Nikki starts the show chatting with producer Noa about birthdays and good gestures. Andrew is back in the apartment in St. Louis emptying his "5 days of stock" and Nikki slept just fine after an Earth Day movie night. The news inspires stories about painful liquids, dementia prevention, pushing past discomfort, 420 and Andrew makes the best joke that Nikki has ever heard. They find a good quote from Albert Einstein and wrap it all up with appreciation for curiosity.
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The nikki. Here's Nikki here? I am, Oh hello, how's it going out there? We're rounding out the week? Oh my god, I'm gonna miss doing this over the weekend. I don't know what to do with myself. Uh if I don't start my day with this, no, uh, happy birthday right off the thank you? How does it feel that it's your birthday? Are you of your birthday person right like you like them? Definitely? Definitely not a birthday person are because anyone who likes birthdays usually celebrates other people's very well, and you are very good at celebrating mine, which is why I always feel an impending sense of guilt when yours approaches, and I never know it because no, generally, if people give you good gifts, it's like they good gifts for their birthday. But maybe that's not the case for you. But you always not get out of the park for mine, and I feel, um, you know what, you don't make me feel bad. I feel bad on my own accord um, but I don't. I'm gonna release it, and I'm gonna be as good of a friend to you on your birthday as I can and celebrate you. And it might just not come in the form of a gift that arrives on time. No, you already gave me a gift by waking up early to do my podcast. That is what is your What are you doing today? Every birthday? And and you are a birthday person, get out of here, you must be. I don't like to be the um, the center of attention, and I feel like what's my birthday? Kind of imposes that on me. It just makes me so uncomfortable. I know where it comes from, UM, and I like, I don't care about birthdays. It's always like a day where I just want to text. Or if I don't get a text, that's fine too. Don't hold it against anyone. UM. But for my birthday, I'm taking myself horseback riding tomorrow morning. Nice cowgirls style, which means no saddle and it's your reverse. Man, I can only picture cowgirl on this sense of reverse. So what does that mean cowgirl style? I could I just get to wear cowboy boots. And it's a style of riding a horse. There's like English and Western okay, so it's West learning Western okay. Yeah. Um, So why are we up early then doing this? If you have nothing to do all day today, bitch, No, I do have something. What are you doing today for your birthday? So? Um, I have my my fiance's dad coming to town and we're just gonna go to I've ever heard my face. It's dad and I are going to dinner. I mean, I assume your fiance is also going to be there, but like, honestly, fiance's dad it's not even worth having a fiance and boyfriend's dad sounds better. Fiance's dad sounds like some kind of punishment and porn search. But I won't put that in your head as before you go to dinner. Okay, so you have a you have a you have a dinner with your fiances that is like the worst. I don't care if your dad, for fiance's dad is like fucking Tom Hanks, which is not you don't want to go to You don't want to go to dinner with a fiance's dad for your birthday? Or do you it's okay? I mean he's coming to town for your birthday? Who set this up? Did you say that's what I wanted? No, it's it's not what I said, but it's just the timing worked out that way. And um, usually for my birthday. We do act like for birthdays, we do activities, we don't do presents. And my present is coming in May, like that day will be in May. Okay, so he's going to give you your present as of an activity in May. How However, if he doesn't also get you something today in terms of like a card, a just a little thing, yeah, it's I'll be annoyed. He will you. Yeah, I'm sure I think he got one because he's like, oh, do you want your presence? Your your your present tonight, which was last night, and I was like, I'm too tired to accept anything right now, and he goes already wanted in May, and it is going to be a gift card to the bass Pro shop that my my dad, Rick and you will spend together when he comes back in May for all birthday associated activities. Yes, um okay, so he's getting you a gift that is before May. Wait, did you guys agree on this like activity as a gift policy? Um? Yeah, we kind of had a discussion about it because I'm not very much a present person. I don't expect a present. If I get one out of the blue because someone saw something and they thought of me, then that means a lot love love. Yeah. Um, but we just kind of decided that for birthdays will do activities. And I've been killing it on his birthday just to let you know, Okay, what did you do? What have you done? I took him a mountain climbing. Uh. And I also took him remember ice climbing. My god, I do have anything else to climb at this point? Probably not, but you know, just like drying new things. Uh, it's the climb. I'm singing that Mila Sarah song. I think would like what I really, I think you would love it. I have strong legs, so I think i'd be good because it is all about legs, right. People are under the illusion that it's like a lot of like arms, but it's like your legs. Your arms grasp and your legs are doing the most of the like pushing you up. According to the instructor, it's all about the rubber man. What's the rubber rubber on the bottoms of your shoes? Oh? Oh, that grip. But he would like it because I think he would like how the harness feels. Because I know you're into like ropes and stuff. There's a lot of knots I'm not seeing I'm not. I like ropes just because they are part of like sex practice that makes you stay in place and like can't move, But I don't like them like as ropes themselves. I was frozen into Clare and I kept me in place. Oh my god, were you so scared? But you were? But uh did you feel very safe? Though? I mean was It had to have been very safe. This isn't like free climbing. No, no, it's not free climbing. And I think that's a part of why, Uh, I signed up to do these things. He enjoys the thrill stuff I don't. But it definitely is a good bonding. It's like we talked about in the podcast two days ago, trauma bonding. Yeah, that's that's Uh, that's a good idea. Um yeah, just keep your relationship in going through stages where you both think you're gonna die and have to hold onto each other for dear life, and like you might have that cliffhanger moment, but I've only seen the beginning of that movie. I think he's like holding onto a woman and then she falls. Did you ever see that? It's like I think it's what's his name Ramboster. Yeah, it's like in the beginning of the movie, he's like rock climbing with a chicken. He's like holding her and then he loses grip and she just watched her fall down this like canyon and then I never saw the rest of it. But um, yeah, that's a good idea to create traumatic um events too, Like okay, but I gotta ask you. We talked about the book yesterday in the intro the book that I recommend everyone, the book that I'm reading again that I'm learning so much about women and myself from um. So much resentment can come from birthday presence and like not thinking of like the like if my boyfriend were to say, oh, I'm going to take you to dinner. That's your birthday gift, and I would probably agree to that, and then there would be like a small resentment like you gotta give me something else that was in the past. I think now I would be like, hey, my birthday is coming up. I I really value thoughtful gifts from my partner. And that doesn't have to be like, um, the money thing. It can literally be like my favorite gift to give is a a heartfelt card that is like takes up both sides of the card in terms of like just writing your feelings about someone because it's something they can keep. It's something they can put in a shoebox and someday the kids will find it and know how important there, you know, great uncle or their dad or their mom was to this random person who wrote a card like it's a little it's it's more important. It's better than like a gift card to anthropology, which I did get you in years pained, but you've also given me the two sided card and I keep it. Um, Yeah, and I just kind of keep it out like in the kitchen and here and there, like I'll pass by it and i'll pick it up and i'll read it, or like if I'll have in the drawer and i'll find it. It's always like a hit of dopamine and it's very thoughtful. Well you you're really good about that too, of like just sending me texts that are like these like towers of texts that are just like how you feel about me, and they just are so uplifting and make me just be gentler to myself. So yeah, that's what I mean. Like, if you're looking to get your mom a gift. You can't afford anything, Just write your feelings in a fucking card. It to cost no money. Literally, get a piece of paper from the printer cuts, you know, folded into four's, draw a little rabbit on the front and say happy bund I was trying to make some like rabbit pun uh, like they put carrots on a case I don't know, like wrapped. Just draw anything you're good at drawing, even if it's one of those says where the three lines and then three lines underneath and you connected, and then just have it open up and say mom, And then write all the good things about your mom, even if she is a total witch and you resent her deeply and you've spent hundreds of dollars in therapy like recovering from what she did to you, Because that's all you need to do, and it will makes people feel so freaking good you can't even believe it. It's the cheapest way. So um, now that I've already done that for you, I don't think I'm going to do it again. Just kidding, I will be letting you know how I feel about I think I did that yesterday, which is the ironic thing. As I sent you a text saying how great you are to me, and then I found out it was your birthday later, and I'm like a sense. I had a sense that I needed to dump my feelings about you onto you. We'll happy birthday, knowing let's bring Andrew in here and get the celebration started. Andrew, how's it going, Bud, Bud? You recognize this place? Ah? Yeah, I see You're in my my apartment, our apartment. Welcome to the show. It's now his birthday. Do you know that? Of course I do. Happy birthday? No Ah, a K Lady Gaga, Hey K Gaga, Lady, thank you? Let me. Did you get a phone yet? Andrew? You're back in St. Louis. You traveled all day yesterday. You arrived last night at Lambert Air internationally report at nine fifty pm, guessing you landed on time. I did land on time. I have not got to get Did your lady pick you up? She did pick me up, which I did not, which was funny because two days ago I was like, hey, you know, I'm getting in at ten pm. Be great if you came over, I'd love to see you. She's like, oh, that's a little it's a little late. And I was like Jesus. I was like all right, and then she was like, having, did you write back Jesus or did you just go Jesus to yourself? I went Jesus to myself to her and you kind of threw your phone across the bed and like put your face down of the pillow and then two seconds la or you picked him back up. Well it's broken. But yes, this was all on Instagram on my computer. But yeah, So then yesterday I was just like, yeah, I'm gonna I'm coming in and she's she's I was like, you could pick me up if you want, like as a joke kind of, She's like, I'd love to, and it was like I think she had a couple of days to think about it. Anyway, she picked me up and it was awesome to get picked up by the airport. Like that hug that you come back to. I don't know it's like, but it does feel better than hugging your cab driver. Um, yes, although I don't know. Sometimes, yeah, hug from a man who hasn't hugged someone in a while and he's got those like would I be did things like kind of carved into his back from the seat cover and you can rub them on your hands and it feels like you're playing a It's like brail and it says I love you on his back. The blind people is nice. Yeah, um, but it was awesome. I mean we like, you know, we were gone two months. We don't feel like we were gone two months. At least I didn't. Uh yeah, we're gone more than two months, buddy, two months in four days. Oh my bad. I was way off. I mean, it's just like sometimes people say two months and they're rounding up, but it's like we're rounding down. Yeah, it was one sixth of our year. I mean, it's it's it's longer than I think. I initially thought it was gonna be when I left, like seven weeks or whatever. I'm just leaving. And I came back and honestly, it felt very uh, very easy, and we like step right back into having a good time. There was no awkwardness and I really enjoyed her company. It was great. Yes, that's so nice. How's the apartment? The apartment, dude, I mean, I don't know what you got from borrow, but there's sixteen big boxes in this house right now. Yeah, we gotta put it all together. You gotta have my task rabbit guy. I think his name is Dave or Michael or something like or Taxi. He's got to come over. His card is in the drawer. I'll give you his number. But he's gonna come over and he'll be banging away all day and he'll put it all together. And then yeah, I don't know where we're gonna put it all, but we we gotta do it. We gotta fit it, you know. I mean, we'll talk about the podcast studio eventually. But you've got some really cool chairs. It looks like here and I could actually go well in there. But we'll see what happens I'm talking about. I think that some of it can be used. Yeah, yeah, but yeah no, so yeah, all the boxes you're gonna get to work pretty soon here. Then right, I'm hitting the ground running. You gotta get the phone though you got a phone yet? How do you sleep last night? You didn't sleep much. I didn't sleep much at all. How much stock did you save up? How much did you not jerk off before seeing your lady? I want to know, I think because it's weird. I want to know how because you were staying with um in a condo here in the Caymans for the past since I guess Saturday. I'm wondering if you jerked off at all from Saturday until Wednesday. It's a good question. Yeah, I'm being do you usually save your stock, especially for a lady you're you're a lady that you haven't seen for two months. Yeah, I saved the stock. I definitely saved I think five days of stock. Oh boy, Andrew, you must have been going nuts. No phone, no jerking off. What were you like yesterday? I mean, I don't think I've ever been more calm once I found out she was picking me up from the airport. Your boy, was that flight. It was fun to look forward to it. And the stock was ready. It's been brewing. It's like you know when you put something in like a a pot for years, you know, and it really bruised up and gets all the two years. I think that mold starts to grow. And well, there was there was a situation where you need to bring in a you know, a team boarding team. There's a team of one, and I mean, yeah, it was it was a lot. There was a lot of stock that came out last night. We didn't I didn't want that. I just don't know like how quickly the stock was shed. The stock was not shed quickly. I yeah, I oh. I came home to some to some viagraas I didn't even know I had them. Your mom grabbed him. I guests from the downstairs package area, but I had like thirty viagrass, so I popped when it was right when I got home. My mom didn't just grab random viagrass. I mean, they were yours. It just sounds like my mom just like was like, oh, viagra down in there, and what kind of lobby we we just have viagra. It's from like the coolest. So my mom was picking up our packages. Yes, yeah, yeah, there's bulls, but there's viagras and like a cookie tray once a week new the machine downstairs by the way carrying took place of a Starbucks okay, and sounds like a, um, well, who knows how long we'll be there are over there. I mean, I'm sure it was just probably talked about. No, it wasn't. It was amazing. I mean, I'm I'm living the best life ever. Last night just really quickly because we got to get to the news. But last night I um, I had. I worked a lot yesterday all day and then Um went down for a walk after after sunset, like I was, I was playing a lot of music. I'm deciding I'm going to write a song. I've hired Anya and her uh lover partner Matt pond Um to produce, but An is going to write it with me and Matt's going to produce. But I'm going to write it. I just need a little bit of guidance. I don't want any lyrics written by someone who isn't me, because I wanted to like, I don't know, I don't know how how to do a song writing. So I wrote on you yesterday because I was like, I have a song in my heart. I don't know how to do this. And she was like, okay, well normally I was like, what can I pay you out of the gate just to get the stun. She's like, I'll just split publishing and uh and any like creative rights. And I was like yeah, yeah, yeah, of course, but like I want to pay you up front. She's like, Babe, that's not how songwriting works. And I was like, well, I'm not going to write a song unless I invest in it, Like if I just go, this is I'm and I don't want to make I have no idea of making money from this song, but I just so, I just I'm like, I need to pay you so that I you know, I want to put my money where my fucking heart is. So anyway, I'm writing a song. And so I worked on that a little bit yesterday by playing other songs and putting new lyrics into them about the things that I want to sing about. And then I went down at sunset to go walk and um, just along the beach or whatever, smoke some weed out of an apple on the beach and um. And then there was like a movie night You're on the lawn at this hotel staying at and so I it's Earth Day though, And it was a It wasn't a movie. It was a our episode of a documentary on Netflix, a documentary series on Netflix about the ocean. Oh no, it's about It's called like animals at Night or like something at night. You know what, will you look it up? Something animal, animal, something at night on Netflix animal documentary And this one was about like ocean predators at night. I learned a lot. I also learned that I cannot handle animals being hurt or threatened even if they This wasn't about climate change, which I can't usually watch nature ducks because climate change is just so imminent and like we're so in denial of it that it just is telling me what's going to happen eventually. It just makes me so depressed. This was just like, oh animal, this is how animals are if the world wasn't ending, and how they like feed and prey. It was so go oh yeah at night on Earth it's called and it's uh. It was the the voice over is like this the entire time, and that can be annoying. The climate change, Oh my god. I was like, can someone climate change your tone? Lady? She was just but then you got used to it and you're like sunken into it, and then you're like, oh my god, my there was It's just so cool how much work goes into filming these little tiny shrimp and how the shrimp survives the night in one of these tide pools. It honestly gripped me and I had such a good time watching it. I did sit next to two so I went to go. There's like all these uh, you know, beach chairs set up on this lawn at night with this big screen, and they're like, it's a movie night. And I walked in and there were like two single guys, one on each side of the aisle or whatever, and I sat next to the one that way I thought was less attractive, So is to make the more attractive one, I think, like she isn't maybe liked he Yeah, just like many of the animals at night in the tide pool, even though billions of years of evolution have made their eyes have dred lenses. Okay, so yeah, And by the way, this is all about animals eating and mating at night. And it was literally dark out and I was trying to decide which of these guys I would want to potentially mate with, and it was at night and I couldn't see anything, and it was like this. It was so ironic, it was like blowing my mind. Anyway, I didn't talk to either of them. The movie ended, and I got up and left and went inside, and uh, I a thing, There was no there was no I kind of looked to the side. And I was also doing Bunyan stretches during it, so I'm sure that they weren't into that, but I was like my bunyan is hurt. This feels really good and anyone who likes me is going to like that. This cute girl is doing some weird bunge stretches like they're watching a movie like that. They're probably uh, pretty sensitive guys that probably like care about nature and bunyan's and shrimp. So yeah, they could be a good hand in hand or hand and foot. Okay, let's get to the news. Oh, boys, here's a place where you'd never heard. Second you hear here. First guys, thank you so much, don't we're not adding anything to this intro. Al right, Well, I hope you're having fun out there and you're having all the swells. Uh and by all of them, I mean all of them, you know. So Okay, first story, This is a great one. Nick, You're gonna love this one. Okay, woman mistakenly used a nail glue instead of I dropped in the middle of the night. I believe you did something along these lines one time. Um, I did not do it, and accidentally I literally spilled nail polish remover into my contact len case did not care and then put the context in later because I was such a wasted piece of ship, and I wasn't even drunk. I was just like depressed and like not living my bust life. So this is this sounds like it was by mistake, though, in which of course this has happened. You saw the first time you've told me the story. I assumed it was a fatal error. No, no, I mean, like I didn't see it go in, but I spilled it, and it was very possibly in an open contact lens case that was within spilled this like anyone else would have caught it. I mean, this is insane that I did it, So that this sounds like a very easy air to make. So it was a complete She glued her eyes. Oh, she glued her eyes shot at one am. She went to reach for a contact lens. First of all, why do you have glue anywhere near your eye? Dropped? Why is that in the same drawer? But I get it, she was preparing broken finger nails. Yeah, okay, I hear you. I read the rest of the sentence. Now, Um, I tried to wipe it away and it sealed my eyes shut. But her contact her eyes, Yeah, that'll that'll that's probably uh smart that I have those in there too. So if you ever get in a glue fight, put contacts in first. Oh yeah, but she tried quite it away and her eyes sealed shut. I mean like I would just be freaked out because all of I just would know that all of my um eyelashes would rip out trying to pry my eye open. You'd be fine. No, I've only had come in my eye one. I mean maybe a little bit before, but like one time. Definitely direct deposit. And I've told this, I tell this on stage. But um, one of the most painful things that you can get in your eye. And I just did not think it would be as bad. I thought it would be a little stingy, like soap er shampoo. But it immediately started infecting my eye, and um, I felt pink eye coming on because I've had pink eye before. It was like, this isn't good and um, and I was right, and I went and got drops. But let me just tell you vizine, which I always carry with me because I tend to smoke pot Um, it looks a lot like some super glue. Why don't we get superglue having like very neon packaging or something, you know what I mean? They should have superglue is not to be fucked with. Like my dad is obsessed with glueing cuts together, Like if you slice your finger open, like I have a slice right there, Like if that was open right there, it's closed up. But you know, you say, you get a paper cut that's deep enough that you can like see the crevice. It looks like, make sure looks a little perfect vagina on your um hand, put some clean it out, hydrogen, peroxide, alcohol, whatever, squeeze some superglue in it, and then squeeze the wound shut and it will just heal. And it's like brilliant, and sometimes you don't even need to get stitches. But also my dad and mom avoid going to the doctor for everything, and that's why that's why I nearly died from mersa at one point and uh anorexia, because they were like, just fix it with super glow. Um. Yeah, just an electrical tape on your on your on your stomach and it will solve the intorexi. I heard just put some tape on there here this episode. But that's true. It's like what's that movie with the Greek movie where they father on everything. I mean, everyone has, there's so many people with parents like this. You might be not in along, like yes, but like my parents just don't. Their first instinct is never to go to the hospital. It is to wait it out. Um, he's probably just the dogs, probably just ate a bad bone. Oh no, he's dying. Okay, Well let's just still wait and see if the dying stops on its own before we go where you bring something where the dog is dying because it might cost nine dollars. I grew up a horrible hypochondriac and my dad's a cancer doctor, so so you're the opposite. You go right to the hospital for no. No, I go right to my dad upstairs and I go, Dad, I think I have cancer on my nuts because my nuts feel a little bigger. And he's like, am I about to have to grab your nuts? And I'll grab my nuts and'll be like this isn't cancer, Like what are you doing? And if it's not cancer, he doesn't want to hear about it. You know. I'm like, oh, my hands are numb when I sleep. He's like, it's a cancer. It's not, so don't talk to me, you know. Yeah, apparently there's other things that things could be besides cancer. Even though cancer is a pretty big umbrella. One time you grab my shoulder and I have a weird uh shoulder bone, It like sticks out, it protrudes. I don't know if I ever had you feel it before. Then I'm all passed. We were we were at a hockey game. Why I rub your bunyan's for a little while, but no, I'll totally I have a shoulder bunyan and uh have a shunyon and and my my dad and my dad felt it and gave this look like he like diagnos me with like a tumor on my shoulder at a hockey game. And the whole hockey game was ruined because I thought I had shoulders. Oh my god, you really? Yeah, it all makes sense. Our parents do the best they can. This is by no means an attack on any parents. They loved us as much as they could. They do aren't their best, and it's not Sometimes it isn't that great. And that's why I'm terrified to become a parent. Alright, not terrified. Actually I'd be pretty good. But I always go back to Amy Schumer's joke of when people are like Nikki, you'd be such a good mom um. Yeah, I know, Uh, Amy Schumer's joke was people always tell me I'd be a great mom, but I always tell them, yeah, i'd also be a great prostitute. But that doesn't mean I should do it, because and that's true, there's so many things you'd be great at that everyone isn't like you have to do it. It's like, yeah, I would be I would be an amazing porn star. I do know that. And someday, as as I get more milfy and you know, Hollywood rolls dry up, uh, perhaps I'll I'll maybe I'll do some sort of drug that removes a part of my brain that is keeping me from doing porn, which I believe i'd be great at, and then I just start doing it because all it takes is worrying about what people think of you and taking quite a financial hit because no one wants to work with you anymore, because you know, Hollywood sees themselves as better than porn, and we don't really like mix the two, which I want to start mixing. Well, I think you could start slowly by doing like kind of like an artsy porn where it's like in black and white, like a French feel to it, so it's full penetration and you see everything. But I found a way to do porn actually a lot two nights ago. There's a lot of latex things where they vacuum seal you in latex, which I kind of like because it's like being bonded. It's like bondage NOA, but without ropes because you know, I'm not into ropes now. So they like latext you and so you're completely under this like latex sheet and then they vacuum it out and then so you're just like and you breathe through a thing so it has like holes near the mouth, but you can't see the person. All you can see is a black light TEXTI louette. And then they like put a wand on your vagina and so it holds it down, so you like are like forced to come a lot and then you can't get out. And then there's like holes elsewhere where they can do stuff to you, but there's no like there, and then you can't see the person. You can't even hear them scream. So I could do that, yeah, I mean it's like when you put like food in a microwave, you know that's like covered in plastic and it gets turned into something really hot and moist. You know, yes, take my veggie burgers out of the plastic even let's keep them in all right, next next story, Your veggie burgers is nothing like you're born nothing. Let's see. A study finds that people who regular sleep for six hours or less each night in the in middle age are more likely developed dementia than those who routinely managed seven hours. Sleep is known to clear toxic waste from the brain, and they hypothesize that people when they sleep lest this process becomes impaired. It also found that severely disrupted sleep could nearly double women's risk of dying from heart disease. It doesn't surprise me. That's why I start with how do you sleep? Because I want to remind everyone you and you're I don't sleep kind of lifestyle you lead where I like, I am going on five hours. You're no one's impressed, No one thinks it's cool. Get more, Try to get more. Do everything you can to get more. I can't, Yes, you can. Everyone can do more. To get sleep. Everyone can do more. Don't take your phone to bed, get a sleep mask, white noise machine, um, get the dogs out of the bed. Robin, my friend, Robin and her husband have a queen size bed and they sleep with three gigantic dogs in the bed. They're both short people, and the dogs sleep at the end. But her husband's not getting good sleep because the dogs. She sleep it's fine, and I go, you got you gotta get the dogs out of the bed. I don't think it's okay. I don't want to tell people to run their lives, but yes, I do. Get the dogs out of the bed so everyone can get better sleep, myself included. Like, dementia is the scariest thing I can imagine, is like when your mind betrays you, because that, to me, is what I'm banking on growing old with. Like I'll lose my looks, I'll lose my ability to move as like with the same agility. Um, but I won't lose my mind. I mean it will start to go because like even in the Gary Shandling documentary, do you remember that he's like one of the most brilliant comedic minds ever, but he started to have like dementia type symptoms and you saw it live on air when he was on conan Um Conan's Tonight Show. It's in that documentary, and that was like so terrified to me like Joan Rivers was as sharp as ever Don Riggles, you start to seek go a little bit, but he was already so sharp that even him at less sharp. But Gary Shandling you saw like a real it And was it sleepless? I forget what what was befalling him? But man, I'm scared of tamentia. So I wanted this news story just as a wake up call to myself and not a wake up call, a sleep sleep more call. Two, You've got to prioritize sleep or you're not going to be around for the kids that you're staying up for. You're not gonna be around for the people. Like the greatest gift you can give the people in your life. Listen up, I'm saying something important. If you tone me out, the greatest gift you can give the people you love in their your life is a gift card to Starbucks. After that, because Starbucks is in every is global and everyone loves a little treat, even if you're not addicted to it like I am. But the greatest gift you can give other people. And my ex boyfriend was the first person to say this, and I always remembered it, and I've heard it before or since. Shave your pussy. Shave your pussy, but don't get ingrown hairs because you might get infected and you might get merca. And then your dad will tell you it's just a bug by and you need to take epps and salt baths. Then you'll do that for a couple of weeks. Then the stinging will start running down your leg, to your foot and up to your heart and you are getting body tremors. And then you eventually go to dermatologists against your parents better judgment, and you find out you have MERSA. But then after that, yeah, okay, after that, yeah, is taking care of yourself because if you love someone and you want to give them a good they probably love you, right, unless you're unhinged and deranged and demented because you haven't got enough sleep. But if you love someone, they love you. And the best gift you can give someone that loves you is to take care of the people that they love, and that is you get sleep for the people you love. And I know in the short term, it's it's like, but my son needs more time with me, and I didn't get he will get more time with you. On the back end, if you prioritize sleep instead of watching a movie with him or whatever it is. So I know this as easier said than done, but I needed to hear it as well. You know what's kind of cool though, for my brain and how I say words, is he even if I get dementia, I'm not falling off that much farther than I'm already at. We're still around the same level of comprehension. For those that speak to you. You might actually start saying things right accidentally. God, I hope I can say regular No. I will be so sad if you get dementia, Like I plan on being friends with you until we're like dead for three more years. And by we, I mean you, um you those shoulder tumors. They're looking pretty much. I'm kidding, Andrew, I'm kidding. You've got like, seriously, you've got like forty more months. Honestly, I don't even care. I'm having a hell of a time. It's great out here as well. The great thing about death is that it will happen and you won't know it. It'll just you know, like it'll just happen. And then if you get diagnosed with something, you'll probably be in a level of acceptance that almost everyone who gets death sentence faces is acceptance, which is a beautiful part of life. That this thing that you can't even imagine being able to accept. You never see someone dying just going no, no, except Sam Kinison. Do you ever hear the story? Yeah? Last words? Yeah. So let me just really quick before we get to sports moment. Sam Kinison uh died in a terrible car crash and his friends were driving behind him when it happened. So they pull up on the car crash and his best friend is holding Sam Kinison as he is dying in his arms, and Sam Kinison is like, it's I'm paraphrasing, but he's like, I don't want to die. I don't want to die. I don't want to go, and he goes, wise at my time or something like that, and then he's looking through his friend. He's not even looking at his friend, and he goes, I don't want to go. I don't want to go, and I'm again, I'm paraphrasing, and then he goes, why why do I have to go? And then he like listens his friend said he years like Sam like talking like hearing someone you know, like when someone's eyes are kind of listening like, and he goes, oh, okay, and then he dies like he heard some something made him accept it, even in that moment that he was fighting it, like he knew he needed to go. Um. It was the last time he ran the light. Honestly, that's one of the greatest jokes I've ever heard. A pretty good joke. I'm like, I'm not gonna lie at somewhere Sam Kennison is. I don't know how he laughed, but he may be screaming somewhere. That is fucking funny. And by the way, I don't think it was a traffic like light thing, but no, it wasn't. Regardless it was it was a heaven light. Oh. I was thinking like he died in traffic collision, which is probably running a red man. It was he got the light and he followed it. Let's say that. And by the way, if you're you're you're not hip to the jargon of stand up comedians. When you get the light, it means you have five more minutes left on stage, or two more minutes or whatever you ask for before you go on stage. Ago, when do you want the light and you go two minutes and that means when I have two minutes left, just wanted you guys be hip to the ling. Well, think about it. Think about he ran the light, he saw the light. Then he goes, I don't want to get off. I don't want to die. And yeah, he's like it was like, no, you gotta get off. He's like, all right, I'll get Chapel's here. You gotta get off. Robin Williams is waiting in the wings, all right. Dementia, Louis body dementia, Robin Williams. Everyone who thinks that Williams killed himself, he did, but he had Louis de body dementia, which is a disease that will make you kill yourself. And by the way, anyone who does kill themselves, it's not their fault. No one chooses to their brain does it to them. So we always excuse people like, oh yeah, boy, he wasn't suicidal. It's like, well, anyone who suicidal has something in their brain that might not have a name for it. But it's never really anyone's fault or choice. There's no free will Sam Harris look into it. Let's get to the sports moment. Here's Andrew's weekly sports moment. Every time I hear it, I I understand that the more you hate when I watch Sports Center. Okay, so NFL players can smoke marijuana for the first time during the off season. Yes, that too as well. It's very daring. Uh and the window open on four twenty. Nonetheless, so the NFL has a sense of humor apparently, Oh my god, wait, this is huge news. No. Uh, yeah, I mean they're gonna so they're not going to test from April twenty to hogs nine. Um for thhc oh Man. Now's the time for me to make some friends with some football players. Yeah, I'm sure that they can afford apples for you. I think smoke about of Apple laptops. They take out the core processor. Yeah, and they don't give a funk about money. They'll smoke like an old man. Habit is great. Okay, let's talk about pot and and the NFL. Well, you had a post yesterday about people. I never was addictive. I didn't even read the comments. After two minutes, I just go, I'm going to edit my post to make it completely clear what I mean by this. I said happy, I said there's a picture that someone took of me, or I took a picture in college of me hitting a bong, which was maybe the last time I hit a bong, and that's not true. But it's like, you know, I don't smoke out a bongs, but it's like a kind of where I look. And I posted on our story yesterday, but then I posted as a main post or whatever. It doesn't matter. When I posted, someone send me a picture of Eminem. It looked the same. We both are hitting the bong in the same way. I love Eminem. I put to side by side boom, and then I wrote, I'm not glorifying pot. I do not advocate for pot use. I don't use bonds anymore. I use apples. I want everyone to be aware that although yesterday the kissed holiday of the year, uh, really glorified pot and made it seem like every smoking pots fine. There's no risk that it is a risky drug. It is a addictive substance for some people. People think you say the word addictive, and people go, that means everyone. That's not what I mean. Not everyone's addicted to food, not everyone's addicted to cigarettes, not everyone's addicted to alcohol. It can be an addictive substance. I have dealt with, uh, marijuana addiction to medicinally support me with my a d D. But it's still something I was dependent on at times in my life. And there's nothing wrong with saying that. And if you are able to consume pot and not be addicted to it, of course you can. I believe that's true. People got so oh mad. Yeah for a bunch of potheads. They sure we're angry. You know, I just love picturing He's like hitting, like what what what? I'm addicted? Like what? They so, yeah, I just read a couple but uh, but yeah, it was interesting to see, like like it's so funny how things need to be black or white, Like it's not at there's no way. And then I did see that a lot of people wrote that the studies says that one in ten people become addicted to pot. That's interesting numbers. That is a very high number. And the thing is anything, I think some comments said, anything that takes you out of your emotional state and is an escape can be addictive. I can be addicted to literally anything. And I and that's not to say that like some people maybe could never get addicted to pot. I believe anyone could get addicted to anything if you try hard enough. But I I have been addicted to and guitar. I use it as an escape from my feelings, which healthy addiction. But guess what even that my fingers have bled and I could hurt myself with it or um, and I know it's like my fingers are bleeding like the George Harris said, it's like that's good. No it's not. Don't and I'm supposed to make yourself bleed. I mean that's self harm. So um, I've I've been addicted to gum. I don't talk about this a lot, but I might as well just put it out there. I was. I've been off gum since August six two. I will not accept another piece of gum for the rest of my life. That is the plan. But every day is a new day. I don't think about gum anymore. But I as someone with an eating disorder and someone who is addicted to like consuming, I always had a piece of gum in my mouth and I was going through much like cigarettes. I was going through like I was up to like two or three packs a day. And I know that sounds crazy, but this is eighteen pieces of Trident gum. Per day up to three backs, and it would just make you sick. I mean, like the amount of sugar free aspertain and it's disgusting. It's it's eating trash, by the way, it's chewing on trash. Gum isn't like it is digestible. Seven years whatever, old wife scale um. But I was addicted to gum and that didn't start out. That wasn't the way it was for me. I was a kid. I ate gum when I someone offered it, and then it slowly turned into addiction, and people go, what's wrong with that? Okay, not only does it make me bloated? I had a ranula. Google ranula really quick, everyone, if you want. I developed a sore in my mouth from gum that clogged one of my uh saliva glands and it got clogged. And it's called a ranula because in in Latin, ranula stance for bull frog, and a giant bubble like a bull frog erupted underneath my tongue and I would have to pop it every day, but then to drain it and all this like slive would come out. But I was doing it every day and keeping up my gum habit. That the the place where I would pinprick it to pop it. This is in college, by the way, developed a callous and got uh and I couldn't pop it anymore because it wouldn't break through. So I had to go have surgery on my mouth and I had to lie to the orthodonist and say that I don't know where it came from. I don't know how it got there. And it was because I was addicted to gum and I kept chewing it for years after that and it led to and I was addicted to Red Monster energy drink that made my tongue also have sores. And it's like these things. You can get addicted to anything and it is it can start hurting you no matter what sex, everything, So weeds addictive. However, I want to understand the football thing. Um, that's crazy to me that athletes cannot smoke any pot ever and haven't been able to in the past. Well, I mean for athletes, a lot of them used as pain management. Um. But yeah, in the past, people players would get suspended. Now they're getting fined instead of suspended, which is better, I guess. I mean the NFL makes more money actually, but um, yeah, I guess it's just like you know, for just a few years ago, there's this player named Josh Gordon who played for Cleveland Browns and he just couldn't get his pot addiction in line. And everyone's like what if it doesn't give a funk about the team, doesn't care about the organization. He's so selfish, and it's like, no, he's addicted. He's probably had his pain management. He's probably using instead of pain killers that make him sluggish because he can't take oxycon anymore or whatever. And it's like, I don't know, it's just how you view pot use like as like this like selfish thing. It's like, no, I mean, I'm sure it was needed for his mental state or whatever it was, and it wasn't whatever. So I think just how it's viewed by people, because it can help a lot of people, Like yeah, oh my god, it helps me immensely, Like it helps me really get out of a bad mood and like makes me more alert, it makes me more curious and interested in people. But it has downsides if I do too much of um, malaise and possibly depression, anxiety, smelling bad, people thinking you're lazy because of a connotation of it, People thinking you're unprofessional because you're doing it before something work related, even though you kind of need it. Because pot makes me want to like clean and work and focus, whereas a lot of people make them lazy. Or of course it's good for paid management. I hope it is legalized. I hope. Yeah. But drinking, I think is much more detrimental than pot um. And also pot I want to say, is packed with carcinogens. If you're inhaling smoke, that's also cancer causing. Don't pretend like you're not. I certainly don't. Also, the worst side effect is hemp necklace and talking about grateful dead and hidden tapes. Okay, so the next segment, Nick, I'm excited for this one, but I can't say it swells well. Thank you for that sports moment that was very related to things incident. Oh I care about that happy birthday. No, uh, let's get to quote. I looked up best quotes and the first one that came up, and like the pictures, is from Albert Einstein, and I really like like Google images, you know, I just picked quotes and it's all these like pretty little things. So it says this from Albert Einstend, who knows if it's true. Apology anyway, Morgan Wallen, It's apology was me my music got taken like a ransom letter. I couldn't it was just too much. So this is by Albert Einstein apparently, But who knows with quotes really, you know, but it's a good quote. He said, I have no special talent. I am only passionately curious for a genius, for one of someone I know. Right. Um, that's why I said the word curious before, because I had just pulled that quote up. By the way, it was like in my head. But I do get curious, you know that. Um, what do you think about that I have no special talent. I'm only passionately curious. Look, I love a humble person when they're very good at something, and I get that. But he uh, you could be as curious as you want, Like I could look at as many theories as I want. But I'm not gonna know what equals M C square it is. I'm just not Einstein, Like there's certain things like you'd be as curious as you want, but if your brain isn't available or but I get what he's saying as well, Like you know a lot of people because they don't think they're talented, don't ever get curious about things. So you just gotta put a lot of things out there to figure out what maybe you're good at. I guess is I agree? Um, yeah, I see what you're saying. Like we all have limitations in different fields. However, you would not be cu us about equals mc square or the theory of revel relativity or finding out about like why gravity works or black holes or string theory. Like that stuff doesn't interest you. Probably interested him, and he was. He didn't do it against his will. He wasn't like, oh I got to complete this math course and it was like It's like he was propelled in that direction because of curiosity. And I feel like that is I do believe if you're a lucky person, which I get, I am so fucking lucky. I feel like I want to hear about people winning the lottery. I feel like I definitely won the lottery in terms of just even making it to my mom's egg as a dad's sperm. Is like the luck of that I learned less than the Nature doc that only one in a thousand baby turtles lived to adulthood one in a thousand, so it's like all these baby turtles they're filming thousands of them, and sixty percent get eaten by sharks. Another thirty percent don't even make it to the ocean because they're picked over by stuff. And then one out of the thousand make it. But the odds of you being a human on earth at a time when you get to wear clothing and be an air conditioning and be loved by parents and like have food whenever you want, Like, we are so lucky to not only be born, but be born in this time in America where I'm a woman that can drive and have rights, and like, it's crazy the statistics that led me to have the life I've led. Even if you were born in America into poverty, you still are And as much as that would be so awful, you still are luckier than people that were born during the Black Plague in medieval times. Like as a woman back then, you know, like there's there's a lot of luck going into being born. My point is, I'm lucky enough to do something for a living that I was. I let my curiosity drive me to work. So many people work in jobs where they're like I don't care anything about this, and there's loveliness about that too, because you can go home and leave it there a lot of times, like if if you work at quiz Nos, you might not be passionate about hosted subs, but you can leave it and just go back the next day. Um. I wish for everyone to find out whatever you're curious in and pursue it, even if you suck. But that's the hard thing. Like I happened to be naturally good at and curious about the same thing comedy. However, I was. I was curious about acting and being on TV long before I discovered comedy. And I was bad, bad, bad, bad bad at acting, bad at modeling, bad at doing anything that I thought was going to get me in front of the camera. So I had to keep trying things for years until I found the thing I was good at. Much like guitar, I am not naturally inclined to guitar or dancing or rhythm of any kind, but I am. My curiosity got the best of me at the age of thirty six, and I picked up the guitar. And guess what, I'm not so bad This week. I had a major breakthrough with guitar. Like I'm I can be good, and that's only because my curiosity drove me past the discomfort of being bad. And I do believe that's what talent is. Because I'm gonna be talented at guitar. People are gonna listen to me in a year ago You're really good, and we might want to actually hear you perform live and I might be I'm gonna My goal is to be a like, to be able to do Steve Martin with the like Steve Martin with a banjo, but not but not comedy songs. I want to do a show before my shows in town at like a cafe. People if they want to hear Taylor Swift covers, they can come see me solo. But like, I don't want anyone to go to that expecting I'll be comedic or better than a person who can think guitar for a year. But that's my goal. But Steve Martin isn't comedic with the bander. He's like one of the best banjo players in the World's true. I went to go see him in his band reform. Yeah. Yeah, he's very serious, That's what I'm saying. Like the ted Lasso quote when a guy's talking to it about himself and he goes, you know what, man, you're talking bad about yourself. That's like Woody Allen playing the clarinet. I don't want to hear it. But you could say that's like Nicki Glazer playing guitar. I don't want to hear it, yeah, or like me saying me like saying the word turbulence. Yeah, Or that's like Andrews saying a word edgewise Nikki doesn't want to hear it. During the segment, I talked a lot this this podcast. I think it's great. I think I wait to respond, and I think that people probably don't want to hear me lisp. No, that's not true at all. People love you. And I am aware that I talk a lot. Again, I am working on it, but it's a ton of who I am and I'm sorry. And also that's that's what a podcast is. I was thinking about, like what I was curious about, like when I was if I've ever been, like really bring into the final thought with this, Yeah, what were you curious about? No? I you know it's funny because I guess you could figure out what you're curious about after the fact. Does that make sense? Like later in life. You're like, oh, I got here because I was curious back then, But I didn't even realize that back then. And I know we have a similar curiosity in this. Like every day I would I would listen to Howard Stern with my brother. We had an hour car ride from Stuart, Florida to Vira Beach, Florida. Every single day listen to Howard, and I fucking loved it, Like it made me laugh and it made our time with my brother, especially during during during our parents divorce, and it was like it wasn't easy when we were like that around that age when he was like sixteen and I was like thirteen or fourteen, and dude, every morning we would laugh our fucking dick off at Howard. And now that I get to just fucking mumble and talk into a mike with someone that actually has been on Howard Stern, who I respect so much comedically, who I love dearly, and I get to fucking do this every day. Is it really is remarkable. And I guess I am Einstein in a way for people that can't do math that good but somehow still got to be a math professor at Harvard. And I'm so excited for it. That's so nice, Andrew, And I do believe Eve that, like I mean, I wouldn't be where I am without you either right now in my life. So it's like me meeting you and then recognizing instantly that this guy might be walking dogs for living and might have a dirty coat and like might be extremely nervous when you met me. We gotta tell the story of how we met. But when I first met you, you were like my dog walker that I knew was a that was a comic. I didn't know anything about you comedically, literally nothing. I didn't know how long you've been doing it, um, But you were so open and honest with me the first time we met. And we'll tell the story on an upcoming episode. But I just knew instantly that this person had something special that I wanted to shine a light on because people need to see this, and that would probably lead me to being more that way, which is like brutally honest and uh sharing something that you shouldn't share with someone right away, even though you did. And but like you, it took you many, many years to find a hone, the thing that you're good at, to find the thing that was gonna make you get the attention you want that you always saw it, probably as a kid. Want to be on TV, I want to be famous, like these things that are just like seeking love and adoration. I'm speaking for myself, but it took you until a couple of years ago before you were able to create puddles and create like the kind of comedy you do, and you still get shipped for it, like, oh, you're taking your shirt off and you're dancing. You're what, like, is that even comedy? And you know stand ups will give you shit about that, and it's like, yes, it is, because um, you've honed that. That's not you just throwing ship again. It is you're throwing ship against the wall and seeing what sticks. But you did that a lot before you did find out what sticks. And it just so happens to be dancing with your shirt off and you know, making gross faces with your tongue and also saying hilarious things that people don't understand how actually smart and funny you are and quick you are. It even took me a couple of years to realize it. But um, clearly anyone who listened to the pot us Wait, it took you a couple of years. No, it took me a couple of years to understand just how like to actually because you are so unintentionally funny, like so much of the time where it seems like it or or it seems unintentional, like it seems like you're making a joke that is just so like the thing before where you said the light right the that was the last light. That was the last light. He ever ran, I go to the traffic light thing. You were talking about the light from God, but I that was already brilliant, the light from God, like getting the light from God. I was on the traffic light part, which was a different kind of brilliant. But it would never occur to me unless you said that first part. But you say things all the time that people can mistake as like, oh, he's just saying stuff, But your brain is actually working you. Your brain works very very quickly and in a way that most comedians would like work for so long to get your brain to work that way and joke for him. You, however, just to be in the right environment to have that come out, and it might not be a writer's room in front of a laptop, you know what I mean? Yeah, I feel you and I uh uh, yeah, well you're really blowing it now. I mean I thought, no, no, no, that was that was a joke that I couldn't think of anything that I got you again, that's how good. Maybe in five years you'll get that. All right, Well, thanks for listening to show today. What a lovely little podcast. Happy birthday, Noah. Everyone go wish Noah a happy birthday. You can find Noah Injection n O A I N J E C T I O N. She also has a podcast separate from Mars called The Metal Injection and that is a heavy metal podcast that you can hear her on and anything else. Noah, please don't wish me a happy birthday, everybody? What's your address? Well, honestly, Noah is that? Let me just say before we go, Noah, um really quick, Noah, just let me it'll I sweart to go. I'm tamming myself for one minute. I'm giving myself one minute. Here we go. Hold on, let me set my timer and then we're going to go. And I'm not going to exceed it. One minute of how I feel about Noah. And just so this is good for the listener. Okay, you'll get ten seconds Okay, here we go. The minute starts now. I met Noah when I started at Serious Radio UM in January of two thousand eighteen. I was given a four day a week show They're called You Up. I was not given the choice of who my producer would be, even though normally I'm used to being able to meet with a bunch of people in deciding. They kind of just gave me this girl. My friend Roland who had written me and said Noah is amazing. But I didn't know Roland that well, and of course he's gonna say anyone's amazing. I met Noah day one. I remember where we hugged in the lobby of Serious. She was so kind, so nice, so cute, and she is just someone that I again lucky, lucky. I'm a little lucky turtle. The the fact that I got paired with her ran Emilee, and she ended up being someone who's not only my best friend and who has like lifted me up in times where I've really needed it emotionally, like the other day when I called you when I'm crying. You have the best instincts as a producer. You were my you were my baba booie. You are my um. Who's the guy that they always talked to on Regis and Kelly or Kathleen Regis Gelson. You are my mom um. You're just the gellman. You are just like the best producer I could ever imagine having, because you think of things that I don't even think of. Like I just wrote you that we should have a stinger that says like Fido thought, and like you already have it. I just haven't listened that far in the episode because I like live these episodes, I don't have to listen to it. So you are always on top of things. You're better than me at the things that I need someone better than at, and you support me on the things that I'm better at than you, and you make me feel great about them. And we have the best working relationship it is. We have never had a fight. We've had disagreements, and we had a time between podcasts where we didn't know if we were ever going to work together again, and I had really made peace with that, and then by the grace of God, we got you, um brought onto this I Heart podcast experience. But uh, you know, thankfully from the people at my Heart, which you know everyone, when I was deciding this longer than a minute. When I was deciding whether or not to go do my own podcast or go with a podcast network, which was a lot of pressure to do your own, do your own so you own it all. Um. I chose I Heart because I wanted their support and they're huge, and I really like the podcast that they put out, and the people I met with were so nice, but they also honored every thing that I wanted for the podcast because they wanted it to be great, and they were more sold on Noah than I was after they met her. And that's how amazing you are. And if you enjoy the podcast, you owe uh some gratitude today, just even just by listening to this and smiling along with it, to my wonderful podcast producer who puts so much good out into the world. And I hope you all are as lucky to have someone like her in your life. And if you're not fucking dm her and see if she's available to like be your friend. End and ten seconds. Um, So Noah, when we first met, um, I couldn't imagine my life without anyone else. Uh, you have inspired me. You listen all the time. Uh, you know you're a great listener and uh, I really yea yeah all the timer. But it didn't go off happy birthday, know what we love here. It just kept going and then I was like, well I covered yours more than Enoh okay, I love you Noah, And that was my version of the card I would give you later on today. But I love you so much. You will have an actual birthday gift in the mail or in your email at some point because you can just send that stuff now over email. I love you so much. See you all next week for another four days of shows, which we will be doing remotely at least until one week from now. I'll'll be back in St. Louis and we'll be live. But until then I'm in Grand Cayman. If you're out here in your fan hit me up in the d m s and maybe I'll come hang out with you because I need friends. But otherwise, don't kill me, and don't try to find out where I am. I feel safe and I'm fine on my own, kay, Okay, have a great weeks. Yeah you too, love you guys. Wait, I said busty, but you are a busty but I was hosting it to the fans. Oh,