Between you and Nikki and Andrew, she is not the best at quick math and his balls are sinking. They are both in LA and Nikki shares a story about the hotel they are staying in from her life long ago. Positive affirmations work and they will help your decisions. You Heard It Here First, Andrew wants to be half hard when he dies, so many perverts everywhere, we feel sorry for a thief. Today's Why Do I Care is momentous as they crack the meaning of "several". In the Final Thought they talk about their Top 1 and Bottom 1 condiments.
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Nicky Glazer Podcast. Nicky, hey here, I am welcome to the show. It's a Nick Glaser podcast. It's Monday. You know what that means. It's yeah, I guess who's here, Guys, it's Andrew Colin. I decided to bring him in UM for the intro because well, we've just spent a lot of time together this morning already. I didn't wanna I didn't want to say goodbye. It took a long time for us to get set up. We are live from Los Angeles. UM. We are staying at a hotel. We across the hall from one another. UM. It was quite a struggle to get this podcast up and running this morning. So many chords, so many hubs, so many uncharged computers, and I mean it's a whole production. Thank you so much to Noah and to Mark uh from my heart who helped aid in the process. And to the maid who let me in my room after I sprinted out of my room to go help Andrew and then the door shut behind me. It would have been added another fifteen minutes to go down to the lobby and get my key. And this made she was like, I saw you, but she could you know, she could really get in trouble for letting me back in my room without a you know, a chick like checking. So I said, I won't get you in trouble, and then I threw some money at her. So shout out to everyone who helped. How are you this morning, Andrew? I'm good. I'm good. I'm staring at my curry from last night, which is holding up my curry container which you were so nice to get Thai food last night is holding is the background for my phone to keep it up? And uh, I got tripod. It was an interesting curry. You got kind of a veg veggie VG. Yeah, well it was veggie chicken. Did you notice that it was not real chicken? Yeah? It's good though, isn't that stuff good? Or no? You don't like? I liked everything else in it, like I love a veg. Just at that chicken just didn't do it for me. Kind of looks like little scrotums and it's just not so it does regular chicken. But regular chicken looks so gross. But little scrow tums um. But just you still ate it though, right? Yeah, yeah, of course I like it. It's the classic like eat the salad without the cruetons and then eat the cruetons at the end of the salad like you probably ate around the chicken. Yeah, you know, I never go right in. We were talking about scrotums this weekend, right, Oh how long a mine? Yes, preferences and you and the meal we're asking about like how we feel about um balls. Well it came up because my balls are the older I get because of gravity. They just keep getting longer and longer, and my dick doesn't get longer. So it's pretty funked up what God does to us, because well, your ball is way more than your dick. I know, I need a weight, you know, and that's what's pulling it down. So if you put weights on your it, it would stretch it down. It wouldn't make your dick actually longer. It would just be of you know, the way ear lobes start to sag when you when women were like big jewelry, you know, like big earrings, heavy, like Leslie stall. Maybe I just need to get a dead guy screwed them to tie to my penis to lengthen it. Yeah, just tie some screw them with balls to tie to the Only way to really stretch anything down there is with a scrow them, and so you would have to well, we were we like looked up guys with like the biggest penis or the longest penis. And this one guy, um, he was he would put weights on his to stretch it out because it became like, I bet it was already big. And then he was like, let's just this is my thing, and then he is it. Do you ever like stretch it and pull on it so it can get longer? Did you ever do that when you were a kid? Yeah, And what guys do is you get hard and you push on the skin around it to give it another like quarter belly button almost like when you press around your belly button, it comes. Yeah, that's what you do with dicks. And and then what you learn when your kid is that there's a little bit more dick inside you. That that's what the doctors do when they along your cock, they'll they'll they'll get there's a little bit more dick in your body. In your body, Oh, there's like you can feel that there's a little bit more like muscle in there. It's a muscle. I guess it's weird how it's how strong it gets. It's just blood that's insane. It takes so much effort for you guys to keep that thing hard. That's a that's a lot of energy going right towards that areas. You guys can do anything else like us up, we can't. M M. I mean it is amazing remedial math. You wrote remedial math on a UM post this weekend, and I saw the comments and people are like, what is remedial math? And I didn't even know either, what is remedial math? I think it's early math, okay, like you know plus and minus. Maybe. I think you're good at math. You're pretty fast. I'm pretty good at math. Give me any times table, okay, um. I mean I feel like everyone knows times tables. But do you want me to give you like a higher number? Like just try me out fourteen times twelve? Wow. I don't know if that's when you verify that. I just know the eight is eight parts, right because I just did it in my head like two times four. Wait said four times twelve. Yeah that's what I said. He said, whoa, Wow, No, you tried to doubt me. You're like one sixty eight. I was like, yeah, that's what I said. How did you do that, Like, what's what's going on in your mind when you do that? Uh? So much? No, but I really want to know, you know when I when I do, like, give me a simpler one. No, no, this is what happened. It's got my mind. Did I did twelve times twelve which I knew was a hundred already four added? There we go. Okay, that's that's you showed your work. Thank you. That's that's showing your work. You didn't do it. I'll give you one. Okay. Um, let's see nine times fifteen. Okay, so I'm gonna go a hundred and fifty. It is nine times fifteen times ten is hundred and fifties. So I'm gonna subtract nine from that and it's gonna go one. No, hold on, I mean it's definitely that. There's like no doubt. Wait, what nine times fifteen? You'rected nine instead of fifteen? Your dumb shit? Oh I am, there's no way. It's not mad. I don't want to do it. Honestly, I don't even understand what you guys are doing with the subtractions. Okay, So so if it's sorry to the people listening, um, if it's if it's nine times fifteen, fifteen times, you would go to which fifteen times ten, which is the closest thing to nine. And you know what ten times anything is is you just added zero, so it's gonna be one, and then you subtract one of the things that you multiplied, which I subtracted the wrong number nine. And I should have known, because anything with a five in it is going to be a zero or five when you multiply it. So true. I never learned the one where it's like you hold up your hands and you go like one, two three, and it's like seven, like, oh, it's nine times three, that's right, one to three, and then it's two seven. Oh yeah, I never learned. You never learned that I drew the turkey that I definitely do left and right. I use this where you make l's with your hand, and the one that is long is or the one that looks wait fuck, L is correct, L is left, the one that's right is the left man, and then right right sucks. You shouldn't that words should not be meaning correct And to turn to the make a right right? How do you say make a right instead of saying right turn? Uh turn right correct no, what's half of ninety turn forty degrees to the east. What do you how do you say? Right turn perpendicular? Oh, okay, we're really smart. I mean, Andrew, you're actually good at math. I think I'm decent. I'm decent. I I did better at math than verbal. In yeah, much better at verbal. I just went to the Starbucks that is by my So we're staying at a hotel in the valley in um like the shallow Valley, the shally in l A. And I used to live right down the street from where we're staying and and I used to go to the Starbucks every single day from like two thousand seven to two thousand nine. And it was just like so trippy going back there, and like I was so just I was in a worse place in my life. And it was funny because we checked into the hotel yesterday and I stayed at this hotel before. This is the place I stayed where I spilled nail polish all over the bathroom, all over like a fucking crime scene. And I was crying because I was staying at this hotel because I was being flown out to audition for you know, Kevin Smith, right, you know who that is. He This was two thousand ten. How did you even get the audition? I don't. Some producer that I had worked with on something liked me and he wanted me to audition to be one of the people that was going to be his co host for a daily show that would be syndicated, kind of like a Regis and Kelly type thing, and it would be Kevin Smith and a girl. And they were auditioning girl part for it, and I was in the running. It was me and two other girls, one of them was Christina Positski, and we auditioned at John Lovetts Comedy Club and the Universal City Walk, which is at Universal Studios right right here in the valley and um and they flew me out from New York put me up. I remember. It was so much money. I didn't even have a laptop at this time in my life. I was so broke. I was just starting my podcast with Sarah Schaeffer. I had just moved to New York. I was living in a fucking hell hole in um Storia with a girl who didn't like me, and we never spoke. It was a kind of awkward thing where you'd walk in every single night, and like you wouldn't even talk to each other, and you just kind of like passed like ghosts in the house. And oh, it was so miserable. And I had a house sent apede that was crawling across my pillow one night, and I couldn't sleep there for months anyway. So then I, um, I got flown out here to audition, and I fucking I not only did I spill nail polish all over the bathroom in here, um, and I was crying and trying to like wash it up with nail polished remover, and it was all over this white tile in the grout, like it could come off the tile okay, but like in the grout it was not coming out. And I was just like, I'm don't have thousands of dollars like this is gonna be. No. I wasn't drunk. It was the morning. I was just like always hungover though, you know, Like it was this guy was picking me up that I used to sleep with back when I lived here in two thousand seven, but now it's two thousand ten, and we like saw each other at a show and he agreed to go to lunch the next day. I could tell he didn't even want to. I remember he was texting me being like I'm downstairs and I'm like, I just spilled nail polish. I'm so sorry, and I'm like I can tell he doesn't even like me. He's waiting to pick me up, he's angry, he's even doing this again. Um. And I went went down to the lobby and I was like crying, and I went up to the front desk and just like I just I spilled it all over it everywhere and they were like, it's fine, we got it. I was like, it's everywhere. They're like, we have we can clean up anything. It's totally cool. And I didn't get charged anything. Was amazing. But I bombed that audition so fucking hard. Why do you think the audition and like, what was the audition? What did you sit with him? It was, Yeah, it was in front of a live audience, and it was Kevin Smith's show where he just stands up, sits on stage and like tell his stories and then he would have he would ask each of the girls to get up and have a conversation with him in front of an audience, so just like kind of do a podcast, kind of in front of an audience and I lost. Oh no, that was part of the audition, And then the second part was actually to do his podcast, and I went to his house to do his podcast. And I had stayed up all night the night before drinking so much with my with the guy that I liked so much mc Mr Napkins, who was about to be my boyfriend from that night I think was the first time we hooked up, and I woke I shouldn't. I had a show earlier that night. I was supposed to go back to my hotel hell and just get a good night's sleep for this early morning I had to make up at like seven am to do this podcast. That was like and I already signed all the contracts for like what the money would be if I got this job, and it was so much money, Like it was justin ever dream of a couple of questions, did you did you not care because you did so bad on the live show that you figured the live show went kind of well? And then I did the show at u c B on Franklin, That's where I saw Zach. Afterwards, we went to Birds, which is the bar next door, and I just had one beer which led to two, which and then all of a sudden, this guy that I liked things were going well with this guy that he's finally single. He was he was had a girlfriend when I first met him. I come back to town and now he's single, and yeah, I just got wasted. I was so excited about I've always prioritized like boys over work always. Thank god, I haven't had that much like uh excitement and that department, like it's been pretty stable. But I've always just been like, oh, this guy that I've liked, like this is happening. Okay, I'll just put this. This is more important than everything else, you know. It's just like I and and I showed up the next morning and I lost my voice. I was literally on the podcast, like, no, I lost my voice because I used to lose my voice every time I drank, because I would just be screaming. It would be so dry. It was just so what did you do? Did you try to play it off or did you apologize? Or like I said it, you know, like I'm sick or something. You know, like you just lie when you were hung over. You are sick, So I guess that's not a lie. But you know that's the part I hated about drinking so much is that you're sick, but no one feels sorry for you. You've done it to yourself. You can't get that sick. I'm I've got a cold sympathy where I got the flu sympathy. Like, no, when you were hungover, people are just like, oh fuck you. You know it's and it's just you on your own. And I I really crave a lot of nurturing when I'm sick. And I think that that was That was kind of the And by the way, I celebrated my tenure um of not drinking anniversary on Saturday, I believe, Yes, I think it was Friday night, wasn't it? It was Friday, um, because I went to the Taylor Swifst sing along and that was on Friday. Our days are almost identical. It's kind of weird, really what days yours? I mean, it's right, like literally, I don't know the exact day. I could look it up. It was the day after I did a Girl's Gotta Eat live show in New York and that was the last time I had a drink, so three years from me. But yeah, dude, that's awesome. Yeah, it's uh, you know, a few times it by fifteen and then you subtract fifteen, it's it's like one actually, um yeah, And I didn't reluctant to ever say after you bomb this, this things to this opportunity, you know, like this happens to me all the time. Though, Like I want to be clear, like my life has not changed in terms of shirking responsibility in favor of doing something that is fleeting and feels good in the moment, whether that was getting high, drinking, hooking up something that like gives me a rush, and something that I'm like honestly so scared about, so nervous about. Um, you know, I have I have to edit my special. I must edit. I'm going in from getting picked up in one hour to go into an edit bay and look at my special that I take two weeks ago. And I am filled with dread and anxiety over it because it's not going to live up to what I want for myself. It just can't because I don't. There's no living up to what I there's there's just no there's I can't be perfect. And I woke up this morning to look at it, just to like see it. And I watched a little bit of it with you yesterday at the airport, and I felt really good because it was funny, and then I watched I woke up this morning and I was doing the thing that I read in UM, that book that are recommended that I only read literally one chapter of, and then I was like, oh my god, and it helped me edit my last special because it was that was the thing I put off more than anything. I also have a book proposal do like on Wednesday, for my book that I'm supposed to be selling in the new year. And I can't do eat any of these things. I keep playing guitar, I keep um just texting friends, uh like listening to music, like I just find a masturbating. I find anything else to do besides these things. But what I did this morning because it literally is the last second, like I have to look at it today. And I was supposed to send notes before I went to the edit, so I was gonna work on notes this morning. Set my alarm for six. Had to be somewhere at eight, so I was like, I'll two hours to watch this seventy five minute cut. I got ten minutes in and I go, funk this. I cannot do this. I want to just sit with someone in an edit bay and go, no, can we see the other guys? But like, I just think that I work better in the moment when it's the last minute and it's not the last minute yet. Um. But I did use the tools that Ari Finling had suggested. I read this book called The Tools, and it is about um it is about the Brendan shob podcast. Now it is about I was just making people. Does he have a podcast? I think which one. He's always so nice to me. I don't know why I picked him as a tool. He's really always he He never says I'm like I think they say I'm funny, but he always says I'm hot, and it makes me feel good. Whenever my name comes up in a podcast, I'll just be like, she's so hot, and like, I don't know why it makes me feel fucking great. I mean, I do know why I'm shallow, but um, so the tools say you're supposed to when you were scared of something. And I just want to share this with everyone because this really did help me this morning. Even though I didn't get through it per se, it did help me. Just look at it and we got to go to break and what it is is you say, I love fear. Fear sets me free. Bring it on. I love fear, fear sets me free. Bring it on. And I elaborate a little bit more when we come back from this quick bread and Andrew. Now I just leave, Andrew, do you remember this tool? This this I love fear, fear sets me free, Bring it on? Remember that Mons Because this book that Ari told us to read, we both read the same chapter. Um. I can't imagine if we read two chapters in a book. I mean we'd probably know division long division, No, I think. Um, what I remember is is you speak out your fear. So whatever you you're most afraid of, Let's say your special sucks. Everyone hates it? Yes, and then like what's the words that can happen from that? And then you speak it out to existence and so then you kind of mitigate it by saying it closer, you get to fear. See. This is what I reread this chapter because I needed just to brush up on it. So if this thing you're dreading, or this thing a call you're about to make to your sister who you haven't talked to in a while, or you're about to clean out this garage that has just been piling up this thing. The further away you push it, the more scary it is. So imagine something, you know, the closer you get to it, the smaller it shrinks down in terms of taking over your mental space and and being something that you are scared to confront. Like once, it's almost like a monster that in the distance looks super scary, but when you get up close, it's the size of a chipmunk. So the closer you get to thing, it diminishes. And that's just true when you actually learn to confront these things. So what you do is you actually visualize, You visualize the thing that you're fearing doing. For me, it was editing my ushel and I was just like you know what, you try to convince yourself that you love fear because on the and not in a masochistic way of like I love pain, I love like the I love actually being scared and nervous, but I love the motion of fear tells me that I am about to conquer something if I get closer to it. I love fear because fear is actually this illusion. It's it tells you to stay away and it makes you think that you should be scared. But the sense of fear is actually you about to overcome something that is going to make you feel so good on the other side of it because it will be over, it will have an ending to it once it's done, and it's something that you know you gotta do. So what you do is you say, I love fear. You just keep saying this over to yourself. I love fear. Fear sets me free, bring it on, and you imagine yourself just walking into this like cloud of the fear and just facing it down on and really convince yourself, even if you don't that you of it, that you love fear because you know on the other side of it that it's going to be great. So when you start to change your relationship to fear, instead of being scared of fear, just re restructuring how you feel about it and be like, I actually love it. And if you say things enough, I'm not even kidding you. I never thought positive affirmations worked or like these mantras, but dude, they work. I was just reading about Lucid Dreaming, which I'm getting into because I started following the subreddit about Lucid Dreaming just too as I'm you know, about to fall asleep at night pick up little tips. It's a very convoluted concept and there's a lot of things about it that I don't really quite understand. And you've got to keep a dream journal, and you've got to do reality checks during your day so that you start doing reality checks in your dream. So during the day, every hour, you're supposed to set an alarm on your phone to do a reality check. If you see an inception, it's the one where you put your finger through your hand, and when you do this in a dream, your finger will go through your hand, but in reality, so if you do this all day. And I was just reading last night that this guy was like, for everyone who's feeling frustrated that you're trying to lose his dream and you're doing these reality checks twenty twenty times a day, maybe more, and you think it's not paying off. I'm not doing them in my dream. He was like, last night, it finally, after fucking months of doing reality checks, it finally happened. Where I was, you know, he was like making pancakes with fucking you know aunt man and over a grill, and he just was like, I'm gonna do a reality check, and he did it and then he was like and then all of a sudden he was able to be like, oh my god, I'm dreaming. I can do anything I want in this dream, and then he can move about it. So it's these things that you just it's trusting I guess that you don't have it all figured out, and that even though because positive affirmation seemed like the biggest bunch of hogwash to me, of saying something over and over and then it actually happening, I would love, besties, if you have any experience with that of like saying something over and over and then it really changing the way you look at something or the way that you live your life. I would love to hear stories of that, because my most I mean, I have a couple of faces the things that change me. The most simplest thing that has changed my life probably the most, was like two sentences and it's instead of saying I have to do something, you change it to I guess to do something, and it just I mean I remember, like, you know, you come up in New York and you do stand up and you you got to do a show in like the Lower East Side in a bar for five people that aren't listening and the TV might still be on, and you gotta be like, I have to fucking do this. I have and you go, oh, I get to perform, I get to practice, I get to do this, and it just changes how you It's such a simple phrase that really changed how I look at so much shit, especially stand up like and I don't know, it really helped me a lot. So it's like, if you like, you know you're a lot, you're dreading something or you're nervous about something, you just change it to It's like calling the insurance come any how do you how do you frame that? Like I have to call my insurance company. I get to like, I have money to afford assurance. That's cool, yes, yeah yeah? Or how about this, You're just fucking alive to be able to make the phone call and you're healthy, so you get it. The other day, when I did my Instagram live and I was playing music, I was just so grateful in that moment because I had all these besties watching and being so supportive. Noah was there, and I was just like, I was honest, I do it. I was like, I'm so grateful for my hands. I'm so like if you have hands. Maybe out there you don't have hands, or you have arthritists, even if you have authritis in your hands, like you still have hands, Like it's it's so simple. Gratitude lists are those kinds of things that really help you. Noah, is there anything that's coming to mind for you that is something that you thought wouldn't have worked in terms of this kind of fu fu uh? Positive affirmation changing the way you look at things kind of thing. I used to be the biggest pessimist and I was like, oh, this is such BS. But I just think it's um like the laws that you changed it to the best Ship BS stands for best ship exactly, And I just found, like through experience that positive energy attracts more positive energy. I've also learned to eliminate should the words should. Like for me, I just keep saying should is a dirty word? How can I make this phrase or statement without using the word? Shop good word? Should is the one thing I like a but should. Let me just say is that I never forgot this and I think I've shared it before. When your shoulders are like, oh oh my god, Like when when you have like a tension in your shoulders that's all the should's there, shoulters, because they're all the shoulds of like I should be doing this, and I should do that, and I need to do that, like when you're when you feel a pain in your shoulder, that's your that's that's a sign to go to drop the shouts, because honestly, it's enough that you're a live there. You know, I should be doing pilates, I should be my lawn should look like that woman's my hair should I should get my hair done? Like if you I need to say this to myself. You're doing your fucking best, Nikki. You're doing your best. And yesterday you had all day, you had twelve hours of travel, Andrew and I had yesterday And was my plan to tackle my special You damn right it was? Was it too, you know, work on my book proposal? Yes? Did I tell people that those were things I was gonna do? Yes? Was there ever a second I wanted to do them? No? Did I think about it constantly that I wasn't doing it? And did I kind of suffer all day? Yes? But you know what, there was no other way for yesterday to happen. There was no fucking other way I was never going to do that yesterday. It was not in the plan. And the thing is, it's not that I could have done those things because I literally couldn't. Yes, I had my laptop, Yes, I had WiFi, Yes I had the time, Yes, But could I do do it? No? Because I wanted to listen to fucking say Goodbye Dave Matthews, Tim Reynolds Life at Luther College a hundred times over and over so that I could, you know, mentally figure out the strumming and strum like quietly in my seat like a lunatic on my flight. That's what I wanted to do. That's all I could do. A couple of questions, one for Noah, when you instead of should, when you eliminate it, do you just do the thing that you think that you should have done? Like do you just is what it should that you're in your head this way? Like what's the example of, Like what do you do when you go, oh, I should have gone to jiu jitsu? Do you just go like is that? Like what do you think of it? Like a dirty word? Like don't say that? Yeah, I just say okay, Well, how do I feel today about going to jiu jitsu? And then I weigh out the pros and cons of going Okay, yeah, so I just don't like just having that mind frame of I should do that or they should do this or that. It's just I think it kind of um gives me like a sort of arrogance that I don't want to have, Like I know what's best for everyone or best for you. Thank you for hitting on that, like I feel like so often, And I know I'm not alone here. I have it all figured out. I know what would make me the best I could be. I know I know the right workouts, I know the right diet, I know the right like the right clothes to where. I know all of that. But actually I think that the choices I make might be what is the I actually I have to surrender and go I don't know. I I am not you know, I believe in like I say, God, but for me that is really the universe. And that even sounds worse to some people in a lot of ways, like the universe wanted me to have this. But I truly like I'm having a dilemma in my life right now, and I keep going like I have to make a decision about this, this needs to be decided it I need to look into the future because I know what's going to happen with this if I choose this lane, and I know what's gonna happen if I choose this lane. And you know, everyone has this in their life, whether it's small or big. These different lanes you can take. And yesterday I was just I had a friend remind me and I was reading through, um this this amazing app that I really recommend you buying. It's probably four ninety nine, but it's an alan On type literature thing, which is alan On is if you are an adult child of an alcoholic or you have any alcoholic family members. There's this group you can go to called alan On, and there's but this. You don't need to qualify for this. These are just good daily it's a daily reader and you it's an app and you just open it up in whatever day it's on. You have a lesson in there. And the other day it was like I just I looked for the one that I needed because what I needed to hear was you don't have it all figured out. You don't even know what's best for you. You really need to trust that it is not up to you. You didn't choose your brain. You didn't choose how your heart is. You didn't choose the color of your skin. You didn't choose your parents. Someone did. Maybe it's fucking just nature. Maybe it was, you know, just randomness, even if you don't believe in God and your total atheists and it's just random, you know, like I was just a fucking sperm that hit an egg and then all genetics happened. That still wasn't up to you, And it's still not up to you. None of it is. Your brain is making thoughts that you think you're in control of, but you really don't, because your brain was not developed by you. It's the thoughts you have were not chosen by you. Um, and that gets into no free will. But like I just have to go. I said yesterday about this decision that I felt was so fraught that I need to make. And even if you have a decision that has a deadline, let's say this one doesn't for me. It's just like a life thing, but one that is like a decision needs to be made tomorrow. Let's say you need to decide if you're gonna take this job offer or you know, quit your job truly, just try it. I know it sounds insane. The worst that can happen is nothing happens. But just go Universe or God or whatever you believe in, fucking random uh spaghetti monster in this guy, help me guide me to what I need to do. Let me just like relax and go on this ride, and you tell me what I need to do, and somehow somewhere you will know what's right to do, because whatever you do is the right way. Whatever you choose, even if it's the biggest regret you've ever made, it was always going to go that way. So just let it happen. It just it, just I just I That was a tool that I got from my eating disorder recovery that has helped me in so many things in life that I have to remember it is I keep thinking I'm in control of everything, what I wear, what I eat, and sometimes even what I wear. I go, this is a thing in recovery. A lot when you're looking at socks, you go, God, what socks should I wear today? And somehow something pops into your head of like these are the ones, and you just know it's weird. If you just surrender, like you have control the answer will present itself a lot of times. I think also, like, you know, did twelve hours? You know you go. It's funny when you say, like I had twelve hours yesterday to do to special You know, yeah I did. But if you really like think about it. One, it was the night before we finished, you know, thirty eight cities of doing a tour, right, you did three hours of stand up this past weekend. We traveled over ten hours over two different states before all this twelve hours. Right then, you're trying to do a hotel that smelled like cigarette smoke. I had to check, I had to repack and pack and leave it. I was crying before a show because I was so depressed this weekend. Twelve hours, it doesn't matter. And seeing about me that when the alarm goes off in the morning, it's a new day. It doesn't matter what you did this a can. You gotta work today and I gotta let myself off the fucking hook for it. And you're right. So that's what I'm saying, Like all the all these things accumulated to twelve hours, isn't I Yeah, I watched Succession twelve times, and uh, I think I finally understood it. You know. It took no I didn't watch the twelve times, but the finale was fucking awesome. I mean I saw Andrew he was watching, and he goes, what the fuck it's like? He was watching? It was crazy a slow play like shows nowadays, you know, they all come out all ten at the same time. You watch maybe seven in a row. You know, you're just like whatever, it's kind of background. Succession is just slow moving. One a week, it builds and it builds, and fucking the finale was last night, and it just all accumulated to so much drama and hilarity and just fucking backstabbing, and it was awes rich. Like I I really like God, I wish I could share it with you, but I really I'm gonna watch it. I want you to watch The Morning Show. If anyone out there's watched season two of The Morning Show, what the fuck? I can't even believe that what happened happened on The Morning Show. And I'm talking about episode seven or eight, you know what happened. And I was truly profoundly affected by it. I'm not okay. I'm still not okay. And I watched it five days ago and to meet everyone watched. I mean The Morning Show Season two came out a while ago, like months ago. People I can't believe I didn't see like people just in the streets screaming about it. Like sometimes you watch the show. I mean, I bet you feel the same way about succession of Like people talking to me about this today, people are like, if you go onto, I mean, it's the finality lived up because it's all about fucking greed out there these fucking children who are so underappreciative of their father, but the father is a piece of ship, Like yeah, and then this is the guy that you don't expect the fucking Okay, no spoilers, and you know what, fucking someone spoiled Sex in the City for me right away, Remy Casimir. You know what. She on her on her Instagram. She instantly spoils a big plot point of Sex in the City that I think happens fairly early in it. I watched the first episode of Sex in the City, the new one, and and it's called um and just like that, because that's what you know. Sarahdisko Berke says a lot it is filled with kut, you guys, I mean that show is already as fun because Samantha would always be like, I'll take white sauce on my pasta and on my face. You know, it's always like a kilne. But man, there are so many kid things like I was deeply uncomfortable for a lot of that showed Meno Pause in the Suburbs at this point, they look great and they're cute, but just carry is on a podcast and it's it's like a podcast with us assist male played by Bobby Lee, assist female played by Saraghis Parker, and like someone who represents like a queer non binary woman who and they're both comics, Bobby and the woman they're not playing. I forget the woman's um name. I feel like i've met her before. She's they're both great, but it's just like watching a podcast on TV is weird and they're asking Carrie about masturbating. They're like, oh, have you ever masked? Where? Where would you masturbate in public? Because they're talking about public transit people master reading, and Carrious like, um, I mean, I just I don't think I want to talk about that, and it's like this is this is not Carrie Bradshaw that we know, but maybe they're trying to prove that she's changed and she's gonna find herself now and she's gonna become brashin It's kind of a cool message that like, it's okay to be, to be, to not have secrets anymore, to not have these taboos that you won't talk about. So maybe, um, maybe able to get better. I'm gonna stay with it. But um, do we have time for the news or do we just blow past it? Oh? Yeah, let's get to the news. Oh boy, it's Monday, folks. You know what that means. It is Monday. We've already talked about that. But hey, I hope you're having all the swells, all of them, even you, uh, Steve. We've covered Dave, Steve and what was the last name you did? Generic names potentially Jeff, but I'd have to go over my notes. I have all the names written down, and I'm sure you do. Yeah, they're labeled under random names that, uh that are boring as fuck. Okay. A woman who makes a fortune on only fans for her unique look says that people call her a demon after getting her eyeballs tattooed. That seems like a logical response from people, she shouldn't be surprised. Okay, So she got her eyes tattooed. There's black and that literally looks exactly like my eyes looked like this weekend when I got liquid eyeliner in my waterline and it just made my whole eye black. That's what it looks like. Yeah, like liquid eyeliner. I do it in the waterline. It changes everything. But you're supposed to because I didn't have, um a pencil to use a pencil for eyeliner, you know, doesn't like bleed. It just is more like a pencil. But this was like a marker, and the marker just bled into my eye because my eyes wet, and then it made my eye black and I had to put in a cute tip and clean up my eye. That girl, um, I guess she's going to grow old with that, you know, with all those I mean, he says that she's never felt more comfortable in her own skin from Travis Barker because someone said something similar like, oh, you're gonna be sixty five with all that. He goes, Yeah, I'm gonna be with There's gonna be thousands of six year olds with tattoos, And was there a thing back in the day where they were like, you're gonna be sixty five with that like that, you know, permanent decisions that people were making back in like the forties and fifties, sixties seven, you know that are older. Now we're just starting to see tattoos age, like real, like a lot of tattoos. Yes, yes, we're just seeing those people reaching into the ages where it's like gravity. I mean long hairs, having long hair tattoos. But that's not it's not permanent. No, I know even though, but that it doesn't age well because guys who make their thing long hair, when they start losing their hair, oh, there's nothing worse than a little wispy ponytail. Like when it's this much hair in a ponytail, I want to I want to scream. It's the best because the ponytail just keeps you started like here and then just keeps going farther farther back. Um, I mean your mom got permanent makeup, right, she got tattoos. Yeah, and I bet that still looks good. Eyeliner is one thing that um on a on a lady never really, I don't think goes out of style. Um. I think, uh yeah, I think she just got so tired of fucking the tediousness of it. She was fucking like whatever. And and Jews aren't supposed to get tattoos, is what we were told our whole life. And I used to work for a permanent makeup artist, and um, we had a lot of Orthodox women who would come and do permanent makeup because you can't do your makeup on like schabbis or whatever, and eyebrows and all of that, and um, the Rabbis approved it because it was like a certain amount of layers of skin from what I remember. Whatever, it's all nonsense, no, but my mom said that like she could get tattoos because it was what's the word It starts with cosmetic or it starts with an a umsthetic And I go, I go, yeah, that's what. And that's what every tattoo is. Every tattoo is aesthetic. Like that's some and yeah, a lot of people with alopecia do permanent makeup too, right for to make eyebrows and and and you know women who have had their nipples removed from uh, you know, missectic mastectic missect messectomies. I had a couple of letters removed from that word just now. Yeah, my mom goes, you know, you can't be buried in a Jewish cemetery. And it's like I've okay, Like I don't really know what the fear of, Like, oh, how do I want to be? What do you want to do with your body after it's over? Whatever you want? Honestly, I dedicate my body to guys who would wipe the funk dead people because I'm dead. I don't. I mean I literally if that was a thing that you could do, donate your body to necrophiliacs, go, I just don't. I know that's like you do it when you're alive. You played the dead. Yes, I mean I love Coffin style, just sitting with like chalky makeup on. Wait? Should I do an open casket? If I die? Like open caskets? How do you feel about that? I kind of like them. I like to see the person one last time, even though it's just never what they look like. Everyone always looks like Abraham Lincoln. I'm gonna do an open casket, but I'll just be a little door for my penis so everyone could come and just be like I want to I want to see that assholet I want a corner's report on that thing. They're gonna be like, you're no matter what you die of, they're gonna be like it was this what he had a gunshot wound back and get stabbed in the neck and people be like it was his asshole, It was his asshole. No he died, he led out in like two minutes. No, No, we've got a canyon back here. Um My, my assholes. The black hole of like like it could just suck things in at any moment, you know, like when people like tap a spoon on a dessert and then it like cracks open a crumb brulet. Maybe is that what your asshole looks like? That that hole? That a spoon cracking on it a crumb brulet. You don't know what it looks like you because how does Steve you want to play the piano? Look, that's how you're able to like sense what it is. Look, it's the same way freaking Beethoven can still hear music. I I but assholes look bad anyway. Like I mean, they look fine, I guess, but they're not like this beautiful. You know. It's the same way I feel about vaginas, like aesthetically vaginas aren't just like they look like flowers. I guess you could be like, oh, that's beautiful. But that's a good point. You know, that's a good point because your asshole to be that that's of anything to be really hideous on you and assholes the best thing to be. That's a question about Andrew's asshole. Go ahead, no, please do. I was wondering, so you won't look at it with a mayor, but have you ever touched it to kind of get like the landscape? Yeah, that's the Stevie wonder aspect. Yeah. Yeah, he's Helen colored it. Yeah, so I could draw it because he rubs he rubs stuff on it. Okay, got it? So is it like a star shape? Like? Is it does it have like edges? No, there's like, um, there's like a what's it called, like a like a tonsil thing that like the hemorrhoid if you, oh, the little tab on the outside of it. But it's pretty long. At this point, I could probably get it removed. Wait, does it does your like when you poop, does that little tab lift like? Does it and scrape along? Like? Is it like coming out of a doggie door? Like? Does it have a does your asshole have a flap over it? Like a, yeah, I have a flap hoole mud flap. Yeah, I do have a mud flap, But I'm serious. Does it Does it overhang your asshole or is it beneath it? Have you done that before? Maybe? Yes? Okay, next news story? What if that is breaking news? Andrew Colin admits tucking his hemorrhoid into his asshole. My asshole has a drawbridge, That's what I'm picturing, dude, And it's just a piece of ship going I make cross and then my asshole just opens up and he goes, you make cross? God? Why do I want to see it so bad? I know, I think the more about it, the more she wants. She wants to get in there, just because it's just like, yeah, just curiosity killed my asshole. Um yeah, it's it's it is. Um you know it's something. It will definitely kill me. I mean I joke about it, but like I do have to get a colonoscopy again soon, like I had polyps that were cancers. It will probably be the thing that kills me. Like, no, would you rather be stabbed in the Yeah? I want you to get stabbed in the neck. That's so sad at your funeral though, What do I want some dips? Yeah, Like, would you want it to be a you want you want a little door for your dick so we can all see that in your casket and open. Yeah, And if it's if you guys are worried about it being open, we could just do a little like glass, little visual kind of thing, like you know, like a skyglass for my dick. And I want my dick to be fluffed a little bit because the last thing I want is from people to go wow, yeah, and let's stuff it. Yeah, So before I die, just make sure i'm hard somewhat not fully though, because i'd be embarrassing too. So I want to be half hard when you die, and I want people to go was he a shower or a grower or neither? Would you like to die having sex? You know a lot of men die of heart attacks while they're like having sex. Would that be would that feel good? Do you have that be your story? I think it'd be hilarious to die jerking off. I just don't know if i'd want to do that to the other person, like they'd never be able to have sex again. If you Oh you want them to go on and have more partners after you. Yeah, I would like that. I mean I would like to at least once before they die. Okay, next story. UM, let's see here. Um. Sorry, I'm reading off the computer because my phone is all right. Do you want me to share screen? I got you. A CNN producer is charged with attempting to entice miners for sex. He was able to convince the mothers of young daughters to allow the girls to be sexually submissive to him. Oh God, who is this? John Griffin conveyed thoughts, including one that a woman is a woman regardless of age, and that women should be sexually subservient and inferior to men. On occasion, he gave three thousand dollar playing tickets to a mom and a nine year old to fly to his home in Boston re engage a daughter in unlawful sexual activity. Awful, Ah, that is how. I don't even Also, Chris Cuomo's producer. From what I understand it was, who Chris Cuomo's producer? Oh my god, Oh, this guy's a producer. Okay, Jesus Christ, Oh man, come on, if you're into this ship, I know you don't choose it, but you got it, Like you've gotta make sure you protect people from yourself. Don't indulge in these things. Go get help Jesus Christ. Everyone's going after CNN like like, oh now, well, accuse the predator, and like that's where we've gotten to is like who's the bigger predator? They get excited where Fox News gets the right gets excited because we have a pedophile in the excitedly people die that aren't vaxed, Like we're pretty fucked up people like we are fucking fucked up, and this guy's obviously fucked up. The moms. I wonder how this guy got caught. Um oh, because he was using a kick and Google hangouts to solicit these people, and I guess somehow the FBI got tip or something. Oh god, these guys are so thank god. Horny men are stupid, I mean, thank god. It's how so many of them get caught because they just can't help themselves. But it's just it's so tragic and that poor child who has to deal with the fact that their parents. You know, sometimes when you're molested, like it's your parents, it was like negligence possibly on your parents part, but they didn't facilitate it a lot of times, and at least you can have peace of mind knowing that maybe they didn't protect you in the way they needed to. But um, and a lot of times they do everything they can and it still happens. I don't part of me is are really wildly as fun and they'll get you they want to. So it wasn't your fault. No matter what happened to you, it was not your fault. But to have your mom fucking well, here's the thing. Though he paid three thousand dollars in playing tickets, maybe the mom was just sick of flying. Like spirit it was like, oh my god, I could fly first class on American you know. That's like I'll give up my kid to have that seat, you know what I mean. Like, that's how bad can you imagine sitting next to like we could have been sitting next to these well, like you would watch a mom with her daughter and you just have no idea, you like, if you see, it'd be weird. Notice signs have been up there, up everywhere. Now, I mean, I love it because obviously it's they're tackling human trafficking and trying to get these girls out and boys too, But I mean, I really don't think that. Do you see those signs as like in the stalls in the airport too, on the wall in uh Okay, Yeah, where women for sure, you know the ones that are saying like if you're in distress or if you are being held against your will, there's help, text this number. It's like, well, they don't have a phone or tell a flight attendant. That's in the bathroom on planes is tell a flight attendant and there's you know, but these people, these kids, no no, no, nothing else. They and they think they're gonna be you know what, who's easier to trick than a child? You know, these these guys are going after the most no, honestly not. They're going after the most vulnerable. Prayer to get a kid to believe fucking anything, and they just you know, instill this fear in them that they're gonna their parents will be taken away, they're gonna get they'll die. You know, kid can be tricked into so many things. It's just we have to protect them. And you got to look out for suspicious activity and rely on your gut, even if you end up embarrassing yourself because you're worried about something else. Like, I gotta start looking at things a little differently too, because it is human trafficking is happening all the fucking time. And you just see a young girl with a guy and you think, oh, that's just Andrew and his girlfriend. But it's it's it could be a relationship, a consensual relationship, but it could maybe be something else. Or that's a guy with his kids. Look her mom, I paid her seven thousand dollars. Okay, no, But here's the thing, like with the CNN thing, I love when people go, well, you know, if you act, it's kind of the approach of like if you act better than or if you act or if you say you're great, really you're a piece of shit, you know. There. They love that, like like people love when people like funk up that act better than the other person, you know what I mean, Like they fucking love that. Well, usually that is what happens because these people the monsters, and they have or they're sociopathic and they actually do think they're better and they walk round with a false sense of superiority. But um, yeah, I mean, but who doesn't like to see that anything? All I want to see is people who think they're the ship. That's that's the most soothing balm to my insecure soulder I can imagine is watching people fail miserably. I love nothing better than someone with an insane amount of confidence eating dick. It's the best. One. Last story before we go. A thief was a little I think too cocky because he got crushed. He got crushed to death by a prius well, the catalytic catalytic, so he propped it up and then the thing fell on him. Yeah. The findings on the scene indicated that at some point during the cutting of the exhaust pipe, the vehicle fell off the automated jack and on top of the male subject. You would think of prea wouldn't be heavy enough, but I guess it was. It would be like a styrophone that you could just like kick off yourself like a big He died from just being embarrassed. It wasn't the way. Yeah, well, I mean that's sad. It's sad, you know, Like I know, he was a criminal and he was doing nefarious ship, but no one wants to be stealing catalytic converters to make a living. It's you know, no one would, no one would that's not no one wants to be. I mean, maybe some people do love being a criminal, but that poor guy, like that wasn't the end. That's not what he was wanting to do. I feel I feel sad for him. Um, I'm sure I was like, that's like a fucking mouse trap though, you know, I mean it's a I think he probably thought, even if his vally'd be fine, but you know, shout out to him and everything, yeah, and his family and shout out and the guy who's press has to be washed now, oh man and crushed to death would fucking suck. Dude. I can't even That's got to be up there in worst ways to die. Drowning is a is a top that's a top one, but being just slowly crushed to death by something heavy when you feel it and then it just keeps on going, and it's it's got to be slow. I mean, like drowning in like a baby pool, Like it's just pathetic. You know, that isn't the car that you want to you want to get, you know, a Honda Leaf or Nissan Leaf. At least it wasn't that vea. It's just like, yeah, you wanted to be a semi truck. You know, you want to get smashed by a math truck, that's what you want, or a sprinter van like you want to be. It's got to be something big, but not a you know, uh, what are those cubes with the hamsters that dance sion? Yeah, that would suck. I just rather than not say the make of the model of the car if something happens to me and just say that four wheels don't man, it would suck to Diana. Goddamn uber. You know, that would be the fucking worst being in an uber and being like I didn't need to even I could have gone with a different car if that guy would have been running. Like, there's so many what ifs in New York. Capt I got a wreck and I just got out. I was like, I'm not dealing with this ship I got in. I've gotten pulled over before and just gotten out and been like to the cop like I'm not part of this. I'm going to just go. But that's when I was drinking. I was like, it's not a big deal. I'll just leave to see. I just laughed. I got another cab. When you're drinking, all you do is care about yourself. It's just the weirdest place, even when you're sober. That's I just like did it. I wasn't making good decisions. But last night when we were taking the hotel, and I was like, man, the last time I was here, I was drinking so much, and I was like, I don't know, Like and Andrew's like, god, I we I wish I would have known you back then. I'm like you kind of you. I feel like I'm the same. I don't really remember being that much diff I was like, I might have been a little bit happier I was dying. But now I don't have, um, you know, I don't have immense guilt all the time, and that that that equals something that was very last. Let's take a break and come back. But why do I care? All right? Why do I care? Why do I care? Why do you care? Nick Michael Strahan goes into space? How do we feel about it? Um? He does? He went? Yeah, he went to space. He became the first American news anchor to fly to space. Following saturdays that the flight by platform the Blue Origin. The eleven minute flight let's ticket holders travel over three times a speed of sound. Float wait list for several minutes and witness life change. It's eleven minute flight. You're not floating for several minutes? Um, wait, he was up there several minutes to Sorry, it's eleven minute flight. And then it says you float wait list for several minutes. Now you don't eleven minutes? Isn't several? Yoh yeah it is? I think several is four more. If I'm saying it's gonna be several hours, what do you think of the taping is gonna take several hours? What do you think several is gonna be? I would say more than from the chunk of time. If it's minutes, I think several minutes is two fifty minutes. Andrew, if I say that our uber is arriving in several minutes, how many minutes is that? Si minutes? No way, does anyone think several minutes is fifty to sixty minutes? You would say about an hour? Then? Yeah, dude, It depends on the chunk of time, Nikki. So several seconds would be thousands of seconds, several minutes would be hundreds of minutes. Several hours would be of seven or eight hours. No, no, no one agrees with you on this. I'm already speaking for every bustie. If I say the Uber's arriving in a couple of minutes, that's two minutes. If I say several minutes, it's around four. A few minutes three Uber driver was floating in air in an air shut in a shuttle for several minutes. I would think it was about seven minutes. I would guests several of seven. I mean, call someone asked them, what you think seven minutes. I'll call my parents right now and I'll get them. I'm going to call in the Uber setting because Uber is only that doesn't work. I'm not I'm gonna say they floated in space for several minutes. I'm gonna ask what I think it was. Don't tell them eleven minutes. I'm not. I'm not gonna not say anything else talking about several of the Hey, mom, you're on my podcast. Can I ask you a question? Yes, I'm with Puppy right now. Oh? Is dad there too? By? Hi? Hi Nikki, Hi Poppy, I miss you and I love you. Hey, what's your question? Poppy? Poppy? Are there monsters where? Oh? Right there? Oh? No? Will you protect me from the shaking her head? Yes? Okay, good. Thank you, Poppy. I have a quick question. Mom. If I told you that someone floated in space for several minutes, how many approximately how many minutes would you think that is? For several minutes? Three? Good? Guess there are I know, Poppy. I'm so scared. Okay, several minutes is three? Okay, thank you for that. I'm going to call dad and get his response. Um, Poppy, I love you, Bye bye, Poppy. This family nice meetie. You would call your dumb family, but I can't. Oh, you know my family is not dumb. Okay, I'm gonna I'm gonna not blood. I'll call Matt. I'm calling my dad right now, but i'll call that too. I'll call Anya, I'll call you pick up. And my dad knows what's capable in space. He's very educated about space travel. On pick up glaze dog. Come on, baby, come on, cutie, I'm gonna call Matt. Here's the thing. You gotta say. They were in a space shuttle floating, not just floating, because I'm wanting a guy just they won't be able to hear him floating in a space shuttle. When we say that you're in a space shuttle in space and they floated in space for several minutes? Is that? I mean, this is a non starter, dude, no one you could pull everyone in. People are going to say less than ten. Less than ten don't even make sense. I'm gonna ask my very smart sister too. If you said said to me, hey, I gotta drive several miles to get to you, is that four or five? Yes? Dude? What hey, Lauren, you're on my podcast. I have a quick question. It's nothing personal. Okay, Hey, if I told you that someone went up in a space shuttle and that they floated in space for several minutes, how many minutes approximately do you think that would be? Several minutes? Yes? Um, I don't know, like at least six six minutes. Okay, Okay, thank you for your answer. Is anyone else with you that could answer this question? Any adults? Um? No, there's just a baby. Okay. Well, I just spoke to Poppy and she also said that it was several monsters that were at mom and Dad's. Wait, Andrew wants me to ask something else. If someone said you gotta drive several minutes several miles, how many miles do you think that would be? It's several miles to get to me. Several. I mean it's got to be over five, but under how many? Answer? Um, severn, I would say ten and below five to ten? Think that is what several means? And that is that what you think, of course, because it's what everyone thinks it means. Andrew thinks that if someone floats in space for several minutes, it should be like thousands of minutes. Sever several is not. Then you would just say Andrew thinks several is a lot ton of like a lot yes, or you would say up to an like an hour like then you would just go to hours. Okay, thank you for your input, Lauren, We're gonna keep going all right, by all right, um, let's try my friend cat. Do we google several? Can you google it? No? Yeah, let's google it. Maybe then we could just figure this out because in my mind, oh, here, several more more than two but not many is the definition. Hi on you, you're on my podcast? Can I ask you a quick question? Are you with any other adults right now? Yeah? Okay? Um, independently, I want to ask, will you pose this question to both you and the Are you with Matt? Yeah? Okay? If I told you that a space shuttle took off and was they were in space, and that the astronaut floated several minutes in space? How approximately? How many minutes would several minutes be? Several minutes? Yeah? Approximately? How many minutes is several? Thank you? And Matt would would Matt agree with that or disagree? I always agree with on you? Okay? But if if any weren't there, how many is several? Probably? Okay? Now, if I told you I was several miles away from you, how many miles would that be? Definitely over five and less than ten? Thank you? Finally answer, um, thanks guys, I'll call you later. Um, alright, so I rest my case. Andrew? Are you? Are you done? I gotta wait? Noah? Definition? Can you? I will not use it in a sentence. But the definition is small number for years? A small number more than two, but not many. Why do I in my mind think a several years is a long jail sentence? Well, a several isn't a thing. It's just several several is I don't know what that is, dude. I feel like I'm in a weird matrix right now. I think this is um that what's that thing called the Gelin effect or the Mandela effects. Yeah, where you think the baronste bears, you think it's but it's burnt it's always been burned, or that you. Mr Peanut has a monocle, but he does not have a monocle? Is their word? Really? Whoa? Yeah, Doc, isn't that wild? He never asked, dud dude, he is a peanut, but he has never had a monocle. Look it up. It's wild that several years in jail, Yes, Mandela was that makes it very more several? No, it's several is not thirty? Andrew, Andrew, I'm gonna find so funny Mandela. Alright, let's go to did we get to um? Oh, yeah we did. Why do I care? That's Michael Strahan. I mean I care because you don't know what the definition of several is. Final thought, Let's go through quicktop one, bottom one. Because this is a quick one, We're going to do condiments. Let's start with bottom. Your least favorite condiment. All right, who's going are we doing least favorite first? I'm gonna go ah, this is tough, uh spicy mustard? Whoa, because your asshole? No, but taste? But yes, that too taste okay, like a dijon even like if you an your boys digging in. But oh god, that's a little foreshadowing. But yeah, that's my bottom. That's my bottom. One mayonnaise, mayonnaise, anything with mayonnaise in it, I'm out. Don't like it, don't want to smell it, don't want to touch it, don't want to hear about it. I would rather eat calm. I would rather eat a strange man's calm than mayonnaise. I'm not even joking you. It's this. It's gross. Well that's not true, because I don't want to get diseases. But mayonnaise is foul um? Um does pesto? You don't like pesto? I didn't know we could go intos. Oh, you can go into any anything that you can rub, bread, spread, pesto spread. What's the what about the pesto that you don't like? You don't like pine nuts? Oh, it's it's not the pine nuts, it's whatever the green stuff is like to you're not a fan of green cilantro and I don't think it's cilantro um. So okay, pesto it's like interesting to to Herby, and I like Herbie. But it's too herby. I thought you were gonna say urban and I was like easy, they're um Andrew. Number one condom blow your mine? Wait wait wait wait, I don't know my bottom and spicy mustard, my top, spicy mayonnaise. There's a spicy man. Yeah, Japanese restaurants. Oh that's the ship, but it makes me ship before I leave the Oh that's a sus stomach cup. But god, it's good. Okay, what's that? What did about you? Okay, I'm gonna go. Um. You know, we did salad dressings last, so I can't count salad dressings, but I would go with that characteriner salad dressing. I would dip anything in that. But Catchup is my O is number one. I love Catchup and I love um and I'm just gonna throw one in there for fun. Sweet onion dressing at um at Subway as a condiment to put on your sandwich. It's so fucking good it changes everything. Andrew can co sign on that. I put several fucking pumps off of it on No. Number one condiment. Number one has to be barbecue sauce, and my favorite is Stubs barbecue sauce because it even comes in manly containers, like it's like a boot. I hit my wife before I make it, like, shut up, and I love it. Warmed up, little tip. What's the weirdest thing you put your favorite condiment on that? You've been known to put your favorite condiment on mac and cheese, Mac and cheese. Oh that barbecue on there? Yeah? Smart? Smart? Would you put it on a stuff? Would you put stubbs on a stub and lick it off the stuff? Yes, if it's warmed up, okay, warmed up? That stuff had been plotting something and rubbing its stubs together, going thankful for your hands, Be thankful for your stubs, anything you have. I had a friend in college named Dylan McCracken, and he would put mayonnaise. I'm not lying. He'd put mayonnaise on Checkboy r D in the can. He wouldn't even heat it up. He put the mannaise in the can. Eat the can with the mayonnaise. He he dropped out of college, failed out. I mean, I will put catch up on any fucking thing anything. But you know the weirdest thing I eat with ketchup, Like I I use the sugar free catchup that is um I get it whole foods. I don't know the exact it. I just love it. It's very good, it's very rich. Um my favorite snack I eat and this sometimes I just crave it. I haven't been lately. Seaweed snack. And I've told this before. You take a sewed snack, You take a little piece of just cold fucking tofu firm, you slice it, you make a little slice, you put it in the seawed snack on one half of it. Then you put a dollop of hummus or baby ganooche on top of the um tofu and then you fold over the seawed snack and you dip it and catch up. That is my favorite meal. I'm so weird. We love it. I love ketchup, but I don't like I like a thicker ketchup. I don't like running ketchup, of course. Yeah, I mean it's and that ketchup water. I mean I'd rather drink trash like the water at the b It isn't interesting catch up water. You don't want to bring condiments into the bed like you want to want to put catch up on a penis no no, But you want us to put something Oh yeah, alright, guys, that's the show for today. UM. I hope you got something out of it. I sure did. Um the several thing is blowing my mind. Dude, we did that was final thought? Yeah we did top one about it one final I meant it. But yeah, we'll be back this week. We're gonna be in Los Angeles for this uh this week, so we'll have some good l A stories. Um gon on Wednesday, we'll be off. So we're gonna beat off on Wednesday and be off. UM, I just want to give you a heads up for that. We're taking the day off. Our schedules just do not align to make it work. But we will be here tomorrow and on Thursday, so don't worry about that and don't be cut out there. And ver canton off, I think those are both beats. But we're doing the best we can