The Nicky Glazer po Nycer here, Nicky, Hello here I am. It's Nicki Glaser podcast. Welcome to the show. It's Tuesday. Does anyone listen to our show at more than the speed? No, I don't know your parts. Yeah. Maybe they go and take talking down somehow. That would take a lot of editing. You could do point five so that it sounds like but you on point five would be, hey, what's going on? Is Nicky Glazer? We're going to be here? I would sound like I was doing a commentating a horse race. Um, an auction and a horse race at the same Were you always a speed talker? No, you would have to ask my parents, who didn't really listen to me. So, um, I think we'll never know. No, Um they did, I think, Yeah, I was always because your dad speaks slow. My dad does speaks slow. Um. What I was as a kid was always being told not by teachers because I was very like at school, never talked and like was just didn't want to be seen. But at home or a restaurants with my family, especially in my adolescence, like it was always nick and it would be and it was never like I was yelling like fuck you bit it was always like, I got this thing today and it was so like I was excited, and then it was just it just really depletes the air in your sales when someone you're telling a story that you're excited about and then people go and then you just go, Okay, never mind, I got a partner, apply that's matter, and then you do the whole thing. I like, because it's embarrassing how loud, because other people are staring and I wasn't aware of people like other people. Maybe how loud I was. I probably needed it my ears cleaned out. They're like, why don't you just tell us a story at home? You had to wait for an audience at Bennigan's. I mean every time we walk our dog in the subdivision, because I just get excited about something gets too loud. Um, do you know that your Trifecta meals are still downstairs? Those are done. I'm going to throw them away today. I waited too long. Well, can I take them? I'll give them to my mom. She will totally eat those. They're still good. She just ate your Trifecta meals that you gave her a while back. She's like she was texting me from the river. And she's like, we're down at the river, can I have Andrew's trifecta meals getting next tided? So like she just freezes them and eats them and that fine. Look, it's fine. They've been sitting without Like, no, you open that thing, they'll they'll still have refrigeration in those ice packs. But I always benefit from boys and people who don't know butter just airing on the side of like Chris brings stuff over to my house and is I don't get rewarded from that because he brings over like eggs and he'll leave them two days and he'll be like, oh, no, they're bad now, and I'm like, no, they're not. It's an exaggeration. But like at like I just don't believe in unless something smells bad and taste bad. Yeah you're a dumpster driver, Yeah totally. But now I'm going to get free trigefactor feels for my mom because who's head there just a discount. My dad will have to carry them and maybe break it back because those are heavy. But he was riding his bike in thirty degree weathers man, that's crazy. Listen, the gang never sleeps if he if he doesn't do that what's he gonna He's gonna wake up with to a fucking talking ship? Yeah, all those old men talking ship. Yeah, he rode his bike yesterday. I went running yesterday at like what time was that? I saw you? Seven thirty because it gets so I love summer how dark it gets so late. We were in Idaho, it got dark at nine forty the sunset and nine forty. That's exciting. Sometimes I want night time to come. I love it so much because I'm always pushing runs till the last second, and I can't run at night. So I just love when it's like I checked my clock and I'm like, oh, it's six o'clock, i gotta go for a run or I'm not going to exercise today. And then it's like, wait, the sun says at eight forty, I have another two hours. We saw you right before your run yesterday. Yeah, it didn't go well. It's just like it's so hot out that in my body already felt like bags of soup, just like I was too depressed to like have energy. Sometimes your body just like my my body was fine. My mind was just like so I did two and a half miles, but then I'd stopped just there was no There was no like I'm exhausted, There was no like should I stop? Should I not? It was just like shutting down MS stop. And then I pulled up my Lime Scooter app and I found a Lime scooter and I scooed my way out of the park than the other two would have miles. Yeah, we walked to get that ice cream down the street. It's really good ice cream. It's like insanely good. Jenny's that the name of im. I can walk into the same place you always say, the Italian restaurant, the Mexican place. Yeah, the ice cream shop. I believe it's Jenny's. Yeah, I think it's. It's it's like you know, across the country. Oh it is. Oh I thought it was like a St. Louis thing. No, I don't think it is. But it's across from Mission Talk if you want to go to it in the central Western another. Yeah, I mean not feel refreshing in the heat. It like cream. It did for like two minutes and then it melts and then it's like warm cream. Oh God, my stomach is twirling the houses, the streets by Jenny's. It's fucking insane. I just want to say, though, like, let's say I didn't know you, I just knew of you. I wish that I would have seen a celebrity in a park riding a Lime scooter because I feel like whenever I lived in New York and I would see like celebs on the street, they would just be like on Broadway to a show and like, yeah, yeah, you never see them doing anything except walking, you know, with like a hand that wasn't There was no part of me that was like, am I going to get recognized? But it um I did. Look, you know what I wanted to. I wanted people to go that that's like because I was so depressed. My face was. I was riding a scooter at top speed, like like looking at the sidewalk like despondently like and then I had to snap out of it because I kept seeing cars and I was like, they're probably pointing and laughing at this depressed person on a scooter. But I didn't think of getting recognized on that. I don't. I never get recognized literally ever, not literally ever, but like it just doesn't happen. It doesn't happen, so weird. I like that, though I don't want to be it's a we were talking about it. There's a perfect level of fame where you everywhere you go, you don't think someone's going to know who you are. Yeah, I mean it feels when you do get recognized, it feels pretty good. But it's not like I can't imagine chasing that feeling of like but still no. I mean, as in high school, the idea of like someday people being like is that was number one goal. I don't know why so much. I used to do it at my gate. We used we came up. We heard about this thing. Kirsten's sisters to Kristen's sister's boyfriend, Brian, Brian Glass. He was so cool, but he told us about a thing they did where they were on springbreak or something and he and his friends, one of them wore sunglasses and like was mysterious at a place and then the rest of the friends went up was like can I get a picture with you? Can I get your autograph? And then everyone just started doing it because they thought this person was famous. Like it didn't matter who it was. They were just like who is that And they're like it's Brian Glass and they're like, I mean it was before Google nine, and I just remember being like, that is the coolest idea. I want to do it so bad, and so I never asked anyone to do it for me, but I used to. I remember go to the airport with my family and I used to just try to look famous and like sit off by myself so that maybe someone thought I was famous. So lame, but that is a fun little part to do. People do it too before they're famous, like in the rap Game or whatever, where you act as if they rent like, you know, Lamborghini for one day and they drive down Miami Collins Avenue and they have all their friends like and like they get like five girls and and it's like, well, before they're someone, they do they act as if Yeah, acting as if does work. Um, it'd be weird. I mean what would we do to act as if we're just huge glasses? And I mean just it's just so funny to think about any other things. I get recognized dogs sometimes because of because first you wear you you peacock. That's what you do as a celebrity. You don't actually try to blend in. You wear something ridiculous so people look at you and then go, wait, that's Bill Murray. Yeah, you blend in during the day, that's your thing. Like you are very incognito when you run, and I ridiculous, Like I wear like bright hats and like I dress like I don't want to get recognized, but I end up wearing things to go for walks with the dog, like purple you know, uh crocs with a green shirt and a pink hat and a big pink like bilarrow sack to put my not a blair but like, um, what are those things called to put maryan? And so I have a dog hanging on a pink sack over my shoulder. I wear like colorful things that people kind of go, I guess they go. And my hair looks scraggly. I look like an old crazy woman. I look like the woman that used to be in comics and that was sometimes in birthday cards. It's like I'm a Hayndred and this is what I think. I don't know who that is, but that's who I feel like. I look like like I have a grandma's aisle because I just don't putting together outfits is exhausting. And I just saw this clip from this show called I think it's called Like Friend Zone with um Paul Shear and oh god, now I'm blanking on Jason's man man Zukas and Rob Hubill and I think some other people. But Jason Manzucas was talking about He's like, I don't wear that's kind of a good Jason man Zucas. I don't wear anything except a white, uh you know, button up shirt, white Oxford shirt, and like the same pants every single day. It's the same thing. Maybe I'll throw a vest on it or a jacket if I have a premiere. But and then they started rifling through pictures of him, and it's like the same thing every time. And he said that there was some quote by God. Who was it? Oh, no, I think it was a monks he went. Oh. He was like, oh, this is gonna sound pretentious, but I just I was doing some retreat with a bunch of monks and wherever India or something. And he was like they they said that, like, you know, to be closer to God, eliminate choices from your life, and you know, whatever God is or whatever, like yourself, like the choices do just like muddy the water that could be clear of our like understanding of ourselves and like just every day is a million choices, like think about it. Like for me, Starbucks is not a choice. It is plugged into my phone. It's what I want every day, no matter what what My food is literally not a choice anymore, it's just what I want every day. Wearing things, that's a choice. I'm overwhelmed with clothes, and I do like picking up clothes from my show because it can be random and fun and I can wear short, like sexy, like slutty things. I can wear like ridiculous stuff that's fun and truly. Like before I go to a show, I just I bring too humongous suitcases for three days of shows with different and I don't give it any thought of like what I'm gonna pair with what. I just throw pieces and then it's fun for me to go okay, and then I even refine it from there. So when I go to the show, I picked one suitcase and I throw in a bunch of stuff from my two suitcases, and then when I get to the show, is like a game where I'm like, you gotta put together two outfits out of this crap, and it's like a fun game show, I think, and uh, I enjoyed that, but on a day to day when you when we have social media, and is still important because it's our job and part of our job. When you wear an outfit, the next week, you're wearing the same outfit. It's gonna look exactly like the same before, even if it's a different stage. So you're not bringing new content. There's that idea of like, oh I need to look different in this new uh, this new photo on Instagram because if not, I'm just gonna look the same. You know, part of me just wants to wear the same black shirt and jeans everything I did this whole weekend. I think I wear the same thing all weekend. There's something about guys wearing the same thing over and over that almost is as much of attention getter as women wearing different things. Agree No, Like remember when Mark Norman used to have a he wore the same thing every time. I missed that Mark Norman, There's something very there's something quirky about it. There was something that that was his thing, that he were the same thing. Now I think Jason Manzucas, you wouldn't you wouldn't know that he wears the same thing. He's doing it not to stand out, but I think there's something that makes it you stand out if you wear the same thing and you never have to think about it. Well, George Carlin, did I mean Carlin just wore a black T shirt? Black T shirt? What about the ponytail? Though George Carlin always had a ponytail? Is that I don't even think of it. I don't even think about his pony That's how manly. And I did an interview with The New York Times about that. I was like, I remember picking up my dad's books of George Carlin and just being like, who is this old man with a ponytail? Like to me as a kid, he was the old man with a ponytail. And then growing up you go, oh, I don't even see it, but it is it was a thing to be like, to maintain some coolness. Well, I think the other thing when we go George Carlin wear the same thing every time we saw him on his special wearing that now? Yes, now every time he performed in Tacoma, Washington, was he wearing not wear the same thing every time? If you watch the documentary, he was he had cool clothes like up and but like his last few he'd like he found the thing I felt like, And then Louis wore a black T shirt and jeans, and like there's been a couple of other community Steve jobs always were the same thing. Yeah, he's a great comic. I feel like he's pretty funny, but he's funnier now. Um, but I do think, like in my head sometimes if I'm wearing the same thing every day and I see you know this, I go to the same bagel shop or whatever, They're gonna be like, God, he's a dirty motherfucker wearing the same thing. I know, I know, I know, I know. But then you have to buy a lot of the same thing or wash it a lot, and people don't know you just buy a lot of the same thing. Yeah, that's what I always do with I have a pair of jeans from that and I've let you some of those jeans, know, because I bought like so many pairs of them. Remember those they're from the Gap. I bought like nine pairs of these jeans because I was like, they are perfect. I still have like three of them. Um, yeah, they're there, but I don't fit in them either. I bought all different sizes and I don't fit in any of them. But um. Yeah, when you find something good, get a bunch of it. Because twelve buck mats and black T shirt. Yes, yes, this one has a pocket, one doesn't have a pocket, one is this way, one is curved. But that that kind of stuff does stress me out. I'm so overwhelmed with my Like I'm getting women to come, you know, organize my place for me and get me closets and stuff. But they're coming in July, I think, and um, but the idea of getting them, getting ready for them to come is a whole other issue. Like I don't I have so much stuff. I want to do an estate sale where I have just people come by and just take stuff. I leave out everything I don't want anymore and they just come and take it. And that way I know it's not going in a dumpster, or you can take it and throw it at a dumpster. Just don't tell me about it. Is there any party? It does like I'm spending a lot of money. I don't need to prep for them to come. That's their job. Well, I do feel that way, but I have they don't know where to put everything like I want. I thought you were giving them the reins. I thought I'm going to. But what I'm gonna do is put different things in piles, like this all goes in this room. There's a pile in this room. But then there's stuff like I don't know, like but you're telling them how to organize. They know how to organize. I know, but maybe just don't think I want in my bedroom some things I wanted the guests back, you know, and who knows if I'm gonna and then I'm going to have an assistant come and unpack me every week so I don't have to think about it. So then I don't know what I'm gonna do with all my time. It's interesting because it's like you're spending a lot of energy and thought on organizing something that you could be It's like when I used to cheat in college, and I would spend so much time figuring out who I would cheat off, of becoming friends with someone to cheat off of an all this I could just organize instead of spreading about organizing. I mean, I don't know if you couldn't do it, it's supposed to put it. It's not that this thing, it's once it's done, then I have an assistant and who she'll know every place and then I will get into town, roll my suitcases in and not she'll do my laundry. And I mean, I know this sounds like very elitist and like, but it is. I will have someone to do everything for me, hopefully, And I mean, once you get it going, will be a well oiled machine, hopefully. Do you use uh, fabric softener like shoppening sheets? Yes? Do you know those? You leave a residue in your clothes and that's why they all look dingy. So you're not supposed to use those. You're supposed to put in white vinegar, white vinegar. Yea, yeah, don't use red wine vinegar. I can see this going another way. Hey, look, we gotta go to break what if it's red clothe Some say that I'm in the blood or in the crypt. Sounds like a rap. Uh, it sounds like a rap. Okay, we're back, clean clothed without harshchemic goals. To clean your clothes with vinegar, put a half cup of distilled white vinegar and your washing machines machines detergent compartment. You don't need to add other detergents. What what you oh? Yeah? So so build up can result in blue or white streaks appearing on your clothing. It can also turn your white clothing yellow and cause dark clothing to fade. Vinegar can loosen so build up and prevent it from clinging to your clothes. Oh man, I'm doing this. This might be the my thing. Like I always think all my clothes have there's something dirty about me because everyone cloth vinegar. But I feel like it will wash it out. I feel like that would be an issue they would address on here if that was a thing. As mentioned before, vinegar won't leave any smell on your clothes. But you can add a few drops of essential oils if you want your clothing to be fragrant. Okay, you can replace fabric softener with vinegar. It can soften fabrics, so you do everything with vinegar. Yeah, I just want my Um, I just want my clothing. Did not be like have that? Like, Oh, I put on a pair of shorts yesterday, like sweatpant shorts, and they are like they're faded. You know that that black faded that happens to sweatpants. Um. And then I had to get something out of my pocket and I went in the pocket and I pulled out the pocket. So it's like you know out and the pocket is this perfect black color, same fabric as the outside that has been protected from whatever the funk is going on on the outside, and you just you see the potential of your clothes, And I was like, why can't that just stay that? I know, I'm trying to think. I don't. I mean, I'm not one, but handwashing helps at times, depending on if it's delicate fab But I feel like putting in as much whenever you whenever you put in you know, not not put in as much. Yeah. Oh, I mean I'm one to talk, but I would you know, you're pushing it in to like get all the and you're putting the colors and maybe the white all in, so it's definitely gonna work. Throw it on cold, and then you leave it in there and it builds up mold. That's the other thing. Like that's what I've done before with a D d S. Like I'll leave, I'll just forget that. I even never put the clothes in, and then three days later I've I can't eat the trifector meal. Yes, yes, save again. Yeah, yeah, this is your summer look or what's what summer look? Yeah? Like smooth, smooth, smooth and mustache, keeping the mustache because last time you've shaved, I feel like you left some stubble. No, yeah, this is completely smooth. It's so really good, Like I haven't done that in a long time. And there's something to the process a guy shaving their face, which like it does I don't know. It makes you feel clean, it makes you feel like, oh, I'm here to present myself like I feel. I don't know. It's just a nice step. It's meditative to do it. How long does it take you? Not that long? But I remember, you know when you're a kid, you want pubic hair as a boy, and you want to be able to shave. You wouldn't be able to shave. You want to be able to shave. Got it? Because it just in my face now I do it probably once a week right now, it's coming in. I felt it the other day, like I can feel stubble around my chin. But I in the shower will scrub my face with like conditioner when I'm bored because I'm just trying to take a longer or I'm trying to let the conditioners set it on my hair or something, and I'm bored, and I just with my razor that I use on my legs. That Harry's the kind that boys get. I do my chin up to my cheek um and sometimes I almost get a sideburn where I'm like, well, I'm getting little too. Because I don't use a mirror. I'm just kind of in there. I do. I got what I've got, and I shave everything and it makeup goes on so smooth, and it's kind of fun because right now it's grown back. I think I shaved it on Saturday, so I can feel a little like little like prickles, not prickles, but just little It just feels like sandpaper almost, And then I'm gonna get to shaven and it's gonna be fresh. Like that's the fun part about shaving your legs or anything. It's like you get a fresh feeling whenever you want it to do to shave it. And there's something about leaving where you have a nice balance of fresh and then a little rugged. Now is there fear that it will come back thicker? Because that's a that's a why is that a wives tale? That's an old girlfriend's tale. I shaved my nips, I shaved my legs. I shave like my leg hair doesn't come back thicker my The hair on the mole on my ass does come back with a vengeance. But that's always had like a long hair. Why do moles sprout like hairs that are like so annoying? Pocahon, Yeah, there's something in there that it's just it's black. I'm like, no hair on my body is this color? Um? I do like shavings that's never developed, or your chin hairs, you know you get those long ones. I mean it's a thing, but yeah, shaving your face. I just never did that as a woman. Now it's like they call it German planing. I do that. I going to off? I know, isn't that? Do you go somewhere to do it? Right? Yeah? What they? How do they do it differently? So? I mean I have my eyes closed, but it's basically like the same wand that you might use to like shape your eyebrows. They just yes, it kind of scrapes off the dead skin too. Yeah, it's great, And that's how I feel about your full Yeah. Yeah, there's something that you tell yourself that it's like Dermo plane verse. I'm just grabbing a guy's razor, like it feels more feminine. Yeah, I mean I think that's why they use that instead, or they use microblading instead of tattoo eyebrows. Yeah, you know, like there's always like feminine ways, but I think it is. It is a way to scrape off the dead skin cells along with the hair on your face, because, yeah, you don't realize you have a bunch of fuzz on your face and you're making and when you're wearing makeup and powder, it just sits on top of that and it adds a layer to your face that would be probably ten pounds. If you put on ten pounds, you know, like your face would expand that miniscule of hair amount. Not that it's bad to look like you gave ten bounds, but I'm just saying it just adds bulk to your face that you don't need. Brandon Dermott playing my eyebrows, which was nice and shave yeah around. Yeah, worried that she's going to go too far, but yeah, you just take off the extras, nothing of the Yeah does she pluck it all? Just a mental Yeah, Yeah, it's good to do. Who does your eyebrows? No one, I don't do my eyebrows anymore. I used to do them religiously. Um, I just got eyebrow tint stuff, but I got the wrong color, so I tried to do that. Yeah, used to tint them up, Yeah, I used to. Always tinting is great because it looks bad the first day you look like Charlie Chaplin, but the rest of it is great. But my my eyebrows are so blond and they like have but I think they match your hair. Yeah, but I don't want them to. I want them to be darker. It's for whatever reasons, you know, is eyebrows are darker than her hair. See, it just looks better eyebrows to me. Since what's the cara? Yeah, like no one really talked about eyebrows on women. That's like thick eyebrows came back, Yes they did. Was it ever a thing before? Like why did they get so thin for a while? I know it's the's we just went crazy because I think we were just like thin. We have to be thin everywhere everywhere, Like bushy eyebrows was the more masculine, I guess, and we're like little petite eyebrows. I don't know why that was such a good look and that we actually all thought it looked good, like we It wasn't like it didn't look good and we just didn't know it did look good to us. That's the weird thing about fashion trends or like attraction, Like the things you think are hot. It's not like you were blind to it in the nineties, or that that that outfit that you're looking at a picture of that throwback, You're like, what the fund is it wearing? No one thought that was weird. We all agreed it was cool. It is interesting that it takes all it takes is one insanely attractive person to lean into doing something different, for people to go that would be attractive on me, like this much stash, Like a lot of people out of mustache, the Beetles all grew mustache. So my dad, out of must like mustaches, ran wild long hair. Was the Beatles. They came yeah, and you're like, oh, I look like him. Yeah. Meanwhile, it's like, not you're you're him. But have you ever started something that you didn't take from someone else, because that's a hard thing to do. I have not. I don't think I've ever had the confidence to be like, I'm gonna do this weird thing that no one else is doing. No, I don't. I can't think of one time I've been completely a regular Swift shirts as a thirty seven year old. I'm thirty eight now. But like wearing consistent pink Little Girl Taylor Swift shirts is as a thing that I did not get from anyone that I was like, this is not cool, but it's just what I want, or trying to think of anything else. Um nose piercing. When I got it, no one else was. It wasn't like I got that idea from someone. I was just really like, I just think that's the place to get it where it won't scar um. I got this pierce for a little while the top of ear. But did someone else have that? No, not that I saw. Just we all went somewhere there in the summer, and I was like, anyone else in your group getting up there? No. They were like that's so dumb. No, I think someone else got there. Someone else got an eyebrow. Yeah, didn't you get an eyebrow? Chris got an eyebrow on what Yes, as a joke, an eyebrow, and that is the most scarring place. He was just like do it. I don't know. He was just going to show up in his like his mom, I don't know, and he went full piercing. Yes, I did not expect Chris to do that. I like that, that's insane. I know. I didn't expect it either. I was like, who's where's that guy? Where's that guy taking risk? Where's he when's an eyebrow piercing going to show up? My dad did not love that earring. He was like, I remember I started. I don't know. I was feeling sick coming back. I was as a counselor at camp and he's like, yeah, your ears infected. I was like, are you sure. I think you might just be saying that for me to take the earring now, and then it was it probably was. He's probably right, My god, those are infections. I mean I did. I got my ears pierced twenty something and or no in my thirties and it got infected so bad even though I washed it, and like, it's that's the only reason I won't get piercings now. It's like I don't want to deal with the infection and like cleaning it and how much it hurts when it gets infected and inflamed, and like, oh it sucks. It is interesting like taking chances, uh fashion wise, piercinges, dyeing your hair, Like when you get to a certain age where you're like, no, this is just the age where you're just this person, and then you get a little bit older around like sixty, and then you start dyeing your hair pink and get like people take yes because they're out, maybe they're living on because they're doing what they want. At that point, what is Luigi barking at? No one's there? It would be amazing if there was a guy there with with a machete. Can we just get murdered on camera? Can what could be there? There's someone probably getting going in. Hey, I want to hear ye come on come back, you know, come on, nice d nice guy speaking of Yeah, Foy Island is back, baby perfect Strangers to Fight Island two is back. U check out my instagram to see the story of like you can meet the cast and see all the new cast members and uh see a little pro clip. I'm gonna put one up later today that it involves me. That is not very flattering, but I'm gonna put it up anyway because it's all they gave me. And let's get to the news. But it's Tuesday. You know what that means, folks, It is Tuesday. I hope you're having all the swells out there apparently connection. Um yeah. They gave me a clip of the show and I'm just like they they cut out me saying god damn, which makes the timing of the jokes so much funnier because I say, you know the girls are gonna judge you as you walk across this. You know, you know the girls are gonna judge you solely based on your looks, so you can see how it feels for once and you're goddamn lives And they cut out goddamn. So it just goes so the girls are gonna watch you walk and judge you by your looks. Um, so you can see what it feels like for once. I do Lives. It just like comes out and it's just like makes me look the joke was it builds up to me being crazy. I go from a host like the girls are gonna judge you goddamn is part of the progression of the joke. It's a part of the joke. People cut around my jokes all the time and I can't stand it, like it makes me look insane, like I feel right now because I watched this clip and I'm like, I don't want to clip. I don't want to post this now if you weren't gonna use me saying God damn because the show is so precious that we can't offend the religious right of saying God damn. What are you gonna go to hell? You're probably gonna go hell because you invented a show called f Boy Island and you put it on your fucking platforms. Maybe that will get you in hell. No, we're you saying god having the host say goddamn, so they take out goddamn. So I just look, it takes away the joke. People don't understand jokes. I was watching on Instagram yesterday and there was a great joke made by um Julio Garatti, and it was such a good joke. It's a great joke, but guess what, The punchline was given away in the caption before he said it, and so it took away from the funniness of it. They do this all the time. People, You're not funny, so leave editing. Editors. Shout out to editors, you need to be funnier. You need to not put don't take out things. But this wasn't an editor's fault. This was HBO going we can't have her say goddamn in a in a clipse, and this is kind. I can only imagine what they thought of the promos we did. I mean, yeah, well that I just I just saw a lot of this happen on my E show. I see it happened all the time. Unless it's my stand up special where I get to control what gets taken out, they will suck. You can never judge me based on how I'm being being funny on a show that I didn't at it. Please don't, because I promise you I was funnier than it ended up. Because there's so many things on Welcome Home, Nickick cleanser question mark. Then I'm like, what does this even mean? We're doing a call back to something that you didn't even do the setup for, so we look insane. Do not understand? You can't put a ham drip slash call back to a joke that you didn't allow the audience to see the setup of a callback. The only way it can exist is that if it has its first part two, you can't do the end without the beginning. What are you doing? So it just makes us look fucking insane. It happens over and over and I don't know how to control it. You know what it is, the control more callbacks. No more callbacks in any reality team. Next time we do the show, I'm not doing callbacks. I'm not. I'm not. It's not the editor's fault. It's not ease fault. It's not the show runner's fault. It's no one's fault. They just don't have enough. It's time's fault. It's advertiser's fault because they don't have enough time to include the setup, and the callback is easier. It's easier to cut around the set up than the callback. Oftentimes, when callbacks are just put in and then not setups, it's a it's a lazy choice, but it's true because these people are being paid enough probably to go, okay, well we need to cut out two seconds of this. Oh well that little joke at the beginning. Well okay, now that you cut that little joke at the beginning, the end part where I say, and you know, his shoes weren on, it makes no I look like an insane person. It makes me look insane so much more than I am. And I'm insane when you take out God damn, listen to this. Can I just plan it for you? How insane I sound? This is? This is the clip, and you keep giving me jobs. But like, come on, guys, let's let's all work together to not to not take out funny stuff like know what you are good about, knowing comedy and knowing when things need to be. Like all the clips that we do from the show, I've never once been like, oh, she could have like she didn't. They didn't cut this right. I know you don't do the cutting yourself, but you tell them what to make. Yeah. I mean, but that's because I I listened to you, and I taken the information and I understand what it is that you like. For example, yeah, no, no please, I was gonna say that. I got to see you guys this weekend, and we were hanging out in the green room and it was maybe like five minutes before the show start, like ten minutes before the show started, and you and Andrew and Anya You're like, okay, let's come up with like Phoenix specific jokes. I just my mind was blown and out quickly. You didn't everything was so funny and like so relatable, especially like me being from this area now and like understanding how much like that joke is going to hit. I was so thoroughly impressed. I just want to say it was definitely a highlight for me. That that is something that I would like to put on in the reality show if we do it again. Of like those, I've been doing those. When I go to a town, I just look up interesting facts and I literally do it ten minutes before showtime. We should tell him somewhere many fucking good ones that it was the most fun. It's the most fun thing for me to do on the road, and yeah, we had some good what did we say? Um my my favorite one where oh yeah, there was like and forget what I would spell, but in Phoenix, if you cut down a cactus, you get twenty five years of prison in prison, up to twenty years in prison. This protected cactus called a swarow. And No was the one who told about it, and she was like, but it's pronounced sarrow because it's spelled different right differently, It's like s and you a r oh yeah, And she was like, no, it's sawarro, And so I wrote don suarrow and I was like, okay, I'll just say that I remember that by by. That's um that's how I That's what I sound like when I have a penis in my mouth and I go for fuarro and that's and I loved that. Um uh. And then we came up with like if you chop down that cactus and you get twenty five years in prison, like people just sharing like what they're in for, Like, dude, what are you in for? He's great, and you're like, what about you? He's like murder and you're he's They're like what about you? And you're like I just had to have a cactus man? And then Andrew added, you should have seen what it was wearing ozo is onthing like how sharp it went like it was holding a sharp No, I don't know, I forget what something was sharp. There was something with doesn't always looked like you're saying, put your hands off surrounding didn't. I didn't do anything, mad, I didn't do anything. They're so defensive they are. And what were you up to cactus with your sunglasses on doing a boogie woogie? Oh wait, that's the one you buy the Walgreens That would be like they're the skunk. They're the skunk of trees. No, not skunk. Fuck, what's the porcupine of trees? Are the porcupine? That's kind of suck to like always have that on your back. I think I think they shoot him out, so like they they're not always. Yeah, it's like the stingray. Like you think if you touch a stingray, it's like going to stab you just from being touched. But it has to like shoot it out. Oh. I just got a memory of a catfish. This kid, Jason Ultra, stepped on and it went right through his foot. Oh God, that's Florida, and they're going to judge you solely based on your looks, just so you can see how it feels for once in your life. Oh yeah, that's bad, once in your goddamn lives. Goddamn you need it. Felt like maybe because you're angry, it hits. It hits more that it's not there because of the ramp you just went on. But I also do feel like you. I don't even want to post it because it makes people are gonna go this host sucks and it's like the joke you need. I know that seems so inconsequential that God damn. But it allows the ramp. It's funny to see someone go from like I'm a host to like losing their mind. But if it happens in one word, it doesn't make sense if you see the progression exactly, yes, and that's it looks a little turrets anyway, but it needs that God damn. But it's just like I'm just just don't even put the joke in then put something else in. I just can't. I can't deal with it. Um. And that's why I can't watch anything I do. It's because it just ends up in the hands of people that are just trying to do their job and and follow network instructions of like, we need to cut this down, this is too much. That's gonna offend this for people. But the word goddamn, which I know they cut not for time because promos don't need a time limit. They cut it be because of the Christian right. Um, that is so stupid and hypocritical. You're doing a show called f Boy Island. I think you can put it should have said damn, that would have been different, all right, let's continue. That would be what if they yeah, what if they put in a different voice in there? It would have been fine if they would have had me go, hey, can you just put in like God, good darn Like if I would have said something like I could have done a voice over for it. I don't know how much just they just make choices because guess what, it's not. It's not going to affect viewership. It's just gonna affect people if they want to see me on that show again, which I wouldn't. And then the promo for the f boy I'm not in it at all, great too, Thanks HBO Max, Max, the guy that looked at my vagina yesterday. Call you have to be out of context. Do listen to yesterday's episode yeah, as the clip yeah, and then set up the clip about that's so funny. I'm like scared now that HBO is gonna give me a job because I insulted them. But um, if you don't give me a job because I'm mad about that, then that's on you, stupid. If anything will probably give you more work. Yeah, I negged them hardy. I want to get one news story in yes, okay, say goodbye to Internet Explore. Microsoft back to retire the web browser tomorrow, twenty seven years after its first launched back. Isn't that what we know? We have Safari the Internet explored with the EU with a little rocket coming out of it. So here's here's some reminders of ready uh the the Billboard year end hot one singles coming in at number one, any guesses, Hoodie and the Blowfish, Um, I only want to be with you and crow so Santa Mon a couple of fard Where was I? It was high school sophomore year, No way for freshman year, ver Verve, It's Gangsters Paradise by Coolio the year, and then Waterfalls and Creep coming at number two and three. So TLC had a very good year. Clueless was released, Oh my god, it was the best, most iconic movies, so iconic, and the show sparked a sexy, preppy trend of shortened tartan skirts, fitted blazers, collared shirts, argyle and over the knee socks and her little pens with like little uh things on the end and saying as if and I'm still baked? What you remember that scene? You always referenced that scene, I ever remember it. It's always my favorite. What is it that Almo's ruined my high I'm still baked? There at the party and Fason comes in and wait, who says I'm still baked? She does. I don't know who she is, the main girl. They come in, they get in a horrible fight that almost ruined my boss, and she knows I'm still big. Why is I'm still baked funny? I don't know. It's just a funny like line to me. But is it funny now or was it funny as a kid, Because there's nothing there's so many other lines and that are funny. I'm still baked after someone says I almost lose my bus. That's being like, oh, I'm not hungry anymore. I'm still hungry, Like what's funny about that? Just so no, I know, it's just so cheesy. It's like it's it reminds me of like when I, uh, like my friends opened up a liquor cabinet and I was like, hey, Jim beams over there, and they like that line they like destroyed me for because it's just such a It's just it's like a kind of yeah, yeah, okay, that makes sense of just trying over there, like pointing out one liquor, like the one about we were good at pointing out like that you know that that that shot from the sunny D commercial where it's inside the refrigerator. That's the shot I want to see if you and your friends going through the liquor cabinet and then like kind of sorting through and they're like, oh, we got this over here, and you go Jim Beams over there, and then they all stop and just turn around and look at you in the corner going Jim Beams over there. Exactly what happened, dude. It was very embarrassing. And yeah, and I watched that sunny D commercial last night because it was on Reddit on like the nostalgia thing and the one where they're like great like purple stuff soda, Oh sunny D And it's in the back and they are teenage boys that are genuinely like in their thirties in this commercial and they get so then they're all out by the pool drinking the sunny D and one of them finishes it and they almost attack this kid like he's going to be like, I'm really worried about this kid's safety. How how mad they are, and then the mom pops out of nowhere and goes, I got some more, and they're like, oh, you came in right into the cut mrs before they were going to beat this kid. I mean, it is so funny, how angry. I literally was watching it being like why would they have this? This looks violent because all the kids are like getting ready and they're adult men being teenagers. I gotta show it to you. It's so funny. Pull up that, like, for your own sake, whatever, you remember that Sunny d Ad if you if you remember what I'm talking about, it is so much more violent than what was the other thing. Your mom's got not che d, your mom's got stove top that blew up. Don't remember that? Really? No? I remember remember that. Just mom's always coming in and like camburger. No, I don't know. Maybe I'm alone here, but I remember stove toping. I but that is one. I mean that was such a trope in nineties, like the mom comes in and and she saved the day, and she's like I'm a good mom, and everyone's like, yeah you are. Yeah. I want to find the Sunny Dad because I want you to watch it and have a reaction video Sunny d commercial. In the meantime, Tommy Boy also came out. God I watched that the other day, and it was so freaking I can't even stand there. When he goes, I'm not baked anymore. Oh my god. Okay, so just watch this part. Andrew just pressed play. This is when the boys finish it and they started attacking. Here one boy finishes it. Problem. Don't they look like they're about to like disembowel him. I mean, it was so quick. I thought it was going to be go back, go back. Wait, wait, they look like they're about to hurt him. I was worried for if I was a director of that commercial, I'd say, hey, can we tone down the attack, I'd a bit up. He's going to get bullied to death for finishing the Sunny D. Do you remember Sunny D? How disgusting it was. It hurts a taste like gasoline, and it was like, yeah, it's like the after tap. It was bad. It was bad. It's like if if O J committed more murder. Oh no, oh my guitar teacher is here. That's who was here? Fuck? Oh fuck I forgot No, this was twenty minutes ago. Oh fuck, um I was doing my podcast. Oh Luisi, you were right. Luisi was right a lot. I'm so sorry. I will pay you double for this one. I'm so sorry, Oh my god. Oh not writing things down to my schedule. I just can't do this anymore. If you were a guitar teacher and you showed up to a lesson they weren't there, would it be good too if they paid you double, Yeah, I'd like that makes up for it, right, yes, and then some on the person. He also doesn't have to hear you play. I mean it's great, Yeah, that's a good thing too, but just lugging over his guitar and like spending time. If I was dog walking and someone didn't answer and I waited five minutes and then they paid me double, and then I go do whatever the funk I want. It's not like he's out there being like, oh oh no, you know, he's just living his life. Well he did hear me go, oh no, one's here, Luigi. You fucking like he hed me mock my oh yeah, yeah, do you have a machete? And the guys like I don't have a reason we couldn't hear him through the doorbell. He was because we have headphones on and so I couldn't hear maybe a real sound that was happening out in the hallway. God him, such should have summed, he should have strump. Let's get up to an amp next time. Do we have one more story? I have a very funny story that I saw that I was telling Andrew with International News is take it away. So did you see the elephant story recently that it's all over? Oh my god, it's so sad. So this elephant trampled a woman to death, then went to her funeral and trampled her again. I mean that is it is so sad because I read about this, and I was reading about how this woman was just filling, like going to the fucking ravine to fill to get water, to get drinking water. And this happens a lot of times in India where the elephants. They're like constantly in fear of elephants like trampling them. So this woman who was just trying to get drinking water, which were like, I don't know, this water tastes bad, it's not smart, complaining about sunny d they loved. This woman gets trampled to death. She does nothing, and then this elephant crashes her funeral, pulls her out of the funeral higher whatever it is, and then proceeds to trample her again, Like, I mean, what were there? What was the beef? Like? Not that I ever saw Godzilla, but I feel like maybe it's something like that where the monster or whatever falls in love with the woman. Oh did you ever do you remember that story with the tigers at the zoo the guys mocked them where and found them like two miles away. Elephants never forget. I mean honestly, they don't. But there must have been something about that woman either there's something some maybe it was some like beef they had in a past life or something, or you know, I don't want to say that she was blamed for it. Yeah she finished the sunny day in the past life's honestly, what they are about to do to that pay so sad. It made me so sad to read it. At first, it was just like whoa, this is crazy. But then I just kind of thought about all the people just to get water, to get drinking water, to get bathing water, they have to be scared that maybe a fucking hippo or an elephant might trample them to death. Can you fucking imagine? Like it just made me like so sad. At first, I was like, oh, this bitch probably hurt this elephant, was you know, a circus tamer or something like. I wanted the story to be vengeance from like getting abused, but it wasn't. It was just this poor woman trying to get water. So it was a bummer up. Hippos. Everyone with hippos are the most dangerous animals because people underestimate their speed underwater. Especially watch a hippo run underwater. It is so fast it's wild. I just saw a hippo take on like three lines and I was like, who are these guys there? And their teeth are hilarious. They look like rocks in there. They never you think they're just going to stay in one place and just like lunched forward and just makes me feel like I could lose a few more teeth and be fine. Yeah they're cool. Hip Yeah, thinks hippos. Okay, let's uh and thinks hippop the the contract I side yesterday that Max can't talk about me, but I can talk all about Max. How did look in those pants? Let's take a quick break and come back with why do I say? He said him, Nick, I am here heading up now, I'm outside your door. I knocked a bunch of times, heard voices and a dog barking. Not sure if we're on today, let me know either way? Things? What was I just going to say? He's like, oh, she's practicing. Oh so okay, we're back, let's do Why do I care? Why do I care? Wait? Did you just say that? My guldar teacher thought I was practicing because your dog park guitar sparking. Yes, listen to me, listen. It took me a second. Sometimes it's like, well, how about but more murder? You missed that? Joe mur described so funny. It's like, oh, but you're a guitar teacher ruined, it's so funny. All right? So wait, so wait, so did you wait? Wait? Why do I wait? Why do we care? Okay, so gentle, So I don't even know why I said that? Why do it? Eric Dane, who plays a closeted gay character on Euphoria and was also known as mc steamy from Grey's Anatomy, tells Andy Cohen that his d m s are filled with dick picks and dirty messages from guys despite being straight, and that he has a hard time finding dates because he's not an app guy. Oh, Eric Dane, let's take a look at what he looks. I mean, he's hand and he is he a dad on the show? Yeah, he's a he's a gay dad who's an alcoholic who has sex with teenagers. And he tells Andy, I get lots of dick pics. No, so then him and then yeah, that's what he wore to the premiere of Euphoria. That's not the best photo of him, No, it isn't. He looks like he's um at a costume event, like where someone magnetic. It looks like Ricky Martin, like a magnet mustache needs to go to rehab. Um. Okay, so okay, So he used to be married of Rebecca Gayhard. They had a threesome that they filmed. I remember that that was so hot. Him and two girls, two two girls, him and his wife and a girl. Okay, go on, No, u's are all right? So he told Andy, he's like, I've seen a lot of ugly penises. I've seen a lot of pretty ones. And then he says, I feel I feel like I don't ever meet women because look, I'm not a dating app guy, and I think that's kind of the where the majority of meeting happens on these dating apps, the various Rayahs, Tinders, whatever he goes. I'm I'm from the nineties, man, I'm more of a like, hey, how are you a kind of person? Yeah, you gotta get over that Eric Dane. Like it's app time now, Like you're ordering food on apps and maybe you're not. You're ordering your your clothing and your girl. It's where it's happening. You just got to give into the apps, like of him, a try get on Riot that guy. I will clean up on Ryan. I mean that guy. Yeah, I'm sure in between thirty dicks there's great tits. Like I'm sure he's also getting hit on the ship. Granted its fans, but yeah, that's I don't know, it's that's that's tough. I mean, I just think that people that go, I'm not a nap guy. I'm just tired of hearing that because it's like, you gotta evolve with the times, like things are different now. You can't. It's creepier to go up to a woman at a grocery store and just go, hey, you're like cereal too, Like that's just not gonna yeah pick in real life cereal killer. Yeah, that's weird. Yeah, just giving a polaroid of a dick pick passing it to a woman in line the whole food, yeahs are just look at Yeah, but I didn't. I rarely unblur something. You know, Everything that gets sent to me is blurred, and I rarely like spend the time because you have to like click it and then click again and then approve it. And it's like, I don't think any like unless it's a bestie who's like, hey, I thought, like I thought I saw this and thought of you. And it's like, and now guys are gonna send me that I saw this and thought of your pesty, Like that's gonna be the way. But um, I can just because like if it's a girl's account, it's not going to be a dick in a wheelchair. And I don't mind dicks. Honestly. I think it's so hilarious that someone would do that and think that that might work for me or something like no woman just craves a random dick. It's such a weird thing that men are. Just that's where you go that man is um completely self centered and has no ability to have empathy, because if he had any idea how women think. He would know that we don't think like you do. He's thinking like he's thinking women think the same way. If a woman sent me a picture of her pussy, I would love it. So let me do this and she'll love it. That's a guy who doesn't know what consider that other people might have different desires. It's a bad sign. It's pretty funny when it's like, so I'm either gonna write like what you up to or send my dick. I it's one or the other. What am I gonna do? I mean there's like, I'm not an ap guy, I'm not an a but I'm Last night Chris came over and we were just like, yeah, the one with the cool eyebrow ring from years ago. Um, he stills a scar, not gonna get no big deal. Well, people think we're engaged because of the reality show. People really did not see that. They thought that when he got down on one name gave me a ring for some reason. Again, I didn't watch the finale. I watched it last night. Is there any is it confusing? Did they try to purposely make it look like we're getting engaged? I mean, he got on a knee and gave you a ring, but was there context like what the ring was about? Did he pull out like a fake ring? Because the ring that wasn't really discussed exactly. I saw the clip and I go, they tried to they didn't get the context of the ring, which is I believe it was a joke and we definitely were like, let's do a fake ring and no, it looked like you're holding like it looked gold. Yes, So I don't remember what it was specifically. I think I took it off my finger and was like, give it to me. It felt very much like a proposal that wasn't and it was like at the last second, go, which is all, that's a fucking prank, like that like on a girl that you've been dating for But no, no, you knew. But I'm saying, as a viewer watching it, like it it didn't come off like I knew yes and no, but not like it was a very clear crich context. I will never ever judge someone from a reality show ever again, because my mom is like Nikki getting all these calls about you and Chris. My friends have all these opinions and I go, they're based off of a show that does not show the truth. Like it's it's based off of little moments with no context. A lot of times. It doesn't mean it's not entertaining. It doesn't mean that you didn't see every moment was actually a real moment. But I don't need your unsolicited advice about my relationship based on two minutes of it you saw on a show. It's like getting unsolicited dick picks. And you're a reality show, Like that's a scripted show. People think my reality show like your reality So that guy was getting dick pigs from a scripted show because people think he's gay. People really think this is your life you're getting But it's just I just realized that so many times I form opinions about people from twenty two minutes of their live that I see, and I really do have strong opinions about you should pick him, you shouldn't pick up bachelor ate, or like oh, Page, why are you dating this guy at this summer house? Like I know? And the thing is you don't know. And it was so funny to hear my mom and tell me like all of her friends, and she was giving me advice like it was like real advice, Like, well, my friend Susan says you and Chris, I don't think it should work. And I go, are you presenting this to me? Like I should consider her advice based on what she saw of my life, Like I would never in a million years let this woman dictate any kind of it was just and she goes, well, three of my friends think you should stay together, and three think you should And I go, I don't need to hear any of this. This is your focus group. And my mom literally said that, and then she wrote me. She goes, I had three calls thinking you got in age, and I'm like that I knew that they made it look like that because they needed to make it look like something. But no, it was a fake proposal that I was in on it. I knew about it. Um, so yeah, what was I going to say about Max? Oh? Yeah, so last night when he came over, it was really fun because, um we were like, you know, just just can noodling on the couch, just kissing, and I was like, another man saw my vagina today. I just need to be honest with you about that. He kind of got like what and I was like, his name is Max, and for a student teacher is a bad student. Yeah, he works for ups, but it's also a bed. I could have given all the details and be like, what the fuck. So wait, so you said he was the third year medstate, which actually sounds like odd eligible bachelor. Yeah, and I was like, Max definitely saw I've done, and he was like, what do you mean. I was like, I thought it was a girl when I proved it. And then Max came in and I couldn't like not have like send him away, and he was like, it doesn't it doesn't make me feel any I was like, sorry, if that like killed the vibe, He goes, no, I just didn't do anything to the vibe. Like he was like he was unaffected by it, but it was I was just trying to be funny. He did think it was funny, though. Okay, let's go to writing. It would be funny if you're like and I let Max because he was so hot. Yeah, but then I let him stay because we just had a vibe. Alright, alrighty, let's get to it. Okay. So this was from the subreddit weird. It says my husband, she's thirty six, he's forty one, has some disturbing request for after he's passed away. This one is really bizarre and I'm sorry ahead of time. My husband of twelve years has sub medical problems. Recently, the topic about end of life plans came up and I asked if he wanted to be buried. He didn't want that, nor did he want to be cremated. My husband wants me to have his skull taken from his box, his skull taken from his body and cleaned. Then he wants the skull put on a man a piece in the living room. The rest of his body he wants sent to one of those places that makes the gems out of bodies. I didn't know those places exist and made into two blue diamonds. He then wants those gems to be put in the eye sockets of the skull to look like eyes. Then he can quote watch the family home and be quote be passed down through the generations. I love it. That's so thoughtful. I like it. It's a little bit creepy, but I totally believe in. I would love to have my skull be passed through instead of some urn with my ashes and be like, this is Grandma's skull. That is so cool. Yeah, I can see that. I can see you having a nice skull on the wall. We put animals on it, We put everything on the wall. I want to get a marian. Why don't we stuff you and throw you on the wall. I'll put you in my living room if you do my skull. Would you take my skull? I want your whole face. I want to stuff it already looked stuffed because what if it It would look like me in the morning. I know it because you know, my head would be in a are in a formale him and it will be kind of puffy like I just woke up. It would have like an imprint of the eyemask I was wearing. Okay, this is that's Oh my god, my gut teachers here, Okay, no, no, no, but I was just interrupting a good joke. Again, Ham drip, double double, ham drip. Okay. So this is from ask men. And the question is if you could change one thing about your penis, what would it be? And I thought, oh, it's gonna be size. Someone said it's a rex status would be a percent under my conscious control. Remove the scars and the coarse bar corresponding scar tissue. Um that makes ten speed vibration. Someone said, that's a good one. I wanted to be able to shoot out a laser capable of cutting steel. It should be controllable and not like Syde Collops from The X Men. No ball hair? Why so many? I have not seen this much before. Edit. Holy fucking hell, this is like double hours. I don't know what that said. Okay, so someone said no ball hair. I mean someone said, I'm fifty one. I wish it worked like I did when I was fourteen? Yeah, what would you change about your You would add like a half an inch, you said, I mean, if we're gaining, add whatever we want, add whatever you want. Yeah, I mean I'm not going to make my dick be able to fly. That'd be pretty cool, though frequent like, uh, let him? Do you know sometimes it's annoying to have a dick all the time removable removable? Yeah? I always kind of wan. I used to be. Can I take the skull of your dick? I'll just yeah, I'll take one of the Oh my god, any if I kept what if you really did pass down your penis informal Bee Hyde, I would hope you'd keep it. I would not want that what I did used to want when I used to be kind of like more of an adventurous horror and not even adventurous hor You know how girls do molds of their boyfriend's penises make a toy of it. I wanted a stuffed animal of my boyfriend's penis because I just wanted to take it on the road and like cuddle with it and like have it look the same. I think there's some there's something to be There's an industry for that, you know what. I think could be a great industry. You make it a train, but you don't say it's his dick. I'd love a train. Yeah, good tar No, but no, but like make don't make it so obvious it's a dick, but you know it's as dick. Yeah, you know what I mean. Okay, but I wanted to be the same color and like, but I wanted to have like a smiley face. All right, Okay. So this is from white people Twitter, and it's just a tweet from a girl named Meg Monroe, and it says, imagine if a woman had to orgasm in order to get pregnant by a man, there would be like eleven people in the world. Wait, wait, woman had a woman just to say that there would be eleven people, it's such a funny. No, it really made me um l o l. And then this is from No Stupid Questions. It's also was reposted in the subreddit Suspiciously Specific, which is one of my favorite subreds. Final thought. So she said, they say can come accumulate in the sink drain. Let's say hypothetically someone in our household came into the sink every day for the past two months. Would the come gather up in the bottom somewhere. Let's also say hypothetically some workers were to perform maintenance on the sink, would they suspect anything? I just love it keep going? Is it love hypothetical? When it's about you? And I think it would. It would definitely clog up, you think. So, Yeah, have you ever coming a jacuzzi? A guy coming in jacuzzi? It doesn't go anywhere. It just turns into like, no, like you came into jacuzzi? Who hasn't, I think most of our listeners or a bathtub, Well, I've never. I don't have come like men. Yeah, well I've come in a bathtub and it just it just coagulated island. Yeah, it turns into those like dinosaur things. Okay, here's a funny response. People on Reddit are so fucking funny, like usually the top response. That's Daniel Burson from the Alabama Boys episode. He's a huge bestie now and he's getting into Reddit because of my obsession with Reddit, and he was like, do I need to just do it? And I'm like, yes, it's it's the funniest people commenting on the funniest stuff, because all the top comments are like the funniest ones. And someone said it's better to come in the sink than to sink in the come. Okay, so um, And today I am obsessed with Jeff Goldbloom right now, obsessed love him so much. Never really was like a huge fan. Taylor from the podcast last week or yeah, um for two weeks, the Taylor of the Thief, the Hobo Thief. She was always in love with Jeff Goldboom, like in love with him in high school and I never understood it. But he is on Conan uh Conan O'Brien needs a Friend podcast last week and it is such a he is so endearing, he's so lovely and so this is a tweet from Chris Kelly, who was actually on our show. No uh um, you up. He was promoting, Um, what's the show where that that little boy becomes a star and his his two siblings are like less famous and it's on I think it's on Hbox now. Boys. Two people from S and L wrote this show about in Molly Shannon plays the boy's mom and his name is Chase Dreams. On the show, Oh, the other two, it's called the Other two, the other two because it's the other two siblings. So anyway, this is Chris Kelly. This is his Twitter. This is from him, and this is from the subreddit made me smile, and it says someone once introduced Jeff gold Bloom to me at a party by saying, this is Chris Kelly, and he exclaimed, oh, my God. Of course I couldn't believe it. He knew who I was. Then he proceeded to say, my god, of course to every person that he was introduced to. I love Jeff Goldbloom. That made me happy because Jeff isn't one of these Hollywood people being like nice to see you, which, if you don't know in Hollywood, New York or in show business, it is a well known thing that instead of saying nice to meet you, you say nice to see you, because it affords you you the ability that maybe you've met this person before and you can get away saying nice to see you. And so when someone says nice to see you, it usually means I don't know who you are, and I may have met you before, but I'm too scared to say I always say nice to meet you, and because I don't. And I did this to Larry David. I said nice to meet you once, even though we've met before, and he goes, we've met before, and I was humiliated because I was like, I assumed you wouldn't remember, and I didn't want to do the nice to see you think to make you feel weird. I also did this to Nic Offerman. I said nice to meet you, and he was like, I did your show once, and I was like, I didn't expect you to remember me. I don't know what it's not like you could say, I think Jeff Goldwum doesn't go that route, and he just goes, my God, of course, And that's not insincere, you know, it's not insincere. He's just saying my God of course, sarcastic. No, if you listen to him on coming a love bug, my God. Of course it does sound like Serelena, my good friend. Um, and then I saved a okay, and then I guess that's that's all we have for today. Um, where did bed bugs live before bed bugs were invented? Someone just obviously wrote a funny joke they weren't invented. It's called no Stupid Questions, where they said, apparently they fed on bats and birds before humans, but they predate bats by thirty million years, so there must have been another mysterious host who went extinct or something that leads me to a joke I made in Phoenix. When I was about to go on stage in Phoenix, I looked up some interesting facts and one of them was that Phoenix UM was founded on a wait wait I funk. I wrote it down. What Phoenix is A is a dry archaic uh, shallow bed of like in infertile ground or something. And I was like, oh, like the way it was described, it sounded exactly like my Uterus. And I said something like that's what I heard in my pap smear. I gotta laugh. Then I said, Phoenix is a hundred and eighty billion years old the ground that we are on. I think that's when um Alice Cooper moved here. That was a joke that Noah gave because Alice Cooper is someone who is famous that lives in Phoenix and he wasn't born there, but I had to make a joke about him living there because everyone he lives there. I didn't know that. I would have not known that in my interesting facts that I looked up, it wasn't in there. But the Noah backstage was like, I think Alice Cooper lives here. She didn't even say think. She's just that Alice Cooper lives here and he's musted a lot of money and blah bah blah. And I looked it up and it was true. So I made a joke and it was good. Bed Bugs, bugs come on, bed bugs. They call him the house thugs. I've never met one because I'm no slug. I'm always moving fast. My dick gets attached, but it never is. Wait a second, you've never met one. Do you remember the time that you called me? It was the scaredest I know? But this the best season. Need to hear how adorable Andrew thought he got bed bugs and give it. Gave it to me because he was staying at my place this is in her allude to the RAF A little scary. I'm just going underneath. Is it still going? Yeah, okay, I'm wrapping so Andrew. So one time, Andrew, No, we had a bed bug my my, My roommate Jen had a bed bug scare. We got a dog. He came in. He said there were no bed bugs here. I don't even know if this was that was legit. Then we got another mascot. So I was scared. But my room was far away from her, so I was very nervous. I was watching your dogs for maybe like the second time I've ever met, and we were new friends, but we were already like close, and he called me up like man, so scared. I mean, Andrew gets scared to ask me if he can leave early from a venue to go back to the hotel. Like there's you can tell there's been like a lot of thought before he like gets the courage to be like, um, so uh, based on this all, He's like presenting a five paragraph essay of like can I just leave? And I'm like, yes, you could go. But Andrew gets scared of me because I'm a scary person and you love a hang and I love a hang and he's taking that from me and we know that so luckily no was there to fill in. But do that that's why I was able to leave. Well, okay, it wasn't why you were able to leave. I would have let you leave anyway, but um, you're right, that was nice to consider. But he was so scared to tell me, and he called me and was like I thought you were going to say I fucked your dog or like I well that was the third one. Ye, yeah, this was just the second week. But you were just getting me ready. But you told me about the bed bugs. Um. And sometimes it's weird. Nikki Glazer can overreact about having the word goddamn taken out of a trailer, but sometimes I get my phone stolen out of my hand or someone tells me I might have bed bugs and my reaction is like like negative, Like it's almost like I'm in a meditative state and I'm just like, okay, it's like bed bugs said bed bugs? Yeah I thought because people in New York I thought you said dad bugs bunny and it was like one of those bugs bunnies with an to to it on a T shirt. Yeah, like you know, when like people, how did you get COVID. Who gave you COVID? That's what bed bugs was before COVID in New York City. You know what, for some reason, I think that these things that are catastrophic to other people, getting your phone stone out of your hand by a twelve year old sprinting away, or getting bed bugs or getting COVID, I already know so much of like the guilt that or the like all the stuff that's gonna it's I only get sideswiped by things that are unexpected. And I think the things that are expected and talked about, and especially the ones that carry so much guilt for no reason, like you didn't want bed bugs. No one wants to get COVID. No one wants to give COVID to someone like I just want to immediately take that away from them because I you know, I had I had a guy once that I was dating look through my phone when I was not there because he didn't trust me about something. And I when I caught him, I was, I caught him, and I was like my first thought and I hope that people do this sometimes and I need to do a better job of it was if I did this and got caught how would I want that person to treat me because this person didn't is not a bad person. They were feeling insecure. They didn't want to look through my phone. No one wants to do that. Yeah, we were like they were like dating and they were just not trusting me. And they were someone that you know, I would have never thought would look through my phone ever in a million years, Like really I was. I had left my phone to go, uh do something at like on a table that they were at, and then I came back and there was a text message up to a conversation between me and a guy that I knew. This guy suspected me of hooking up with and the truth was that guy I hadn't talked to him in like a year, and so what he And then somehow this phone went off. But whenever I walked, my alarm went off. That's what happened. He was shot shutting off my alarm. And so it was. And I remember being my walk being like I wonder if this person would ever go through my phone because I left it and then I got back and I saw it and I confronted him when I go, hey, I have not talked to this person in a year, and the text message was up, did you go through my phone? And he immediately admitted to it, and he was so guilty, so embarrassed, and which I knew I would be too if I got caught. And I'm absolutely capable of doing something like this in a moment where I'm feeling insecure or whatever, and I just I remember he had to go do some like go to work and do something like that was going to take a lot of focus, and he was stressed out that I was going to break up with him or whatever, and that that I hadn't decided yet based on what would it would be. But I remember saying to him, nothing you're gonna think about it work today will change the result of what happened. I I don't don't worry about this. We're gonna be okay, which is true, whether we wake up or not, We're gonna be okay. We're gonna get through this. I am not I want to talk about it later. I'm not mad at you. I'm a little disappointed, but I understand why this happened. Please go to work and do not be don't let this go. Because he was worried about something at work that day and I'm like, please, don't let this affect your audition because of this, like put it into that, you know. And I just remember feeling really good about that because I was like, hopefully someone will bestow this on me when I do something like check someone's phone, you know, something that I get caught doing that is so embarrassing because even though I have never gone through someone's phone without them knowing, I'm definitely capable of it. I just know that. I think we're all capable of Your alarm went off. That's probably that dragged into the phone. That's why he was shutting it off. And then he was like, I mean, it's not but it's not like I was asking for it, because my alarm went off, like he shouldn't have done it. Well, my alarm was I'm cheating on you. I'm cheating on you looking the phone, I'm cheating on you. Some maybe I was asking for That's a great Robin song. All Right, we gotta go. Thank you so much for letting us go late. Uh noah, I love you so much. Thanks for listening to the show. Uh, don't be cut and Chi, I was going to try to do something about the guitar teacher man I owe him. That guy's a singer. H