#168 FLUBA

Published Feb 1, 2022, 2:00 AM

Nikki and Andrew are hanging before an NFL game he needs to watch. Andrew explains why he ate coleslaw with his fingers and Nikki kind of wants a toucan but doesn't want it to become trendy. Andrew thinks his skin looks younger after using a TNS cream, which might have foreskin in it. While he feels joy, Nikki is working through her depression and shares a video that encapsulates it. You Heard It Here First: sex tapes and spy cams, get over Janet Jackson's boob and is counting chickens a sign of poor mental health? They make the case for their Top1 Bottom 1 chips before getting hungry and wrapping the show.

Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.com

Nick. Here's Nicky. Hello here, I am good good morning, good afternoon, good night. It's it's the evening when people get this. Maybe it'll be midday. We don't know. Hi everyone, it's uh, it's a Nicker podcast. I don't want to lie to you, guys. We were recording this on Sunday. So, but I want to talk about football and you, like you might. Obviously it's decided already who's going to the super Bowl unless there's something insane over time? Yeah, yeah, it's still going on. Um, how how long can it go over time? I mean, I guess for the playoffs forever. No, not forever. I mean, yeah, it wouldn't. I mean there's ties in the regular season, so it doesn't go on. So then get to the next game. I guess so so so they just couldn't score forever, yeah, or maybe yeah, they just or they keep scoring exactly. The Bengal has ever been this far because the Bengals are you know, it's Cincinnati. I'm from there. My parents, I think, are excited. They haven't got far and about like thirty Noah's been hanging with my parents, but I have not talked to them. Yeah, they're they're fair Weather fans and anything Cincinnati. I think the Bengals the last time they got really far, they lost by like fifty points, like something embarrassing. Boomer Siason was like there quarterback lefty with blonde hair. Oh yeah, Boomer, I remember that. That That was like the eighties. Your mom thought he was your actual father for a while. I wish what's he up to? Did he see t e out? He still talk? Okay? Do you really know that? Is he like a correspondent? Yeah? It is interesting neither you talk to most or you can't talk at all when it goes to football after like either you're a correspondent or you're not ship. Do you guys want to know the longest overtime? Yeah? Ever in NFL? Yeah? Or is this like it was between the Dolphins and the Chiefs. Okay here, let make sure I'm rering this correctly. I think in oh yeah, maybe I don't know. I might be reading this wrong, but it was eighty two minutes and forty seconds. I don't know sports who you love that? Wouldn't you love that? Just anything to keep it going longer? Is that like what a sports fan likes? Well, a lot of people actually hate I mean, I don't know how technical you want to get, but no, I don't want to get like I don't know how deep like you just corresponding right now? What's that? Remember when we went to what is he talking to you from the after life? Because he may have done talking to himself again? Damn it? You just wait? What's that? You ate the end of the bread? You ate the end of the bread on purpose? Wait? What is that a thing? Is that a bad? Are you someone who doesn't like the crust? Anything? You like anything? I'm not a crust head. I don't but if the crust is the only thing that is there, you will eat it. So we're talking about the very talking about a guy who ate Saul with his fingers yesterday in front of the public. Yeah, and you said, use a fry, And I said, what do you think I call my fingers? They do look like fries, these things, I mean, all fingers kind of look like fries. You're look more like McDonald's fries, and mine look like the ones that no one would eat. Yours look like wedges tops if you put sour cream, some cheese, and a little bit of chili on these things. But honestly, you eating uh coal saw with your figures was something that someone would do, is like a funny thing. But you were doing it not to get meat up filment. It was just were you trying. Was there any part of you that was like, I'll wait un till she goes to the bathroom to do this because I know that this will be so this will get her attention. Well here's the thing. I was going to go straight to mouth like just yeah, like like I've done that. I do that with the wrappers of my protein bars like it's so melty and I just like, yeah, I was going to do that. Also, cole slaw to me, there's a lot of different kinds of cold slat. I like extra mayonnaise in mind o. God, I just want to I hate a wet coal slaw, like if it's watery and just like no, there's there's a good cole slaw. I also like very chopped up cole slaw, but when it's not stringy cabbage. Yeah, I just want to start a show where you just eat that's some good slaw. It's called good slaw. That slaw, folks, that's a good slow I really want to start a TikTok account for you called goodlaw, and we just give you different slaws and you eat it with your fingers and you say whether it's a good slaw or not. Yeah, it's like the barstool guy without yeah, without sexual harassing. Not quite as much. It's just a little less. I felt sexually harassed watching you eating. It's honestly very uh eating. I always say eating putting in the dark in the middle of the night is out of the thing without a spoon is the most sexiest, like the most sexual thing I've ever done. No fingers, just straight to the mountain. Yeah. Used to have a joke about how she would do cone lingus on pudding cups. I know. Sorry, man, Well, here's the thing, Jen, who we ate dinner with lunch with. She I go, that's my utensils to hers. Just just getting you. There's no excuse. I know someone took your utensils, but you just get more once. She should get the for for me. So I guess it was kind of why did you ask her? I was rebelling against her stealing my fork by my hands, I kind of I don't know if that helped me. It was so it just seemed like something you would do for a bit and it was just a real honest I was hungry. I wanted some, but you waited. You did the thing where you wait till the end of your meal because you think I'm probably not gonna eat that, because it was like your dessert. What it looks like. It looked like the way a baby would eat, like macaroni. Yes, yeah, I do have baby hands. So my buddy was on I told you about that when he was on Real World in New Orleans and the girl gave him the nickname baby hands. Oh god, I mean you can't come back from that, you know. He also had a really like messed up leg. I don't remember this, so obviously could come back from it. But she she dated her, he dated He went on like two dates with her, and she called hi baby hands. Yeah, baby hands. It's ringing kind of about what was his name, Matt baby And he had a really messed up leg. He got it cut up in a boat like not an engine, yea propeller, propeller. Yeah, and you would have you know, I like that. She didn't lead with that. I like that. You know, most people would go, yeah, machette leg I made Matt. You were like, oh, my god, dodged a bullet because I bet you have smaller hands. Did you have small hands as him? Because you have he's smaller to me. Um, were you so excited for him to be on the show at first and then he's like, guys, I gotta tell you or did he not tell you before it aired? I know they were. I'm pretty sure if you type in Matt in the jacuzzi, they were in the jacuzi and she goes, oh my god, you have such small hands. Yeah, and then I think they actually wrote baby hands like him, a little is lower. Yeah, no, no, no, it seems like something they do, you know the Bachelor at when they're like someone's on the show and they they're just like a hot girl. One time, they're just like they wrote twin underneath, like that was her job. Was like she's a twin, you know what I'm saying. Like they just don't have she had nothing else going on, like our chicken girl girl who has a chicken? Speaking of birds, God, that that two can. I knew you were going to love that video so obsessed with it. It made me feel different about birds. I always said, if you can't anything that people are going to see that video, and we want to get two cans because if I knowing what birds like, being an animal rights enthusiast, I want a two can. Idiots are going to want two cans, now what I'm saying. And they're just like, I'll do anything to get my daughter a two can, and then they'll get in. The two can will not be a sees this two can? But man, this two can is so cute. Chester. What did he do for the people who weren't on our text throat? Okay, I got it together. Chester is so affectionate When I have company over, he really likes somebody. He'll come over and bring them a raspberry. He'll bring them a raspberry and little guest to say that he loves them. He's little and he's got a big beak like a two can, and he I am shocked at how caddly Chester is. He always wants to be in my shirt or laying on my shower. He cuddles so much. He likes to get inside her shirt and just sit between and like cuttle up in her. Loves to get patted, and he loves to me listen to the sound sound. Oh, that's the sound he makes when it chip and then he sometimes he gets in the shower. That's my favorite, when it's just missing in the shower and he just leans back his head and he closes his eyes and he just goes. It made me feel different about birds, it really did. I didn't you cut all a bird? And I was proven wrong. No, they're so sweet, they get really gentle and sweet. But it just made me a little bit worried that because now I want a too can and I've never wanted a two can, and now I'm just worried. There's gonna be so many rich people being like my daughter should have a two can, and they do whatever they can and they and now two cans are going to be this marketed thing and they're going because what they do when they want to get birds for pets as they go and they take their baity the eggs out of a live nest in the forest, and then they steal the eggs and these babies have to grow up as pets now in cages. It's terrible. And that's why birds should never be You should never get a new bird that's been raised or like um, you know bread, you don't get bread. Birds you don't want you get a bird that's been there there, you know, they're they've been surrendered or their owner has died. As a bird lives long enough where you don't need it as a puppy don't even know, baby cute, Yeah, you don't need a puppy bird. What do you call a puppy bird? Um, a baby bird, a little chick. It's got to be a name for a like a two candy. Yeah. Do you ever hook up with a guy with a tune? And hatchling? Hatchling? Thank you? Yeah? When they're just like they have sparse feathers and they're going, yeah, yeah, you don't need that. They don't have eyes yet, they're just eyes are clothes. They're so so sweet. Oh my god, my sister's baby just stopped being a hatchling, you know, like when they just look like they look like they just came out. And now Forest is like looking like he's like making faces and things like. That's very exciting. He's smiling and I'm just like he was. My sister sent a video of Forest just napping and he like yawns and then he smiles, and my dad wrote back to the chat, I'm sure he's dreaming about his grandpa, and it was just like, oh God, stop making his smiles about you. Yeah, he's thinking about my He was being sweet, I'm sure, but like there the idea that Forest was dreaming about his grandpa is insane. Dreaming about your dad's tuna? Can no? What if this is to the can thing you're asking? Have I ever been with a guy with a short but like really thick penis is what you're asking? And if you're wondering if I can with my fingers, I m just can't. Um okay, tuna can't. I've never No, I've never encountered, Like I've said before, every single man I've been with has has never had a penis that is so misshapen. That is of note. I've encountered balls that are just insane, like different balls. Have I've had tuncan balls? Birds have balls. Yeah, I'm sure that's awesome. Yeah, I just like seen balls flying. I think that would be awesome. Bird not all the time, dude. I saw a rabbit dog's face on TikTok. It was like the most you looked outside like it happened in Mexico, like it happened outside in my in the little grassy knoll over there. Have you ever done like when you're Mexican? Did you to Mexico as a kid with your parents? Like? Times saw a dog something bumping a bag of trash in Thailand and it was one of the funniest things I've ever seen in my life. That's what you saw? Your friend? Ye? Wait you saw? Did you? Did you go past her? Did you watch the whole thing? Rabbit nutt on? Did the dog get a care or was it trying to get away? You just took it to the face. Hate. When there's animals doing gross things to each other on these it's almost like people set them up to do it. It's gross. Yeah, I don't know if it was set up. I think yeah, they did put a carrot on the dog's head. Wait, have you ever seen someone with a two and a can penis? I feel like you have a story? No story there. There was a guy on the baseball team in college. I didn't play baseball, but I knew about his penis from my friends I played baseball, and he could wrap his penis around. He'd put it out as a watch and he'd come up and be like, hey, can you read what time it is? Well, that's like puppetry of the penis. Can you could probably do that with your penis too, probably, But he had a big because it's just skin and it fills with blood. It's not like it's like you're not start sing muscle. And they knew the coach had big ball, like they knew about the coaches dick, which I thought was I guess the coaches showered with the guys. We're not suspicious. Balls really do run the gamut and Noah. We know that Noah likes to part balls with her nose through the scene. Moses, it's just gently. You just take your nose and you part the balls and you one ball falls to each nostril likes to die. Do you lay on your back when this is happening? Or is this I think she goes on my stomach and she goes up, Oh, off the bed. It's like it's like a dog digging his nose through snow. Yeah. Yes, that's such a cute way to put it. Both your faces look the same when it's over to Wait, what's the best. I mean, have you ever had one where it's divided so much you could like feeling on each cheek? I'm sure. I mean I've encountered balls like that where it's like the balls are just so loosely in the bag. It's like when you get a grocery bag and there's two cans of coconut, you know what I'm saying. And one of the coach is actually a twenty leader Like there you, I think you need to go see someone about this. It's it's resting on your shoulder and the other ones just gently covering your nostril. Um, yeah, it's there. Why are balls so different? And I would really want to tighten up my sack if I were guys, I like them to be like in botox would probably it would be funny. I'm thinking about putting that, like wrinkles cream on my balls, just to see what happens over Nothing would happen over time, because wrinkle cream isn't real. It just doesn't. It's all. What's one piece of lotion on his face? And he's like, so my skins, like everything's changed, and I'm just like you could it's just lotion, man. So there's four skin in this one. Brenna brought it home. There's foeskin and just like if there were lotions that really changed your face people would use them. People do use them, they do, I know, but it's just it's a billion dollar industry, I know, because it doesn't work. But if it didn't work, people we would just find we would just find one. Not because it I mean, they work, but they slowly work and they're not really changing. Well, you're changing up your tune here. You're saying they do work now. Well, I just think that all of these things where you're like you were just the other day, like my skin is just like so different now, and I'm just I think it's for the first time. You just are moisturizing. It's not like you're using like you're not nothing's going away, or do you feel like things are going away? Well, I think it's a mixture of a few things. But I'm using this leptic stuff which doesn't have foreskin, and I think it just has like circumcised dicks. I don't know what it happened. He claimed that one baby's foreskin was once used and then the rest of time they just clone this foreskin and put it in everything t n s too much baby foreskin that work. They take the end at the end of skin and then they add the two cans need sleep. Two gns nuzzles sweetly. Um, we gotta go to break. Oh so yeah, T and S has it, And they had one for skin in the nineteen seventies and then they've just dude like out there right now he should have a house. At least they've just replicated that foreskin. I just don't believe if there was some lotion out there that changed everything women, every woman would use it. But every single woman has a different regiment for a bottle. I get it, but like, I've never heard of this and I could afford that, and it's just like why you are no? I all I use is that ordinary? That's seven dollars for a thing. But I just don't understand. If there was one thing that every woman, if they used, they would never age. We would all be using it, but we're not because there's always different things and the way capitalism works as you come out with things that are better and newer and otherwise, well, there's done. There's a company now that they produced a foreskin like cells inside plants, so they don't actually use the cells from that one fork. It's a wild thing when I'm saying it doesn't make any sense, does it? But it makes sense when we should look into it. We should google TNS. Uh, Noah, could you get on that in google TNS so we can find out what the hell he's talking about. We're gonna go to break and come back and and really uncover what this stuff is and if it's the miracle cream. And Andrew heard second hand from Brenna, which I'm sure she had the real science behind it, and you've she did. I keep doing the duken noise. Okay, Bill does the magical fountain? Yeah, I got it too, I got something to okay, Um, apparently it's favorite cream. I mean, people are going to say that about Oprah has so many favorite things. But um. This is from a two thousand fifteen article What's Yours Noah? Yeah, so known as the hydro facial that the treatment involves a multi step regiment aimed at turning back the hands of time on fine line wrangles blah blah blah. Baby foreskin extract is applied much like a serium and is said to look and feel incredibly similar to one. Okay, um, I'm wondering though, where where you get it now? And what I stop saying? T n s. I'm so annoyed. Oh I see, Oh yeah, that's Oprah's favorite. But that's from two thousand, but it's still around. I know. But why are no articles coming up like recently about it? Because it was so good that they couldn't keep promoting it? Maybe Okay, so it's two d sixty five dollars is what I'm seeing, um, which is a lot. And then you just this next generation skin rejuvenation formula visibly improves course, wrinkles, fine line, skin tone, in texture. It is clinically proven to address sagging skin. Visible results start in just two weeks UM, with progressive improvements measured over twenty four weeks. Okay that's a big difference. Um. I guess what you do is you It doesn't even say how to use it. Um. Okay, packaging is hard to use. Um works great? Okay, these are reviews, but can you even trust reviews anymore? I mean this is that we're going back to the thing of like what online can you even trust? And yeah, all those things? What do you use on your skin? Noah? Like what's your regiment? Oh? Um? I use there's like an Obagi set, but it's like the doctor. It's like Doctor ob Jane or whatever sounds good. I'm so tired of it, but like I have to. I have to keep doing it because I don't know what I would look like if I wasn't and I don't want to. Did you see like visible results after you start using it, and what were the results? Well, I've I feel like I've been doing skin stuff and like facials and creams and all that from like really really young when I was like eighteen because I never wanted to age, so I was like, well, if I start now, I'll get ahead of it. Mm hmm and um. So I don't know. I guess I don't know what the difference is, but I do like the products that I use now because and how long have you been using them? Because that's the thing is like when a year? How often do you a year? And then what we're using before that and what made you go to that? You know, Like that's what I'm interested in, is like when girls decided to just fucking switch it up because you go to see one facialist who goes, this is actually the product, and then you go, Okay, you buy all the products. You know they get a percentage of Um. I went to a med spot and they did this like a skin um. They like took a photo of me and then there they did like an age of what my skin actually looks like, and it actually like came together close to my age. Um. And then they just had products there and I was like, Okay, well I need something because what I was using was like all like natural ingredients. But I needed something a little extra that was made in a laboratory. I know, I know that's a thing you need a little extra. I went and went to a Mexican pharmacy the other day looking for my miracle skin thing that has been um, what are you laughing at? You're like, nothing works, and then you're like, I went to fourteen Mexican farm. I'll tell you it's not a topical. It's not a topical. Yeah, it's a It's a pill called spirolactinone spire lacta to known if you just type in spiro and it'll come up. But I, um, I love these things we're all using and we can't pronounce well. I was on the subreddit like skin care addiction for I've been on that forever and I just avoid it now because it's always just people doing their flat less, which is where you take a picture of all the stuff you use. And people are so they know so much about a hydroxy for this, and then a retinoid, but you can't mix it with a vitamin C and then you and I'm just like I don't, I can't even. I'm sure Brunna knows all that stuff now, like learning that stuff, but I just I don't care enough and and uh so, anyway, I finally heard about this thing at some point called spirolactone, that lactinone that some girls were taking on there and said it changed their life. So I went and asked the doctor about it because I struggled with acne for fucking ever, hormonal acne. But I've never I know you have pimble, but like I know, I've taken it since you've known me. Yeah yeah, And I don't think i've ever seen you with like a white head zip white heads. No. But I get like maybe a little something on the chin, maybe like twice in our friendship. Yeah, I get chin and then I get um like up around here around my upper job. But I used to get it everywhere to it. I mean, I had acne and they weren't just like little bumps. They were ones that would just and they wouldn't heal. They would just keep coming back, and they were just massive, and then they would hurt and they would just you couldn't There's no popping them because it would just make it worse. It was terrible, and and I know anyone out there with adult acne knows like as soon as it goes away, one comes up a new one. There's never a time where your skin is just fucking clear. It was so annoy I'm getting mad about it, and I haven't even suffered with it for so long. But I went to the doctor and got spear lactone. It was fifty milligrams, and um, it didn't do it, didn't do it, and I was like fuck. And it was because all these message boards said oh it changed everything, and I was like, finally my golden ticket and it didn't do anything. And I was so upset, so I quit taking it. Acne came back, and I was just like, this is just my lot in life. And then some went to a new um doctor who said, oh, you should do a hundred, Like fifties not going to really do it, go up to a hundred. And she was like, but you know it can cause upset stomach and makes you pee all the time. There's a bunch of a bunch. There's a bunch of side effects for fucking spirit ACTA. Let me read them so I can just see what I'm gonna die of, um, because I'm addicting on the show. Yeah, I'm just I want to see, like how it's gonna go down. Dizziness, lightheadedness, stomach ups that, diarrhea, nausea, vomiting, headache, um, and then yeah, it makes you have to pee all the time. But man, it changed everything. Wait what about the liver No, but like accutane that was first kid took like if you couldn't drink on it or like I don't know, to funk you up forever. Too much potassium so I can't eat too much bananas, which I wasn't even doing anyway. And I ran out the other day and I was so worried because I was like, fuck, I'm going to tape the show and not have any and my skin is gonna erupt and I can't. And I went to Mexican pharmacy. None of them have spirit. They looked at me like I was crazy, even though I'm like, so many women are on this thing. What is up? And then Andrew went and picked up a prescription for me right before I left, and I thought it was going to be my antidepressant and for sure, and then he got in the car and he brought it and I had just gone to I had gone to so many pharmacies the day before looking for the stuff, and I was gonna have Carlisle ship it, and like it was going to take another two weeks, which would have met my face would explode in that time because I'm already out. And then you brought down spear acting and I was like, I was so excited. I was like shaking, rattling it around. But I did go to the pharmacy the other day and they didn't have it, but I did get latins, which is the um no latis is for your eyelashes. And they go, he goes, do you want this guy and or this kind? And I was like, what's the difference? He was like price, and I was like, and they one was it was either fifty dollars or twenty five dollars, and I'm like, what's the difference. He's like, same ingredients, but this one is made in a their different lab and I'm like, obviously I want the more expense of one because it will be better, but also why if it's it's almost like the Walgreens version of ibprofen, you know, I know, I just I don't know when it comes to your eyes, anything by your eyes. Like my buddy remember, yeah, he got discount LASI and I was like, that's not what you want to spend every dollar you have? Yeah, it's wild, man. I was getting into plastic surgery stuff last night. I think I want to do some stuff, not plast surgery, but LiPo, because skinny girls get LiPo and it looks amazing on my back. I just like want, No, it's not back fat. It's just like I've got like a You sent me those pictures the other day of me walking on the beach and I can't get over how much I look like like just a hunchbacked can massive? Man, I look like a man next to these girls, and I can't get it. Like sent me into a wild depression. And I didn't think you stood out like that at all, the only thing with your back, And I didn't even think I sent you one photo. I didn't know that I send you a photo with your back, but you didn't have spray on your back, so you're back. Yeah. I know. It was like my posture was all fucked and I cannot I can't get my posture down, man, Like it's when I put my shoulders back, it just feels like a like stupid. It doesn't look right to me, but it does. I was standing in the mirror trying to practice, like how to stand during the show because I cannot look like this around these girls that are decades younger than me. I cannot look like technak you know where you lean like this. But I just have a low on my lower body. I have a lot of just uh, I don't know, it's like thickness. I have a thicker lower like back here on my flanks and I just want to take it out because I didn't know this. But like all those girls that have like perfect little figures, they're all getting lipom fat up fat And now what you ordered at the Mexican restaurant the other night, I have at listen. I have been depressed this weekend, so where I go. What I'm depressed is like I need to fix my body and do something different, and I'm like going kind of insane about medicine. Yeah it's and I'm staying in a fucking cave at this resort far away and work keeps getting pushed. I haven't worked in five days. We had a good day yesterday though, Yeah, that was really fun. We went out to um lunch and that was That's what I need to do, is I need to force myself to socialize, because man, I woke up at eleven yesterday and I just wanted to go back to sleep because I just didn't. I just I don't know if anyone relates, but like, I just don't want to be awake. I don't want to be like alive right now. I'm just depressed. And I don't know why. It's so weird too, because we're in paradise, and that's what makes it even worse. And I think to depressed people get so much more depressed in the summer. I think, or because you think you should be outside, because everything says go outside and winter at least matches the way you feel inside. But season depression, it's to get seasonal depression. The other wise it's I did the same thing. I do similar ship that, like I'll get in shape during the winter and then get fat during the summer. I don't know what the hell that mindset is. I don't know. I let myself go when it's nice out because it's finally you can relax, Like I think you do the thing where you're like gearing up for the summer, and then when summer hits you're like, Okay, now I can just stop that. I went to the gym yesterday like trying to get like maybe because I realized I have Brady cardio, which is my heart is like always really a low pulse rate, and I was thinking about it. I think my depression is linked to just having a low pulse because it's just like and so I just need to get my blood I just need to get my heart rate up more often. So I went on the treadmill and was walking on that thing, and then I just can you ever get so depressed in the middle of a workout you just give up because you're just like, um, nothing's going to change in this next ten minutes that I could go, I am going to look at my self in the mirror this whole time, I changed my goal. I go, you know what, you only wanted to do ten minutes anyway, and then you make it and you're like, I made my goal and it's due I. Oh yeah, you you trend on the treadmill, you press it down, I mean, and then sometimes the calories that you burn, which I don't exercise for calories, but it bugs me when it shows you your calories and I'm like, I haven't burned that many because this thing automatically thinks I'm a man and unless I plug in my weight, which I'm not gonna do to Yeah, I was just like I don't know. I was just in and then I worked out, so I went to just go look at the gym, but to go in and look at the gym, you have to like sign in, and so I was like, I'll just do it now. So I here in heels and worked out. I was in workout of clothing because I was gonna go check it out. Then I was going to go walk around the resort just to get my blood flow and then come back. And then I just worked out, and then I went and I listened to Taylor Swift while looking at the stars, which is really pretty. But I also was like, I can't do this for that long. Um, I don't know why. I was just feeling melancholy, and there was who looked at the sky and like it doesn't change. You might see a shooting star, but but you can focus on a star and it starts to twinkle and like wink at you, and you try to look for a sign. Like I was trying to talk to people in my life, did you hear anything? And no? I was just like maybe it's I was just really in my feelings. But the problem is when I'm depressed, there's no song that can match my feelings. That's that's because music for me always is me able to like what depression is. It is no feelings. It's not because there was like, um, so what do you do? Do you keep like searching for something that's going to take you out of it. Masturbate Maybe that'll take me out of it. Then I can't come because I literally feel dead through yep um. I will pull up Louise Hey um meditation on YouTube because she talks about just like because I know that thoughts are what make she was. She had this great point Louise Hey, by the way, if you're ever in the mood for some motivational stuff, this woman is legit. But she was talking about how and I love this. Um, if you're grateful for everything that you do, Yeah, if you're grateful for everything you have from the universe, the universe will give you more. It's kind of like if you give someone a gift and they're just like, I don't want this, I hate it, I hate everything I have already, you're not gonna give that person another gift. But if you give someone a gift and they're like, thank you so much about the stupid thing you gave them, then the next time you see something that like, oh they would want this, you're gonna give more. And that just made so much sense to me of I just need to be thankful for every literally everything, and then the world will start giving you this stuff. Well with depression, sometimes it's like the best thing for depression is like literally just being around other people, like something that simple. I think when we try to do so many things on our own, like we'll work out, I'll masturbate, I'll play chess like or like solid tary the worst thing for me. It reminded me of being on the road when I didn't bring out my friends with me and I would just like all day search for things that would keep me from just eating. That's all I'm doing because all I want to do is just go and eat. All I can think about is food. It's the only drug that is going to take me out of my feelings. It's the only thing that's gonna make my adrenaline or my dopamine go up in a real way. Nothing else will. And so the whole day is just me trying to do anything but that. But then you then you eventually eat, and then you feel so bad that you over eight. It's just like, I'm just like in it right now. And then on your back that that's just a quick fix. That just tells me, okay, well that now I can look forward to. That gives me something to live for because now I can get that schedule that and that'll be something on my skin. And it's just like, what am I even doing. We gotta get to the news. Let's see if there's anything in there to cheer me up. And I'm honestly having a good mood right now. Hey it's Sunday, folks, you know what that means. It's actually Monday, Yes it is. I hope you're having all the swells out there we are, or at least I am Nikki Is. I'm not on her back with a knife, right. I do remember there was a girl in eighth grade who was trying to erase her fat with a pencil eraser and just like going and she was so sad. I remember just being like, stopped that and she was just like I wanted off and I was just like a tiny pencil. I know, it was so sad. I got to get the one that's connected to anything. Remember the girls that would do the light and they would light it for a really long time and then they would turn it and put it on their skin and Yeah, that was weird. Yeah that was weird. That was just another self harmy thing that kids used to do. Uh. News um poll d oh ship okay deep DJ poly d with the p D in the news for I Must Know It so he's running for president. He says MTV recorded absolutely everything in the Jersey shorehouse. Those are sex tapes. According to the reality star, there was someone filming all night, even when they bring someone to bed. They have the footage somewhere, so it's like a safe somewhere. And Paul is not alone in his conviction that these tapes exist. Those tapes exist. We always joke about it. We're like, yo, where's that footage? So okay, they're straight up. You know what, this reminds me of Secrets of play Boy, that show I was watching. You know why Hugh Hefner got to do whatever he wanted to do forever and ever is because he would invite people to Playboy mansion. That's why he would have these big celebrity parts. A camera in every fucking room, so he would invite all these celebrities. He has a video on everyone in Hollywood. I mean, this was happening up until like five years ago, I think, and he is he is something. All the play men say he has a video on and that's why they all stayed because they had revenge porn, and so he has. He has girl. I mean, there's one story that came out that he made a girl go down on a dog. And so he has deplorable videos of everyone either watching these acts or being a part of them. And that's why any time a press article would come out about a rape or any kind of nefarious activity, he would just make a call and it would go away because he has something on everyone. I mean, that's politicians. I came by. So that's why the Jersey Shore like they can't really really that. No, I'm just saying, like, it's interesting that there MTV could have something on them. There'd be something if I were. If I were MTV and needed Polly d to do something for me and he didn't want to do it, I go, oh, that's interesting, you don't want to do it because I have this tape. When you have that kind of footage, I'm not saying that they wouldn't that your employer has has you on tape having sex. They probably do. I mean, I jerk off in a lot of doghouses. It's crazy one house that I was in and I don't know. They might have had him in the They might have. There's definitely footage of me jerking off in places. Because but I haven't done anything illegal or something, and I wouldn't. I've talked about it all on stage, so I'm if it came out, I would be like Aaron what's her name and be like to sue and get a bunch of money for people seeing me naked. You know, Aaron Andrews. But honestly, I wouldn't be that bothered but I mean, I don't want to say it wouldn't be bothered, but I would turn it into something of like you know, it would be a victimization. And so it's not like you would. But what I'm saying is he has he has stuff of them with underage girl. He is illegal footage is what you have never had. UM. But I was on right at the other night and they were talking about UM where video cameras can be in airbnbs and how to look for them. They're fucking everywhere and the so someone in the comments, you know, the alarm clock, if you shine your phone light into you know, um smoke alarms and you in the holes, you know, if it's like a blue light back at you, then it's a camera. There's some way to check anyway. But the thing is there. They someone goes I used to work, you know, decades ago for some company that put pinpoint cameras in different things. And he said, there's no way to check for it all if they want to have there everywhere. And Hugh Hefner was doing this in the seventies. He had he had videos in every room. So the way the technology like in the grotto, he was getting stuff underwater cameras. It's just funny to think of, like, like how big the video tapes had to be, that he had to high it was I can't wait for that next I got caught on video. But I told you this story about my brother when he caught me yelling at the dog. I came home. I left a dog for way too long. I got hammered, and then I ended up having sex during the day. And then I got a phone look always looking down the shame. It was terrible. And then they were like, you got the dog started to bark and yelp because it hasn't eaten for too long, And so he was on camera and they called me. He set off the baby cam, and so my my sister in law called me. It was like, you gotta get home and take the dog out and feed him. How long had it been? I don't even want to hear this. It wasn't that. It wasn't it was. I probably left the house at like ten am. They claim it was longer. I really don't. It was like ten am, like six pm, maybe later, who knows, But it was long enough. And I stopped and got a turkey sandwich and I took the dog out and then I started going to year. I go, I can't believe you ratted me out, did a camera? You ratted me out here, but like that, like just hammered, like just like yeah and um, and I you know, I didn't think of anything of it. I didn't. And do you even remember saying that were doing it to be funny? No? I no. I was just talking to him because I was depressed on alone and trying to get myself out of it, you know, So I thought i'd have a conversation with Hubert. And then six months later, I'm getting a beer with my brother and he's like, you ratted me out, Hubert. You read him. He saw the whole thing on the gear. That's so weird thing. I don't think we realized how often we talked to animals and ourselves. Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. It'd be very embarrassing. My god, yesterday I was watching I got a new guitar and I was outside playing it, and I set up my camera and I was just playing a song, and then I was watching it later when I was on the treadmill, just to distract myself to see like if it sounded all right, And it was so sad. There was a moment where I want to play it for you because it's so freaking sad. So I'm playing guitar and then I just stop and look into the ground. I'm not joking you for like a minute without doing like just just a despondent stare into the ground. Oh my god, it's so weird. Okay, oh my god. Even with glasses on, you can see how sad you are. I did not know I was doing that, Like I forgot about the camera at this point. This is like ten minutes into the reporting. It's you, guys, this is not a still image. That's just me. It's not no, it's still going. It's not still. It's still going like hugging your own neck. It's still going out. I don't know. And then I started again. You guys have to watch that on on the YouTube. We got astram so fucking that. I should just post that on my Instagram because I feel like people can relate to that being that sad because I didn't even know that I did that. That is That's That's an interesting thing, is filming yourself doing something and then just leave it on and forget, because you will every time I film myself doing anything, whether it's like an ad for the show or like I'm filming with guitar, I forget I'm on camera and then I start, and you just don't know what you're like when when you aren't around other people. It's really interesting to see. That's why I was so impressed when I saw that Aaron Andrews, Like I didn't see the footage, but the fact that she was alone doing her makeup and like, you know, a naked in her hotel room and she looked good the whole time is shocking. I've never been naked in my hotel room and looked like sexy. It's always been like me parting and my or just like wiping like spray tan, like scratching my skin to get spray tann Ah. I'm by myself. I'll be eating a pizza naked and like laying sideways. So I've never fatter. I'm like doing the castanza, but not even like Mermaid on the beach, and I'm my legs are crossing my dicks probably like in between, like I can't even see my cock inside my body. Yeah, and I just have cheese inside my chest hair and I'm just like this is the Life. Okay, Um Brooklyn Beckham and his fiancee, billionaire heiress Nicola Pelts. Pelts could spend their honeymoon in space, as their wealthy friends planned to spend five thousand dollars on a virgin galactic trip. A source told The Mirror, between his family and Nicolas, it's easy to get them on the Richard Branson's first v I P space flight. The cost would be a drop in the ocean. A lot of people will be vying for the title of most impressive gift at his wedding. Okay, so they're just gonna go into space for a honeymoon gift. Yeah, for probably like five seconds. Would you go again? Would you go into space? Did we talk about this? Um, I have no interest. No, I bet you would go into space. Nope, Really I don't space. It seems like something you'd be like, I don't want to do it, and then you do it and you're like, Nikki, I love speling that you would really get into like with that, Like you wouldn't think you would like it, but you would like if if if I would do it for a v and then I would end up like and then you go, actually, I like it. That's how my mom likes everything. I think is my dad has gotten her into stuff. I think there's just I think. I don't know. We go up an airplanes all the time. We don't give a fuck. And it's like sixty years ago that was space. Yeah, so people are looking out the window and go, oh my god, I could see him the rocky mountains from up here. Do you remember with George Clooney where he goes into space up in the space when he fired people on Mars? Okay, yes, do you remember like in the ending where he just like floats into the rest of the universe. That's what I'm scared of. Oh, I'm scared of just like floating out into nothingness continued. Isn't that kind of like how you were looking at the ground. What do you mean? Oh? Yeah, that was that of you floating, Yeah, and just seeing Clooney in your eye and your glass so weird. Um wait a second, no, um? But you know, isn't space kind of like the ocean, like if you get out there far enough and you can't see any land. Isn't that kind of the same vibe? Is there a fear of the ocean? To no one? Because deep ocean for sure. Yes, Oh my god, we saw whales yesterday. Was so I saw this video the other day on TikTok to hers they like tagged like a great white shark and it was like they tagged them in. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah they hashtagged him. Yeah, they were actually tagging it. Yeah, Gary to great white Yeah he's sucking blowing up right now. I love his skincac it's wild, like he uses his own cartilage, um so um yeah, he actually uses a seahorse come for a skin by the way, I saw a seahorse the other day. Those things are wild anyway. So the shark is swimming and it's in like thirty degree like it's bodied. It's like thirty degrees and it gets lower and lower and then it goes to like seventy eight degrees. So something ate it. What Yeah, something ate a great white shark at the bottom of the ocean, like idea, space is the ocean? We don't even know. Yes, wait, so something ate it And that's what they don't know. They don't know. It got warm down worm warm. You send me that tiptok Yeah, I gotta find it. So Gary's not putting out content anymore. No, he stills from inside the Greater Shark. The great Yeah, who knows what's in there. We saw a whale yesterday and then then I saw rocks that I thought was a whale, and I just was watching these rocks for so long, being like they're coming up again, and Andrews like their rocks those are whales. Yeah. This whale was just really out out in the sea, just flipping around, and it was so cool. They're so freaking cool. Animals do bring me out of a funk when they're just so cute and they're so they remind you that everything's okay. I love animals. I need more in my life. I really miss Luigi, but he's depressed out there too at the ground. So you're talking about yesterday me and Jen, my assistant uh slash producer on the show. She was talking about how um, we're talking about how our dogs get depressed on our behalf and how they'll like dogs can be your emotional support animal. But anyone out there is a depressed person and have animals, does your dog fall into a depression too with you? Because much does Luigi will sleep until I mean, he wouldn't have gone out and past. You know, I'll take him out eleven right before I go to bed or whatever it is, and then he won't. Then the next morning I'll be up, I'll be asleep at one and he'll still be patiently waiting for me to get up and and not making a big noise, just like chilling. He'll go and take five hour naps with me. It's it makes me so sad that I like, bring that on my animal. But I think that's what happens to your kids. That's why I'm scared of being a depressed mother. Yeah, I don't want my kids to be like, oh, mom's taking a five hour nap again. And I was talking to someone about it and they're like, well, your husband can play with the kids while you're taking your depression nap. And I'm like, I don't want. It's just scary when you when you have bouts of depression that are like the flu. Oh yeah, I mean that was my whole child, but that's not like the flu that was consistent. Yeah, would she come out of it right? I would just hate it. And my dad wasn't there. We were just watching, like living in that world for a while. No, what do you think when This Boy Meets Well, they got really British at the end of that song when it would be like when this Boy Meets World. Remember was at the beginning of Boy Meets World, and then he got uglier and uglier, his teeth got more space, and then he had But Sean was a right or strong, the guy, the old hot friend, the one. Yeah, yeah, he was hot, he got he had a weird face. I did a podcast with him, so I'm not going to talk about his looks and call him ugly. I didn't realize. But you know who that was a hot one to me was the brother Eric God. He had good hair. He was like Joey Lawrence kind of so cute. We gotta go to breake. Let's come back with uh, why do I care? Jon Lawrence and his brother were like the Jonas brothers. Before did Jonas? Whoa? What? Did he used to say? Who wait? Yeah? Yeah? No, it was more like I'm just kidding, it's time. I think it was. It was whoa? Whoa? Wait? Why was? Why did every heartthrob have like a thing like Jesse on full House was like half Mercy. I don't remember that. Like for prior to sell T shirts, I mean look at Bart Simpson. Oh yeah, I don't have a cow man bunga. It was everything cow No, that was some teenage meeting in turtles cowibunt guy. Okay, okay, break break break, We'll be back, all right. Why do I care? Why do I care? Why do you care? Nick Andrew? You want to look up a little bit as you read your phone, just so it's a little bit more. Yeah, yeah, that looks good. Oh my god, your dirty phone. Look, there's like, come on that phone. Whatever, dude, it's a fucking twelve come okay. Janet Jackson Jane Jackson says she and Justin Timberlake are good friends after Super Both scandal. Honestly, the whole thing was and of course it was an accident that should not have happened. But everyone is looking for someone to blame and that's got to stop. Justin and I are very good friends and we will always be very good friends, always be connected by that moment. I mean, do you remember where you were when that happened? Uh was in my dorm room sophomore year of college at the University of Kansas. I think I was at someone's like a Super Bowl party of like a family friend. Yeah, everyone was like that nipple popped out. It wasn't even a nipple. It was covered with like a spiky ornament. That is so not Yeah, it was not even now that wouldn't raise but it looked like a nipple. That was the thing. It looked like a giant nipple. No, I think it was like at it was an ornament that covered the nipple but attached to Yeah, oh maybe did she did we ever find out if she knew about it. They had to have planned it well in that quote she said it was an accident. Yeah, but he pulled it off. It was totally planned. Why have we know? Why has there been a final answer on this, whether it was an accident or not an accident. I'd have been the accident of thinking that was something they could do. You know what I'm saying, like, where's the accident? Because it was so intentional, give me a break it. Well, I don't think he was supposed to take off both layers. I don't think. Okay, I could be wrong because she had like a weird like red bro but then but her Nipperly, how could you be wearing a thing that could come off? Okay, she had a star but but her nipple was coming through the start like it was around it. Yes, it wasn't just a cover. If anything, it probably accentuated her nipple. It's so funny that nipples are such a big deal when men get to show them all the time. It's so weird. Why because they're fat? I don't know. I think there's fat, like there's like a bump in them, Like what is wrong with them? I mean, I get it. They are titillating, no pun intended. Janet Jackson claims that she told Justin Timberlake not to talk about it after because remember he was like he didn't really come to her defense that much, right, I mean everyone wants to throw Justin under the bus after the Brittney thing, and how yeah he but the Britney thing. I was listening to our friend Claire Parker's podcast, The Celebrity Memoir Book Club. It's a really popular podcast now, and she was talking about the Jamie Lynn Spears uh book and everyone hates Jamie Lynn Spears now because of it's just I would be I heard, Can I just play something that has a documentary called it All for You that's out now? It's all for You? You don't really want it. That slow song that Janet Jackson sang and she was sitting between like the guy's legs with who had braids or dreads? Can I just play a Britney recent Britney spears Instagram with no context and just you tell me if this is let's play four year old or Britney spears sloating for some reason. Chicken, chicken, chicken. There's a white chicken. There's a brown chicken. There's a black chicken. There's an orange chicken. There's a red chicken. How many chickens are there? There's one, two, three, four, five, six, seven eight. We don't have food. Baby, where are they going? There's just chillen. Don't they belong in a bar? Don't they belong in a bar? No? This is there in the wild, there in the wild. Okay, this one wants to come inside the car? Hi, chicken? Hi? Will it hurt me? Four year old or Britney spears three year old? I mean I heard that and I go, what's going on here? That? I know that girls sometimes do a baby voice for guys, and and sometimes they played dumb like I've even done it before, to be like wait, like what do you do like you just like candn't do a little bit more, but to say brown chicken, red chicken, black chicken, like it reminded me of shrimp soup, shrimp salad, shrimp sandwich from Bubba, and then underneath it, it's just like, go girl, live your best life. There's nothing of concern here. I'm just tired of the narrative switch now that she's free of like everything she does is totally mentally sound and like we are all we're there for it. I am here for this. And it's like, if this would have been posted when she was under conservatorship, you would have said this was a red flag and a cry for help. So what red chicken. I love Britney Spears and I've always have, always will, but that video did not make me go yay free Brittany. I'm so well yeah, I mean, at what point is supporting someone a detriment to them? Like it's that's I guess. The question is, like, you know, when she's naked with barely you know, covers on her, imagine if like and I know it sounds whatever cheesy, but like you're a fifteen year old your her son and you see whatever your mom almost butt naked on Instagram and then with choppy editing, with your friend with choppy editing, and then read the comments and everyone's like, you go, girl, you're the best. I you know, I get it, like be naked whatever, it's just nudity. I get that. But really think about if that's your own mother, because that's how like I would look at it. And I'm like, I don't think anything's changed since she's become free in terms of her captions and her videos. To me, nothing's changed except she has gotten a little bit more outspoken, which has only made me realize she was she um. Someone just needs to like just look at just edit a couple of where held without people stealing her money? Like I think that's how about that, okay? And I don't think like here her boyfriend, I think he's just like along, he's a yes guy, Like he's just like along for the ride. How how long could you put up with a hot girl that likes to count chickens and say what color they are if there's no other animals on the farm, or maybe it's good they belong in a barn, don't they belong in? That was the only thing that I go, not a four year old belonged. The word belong is not a four year olds word. That was the only indication that that, I mean, tone of voice, everything about that. I mean, obviously this girl is suffering and has been through a lot, and there's some sort of stunted, arrested development there in her voice, because that's the voice of a child, but with one vocabulary word that a child would use, which makes me think of that twenty two year old girl that's actually looks like she's eight. And and here's what happens. She can't do anything wrong, and like and if if you even say that she might, yeah, you're gonna get stabbed in the throat. And it's like you can you can say this was crazy and in the same voice you go, I feel bad that society treated or that way. You know what I mean? You can say both without you don't have to stand everything she does. I'm just saying coming from some just I want to just say that I don't think everything's okay based on that chicken video, that there's something that there's been maybe head trauma or like that is just a person who who if if I start talking like that, wouldn't you go, did Nicky hit her head? Did she is she suffering some kind of head look around and talk like that and let's no, I don't even want to do it because it'll be mocking it. But if someone you know, an adult person you know, started talking like that, you would say they had a traumatic brand injury, yeah, or like yeah, something something happens when something did you know? So for people to go l O L I love the like and just let me read some of these comments. What I love. I love that purple hair. Britt you can rock it all girl, I love the purple hair. Queen. Your body is beautiful. Nobody in the world is perfect. Don't worry, we love you. Don't ever say your body isn't perfect. It is because her caption was all about how her body and the paparazzi add rolls and everything. It's just the video. Yeah, I mean the chicken video was one of the like five video series. I think we're they're all just ignoring the chickens. The chicken part or maybe we didn't see it was a deep gut yeah. Um I and before we get to top one bottom one, because I know we need to get to it. I don't know one more brittany thing. I just want to say, did this sound good to everyone? Like? People? I thought this was going to get kind of made fun of a little bit, but everyone was like, that is so good? Is that one of the chickens? That is that good? I know everything's it's that to me. When I first heard that, I thought there was someone in a car accident on my feet, Like, I think I heard it on someone else's phone next to me. Yeah, I thought that was that her, Like warm up? Is she doing warmups? Does she have her finger in her ear? I mean I can't do that. Okay, that stuff sounds good, but the first part, I mean I couldn't hit that note either. No, you're right like that? Yeah, like I guess I kind of hit it, but you can't hit it right like, and she has bad a cute sticks like everything is not built for that. But yes, I just don't. Am I wrong in thinking that doesn't sound good? Well? There were people, Yeah, No, you're not wrong. Every you should see the comments under this. She can't do wrong. It's not I I feel I feel crazy. That's what I'm starting to feel like, Is I feel crazy? Really? Virus wrote under this said someone wrote vote, she wrote vocal Bible. Um. Someone said, uh, this just extended our lives. Someone said meet me at three. Someone said a new song. Oh my god, Brittany is coming. Here's the thing her doing any music. People are so fucking happy. Then the dancing and the chickens like there. If she puts out an album right now, it would destroy like people want her to go. I would love it. I would love it too, I would love her. Okay, there's some comments that are actually acknowledging it me when someone steps on my toe while in line for pizza hut. Yes, okay, so there we have one acknowledgement with the top are yelling at that person. Oh oh my, that's a great there's probably there's probably that. Is that the eighteen thousand likes, and then everyone the uh yeah, everyone's actually kind of agreeing with them. Oh yeah, this is a roller coaster, you know what. I'm just glad that someone acknowledged that this isn't perfect because I felt crazy. Let's get to top one. Bottom one. Today's category is potato chips. Potato chips? Can we do corn chips? To like any kind of chip? Okay a chip? Okay? A chip? Okay, good because I think I have um one that's uh mostly corn based. Um. Andrew, let's start with you. We're going to start with the bottom because we always like to end on top. Um. You're going to say tu, and it's probably mine as well. The Friedo Friedo, Brittany, that's what I say, Friedo. Yeah, let's just snack chips like brands are flavors. Oh, I'm thinking brands. I mean we really this is a loose So you think Frito's those ones with like the scoops are the worst. Well, there's the thing you gotta I mean, if you add any kind of like french onion dip, you gotta add a dip, just straight up Friedo. Yeah, you're not getting Someone goes into a store and they're like, hey, let me get not even like the flavored Frito's, just like straight Friedo. That's a guy that eats raisin, like raisin brand without disagree. I think Fritos are delicious. So if I was one of the store and I go they have Frito's and we have no depa Frito's or plain tortilla chips, plain, They're they're in the same ballpark, I would say texture wise, that's close actually because I kind of I kind of like the hardness of a Frito. M hmm, this is tough. So what if so we're going Frito is your least favorite of all the snacks, chips, of all chips of all Like what about what about Cheetos? Do those kiunt what chetos? You love Cheetos? Okay, she does. I just don't understand what they're why the why the shape? What are they made of? I mean all chips are made out of it. They just look like buggers. Yeah. I saw some Derito videos like this is your Doritos before and it was just like just like larvae like Larva, like just like like this is your chips, and I'm like okay, oh god, I don't need to see that ship. Yeah, okay, No, what's your least favorite chip? The Doritos has to be in my bottom? Doritos just playing not to cheese Dorito just like well we're talking about brands, right, No, no, no, no, what kind of dorito? Yeah? What kind of Dorito? I guess? Like, well, okay, so I don't like it because it's so like manufact uctured to hit every single one of my Like, um, it's like the sound the fact. Yeah, like like even down to to what the crunch sounds like, so that I want to eat more and more of it. So I just don't like Dorito's. I mean, I guess they're all designed for that. We don't confuse. So you like them too much, then you hate them. I don't. I don't allow myself to eat them because I'll just eat the whole bag. Ah wow, an interesting take on the top one bottom one. So because they are so appealing, let's avoid them. Now. How do you guys feel about a good commercial for Doritos? It kind of is. Actually they're so good, just one campaign of lace, but for Doritos um for my least favorite, I'm going to go lace like Ruffled, I think, yeah, sorry, cream and onion are fucking cher cream, No ruffles. Ruffles is the brand? Sorry Ruffle? Uh yeah, sour cream and onion ork delicious, but ruffles just plain I don't like, Uh you know what. Actually, I'm gonna go lays plane lays that if they're just too oily. They make me sad to eat. They're just too oily and they're not fun, and I need something with them. I want some kind of dip with them, and they're just too plain. I just I don't like PoTA chips anyway. I've never have there. Sometimes there's like a green part of them. I remember there used to be like Booker chips that we used to call them. My waspy friends like their dads would always have like plane chips with a sandwich, and I I never understood it. I never understood just a plane my parents plane chips. And then there's this grease stain on the paper plate and it makes me sick. It makes me sick. One time during play practice um in high school. It made me laugh so hard the other day because it was the first time, I think one of the first times where I was like, I'm funny, or just the way I talk is funny. There's been a couple of times I was like this recently where I've realized that, like, I'm just funny. The way that I move and talk makes people laugh even if I'm not trying to. Like the other day when I got out of that police ticket and I was doing this like, yeah, I was just celebrating, but these guys were laughing so hard at my reaction and like and you know, doing it and then at the massage the other night, I just like stripped down my clothes as soon as the woman like would turned her back, and she started laughing, and she and they all started laughing, and I was like, Oh, I'm just like a The way I move is funny. And there was this time at play practice and Justin Courson was sitting next to me. We were like partners on this. We had to sit in this courtroom scene it was like forever, and we were on this bench and beneath us was like a seven foot drop. It was like bleachers, but there was like a seven foot drop that if we leaned back it would be up catastrophic injury for both of us. And I used to one day, I look back and I go, that is just sick. And he was like, that's the funniest thing to say about a drop off, and he would just everything he go, that's just it became this running bit of like just something I said became a thing, and he was so funny that I just remember being like, Oh, I said something funny, but I didn't mean for it to be funny. It was just disgusting. I mean, that's the funniest ship is when sometimes I feel like I over analyze like funny now of like what I say is it witty enough? But some of the funniest ship is just like that's why beetle Juice was so fucking funny on Howard Stern. You just say things like you didn't think about And the idea of like a seven foot drop, it's like, let's drink a mountain dew and fucking like sick, sick, Like it's such a small drop to be sick, like it should be six feet It's just to be disgusted by things that aren't viscerally like gooey or gross. Is funny to be like that's sick you. Yeah, no, I was saying, like that's sick, like that could kill us. Oh well that is kind of badass too, Like that's it does work both ways. Back to chips, favorite chip um ship, I'd have to go with hockey. I'm googling chips right now and I've never had a tackey. There's some chips you know where you know what are great chips zaps, which is like and it's kind of because it's like a New Orleans chip and that's where I went to college. But there's a there's a chip called the Voodoo Chip, and it's like it's so many different flavors and it's just my mouth is watering like crazy, and it's crunchy. It's crunchy. And I'm not always a big crunch head with chips because it will cut my where I don't have teeth. But about a baked leg? Do you like those because they're softer? I like a big leg because I convinced myself on being healthy or like a It's like you're eating salad salad chips? What's the other chips? Even though I do put them in my salad, I crunch them up. Salad turn chips are better for that too. What's the harvest cheddar? The sun chip? You convince yourself as healthy? Oh? Son chips? Yeah? They have like a lighter texture, almost like an air fried texture. Yeah, and it's just I don't know why, it just seems healthy. What's your what's your best chip? Noah? My favorite chip is an uts red hot? Wait a second, Google, are like eight cents to for a biggass bag. It's definitely like a budget potato chip, but it's like red hot. Oh that gives me cankersource just looking at their so spicy, but like it's like a sweet spicy It's like the best I love it, feel like you get in Arizona? Can you get those in a in Arizona? I wish I would buy you a ton of them if I did. And I have so many pimples after Oh you get pimples from chips. From those chips, yeah, oh my god? Can you want to eat four of them? It's the well I guess this is in contrast to what I don't like about the dorritos. But you eat it and get so spicy they you have to eat another one because it's like a little bit set at first, and then really spicy, and then you just eat the whole bag. It's like when you get a pot brownie and it makes you eat half of it, and then you get high and you get hungry and the only thing you have to eat is more brownie, which makes you more high. Also, uts is like the shitty It's the Domino's pizza of chips. Like I like shitty pizza, like I like Tostitos pizza. Like I used to fucking make the way that it was my face and I would rip it apart. I didn't know how hungry it wasn't always already eating. I mean, I was gonna say that my least favorite chip is a salt and vinegar, and then I thought about it. In my my fucking mouth is graphic. It's like pus when you see like fucking David, what David? I was thinking about five? I was thinking, uh, David Quartet or Dan Cortets. I was thinking of, like this is an empty, empty V heavy shot. I was just thinking of, like what would make your pussy weight? And then I was gonna go David dicovney and I just froze. But Dan Cortez, David, I don't think it's like when you're from the statue, um your favorite chip um? I uh, my favorite is the Texas grill friedo that has been discontinued, but I used to get them every day in high school. Oh my god, the Texas girl. They so they had little marks on them, like your dad was out there barbecue and them on the grill. They were these it's probably too hard to make them, do you see. Oh yeah, I don't remember that Texas. Oh they were so freaking good. But you know, if we're going and this woman, oh, that's Reba McIntyre. I guess she was on the commercial front when because it's probably like hard to stamp each one. I don't know why they stopped making them, but they were so freaking good. But I am you know, Barbecue baked Lays are probably the one. I'm not a chip pad. I really don't like chips. I don't like anything that it's just going to be like so much fat and just a snack that. Chips have never filled anyone up. They never do. You eat the whole bag cheeseballs in a can. I funk with that heavy, and I potatoes sticks in a can. If we're talking about cheese puffs, like the ones that are really puffy, yes, like the one's not even like from the regular like the utches of cheese pots, yes, yes, just stuck my fingers after like it's cold. See. I like those better than cheetos because cheetos are like those Why is it solve in your mouth? Like? I love that? Like a styrofoam. Oh the cheese paws, Yeah those are good too. Yeah, I like a styrophone. I like when it just melts, just melts, pirates, booty hirs that that stuff underneath your tongue. Yeah, and you think you're being healthy too again, Oh yeah, those are so good or um. I used to love animal crackers because those would give you so much of a composite of like a new Uh. They would just give you that jaw jaw storage of warm. Sometimes I would eat the head and be like, I'm a I never someone who looked at my food before I ate it and was like, oh, I'm gonna eat this color thing, or I'm only gonna like I used to get those gummy sharks, you know, shark bites, and I would just blow past the white one and people would be like, you're just saying a white one, and I'd go like, I didn't know I was supposed to, like look at it before I ate it. I'm not someone. I'm just a scarf for you are too. I'm a very big scarfer, but I do. Maybe that's what happened today. Yeah, swam past my lunch table in seventh grade. All right, well let's call this a let's let's call it a show. Uh, we we made some progress. I feel like I've been a better bood. I'm fucking so hungry. I'm so hungry now. I have to go to a fitting right now. It's not I'm not in the mood. Um. What are you going to do for lunch? Noah, we'll probably go out somewhere. Oh that's fun. It's Sunday, Andrew. Where are you gonna go for lunch? Either that bar we went to yesterday or district? You gotta go zippers alone? No, no, there's a bunch of people going to watch football. Oh yeah, you're watch football. Okay, we gotta go. Andrew's kickoff has already happened. He's freaking out right now. Fine, what's happening already? Don't worry about it, David, all right, we gotta go. Don't Jackie from Howard Stern Jack he's a joke band to Martin Ling too,

The Nikki Glaser Podcast

Every Monday through Thursday, comedian and infamous roaster Nikki Glaser provides a fun, fast-paced 
Social links
Follow podcast
Recent clips
Browse 518 clip(s)