#176 More Close Up

Published Feb 15, 2022, 2:00 AM

Although it's Valentine's Day and she's got her heart shaped glasses on Nikki is feeling "a little self-loathing today". She's made leaps and bounds on how she handles these feelings and breaking up with a new tiny bad habit. Andrew understands, since he feels bad after using the Super Bowl to abuse his body. Nikki met a whale shark guy over the weekend and now loves the sound of a blowhole. You Heard It Here First, say no to fish in your picture, big heads and the Super Bowl halftime show review. In Top 1 Bottom 1 they discuss romantic gestures. Nikki feels good about receiving a relative's ashes before reviewing the We Need to Talk About Cosby doc in the Final Thought.

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Yes, here's Nikki. Hello here I am It's a Nick Layer podcast. Everyone Happy Valentine's Day. I'm wearing heart shaped glasses and it's not because it's Valentine's Day. It's because my eyes are super swollen from so I don't know. I'm a swollen bitch this weekend and I'm trying to stay None of my clothes fit. I saw some pictures yesterday on myself that I really really hate, like that, If like that are truly something is different with my body. I've definitely changed, and I just want to say, if you relate to that, it's okay. My body needs to be this way right now. I need to be not fitting in all my clothes. There is a reason for it, and it's none of my business what my body is doing right now. And I'm perfect the way I am. It's the way that I was meant to be. And that's what's getting me through today, because it is very hard when your clothes feel tight. It is so uncomfortable, and when you already feel like you look down at yourself and you don't really something happened in my body in the past couple of days, and I don't recognize my lower half. It's just changing. I don't know if it's like this is the time as a woman where you just go from like I I'm on a tangent here. I want to interview you. And so I've been watching last night, I've been watching the Playboy UM documentary Secrets of Playboy, and I've also You've got to watch we need to talk about Cosby Believe. It's on Hulu. I watched it on Showtime. It's so good. I'll talk about it in depth in the way that we should later, but I just want to say that there's so many you see women that were like the hottest women of their time in the seventies, sixties, Like all these women that you they see, you see pictures and they couldn't be tinier and more like the object of what I, uh my, my sick brain says is perfection. And then you cut to them, as you know, fifty sixty year old women when they're coming out with these stories and this is the sickest thing to even be paying attention to this. They look, there's so many of them, and I'm like, first of all, all all these women are so strong that I'm like, you don't even pay attention to that. But I'm I just noticed, like there's no there's no stopping what will happen to my body When you get older, your metabolism slows and your body just gets softer because you are more prone to falling and your bones need to be protected. You're it's not good to be thin when you're tiny. When you're uh, you know, more prone to falling, and like your body needs to protect yourself from breaking a hip otherwise you need fat on you. That's why women get bigger and you slow down and all that stuff, or like your metabolism so done. I don't know if it's happening to me, like this is a weekend it decided to like your it's your time or something like that. But whatever it is, I woke up. I was really in a bad mood this morning. I was taking it out on whoever I was around, just kind of being grumpy. It was giving me a headache. It was just and it was all because of how my clothes fit and how I looked in these pictures last night. That just truly changed my mood in such a way that it's just I before I saw those pictures. By the way, the pictures that were taken when I was happy, and then hours after I was happy with that same body that was in the pictures, and then I see the pictures and then I'm unhappy. Whereas I'm happy, I'm I'm and I'm unhappy because that's what I look like right now. But really I was happy that whole time when I wasn't thinking about that, and I was you know, I went to the pool area today and I see all these women with bodies that I was like, God, I used to look like that, or I'll never look like that. I'm just going to all these places in my head which might be true, like I could be hit by car tomorrow being a wheelchair and I'll never look like that girl again. There's no chance that I ever will. Or maybe right now, legs get smaller when you get paralyzed, that's true, you know, fingers crossed, um. But I just have to say that I am truly okay with it, and I am I don't I don't care, and bring it on, like no matter what my body wants to do, bring it on and it's meant to be. And I'm not going to diet, I'm not going to exercise. I'm not going to do fucking anything to mess with just try to control it, because when I do that, things get wonky. What I did realize is that this is kind of correlated. I'm trying to pay attention to things in my life that are like I'm not feeling healthy. Is essentially what's going on here. I'm feeling itchy and my own skin. I just don't feel healthy. I don't look like myself when I feel my healthiest, and I think I gotta stop doing diet coke, which is just that's the only thing that's changed in my diet. I'm just like living on diet coke and it's not supplementing for food. I'm not I'm just gonna go. Nikki, E've noticed something. You had your fun with diet coke. You had a little relapse. It's time to go. So that's all I'm going to do, I have to say. I and that's the different me than has been in the past of like when I have these in the past, when I had these moments, and this has been my whole life of waking up one day and being like, wow, I've gained so much weight. It's all in my head, you know. But like I just feel so different, and it feels out of control. It feels like this is the beginning of whatever. My body will never be what I wanted to be, no one will ever be attracted to me any again, all these things. I better hold onto whatever I have now, because he seems to like me, and no one else would you know, like and and and and not feeling sexy around him. Whatever it is, I no now. I used to just go okay. I used to drop a diet plan and start counting my collaries and start starving myself on this day. I used to go to the gym and go, I'm gonna spend two hours there and I'm gonna spend so much time in the gym that I don't have to eat eat and I'm not gonna do that this time, Like, because I'm feeling this is the first time in my eating sort of recovery that I've really felt like so uncomfortable in my skin, and I felt like, wow, this whole no exercise eating what I want is like actually starting to backfire. But it's not. I just whatever caused me to gain a little weight is what I needed to get through the past couple of weeks. I didn't do anything wrong, And I'm not gonna fucking diet or exercise at all unless I want to get exercise for my he like mental health, and I want to just sweat and have some fun, or because I'm just not hungry. That's the only two reasons I'm not going to eat. And I just want to say that because I just know this feeling that I'm feeling this morning. I just am so familiar with it, and I haven't felt it for years because it just hasn't come up, and I haven't been wearing jeans for years. But these cheene storts I put on today were just like lubly um. And I know it's common for fucking everyone listening, literally everyone listening feels this way. You don't have to do a one eight with how you've been doing things. You can just do a small thing like this diet coke thing. I know it's not healthy, it doesn't make me feel that much better. I'm doing way too many of them. Maybe that's the thing to cut out of instead of punishing myself with exercise and making myself uncomfortable for starving. Not having a diet coke isn't going to make me sad whereas if I starve myself, that's sad um. So that's all I wanted to say. I wanted to get that out there. Someone out there might need it. I know I need to just be accountable for that and say it out loud. No, I completely what you're saying. Funny, when I get in an elevator with a mirror, huh, a mirror. He's a really fit guy, that's on. That's one of our pas On percentage. He's a great guy, but he's just that's such a good body, and it makes you feel insecure. It does go God, if I could just be a mirror. When you get into an elevator with a reflection, yeah, I constantly like, even if it was five minutes before I got in the elevator and I already saw my reflection, Oh I look different or something's different, or I'll look better or I'll look worse. Like I do that same ship too, So I definitely relate to like just one constantly questioning what my body looks like today? Did I have too much sodium last like last night? You know, super Bowl, You're gonna eat shitty like it's in your brain, it's your addition. You gotta destroy. It's like the holidays, you know you don't have total Well, you're fucking asshole thinks it is today. God, it really does. You're putting down dips layers of things. I got a Monty Crystal sandwich, which is, oh my god, I think he died because that guy. There's no way that was a sandwich. What is the Monty crysto. It's like I'm picturing cheese salami, like ham turkey cheese or brioche bread. You want to see how many animals we can up? Yeah, that we can kill in one sandwich. Yeah, it's weird. They don't even kill the animal. You have to eat the whole thing. Um um yeah. So I ate that and then I got pizza too. I was like, it's super like you just you convince yourself that it's it's okay. Everything on TV is telling you to drink and eat and it's and it's fine, and it's first of all, it's one day. It's not the holiday seas in which so many people just justify that kind of behavior for you know, weeks kind of. But I just everyone dieting is just it doesn't fucking work, and you know, making healthier choices works, but did not. Pretty much, dieting equals denying yourself and exercising to burn calories or like burn fat when it's painful, like when you are just taught, when your body is tired. I understand pushing through for like mental fortitude, but if you're looking at the calories on a treadmill, you're not You're are looking up how many calories you burn. You're you're trying to fuck You're trying to punish yourself because none of that is something you would do to your child. You know what I do? I started lifting again and I just found a great point of like where I don't destroy myself, but I see results that I'm happy about just in like whatever one my mental is so much better. I mean lifting, they say, I mean and by day I mean. Sam Harris said, is like doing you know, Awaits regimen for your whole life is the best thing you can do for your your mental and physical health. Yeah, and I just need to keep it like where it's manageable, where you don't get sad when either you miss it and you feel like, oh no, I'm missing out, or just do it when you when you feel like you want to and not make it about this. We are so base, we're so obsessed with streaks. I missed wordle one day in my streak of playing wordle every day and not it's broken. And I've had this little pang of like, you fucked up, glaze now that feeling of you fucked up. Any type of feeling where you're disappointing yourself is going to lead to abusive behavior towards yourself that can you know, um snowball into uh, really hurting yourself rather with you know, physical fitness, like injuring yourself like I any type of self not being nice to yourself is going to incrementally add up. And I think you're so right, like the missing one day saying like I go to the gym every day and then you miss one day, and it's like then then it's done. Then you stop where I ate shitty. Last night, I was like, fuck, dude, I was doing so fucking you get that thought, like I was doing so fucking good man eating sucking egg whites. I had a poke and then I'm like, fun, and that's such a common thing. I'm just like, okay, throw in the towel, like I feel so flabby, and gross today, Like for me, I feel like out of shape, I feel like just I feel lumbering, I feel slow. The last thing I want to do is work out. But if later today I feel like I want to just like get my blood pump in, not to like I'll do it. But if I don't, and if I don't change anything I do besides not like you know what I do change. I'm not saying that if you feel like upset about the way your body looks or feels, truly do nothing, because that wasn't my solution. My solution was talk about it like this. First of all, this is part of my solution is being very honest about what's happening and how I'm feeling, because you need to put it into words, either whether whether it is in a journal or just talking to yourself or leaving a voice note for a friend. Fucking leave me a voice message on my on my I G I will maybe not even listen to it. But the fact that you stayed out loud, um, it will help you get honest and then see what you can change. First of all, that's already a change if you decide to journal or say your feelings out loud. That is a huge change that can lead to you feeling better in your body tomorrow, whether it is it actually physically manifests, which it probably will. But the change does not have to be taking on reading a new diet book, going to a spin class um unless that makes you feel good, and you're not doing it but for any other reason than to feel good. Now, this is like stuff that I've worked on extensively and eating disorder recovery. So and if obviously I always put this out there, if anyone wants to know what I did to get recovered, you could always uh DM me and just write you know, eating disorder help on all caps and I'll hopefully see it. But I just want to say that it's a long road to feeling this way. But I'm so grateful today that my I had a little self loathing today, which is okay, like even that I'm like, you need to feel sorry for yourself because your jeans are tight. You need to be a little sad and go I'm fat. You know, I don't like, I'm not going to look good on perfect strangers too. I'm gonna look different than perfect strangers one and people are gonna call me things. It was yea, and it just put I just want to say that, like, this is just such a win for me to say today that I'm not going to diet or abuse myself with exercise. That is a fucking win for my body from my mind, more so than any diet could give me, is that I'm not going to hurt myself. You think, next time you see a phote you how long did it take you to because it sounded like initially you were well. There were multiple photos from different angles, so it was confirmed from every angle, and I was. I remember feeling very my best self in the picture. I was wanting to swim suit and I was, um, just like sucking it. I remember feeling knowing that that photo was gonna matter to me later how I looked so trying my best, and it really was, I want to say, different than I thought it would be. So I'm not seeing myself correctly. Um, But what I know to be true is that I have been that size. I have been that before and I was loved, happy, successful, all the things. So if I stay that size or even get bigger, I'm gonna be fine. But the truth is I fluctuate and I need to be that size. Right now, I was in a boat. Maybe I needed extra weight in the boat because it would have flipped over if if not, Like, who knows what I needed that for you today, But I fucking needed it. I mean with Wales, maybe they thought you were I wanted to be one of them. I wanted it. Um. So it's just that is my gift to myself and you, is that I really want for everyone to stop dieting, and I just don't want anyone to be People shouldn't be hungry. You know what's interesting about like, like bodies and stuff and what we look at our bodies. We we we always obviously the problem areas you know, where you make the fucking sharpie marks, like oh you could work here, work here, and like I'm gonna say, I have great calves. Right when I think about my body, I should go I should start with calves and probably and with like, I should focus on like what's great about my body, not what we go I want you. You've been quiet this time, just taking all this in. You're someone who I really I feel like we've talked a little bit about body image in the past, you and I and like, and you're someone who's like even the other day when we were talking about the best compliment we can get, You're like, you know, I know what I am. I'm not like a fucking supermodel, but I accept myself. When do you have days, as we all do, where you feel like, oh, I'm not what I want to be and what do you what do you do? Um? When when you're feeling like bad in your own skin bad body image day? Okay, I literally had this last night because I was trying to put on something that I had him to put on in like two years and it just didn't even go up like halfway through my thigh, like like up my thoughts and uh and so like as a result, I had to miss something because of it. And um, I don't know, I just feel really bad in the moment, and I do have a lot of negative self talk and I can't help it. Um. But then, like, I've never been one to be obsessed with what my body looks like, so I think it's a little bit easier for me to let go of it and just to stepped. Okay, well, I know what I have to do in order to fit in those pants again, um, and I'll do it. And what you have to do. Is it a drastic measure that's going to like make your life less enjoyable? Uh? Is it going to make my life? No? I just have to be like, Yeah, so I just have to be more disciplined. I think that when I look back when I was training jiu jitsu like every day, and I was um like a very strict of vegetarian diet, and I was watching everything that I ate, and I didn't really pay attention to how obsessive I was. When I look back at those photos, I don't like the way that I look because I just like, I just remember how obsessed with everything I was instead of just being present and like enjoying the moment. So now I just want to enjoy the things that I like, not really care about what I eat. I eat healthy anyway, just you know, yeah, and just just just be more aware. Were burning those pants because I did that. I got rid of you burnt on your frat house. So you lost a lot of clothes in that, Yeah, I mean it was because of just a bad Yeah, fit into these thirty twos that I will fit in. You've parked on the Yeah, so I killed like nine people, But whatever, R I p Levies the comedian anyway, or the comedian the Frapp brother um. But yeah, no, I did because I got rid of like like because they were skinny, and I think when I washed them they got even skinny, and it was like how did I even? And I laughed about it, but it was also like a mine. Fun. Sometimes pants that you don't wear in a while and you put them in the dryer that change the game for sure. And I hold onto them because sometimes I get too thin, not on purpose, but in the same way that I accidentally get a little more bigger for my for what I feel comfed bull in. And so I just know that I might end up in those because honestly, someone in my life might die and I might like lose my apple, Like honestly, I might need something to where if something triggers me to lose a bunch of weight for a reason that I don't know, and it's not around to be like those are my girl jeans, because you're right now, like looking back on when I've been running five miles a day, watching everything I eat, having a very the word strict comes to mind, being strict with myself being putting a lot of rules on myself, everyone knows. When you have a lot of rules imposed on you by other people, someday you're going to break them, and you're gonna break them big and you it's and you resent whoever is imposing these rules on you. So being strict with yourself is not the solution. It's about being good to yourself and making choices that honestly you would make for if you're gonna start eating differently, literally, think about how you would treat your daughter, and like what you would feed your daughter, and I would you make your daughter if she if she needed to lose some weight, would you make her? Like? Being hungry is the worst feeling in the world. Don't ever do that to yourself. And it is not the solution, because on the other side of hunger is eating too much. Is a Monte Cristo waiting for you. Break. We gotta go to the break, but um, we'll come back with um. Let's talk about we didn't even get to whales, but we have so much week to get through. And I'm glad we talked about all this. I think it's gonna help some people. It certainly helped me. Andrew I'm coming now, We're back. Andrews news is coming. Apparently here it comes first. Oh boy, I hope you had a great weekend. We had a great weekend, folks. Apparently we all had fun. Apparently some people were mad. We haven't been saying apparently enough barely. Oh I had so much fun. I I will say that I tried to go swimming with whale sharks. My friend Ben Gleeb, Um he found out. Oh yeah, all the swells you guys. Um. Ben Gleib found out. I was in Cabo, and he goes, hey, he knows everyone. He ran for fucking president at a time. He just has a guy everywhere he goes. I got a guy, Lorenzo. He'll take you out. He'll do whatever you want to do. He'll give you a better rate, and they'll be a private, little experience. Yeah, you're a whale shark guy, same as this cocaine guy. Oddly enough, Um and Lorenzo took us out. And I have so much to say about Lorenzo, but let me just say I know that you only go swim with whale sharks in Little Pause, which is about two hours away. And I didn't even put two and two together that I was like, I want to go whale whale sharking, and he was like, sure, I got you. I got you. And the next day he's like, meet me in uh downtown Carbo and we'll go out. And so we on the way there, I'm like, wait, the whale sharks aren't here, like we'd have to go. So I haven't seen any whale sharks today And I just started laughing and I'm like, oh no, And so yeah, no whale sharks were seen. I'm going out next weekend. But what did you see? So many fucking whales, humpbacks, seals, fish. Did you swim storks or pelicans? Uh? Yeah, I snarkled with fish. Um, I did not swim with the whales. But man, I saw in Hawaii, y'all know that I saw tons of whales. This was like the next face. It was so much closer up, so much more activity. I saw my first breach, which is when a whale like shoots up and then falls. But it was a little baby calf and it don't know what it was doing. It just kind of was like like it was just like its first breach. It was like just born. It was very tiny, little humpback calf, so cute. So many sounds of you hear very you know, if you see it from far off, These big spouts come up like a fire hydrants going off in the middle of ocean. You go towards the spout and they come up, and then you go over to them. I did not know how easy it was to see fucking whales in this world. Take a trip, take a flight to Tabo and then go look at the ocean. Yeah, I mean, but it's between like fucking November in May. You're gonna And I gotta say the coolest part was when we got close enough. All of a sudden, you go to where these whales are and then you'd wait because they go down for like fifteen minutes, and you wait and just hope they're going to come up in the same spot again. And sometimes you're just talking bah blah, and all of a sudden, five feet the way, we hear like the sound of the blowhole coming out that closet. No, it was me, Um, it was me doing an ass. I was holding my ask to do a silent fart. We just stalked about the other day behind the scenes. But um, then I was so this sound is such a great sound to hear them come up and do that blowhole. And I heard so much of it yesterday that yesterday when I was walking to my hotel, I heard someone dumping trash and it sat. I turned my head like there was a whale next to me, and I was so excited. But it's it's my favorite sound, as a blowhole coming up in the water next to me, and I just man in another world that was a marine biologist, and uh, that's yeah. I always had the joke that I wanted to be a marine when I was a little girl. I wanted to be a marine bologist because I thought it was just petting whales. I didn't know you had to measure them and blood, yeah, and like tag them and like learn about like knots and their course of Oh my god, the best marine biologist teacher ever in high school, miss mcahaney. She was like, I'm not kidding. She was like a hundred and forty eight years old. She was older than marine marine animals. Yeah, she had seen the evolution of something. She might have evolved from an actual small whale and wales were wolves. Yeah, so she knew what was happening. And she would smoke cigarettes in between each she'd go out and have a break and no filter and one puff whole cigarette like a whale taken in water to breathe down below. Yeah, and then she'd blow it out her in the back of her in her throat, the blow holes. And day someday I hope to have my own blood and like fall asleep for a good two minutes and then come back and go so class the you know, the spun the sponge. Um, let's get sorry. Yeah, so just in time for Valentine today. Men posing with big fish on dating apps is a new trend. I feel like it's a new old trend, but still it is. It's almost like so cliche at this point that I don't even make those jokes because it's so like that joke has been made a million times of guys on dating apps posing with fish. I mean, out of a hundred young men on Tinder in Virginia eighteen. Okay, so what what part of Virginia you know? Are we looking at a coastal? I'm thinking coastal? Yeah, have a picture with the fish. I'm a great joke that I haven't put in a special yet, and I don't want to burn it here. I haven't put that in a special. Yet it's like, honestly, the it was my best joke for a while and Mike particularly actually helped me write it. But um yeah, I have a joke about that in my in my set, and I don't want to I don't want to do it now, but I will say that, um yeah, it's now. It almost feels like hack to make fun of it. So I mean, I'll do a parts of it because I don't want to give away the big chunk. But it's I I used to make a joke of like, oh, what does that tell me about you that your friend had a boat one day? Like you went on you went on a bachelor party one weekend in the Ozarks, or like it doesn't tell me you have a boat. It tells me your friend has one, and it tells me. Oh, I used to compare it to I know, but I can't say that big part. No, No, it's okay, Uh truly you can leave it in uh hand drop for my next special that'll probably not do that joke in either. But the thing that I men don't take a lot of pictures, and that's why their profiles suck. And this is the kind of the whole thesis of my chunk about this in my act is that men's profiles suck because women take so many pictures of themselves. They're always like dolled up, they know how to pose, and men just take one picture of your and it's always you holding a fish, because that's the only time you're like, oh, I want to document meant this. It's like your guys school picture after you graduate. It's once a year and you are just it's straight on. It's by the only picture a man will take a loan is with a fish. Is with a fish. And I don't know what you're trying to tell me. I'm like that you can provide for me. I'm like, oh, he can go out and and you know, he doesn't have to slaughter a chicken tonight. He brought home dinner. Like it's just to me. I I first of all, if I see a fish in a picture, I don't want it because it's just I don't like my parents fish, and I don't talk about it with them. I don't want to hear about the thing that I read about fishing is that everyone goes, oh, catch a release. You know, if you take the hook out and just throw it back. I think there's there's a big percentage. You know, I'm not good at remembering stats that I've read. Yeah, a big percentage of those fish. Guy, the fish, So do you think? Um, you know what? I think it is too. It's like it's great lighting, like and a way for a man to get perfect sun lighting with the water, you know, paint, you know, and they feel confident because they've been drinking all day so they're not like that ashamed to take a picture. Yeah. Yeah, so it's a way for them to look as sexy as possible. But it's like I'm holding a fish, but it's like, no, you're you got good like you know what if any of you guys out there know we have Sorry, no, I was going to say. In the article, um, they asked women like witch fish they found the most attractive hilarious want to like? What did they say? Yeah? Okay, so Andrew bigger right? You want you can read? Oh yeah, so, it says a survey also as each fish. The biggest catch was the hog fish, a colorful critter. We love the guy with a big hog. Oh my god, no, that would make me so sad. I mean, what is going on? With the mouth that's a huge fish in its mouth is coming out of its mouth. It almost looks like predator with multiple mouths, double mouth. It looks like it's doing that Pringles thing where you like go like on the commercials in it's exactly like that. You guys, So this is the love child of a snappers. I don't care, honestly, no, I don't. I just don't care. Can I just say that? Um, any guys out there who are looking for advice on your dating profile go to the subreddit dating underscore advice and men will put up their profiles on there and have women help them make it as like appealing as possible and give advice. And it's really a sweet community of women like trying to help these guys who are just so sincere. And you can get a sense not by putting your own up there, but by reading what these women have advised other guys what can help. And And generally, you want a picture where you're with friends, not too many selfies. You want smiling obviously animals is always a good thing, but around people, and I would really say, uh, not more than one picture where you're drinking. It just is it's too much of of your lifestyle and and also avoid negative things of like, don't swipe on me if you like, try no negative talk of um hey if if if you're a girl that likes drama, look the other way. Like, just try to stay positive. Even if you're not a positive guy. You can say I tend to be pretty cynical and sarcastic, but you can say that in a positive way because it's just sometimes guys are already so they do the same thing convenience do, and they get ahead of the rejection by rejecting themselves. And by the way, that horizontal stripes because it'll just look yeah story, these are all, by the way, Valentine's Day related. I used to have a joke that I'm sure I've done on the show that when I was intorectic, I got so thin that you could see my ribs and then I had to gain weight because my ribs are horizontal stripes and it looks so fat, so stupid. Okay, and help that you painted them black? Okay, Okay, forget height. Yeah, I got canceled black rob My, God, wait, we're gonna talk about super Bowl at all? We can what's the next new story? Though? Uh? Forget height differentials are vast age differences. Small face big face is the news. Yeah, odd fish stripe, bad face, big face, small face. So head sizes differ wildly based on factors like race, gender, and nationality, but they have been getting bigger over time. Big face small face relationships come with their own specific challenges. Selfies are a big one. Perspective is an issue in photos with partners. I don't understand what you're saying. So women are apparently really into dudes with wide faces. According to a two thousand fourteen study of speed dating participants, guys with wide faces are thought as of aggressive, powerful, and more financially successful. A woman in a long term relationship with another woman with a big face said big faces are trustworthy, friendly, and expressive. So people like a wide face. Maybe that is also it could be like a guy who's smiling his face is going to measure wider on you know, if you're smiling, your face gets wider, luck, wider, skinnier, wider, like by even a little millimeter. I do want to say though, that um, it reminds me of one of the Super Bowl ads last night that I really loved the Dion Sanders one where he's with his kid. Did you see that? Oh yeah, because you were Mexico. Well, I gotta, I gotta the American feed and I streamed it on my TV and Andrew chose to not come to my room to watch it. I was like, you're missing the commercial, dude. But Sanders and his son, who I guess is also an athlete because I know everything about them, you do, Okay, So they're both in this commercial for a fucking I don't need some like a dip or something like Toritos or something. And then at the end of it, they're like can you handle it? They were both like kind of competitive, like being like who's the toughest? Who? Who would who of us is the toughest. I'm more tough. No, I'm more tough. And then at the end it goes to their dion Sanders mom obviously and his grandmother, other kids grandmother, and she goes says something to the fact of like, no, I'm the toughest, and they go you and she's like, you think I gave broth to that head or something like that. It was really it was a comment on her squeezing out his big head through her tiny vagina. It was so funny. And um, I have to say that, uh, black older women killed it on the on the Super Bowl commercials, there were a lot of older black women that came in at the end and had a great punchline last night and all the commercials and and and Snoop Dog also looked like one to last night. No, he looked awesome. Actually, I was like, I was trying to search for someone in my mind during the show that looked like an older black woman, but no one did. Dr Oh he looked fat. Bat came down. Oh come on, I couldn't tell he was muscular or f a t And I really don't give a ship. I just know he was somewhere in between. I don't know. He just hadn't performed in a while. That's all I could tell. Someone wrote a tweet like how long was Yeah? I was worried about him getting down, but he just came down like a bat. I was like, oh, this is but that was in the music video, right, he's upside down? Yeah, getting COVID. I think, um getting COVID, I don't know. And no, I UM, I loved. I have a lot of thoughts about the Super Bowl halftime show because I'm not someone who grew up in that generation, and like, obviously I love um eminem so much and all like the classic songs that they played, I know, but I wasn't. It wasn't like a formative part of my growing my adolescence. Not I know boys, I think boys like I was into, like you know, Dave Matthews band, and it just skipped me. But I understand the I don't understand it, but I can understand how impactful and so much of what it meant to me. I was underwhelmed by this. The set design was cool, obviously, it looked like a white battleship a house in the middle of the field, and I think it did not behoove this entire performance to Haven still be light outside during halftime. I think it would have been much cooler in the dark. But for me, I was a little underwhelmed by. I wanted more close ups and I think that we lost a lot of like how cool these performances was were by doing the whole wide shot of this set piece that it could have gone to each room and got done close up to the room. Whenever I saw close up to the room, the living room with all the guys hanging out, even eminem when everyone rushes the stage and goes lose yourself, and you saw how cool would have been to see that as a tight shot where it looks like more impressive with all these people with a wide shot. You just saw there was just this little group of condensed people. Do you agree with me? I know, I see what you're saying. It's like looking at a whole Barbie. It felt like a Barbie house to me, and it's like, yeah, which was cool. It was a great idea. I agree a lot with that because I think, you know, all these guys are such characters too, and you want to get the way Kendricks was shot. And I was talking to Chris about this because we had a disagreement about whether or not it was like the best they could do, and he thought, you know, he had a good argument of, like, Nikki, you don't understand you're getting together these people who all have huge egos and know exactly what they want in terms of artistic style. To make anything of that amount of people that are expecting to get what they want artistically done, to agree on one concept is hard. But my point was I give that to you. I just wanted more close up shots. I thought Kendricks was amazing the way they did that cool thing at the beginning where they would zoom in and then it would come down and you were I like the Weekends um last year where you were close up. You follow them around and Chris said, you know, it's important to have a sense of the magnitude of how big this is, and I said, I get that, but I know it is because we're at the fucking super Bowl. I know it's big. I went close up, and I want to see these people close up. I did think. Um, I thought Kendricks was so cool. I was, you know, on the edge of my seat, eminem I wanted just to see him more close up and um fifty cents, I thought hadn't performed in a while, but I was excited to see him. And then I thought, um, Mary J. Blige was incredible. After she danced so hard in the first part where it's a little bit less um vocally straining to do the um let's get it, cronk up. You know that it's like easier to be winded and sing that. But then she saved the belting song for right after that, when this bitch has gotta be winded. After dancing that hard and she hit every note, you could tell it was live, and I just thought it was incredible and she looked so good and she must be in her fucking fifties. People are going off about Eminem's eyebrows. Apparently they definitely got tinted tinted browse and to tinted beer. I mean, he's going on so to know he looked young and hot. Sorry, Eminem cares about the way he looks, as does fucking everyone. Get over it. He always has always a hoodie with a hat. He looks so good and he sounded good. They just yeah, I saw that. They told him not to and it's like, he's not being paid for this, do you know? He what are they gonna do take away his chance to perform? He's performing and no one does the super Bowl twice I was like, oh, I won't do it. Okay, I thought it. Noah, did you have any thoughts? I didn't watch all of it, but I liked um dr dre playing the piano and the musicians. I like that there was actual musicians on there. It was so cool. I thought, I just I want to watch it again. But I thought, um, yeah, I just wanted more. I wanted to see it more close up. But I really want instead of hanging just to fly in like Lady Gaga. That would have been I don't remember Lady gagas flying once that came in from the roof. I don't remember. It was like the Rocketeers and even drinking during that time. I gotta go back and watch all Super Bowl performances because they are they're just such spectacles. But it was so cool to see people that you just don't worry about. You know, they've done it all these songs, they've sung and wrapped so many times. They're in California. I never worry about massive talents. But it's there's just something about watching someone who has been at it for five plus years, some of those thirty forty years at this point, and you just go, this is nothing to them. They're not nervous. This is like any other thing, and there's something really fun about that. And they were. They seem to be having fun. I do think we should like send Snoop Dogg to talk to Russia about not attacking Ukraine. Like I feel like there's a presence of Snoop Dogg that's so cool and calm in any like he could be in any situation. Maybe he went to jail for so long or like you know, he's dealt with someone jail, I think of a day or two. Um, but yeah, yeah, it was daylight in Snoop Dogg years. That's seven. That was pretty good jail. Thanks. Yeah, so he You know, I don't know, there's something about him like talks like this and his hile a the time. Do you think he was really fucking I wonder because you know how I was telling you about Bill Maher, how he never smokes pot before a real time taping or TV taping, but Bill Maher will smoke a ton of weed before performing stand up in any way because stand up is different to him. I wonder what, Because I think there's people that really make being a pothead as their lifestyle work have a little bit of you know, rules about it where they you can't be a weed addict and be as successful and look as good as he is for many years. I feel I definitely think he's addicted. But you know, I think in some way, I don't think Snoop is like, well, this is for this and this is for that. Would anything he is, you don't become successful different strains. But I bet you like I loved. In terms of commercials, I just want to say I loved the Paul Rudd Seth Rogan one. I thought that was really fun. I Um, yes, a lot of like being yelled at about not getting into crypto and feeling the pressure there. Maybe That's what I'll do today. I'll quit dye coke and get into crypto. I feel shamed that I'm not involved with it. Um And I missed. I missed the part of the game where the fucking Bengals lost. I I fell asleep. I was so tired, I had I had was so sleep deprived. And um and I also like didn't care. Yeah, so that was a major factor too. But I'll tell you what. Joe Burrow, it's so cute. He's a little culkin Joe Burrow, a little kick for the Bengals, who's the kicker for the boy. He is a cute. And so is the the guy who's the main guy that they kept showing for for the Rams. He's cute too. Yeah, he's very handsome. Oh my god, what is with so very handsome? I don't remember him. Cooper cup looks like, um, what's the guy? Amish? Like a hot Amish man. But I will say that I hate Chris collins worse voice more than I can't And then we looked it up and he dated twelve year olds ready with dwet. I can't stand his voice. I don't know what it is. It's just it sounds like it's on the brink of going out. And I wish Joe Buck would have been doing the super Bowl. We gotta go to break. We're gonna come back with top one, bottom one, and it's a special Valentine. I had something to talk about the half, damn it and we're back. Andrew, what did you want to say about the halftime show? Let's get it in just every celebrity in the crowd trying to make the halftime performance about them. Did you see Bieber? And then they were all loving it. They were all loving it, and they were making it about them because they were enjoying it, but not just enjoying it, like literally, like they were like they were part of that. Hap you got the audience and there I want what would you just a little we gotta get come up with a title for you. This guy who thinks everyone. I mean, obviously Justin, I don't, You're not. But would you if you had a camera right in your face knowing it's going to cut to you at some point in the performance, what would you have been doing, Andrew Colin during that performance? What would you have been doing? Differently knows how to party California? Everybody, it's more about me. Can we cut to the picture of the jumbo Tron that when Andrew and I got on the jumbo Tron and it was my name and Andrew got into my shot. Can we cut to that right now and see if Andrew would not make it about him. Let's get to top one bottle. Yeah, okay, Top one. Bottom one today is romantic gesture category romance, classic romantic gestures, and and for Halloween, for Halloween, for Valentine's Day, whoek um. There's so many cliche things that men do for women, women do for men, But it's more about, like, you know, heterosexual relationships and you know what is done for I'll say, in any relationship, what is done for the female energy, person um our top thing that we like personally, it's bottom. So let's start with the bottom. Our least favorite romantic gesture, which may or may not be something that happens a lot and frequently on you know, on Instagram, on on Valentine's Day, Andrew, do you have one? Because I could get us started, Get us started, get started. Um, I think that um rose petals on the bed first of all flowers. I'll just say flowers bottom for me, and and listen, I'm not considering every like way an animal could be anytime an animal is involved with some kind of message or delivery men know, like, but I will say flowers for me. I do love them when I get them. I think they're gigantic waste of money, though, and I would honestly prefer a card that said, instead of flowers, I picked you this fucking I picked something in the guard. I picked up three leaf clover for you. It doesn't even have to be four leaf and tap it to a card and say this is your flower. Or if you want some kind of plant that has been destroyed, here you go. And I've donated the sixty dollars to the St. Louis Stray Rescue, Like that is so much. And I know flower shops need to stay in business. Don't worry, this isn't going to threaten them girls, they will never go to business. They up they up charged so much and flowers are beautiful, um, but they are so expensive and I just think that I would rather people waste their money on literally anything. And we'll get to what I think that could be in the top one. Andrew, do you have a bottom? I mean, I guess it's more about like what I do, what I've done in the past, because I don't feel like girls get as many presents for the guy. You know, we're talking about things that have done for female energy, okay, for female like it doesn't it to be things you've done. Well, what I did do one time? Uh no, rose petals, I did from like the door to the bed in college with my college girlfriend. And I honestly, I don't even know if she slept in the hotel room that night. I think I don't even know she came. So it's just setting yourself up. Yes, Hansel and Gretel to the bed. Dude. Yeah, it was like it was like and it was just Handsel alone in bed. Crime. I almost went with that as my bottom because it is so stupid. And honestly, the other day on my bed here at my hotel. They put rose petals all over the bed and did a big heart And she know, the woman who cleans my room knows I'm here alone. She's cleaning up after I mean she probably cleans up enough fucking diet coke that she thinks I supporting a family of eighteen. But um, they put and I'm just like, now I have to clean this ship up. I just think that flowers are in the vase. For flowers is such a burden because you just get end up with this thing that you put on top of your cabinets. The water gets moldy, yes, and the water gets moldy. So what should we do instead of flower? Get to that for the top one? Okay? No a bottom for you? Okay. Anything that's a surprise like um that involves like a big like gestures like with like for other people in the public. Yeah, like like a surprise engagement with like a group of people with your friends and family jumbo tron. Uh. You know, it's like just like anything big and public like that. Oh I love that. I want everyone to know, like I hate that. I hate a public engagement. I love it. Super Bowl engagement. Last night, by the way, there was from the team that lost. No team that one. Really I wish they lost to see you know it's I hated the adel one because I thought that it was stupid that everyone thought adult planned it. That's a different thing. But I do love um public displays. And there's one Bruno Mars Marry Me is the song, and the guy puts his girlfriend in the back of a volvo like she's facing out, you know those seats that face out in the back, and they leave the trunk up. You guys gotta watch it. Marry me Bruno Mars. Know what you shouldn't because it'll you'll it's your fucking bottom. But I love the ship and they do a whole um dance. Like he starts off by being like, um, he puts headphones on her so she's listening to the Bruno Mars song and then it plays out of the back as well, and then the car starts slowly pulling out of the down the street and they blocked off the street and all of their friends come together along the way and in the song it's like, um, it's a beautiful knight. You're looking for something fun to do. It's okay, baby, I want to marry you. And then there's a part where it says or maybe it's the dancing, like dancing blues or something, but it sounds like dancing Jews, and so they have all these rabbis come in dancing at that part, and um, but it's all their friends and it's and you can tell they're like musical theater nerds because all of their friends are just like loving it and walking along and it moves me so much. And it's this big proposal at the end. It's like, because I want to marry you, And then her family comes into then you can tell she didn't expect to see them. It's so cute and you should watch it. Um, let's go to our top one romantic jesterre I'll start us off a card that shares your feelings. Just a simple card literally can be a piece of computer paper from the printer, You fold an alf, you draw a fucking heart on the front, and then you write at least one whole page densely of your feelings about someone, with a couple of jokes in it, but truly like how you really feel and being vulnerable. And it can be the cheapest thing. All you need is a pen and paper and I think that is that's the best possible thing for Valentine's Day, is just or birthdays anything. It's always what I give is a try to make a card that's really heartfelt that says everything I can't really say to this person to their face about them. And that's what I like. And I just right here have my card from the guy I'm seeing, and it is usually he gets me cards that are just like you're hot, I love, and then it's like it's usually like a one liner inside because he is effusive and very in other ways. And I've never told him like I really want you to write a full thing. But I just opened it up and it's it's pretty dense. I haven't Andrew top one me borrowing that card. Chris looks like Andrew. If I just I can switch it up and Chris Andrew. Uh. I think the nicest thing that that I do, in like regarding like money or anything romantic is a massage that like where I break out lotion and all that ship without expecting sex. Don't touch the vagina, just give a real fucking miss, like a real It's not that like oh my fingers hit or oh I've been doing it for six minutes. Where's my massage? I'm talking like a massage. I'm talking oils candles. That is a great idea and like and just like really paying attention and taking my time. I don't think they're like snowsuit. Yeah, I should weary. You should wear a chastity belt, like no anti lose the key maybe before it and then do it so you know that there's no you know that you can and you're like, I don't even think I want to sweeze out all my com I love that. I love I love doing that because really it is like and it's essensual and you get to touch every part and it's loving. It really is like or anything more loving to get in a head massage, like I fucking especial eye. Yeah your third eye, your third eye chakra? Nohehead? Oh see. I like um the temples and like the like uh like jaw right here where your jaw hinges? Baby? Even though I just watched the other day, I'm like all of my YouTube suggestions are stories about people with like crazy body things like the girl without that was born without a jaw, the girl that was born and with and can't stop eating, the girl that lost all of her skin and it's all these amazing people that have like the boy who's made of tumors, and it's just like, I don't know why. YouTube just found something that I'm into and it's just amazing to see. Um no, yes it does. And they teached me important life lessons. Um like it might be her children books like the Darkest Children books possible, Yeah, to make them learn lessons and yeah, yeah, But honestly, I was grateful for my fucking jaw the other day because I watched this girl who was so amazing and has to like she Um, they took one of her ribs and made it into a small job, but it will never have a hinge. And so it's just that she she I think she eats like she has to just eat soft things. And she's on TikTok and she just type the girl without a born without a jaw. She's so the way her brother like almost cries talking about how proud he is of her is the sweetest thing. She's very musical because she thought she'd never expressed herself vocally because she her brother had the same illness but just grew a beard. I heard, Oh, that's so fucking funny. God damn it, that's funny. No, Uh, what's your what's your top romantic gesture? Um, anything that's like kind of like made by hand, so it could be like a even like a like a macaroni frame for photo. Yes, something drawn, something played, something that took time other than handing money to someone at a cash Yeah, exactly, and has creativity involved. But you could argue that you spent time earning that money to spend. So every woman is different. But I do like yeah creativity also, Um, I love that made you like an iron work like you knew they had to win Bend Iron literally makes me. He's he welds and he also does stained glass and he one Valentine's he made me maybe it was my birthday. He made me a bird that I have in my room. And then this Christmas he made me um like a uh square Taylor Swift like album like her album did. He designed it all and made it and um, and I told him, hey, um, I want all nine of her albums done like that, and I want to display them in my windows because they're tiny and they would look so cool, all of them. And I was like, but I don't want to wait for birthdays in Christmas, like I want you to do it. And I was like, can I just like pay it? And he's like, no, I'll do it. I'm like and he was just like, what do you mean you don't want it? And I was like I just want it now, like do you have to wait? And I just think, um, yeah, anything handcrafted is really nice too, but um, and it's sexy, you like envision like the medieval times of them, like breaking like fire flowers herself out on a walk or like some kind of like or stealing them from your neighbor y going to a cemetery some out. My aunt Lynn, who died always used to steal flowers from cemeteries, like she that was just the thing she did. I know it's an awful thing, but it was funny because we have not buried her yet because she died when we all couldn't be together, so we're kind of figuring out what to do with her, like just as a plaque or something. And I want to go. I want to put her out a cemetery and like I want her thing to say, um, take whatever flowers are here, you know, like to other way to give back to anytime she gets flowers like it will. They will always be taken to give back because it's true, like the dead people aren't gonna I'm going to get some of Um, she had my cousin's ashes. They when she died. My cousin who was her son, who's my best friend growing up? Who Andrew? You remind me a lot of because I want you to die? Um she uh, she had his No, she had his ashes, and we never really knew what happened to j D's ashes. And so I'm going to get some And I'm so fucking excited about it. I don't know what I'm gonna do about it, but just having there's something about it that makes me like really excited. I don't I know that's dumb, but final thought, Um, what do you want to be cremateded? No? No, I want to. I saw a funny joke this guy whose kid died and the kid got cremated anyways or else? No, no, no, so his son got cremated and he's like, how do I even know? Like he had a thought? Is that really him? In there? Like they could just literally throw in anything that reminds me of Cosby, honestly, because Cosby's son got murdered, remember, and they were talking about it. This documentary is so good again. It's called we Need to talk About Cosby and and they don't get into like what happened because I don't really remember what happened, but they did say that. You know, he was at the time doing a show called Cosby. It was after the Cosby Show had ended, but he was doing it. He was on set and you know, missed a couple of days of work, and then he came back and he gathered everyone together and walked in. Like one of the writers was like, he kind of walked in, like, and here's Bill to like talk to everyone about his son dying. And he came in and he was like it was a little weird because they were like, and now Bill Cosby to talk to address the cast and crew about his son's passing. That we're all like waiting to hear like your daughter got cancer, like because but that's the way Buil did. Everything was like he's now Bill cos Be and so he just he did a whole he did a whole comedy routine essentially about his son dying only four days after he died. Because he said, you know, that's how he had to flip it. And also he's a fucking sociopath. Dear God, you have to watch the documentary he is. Yeah, it's for some reason, I'm not getting in on Hulu Mexico. I had to do it through showtime and I just did the free trial. But man, is it worth it? It's um so, I mean it's you know what, it is interesting as someone who obviously if you like to hear about like how people came to fame and like hearing about stories about show business careers, I mean, they cover all of that, and they cover it's almost like the O. J. Sipson documentary where it said, what was the setting, what was the time like when this all went down that we allowed this to happen, What was the culture? What was what he did for Black America? What he then did to warrant Hannibal Buris going on stage and completely um, you know, Hannibal Burus. The most grainy video you've ever seen shot is the one of Hannibal Burus in Philadelphia, which is ironic because that's where Cosby is from on stage saying, you know, Cosby telling us to pull up our pants and that you know, lambasting single mothers for not doing enough and and you know, absentee fathers and black people need to be better and talk clearly and all these things. And he's like, in, motherfucker, we're not raping all over the place, why don't you're a rapist? And the audience kind of goes on and he goes Google it. He goes Google. When you go home, google Bill Cosby rape, it definitely has more results than Hannibal Burus. And the irony now is that Hannibal Bursus. His name is probably in most of those Google results for Bill Crosby rape because he was the one that got everyone. I saw it before you even he did, like that, what's that show? He said? It wasn't a bit. He wasn't even like I saw it like a small bar show. He just started talking about and everyone's like I was like, I saw it live. I just remember being like, whoa you know, like because we never sweater he's a doctor. It's like calling out, like who would be like that? Now? Like where No, Honestly, Bob Sagett I was thinking like he the way people are talking about him as like America's dad, I mean, as one of my lyrics in the song was like you know he was. It would be like someone like Bob Saggett, who after after Bob's death, obviously every it's come out even more what amazing man he was. It would be like that. It would be like Mr Rogers. Honestly it is like it was so it was, oh, you know who someone compared to because at first they said I'm thinking more like the rock or yeah, what's absolutely the rock. But they said during the documentary that at first, when you became a comedian in the nineties, you found out from like there are certain certain things when you become in the show in show business that you find out that the general public doesn't know. I always say that when you land in l a and become part of like when when you when you moved to Hollywood to make it and you're kind of insider, like talking to people who've been around a while, you find out Ellen is actually not nice. That's one of the first things. They're like, Ellen's a count and you're like what, And I compare it to like la when you get off the plane in Hawaii, they're just like Ellen's a cunt, and they're You're like, oh, I'm gonna bring this back to the Midwest and show my mom, and they're like, it's not gonna hold that. By the time you get back, it'll it'll all fall apart, and she's not gonna believe you. But you know, there are certain things, you know, and everyone kind of knows. Open secrets obviously is I think what they're called. And the one that they say back then was that Bill caught or Robin Williams steals jokes and Bill Cosby is a notorious philanderer. He cheats on his wife, which was crazy back which was already the most crazy thing because he's the family guy, you know, And so that was the craziest thing to imagine that Bill has we cheats let alone is a serial rapist, but he cheats on his wife. And someone said, a woman in the documentary said that would be like saying Barack Obama cheats on Michelle. That's how tarent cindiary that was back then, and and and even imagining that made my heart sink. I was like, no, he didn't you know about Barack, but oh, but you just see that when Bill Cosby gets a little bit older, he starts getting more crotchety and he just starts making his little fucking bed for them to come through. And women were not being believed at any point during all this. And by the way, he was a master in getting women to not talk about None of these women talked about it, even to their closest There's only one woman that I can remember who really shared it with her partner, maybe two. And in the documentary that it covers, most of these women never said a thing about it until this all came to be because they truly felt it was their fault. And most of them, and almost maybe I don't want to say gratefully, can't remember the assault. They just woke up naked and they don't. The last thing they remember is, you know, falling face first into a backgammon board. Um. And I just want to say, you should watch the documentary for the most interesting detail of the whole thing that I will not spoil. But it involves my favorite food, oatmeal. So that's all I'm gonna say. So you should go watch it to learn what the funk that's all about, because I still don't know, and I would love to speculate with you once you do watch it. Yeah, Well I'm gonna go have another ball. Thank you so much for joining us on Valentine's Say, I hope you had fun. We've really covered it all on here. I love you so much, you guys, thanks for being there for us in our lives and and so supportive and sweet. And you're just the best fans. And we're coming up on a year and we're grateful for each and every one of you we've got along the way, and we'll be celebrating that as we go on, because yeah, you guys make this show possible, and uh we're just you're the best. And we got special fun announcements coming up as well. Uh so with that, Andrew, Noah, great pod, everyone else out there, don't be care. And I was gonna say that, but almost a Jack the re sure like Jack the Ripper, which wouldn't have been right, or the barber

The Nikki Glaser Podcast

Every Monday through Thursday, comedian and infamous roaster Nikki Glaser provides a fun, fast-paced 
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