Between you and Nikki, find out what happened after the recording session yesterday. Nikki and Andrew discuss a unique angle this podcast takes, sex stats and latest headlines, Nikki slides into a Bachelor's DMs and in the Final Thought the gals help Andrew figure out his insecurity.
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The Nikki Glaser podcast Nis Nikki, Thank You Noah producer Noah Over in Arizona episode three, Guys Listen Between You and Me, Episode two. I was not feeling great. But the thing is, it was almost like yesterday. Recording UM was a respite from how terrible I felt, because as soon as we were done, all of the sickness came flooding in. I mean, I think I referenced it on the show that I wasn't feeling great, but I went upstairs to go take a show show and UM, to get ready for my day and got out of the shower like you know, one of those. I usually take a about a two minute showers for the longest show or if i'm if i'm not washing well, even if i'm washing my hair, well, We'll add on five minutes because I like the condition or soaking. But I'm bored during those five minutes. I'm not doing shit. I'm just like kind of waiting and I hate not having anything to do. I want to like check my phone. Because I take fast showers. I've always said this, I'll get back to what happened after the shower. But people that take long showers, I'm trying to approach things I don't understand with more curiosity than UM being angry about it because I grew up in a house that I learned like we try to conserve energy and water. My dad is an environmentalist, and so I al was took short showers because my dad was always like worried about the water, and also he used to watch us. That's a joke that I wrote a really long time ago, but I think it's very funny. But like, you know, my dad was concerned about water, and also he would watch us um shower, so I would get in and out as quick as I got No, UM, I just take fast showers now. And it's and I don't know if it's because of that, but I honestly I don't know what else to do in there. I want to talk to Andrew about it, because the other day we got into um you know what, there was some tweet many moons ago about washing your legs if you wash your legs or not, And I am not a leg washer unless I'm shaving them or unless they have like physical dirt upon them. Um. Otherwise I just think the water washes it away or if Yeah, I've never washed my back before intentionally like with a scrub, unless there's like I got a you know, a fake tattoo of an owl, which I did get on my back Las two summers ago. Um, that was the only time I think I've scrubbed my back ever. But what I do. I get the shower, I soap up, I get my pits, I get my badge, I get my back behind my but I like get that area and I don't need to scrub for like twenty seconds. I need to scrub for like two seconds. I'm just like like I give it a good scrub, so like there's just no way, you know, I'm not like there's nothing terrible going on down there. It's just a general like a day's worth of build up and then I get out. If that's if I'm not washing my hair, I literally can take a fifteen I would say, a thirty second shower and feel totally clean getting out and totally refreshed. If I'm not washing my hair ing, I'm washing my hair. We had a five minutes, but I'm not doing anything else in those five minutes. You have to tell people about the squeeze technique. Oh that I learned the squeeze technique is a great drying method that I learned from a w T F F episode from Mark Maron ages ago. I mean like probably ten years ago at this point. But he was talking about how in relationships, when you break up with someone, you can always look at something of like, I'm glad that happened because I got this thing from them. This girl he was, I think his ex wife taught him that when you get out of the shower, when you're finished with your shower, you take your hand and you use it as a squeegee a lot like like you would washing your window at the gas station, like your windshield, and you use your hand and flick the water down like you're just like going over your leg all the way down and you flick the water off, and it just gets all this water off that would have soaked your towel so much more, and it drives you so much faster than if you just hop out without doing the squeegee. I don't do it every time, but when I do have like less of a towel or a towel that's already kind of wet and I don't want to make it more wet, I always squeeze. That's a life hack you taught me, and it helps me so much because in my bathroom, the door is far away from the shower, so and the towel hangs on the door. I don't bring it to where the toilet is. I have to come out. I'm like freezing, So I just use the squeegee and you get to oy water everywhere and you create like a lazy river situation. And you know, isn't it so funny when you get out of the shower to grab something you forgot and you just are like, oh, I'll just run to my bedroom real quick or whatever. It looks. Yeah, it's there's like a flood situation that when you come back out, you're like, how did this much water? How was this all accumulated on my tiny little body? How did I bring this? It truly looks like a lazy river of like your steps. So, yes, squeegee before you go grab something. So what happened on the shower yesterday? Yeah, and I just leaned over the toilet and it came like I didn't have to like wait for it. I was just like and there was the oat meal I talked about yesterday that I loved. So I haven't you did so long and as someone who like as a history with eating disorders, and I did. I was bullieve, like like, you know, I think it's been linked twelve years at this, no, probably ten years two ten, so eleven years since I've like induced my own Um, I uh, it was a little bit like oh man, am is am I just doing like there's a question in your mind of like is this going to start some sort of cycle for me? Because it's not hard for me to do that if I want to, because I did it so much as someone with an eating disorder. But yesterday it was just like my head hurt so bad that it was making me nauseous, Like my headache caused me nausea. Um, it wasn't like because then but then we go to set, so I puked and I felt terrible. Still, you know, I get dressed like minimal dress. We haven't uh half hour to drive to my location, and I had Andrew drive. I'm like cradled in the backseat, just slept the whole time, wore out sleep mass, put on white noise. He just drove in silence. We get there and I arrive and I'm usually like hey everyone, like I'm so excited to be at work. I love all my friends I've met on set. I'm like, I love going to this job, love, love of And I walked in yesterday and I was just like, I'm really sick and I didn't want anyone's sympathy and I didn't want people to be like tiptoing around my feelings. And at one point I was in the makeup chair and I was waiting for my makeup artist to come back from grabbing some supplies, and as she was gone, I just was like, didn't want to sit and I didn't want to go into the bed. It's in a bedroom, my green room, because it's in this house that we're shooting in. I didn't want to go to bed because the bed would it's been so much harder to get out of than the cold, cold floor. And the floor was so cold and clean because it's a really nice house. So I just cradled on the floor and put my head on the floor and I just it looked so dramatic, and she came back and I go, I'm not trying to be dramatic. I don't want people to be concerned. This just feels really good. And they were all like very understanding, and then she blew drying my hair, and I was like, I can't, I can't keep going, Like I need to take a nap to like put a cleave in this day to start over, you know, like because I know that my headaches only go away if I take a nap or go to sleep. So I took a twenty minute nap and I woke up and I was a hundred percent Like people couldn't believe it. It It almost seems like I was faking. And the rest of the day I had the greatest day of my life. Also, there's a codeine in the taile at all here so or in the ibrew profit here in the Caymans. So I popped one of those. But I don't think it was that per se because codeine doesn't really ever do anything for me. But I will say that and Andrew got sick later on too. He got simpath heat. That's why sickness is cycle logical, because someone else on our set also got sick yesterday, totally unrelated to mine. He saw me getting sick, and then when I started shooting, I heard that he had thrown up and was sick, and he had so no signs of it before. So it's such a psychological thing because he's a hypochondriac anyway, So I think it kind of like rubbed off on him. We'll ask him about it when he comes in to do the news. We got a lot of good news stories today. Know, how are you feeling today about the show? I think I'm about to know. I'm just kidding. I feel great. Does that ever happen to you? Do you ever get sympathies? I go, you got sympathy sick? And I go, wait, never mind, tease just a hypochondriac. No, because I'm not a hypochondriac. And usually God, yeah, when I feel sick, I just try to ignore it and just make it go away, and that usually helps. Yeah, I mean, if you kind of because a lot of sickness, even if a sickness is a real sickness, you can trick your mind into not giving into it as much. Look up a thing called the sick role. It's a psychology psychology term. Um and shout out to anyone who does of having hypochondria or o c D around this. I'm not. I'm saying, thank God I don't have that, because I know what torture that is. And how real that is. And I have a lot of sympathy for it, and because I have O c D in other ways. So I am not belittling you. I am grateful I don't have to suffer with what you have, and I hope it doesn't ever get to that for me. Um, but it must be really hard. And we'll talk to Andrew about it because he definitely struggles with it. So Andrew's coming in right after this. Andrew Colin, Welcome to the third episode. How did you sleep last night? Like a baby? I didn't ask you this morning when we were eating breakfast getting ready for the show, but I don't want to know. We try not to talk that much off air because I do think though that us living together makes for a better show than if we didn't. We are working together on a separate thing and being best friends and doing every social thing together. I think it makes for a better show. When we do this, well, we become one human, Like we're meeting in the middle of your feminism and me my masculinity, and I think we're just turning into one. I think we're meeting with my masculinity and your feminism. Yeah, we're realizing that. Well, we have so much to discovery on the show. But I did used to think that it maybe was a bad idea that I'm creating a podcast that I do daily, Like I always think about the listener experience, like do you want to hear people that live together, socialized together, work together on this podcast? And it's like I was wondering, like, oh, that's too much, they're going to miss out on things. But I feel like it's actually better. Yeah, well I think it's unique. I don't think there's anyone else doing it. And there's couples that do it, but there's no one that's not a couple. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, like there's yeah, because people in their late thirties and forties don't have platonic forties. Well, I mean you're in your early forty, You're you're about to be forty one. I remind you constantly, sorry, which I think is like the sexiest woman age. I don't know, thirty seven is just like the coolest number. I remember when my mom turned thirty seven and being like that's such like she was just like sexy and cool. Yeah, she had two kids, a mortgage, she like smoked cigarettes and more. Like cool clothes and just was like, she's just as cool, hammered, Yeah, she was hammering things. She is a handy woman. Um, forty forty two is like or forty being forty. I think about like all the celebrities that got like George Clooney, Hugh Jackman, they all were their hottest in their early forties. So I think I'm only getting bed in here, you know. I mean, yeah, I think that's there's so much truth to that of Like I look back when I was sixteen, seventeen eighteen, when girls she's supposed to be like they're most supple and sexual, and I was like, I looked like a substit teacher. I mean, I showed you a picture yesterday and it was you were like, you have to put that in your Instagram, and I go, no, I can't because people will bully me and be mean to that. They'll be like, whoa You've like I've had such a glow up as they call it from that person. But I don't want people to go be so mean to that girl that didn't know she looked like a you know, a librarian in a one of those trailer libraries like they were do you ever have those mobiles. I mean, look, it's I guess it's kind of if someone they say you have an inner child and older woman. Yeah, you do look older at sixteen, but I feel like you've you can change your look. I have gotten. I was going through old pictures of even when I was in the business. It's insane how I had no concept of how to look attractive. And I think it was because I didn't really want to. I was drinking too much, like it didn't and maybe these fashions were different too. So you look back at that and you go, what was I thinking? But it was like that was hot back then or whatever, but it wasn't. I just had no concept. I feel more attractive now than I ever have in my life and I'm thirty six, but that doesn't it comes with a lot of effort. But um yeah, I feel like I kind of squandered my youth in terms of like not working out, not having the best body I could. I see all these like you know, you see girls on TikTok that are fifteen that look like so like they look like women, like sexy women, And I hate saying that. That's I had to get off TikTok. I was just too triggered by it, like getting jealous of fifteen year olds. But I just didn't care about those things when I was fifteen, and now I kind of do. But it's yeah, it's I feel like, well, I think you know, if you're not focused on that, you were focused on other things, which gave you um a personality, which gave you your funniness, which gave you your work drive. Two, then now you're I guess your can catch up with the other positive things that you've been working on your whole life. Yeah, it's just interesting. But just want to be little Minx. No, I just want to be myself. I like that's all I want. Like I was thinking about, like I love attracting someone right now, and I'm like, I don't want to put anything out there that I can't keep up or that I that I have to keep up. You know what I think you can do. You can buy lollypops to look younger. Yeah, just like I think it's sexy. I think you showing up on set all you don't know how you I think I crack those things. I can't. I don't have the patience to suck on a lolly. I would just go hard and fight it like a blowpop, like just to get the gum out, but it's it's a dumb dump so it doesn't have gum. And then I just chew on the stick and it becomes like at all the paper would like be in my teeth and I would chew on like half the dumb dumb at Just what's another sexy thing I'm trying to think, Like maybe I've been eating a banana, but even that, like god, that reminds me one of my favorite jokes ever, Chelsea Pretties, Like, you know, I you feel so embarrassed eating a banana when like men see you because it's so sexual. Like it's just sometimes it's just like you just feel like people are looking at you like your sexual. So I like to eat a banana and she smushes up between her fingers and like eats it like she's like going down on a vagina, and so she's like, I do it this way so it's not sexual. It's so funny. But um, I'm not good at at being like I'll just I mean, there's certain things that I do that I know I'm being sexy when I'm trying to attract someone that I like where I'll do things, but it's nothing that I can't keep up there, like natural things that I'm drawn to do because someone near me is someone I want inside me at some point. Of course, you don't walk in a certain way where you're gonna have to be stuck. That's the hard thing is one day you have to be stuck to that walk forever. I know that hot walk with the shoulders back, your tits up. Well I have. Oh that's a hack that I can share with my listeners, um, everyone who wants to have better posture. I didn't learn this until my um hair or my stylist on this show. Her name is Julie without an eathen. She taught me that if you put your hands up in the air, like both your arms up in the air straight next year so you're next year, um, you know ears, and then you lower them back down to normal position. That's how your alignment is supposed to That's how your back is supposed to be. So it doesn't fear forced. You get into that position with your hands up by your ears. Everyone do it, that can and then now lower them and that's supposed to be your posture. So it doesn't feel awkward. You know, when you correct your posture, you just do you feel like an erect penis. You're just like, this isn't natural. Now that feels natural. No, I know. I just saw you do it and it looked amazing and it didn't look fake like you were trying to stick out your kids or something. Yeah, a lot of carts creamed up. Well, we just lost a lot of listeners and that's because they died driving off. Yeah, you guys looked had a great posture right before you died. Um, hold on. I want to say though, the other day I had to do like a sultry I had to do an intro to the show we're making, and I had walked down the beach and just do It's just it was a drone shot of me just walking and I was trying to walk sexy because and powerful like I'm the host of the show, Like this is intro to the show. And I learned from glub my Dancing with the Dancing with the Stars partner clubs of Chenko that um, to walk sexy, start with your toe pointed and then put your foot down. So walk with the ball of your foot first and then put your heel down, and that is a way to look sexy when you're walking without really trying. So it was hard in sand I'm not kidding. It was on the beach. Yeah, it wasn't easy. And I looked back. You took video of me, and I look back and I go, actually, I did a pretty good job. You look great on camera. Thanks man. The cameras we have, you knowing, there are you know, half a million dollars for each of these cameras and there's like twenty of them on the show. It's amazing. You know what's you know what? The drone. You should always have a drone fall. It's like the day when a girl back in day we had a dragon, you know, like it's like the girl from Dragons existed. I'm confused, No, like from Game of Throne she had her own little dragon. Day, yeah, back in the day, like when when a couple of seasons ago, when I think you think that the medieval times dragons were a thing actually existed? So okay, well that's incorrect, but that's okay. Do you think t Rex is for real? Yes? Add some wings? Alright, good point. All right, let's get into the news. We here, we go. Newsboy coming up first. First, I love it. You know where you heard it here? First? I know, I thought you were just gonna say here here, and then I was going to finish with all right, big stories today, guys, I hope you're having fun out there alright, No, no newscasters said that before start big stories today. I hope you're having fun out there. Yeah, here we go, ok e harmony, we all know it. UM study shows that men give a thumbs up to their sex lives in the pandemic, while most women reported that there was no booth to their sex life satisfaction. Wow. Interesting, and this doesn't mean more partners. This means like their actual the sex they're having the women. This is heterosexual sex by the way, so or maybe they pulled gay men as well. It looks like went with hetero Okay, so hetero sexual relationships. The men are no complaints and the women not not satisfied sex life in the pandemic. I mean what, I'm sorry, but this is not those of you listening. I know there's many generous lovers out there in our male audience. I have so many emotionally like, uh, intelligent and empathetic men who want to please their women. But I just have to say, this isn't a mystery. Women don't women. It doesn't. It doesn't mean that we don't enjoy sex if we don't orgasm, because sometimes I don't need to orgasm to enjoy sex. Like last night I masturbated, did not have an orgasm, but then I go, you know what, that wasn't like frustrating. I enjoyed the whole thing. And guess what now I'm going to be all like ramped up today because I didn't get a release. So there's nothing bad about it. So it doesn't mean we don't enjoy it just because the woman doesn't come. It doesn't mean a woman has to orgasm every time. I hate that kind of narrative of like if I didn't orgasm, you're getting you should go kill yourself. It's like we still we because sometimes guys try too hard and it's like I don't want to it's not gonna happen. I'm on this medication that is making it very difficult to do it, and now my vagina just hurts. So it's so true. And I've been to I've been given that note where it's not happening. So I'll just eat faster. Ye, you're faster, And they're like, don't forget the piece. He likes a p out of her asshole. Hey, Daddy would be proud of men, said they were. This is a weird stat. We're having sex more frequently compared to tent of women. I don't know how that adds up, but yeah, that is interesting. But you know, well, I'm guessing that women are blacked out during it, or so they just like not blacked out in terms of alcohol, but possibly, I mean a lot of women get drunk so that they can get themselves to be horned up enough to sleep with someone who they lose having to be around all the time. Uh. And I'm not saying that's the right thing to do, but I think women do it. Men probably do it too. Um, so maybe they don't remember it, or maybe they're just like, it's just so the sex is so blurh that they're not even like thinking that they're having more of it. You know, Yes, sex could be forgettable without blacking it. Like you could just be like, oh, we fuck Tuesday. I don't remember I was still watching Netflix while you're going down on me. I mean, that's kind of ideal I was going down on you while you're watching Veep, Would you lose your mind? I couldn't focus because it was if I was watching Veep, like a scene with Dan from VIP, which for those of you who want to know the character Dan and Veep, who is a wretched human being who's Noah's boyfriend or Noah's fiance producer Noa's fiance was in a scene with Dan from the first season a VP. He is in a heavy metal band that got hired to play for one of the scenes. I think it's a season one. Dan and Jonah go to a concert and av your fiance is in a scene with Dan, who's in the audience. But Dan's character if Yeah, I've watched those scenes where he's like sweet to Amy to like get into mean for three seconds. No I watched that scene. I watch because I've been trying to get into more like porn that isn't like you know porn porn. And the scene from The Departed when Leonardo DiCaprio comes and visited, visits the woman that he's not supposed to be dating because she's a therapist, and he kind of like crashes on her. She's about to move in with her a friend kitchen. They don't fink the kitchen. They started making out in the kitchen. I haven't memorized if you want to hear it. He shows up and he's like, um, it's raining, and he goes, I'm sorry, and she goes, no, it's fine, you're not You're not a client anymore. And she kind of like poses in a sexual way. And there's already sexual attention before with them, like during sessions. And then he goes to the shoe and there's a picture and she goes, that's me, and he goes, I can tell and he puts a picture on the wall of her as a child, and then he um, he goes, you don't have any cats or don't know. Then then the teapot starts like screaming, and then it cuts to them in the kitchen. It's such a great cut. Cuts to them in the kitchen with a sexual tension, and then he's like, um, so you're moving in with your boyfriend or something like that, and she's like yeah, I mean it just gets to a point where you just you know, you you gotta do it or you just he just and he goes, you just what like he's just calling her on it. I'm kind of sucking it up. But then he goes, it's so good. She goes, your vulnerability is really freaking me out right now, and he and he looks at her and he's across the kitchen and he's like holding the sides of the door like the pain and she's like a good seven feet away, like on the other side of the kitchen, and she goes, is it real? And he just like looks at Florid. He goes and he nods like yeah, and she's just like and then he goes, you don't have any cats, and she's like she kind of was like yeah no, and he's like, I like that, and then it goes to and then it just cuts. Then there's like such a attraction and then it cuts to her on like sitting you can see she's sitting up on the counter, and then he just goes in to kiss her and then she grabs it and they like almost hit the cabinets, and then it goes to the bat. It's the hottest scene and it's literally one minute and forty seconds long, and it's overdubbed in like Spanish and Van Morris. There's like a cover of you Wantn't Don't Don't that that pink floid song Oh yeah on the horaz It comfortably numb and it's been Morrison, I think it's And it's so fucking hot and I've been watching that and I also watched the scene from the office where Jim confesses his love to pay them and then they kissed in the office. It's so hot. Do you want a bad boy or at least I'm equivalent to a bad boy? Finally to go Now, Jim wasn't a bad boy. I want what I love and please send me clips because I was looking for some more clips. I'm out of them because I don't watch enough things. I want clips of um shows where there's like sexual tension and they shouldn't be together and then they finally like can't they have to give into it? Also Leano Cocaprio and catch me if you can when the girl gets braces and then she's like they finally kiss. That stuff is so hot to me. I love it, so please send that into the Nicki Glazer podcast at gmail dot com. You can email us now if you have any suggestions for new porn for me to watch. I mean, what is it that's so attractive And I know Jim doesn't fall into that category, but the other ones do fall into kind of like they're little mean, and then they showed his vulnerability. It was wasn't about mean For me that it wasn't and was kind of edgy in that movie. I mean, he wasn't clean cut. My point is is, though, like you know, we see it where a guy will be like, I'm finally letting down my walls and man, you know, it's so hard for me to share, but because you think you're special, because it's sometimes it's not. In that Departed scene, it wasn't bullshit in um in the scene with Dan and you know what's her name and Amy and feet, that was bullshit. But like a lot of times it is bullshit. But when it's not, it's like a very intoxicating feeling to be so special. And so women want to feel like they are different than other women, that the man is into them and so into them they can't help themselves. We want to feel so overwhelmingly desired and special. If you are able to make a woman feel that way, you're golden. My point is, though, if you don't make a woman feel special for the first in a relationship, and then all of a sudden because she's so amazing. Oh, I could finally be a nice guy, get it nice the whole time, treating you special, and you don't realize that work. That can also work. But I'm saying, I can't. You can't help the you like people that are hard to get to. I know, I'm just asking. I'm just asking because I think it happens a lot. Yeah. No, I I know women shouldn't put up with a guy who is abusive to them ever. But if a guy has closed off and scared to get emotionally connected and you somehow break down those walls and start the process with him where he's not going to change overnight, but where he's willing to start going to therapy, talking about his feelings and like wants shows effort to change because he wants to be with you, and he realizes that's something that he's going to need to do to be with you. That's great. If you're dealing with a guy who has no intention and puts no effort towards changing, and you need him to change, get the funk out of there now, ladies. He has to show effort to change. He doesn't have to change, but he has to show effort, and if he doesn't, you need to give him an ultimatum and say, if you don't show effort, I'm leaving. And that is a shout out to like so many of my friends. So I guess what I guess. What I guess The realization that I'm getting from you is that don't just go off a guy that goes, oh, you broke down my walls and then the next day he's the same piece of ship. There has to be more effort than yeah there for him to get his stuff together and not just break down. As well as one time when he got a little too drunk with you he told you about the time that is, you know, he was molested. And I'm not making I'm not doing a joke. If a guy confesses to you something like that, go oh my god, thank you so much for sharing that with me. I'm so glad you're talking about it. But go talk to a professional without me, because you know that this is something that in order for us to work and for you to be happy, you need to deal with on your own right. Yes, beautiful. Uh. Also, at the end of this story. Before we get to the next one of the people report that their relationship grew stronger in the wake up virus. So spending more time with your loved one in a where you have to quarantine and being in each other's fate. I would assume the other live in a smaller apartment of you have a three bedroom. That's hilarious. I mean, I don't know about that. Do you think I know? No, I'm just sucking around, But I do think that that's great to hear that you said, no, no, no, no, relationship grew stronger. Well, maybe that tells us something about the fact that we aren't spending enough, Like maybe more time together is something that will help a relationship that is that is strained. Um, so that could be. I don't know. That's interesting, but I mean all of those stats are fascinating to me that men report better sex lives and women. You know, we learned a lot in this little segment. I think already, let's get to the next story. Next news story, folks, I hope you're still having a great time. Casual sex is on the decline for both young men and women, as study finds alcohol, video games, and living with parents. The contributing factors. Also, the pandemic, of course is alcoholic contributing factor to drinking. And they're like twenties, so they're not well. We just heard the other day from yesterday that women are drinking more, and I think that's women that are already in relationships and they're miserable or they're single and they're just like, I can't go out and meet someone new. But yeah, young people are understanding, are smarter than us, and they're realizing that drinking isn't that great and can lead to terrible stuff down the road and with your relationships and with your children and everything, even if it's casual. So I think that, yeah, young people are cutting down on those things. Even though young people are supposed to be stupider, they're not. Um, a lot of times they're not. And um, so they're drinking less, less sex, Yeah, less sex. They're playing more video games, which, you know, video games. We're kind of in denial about it, but it's bigger than sports. Huge games is Fortnite, Call of Duty, you know, it's almost become every video I see on TikTok of a girl just waiting in a living room, like sad waiting for their boyfriend to get off call of duty where he's just talking ship to his friends, just to spend five minutes with her. Like they'll be like videos where the girl will get on the guy's lap and hope played a video game over her. Right, Well, that's not the guy's fault. That is the girl's fault. Sorry, girls out there who have had boyfriend's like that, you have a choice to not put up with that and to not do that and to not be with someone that does that. I mean honestly, and I'm not saying like this does not go to you know, guys that hit you, that's your choice to stay with them. That's a different complexity. But like if you're with a guy who plays Fortnite and you're like, he ignores me, get the funk out of that relationship or tell him if you don't start making time for me, I'm going to leave you. I'm trying not to turn this into a relationship podcast because I don't know what the fuck. I'm not in a relationship. Um so I shouldn't be giving out advice. But these these things of like these or women the guys play video games like it's it's about us having enough self esteem and that's you know, not not something that always you can I'm not making no one's a victim here. Everyone has has a chance to anyway, women they don't. June Rafael June Diane Rafael, who is uh Paul Shear's wife. She's also on How Did This Get made? She's a great comic actor. She put out a Instagram the other day, like one of those reels on Instagram that was like, um, it was just a bunch of moments of her cringing, going like oh like different scenes of her just like looking and then going like ah, like memorying something and it said all the times I remember I used to watch boys play video games and it was like her as an adult looking back on her life of like, it was so funny. I think Schumer reposted it and that's how I saw it. But it was a great thing. So yeah, I mean, and I read this book called um uh what was it? It was the something that Joe Rogan recommended on his thing and I actually picked it up because it was it was like about screen time. Let me just look at my books real quick, but it was about addictions and man video game addiction. Because I'm not privy to that world. I had no idea it is. There's I think it's a way to like deal with your anxiety or depression. You get lost in the game of present, you get through today. Yes, you know when you play video game, time goes extremely fast. Um. But yeah, also living at home, I mean obviously it's hard. Yeah that I learned that as well. Not that I don't think. I don't think it would have like changed my life that much to have not been with my parents in terms of my sex life, but it definitely didn't help things along that. Um, I was living with them. That makes it. Oh, it's called Irresistible as the book and it's by Adam Alter, and it's about addiction, and they do a whole chapter on um these world of warcraft. They have treatment centers where guys go and to get off that game and to get away from that game, because they they mean, it is like worse than heroin men games. You're murdering people for three hours, and then that has to get in your brain, like people are, like video games don't fun with you. If you're killing someone for three hours, it's gotta I watched this porn for an hour a night that's pretty brutal, and like it's changed the way I look at the world. Like, I like, I'm more desensitized to nudity. I'm more desensitized to saying disgusting things. I'm more desensitsized to just, you know, just this kind of graphic imagery. I can't separate that and just keep that in my bedroom at night, that that comes out into my day because I'm I'm watching it for so long. So that's why I'm please send your clips to the Nikki Lazer podcast at gmail dot com of g rated um sexual tension moments that are relieved by a first kiss. That is what I'm looking for right now for my porn consumption. Next story, this one, we're switching it up from sex folks. I just hope you're still having a great time. Sinnamon toast crunch goes viral after comedians. It's a Twitter so in case you was wait, wait, let me finish. Yes, this guy found too shrimp tales in his cereal. Yeah. I saw a bunch of things about this on Twitter yesterday and I go, I don't even know everyone's making memes about it. I was like, what the hell is going on? Jensen carp who is a comedian who've worked with on He was the head writer on the show I did where You Dropped the Mic. It was a rap battle show. He's a rapper comedian. He's married to Daniel Fishel, who was Topanga on Now. He was married to Daniel Fishel, who's Topanga on World Now and UM and they're a hilarious couple that have a lot of content online. But yeah, he found shrimp tales in his cinnamon toast crutch and it's his favorite cereal and he tweeted at them just to be like, what's up and they claimed it was clumps of cinnamon sugar and he goes, I'm sorry, these are shrimp tales and did more close up it's clearly shrimp tails and he goes, don't gas like me. It was a perfect example of gas lighting. I thought, like, no, honey, that's you think that shrimp tails. That's cinnamon sugar. So sweet of you, but don't worry. And he's like, don't tell me what I'm seeing. It's so funny. And now he's like enemies with his favorite cereal who he has like shoes that have cinnamon toast crutch on them. That's how much he loves cinnamon toastcrutch. Also, they like got like the last thing a company wants is like a clever writer that always writes on Twitter anyways to find shrimp tails. Like if I found shrimp tails, I would eat around him, you know what I mean. I would be like, oh wow, this is a cool addition. And he's a hypochondriac, so he's constantly worried at things he's consuming, so he's actually scared he's getting sick. Then he found rat poop or what he suspects to be rat poop. He took this cinnamon to Scrutch to Quest Diagnostics to have it tested, So he's going to actually find out and confirm that they are shrimp tails and that possibly rat poop. I just I just love seeing the guy that's pack and he's eating shrimp. Well, you tell me one of the things that factory though, Like you eat a sandwich. This guy's eating shrimp cock and just threw the tail, Like what does he having lobster the next day? Fucking shrimp tails? Do They're gonna find s cargo in the next one? Patte Um, All right, when was the thing he said that we laughed when he wrote back at them, oh ship, oh fuck, well you sent me up. There is not in the words here. When I tell you to write things down, I apologize. I apologize, we can pull. Who cares, It doesn't matter. He was hilarious back at them. You should go and read the conversation between him and Cinnamon Toast Crunch on Twitter to to go see it. Um. Okay, so let's get to why do I care? Yeah? Why do we care? What do you have for why I should care? So Justin Bieber says he won't tattoo his hands. Okay, why do we care? Um? Because a person that has formally shown no constraint of what he could do in terms of body modification. Um, I guess he hasn't done his face though either. No, he has had a tattoo on his face with a very small like kind of like a teardrop thing underneath his eye. Wow, But he won't do his hands. He won't do his hands. That's where he draws the line, something about it just being able to wear a suit and not having tattoos on my Okay, so he wants to wear a suit and not having anybody still has got that face. Things so I don't know, I get the hand thing because it's something that it just annoys me. When Haley doesn't want any tattoos inside her, Yeah we get tattoos. Oliver his penis, he doesn't. Yeah. Yeah, he has believed and then it becomes believer when he gets hard. Actually like no, but I just I can't stand celebrities that get to such a high fame where any little bit of statement of vulnerability or gets like oh whoa, he's so brave, Like who cares that he doesn't get tattooed? That's why thank you? Justin Bieber first, I mean like it's just it's just it's it's you know, who cares? We do because we're talking about it's an interesting thing. But like you get so mad about like guys who show that there's something in you that gets really irritated when a guy like I don't know what it is what makes you so mad about that. It's like the other day when Jonah Hill came out with the thing where his shirt was off. Great for him, but we were just like, oh my god, he was like we just like that was different. He was t shirts at the pool feeling better about their bodies which I was one of those kids. Yeah, so you were at the pool yesterday and you didn't want to go swimming because there were hot guys around, and you were like, I might go in my shirt and I was like the shout out to insane amount of hot guys. We can't talk about it. I know there were lots of hot guys. You wanted to go swimming, but you to insecure. God, I want to get into that so bad, but maybe we'll save it for the final plot. What thing up here? All right? So now it's time for a new segment we'd like to introduce called is It Textual? This is where we take a text message or some kind of form of text communication that either you or I have been having with someone that might it might be sexual, but we can't get a read on it. And this is where I would like to ask you, as our listener, if you ever want us to decipher your text in an anonymous way and tell you whether or not the persons into you or what's going on. Please send us your screenshots to the Nikki Glazer Podcast at gmail dot com and we will tell you whether or not. Um we think there's a future there for you guys. So to start out for this segment of is This Textual, I wanted to share one of my own story of sliding into d m s because it's something that I have always been hesitant to do because of fear of being rejected and just a lot of things. But I will say that in watching this season of The Bachelor, this past season that just wrapped up last Monday, UM, I developed an attraction to Matt James the Bachelor that I didn't have. I mean, he's definitely hot and was like just gorgeous upon just looking at him, and would be someone I would be into. But you know, in the beginning of the show, I wasn't that into him, like just like in terms of his conversations with women, I was like, I don't know that we'd have a lot to talk about, Like you know, I these shows. Yeah, he's there looking for love and he's gonna end up with someone at the end, when there's only in the history of Bachelor, there's only in Bachelor, there's only two people that are like still with the person. So I'm always looking at these people as someone who has a blue check mark can probably meet them at some point if I slide into their d M, A blue check mark stands out. And I'm not saying that as a braggy way. I just want to explain to you guys that like that just means they're first of all verified that they're a real person, and it means they might be in the business. And I like people in the business because that means that they're not gonna be that impressed by what I do. It's not gonna be They're not gonna put me on this pedestal, and they might be someone I'm able to research before meeting up with them so that I can get to know them, because I'm scared of intimacy and I don't like first dates and I liked already like someone before I engage in a first date. Things to know about me. So Matt James Bachelor I'm watching. When I watched the show, I oftentimes I'm like, I could possibly date this person down the road. Who knows. So guy, I interjec for one second, I feel like you really started to get turned on by him when we saw him on Andy Cohen Show and he showed how personable he actually is outside of the show. Yeah, we were watching Watch What Happens Live one night and he was on with this big beard and I remember the TV was muted, so I was like, whatever he's exuding right now, it's some fucking sexy ship. And then we turned it on. He was really funny and like just having a good time and taking all these weird questions, and he asked him if he and his and Tyler Cameron Blue blow each other. And Matt took it in stride and was like playful with it instead of being like I just liked his demeanor on that show. It was just real. Anyway, I d M Matt James. Um, I want to admit it. I slid into Matt James's DAMS. I have only done that once before with Eminem, I think. So what made me slide into Matt James's d MS was the episode a couple of weeks ago where his dad, who he had been estranged from and whose dad his dad like kind of left his family very young, came back on the show and they had like a heart to heart and the way he handled it and what he had went through on camera, it was awesome, and I thought it was really brave and just sweet and he he was really vulnerable and it was fucking hot to me. But I also came from a point of dthing. Matt James notoriously kisses with his eyes open, you guys, which I don't mind because my eyes are shut. So what, I don't care what you looking at my closed eyes? Um. So I wrote to him, I am so happy for you about your dad. Congrats. That was beautiful. And that was on March eighth, and he did not And then so I was telling someone this and I go, but he didn't read it, and someone goes, Nikki, Yes he did. He just didn't accept it. And I was like, oh my god, right, because I go. Then then you said, but this guy is getting flooded with d M S nicky. I mean he's on the batchel Yeah, and especially that night when he reunited with his dad. He's getting so many And I go, Andrew, how many followers does Matt James have. I'm close to one million. I'm not too far away from one million. It doesn't matter when I'm on something huge where I'm getting flooded with stuff, but which it's never been on the level of Bachelor. But blue checkmark. You see a blue checkmark even when you're getting flooded. You see them and you go to them first. They they stand out to you, like your own name being shouted in a crowd, Like they just catch your eye. He definitely saw it. He definitely word it. And that's okay because I put nothing on the line flirtatiously, And that is the scariest thing for me to do, is to slide into a d M with something that isn't that is sexual, That wasn't a lie, that wasn't me trying to like sneakily flirt I mean a little bit. But I would have sent it even if I knew he was married. No, I wouldn't have done it then because well maybe it would have been appropriate even if he was married. There could have been like you know, I mean, me getting slid into on a Tuesday night as nothing on Matt James obviously, like she could have had diarrhea sliding. You don't want to beat overly sexual like some men. Yes, but I'm just saying, like you're competing, You're you're a very good looking woman, You're you're famous. Yah yeah yeah, blah blah blah blah blah blah. I'm not trying to make you feel weird. You're so hot, sorry if that's making you feel weird, But god, are you fucking gorgeous? But now this is just feeling mean. Oh yeah, but you're sexual. Yeah, this is that. Yeah, it was yeah, but it was almost sarcastic. When he was like, oh you're so hot, I'm like, okay, well why is that funny? No? No, no, For the first two were real, and then I kept leaning into it. How hot you are so No, but you're competing against millions, not millions, but you're against two other blue check marks. Okay, point checkmarks are a hard thing to sift through when you're Matt James sitting at home. Agreed, Agreed, I'm agreed. I'm just saying that, you know, and follow up text maybe a week later, wouldn't have been bad where you're like, no way, no way, it's over, no way, why is it over? Tagged him in a story and he could have seen that too. I tagged him in a story after that, and he could have seen that too, and there was no attempt. So I'm not I lost no um face in doing this, But I just want to say I did lose face when I said but he didn't read it yet. My friend goes, yes, he did. He just didn't accept it, and I go, you're right, you're right, but reading your thing, it did not come off sexual. That's all it. It slid in to open the conversation between it, to let him know, like, hey, I see you. You know, maybe next time lead with the big old secrets. Oh my god, don't um next time. I do have secret big tits about and especially two days out of the month, they're they're a lot like I have to like change No, what do you have to change? Brass eyes? When you're like about to start your period or on your period? Do your boobs get like they do better? Do they get bigger? Yeah? Like like fuller and just more sent fer Yes, is that where the blood goes before it comes out? What do you mean blood doesn't come out of your oh your nipples? Oh it's like no, no, no, you don't know. No it doesn't. Well it's science, but it's bad science. Yeah, speaking of tits, let's get into our final thought back to you at the pool yesterday. We're at a pool on Paitian and Andrew is is writing for me on the show, and so you were there after we had after I had wrapped um, we were just hanging out because all our friends work on the show, so we're still hanging out at work. And you were like wanting to you had just puked, you wanted to go in the pool after he felt better. I told them about that at the top of the show, and you wanted to go in the pool, but you couldn't because they were hot guys. It was it just wasn't the time to go in the pool. But yes, I even if you if you had the body of one of those guys, would you have gone the pool. I would have. I would never be out of a pool. I would be a no. The other day, I was I had to go in a swimsuit in front of because I wanted to have some fun in front of girls that looked like the best in swimsuits that you could possibly look. And I mean I had to face that fear. And my spray tan was falling off, so it looked like I had vide lego shout out to um some family members who have videlago. I felt like I was wrapping them because my spray tan literally was patching off. So I looked like that model Winnie Harlow that has you know, different patches of skin that like it's I didn't, and I definitely am fatter than those not fat, but I'm like have more pudge than those girls. My body is not toned as those girls. I'm ten years older than the hot girls. And I was able to be in a swimsuit around people who I you know, might be judging my body. I took my shirt off, then, I mean that was a different Hot guys were not there, but the hot girls were. Yeah, that doesn't matter. I mean i'd be if there are hot guys around and I'm the only girl that is in a bathing suit, then they're just guys just like kind of don't care. They're not like judging your body that harshly. I feel like guys judge other guy, at least when I grew up. Guys yea, and girls judge other girls. But I'm saying there were no guys there to judge your bodies, were not giving you credit for taking off. I don't know how much description I could give, but there were everyone was at that at the place. Then it was just no one else was in the pool. It was just very It would have been a but that being said, if all things were like there were twenty other guys in the pool, I would still feel a little uncomfortable about it, because, you know, I just I'm not I'm forty years old, I'm not where I want to be a body. Wise, I do feel like, what's the worst that could happen? Though, Like, I understand your fear because I have it too. If there were other girls, and if there were other girls present and guys that were judging my body, I wouldn't want to get into swim suit either, even though I probably would, But like, what's what's the worst? Let's follow that fear. I just want to follow it for a second. So if let's say everyone's jumping in the pool, everyone has the hottest bodies, There's like twenty guys that have the hottest bodies in the world, and there's twenty girls with the hottest bodies in the world. And then there's you, who everyone gets along with and kind of knows and accepts as a part of this team. And it's you there too, and you don't have the hottest body that you want. What's going to happen? Let's let's just like follow that out because maybe the fear is real, but let's just be honest now I'm just having fun. I'm trying to be honest. Okay, fine, I'll be honest. I think nothing, literally, nothing would happen. But what's I would feel more comfortable the next time. But what's the fear there? What's the biggest fear though? That that that prevents you from taking off your ugly Okay, so they think you're ugly, and then what is going to happen with that? I really want to follow it, just I'm trying to explain it. But you're ugly, So then what happens? Then? I'm then I get it sad and I get the press. Okay, but that you don't But why because I'm not as attractive as them? Because they think you're uglier, because that what they think becomes a fact. And then if you're not as attractive as them, that means what does that mean? That I'm not as good as them? Okay? What do you mean? Not as good as them? That I'm just I don't work as hard as them, for I don't eat it as much protein. I don't know, I don't And then women don't like me as much. And then maybe they don't like me as much because they see me as a as non unequal or so if they don't like you as much and the women don't like you as much, what what's the fall out from that? The fallout from that? And I mean really, at the end of the day, nothing, I mean no, no, there is a fallout because these are all you have. Always, can I just talk through mine so we can understand what I'm doing here. So if I get into a pool and I'm not going to take off my shirt because I feel legit fat and pale and disgusting, and there's all these tan, hot models with tight bodies in swimsuits that are cuter than mine and everything like that, and I want to get in the pool. It's a hot day and I'm dying to go in the pool. The reason I don't is because I'm scared that they're going to look at me and go, wow, Nikki Glazer doesn't work out enough, she doesn't eat right. When I get to be her age, I'm gonna be so much hotter. The guys will look at me and say, wow, I'd rather funck that girl, And said Nicki Glazer. Okay, so I'm unfuckable. What does that mean? If I'm unfuckable, that means that no one wants to stick their penis and me. What does it mean if no guys want to stick their penis at me? It means that I might not be able to find someone to spend my life with. What does that mean? Oh, it means that probably I'm unlovable and I'm going to be alone forever. If I'm alone together, what does that mean? What could happen? If I'm alone? I'll be lonely. I won't have anyone to talk to, I won't have anyone to communicate with. I will die alone. I will be um. I'm undeserving love. So what it comes down to is feeling like you're undeserving of love is a fear of being unlovable. Give my perspective, but you go. It makes me depress you, but you try to. I feel like sometimes when you ask me, do you want me to get to wait? What your head is at? And I'm trying to get you there, but you avoid it. You go, I'm just depressed, and it's like, okay, well yeah, but then you getting upset at me. It makes me feel like me being naked in a pool. Okay, let me give you because both of you reach a certain point and then one of you like goes in one direction and then the other one goes another. I think Andrew's insecurity lies in his work ethic, and Nikki, your insecurity lies in the unlovable. But what is having a bad work ethic mean? What's the fear there? If you have a bad work ethic, what does it lead to? I think for like and again this is like probably like male energy as the provider and all of that. Andrew feels an insecurity in that, which is fine. I think a lot of men go through that. And Nikki, since you're more like the emotional feminine energy, even though I know sometimes you say you're the masculine energy, You're You're just is rooted more like emotion and love. So I feel like it makes me unlovable emotionally, and my emotions won't be supported by a man if I'm not fuckable. And Andrew feels like if he does not fuckable, then he will be deemed as lazy and not um achieving enough and not providing, and therefore will not get the love he deserves from a woman who needs to be provided for. I don't know if if for Andrew boils down to like relationships and finding love. I think for him it's more about achieving financial security. Honestly, it's just like it's growing up where I would be in a locker room and I would feel I would I've been around these kind of people my whole life, and you're in the shower and you just don't feel as adequate as like these other guys. You don't and it really like I'm not thinking and there is a little bit about it. That's why I'm playing a game of like, but what does that mean? Like what's the real fear underneath that? Because it's like there's you're not gonna die from someone thinking you look fat. You're not. What I'm saying, though, is like, sometimes my brain doesn't work like you're I feel like your brain because it does work like that, there's an underlining fear that is that you're not talking about I'm trying to get you there and I'm not. I'm not skilled at getting you there, so we'll work on it. No, but I feel like sometimes the fear is that a word? I get that, but I'm saying how you how we try to get there? You're like, well, then then and then what is this? And then my brain is still trying to compute it because I don't think like that. I think I think I look ugly compared to this guy. That's it. That's where my brain from. But it doesn't have to end there, and there's gentle ways of getting you there. I wasn't gentle enough. But I'm saying it's not about that. It never is about Oh it made me feel fat. First of all, no one can make you feel away you. Being fat does not say anything about who who you? Really? What does it say about you besides the physical part? And I like to examine that because I stopped there a lot of times that like, I'm just fat, I'm lazy, And it's not that. What does that mean to you? Why do you not want to be fat and lazy? What does that mean? Fundamentally? What fear does that? Um? Re uh? What's the word like? Reinforce in you? And That's what I'm trying to get out, because it's not about not taking your shirt off at the pool, it's about something deeper. I think it's hard for people to talk about that who don't do therapy with psychologist because it's it's really hard to talk about yourself. It is a skill that you learn, and you know not to admonish anyone who's not in therapy, but it is like that is a part of the helpful part of therapy. You're able to sell therapy to figure out when thing to kick you off or make you mad or make you upset. You get to examine them and find out what it's really about instead of this, like my phone broke, it's you're not throat punching a wall because your phone broke. It's because your dad didn't love you enough. And and people are like, well, why do I need to learn that my dad's dead? I can't repair that? Yes you can, yes, but I think going back to that, I don't think. I think when I said because I grew up with people, it's the same ship like that is thinking through it, yeah, and understanding you can keep going because I know, but can I finish? It's understanding my history and how it affected me back then, and that's why it's probably still within my core now. And I do think I am better about that and caring about that and more confident in myself. With you, you don't get defense of All I'm saying is that even when you were a child, and that fear started. It wasn't about that then, it wasn't about that. So whether or not these are things repeating throughout your life that are the same circumstance, even when it started, that circumstance of feeling and secure with your shirt off in front of the guys in the locker room, that that fear of feeling worthless in front of those guys comes from someone where else. And once you remedy that, which is very difficult to do and I'm not able to do it with other guys, it could have been that. It could have been gone all the way back to that, even you being born, being in the hospital in the little babies babies were just so comparing yourself to other babies and they were so thin because they were premature. They made you feel so fat. All right, guys, we've been through a lot today. Right into the show, only positive things. Please, If you want to write something negative to the show, just I would ask you just to stop listening to the show instead. That would be better, because I really negative comments. I don't I don't even want to have them. An more about art that I'm like examining, like things that I hate. We watched a movie last night that I absolutely hated and I'm not even going to talk about it because what I can do is just not watch it, and that I tried to do that, but Andrew kept wanting to watch it. We'll talk about it tomorrow on the show and then I will shoot talk to you. Don't have a negative comment about me watching it, all right, guys, we'll talk to you tomorrow. Thanks for listening to the show. As always, Subscribe, rate and review word at the end here and we'll come up with that phrase soon and we'll come up with a thing to call you guys. Thank you for all your submissions on that. We'll keep taking them. The Nikki Lazer Podcast at gmail dot com. See you then,