Between you and Nikki it's a little tough to be sexy without being judged and relationship books with odd titles actually work. At last night's wrap party Andrew saw Nikki as a "fun little blonde", they both talk about having fun without drinking and Andrew has a full on transformation when he delivers the news that stops Nikki in her tracks. They also have a swell time digging into the Collection of Co'uhls.
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The Nikki Glazer Podcast. Here's Nikki. Yeah, there we go. Hi Bessies, Hi, no uh hi, how's it going? Happy Tuesday night when you're getting this, maybe Wednesday morning when you're listening to this. Oh, we're deep into week four of the pod. Guys, thank you so much for listening. Make sure you get on that Instagram. We have a private Instagram account, Nikki Glazer Pod. You can request access and then if you start getting creepy, we'll uh boot you out. But it's a fun time over there between you and me. Noah, I feel free to post on there. It's almost like my like, um fin stuff, what like fake Instagram that's just to have where they would post like it. It's kind of like a before close friends or whatever, you know, where they would let you like only post things for your close friends. Um, you would post like hot pictures to yourself and then all your girlfriends could be like, you look so hot, and it was like for you to just like put out stuff you wouldn't put on your regular one. Um. Yeah, yesterday I put a video. I was just like in a bikini because we were at the pool after we recorded, and then there was some funny content and I was happy to be in a bikini and I just didn't want to put on shorts and something to like make it. And I'm like, I really struggle with putting bikini stuff on Instagram. Because I was talking to my spray tan lady who came over yesterday because she has like an Instagram where she has a lot of that stuff up. Because she goes, are your followers mostly men? And I go, yes, it's like in six men, no no joke, like no pun intended. And I don't put on my regular account and I don't put up like, you know, thought pictures and I said that there I go. She goes minus two and I go yeah, and I don't even put up like bikini shots and she's like, oh I do, And I was like, nothing wrong with that. I actually think I'm getting into it on my other account, not because I want the fire emojis and I want everyone to tell me how hot I am, but because who cares. It's like I'm like not, I have this like deep inner shame to be like perceived as sexy or like, because if you're sexy, that means you must be trying to be sexy and the only okay, sexiness is one where you're like, she doesn't even know she's sexy, and then everyone allows you to be sexy in that way, like it's like borderline it is that you can't. I mean, someone say being sexy is cool because you are trying to be something and perceived a certain way. But there's like this. Men don't seem to have a problem with women being sexy and like flaunting it. I mean, yes, a lot of them are like they always have dumb captions and then their chips are out. It's like, why are you following them? You're the problem. But most of the time it's other women who are like, oh my god, this is so sad and desperate, look at her, oh my god, screenshots share it with my friends to like talk about her. When in reality, and I've talked about this before, whether or not you want to do that, there's a small part of you that is angry because you can't do it, not because you're fat, or because you don't like your body, or because you know it may be because of that you don't like your body, you would never do it, and so you do. You have deep resentments for anyone who doesn't have a problem with your body. But that's it. It's like when I get mad at girls for being sexy, it's because I'm jealous of the freedom they have to control the narrative about themselves and to be like, because I'm so scared as someone calling me a horror, thinking I'm a horror, making me feel like, oh, people guys only like your comedy because they want to fuck you, And then that makes me believe that, and then it makes me obsessed with my looks because I don't want people to stop liking my comedy. It's just all it's just so stupid. And anyway, I put a video up yesterday and it was funnier than it was sexy, for sure, but I happened to be in a bikini. It was very not something I would normally post um. It was a very nice bikini. It's Carlyles, It's from Target. Nice, it's like my favorite one. I spent like six dollars on bikinis to come out here. Sorry, Kerson, who's listening. You went out and shopping for me because I couldn't one day because I was too busy. But all of those really don't fit in. My nipples pop out and I had to wear band aids over my nipples yesterday to wear this one top and then it just looked like I had band aid nipples, so that I was like, what wouldn't my I'd rather put someone see a nipple than be like did Nikki have like a band edge on her nipple? Like what's been happening to her? So? Um yeah, Target for the win, a Target swimsuit that I stole from Carlisle for the wind. Carlile forresto follow her. She does a great prayer of Sulton impression that she's has online right now. Um. My point is that I'm struggling with being perceived as sexy because I've been I've had a lot of people in my past. Um, A common thing that I hear is Nikki, no more sexy for you. We're gonna let's just do comedy. You're funny. No, we're not doing sexy for you anymore. Whether it was on my show Not Safe, in which I had just gotten done doing Nicky and Sarah Alive on the MTV where it was super sexy, I got to stressed like a Barbie doll, fake hair. It was like I literally looked like a Barbie doll. Was really fun. It was exhausting a lot of work and you're wearing short skirts and uncomfortable heels and stuff, but you do feel like sexy and cool and fun. And then it went to not safe, let's get away from let's just be the girl next door, which turns out to look like a girl without makeup and a bad haircut. I resent every picture from that period of my life. Um, I really I'm looking into having all the pictures from my not Safe promo wiped from the internet because I just don't like my face, or my hair or my just style or anything. But I was trying to appease people who wanted me to not be sexy anymore. I've also had uh other like friends well intentioned say no more sexy for you, like that's it's such like it's a look. It looks like you're trying. Thank you. It looks like you're trying, and we don't need to do that anymore. Let's and it's and I've always fallen for it, and I've gone, you know what I am, You're right, I don't need to be sexy. We can just dress like shit and like guys can still like our comedy and it's like yes, that's true, but I'm not gonna be First of all, all these people telling me this are in relationships. I'm single, and I understand that, like the way to find a man isn't to dress like a Barbie doll all the time, but it kind of is. You've read the book Getting Too I Do, which, by the way, Noah, I told. I told a couple of people I told this. I told one girl on the island about this book. She was just breaking up with her boyfriend, uh like of six months a couple of weeks, like a week ago, and she was really sad they broke up. And I go, you need to read this. I go, he's not the one, but read Getting Too I Do, and I go, I gave him the gist. I gave her the gist. She had no idea about female and masculine energy in a relationship, the yin and yang. And if this is all sounding very foreign to you, pick up the book Getting Too I Do by Dr Patt Allen. Or you can listen to Sex with Emily. She had a really great episode on that that we listened to. Oh my god, I would love for you to link the episode in our Nikki Glazer pod that was a really good one. Let's let's look up what it was called. But that book, so I just gave her the brief synopsis of it. Noah, this is a wild so I just go listen and if you don't know what I'm talking about, seriously get the book getting too, I do, or listen to the podcast that Noah is going to post on our Nikki Glaser pod story. It was her best of best of Hotter Deeper Sex with John Wineland from March Wineland March three Sex with Emily podcast. It really gives like a synopsis of of the whole I would say, very true theory that has worked for many of my friends that is presented in this book that Whitney Cummings originally um suggested to me. I want to give her credit. I spread it throughout my friends. All my friends have read. It has changed two of my best friends relationships so massively. They would not be with the men that they are with today, who worshiped them and who are like they're engaged to these men. And I used to like, not like these guys and be like they're worthless, get them out of your life. They don't deserve you. And now these guys are perfect for my friends, and I am so like happy and jealous for as them. But so I gave this. We were hanging out and I told this girl, I go, listen, there's a female and male energy and every relationship. A lot of times women are we're the feminist, you know. The feminist movement has taught women to be very like self assured. And the woman I'm talking to is a bad ass bitch, like she is intimidating as even though she's the nicest person. But on set she's like, really, get shipped done. And I go, you're screaming masculine energy and your job, and I wonder if he's masculine energy and you come home with this masculine energy and it's just two it's just magnets with the same currency, uh, you know, getting unattracted to each other. Um. And she was like interesting, I'm gonna explained a little bit, and I go, let's and having a guy who is a feminine energy does not mean he's a pussy. It's like they I wish there was a different word for it, because I'm really Yin and Yang. Yeah, so Yin being the feminine Yang Yang got the Wang no, but most of the time men are the masculine and women are the feminine, but those roles can switch. I am a masculine energy woman in my uh working life, and probably more feminine energy and my relationship, but I'm still trying to figure it out. And the reason I'm probably single is because I can't really figure out which one I am. But once I lock into it and I find someone who is the opposite and make sure that those roles, if they ever reverse, I reverse with them so we're never the same, that it will be a healthy relationship that can last forever. Anyway, I just barely drew this outline for her of like mask and I go, he might sounds like a feminine energy guy. She went and had to talk with him. They waited, I think two and a half weeks before they talked, after they like separated kind of, and she sat down with him and she just and I go, the basics are, if you're if you're a masculine energy woman, you and if you have a masculine most of the time girls listening, you're gonna be a feminine energy woman. That's just like most of the time, I would say seventy percent of the time, you're gonna be feminine energy. Never say, never say the word I think, only say I feel. And you never ask a man how he feels unless he is on fire. You only say. You only ask a man what he thinks. A masculine energy man. However, if you're man, if you're a masculine energy woman, you lead with I think, you ask him how he feels? Does that make sense? Now? If if you're one or the other, and you can take a test and figure out what kind of woman you are and what kind of person your partner is, this will save so many relationships. So if you're out there and you want to better your relationship or you want to like dig one out of the dirt that you're like, oh my god, this guy got away. I would liked it for us to be married. This book works, no any thoughts. Can we just let whoever is going to pick up this book know that we cringed so hard reading it, like it's gonna be very hard to read, Yes, the first couple of pages without getting infuriated, but just keep going. It starts to make sense. Also, you have a joke about it being like you just have to be a handmaid. The rest of your life. It's like, because if you're a feminine energy woman, you gotta dress sexy. You gotta like dre dre dress like showing your skin. You have to be a lot of like yes, dear, Like it's a lot of like just kind of it's it doesn't seem great, but if you're I am someone who's obviously doesn't want to lose any of my autonomy as a woman, and I was trying to be a feminine energy woman. I kind of loved it. You don't make any plans, You let the guy totally lead. You literally don't do anything, and the guys like, get off on it. I sent you I sent one excerpt that I was laughing so hard at from the book that I sent to you and a friend of mine. It said, um, there's this. So this woman that wrote the book is like ninety at this point. Her name is Dr Pat Allen. She does have a radio show. But one of the excerpts in the book was make sure he's not a binging sex atic gratifying his feminine need. Okay, this is for a feminine man. Make sure he's not a binging sex atic gratifying his feminine need to feel good at any cost, even if the cost to both of you is AIDS. And this was written in like the nineties, I think, but it's AIDS as capitalized as it should be. But it just looks like she's screaming at you aid's. She probably is, Honestly. She was on my radio show You Up with NICKI Glazer You Can Wow. I think there was clips of it. Are there video clips? It's on YouTube Dr Pat Allen with Niki Lazer, So some of these theories are covered. But if this is new to you, I'm so excited to introduce you to the world of getting to I do the book that you have to read, uh with a fake cover on it so that no one catches you with it and you have to rip the cover off and order it and it has to arrive in like a discreet packaging, like a dildo because it's so humiliating. Yesterday, literally, I was talking about this book in front of guys and I was just like, and they're like what. I was like, can I just tell you later? There's a couple of guys listening, and it's humiliating. Um Andrew knows about it. He hates the book because I talked about it all the time. Let's get him in here. Andrew, Hey, buddy, had to sleep. I slept, I slept, okay, Yeah, you know, Um, we had fun last night. Did you say anything about the rap party? Yeah, you can. We can talk about it. We can talk about everything. What about this show is sucking over? You know, I can spill all the secrets. Just kidding. I can't talk about the show. But yeah, I signed an NDA too. Yeah, but you know, so Flavor Flavor was cool at the bar talking about that. We know that he's here. We've divulged that that this show is based around Flavor Flav and it's a very exciting opportunity for me to work alongside him, and I think it's gonna be huge and around my head, Um, like d was the rat party. Here's the thing. The show does not finished filming until Thursday, I believe, Um, but we don't have everyone's flying out like right away. And I really did suck my voice up screaming for you goddamn it. Um. But uh, we had the wrap party before the last day of filming so that everyone could like get it in. The problem is you have to go back to work after you do embarrassing rap party things which we didn't do because we are sober. But we had a rap party here at the place we're staying at, this dock where like everyone kind of just saunters over and there was like a DJ and there was dancing and there was it was fun. I had so much fun. I feel like when you don't drink, you can have just as much fun as people that are drunk. But for me, at least, it gets old quicker. So like, when I'm drunk, I could dance for five hours and sweat and fucking just get grimy, and I just want to keep the party going. When I'm sober, I got a good forty forty minutes of pure fun before I start going all right, I did it. Well, here's the thing. When you're drunk, you're not really like having fun that five hours flies by. You don't remember it. You don't like remember what you felt when you're dancing the songs like and some people may be going usually do. If a song gets you dancing sober and you're not someone who really dances, and you really a song excites you, and a vibe on the dance floor the friends you're with excites you. So much to dance when you're sober. That is so much more enjoyable than your five hours with drunk dancing. It's the same as sex, Like I used to be able to have sex so much easier when I drank, but now for me because I was just like drunk right, But now if I get horny enough, I get drunk, like I legit feel that kind of like pull to do something that's like crazy that you know, a sober person licking someone's face and then like making noises like oh, like you gotta be fucked up on something, and it's like the chemicals in your brain being like I want to have a penis in me, and that's so much more exciting than yeager pulsing through your system and making you dance or make out with someone who you don't even like. So the thing about being sober is not that it's like so boring? How will I have phone anymore? When you stopped drinking, you realize the things you thought you were doing that were so fun aren't fun. And then when the things are actually fun, you will do them still too. And if you can't dance when you're sober, then get over yourself. And if you enjoy dancing, but you just won't let yourself do it because you're worried what people are thinking. No one's watching you, and there is there's gonna be a period if you do decide to stop drinking where everyone's gonna go come on, I don't be a little bit want you. It's the same people who want you to get married when they're in miserable relationships. The same people that want you to have kids when they're they have kids that they don't really like. It's like, join my party because I'm so I could never It's the same as Nikki, you need to stop dressing sexy, um because I don't think I would look at sexy secretly and I'm too ashamed to do it, and I have. I've made some kind of weird stand where I'm not allowed to like lean into being hot, and so I now want her to not look hot because I know that I put myself in a corner where I can't, and it's like, yes, you can, anyone can. It is funny when like the guy that's like, don't be a bit and then don't get hammered, and then late at nineties goes like whispers in my ear. He's like, I kind of want to quit drinking too. Yeah, it happens all the time. What did you guys tell your friends when you stop drinking the next time you went out and everyone ordered a drink and you did it? Do you remember that I quit drinking because I have a problem with it and I black out, and it's making my relationship with men based solely on drinking, and I just want to see what it's like without it. And probably I'm going to realize you all kind of suck because our whole friendship is based solely on getting wasted. And then I'm going to be around you sober and realize that after three drinks you're allowed you only talk about yourself. You hurt my ears because you're screaming in them too closely. And um, I don't really think I want to be friends anymore. And yeah, that might mean that I don't have any friends anymore, but it's better than being friends with people where our friendship was completely based on drinking a poison together that made us more uh mentally. Uh. I don't want to say that word, but have retardation of mentally because that's what it does do to your I'm not trying to be funny. It really does. But that's what it does. It makes you. It makes you stupid, or it doesn't make you the reason you get courage or the reason you get liquid courage, or I'm just more myself and more fun. It's because you're dumber, dumb, your your child again in your brain returns to a state in which you don't have as much intellect or wherewithal So of course you're gonna be fair. You're an idiot and I used to love Yeah, no, but like to know his point about like you know, what did you order? What will happen? Is like your friends, unless you have like a really bad drinking problem or you're like a really bad alcoholic, they think, oh, come on, you don't it's not that bad. Decide that's that's that's for you to say. You know, I know I don't black out, or I know I don't get to you guys, but my relationships could could use help. It's like say something cool like that that will make them all go okay, Like if your friends can't accept that, then they suck. Honestly, it's a great test of friends. And then people are like, what's your rock bottom? And it's like unless you're like, you know, having sex with like a sewer and and you know you wake up with the clown. Yeah, come on, clown. It's like, come on, just suck me ht clown. But no, But unless like it's something horrendous where like you know, you wake up and you're a goat is inside you or something, people are like, it's not come on, dude, you're's not that bad. And sometimes like everyone wants to like kind of just all their own thing. Anyone who judges you about anything ever is because their own insecurities. But um, but I don't want to party. I I do think those sometimes like I'm not coming out if you're drink and have fun. I also don't care if people drink at all. Last night I go literally drink like there's no tomorrow and put it on my tap. I told that to my friends. It's like because as soon as they get annoying, I will just like be like, babe, I don't want to talk anymore. And then I like and they forget that. I was even like kind of maybe quote unquote rude to them, which I wasn't, but like anything in the moment that might be like wait, what they'll they don't. I don't remember the next day, and I put them at ease the next day being like, yeah, you said some dumbs off, but I don't care like we all do, or like move on, what are we gonna talk about? Yeah, because I think that's it a lot, because I feel like they're like, why don't you drink so you don't judge me? It's not like we were not. No. I love when I smoke pot and other people smoke pot with me because then I'm like, not, they're not going to be like, you're high, nicky. It's all like my own insecurity about people thinking I'm high, and now I just I'm like, no, I need my medicine some days, and I don't care if people see me like an apple one of my and I buy these apples to make pipes out of. And yesterday Andrew aid an apple, and I go, did you eat one of my pipes? Now? They're just pipes, a pipe and day keeps the doctor away. That's what apples are to me. I haven't eaten an apple. I've smoked out of literally thirty apples since I've been here, and make a new one every day. Um, but the last night the wrap party, I decided to like, uh, Andrew went before me. I decided to dress in clothes that I haven't been able to cut, clothes I haven't been to wear on TV because they're all like light colored and white doesn't work on camera as well. So I wore this dressed in short shorts and like fun sneakers because I wanted to dance my little butt off and like a cute top and like I had like my hair was still like I hadn't been clean since I was at the pool earlier. It was just like big and frizzy and like lots of girls. And I was coming down it's this long boardwalk leading up into the party, and Andrew was already there. And I see Andrew and my friend Robin, and I'm like yo yo yo, like dancing kind of like ah see you. Like I'm walking up alone to this huge party down this boardwalk, and Robin, my friend, is like waving at me like yeah, and Andrew's just kind of like he's making this. I like realized that he didn't know it was me, and I could see that he was like almost like getting nervous, like who's this new girl? Like wait, what's going on here, like I saw his male energy like hormones, like kind of pulsing because he thought it was like a new girl coming in and I and I literally realized that. I was like, oh no, Andrew thinks that I'm like a new like a hot baby he can hit on because I looked different. And so I started dancing wacky so Andrew would know, like, don't sexualize me. Like I literally started doing like a jig because I'm like, it's me, Andrew. It literally was this moment in a podcast yesterday when I said that the guy the brother sees his sister and it swimsuit and it's like damn. And then he was like we left. We laughed so hard because I got up there and Andrew's like, I didn't know it was you. And I was like, oh no, and he was like I go, who's this? What did you say? I don't know. I was just like, who's this hot new blonde, like this fun little blonde coming to the party and little Oh my god, I've never been a little of my life. She kept getting closer and the closing and more foreboding and more angry at you for yeah, I'm eating all my pipes oh dude. It was such a funny moment though, because literally, for five seconds, I never wanted to fund someone more for for that doc boy, Well, the way that a woman feels on the other side of Andrews like nervous, I want to fuck you energy from afar, like, well, I've been around it so much that I know it, Like I know, like I've been around it when it's happening to other women where he gets like kind of like quiet and like kind of like looks and like it's kind of swaying back and forth and like trying to be like, wait, who is that? Like I'm looking, but I'm not looking because I'm cool, and like I knew it instantly. It was so funny because did you notice I started doing a jig as soon as I sensed that like sexual energy, righty, my boy's got some sexual eyes. No, it's just like because you when you see me, you're usually like yo yo, you know at this time you were just like licking my lip. Yeah. No, But it was so fun last night because I I did lean into dressing like not sexy, but just like young and fun in a way that I haven't dressed on set, and I was like fuck it, I'm gonna just like lean into wearing really short shorts and like this shirt that's too tight. It was fun if it turned me. And then we danced all night long, and we were dancing so sexy I was. I was literally like grind not grinding, but I was twerking up against the doc uh railing because I didn't want any guys to like try to insert themselves behind me as I was working. But my friend Robin taught me like Caribbean dances and we were just like it was so freaking fun to dance and like and dance with girls and like guys who are friends with and have no like I hate dancing because I don't like when men are like yeah, but this was the way to dance. It was like sexy, and it was for me coming back to what I was saying before, like I was being sexy because I felt sexy and it made me feel good. It wasn't like yeay, men want to fuck me and so I'm going to feel better about myself. It was like, oh, I can be sexual and feel like almost sexual for myself. That's funny that you talk about dancing like that, because you know I could keep a rhythm somewhat well where like I it's it's like you didn't know me, come on, just hear me out. I could move my hips a little bit where if you didn't know me, you go, oh, that's kind of like an attractive man dancing. But I always lean into dancing so silly because I don't want people to think you're serious yet that I'm trying so but last night I actually tried back to because when I used to go on cruises, I would like gyrate in a way where I knew it would get women's attention really without being silly. I would like dance sexy. Oh my god, did it get people's attention? No? No, not at all, No, no, no, A little bit like but like I just felt it's funny. I like felt free enough to try to, like I look somewhat like I didn't see her dancing, um, but I was doing the same thing. Like when I would catch someone watching that I was trying to get their eye would be like, Okay, I'm gonna get like a little strippery here. Who cares? And there's nothing wrong with it. It's like, my biggest fear is like someone being like Nikki's trying to look sexy and she looks ridiculous. But I was also like i'd be I'm I am like sexy and like I do I know that I do a good job when like, uh, I'm when I'm one on one with someone, I can be very like I've been, like, you know, lightly hooking up a little bit here and there if you haven't been able to catch the hints on the show, and I'm are I'm in that. Like when I'm hooking up, I am like a sexual being and much more free with my body than like the years I spent um being never been kissed. Threw barrymore two thou three whatever that I mean. Yeah, I was grinding with a chair last night. I used to be a move and my buddy Chris Hill, we would bring out a chair, just any chair, and we're thrown in the middle of the dance floor to get attention because and everyone would circle around, and then we would grind with the chair and like fuck the chair and like and then I would pull the chair over and spoon with it, cry and hold it, cry and hold it like yeah, and let's get to the news. Yeah, let's get to the news. Thoughts. Oh boy, hope everyone's having a really fun time out there. I'm not being sarcastic at all. I really want you guys to enjoy your life and have a great day. Um also have all the swells. Am I talking like it sounds sarcastic? Yes? But am I being sarcastic? No? Alright, great stories Today, A twenty three year old woman who only grew one breast says she refused a free boob job because she doesn't need to be fixed. Wow, Andrew, I gotta applaud you on the delivery of that story. It sounded like a story. It wasn't just like mush from the last sentence that really didn't connect. So people are like, is he telling a new story? Like? It was perfect? Thank you air. By the end of the story, I wait, So this woman was born with one breast. She was born with one breast? Oh no, no, no, no no, I'm sorry. She was born with one a two breasts. One was a D and one's an A. It's called Poland syndrome when one breast is dumber than the other. Polish joke. Okay, uh one suffering horrible teasing at school. Now, she hopes to inspire other women to speak at that side boob that is her. She has side boob from the middle. It's so hot. As she was developing. Doctor's blue out for concern and told her was a normal part of puberty. But yeah, so she has one a cup one D, which to me, if you take the average, she has solid small c's. Yeah. Yeah, that one D is really popping and the other one is like that's interesting as a woman that can have boobs that go from you know c's two D D double ds sometimes based on my weight in my period. No, I can't. That's where it ends. Um, I find it. You can see a perfect example of this and that photo of her. It's like, boobs make you look I don't want to be like, make you look fatter as a woman depends. No, No, they pretty much any girl who's listening knows what I'm talking about. Like when you really like give into your boobs and make them bigger, like you look bigger in pictures on the top. But if you like when I wear braws like this that just like keep me flat, I can feel like tinier and like boobs sometimes make me feel um bigger. No, what do you know what I'm talking about? At all, yeah, it makes me feel like a more fertile, like when I wear the push up with the padding sadder, Like bigger tids make your waist look smaller because sometimes you're not wearing a shirt that accentuates your waist, so it's just like you're a sweatshirt with boobs and it can make everything look bigger. Um. But you know, so this girl that she wanted that people offered to give her a free boob job, She's like, no, I want to lean into it. I guess you would call it a deformity. Why are people so interested in symmetry, because it's why we're attracted to things. It's um, it's nature. Symmetry equals beauty. We don't know why, but our brains perceive it as like, oh, that's good genetics. That means my babies will live longer, less diseases, Like symmetry equals beauty. Looking at a woman, like if you had one smaller arm than the other arm, that would maybe, but like if you have one great tit, like you know what, Like if anything's gonna be off, it's the tits is I think double tits is a special thing. Though, I think guys, I mean they take one for sure, but I probably wouldn't make the same decision that that woman would make. But I really like that. She's like, yeah, it reminds me of the sound of metal again, of like just being with the sound of metal. Yeah, just like not trying to fight what you are. Yeah, I mean I have the same thing about like what we're talking about that girl that want to get her chin done, And I was like, I don't think you need it, but you probably will be happier because you've been thinking about this a while. It's a very slight procedure. It would make your face look the way you want it to. And if you're you know, people go no, don't fix it, it's you. And it's like, okay, well, then don't wear a mask era because you're shitty. Blonde eyelashes that are short are also you? Okay, well, don't wear a concealer because that age spot on your chin is also you. Don't paint your nails because you're shitty. Nail beds that are you know, or your nails that are jagged don't need to be filed down because filed down nails are not you. So where where does it end? So I feel like I do like people that it just embrace their I love Winnie Harlow. She has um. She's the model with vidalago. The She's African American but has like she's so gorgeous and leans into it so much, and that is a skin disease that I'm sure she has been, you know, her whole life. People are looking at her twice. You know, wherever you go as like a little person or someone with like videlago that much, or like a facial deformity. These are not categorizing the same thing, but something that where you go, even being an obese person, where you go and people could whisper as someone who was antorexical, looks like I've gotten out of Auschwitz. I was walking around and everywhere I went people whispered about me. I knew when I walked into a room and I saw a group a table whispering of girls looking at me and then whispering. It wasn't because they were like she's famous, because I wasn't, But it was I was famous on campus for being the antorextic girl. And like you just learn how to like you either lean into it or you shut yourself away because you're so scared of the anxiety of it. That show on T'll See the Thousand Pounds Sisters. I felt so bad for those girls that go out because when they go out to eat, everyone's watching them, being like, how look at how disgusting they're eating, and it's like so sad. So I try when I go out and I see obese people. Are I passed a person who's struggling to get down the sidewalk who's obese, or someone in a wheelchair that's extremely to formed, or I struggle with whether to look at them or not because I did hear one time that obees people sometimes feel like no one looks at them, and I because people don't want to be rude by looking at them, or a little person, no one looks at them because they do the opposite. You know, everyone's staring at the person and I'm so freaked out by how they look. I'm not gonna look at them. So I always try to look people in the eye when i'm uh, when I have that instinct of like, don't look at them, yeah and just smile. You could look and smile. Yeah. There's also this there's a football player. I don't point left that was a joke. There's a football player on the Seahawks, Seattle Seahawks who has one arm. He has one arm and then a half of arm, and he made it to the pros. Like it's unbelievable. Yea. And I have like two or three followers on Instagram that are gorgeous with women with with you know, one arm or whatever. And I think like when I was younger, i'd be like immature and like see it as like but I'm like, wow, it's kind of hot, like I don't know, like it's just like it's like can we try to get over? I want to get a I want to get a shark to bite off my arm, not like I don't want to get it. But if it happened, I would not be mad. I know that it would be a very hard life to live with one arm and not like making it like it would be so easy. But I think like scars and like Padma Lakshmi that's like an amazing scar down her arm. Tina Fey has a scar that you know, she doesn't talk about how it happened, but like any kind of like disfigurement where you went through something traumatic. That's why people get tattoos to be like this from my dead mom. That was traumatic for them. They want to remember it. I think that scars are like such a good her hand on TikTok in a and she leans into it so much for a raft and then my hand flew off. Y I saw that. Let's get to the next story. Next story, folks, hope you're still having fun. A new study finds that people who use Facebook as an additional source of nuds in any way we're less likely to answer COVID nineteen questions correctly than those who did not surprise, surprise, I know it's not really. If you're getting your news from Facebook, you're probably not listening to this podcast, and uh, you're probably bad at knowing facts. What is it about older people where they just they'll read a headline and they'll just stop there and they'll be like, that's the news, that's fact, because because they've been conditioned that when they see a headline it's a it's news, it's journalism, because that's the way news used to be. I don't know now in this world, and you think it's just old people that are doing it. Not no, no, I was just I was just using that as an example. But yeah, yeah, but a lot of old people though, I think our condition that likely. It's a headline. It looks like a headline. And in my day when Dewey won the primaries and the kid on the corner was screaming at me with the paper, that was news, Like what was printed was news, so like that and it was fact. So I think they're really on that still, and they're people are stupid. And I don't mean that as like I guess that is that that is a negative conotation. But people aren't, um, very well educated in this country. I think that um, plastics and stuff in our food is making us dumber. Um, it's like idiocricy. It's not people's fault, but it's because they're dumb and they're easily deceptible, and which I'm easily I don't even think deceptible is a word. But there I fall for ship all the time. Yes, I'm gullible. I fall for ship all the time. That smarter people than me would go, how could you fall for them? You got fish right? I mean it happens to me all the time. I'll have an idea or an opinion on something, and one person who I perceive is smarter to me, will say two sentences and that will completely negate anything I ever thought of. So we're basically all kind of operating under like and we're getting our news from friends who probably found it on Facebook. So I don't think I'm better than any of these people. I just like, wouldn't get my news from Facebook. Where do you get your news? Uh? Facebook? No? No, no no, I get it from um. Okay, well that means you don't know. I don't really check get my news from Reddit. Um, I go to your Twitter from Twitter. I stopped getting my news from Twitter after watching the social dilemma, and I realized, like, okay, I don't want to. I don't want to manipulated experience. I just want to like find topics that I like and then go read everything I can about them. Yeah. I kind of ignore the news, especially now like Trump's gone, and I don't do things. I don't put things in my brain that is gonna upset me that's going to affect my current. Last night, I was telling me that the government is going to make UFOs. They're already making UFOs to scare the populace into believing that UFOs are real and that they're a threat and to scare us of them so that they can control us. And I was like, I don't need this bullshit in my mind because I can't control it. So don't tell me conspiracy theories that will scare me Building seven that I can't. I don't. I don't have control over UFOs or the government making UFOs. But it's that's good to know. And fuck Also, the vaccine is is actually a virus that they're putting in us that will kill us in ten years. Ten years sounds like a lengthy lifespan to look forward to. Let's get to the next story before we get to why would I care? Okay, next story, folks. A woman discovers her ex boyfriend was her second cousin after he bought her a DNA test for her birthday. I mean second cousin. That's not bad. You can do that. Yeah, First, so I learned through our friend romy yusef stand up, not through the news of any sort that I read, but that if you have sex with your first cousin, it does double the chances of your kid being slower or whatever. But the chances go from point zero zero zero one two point zero zero zero two. Yeah, it's just it's doubles is terrible, but it's it's still under the same thing for any woman out there over forty who's like, oh my god, I have to have a baby right now. Your fertility drops when you get like I think thirty six or something, or at each age, but it dropped, your fertility cuts in half or whatever, and it's it's again one of those percentages of like point zero zero zero one to point zero zero zero two. So like when you hear like you have half as much as a chance of getting pregnant or like or like uh sudden in the death syndrome, doubles, it goes from like one in a thousand births to two and a thousand births, So that's not double. Sounds crazy, but it isn't as bad your cousin, is what we're saying. But what's great about this is this girl got the DNA test for her boyfriend likes a like from and she's like, wait, I'm like kind of I have the same name as your great granddad. Oh my god, you're my brother, and I'm sucking your cock like it's so like and me. There's been so many stories like that with twenty three and me of like people finding out that their dad isn't their real dad, oh yeah, or that their great uncle is the Golden State killer. That's how they caught that dude from d n A. So give your DNA because they can trace serial killers in your lineage and it helps them. Yeah, and I mean I'm going to do mine. Sure. I've had some second or third cousins that that I get turned if they were walking down the dock, I would try to fuck. Oh my god, seriously, Like we're like brother and sister and you were like turned on by me for like ten seconds. Yeah, and if we had a baby, it would probably be pretty dumb because of me. Yeah, stupid. I gotta because of all the cousin bucking in your lineage, it happens. We all fuck each other. Why do I care? All Right? Katie Perry's dress for American Idol First Live Show make fart noise sounds because it's latex. Yeah, it sounds like, but your seems to be all your clothes you've been wearing making fart noises too. Oh yeah, that's just my asshole. It's because my asshole is made of latex. So her dress is making fart noises. I gotta get this dress because yeah, that's that would be an easy way to just yeah, I mean that's an amazing dress. I really like it. Um, yeah, I don't care at all. I guess it's like I don't know what to say about this. I don't care. You don't like her to begin with, No, that's not true. I love her music. On American Idol, I thought she was a little obnoxious, and I thought there was one clip where I saw her sing a song that a woman was about to sing the girls like I'm gonna sing I don't know, I don't know why by Nora Jones, and they're like, go play it on the piano, And while the woman's walking with the piano, katieco don't know. I didn't call, and it was just like, why are you singing before this girl sings? You're so like you're trying to be like great before this girl and give your little rendition before this girl sits downd And I just didn't appreciate that. But I'm sure that, um, if I ever met her in person, I would kiss her ass and try to be her friend, because I actually I've heard that Kay is very nice to people she works with, unlike other people that I idolized. Um, let's get to collection of cause getting ready for so oh, it's time for collection of because that was all my best friends from high school where we invented the word. Could I really love how much you guys have loved embraced it started saying in your own lives. Yesterday I posted that, Um a guy literally said cut out loud and his wife then goes, what did you say? And he had to explain what CO was to her after someone drove by like wa like in a car and he goes and his wife goes, what and he had explained it was. It made me so happy that someone said aloud, Well, people have been calling out in ways that I don't think we're I told you guys that I'm kissed. Sometimes no one's immune from to being kid. So when did someone say I was kid? I remember this addressed dancing yesterday with my shirt off on that we put on nicky Glazer pod, which wasn't it wasn't kidding you you talking to the cock wasn't killed because you're in a bikini. Yeah, someone said that was okay. Yeah, I want to address that, um, if I listen, I did. I was in a bikini just because I was UM. But I didn't post the video because of that. I posted because I was playing with this bird and the joke about a girl in a bikini feeding her buns to a hungry cock. Um, it was funny to me. No, it wasn't cool. Now I have been killed before and I'll take it. And I like when you guys suggest maybe I was killed. Do we have any cause that were sent in by listeners that we could verify as kid Let's see, Nick said, MLM consultants, this is this is a cat what MLM stand for um Multi level marketing. That's those are those like pyramid scheme things MLM consultants that are killing the game, especially that one where everyone was holding up that you should be here signed acting like they made millions off of going on vacations, agreed to get coffee with them to make these opportunities turn from cool to very quickly. Okay, people that I don't know if I mean it is cool just to like have a sign that's like you should be here. I don't know what that means that sign. I guess the time share if like someone's at a time share and they're like, well, a lot of these guys that they claimed to have like the four hour work week kind of like, oh, I made money off of cross promotional bullshit and I'm here and I could work from fucking essentially to Cayman Islands and not and not have to be in office like you're bragging about. You probably have a trust fund. You probably don't even make that much money. You're probably getting paid by the hotel. You don't have millions of dollars. It's like, w that the that the company you work for gave you for free because because you like sold? Yes, what's the one above that? Noah? That picture. It was in response to the airplane flying over. The airplane flying over yesterday it was so cold. This guy was flying a really low airplane over people saying he was dusting for mosquitoes, but he wasn't. He was just trying to like he saw us filming him, and he probably went back and forth like a dozen or so times, really low. Like I said, it was like came in nine eleven because it was like it was a smaller plane, but it was so low. I thought he was like kind of doing a joy ride before he suicide crashed us. But I was so after a while it was just like loud and annoying and kind of scary and um. I posted a video of it on our Instagram Niki lazer Pod, and someone wrote said, ha ha, this reminds me of when you guys text and are like I saw you tonight. When when guys texting like I saw you tonight after actively avoiding you at a party. I don't know why, but it's the same energy totally. That is so if a guy text you and acts like he hasn't seen you, if anyone's acting like they like, oh my god, wait what you're right there, like oh hey, like we've all done that. But that's here's another cop. I mean. The interesting thing with that is like that guy can hit on a ton of different women and he probably didn't get laid, and then he hits you up later to try to fund you because he didn't, Yeah, he struck out, Yeah, and he didn't want to waste his time in person with you. But later on at two am, oh my god, so cu there's I mean, everyone's okay. Matt sent and so my wife and I were in Portland, Maine, a few years ago and a guy was driving up and down the main road in a convertible, the Portland's main road. Order the main road, Oh, the main like the in the in the it's not easy reading stories. Yeah, so my wife and so my wife and I were in Portland, Maine a few years ago and a guy was driving up and down the main road and convertible with the top down. I don't know why this guy reading is sounding about a cup. He was driving with the top down by himself, blasting ace of base the side for the whole city to hear. He must have passed this four or five times. That is the kiss thing I've ever heard. But it's more like a Kis from six because that song is like so not cool now that it's almost funny. That's what I was thinking when I read it was a different song and it was like more of a song, but I saw the sign. It's not it's like almost funny, but it's right to get airplane. It's the airplane I counted as it has a cur but it is the song choice made it less k Yes, for sure, you know what I mean? Like, what would be the most kiss song that a guy in a convertible could be plane. Um it starts with one thing. I don't know why. It doesn't even matter how hard you try keep that in mind. People, Yeah, you wouldn't even recognize it anymore, not to me back then, but so, I mean people that would drive. Did you ever have the guy that would drive around the movie theater with delights under the car to spoiler blasting rap and just oh my god. Me and my friends in high school at Fort Myers, Florida. It was the where Ki was born in Fort Myers in the spring break of two thousand one or yeah, I think we called it spoy s b O once Boy. We were like, oh, we're so excited for boy, and it was Fort Myers was I mean, that was the that was the year of We're in Fort Myers during springbreak and there was like guys in convertibles playing like come a lady, sugar, and it was we used to say sugar boner because like these guys just had boner's just driving around. They were just like, oh, we gotta lift from one of them, We gotta lift into town from one of them. Are high school selves jumped in the backseat of this guy's car. Yeah, we were just like going to town or like going to like talk to boys downtown or like try our best. And we got in this car and it was like a slow dragon. It wasn't even like that wasn't like a dangerous thing to do. It was like on this like Main Strip. Main is in the state and we're driving down and um, my friend Halla and all my my my friends that you just heard on the ki thing, we're all in the car. My friend Halla has a thing where she will pee if she laughs too hard, like all of her people come out because she was warm prematurely and she doesn't have key goals, Like she doesn't have muscles to contain her piece. So if it starts, it just starts, it just all goes. It starts with one laugh, it all comes out. She tries to plug it with her heel, but she can't stop. So she can plug it with your dad. She can plug it up with her heel, but the second her heel moves and she has to like get off the ground and like move to the next location, the p floods out like a dam breaking. So my friends and nine high school used to try to make her laugh because if you got Holia to pe That meant you were like the funniest because it would always only happen if she was like hysterically laughing. So we got into his car, and we were obsessed with boners in high school too. We would always be like, we would always do an impression of a Jewish mother telling a guide not to forget his boner. We'd be like, don't forget your bona when you go to the school dance. It's raining outside, and make sure you wear a rain slicker for your bona. Put on some boots and a slicker, like it was. My grandma used to literally, she's a Jewish gren She used to go, we have a condom. It reminds me of that. So she used to say that literally, put a slicker on your bone. We didn't even know what kind of were when we were in high school. We got into this car and that song came on Cuba but Sugar, and we just started going Sugar bona and the guy like was so confused and didn't like it that my friend Hollis started laughing so hard and she peed in his car and we were like Pece and she just like peed in his car and we left. It happened so many times, Halla shout out to you. I know your listen. What was the first what was the first advocate? The first ever kid was a guy named John who was in my art class in ninth grade. It was me and Halla and uh we This guy would always be like, yes, smoked like five cigarettes this weekend and we got like swasted off some like my dad's michelob ultra and like I don't know, just like partied with some friends and went and we were like knew he wasn't and we were just like, your kid, like that is kind. He kind of talked like that too. He was like it's kid, and we were like kid. So I started out being a sarcastical like that's so cool. Wow cool, and then you do a peace sign with it, you go cool, well that's really kid, and then it just got to kid like Halla. My best friend was Laura Holly on the field A team. We started calling her Halla, and then it got into like Hollow was too hard to do, so we started calling her so at the end it was just like here, do you want to go to the mall? Like it was literally her name's Hey. So it's all the same. I've had so many in high school. I remember we working at the fuck dude we open Oh my god, I had this moment. I have two moments. One we opened up a liquor having it and I was like, oh you got jim Beam Like, I pointed, Oh my god, liking any liquor is kid. Sorry, And my buddy was like, what did you just did you just like shut the funk up? Yeah? Yeah, yeah he could. And then my other deal love this story. So I go I had I was senior year and my dad, my dad. You know, my parents were divorced, and I did not. My dad was never that cool, but like I thought, I got to the point where I could just be like, yo, Dad, have a couple of buddies over. I'm gonna I'm gonna buy some beers and we're just gonna drink upstairs. And I go to my buddy, let me just talk to my dad real quick. And I go to my dad. I was like, your dad, I'm gonna bring over a couple of cases. I've got some friends. O, We're just gonna drink upstairs. He's like, no, you're not. He's like, no, you're not. I go, no, Dad, it's gonna it's gonna be cool, like like I tried to be so cool and my dad shut me down so hard, very confident energy of a guy, that of a kid that had a good dad. But you you didn't even know your dad well enough to know he wasn't coold. I mean I was because so much like we would smoke cigarettes, we would I would pretend like to like even like my drinking days of being like I love a vodka soda. Like whenever anyone's like, what what's your favorite drink? People who have favorite drinks, you're so lame. I'm sorry you only like drinks because I mean I get it, like, oh I love chardonay, I don't, and I wine enthusiast is always like I can't tell the difference. If you did a blind taste test between chardonay and red wine, they were same room temperature, you would not know the difference wine conoisseurs. It's been proven watch Adam Ruins. Everything. Alcohol is a lie. It's a poison, and you add flavors to it to make it palatable, just like you do meet but no one really likes raw anything, like I know you're like I like shashimi. You put soy sauce all over it and was like, you have to dress it up because it's gross. Um yeah, well, like audugs are delicious because they're packed with other stuff that isn't just meat. It's not raw meat. I love when we have a thing where I agree with you and then I get allowed. But anyone who's just like I love good maker, smart on ice, anyone who has something meat and you think you're cool, because oh, you know what the ultimate cool thing is is a bartender that like shakes it like like and does like you know, like muddles things and like like I know that there is a whole artistry in that. And I'm losing listeners who like love to have like specialty cocktails. But you're so just drink a fucking uh Heineken. I know you're like, it's gross, all alcoholics gross. Drink whatever you want, but like you only like, I will only believe people like things if they're super sugary, because it sugar is actually good. People are like like, what taste of umbrella? And then you get it and then you're at the bar like tropical umbrellas. But anyone who drinks hard liquor over rocks or neat you are good if you convince yourself that it's delicious. I understand drinking it because it's nice to sip on something that slowly gets you inebriated, and you're like sipping it. But you telling me that it tastes good. You're so full of ship. And by the way, coffee, also, black coffee does not taste good. It's it's signaling your brain that you're getting caffeine, which is a drug, so your your brain is convinced that that equals good taste. And I like the way I convince myself that I like the way coffee taste too. But you're lying to yourself. It doesn't taste good. It's a drug. When coffee the first time, you didn't like it. When I was drinking a lot, I could tell the difference between great goose and your vodka. Oh my god, the plane's back. That plane is back, because back. Okay, final thought. I just wanted to close up what I said before. I told one of our friends here. This was in my opening part. But I was telling one of my friends about that book getting to I Do because she was breaking up with a boyfriend. I go, you might be I go, he might be feminine energy and you might be bringing in your masculine or like you might be like mixing energies. And she had a meeting with him. I didn't think, I said this, Noah, and she just the basics I gave her of that book. She's like, he went from like death meeting up with me and being like I want out, no question, And she didn't even want in or out. She was just like, this is how it goes. And she kind of she thought from a place of I think rather than I feel, because she was trying to be in her masculine energy because she sensed that he was a feminine and he ended up being like I want to be with you and like giving her saying all the things that she finally needed because she treated him as like this feeling person as opposed to this like man who needed to be respected for his thoughts. She was like, he's the woman in the relationship, not meaning like he's a pussy. She's like, he foxed me so well, he's so I'm so fucking attracted to him as a man. He's so masculine in terms of like I'm but when I treated him the way like usually women are defined as that role of like being like more feeling like a detailed example, he was feeling neglected in a relationship because she works too much, so he wasn't feeling like she was being like, how do you feel, babe, and like he wanted to be like cuddles feelings. He's a he wanted. Yeah, he's emotion he's emotional, whereas most men aren't as emotional as women. Usually women are the emotional ones, and but a lot of times women aren't the emotional ones, and men are the emotional ones. And um, she just she just finally acknowledged that, and I started like catering to his feelings, listening to his feelings, and he went from being showing up to this meeting of being like we're breaking up to having his feelings heard for the first time in the relationship because she's been fighting that and not letting them in. And he like did a one eighty he like she said, Nikki, it was like, honestly, it was like magic. And I go, I'm not kidding you. Every girl in like the way this book and these methods in this book have worked for my friends, It's like magic. It's like the impossible becomes possible with these men, and I'm not kidding you girls out there listening to me. There is one guy in particular that I had literally blocked on my Instagram. I was kind of wishing that he would maybe pass away because he was ruining my friend's life because she couldn't get over him, because he was just like this drug that she kept going back to, and he would like totally treated like ship and like not because he was a bad person, but because he was so flawed and misunderstood, and I was so mad at him and I wanted him out of her life. I was I hated when they whatever, he would walk back in. You know that kind of guy. I would have done anything for him to like get married and stay at my friend's life, or like died tragically but like in a way that didn't hurt him and it was like very quick. Um. And now this guy is one of my favorite people of all time. He worships my friend. He um is one of my good friends. And I can't even believe I've ever thought of him that way. And I would have never predicted that he could be such a loving partner to my friend. And it's all because my friend used the methods in this book to better her life and get what she wanted a relationship. And she's not faking anything, she's just better understanding herself and other. Okay, and I'm glad you said that because I think it's important to reinforce that it's not asking you to change who you are or to not be yourself. She actually encourages women to ask for what they need. It's just to achieve balance in your relationship. Yes. So again, the book is called Getting to I Do I really recommended to everyone. Is there any chapters on seeing like a really close friend that's like a sister on a dock from eighty feet away and you want to finger them and then asking if there's a chapters on that. There is one. It's called chapter eleven bankruptcy, which will be filing if I fire you and you have no more income because you are saying things, Can you treat me like I'm more emotional? Can you like be nice here about what you said to think that your feelings are gloss? We'll see you tomorrow on the podcast. You guys, thank you for being our best sees. Make sure you subscribe to the podcast, rate and review um, follow us on Instagram. Andrew T Colin, Noah Injection, n o A Injection, and Nikki Glazer Pod on Instagram and we'll see you tomorrow. We've got two more days of the pod, which is uh I can't wait. Okay, okay, come my baby,