Between you and Nikki, turn your fears into a beach ball and kick them away. Nikki and Andrew remind listeners to work out for personal achievement not body goals... don't be a Count Dracula with your calories! Last night they had the most fun at a hockey game and Nikki explains how they got on the Jumbotron. You Heard It Here First, bad bad customer service vs good bad customer service, rebound sex is ok and Andrew's exciting story about a life change. Nikki shares a story about a bully she encountered early in her career, which inspires Andrew to seek out questions he's been meaning to ask.
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Nicky Glazery. Here's Nicky. Hello here, I am welcome to the Nicky Glazer Podcast. It's Wednesday, December one. Rabbit rabbit Do you ever do that? You say rabbit rabbit at the top of the month. Never have remembered in my life to do it? What do you? What are you wearing on your shirt? Zero fox? Given? Is that what it says? Yes? Oh? I like it? Um, that was like I guess the thing to say of like two thousand. That's a little but like I like, I, Uh, listen, we gotta get fox otherwise we're not going to get much done. But it does. If I saw you walking around with that, I'd be like, WHOA, she's intimidating, Like she doesn't keep a fuck And but little do I you know for people the voice of an angel, and you desperately care what people think. No, you actually, I don't think you do. You're not someone that strikes me as that insecure. Um, although we all are in our own way. Um, you're just uh. I wasn't an enigma you are. You're not someone to who is insecure. You're someone who is your unlike a lot of your unlike anyone I know. Maybe not anyone I know, but you're um you you have a type of anxiety I would never know about in terms of like, uh, I don't even know how to describe your anxiety. An Anxiety can be such a spectrum, like you get nervous not of what people think about you and like your likes and interests, like I'm I'm always worried about what it means about me. Fundamentally, you get anxiety. And by the way, let me just cut in and you can tell me what you get anxiety about about. But my guess is that your anxiety or insecurities are about just like nerves of being the center of attention or like, yes, I don't just being doing something embarrassing, not not even embarrassing. I just don't like the attention being focused on me. I don't what's going to happen? Like what's the fear? Uh? You know, I'm really trying to figure that out. I think I maybe like the burden of having to entertain because I do have social anxiety, and that's more about like how do I end a conversation without being rude? How do I get out of a situation? Well, these are all things about, you know, without being rude. That's like, so people don't think I'm a bad person, So it is it is in security is about a judgment of like who you are. But then there are times where I see you like, oh, just tell him, no, I'm not doing like You'll like sometimes you don't like someone, which has happened in the past, and you've been kind of perfectly spot on with the people that you are, just like, no, they're not good, and you've had this, like you know, back when we used to do you up and I would see you in studio with people, there would just be a vibe sometimes when you're like, I'm angry and I don't like them around and you are. So when I get that anger, I can't I actually go the other way, which is such an annoying trait of like I'm so scared that people will see it and that it will change the way they behave around me in order. So I think that when I fear people or I hate people, I'm scared that if they know how much I hate them, they will either they'll I don't know what the fear is that they know, because if I hate them, why do I care if they know I hate them? I guess it's this fear that they'll I guess I'm usually scared of people I hate because they're usually people that are very scary, like I. I don't like people that are manipulative, are in positions of power, are you know, exploit their power. So I guess when I fear that they know I hate them, because I know that they're sociopathic enough to use it against me if they know that I am not on their good side. So I think that's why I maybe that's it. I don't know what trying to psychote. Maybe because it's like you can't believe that someone would do that because to you, like in your values, you're a good person. You would never harm someone. But the fact that someone can go out of their way just know they can hurt It's about me though, It's about protecting me. I don't want if I hate someone, they're usually someone who is in a position of power and they're a bad, bad person, you know what I mean. And if they know I hate them, they will direct that sociopathy and that craziness at me, and I don't want to set that off because the people I I loathe the most, and by the way, it's all based like I shouldn't loathe, I don't. I try not to loathe anyone, and I truly try to like even someone like Trump, like I try to empathize or even someone like I just understand, like his brain is just a bad brain, and he grew up with bad parents and a bad system, and like, and he's just And I know some people are like a lot of people grow up with in that same wealth and that same kind of family system, and they don't turn into Trump. Well they don't have his brain too, so, which is a fucked up brain and the same kind of trauma that happened to him that led him to be the person he is and the people that like him. God, I couldn't understand people less and as I as the fear of him winning again and not conceding, which you know he won't even so the fear of him taking office no matter what, because it's it's not even who cares if he wins or not. We know that he will just take it even if he loses, really has been scaring me recently. And um it's been drudging up this like anger towards his supporters that I had I haven't felt since November of last year. You know that kind of went away, Not that I mean it bubbled up again in January, but um, it's just I haven't felt it, and I just don't like it. I don't want to. I don't want to hate people that that I don't understand or that you know. I've thought about recently. Is like I aspire to be a fully conscious person, and in order to be a fully conscious person, you have to take your point of view, but you also have a lot of coffee. You have to have a lot of coffee. Just make sure, like just being unconscious is like sleeping or getting knocked at, not that kind of box. Or like I want my soul to be conscious, like I want to be so like fully understanding of everyone, And you have to take in all sorts of perspectives and realize that there are perspectives that you don't know, that you don't even know that you don't know. Well, yeah, that's the whole free will. Like when I talk about Trump, like how could if my parents heard me empathizing with Trump and being like I can see why he's the way he is and I forgive him for it, they would go they would baffle them that I could have any kind of sympathy for that person, or Jeffrey Epstein or je Laine Maxwell or like any of these fucking abusers that I've heard about. But even um, you know you've everyone's heard me talk about it at nausea, and of like, I I feel bad for people who have done Like there was this I was listening to my friends radio show the other day and there was this girl on and she was talking about a show she had thought of that was so hilarious. She's, um, I'll plug her show. She's a a St. Louis talent. Her name is Lauren wait something. She was on The Courtney Show. Uh yeah, Risley Lauren Riseley and she's on this new um uh HDTV show called like Asked the Closer or something like that. But apparently it's a great show. I want to support other And she was really funny on on my favorite you know, morning radio show, the Courtney Show and St. Louis. I was listening to it and she was on and she was talking about a show she pitched or like you know, jokingly was pitching where it was like combined people's love of dogs and murder. And you find people that abuse dogs, you save the dog, and then you murder the person that did it, and which is funny. But I also I'm like, if someone's beating a dog, they have been very abused, and I'm like, okay, well let's drink that person down to a child and think about what happened to them that made them do that. I don't know, I've just even even like even like, oh, they need to be punished, made me go no, let's have Sometimes it's fun to be angry. Can I just say though, that your fear that you were trying to you were like, oh, I've been thinking about it more like my fear of having all the focus on me. Maybe weren't thinking about it till like actually brought it up. But I can't even plan a wedding because I don't want to be the center of attention. To be honest, Okay, well here's maybe this will help you and maybe whoever is listening, and you're like, weird, not weird fear, but you're valid fear of being the center of attention. Being um mine is being of seen as a joke or a fraud, you know, like I have impostor syndrome. Except for the podcast, I just want to say that for my stand up, I have impostor said drome where I think that I'm tricking everyone. I'm good, but I'm not as good as people think, and that I've figured out little shortcuts, and that I'm like a magician. And and you know, my therapist, my bad therapist, abusive therapist always used to say, and this helps me with imposter syndrome. I know. I love how much I referenced her as much as she was a bad therapist, like she's the only one I reference. It's like when I transferred from the University of Colorado Boulder and I went to Kansas. Everything I learned in college that was like Wow, that class really changed me. Was all my freshman year and I left. I keep thinking that her name is Maya abusive therapist. Oh my god, let's call her doctor abusive, my so doctor abuse if because honestly, this woman is if she's still out there, is capable of suing my ass um dr abuse. If I'm not even joking you, I'm going to call her that in my book, Maya abusive uh dr use of uh. And you guys can use this in your lives too. If you've ever had an abusive boyfriend. You can call him, uh, you know Mr abuse Ive, um so doctor abusef used to say to me, who do you think you are? That you've tricked all these people? You've tricked executives that you know in MTV Comedy Central, the comedy seller you tricked st into getting you pass. You think you're so good at tricking people, And then it flipped it on its head because I think I'm so shitty, right, My whole thing is like I'm shitty and no one knows I'm shitty. But really, the idea that I think that all these people were duped by me is really me thinking I'm pretty fucking great, which then turns your argument on its head of like you're actually what you're actually saying when you think you're shittier than everyone thinks and you're you know, an impostor, is that you're so cunning. You're like, you know, Leonardo DiCaprio and catch me if you can. No, and not these people are smart. These people a lot. You know, some executives are dumb as ship and they're just assistants that just stuck around long enough to be promoted through the system. And they don't deserve to be where they are. But a lot of people that approve what goes on TV are very smart and are smarter than me at picking stuff, and so I got it, and my fans, I never feel this way about pasties, by the way, and I and people that come see me do stand up. I It's not like I hate even saying this because it sounds like I'm I think that they're wrong or something like, I don't get this feeling unless it's like me posting a clip. But truly, my besties, this is the thing I'm like confident I'm pretty damn good at and even when I'm bad at it, it's good because it's that's why I'm good. That's the beauty of this podcast four days a week and being completely open is that when it's bad, when I'm not a good host, when I'm in a bad mood, when I'm sullen and grumpy and being a bitch to Andrew and being like negative, that's good because it's multifaceted, and it it's what I'm trying to bring to this platform or you know, this fucking it's it's not even what I'm trying to bring. It's the only thing I can bring and I feel good about that and even on my bad days and so I can accept that, um and then learn from it. I'm grateful that I've become such a better friend to Andrew through being such a count to him on the show and having people show me that and like tell me, like, hey, you should pay attention. But anyway, so, Noah, I talked about it the other day about my fear of posting clips. I talked about it a little bit right on Monday, and I saw that and then I posted a clip. I was very proud of you. So we're many people in my life. Thank you so much to those who reached out to me about posting a clip, because you know, I struggled with it. What I realized, Noah, and what you can realize about this wedding, okay, is that and this might help people because I just imagined I addressed the fear. Okay, Nikki has a fear of posting something online people seeing that she's not good. And by people, I mean like other comedians who are experts at this being able just then they get to look at it closely and dissect how bad it is. Because if there's a clip, you can dissect. You know, if if it's a picture of me, that's a YouTube link in my bio that takes some a couple of seconds, like you know, clicks to dissect. If I give it to them like here you go judge me, it's that's that's my fear. Okay, my fear is one or two comedians who literally are faceless to me. I don't even know who I'm picturing. Usually can picture someone judging me on Instagram. This whole sphere of the stand up clip. I don't even know who the funk is judging me, but they're watching the clip and they're analyzing it and they're going, she sucks. Wow. I thought she was good because she's presented. You know, she sells out on the road. She has pictures of herself looking like she's killing on stage. This is really I've never even paid attention. This isn't good. And you know what, First of all, that fear is based in my judgment of other people that I have of comics. Because I don't watch a lot of stand up, I just assume what people tell me. Oh you're good, so I guess you're good. This one person I respect probiically, I think you're good, you must be good, like something like I just kind of see who you know, touch you, and I go, okay, well they're probably good. I you know, I don't really watch stand up and then I'll watch it and I'll go, well, this is empty and unworked out in garbage. The reason I do that is because I feel like I am it's me projecting. I don't even that person is probably pretty damn good. So then I realized that once I named the fear really was like, Okay, that's the fear as people are gonna a couple of people are going to judge me. And within the comedy community, the biggest fear would be that it there they spread it around that I'm not good, because, let me be honest, a lot of comedians talk shit, and there are a lot of comedians who we would all as a group of comedians, not publicly, but have privately, in the backs of rooms and green rooms, decided our ship comics who are extremely successful, but we all know they're bad. We all know the public is being deceived. We don't understand why these people like like have their fans. And I bet you anything of comedians would agree that this person or these people suck. There's a there's a list. Not gonna give it. You can only assume um. And those comedians may or may not know that every comedian of comedians think they suck UM, but we all do. And I'm so scared of being on that list. Then I was like, Okay, let me say. Let's say I make the list because I post this clip. Um. Those comedians that are on that list, I they only grow in popularity. No opinion of a comedian has ever stopped them from getting something. In fact, I've seen many of these comedians that we've all agreed suck and you know, have deceived are bad for comedy. I've seen them reach types of fame that um get to the point where all the comedians that talk about them start liking them and becoming friends with them and associating with them. So even if my worst fears that I'm black did somehow, which it's just not, it's just not gonna happen. I've never seen it happen. And even if it does happen, Like, even if my fear is real, I was just like, fear is like it's it's it's invisible. I don't know why I pictured it I pictured fear like this like beach ball of like uh air that was like this negative air, and I was just holding the speech ball before I posted that, and I was just like, once you acknowledge what the fear is, it's like, okay, what really is it? It's nothing, it does, It's invisible, it doesn't exist. It's not like I'm gonna be in pain if I post this. Just disabled the comments because my fear was Andrews like, don't look at the comments. Well, I know you'll look at the comments, and I know other comics will look at the comments. And people like comments because people like being told how to feel about something, and that's the danger of comments. I do it every time I'm on a Reddit threat and there's a video posted. I don't even watch the video. I just go to the reddit thing because I don't have the pays for it, and I go, how am I supposed to feel about this? What are people's opinions so I can pick one that aligns with my beliefs and go with it. I'm a fucking lemming too, so that's why I disabled comments on it. I don't want people to I want people to form their own opinions. On it without any assistance, which I didn't. Even when I did that, I go, oh my god, I didn't realize comments were just a suggestion of how to feel about something, so you don't have to form your own opinion and be an individual. And so for you, I would try to picture the fear of the wedding day and all that attention on you and what it actually means, because what it means is is that you think that people don't really want to focus on you, that you're somehow like bothering us by doing that, or like it's like that you're putting us out by being the center of attention, and you're making us think, God, Noah wants attention. I guess we got to give this to her. She's so needy, or like the stays all about her. Well, the truth is, people don't have to go to your wedding. If people just and and yes, a lot of people go, oh, we have to go to a wedding. It's Snowa's wedding. She's my fucking friend from for eight years or whatever it is. That sounds like I'm saying what I say, and I would never be mad at someone. But the thing is it's up to them. It really, even in wedding invitation that seems like a non negotiable Yes, I have to go, it's their choice to go. And by the way, how great do you feel when you see someone you love get married and walked down the aisle? And have you ever in your life been filled with and even you know, maybe you do feel that when you're like, because I do feel that way about other comics. My fear is actually something I feel about other people. So maybe, but I think for you you could even go as far as to run it through your head and be like, I've really never felt that way about someone. And the people I have felt that about, and I'm speaking as you, and I'm also speaking as me. The people I felt that way about comedically that I go, oh god, they suck. And the people that you've maybe felt like, oh my god, she's such a bride, Silla, she's making this all about her. She loves attention. No one would ever put you in the same category as that person. It never know other things about you or me line up with those comedians and those brides. So this fear, it's it's just a thing. You have to take. This beach ball and just like throw it and go, okay, good, I know what it is. It's not an actual physical like barrier. There's not like a door you have to break down to have a wedding, you know, like fears people have, like real fears of like I could drown. I don't know how to swim, I don't you know, I might get hit by a car. I've been by a car before, like things that can actually kill them. Having wedding is not going to kill you. Posting on Instagram is not going to kill me. Um. And I did it. I'm gonna do it again. And as soon as I did it, I was like, this was easy as fuck. It was the same way it felt about going on first dates, which I used to fear so much, And as soon as I would go on one, I'd be like, where's the next one? Let's do this, because I would be on this like roll. It's the same way I feel about writing, you know, like I'm trying to write a book right now with this woman who's helping me, and um, I have this immense fear over writing a book because it's not gonna be good. I'm not gonna be as good as I want to be but a second I wrote a chapter. I was like, where's more? But then I took a two month break and now I just had a call with her and she's like, we're gonna get started again. And I'm like, I'm having that fear again, and I'm going to beach ball it and I'm gonna cricket. And it just hit the light and came back to me. So I'm going to deal with it later. But let's get Andrew in here and talk about some big news he has. Andrew. Um, so we're talking about fear, and like me posting, I know, well, you always wear those shirts that say you have none. I just want to double check that it's true. Um, we're talking about fear, and like, how like me posting the other day, I just, for some reason, after talking about it enough, which by the way, that helps, like journaling about the thing you're fearful of talking about it with friends. Like if you're just having it in your head, if you're listening to this podcast and all you do is talk about, like think about your problems in your head, you gotta get them out of your head. They don't do they start. You think it's enough because I used to think it was enough to to just think on something, put it on a paper, or talk to a friend. Fucking leave me a voice memo. I'm not even getting you. I won't I won't even listen to it. But leave me a voice memo on my d M s. And maybe a girl once did that and I did listen to it. She got me at a good time and I actually got to meet her at one of our shows. But honestly, say it out loud, write a voice memo to yourself, and then erase it afterwards. You gotta say it out. Talk to a tree, talk to your dog. Um. Noah just got over a fear of going back to jiu jitsu. She just told me, So, how long did you take off from jiu jitsu a while? No? Uh, well, yeah, I've been struggling with that. I did restart and then I took off for like Thanksgiving, and the week before I didn't really go to class. It was like two weeks after, like I ate a bunch and was very like seditary, and I had this like big monster in my head like, oh, you know you're not gonna remember, You're gonna be winded, You're not going to be able to do an hour and a half, and then I was telling a girl in the locker room. I was like, I had this whole big conversation in my head before class, trying to get me not to come here, But I feel so good right now I had I was able to help someone. I was like, I got some good tips and I just felt so fulfilled at the end of class, and I was like, why do you have to have these monsters in our head? Dude? We gotta Okay, everyone who was listening right now, we all have something right now. We are so fucking dreading tackling, whether it's cleaning your room, cleaning a garage, taking your dog to the I'm just listening things that I have to do, making an appointment for the guynacologist, going to talk to a therapist. Like, right, don't do anything about it today. You want to clean your room, you don't to fucking call your that you've been avoiding calling. Just righte about it, or talk to someone about it and talk about the fear behind it, because it's not like, oh, I just don't have time to do it. You have. If you have time to ship, you have time to do any step towards these things. And I've noticed too, like with jiu jitsu, for instance, like that's a tough workout, like that's why it might be a little bit more if it's a if it's a harder thing to tackle, the fear will probably build up. And what kind of sucks is if you're gonna take a class, maybe you just want to start with rolling around for ten minutes and kind of build yourself up, or you go to the class and you fucking I did a four mile run the other day and it was so embarrassing how after two months I went from running eight my eight minute miles even like some seven fifties and four miles to an average of It was like and I tried my best, and it was so demoralizing. But guess what I just that ron wasn't about being fast. I was just trying to My point is though, like if it's if it's something too lofty, too lofty, like for instance, I went like I haven't worked out, and why I hit a ton of golf balls. I really did work my ass off with that stuff. But I stopped lifting completely and then I started looking for workouts that were like golf specific, where essentially it's like how can I sit down and eat a sandwich and go like this and that will help my golf swing. Like, I was looking for workouts that were the least tough as possible because I was afraid of like having to work out so hard again and sweat. But then I just started doing the half hour at uh three months per hour on an eid incline on and I swear to God, once I did that four times, I'm like, okay, I'm ready to start doing a little bit of circuit training. But it's literally just that little incremental step will open you up to being okay, I can, I can go workout. I'm telling you this. It's weird, like and that's done big enough workout in its own. The treadmill is a great I hate treadmills. You know, if you can walk outside, it's always better. But like it's it's that incline. I love doing um. You know, if you're trying to get into well, no, I'm not giving you like doing that. You know, if you're starting out today, like with a workout regiment where you're like, oh god, it just seems so insurmountable. Up twenty minutes on a treadmill and literally do three miles per hour, start on a three inclines to give yourself not just flat three incline, and then move up one degree and like move to a four after two minutes, and then get to the point where it's just you're like heav hoeing and then start going back down every minute and you want three minutes is never gonna feel like a lot or three miles per hours, But when you're on a steep England, it's gonna work you up to a sweat and you're gonna feel like something and you'll just think about the thing that you want to tackle. Because workouts don't have to be I swear to god, you guys don't have to be like they just passed on a fucking add possible ad because it was some fucking intensive workout bullshit. And I just don't want to promote that stuff on the show. And you know, God, when we are in a position where we need too, I probably will. But it's nice to be able to say no because I don't believe in these high intensity workouts. I don't believe in the keep your belt on bike stop with this eight under calorie burning eight under galleries, it's a fucking hamster wheel the like from me jiu jitsu. Like Andrew said, it was intense workout. Like I don't go to jiu jitsu for a workout, which is what I love about it. I go for personal achievement and for all the good little what I've run for. I run. If it's if I'm running to burn calories or because I want to work off a meal, I don't get to run. I don't get to do it if I'm running. Like that's my new rule for myself. It has been for two years. I've maybe slipped once where I was like, go extra hard because you ate too much less night, and I, you know, had to do some prayer about it or journaling about it because I swear to God. And it's easy for me to say, NICKI, you're skinny bitch. You know, whatever weight you are, if you're trying to lose weight, if you abuse yourself with exercise and punish yourself, you're never gonna view it and it's always gonna be something that only comes into your life when you were, you know, at your lowest, and that you punish yourself with. But it's really I never believed people when they were like exercise can be something like healthy and that that you want to do. But if you if you don't kill yourself over it, and you're not doing it to punish yourself or to like make a wait. I just believe it's the best approach and you can be I've I've never I've had I right now, I've am the best I've ever looked naked, and I have not dieted, starved myself even for a second. I have not worked out to achieve anything in two almost a year and a half. And that's crazy because I was trying so hard since I've was eighteen to look a certain way. I tried for eighteen seventeen and a half years to have the best body possible, and guess what it was there all along. All I had to do was stop starving exercise and you just have to spend thousands of dollars on some big lush kettle belt it. I did not get faked it, but sometimes it does look like I would if I if I would, if I wanted them, I would absolutely. I'm such an advocate for getting whatever kind of work done you want. But I really hope that people don't punish themselves with exercise trying to get in shape, or here's a culture, especially with men, where it's like, oh my god, I saw this TikTok the other day, and and the guys like, stop being look at it, stop being a fucking pussy. That the fuck like that stuff I did. And then the guy though, and then it cuts to this guy who couldn't be any more nerdy looking, and it cuts right to him and he goes, you get out of the gym. That's great, you get the gym. You It made me laugh so hard. I love the aggressiveness of not doing something like you'll be lazy, you'll be lazy, and it's like that's what you're hearing, and it's like, oh my god, it was just so fucking funny. And I yeah, I just think like this idea of like, look, I respect someone like David Goggins. I listened to his book while falling asleep on the couch while you know pizza. No, there's something to all of the stuff, but it's just no, no. But my point is like like the idea of like you have to kill yourself, don't think of it like that because you're gonna avoid it, like just fucking walk on a three month per hour on an eight and I promise you you're gonna feeling great. And I'm telling you like and listen. I've always said, if you want to know how I got this point of view and truly accepted in my heart, you can always damn me and I'll let you know my secret. But UM, I hope that some of this trickles down because I just never thought it was ever possible to not work out every day and not be counting calories, which I still count glories because I have a brain and I know what calories are. But I don't stop counting calories like I can't if I'm counting calories. You you stop telling me to count calories? Is that how it works? You stop? Stop stop? You stop not counting them? You count? Um, get a calculator, bit you've down? Um. Yes, I just like yesterday I was counting. I was like adding up because I was like, I feel like I'm so I went about it. I was so longer we'll go at four am? And I was like starving, and I go, did I eat enough yesterday? And I added them up? And so there's sometimes I do that where I just go did it? Did I not get to I do like calories a day without question. How many carbs do you do? I don't think about carbs. I let my body decide, like is there cauf? Oh fuck yeah, o'meal is carbs. O'Neal is just a car It's like a fucking carb. It's that's carp. But you do eliminate bread. It's like bread. I just it doesn't. It's something eat. Well, that's a thing that I do that if you look at me, eat a sandwich or like things, eat a plate of food. I will avoid the things that are like loaded with just empty stuff because I love eating and I want to eat, and I just prefer the taste of vegetables over bread. I would rather have four times the amount of vegetables than a piece of bread, which is going to give me the same kind of caloric nutrition, and that stuff can be. You know, I'm not perfect with like I eat weird fucking foods, but there's never a point where I'm trying to eat less of I used to eat, you know, salad, but I would still count it and try to get under you know, my aim was always like fourteen under color or something like that. Guess what, Yeah, but that was the aim. But guess what I blow. I would I would get up to four thousand because I would try to hit fourteen, and then I would start to eat at night where I would think, oh, you know, no one's watching, God's not watching now calculator, and then I would blow back. I would triplet because I was started. There should there be a number in mind for people. Know, you know what should be if you feel hungry, and but you got to recalibrate because I didn't know what hunger was. I still don't know. Sometimes, even like when I woke up a four in the morning, I was like, is this because I'm anxious? Do I want to just have a taste in my mouth to like feel Because food is a drug, I mean the sugar and all the things they set off, all these endorphins in our brain, the oxytoastin, and it's like a drug. So it's hard to hard to recalibrate. But um, hunger feels um like you can you can track it by just being like, Okay, what did I eat? Did I eat enough? Today? Like I have like this is I don't I don't mean to like brag and talk about foods and like what I eat but if this gives anyone any kind of hope for how their body could be, And this is something I do no matter what, and I will do the rest of my life. I have like five six hundred calorie breakfast every single morning, no matter what I ate the night before, how late I ate it. Always I mean, it will be four if I ate a ton the night before, because I'm just not as hungry up to six to eight, Like I will go buck, what if I'm still longer in the morning I'm eating Because it's just it. You always think it's going to fuck you over later on because you're like, I'm still gonna eat as much as I did yesterday later on, but it's like you just don't. And like that's I think that is the key, is eating a really hearty, filling breakfast. And I always used to roll my eyes at that and the idea. If you would have told me two years ago that I would eat six hundred calorie breakfast, I'm not joking you. I would have said I'd rather die rather yes. And I was thinking about what I ate thinking about, like the departments I've lived in, and like what I was like thinking about my and like and I was like, oh my god. The apartment I lived on that we met on with the where balcony started. I literally never made a single meal. I didn't use my microwave even once. All eight protein bars all I ate, and then I would eat, you know, salads at the cellar so I would get a little bit of like veggies and actual food. Literally subsisted on protein bars for three and a half four years of my life. Or Gain should build build a wing of their factory and name it after me, because I bought you that I used to go, I used to eat. That's all I ate. I won't touch another organ bar the rest of my life. I like it. Disgusted me that because it just but I liked it. That's what I needed at that time, and that was fine. I liked it. There was never a time I ate those being like I wish I could have something else. I wanted that so it but thank And right now I'm in a fucking I'm still in my oatmeal protein oatmeal kick. It's all I want all the time. I have to force myself to eat other things with other nutrition. It's just what I want. Am I fucking around with that oatmeal? So that I can do less calories. No, no, no, I'm eating just as much as I would if I eat another food. But it's just all I want, and I forgive myself for that because the other I'm not starving myself anymore. And that's that's the fucking key. That's why I get so frustrated. Last night, we were with my lover and he like, I could tell he was hungry because he mentioned like, I'm kind of hungry, like after we went to the hockey game. We're on our way home and he was like, yeah, that chicken sandwich wasn't good. I'm hungry, And I was like, I have to be with this guy through the night, and then he's gonna wake up. I know he's gonna wake up, not in time to get breakfast before he has to go to work. He's gonna be and he I need to just stay out of people's fucking business because but I have to be around it, and then I needed But do you think that he changed his mood changes when he's hungry. No, but I get frustrated sometimes not with you, by like no, of course, with me, yeah, but it but yeah, of course, you know I try to control your food too, because I'm like, we're about to be on a seven hour flight and you don't have any snacks. I just don't like when people make assumptions of how I'm going to be in the future before it even happens, even though they've been around. When you get you are different. When you're hungry, you don't get angry. Yeah, I've never I've never really like And my lover doesn't get angry either. He just gets like, he gets less fun, He gets less fun, he's not as present because he's and he doesn't even I don't mean to. I believe that he doesn't even know he's hungry and he's so picky with food. But I don't you know what I can do. I can go go home. I don't want to be around you if you don't eat, but then it leads to a huge fight. Well, I think you need to wait to see if his attitude is changing. Before you mentioned he got a meal in last night. Oh dude, I posted a video last night before to get to the dues. We went to the game, into the Blues hockey game. That might have been the most fun at a sporting event I've ever had, Like I've had some I don't know what it was. I was feeling so fucking giddy. It was so silly. Tron dude, we got on the jumbo tron. I was on right away as I took my seat because I was wearing an obnoxious pink sweater. I think people just like saw yeah when when uh my love and I sat down, they and you guys were Brenna and you were still so much fren You guys were like at the concession stand. We we got seated, we sat down first, and then we showed up right away and we were like, oh, I got high and it was just two seconds and then the whole rest of the game. I'm like, oh my god, they're gonna put us on again. We posted an Instagram story. I tagged the Blues. You didn't tag the Blues, which is your big mistake, because the Blues are watching the story what they get tagged in. They reached out to me and they were like, oh my god, you're at the game. Let us know what sections so we can put you on the JumboTron and the like and call you out. And so I was in the bathroom when I got it, and I'm like, okay, I want I want my LoVa to be on with me and be a fun moment. So I didn't tell them which section I was in until he got back because he was trying to go find merch to buy you and Brenna. And I was like, God damn that his generosity made him miss the Jumbo Drawn. And so I'm sitting in my seat holding holding like, have the d M written of my section, row s numbers for all of us so we all four could get on, And I'm waiting to send it till he gets back because I know they're going to do it right away. And I'm like, he's taking forever, and I'm like, fun, they're gonna find me before I write back. And of course they found me, and right as he's like at the top and I'm like, I'm going hurry. I'm calling him over because I have a feeling it's coming. And then all of a sudden, boom, we're up on the Jumbo Drawn and Andrew and I are just like, go, did you see on my Instagram story there's a yes? I said next year, hopefully my name will go up there too. You could have gotten your name, and Andrew I recognized yesterday before I did by the way. A guy came up and was like Andrew Colin. He came up from be honest. It was like, he is the nicest kid. Yeah, well he's not listening to this because he didn't even he knew from and then he learned about you from me from being on Rougan, but he skipped our podcast and just went straight to puddles. I was like, dude, everything he was right, what, oh, yeah, you're that girl aiden a order. He plays like football here for a local college. Anyway, it was a kid I think I might have ever met, like he wrote me before. He's like, dude, I just want to hang out with you, like he wrote this before. I don't know. And I realized he was sitting he was sitting up in the nosebleed. He figured out a way. Well, he saw you post that you were there, and then he came down and found you. But I was freaking back to the Jumbo Troyn like so Nikki's on there like this, and so I get in there, I go yeah, someone said I should have proposed, well we're going to go back, because that was Hockey games are so fast, they're so fun down everything's brightly lit. The atmosphere is good, like baseball games, love for the people watching, but this one is a smaller arena. It's my goal to play an arena that size. I realized that's my next goal is to do twenty thousand seats. Because I was asking my love about it and he was like, um, I go, how many seats this? He's like probably, And I go with Taylor Smith played this and he goes, she has, but you know, probably not anymore. She's probably doing. You know, I go to this is where we saw the rolling Stones. He's like, no, that was like six and I'm like, oh, it's it felt small for some reason. It's the Enterprise Center. The Blues game was so fucking fun, dude. I mean we were down. We got there five minutes into the game. We're down three nothing. I'm like, did they start? Did they just give them three goals? Because we were playing fucking great once we got there. This is all news to me because I never once looked to the score. Yeah, but we can't realize it was a good sports game. I had fun because it was I got on the jumbo Tron and I was with my fronts. But it's so funny that you like it was a good game too. Know. It was like like one of the best games of the season. If if a hockey team is down by three goals, the game's over, it is Yeah, that doesn't we don't come back from you don't go to overtime and then winning a shootout. It was really fun. It so fast he scored a goal. Okay, uh, Andrew, let's get to the news. Here we go. Oh boy, it's Wednesday, folks. You know what that means. It's Wednesday. I hope you're having all the swells out there. We did because we were on the jumbo tron. We're better than all of you. Just kidding. Maybe all right, let's get into it. Oh man, this story kind of made me nauseous. A woman was scarred during laser treatment after her beautition became distraction distracted while arguing with her boyfriend on the phone. Oh my god, I've I mean, I've heard of this before. Sabrina Jolie is my uh one of my best friends got scarred by laser. Like it looked like she had a trache otomy because she had like a hole internet from getting like hair removed. And she was at the I met her for the first time at just for laughs in Montreal two thousand seven, and she had to wear a scar for underno because she had the fucking hole and she she got a fucking little son. No, no, as she should have. Oh, she did get a settlement. Got guess wait what so she was getting what laser retreatment? Was she get laser rejuvenation? Oh? I need to know which kind, so I can wait because I love that she's in Turkey. How much money do you think she got in them? I'm guessing three thousand because it's going to be low. She got her money back two Oh my god, what the fuck? Can you imagine getting your face burnt and they go, hey, we could give you store credit. She looks like, you know, a Thanksgiving turkey that was done in the deep friar. Wait, what the fun? She looks so young in that picture on the left, and then she looks, can I see it? The attorney. The attorney is smart by putting up, you know, the hottest photo she's ever taken. Well, not that smart, because he only got her two wind turkey cash. Oh poor sweetie. Oh asley Ehan suffered permanent facial scarring from a laser treatment going awry. So this was in Turkey though. Oh my okay, well, I see what's going on here. Um, she went to a treat her scars, but only it only made it worst. She has she had not only physical pain, but psychological damage. Not only was my face badly burned, but I had a lot of psychological distress. Oh my god, we think that the penalty for oh my god, you know the burns. I think she's going to be okay. I don't know how quickly after this picture was taken, but this is kind of how you look after a laser treatment. You have to go to another laser treatment. Probably she'd probably have to yea god, but how fun I'm sorry, How like funked up? Is it that the beautician was on the phone with her boyfriend arguing like she couldn't even wait until she was done with the job. It's so wild, what people, I mean, we talked about on you going up to the woman at the gate. I told that story at the opening of the show, you know, when she told that woman to oh, you had left the you had left the great The other night, Anya had told the story of going up to a woman at um when she was on her way to Denver for my special who was talking on her speakerphone loudly. She went up and was like, hey, could you be quiet? And the woman was like no, and she was like, she goes, we can all hear. She goes, I don't care. She goes, you don't care, and she goes no, and she goes and on his like okay, well great, and she goes, that's pretty rude, and she goes, you're rude. And Anya was like shaking, like vibrating with fear, and then she went She ate a little bit longer, and the woman was a gate agent. She had like a coat on, went on, your approached her, she was like sitting in the corner and end up being a gate agent. It's just like people. Have you ever had someone like do something inappropriate while you're getting a service? Yeah? I mean well I talked about the other day to clipping the nails and um I had uh oh, well the eyebrow incident of two thousand six before the wedding where they put on I don't even know if they put on wax. I think she just put on like Elmer's glue or something way worse than wax and just just not really paying attention. You would have noticed, and I hate when people funk up. Watch it with those aseticians. Sometimes they really are just like you don't. It could be the first day in the job and they are using really hot stuff that and people's skin burns. It different. But here's the thing I think like when people this is the thing though, because like with business, you can't apologize because once you apologize, you yeah, so then you go, oh, no, this is what it is your eyes are supposed to is it When you are at a restaurant and you have ordered something like, oh, I need ranch on the side to you order it with your meal, right, and they write it down and they go okay, and then they deliver your thing and then the waiter runs away and they haven't gotten the ranch, and you go, oh, they're going to get my ranch, they don't bring it whatever, and then you know, three minutes later, you catch something just walking by refilling someone's water and you go, oh, hey, can I get that side of ranch? And they go, oh yeah, I'll get you side of ranch, Like it's the first time you ask. Is a fucking move. And I don't like ranch lighting sucks. If you guys have been ranch lighting, and let's call it. Let's kind when whenever some you know a customer service agent or someone working in customer service, because listen, customer, you know I have some much empathy for customers. I'm I'm tipping. I'm tipping five dollars on every Starbucks drink I get in this holiday season and I really like I don't sunk around because it sucks out there, and I hope, UM, Starbucks, can you unize by the way, I'm in support of that, UM, but it's uh and yeah, will you just please everyone out there be nice to everyone working for unless you get working for any kind of corporation where they don't they shouldn't take pride in it. And you know what I'm talking about pretty much any job that isn't their family business or something that is like their passion in life. Just let them suck at their job because they're making fourteen dollars an hour. They can't afford to live an apartment on that like it's the system is broken. Just be kind and tip generously if you can this holiday season. To everyone working at a car rental place, if they're moving slowly at Starbucks, if they're moving like molasses at a fucking there even if they burn your face. It doesn't matter what job. If they burn your face, it's fine. If you're paying four hundred dollars for a laser treatment, you should you you should get a level of respect. If you're being set dollars for a lot day, I'm sorry. I know that's a Lotte for a latte, but it's still seven dollars and this person doesn't really give a funk about you. I hear you, Nikki, but I think seven. Or if you're at Starbucks and they pour that hot coffee on your face, you gotta have some empathy. Honestly, I think that is one of the best treatments out there that no one knows about. And I was going to do a TikTok about it, like, hey guys, here's a secret Starbucks. You get a vanilla Lotte with non fat milk, and you get extra hot, you gently pour all over your face, wait two to three business days, and then afterwards, when it all peels off, you will have a shiny face because you will look like a burn victim. Look really doing. Um that's my taste for a few bucks. Um Starbucks, Oh, I get it, Okay, Next news story, that's pretty good, let's go and honestly, guys, let's all and I want to hear from our listeners not only about being ranchlet, but also about horrible cousin no, no, no, about first of all, yes, or horrible customers. That's great to hear stories so we can all learn to be better, but stories of where you went out of your way to actually be a good customer to someone who is giving you shitty service and doing the opposite and saying to them, hey, happy holidays, I hope you have a good day. Hey listen, I know you guys are slam. Don't worry about the weight. Thank you for even saying sorry about the weight, or like just a thing where you went out of your way when you didn't have to. And I'm going to try to do the same. Also, if you work at Amazon, I kind of want to know, like what's really going what's really going on if you work there? That really still being in bottles and stuff like that as being poured, party whispering and so we don't get caught by bezos and so that you know, Siri doesn't hear us, which's not serious, Lexa, But I think this is when Alex starts listening. Once you start whispering, you have the robots are listening because they go, wait, hold on, someone's talking that. They're they're all like my mom, Bobby and wrong. And then they go they didn't hear that, hear that if you went warm wrong. Okay, one more new story. We can out loud loud? You know, I actually like doing the thing. Let's just do It's very hard to edit this though, Oh it is why we whisper? Okay, why don't we just do soft spoken? Then? Okay? Is that better? Yeah, try to do it as softly as you can. Studies in the case that the benefits of rebound sex are usually greater than the damage it causes. The benefits you're seeing the benefits of rebound sex are greater causes. I would um, I would agree because I do think that rebound sex is not based on someone being open to falling insanely in love with someone. So you're not going to have those negative effects afterwards of being addicted to someone because you're trying to get over someone you're already addicted to. Thus it's only going to um, it's going to innesthetize that pain that you're experiencing. Oh, you're trying to get over rather than create a new pain. Um, so that is good news for everyone was using rebound sex as a way to cope with your broken heart. I never thought of it this way, honestly until I softly spoke it softly spoken, because I guess that's the only thing, the only way I could learn at all. Yeah, I get out there and rebound just be safe. But I always felt like when rebounding that you're like trying to fill a void. And I guess if you're not looking at it, trying to just because it can make you feel more secure with yourself of like how you look, so you are because someone else is fucking hell. Yeah, I think that's that's all true too, And it just it really did. I remember that scene in um, the John Cusack movie High Fidelity, where she's his ex girlfriend is grieving the loss of her father and she's just crying all the time, and she's she sleeps with her ex. She goes, I just want to feel Wait, that's a really good impression, if you know what I'm talking about this, I just want to feel something else, and then she gets on top of him and like starts grinding. It's such a hot scene. But you know that feeling of being so sad you want to feel anything else. That's why we reach for food. That's why we reached for drugs like sex can be a soothing balm to put on your broken heart. So go out there and get it. That's that's good news. Let's take a break and we'll come back with hold on before we go to a break before on our other break, you said Andrew had some news. Let's take a break and come back with Andrew's news. Okay, is that? Okay? I want to tease it. You gotta listen to the commercial first. All right, we're back Andrew. What's the news. Oh? Uh, so Brandon and I are moving in together. Yes, you announced that the other day. And Louis, we scoured the area. We went to Lincoln, we went to uh Grove, we went to Park Central West Ends, we went all over the place, both ends of the Central West. We went all over. We saw more than and we have decided. After drumroll, please, and I know this is gonna this is gonna. People are gonna be talking about this. No, people already see it coming. We're moving place nine floors down in the same building. And he's not. It's really happening. You guys. We found a one bedroom in the building and love it. I'm thrilled. This building is a great building. How we feel about it. And honestly, this morning we had a little bit of a technical thing that had to take place, and I go, oh my god, I'm going to have to do that stuff if Andrew doesn't stay close enough to come over and fix it before the podcast. Not anymore, buddy, you just take the elevator up and boom, wait what Okay, we're moving. No. I'm so excited to have you both in the building because I will, like, it'll just be fun like sometimes last night, Brenna can just come up here and we can have some girl time. We can sing some Taylor Swift. You guys can come up here and we can watch movies like well, we'll probably hang out more because of this. I think it's going to be a great thing. And I do. Uh yeah, I'm gonna have to fucking you know, my commute to work and moving down nine floors. I never I want to die in this fucking building. I love it. Let's do our our wild card Wednesday game. We are playing Esther Perel's new ish board game called where should We Begin? Yep, and that's I said it like a question because it is a question, but I said the wrong kind of question, where should we Begin, which is also the name of her podcast where she Uh it's a great podcast. She's an amazing woman who uh opens up her therapy office and you get to listen to couples go to a couple of therapy and it's so helpful. But this is a fun game where you pick two cards. One is like to set up the premise of like, we're going to tell a story about this thing mirror that Yeah, that yeah, the Taylor Swift magic gate ball, like in your head, you asked it, yeah, runaway, don't say yes run away? Oh shit? All right, well and that thing always gets it right, all right? About the subject. There's one card that's a subject, and then there's one card that is um or. One card is a question, and one card is like within the that question, what's the what's the thing we're talking about? Yes, give us the two things. Okay, So the card for the story is I'll never forget being bullied by So that's what we start our story with. And then share something awkward. Okay, Well, I've shared this before, um, but let me share a different one. So you have to start the story with I'll never forget being bullied by and then you have to share within that answering that question something awkward like that. It has to have the theme of awkwardness. Does that make sense? No, Im, I talked about that. You got it? Okay, got it? Um. I'll never forget being bullied by a female comic in St. Louis when I first started, between the years of two thousand, two three and two thousand. Now. Um, I'm sure she still hates me and is trying to ruin me. But good luck, bitch. Um she I forgive her totally. No, I don't. Um, She's never apologized and I should. I need to work on forgiving her anyway. She I remember around two I moved back home to St. Louis after failing in Uh. Now, I moved home in Saintlis. After failing, I moved to I moved to l A in two thousand and six after getting the last comic standing and having done comedy for a couple of years. And I, you know, I just she hated me. There's many stories I could tell of this girl lying about me, sleeping with comics, saying I'm not funny, just trying to get all of my friends at the Saintless Funny Bute to hate me, and UM in in a way was successful at that I had to. Actually, that's why I left in UM two thousand six sooner than I probably would have, because I just everyone didn't like me anymore. That's not everyone, but a lot of people. It was just awkward to go up there my home club, because this woman had told made everyone think I wasn't funny. She also thought Tommy Johnagan wasn't funny, who was another of my We were both the new comics on the scene in St. Louis. If you think Tommy Johnagan's not funny when she when I found out that, I was like, oh, well, then she's that She could be wrong about me because she was really funny. She's funny, and she was the top comic on the scene when I started. It was her, Greg Warren and this guy Jeremy Essig, and she got Jeremy against me. Jeremy and I are now really good friends and have patched things up, but she just fucking hated me. She said that the high school cheerleader shouldn't be doing stand up. I'm like, bitch, I don't have rhythm. You know, I don't getting She probably loved that, but anyway, she um, I moved back in two thousand yeah. Yeah, so I moved back in two thousand nine after I was on The Tonight Show. I had a little bit of success, but like instantly was on the Tonight Show in January two thousand nine, and then moved back home because I was still, you know, having to eat subway for all my meals and borrow money from my parents. I was broke. Moved back home. It felt like such a failure. Tail between my legs and I come back to the Funny Bones. She's there this time. I'm like a drunk at this point, and so I'm matching her vibe. Um, and I have a little bit more confidence, but not that much, and I'm trying to be friends with her now because I'm like, listen, let's put this behind us. She wanted I get the balls to confront her because Greg Warren actually did me a favor and heard her talking ship during one of my sets in the back of the room and goes, why don't you why don't you ask NICKI if she had sex with all these people that you say that she had sex with that wrote her jokes for her? Go why don't you ask her? Why don't you have you ever asked her about it? And she goes, fine, I will, and so I she We were at at the Jazz Club after this, the set, the same one we were at the other night. The fact that I've been to these places now gives the story so much, like the fact that you gave this lady so much. She's so fucking intonating dude. She is. She's Regina George of like me and girls. And so I go over to the Every time we would do the Funny Bone, it was like this big night. Everyone would be there. It was this big, fucking cool hangout, and then we would go next door and we would just drink and do karaoke. Was so much fun. It was the best time. And I was always scared of her though. She would stay at the bar and stay with her friends, and I would like be with mine and I she just goes neck and she like summoned me, and I walked over and she was like, all right, did you have sex with Polly Shore? Doug Benson. Bige kept naming all these people, and I go, no, no, I blew one of those people. And it wasn't the two people I listed. Just by the way, I go, one of those people in your list. I did blow. But I didn't accept the guest spot that he offered me. I actually turned it down because I thought, there's no way I'm going to perform on his show. I'm so bad at comedy. I've never accepted anything from him in terms of I liked him, I wanted to marry. I thought I was gonna marry him. That's why, which I didn't deserve to give her any of this, but I wanted to be honest and show, Okay, well i'll give you one of those. But no, I didn't have sex with Polly Shot Doug Benson. I worked with them, and so she went from saying I wasn't funny too. When I got funny, she used to say, people wrote my jokes for me, so I was never gonna win ever. And so I always tell young female comics that when they'll say you're not funny, then you get funny, and they'll say men wrote jokes for you, so you'll never win. You'll never fucking win or they'll say you stole jokes for male comics. That's what they do. So anyway, sorry to make this long story that. So I remember, she just goes, yeah, yeah, well my wife is all I mean, my husband is all over all my micro penis jokes turned into clip jokes. So I um, she she goes best parton and I go, no, no, no one. I was just like trying to plead with her, and she just goes, well, I don't believe you, but o guy. And I remember being like thank you, like just for saying like whatever, and I remember being like, thank god, really patched up now. But after that I kind of got this, like I started getting a little bit more confident because I just saw her for what she was, which was like a sad person and filled with hate. And and then Greg Warren was the only one out of all my friends, by the way, who stood up for me and without doing without being mean to her, without just he really did stand up for me. And thank God for that guy, because everyone else. One day I have to say this one last thing. I know this is so long, like no, no, I think it is great, But do you feel like because you got at least a little bit, you got not a little bit a lot of success for did that feel when you came back to St. Louis Did you feel like a failure or did you feel like, oh yeah, because it didn't matter. She thought I was tricking people. She thinks she's getting the Tonight show and all that. Still didn't you know, she always said, this is what she said. So when I was in St. Louis, so in two thousand eight, right before this Tonight show, December, I'm I went home for Christmas, living in l A at the time, but went home for Christmas and I started dating. I got my first boyfriend. He was a comic on the scene who was like, in my opinion, the best writer. I was obsessed with him and his jokes and got him. We finally started dating um and then we're doing long distance from l I went to l A. And they used to do this thing on this website, Rooftop Comedy, where they would broadcast uh the open mics the next day like they would they would take the open mics and chop up all the sets and I could watch everyone set and I got to feel like I was still part of it. And so I remember watching on my roommates computer in l A Lisa's computer. I like went into her room because I wanted to watch my ex boyfriend Jeff set and see all my friends. And I was like, let's just watch this girls set because I just have a feeling there's like a vibe that she's talking about me, even though I hadn't really had a run in with her for a while. Maybe actually over Christmas we had to run in. So this was during Sarah Palin times. By the way, okay um eight. You know, like Obama had just one, but Sarah Palin was still very much in the global consciousness, and she did a joke where she goes, you know, the thing about Sarah Palin is it's just because she's hot. That's the only reason people even give her even a chance to even talk, because she's hot, because they want to suck her. And she goes and she's blathering on about her and she goes, no matter what insane things that woman says, there's always a group of guys in the back of the room that it's like, I don't know, she's kind of cool because they want to fuck her. And I just remember watching that set being like I think this joke is about me, Like I just have a And it was so narcissist of me to even think that, because it's like, you know, obviously she thinks this about every right. But I just was like, there's just a feeling. So I kept that feeling in my system, but I didn't say anything about it until I went back home. Um, you know in April of that year, and I remember I was talking with my friend Gabe Kia, who was a best friend comic of mine that was in the room that night, and I remember just we're talking about me watching sets or we're talking about this girl, and I go, there's one joke she did and I was like, and I just I got Gabe, I no, this is insane. We were just like smoking bout all the time, just talking about stuff, and I go, I just feel like she did this one joke about me. It's so stupid. And he goes, wait they posted that, And I go what And he's like, I don't think they. I don't think they. Wait what And I go, what are you talking about? And he was like, um, wait, what what do you mean? I go it was like about Sarah Palin. He goes, they've posted that, and I was like, what do you Yeah, she said, there's always like group of guys in the back of the room that are like, she's cool. And he goes and then it stopped and I was like, yeah, and he goes, Oh well, um, it didn't stop there. She went on to say, in other words, Nicky Glazer is the Sarah Palin of stand up comedy to a room of people, by the way, that are not only my my boyfriend at the time, all of my best friends in comedy, which are like all my best friends in a room of people in St. Louis that don't know who I am. I wasn't a household name or even a name. So she was just saying that just to create an air of hating and to say that I was the Sarah. Like to Sam, Sarah Palin was like the worst Donald And he was like, and I go, why didn't you fucking tell me? And it's because this woman caused so much fear out of everyone, like like I probably wouldn't have defended myself. After she did that, I was like, it's war. So then I used to go, I know this is so long a word. No, no no, no, I think this is great and I want to know more about it. I want to know more about Louis because I never asked you. Oh my god, I think day about what this girl did, like you could hear. I mean, I'm going to save it for my book. There are countless stories of what this woman did to me, but I'll just get to the awkward part. So I came back to St. Louis and I'm there for a while. I suddenly like get a little bit of a like, okay, a little bit of confidence, but it's still shaky around her. And I'm going to an open mic one night and I'm feeling like I get a letter in the mail right before open mic. I go to my parents mailbox and it is telling me I have um HPV. It's like a letter that says you have abnormal cells and you have HPV, which I like didn't know I had. And at that time I really was kind of like, oh, everyone has. I think I already had a joke about having it. Thought the letter was going to be like the awkward thing. This is the awkward thing. No, no, no, this is not a good this is awkward. So I am a little bit rattled about having HPV. But at the same time, I'm like whatever, but I'm more rattled about performing in front of this girl that night. And I did my set. I did. I always wanted to have new jokes for her so she couldn't say I was like a fucking hack. So I was going up that night and I was just overwhelmed and I started kind of not doing well on my four minutes set whatever it was, and I just go. I found I I just wanted she thought thinks I'm a slut, she thinks I'm not funny. I just wanted to take like for some reason, my brain was like, she's watching you, she hates you. She's going to talk about you, bully yourself right now more than she could ever bully you. And I go, guys, I have HPV. I found out today. I have fucking HPV. I got it as there was no joke. I just wanted to punch myself harder than she in a way that she would be like, I don't even want to make fun of her. That was the saddest thing I've ever seen. I got off stage. I was like shaking. I remember Tommy and Gregg coming up to me being like, are you okay? And I was like I have to I just I want to go. I'm just like so upset, and they took me to Hooters and we had the best nights. But it was so awkward that like in that moment, I didn't even plan on saying that, but that I think it took restaurants. Yeah, being honest, I guess it's just a defense meschanism of feeling like other people are going to be That's my whole life. Yeah, so that was my awkward thing. Let's go into final thought and you share yours. I want to know, like, let's talk about it tomorrow. But I don't think I ever asked you about after coming to St. Louis. How did you rebound from that? Because I think, like that's a great story. Maybe I'll obviously be in your book, but like I never asked you. Also how you got your first half hour on Comedy Central and stuff like that. But I gotta show at MTV and they had to finally acknowledge that I was talent because they did not give me anything. Comedy Cential wouldn't look at me, and sometimes you gotta go elsewhere before they look at you. And then Comedy Central wanted to fucking do everything with me. But they but but they've knew about me for years and years and years. But I was always like the girl that dated Joe da Rosa, that was new on the scene, Like was just you know, Amy's friend, Like you know, people that decide these things are you know, just there at the time. It was like two women that probably I if I were in their shoes too, I would have looked at me and been like, it's just she's doing the same thing Amy's doing. We don't really need it. And they didn't need it, and they were probably right to not put me on TV until and then MTV put me on and then they were like, oh, they were giving away half hours and then I submitted and I was and you know, I had submitted a ton before that for Live at Gotham, you know, any kind of little thing I could get and never even got like a callback. But um, and they'd seen me a lot too. To New York. So I stayed in St. Louis for a year and a half, year and a half when I moved back in two thousand nine. Yeah, and lived with my parents for a year and a half and I moved in two thousand tens. This is the kind of ship that I don't think people realize about you because they see and maybe even myself, I never thought like, oh she just but they see you get Last Comic Standing when you're one, they see you get the Tonight Show, and then for a fucking year and a half, you're back. I got the Tonight Show January twenty nine, lived and moved back April first, two thousand nine. Lived there until July of two thousand so a year and two months. Yeah, and then you go back. Then you go to New York for the first time. Yeah, from two thousand ten until Yeah, how did you feel about the mics there? I mean, luckily you knew Amy a little helped me out a ton, but like, dude, you know what, that's when I first started that. I got a podcast with Sarah Schaeffer that we met at a party and we're just like we literally the story of our Sarah's in two thou when we started that You Had to Be Here podcast. I remember we were at Brian Balden just remember he used to book Montreal and uh he still books comedy. Is a great guy. But we were at his party and we I met I just moved to town and Sarah and I were over this like the chips and hummus eating at this table as probably like starting my nightly bench and and I was still drinking at the time too, and Justin Deiberally came on and we were just like talking about how much we liked him, and she had booked me on some like bar shows she did and we had She wouldn't even there then, and we didn't meet, but we're eating and um, and this was at a time when podcasts. Everyone was like everyone has a podcast. People were saying that back then, because I remember when we go, shall we do a podcast? No, everyone is a fucking podcast two thousand you guys. So if you're saying it now, just get over it. Start your fucking podcast, okay, because everyone's they've been saying it all along. So Mark days where everyone was starting one because of Mark, and so Sarah I was like, I've always wanted to start podcast. I tried to start one when I was back home in St. Louis. I got all the equipment, I spent thousands of like a thousand dollars on equipment, did a couple of test episode and didn't go well. But um, so Sarah and I were just like eating chips and at this party and I was like, I want to start a podcast and she was like I do too, and I was like, who should let's start one together and she was like would you And I was like, uh yeah, and she was like okay, meet me at Rockefeller. She worked at Jimmy Fallon as a blogger at the time and had won an Emmy from it, and she was like a really go getter. I would have never gotten into podcasting had someone not been like, Okay, I'll I'll fucking run it for us. You just show up and um. And so that's how that. And then once I started podcast that we got in the New York Times and then it just caught on big because we had a really interesting concept and it got a lot of press. And then that was like, Okay, I'm doing my own things, separate from anything Amy's getting me. And then you know, my stand up obviously developed on stuff like that. But yeah, it was that podcast really then, and we got a viral video for Justin timber Lake. We said, come back to music, Justin because he hadn't done music for like eight years, and we did this really um sad, can I play it we we went viral on YouTube. Yeah, here's the video that we made for Justin Make Music Again. And this was our first conversation we had and after we were doing the podcast for a while, Sarah was like, I want to do a video. It's black and white. It's like a p s A almost, with a bunch of comics that you'll recognize in it, talking about Justin Making Music Again. It's three minutes long. I'm not gonna play the whole thing, but it's called Justin Timberlake Make Music Again. Two thousand six. It wasn't so long ago, but things were so different. George W. Bush was president, Pluto was still a planet. The National borga Dream was at six, and I pretended to know what that meant. But most importantly, in case you forgot, Justin Timberlake released Future Sex, Love Sounds. And that was the last time Justin Timberlake released an album. Five years. Five years. Every day without a new Justin Timberlake album feels like an eternity, feels pointless, hopeless. I'm sexy, I have no way of telling the girl and cheated on me. How I feel. I can't dance up in the club because I can't even say duck club. I have to say the club because I'm white. How am I supposed to feel tingling right down there? Down there? I haven't had an orgasm in three years. I don't know how to pleasure myself to mars, I've never had an orgasm. Children are dying, probably, and who do we blame? Justin ds? Mila Kuntis? Was it my mother that whore? Justin Bieber is too young for me to jerk off? To speak for yourself, Justin, it feels like you're cheating on us with acting. Lisa hasn't spoken in five Wow. I remember that time you showed the world Janet Jackson's titty. That was awesome? Do that again? She thought she was hearing that a new Justin's who were Lays single, but in fact he was attaining sample. Sure, you've performed a few new songs in your barbecue joint. I don't give a fuck. Someone had made a Hungarian techno remix of Sexy Back, and she wasn't able to turn it off in time to hear the whole song. Michael Jordan thought it was a good idea to play baseball. Remember how that turned out? Real shitty the effects on the brain have been a it's too long catastrophic. Justin. Actually, you're funny, you're charming, but but, but but the sexy is no longer back. The sexy is gone. You brought sexy front, and what goes around comes all the way back around. Because that's how science works, my friend. You can never bring sexy back back. I was about to have a threesome, like. I had gotten both of them in the room, and I thought, just get a little music on and I put my love on and they both started crying, where's the sex thing? Get the sex thing? And that's your fault, justin, I'll cheat on you. Well one did it, and I'll cheat that out you. I did all the groundwork and you fucked me. Why it's like a minute, pis Carmen. She's who was giving me this way. It was gonna have a freeze. Please please, please, please do what you were born to do, Do what you were forced to do at a young age. You can do this. Just do it before you get old. Sing justin, sing please, justin, Timberlake, make music again. So he'd retweeted it, and then we got it blew up, and then MTV gave us a show because of that video. That was all Sarah's idea of like, I have this idea, and she sent me a script. I put in some more jokes to it, we shot it, and then that's why you're gonna sell out the Enterprise Arena someday next year. Thanks for listening to the show today, don't we ca? And like what I don't know? I was gonna say, Jack Jackson tiber Lake, but I just like got caught up in what you were saying. I did Jacqueline Kennedy, Oh, I don't know. Someone I sounded like I had a stroke. Who probably did? Yeah, Jacqueline Kennedy, Jack