Nikki used her spare time between 18 sets over the weekend to listen to Taylor Swift's latest album Midnight non-stop. She, Andrew and Noa sharetheir notes on the album. Nikki can relate to the song Mastermind and recalls a time she wrote a TV segment to get her now boyfriend to notice her. While watching Love Is Blind, she concluded that saying something about herself would make the guy behind the wall bolt his door shut. Nikki and Andrew talk about shifting gears and putting out quantity over quality clips on social media. Although you'll never see ones of Nikki doing aimless crowd work. In the Top 1 Bottom 1 game they all debate the best and worst pizza toppings. And in the Final Thought, Nikki explains why she is ready to be attacked.
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The Nicky Glaser Podcast. Nicky, it's me, Hi, this is my podcast. It's me, Andrew and Noah are waiting by a patiently you guys, how's it going. Welcome to the show. It's because it's a podcast. It is Monday, and it is the first Monday since Taylor Swift released her new album Midnights, which has been my obsession over the weekend. I talked to Know about it. I talked to Brenna about it. We are um, I'm Noah. I feel like has become a convert um since this album. Noah, what are your thoughts? I mean you you got into it. I feel like for me, which is so sweet. Uh. Well, a couple of things. One is, I like, the best way that I can describe her voice on this album is like very like velvety, and I like that. Like the album has like a like a like a theme. It's not too poppy, it's it's kind of like dark in a way. And and her lyrics are very visceral surprised. That's what we love about is those visceral lyrics. And this album especially is next level self awareness, next level darkness. Um, you know. Even in her song the Anti Hero song. You know, the first verse is about my depression and when I go into a depression, all of the people I've ghosted are in the room with me. And then she goes into being I'm a covert narcissist, and I mean, it gets like very and then she has a whole entire song about how she tricked a guy into loving her. The whole song is about like getting to I do. She's like, it's called Mastermind. Even Taylor's reading that book. She really mean. Someone says she took a line from like you're stating the monster on the Hill or every Yeah, every baby. Sometimes I feel like everybody is a sexy baby and I'm a monster on the hill. I just have to say sexy Baby originated. I did not steal it from that, but I think it was just like I definitely heard it before. But I do say that Halse these things like a little sixy baby, and I think that was first on thirty Rock. Was there's a character that's like because a lot of people wrote to be this weekend, We're like, she definitely listened to the podcast sexy Baby, and I'm like, I feel like, I I feel like I said that knowing that people that I wasn't like inventing that. I I hope that no one thinks that I stole that. I just I think of sexy Baby is like a part of the zeitgeist of the way we talk about girls voices now, So I hope no one thinks that I think that I created that. But if it was the first time you heard it from me, it doesn't mean you're wrong. But it is a part of the zeitgeist that people say that I think I first heard it on thirty Rock. But um, the Anti or the Mastermind song though, is like you know the all. It was funny. Noah rewrote the lyrics this weekend because I said it to both her and Anya, being like, this song is about getting too I do and on you was like no way, I'm like, well, no, it's not actually about that. That would be insane. But Noah rewrote the lyrics, and because Anya hadn't listened to it yet and no it was like, but I mean, these lyrics are pretty insane. She was like, she's she said lyrics and she goes, what if I told you none of it was accidental, which is one of the actual lyrics. And the first night that I saw you. I made eye contact for five seconds. I kept asking you questions about you without mentioning of without mention of myself. Ninety days of no sex with without exclusivity because I'm a mastermind. Yeah, and and she wrote wow. These lyrics are from chapter one of Getting Too I do, and then on your Road, Oh ship, Wow the rules too don't? Doesn't the rules say five seconds? Or maybe that's pat alec. I think she's secretly obsessed with you, Nikki and no One's like no, I you would think that Taylor Swift would write knowing no sex without exclusivity for nine is She's like I went to Kirkwood High School. I dated a guy on and Offer eight years. I mean, I was on last comic Standing. It's like this feels like yeah, well, I have to say that the album does feel like me, but it is not because I think she knows anything about me, or I feel like every woman of my age or like anywhere in the wheelhouse any woman really that uh it can relate to this. It talks about depression, It talks about feeling like self loathing. It talks about feeling not good enough. It talks about feeling like you have to trick people into liking you. It feels like it talks about There is one song though that I don't think most people can relate to that does feel very me and it's called, Um it's called Midnight Rain, and I doubt that there's a lot of high school girls relating to he wanted that? Wait, what is the lyrics? Um, it's about you know, like dating a guy who just wants a simple life and you want to be famous or you like have a more complicated life, I guess, but it actually says he wanted it comfortable. I was chasing that fame. So it's talking about pain and pain. So I love pain. Um, but I think a lot of girls like pain, so maybe they could relate to it. I mean, at these that was the one I was just like, holy sh it, Like, um, you know, she says my boy was a montage, a slow motion love potion, jumping jumping off things in the ocean. I broke his heart because he was nice. So I think like girls can relate to letting go of a guy because he's too nice. But also I can really relate to like not my lifestyle is the opposite of a guy who wants to jump off things into the ocean, like I do not want to do that. Chris is always jumping off of things, Andrew you date a ledge head, like doing like I don't want to date a guy who's like an outdoorsy person, or I do date one. But you know, that's like the difference between our speeds and like the lifestyles we chose. Um, but I really love that jumping off things in the ocean. I was like, oh my god, that is like every guy on Riya or when I used to be on the dating episode would be like jumping off of things like outdoors, off a boat, off a ledge, off a cliff, off a rope swingfriend, Yeah, just rebounding over to me. I was. Um. I would always be like, oh god, I can't. And then she talks about a lot. I mean she is a thirty four I'm guessing thot um three year old woman that is not married, Um, has been with the same guy for six or seven years, is not pregnant yet. And I don't think there's many women out there who can relate to that at thirty three, um, not having kids, being with a guy long term, and not getting married, not getting engaged. That I very much relate to and um, you know, even in the song Midnight Raine, she says it came like a postcard picture perfect, shiny family holiday, peppermint candy, but for him it's every day. It was just like she's talking about like these lives that other people have that she just didn't want. And he was like and then in this you know, in the chorus, it's like he wanted a broad. I was making my own name, chasing that same. He stayed the same. All of me change like Midnight And just also like the idea that men don't really change, they like kind of stagged, like it's harder to get men to like maybe this is it, you know, maybe you should go talk to someone and and work on things to change. It might be better for us. I related a lot to all of it. And I just I'm obsessed with this album. I mean, I'm guessing Andrew, you've been hearing it on repeat too. I have been hearing it. Um. I My only problem with it for my ears, For some reason, the music that she chooses behind it. I have trouble hearing her lyrics, like compared to folk Laura and evermore like. I I love her how she writes and for some reason, like something isn't registering with my ears of like the tone she's got to listen to, like you gotta read the lyrics with you. I almost have to read it because it's been that's the only thing. Yeah, well, I mean I can't read while I'm driving, you know, That's what I'm to. That's when I'm listening to it. And and I feel like the songs, like the music she's chose behind it, like they kind of bleed into each other where like I And that's like my only complaint. I mean, I've enjoyed listen makes me calm, I'm relaxed. Do it? I like driving? Do it? I feel like with this album, can't you know it's just not slow and simple, you like, I mean, look at who's behind you, Willie Nelson, just simple and a guy on a jet skio. So I speed it up sometimes, yeah, jump off things into the ocean. Uh yeah, I mean she is. I first heard it from my dad being like she talks too fast, it's too fast, too many, too many lyrics. And even Anya said something about it yesterday, being like there's too many, she's talking too much. And I love that. I I've never done that. That's another realization I had, Nicky from listening to the album and then you telling me there's like seven other bonus tracksized, Yeah, like there has been like a gap for me, Like I could have filled in a gap of knowing you better if I would have been like more invested in Taylor Swift because there's so much you have so many similarities with her in a way, it's the it is like, that's why I like when my friends are a little resisent to listen to her, or my boyfriend or my family, I'm like, then you don't care about knowing me like it it actually feels like you don't want to meet my dog or something like it would be. I'm trying to relate it to someone who does it like it would be like you have no and it's this, it's this way. It's like reading my diary. That's how I feel about Taylor Swift, like the that's that's how i'm That's the way in which I'm sensitive. That's the way in which I feel the things around me. It just is I I wish it for everyone. I wish everyone had this thing, and I know I'm not alone. I mean, that's why she has such maniac fans is because we're all we all just feel so seen and like, you know, I had so many This is the best weekend because I had so many people reaching out to me about her and telling me the songs they liked, asking what songs I liked, Like it was just so fun, like a love that chilling in my lap, purn in my lap because it loves me, Karma is my boyfriend. That's a really fun fun That's a fun song. I like, Um, what's the one? The fight, the which one? It's it's something to fight, the greatest fight, the greatest war, Oh the great warp din Dick Bappa. Yeah, that's good. So my ranking as of today is um I put on my Instagram last night. But it's worth going over. And I know some people are like, we don't carenick you talking about anything else? But it is number one is Maroon. Um. I think it just captures like being in love and um, it's it's definitely about the night she met Joe Alwen her boyfriend now and how she and and that that song Mastermind is also about that same night of how she like concocted this night to like for them to meet and Mastermind is so good because she just is so honest. She's like, what if I told you that none of this was fate? Like we did not end up in that room together because it was just a crazy night. I planned it. I planned that touch of your arm. I planned like, and I just relate to that because I think so many like even with Chris, he doesn't realize how much effort I was putting in before we got together. And part of the lyrics and Mastermind that I love so much are it's the bridge. And she says, when nobody wanted to play with me when I was a little kid, and so I have been scheming like a criminal ever since to get them to laugh and like me. And uh, like that's why I And then she on her song Dear Reader. At the very end, she pretty much says dear reader, like, um, she's talking to us being like, don't trust someone who's mentally like who's not well like who do you shouldn't don't look to me for like your life purpose and like for guidance. I don't have it figured out either, like I am not a reliable narrator narrator And then it kind of like flips everything on its head. At the end, she's like, she's giving us this whole album. At the end, she's like, but don't don't take me too seriously, and how could we each I mean, she's we do take her seriously, but she I, you know, work so hard in my stand up to be so brutally honest, and this album made me realize I'm not even close to getting to this level of it of like artistic brutal honesty. It was like it has inspired me, It's inspired my stand up this weekend. I was like, I want to like go harder and deeper. Like it's nice because I always think I've revealed everything, but not like my character defects and my flaws and like those sickest parts of myself. To say that you're a covert narcissist as Taylor Swift, I mean, I think that is the most revealing thing she has ever said about herself. And she is saying it from a perspective of like her self loathing herself, Like she's calling herself one. And so she's maybe in the way that I'd be like, I'm so fat, and you'd be like, Nikki, You're not, Like she's doubling down. So she's maybe exaggerating because she doesn't really think she's one. But to even throw that out there is interesting because no one people have speculated that. Maybe you know, her haters might think that about her, but no swifties or have ever thought that. And for her to feed that to us, it's very interesting. But mastermind, um yeah, she's like all the wisest women had to do it this way because we were born to be the pawn in every lover's game. If you fail to plan, you planned to fail. Strategy sets the scene for the tail. I'm the wind in our free flowing sails and the liquor in our cocktails. I liked that line because I'm like, oh, she's like I fixured her, like getting him drunk and like I mean, which I don't think she meant by that lyric. What if I told you none of it was accidental and the first night that you saw me, I knew I wanted your body. I laid the groundwork, and then just like clockwork, the dominoes cascaded in a line. What if I told you I'm a mastermind and now you're mine? It was all my design because I'm a mastermind. Holy shit, I love it. So I don't know, Yeah, I feel like also I don't know if it takes away from the romance or whatever. Like if I learned that, oh, you know, I actually planned some of this stuff, I would almost be like, that's even more romantic that you actually strategize to get my love, Like there's something really romantic to it that you put time in and did homework to get my heart, you know what I mean. I don't really mind that that much, you know, if I was how little men have to do, because She's right, women do have to try harder men just kind of like a like, I'm not saying all of them are, but you guys kind of just we we have to look like we're not planning things and everything is accidental, but it is. I mean, you know what, how much fucking thought did you give Avi and your relationship in order to get it to end up the way it is. I mean, it was a full time job at times you were with me, it was. But he would never know that unless I mean maybe now he knows it, but he wouldn't ever suspect all the amount of work and talking about with your friends and reading books and journaling about it, memorizing things, ultimatums to give him, written by Pat Allan and like, but it all comes off so casually, like you didn't care. I mean that is it's Chris I used to. He still doesn't believe me that I was so in love with him and I had to figure out a way to get him to see me sexually. So I wrote a sketch in which I would take off my shirt so that he could see I had big boobs in front of him, and he still doesn't believe it. He still thinks that Alison bree bit I did was all like, oh, it's just a good idea, but he was producing it, and I was like, I gotta figure out a way to get for this guy to see my body because he's not seeing me sexually, he's seeing me as a co worker. I need to get topless. And I didn't get totally topless, but I had a nude brawn and you could see what was happening. And he still thinks that I He's like, I think you just make that story up, and I'm like, no, I would have pitched something entirely different. It started with what can I do around al and Brie because that was the segment he was producing that would get my top off, and I wrote an entire thing around that, Um, nine blow jobs a day. I wrote that for you, like, I know you think if that yeah, yeah, I know, no, I think you have not even exaggeration. That's so like we're doing like stand up and you mentioned I will do certain jokes to get something across to a guy that I like back in the day, Like, I mean, there's so much overthinking because women just think so much and men don't as much. Last night we were watching Love Is Blind, have you guys? It's so good. There's a new season out, and it was funny. Chris and I were on the couch watching it and um, it's you know, it's there's a wall up. These two people can't see each other, you guys know the premise, and then they get engaged before they even see each other. And these people fell madly in love. It's so wild. And and then Chris last night was like he never does this, but he was so key. What he was like, what would you like? Because part of the thing they were getting to know each other and they're like, what what should people know about you? What should I know about you if we're going to be in a relationship, like what are the things? And then he was like what would you tell someone across the wall, like what to know about you? And we had gotten into a little tiff earlier on the day, so I think it was on both of our minds, like are we going to share the things about ourselves to someone that we haven't met, like we haven't been in a relationship with that led to the Like neither of us would have predicted we are the people that led to that fight earlier today, but that as part of us that it was there even before we met. And so he was like, what would you tell someone? And I was like, I didn't really think about it because you just are Like what would I tell someone that I want to possibly be my husband that I'm meeting for the first time through a wall. I was like, you know, I would say. Joe Rogan says, I'm a lot I changed my mind a lot. I am very um, I give people what they I can be a people pleaser a lot of times I can. I'm very sensitive. I'm obsessed with Taylor Swift. I care about animals, and I would wish that my partner would eventually want to go vegan. I'm messy. I can be really mean, like think really dark, cruel, awful thoughts. Um and and I love Columbine. Uh and uh, you just hear the door locked from the other side. He adds another lock somehow. He's like, are you in there? Yeah, I'm here. Still, I'm here. I bet that doesn't remind me. There was one girl that's obsessed with exercise. And this guy is sharing about his like dad dying and like the biggest tragedies of his life. And this girl is doing jumping jack's on the other side of the wall and like lunges, and at the end of it, he goes and by the way, I can hear you doing jumping jacks and she goes, oh no, and it totally ruins everything as it should. I was so I was so mad at this girl. She's like obsessed with exercising. It's so lame. Um. But she's like doing like dips on the couch as he's like, I was molested when I was four, and she's like, oh, she's not out of breath because she's like a workout queen. But he was able to hear it, like the creaking of the couch. He knew, Um, But then I was I turned the question and I was like, Chris, what about you? What would you? I go, Chris, what should I know about you? And I have like my notebook pretending to be the girl and he goes, um that I have a girlfriend that I really love. I don't even know why I'm on the show, like I shouldn't be here. And I was like, trick question didn't Yeah, it was just make funny, but that he Yeah, he gave a good answer. He gave the perfect answer. It was almost like he said it was a funny way in which he could account for his most annoying traits to me in a way that was like charming and funny, and he didn't have to say like. It was his way of being like, I know this is hard for you to deal with, and I'm working on it. And that was really it was like the nicest thing that and he started it. I was like very impressed by this little, like fun couple's exercise. So I do recommend watching Love is Blind with your partner and then break it out that question, because it gives the person a chance to atone for the annoying parts of the personality. We have to go to break, but we'll come back with more right after this, Besties. I don't know if you know, but I have a new tour that is happening right now. It's called the Good Girl Tour. It is sweeping the nation, starting out in Iowa this weekend, and then I'm in Reno, I'm in um California. Have four different cities there. I am in Vermont, I am in Providence, Rhode Island, Memphis, Tennessee, Waterloo, New York, Hersey, Pennsylvania, Oklahoma City, Pulsa, St. Louis, Albany, Portland, Maine, New York, Hampton, New Hampshire, and then I hit Europe. So those are all the cities I'm gonna re reminding you. If you know anyone in those cities, let them know they have a fun night comedy awaiting them just down the street. You can go to nikolaser dot com for tickets. I would love to see you there. As always there meet and greets available. If you go alone, I will grant you a free meet and greet. You just have to write me going alone in all caps, your name and the city in which you're going to see me. Nothing else. You don't even need to write thank you. If you write anything else, it will actually UM make it so I don't see the message. But you must start the message with going alone and don't follow it up with anything, because otherwise I won't see it. It's very weird how it works. So thank you so much. And I hope I get to meet you. And if you don't go alone, meet and greet tickets are available at the merch booth and I've got some sick merch this time around too. I can't wait to see you. I can't wait to perform for you. I can't wait to meet you. Come on out Iowa this weekend, in California next weekend. All right, we're back. Uh busy weekend here in l A. I did eighteen sets in six days, so you're slowly getting back into it. Eighteen or nineteen, I would voice after its UM Saturday, it was like I was like I overdid it because I didn't also plan on working all day Thursday on a TV show that I did UM called That's My Jam, which UM with Jimmy Fallon and um Jay Pharaoh, and I would I don't want to give away the whole cast because it probably hasn't been announced. They'll be like, don't give it away. Even it's like yes. So I just taped a second episode. They called me like the night before um, because I guess, you know, someone fell out. But it was I love getting last minute bookings because that then I dread it for weeks. Not dread it, but I like, I'm like, what am I gonna wear? And this way it was just like I couldn't even think about it. Um. But it was really really fun. And then on and then I had four sets that night, and then the next day I had to shoot this video for Vice. They're doing some documentary about uh sex in the nineties, and so I did uh kind of talking heads type interview thing in downtown Manhattan, which is just you know, the whole time we're rolling, I'm like, why would you shoot anything in downtown or dot dot sorry, downtown l A? Why would you shoot anything in downtown l A? Like we got interrupted by just a guy screaming, another time by like a guy playing trumpet, um, by ambulances like every three seconds. It was like it was a nightmare, Like I couldn't spay two I had to repeat everything twice. It was just downtown l A is scary hotel cecil vibes and uh, I'm sure there are people that lived on there, like it's amazing. But I know that trumpet player, he's like cool, he's like different. We had to go pay him to move. Yeah, the pa which is smart, moved by him. He just picks the hot like the I saw. This woman had the best sign a homeless woman. She goes too ugly to be prostitute, and that was her sign, and I just I wanted to give her all the money. Honey. I thought it was like the best sales pitch I've ever Yeah, I love a good um self deprecating. Yeah, the ones that are like I am going to spend this on booze? What else would I spend it? Just be honest. We like honesty and too up to be a prostitute is but that it's it's not true if we've seen Yeah. I mean, look, I mean I don't want to give I'm not trying to tell her like, hey, get out there and do it. But she gave her money though, And how was the hand job? It was fine. It was a little rackety. I don't know if that's a word. I mean you look a little rackety. There's a tennis racket that seemingly looks like it's coming out of your skull from behind you. That old thing. It's funny, you know what. You know what kind of racket it is? What a head? You don't even like? Do you play tennis? I did for a little while, but now my hamstrings can't handle it, you know hams. But whatever. Yeah, no, I played a lot. I like, you know, I lived the retired lifestyle in Florida for like six years, and I would just play with a bunch of old people, like literally like fifty five and older, just classic group classes. And then just for pickle ball took over because now everyone plays pickleball. This is pre pickle Yeah, why did you pick a ball just suddenly come out? Like who is inventing new sports? I think it's just a mixture of ping pong and tennis. You don't have to try too hard. But where was it before squash? It was like squash like it was you know, there were a game similar that. Pickleball is like the poor man squash. I guess you know, it's anyone can play it. It's easy, don't know, Yeah, it's blowing up. It's wild but a little bit. I mean I would if anyone called me to be friends, you know, no, no, no, I would. I think it's a fun sport, like yes, Um, but yeah, so you did four sets that night and then I did that. Then on Friday I did four sets, and then Saturday I did four sets, and last night I did one set and uh and also Saturday I went to we went to breakfast with Chris's co workers. It was so fun and then we Um, I was walking down in Santa Monica and um walked past this like kind of vintagey store with like cool old like sports shirts and like just my favorite kind of store, Like I love that's where I get a lot of my shirts. Is you you pay like a hundred dollars for these shirts, but they're just like any band used to be into any sports anything like and um, but Chris material like that good half and half. This is an urban out fitters, like trying to recreate things on a nice feeling shirt. Yeah, it's like the only kind of age you can get from a shirt that's been around since six Like it has to have lived that life. There's ways that they can kind of they try to recreate it, you know, just have like they pay a lady to stomp on it with heels. But it doesn't. It just doesn't do. Chris used to leave his shirts out on his roof in Brooklyn for like a year, and the weather just rain and then snow, and then you would get them in a year and they would all be like really smart us as ship rags by homeless. But that's when you know they're Yeah. I walked by the store and I kind of just was like, oh, I want to go in there, but Chris has already called our uber, and I was like, I kind of just want to go home. Had a piece so bad, So I walked by and then we're waiting on the corner of our Uber, like a few blocks away, and I get a text from Scott Rogowski. If you don't know who that is, he's a comedian and he used to be the host of HQ Trivia back when that was like the biggest in the world an trivia. Chris didn't know about him, like, how did you miss a Q Trivia? I think he was living in Dubai at the time. Video. Yes, it was two years of mute it really, yes, absolutely and so um Scott wrote wrote me it was like, did you just walk by my store? And I'm like, oh, that's right. He has a store now. So it's called Quiz Quiz Daddy Vintage and it's on Main Street in uh Santa Monica. And I was like, well canceled Lueburn come back and so we went back in there. It was so much fun just hanging out with him. I knew him from back in the younew Scott, right, I met him like once or twice, but he has his own store, Like he opened a store. So this guy he's been collecting. Listen, we can do everything. Comedians are continue. Well, Scott had began collecting like in high school, like he would just go to thrift He would go thrift ng for himself and he would come across like a shirt that wouldn't fit him or maybe wasn't the team that he liked. But he's like, I can't leave the shirt for two dollars that I know it was. If it was my team, I would pay so much. So he started just collecting these shirts and it just became his thing. He would go on the road, he would go thrift ng and he amassed hundreds and hundreds of shirts, collectors items, and then he just decided he like had a website in two thousand three that didn't really do anything, and he was like I always kind of he and he goes, I realized I have O c D. I was diagnosed with O c D. I was diagnosed with like a D eight. Like he was like, all these things helped me realize, like, oh, I'm I collect things. Everything's in pristine condition. Like I am around, like looking through the racks and he's like fixing the racks after I touched them, and I'm like this guy, He goes, I just got diagnosed with O c D. I was like, I could have done that in thirty seconds. I told you this back in two thousand and eight when I met you. Um, but he he has the store is so awesome, and um, I found a sweatshirt he gave me half off. It was really nice. And um he had a hamps r and a dog there. It's just a cool store. And it was cool because Chris was kind of going reluctantly, like meeting my friends. And then christ is in there and Scott's like, you into Cardinals. Here's my cardinals rack. You into missoo, here's the like he had so much stuff, like and there were people that just kept walking in being like do you have this like minor league baseball team that's, you know, twenty miles outside of phill And he's like, I think I do back on this right, He's got everything. So if you quiz Daddy, it's q V Queen q d V q d V quiz Daddy vintage UM on like Instagram. But I it was so much fun and then UM. Then yes, Saturday night a bunch of sets and Chris came with me, ran around town and then last night I just had one set and I regretted taking it because I just wanted. I'm I'm staying out on the West Side, so it's like twenty three minutes for me to get to the improv from where I'm lip staying. And that's with no traffic, and I you know, at the time of nights I'm leaving, there's no traffic. But it is just like it's an hour total commute to go do one set, and it's sitting in an uber and the uber sometimes smell or they just have like loud music. It's just like you can't I can't be on voice notes, I can't be talking to friends. So there's a little bit of that that's annoying. But um, last night I thought there would be no one at the improv. It's a Sunday night. I it's the first time I've ever worn athletisure on stage because I was like on the couch watching Love Is Blind. My hair was wet out of the shower. I have no makeup, and then all of a sudden, I'm like, oh shoot, I gotta go makeup. That was really good lyrics. It really was like whatever she just said, listen back and no makeup on the couch watching the vis Blond, I've got to do set. It starts Set nine. It's signed thirty and twenty three minutes away, texting Christ Burns that I'm going to be so late. So then I get in the uber and yeah and so he it was his show. I get there. Ali Wague had just gotten offset. It is completely sold out. There are besties there that I go best day and these sweet girls are so adorable. We're like there and um, I got on stage and immediately apologized for my look, even though I look like most men. I put it like men wear exactly what I wear, and it looks like they're dressed up, but me, I looked like a schlub. Um had a fun set and um, and then came home and then UM. All I've been able to do is think of Taylor Swift, though, like every morning I wake up with a new song in my head. I am about fifty of the lyrics memorized from twenty songs, and that is not that's without trying. I gotta put in some more effort. I want to get them all memorized. I want to start. I'm just overwhelmed with what her concerts are going to be though. I just she has she has not been on tour since before Lover, since Reputation. So we now have the album Lover that has never been performed live Folklore evermore, all the re releases from Red and from Fearless and now um Midnights with the seven bonus tracks, there's literally a hundred new songs that are added to her repertoire of already a hundred and fifty songs. I don't think anyone has more of a catalog of music than she does. And I'm stretched out about Oh it's coming, Yeah, apparently like it's it's you know, people were speculating, like I work for the Bank of America Center and someone has put her this place on hold for five shows in the summer of two thousand three. So EGO happened and I'm very excited. Um, yeah, how is your weekend, Andrew? It was good. I did shows all weekend. Heather McMahon was in town and so I got her. Dude, her crowds are just I can't even explain the amount of cheetah I saw some of it. I think was real. I think still alive. It was. It was fun. It was literally like women. I started playing a game, I go, are you gay? Are you d u? I like, if your wife is going to get a d U? I like that, that's so funny that. So I just started playing with every guy like gay or d u? I gay or so that I had fun. I mean, it's just like so many women like and are they classic like comedy fans, stand up comedy fans, or is it a little bit of is this like the first comedy show. I think it's a little bit of that. They're very like like encouraging, like she feels like a like a Ted Talk kind of thing, and then they're like, oh shit, you're telling like left turn jokes, like like kind of thing. But um, it was a lot of fun. It was so fun and you had a good time with her. Did you guys like hang out during the day do stuff? Uh, not that much, but like you know, after show we went to Sasha's wine bar like Thursday night and that that's a great you know St. Louis nothing stays open past midnight, and I don't really understand, like these plays, I don't l Yeah, we have to get far. I like that. I like when places closed early because then I get to go home early. There's no it's almost like a rainy weekend. Like on Saturday, we're begging for it was so overcast. Were like, please rain, so we have an excuse to stay inside. It happened a little bit. Starts sprinkling on Saturday night, but yeah, that's just volcano ash or some talk like models crying. That was um, I forgot to leave that. One part of it that was the most cool thing about this weekend is that you kind of there's not usually a lot of comedians in town or like headliners in town on the weekends because they're usually out on the road, and so there's always like a couple and we're doing all the same shows. But paton Oswald and I last weekend, for this past week, we're on the same like let's just binge sets. Like we even talked on Saturday Night. We were like, we've seen each other now like six times we've been on the same show. Six times we were on the same show either he was bringing me up, I was bringing him up and so, and we've known each other. He used he did my show Not Safe on Comedy Central, and but we really got to know each other this week, and it was so nice because it was almost like we were like the way that you and Heather were working together, like Patton and I were working together, and we uh. And then it all led to Saturday night and Pat and I were both like talking about like that's the best way to get material written is not to sit home and write, but it's just just book as many sets as possible and don't leave even time to think. Because we were talking about this theory of like he was like, you and I read about it somewhere very recently, but they didn't experiment where they had people who had never done pottery before um work all month to make one pot, and at the end of the month they worked so hard, work on one pot, and at the end of the month, that will be your pot, and you could do it. You can start over as much as you want, but it's one. And then they had another group of people that did a new pot every day, and you just have to make a new pot every single day by the end of the month. The people that did the some people that were just on the one pot, some people by the end of it, but most the most successful people were the ones doing it every day and starting a new pot and just creating something every day as opposed to like And I think that's where I struggle with writing songs is because I want that first song to be perfect, when really I should just make a bunch of ship every day, right another ship thing, and then by the end of it, it will I'll figure it out. And so I think we can all kind of use that as an example of how to approach life. Is like, stop being obsessing over this one thing so much. Just make as much as possible, and then you will slowly give yourself a little apprenticeship of what you want to accomplish, and then when you get and you make it, then that pot eventually at the end of the month, it's going to feel so fucking good because like you did so many little pots, you know what I mean, Like it's the work that got there. I don't know. I think like you want the song to great. Yeah, yeah, you want you want the song to be great, But it's like, I don't know. I just think like it's it's so hard to put out a bunch of ship because it hurts, right, but you don't put it out as the thing. You just give yourself a month, Like if you're gonna give yourself a month to put out a stand up bit, you know, and you're like, I want this bit to be perfect in a month instead of just working on that bit or that set. You're like like, I just think that it's about just like working on just working all the time, like constantly just starting and just and not not being precious about your work. I think is the thing. So like last night I got so like Chris and I were like I was trying to get him to watch Love Is Blind. I had to go to a set and he's posting something for the Courtney Show and he is not someone who like goes on social media a lot and like knows the wild ways of it. But I think this is a very common thing for even people who do do it a bunch. But he is like, you know, he wants the music in the background of the story to be perfect, he wants the caption to be perfect, he wants the clip to be exactly like the funniest parts that I'm like, it doesn't matter that much, Like he had been working on in an hour, and I go, Babe, I can't, Like, you can't give this an hour of your time, like you know what, people aren't even getting watch these no offense, Like I just know how it works. It's on your story for twenty four hours. It doesn't even last longer than that. You cannot And then I just started like mocking him, and like it was it became really fun because I'm like, oh, I'm still working on the music for it, and that looks like no one's gonna watch like it was, but it was he he need he needed me to kind of. It was. It's weird because it's like I don't want to insult something that he cares about and he's working on, but I also need to get it through to him, like this preciousness is holding you up in life and I'm projecting to like being too precious about Like, you know, when I put out clips online, I don't I don't ever put out clips because they need I either put out a clip because I've just given up and I'm just like whatever, I'm just gonna put it up and I don't look at it at all, or I've just only picked the one that is perfect, and I think it's just you just need to put out more stuff. That being said, I just got on the camera today and the first thing A bitched about was seeing like I'm you know, we're waiting to start the show and I come across someone's video of their stand up and I I've muted so many people on Instagram from these shitty stand up clips. I can't take anymore talk about They're making a pot every day and it does not hold water. It is I need to see something better than this ship. Like I don't see their final product ever getting better. I mean, I know why they do it, don't they do it? Well? I know why they do it for the algorithm. No, not just that though people don't want to even if it matters or not. They don't want to release their actual material that would end up on an album or on a on a special, so they put out crowd work because, right, more material, that is my point. Right, more material that you don't care about, right, jokes that are just for that town or something like. This CrowdWork stuff has got to stop. I am who likes watching crowd work unless it's someone throwing a hand at your head. I just can't. Your crowd work clip was actually like had some substance to it, but I am just like, there are eight seconds long. It's literally and nothing happens. Nothing literally the audience has something funny, like the audience member, let's put that guy on stage? Can everyone? I'm just begging busties who are savvy consumers, don't give these people that looks watches anymore, like please, I I just these people are getting too much validation for this stuff, and like, do not be tricked into thinking this is funny. Really assess it, Like is this funny? Could I have come up with something funnier in like three seconds? You probably could have, because this stuff A lot of times they'll just go they'll repeat the person and then laugh and then it ends on the comedian laughing at the thing. If you watch a clip and it ends with the comic laughing, and that's or just like just it's just I don't know list because I don't I need to make more pots every day. But it's just it's not well you have You're in a situation where it would be if you put up like let's say you have a great new two minutes. If you put that up, would you have to burn it because it will be on HBO, it will be on Netflix for you. You wouldn't feel bad about no, because people that watch HBO, or people that watch Fallon or people that watch they're not also on all the platforms and they forget and and there's no law about that. Like it is shitty. If you put a joke at a special, then you do it in another special, there's no laws against it. But it's shitty and everyone will know you're a piece of ship. But if you put something on Instagram and then it ends up in a special, no one, even in the common community, is going to think that you're lame. It's from you. You wrote that, like like you that's a fan. It makes me feel like, oh, I'm a better fan because I've joke on Instagram. Yeah yeah, yeah, I think like some comics they'll do a thing where they go, uh, give me a topic at the end, so then they do all these topical topics, so then they have it for for Instagram. So like especially during like check spots, they'll be like, what do you want to talk about? And someone will go, you know, Brad Pitt or Mark Norman is good at that because he writes jokes beforehand for those subjects and sometimes he gets lucky that he can think of something funny. But Mark Norman doesn't put up every fucking thing he says that might get a titter of laughter. And and I'm so tired, Like there are people on Instagram like I guess it's just me being I just should be positive about all of it. Everyone's doing great and I'm happy for everyone, but they've found away. I'm so happy that stand up comedy is so fucking low. And you know what, you'll see it when you go see these people live, how disappointing it is. They cannot They will not be able to sustain an hour. Crowd work is fun and you get away with doing it and getting laughs for at least four minutes. But if you're not actually good at it beyond that, you have to return the material. And these if you are going to see someone that only does crowd work and on Instagram, I think you might be disappointed when you see them. But maybe I'm wrong. Um somebody do with podcasting. Even people will do like for TikTok, they'll be like, let's say like me and you, like we right like out, like you say this, I'll say this, and then you say that, and then we'll both end in and go, you know, and that's real ship. Like people are like making fake control. They aren't really, I swear if you go on TikTok, you can see that it's like literally like made up making scripted moments that at least thing scripted. The dances are scripted, the conversation scripted. What's real, Like couples going have you seen you know some of the couples that like set up things in the kitchen like they just happen and it's the worst acting on earth. That's my favorite subreddit. It's something like it's one of my favorites. It's it's like why was is being filmed? And it's like it's just that calls out, let's take a break. If you ever see it, Like, it's like a minute to think. If you look at a clip and you're like, oh my god, that's so crazy that that happened, think about why was this being filmed, because otherwise it's probably fake if there wasn't a natural like reason unless I ring camera caught it. You know. Um. It's so everything is fake and it's exhausting, and I need to do more of it. I think that's why I'm resentful of it. I should just be positive. I should try to find the positives in it, because there are so many things on Instagram that I love, so many clips and of people's that do delight me. But I nice that we both have partners that like they don't care about getting views or like they don't want to make those videos with us, which sometimes I'm like, God, I kind of wish I dated TikToker. And then I'm like, and then I watch a Tiktoker's video and I can only imagine how many times they went through and it used a whole That was that girl that I got jealous of. I sent her to Noah the other day because and I was like who is that girl that you said was so triggering And I was like, proceed with caution, and I sent it. But like her and her partner makes so many videos together all the time, and I was so jealous because I'm like, and then you think about it, like really thing, and you're like, thank god I could separate two things. Yes, I love that too, Like I have a boyfriend who doesn't care about being famous, doesn't it, but also doesn't care if I am famous, Like that is because that is such a hard thing to find, someone who like appreciates people who are famous, like he loves Patton Oswald. He was totally delighted this weekend that we got to hang with certain people and like, we got to hang out with Paton Oswald. I got to talk to him about Young Adult, which is one of my favorite films. We got to talk to him about Veep, which he is in, and and just I mean it was it was so cool. I talked to him about some theories I have about shooting my next special, and he was like, oh my god, I want to direct your next Like we were just like having We're growing down and it was so fun. And but Chris was like Chris is able to appreciate those moments and not be like jaded by them and be like, oh my god, that was so freaking cool, but also like not care that did not care to be the center of attention, which I don't relate to it all I could. I don't understand someone who doesn't want to be in the spotlight. I'm so grateful there are people like that though, because it would be exhausting otherwise. But you have the same things. It is nice. I mean, uh, you know, it's sometimes I would I mean, because she she is someone, she's gorgeous and obviously would help my like my algorithm would be better to more I poes Brenna. But then I feel like when you do put the camera on her, she it's not like she's like no please, like she's down. It's up to you though, to like do it. She's not like oh yeah, yeah, but it's fine, Like it's just like yeah, when you see it, it is like, oh my god. Can you imagine if she was putting up like thirst traps and like to like do makeup tutorials where she's just like you know, bent in front of the camera showing up for tits and like not it's not really about the makeup. It's just about guys. Like imagine coming on her like she's like playing with a hose in the yard, and I'm like, we live in apartment building. How did you even get in that yard? You would be I mean, it would be so annoying to have someone as needy as you and I on the other side of you and I. It's just it would be. It can only be one person like this in a relationships. Need to be a ledge head. Okay, let's get let's we'll do top one bottom one when we get back after this. Alright, we're back, Let's do top one, bottom one. Noah, what's this category today? Today's category is pizza topping Pizza toppings, which, by the way, are the only things I eat now. I order it's my new favorite food. I order a pizza, a large pizza with a ton of with yeah because it's too and with a ton of veggies. Um, I don't do cheese because I'm vegan. And then I just eat all the toppings, and then I get a size salad and I have the crunch with the salad that I need that's like more of it's not so wet and Uh, it is so good. I've done it. It's my new thing. I'm no shame. And then I said, and then the people that wait just comes to collect the plate and she's just like okay, and I'm like, I know I wasted a crust, but like it's too hard to explain what I want and you guys don't have the ability to make it back there unless the crust is the plate. Yeah it makes sense. Yeah, yeah, the crust just acts as the perfect like little bull for it. Yeah, yeah, it's great. But let's talk about toppings. Um, let's start with bottom the worst topping. God, it really depends on who's making the pizza too write Like for me, like certain places like Pepperoni would be great, but in other places they're too thick and it's like too much. Let's say where you're going this is you're going to a new pizza place that don't know if anything about, and you're just like you've heard they have the best topics, they have the best version of everything. So let's just assume they have the best version of everything. All right, So worse for me has it's gonna probably be controversial. Mushrooms can't stand them, don't don't like them. I don't understand the texture. I feel like I'm eating like like a rubber like soul of a shoe. It doesn't do anything for me. I could still you meant like a soul like s o U L S. Yeah, which is a most worse than the actual s O L E. Because the shoes soul is just like I've been walked on my whole life. Yeah, and they claimed to be a fun guy. They're not. Yeah, fun fun fun guy clipped that. Noah, just that part. Oh my god, we wrote it out beforehand. That was a great job after it. You really made it seem like just off the cuff. Thank fan things. We got it. We got it. Um mushrooms interesting, Noah, what is your least fave? I just wanna, like, wholeheartedly disagree with Andrew's mushrooms. Okay, because let me just say, if we're going to mushroom, fresh mushrooms are amazing, Like a fresh mushroom, like, I want the mushroom to be dry. I don't like marinated mushrooms. I don't like canned mushrooms. Pizza mushrooms. No, I get fresh mushrooms all the time on pizzas and it's delicious. Don't like eating raw mushrooms, but I like cooked mushrooms. Yeah, but if they're raw and they go in the pizza raw, they'll get cooked in the other heat. Yes, yes, yes, okay, okay. My least favorite topping, which I find to be so disgusting on the pure sausage. No, but you're close. It's chicken. I just chicken. I be so disgusted by chicken and cheese. It just grosses me. It's disgusted. It tickled me. I don't know why. I thinkled me really even like chicken, like a chicken parm like like that. No, chicken and cheese's what do you like with chicken? Just barbecue? Oh yeah, that's fine. But just the thought of like two separate animals coming together like that, like the chicken with like the milk that is supposed to be for like the baby colf like, I just it just disgusted me. I don't know. Yeah, man, some chicken pizza, chicken and broccoli they would do with like ricotta is pretty good. Like I've never loved a chicken on a pizza when I used to eat chicken, even like even the barbecue chicken pizza cp K. When I used to work there, people used to love that, and I get it, but it's not. It just doesn't feel like pizza just feels like an entirely different dish um At least favorite topping is anything olive. I hate the cheese. What did any kind of olive? You said, I hate the juice? And I was like, yeah, you just picture like olives having like a lot of juice with them, and I don't like it. But if I just and the soul of an olive is just it penetrates, It makes ever the whole pizza turn into an olive. I don't like it. It's like that with the grapefruit, like it takes over everything. Yeah, I hate green olive. I don't ever even seen them, but that discussed me so much to think of, like the little pimento, like the little piece of that red part. The texture of olives. Just go funk yourself, I don't I don't mind an olive spread. Anyone to put olives on their fingers, those fucking freaks. Have you ever seen those people? We'll come down alive fingers. My little brother used to eat him out of the can, and I it. I get liking like I love. I love eating gigantic amounts of pickles. I love eating pepper and chenies lunch. Yes, it has crunched. It's not just like a home like it's just like mushroom mushroom me but almost more texture yikes. And the taste is just so bitter. Not a fan. Um. And they're like they're so packed with like I mean, I know they have a lot of good stuff in it for you, but like that that's very very caloric vegetable for too much for me. Like, I just I don't mind about it. I actually don't mind. I don't mind taste or like the I'll spread, it's the texture. I don't like any taste of it. I don't like. I don't like pimento spread, any kind of spread. Yeah, okay, so that's mine. Um, let's do the best pizza topping. Best pizza topping. I would have to say green pepper. What I don't know. I have a sad pineapple and I thought that would blow them roof off. Bro I mean, I guess people can go either, but green pepper, Like why green pepper too? By the way, when I buy many peppers to eat out of the bag, they are red they're yellow and they're orange. There's no greens because green are gross. They have a different taste. Why are green peppers the number one pepper for pizza? Why not red peppers? Why not yellow peppers? Why not orange peppers? I think, I don't know. I think the green sticks out from the tomatoes on anything else. Do you eat green peppers in any other way? I used to be addicted to pepper, green peppers. My grandma would cut them up, and I don't know. I love them. I don't know. I was really into peppers. Do you like red peppers and yello peppers? Do you ever eat those? I eat them like an apple. I love them. I don't. I don't discriminate, I don't. I don't see there's a difference between them. Andrew, the taste of a green pepper is so different than a red or yellow pepper. You don't know the difference. I honestly, I really don't. I'm not playing dumb here. I just I never Maybe with the other ones that are sweeter, it is cheaper. It's always cheaper at the supermarket. It is, and maybe that's why it's a more popular topping. Try next next time you do, try a green pepper and a red pepper. Like see how they taste different because they are vastly different, like a saute onion, caramelized onion. Yeah, caramelized onion. But I would think hungry. I know that sounds so good. Uh Noah, what is your favorite pizza topping? I don't know whatever. Maybe because you got because you're vegan, maybe I didn't go you would put meat, you would pick meat. Otherwise, well, green pepper with pepperoni. So I guess they kind of go together, like some of these best toppings need a friend and they come together at a point. Yeah, alright, well, I guess I'm thinking about like, if I would see this on a menu, I would definitely order it. And I gotta say I love figs on a pizza. D's wild, dude, it's just wild. If I never even seen if I got a pizza, mind not, I just am not fancy enough places. Maybe I had a fig and bone marrow pizza one time, which bone marrow was surprisingly so good. Oh my god. I mean I wouldn't eat it now, but that was delicious. If you are someone who eats animals, figs they have like the drizzle, isn't it like drizzled with honey. That's the kind of pizzas like figs, and yeah, that's it. Yeah, figs. Do you know our like wasps have wasps in them like a fig? A fig cannot exist without a wasp dying inside of it. Well, I don't know if that's google it, google it. This is so true, I promise you. I think this is the most wild statement we've ever heard on this podcast. Who wants to bet me? What's an applecroy? A bunch of bees? Andrew? That wasn't the line that we rehearsed for this club. He look into it. Noah, Okay, there's big wasp fig. Alright, Well I have to read. It's like a whole big article. I have to this. Well, well, he will get to it. Are there wasps and figs? Here's the answer. I recently dropped a fortune on a hall of purplish figs at the farmer's market. What was I gonna make? What wasn't I going to make? The I learned that many figs are POLLENI had by fig wasps, and that those tiny bugs die inside each fleshy pod. The bounty in my fridge suddenly took on a sinister quality. I needed to know where all my figs filled with dead wasp? The answer I learned is both yes and no. Okay, Figs have many secrets. They are actually inverted flowers. Each hollow ball of vegetable tissue is lined with hundreds of tiny buds that bloom inside the pod. The flower that's in certain edible varieties produce a fruit covered seed, which is what gives figs some of their iconic crunch. Technically, they're known as Adgar gate Buddaba who gives a ship um. These days, many of the figs varieties that we buy in grocery stores and at the farmer's work in the US don't require pollination. Okay, so the ones that don't require pollination? So what's the deal with thig wasp? Because sweet shy figs bloom internally, many of the eight hundred plus varieties across the world require an intimate type of pollination to ripe it into an edible fruit. All figs are made up of both male and female flowers, but the only ones, the ones we eat, are generally harvested from dio sieges species deciduous. No, it's d I O E C I O u s dios diosus. In these about four varieties, all the figs on each tree behavior who get to the wasp bitch to pollinate these species? A female fig wasp just a couple of millimeters long, forces her way into a non edible, unripe, male behaving fig, where she lays her eggs and the flowers along the way. Her antennas snap and her wings are yanked from her body. It's a tight squeeze, says Shanahan, leaving her no way out. Her wingless male offspring mate with a winged female offspring yes their sisters before using their huge jaws to chomp tunnels through the fig that will allow the ladies to leave, But before she bids a jew that fertilized female wasp collects pollen from the male flowers. Then she squeezes. Who gives a ship. There's wasp in figs, is all I'm saying. It is a thing, and the ones that don't have them are engineered by humans. But most figs have a dead wasp inside them. I rest my case. Um, so Noah likes dead wasps on her pizza. Good to know. Um, my favorite pizza topping is also a combo. But because I'm a vegan, I can't add of one of the things. Broccoli. Broccoli and pizza is my favorite thing. Ever. If you have that on your menu, I will eat your pizza. I will not eat the toppings of a pizza if it doesn't have broccoli involved. It's such an essential item. But I will say if I was still a if I was a non vegan, ricotta ricotta on a pizza, a ricotta dollop, which, by the way, vegan ricotta. I'll just go there. Vegan ricotta on a pizza the best thing. I just love that creamy like dollarp I love like a little little bulb of of ricotta. It's so freaking good. Garlic on pizza is good too, But I don't like bulbs of garlic. It's too much. It's just it looks like a little gush or of garlic, and it makes your breath stink and your body sink for like days. Ricotta. I learned that you can add it to any pasta, and then it didn't hit me until I was forty one years old that you can. You can make anything of lasagna, any kind of Italian and you can make anything. It's so good. You don't have to wait for lasagna tota. But even if you have cold ricotta in your like refrigerator and you get a pizza, just put some cold ricotto like that coolness on top of the hot pizza is delicious. Ricotta is so good. More ricotta. I'm with you. Put in your spaghetti, put it on there, put it anywhere, but as a Turkey sandwich but not Italian. Just just don't wait till design you put it on your chicken. Um. Have you guys been going out to eat a lot recently? Andrew, have you guys gone to any good places? You went to Sasha's well the other night doing shows Antonio Antonio's Ta Varna, the one that's up on the hill, that's like famous broaded toasted rabs, and like toasted ravioli. I do enjoy a toasted rabs Louis tradition. Yeah, it's a St. Louis tradition. I don't know if I like a ravioli with meat more over cheese, you know what I mean? Like or like other stuffing them? Yeah? Yeah, they all have meat. I guess that's the other. I like the dusting of parm i, like a little yeah, palm dust is solid, and I love a a red sauce. I always get red sauce on the side. I got broccolini this weekend, and I was just dipping it, like picking up by the stock and dipping it in the tomato sauce and going, I'm just lowering it into my mouth. It is like, I feel like that's my problem with most pizza places. They do not put enough sauce. Do you ask for extra sauce on the side and order it extra sauce. I learned it from my dad. Get extra sauce on the pie and then also get a little get sides of sauce if you're dining in, like gotta get in. I love sauce so much, love dressing, love. But I mean I I like to say, like I combine. I put things on top of salads all the time. Final thought. Chris and I went to brunch yesterday in this place had nothing for me. They had like vegan burritos. I don't really eat bread or carbs. Don't come at me about it. It's just a thing I just don't. I would rather eat anything else than that too. Like it's just so it just feels to me like a waste of food, Like I don't taste it enough, it's too dense. I want to eat, Like I can eat like six plates of vegetables for one tortilla. I would rather eat the vegetables, so because I like to consume mass quantities, So I'm like, maybe I'll just eat the insides of this burrito. God, I'm so bombed. And then I saw that they had scrambles on the side, and then um, they's like I just made a plate of sides. I got two tofu scrambles with kale. Then I got some fake bacon. Then I got a side salad. So I have literally made this meal. I have four sides, and I and then the genius of just always getting a side salad and then getting sides and then you put it you all, you mix it in the salad. So I had a tofu scramble with kale on top of a salad with tempay bacon inside, and I'm mixed it all together, and I put saracha and I put some of the salad dressing, and it was just this big mash of deliciousness. And I'm gonna go back there every day of my life because it was the best meal and I'm thinking at it right now is so freaking good. But I just no more shame about like I have to eat exactly what they give me, or like I feel so scared of making adjustments, like I am all for having a meal made of appetizers, or just I go to an Italian restaurant, I don't eat pasta, and I start to freak out because I don't like pasta, and I'm like, everyone's gonna be mad at me, and they're gonna think I'm like dieting. I just don't want pasta for my dinner. I get a bunch of fucking sides, and then I get a side salad. I have that fresh crunch with the cooked vegetable on top. You have the crunch, and you have the lightness that you have like the oily like that. Oh it's so good, and then the red sauce that you can dip all over it. It's so freaking good. Um. Being a vegan can be so fucking amazing, and I love it. I love the food that I get to eat, and like all the combinations I get to come up with, and it's my mouth is watering. I'm so fucking from and I don't know why. I already ate breakfast um Chris over the weekend. You know, I told you last week that he got um, I got that new like ring that is for self defense, you know, yeah, the knife ring. Well, then Chris on top of that, because I was telling him like, you know, I get scared running and he really understood it. And I was like, and also this, you know, he feels like he like kind of drugged me out here because it's his job that he's working on here, and so I think that he's like any kind of alarm I have. He wants to like assuage my fears. So he bought me a mace to where yeah it's pink, pink mat matches my ring and matches the mic um and I was so happy about it. And then a box arrived the next day and it's another mace, and I go, what do you think I'm going to run out of mace? What's going on here? Like you think I'm gonna use? Why do I need to? And he's like take it, take back, take back. You have to be because you're bad one for you to like, oh is it sorry? We didn't get it? If you're sorry, Andrew yeah, So the mace with the way the wind blows. Yes, just be careful when you use it outside because it could you imagine. Oh, I always I had a joke before that was like I can't use mace because I'll unless I can spray it and then have the criminal like walk through it like I do with perfume, Like I never get perfume. I never spray in the rejection. However, this is the gel kind, which I've always been recommended, is better than like the spray kind, because the gel will be direct shot like hard. Like. He also got me a arm band that shoots off a insanely loud noise up to a hundred thirty decibel alarm heard up to a thousand feet away. So I am ready to be attacked at any time, so come out. It's like that thing though, It's like if you bring out all that, then you are going to get attacked, like you know what I mean, Like I don't know. I don't know if it's like the secret like, oh, if I bring all this ship, like if if I'm running without anything, maybe tell you. When I run without anything, I get really scared. Like when it starts to get like dark, I start to get, Like I start to jump at the smallest thing, like I just like someone asked me for direction. I was like, I like jump into a I start fighting back. Like but if I'm already have these things, I'm not. I just feel okay, and it's nice to like, you know when I used to have the Tiger Lady, and I would use that be going to a parking lot and a little bit nervous. I just know I'm ready. Like there's there's so many times I found myself as a woman where I'm like, I am not ready at all. I would I would get. That's how I feel about knowing jiu jitsu and self defense. I know I wish I wanted to learn that stuff, but I just can't wait for you to get your pink A R fifteen everything. Oh here's they have Azon guy? Now, I mean, does they anon sell guns? But I guess they can't, but they would if they could, for sure, I'm sure in some states. Maybe yeah, I'll try to get one maybe here. I watched The Last Dahmer. Did you guys did you watch that yet? Andrew haven't the last watch the last I did watch the last episode? Yeah, first, and the last book that's so weird that you watched. Yeah. Yeah, we watched The Thought the other night and uh, Andrew Chris fell asleep as you're watching it, so I had to, like, you know, live his death alone. But I was so scared. Um, it was really good and interesting. I just think that series is so well done and it's funny because he's great with John Wayne Gacy. The last episode is John Wayne Gacy. Oh yeah, I also watched like the first the first step and then the last one, so like him dying at the end, Like I felt sad because I didn't watch all his murders, you know what I mean? Like I was just like, why is this poor guy who found religion getting murdered? Yeah, you wanted to sweep And I mean I thought his dad was like the most sympathetic character of the whole thing. Was so sad to me, like now, and I cried when his dad said he forgave him. That is That's the feet of that show, is that it's a you're able to find humanity in this person that was like not had no remorse or like no decency for someone who was not really human, but who really like that's what John you know, Um, Dahmer is in jail when John Wayne Gesy gets caught and they're comparing the two and he's like, I don't think I'm anything like him. This guy he won't admit to what he did. I admitted everything. He's saying that it's a lie. I say I did it all, and it's like that is that is unfortunate. You can kind of see the sadness in him of like why am I this way? I really couldn't help but be like this, And even Nisi Nash's character is like I know that he it's some there's something wrong with his brain and that he couldn't help it. But I can't help but hate him. I hate him and I want pain to happen to him. And it is There's something I liked about it because I'm a big advocate of there's no free will and people that you know act in these heinous ways really don't have a choice. They were always going to do it. They're like, if you had their brain, you would do it too. You would do everything that these people did. Um, if you had Damer's brain, you would have Damer. There's nothing if you had his life, his family, if you grew up like him, you would have done the exact There's nothing that you would have done differently. It's like, like, it's just because he was given that brain and you were given yours, and it's easy for us to go, how could he do that? It's like, but you don't, so I owe it. Ever since reading Free Will by Sam Harris, I've felt that way about any kind of criminal, any kind of person. I still get mad at people and go, how could they do that? But I can always kind of get to the place of like, well, it's it's not their fault. They were just I'm just lucky I didn't have that brain to to post that clip of me doing terrible crowd work, Like it's not their fault that they think that's a good idea, you know. But um, but I thought the show actually like uncovered that and gave people a little insight into their not being free will and that no one really has a choice in the matter of things, which is a sensitive subject. I know, we have to go, Um, We're gonna be here all week. This is just the beginning of the show. I'm going to Atlanta on Wednesday to shoot a show on Thursday, and then I'm gonna be on the road. Um, but well, I'm going to be in l A until December, living my life here out in Santa Monica. I wouldn't viewed a house yesterday to or a condo that was next to the Airbnb and seeing at to just tour around and look inside and just you know, starting to think about the future. But buying a house, I just I don't think I can do it. It just seems like too much money and you're responsible for everything, and I just I don't know. I don't understand why people buy houses or have kids. I wish Taylor Swift had a thing about not buying houses to a song about that it's easier with the landlords. That would be the song she bought, you know what I mean. But there is a house where she goes and then it was bought by me, where she's talking about how it's ironic that you said that the last grade American didncy if you want to look at it. Okay, guys, we'll be talking to Taylor Swift all this week. If you have any questions specifically about that, I'd love to answer them on the show. Oh I didn't get to uh. The controversial moment in the anti hero video where she stands on a scale and it says fat. People are freaking out about it. We'll talk about it tomorrow on the show. I'll give you my hot take. Thank you so much for listening to the show. Don't Beka and Jack Antonof is a producer. I was gonna say anton Off too, I swear you think of his last name. I was just gonna say the guy from Bleachers,