The Nika Here, Nikki, Hello here, I am welcome to the Nikki Glazer Podcast. It's Wednesday, Andrews here starting off. Listen. I'm still going to do the top of the show by myself. Um, but lately we've been having to do a little bit shorter episodes because of timing constraints and internet issues, so just bringing them in right away. You know, I'm a I'm fluid. You're so fluid, You're full of fluids. Honestly, I'm pre water. You're like the Earth right Wait? No, wait, we know, aren't we like mostly water Earth? I watched the episode of Curb last night that I had I'm going back and filling in the gaps of my this season of Curb, and I saw the watermelon episode where the guy who lives with uh JB. Smooth is reluctant to eat watermelon and very nervous and like has this whole thing about it even though it's his favorite fruit. Later it's my favorite fruit because he doesn't want to be a serocopical black guy. And it's such a good episode, and Woody Harrelson's in it, and I met Woody h for a second time over my Halloween hawaiill my Hallowani trap and um it just how did you not know that? Did you not see my story? Bro? I missed. I missed that too. Part of my thought process was taking out my invisign hold on my back. I felt that in my spine. It's like the opposite of no. I think people could get into that. It's very clenchy. I don't know where I'm trying to put it. If you watch the video and like hiding it in my swifties, could be anywhere. Um okay, so um, yeah, I met Woody Harrelson for a second time. Okay, so let's talk about it, and let's talk about my favorite person on earth. Huh Danny McBride. No, Larry Okay, so I've met Larry before too, but it was funny. I've met Lenny to what? So? Um, I go to Hawaii. It was a trip that bills. Why did you say like that Hawaii. What's wrong with the way she says it? I don't know. I think it's like she says Vegas. It's it's done something to my ears. Maybe I'm wrong, So tell me how you say it. Hawaii, Hawaii. You go Hawaii, Hawaii. You just give it a lot. Maybe I don't know. I do like a nuncy Hawaii. Well, it's I think it's like h I think like I'm probably wrong say it. I'm probably wrong. I mean I could be wrong too. I say things weird, my morning jacket, um, foods, all foods, breaking breaking bad. I couldn't say breaking bad one day. It was just really tough for me. So, UM, I don't know why I meant that. I really did mean. And you put in David Dobrick. Wait, what's his name? Yeah, it's David Brick. Oh man, Um, the kids love him. So Jesus Christ to us some kind of start. What was the thing you said yesterday where you know knows knows one bounds that's what she named the Okay, so you're in Hawaii. Yeah, I'm in Hawaii. I went with Bill Maher. Bill Maher asked me in February to go on the trip in New He does a New Year's Eve trip every year to White Hawaii because to the islands. Because he um, he did the same thing that he realized, the same thing that I kind of realized, which is, um, life is hard, and once you get to a certain level where you have enough money, like it's good to like lose money on a thing because it will be such a fun trip. And he did this trip one year and he's just done it ever since. He stays at the same places, he goes to eat at the same places, and they do these New Year's Eve two shows, one in Maui, one on Honolulu, and he brings a bunch of his friends fly over and he brings, Okay, let's go over this, so you fly private with Bill Maher who's on the plane. I want to hear like like the initial let me just say I did not know that Bill mar liked me. In February, I get asked via my agent like, he wants you to come on this trip, and I was like yes, And then Bill Bill ripe me personally after I had heard it from my manager. He followed up and was like, this trip means a lot to me. I would love for you to go. I asked him if I could bring up a guest. He was like, you know, I don't usually have like we don't have a ton of room, but yes, you can bring a guest. And I was like great. I didn't even know who was gonna bring at the time, because it was you know, nine ten months away. Um, that trip got canceled because of COVID. Then he asked he re upped me for the next one. So this has been like two years in the making, nearly, and I didn't know he liked me the only time I had run into Bill Mar. Bill Mars my dad's favorite person in the world. I've they've gone to see He's the only comedian I know that they've gone to pay to see that. I've multiple times when he comes to St. Louis. They watched the show every week. He um. When my dad when I did the lie detector test with my parents on Not Safe, which is one of my most watch YouTube videos. UM, to calibrate the test, like if I were giving you a lie detector test right now, to make sure it's working, I'd say, are you wearing new balance shoes? Yes, So like something very obvious, and to calibrate the test. For my mom it was like, you know, is your sweater purple? And for my dad it was do you love Bill Maher? And so that's like how much my dad loves I did ask him that durn thing. I was like, would you go down on Bill Mark? It didn't air it, but like that was one of my lie detector questions and what we found was shocking. On the next not safe with thinking lays and that was canceled in two dozen six um, so he um asked me to go and might only run in with him before it's you know, just having known him. Was one time he walked in. He was at the Cellar when I was going about to go on stage. He walked in while the m C was on stage and about to bring me up, and he walked in with two beautiful young girls sits on the bench where the you know, people that are just visiting going to watch, and I was like, my god, Bill bar is gonna watch me and I'm on stage and I see him leave in the middle of my set, which I took personally, but he probably was just like, I just not feeling this. It's just not my style of comedy for tonight. I was probably saying like, don't fuck old men or something, you know, like it was probably not helping his don d and uh. And this was so many This was two thousand and twelve or something, so I could have just sucked, although I was performing at the Seller and you don't suck if you performed there, but you know, I could have had an off night, doesn't matter. So when he asked me, I was like, oh my god, where does he know me from? Turns out he knows me from the roast and then uh, he's heard me on Howard and UM but so, and we have some email correspondence and then I he I do his show during Zoom on Zoom during COVID uh in June, I think from my parents house, which is a great interview. Then I do it again this past June and person it was awesome. And those are the only times I met him. I show up at the airport not knowing what this is going to be at all. I bring Chris with me. We show up and Bill's out there yet I'm kind of running late, and I'm freaking out that we're running late because I just like, no, well, it wasn't late. I was right on time. To like it was. I was got there three minutes before we're supposed to board. But then the plane had issues. What's the deal with private jet? You don't you go, you don't went to airport, no security, right, you just go. You know, Van Nuys Airport. So it's a small private jet airport. You pull up and you walked in a lot. We're supposed to board it to sorry, and I'm freaking out because we I wanted to get lunch before because it's five and a half hour journey and I don't know what's going to be on the plane. I love the idea of Bill hiding and showing up after you just to prove power over you, you know what I mean, could show up after. But I was so I'm so glad he didn't see me show up kind of late, even though I was running like three minutes behind on every single time we went anywhere, and he would call me like two minutes and and be like, we're gonna leave, but he, uh, okay, so you're at the plane. I get no. I get into the lobby and I walk in and there's like this big group of people. I don't know how many people are going to be going on this. But it turns out it was Jim Valley, who you know Coke wrote all of us rest development with his wife Maggie, who is uh Margaret Roe is the name she goes by her pen name, and she's written all these books and she's an amazing woman. You're going to say pet it's her pet name. Oh my god, she God, she's so fucking funny. They're all so funny. And so who else? And then um, a guy named Eddie who is one of the founders of Vice Media. UM, and he no longer works there, but Eddie Corey his his plus one, who is one of his best friends. They're kind of like a you and I situation. UM. Corey Kennedy is her name. And there is Annabelle Gurwitch who was on Dinner in a movie, remember that TBS Dinner in a movie, Beans and corn Bread. Here's a guy and a girl and it's her. She's been in a ton of things. She's also a New York Times bestseller author and breaks from the New York and everything she's she's kind of transitioned from actress to feels like a movie like Clue, you know, when it's totally we even said that at one point that's really funny. So, um, yeah, you weren't the person think that, No, I'm just kidding, No that you you should. I did that, but it wasn't. I wasn't trying in neither circumstance was I trying to make But I didn't I didn't load it in my brain at Okay, yeah, it wasn't waiting there for you, but it's just I had said that because it was funny because I did ask um, then moved moved out. Um so so, oh god, if you're a new listener, there's a lot sorry, you know what, we'll get you there. So um, we love you so much and we thank you for tuning in at all. We don't we don't need to listen every episode, so it was very loud so um. And then it was Chris Kid from Kiden Play. Chris Reid from Kid from Kiden Play. He's comedian now and he's also back on the road with Kiden Play. They're like going out with like Salt and Pepper all these like it's like nineties revival. They're going out again. Oh god, that is so funny, and he would laugh at that, he's of course you didn't Salt and Pepper Kid, Yes, that is so funny and needs to be in an episode of Curby Enthusiasm where it's like, of course you didn't mean it. I know, I know, I know. If you get if you cancel, Andrew because of that canceled me too, because I co sign on how unintentionally funny. That wasn't stupid and you're stupid if you get that. That was so stupid. So um so Chris. And then in his girlfriend Ida who sells luxury cars and who's really cool, and then, um god, I feel bad that oh and then uh, Rick Bartolini, who was the guy that promoted it, his boyfriend, guy named funk. He's probably gonna listen to this. I know, I forget his name. He was so freaking nice. Now they were married, and then um and then let me just think of there might have been Oh my god, if there's anyone in the same movie. So oh. And then Mark Bills, like one of the producers on the show. Mark Bill's like it seemed like his his like kind of assistant, Like there were random women. No, um, Bill did not have any dates with him. But Bill is like a fascinating person in such an like why I love Bill maher more than just being a brilliant comedian and being super generous and like really really nice to my guest and like everyone waiters, like just you think that a guy like that might not but be that cool to waiters and stuff. It was funny. Chris on his show today, Um not kidn Play Chris, but Mike Chris. On his radio show today, he was doing a really fun segment called like you know, uh truth truth or fiction or whatever, and they just say things that happened to them over the break and you have to guess whether or not it was true. And he was like, I loved Bill Maher until he was rude to a waiter. One of the most disappointing moments was he was rude water and both his guests were like co hosts were like, that's true, and he's like, you think so, but it wasn't because he's just so. He's just one of those guys that like, is very what do you talk about on the plant? Like what's the conversation? Okay, so who stilly? When I walk in, everyone is just like, hi, Nikki, they all googled me, they all know who I am. I'm They're so everyone is so nice. We are just like adopted into this group of friends. Everyone's kind of nervous because they're all they all kind of know each other, but not really just throw Bill. We get on the plane. Bill gets there, He's wearing like these big elvis sunglasses and like, uh, just he's just like ready with a briefcase and he's ready to go. And he walks on the plane and we all take seats and we're kind of like nervous, like where do we sit. I sit across from Eddie and um Corey and and Chris and I are on one side of the table, and we just start talking about um just everything, I mean, like how they met, how Chris and I met, and we just I hate to say it, but Bill, I'm gonna to my own horn a little bit. So at the end of the trip, Bill's done this trip ten ten years in a row. This is you know, the skipped one year, this tenth anniversary, and he was like, there's something about the trip where everyone was so open and honest. And it started on the plane, probably an hour in. Bill starts making the rounds of like going to each group of the plane. There's like three sections to sit in, and he made it over to ours and we start talking about um Anal and I start, you know, issueing the benefits and the joy that has brought me in my life, and and asking him because he's a very sexually open person, and asking him about his sex life, and he is totally close off to Anal never done it, and he's like, there is poop back there, and then he goes, oh, so you're act. It's not an act and he was like, I didn't think it was, but like that's interesting. And then we start getting into all of that and it just everyone on the plane. There was a moment Annabel Gurwich is in the back reading a book and she's like meditating and I see her like kind of meditating and also overhearing this conversation about Anal, and I'm like, oh my god. She's like she's sixty but she looks like forty two. She's beautiful and just elegant, and she's kind of quiet. Up to this point she's quiet, and I'm like, this woman just like fucking hates me and probably thinks I'm so kid for like being like that, an know, with bill maher like trying to show off and be good, and I'm like, oh, she probably is. Just like this girl is just too much, you know, And I was trying not to be too much. But you know, I'm a lot. Joe Rogan two thousand Joe Rogan Comma, two thousand twelve. Yeah, I've always been a lot, And uh when I was born, I was very little. I was I was very skinny baby, and I had John decided to be in a little incubator like a little chicken. Um, and so he said, we just put Annabelle. At one point, um, everyone is like not into anal No one in my pilot. Well the pilot, of course he is, but he can't chime in. Um what if he over to loudspeaker, Like I love Chris though, because Chris is sitting there and it's just like he just I'm really happy to be with someone who, as like is, hates toilet humor. By the way, Bill Mare also hates toilet humor, So HIV and Chris like really connected over that. They don't like poop and fart jokes. They just makes them recoil. They just hate it. Even though Bill, I go, you have too fart jokes in your act where you literally fart in the act, Like you're like like you make fart sound. Uh it actually is, but highbrow fart and uh. She but at one point I look over at Annabelle and um, I go, God, I'm sorry, I guess I'm the only one even though all of you would be into it. And she goes I love it, and she just like quietly raised her hand and I was like, fuck, yes, girl, thank you, and then it just like opened up. We just were like all best friends. I mean, I really made some solid friends and people I will work with. Like I told Jim Valilei, who you know, kept referencing how he's like an old like kind of washed up guy, even though he's one of the quickest, funniest people ever. He was kind of just making jokes about like I'm an old man and like I'm invisible to women. I He's like, what you have? You have a great career out of you. You have such important things to say. I could be in bed and watch TV the rest of my life. I have nothing more to say. And I'm like Jim, now, like I if I was doing a scripted show, would you'd be my first higher. He's like one of the funniest people I've ever like, just and like I will say that he takes he um, he throws out jokes constantly and will like he does. He he does not pull back, and so there are bombs a lot of times, but then he is funny when he bombs. But you know that is the mark of someone who's just like he's just trying. He just always is lifting up the move. There was one time when we were at dinner and there was an Asian woman at the dinner with us, and he said someone, we were making erection jokes, and he was like erection. He was like, or the way the Japanese uh talk about the when they you know, uh, when they vote in a new candidate, the action like making up and it just fucking thudded on the like a like bread on a duck's back, just and it and he was just like OK. And and even later he was like, God, that was a rough bomb. And we were all He's like, I don't know what I was even thinking. Like he's like kind of old school and makes kind of you know, racy jokes sometimes. But we were around like people that just were cool and like let those jokes kind of jokes fly. It was so much fun. We did. Were five and a half hours on this flight together. We all got off the flight. We're best friends. We all went to our supper hotels. Like during the day, we would go um. One day we went all went to the beach together. We would have lunch together. We would go to dinner every single night, and Bill would pay for the whole thing. These great like luxurious lunches we would all take be advanced together going to the venues and um, we had two shows, so we were there four nights, but we had um two nights of shows. And we did a show in Maui on the thirtieth, and then we flew to Honolulu on the third fair And how much? How you have the show? How did you do? Bill would go out cold. Thirty minutes. Bill would go out cold, literally cold. He would walk out. I've never seen anything like it. We gotta go to break, but I'm gonna come back and tell you how Bill went out cold. So Bill would the show. There was no like what cold mean? Um, going out cold means you go out and you're shivering a little bit. Um, you go out in a tank top. So going out cold means you have no opener, there's no there's nothing to you just walk. It's the worst position. Usually the MC is the worst spot on the show, which is ironic because in the in the U S, m c s are usually the worst comic on the show. They're the comic with the least experience, right, And that's done because it's the least amount of time you stay on stage. Even though you bring up each comedian in the UK and maybe elsewhere, the m C is usually the most like maybe not the big act on the show, but is someone who is more proficient than the middle act because it's such a tough spot to go out cold, and you want someone there that can really fill those shoes. So it's so it's it's not a good wait system. We do it where the first person that goes out doesn't know how to like address the crowd because all the things that come with being a great showman and and m seeing a show are the things that come after you perfect your act. It's like the you know, audience interaction, it's the stage presence, it's all those things that are built with thousands and thousands. So Bill walks out to literally when did he tell you that he was going to go out cold? Never? I mean he said, I'm gonna go out, then you'll go out. Wait, I'm gonna go out. I'll bring up Kid or Chris Read. Then I'm gonna come back out. I'll bring up you. Then I'm going to close out the show. So he book ended it with thirty and thirty and uh kid, Chris did did thirty and it uh he but he doesn't go out like when I bring up a meal to go up cold on our shows. He's really not going up totally cold because I do, and he is because he's the first person on stage. But I do another expression in the biz voice of God, which is the sound you hear when someone's talking backstage, like welcome to the show. Please put your mask over your nose and mouth. But um. I usually bring up a meal with a couple of jokes and I'm like, hey guys, it's Nikki. And usually I have to say the headliner does not get You don't hear from the headliner at all before they walk out on stage. So I would do that as like to give a meal something, um, which he doesn't need, but you know he I want him. Every comedian, no matter how good you are, you don't want to go up cold. It's just it's taking the bullet, as we also call it. So Bill goes up, but he doesn't. There's no please welcome Bill maher or like the lights don't even change. It's just all of a sudden, the music goes bom bom, bom bump like his his real time music. And he just walks out and it's not like it's like he walks as the music starts and there's no he's just goes and he hits the mic and he has a little music stand that he puts his notebook on and he flips through his jokes because, um, he goes on stage high every single time. He has never not been high on stage when he does stand up. Now, let me say that Bill Maher does not smoke weed ever or get high, and he doesn't do edible because he's had bad experiences which are hilarious stories that he shares on. You gotta go see him if you are you know, even if you're a conservative, Bill is going to hit both sides of whatever you feel and educate you. And he's just really good. He's really really good at stand up. And I would not be saying this if he weren't someone that I think our besties would like to go see. I would just say he's great. I wouldn't say this, you know what I mean, Like, I really recommend going to see him. You'll learn a lot and he's one of the best stand ups out there. So he Um, yeah, but he he doesn't ever go on on real time or on TV stoned. He's very regimented. Now for me, if I'm getting stoned before show, I'm getting stone before Like I was stoned on F Boy for some of it. You know, by the end of F Boy, I was like, let me take a little hit. Like we was talking to and then I was talking to what he Haroldson Will been into that later and we were talking this is when we were getting into like when do you imbibe substances or smoke before things? And what he even said like you know what, he's a big pot head too, and he's like, I don't smoke before a scene? Because I go, do you ever smoke before a scene? Because I told my story to Wood? He we're going too fat? How did you meet? Where? Was what? He at the show? What he couldn't go because what he's unvaxed, And Bill was like, god damn it. Wood. He and also Eddie Vetter usually goes to the Honolulu show because he's the he's good friends with Obama and he like lives in Honolulu during the holidays to be friends with Obama and hang out with them like best friends with Obama edi vetter, and he didn't go to our Honolula show even though he goes every year for ten years, because he was scared of COVID and so it sucked that we didn't get these like but what he did come to dinner afterwards. So after the shows, we would at ten thirty or eleven, we would go back to the Four Seasons and they would open up the restaurant that's now closed and they would serve us dinner at this big table with thirteen of us plus Um Larry was there that night at the show, so he met. He was staying at the Four Seasons up at the show, so I went whale watching that day. So when I went whale watching that day with Chris, it was um. We invited everyone, but no one wanted to go. Bill was like, I can see them on Google image. I'm just fine, and I was like, I feel that way about literally everything except Wales, so I get it. So Chris and I went alone. We said we'll meet you guys there. Usually we all go everywhere as a group together, so this was a little bit like is that okay? And Bill was like, yeah, it's fine. So we go to the venue straight from Whale Watching. We pull up and I get backstage and they take my temperature and everything, and everyone's already there. We got there like five minutes before, behind everyone else, and um, everyone's like um uh uh. Mark comes up to me, you know Bill's guy, and he's like, Bill wants to practice the song with you because we always closed the shows with a rendition of Smile Smile, even though it's breaking smile, and we needed to practice it because we practiced it before and we didn't know what key and we were So he's like, Bill went and I didn't memorize the lyrics ship and I'm like fun, but then I I quickly looked at them and got them, even though they're very hard because they're all like similar but not. And so we get we go to this green room. He's like Bill, Bill practice. So we go to get Bill and there's Larry David and I am still in my Whale Watching outfit. I went to the venue to change and I have no makeup on disgusting what hair, jean shortcutoffs that of I did not look but I did not look like if it would have needed to be said, like even Bill looked me up and down I go, I'm gonna change. Don't worry, I'm not wearing this stage because this isn't like a big show. But you know how like if I met Larry David, he doesn't care for me to go, I'm not gonna wear this on stage. Like, but I would have had to say that, because even though it doesn't need to be said, it kind of does, and then it would have just been So I was like, I don't want to meet Larry right now, and so I didn't say that, but thank god I did. I saw him in the corner talking to people. It was like this green room situation, like it looks like a break room of um an office. Right, there's a table, there's like coffee. Larry is there with his new wife. They got married recently. They've been dating four years. They met at Sasha Barrick Cohen's UH anniversary party with his wife, Eila Fisher. She she's a producer that worked with Sasha Bary Cohen. I've actually worked with her on something that I didn't um we didn't meet when we worked on it. But um, so he's there with his new wife. They're all talking to my friends Corey and Eddie, all those people, and I go off to practice the song with Bill and Chris. We nail it, and I run off to my green room to go get ready, curl my hair, put on makeup, put on my outfit. I come back out and like, okay, now I'm ready to meet Larry. I walk into the green room. They're all sitting around the table now and it's like break room area, and Larry is and they're all in a deep discussion with Annabelle Gurwitch about her son who is uh non binary, and Larry is being classic curb your enthusiasm Larry of like, now tell me what does it mean? What happens when you know he's asking all the questions about you know, trans people? And there I walk in and I go, Hi, I'm NICKI and he goes, we've met, and I go, I know, but I don't want to go we've met, Like I didn't want to be the person. Well, I don't know when he thinks he met me. There's no way he remembers meeting me at this But I didn't want to get into like when do you think but he he had seen me at the roast rod? Do hurt him in the bathroom? Go you don't want to laugh because it's so brutal, but it's really funny. Like he said that about me, right, like she don't want to laugh what she says, but it's like you can't help it. And that was like such a great little thing that we heard that. We're like, yes, Larry liked me. So then I walk again and Chris is behind me and we're both like, and I go, um, hi, I'm Nikki and he's like, I know you. He goes with that, and I go, I know, I don't. I was like, I don't expect you to remember me. I I love you. I was like, this season of Curb is so fucking good. Everyone I talked to we talked about it right away. It's like a conversation I have with everyone. I was like, you, you just killed it, thank you so much, and um, and I doubt and I questioned saying that because I'm like, oh, he's probably getting it all the time. And then I remembered my little rule, which is everyone thinks celebrities here things all the time, and so you never hear it. And whenever you see me on TV or whenever you see my face on something or see me in the magazine, please send me at Bestie's because I bet you think that everyone saw me and sends me something, but they don't because everyone thinks that everyone else did bystander effect. So he was like, oh, thank you, thank you, and then um, they got back into the conversation. I'm just sitting there kind of want ping pong like tennis matching, watching this conversation. And then and then it's time to go on stage. So we walk out and Larry and his wife who his wife was in the bathroom so I didn't meet her at that moment, are sitting. Um. I post a picture on my Instagram story. They're sitting front row on the side stage, which I realized, Like, when you're a celebrity, you never get actual good seats. You always get a profile seat at the show. Yeah, you always. You get to you get to watch, you get to be backstage with the artist, and like I got to see Bruce Springsteen from the profile. But the sound is bad backstage, Like you can't hear anything make you more nervous or hell fucking yess it does. This is the second show and by the way, I want Yeah, the first show I killed, and I want to do different material in the second show though, because I, Bill and I had a separate discussion um during chris Is set on the second night, Bill and Bill had come off stage, and Bill did the same thing because he's working on his special, so he did the same sets. But he walked off stage and we're watching us a set that we saw the night before, you know, and he goes, even though we're comics and we know that you got to repeat material, there's something kind of inherently embarrassing about watching a comedian repeat material. And I was like, there is, you know, there is, But he was doing it too, Yeah, but he was acknowledging even for himself. But then but it wasn't about Chris. It was just like we and I, Chris and I, uh my, Chris and I were actually loving watching Bill Maher's jokes a second time, and we both realized that there's something about hearing a joke you like the second time that there's value to it. So there's truth to both. But when he said that, I had already planned on doing a whole different half hour, but that was cemented it for me, and I was I had saved a lot of great jokes for a second So I was like, you know what, Um, I have a loose idea of what I'm gonna do, but who knows. So I go out there. I have some Hawaii jokes, by the way that I throw out. I didn't do it on the second show, but can I run them from my first show? I go, so beautiful here were yeah sor in Maui, It's so freaking beautiful here. You guys live here? You you guys live here? Where do you mm hmmm, where do you you guys live in a paradise? Where do you guys? Um you can pass vacation? Where do you go to get away from it all? Houston? Um? And then that was the joke. And then I go, when you get off, when you get off the plane in Houston, what do they put around your neck? A human? That's funny though, because news was the line that Jim Valilei gave me, because I go, what can they put around your neck in Houston? He goes a news and I was like, perfect. And then Chris came up and goes, you can say I thought it was a lasso. That's great one too. So anyway, um, those were my Hawaii jokes. Hawaii jokes relate to that because living in Florida, you didn't feel like because I grew up in a vacation spot until you went to the Bahamas. But the Bahamas you already lived pretty much in the Bahama. Yeah. St. Louis is the last you leave St. You don't vacation. You don't vacation in Louis, although you should because we have literally forest Park and the city Museum and our museums, like you should vacation in St. Louis. Um, and I'm doing a tourist thing for St. Louis pretty coming up pretty soon. Um, any other questions. So Larry David, Larry David, do you see him take a seat before you go on stage? Yeah? Because so they have all the chairs set up for all thirteen of us on the side of the stage to watch during the show. Larry and his wife are sitting right front worse, you know, stage right and their front right okay, and then there's a seat next to them for Bill. So I'm watching them watch Bill. Then Bill comes back. He's sitting next to me. We're watching that or no, this was yeah, we're watching, uh, Larry and his wife watch Chris and then he laughing at all when he's watching, so you know, he's he's he's really enjoying Bill. He's enjoying Bill sits next time during Chris is set, so they're kind of talking, so he's not as much listening. But uh, and I haven't met his wife yet, you know, And it would be so funny. Bill walked out in your set again like halfway through like you did at the cell. Oh my god, he was so freaking nice. So wait, so okay, sorry, sorry, so you go out. He announces you you go up after so he goes, Bill goes out and uh, and I go, I'm standing next to Larry and his wife, and I go, I don't like this. I don't want to do this. You gotta front, you gotta sit right here. I was like, this is please, Will you just go to the bathroom or something. I can't handle this and he us what he goes, we're freaking, we're excited. We're big, We're big. I'm a big fan. I'm a big He kept pointing to himself at the claw like we're big fans, we're big fans. And I go, stop, I go, I don't need to hear this ship right now, Larry, I go I don't go. I don't need to hear this. I know I can't handle that. And I go, that is so nice. I was like, thank you someone that's so nice. And I go, Hi, it's so nice to meet you. And I'm and I say to his wife and again, I know that they got married from reading tabloids, right, And it's weird to know things about celebrities and be like, I heard you got married because I read the Daily Mail. But I was like, I go, you guys. He's like, this is my wife. And I met her and I was like hi, and she was like, oh, actually we met on this thing. And I go, congratulations on do you guys just got married? Right? And she's like yeah. I go how long have you been together? And she's like, you know, four years? And I go, how to meet? So we're saying all of this as Bill is out there like about to bring me up and I'm there, Chris got all these pictures and be like talking to them, and I'm just like sitting there like gallant out with her about like how they've that, And I'm like, wait, did you, like like how did you you sent me a photo? And it was just from behind of Larry and that's just like how like like so much of their recognizable Yeah yeah, and you just here didn't. So then um, I go out and I did. I wasn't nervous at all, like I because you spoke with them, or just because because I just know that I'm funny and I know that like the jokes I'm about to do are great. So what did you open with? If not the Houston not the Hawaiian m I opened with, um, God, what did I open with that? Oh? I opened with um, you're all wearing masks. I sometimes get worried about the masks, being like I'm not scared of it, you know that. But I didn't end up doing that. I just stopped at the uh going like you know, I I think of massies like I think of covid is, like I don't care if I get it. I don't want to give it. It's like it's like oral sex. Yeah. And are you looking at Larry at all? Because he's like it's a huge it's like a theater like we've performed in the same sizes and he's way off to the stage stage right. But I can hear my friend Eddie laughing because this is my friend Eddie that I did. I did a whole um so compilation of Eddie was a little drunk. And he's one of those guys that like comments after he laughs. He's great laugher, boisterous, but he comments after every thing you'll see. So I put together a super cut of Eddie watching Bill Maher and responding to it and um, and I put captions with it so you might not be able to hear exactly what he's saying. So this is just all of the times that I and this is probably ten percent of the times that he did it. And we were laughing. The show became Edie listening to Eddie mind snitches. He's like two times at the cacklen he goes expensive. Yes, yes, that's what he drops his phone. I just have all of this that whoa. He's one of those guy doesn't know what he goes. He goes, Bill bargoes, they have a word for it. It's because he's talking about millennials being like kind of he has great points about he does this whole thing where you know he doesn't like millennials. He thinks you know, he was on me about being on my phone the whole time, like you millennial on your phone? What are you gonna do when you go on stage? And I go, oh, I bring it because I record myself and he goes, oh yeah, I do that too. And it was like Bill was always get into fights. Not fights, but like he go like, why are you going to therapy? And I go. He goes, why do you need to go to therapy? I go, people go because it even if the person is terrible, you let out something. And he goes and what does that do? I go, you don't punch your kid, you don't kick your dog, you don't punch a wall. And he's like, okay, yeah, that's a good point. Like he would always acquiesce if I proved it was really like me, Bill connects with people when he debates, and it shuts a lot of people down because it's so intimidating. But I loved it, so I'd go, Bill, what are you talking about? Like it we have a really fun dynamic. So but hold listen to him say this adulting part and Eddie goes adult like, he repeats the adult ing So I made this whole clip of Eddie doing that, so um anyway, so I could hear Eddie most of the time. And then I got off stage and you know, Chris was just on the radio today recounting, and so I'll say what he said, which was um, Larry's like bending over, laughing, slapping his knee and he's like, you know, the guy that's probably arguably brought more laughs to the worlds than anyone, you know, via Seinfeld and curb Um is making you know, Nikki's making him laugh harder than you know, I've seen ever laugh. It felt great. It felt like, you know what, I might not trust literally anyone, but I can trust Larry David that it's funny and um. And so that was really nice. And then he didn't go to dinner with us, but he did write on the van back with us, and at one point he was like, does they want any gum and um? You know, Chris Christmas like, I've got I've got some, and then my friend Corey was like, I've got some too, and I was like, oh, it's a race for the gums. So Chris has he's got has gum and he got him gum and I took a picture of Chris giving him gum, and so Chris has this great picture of him like giving Larry and we Chris and he had two. It was like gum that comes in cubes that's in like the kind of cup, and like, I forget what it's called. And I and last night I was I wrote a whole bit on Chris's instagram of what Larry David would say about the gum. I said, what happened to sticks of gum? I can maybe understand a chickilate with a hard shell, but a chicklate shape with the consistency of a stick. What are they trying to pull here with a soft cube a cube of gum? I like my gumb in sticks, not cubes. I guess next time I want to chill a chill to chill a breverdge, I'll ask for some ice sticks in a cup. So I wrote that, and then Chris was like, uh, I did have some like to cook two pieces of gum in my pocket because the whole cup is covered something. I was going to pull them out of my pocket, but I was so scared he was gonna go, I want to lose cube. I think I want to lose cube. Yeah, And so I was like, that's so funny um. And then Larry said goodbye. We got to the hotel to go to dinner Larry and his wife retired, and we go walk through the lobby and we're like, oh damn, it would have been fun to have Larry at dinner, and Chris and I had missed the rand writer there and then kind of hang in the green room and we get back and um, and there was no like chalking really in the van. It was like kind of and then we're talking up front. We were in the back just like, oh my god. And we get to the table and Wall Harrilson's sitting there with his wife and I sit down next to Woody because I don't know why not. And I said to Woody, you know, oh hey, I think I told this yesterday. Did I say yesterday? I said, um, hi, And he's like, Woody, nice to me, you know. I go, we met at Jennifer Lawrence's ages ago. You were so nice. It's so good to see you again. I don't expect you to remember. And he goes, oh, oh my god, how is she? Or he goes, oh cool, all right, and I was like and he and then at one we're sitting there and he goes, hey, send gen a picture of us, and I was like, oh, I'm not really friends with her anymore. But and he goes, why not, and I was like, there wasn't any like reason, It's just you know, separate lives. And I go, but you know what, this is a perfect reason to get back in touch with her. And so I took a selfie of us and it's such a cute picture. I should put it on my main post. Um, I'll save it for when he dies. Um he uh, we don't know. It was so nice and at one point he's so funny and like just he was really curious. St. Louis met the two most influential bald men in cinema history. He's so cool. He was so nice and let me just say, so nice to Chris my plus one. No one needed to be nice to Sorry, sorry, sorry I didn't. So he sent the photo of Gen. She didn't write back, but like that was our number from like five years ago. So who knows. And but during the dinner, I gotta go to break and I'll tell you what happened next. So I'm sitting next to what Harrilson at dinner and he's asking me about St. Louis and about what it's he like he lives in Hawaii, so I didn't realize that. I was like, you know, it's just nice to get away with the pressures of l A and New York. And I'm a workaholic, so I kind of it's like keeping the alcohol in a cabinet, like you gotta go unlock the thing to get it, like I gotta fly here to get my drug. And he liked that, and he was talking to me about like, oh, I could I think I could live in the Midwest, like I could do something like that. I was like, you would I go? You think I'm I go, I'm like a nobody compared to you, But you think people in the Midwest give a ship like you might be like you're a big fish in a small pond where there's not a lot of celebrities, but it doesn't give a fuck about celebrity, Like it's almost insulting sometimes where I'm like I've been you don't care, Like I was, like, they really leave you alone, like because they don't care. They if they cared, they would have left to go pursue that kind of thing, you know, like the l as of celebrity obsessed New York celebrity obsessed because everyone there's trying to be famous and rich. Here in the Midwest, people are still have want to be rich, but it's just like they don't care about fame as much. And then we're sitting there and we order and he's already eaten and we're sorry it was before we ordered, and he just taps me and he goes, hey, um, I want you to have this, and he just hands me as menu like it was some gift he was giving me, and he goes, I really want you to have this, and I go would he know, Like I just I can't. I can't, this is yours, and he's like, I just really think you should know. I was like, this means so much to me, Like like we had like the funny like bit and then like during at someone mentioned during dinner like can we smoke weak because this place it was outdoor air were the only people in the restaurant, and you know wood, he lights one up and starts passing around, and boy was I tempted to partake, but you know I did not. I will say that Chris there was one of the reasons I didn't because Chris does not love my pot smoking, and I like I like that he likes me sober, and it matters to me that I'm not, you know, doing something that he It's not like he wouldn't he wouldn't make me feel bad if I did it. But you know I and he knows how I feel about I don't care about my streak, like, oh, I've had this many days, like I can do things. If I slip up, it's not going to ruin my sobriety or whatever. But I do know. And I wanted to say this to people who might have that little pats in the back of their head when they get offered to drink and they're like, God, this is the time to do it, like I'm gonna regret not doing it, especially with pot. And I would say it's the same with alcohol, because I've never given into my alcohol tendencies. When I've been around great people drinking and you go, oh, I'm disappointing this famous person and this is the only time I'm gonna meet them, and I'm the lame duck. But I will say that when I didn't smoke weed, no one fucking cares. No one cares, No one thought I was the loser, no one, no one talked to me less because of it. You just don't pick it up. It's literally the same as if I would have taken it like I passed it, and no one knows the difference. And I thought it was gonna be this thing. And honestly, I woke up the next morning. My lungs didn't hurt. I didn't feel like did I say something weird? I had my inhibitions about me, and I was able to have like great conversations with him and Bill and everyone else the rest of the night without feeling paranoia or any of that stuff that would have come. So I was really I wouldn't have been mad at myself if I did it, but I was really happy with myself that I did it. And I don't think if Chris would have not been there, I think I would have done it, which would have been fine too. But I was then able to have a really great conversation and not a question that I was being too much or weird. It's interesting because like the people like used to give me shit about not drinking, we're like friends from high school or whatever, and it's like, I don't know, it's just like a certain kind of friend or a certain kind of person that gives you shit about not getting sucked up because they're getting sucked up and I love them. But then there's like a level of like, oh, these people accomplished their passion and their goal in life, so they're not gonna fucking look at the person next. You know, you've got to get funked up. It's kind of a dumb thing to do to someone because you're being very selfish and insecure thing because you need other people to do something in order for you to make it feel okay. They're the peer pressure is completely insecurity on a one persons, And I understand wanting other people to have fun with you and person up and you're like, I want to like I've I hated when I drank and I knew I was gonna get stupid and there would be people there that would remember how stupid I am. Like there is something to that, but again insecurity, let's get the final thought. I've blew past the news yet again. And I know we have great stories, but I wanted to play a game for our Wednesday wild Card literally with cards that backed by popular demand from the besties. Know, you got a lot of notes about how people like this, right yes I did. So. This is the game from Barstool Sports, and I'm gonna have them send us more. It's called Answer the Internet, and it's these questions that are very kept. Let it and this question. It's Answer the Internet a t I questions as fucked up as you are. So here we go. Okay, I'll give you. Okay, I'm not ready for this. Okay, asked pull the Internet. Okay, Waffles or pancakes? Oh, waffles, because pancakes are. But you have to eat it with your dick. Yeah, you have to use your dick as a utensil. Yeah, but wait, seriously, waffles are pancakes? Pancakes? Wait? Is the dick part really a part of Now? This is just this is actually a normal one. Waffles or pancakes? Now? Um, waffles? Okay, you like a little It is like the same matter right right, here's the thing. Waffles. I feel like pancakes. I could eat more than pancakes to me. Doesn't like waffles. Feels like a special thing like chicken and waffles. You know, ice put ice cream on waffle. I don't know. Waffles just feels like once every once a year. Pancakes could probably be about ten times a year, I think, what do you think? Um, I don't do either because I'm scared of carbs and sugar. But if I when I let those things back in my life, um, when they're ready to come back into my life, naturally God wants me to have them fucking pancakes all day, you know, because waffles have a hardness to them, and I just love a funk. But I love the way pancakes soak up the syrup. Yesterday I treated myself, and I know this is such a dumb sentence, it's so l a, but I treated myself to avocado toast. And I don't eat a lot of bread, but I find much like not smoking pot, when I do eat bread, I never regret it if it's in a normal amount. It's just when you overdo it. It's you're not gonna get fat from bread if you eat it like a normal person. So I ate a great hearty whole like you know from you know the hotel. I say it is very like earthy and avocado toast is the best consistency because it soaks up the juicy avocado and his mushy. Plus bread is soft like I like, almost soft, not too toasted up. I love a moist soaked up things. Okay, same, God makes an amazing avocadd I'm gonna start eating it more often because man I unlaced their breakfast is incredible. Um, who has the easier job? Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny? Dude? Easter Bunny easy because to house he's a rabbit. Think about like, he doesn't have hands. You can see candy all day, doesn't he? Wait, no, he's eating carrots. I think my parents used like carrots and like the easter used to trash our house because my parents would like make it look like he had been there. And I was disturbed by a giant rabbit trashing our kitchen and leaving its remnants everywhere. Um, a real rabbit as a pet. My buddy had his girlfriend had it a little much. It's shipped all over my bed. I love those things. We shouldn't have been on your bed. Okay, well, sorry, I gotta get to a cool one before you. It's your here's a good one. Who's hotter? Ariel or Jasmine areal four areal now not brat stall Ariel? I would say, area, what about you know? I love Jasmine's a little firefox. Who would you rather be smoke show, Well, I think I would rather be Jasmine because she became like like a powerful than the fucking prince that and you get to fly on a carpet and stuff, there's like magic involved. But who's hotter? I gotta say I think Jasmine, because I mean I definitely was very aware of one thing. Arials pussy price smells like fish. Yeah, but you know Jasmine might have a fucking u t I from those those bugs carpet, Her carpet might smell like it might not smell like match. Um. No, Jasmine was hot because she I was gonna say, Aril, because she had that flowing hair in the water that was super hot and then like you know, flinging it on the rock and the shell boobs, and she had looked this beautiful face and and Jasmine's face looked a little less, it looked more cartoony. And Ariel had that like it just and obviously as like a white girl I related to. I love that I related to a mermaid more than just than Jasmine because she was a different race. But you know, as a little girl and Ariel it was in second grade, Jasmine, I was in like fourth grade, but I was. I think Jasmine for sure, because she had that sexy like um the blue little like the boostier, and she had this tiny little waist in the big flowing hair and big beautiful eyes Jasmine. Okay, here's the thing, too, Aria, It's like Jessica Rabbit without the fake tits. Yeah, yeah, you're right, like a young one. That's what she grew into after you hit the streets. All right, all right? Would you rather you ready ye ship yourself every time you come, or get a boner every time you talked to a dude? I mean it's so funny. They don't even consider that women might play this game because none of these men hold on. So I would either get soaking wet, like yeah, every time you talk to a woman, I would squirre. I would just wear a diaper because ship smells and squirt doesn't. So I would rather squirt when I talked to a woman. What about you, wait, shoot your pants every time? You would orgasm yourself every time you come? Too much to have the first one? Yeah, I mean it's not even close. Yeah, that's insane. Okay. Would you go to a football game at a seventy thousand seat stadium. If you knew that five seats would get ejected into a black hole, but everyone who didn't get ejected would get five million dollars seventy thousand seats. So you have a one in thirty five Wait wait one, no, no, no, one thousand people out of no, it's had five hundred people in the seventy thousand steats stadium. I know how to do this. You have a point zero zero seven percent chance, you have one, you have seven seven, one h of a percentage. Who's to say that there's not more money into black I would not do it. I would not do it even if the price was like five hundred million. What if you were a starting comedian and you were your age, I would never do it because this is this is um squid game. I don't I can't know what happens in a black hole. Um no, you like, we'll get stretched and it's I guess nobody knows, because nobody will ever survive. We'll get longer. You're saying, oh, ship, then he's doing it now. Yeah, I think I would risk it. I think it'd be fun. That's the thing that you. I say that, But once I got to the game. My god, you would be shooting your pants because I'm coming, all right? Would you rather you ready have to piss sitting? This again, isn't okay? Would you rather win a World Cup in a soccer crazy country or win any US sports title? Essentially, it's the same soccers for gay people. Yeah, and yeah, like and others know, Like when you're growing up in high school, like a lot of times it was either football or soccer. We're the same season. And if you played soccer, you're like a little because I don't understand the culture around soccer, even though I knew it's huge. Yeah in Europe and South America. That's what. You're the most famous person in America, or you're the most famous person in the world old outside of America because America, although we care about World Cup, most of us don't. And I don't know who wins World Cups. And I know two soccer players names Ronaldo and Messy. Yes, but that's the thing, is like, So I would rather be famous where I am and be a big deal where I am, even if it's small potatoes. Yeah, I would rather over there pond. I would rather on the other side of the pond. Interesting but I think if you lived there, though, you would feel that same feeling, rather American idol than Miss Universe. Okay, but I think if you lived there, it depends if you I'm not putting myself in those shoes because I don't because I'm saying it as an American. Okay. Would you rather wait? What the fund? Does that mean? Would you rather? You surely know what this means? Would you rather fight a kangaroo or look like Sam Castle? Oh? Sam Cassell? Cassell? Who's Sam Cassell? He's just like an ugly basketball player? So yeah, that fuck that, And I'd rather frey kangaro of course. Would you rather have flamingo legs or t rex arms? Flamingo legs already have cells faces. I would much rather have flamingo. I already have skinny flamingo legs, but literally flamingo legs like like claws. I already have flood feet. Oh yeah, you got the claws. No, they're actually like I'm a duck. I got long arms for short I am so I don't know. This would suck. You couldn't jerk off if you have. This is a good one. I have to go. But would you rather be twice your weight or half your height. Fuck twice your weight or half your height. Twice my weight, twice my weight, half my height. Well you could lose weight, could you lose the weight? No, you have to be it forever. And that's that's not seven you'd be you'd be two nine, you'd be two nine. I'm five nine, so I would be five plus so tighty. So i'd be like three almost three ft. I'd be a little girl, be so little. I'd be the littlest so how much. Okay, you'd rather be that than to But um, I just have. I just have a lot of body stuff, so I can. I'm just saying that and then I'm not. But you don't think you have short body stuff if you were that small, I don't know. I don't have. I don't when I see short women. The thing is, when I see short women, there's no judgment. And I know that's super duper short. That's three yes, oh man, that's tiniest. I'd rather be twice my way. I'd rather be three times. I'd rather be four times my No fat shaming on the show, and um, that's my issue. I do not look down upon I looked down upon short people because I have to, but never do I. Yeah, I gotta got one therapy. Would you watch a five minute dirty sex tape of your daughter for a million dollars? No? No? Yeah? What? Yes? No, you're thinking of like a daughter that doesn't you don't have a daughter, and I know I don't either, but like, you're not gonna want to do that your mom? Yeah? Can you imagine your parents seeing you? H can you imagine your parents seeing you? You know what I would do? I would do it, and then I would I would do it and then I would give it to her half split it with her and the tapes anymore. Oh, by the way, can I just give a quick shot thank you for the messages about my mom? So many people wrote me and it was very nice. Thank you. And yeah, thanks to everyone who yesterday. That was so sweet. And Andrews pussy and so guys. Um, I'm just kidding. It was so sweet. I loved it. It It was beautiful. Um, I love you both. No, uh, Andrew, I love you. Bussies. Don't be kicked out there. I gotta go to therapy. Be uh with the guy that I'm dating, even though we're not dating yet and um, we don't be ka Um and Jack. That was really mean, That was jacked up