#247 What Was His Name?

Published Jul 15, 2022, 1:00 AM

Nikki got to act in a movie this week and thought that Will Arnett was outside her tailer door. Turns out it was a guy named Carl. Andrew points out that she has gone Hollywood and her outfit confirms it... and salacious headlines in tabloids and maybe some other things that happened during this pod do too. Nikki got to meet Andrew's dream guy and he gave her a compliment that felt good. With time for only one voice message in the Fanthrax segment, Nikki gets a surprise call from her BFF.

FBoy Island is now on HBO MAX, Nikki Glaser: Good Clean Filth premieres on HBO MAX on Saturday July 16th. Tune in! 

The Nicky Glazer Pay here's Nicky. Hello, here I am, It's Nicky Glazer. It's Nicky Glazer Podcast. It is Thursday. Well it's one day where we are, but to you, it's Thursday. F Boy Island is out on HBO Max. I hope you guys find time over the next four days to binge the hell out of it, get into it. I am so excited to watch it. I really don't remember what happens, kind of like like I I remember what the ending like. I'm so excited to go on the journey with you guys again, and then we're going to recap it on Monday's episode in a new segment, we are calling f Anal Island. Any wait, f anal i eyes Land. What is it? I don't even know how to pronounce it or what we really decided on what it was? Your ideas it was brilliant. I was excited that for once anal Anal eyes the eyes part was was pertinent to it. So so it solved it for me. Now I get it. That like makes sense to me. Look, you know it, you throw a lot of things at the fire and eventually it hits you know, two two things that's really funny. You just said that. No, I was no, not that, but I was talking to someone I was so tired. It was I was shooting this movie in the middle of the night. It was we should gait wait wait stop right there. You shot a movie. Yes, I shot a movie on. I show a movie on for I auditioned for the lead role, but they were like, no, thanks, and then they gave me, um, they rewrote a character that was male to female to put me in it. Because the two writers, um are fans of mine. They're two brothers. What are their names? Fuck Aaron. I love this guy, Aaron Aaron Eisenberg and his brother Um, so sorry Eric, No, but they're so freaking funny. And the script I just loved so much. And I was kind of like feeling scared to do a movie when I got there. When I got the offer for the role, I was like, do I want to do this? Like I'm intimidated, like I've never I haven't done this since train Wreck. And then I was in um uh, oh my god, I feel pretty. And but those were like it was with Amy, and it was like your friend, it's kind of nurtured you through it, so I'm like, I don't belong on a movie set. So um, I was kind of like, do I even want to do this? And then I was like, no, this is actually really funny. Like the script was already funny, so even if I'm bad, it's going to be good because the lines are funny. Um, Aaron Eisenberg, this isn't him, this is the actor Jesus Christ. Anyway, him and his brother wrote this movie and I got this role and I fucking loved them. Uh, and I will Will Arnett produce this film. And I was in my trailer at one point because our call time was seven pm and it was we shot until five am, which was so weird, but like I was game because I got to sleep all day and prepare for it. I had like scheduled it right. But I get there and I am in my trailer after getting here and makeup and we're waiting for the shot to be set up or whatever, and I hear Will Arnett's voice outside my trailer and I'm like, holy sh it, that's what it's so cool to like hear because Will Arnut's voice is so distinct and it was kind of and I was kind of voice men going um my boyfriend at the time, and I was like, oh my god, I just heard will or not? Let me like see if I can record it so you can like hear Joe. But he was just outside, like talking outside the trailer, uh, you know, talking to someone at allowed volume. So it wasn't like he was I was recording something that he was trying to be like private about. But I just it wasn't about getting the content. I just wanted to hear him, like have capture his tone so my boyfriend could hear it. And can you believe his test results came back, But he won't talk whenever I press records. So I just started decided to just like press record on my phone and just make a voice memo and just let it run and if he does, and then I can put on my makeup and I can work on the script and like I don't have to worry about recording well or not. I'll just capture it if he happens to speak again. And then minutes later, the writer Aaron Um came by my trailer to like hang out and just like to talk and we are just we got along so well, he's such a nice guy. He was so friendly. Was he was like made me feel like so calm and comfortable being there. We had a great conversation about therapy. It was awesome. We like shared things that like, you know, we were just like kind of like, oh my god, I don't usually tell people this, like the first meeting, like we were getting like really like dark and like we took because we're talking about therapy. And I realized after he left, I recorded and then I go to put his number in my phone and be like, oh, let's keep in touch. And I pulled up and it looked and it's been recording the entire tibum like I am so say. We even remarked during the conversation like we wouldn't this be funny if this for a podcast, it would be the most fun Like are both of our lives would be ruined if this is you know, the stuff that we were talking about came out or not ruined, but like and I have and like I were need that I was recording it the entire time. I have not erased it yet, but it's not because I don't. I'm never gonna listen to it, but I will go back and erase it. Aaron, don't be scared. If you hear this, the confidence of you going into a place like, hey, we're gonna need you to wear a wire, but don't think about the wire like you did it effortlessly because you didn't realize like you could have. Outside of Nixon's office in whenever that happened, I don't remember. I was, don't you do this to me? Don't Okay, you know what I admit, I do not know history very well. But it was when a guy named deep Throat, who was like his code name, he recorded President Nixon UM doing some sort of like lying. Essentially, he got caught lying and committed you know, perjury. I guess I don't know it was under oath, but he was like caught lying and the Watergate tapes were the tapes of him lying, and then he had to resign. Here's the thing I don't know is that it is that Watergate. From what I know is I think they caught people going through like files in black and white. That's what I've been here too. But as I listened, if you asked me about what when the Korean War was or um, you know, any kind of that one I think I got. I think it was on December eight. Um, they flipped the dates. So that's how I know that. Um flip the date? Yeah the day anyway, Um I had Yeah. So what was my point about Will are Net was not on set? Are not on set? It was a guy who like smokes a lot and has a really great voice that sounded identical to him. It was just again irony that so what would that sounded like? That would be on the set because I a day and ago. Um oh and I heard Will Arnett outside. That was fucking awesome to hear Joe Bluth's voice. I was like, I'm so excited. He's like he's not coming till Monday. He's not here, and I was like, he is one pent here. I've never been so sure of anything in my life. He goes, no, that was that's Carl. And I'm like He's like, yeah, they do sound somewhere. I'm like, they sound identical. It was insane. Um. So Carl's just like the security guy, like like his family doesn't talk to him anymore. Like you just thought, like and like what was Carl talking about the I mean they were he was just sending he was just like talking to someone from Afar, shouting and I was like, and it sounded like will Arnett kind of like being cool with the crew. And I was like, oh, will arn that's cool, Like he's just have not been with the crew. But it was the crewe with the crew. Who wouldn't be anyone who's not cool with the crew. What the fund is wrong with? Like I was talking to crew on this set and I was like, because this at one point, um, you know, in between scenes, I sit down or I'm looking for a place to sit in and this guy that's you know, I think he's an a d on on the set is sitting down on this like bench and he's like, oh my gosh, please sit here. And I'm like, no, you deserve to sit like I'll I can sit over the chair and he's like, do you prefer the bench? Like which if they found out that I did not give you a bench, I would be in trouble. And I'm like, why why am I more special than you? Like I just don't get it. And I'm not trying to be like I'm such a cool celebrity because sometimes I can be a complete diva, But that is insane to me that I get to cut the line for craft services that I get like fanned and like shaded when other people don't. Stupid. If you're listening, if you watch this on YouTube, whine sunglasses. I'm wearing a shiny like Elvis like jacket like the most diva celebrity. I feel like one our net um. I think we're gonna have to let Carl go. Uh he did not carry me to set today. No. I heard from a crew member that someone got fired on set one time because talent did not get their lunch. And the person that got there lunch every day his daughter had leukemia and he had to go to the hospital to visit her. And that guy lost his job because he wasn't there to serve lunch himself to that person that day. Oh my god, blind Ever, how insane is that? Firsthand? I heard that from a person that the first hand, So maybe I got a second hand. Yeah, maybe that third hand. I don't know at this point. And you know, like, I know these stories get exaggerated of celebrities being twatts, but like some of the behavior is insane and needs to be called out, and I don't know that I'm the one to do it, because I do love to, you know, I like celebrities liking me, like I'm gonna talk about Kim Kardashian on the like Kim Kardashian called me out for slamming or not. She didn't call me out the Sun this, you know those dumb British tabloids. The US version of the Sun is like Nicki Glazer slams Kin Kardashian for you know, fake. Yeah, yeah, rips, rips, thank you rips. And they said reality TV rival because of my billboards. There's precedent, because of my billboards that he wrote and produced, said keeping up with Keeping Up is so last season and or so last year, and so they were like that was the first time that they were like Nikki Glazer, Skiers the Kardashians with you know this billboard and then so that's precedent. So now I'm their rival. But all I did was call out that she has more work done than she tells people, and that you need to be I think people need to be transparent about it, and I'm they're going to bring it up. And then all of a sudden, that Sun thing came out and and they even coded me a saying fake. They used they used quotations in the headline fake. I just want to say that is I could sue for that because I did not say fake, yet they quoted me as saying fake. So like, honestly, I could sue because it's unless they unless I said, I'm sure it said fake at some point in my life, so they can quote, oh, you said it on you said it on this podcast that we're listening to right now. They can always be like you said it. But for me, I did not call them fake. And maybe I have in things before, but not in that circumstance. I actually said I liked Kim and I do like him. I think she's funny. I am rooting for her and Pete. I think they're adorable. I think it would be friends with Kim Guardashian. I just and you know what, who am I to be? Like? You know, I don't need her to tell the whole story, but I want to tell people the whole story that I know, and it's with no judgment on her. And I think that people that have work done should be open about it. I'm proud of it and like I can afford this thing that makes me look fucking amazing and like keeps me, you know, youth like I found the Fountain of youth. You can't afford it, but like I found it and I get to use it, Like that's what I'm doing. Like you would you do it too? Like I wish it would just be more. She owns the fountain and it's in the middle of their watched. Yes, it's like if if it was a house, you know what I mean? My favorite m C is uh at the seller is already fa. Um, there's another fall wall. I was gonna, Oh, my favorite Philadelphia area sandwich gas station is Fawa. But how do you make an f There's gonna be a jump there withou it anyway, So I wait, what what did you even say? Fa? What was the real word you were saying? Again? Oh, yeah, they do have one in there for you do. So I watched I follow this woman on YouTube, and you know, she doesn't disclaim her at the top where she's like, I am not here to shame celebrities. I just want to cebody to be more transparent about what the work they've had. And she's had a ton of work done. And she did a video about Kim Kardashian and based on this article, Kim Kardashian just did that came out I guess yesterday where this girl that kind of takes it apart. And she's very fair and very measured and very intelligent about what she how she assesses someone's face to say if they have worked at it's all speculative. It's not her saying that they've had she's had it done. But she says, based on the information in this article, I can say almost one which with surety, allegedly that Kim Kardashian. Yeah, um, because usually those influencers usually say a percent when they mean a hundred percent, so hundred percent is actually less. She says, I am a hundred percent sure that Kim Kardashian. She doesn't say has a medical clinic in her house, that they have an ability to do surgery and have lasers because they have a medical clinic within their compounds, so they don't have to go leave anywhere looking bruise. They don't have to sneak into a place off wilsher. She's like, I am confident based on you know what Kim Kardashian said and alluded to in this article, that they have on staff surgeons like in their house. Yeah, it's like having like a recording studio in your house. She's probably it's gonna like a podcast room. You're right, like, I don't want to go down to the studio. That's the podcast Like podcasting it as important to the card or you know, plus surgery is as important to Kardashian Brand's podcasting. It's to me. It's like, you know, I would have done the same thing. And the amount of times they probably go into that room, They're like, dude, come on, you don't. It's like I am in the middle of the night instead of going into the kitchen. They're like, dude, that is so funny. You say that. She literally does. She says, she goes, I care about looking beautiful more than people. Um, it's just what I care about staying young and looking beautiful. That's what she says. And I like that because it's honest. She's like, I just take it very seriously. When I get home, I go and I do after I put the kids down, I do laser treatments, which is like, you can't get a laser treatment without like medical professionals. So that's what kind of is the evidence there that that woman said, But that's what she does after after a long day she goes and gets like these painful laser treatments and and you know it does take work, but it is. The woman in the video is just like you do. Maybe you don't care. I bet a lot of women care as much as you do, but they don't have access to lasers after they put their kids down, but they would do it. A lot of people will go, well, she was almost kidnapped and killed in pairs, so she needs things everything in her house. I'm sure that she probably has like a McDonald's in her house. Can you imagine how traumatic that was? We do forget about that happened to her. That is fucked up, dude, like to be your eyes and assaulted by armed gunmen and like tied up like that in in a foreign country. Fucking terrifying. So like I like him and I like her, I like I feel for her. So anyway, I'm gonna talk about it on the Talk today on Today's Talk, And I just want to be very mindful of being um like having her back and not I don't want to get another headline of me skewering Kim because I like her. So I got to think about how I answered that question tomorrow. So wait to go back. I gotta go to break. But yeah, we're gonna go to break. But I'm gonna reveal on the next segment why I lived Andrews almost in one of what could have been one of Andrew's cursed moments of his life had it happened to him in two thousand and eight. All Right, we're back, you say, I said, two said two five. This is probably your dream because I gave it away to him already. He knows who I encountered last night, and so I'm sorry I gave it away on the break. I wanted to do it on air, but I loved it. Well. You know how much I was obsessed with this guy because I think you only said the first I said the first name, and you knew instantillable. Yeah, yeah, I might have just started like a sound. Yeah, I really just projected. Just how my body winced. As I was about to say it, you said who it was. Now, I'm just kidding. I don't know how to feel about anyone anymore. He's very nice to me, very nice to me, that's all say. And I was I got admit flattered. So um. Last night I performed at Supernova, I met two besties that approached me after my set, and I loved meeting them. They were so freaking nice, Liz. And then there was another one and I forget your name, but you were so special to me as well, so thank you for coming out. And then Melanieisenberg. Uh I am drip. Uh No I met Melane Magdalene. Yeah, I met her at the Comedy Store and she was lovely her and I believe her sister. That was the set I had after. So I had three sets last night, but um at the at the Supernova, I got there and poor Mark, the guy who runs the show, is like panicking and just was stressed out and kind of like having one of those nights. And I was like, okay, Bud, it's just a show, you know, We'll be okay. And I can tell he was just like just stressed out and I wanted to leave his stress. So he was like, hey, um so, and I was like, well, when am I up? And I was supposed to be up, like I had a time schedule when I was there for it, and he's like, um so, Jeremy pivens up next, and then um and then it's you and he was so scared to tell me, because you know, getting bumped by anyone at that That's place is always like very reverential of me. But actually I don't like to bump anyone. If someone thinks are going up, I hate when I have to come in and like knock everyone's time back. I'm mindful of it. If it ever happens, it's because a producer like just just like we gotta get Nikki. And I have never sent anyone to bump anyone. So if I apologize to any comedian ever who gets the quote unquote bumped by me, unless it's urgent, I will never like, I'll always wait and I'll always like ask you. But anyway, so he I didn't care, and I was like, I've never seen Jeremy Piven performed, and also I was an Entourage fan, so I'll just watch a set. How have you encounter Jeremy Piven? What did he mean to you? Andrew as a one of the number one Entourage fans back in the day, I mean he was everything to me. I mean he was was he your favorite character? Uh? Yeah, I mean he was. You watch it now, it's cringe e, but it's it's still funny, like he's still and uh, he's represented that time. And I think he was a great actor and he loved him on Ellen's show. He had a very big range, like he's a good actor, Like he fucking his love for Lloyd even though he was insanely uh racist and and derogatory, but there was a love underneath it, which I think it is a complex person that you rooted for even though he was a piece of ship and that's hard to do. Smart. He was a good husband. He cared about his kids however he was and he and he cared about his who he was representing, like it really felt like a connection with him and Vince and yeah, any guy fucking watching that show. It completely constructed my whole personality with your friends, Like did you do like hug it out? Yeah, hug it out? And then I say hug it out like what you do? Yeah, because that was his line right for people who don't know, because it was such a show that was on a while ago, but a lot of our listeners have no idea. He was the agent to Vince on Vince's the lead character on Androge and Ari was like the cunning, hilarious, Uh. He kind of reminds me what other characters. Would he remind you of like that he's been. I mean he's brayed in PCU. Have you ever seen PCU? Know he was said something else too, but he was. I really liked him on Eleanend. I haven't seen that either. I just know he like like rips up. I remember the trailer and being like, that's probably gonna be my favorite movie. And I never ended up seeing it, but I love Kate buckin Sale and who's the other guy? It's one of those cheesy ones where they he rips it up and he throws the papers and he's like, if we're meant to be were meant to be? Well, that's what happens in the Worst Person in the World. Have you guys seen it yet? I'm halfway in. I'm halfway. OK. How do you like it? I didn't even know his subtitles. You didn't tell me I'm reading a book. You gotta let someone know. You can't recommend a movie and then expect him to read a book. And I do not think it needs to be noted if something is to have to assume you have are literate. I have watched you watched Narco's and miss entire scenes in a different language that you don't speak when you're on TikTok and then look back up and you'll miss an entire murder and like an entire day, Like you know, I'll catch it in the well. I would observe you and be like, there's no way. This is a huge plot point that he is missing because he's in trancedant TikTok right now and he can't be hearing it even does it. I'll get it in the recap. I always get it in the recap. But yeah, you gotta pay attention to this one. So yeah, no, anyway, So so Jeremy Pivens said, then you see him, he goes up. Now you have I'm sure you have some ideas of him with certain stories that have come out over the last few years. Are like it's interesting to watch something like that, a character that you like on TV and then you hear shit about him and then you're watching him as a comedi in I just, you know what, I can't do all the research. I mean, I guess I could do the research, and just like I just it's exhausting for me to police that right now at that time. So I'm not going to be like say something shitty. I don't want to instigate anything, and I'm just like, I'm just there to do a fucking set and then talk about, you know, like an observe. But what my experience was, um, I thought, he's obviously knew at comedy and he has a great impression. I think so, But he's up against people that have been doing a twenty plus year. It's like it's you know, it just stands out because it would be the same thing. There was something about it I liked that I have to say is that it's something he obviously cares a lot about, probably always wanted to do. Got a late start, and I admire any adult who starts late in something that you look foolish when you're compared to the people your age that are also doing this thing. So I like and it, and he didn't look foolish. I mean, he has good he has a couple really like all written, well crafted jokes. And then there was like a vulnerability that I liked of him talking about like being angry about uh, certain actors who are working and he isn't like having bitterness about his career is funny and interesting and so there's definitely something there, like he would clearly tell he's like, this is something he's always wanted to do in pursue and so I have respect for that. But yeah, that's he and he brought me up and it was very nice because I was like, does he even know who I am? I went to the premiere of an Entourage season one time. No, no, it was season like three or something. I just moved to l a whatever two thousand six summer, two thousand sicks whenever that came out. I got tickets, tickets, I got, um like invited through my manager who was like hip hocket to me at the time, and I invited Anthony jessel Nick and he was down to go, and we went, and I guess it was like a date. I don't know. I don't even know, but um it, but I just remember it was so cool. That might have been one of the kist things I've ever done, is going to an Entourage party. And I was like, don smoke a cigarette there? Oh if if? Yeah, if we're smoking indoors. I was definitely smoking inside out there. So what do you wear? I don't even I can't even imagine what I wore. I had the worst fashion sentence back then, I don't know what I wore. I really just hope that it was. I got lucky that night because it and then then by some off chance, I was like looked kind of innocuous because if I was ever trying to stand out fashion wise back then, it was a nightmare. Um. But yeah, but I remember he he checked and I felt like he checked me out one time, and it was very validating because I mean that was like he was like such a fucking stud back then. I mean this was and I remember being like Jeremy Pittman checked me out, like got it. And then last night I felt very I felt nice because he said, um, when he brought me up, he was he knew all my credits and he said I was absolutely hilarious, and I could tell he meant it, and um, for whatever reason, that praise meant something to me from the girl who used to be like he's a good comedic actor, like like you know and what you know, when he was famous back in the day when you used to like look up to him, and there was like you know, sometimes you meet people that you have an idea of of when you're an adolescent or like a young adult and you idolize them or you like famous people. Yeah, like I still do it. I love famous people, and I get like excited just to meet someone. They're like, oh my god, I like used to watch you on TV, and like I had no idea i'd ever like be like meeting you. There's something cool about that. And I have to admit that that was cool to me. And I said on stage, I was like Jeremy vivin things, I'm funny, that kind of feel that strokes my ego and two thousand and four life. Yeah, dude, if he if he liked Vince and he he you know, he had to deal with you. Eric. That was Eric didn't really know who he was character. Uh fuck. I mean I would probably say, uh, Turtle or Drama. You know, Turtle came to my one man show, right, it was so fun? Oh my god? Was it was a black box theater of like seventy people. I mean it was like packed, but it was a small theater and Turtle was there. That was Why was he there? Again? That's bizarre? He was. You know, I have some rich friends that somehow or can that mean so much to you? I mean talking like awards and he did your most like vulnerable material in front of your dad who was also there, so nervous. In New York one night on the Andrew Collin and Turtle is there, and Turtle I was like, was that mine? You know? I was turting? I was Turtle. If he was the friend that can't get it together but has there's something in them that could be there. So if you just put it together. But isn't that that was me that night? That was me that night? That would mean that night putting it together? Yeah. You the guy that is most the archetype of you that is most well known in recent modern entertainment shows up at your one man show, Isn't that ironic? Insanely ironic show? And the guy you've modeled your left after shows up. Yeah, And then he came up to me after and he goes, man, he goes, that was really good, and he's like, man, you're really going you really were going through it like something like that, Like like I thought I had a lot of anxiety something or I thought I was anxious something like that, but like in a nice like it felt good, Cadillac. That's what I said, I go pick me up now, I'm Vince Now, Yeah, I go I'm Vince. Now he goes, dude, go walk my dog, and I'm like, dude, whatever, I'm still Vince. I'll pick up your dogs vincible that night, I'm Queen's Boulevard shit that I'm picking up off of Queen's. What's Turtle doing? Now? Do you keep up with his career? He's out of my one man show. Obviously nothing's going on. That was a while ago. Though maybe he's at a pop like you know these guys like those people need to come back, you know, well, I know he he was on another show. He did get on a different show. Um, being an actor it's hard. I mean it's like, yeah, I don't know, I mean in the work whatever, it's not like that fun when you get down to it, because it's a lot of waiting around and it is rewarding and you've got a lot of attention everything. But it's being an actors like it's you're lucky consistently. I want to ask you when you acted as a comedian, I feel like I have more control. Actors just have to wait for roles to come in if they don't if they don't write, you know, but even if you do right, like how do you get something made? Sorry? How did you feel acting in the movie. I felt it was great. I definitely could have done better, which is what I say about literally everything I do, if I would have put a little bit more work into it. It. I had really like a lot of fun with the character, and I give myself and a minus. Oh yeah, improvisation. Um. As soon as I met the writer guy, I was like, oh my god, this guy like is a fan of mine. He would love it if I like riffed on his script, which is already funny. So I felt like just such a freedom to do that. And the girl that played the lead role, her name is Elizabeth Low and she was so nice and like cool and cute and like made me feel so comfortable, like I was a fish out of water there for sure. And in between you know the takes, we they a lot of people have questions about f Boy Island, so that was fun to like kind of answer a bunch of reality show questions for people and like have a little like like this act the scripted world. I was like, I'll tell you what it's like out there in the unscripted waters. It was fun. And they all watched the show so they were like excited to be like, wait as a kid, so like is Garrett? What's Garrett up to? Do you like even know if any of them are still together? Like it was just fun to like dish. I was looking at old cast members Instagram's yesterday because I put up that post. A couple of them liked it, and I just went through like a hole of going through, like they're all where they all they do is live? Where are they now? They're all the same there? My god, have you seen what's his name? Yet? That we're going to meet on the today on f Boy Island season two? Have you seen what is his name? The guy that is like so jacked now that we were friends with over my TikTok. He comes up on my TikTok all the time to count. He count boy? Wait are you thinking no? No, no, not him. No. The guy that we made friends with that was like like just a little scamp that we ended up like just feeling like we liked what was his name? He's the only person I followed on Twitter? No no, no, no, we did. I can't give away what we did with, Like, I can't give away anything, but he's the guy that lives way, it's a lot. He used to be fat. He is kind of a ship talker. He like is constantly trying to overcome like did not getting laid. At one point he does m m a stuff? Come on? Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes? What's his name? I know his name? Should we say his name? Yeah? I mean the show's out? I don't. Oh really Okay, he's from New Jersey. He lives in Houston, Texas. I follow. Okay, Well that gives it away more than his name would, um, more brand than there are guys who like Texas. This show, the ongoing theme is what was his name? This whole show is what's that? I haven't forgotten a woman? What's Watergate? And what's that guy's name? That's the show right now? Yeah Watergate? Um, okay, I can't remember his name, but he was like he uh, he's all over my Instagram. He's he's glistened up. Really don't know his name is because his Instagram name is something and like not what his name is, you know, like like er eighties set, like it's something. Yeah, it's something like that. Uh. I think back at the show, it feels like so long ago, and and I really forget to watch it again. So many whales, whales like squirrels, so many whales. We gotta take a break and we'll be back with more show after that, and we're back. It's so funny. I almost want to use like put in what just happened because I just said I was going to be late to this photo shoot I'm doing, and then not only am I fifte minutes later I asked them to get me a Starbucks too, And I almost want to play the audio of me asking because in the middle of it, I realized, like I'm becoming the person that I was just saying, Like, not only am I disrespecting their time by being late, but I'm like, can you also get me like this really specific latte? And like, but I have to say, I feel like the way I asked is not too diva like, and you be the judge of it. Will lay the audio here. Let me just text really quick to lay this because I'm just going across the street. But UM need to push my I'm gonna be gonna be fifteen lates to shoot because of pardon tell them sorry? Okay? Um. Also, also, is there any way I can have them get me a Starbucks? Question Mark if that's too much trouble, I totally understand period Um, so you determine if I'm a diva or not that you just heard me ask I was dictating it, but I feel like if they can't get it, I'll go get it. But I'm just going to be more late, if you know what I'm saying, because mama need cough cough. At what point does a coffee order turn from uh where it becomes too much? Where it's like, okay, this is this is you're being an asshole by adding forty different directions. Usually people now whenever because I always preclude it with dude, this is really embarrassing. Can I just put in your phone? Like I don't even want you seeing this? Can you please not look? And they usually are like, oh my god, are you kidding me? Who cares? Like they are so non judgmental, And I really appreciate that because my order is embarrassing and is not that bad anyway. I mean I feel like it has like almond milk extra hot, um, yeah, actually almond extra hot to stevia, two pumps of sugar free vanilla. I mean that's five extra things at a frappuccino with no cream like cream something like where it's like half the cream three quarters of the cream. I don't know. There's like there's certain specific things. I hear orders and I'm just like you just you really just like control. You just like to inconvenience people. You just pour it out in the streets. I just like what I like. And you know, I want to just say that I have a special out this weekend on HBO and in addition to Foy Island, which you guys have to watch if you want to have some fun with us on Monday, and even if you don't, we might just you can just join us for the f Boy Island recap called f Island f Anal Island that we're gonna do on Monday every Monday that the show is on. I don't know how many, um, but so check got a Boy Island at least, you know, one episode five minutes of it to get a gist, so you can listen on Monday. And then also my special, I would really prefer you to watch that if I'm being for you, I know, and it only point this way because I forgot, like I didn't want to edit my special, so my special supposed to come out in March, but it is almost more fitting for the time right now. I'm very excited about it because everyone that I've done interviews with, like journalists, the woman that I talked to from the talk I'm doing the I'm on ABC. I think it's on I don't know what jumps around ABC is the talk today? And the woman I did an interview with she watched it like to to prepare for what if we talk about. She watched it and was like, oh my god, you've done it again. Like everyone's been very All the women have been like that about it, and even the men have been like really effusive. So I have a feeling people are gonna like it. I'm just like I can't even I'm too close to it and also too far away from it because it was in November for me to like feel you know, objective about it. But interesting how like depending on the time you put it out, what's going on in the political world roverse way, Like women empowerment right now is fucking It couldn't be any more powerful to have a woman up there fucking demanding, commanding, demanding and commanding the commander. The commander, Yeah, the demander and just fucking crushing it, and I don't know, I'm excited to see it. I was there that night you're in. It was unbelievable to be part of it. Turtle was there, I'm sure, and um, yeah, I don't know. You put a lot of work into it. I saw like it develop over time and and then, like I think what people don't understand is like how you take like you've worked, you worked really hard to get to make it what it is. And then even when we're there, the amount of last second edits you do and you're just your brain is fucking incredible. That's the only way I ever work is if the pressure is on. So sometimes it's like the last It always is the last second that all this creative energy starts like shooting out of me, like all these great ideas. It's so annoying that I can't be better about getting into that kind of state of flow. Uh not five minutes before I tape an HBO special. Would be nice for that to happen other times. But yeah, I'm trying to think how to get into that flow, because that is an interesting point that you say that, like, I can't do it until unless the pressure while I'm walking on stage because someone saying that I want to impress, like it because I don't rise the occasion unless I can. I am um impressing someone or overcoming something. But when you're doing a show for a thousand people, why why is that feeling? And I'm not saying that it's not completely there, because obviously you put on a good show, but like, why why does it take the Ultimately it's like it's like, well, that's why I do the roast. It's first climbing another mountain, Like why because the material I feel I know that the material I've worked hard on is going to be better than me spouting off new material on a theater show. And I feel like, so I I've invented ways to create that kind of frenetic like joke writing energy that I do. That's the roast that I do. I feel like I was wait fifteen minutes before the show to start writing roast, to look up facts about the town, so that it's like a pressure situation. I've got to write jokes fast, They've got to be really good, and if they're not good, I can always excuse that I just started that. So I think that's the protection is like I always had excuse that, well, I just wrote this, and honestly, like, I'm not gonna work hours on roast jokes for a town for one night. That's a waste of my time and energy because it's a fleeting thing. So it's it's smarter to wait fIF teams, but it's still a fun challenge. And I kind of get like the pressure of like, oh ship, I'm about to be like Andrew was wrapping up, and I don't know what I'm gonna say, Like I don't know the order of these things. That just like makes me nervous and like makes me really excited, makes my brain just like lock in and go figure it out, bitch, now's the time. And then that's the most beautiful thing is like we're at your special taping for HBO and you're literally doing that backstage, and then it's one thing to like come up with it or come up with a line, but then to perform the line effortlessly really is remarkable and you should give yourself more credit for that because it really is. And I don't know, it was really cool to see, So I'm really excited to see this pasure. Yeah, I'm really thanks Andrew. I really appreciate you saying that, Like I feel like, um, like, there are things I look at that I couldn't say I really wish I could redo it, and so many fresh straighting choices I made that I'm just like, God, that was lazy. Come on, niggie, like, you know you can do better. And I know that I failed in certain ways, But I think that the places I've now realized that the places that I may have quote unquote failed in terms of not sharpening, not like making picking the best choice of words or not stumbling over something, uh, add a kind of casualness to it and like a more comfortable, like conversational quality to it than a very performative stand up show. So I think that there is like something to be gleaned from the casual nature of the performance that might be from laziness, but also is interesting and artistic in and of itself. I think it's artistic, especially with what you're wearing, what the situation is like, It's almost like the casualness while wearing something so like but you know what I mean, Like it's an opposite effect. Yeah, I'm sure it's tantalizes the brain somehow, I don't know. How but I'm sure it does. No. I honestly I watched it and it's fun too, Like I look pretty hot during it, I gotta say, like the same way I watched Dualipa and I'm just like, god, fuck, I could like watch her like I admire when a woman's body just looks like, fuck, that's sexy. The whole time, I like forgot I was me and was like damn girl, and I was like, oh that's me. Like because I watched it with my parents to shoot this promotional video that I'm having edited, so I'm going to like cut all their clips together of them like groaning and saying like, oh god, Nicky, don't say that it is the first time they see it. But I watched it with you from now that's my pussy. That's my pussy. I'm proud of your nick that's my daughter. I don't know why I gave your dad an try to do an impression of my dad, Like, well, what did it sounds like? Because person always did one and it was like Australian. I was like, hey, Nick, hey, you want to come out and do uh play the kids? Hey? Nick? Uh? You know Cincinnati is the best town in the uh, I don't know, it's don't know why my dad impression is not even close to what he sounds like. But just like it's just look a classically, you know, a shirtless man like in a river, like fighting a fish, something like that. That's what that shirtless a lot on Instagram. I'm like searching through see what do you mean? I mean he looks great for like I'm not a sixty he's going to be in August. He looks amazing. I'm like, yes, I'm so glad I have a dad bought. This is gonna last know. Your dad's shirtless in away where it's like not it's like my stepbrother when he's sure my stepbrother can be shirtless and and go into a gas station. My dad's not doing it to be sexual. That was My Dad's never been like I'm hot. It's kind of yeah. It's kind of like you when you say I'm wearing these clothes where I feel good. Yes, not for the other person. Your dad doesn't put out his shirtless photos for other people to go nice. Body is just yea, this is his element final thought. Yes, I want to be clear that I will say, like I did I look attractive during it, I look cute, I'm healthy. I like, I just look like I'm having fun during it, and I was having fun and so um. I hope people watch it, and I hope um young teenagers sneak it um and like and just get titilated by it and talk about it because I think it's good for young people to watch, because I make the point in the special. But I don't think that. I don't think we should shield our kids from you know, hardcore porn, porn in general. Yes, never let them watch that. But someone talking about the idea of porn, someone talking about the idea of sex, an adult who's not saying it's awesome, you've got to do it, Oh my god, thought, you're not cool if you don't do it, Like shielding your kids from that is a good idea, like bad propaganda about like sex is good. But me talking openly about what sex is not going to scar your child, and your child is not if you don't have a lot of faith in your child, If you think your child is gonna hear me say, just talk about the idea of sex and they're gonna go out go. I need to do that, Like, I don't know kids are smart enough to go, I'm not to do this now. Not a kid. I was not what do you say child or team, because even like a child team, like children, there were things I heard when I was a kid or witnessed that obviously I shouldn't have happened too young. But and and and I'm not talking about situations of abuse, but if a kid overhears something, here's something inappropriate. Usually when you're a kid, you don't understand because you don't know anything about sex or anything like that. And that's where it can get tricky with like why molesters like get in with kids easier because kids don't understand it. They don't even know anything about it. But kids who have the general idea of sex, and they watched my special, I don't know why I used to be a kid and when I saw adult material, I knew it like that. I wasn't that I was. I almost was like, God, I'm gonna have to do that someday, Like I was like, I'm so glad I'm a kid and I don't have to do that, Like I wasn't one of these kids that's like I'm in I'm going to do that because everyone should get to like, kids are smart enough to know that they don't get to do things yet, don't you think? Yeah, I don't remember watching Poison IVY and seeing a girl get fun on top of the car and being like, I gotta go buy a car, like I'm gonna go right, you can leave it there, thank you? Sorry me yelling at those staff, thank you. And I did it in a very nice tone. I think, check the tape, check the tape. Don't rewind you're already wearing a wire. You've been this whole time. Well, we would get the fan trax right now, but we're out of time. Can we do one? And it's just to say we did it so we don't skip one. Do we have one? Noah? Sure? Sorry, girl, let's play who we gotta play this? Okay, here's our one fan tracks for today, Earning and Ernie and Ernie your fan tracks tracks, Long time listener, O, G Bestie, Hey, it's holla. Um. I was just listening to that episode where you were asking if anybody had been avoiding something in a relationship that then came up on TV, and I was reminded of something I hadn't thought of in forever back in two seven I was in a really fragile mental state. I'd spent a year in psychosis, too afraid to get help because um, I didn't know what the hell was going on. And meanwhile, in tandem, I was hanging him. Um I had confessed my love to him and he said nothing. So with that, we went back to my apartment, turned the TV on, put on the office where um, Pam or Jim, I don't know which one like confessed above, and my old psychotic brain uh broke and I started sobbing and um, you know, because I was like a beautiful minding this thing. And yeah, I told my roommate that I needed to get help. I needed to go to the er. Um you drove me. I then got admitted to a psych ward for three weeks and I've been on the up and up ever since. So thanks for that reminder. Honestly, I hadn't thought about that and forever, if you're out there, help get it please. So anyway, hijack is that illegal? Can I say? Hijack? Oh? Yeah, you can go back, Yeah, you can do a backwards one. Hollida occur um. That's hall of my best friends since fifth grade. Yes, I know that my Halla, who is going to be on our girl's trip at the Hampton's. Um, I love her so much, holl Of, that is so good and that was so compelling, and like, what a what a great story, God damn it. And it's so ironic. Again, this this episode is filled with irony because that scene from the Office, I literally have memorized. I don't have I know a lot of people memorize office things. I don't watch the Office, but that scene, you know, I've watched the series. I haven't even watched it all the way through, but I that scene. I have watched it used to be. I used to jerk off to that scene because it's so hot when Jim confesses his love to Pant like it's I used to literally touch my treasury truly. Oh my god, that's so funny. Okay, with that, have a great weekend. Enjoy Fweight Island. Enjoy my special good clean filthics on HBO Saturday night. Um f Way Island is out now. If you would watch my special alive on HBO when it from years, that would mean the most to me. But you can also see it on HBO Max afterwards. And uh yeah, do not be cut and y

The Nikki Glaser Podcast

Every Monday through Thursday, comedian and infamous roaster Nikki Glaser provides a fun, fast-paced 
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