The Nikast Year's Nikki. Hey, guys, rounded out the week. It's Thursday. I'm in my kitchen. Uh Noah's here, Hey, no, uh hey, how's it Thursday already? I mean it's early. I'm not gonna lie. That's the earliest we've done this show. A why it ever? Um, I have a long day ahead of me. Um, I have a COVID test in I mean, I have a COVID test when we're supposed to be doing this show. So I'm gonna be late to it. Because everything that's how we prepare my life is like one thing just leads into the next, and and then uh, just watch Andrew walk through the room. He's supposed to give me my private time during this But why are you going in that bathroom? I wonder he just went from his own bedroom to our bathroom in like our shared bathroom. Oh okay, no he did it. He said, Oh no, I'm good, thank you. Andrew just walked through. He's going to get a coffee for himself. We were just talking No and I before the show started that we got so many um voice messages from people, thank you so much for I just appreciate everyone. UM like writing back and enjoying the show and telling us that you listen to Silver Springs or that you left a voicemail or I don't know. Just the fact that you listen means a lot to me. So thank you. What a great week of shows. I have the longest day ever. I am hosting the MTV Movie and TV Unscripted Awards unless in case I didn't tell you that yet, which is, uh, it's going to be like the you know, v m AS MTV Movie Awards, that kind of thing. But it's um, it's a new one that they've made just for me, just kidding. They didn't make it for me, but they asked me to do it, and I'm so excited because it was on my UM, I guess like it was on It's on my plan my you know, for I don't really set goals for myself, but I thought, you know why, I mean to say that you want to Yeah, I get, I mean it's on my like that's those are these are the steps that I see for myself, Like I see hosting ASCID all next year, and then I don't really care though, you know what, I gotta be honest with you, guys, I don't I'm done trying to be something that has already been. Like I'm trying. I'm done. I don't want to like I gotta copy this person's career because they did this in this order. But this is kind of the trajectory you go when you start, um, becoming more well known as you do the MTV like Sarah Silverman, Amy Schumert, They've all done the same gone through the same thing. You know, Tiffany had Ish, you host the like any comedian disease, you start out with the MTV Awards. If you watch these things, I've been paying attention to my whole life. This kind of how it goes. Um. Yeah, a lot of work is coming up and I'm this is weird though, because like I am trying to I am. I don't know if I'm just like lazier. This is my fear of being lazy or I just am so Um, I just don't. I don't have any pressure. People are like, wow, that's a lot of pressure, pressure, pressure, and I just don't feel it. I just don't. It's not that I don't care, but I just I really don't care because I'm going to try my best and um, and it's it's we're taking on a Thursday, so a week from today, I have a week too, Like I haven't even like really dug into the script or thought of jokes yet, Like I'm going to do most of my work in the day's leading up, like I'm finishing a term paper the night before, and I don't know if that's I mean, I have a writing staff, so I'm I feel okay, But like for me, I'm such a control freak that when I'm doing a roast, I you know, which this is as big of a platform as a roast maybe not? Well, yeah, it's it's big. But when I'm gearing up for a roast, I am obsessive and I overprepare and the whole time I'm stressed out. And I don't know if I would not approach a roach roast that way now, because I'm a different person after COVID and working on myself and liking myself more and just knowing that I can't control what people think about me, So it's not there's no point in trying to be the best, because even when you're the best, people hate you, and even when you've tried your hardest, Like, uh, you know, I don't know I don't know if it's that, but I'm feeling a little tinge of guilt for how I keep pushing writer's meetings because I'm like, we have enough material. I feel good, we have a week. I don't need to be on a zoom call and just tell you guys, these jokes are funny. Um, I haven't had time to write any so I feel like I'm not contributing enough. I just feel, um, I feel backed up. No, I feel like I can't give anyone in my life enough. Yeah, there's just too many things. I want to go back to you saying, um, how like you feel like maybe your work is kind of effortless. I was just having a conversation yesterday about uh metal bands that I know, and ones that are successful are the ones that kind of like are just doing it and it comes naturally and they don't care too much about getting anywhere, you know. And then the ones who really try so hard and are kind of kid about it are the ones that never succeed no matter how hard, no matter how many people they know, how many contacts who they're working with, it just never works out for them. And I think that in order to UH put art out there and truly connect with people. You have to have that kind of like not caring about it, feeling Yes, I agree with you, you have to well, but then there's I do agree that people like you more when they don't see so much effort, or when they really know that you're comfortable with yourself and you're not trying to because this is all about love, Like we all just want to be loved and admired, like especially people who are hungry for fame. We just want people to like us. And what's more detestable than wanting someone to like you. There's nothing more like kicking puppies, Like it's disgusting when someone's That's what KA is based on. The concept of KIS is that you were trying to get people to think you're cool because you are so insecure that you're not that you need to do this thing that you wouldn't do unless people's eyes were on you, if you're just joining the show. Because a term that we've coined I coined in high school with my friends to describe when people try to be cool for others around them to see and it it's definitely dependent on others seeing it, like peeling out in a parking lot, revving your engine, um blasting music really loud that you think people will be like, oh my god, he listens to this, he's cool. And by the way, everyone can be everyone. Um, sunglasses are cool all of times, fashions, just anything that you're doing that's like, you just want to go look at that guy. He thinks he's so care So I'm like, trying is like everyone who tries is like but but then everyone says you have to Like then you look at people who are extremely successful. Like there's this book called The Talent Code, and it's about how talent is not real and that anyone and it's this is my theory. Ever since I read this book, I've known that like I'm not, I am born with a certain level of like you know, predisposition for comedy and stuff like my brain. If I was raised by another family, I might have had a predisposition for comedy based on the way my brain is. If I was adopted at all, my necks but nerds. Like I just got someone the other day was like, wow, people, you have achieved more than like you know. He said, people set out to do what you do and they don't achieve it. And I go. Honestly, I think it's probably like you know, people that want to be famous, you know, and like give it their best. It's the odds are against you. However, that's not because I'm extraordinary. I mean I am extraordinary in the sense that like it's out of the ordinary. But it doesn't mean that I'm not special because I didn't choose to be born with a brain that's good at being obsessed with doing comedy and obsessed with working hard. I didn't choose to be born with parents that made me feel just loved enough that I felt I was special, but just unloved enough that I needed to get an attention from strangers. I didn't. I didn't choose be born with a brain that my parents love wasn't enough. Because my sister's brain it was enough for her to not seek strangers. For me, I required more. And I also didn't choose to be born with uh you know, none of this is my jo I didn't and people go, but you worked hard. I didn't be. I didn't choose to be born as someone who could work hard. There's no free will I did and choose any of it. It's all based on how your brain was born and how you were raised. So I'm lucky, is the bottom line. I'm lucky to be here with you. I'm lucky to have this show. I'm lucky to have your your listenership, lucky to um have Andrew, who already returned, and who who I have to say, cried last night because of your voice messages. He we had said good night, I went to my bedroom. I am like, he didn't know what I could have been doing in there. I could have been full full sash, you know what I'm saying. And he goes Nikki and it's across my apartment to go to my like he's not in my neck of the woods. Once we say good night, like I can be pretty loud in there and he won't hear any of my howling. And he he was nicky, and I'm like, what was he doing outside my door? We just said a good night at half hour ago. He's like, you got to hear this? And I was thinking it was something like going on with my love, like some like update of like someone died or I love that as someone died, or there's like a rumor about like my crush or something, or my crush reached out to him and was like, I need to talk to like that's my first thought was like a boy likes me, and so Andrews like, Nikki, you gotta hear this. And I'm like what. He's like these voicemails and I'm like what. And he's like, Andrew has a way of just talking about something that he knows he's been talking about it, like he's in his own mind. And then he thinks you've been in his mind with him. So he's like, you got to hear this. The voice, the voice moments, we weren't even talking about fan voice memos, like this was totally out of context, and I go, I don't know what you're saying. He's like, our fans they left us some voice memos. You've got to hear this. I'm crying, man, and I go, really is that funny? And he's like no, it's like it's so nice. And I was like, I can't handle an emotional cry right now. And when people tell me how much the show means to them and how much things I've done have meant to them, it gets me. But I don't like to go to bed feeling like I'm It doesn't when you tell me how much to show me? Do you? I'm so happy that you feel happy, but I'm not, Like, I don't feel better about myself because I brought that on. It's not going to make me sleep better. I'm so I'm so happy that I want others to be happy, but I don't ever go I'm the source of all of this and I'm amazing, Whereas I think Andrew gets a lot of self esteem from these voice memos, and I want to tell you that they mean to like, I want everyone to be happy, and I love hearing people happy, and it touches me and I feel things emotionally, but it's not a boost to my ego. Um, and that's not because I'm better or worse. I honestly wish it were more of a boost to me ego. I could use a little shot in the arm today. All right, let's get into the news and more with Andrew. Here he comes, Good morning, Andrew to sleep last night he slept good. Third times a charm. Let him know, Let him know. We tried to do this twice before for about two and a half minutes. Yeah that's true. It didn't work out, but now we're back. As you know, you went to last night you came to my room to tell me to listen to a voicemail. Yes, so we got these new things to speak pipe where people go what is the website? No? No, you just go to our instagram that the link is in the biover Instagram Nickie Laser Pod. And you can leave us a voice memo that Andrew will listen to. And I just it's not that I will listen to the ones that people tell me. Can you listen to it before you judge it? Yeah? I can listen to it. Andrew's part of listener mail. It's part of listener Mail. We're getting to it later today. Are you going to play this one? Though? Wait, we have to have this discussion offline. This is a disaster. I mean, things are falling apart. Okay, know what you want to talk about with listener mail? Yeah? I know. If we just it's a very early pot I would have done it if it was anything. We can talk about the voice memo though, what what did this voice memo specifically? So? I was expecting it, and this is the thing I was expecting to listen to. These voice memos were like I can ships outside or you know, uh, you know, just a bunch of silly or maybe a crazy person that wants to suck your feet. Like that's what I thought I was getting. I thought I was getting silly iry make him cry, Well, yeah I would. I thought I would be Yeah, just people telling funny stories. But it's people being sincere. Oh my god, this girl was so sincere about having suicidal thoughts and because I'm so funny, it changed her life and I'm the best. No, no, obviously she was having suicidal thoughts. It was. It was amplifying during COVID, during the pandemic, and our podcast is like therapy to her, and the fact that we can talk about it so openly and even joke about it has allowed her to become more comfortable with where she's hat and her tone and her voice was just so sincere. You just don't get it. And I think when you're just talking to a recorder where you don't really know people might be talking, I don't know. It was just so beautiful and I'm literally like sobbing last night, opping sobbing. And it might have been about you know, my mom on the beach, but a sob like a sob when people going sobbing you need to at least make this sound. Once I might have done that, I can't even do it right now because my throat. I used to do that with my parents divorce one more they were going through. I would look in the mirror and I'd go, why are they doing this? God? And I would like force out the cry. This is my body you'd be doing staring at myself in the mirror. That's why I can't cry a lot of times is because I just know that it looks so like I know that I look cute and like sad, and then I know that people because crying like elicits sympathy and others, and it can be manipulative. Obviously, there are guys that are like, I can't take a girl crying. I'll give you whatever. I well, you would like crying for me because it's such a manipulative tool or can be used that way. Or I used it as a kid to like get things that I wanted that then would be and then I realized it doesn't get you anything, because my parents would be like, what are you throwing yourself on the floor for You're ridiculous? What just ignore her? E J. We're not dealing with this. So then I learned that crying gets you nothing. So I just don't cry because it's just like it feels, first of all, like I'm being fake and I'm using this tool even when it's real. And then when I'm by myself, oh my god, it feels really ridiculous to cry. I have to get permission to cry. I text my friends because I just went through a breakup and or a heartbreak, I should say, and you were never mind never mind. You can't be going through a breakup if they were never yours. But so when I loved it ended and I was so sad about it and wanted to cry, but because it was never a real thing, I never I didn't feel like I had a right to cry, Like I didn't know this person that long, I didn't all these things. And I wrote my friend Robin one night when I was in bed because I was trying to cry about it around you, and you were kind of like just like it's it's gonna be fine, it's gonna be okay, and I just didn't. I didn't want to hear it's gonna be okay, because sometimes when you cry, you just want to hear like it's the way you're feeling right now, let's just stay in the president. And I don't want to hear it's gonna be okay, because that means we're not going to get back together, or like I'm gonna eventually get over this, and I don't want to hear like when you're going through a breakup, you don't want to hear you'll you'll this won't last, You'll get over him or whatever. You're like, No, I want only to hear that he'll come back to me, or um, I just want to hear that I can cry right now. So I text I remember I texted, I've done this a couple of times. Now, I going up in my bedroom. Know what, you helped me cry one time, but this was another time when I had already used you that day and used up my Noah, lets me cry points. And then I went upstairs to our bedroom or to my bedroom and it came in and I texted Robin and she was busy with something, and I was like, I just really need to cry, and she was like, then do it, And I was like, do I have permission to cry of this? Like is this the thing that you you think like if you were the same circumstance, you would probably like sob about this and she was like, oh, absolutely, you totally can cry. And then for whatever reason, getting that text, I was just like, she was like, do you know do I need to call you? And I go no, I just needed permission and then I've done it to Anya since like when I when I I can cry now alone, if I text my friends and they say yes, I would be crying over this. You're not crazy to cry over this because I feel I feel stupid when I cry. So you so you need permission from friends and to come. Literally, I need someone to tell me I can come. And this best friends you call eight to cry, seven to come. I get it. And that's all within an hour. No, I get I get that a million percent. Like dude, I feel so ridiculous and I'm crying even last night when I cry, I don't cry, and I don't. I never really cried as a kid for things like I want that toy because my brother has that toy. I don't remember ever doing that. I really don't be afraid of it. Yeah, I probably realized it didn't work. I remember one time I asked for cleats, but I was already like thirteen or fourteen from my dad, and he goes, I paid child support to your mom. She could that's money should go to your cleats, and I go, it could have probably been easier if you just gave me forty bucks for cleats. And then next thing, I know, I'm using hand me downs. My dad's a doctor, I'm using hand me downs from my friend. I mean, it's just that I know that like that, kids should not know about child support payments and alimony and stuff like that, especially if they're not getting paid by their mom. I mean, hooked me up mom, I mean, you're it's it's right, though, why didn't you ask your mom for cleats? That's probably afraid or she probably said she had no money even though she was going on rip to India. I don't know. For weird oh man, Yeah, Bryan is a weird one. Like do you so last night? How did it? You came to me because you wanted to share the cries, and I like shut you down through my door. I'm like, good night. I can't. I don't want to go to bed. I don't want to listen to a voicemail about a girl's suicidal thoughts. Even though listen. I get those all the time, and like, thank you, I am going to listen to your voice memo and or your voice message and um, and I am not dismissing it at all, Like I'm so glad that we give you permission to feel the way you're feeling, because no one can help their feelings. Like that's I try to stress. I'm not dismissing the suicidal thought girl, but Andrew, your emotions definitely dismiss No, I'm not dismissing them at all. I just didn't want. I didn't want, like I didn't feel like I needed to nurture you, like you weren't going through pain. You were just like like you could do that on your own. And I was like already, like I was getting ready. I just couldn't. You were you had a lot of moments. Remember last night when you interrupted my dad in the middle of store. My parents came over the last night and my parents, my sister, my brother in law and there are two kids all came over for dinner and then we watched the reality show that we shot. Um. I shot a pilot for a reality show a couple of months ago or before came in Islands. And then um, here in St. Louis and we all watched the screening of it. It was so good by the way, I think, I think it's going to happen, but um, but we all watched. But beforehand we were all like talking, like around my kitchen island and you asked a question. I asked Andrew a question for a joke. I'm like, hey, I need like a punchline for this bit for the thing I'm shooting tomorrow. And that was like ten minutes before. And then we have so many different subjects. And then my dad is in the middle of like a story. And my dad gets interrupted all the time because he lives with people who are all like me and women, and so he and my dad's long stories. My dad, my dad's stories are they're a lot. They have paragraphs, they are they all started in Cincinnati, and they all end that they're all My dad has so many stories and we've heard most of them. But this was when I hadn't heard and I was actually present in listening to it and enjoying it. And then my dad was like in the middle of a sentence, and Andrew just blurts out, what did you blurt out? Why? Not the girl from Sarah, Like, why not the girl? What about Elizabeth Homes Like totally. I mean, this was a ten minute ago thing that I had asked him, and it was it was so funny because we all stopped and I was just like, you were staring at me. I was like, wow, okay, don't judge the joke, like I thought you were judging my job. My dad's in the the middle of the story. I was trying to be very nice about it because I understand what your brain was doing, and I understand my dad can be such a jerk about being interrupted, so I was trying to keep the tension down. But it was wild. The fact that you were is like, we're in your own world so much. Can we talk? Though? His story was about selling an awning, and then he told the story and no one was that impressed with the story, like he should have been okay with being interrupted for that thing, but he was in the middle. But his stories are the story about the selling an awning. It's always about people who are fans of mine, like how they at first they're like, I don't want to buy this awning and then my dad will go like, oh, you have a TV. I see my dad sells awning store to door. My dad will shoehorn that his daughter is on TV and anyway he's like, oh my god, well I see you got a door knob. You know sometimes my daughter touches those. My daughter's nicky. Like he'll literally go like, he do you think's dad? I want to get him a T shirt that says my daughter is famous asking about it because and then it should say my daughter as a St. Louis in a local St. Luis And you probably don't know who my daughter is because most people don't here in this town. But my dad gets pissed when people don't know who I am. He loves it when people do, and he will tell everyone about me and he's and you know, that's very sweet and he should be proud of me. But his anger when people don't understand that I'm famous or they don't care and they're not like they don't go, oh my god, she's like My family has always had a real big issue with um friends and family not being impressed by things, like they want everyone to go like that's so cool, and if they don't, I just go, okay, cut those people out of your life. You depend on friends and family being enthusiastic about the achievements of your children and when they're not, instead of pitching about those people constantly get them out of your life and just know that you need friends to do that so that you're not disappointed chronically. Does that make sense sense? And just you know he's proud of you at the end of the day. And uh, the back of his shirt should be like, oh, I also have another daughter who's a teacher who really cares about Yeah. It's a great balance the teacher. Yes, and he always wears a backpack because that has my daughter, like has one of my shows and with pins of your face. Yeah. Oh man, here we co news time first last day before the weekend. I know everyone's really excited. The COVID vaccines are out there, so everyone's gonna probably get their things wet out there. It's gonna be pretty great. I hope you're having all the funds and all the swells. Yeah, genitals. Oh, because that's what's happening there stumming. I pointed out your knuckle. You're not something I've been working out. I I do push ups on my on my knuckles, and then I did boxing and then my knuckle is gone. Same with this one. Why are you It looks like you picked a word off that looks like a clean pick. I wish there, I wish that's the kind of like put it up poop nuts. We'll put it up on the stories and I'll show you. I mean, no one needs that. He just has knuckles. He has like knuckle burns. Did that hurt when it happened? No, it hurts after when I ripped a skin off and ate it. Yeah? We just jink. Yeah, jis buy me coke by me? Is that what you would do? I thought, jinks. I can't get out of chinks until Noah says my name? What? Why? No? Uh so there's always another person or me Andrew wait four times, Andrew, Andrew, Andrew and her story here. Seagull is a new term seagulling to describe dating trend where you don't want to be with Bason seagull and then he kind of drops off. Sounds personal. You got a seagull. No, we seagled each other. Go, I heard I heard that crying. You didn't cry. You didn't cry. You didn't cry, you didn't cry, you didn't cry. Well, no, no, there's there's no story there, all right. So seagulling is a new term where it really does sound like whatever happened between you and Jason seagull seaging? Did I get seagulled by seagull? Keep you you got did it? Oh? No, we don't say, we don't say his name. Well, now you did want to be So it's when you don't want to be with a person, but you also don't want them to be with anyone else. Okay, you're with them. Seagulls do that. I guess I don't know why it's called seagulling. I mean, they got it. They could deep throw big things. Seagulls are amazing and I love those birds. I think they're so cute. But I don't get why seagulls. So I guess seagulls are like if you are eating something and they want it, and then you go, I don't want it. They sweat. No, if they don't want it and you take the crumb. Let's say you throw some bread to a seagull and then it picks at it and it goes, I don't like it. There's an amazing tech talk of a seagull being fed. I showed you that one, right, God, I wish remember when he's feeding the seagull, that guy through the window. There's a TikTok series. He's like day three of feeding my pet seagull, and the seagull it's through the window and it keeps going like give me some food, bitch, and the guy is feeding it and it's like, I will kill you someday. And this bird just has this like voice of a woman that's gonna murder him. But then, okay, so if you feed the seagull, it doesn't want it, and then you go find I'm taking a piece of bread back the seagull be like, no, I want it, you can't have it, and it just throws it and it still won't need it, and it like just like takes it back and it like throws it in the sands. You can't have it, or it produces a new movie. Um, okay, let's every damn tongue in cheeks. Okay, So, but why do humans? So if you're afraid of if you don't love someone but you don't want them to be with anyone else, you're probably afraid of being alone one right, Well, I think it's just a matter of I mean this is deep, deep insecurity. You know we're talking the attachment book attached, Like that's that's insecure. Anxious okay, anxious anxious attached? Yes, okay, So I mean this is a very common feeling. I feel like I feel this with Like, until I recently fell in love, I didn't want to be with my ex boyfriend because he doesn't want to be with me, I meanly, but like, I mean, you don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you either, But like, that happens a lot. What do you mean being with someone that wanting to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you? Yeah, yeah, I mean I understand that, Like you want them to want to be with you more than like, so I understand that. Like, but if someone doesn't want to be with you, you you don't want to be with someone who doesn't like you. You just want them to change and want to be with you. So it's not like you really want them to be with you. Does that make sense? That does make sense. But this person doesn't want to be with the person, but stays with them even though that person wants to be with them. Wait, seagulling is staying with a person just to keep them. I don't like you, but I'm with you. You like me a lot. I decide to stay with you just because I don't want you to be with anyone else, not because I like you. Stay with me? Okay, um, yeah, I mean I think most people are in that relationship, like so many people in marriages. I mean sometimes even the way the people closest in my life in relationships talk to each other horrifies me, and I go, you guys don't like each other. You're abusive to each other, and the way you talk to each other, there is resentment with every word you say to one another, every eye roll. Eye rolling is hatred, like it's dismissed of its hatred. And if someone is doing it to you, get the funk out of the relationship or fix it because that person does not like you deep down and they're gonna take it out on you. And so I think that most relationships are this, and it's so selfish to not let that person go. I mean, because most cause you're afraid of being alone in relationships long term, really resent the other person. But they're too scared to be alone themselves, or they're too scared for that person to find better than them, because it would then reaffirm that the person themselves is not the best, which or that's I mean, this gets back all too like the idea that, like, if I was with a guy and he cheated on me or wanted to cheer me, go, I don't want to keep you. You don't like me. Why do people want to be with someone who doesn't like them? But so many times to like people will go well, I never liked them, I don't want to be with someone else, and then you let them go be with someone else, and then you go, oh, but I like them now because now they have value because there I see someone. I mean, I would say that, I would say there's point zero zero one percent of people actually not that much. But I think it's like two percent of people actually like themselves enough that if someone didn't like them, they would go okay by because it's so we're all. Our culture breeds us to be so insecure and have such low self esteem and be so dependent on relationships to feel like complete, that so many people stay in things. My sister last night even said, up, we're talking about the characters on Summer House, and she goes I don't think these the so and so are gonna last and I go still successful though even if like, I still think their relationship is great, even if they break up and she's like and I go. And by the way, most couples don't last. So it's not like is every couple unless you die going, I love you, Cynthia in a nursing home holding ans is every relationship with failure, Like people that have been are in two year relationship. I want to be married for two years. I have been very clear about that. I want to This past relationship I was in, I was like, I would like to marry you for two years. I don't mind getting divorced. I'm gonna have a prenup. I'm gonna make it so it is very easy. And I know that people are like, yeah right, Nikki, it's not as easy as you think. So maybe I won't get married, but a two year relationship is what I'm looking for. I don't think that I have relationships for them to be successful. Do not need to be forever. Let someone go once you're done, once you have outgrown each other. It's okay too. It doesn't mean you failed. You should marry like a like an eighty year old or someone with a terminal disease. So at two years are you I love you, Nikki? So you get the best of that, Yeah, that kind of dying death rattle and you're like yeah, thanks, and you're like fine and healthy. Well, I realized that no one in my family will ever think whatever relationship I am in is legitimate because they all think that marriage number one is like the key to being like that means that you're the most in love. And by the way, I don't need their approval for like whoever I love, But I will never win in terms of like that you're in the best relationship, because I will not ever be able to get in a relationship as long as my sister and Matt They've been together for like fifteen years of this like so long, and so I'll never no matter what relationship I'm in, it will never be as strong and as deep as ones that left. It's just to me, that's bullshit. I don't care how long you've been together. There are couples I've been together fifty years and they fucking hate each other. In a relationship I had for a month is deeper love than you felt now it's not deeper connection of like we've been through a lot. But this whole debate of like, well you're not married, so you're not like as in love. Oh you don't know each other as long you haven't been in love like Robeo and Juliet is based on people who know each other for like, oh ten days or something. And there was fifteen Yet that's the greatest love story. Why do we look at that as the rates love story? Yet we dismiss any teen love? Love is love is love. And point of the Beatles only being together for seven years and they're the best band, you know what I mean? Right? They were only together seven years? Yeah, and that crazy. I think they were maybe successful for seven years because nineteen sixty four and then I think they broke up in seventy. Okay, maybe you're right. Wow. So Japanese researchers next story, let's get to it. Japanese researchers discovered that men with large noses tend to pack larger penises as well. Scientists examined the bodies of a hundred twenty six middle aged men deceased middle aged men. They laid the cadavers down and extended their penises to approximate the length when erect. Then they compared the measurement. They found that men with two point two inch noses clocked in at five point three inch penises, and men with one point eight inch penis, oh no inch noses had penises that measured up to four point one inches. Both those penises aren't that long, So I don't really undert I've always kind of thought that, like, if you like your features, tend your appendages. Can we measure my nose right now and you can tell me how long my dick is? How long do you think an iPhone is? Um, I don't know. I can see your nose, Like the fact that you're holding an iPhone up to your nose doesn't tell me anything new, like the length of an iPhone and cigarette. I know what your penis looks like based on your hands. I have to tell you like I could probably if I saw your penis my penis. So, I mean, I've described your hands a guy's hands. But I had a friend one time who was a wardrobe assistant on my show I'm Not Safe, and she said, the way to tell the guys penis is always just look at his hands because their penis looks the same as their hands do, like a man's hands compared to like an average man's stands. That's the way your penis looks. Your penis looks the way your hand looks compared to other men's hands, like an average hand. So your penis is a little bit stubbier. Uh, there's a little bit, there's a stubborness to it. It. Probably it looks like your thumb a lot, but like thicker than your thumb, but like it has like that same coloring, and probably is a little bit like like I guarantee you it looks like your hand. I know what you'r I know what your penis looks like a thumb for a penis, But I bet I could draw it. I bet I know exactly flaccid what it looks like, and it is. I think that it's not flaccid. It's flaccid. Isn't that funny that we say it, yeah, and we say culinary instead of culinary, and it's supposed to be culinary. That's the smallest piece of paper. You don't even want me to like, you just literally got out a post it note for me to draw the scale version of your penis so well, that tells me a lot. Then it was one of those posts notes you used to like bookmark things. No, go in that drawer over here. I think there's like envelopes. I think it'll fit on an envelope, right, okay, I'll draw it. Yeah, you gave up this tiny like a receipt, a little credit card receipt. It was. It was very No this is soft. Oh no, no, a no, no, no it soft. I mean I can't do this is still not okay, No, I want to do soft because I feel like that soft. It's like, I mean, who do you think I am? No, no, no no, hold on, oh I'm just getting like, hold on, I'm just doing I think it's that that soft that I mean, a soft dick is all over the place. It is. Yeah, I would say, no, it's it's probably like this. I don't think it's that wide, to be honest, really, because your thumb looks so what your thumb is like a Megan Fox thumb. If you guys don't know what that is. No, my penis, I describe it. It's like very Timothy shallowm It looks like Timothy if Timothy Shallum was a penis. It's like skinny. It's skinny. I never thought that. So it doesn't look like your hands at a very handsome though. I gotta be honest to the skin off it. We then Moile did when I was born rab By jokes. Um no, So I uh know, my penis is very handsome. I have a handsome penis. But it's just very proportioned, but handsome because it doesn't have any discolorations and coloration. There's no weirdness to it. There's no like you you would enjoy. I think most women story. All right, I just start talking about your penis. It's too early. I know I brought it up. I'm bringing it down, all right. Jody Turner Smith thirty four says relationship with husband Joshua Jackson forty two began when they had a one night stand after meeting at a party. The acts this story. You could just go Joshua Jackson met his wife after a one night stand. Like that would be a wait, it's how the story that wasn't Joseph. Jody Turner Smith thirty four met her husband Joshua Like nobody knows who Jody Turner Smith is based on names, So you could take that headline and just make it different, you know what I mean, Like, isn't that a way to paraphrase that? You think that would be easy? Okay? So, but just you know, you don't need I just think they would be easier for people to understand instead of being like Jody Turners. It's just a little bit of a So Joshua Jackson Pacy from Dawson's Creek met his wife. Yeah, so he met his wife at a party. She pretended like not to see him, like played a little hard to get, and then she was unimpressed with his first line next to you know they were banging was his first line. Uh, I don't say. Okay, she wasn't that impressed, and then they banged after that party. I guess the story. I guess the story is interesting because she's admitting that they fucked on the first night. Is that why she no? The interesting thing for me was that she noticed him and she really wanted him, and then when he paid attention to her, she ignored him and he followed her around the party, and then by the end of the night they connected and then they had sex the first night. You do two things with celebrities. Do you either go, oh my God, you're Nicky Glazer, or you go, hey, I'm Andrew and you're like, Hi, I'm NICKI You're like, oh, hi, Nikki. You either go insanely overboard or you go insanely well. I don't think this is a celebrity thing as much as it was. She liked him things. So if you meet a celebrity that you like and you're not trying to fund them, obviously, just tell them that you like them, because every celebrity wants to be liked. That's why we get into it. So don't ever try to be cool, like you don't know. I found out people on set for the so we did in the game An Islands. They later texted me like so good getting to know you, or like it was so good. Like I got a lot of texts of like goodbye text you know, and one of them was someone we want a Dave and his wife texts. Dave texted me from the set and he goes, and by the way, my wife and I are huge fans, and we were. I was always like, I was really excited to me. I'm like, you are a huge You seemed like you didn't know who I was. And it's like that would have made me go, oh, that's like, that's really nice that they know me. It won't won't make me like you less if you're a huge fan of me. And I'm I think I'm not alone here with celebrities get into this because we want people to like us, so turn off a guy. No, romantically, I would want I would do the same thing that she did and um, but that's for if I'm trying to attract a man, because I want to be in feminine energy, which is not trying at all and being very like coy and I would want a man to be like like, can't stop looking at me, like wants to know, wants to really like, Yeah, I would, I would try. I would do the exact same thing. Like when I met John Mayor, I was just like, oh hey, you know, like I wasn't like, oh I love you. But if I met you know, if I met that Dave Matthews. Because I'm not trying to Dave Matthews. I'm not, but I know, but it's not like a possibility he's married with kids. I mean that's not something I would if he was like, oh this one night, like you know, like, but I'm I would I want to be with day Matthews, and since I'm he's married with kids, I can't. And so it's just like, what if he closed the door a serious and played say goodbye to you and said, look, don't worry about my wife and my kids, you know. And I literally just got turned on even thinking about the idea of having sex with Dave Matthews to the Say Goodbye live at Luther College. But he taped when I was in sixth grade, like we can't do this, Dave, and then he's as in a series's one in one of the rooms that's serious because that's where I met him, and those are such cold, bright rooms. I don't know, I don't even It wouldn't be comfortable and I would feel like anyone could walk in any second. Mad be that sex where his jeans would be around his like calves until you would hear the genes go like yes, yes, and it would just be like a little bit sweaty, just like pright doggy style, and then you'd be done. You're like, did I just fuck Dave Matthews? Like it wouldn't be like that would be it would be worth it would be I mean, it would it would just be for the story and it would be like bucket list, you know, like hosting the TV Movie Awards. We should do a list where we tend people tend kind of occupations before we die. Let's we should do a list of like people celebrities we'd have sex with, like like our our top our top one bottom one set that him and Dave Matthews were my hall passes, even though I don't have a boyfriend or husband to have hall pass with. It's so a conversation. We gotta go get a COVID test downstairs. Let's get to the corn and test. All right, here we go, Hey, here we go. Tears Andrew's weekly supports moment sounds more thrilled every week. All right. Drew Robinson makes San Francisco Giants triple A roster after losing his eye in suicide attempt. So he shot himself in the face. Then he didn't call the cops till the next day he called one for himself. He lost his eye and now he's playing pro baseball. Like, I mean, it's unbelievable, Like he shot himself, right, I don't know what he's actually shoot himself, like suicide. Yeah, he tried to kill himself, and he shot himself and then he was he called nine one one the next day, what yeah, for himself, So he had no eye for a whole day. I don't, I gotta read the whole story on May thirteenth that comes out on ESPN, Like this, it's gonna be like a thirty for thirty kind of thing. So then he calls, he survives, loses his eye, and he was a hell of a baseball player before that, right, And so then he comes back and now he's playing Triple A baseball with one eye he's missing. He's a lefty, he's missing his right eye. Oh my god. But I mean this just shows you, like, you know, if you're in the moment, like things can get better, you know, like don't just because it's happening right then, Like I mean, when people survive suicide so many times right there, just so yeah, they realized that, Okay, maybe I didn't want to kill myself. This was in the moment, and this guy obviously made the absolute most of it. Yeah. I mean, I don't want to get into it, but they often find, you know, people that hang themselves, they find that they're like trying to get the news like they find them struggling with it, or you know, the people that have survived jumping up the Golden Gate Bridge have told like, as soon as they stepped the foot off, they were like, what am I doing? That might be your body's natural's response to want to survive even though the fact that you're Yeah, so that could be that. But then I have heard stories of people waking up in the i c U after an attempt and the nurse goes, you're alive, and they go fuck, and they go I have to do it again. Like I've heard all this way. So if you struggling with suicide, fucking talk to someone, Like, there's so many people you can talk to. There's helplines, all that stuff, but um and leave a voice, not because I'll cry about it. So this guy, I, you know, I'm really happy for this guy to have gotten his life back together in a way that he can play again. I hope he's in a better place. I hope he doesn't try it again, because these things sometimes can go that way. Yeah. I mean, if he doesn't make the actual pro team, if he just stays in minor league, he's playing in the pro league in the Triple A, which is right below before I think he was playing triple A just the thing. I need to know more about the story, and I apologize. So I'm gonna this is a failed sports moment and just turn into a Andrew's suicide news moment. But you know I can learn more about it, um, and we can talk about it next right here here to Okay, this is the guy. Okay hall um. I could literally skip this right now and learn Yeah. Okay, so yeah, he in a two suicide except oh my god, it was two thousand twenty. Drew Robinson makes San Francisco Giants triple A roster. Triple A is right underneath. Okay, um for the Sacramento river Cats. Like you said, like him losing his eye, he might have, you know, gotten even better because he worked even harder. It's like when someone you know, they tear their a c l and they worked their ass off to get back and they're actually healthier and they have a better knee after the fact. Yeah, I mean like it sounds like this attempt really helped him, because he he attempted suicide on April, which surprises friends and family who had always seen Robinson as the wise, cracking good natured life of the party, which is oftentimes that what happens for surgeries. Later, Um, they removed the bullet. Uh, they removed to the eye, his eye, and um. He says that he's now rebuilding mentally, um with regular therapy, meditation, and medication. I love to hear that. Wow, Well, I would like to know what his history was, like how far he made it before he decided to shoot him. Always want to know what the thing is that goes the guy goes, I'm gonna do this, Like is it did they get drunk and just like got some saw a picture of their ex on Instagram with a new boyfriend. Like these things that people finally go I'm gonna do it. It's just so motivated by this moment. It's like that song the You two song that was written about the lead singer that committed suicide of UM I forget who who YouTube Banno wrote the song about it. But it's stuck in a moment and you can't get out of it. That's a song about his friend who committed suicide because he was just stuck in a moment that you can just just get past that moment and you won't want to do this, like, just hold on so um to all our listeners that have those thoughts or anyone thinking about those things. I've thought about those things before too, and it's hard. It's you can't help out. Your mind goes and sometimes but you can. There is always someone who will talk to you about it. And um, like, if you're brave enough to try to take your own life, you can be brave enough before you do that to maybe have hope that someone might talk to you and make you feel differently if you wait. So let's get to listener mail, all right, this one comes in for from Sarah. H Oh, it's Sarah with an H, but the last part of the it's either Sarah with an AH or it's Sarah with an ex capital H at the end of Sarah. Okay, So we got a voice message from Sarah. Let's listen voice voice message and Nikky and Andrew, hope you all are having all the swells. I'm having all the swells on my end. So I've heard a lot of discussion between you guys about how Andrew has some trouble pronouncing things, and I just am here to let you know, Andrew, I also have a lot of issues pronouncing things too, but it feels like, um, I have a few instances that are a little bit more humiliating in my past, publicly pronounced Santa Monica. Damn it, there I go Monica, Santa Monica. And I've also pronounced um yosemite as yas might and if I think of it, there's all. But there's my two most agregious offenses. So oh that made me so swells. I look, Santa Monica. I will never say the other one again. Santa Monica. Yosamite yassamite, yam dude, I thank you. I feel less alone, and uh, you know it's like, no, Sarah, I need to know when you said Santa Monica and what and what was the circumstance and like context of like if I heard someone say Santa Monica, I would just go wait what, Like I want to know what when you said it and how shocked people were and confused. That's so funny, Like is it considered a speech impediment when you say words wrong? Or is everyone else wrongment? I think it's just uh, I think it's just a cute little thing. At least when Sarah does. It's adorable. But remember remember that one time, Noah, when the guy, the one of the fire ups at Comedy Central pronounced it chippole Chippotle or chip chip Chipottle. He called it, and I go, and it's someone that he was like above me. He was like a boss, and I go, I go, Chappato, I go. I can't I go? Hasn't when we're at a big dinner like it was all people that worked for this guy, and he was very nice, so I knew he could. He can. I go? Who who has let you get through life? And not corrected Chappato because I know you've used that before. People aren't being honest with you, sir. I said, it's Chipotle and he was a little embarrassed, And I'm like, this is what happens when you're a boss. Is people let you say I'm one of the Chapado in Santa Monica and last summer I've made with my family and yes I might, and everyone else is going, I can't wait to go to Chapatto too many Then they talked about you behind your back. I needed him to know so he knows. How did he react? What did you say? That's a little embarrassed, but he was laughing. I just go this this and I made fun. I go, this is what happens when you're the boss like you, you think of all the other things you're saying wrong. I mean, I think a lot of people say yeah, but it was it was chapado. It was something very very wrong. Let's hear a voice memo from Liz. Hello, besties, this is Liz. I've had two recorders with this, so I just want to get to the point right now. Get him. Love the show, love the pod. I crave Monday through Thursdays being able to listen to you guys, so thanks. My question is is Andrew going to be under scoring with you Nikki when you start touring this fall. I'm super excited and I think that would be super fun, super cool. Okay, it comes, so it would be really cool. Not yes, yes, and yeah. I just wanted to share that I had a little like fan moment when um Andrew with the blue checkmark. He responded to my um instadiums and I'm totally aware that he only did it because he was on his flight from the Cayman Island and he was super bored, but I still appreciate the responses made my night nice. Love you Besties. I love you, Liz Man. These voice notes are like support of Andrew a little um. It's so sweet. And yes, Andrew will be on tour, Liz Um all my tour dates for now, aur We're adding more. You can check out if from going to your city at Nikki Glazer dot com Slash Tour. And Andrew will be on all of those and we will be making a very pro Besties show with consideration that you know podcast listeners will be there. So I'm so grateful for you all, and I hope you can make it. Do you think when we walk out, people are gonna go Yeah? I mean I think I'm definitely going to reference some things that besties will only know and the rest of people will be very confused. They'll just be like, what was that sound? She just main I'll be because people we're just gonna realize no one listened with it a podcast? Oh I know yeah, And I'll be like, no, the besties are going to come out. I feel it for sure. Thank you so much for your voice, But let's keep leaving leaving them for us. Go to our Instagram page and then the link in the Instagram bio is going to take you to that and you can you can hear your own voice on our podcast. Thanks so much to Liz and Sarah for those let's know more word let us know more words that you say wrong out there because it's the best. Andrew final thought for the show, what's your day looking like? I'm gonna go to that workout class at ten am and then we're gonna hang out with the director of your pilot that you shot for your I'm going to be hanging out, but I think I am yes, because I am working all day and um yeah, I'm just gonna go into this weekend of you know, We're going to l A on Saturday, so I'm gonna get a couple more days with my girl, my lady. Hopefully we'll have some weird new sex while looking in the mirror. Yeah, he has a sick mirror and uh, your boy, it's the It's one of the best things that I don't like seeing myself, but I like seeing her in the mirror because it's almost like I'm in a porn kind of because I'm disconnected. I'm seeing I don't see the image across the room as opposed to what you well, you've always kind of said that like sometimes when they're like you're having sex, you can't even process that, like it's happening to you and you're like out of body even though like the thing you dream about both is like happening to you, so weird. And then when when you see it in the mirror, you're like, holy sh it, that's me having sex with that. Like that person is having sex with like that. I mean, why she I don't deserve that? Well, have her send a voice moment and then let us know why. No, it's so sweet. I'm happy for you. What are you gonna do? I mean, what are your thoughts these days? I mean, you're back in St. Louis. Are you feeling comfortable? Are you feeling happy? Are you feeling like came in is like you spent two months and came in out of it spent almost three months. I mean it was a long and I spent two weeks like alone after it. Um, I miss that life and I feel good being back in St. Louis, But I also feel, um a little bit like frustrated with any romantic I really really want um a boyfriend or I want a husband at some point in my future. And I'm really I like know exactly what I want now, and so now I'm kind of like I need to get that my life is in order. My career is just solid. I don't really want anything more in my career. It keeps coming and I'm so grateful, but like I am not driven by my career anymore. Like I'm driven now by like intimacy and wanting to find um a partner. But it's really frustrating because on the apps here in St. Louis, there's just not There's slim Pickens, and I'm frustrated by Ryah, which is the other dating app for l A. I'm frustrated by my Instagram because no one's really sliding in, Like I don't know. I'm excited to go to l A and like work on a new set on this MTV thing and like meet new people and like trying to find the right one, but it's not it's not so much trying, like I just have to be open to it, which I really am now. Like the other day, you showed me a picture of a guy that you were like going to set there, Like, hey, my friend lives in l A. And I wasn't attracted to him based on the pictures like he wasn't in my type even though he's an attractive guy. And what did I say to you? No, you said I was that you would give it a chance, even though the initial attraction might not be there. Yeah, That's what I've learned, is that I don't know anything. I literally, anyone that I've swiped left on on apps I could fall deeply in love with, because I know now that it's not about like the way you look on an app like that is. Looks are obviously something it looks in person means so much more than app. But no one on an app represents themselves the way that they are. No one. I guess what you do know about the guys that he was best friends with me, like I vouch for him. People also vouch for people that have been engaged when you vouch for them, like, I don't really trust your yea. That was one time they were in an open relationship at the time. Yeah, that guy, and the next day he literally announced his engagement. I was like, I was scoping this guy yesterday, being like I could date this guy that because you don't think then you go, I don't trust you with that. That was one time. One time that you recommended an engaged friend for me. To date, you've been, you've you've entertained a couple of guys, and then I just I don't think you and I have the same type in guys for me, or have the same I think I might have better guys for you than you do for yourself. Possibly. I mean that generally happens, but for people who like, yeah you, but I mean, yeah, you know what happened. We became friends too late if we were friends of twenty three, but I wouldn't have been ready for a relationship. I'm not I wasn't really ready for one six months ago. I'm just saying I had way more available, like really hot, successful friends for you. But maybe when I get divorced. If you're listening, guys, I can't wait for this new batch to come up. I'm thirty six. So people are getting divorced, which doesn't mean that their relationship with their ex wife was unsuccessful or not as good. Like if you get divorced, that didn't mean you failed. I'll say that again. If your breakup or get divorced, your relationship is not a failure. Not everything is to last until you're like I love you, batress, and I'm going to say good Bundy through this window at a nursing home because of COVID. Like those are always the relationships we celebrate. It's like, what if they fucking hated each other for forty five years, like a guy with two kids or like with a kid, Oh my god, I'd be all over it because I don't really want kids on my own, but step kids, I could totally Like if he's like, you know, the type of dad that doesn't really want to see these kids that much, then that's even better. Yes, stealing you away from your old family, that's the laser way. Um. All right, guys, thank you so much for listening. That was our week of a show. We will be back next week, you know we will will be in Los Angeles and right next to yeah, Cinamonica. And make sure you get tickets to my tour Nikki Glazer dot com slash tour to check out my tour dates and to get tickets. Pre sale code is one night, All, one word. Thank you for listening. We'll see you on Monday, squirts. Oh wait, okay,