Nikki is really interested in why Andrew has a duck on his STL hat. They both had to hunt down their food delivery orders. Nikki is not feeling all that great since she has a crick in her neck and fighting her depression. Learning about Taylor Swift's new album gives Nikki life and Taylor's VMA after party outfit makes Nikki suspect about a possible life change. Nikki and Andrew talk about what gets their creative juices flowing and land on the origin of music. In Nikki's Reddit Dump they find out about a race in STL, that a penis is not breathtaking and who has a better orgasm. In the Final Thought Andrew tells how he pranks his girlfriend Brenna.
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The Nicky Glazer Podcast. Nick Here's Nicky. Hello here I am. It's a Nicki Glazer podcast. It is Tuesday. Welcome to the show. I am still in Los Angeles, California. I'm joined by Andrew. He is in St. Louis. Noah is in New York. I believe still Um and yeah, we're just scat heard holding it down on every side. Um, it's I have a crank in my crank. Yeah, craig, crank in my neck. Crank crack, crinkle crackle. Wait, wait, what's the hat you were wearing? Stl Is there a duck on? That? Is the first as sid dust? I guess so I never even noticed until you just said it. I don't know what that stands for. I bought it at a golf store. It's great, great material. You know what. I don't look for ducks. You know that if you know that if there's a bird that I don't know, Yeah, I got a discount. They how many vaginas there on that? Yes? I don't know that. She definitely closed it's a duck right like I can barely see it might be, but you did not recognize that that was a duck. You just like the material of that? Are you just I don't understand how you miss that that's a duck. Well, I think it's a swan. I think it's a swan, well whatever, some kind of you know, nautical avian. I think a swan would make sense because it starts with an s S. Maybe no STL, but I think that, well, what does it represent? Where did you get a golf store at the Forest Park golf course? Uh? Great material? They don't. I think they got more ducks and worst park than swamps, so it might be that's good point, great material. So you were just about the material. You didn't really look at it, dude. I have a very sweaty, swampy head with that turns. It turns hats and to come rags. Every hat I had it looks like I jizzed all over it. And I'm like, this is my look because why does sweat turn white? I don't know, because come, I think it's to come. Do you ever wash them? Yeah? I do? But you know an hour later it's you know, it looks like a buffalo jizz on my head. And that one is just that one doesn't absorb. That doesn't happen to come on this thing many times the duck is like, I don't give a fuck. Uh. I just love the idea of wearing something that you don't know anything about like that. It has a little cute duck like boys are just so unobserved it in that way. I think that, yeah, some people just you just would never even look at that. I mean, you know, yeah, I'm material. It's so clearly it's so and he's he's hanging his head and shame, but you really are looking Okay, yeah, that is It's so. It's almost looks like duck t L. Now that I look at it, I feel like the T and d L are also animals. Do you like what people call St? Louis the lou? Do you like s? T L? What do you like the lue? I mean, and I'm proud Nelly really did it, But I don't really hear that in conversation that people do it a lot. I haven't heard it. I don't think and like regular comment I guess when people, Yeah, maybe not. I'm getting a buzzing in my ear as anyone else getting a buzzing. No, no, God cranking my neck at a buzz in my ear? Yeah, I just know that. Chris does not like the lou he likes St. L I don't care either way. Yeah, but I don't. I don't really think about that kind of stuff. But you know, I just don't like, Well, you're wearing a dug of the hat on it and you didn't know. I'm trying to think of, like if I grew up here, would I be annoyed by more things? Probably? You know, Like I mean, have you caught on too, Like the fact that everyone from St. Louis asked each other where they went to high school? Is that like a thing? You know? Now, as someone who's lived in St. Louis for two years, trying to think what I like? Do you know things about St. Louis, like you know, stereotypes? Not really. I just feel like people can't drive here. People drive without license plates. There's holes in the roads that will never be fixed. The buildings look like they've caught fire and then no one ever put them out. Certain parts of town. Yeah, yeah, you put up that that post about shooting on St. Louis and how the people in Ukraine are like, oh my god, there's a worse place. Yeah, it's just certain parts of St. Louis. I just want to say that, like you've driven this, this is the place you see on when you're driving to the airport. Yes, like a lot of St. Louis. Most of St. Louis Is not does not look like that. Yeah, I mean did joke when it when it hit as hard though, if I was like this air between Fifth Street and see you know what. But I just want to be clear that St. Louis I never growing up. I never saw a bad part of St. Louis when you grew up kind of in the suburb you know, Yeah, but we would go to the city. If you drive from the suburbs of the city, you don't see a bad place. It's like, if you take a short cut from the where we live to the airport, you're going to drive through some abandoned factory. I had a moment. Is that where where you're seeing it? Yeah, when you drive to the airport, if you don't go on the main road. Um, I went, well, that's what I'm saying. If you take the shortcut mile shortcut. And there was like four teenagers who had masks on not for COVID really, you know, like it was like Halloween, it was Halloween early. They I just that's another saying those things we celebrated. I put my car. I put my car because there was someone in front of me in reverse, ready to reverse out of trouble. Like I don't know. I was scared. I don't pull it too closely because you won't be able to get out of it. I don't even know if that would work. I feel like I did your reverse into like a tree, and then they'd laugh at me and go, we weren't even going to rob you. You were reversing to reverse out of it. Why don't you reverse to that you can pull forward out? I guess so, I mean now that you know, I could have used it. You know, so you were pulled up to someone too closely at a light, and then you reversed so that you could reverse. I was just ready to reverse. I threw in reverse, ready to go. But then that's insane, almost just you forgot that you were in reverse. It's one of those moments where you're like, am I being not racist? But like in my am I judging too harshly? Or should you be ready? You know? It's like one of those things. No, there's been a lot of there's a lot of carjackings in St Louis. It's like a thing that in shootings and you know in certain parts of town. Yeah, it's ways, we'll just take you through those parts of town with no problem. You'll save two minutes getting to the airport. But then you won't even love the idea that because in on it there like like they're in near ear. And third there's a guy in a corala and he's in reverse but he can't really reverse because he's a loser. You should rob him and make fun of his nipples while you're at it, And it's like, what, how did you know? Ways? How? It's like yesterday, I mean, are you are you encounter you encounter a lot of crime there? I mean she you got your windows smashed twice windows, I got my phone stolen, your phone stolen, nothing like obviously too bad? You look up, I had because able to duck again. Um I uh, I just feel like I'm talking to a depressed teenager, like, hey, I'm old, will you look at me? We're talking about your grad. Um. Yesterday we ordered food from a restaurant and the door dash person stole our food. I've never had that happen. They just they didn't. So when they pick up the order. They have to confirm it. The guy never confirmed it. Just I just see him eating our food somewhewhere, like in an alley. I don't know how that happens. I'm just assuming that he was eating it because he stole our food, like and I don't know what chicken wings and a kid's pizza and uh and a salad. God, he's still from a child. Yeah, that's even worse, Like he didn't know what was going to do adults. Maybe he was feeding and I feel bad. Maybe so we called so did you get your money? Hours later, you know, called the restaurant. They put on the hold for like twenty minutes, and then the restaurants don't call the restaurant. They have nothing to do with it. They're just no, but they'll know, you know that they know if the order guy. I didn't know that the DoorDash by criminal. I don't know that. You can't just call door dash. Why not because on the app it says it's headed your way and you can track it up. But then it kept going up and then it just it was picked up. But then just then so it got picked up. So don't call the restaurant. The restaurants. Open the restaurant, we'll have some answers. Wait that the guy looked a certain way, so then you can call the cops and they don't give a ship like that. What do you mean, I'm not calling the restaurant, you think restaurant. All I'm saying is that if you want to get your money back, you called DoorDash. You don't, and you don't call the restaurant. That's just a waste of your time, because did they give you your money back to the restaurant give your money back? Of course not no, No, if anything, they charge more. No. We did learn from the restaurant they really washed their hands. Event from the restaurant. It's the only time you at the restaurant to wash their hands before they make your food. What we learned though, is that they remade the order and gave it to someone else that did confirm. So we did find that out, so we knew our order was finally coming with a different door Dash person. Right then we finally wrote door Dash. They called us. They're like, we'll cancel your order. We're like, we don't want to cancel it. We want the food. They gave us forty dollars on door dash. So so you just ordered it again. No, I didn't order again, and finally came two hours later and we the order was seventy bucks and it was forty and they gave us forty back. They didn't even give us the floor. Okay, so you so they gave you forty dollars for your weight time because you got it a lot later. Yeah, I mean, has that ever happened to you? I mean, it's it's well my uber eats. Yeah. The other night they they here in l A. They said they dropped it off and I was communicated chatting with the guy because I was like, bring it to the front desk, just say it's for so and so and um, and then he was like I did, and then I called down and there's it's nowhere to be seen. And so I just you know, I just I know that the headache of calling the rest I'm first of all, I never called the restaurant because that is not how you handle these things. But I would. I called I was gonna go through the Uber eating and I just go no, I'll just order it again, like this is it probably went to someone who needed it. It's fine, and you know, I just uh, I just said, I guess I'm I didn't need that food tonight and I just ate the snack bar um. And then the other night in St. Louis, they dropped it off and they take a picture when it lands, which is helpful because then you have proof that it is somewhere. And I guess they could take a picture and then pick it back up we get and take it, but they had a picture, and so I sent Chris to go down and get it, and he was like, it isn't here, and I was like, there is a picture of it there. And then I looked at the picture and it was not the front desk of our of our building, and so I was like, oh, fox a way to study the picture for ideas of where this food could be. So I knew it was at a hotel because it was the very side of a on the picture, there was a very It was like I was doing an investigation. There was just a liver of a Hilton Rewards Honors member plaque and I know it from checking into so many fuckings. And so then I looked and I was like, who is in the Hilton Rewards program within a vicinity? And we had a couple of hotels, and so I called them all and UM and Chris went on foot to go look at each hotel and then we finally tracked it down their tricks like that, yeah we got it, and I'll tell you the food taste better, having like thought you lost it, and then I felt like a hunt. You're so privileged to be able to even yeah, like yeah, yes, you made an effort. You figured it out through like the photo and what's in the background, and like, oh yeah, I had to. I knew it was going to be because I saw him driving and I was like, okay, he definitely brought it somewhere. I looked at the address and I was like, which hotel has my similar kind of address? And it was across the street. But it was just like, do you know that on one side of the street or even numbers and on the other side of the street are always going to be odd numbers? Do you know that? Of that? Do you do you know that? Like yeah, or do you know that? So like if you're looking for address that's nine thirty two and on one side you're slowing down to look and you all you see eight thirty nine, it's got to be on the other side. So many people do not know that. And I'm not saying like there's always like a certain side it's on, whether it's like what direction it is, and I don't know that. But I do know if I look on one side of the street and it's, um, well, that would help to know where my pries. Um. If yeah, on one side of the street there's odd numbers and you're looking for an even address, it's gonna be on the other side street. The problem is, I don't even think people know what odd and even numbers are anymore. I think that's how stupid people. Yeah, yes, prime numbers are always gonna be catty corner. And my god, I had a dream where I was teaching someone what a prime number was. The other day Amazon free shipping numbers that you get free shipped. Um. I think I was just teaching them like it's only divisible by itself and one. I think I said that, and I really wasn't even sure if that was. I think I learned prime numbers way too late in life. I missed that day of school and then I had to like fake like I knew what they were for so many grades. And then eventually I had to just like be honest with someone and be like awesome. It was a very big insecurity also. I mean I get it. Like it's tough though sometimes with these bigger companies because you want to talk to someone and you know what, door Dash did a good job of getting back and like communicating, but sometimes you don't even know. You write customer service and they put you to someone I don't know. Sometimes it's very hard to talk to corporate people and figure things out in a timely manner, and you know what it is, they probably have so many issues that they're like, we we gotta be good at this. Like well, it's like Amazon, like they they make so much fucking money and have so many orders at if they you know, I returned that pink Mike and they were like, are you going to return it? And I'm like, uh huh, and they're like, okay, here's your money back, so you're where you're gonna return And I'm like, if you want that poop Mike back, I will. I never did, and I think I still got the money back. But like they and when you return things they've tracked on before and it all ends up in a landfill they lose money by restocking things. It's a waste of their time and energy and um, and so they just throw it away. It doesn't they have enough money that you can just return stuff. You don't have to return stuff. They'll just go here's here, we'll send it again, especially the volume that I buy from Amazon. I think that I am probably aside from like actual companies spend more money there than anyone and they just go get just give this girl whatever she wants. At this point, they probably probably have your own like packing station for you here in St. Louis. And I'm not someone whom yeah, probably, I'm not someone who complains a lot about like getting refunds kind of. I just feel like that's more, that's more of my time and effort than actually getting the three dollars back or whatever it is. Like there are times times they get over charged for things, and I'm just like I wish it was a part of my personality to like fight for what's right. And like I think I was just thinking the other day, but I never look at a hotel like like I never check out of a hotel and see all the charges and I guarantee you I've been charged so many times for stuff that i'd either many bar stuff or even you know, a lot of times places are I put down my credit card for incidentals, but it's being covered by the business that's flying me there, And I bet I've paid for hotels before just because I haven't checked that stuff. I'm just so bad about that. I always found that when I have to call and like dispute a charge or something, I always lead with why I'm calling, and then I say are you able to help me with that? And then just like being courteous and saying, oh man, you know, like I appreciate this so much, thank you so much for your help. It goes such a long way that yes, they just want to help you because they probably deal with assholes who yell at them when they have nothing to do with it. Oh, they want to keep you on the line because you're just keeping them from talking to another asshole who's not appreciative. Yeah, it's best friends. At the end, it's like we'll have a great day. Gal. I just feel like some of these companies though, like if you don't pay them, they don't treat you polite, you know, like Verizon, like they'll be like we're shutting you down in a day if you don't fucking pay, like it feels very like uh accute, like accusator. I don't know Verizon, if I don't pay, like they're like twenty four hours, like they give you a time limit, like they're a bully, And I feel like they don't give a shit about you as a customer a lot of times. So I think that's why a lot of people give them shipped back, you know, Like I don't think companies are like, oh oh you can't afford No. People get mad at do you ever set up just like automatic pay? Though I've done it like three times and I know it takes two seconds and I should do it, and I just my brain doesn't. So every month, you like you have to actually go in and pay that I get angry and wait, Andrew, that's insane. This is hey, Look, some of us just believe you. Do you have an alarm on your phone? No? I don't. Seriously, do you have a thing on your phone that do you do this with like your like the bills, like your internet and your cable. You don't do automatic pay for anything for you have a reminder on your phone? No? Nothing, and I'd forget the path reason for this. I'm a d D, I would say, or not planning being a PROGRASSI they what if when you call next time to pay it, you just say, hey, can I do automatic pay? What's presenting that the three seconds of setting up automatic pay. Here's the thing too, I just lost my walking. There's some fear you're gonna feel you lost. I haven't lost my wallet. You know, I used to drink a lot, and I don't know if this happened to you. Probably did. You'd lose your debit card a lot and and you wouldn't know what bar was actually get to follow the stamps on your hand like it was a man, like that's how you figure out where your food. You're looking for uper eats Bay. And I would. I would lose my debit card like once every two weeks, like, but I haven't lost this one for like five years. And uh I lost my wallet at because I lost at the golf course, completely sober, and uh I couldn't find it. And I get a d M from a guy saying that his father, who has dementia, brought home my wallet from the golf course and it was just sitting on their kitchen counter, and the mom life sounded and she didn't know how it got She thought an intruder. Intruder came into the house and just brought it all and he didn't. And then poor dad didn't know because he has dementia where it came from, and so you probably just had it on the counter or something and then meant to Dad just picked it up and stole it excellently. We're on purpose and he's using as an excuse. But um, so then the guy goes, I'll come and bring you to wallet. So I mean him at Starbucks, and it's like a young guy who's and I was like, you know, I was like, thank you so much, you know, I left it here, and I started I started like doing like this whole story of like, you know, I left it there, and then I looked there and I was wondering why. And this whole time, I'm already this man has a demented dad. He doesn't need any of this. I'm so bored already the explanation. So you have to make yourself feel better. You didn't lose it. It was whatever. It was just like just nervous, just like like being thankful you know being like, this is why it was so hard for me that day, even though your dead. Oh my god, Like, okay, dude, I don't need to know the story. Here's your wallet. Get the I was like, he probably wants to my dad's stories times a day. Yeah, did you think he knew you? I mean, I guess he knew he knew through it? Yeah, yeah, yeah, but he wasn't following me. Guy's got a blue checkmark. He did unfollowed me? Probably, dude. It was just so funny. And then I get the wallet. Finally, I canceled the credit card right away or debit card, so I have a digital card now on my phone. And then I lost my wallet a day later. Now I can't find it. WHOA what you You lost your wallet? Wallet? Oh ship, I don't know what do you do? You gotta license in Missouri? Is it hard to go to d m V? Did you? Are you not paying attention? We have to go to break. We'll come right back after this. Do you not see the porch he's been waving for like about I thought it's a beak for the bird on my app Get back to the dock and we're back. Yeah, I lose my ship all the time you had to go to dm Well this was months ago, but I remember you being shocked how easy it was to get the license, right. Um, that wasn't me. I think it was. I haven't been to the d m V in so long. This was like two years ago when you to St. Louis. Yeah, because I still have my same picture from Um when I was there years and years ago. What happened to your neck? I don't know. I woke a little of the night and it's just I you know, it's it's in that. I just don't want to give credence to it because it's not a real physical injury. I hate when people are like, I slept on my neck weird. It's like I'm stressed. I'm depressed. I'm pressed. Um I did not, Yeah, I stopped in Maybe this how I sleppt. I slept in a nest. Um quack quack. Um. I cannot laugh. Um my neck as a thing in it? Um, I don't know. In the middle of the night it started. And by the middle of the night I went to bed last night at seven thirty p m. And um, and then woke up and they get like ten and then went back to bed immediately and then woke up again at two and then slept until eight, like I slept twelve hours. I've been um pretty depressed and just hating my life recently, but for no reason kind of thing. And so I think it's just a materializing of that. I don't know what it is, but I noticed I don't want to go get it worked on. Around your period, there's a lot a lot of like negative and and and you feel very depressed around your parent I've been tracking it recently and it's honestly that every other day I want to die. Um. It's like I think, because I've been tracking it period, your period just hanging out somewhere in a bag. My period is it's I don't know what's going on nothing. Can you know what I think? Oh, she's hurting. Boy, here's a play by play. I am not generating. It is so crazy. Yeah, I'm trying to find a place where it doesn't hurt. But it's like even talking hurts it. Um. Yeah, I've just been um coming down with something all weekend. Been Really is it when you have such a big high? I mean, you had such a huge high last week, I can only imagine. Yeah, I think these highs might be part of it. Yeah, Like we're talking about doing ecstasy and how people are like, oh, if you do ectasy the next day, you like literally are suicidal. And I've always been like, well, I can't funk with that stuff because that's how I feel a lot of times. And I realized like, yeah, it might be that. But the thing is, I don't get like when for Kimmel or whatever, there was no part of me that's like, oh my god, this is the best thing that's ever gonna happen to me. I like, I'm not even walking on sunshine because I know that nothing matters and it doesn't really. It's fun to do and it was so fun, and it's a lot of like um, I guess nerves or like you know, a lot of effort goes into it and a lot of energy. But only for two days of my life did a lot of energy go towards that. It wasn't like it was days and days of just me like biting my finger nails and being like so nervous and thinking about it and not having to focus on anything else. I mean, I've had things like that in my life where it's like my specials and stuff where it's been like weeks of like, oh my god, this thing is coming up well for me was not that. It was just like wait till you get to it, it'll be fun and then it'll be done. And that's what it was. But um, yeah, almost immediately afterwards, it was a dark, dark weekend of just a lot of um and I can't even cry. That's the problem I'm so I've been reading about depression all weekend because I'm just trying to find anything that makes me feel like I'm not insane for the way I'm feeling. Like all I want to read about is other people that are depressed to just make me feel less alone, I guess, and every meme about depression is about people crying, and I just don't. I don't relate to that at all. I'm looking for any meme about people who are just numb that like, don't I can't wait to not talk for three weeks because it's like how I really feel right now is like I don't wanna hang out with friends. I don't wanna. Um. I did do an event on Saturday night where I had to effort this charity animal charity. Yeah, and man, that felt like I would have rather climbed a mountain, like I felt like I was seriously, yeah, I honestly, I cannot believe the amount of effort it took, Like two I felt like I needed a shirt, but to like pull the sides of my mouth up to a smark, like to just be nice to people, like even getting on the elevator and being like hi, like that, And it's such a lame thing to say because people like have so I just every time I'm depressed, I just cry, like I cry on the inside thinking of people who have children or who have um just like you know, hospitality jobs or you know, yeah, I mean even that that would be a good job for me when I'm depressed, because you don't need to be you don't need to see anyone necessarily. It's a lot of just like knocking and just handing off and you know you're I guess you get reviewed on your so I guess yeah. But like I just I really think about mothers and father not really father having to be there for a three year old, like I wouldn't be able to do it. Like I I just write to my friends and I'm like, how does anyone ever think that they could be a mother if they like. And then I realized people don't get depressed like I do, and so it's just it's not the same, Like thin have a difference something to focus on, because you wouldn't be able to have kids. If you got as sad as I did, you you would be a vat. It would be such. It would be like having kids when you're you know, people have kids when they live in poverty and can't afford even themselves and they have kids. It would be like that, like I have zero to give myself, so why would I ever have a child. I think the child forces to either a snap out of it, or it gives you something to focus on outside of yourself. I think when you are happy and you're doing Kimmel, even if it's not like WHOA, you have something to focus on outside of yourself. Even Yeah, I think it's the void of work. Yeah exactly, That's why I think it is. And I think kids are work, so it fills that void for a lot of people. Or you just go to your room and you don't help your kids and you just be depressed. I know, I was thinking about your mom. I'm like, I think I would be like in my bed room all day long. Like this weekend, I was in bed all day. I only got up to go get food and like go get coffee because I would get coffee to think, like maybe something can snap me out of this. I'll chug a diet coke like caffeine, just looking for some kind of stimulant to get me out of it. But um, nothing was working. And it's just like I just from you because he's on that vaca or trip. It's a good guess, but no, like I I felt, I mean, he was really good together a lot before, like this trip, you know, so I don't know, you seem pretty happy. No, it wasn't that at all. If anything, I'm like, thank god I don't have a partner right now. Thank God I don't have anyone who has to put up with this. Like I feel really like I don't know why anyone wants to be Like I stopped going to the girl's chat because I'm like, I'm just bringing this down. I been. You know, Chris is on his vacation. I was telling him about like I just don't even want to talk about my life because it's just like I have nothing positive to say. I have no good news, I have nothing nice to say. I am. You won't talk me out of it. I am in this. It's like I was reading about depression. It's like you're looking through a straw, like that's how much, that's how myopic. It is, like there's no good insight. And honestly, my life is perfect. I have the boyfriend of my dreams. I am in a suite in the one of the nicest hotels imaginable. I just hosted Kimmel I you know, I like the way my body looks. I like the way my face looks. Taylor Swift as a new album coming out that honestly lifted him a little bit out of my depression when I thought, I'm not kidding you. But honestly, I have the best friends. Like there's no reason for it. It's just such a and it's so annoying to even complain about because I just don't I don't know how to describe it, but it's just, um, I guess it's chemical. You just can't can't help it. But is now doing I did that too, and my journal was like, we can't take this close. I did, Yeah, gratitude list I have I cleaned my because I the maids haven't been able to come in because I won't leave my hotel room and I don't know where to go, and there's gonna be um no, it'll be on the pavement outside. Um but I uh, just make sure you put your arms out while you fall, pavement angel. Oh my god, they just drawn around you. They just drawing to start. Oh yeah. When when they come to do like the scene analysis, the chuck outline like this actually might be the perfect place for it. Oh my god, it's on top of Danny de Vito and he's like it's an inside job reference to him. Beat on kitten, folks. I mean, I don't even get that reference. And I was the one that was there. I mean, because you can't even say because there's no rhyme or reason, and it's just so it's so obnoxious to hear it from someone like me who And that's I think that is part of it, is that the amount of attention and everyone being like you killed it. Oh my god, girl, that dress, that dress forever. Oh my god, I'm dead dead. Uh, you're that was incredible. You need to be on late Night like all of these to you know, quote my dad accolades. It's like, this is the only way people love me. It's like that's the way it gets really sad, is like this is the only way to get the love that feels first of all, not even enough, um, because if it were, it would not make me depressed two seconds later. Um. But that's it. Just I think it's a reminder that none of that this stuff doesn't make me happy. And that's like and when the thing that you've achieved gone after your whole life to like make you happy and you're finally achieving it and you realize that that's not it, you just go this and I know it's not at it. You know, this has happened so many times in my life of these high highs where I'm like, if this isn't it, then what is Like I don't even know. And that's I think that's the depressing things, Like you get this love that seems conditional because it is. You have to wear a really you have to be thin, you have to look thin on TV. You have to have huge boobs, you have to have a dress that shows off both your thinness and your boobs. You have to um be really glowy, you have to have makeup on, you have to have hair extensions, in which I finally gave into. I said I never would wear them again, but I wore hair. So if you look, think my hair looked amazing that night. They were harrick stensions. It was fake. Um, you have other people right, like I didn't write all those jokes, and people are like, did you write all those jokes? Like, so people are giving me credit for jokes I didn't write, um, And I look at it at the end and I go, what did I do besides show up and smile? Like, I guess my delivery was good. I guess my enthusiasm was there, but everything else was artificial and not me. So what credit can you take for that? I don't agree with that, like you've looked at me because it isn't fake. I mean, these are things that depressed person would tell themselves, like all these things like I didn't do anything. That's bullshit, like you did stuff like anyone can fucking write a fucking one liner, like, but no one can perform No, I can't. Well, I did a lot. I did write a lot of Still it's like what I said in the last episode, like you were the conduit for the talent that was backstage. Like, some people are good at being talented behind the scenes, and that's a good Like, that's a good thing. They have actual talent and skill, but they need someone who can present in front of the camera and who can make their creativity come to life. And that is what you are very good at. You think, do you think Hitler literally wrote every word? How is that guy not? I mean, I'm guessing he was depressed, but how are the people that are actively like, I don't know, I just, um, I gotta figure out another way. Isn't this kind of like what happened with like Robin Williams the whole he had Louie body dementia, that's his brain was eating itself. He had steel Yeah, no, he had Louis body Louie I think it. I forget the name of it, but it's essentially um, yeah, he had that. So people think he killed himself, but he he had a you know, which is what everyone if you kill yourself, you eventually it's because your brain is not working correctly. People think that people choose to kill themselves, but it's really their brain turns on them, as does everything that you do. It's your brain. It's not you actually choosing it. But um no, he had a he had a brain disease, and sometimes I feel like, you know, it feels the same way. I think depression is that, and it's uh, it's not fun to have and I don't and there's no cure for it. It seems like I just don't know what I tried. I'm gonna keep trying. I'm never going to give up. I'm not gonna do anything. That's the other Yeah, that's what it is looking a certain way. And then Taylor Swift comes out last night. Um yeah, Taylor Swift shows up at the vm AS. The first thing I saw was her dress, and that seriously lifted me out of a depression. I'm not even joking. You like seeing her and like, even though she looked beautiful and life and like, you know, young and all the things that I don't feel like I am, it really made me happy. And then she announces her album, which made me depressed again because it was an album that all the songs are written in the middle of the night, and I'm like, never have I been in the middle of the night, been depressed or like anxious? And then written something or like made something, and I'm like, God, I'm fucking worthless, like she this girl. Then I start comparing myself and then I see her second outfit of the evening, and I'm like, I don't mean to comment. I think she will tell us what she needs to tell us when she needs to tell us it. But that look gave single so hard. I can't even like, I can't you just I don't picture. I don't think there are speculations always online about her relationship, and I don't want to add fire to that flame, because she will tell us when the time is right. But that that second outfit she wore, do you know what I'm talking about? Noah with the silky blue like little Onesie with stars. I think it might be Still McCartney because it's kind of her style with the strappy sandals, and it was like a tiny, little, almost neglige body suit. It wasn't because it was sexy. I'm not saying that it gave single and by the way, giving single single, I'm trying out talking that way, um, but it just I immediately was like that girl's single, Like that's what you wear when you're like a single woman. I don't know why. I just have what about it, Like you're putting it out there. I mean she literally like kind of she had feathers on that boat like a peacock. Um. It just it's like when you want to be seen and you're like I'm free, and there's like this new vibe out there, Like we haven't seen Taylor dressed like this. I mean the v m a is look is one thing. She's like be dazzled to the nines and like it almost looks like she's wearing a tangled necklace. Um. And but that was like more vm A like that's what you wear but for the after party. Look, I'm just like, that's a girl who is getting out there again. But maybe, I mean I would can I look free while in a relationship? Sure, I don't want her to be single. By the way, I love her and Joe's relationship. I envy it. I think they are perfect together. I'm so happy for them. They've been together over like sick she years at this point. I mean that is not Um, I don't want her to be single again. I love this place that she's writing from where she's in love. But I just saw that look and I was like I know that if I were newly single, That's what I would think it as, Like even someone like Taylor Swift after writing like some you know, she's prolific with her writing, but like having to have a relationship fall apart to put out another like where does the career and being focused on having another hit, Like it's gotta be tough. There's gotta be stress involved of like I don't feel uh creative at all. I better dump Joe, put a bird suit on and fucking write some good lyrics. Like I feel like there is something that can play in someone's head when you do, when that becomes your thing, you know, even though she's proven that, like she could do more than that. But no, yes, she's written three albums now in a relationship four arguably where she's been in love, so I don't think she needs it, but um yeah, I think it's been She's like, I mean, there's only so much of a song you could write, like he forgot to put the toilet seat down, like like kind of it loses it. It's no, I will argue, I mean, I know you're just making a joke, but it's uh. She writes about from that, well, that's where she got in two different characters, and she wrote from characters perspectives of books she's reading and her friends relationships since she would pull would do about Bruce Weinstein, He's like he was he must have been an iron worker himself, you know, like we we give him that trade of like a hard working man, but really he's just like a guy that like wrote a fun fiction story about, like a tough guy. You know. Yeah, I mean when do you When does your creative juices start flowing? Because in the midnight, I'm just like, man, this these are all songs she wrote in the middle of the night. And I mean, maybe that's just something she's saying for the sake of like selling the album. Maybe one song she wrote at seven am. And she's like, well, to some people, you know, like, but I can't imagine waking up in the middle of the nights. I wish that when I was depressed or sad or longing, like this stuff poured out of me or anything, anything poured out. I wish tears poured out of me, but nothing does. Blood I think. I think also she might say that it was in the middle I don't know. She might have wrote it the next day. About the middle of the night. I mean, that's like the theme of it. It's a good yes, but um, I don't know. I I kind of think of jokes after something like bad. Like if me and Brenna get in an argument, like two days later, I'll think about why it was funny, you know, like maybe to like like I was thinking about how, um, the other day we got an argument. I still we still had to do chores, but you just do them louder, you know, and like why that's fun Like getting mad at crutons and it's like, really, you're mad whoever you're mad at, you know what I mean. But you're just like taking it out on in it and objects, but not that hard, just hard enough the person knows. It's just I wrote a similar joke where I was like, I'm working on my communication skills right now with my boyfriend, and the other day I was really upset that he doesn't ask enough about like the you know, the details about my personal life, and like he'll just I just want him to ask about me more. So I just really I like sucked it up and I just like zipped my suitcase, like and then I like went to the bathroom and I like slam the door in a way that he knew that he needs to ask more questions like that, That's how I choose to communicate. But like sometimes that is the best I can do. Like sometimes most of the time I don't do those things. I don't like even let him know I'm mad by like kind of setting something down or like being weirdly quiet, because even that, I feel like is too much, so I will just pretend like everything's fine. So even that for me is kind of sometimes I bout myself in the back, like good you let him know by being weirdly quiet, Like even that it's like an accomplishment and communicating because otherwise I'm just like act like everything's fine, don't lose your boyfriend, keep him metal cost. It's funny to think, like that's how music was invented, by people putting away things loud, you know, like to show emotion. And that's like like I could see, like that's how stomped the musical. It was just the guy that was mad around just a couple on the brank of breaking up. Are you mad at me? No, I'm playing the trash can, I'm playing I'm sucking, putting away or no, you're just putting I'm putting away to trash. Yeah, but you're doing it to a beat. I I see something here. You're really mad. I really need to finish this musical. Will you tell me about how we have to go to your sisters or Christmas Eve instead of my sister's son. That's so funny. We gotta go to break. We'll come back with more show. That is so funny. All right, we're back. Let's do Reddit dump karaoke mode. This is your Reddit dum. I love the last ship. My phone's loading. Did you watch the VMA's last Nie. I'm not trying to act too cool for school, but I just well, I wouldn't have known either, except it's all over my instagram. So your instagram does not have vm A stuff. What is your like? It's so funny that the world, the world we live in, that are on our phone. It's getting I wasn't really on my phone that much last night, and I usually am. I mean, that's why not. I was just hanging with Brandon watching like a movie or something. What do you guys watch? What have we you watch recently? I'm trying to think, Uh, we were watching Insecure actually the TV show. Um, okay, I love that show. Yeah, I like her new one. I like Ray's new show. What is it It's called rap Shit? Oh yeah, okay, so good. I remember the Insecure that came out around the same time Nick and Sarah Alive did and we went to there was like a red carpet for it, and you know on red carpets, how on the background they had the name of the show all over it and take and so it just you were just standing on red carpet and now that it was Insecure all around you, and I was like, it's so perfect for exactly what everyone's feeling on this red carpet. Okay. So this is from the St. Louis Reddit, which just St. Louis facts, and so the question was, what's a fact about St. Louis that sounds made up? And it said there's absolutely nothing more absurd in St. Louis's history than the four pick marathon event. I'm already laughing because it's so insane. It reads as a documentary. It was run on one of the hottest parts of the day on Dusty Rhodes. Of the thirty two participants, only fourteen completed. There only fourteen completed the race. Fred Lare's was initially the winner until it was discovered that he hits the ride in the middle of the race. Thomas Hicks became the eventual winner despite nearly dropping dead in hallucinating after being hopped up on brandy raw eggs and stryck nine. Andrein Kava Jall placed fourth after taking a nap because of eating spoiled fermented apples. He nearly missed the race after traveling from Cuba and ending up in New Orleans, where he lost all of his money. Yet he had to hit chike to St. Louis to make the race. He had lost his luggage and had to cut his street clothes into shorts to run the competition. William Garcia William Garcia. It was found near death after inhaling the dust from from the roads the South American entrance. Were disappointments. One of one of it, which was the favorite, was one of the favorites, but finished towards the back of the pack due to being chased off by off the course. By the back of What We Do It, the chief organizer had had only one water station on the entire course in an attempt to have an experiment on purposeful dehydration. It was an absolute calamity. Even reading it over, the whole thing seems completely made up. It's so absurd and it's hard to believe. That's the best thing I haven't heard in a while. It's so funny. Oh my god. Okay, another fact about St. Louis that you might not think it's true that this was one I was going to ask you about. You're expected to tell a joke for candy on Halloween? Did you know that? What? It's the weirdest thing. We moved to St. Louis when I was five or six and we went out for Halloween and they were like, We're like trick or treat and they're like, okay, what's your joke? And we're like what, and um, it's a real thing. In St. Louis. You have to tell a joke to get before you get candy. So every kid has like a knock knock joke before they get candy, and if you don't, you just don't like people will wait to hear your joke. And it's only in St. Louis. It's the weirdest thing. But like outside of St. Louis, you just think it's a thing and it's not it's it is kind of an I think it's better than just going trick or treat and then just like sticking out your bag. At least there's some kind of exchange. Is that a thing? Or like if you get everyone just goes, oh that's funny. You know it's just some pun about skeletons or ghosts or you know Tomato a ghosts favorite Australian toy boom or you know, it's always just like something like that. I mean I just made um. Yeah, okay, so that is a fact about sat Lis. You'll run into guys by the way like like how hard life was then where he's like like like people like drink pre workout, they have all their electrolytes. They you know, they've planned this, they get in three days in advance. This guy lost all his money in New Orleans. Why would he even go because he came from Cuba. But about it and then go, I know, how do they hear about it? Like it's not like he entered online and then he had to cut his jeans like a word of mouth to Cuba. And then you're just gonna it's wild. It is wild and all they have to eat. They like to eat before him. You're not like eating an oatmeal with like eggs. You eat raw eggs and like maybe a piece of bread. And there's no water along the route. There's no like, there's no like you played an experiment on these people that travel to see about dehydration. I mean, it's fucking nuts in the best world ever. Sometimes when you think of we are so lucky that we got in right before it all ends and gets back to really like we're gonna see it go back to that they're just going to run the marathon. It's just all going to go backwards. It's so funny to think, like, Okay, this is from the subreddit sex and it says men who are into boobs, do you eventually tire of your of your partners or never ever? Just curious. I love that he's into my boobs, But do guys ever get to the point where he sees them and thinks and then these answers if they load. Sometimes I feel like I have to remind myself like, oh my god, tits. You know, when you're dating someone so long, well you are the only person who said really, because everyone else is like, no, they're always the greatest things ever, so we can take that doesn't Yes, sometimes you take them for granted. Yes, but these answers are so fucking cute. The short answer is no long answer. No one said. I've been with my girlfriend for four years. We're kind of nudest, meaning we are home most of the time. When we were home most of the time, we are naked. Every single day she will catch me staring at her boobs. It's even better when she's wearing something to show off. Gives me a tease. Even though I've seen them a thousand times, literally five years in. My partner is always talking about them and touching them, and each time I put them in his face during sex, he comes quickly. So I'm going to say, no, um, I've been fondling, kissing, sucking, and coming all over these same pair of boobs for nearly thirty years, and I'm still I still think they're absolutely beautiful every time I see them, never ever, doesn't matter whether she's really small or really large, first time, ten time, always breathtaking. No, I still get irrationally giddy when I see my wife's years in. Never ever, I can spend hours that like everyone is just like, oh, someone goes, do cupcakes get old ice cream? Because that is how I feel about boobs. But here's the thing. Ice cream does get old. You eat it every day, it's well, you still are like it's ice cream, Like it's still exciting. Maybe you feel that. Well I'm saying, I think I don't think that's a bad thing too, to admit that you can get used to something but you take things for granted. Yes, but no, I think it's yeah, I mean, and then other times. One thing that I'm always shocked by is that whatever I expose my boobs, no we don't the first time to the last time. It's never like like we just it's not breathtaking. It could be if it's big enough. It can be if it fills your throat enough, for sure, But I do think it's so cute, Like how much um my boyfriend of nine years off and on still gets um. He like as like almost like of you know, sixth grader, like a middle schooler, just like and just like so excited. And I think the funniest part is that when when I send pictures or whatever to him, I get such a better response on pictures where you it looks like a nip slip or it looks like you can see them through the fabric as opposed to just straight up tip. Um. They love like the mystery of like are they there? And like it is something so sweet about walking into a room, And every single time if I have them out, he just is like like just can't he just like gets like so giddy, like it is that is a very cute thing that thank God for for that, the novelty of tips, because I don't relate to it, um for anything on a man where it's like every single time, I'm like, there's no there's nothing I can relate it to, not even like, you know, my dog can be cute, but even his cuteness doesn't make me go, oh my god. You know, babies like things that make me go still a break, a breathtaking view gets old, you know, Like, but I think there is something that's it's fun to hear that boobs kind of never get old and that the guys still appreciate them and still yeah or lie to be depressed about Yeah, your tids aren't that great now. That would never depress me. I honestly would never care. If anything, I get depressed when he gets excited about things that I'm like, I can't keep this up. I'm not going to be this hot forever. Like that is where I get really depressed. I'm like, just I can't. My boobs will not always look at this guy. They will know keep um okay, so this is from shower thoughts. These are just like interesting thoughts people have. No one can ever know which is more euphoric, the male orgasm or the female orgasm. But then someone wrote a really interesting thing in here that said pretty much everyone said that you know, um, people who have transitioned every end have had the surgery to make it so they can have a female orgasm when they've only experienced male orgasm before. Is that based on science? And like brain scans, female orgasm is way way better than the male orgasm. Um. Someone said, I think women get this one hands down. My girlfriend will orgasm for like twenty to thirty seconds. Well mine lasts like five seconds. Someone said, um, there was a really good Uh yeah mine is. My wife says like like he goes, I think I know, Um, doctors can doctors can't be sure and I'm sure have you used an m R I to record? Mr I to record what the brain does whenever someone has an orgasm. Um. Yeah, men's brain kind of shut down during orgasms, while women's brains light up like Christmas tree. Wonder if it's like fewer and far between, like when a guy does an orgasm for months or can't, then it's like it feels probably like a woman orgasm, you know what I mean, because it happens so many more times for a man than a woman, right, Like you guys just can have them so much, but you also we can have We can have many more than you have. Yeah, we can have so many more than you guys can't. I think that it would be more exciting for you because you can't have one on the back of another, like you have to, like we have a dormant period before you can have another, while we can just keep having them. And I don't think it's hard for women to have orgasms. I think that's a youth thing and that's a meaning, like lots of women can achieve orgasms. Was way lower than I thought when we when we found out that women just don't have orgasms, wasn't it? Like what was that? I thought only thirty percent of women get have like have had it? I don't know. Maybe I'm wrong, Yeah, I mean it's I think that it's because, well, I was just talking to my friend who was trying to um have an orgasm for the first time in her life by masturbating, and she got a clip sucking thing and she was like, do I have to lift up like the clitoral hood And I'm like, yeah, yeah, like the thing that's covering your clip, you gotta lift that up and then put it on. And I go, how did the directions not say that? And she gave me a picture of the directions. They don't say that, And then I looked online. There's no instruction for women on how to masturbate except rub yourself down there. There's no actual instruction girls if you were trying to have an orgasm, and men if you're trying to give your girlfriend an orgasm, and that there is a thing on top of her clip, the little thing that looks like a chewed up piece of gum that is like, that's you're the thing that gets chopped out of your dick when you have a circumcision, So that's a score skin. You need to get it out of the way to reach the clip that is not the clip. If you're sucking on that thing, it's like you're trying to put on chapstick with the lid still on, Like what are you doing get that thing when you have the umbrella open. But people don't know this, and young girls don't know this either, just like oh, there's already chewed on, so that makes sense, Like like, oh my god, this made me think of you. I came across something on Reddit that I quoted to my friends yesterday, but I couldn't find it um. It said something about how men tend to think like a woman with a lot of partners much must have like a totally stretched out vagina. And it's like, what makes you think a woman that has had hundreds of partners has any more of a stretched out vagina than with one partner that had hundreds of times. But men do think at like multiple partners equals like you have a baggy puss, when it's like if she had one partner, what if she got one partner that has a huge dick and all those other partners and any one have you ever seen porn stars vaginas? They're all have tight vaginas, yet they're getting plowed by humongous dicks. It stretches back. Final thought, The best thing for this orgasm thing that I heard was, um, someone in here. I can't find the quote, but it said, um that both your ear canal and your finger are both sensitive areas of your body, right like the tip of your finger and inside your ear. But put your finger inside your ear and which one is getting? Which one are you feeling the most? Exactly? So women have better orgasms? Is it the penis or like which one has more sensitivity? If you think about it, like you're gonna feel, But isn't that weird? Like you don't feel I know, Noah's like my Q tip feels the end of my sowd off cut tip. It is interesting, It's like, but then if you fun if you take your finger and you put it on like the point of like a table, you'll feel it a lot on your fingers. That just just you gotta because you're not feeling the table, your table. You gotta something dead to feel anything. Yeah. Um, oh yeah, that was the thing. It's very here. I found it. It's very puzzling how dudes could think of vagina gets looser from fucking fifty different guys. But wouldn't get looser for fucking one guy fifty times. I love that. I mean, this is like a riddle. Did you ever remember any of those riddles like, um, you know a guy? Uh, here's what was it? The ones where it's like there's a guy dead in a cabin, there's a thing of water underneath them. What happened or whatever? I mean, I love that a few things. But oh wait, yeah, and it's like an ice cube is always answer yes, Okay, this one says this is from shower thoughts. I loved this one so much, and please try it on Brenna today and let us know what happens. Okay, if you try to hand a woman something enclosed in your fist, she is going to think you're trying to hand money. Bug, even if you're known if even if you've known her for years and never have ever tried to give her a bug before. They never let their guard down regarding being handed up like a little lizard. Yeah, that's funny, that's funny. Oh my god, I can't laugh to her this heards way back. It's so funny that all women have their guards up about being If a man came up to me and was like here, just take it. I'd feel like, hell, no, I'm you've got to there a bug holding a dollar today. But I will do it when I get back. I promise I will. Okay, Oh my god. That reminds me of like so like we'll scare each other sometimes, and I know you don't like those kind of pranks, but she'll scare me and I'll do like one of these like ninja, you know, you do a little like or like I'll get up like an alligator. I scared her, like she'll be like behind a bed and I think maybe you know she's in the room whatever, And like next thing, I know, someone's tapping my penis with my eyes closed and I'm and I think a little man has walked in for something. I don't know. I have weird imagination. I guess I've a little guy in there. I don't even know. Anyways, my point is I scared her this morning, and she reacted like I was, you know, Ted Bundy, like I have like eight kills like I and it's just like it sucks that women. But she didn't know what was you? Well she who else could have? Like she knew I was the only one in the house. But like I'm just saying, like I feel bad for women because I think like anytime you're scared, like it could really be you're like we're going to get When a guy gets scared, it's like, oh it's a little midget guy that he's having sex with or whatever. No, but like I just don't think death, but you really think it's starring, Yeah, we immediately think yeah. I mean, I can't speak for all women, but I always am like rape and stabbed and learned, and now I do live in a constant fear of and I think most people should of. When you're walking down the street and you have your phone in your hand, I do not do that anymore. Like I don't I have to put my phone away because I'm so scared of it. And when I hear people walking behind me, I go because I'm so scared someone's going to run by and take my phone, which is obviously please do that as opposed to any of the other things to me. But like I because I've had my phone, you you have that something bad has ever happened to you. You're the rest of your life. It's just you know, that trauma that goes that gets encrypted on the brain. That's why I don't like being scared is because that adds to your mamma and your brain even for that second that you thought it was someone, it literally rewrite. Your brain has a physical marking on it from that. When I got stabbed through, you know, which I've told this story before. For years, I couldn't be around not people holding knives, and like, even if it was like in a casual setting or if there was like a joke, like I would be like yes, like it would it would be fucking wild, how afraid I'd get yes. Yeah. I worked as a fishmonger, which they cut up the fish, and it was like every day was like I would think about getting stabbed, like it would come oh my god. And you weren't stabbed in like a way that was like a guy came out of nowhere and stabbed that was like, hey, I'm gonna do this. I'm gonna stab you to show how well this thing works. So it wasn't even then, you still have trauma from it. That's a good point, but that probably a trauma from the dog attack that didn't happen, that you lied about happening so that you would your buddy wouldn't get in trouble. I mean, it wasn't your body proved. But I think getting stabbed in that way almost scarier because it shows like, oh, you can get stabbed at on by a friend on any day, you know what I mean, Like horrible ship can happen. It's not scarier. I'm not giving you that's no because you actually let him stab you. He just did it. He didn't give me a choice. But who would have known that you cannot stab a bullet? But maybe seal that he claimed to be what dick? What he's cool though, which is pretty cool? What that same guy? I don't know if he had a knife that Oh my god. Alright, guys, thanks to you, Thanks to you, Thanks you for listening to the feeling you sound better by the end. Um, my neck is still an hell, but it's like getting depression. But oh yeah, no, I'm my bad is calling me again. I think I'm getting excited because I get to go back to my lair. Al Right, guys, thank you so much for listening to the show today. We will be back tomorrow, hopefully in better spirits. But I don't know. This is pretty good spirits and they um don't be cut yck. Okay, I've given up.