of humor. We used to watch The Bachelor and the bachelott together all the time. I'm always like consulting her. She said something to me that was so important when I was in a bad relationship. She was like, you keep making a meal out of crumbs. How much longer are you going to make a meal out of crumbs? Because this relationship was just crumbs. And I've never heard that phrase before. It was a long time ago. I know people say it all the time, but I think about that in my life all the time. Like she's like the little guardian angel on my shoulder. That's like, expect more for yourself, girl, And she's just she was so light and funny about everything, like everything was light, and so I try to have more humor. But I think remembering these people is how they stay alive. You know. Yes, Well, the Prince Harry book again, I can't recommend it enough. I promise you if you just download a sample on your phone, you will buy the whole book. Because last night I'm in bed reading it next to Chris. It drops in my books and I go, here we go, and you know, we've done the thing where he's now on his side of the bed reading this phone. We like love our ritual of like reading our phones and then just like laughing and I go, what are you laughing at? And then we send it to each other. Literally, we don't even show each other phone. We just send it next to each other. But last night he what, he falls asleep so fast, and I had started the book. I was three pages in. I go, ah, this is good, this is real good, and he just goes, h's good is really good? Good? Like he just smoup with some bullshit because he didn't understand what I'm saying at all. But I declared right away. I was like, this book gets you. This guy is a good writer. He had a good editor, and he talks about his mom's death and it's like talk about grief and talk about trying to hold onto a memory and talking about trying to grieve someone that everyone else feels like they knew her too, and how he processed that. I mean, it's fucking fascinating. I'm dying for people to read it. I'm actually doing a podcast called the Celebrity Memoir Book Club, Um, I think that's what it's called. And I'm and we're reading that Boo book. It's a big podcast, so we're recording that next week. So if anyone wants to read the book and then listen to that, I'll talk all about the book more in there, and I'm not going to stop talking about the book. I'm so obsessed. I'm only a third in and I'm not giving up this time. Um. One more quick story to get through before we go to break, Okay, out of all the list, all right, I wanted to hear, of course, about the menstrual cup mishap. Yeah, I got a menstrual cup at TJ Max. I've been waiting to buy one because they're like thirty bucks and I'm like, oh, I don't know. I can't trust this. It's just too much for a mental cup. When you're looking at tampons that are four ninety nine next to it. I'm just like, I can't so I would see. Yeah, the other word, the Diva Cup. First of all, it's not it wasn't the Diva. I forget the name of it, but it's a it's a reputable brand. It's a slam them. No, I forget what it's, but it's it's one that you know you've heard of this one. I forget it though, because I threw it away because I used it for I was so excited to get my period. I was it was like I was fourteen or sixteen all over again. When I got mine, I was like, yes, because I get to use my fucking cup. But that I got a TJ Max and it was like, you know, I got for like eleven bucks this thirty dollar cup. Put it in. Um. I told the girls chat, I'm so excited about it, and they were like, take a video like of like pulling it out, and not everyone co signed on that, so I kind of took it far away, but I did like do a tose. It looked like a little acorn that was full. It was like you get to see how much blood is coming out of you. It's interesting because you don't know when you're just stopping up with tampons or pads, like you don't know the amount and you need to see. You need to see what your body fucking does and how much you suffer. And so um, yeah, that was interesting the first poll of that. And then I put it back up and I could wait, wait, wait out when you first saw it, we pulled out the cup, what was your first fresh browner than I thought browner? And um, it looked like um, sap. You know, it looks like um or like oil from like a car um the scent. No, the was like the amount. Was it a satisfying amount or was it lesson? Yeah? It was a very satisfacing about it was you know, it was heavy flow first start of it, and it was you know, it was probably a fucking teaspoon, a full teaspoon, which is what do you feel like a lot? How do you pull it out without spilling? So it's like a suction cup, little shaped like an acorn kind of and you you curl it into itself to put it up, and then when you pull it out, it's a great question. I don't even know how I got it out the first time. It was not that complicated. But the second time could not get it out. It was like scratching my vagina to um. Yeah, it goes like up into it and then I guess mine is very super deep. Mine was like baby Jessica. I couldn't get her out, and I was panicking and sweating, and you know, trying two fingers like a clip method, and I was trying my my but putting your thumb and your middle in your finger, like to get those in your vagina is too hard, so tight, was just so tiny. But luckily I was taking it out because I was about to go to the guidecologist or like to get my eggs frozen, like to get the follicle check thing. And I'll talk about that another time. And it was in the morning and I was like, I don't want to have this mentral cup and I'm gonna put it in a tampon and said, and so I go, but wait, I don't got to get this out. I was in there for a half hour trying to get out and go, they'll take it out. So I went in there and I go. She goes, um, okay, this is your room, you know, disrobed from the waist down, throw on this thing. And I go, I got a menstrual cup stuck at me. And she goes and she shut the doors. She was like, I just want to say that has happened to me too. And I was like, oh, I don't have any shame about like you could tell that. She was like, it's okay. She was being very sweet, like where most women, I think would need to hear that. But I was like, no, I don't think I'm an idiot. I don't think there's anything wrong with me. I don't think this is gross. You're good. And then they brought in forceps and um, and I'll tell you what, you're like, this is t J's fault, not mine. We're back. They gave me force ups and I thought she's like lated them on the counter, and then she's like, the doctor will be right in. The doctor comes in. She goes, did you get it out? And I go what, No, as I supposed to go in there and go oh no, no no. And then she goes in there and she yanks it out. I don't even look at it. I don't want to see it. And she goes, what do you want to do? And I go, throw it away. I'm never putting that thing up to me again. And doesn't have any good grip to it. I used to have ones that were like a Lance Armstrong bracelet with some cellophane over it. Those were easy to put in and out, very easy. This one the cup shape horrible. So if you're a girl out there that's gotten stuff stuck in you. And then I went on the Courtney Show and I was talking about it and Courtney is like, oh yeah, stuff gets getting stuck up there. All the time that you know, being a woman, you don't realize men think that you feel a tampon up there. You don't you feel it when you put it in, but you're not like I have a tampon in me all day long. You kind of forget and you can sometimes we were a tampon up to like eleven hours if you're you know, sloppy about it and in that time, sometimes you forget that if you're taken it out, so you just put another in. I'm so a d D. Sometimes I will. You know, you'll be on Instagram and then you click off Instagram and then you'll pull up Instagram again. You ever do that? How a d D? Your brain is that you just so imagine being on the toilet on Instagram, you take out a tampon, or you didn't take one out, but you assume you did, and then you put another one up. There's this is constantly happening, you're and then you take that one out and another one shoved up and you don't even know like it happens a lot. So they were there and learned it was nothing to pull those to yank those puppies out, but um, yeah, so that was my menstru so just don't get things on discount, I guess, but I would I would do it again. I would buy a menstr cup of teaching Max again or you know, marshals Um you said you were not going to well, not to that one, but I try a different brand in a heartbeat, I really like I want to see it. Yeah, And I don't like the idea of dry cotton going up your vagina. I don't like whenever I put a tamp on, it's kind of like it's like dry con. I don't like cotton, it's too much. What do you eat pats? I just use panty liners now. It's very like anti liners. That's how low it is. Y. Yeah, Taylor found my panty liners when she was cleaning out my cabinets and she goes, what are these? What are these? And I go, I don't know. She she was, when would you ever be able to use this? Like? Go, I don't know when you just like start or like or like when it's trailing off? And she's like, I have never she'd never seen a panty liner. But that's all you use on it? Do you have to change them out? But they're the problems I'm changing them out every couple of hours because it was my yesterday, was my today, yesterday today, or my heavier days, so every every like three hours. What made you stop Tampi's just it. I was getting yeasters all the time, and I was just like, this isn't comfortable and I don't even I'm not having like heavy flow anymore, so it's just kind of lighter. And then I found this brand, Honeypot, and I got it has like mint and lavender, and oh yeah, I've been trying to get us hold the damps. Dude, I'm going to give this out of stocking stuffers next year. It's a mint and lavender used pantiliner honey pot and they I'm addicted now, Like my vagina craves them. I just want it. I wanted why what does it feel like? It's just like a like think of your favorite gum or mouth wash or anything you've ever used, and you're like, I want that feeling in my mouth, like makes you feel that's what mygina looks like some days a big it's just so refreshed. It just feels like you can feel the like it feels clean and like has like these little vapors of three tree. But yeah, it just feels amazing. It's just like, oh, I feel fresh and awaken, alive. But it's natural, okay, alright's organic cotton and it's made by women for women. That's made by women. Thing. I'm sorry male gynecologists. If it's like I'm tired of this, like it's all women companies all, maybe I'm not, like, I just it doesn't sell me on things. Am I bad to say that? I feel like it should and then I resent it when I go to it. If it was like we have all women owned business and I'm like, well, does that mean are you like a turf person where you're like real women or like I kind of do. Then I start to question, like women not allowed to have this the two or like it's justifies as a woman and wants a panty liner and made by people who I didn't the US of A. Yeah, no commies. I guess that is a nice thing. People are gonna get mad at me for saying that I don't care when things are women made, but it's just that's the way I used to feel about USA. I'm like, I just don't care. I just want a good product. Um, This is the way I feel about being labeled as a female comedian, Like I'm just a comedian. I'm proud to be a woman. But it's I don't think it's a selling point that I'm a female comic. I just want to be a comic. I just want to be What if I was like, you got to try. But what if I was like, you gotta try these panty liners. They're made by these really cool Wall Street bros. But it's so good. But Wall Street Row is different than like not mentioning who it's made by. Do you know what I mean? Like, so you'd rather not know that it's made I don't need to know that's a that's a that's a part of the thing, the transaction I don't need to know about. I also don't need to know there pcent cotton that they are organic. I don't believe it about animal the animals. Yeah, I don't want rabbits have to wear this pad on its face or something to test it. Like, yeah, yeah, I care about animal. That's that that I do care about. Only want it tested on female rabbits, um who are self starters, nepo bunnies. I don't want any Nepo bunnies making my makeup. Yeah, I think animal testing that's important. But if you look into that, you can always trace something to someone being exploited. Man, Like everything is someone's, someone's being underpaid and treated poorly. I can't stop with Amazon, and I gotta stop. It's just too easy. It's too fucking easy. But it has to end soon. I have to. But something bad has to happen to me with Amazon, like I I have to watch a documentary or something. Please don't send me one. I can't. I cannot be done with it, but I need to know the truth. Um one more story or we shouldn't get to UM story story? Okay, Well I think you're up. Noah, can we do smashed up cookie? Smashed up cookie? Okay? So that I wanted to call out Kirsten's husband Corey because so prior to me doing my show in St. Louis on New Year's Eve. That's like whenever I'm under pressure is when I start to really come up with like jokes and I'm starting to go, oh, I need more new material. These people have all seen my stuff, and so I start writing. I'm in the shower, getting like showering for my New Year's Eve show. It's four o'clock. I have to be at the Stephile at five for sound check. And I just started getting this idea of like I've been messing around with like, oh, oh, you know, because the show is in St. Louis, my dad is there. And I always like to make the point of like, I'm not going to change the show at all for the audience just because my dad's here. My dad is here, I don't want to lie about that he's here. We have to acknowledge it. Elephant in the room. But you know, I'm not going to change my act at all. And I always say Cardi B, you wouldn't want her to not do what? Because her dad was there one night and I was like, she does what? But it's like the kids bought version? And I was like, oh what would the kids bought version of what? B? And I'd like was just not in the mood to like this is this is the way a comedian's mind can work. Sometimes. This is like an example of like a writing staff, I have an idea, that's my that's the joke premise. I just need something funny to say instead of wet ass pussy that would be like the kids bought version of wet Ass Pussy. And so I put out a call to all my friends on like mass text. I didn't bother on you because she was already at the show, like dealing with behind the scenes stuff. But I just wrote all my friends. I was like, I have a joke equation. What is a funny replacement for wet as pussy? That would be kids Bop. And so they were sending back a ton of stuff but that I go, no, no, no, it needs to be three syllables wet ass put one to one one too, wet ass pussy. It needs to be the same. I'd like it to almost rhyme. Um. That's another requirement. I mean, this is cutting down on things that could be. And so people kept being like, um, best ass tushy or something like. They kept saying like, and I go, no, the word asked is still like you forget because pussy such a foul work. You forget that the other word is bad too. So I go, I can't say asked, can't say pussy. And so Kirsten's husband came out with smashed up Cookie and I thought it was really so good and it just proves to you that like Layman are capable of coming up with like great jokes if you put out the if you give people the variables and you ask them to solve for X, they can often do it. And a comedian's mind is not always the one that's coming up with the punch line. It's really about like the formula and then giving it to the to the people. And so it was. It was such just a fun thing to do because I thought, I assumed Krisen or Taylor would like instantly come up with it, but they put it out in the car with their boyfriends, and then Corey, who's like an engineer, was just like smashed up cookie and I was like, that's it. That's it because it's smashed up cookie and it's something that what and you do need a bucket and a mop for the smashed up cookie. Um, So I thought it was really good. Send that man to Nashville. Yeah, write songwriting. Final thought, Um, can we get to Uh why do I care? Why do I care? All right? Why do I care? Know what's going on? All right? Um? I don't know if you saw this, it's kind of going viral. Chris Hemsworth he found out that he's predisposed to Alzheimer's, and to confront his fear of aging, he uh, he went on a date with an older version of his wife, Elsa. She was made to look like an eighty seven year old version of herself with makeup and a wig and prosthetics. And they thought that by his brazil her and go no, I can't do this, she's too strong. Sorry, go on. He said that by by seeing her this way, they concluded that even if Alzheimer's wipes his memory, at least he'll know what she looks like. Um, at an older age. That's really sweet. Fuck. Wait, so okay, there's I thought so too, and the internet also thought that it's very sweet. But um, you know. And he said that the idea I won't be able to remember the life I've experienced, or my wife, my kids is probably my biggest fear. How So, when he saw her in the video until the part that changed it for me, he goes, you're still beautiful? Um, well, why did that bother you? Because why not just say you are beautiful? Why? Still? I don't know the words. Still just kind of throws it off for me, because age does affect beauty and we don't want to acknowledge it, but it does. And it's again, it's like it's the thing that you go No, it's not being old. Nothing changes, it's just you know, everyone's avoiding it. But but it's fine if you do. But everyone avoids it at all costs, and it's like, why are we avoiding it? Then if everything's fine, and the truth is it's not fine, you lose funck ability. You become a weak, brittle person who has to lose ability because you can't fight off people who want to rape you as much. You don't have any muscle mash your weak bones. You should be unforcable. This is a protective thing too, and you're not fertile anymore. You shouldn't. Men shouldn't be wasting their seamen dumping it in you for no progeny. I mean, it's it's biological. You shouldn't look fable when you get older. So I do understand the still because she's sage. He's the same age on this date, right, and she's like, you're still working hot. I mean, I get the still doesn't bother me, but I get why it does because it's like, just say, beautiful, Wait, let's see. Oh god, no she's not. He lied. That's why this is why I don't like it. I have to say, I think this is this makes me roll my eyes. Yeah, so it's kind of like a surprise date. I think it's terrified. He looks he can to show her. Have you noticed she's he does not look comfortable. No, he doesn't. It's so scary. Um, he's like, oh my god, I'm so grateful for this genetic mutation where forget also had to get old. Yeah. Still all the time, I'm supposed to kick in. He was aged in that, but men just aged so well that you couldn't shut up. No. I mean, I'm so attracted to Chris lately I can't fucking even take it. So he got a mohawk. Did I tell you about this? Yes? I saw hair cut his hair. Yeah. So he was at his brother's. His brother did a show called this is Chris Your Boyfriend? No, yeah, the other the other Chris. That's what I call Chris, is the other Chris, because risis there's always number one to me. He's still beautiful to me, and he Um, Chris get the games of a mohawk because they were doing it for charity. I don't know. It was like they invited people in his His brother Tim was performing the thing called Punk Rock Christmas at Delmar Hall here in St. Louis. Chris went to attend. They did this thing where they're like giving mohawks for charity, So if you volunteered have your head shaved on stage, some money would be donated by someone who was putting. I don't really know the logistics of it. All I know is my boyfriend volunteered dev a mohawk shaved, and I wanted to start a charity for women whose boyfriends decided to get a mohawk one December night and not ask their permission. And did Tim get a mohawk? Did Chris's brother get a mohawk? Current, yes, he got a mohawk, but he he did. He almost did like a fade on the sides. Didn't even look like a mohawk. It was just a slight fade. It looked like fashionable. Chris got a whole mohawk totally shaved to the fucking like skin head except through the mohawk. Did Tim get one? Know why? Because his wife was like, we have Christmas pictures, you're not doing that that is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend. Did Chris consoled me before this? Hell fucking no. I just started getting text from him people that were there being like, oh why, and I'm like, what is going on? I'm like, I hope he's dead. I can't even have whatever else this could be. And he so then I see a picture of him, and I'm like, I like this. Like as much as I was like, it's not the best look, Like I'm not necessarily like in face, like this isn't the most attractive look for him for me, I was still like, you still look good, you know, like, and I liked I like that this guy who's forty one doesn't care about his hair so much. He's not so precious about his looks even though he's a good looking guy that he would do something this fun and spontaneous. That is a quality I like my girlfriend. And so I was like, you know what, I like this. I think it's kind of lame if he were like, no, I care about my hair too much to do this fun thing. I looked at the lovely side of it, even though I had to suffer with my boyfriend having a mohawk, so he had a Mowauk for a while and then he decided to. One day, he just shaved it all off and I was like, oh, that actually looks pretty good. And then it grew out like two days after it was like it was probably a quarter of an inch long. And I don't know what the fuck happened, but I have never been so horny from my boyfriend. And it is the hottest look. I go, I'm I'm getting a Josh Hartnett vibe when he used to have, and I go, I call it. I started calling him prison Break because he also looked like Wentworth Miller from Prison Break. He looks so yeah, he looks so good and he never would have had this haircut had it not been for the stupid mohawk thing. And now it's kind of growing out a little bit. And last night I was like, I mean last night, he was trying to talk to me about something serious and I was literally like looking at his mouth, like just getting and this is It's been rare since I have looked at my boyfriend that I've been with forever and been so it felt like a first date vibes where you're like, I can't wait to have kiss this person. Like I know we're going to I don't know when it felt like that. I was that excited because I was like, he is so hot. He's so hot, like he was just and I was just like and so I told him. Later on we were like playing watching alone. I was like, so, what are you gonna Are you gonna like keep this hair, like you gotta shave it again? And he was just like what, I go, you gotta we gotta figure out the setting on the tremor so like you have to, like you can't abandon that. And he was like, no, I was planning on growing it all back. And I'm like no, no, Like I got really really upset. I'm like, this is the best look. I love the way it feels. I'm so into it. So yeah, he came over to Nikki's the day of her show or the day the girls were over before the New Year's Eve show, and he brought like insomnia cookies. Heated up warm cookies at like eleven PM and all of us were on the verge of falling asleep and then he walks in like Jason stayed them with these warm cookies. Everyone's like Chris, he looks like he has like a rifle in the back of his pants. It's so good, like he's gonna scale a building. Yeah, I'm so into it. And he but then last night, he goes, I think this is a case of you like you love me and so you like it. And I go, I guarantee you that's not it, Like I love I have felt this way about you. Nothing's changed in the way I feel about you. It's just the haircut. It's fucking good. And I said, my friends even commented on it when you dropped off the cookies the other night, like this is a good look for you, and he goes, He goes, I almost feel like it's also when these when girls like make their boyfriends unattractive because they want to like, but he's mine now, and I go, I want women to want to fuck you. Like you don't understand, like this is I like, you look like a movie star. So girls, grow out your leg er do it. I had a boyfriend tell me to grow my leg here out and I was like twenty one, and I did, Oh my god, crumbs on your crumbs. I shaved my arm hair yesterday. I got bored in the shower because I take such short showers and I was just trying to be in there longer because I just don't know what to do you And I was like, I'll shave my arms and it feels so good before, and it's not true. It doesn't grow back worse, do you? Yeah? Yeah, I feel like I shave my legs every single day in the shower. It takes no time. I take three minute showers and I shave my whole legs and my pussy and my asshole and my armpits. Adding my arms to it is going to take another eleven seconds at most. So I was like, I have a new thing to shave now, I'm just gonna have shaved arms. Fuck it, I've always had What was that? It's like it's folly, It's it's like the Dermo planning, but for your arms. Yes, I've always said that about shaving your legs. It feels as if you are squeegeeing the dirt off like a window. And so I I don't feel sha sometime, Oh yeah, I shave my face to it. I don't. I'm not going to do it, not every time. I'm always scared. I'm just gonna keep going up to my eyebrows. What was that got a little favorite of the bone structure for no eyebrows. I did that once. I didn't know the first film role. Yeah, I got my I got taft hearted for that. There's a phone and what are you saying? So in order to get your SAG card, you get taft heartled along a lot of times, which is in the eleventh hour, they'll just like make you sag. They'll they'll make you a member of the union because you've got a job and you have to be in the union to work on the film. So they'll be like, just taff hearty her, which is like accelerate the process. So I got a job in a Hundred Girls. It was my first feature film, and I play a girl who has tricky girl number. Yeah, pretty much. I run the dorm hall. I'm like the girl that Why have we not watched this movie? You're in a movie. You have a role in a movie. Yes, I have one line and I shaved my eyebrows for the role. Oh my god, what was your line? Man in the hall? Why do you have to have trick it till the mania? Why was that a thing about you that we would even No, I just this sounds like a boyfriend trying to get you looking crazy. Did a boyfriend have anything that was he directing it? No? Not just put tape over your Like, So do they grow did they grow back weird? Because eyebrows are one thing better. It was really fun because I was I was able to like draw them on for a while, and that was kind of fun, and I learned how to shape my eyebrows a lit more. They were weird for a few weeks and then they almost grew back better. All right, shave your I mean, this is the same thing where my sister like got a better body after she had three kids, Like, she has a better body now than she's never had. Something like, maybe I need to have three kids to have that kind of body. Maybe I need to shave my eyebrows to have the right kind of eyebrows. This is all up, All right, guys, we gotta go. Thank you so much. Don't shave your eyebrows. Don't be and it I got de borrow

The Nikki Glaser Podcast

Every Monday through Thursday, comedian and infamous roaster Nikki Glaser provides a fun, fast-paced 
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