#220 Closed Captions

Published May 18, 2022, 1:00 AM

Nikki has been watching a show in British and there are some words she really likes. Andrew is using Brenna's cup and thinks his friend's huge Hamptons home is haunted. Nikki has also been watching the documentary Our Father and is really angry about it. Now that Andrew ordered a hair loss drug, they talk about the challenges of losing hair. You Heard It Here First, don't piss in milkshakes, comedy cures depression unless no one takes your card and Nikki loves tired guys. Andrew calls his dad to assuage Nikki's fears about her parents getting caught with high cancer bills and in Reddit Dump we learn how to pick the perfect lipstick, listen to the perfect sound and Nikki sings some jingles.

The Nicky Glazer Podcast. Naser, Here's Nicky. Hello here I am. It's Nicky Glazer Podcast. How y'all doing out there, Nicky Glazer, I am in St. Louis, Missouri with Andrew Colin. It's Tuesday, where in my apartment just live in the life. Does your coffee bugs say Brenna on it? Oh? I guess so. Yeah, that's her company's mug. That's nice. I thought you just like had your girlfriend's name on your coffee mug And I'm drinking my own tears that I think when I think about her. Uh yeah, No, I mean you know, I love it. Yett Yeah? What are what? What is? Because it keeps it cold, it keeps it hot. Yetti's. Yeah, there's just so much fluids in here. It's enough water in here to fucking kill a camel. But there's so many there's nalgenes that have that much fluid to like, what is it about a Yetti that has sounds cool? It does? It's like Yetti's coolers though, Like don't they make cooler brands? And now suddenly when you say Yetti, it's like it means something else. Oh yeah, I guess, so, I guess kleen X makes other things. But we all know when you say can I get a clean X, no one's talking about like their brand of paper towels or well, you know, I don't know what else does clean X make. Clean X makes. I think they make coolers. I have no idea. I really have no idea what else they make. I I always I think people think of If you asked, I bet people think of clean X is just a tissue? Yeah, isn't a brand name? Dumpster is a brand name? What band aid is a brand name? Band aid? Yes, band aids? What do the Brits call them? Plasters? So? Wait what the fund? Is it? Dumpster a trash camp? And you know that the Brits call dumpster is as a brand? Is a brand pliant? No? I was watching um got something British? So I was watching an anatomy of a scandal. Have you guys seen that? Heard of good? It's so um it's good. I love it. It's interesting because there's a lot of like, wait, did he do it? Did she know? Did but he? And there's like really hot people in it. Um good decent acting. But what do I freaking know? You know? I like Cnna Miller a lot, but they keep saying, um, you know this. The main character works in um Parliament and they talk about his diary, but it's really a schedule, you know, a diary if you're like, oh, I'll check my diary to see if I can fit you in for you know, a spot of ta or whatever that. So I was wondering if when the Diary of Ann Frank came out they thought it was this like Anne Frank's schedule. Yeah, from nine to twelve, I'll be quiet in a basement and then I think I'll do the same thing in the afternoon. I mean, I don't know what else he could be doing, say a lift, instead of they say the bin for the I'm gonna throw your some one said I'm gonna throw your diary in this bin. I'd say, thank you. That's a great place to put it to keep it secret. But they would really be saying, I'm gonna throw your schedule in a trash and then I'm going to take the lift. And I'd say, well, we don't have The lift has to be an elevator for us, because there's no other. The lift is just an action. I guess the lift from the airport here l y f T. I'm talking about the elevator. They no, I know, I know, but I was, Oh, yeah, that's that's what we would think of. I was just shift teen shift lift. What what I've just freaking around? I don't know. That was a non sega. The queue they say that instead of lining up in the queue from the bathroom, the it wants to line a line. Oh yeah, que yeah. And I hate the word way it's spelled que. It's like qui quique. It's like bananas b A. And I hate cheers. I hate the cheers is oh cheers for thank you? Cheers cheers about holiday? I like holiday. I do like holiday for vacation. We're on holiday. But what do they say when it's like it's the holidays season? Do they think it's like summer but they're taking holidays all the time because they don't, you know, they're not as I mean, some countries in Europe take months off. They do. They care about leisure and police. Yeah, when was kind of like a fucking vacation this weekend? No you you made it a vacation a little bit, A little bit. Did you see your brother? He's not in the hamps anymore? He sold that Hampy house. I just feel like, you get another one, then you don't get out of the Hampton's forever. You're not allowed. Yeah, yeah, you gotta buy up. Yeah, that's like the code there is not allowed to leave the Hamptons. But he did, you know, he had a house, He had an apartment in the city, so he had a house in the Hampton's. So that's your getaway right now. He has a house in Connecticut. So go from house to house. You can't go house to house. You can't. You're not allowed. Yeah. It a like you guys were on the beach at one point with the truck. You No, I would consider it a holiday. Um, we definitely. Like where did you stay for? You got? You left Thursday? Stay Thursday. Stayed in my friends ten thousand square foot house. I texted him the day of, like I said, I got the rental car. I ended up getting to night the hotel. So I texted him the day of to freaking just to see if he's in the Hampton's I was staying in. I was gonna stay in a little shitty pool house. Where in the Hamptons. Whose house is that? A different friend, a different rich friend, you ever think of doing a hotel? I did, but they're fucking like a decent hotel in the handpiece is five fifty a night. Yeah, So I stayed forty minutes away from the wedding venue to save a couple of bucks. So I texted my buddy. I was like, Hey, I'm staying in the poolhouse. He's like, hey, just staying stay in my house, like that's how they are out there. Was like, well, if you're saying, I would much if I were a girlfriend's situation this, I would much rather stay in a pool house where I know we don't have to talk to anyone, then stay in their actual house where like we're going to be on the in there. No, it was there, but this whole house to ourselves. By the way, I know a lot of people make jokes a ten th square foot house. It gets a little honey hunty in there, a little haunted. Too many rooms, too many rooms, too many weird. Rich people put up drawings and pictures of people that aren't in their families, that died, probably horrible deaths that we have no idea about, and you see their faces on the wall and they just stare at you like Oh wow, these weird drawings that they don't know. These people, the richer you get the left drawings like they like old timey drawings, old timey drawings of like a little girl. Well maybe they're well, first of all, they rent this house themselves. But you know you were creeped out by this brand new house in the Hampton's No, it's an old house, old house, not that old, but old enough, and you got scared of ghosts. I mean, Brandon was scared, which then lingers over to me having to be the man of the house, and you know she's relying on me to not fight this little troll. Do you just stay in a sector of the house or do you are you taking up space? Yeah? We had one room and then downstairs living. You know, when you have twenty rooms, you end up staying in two. That's what I've learned. You know what city you're in, you go to a couple of places. What am I gonna? I was just talking about this. I do not want a big house. I love the size of my apartment. When I lose something, I know it's within two rooms. I hated growing up, like I'm not. I hated it, but we moved from a very small house to a bigger house in sixth grade, and suddenly it could be any anything you lose, could be anywhere. It's it's so it just turns into a lot more work to find things now, and then the joy of moving to New York and living in a studio or something even close to that. It's like it is within an arm's length of me. Whatever this thing I'm looking for, and if it's not, it's gone forever and I can just move on with my life. And how did it get in that other room? You know what I mean? Like, how did it give me? We had a room the childhood house you're not really that afraid of. But we moved into a house when we were twelve where there was a room we never went in, Like it was kind of understood that this room is kind of scary. What was it? It was like an addict slash room, but it was and it was what would it be? Was it decorated? Was it did have a bed? But there was the TV room connected to the attic, So we didn't even go into TV room because this attic was so scary. You know, there were a lot of I don't know what was in there, but there was noises, a lot of noise. We're scared of ghosts, so you still believe in ghosts. If you were getting scared this weekend, you believe in ghosts, um, because otherwise you wouldn't be scared. Yeah, I don't like noises. So you believe in someone broke if your would your inclination B it's a ghost or someone broke into the house. Again, this is interesting to me. This is like the appliance talk yesterday where you're like, well, that's not in the plants and I go, well, what constitutes and appliance? And you go, well, I don't know, And I'm like, but you have rules in your head. So there's something if you get scared when you hear a noise to you, you can't get scared of something that's nothing, So it has to be something to you. What is it? What could it be? What is what does your mind go to? Well, I guess the idea is the unknown? Right The unknown is what's scary. So you can't define the unknown. I would say, but if you but if I don't believe in like I do believe in can ghost now, but I don't believe in like um, bigfoot, you know. So if I heard it's big walking in the woods, I would go, it's a man in a bigfoot costume, you know what I mean? Like, I wouldn't go bigfoot, all right, what you know the things I wouldn't go, Oh, it's the there's a clown in the sewer. Like I I know that's not a thing, So I'm not going to jump to that. But I think some people do. They go, oh my god, there's there's a part of them that goes there could be a clown in the sewer there when the house is bigger for some reason, I do think there is a small chance that it could be haunted with some kind of creature, some kind of thing and an entity. Now do my mind might also go there fast depending on this, the safer the neighborhood, the more likelihood it's a ghost and not a robber. In my brain, that would be the opposite. Yeah. The nicer the neighborhood, the more stuff they got, but the less crime. M hmm okay, yeah. But I always think like, oh, this is it was a quiet street. They hadn't had grime here since Yeah, when a woman you know, yeah, if a child with her car like there's always there that date line episode of like we never expected the neighborhood to have anything like this happened. There had never been a murder that that's when it's going to happen. Oh dude, if you see, like if you saw some of the people you see in New York City every day, thousand of them, if you saw one of them on a quiet street, you would freak the funk out. Yea, could you imagine, just like it's so crazy how we like train our brains to like get come to bull was like that breadit thing I shared that one time where it was like the woman's like, do you want to know if you're a real New Yorker? And she just goes what like screams, and she goes and she looks like the camera. She goes, did anyone turn around? She goes, those people are tourists. If they turned around, and you just see there's people walking by that just did nothing. When this create woman is screaming bloody murder in the middle of a normal section in Manhattan, you know a day, Yeah, I mean I would not turn because the second you turn to something it is you're now accountable to it. You have to do something about it. I mean, have you ever I think I checked in maybe somebody so much it made you cry? Have you ever needed something so bad you can't sleep at night? I want to do what a lyric quiz with you? Because you don't know any lyrics? Except that's such a blanket statement. Um, go ahead, Well you can't do Taylor Swift. Well I'm not gonna do well if that wasn't Taylor, So I'm talking about? Um, what was the song that you were like? This was oh the some forty one one we were doing? Okay? Um? What about God? What did I just hear this weekend? That brought down the dance floor? It was like it was one of the Fallout Boys or something. It was one of those songs that was like I knew every lyric too, and I go, how do I know? Um? I forget it now? But what about Here I go again? On my honestly? Are you kidding me? Never know? Okay, keep going like a drifter. I was born to walk alone. Okay, night now I made up my mind. I ain't wasted no more time. Here I go again? Did it? Everyone he needed a little needed a little bit of a yea yeah, It's like when you go, cousin, why do I need that little heartbreak? And you got the best of me heartbreak A dream maker? Maybe us? What about my loneliness is killing me? And I must confess I still believe, still believe, and I'm not losing my mouth. Okay, but that's okay. You got that wasn't bad. I even got the other guy, The other guy, the other guy. Do you think there was another guy there? Oh? My god, that's so funny. I mean, it's definitely there was another girl. There's gonna be it was her. It's just her in the background or maybe background singers that sound like but you think it was another guy? Yeah? Man, it was a guy from Sweden that does all the hits. I wanted to say, if anyone's watching us on the YouTube, I have a I got a laser facial today. I got a micro needling PRP where they suck your blood out of your arm, just a vein. They took it from right here. Okay, So they they take your blood and then they spin it around in a thing. I got it on my scalp too when I was losing my hair back in the day. And they spin around a thing and they and then it sucks out all the plasma and then they throw it away and then a guy jerks off and they just use that. No, that's the show I'm watching on Netflix. Have has anyone heard of this Our Father show? Oh my god, dear god. I will never do ever do IVF treatments with a man. I will never trust. And sorry, infertility doctors out there that are well meaning, just like male babysitters, you don't get to do it. Go into some other kind of medicine coming. There's this guy in Indianapolis named Dr Klein who in the nineteen seventies and eighties practice for a really long time. Women would go adding infertility issues. They would either get a donor from you know, like a catalog because back when it before it was digitized. They would pick out a donor and catalog and or they would bring in their husband sperm because they were just having trouble having sex or just like whatever it was, and the husband would go and jerk off in a cup or whatever. Or they pick out the donor that they like, you know, to become a donor, you have to have like you have to pass tests that you don't have a bunch of diseases and like autoimmune issues and family history of blah blah blah. And then this fucking doctor Klein would just throw the sample away, come as the woman was getting disrobed, go come in his office, and then go in and inject his own semen into the woman, his own warm batch. And what happened was no one would have known until twenty three and me. And then these people started getting tests, and all of a sudden, they are getting hundreds of match you know, like dozens of matches with half siblings, and they're going, what is going on? And they go, mom, did you pick out a donor? And the or they know the mom had a donor and Dr Klein as his most with most donors. They don't want any population having too many of the same father, so donors will only use they'll only use donors up to three times. So and then because they don't want sisters and brothers on an unintentionally data in each other. Yeah lot, wait, so wait a second, was he still is he still alive? Yes? Oh my god, idea, due it is the creepy it is. It is worse than any of the molested. I don't know why this thing creased me out hundreds. It's still more more coming every day because women would There are women who are dead now because you know they died of not you know, over age, and their siblings are out there that might not have netflix and might not know about it. If you were conceived in the seventies or eighties in Indianapolis, in your parents might not even tell you that they had gone to this doctor. He was the only one that anyone even went to back then to help. And even if your dad's semen would use he would throw out the dad semen. That was just he would jerk off in a room next to the dad and throw out the dads and put in his own. So all these people and guess what, there's nothing to try him on. There's no law against what he did. For some reason, it's disgusting. I wish this guy, I mean, this guy, it's all about they kind of get into it. And it turns out he's maybe into like some kind of like Aryan race type thing because all these kids, fine, I was thinking maybe Jewish c l I any not, okay, you know some kids are like my dad's a doctor, you know what I mean. He was just he's so ugly though. He's such a ugly bastard too. He's so gross, And some of these kids have such cute dads, And it's truly the most devastating thing to a family because these fathers learning that they're kids who are thirty doing me is like a Christmas gift they get from their husband all of a sudden. Hey dad, um, your I'm not yours and never have been. And this is why I look different than the rest of the family. It's just so sad. Let's father, Oh yeah, dad, you're a nurse. I have a real doctor. Dad. Uh sorry, you couldn't pass the Board's dad. I'm reading about the Columbine kids right now and I'm having empathy for them for some reason. Him. But this doctor Klein is honestly like like Hitler levels of terrible to me. Something about the deceiving aspect of it. That's just I'm gonna tell you. And even creepier thing when we get back from break Andrew, I'm coming down off the road on top of a to okay, so you mentor yeah, come on, dude, I'm brilliant. I'm okay. So one of the creepiest things about this documentary called Our Father. I watched everything with captions on, you know, and in the beginning of the documentary, it just it's a lot of dramatization that they's and they really creep factor it up. But they show this doctor and he has all these like, you know, I don't know if he's Catholic or he's Christian I think, or maybe Luther. I don't even know what he is. But he has all these signs around that are like just religious uh men, geographs and like little like weavings, and you know, I don't know, he just has signs everywhere about like being Christian is the only way to be kind of things. And and they show him in this like these rooms just like jerking off. And then the very beginning they show him like from behind in his office really like dimly lit office and him just going leaning back like like in his office and it's just like and you see him like leave a patient and then like walking like and be like just for I'll be right back. And then he comes goes in his office and he like you hear him jerk off. So that's like the beginning, just setting the stage for like what is this is, guys? This is weird right, And then every single the documentary is cut up into sections of like how many siblings there are, so it would go the first is like simbling number one, and then every time and every time they always preemptively go like and my mom was told that, you know, based on the donors she chose, there would only be up to three more siblings. And then it would always go to cut to like sibling, and then there's a there's a black you know, uh screen, and then it says sibling number, and then it goes and the number keeps going like and then I'll go fifteen, and then it shows the story of sibling fifteen, and then it's like sibling and then I'll go and then Dr Klein says, well, I only did it ten times. There's only there's I only put my own spurm in because these families were struggling. Only did it ten times. And then it goes sibling number thirty seven, and so it keeps climbing throughout the thing, but every single time, because of the closed captions, it will say sibling number, and then it goes like there's like this kind of like ominous like tone underneath it. When the number comes up. It's just you would just think it was like a like almost like a Law and Order kind of you know, echo e tone. But then it says in the close caption in like brackets man moaning, So you realize that these people of what this guy's like come sound throughout the documentary. I started to Chris the other night, I was like, you haven't even seen the documentary, but can you just see what I'm noticing from having close captions on Close captations open up such a world to you that you don't know, like where things appear that you go, oh, I didn't even know. The director definitely was like, let's let's emphasize every number with the sound of an orchasm, but you would never know it unless you had close captions. Also, when I'm watching the show, like The Ultimatum or like any of these reality shows, it will be like tense music like it'll just say that, or it'll be like it's almost like they didn't realize that they're giving away what they're trying to do. Emotionally gripping music, um music that makes you think these two might break up, Like it'll be that specific of like telling you what you're supposed to feel and it becomes it's a nice way to see how manipulative things are on television because they're giving away their secrets. Could you hear then when it sounds like like it really sounds nothing like a come but every single time the number comes up, it just says man moaning. It's like it's like that sound at all, but it's you know that someone was like, let's secretly put this sound in, like the Beatles on a certain song called I Think Girl. I Think it's the song girl, which they pronounced girl instead of girl, but they do this part where it's like and they got to kick out of it because they were saying, but it sounds like and then you know, in Lady Gaga's poker Face, she says pop poker face, pop poker face, but she's really saying if you listen, it says fucker face fuck her face. Yeah, And it's secret things that they put in. There's even one in Britney spears um slave for you and it goes uh in safe she says, I can't. I'm not trying to. But there's some part of it that has like some it's almost like the Disney things where it's a dirty lyric instead which one it is. But no, I don't think the caption guys having fun. I think he's reading the script, which is for producers. You know. Part of me and sometimes thought to close captions was just a guy going you know what I mean, Like it's always just like a live guy going debates. Yeah, I always wondered how they get the closed captions in there, like how that even works on it's someone going off of a script usually if it's something that's scripted, and then if it's I think that I think a lot of it is AI just like hearing it because you know, one you can do it on your phone. You can do it with Siri. I'm wondering though. But even in the nineties, when you know, like before computers were so advanced, I remember you could turn the close captions on for The Simpsons and I would watch it with I think they would have people, but the Simpsons wasn't live you they actually had people type it out because I think I knew some people like in the two thousands when I lived in l A who would do that for timp jobs is like close captioning, oh for live stuff, not live stuff like tape stuff. They they you know before it airs, but you know when you do. I'm wondering. I see it all the time on these reels and on TikTok, mostly on Instagram reels where it will have it will caption it for you. Are you not able to go in and correct what you can? You can? Why does everyone not do that? Well? It depends on curse words. On curse words are just random words. I know you can do it certain certain ones you can do it. Another one I don't think. I've never done it, but I can't imagine. They don't have a way to edit it. They go, we'll get this right as much as possible, and then you can go back in and change it. No one does. People are lazy, including oh my god, I've done it before where I haven't changed it. It doesn't seem to make that big of a deal. But yes, it definitely does. It make sense. I think at this point, I think, honestly, I think now close captions and visuals are so ingrained in us that it's like, okay, make it nice, make it right, like a lot of people are now doing it, like even like there are people called deaf people who actually rely on it to make sense or since if as you would write it, of what of what you're saying? Why are you rubbing that? I don't know. I'm thinking of Dr Klein. God his asked or didn't want me no, But like even like a comic like Gary Goldman, you put up a thing of his. And for some reason, I think Gary Goldman, I think he would never like he wouldn't put the captions because there's something about, you know, stand up that you shouldn't have to read it like you know, it kind of takes away the medium. But he did it perfectly, like you know. He took time because he's like me. I can't stand I tell my people who we learn Lizzo go very mad about the way that you do the dance for the I'm gonna need a sentiment am and a woman to pump me uh fuzzy um. But I want to say that like Gary is like me. There's something that bugs me so much and every comedian needs to do. If you're listening comedians and you make clips of your stand up, you're doing yourself a disservice. If you give the punchline away before you say it. The words should not appear on the screen until you say, there's a thing called timing in comedy that is essential to the joke being as funny as possible. And when I read fast, and so do a lot of people, I read the joke before people say it, and I go oh, and there's a part of you that goes, I know where this is going even though you didn't. You read it ahead of the person saying it, and it ruins it for you. I mean in Veep, I watch it all the time where I see the joke before they say it, and that's I allow that because that's TV. It's not like the If the writers were doing the close captions, they would be more emphatic about it. But I can't stand when you know, outsource my captions and it just pops up because I want I wanted to. It builds to like you don't know where this is going, and now you do if you just write the whole sentence out. I don't know. Maybe some people are slower readers and it actually does time out right. No. I think it also depends on your stand up. If you know, some people speak so slowly that their joke that is a minute long might have you know, forty words, so it's easy to type out. Essentially, it's easy to time it out if you have a lot of words. Harder to type, harder to write, harder to you know, some people do it in clumps. Whatever. This is all technically set up can be set ups. Fine, you're doing a punchline. You need the dot dot dot boom right on the right on the time you say yeah, well you say it. You say it the way for a reason, like you might be like, no, I don't pay attention to that stuff. You do you do and noise. Yeah. So bottom line is I got a laser facial. Yeah, so you have the laser facial. You go in, the draw the blood, they whip it around. Then they come back in and she, um, it hurts so fucking bad. They put um numbing cream on my face that's just now wearing off, and um they rub it all over your face and then your your face is numb and tingly. And then she comes in and does micro needling, which is it's like no, no, no, there's like it's a machine, but I'm guessing it has a bunch of needles on it and it just like like penetrates your skin all over. So it just kind of like almost like tattooing kind of. No, no, no, it's just it's poking needles and so it's just poking holes. I'm guessing I don't know how it exactly works, but I know that it's like needles everywhere, and then they take your plasma and rub it in the open ones. Was there a part of your face where you're like, I can't stand this, Oh, the forehead because there's no fat there. It's just like bone on skin. I think it's really relates to I know I'm such a skinny forehead, um, but my cheeks are easier. But because there's more padding. I yeah, it's a little bit more bone. You got a laser to, right or no? Well, like I just call it laser because it just looks like it just is an easy way to say that your face looks all fucked up. But I got it was microanilia. There's no laser and bold, but I used to get lasers. Yeah, there is a laser thing as well. I've heard, well there's tons of yeah. Yeah, I mean I get some stuff done to. Yeah, you get it done to. I actually just ordered my first balding spray. Yeah. Force it's like road gains fit aside and mock so I don't know the words. They're both big foam. It's a spray and when when do you put it on? You just put on four times, four sprays a day, like one time for sprays. And where did you hear about it? Instagram? Late last night Instagram Hymns is the name of the brand? Yes, yes, yes, and I don't We'll see what happens. I'm sure my face will fall off and grow hair or just keep the hair that you have. It regrows, it should regrow and thicken. So a lot of times it's you know, oral whatever, the finicide or whatever, and there's side effects of um, your dick doesn't work. I've already gone through that was loft. I'm not going to put a pill in my mouth that's gonna affect my cock because my cock is finally back. It's back to normal teenager level. Yeah, small and pathetic. But the spray despray, I don't know. We'll see what happens. I'm like, why not, it's not that expensive, it's not crazy. Yeah, And I used to do I used to do and I don't PRP. I've done, you know, neutrapuls falling out or was this, this was preventative. It was no, it was hormonal. I mean during the pandemic, my hair was it was it was like really, I know, we didn't hang out much during the pandemic. It was awful. I had a lot in the shower I had I would do like wall art with my hair in the shower. I had like opestries of like I would do like horses and like it looked like a cave from the Mesolithic period. Insane about hair. I am. Oh, it was. It was the worst time of my life. And I have so much empathy for anyone whose hairs. My mom's going through, like you know, stressful hair loss, like it sucks every I wouldn't take showers because every time I did it would fall out so much. But when you stopped showering, or when you stop, I wouldn't wash my hair because so much would come out. It would be like so um traumatizing. But then when you skip showering or when you skip washing your hair more falls out because it's just like releasing. So it's just every single time I would just go and I would put it up on the wall and I go, Bob, look, I'm not crazy. And then one time, my I came home from doing Jimmy Kimmel Live like guest toasting, and I remember I like came back into my parents else and I like greeted my dogs and I like was rolling around on the ground with them and they were all stepping, and I remember while he stepped on my hair and like ripped out ten strands. And what went from like I just had this amazing day and like weekend or like I just accomplished this thing that you know, I thought my career was over, and then suddenly during the summer I get to ghost guest host Jimmy Kimmel. I was inconsolable. I just couldn't believe that, like, in addition to all my hairs falling out naturally, something pulled out like ten ten. Like it was it was the worst thing that's ever happened. I know that sounds crazy. It was honestly one of the worst thing I would have rather. I told my dad. I was like, I'd rather my arm fall get cut off. I'm not. I wasn't joking. Like it was that deficitting to me that just the idea that something that didn't need to go went when I was just so it was just like all so now I never lay on the ground with the dogs because if they stepped on my hair in a weird way, I like know that I'll just lose my fucking mind. I remember, I remember when my hair start did fall out. A lot of it was stress related. I remember being the shower and having like clumps. For some reason, my hair is like stayed kind of this. I don't remember the longer. It just was thicker. It was just thicker. You know your hair falls out probably now, and then it just falls out of your hair because it's long hair. That's why girls, and especially if your hair is curlier or more textured, when it falls out, it just stays in there until you wash it and then you run your hands through and that's when it all comes out. Whereas if you're someone with straight like hair, that kind of it's falling out throughout the day in a way that others aren't. So maybe it is falling I don't even realize it. But as a woman, as a woman, you know, it's like you go bald as it's not supposed to happen to women. It's a you know that look like bald spot that you can be like oh, I'm like, it's alopecia, which almost would I don't want to minimize alopecia at all, but at least when you have like a bald spot, you can be like something is wrong. But when it's all falling out everywhere and your hair is just like thin and like you can like see through on your scalp, it just feels different than like my friend Sara Lena used to have a bald spot and it would just be one area. Or my one friend has tricket to lamnia and she has one area that's just a bald patch right behind her ear, and she could kind of flip her hair and show it. Devastating. For sure, there's something about it being concentrated as opposed to like when it's everywhere concentrated. No, I don't think it is. I think that's your everything. I'm not trying to but no, no, no, I think you're right. I just read about it because Will Smith. I was like, what is out? Oh my god, it's horrible. Jeff Ross came out about it after and he hit it for years on the road, and a year later he was bald ye and he lied about and said it was just a choice. He had no eyebrows. He suddenly, as a comedian couldn't make it like his eyebrows. It's weird to show like you expressions, you know. He suddenly was just robbed of like how he emots and how he looks on stage, and like it was devastating. He had to lie about it. He was like, I lied on Roguan about it. I just said it was like a choice, and it was like not a choice. His hair just started falling out out of fucking nowhere. And and then he wrote this. He came out about it because of the oscars, because he had full on like dreads the year before, and then he was completely bald the next his alopecia. Yeah, and he he says that, you know, he knows a lot of people that have it, that stuff, that wear wigs, and no one knows people in Hollywood. I mean, it's such a shameful thing hair loss that people don't talk about. But my grandpa used to go, don't use a towel, don't ever dry your hair with a towel because he was bald, and he would have my grandpa marked. Did he say don't wash your towels because you stuck to that you know I'm not dirty anymore, Nikki. You can't keep bringing it up. That's the old me. Brenda does it now and I actually do with something. But my grandpa Marvin, he would take one he had like ten hairs that you don't have anymore, and then he would grow it like take around and swirl it around, and then it get a little windy. And that bitch was like Bill Murray and Kingpin. Oh which universe? I don't know how universe, and it would just it would just start like turning into like a like, um, what's that snake? And rattle out of don't ever use a towel. Okay, we gotta get to the news first. Oh boy, I hope you're having all the swells out there. Apparently we are here. Uh it's Tuesday, folks too. Man. Have you ever thought about life and think about stuff and then everything falls apart back to you? Noah? Oh my god, you guys are gonna be on the road this weekend. Two shows in Boston and then two shows two or three shows Connecticut Foxwoods. Really, Oh my god. Two and two is the big weekend. Yeah, the will Bat two shows on I think they're selling well too, so um, but get in there. We're doing meet and greets all that stuff. Have new merch available um and you can as always get our merchandise at Nikki Lazer dot pod shop dot com or posh nick Lazer dot com. I'm excited for June eleven because you'll be in Phoenix and I'm going to come see you guys. Oh, we should do a live time. That would be so fun. Maybe maybe put it out in the world, just throwing it out there world, passing it out. Okay, what's the news story? Okay, first story, I think you're gonna love. I think I know what it is. Rabid fire. You want to No, I don't want to go okay and Arby's huh. An Rby's manager was caught urine aiding in the milkshake mix on two occasions while under investigation for child pornography. That is hilarious that I love these while you know the things that people do, while the other thing, you know this, this is what he's doing. Why he's on bail. You're like, like, why the child pornogracy wasn't enough, Let's pay in some milkshakes. Oh I thought that's included? Oh okay, Oh I see I thought you're needed for sexual gratification. Like, I guess that was like found out. Um, and when officers executed a search warrant, they uncovered dozens of photos and videos depicting the sexual exploitation of children, as well as the urine video on his digital devices. Oh, this poor fucking guy. What made him this way? You know what the funk happened to? This is what he's into. I mean, I know that's the worst thing to go to. There's people victimized by this guy, especially people who drink those milkshakes and children. Um, but Jesus Christ, what makes someone like this? I mean, I don't know. I wonder if people were how did he get caught? Like did people just taste the milkshakes? How did it? Well that's what it was. While Um, he was being investigated, I guess they uncovered fat like from the videos. So oh wait, So what came first? The child porn of the milkshakes? Probably the child pornography he was he was being investigated for child porn, and then they found videos of him pissing in the milkshakes. Yes, oh god, the videos drank those milkshakes and didn't fucking know yep. So God, I think this is the best vegan um way to get people to go vegan. It's just say that that, you know what, they might be pissing in your milkshake. Yeah, I mean, I'm just trying to think of if I've ever had any milkshake. I haven't. Have you ever had rbs? Oh? Yeah, I used to love the five sting that weird barbecue you saw that? Oh my god, you're right. It is a little vinegar. Oh my gosh it I get the beef and cheddar there. God, what a weird order to go to be like mouth watering. I hate this story. God, I'm sorry, no, but like pissing, and and I wonder why no one else saw him do it? Like why is anyone ever alone with the milksh He's he's manager manager. Oh yeah, God, these people cannot help them, so thank god. They can't help themselves. They want to get caught. They know they're doing something wrong and they can't help. But just push it to the where someone's going to catch them. I just heard he's tough on interviews. Oh my god. And you know, like I've said, the child born thing is so fucking weird. You guys they don't do it for money. They all do it just because they want to provide content for other people who are into it. It's all about trading and just like lending out. Like that's the weirdest part of that whole thing for me for some reason. Did you ever know fast food and go? I wonder what they're doing to you? And you know what, I think it's so weird when people find out, you know, what goes on behind the scenes, or they go. You know, the other day, Chris was talking about on this radio show that he worked somewhere and he saw them. He worked at some restaurant and it was really disgusted that they were washing out you know, the bins that keep the food in or the they were washing plates. And then the woman took the same sponge and used it to white wash um the sink and like dump the pan of like dirty will mop water in there and then washed it down with them, And I'm like, of course they're doing that. I just don't if something is microscopic, I do not care about microscopic pisss of piss, But I assume there's I'm assuming there's grams of piss and ship and everything. I need and you can't taste it, Like you know you can't taste bugs. You're gonna have taco bug one time, Taco bell. Yeah, And I swear to God, I'm not kidding. I pulled out like a little tiny bug and it kept moving and I go it go. It just kept it going. I mean it was small enough where I was like, it's not like, no, I took the bug out, but you didn't. He as seemed like, what's the odds of there being another buck? They never Honestly, I don't think it's gross if there's a bug in my food, I just I only take it. I don't want more bugs and I don't want to eat a bug. I don't care what the bug left behind. I assume there's fly ship everywhere. Yeah, but like if I can't see it, I don't. I don't care about what I can't see. Now. Are you afraid to send things back to someone spinning on it? You ever think about that? No, because I'm very nice when I send things back, and I make it very werare like I know this isn't your fault, or like back there, I just like if it's Yeah, No, I'm never scared of because usually things I'm ordering, I would be able to tell if they spit in it, And if they did and I can't tell, then I'm then it's fine. The piss thing, I think I would be able to tell piss. I don't want to drink with piss in it, but I think that if it had even the slightest taste of piss, I would not want to. I would not just go taste at off. I would just go look all the suffer. Oh yeah, it's control piss to come. Yeah, it definitely is. Okay, but ready for some good news? Sure, Okay. The UK's public health services are officially prescribing stand up comedy classes two men at risk of suicide from mental trauma or depression, to push them over the edge. Yeah that's what I think. I was like, this is a worrible idea. Have you ever bombed? Okay, so they're prescribing comedy classes, yep. After a pilot program proved outrageously success full. According to this kind of pilot, like a TV pilot or like a flying like they tested like a pilot like they tested it a pilot program. Oh, I thought it was a different word in England. I thought pilot there meant uh an actual flying right right qu um q and on um you Yeah, I mean that's sweet. I think that. I think anything that is, you know, a class, something that people are learning together, something that gets a part of your brain working in a different way is always helpful for depression. Um, all jokes aside a class. That class really did, Like I was very depressed when I started stand up and I was seeking and you really did put all jokes aside when you started well yeah, I mean I wanted to save them for later. And by later, I mean if you want to do com Yeah, all jokes inside you should have on the paper and the diary. It's so it's anything that is social, like making you interact with people and like think in a different way and think maybe outside yourself and support other people. The problem is, is like anything the highest, so high from doing well in it and like doing well in the class, and then you think you get cards. I got cards made like within the first week of like becoming you know, I had my first show. Wait, you got cards? Yeah, And you want to know what I did? You know what I did? You know what I did? I had cards made of just me. I gotta find them it's a drawing of me with a mustache and my grandpa's hat and the Wookie. And then I just put my name on there, no email, no phone number. I go, if they're gonna want me, they're gonna find me. And I just put Andy Shallows on there. Wait were you? Was there a presence online at all of you? Then how would they ever find you Andrew through the phone book? Yeah, Shallows, wasn't even your name. What are you thinking? Did you have a MySpace page? I think I had, I think Facebook, But it was absurd to think I'm going to be off the radar whatever my whole is. The depression was so like it was cued kind of. And then if you don't get success, boy does it come back strong. Yeah. I think this is more not like turning men into comedians like the press people. It's more about like just giving them a fun thing to do. Well, here, here's how it works. So it's a it's a woman who founded the course. Um It says that trauma victims are encouraged to process their trauma in a different way so they can change who the victim is and choose the narrative. They can actually go right down into it. This is what I was thinking, and then this happened to me. This enable survivors to consciously use comedy to change their perspective on their experiences, but also puts them in a physically powerful position, because being on stage is very powerful. Oh I like that. Um, so they're probably like learning how to make that's like a class about rape jokes, yeah, or like rape or like anything horrible that happened. Do you car crash killed three people? It's just funny, you know. I mean if you do keep telling your story that it can't be funny. I mean we do that all the time. And then we're like, you gotta be depressed about that. It's too sad to make funny. It's going to be allowed to be funny. Yeah, well, it should be allowed to be funny. But I also think that some people just cannot not be funny about things, and then they never feel sad and they just they need a different class. They need just regular therapy where they perform a couple of therapy today. And we got there and we're in the waiting room when we sign in and we're like, wait, we're both so tired. He like literally is like putting his head in my lap and we're just like, can we just like sleep here? And I had to crawl out of bed to get to it, and because I got my micro needling, then I went back to bed because I was just like, oh, you know sibling number. And then I open ears, got into the I drove it's like thirty minutes away. I drove there, got there, and uh, we are waiting and waiting, waiting, and then we're starting to like just talk about things like in the waiting room that almost like like pregaming or therapy. And then she is not coming out and she's very prompt usually and then um she we call her and then she calls us back and it's like, oh, did you get my email? I couldn't do that time. She's like, oh my god, why are we doing this? And then we we Chris. She was on speaker, and he goes, I just want to let you know, like this might end us like the drama. This like it was funny because she was like, oh. She was like, well, we'll talk about it next time, you can be honest. That goes back to the thing of like, now you're dealing with this late whatever. Her not showing up as a couple, and it does bring like, now you have this thing that brings you together. You can talk about the lady not showing up, and it instantly can remove any kind of other ship. Man. I love a tired boyfriend. I love when you're like boyfriend usually like in control and like you know, like running the show and which is very hot. When he's just a baby and he's just like, oh he's tired and he's I just love it. I just want him to what about like a lazy kind of droll guy. Um, I just want him to. I like vulnerability. I like when when I think, I think when guys or anyone gets tired, they're just more like I'm just like, I can't be cool right now. Like they're not going to be defensive. They're not like and I'm thinking for myself to like, I think I maybe get more defensive when I'm tired because something I don't know what happens when I'm tired. Huh cranky cranky, yeah, I mean getting There's just something when when guys, my boyfriend, I like him the most when he's like I like you the most when you're tired too, because you're just like you say, like silly things and you're just like, I don't know, I'm tired, and then you just say funny like because you're not, there's no it takes away any ability for you to try to be cool or try to hold hold in something that wants to come out. And if you're tired in a good mood, it's just there's nothing but like genuine like happiness and like love emanating from men. I think they just get It's almost like that post orgasm, like damn, Like they're just kind of like jelly and from people smoke weed. You know you smoke weed. You're just like it's not everyone everybody, but yes, there's something there's A tired guy will never reven engine, you know, like that back to like, yeah, you can't be kid. Takes so much effort, so much, so much anger, so much like rage to be kid, it's so ego egos dropped when you're tired, so you're not kid. Yes, oh my god, I just like I just there's something about and even like children, like when Poppy is like sick and she just gets like toddly and it's just like just like I guess I just like being needed and I like something that is like not going to require a lot of I mean, I guess kids that are sick require more attention, but they're just like they don't want to play, they just want to Like could I might? I might be a woman that like the munch House and thing where you like keep your kids and your family sick so they need you. Although I always say that Chris loves Chris's favorite thing is helping people, and I was saying too. I was driving back from this wedding with his dad and him in the car and I was talking to I was talking about, like we have of some friends who are like building a house with a guest house and all this stuff, and I'm like they must be like fucking killing it money wise, and Chris is like, you could do that, and I'm like, no, I couldn't buy build a that big of a house with a guesthouse in a pool and a pickleball court and all. And He's like, yeah, you could in that neighborhood, Yes you could. And I'm like I could and he's like, you don't think about what you can do with your money and I'm like, but I would just feel like this is if my mom then dies of cant Or is like getting sick from cancer and I can't spend all that money on her for her treatment. And his dad was like, what are you talking about this cancer thing? And I go, well, we're all going to get cancer. I want to be able to, you know, pay for my parents treatment so they don't stress about it, which is always my theory about saving money. And he's like, don't, don't. Don't live in the wreckage of your future. You don't live in the wreckage of your future. And I was like, I need to hear that, Mr Convey, thank you. He might be in with Chris to get a pickleball court. That's what it sounds like to me. I'm like, that's the wreckage of my present is pickleball? Also, what is how much did cancer if you have good health insurance? Well, my parents don't, okay, they've Medicaid, Medicare, Okay, So I'll say it's probably because thousand, one point six million. No, I don't think for the best for the best best cancer treatment in the world. Text him right now, Dad, with medicare, If you're talking about five years of cancer treatment for the best kind of cancer treatment for let's say a colon you know what are we looking at. I want to be able to go, mom, I got it, don't worry about it. It's covered. And I don't want to not be able to do that because I wanted a pickleball court, or I wanted a guesthouse that Andrew could stay at, you know, and get scared of the ghosts in the other rooms. About alopecia too. Yeah, I mean, I don't even know what my point was initially, but medicare and got cancer. Okay, I'm gonna we're gonna take Can we take a quick break and then come back with reddit. Okay, let's take a quick break because I getting sweaty in my mouth, really like nauseous. Maybe no, that didn't start there, but I'm gonna figure out what your Yeah, maybe I'm having I'm a I'm a victim from my face being you think from hell razor Nicky deep deep, I look like if you know you look you look like Speccoli? I do I look like if Speccoli married? Uh fucking Tony Hawk. Okay, guys, I gotta I gotta go check out my sweaty mouth. And we're back and we're calling Andrew's dad to find out how much cancer treatment is for about five years with colon cancer and medicare you know what I don't even know. Five years is that seems too long for colon cancer and usually good jam need to be dark about it. Wow, your dad is really pulling a your childhood on you right now. Come on, dad, be there for once. You know the best thing that's hap Oh he doesn't even okay, do it before it says this, domer. All it takes is for you to figure out his number is. I think we got all the numbers except three, so you within it would take a thousand tries to get it right. Um, and you would get Andrew's up dad. He just got a new hippe running around. Yeah. Well, um, what I was gonna say is that I don't have voice outgoing, but I don't have voicemail anymore. I don't have outgoing voice. I mean I barely do today, but I don't have voicemail anymore. My phone will not get voicemail messages. You don't understand. There's no voicemail to be had, there's no number to call, there's nothing to do. My I've set put my brother in law on it, who is a tech wizard and He's like, I've never seen anything like this. I have to go to the store, and I know that's going to be a whole afternoon. So I just don't have voicemail anymore. Guess what, don't need it. I have not had voicemail for almost a year. Everyone and I am a very busy person. If they want to get in touch with you, they'll find you on my Space. It's almost like that Andy Shallows from business are now You're getting the business. No one needs voicemail. Voicemail stupid. Just send me a text if you really need me. I haven't checked. I haven't checked my voice going on with him. He looks like a little kangaroo Alan Dr Colin, Dad. You're on the podcast right now on Nikki's so people are actually listening to it. Um So, Nikki. Nikki has a question. Um So, Nikki has some money. She's worried that if her parents ever get sick and get cancer, that she's gonna need an insane amount of money set aside to save their lives. They both have medicare She's wondering if they, let's say they got like stage three, stage four cancer, what are we talking out of pocket? Cost wise? If I just wanted to go, don't worry about it. I got it covered. You don't have to worry about it. What's it gonna be for like three years of cancer treatment? Um? You know, I don't know what kind of cancer talking about ballpark three years out of pocket? Do they have secondary medical insurance? I'm um, let's say they don't, so they have Medicare. Let's say no, but they absolutely need a second Okay, sure they do. Okay, so if they have a secondary one, what are we looking at? It's the worst case scenario. Medicare pays. Medicare doesn't pay for everything. First of all, even so they say that Medicare pays, there may be additional and probably will be additional costs. So we're in above Medicare. You do not want to be responsible for the rest of How much would that be that? Well, it depends. It could be the new oncology drugs. Couse, ten thousand dollars a month, thank you a year. But but listen, I don't want to scare you. Most of the time, Medicare and a secondary will cover most of the costs, but you must have The major thing to know is you can't just go on medic here. You must have a secondary because no one can afford a prolonged significant illness that requires uh you know, heavy duty chemotherapy and try to pay. Just think how much court that would be over the course of six months, not three years. So so they need to have secondary uh medical insurance. Okay, And you and Andrew, even though you're young and healthy, both of you need health insurance. Yes, I have health insurance to thank you, Thank you, Dr Colin. Is that it? That's it? How's your head? I didn't want to know what I was doing. I finally got into the pool. I was doing exercise and yes, I'm feeling good. Yeah, so glad to hear it. Alright at the end of your segment, like you know, I would talk to you so much longer, but we have to go. We're running out of Sorry, there can't be a secondary conversation. Good bye, I Love you by famous face. Okay, yeah, so you have. So they got to get secondary? Is what where we learned? And if they don't, yeah, that's what I'm saying. But don't live in the wreckage of your future even though cancer is imminent. No, but your parents can definitely get secondary right now and they already have secondary but two I just wanted to I just don't know anyone. I want them to aple to take ambulances everywhere like Uber's. I want to be able to get it. Sounds like your fear is not rational. No offense. I don't mean to say something fucked up. But do you think like the more you talk about it, the more you're going to will it onto them? God? Will I want to get in that whale? You know what I'm saying? No? No, UM, I guess yeah, possibly, But I also think that I don't know. I would rather have that peace of mind. It's like having insurance, like me keeping that nest egg of money for and I'm doing that as an example of a catastrophe. There are many other things. Maybe their house gets infested by swallows and then they're how insurance doesn't cover it, and their ships and I want to just go, you know what, don't worry about it. I'll kill two birds. I mean I would kill two these down and then I'll kill and I got you covered. You don't have to stress about this. I want those kinds of like I I keep money away for those kind of like rainy day, and I'd rather that than buy like a big old house and be like and then go like, oh gotta worry. Then I have to worry about money again. I just like, I like money being saved because that and that gives me great pleasure, more so than a trampoline. But I guess is like being very right gets a final thought. Okay, final thought. We takes us into reddit dump. Okay, this is your fine reddit. This is your reddit dump. I love your laugh. I think people will like this one. Can we go to the one where the woman's talking the lipstick. Yeah, she says how to always choose the correct color lipstick for your skin tone. Yes, okay, here goes. It's from masks were coming off in way today. I decided that I was going to wear lipstick. I read somewhere that the best shade of lipstick for a woman is the same color as the nipple. So I took a photo of the top of my nipple, took it into Mecca and picked the lipstick color. And all day my patients, my reception stuff, and people are complimenting me on my lip color. They're like, Alex, they love that lipshade on you. And it's taking everything that I have not to be like, thanks, it's the same color as my nipple. You know what it did? It made her face a tit. If I go like this, my lips have become the nipple of my face, it makes yes, I I do not I do disagree with what you're saying. I was going to say I do not disagree, but I do actually just because I understand what you're saying. But I don't think it's like it makes sure. I think that it. I think it makes sense that it's the it's your natural color. So it's not going to look like some crazy color. It's going to be a color that is that you don't have an example of on your face. What but really, your lip color is the same as your nipples. I'm pretty I'm a little confused. So is she saying, because I might want to do this a little bit later at Sephora. You take the color of your nipple and then when you put it on ash is it so doesn't make because you're at it just you're no, You're just it's just a way to find what natural kind of lip color will look the best on you. So it's going to be different than your lip color, but not that much. And it's just going to be. Your nipple color is usually like in um, it goes along with your skin tone. Like usually your nipple color is related to your overall skin tone. I think that most people that are like have a you know, a darker skin tone, olive skin tone, have like more brown nipples or like more you know, Irish women have like like I'm trying to think of, like my favorite lip color always is a and every makeup artist I've ever worked with noses about me, and it's always I cannot stand a dark lip color. I will not take anything that's even slightly dark. I like beiges, and I like pinks almost like this microphone. That's why I like this color pink because I just I like, um, almost bubblegum translucent pink. And I gotta say, let me just check, are you describing your nips? Don't look they're translucent. Honestly, it's it's not wrong like color, Yeah, you know what I mean. But but that woman in that video, if you saw her nipples are definitely very dark because her lip color was dark. But her also I think that there's something to it because I've gone the other way where I I know already know what lip color looks best on me. It just so happens it's the same as my nipple and I and so it kind of checks out. I thought that was very interesting. Um let's listen to um. This is from Oddly Satisfying the subreddit, and it says the small duck running around the house. And it's the sound of a duck's feet on different surfaces in the house or around the house, appliances of her little flipper flopper feet on different surfaces. Is on a deck, it's on the back. This is on a carpet. Oh so cute. Where is this one? Concrete? Oh? Harward floor? Is it that satisfying to you? Ducks would be terrible burglars. I want to tell you that they really can't want quiet. Everything's pretty loud. Chris and I used to love to throw duck, you know, bread on a duck's back because it would go like the sound of of like a thick piece of bread like on a duck's back where it would just like land on the wei. We would try to hit him in the feathers, like on the back, like not hurt them, but like soft pieces of bread going like it was like our favorite sound. Is there any kind of sound that really is satisfying to you that you can think of? I mean that was nice. Yeah, there's something about like a flap um. I love the sound of Marion when she is sleeping the cat cats per that's really mango. Just it sounds it's like white noise kind of thing. Well wait tell me if it sounds like this is my white noise machine app and it has a cat in it. I think there's a vibration to it too, Like you could feel feel the vibration. And we used to have these little like cats that had a hollow like they were like, you know, play animal cats. Oh, here it is. Let you see what I mean. Yeah, so we used to have this. You feel the vibration, you can feel it? Right? I wonder, Well it was. It was the coolest toy. I want to get one for Poppy. I wonder if I can find them on eBay. But they if you had one of these, we write to me because I feel like me and my sister were the only ones that had them. It was a They were little per cats, the cats that would purr, and what they had was a hollow head that had probably plastic lined inside. With little spikes and a little ball that would roll around inside it so it would make the sound of purring from this ball rolling around in its head. It was a toy and I loved it so much, much like this toy that I found on a Reddy dump. I didn't even send this to um Noah, but I feel like I can just play it here. This was my favorite toy and I referenced it on my on my show, um Uh welcome Nicky. I was like, where is Nikki Glazer? Question? That would have been a good name for it. But I remember this commercial and I remember every lyric to it like it was the hit song of the time, round stipaying, Yeah, their best thing of all, there's a counter on this ball. See if you your very best score, see if you can skip a whole lot more. It's the solid tear of jump rope. But the very best thing of all, there's a counter on this ball. That guy said, there's the very besticket of all. There's a counter on this ball. He must have been so psyched when he came out with that. Oh man, I think I'd be really good at making theme songs for kids toys. Yeah, jingles, I think jingles are just the perfect amount of like, you know, even writing the theme song for my show, it's the perfect amount of time that like there's I don't have to write too much. It's just quick. We're in and out jingles. It's a it's not like a whole story, a couple of lines that really get you going. That those two lines really make me want to buy a skip it. Well. There was this time when I was in Thailand with Chris, like early on our first month of our relationship. We went to Thailand and um, I just I came put the jingle for there was so many dogs, like just chilling everywhere, a little stray dogs. And there was a dog on a bike one time that was just like waiting outside for its owner. But it was like on this bike just like yeah, And I was like, everybody loves a back dog and man that has lasted forever, just that little everybody loves. Yeah, I can see it. I could see it. Yeah, you see a bike dog, you feel good about yourself? Yeah, not good, you feel it's just not it's relaxing. You just see him just a little pause. Another jingle I created in college when people would litter on the street and I said, that's not cool. And then I realized that a lot of people litter by just placing things upright like you're it's not littering if you just set the cup down. People do this in parking lots where they'll just dump their trash, but it's not trus because they put the cup upright like almost like they're just setting it there to come back and get it. Yeah, right, you're not. But if they don't throw it, then it's not litter. And I realize a lot of people were just I one time was making fun of those kind of people, and I go, it's not littering if you hang in on a pull. And that was another jingle I created. And I mean we ended the show with wraps. Every time you want to kick us off, I kick us off. That makes me think the cup thing of I remember being hungover in Vegas, and if you sit on a bench, you're just like you're just a regular person. You lay down on a bench, now you're homeless. Laying on a bench makes you home. I mean, you can kind of put the bike dog thing to anything. So we gotta go. This is the end of the show. I'm not trying to wrap, but I gotta give it a try. Wrapping is really hard. I'm not pretending like I'm good. This is just the way it is. It's not the way it should be. I gotta go. I'm gonna go take a nap. My face got micro needled. I'm bleeding like a wap, a wet ass pussy, not one that's wet with hum, one that's wet with blood. And this rap is really dumb. I wouldn't say it's um. It's definitely full of come from your doctor, Klein. I'll kick it from behind. I've never slapped my balls, but I feel like I'll rewind. Every time I look at my watch, it goes to three. It never went to two. And it's that because I'm a honeybee. No, It's because I'm sugar and that's where I go to eat and deliver. I always wear. So I think people would would probably a subscribed, but the people that stick around people would erase their reviews, and they're start like they would actively go back to re review even if they're negative. They would get out of it. Guys, thank you so much for listening and putting up with us. Today. We gotta go. I'm micro needled um and Andrew is micro penis. We'll see it tomorrow on the show Don't Be Coop and what I'm just thinking about Your parents ship manifest

The Nikki Glaser Podcast

Every Monday through Thursday, comedian and infamous roaster Nikki Glaser provides a fun, fast-paced 
Social links
Follow podcast
Recent clips
Browse 518 clip(s)