#106 FU Tonight

Published Sep 22, 2021, 1:00 AM

Between you and Nikki it might be time to put away a fancy dress from Saks and maybe it's best not to always trust your brain. Andrew and Nikki talk about the TV they got from Goodwill was a bigger bargain than they thought. Nikki wants to know Andrew's take on upgrading her wardrobe with "wine o'clock of vegetable' themes. You'll have to hear the episode to understand... The news sparks conversation about going braless, favorite smells and a new love in the air. Nikki brings up some topics from r/Dating_Advice and r/AskMen in her Reddit Dump and in the Final Thought she talks about one of her worst days at work.

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The Nicky Glazer Podcast. Nicky here, I am Welcome to the Nicky Glazer Podcast. It's mond Tuesday. It's month Tuesday. It feels like Monday to me, y'all because I got back in town last night and usually get back on Sundays. Who cares. Welcome to the show. It's Tuesday. I'm kind of sad because that only means we have three more shows to go before the weekend. I like this show. Um. It was a wild weekend for me in on tour. Friday night Vegas, Saturday night Seattle, Sunday night, Jacksonville, Oregon, not Florida. It was so fun. One show Vegas, two shows Seattle, one show Oregon. Man, it just reminds me of how much UM I need to do, Like repetition makes me better, Like one offs I can be. You know, you can catch a lightning in a bottle at some points when you just do one show here and there, but you're taking a gamble. But when you are when I'm by the end of the week, by the second show by Seattle, I had all the you know, Vegas, I worked out some of the kinks. No one seemed to notice, but I I gotta start dressing more comfortably on stage. I tried to dress like uh Vegacy, you know, Like I wore this dress that I am obsessed with that I got at sacks um on sale when I was in West Palm Beach doing a birthday party over the summer, like a private party, and I got this dress and it's so like Britney Spears pre freedom, um, and it's it's just makes me feel like a pop star. But I I, I'm just not cons trouble. It's black and like it's it's black and really sparkly and really short and has uh you know, a mock turtle like it has a turtleneck kind of thing and then has long sleeves, you know, like it's it's just looks like Taylor Swift pop star. It's it's a great dress. And it was weird because I bought it, and um, my stylists who I use for like all my big shows that I do, had they go that looks really familiar and they sent me a picture of me in a fitting from a couple of years ago in that dress as one of my final options. So finally I have a good eye. And then it was so sweet because um, well like, it's been really fun for me on the road to like dress up and have an excuse too, because you know, like I said about Dancing with the Stars, it was an excuse to like dress slutty and be like, well they made me, because it's like it's fun to dress slutty sometimes, and um, but that's what this door has been too, because it's like these big theaters. Like when I'm doing um clubs, it always felt a little just I was overdressed to really dress up and it didn't even occur to me. But when you're doing a theater, I just really love wearing fun things that I wouldn't normally get to wear. And so I've been ordering from the runway and just buying like insane things that you know it's on posh mark. I went wild this weekend buying stuff, but um, it's just uh. And then but then the thing is so in Seattle or in Vegas, I was confined to this dress. I was worried that my spray tan was sweating off because my thighs. It was really hot on stage and I was getting a lot of um flop sweat from my flop, which is I wasn't bombing so it wasn't like, you know, flop sweat in that way, but it was I should call my vagina my flop. So it was like I was just sweaty there and it was running down. But the legs spray I got, Sally Hansen, I did. I left my spray last weekend, and this is who cares I left my legs. The spray is the best because it dries quickly and it will not come off unless you shower and like scrub with a towel and then it comes off very easily. It is by far the best spright hand out there. It does not last. It's a one time used thing, but it's seriously you spread your legs and it's just you don't have to rub it in or anything. I left it in, uh Charlotte. So this weekend I had to like grab this stuff that I had from before. That's like more lotion e same Sally Hansen, but it just goes on streaky. I had so many streaks on my legs and it was sweating off and I was just paranoid the entire show that I was going to have stripes of uh sweat going down my leg And when you're thinking of anything else. It's hard to be in the moment and like enjoy yourself. And I'm thinking about how short my dresses. And it was a late show. Its a ten o'clock show on a Friday, and so most people. That's that's why Steve Martin quit comedy. He said, it was the late show on Friday because people work all day. They woke up, they're so tired from the whole work week. They get wasted, um before the show, and then they go to a ten o'clock show. They're tired, they're drunk. It's just not the best place. It's even I'm not my best. Like you know, we flew into Vegas on Friday, and we got in. It was so much fun. The Mirage like treats me like a queen. I got this amazing sweet it was meal me, meal me a meal. Andrew, Anya, Matt we all got there and um just hung out my room and we're like throwing grapes in each other's mouths, just like Vegas, Like that's our version of Vegas, is like soberly, like using my fruit tray as just such debaucherous fun. And and then Anya and I got to like spend a lone time talking, which has been so great to bring a friend on the road, and UM, just send everyone away and be like we have to do boy talk or whatever. And then I got ready for the show and was like jamming out to like such good tunes in my like Vegas suite, just like getting all pretty and like it's fun to get take that process very slow sometimes curling my hair, just getting actually blow drying my hair. The whole other story doesn't matter, but um, and then we go to dinner. We had a dinner beforehand, um at eight o'clock and then the show's or at seven o'clock and the shows at ten. We went to this dinner at the best time at this dinner. And also, can I just say I'm obsessed with this song by Glass Animals called heat Waves. It's like the new It's like the number one song on Spotify. UM, and I only know it because Taylor Swift put it in one of her TikTok's and it's just really really good. And so I was just and you know, with me, I just listened to a song until it makes me sick. I binge it just like everything like I just you know, I either I'm always into eating one certain type of food and I want it for every meal, and like deviating from it makes me go like no, you know, and then I get sick of that food, and then I move on to another food that I get obsessed with. And I'm the same way with music and um, pretty much everything in my life. But glass Animals, heat Waves is dope, so I'm listening to that and then um, we go to dinner. We had the best dinner. We were like, I mean, we were talking a lot about nine o eleven because Ameil and I are nine eleven ends and Noah, we were talking about um, well, we didn't get into it, but it just reminded me of our show you up where we were talking about nine eleven. I think it was like on It was maybe around an anniversary when our serious show and Jen Jen are beloved uh co producer assistant um who was often on air. I went around the room and just asked everyone, like, because I am obsessed with nine eleven in a way that I know like a lot of facts about it that I just thought everyone knew. And she's young, by the way, how old is Jen Jennison at that time? She was in her mid twenties. Okay, so she was in her mid twenties, and so when when nine eleven happened, she was fairly young, like yeah, she was probably in middle school, probably early middle school, maybe fifth grade. Um, I asked everyone how many people perished in nine eleven, like, you know, not later on from you know, uh stuff, yes, and depression and all the stuff, but like that day, how many people do we lose? We went around the room and it got to Chen. Oh, we wrote on paper, that's right, So we didn't influence each other. Jen sweet Sweet Jen wrote down one million people, Oh Jen, And that was so funny to me because that if that was the number, I mean, that would be I mean, nine eleven couldn't have been any bigger except in Jen Jen Daniels world in her mind. And she did the thing that something killed one million people when really, I mean like it's, uh, what what reminds me of say, your Silverman joke where she was like talking about the Holocaust with her niece. That's like the worst reising of a joke. So much. She does a lot of Holocaust jokes, but she does them very I think they're just really smart jokes. But it was like something like my niece said, uh uh so yeah. I remember right now, my niece and I were talking about the Holocaust and my my niece said, you know, Aunt, Sarah, sixty million Jews died in the Holocaust, and I said, actually, it's it's six million, and she and my niece, who was like she was like eight or something. She goes, I mean yeah, but like it's what's what's the difference, you know, and and Sarah goes, well, sixty million is unforgivable. I mean now I look back on and I'm not that I'm not that big of a fan of it, but just the way Sarah delivers those jokes always gets me. One of my favorites that I quoted the other data Andrew was she was talking about you know, Sarah, I think doesn't do this character much anymore because it got her in so much trouble. But she used to play like a character in her stand up that was really stupid and like naive and I like would say things from a kind of racist perspective but just being too stupid to know that it's wrong, you know. And now she can't really do that character anymore because people are like, what's the difference between you saying that in the character, and it's like, well, the differences she's playing a character even though she's bringing around on stage of Sarah Silverman. The joke is that this person delivering the joke is stupid. You're stupid if you don't understand that. And I don't understand why she can't get away with that. Yet writers on Veep can write the most racist. I mean, Veep is my favorite show. But the jokes on that show, if anyone told them as a comedian on stage, you would be canceled, like of their jokes. Yet we don't go to those writers and say you get to have to lose your job because you wrote that joke, because it's for a character. So what's the difference. Um, I'll tell you the difference. Sarah Silverman's joke is unforgivable. Uh call back, okay. So, but her joke that I told Andrew the other day was, and it always this joke made me where I was just like, oh, that's that's the level of which I want to work at. Um. She was thinking she was talking about Um she saw one of those commercials where the kid is in Africa is starving and there you know, flies buzzing around their head, and it's like, for a dollar a day, you can you know, save And on her serious of them in program, I remember she was like she was taping dollars to the screen so that she didn't have to see the horror that this commercial was. But the joke was, she was like, and it just moved me so much that I wanted to do more. So I found a way to ship to them fifty like beautiful Jay Crew cal neck sweaters that were just like she just you know, she's coming from the perspective of like what would she want. You know, she's a selfish person, and so she goes. But here's the she was like, and they're in really fun colors. I loved that line. She's like, really fun colors. And then she goes, and you guys, I got back a letter that said thank you so much for these sweaters. They were delicious. And that's the line that kills me because the whole premise is funny. And then you go, is there gonna be a good payoff? And there is? Um I digress. We went to dinner talking about nine eleven and then we all ate too much and we're just like we have a show. And then we had a show at ten and it ended up being really fun, but we were all like a little sluggish from dinner and traveling all day and working all week. But then man Um and I didn't love my set. To be honest with you, I uh, it ended weirdly. I just kind of ran out of steam. I could tell the audience ran down of steam. I knew we had a dance to do. I bring out Andrew and Anya to come to a dance, and I just like I didn't there was no joke that was going to be short enough to get a good applause to be like thank you, good night. So I was just like, guys, we have a dance, come on out. It was just like very anti climactic, like not my best work. However, I did a whole huntred hundred hour in twentysomething minutes of material before then. But I know from my studies of reading the thirds of books that people remember the first thing, the last thing, the thing that made them and the thing that made them the most uncomfortable, like they don't usually remember the thing that made them happiest. Because the survival technique, you don't really need to remember what's happy, because you'll you'll remember that naturally, Like if a plant taste good, you'll be like, oh, let's go back to that plant. You'll be back there the next day. But if something is negative, you really need to remember that to avoid it. So it's like kind of survival. So when you go to a show, that's why you never remember the funniest jokes. You always remember like, oh, that one bombed, or and you remember the first joke in the last joke. Those are always the things. So I ended poorly, so I was like, fuck, they're gonna hate me. I went backstage. I needed to be alone afterwards because I was just like, that wasn't my best, and I feel like they're gonna be mad at me. You know, I have a little bit of um runoff anxiety from some reviews I got early on in my tour, and that weren't wrong. You know. I was smoking a lot of pot and dealing with coming back to work after being off work for a while, so it all checks out. Those people had reason to be not that happy. But I thought I did my best. That's all I can say. Um, But after this show, I was just like, oh no, this kind of felt not good. I'm going to hear about it. And then I went to the meet and greet, and I'm not in the mood to do the meet and greet because I have to face these people who just saw this performance that I'm not that proud of. But I have to say, like everyone was so nice and was like that show was amazing, and all the d M s I got were so nice. So I I'm back to not trusting my own self on these things, and I really want to trust the crowd and UM, especially the besties. I mean, so many came out to the shows. Shout out to Nikki who gave us to T shirts UM at the Seattle shows. You wrote also wrote me a card Nikki, and I left it in my seat. Cards are hard for me to read because it's a lot of like I just don't feel like I deserve them, so I always like store them away and then I lose them. But it's not because I don't care that you wrote the card. It's just like I it's it's too much for me, and I want I want you to write cards to me because I even think if things go unread, you still get your feelings out, So don't hesitate in writing me letters and sometimes I do read them. I left it in my Seattle hotel room and I almost turned around, but we were running late. So thank you Nikki for those shirts, and thank you to all the besties who came out and just made me feel great. But after Vegas, man Seattle, we're the best shows I've maybe ever done. And then Oregon too was an outdoor amphitheater. I called it Red Rocks Light because it was up in the hills in Oregon, in southern Oregon. Um, and I was, Oh, man, I had, I was in a bad mood I had. I had a couple of MOVI would slips this weekend that I'm not proud of, and I owe some apologies that I'm gonna ship off today via email because it's easier for me to apologize in writing than it is sometimes face to face. But it was a little bit moody this weekend and not proud of that. But man, the show's felt so good. What I was gonna say is that in Vegas, I think the problem was my outfit and I'm and I was only doing that outfit because it was Vegas, and because in Seattle I wore jean shorts and a turtleneck, and I looked really I felt sexy, but I also felt really comfortable because I was in shorts and like looked cool. I mean, honestly, I was kind of doing a Sarah Silverman look because she likes to wear shorts with like tights. I wasn't wearing tights but in boots. I think that's my new stage look. Because I got off stage and I go, Okay, that's a special. Because if you don't know, I've been like really worried about my special that I'm taping in November and being like, what am I even saying? Is it funny enough? I finally know what I'm saying. I have a message for it. It's going to whether or not people think it's funny, which it is, because that's just it is. I I know if something's that, I know when I'm not keeping laughs. So it is funny. But what it really is is going to make men feel better about having a penis that they don't love, and it's going to teach women, um how to possibly like respect themselves more in terms of like their sex lives. And I have to figure it out how I'm gonna do it. But I think at the end of this like, man, it feels good two have like I felt like in an Oregon I gave. I made everyone in the crowd feel better about who they were, and I also made it funny. So you know, I did what I do on this podcast, or what I've heard I do in this podcast for people. Um, and sometimes I'm not funny on this podcast, but um, I was able to make those same messages funny. So I'm really, I'm really, I'm finally excited. I walked off stage in Seattle and I go, that's it. I got it. And then by the time in Oregon was great. So St. Louis show this weekend. I'm in town all weekend. I'm so excited. I have so much more to talk to you about. Let's do it with Andrew. Let's get him in here. What up, Andrew? I mean, I just wanted I was telling no. I just went to Starbucks and was sitting there waiting for our stuff, and I saw a guy that the guy, one of the guys Barissa's looks, especially with the mask on, identical to John Mullaney, did sounding him. He kind of did, actually, but I was trying to film him, and I go in there all the time, so I know that someone in there is going to follow me and see that I did that, and I hope I don't get in trouble. But I didn't say anything bad. John Lanney is a good looking guy. Yeah. Well then it was the old woman that looks like Paul McCartney. Yeah, did you see it? I did, And she looks exactly like I mean exactly like. In fairness, every old woman looks like Paul McCartney, not like not like that. You know that Paul McCartney is a gorgeous man or older woman an old cat, now right, he's kind of like a cat. You can't you can't not look a little bit not great when you're old. Like, I love the way he looks like. I've been actually trying to find um I'm really into I'm really into whatever serium he's using. He's vegan. I love that about him. I Um, I've been I've been like kind of a shopoholic recently, especially with the new video that we have going on. I'm trying to get acquire a lot of new shirts and things to wear on this and like just fun stuff. And I was talking to someone about what I like to wear and why what fashion is to me or whatever, and I just want fashion. Fashion to me is being able to wear things that you that make you happy, that make because honestly, like if you're comfortable, and I don't mean like pajamas because well, but like comfort in terms of like I because I always I always get kind of annoyed when girls are like, I want to makeup for me, and I'm like, it is the patriarchy. Why you wear makeup. Don't say it's for you. You're You're still trying to achieve a look that makes you feel good about yourself. But the look is based on men men's desires. But that's okay. It doesn't mean that you're trying to get men, but you have to admit that it's it is based in that if if you ask me, But no one is and I'm not an expert, so I feel free to write in the comments why I'm wrong. I won't read them. Um, but I think I realized I like wearing things first of all that get compliments from other girls. I don't really care what guys think. I know what guys like, type things that show my boobs and have holes in them. That's what guys like. Have you if you know, if you ever wear something that's a little a bit short or like sexy, guys are going to compliment. It doesn't no matter what it is. It's pretty simple. It can be a you know, garbage bag. We don't care if it's Valentino as long as it has a whole when it Valentino or Valentine. Valentino is the TJ Max brand of Valentino. It's the Ferraro of Ferraris. I'll never forget a date line episode where they were talking about, you know, counterfeit electronics, and there was in Times Square, you know, like ad and there's a VCR. I mean this is in the nineties and they were like this VCR you think says pana sonic, but what it does say is panas oanic. I just love that panas oanic. So did it work though, I'm sure it works a little bit, you know, like any knockoff thing, like our TV that we got forty dollars. No, our TV is great. There's something glitchy about it, but it's worth thirty dollars. We talk about the family whose accounts we use got So we got this TV from goodwill that my mom found. Gigantic TV generally cost maybe more. My mom got it for like forty. TV are way cheaper now. It's unbelievable. I flat screen fifteen years ago, two thousand. I know it's computers to like us to my computer, be like ten thousand dollars for this thing that would take up half of your debt. Yeah, yeah, but you could show it off. I mean, it's what you had to do. We didn't know any better. TV and on the TV, the smart TV are loaded all of the Netflix, HBO Max, all these accounts that we're just not logging out of out of laziness, because I honestly we have we have, we have all these we're paying for all of these accounts, but we log we log into theirs because they're just there and they're like families. It's Scott, Bethany Andrew Um. But Scott, his parents probably have a lot of questions for what he's been watching on HBO Max. This. I imagine it's a seven year old boy and his parents are like, uh, he likes watching scenes from a marriage like our son needs to be going to art school. Kids in rehab or is in a therapy because of our he saw the white white load he picks it right back up. But the white lotus for that guy is getting in his ass Eaten Scott just tunes in, like, what's white lotus? Scott's usually I watch cartoons and sometimes I watched white loadus. Get yeah. I mean that it's just you know, putting in your password. I have so many passwords floating around. I don't want to make a new one. I wanted to write a joke about this for a while, but whenever I write a new password, I'm like, I don't want to get I don't want to have to come up with like my dead dog's name. And then they're like, no, you need you need a punctuation. I'm like, I'm not. I don't want to be excited about my dead dog. I guess you guys got to use a question mark that you know. But then was my old dog's name? I just copied what you just said. Yeah, but it is. You asked me the other day. You were like, what was that dog's name? And I said, Speedo, What do you think about that? I like it, it's a great name. We were on the way to spring. I just see a nice package, like I see a dog wearing a speedo and sped it was a brand of swimsuit, but that that's almost like Kleenex, and that men's men's underwear like swimsuits have now just be called are there, even though it's like really bath tissue or whatever they call it. But I it is funny like anything that if you did a question mark would be like you're calling out to your dead dog speedo, are you there? Or you know what I mean? Like and in a period you're not giving it enough for a dead dog. I just thought it was a funny line to go, I don't want to get excited about my dead dog. And I was always wanting to write a joke. Um what was so? What fashion to me? And we talked about this a lot because we are just purely like you just look at us and you think fashion. I'm wearing a Whitney Coming shirt. By the way that she I go over to Whitney Comings. She does a podcast where she's on video and she has a wardrobe closet that she goes into and when you come over to her house, she's like, do you want to wear something from this? Take whatever you want? And Um, at one point she was like, you can have so many things. I never wore this because it's just not me. But I just why. It's just like it makes me feel like i'm too Like it makes me feel dressed up, and it makes me feel like I have to do the rest of my like my hair should be dressed up and my makeup should be on my my whole outfit needs to match how cute this thing is when really I can't wear this with like biker shorts and it's it's busy and it's not. Um, it just doesn't suit. The cut doesn't suit me. I have like broad shoulders I tend to like to It's it's just not but I like it. It looks good. I put it on. I like it. Um. What I was gonna say is I'm trying to accrew a bunch of UM shirts. And I was thinking. The thing that I like about what I want to wear from now on, and I know it makes me a child, is just I want to wear things on my shirt that I care about. I want vegan messaging, I want um Taylor Swift, I want artists I like. I want cool, like vintage shirts that have that can spark up a conversation. With people who like those things too. So I was looking into vegan shirts because there's a lot of them are so annoying, like most people hate vegans and you don't want to be like vegan a f or like don't talk to me, Satan, it's the clock of vegetables. Yeah, and and vegans think they're better than everyone because we are and um and because we're right and we people hate it. And I saw some like on Etsy if you type in like I was typing in Peta like vintage, like maybe vintage Peta shirts or something would be cool. And it was like people eating terrific animals and it was just like like eddieone to vegan can vi ka but mostly meat eating like anti vegan stuff is some of the any extreme on either side, you know. The one I like that I think sends a good message and is like it gets people thinking, like no shirt is going to make someone vegan. I realized that, but why not try to get someone It takes nudges, Like for me to become vegan, it took like a lot of messaging. It wasn't one thing I saw, and I'm like, I'm done. Although if you want to go vegan, there is one movie you can watch and it will make you vegan. I have never seen it, but it's called Dominion. And if you really need that extra push over the ledge without question that one why. It shows how these t shirts are main the creative process. Yeah, it's just footage of a bunch of hipster vegans and Williamsburg at a coffee shop sitting over a table and meat in the janitor's office and don't tell anyone, yes, sitting over a laptop going wait, I think it would be better with this fin like, um, no, the one that I really like, and tell me what what do you think about it? Well, this one is is very popular, but I want to make my own. Says eating animals is weird is usually what the thing says. So that's one. I think it's interesting because it's like people don't even think about it, like, oh, that is kind of weird to like eat animals, And maybe it's not weird because they're like, we're carnivores and we should and we haunt and but I think, um, the thing I would want to change it to, which I think would get people a little bit angry and wanting to be like, what does that mean? Eating animals is gross because if you say gross, people are going to go that's a judgment on them more than weird, because some people like being weird. Keep Austin weird, you know. But gross will make people go no, him not what do you mean by that? They'll get defensive and then they'll eat more meat. I think weird is good because it nudge, Like you said, it's a nudge, And I know sometimes you want to do more than a nudge. You want to put it down their fucking throat. Be like put an asparagus down their throat. But I like, last night I watched or I was on the airplane, I was watching this video. There's this quarterback who played for the Chicago Bears, right, and he played for Ohio State, Buck Eyes and UH and Georgia or whatever. This guy justin fields and he did a thirty day like cleans where he stopped eating meat, he started eating vegetables. He started drinking this like kind of weird like drink that you know, smells like urine, and he started to feel better and he lost like twenty pounds from it. And he was just supposed to be for thirty days. But now he's doing it forever. He's made it his lifestyle and that's and that's who he is now. But but my point is is that like that was a nudge where it wasn't like fuck you for eating meat. It was more like, oh, here's the benefits for me for vegetables. And I just thought it was like interesting to watch it because it makes me think like eating disorder stuff. So I don't I don't tend to like want to appeal to people's weight loss and like, no, but it wasn't about weight. It was about feeling here, Well, I think you'll feel better if you aren't contributing to animals being hurt. I think that could should give you enough of us. Don't you see how that could be a nice thing for or away for people to see it without feeling like, but what do I say for that? Do I do? I go? There is a guy that used to play for Georgia. He also plays for Alabama sometimes Ohio State. His I think his name is Justin Fields. He always used to eat me. Then one time he went on a cleanse and so this is the whole scripture on my shirt. Okay, well I'm just thinking back. It says he got drafted by the Bears. He ran a four three. What about this shirt? What about this shirt? So eating animals is weird? I'll get that shirt because I think that is that's interesting. You're right, it's a nudge. What about um one? I always love this one where it's uh like an animal's face, but half of the animal as a dog, the other half of a cow and it says no difference that I like that. Yeah, and then uh yeah, friends is not food and it's a bunch of animals that we eat. I think you could go reasons you could go like that, fuck you you fucking I heard it. I wouldn't tell you the one I got that I do love you. Tell me what you think about this one? Andrew this one? What if you like to cook your cook your broccoli and conservative tears or something like that. You know what I mean? Yeah, I know, broccoli and concerned to Trump voters to go vegan. That's the last They're They're the last. I want to this. I love this shirt, just regular shirt. I mean it's a cool design, right. I love a black T shirt with colorful color with it almost looks it's Miami like pink and blue like our background. Here. What does it say I want to f you tonight? So what is it? What do you think it means? Vegan wise? Um, this is a vegan turn. Yeah, I want to ms is I want to fu tonight? F you tonight? Yeah? I just thought it was a cool shirt. How long is this going to take him to figure out? I want to wait? No way can you get it without seeing the shirt? I want? It says I want and then two and then fu tonight. And it's a like the letter you Yeah, f duh? I mean I don't even figure that part out. No, no, no, what I think it is? Wait? Hold on, let me yeah, hold it up to the thing. Oh, I want to f you tonight and it's vegan. How would anyone know that's vegan? I don't think I want to fool you. I don't want people to think I'm trying to get laid tonight. It's a vegan message. I want tofu tonight. Um. Oh that's why I love it. It's sex and and roll and vegan. Yeah. I don't think people I don't. I don't. It'd be I would say one out of twenty people tops would come up to you and go tofu. Maybe one in a hundred. Well, I mean, I guess if people are thinking I'm wearing a shirt I want to you tonight, Like that's hilarious too, because who would wear that? Well, and then you go home with them, go look, I'm wearing a fuck you if you don't need meat. So it works either. I go over to their place and I'm like, where's the tofu And They're like what, and I'm like what and then yeah, and then they get soft and their dick looks like tofu. I'm like I wanted extra firm. All right, let's get to the news. Apparently here it comes first. Oh, man, I hope you had all the swells this weekend. We sure did. We traveled a lot, We saw a lot. We saw a lot of Pacific Northwest, and boy are we happy to be back in the Midwest. But I love that Pacific Northwest. A lot of air, A lot of air out there. Moisture just like feels cool and moist. Yeah, like tofu, like tofu, like two f you. All right, first story, here we go, here go go. Time. A woman slams a nightclub in Manchester for not letting women in if they don't wear high heels. Um, that's what is this club trying to do? Why they're trying to get what I mean? People, and this girl was just not dressed up enough in general, and they may be just pointed at that like it's it says no, no high heels. No, well there was no, there was no it said dress Um like nice what I forget exactly what they said, but they didn't say, you know, high heels specifically. And this person showed up in sandals or flats and they're like, now get out of here. I'm guessing it's just like she was just dressed, not like, oh wait, let's see what she was wearing. And it's so funny because the picture that we're seeing, what is she's standing around men who are all in sneakers and that's what I was looking at the footage. Think that might be the girlfriends in sneakers. Yeah, so some of her girlfriends were in sandals, flat sandals, and sneakers. But her critique on her TikTok video is that the club let in men with sneakers or something, so she and her friends didn't get in because they all were wearing not heels. Yeah, okay, um, yeah, it's such bullshit. Uh And you know, it's like, why would you want to go to that club anyway, because it's probably but but maybe it's has good drink specials and you're meeting someone there. You should be able to go anywhere and whatever shoes you want. It's just you have to wear shoes or you can't wear those ones that have like that look like the socks with the toes. If you're insanely hot too. With these clubs, they don't care, like they're like, oh, you're showing your kids, Oh, but your shoes, you know what I mean. Like, I'm not saying that she's not attractive. I think over that she was attractive. But I'm saying, like these clubs they tend to depending on how richie are in places. What about places where you walk in they make you go get a sports jacket or they like make you wear a tie or something like it's so stupid, but you know, I'm no backwards hats, no flat rooms, no long shorts, no no bald men apparently, is what they're saying. No insecure about being bald. Um. Yeah, I mean this this got me thinking because I was looking at photos. I was looking at photos from this weekend and like it's just so funny to see me in Anya and like these sparkly like outfits with heels on in our hair and makeup, and Andrews wearing a sweatshirt from Haynes and jeans and dirty sneakers, and it's just like where what like, like, isn't there a middle ground for you? And there's not, because that's just who you are and you get to I like that you dress out you want and you look and you look good and comfortable. But it's just like women's fashion is so punishing. And I was just saying this to Noah, Like the reason I have fun in Seattle was so much about I was wearing. I was wearing boots that weren't two healed, I was wearing jean shorts. I was wearing a really like covering um shirt with like a turtleneck that had like a hole in the so you can see my tits in the front. So God forbid, no bra. I'm going no bra all the time because it's just like bras always getting the way the strap is always showing. Why am I ashamed of my boobs? Like because it makes men like see my nipples? Like who cares? Like I just don't they look good? They sometimes they're in tip top shape, and I just feel like, oh, I don't really need a braa tonight and I just don't care. And I know, and you know what, there's something to look at if you're board with my set. I know that's wrong to say, but sometimes people zone out and they want to look at some tits and at least some. I got people talking afterwards, like, what was your favorite joke the first and last hit? Um? I was saying before that you only remember the first and last thing someone set um no I after the show. It's funny though, because like wearing no bra, everyone know, everyone's talking about it and thinking about it whether or not they're talking about it. But unless unless you say something, no one's going to say something to you. This is your friends, this is people you work with. UM. But after the show in Seattle where I wasn't wearing a bra, I uh went. I was doing the meet and greet and a girl gave me a Taylor Swift journal and it really moved me. Like I was so excited because I just loved anything Taylor Swift. But it's like this was in this really nice case and it was just beautiful and I just finished my writing in my Taylor Swift journal I bought a few months ago, so I was like, I need a new one anyway, and I was just moved by it and I was like, oh my god, and I said it really loud. There's this whole line of people waiting, and I go, this just made my nipples harder than they are already are. And everyone laughed so hard because it was like everyone knew, everyone has already thought about my nipples. Everyone. It's just like and that makes me feel sometimes I'm like, I hate I hate when someone's thinking something about me that they think that I don't know about me, which is that but what are you gonna do? I don't know? And like you just said no, bra It kind of annoyed me because it's like you you knew that, and you like saw my nipples and it just like makes me feel weird because you're like my friend, and like it was it felt like now I'm like I should protect my friends by not showing me about it. I know, but the fact that you noticed means that you were just like, heck, he's not. I wasn't like that at all. I was just saying you were saying your outfit and I literally just mentioned that was part of your outfit. It wasn't to me, it was not part of my outfit at all. Well you're saying, well, it's the it's truth, it's an observation, it's not. I'm not lying here. I'm telling you that you were an outfit. It that, but it would it would never be a note to me that I wasn't wearing a bras park To me, bras are comfortable. Not wearing a bras generally uncomfortable, except if my tits are like, uh, but I have noticed of you because you just said so much about how the audience perceived your tits. How they didn't say anything about your tits until you said something about your tits. Obviously you were thinking about But when I was describing the outfit, it didn't occur to me to say that, that's what I'll say. That's until you said that. But yes, that's and I did want to squeeze in Tokyo. Um. Does anything go through your mind when you're not wearing a bra and you're about to hug somebody? No, that doesn't. That doesn't cross my mind because generally you're hugging someone not shirtless, so they're not gonna like feel, you know, like the fabric on them is going to protect you. No, I don't think about that. Do you think about that? I do, guys going to feel the boobs on them? Well, for my boobs usually my bras have some kind of like hardened cup. It's never like just a fabric, right right, and um so whenever like I've been wearing a braw lesson less and whenever like I'm about to hug a friend or anyone, right, I have to do this hug where I'm just like touching with like my clavical like the rest of my body is a way because I don't want them to feel like my boobs. Interesting, I've never thought about that. I guess if I was wearing like umbros or like some kind of shorts where my real perspective, if you hugged a woman that you clearly wasn't wearing a brawl, would you like kind of trying to fill out your chest? I don't think so. Although you know, guys, you know, if if a girl rubs their arm on your shoulders, your tits on your shoulder, you could feel it, But that's not really where you're getting your nerve senses from. So if it's on your chest, I guess you could feel it, but it's not like corn. It's not like it's not like something that's going to arouse me. I don't think, although you could take notice of, wow, this is our tits on my chest, like, probably because you're not used to feeling it. Potentially, yeah, you know. I feel like bras often make me feel more more like a woman than not wearing bras, like because they push them up and they make them really. Like, right now, I'm wearing a bra that makes my boobs look huge because it's like it's not um there's there's not patting in it, but it's like almost like a it just has like a big cup like look that makes my boob looks so big. But if I just had on a braw let that is very slinky and like, it would almost let them. Now, this is keeping them up because it's an underwire, so it's making them propped up. But if it was just a braw lett, which would arguably be more sexy because there's less coverage, it would make it more so I had a flatter chest and it makes me feel less feminine. Actually this makes me feel like boob um, So why why I decide, why did you wear that bra then? Because it was the only one in my drawer that I could that was like clean and yeah, just it's so weird deer boobs change sizes, no h month and like your nipples change and like everything. Not really my nipples just my like my boob says, it does increase a little bit closer to my period. Yeah, mine get like they hurt and they get so swollen and hard and they look great, but they're just like oh and then they deflate and you're like sad and you missed them. They like go back to being the way they were. Yeah, I can't wear certain clothes because I'm conscious about my nipples. If I wore like a white sea through T shirt, I that's all I'd be thinking. I couldn't do it. I wish I could, but you know, one day, one day at a time, one nipple at a time. Alright, try you ever thing about wearing a bra the man's ear? Is that a thing that was? Yeah, Seinfeld, but is that a like a real thing? I'm sure? I mean, have you thought about getting a brush? Production? No, I'm fine with it now. I'm honestly like, I think i'd be fine at this point. Maybe next show I'll wear like a see through shirte, like one of those burnout shirts. Yeah, all right, next story. Smell determines you're Oh, I'm sorry, Pokemon. I wanted I wanted to smell thing. And then I was like, well, actually I put the next person to be just as of interest to me, and then it was po Gamon. I was like, oh, dear God, do you want you to smell them? I kind of want smell. Yeah, yeah, I thought I smell you, Okay. Smell determines your overall health, triggers memories, and you can smell like vanilla or you're into different people the old Blue Gold Girl. You can smell like vanilla, so the same smell. Some people smell Yanny, some people smell Laurel. Yeah, isn't that crazy? Wait, my friend Laura hates to smell popcorn because she thinks it smells like throw up and that it actually is a common uh thing that people are like popcorn smells like vomit. Interesting? Yeah, um, that's Vanilla is one of my favorite since and so durn that's true. And I eat a lot of vanilla, Like I've put a lot of vanilla flavoring and think every single coffee, every single so maybe my urine smells vanilla. Well have you ever peen in the shower with a guy in there and he could smell your year? I got caught the girl could smell it. Yeah, that's right, and I was like, no, it's you could see mine. Oh it's a very yellow. Yeah, generally. Yeah, I don't drink a lot of vitamins. I think it's a hydration problem. But um, that's interesting. I've never heard that one before. What's your favorite smell, like, you know, one that you're like, I love a fresh cut like a rain on after rains, fresh cut rain on grass, fresh grass off rain. Yeah, okay, No, I love the smell of like after after raining, like after a thunderstorm, that smell. I like the smell of fresh cut grass. Um. And I love the smell of like fresh cookies. A gap scent in the nineties called grass and it was so good. I want to try to find that I but there's oh yeah, noah. Do you have any favorite smells that are like, you know, not typically like not like you know, perfumes, or anything, but like, um, I really love this, like the smell of the ocean, like seaweed has this very like particular smell. It's it's kind of like, I don't know, almost rotten smell, but I love it. You like it. It's interesting, reminds you of the ocean. Probably if what sorry I didn't hear the rotten thing isn't Because I like to smell like a locker room. You can get like a mildewey like rotten smell because you're associated with like a childhood. Justin Fields, he played for a Hot State you know that. Yeah, yeah, and the also Charleston. What was the other one, George Georgia that's right, Yeah, but yeah, I like that smell, and it smells like ship like some people would, you know, like mark Yeah, like an expo marker. But after a little bit, I was right. I was journaling with sharpies because they just I just love the feel of them. And they were starting to give me a headache once, so I was like, oh, I'm probably getting high off this. You know, rubber cement that like glue. That was a great smell. I don't like people love gasoline. I knew, I knew Noah liked Gasolene. I didn't know you did. Yeah, I love a dog in a UM. Whenever we go to the gas station, I just like stick my head out the window. I just go. You say dog. And my friend Kirsten loves her dog's paws and says they smell like banana bread or something like that, like the smell of dog's paws often or maybe someone online said that smells like that much. Do you think of smell during the day. I don't. I think we've talked about it before. You you're not a big smell per like I don't. I didn't know that I wasn't a big smell person until I caught COVID long ago and my smell went away, and I thought, I thought that would be the worst side effective coop for me. That was, I didn't really get any other symptoms, but I lost my sense of taste and smell, and UM, I thought it was going to be devastating because of how much I love food, And I realized that I did not miss it because I still liked all the same things. It wasn't like I was like, I'm gonna eat healthier now, or I'm gonna eat these things that I'm usually scared too because I can't taste. I love consistency and like creaminess, and so you know, my favorite foods are really about consistency more than taste. For me, I was I was blown away that I wasn't as affected by the smell thing, although I did miss like smelling my underwear to see if people were like clean or not, or I did miss like body wash in the shower and just being like, oh, I'm getting so clean that eucalyptus Nessis it cissair that I used that a lot of people got after I did a haul on this show. Um, and I yeah, I missed, I missed that, but no, I just I'm all about crunch and like smoothness when it comes to taste. Well, they say that UM would smell the vanilla verse urine. It's if you smell Andrew Stanone. Andrew Stanone like if you're like there's certain things that certain people like. Yeah, there's certain they receptors that they sell things other people. And if you can't smell that, well, there are diseases that are like more common depression, schizophrenia, Parkinson's disease. Great, yeah, no, I'm I'm I have a good sense of smell. I just don't need it as much as I thought I did. Um, but there was this one time could smell COVID in you Now, I know I heard that. Um that is that's ironic too, you know, because you lose it with covid. But um, there was one time I bought a arm warm or a credenza sorry from sucking CB two or something on you bought it for me. She was at the store and she was like, do you like this? And I was like, yes, get it. I mean she I purchased it with my money, but she would like sent me a picture and I'm insecure about like picking out furniture and think I have bad taste. And I was like, do you like it? She was like I love it. I go then yes, I'm gonna get it. It arrived at our place and I opened the cabinet, and ever, I miss it so much because and this is a weird one, it smelled. It's the only time I've ever smelled the smell since exactly like the psych ward I was in when I got admitted, when I was you know, eighteen, I was in a psych word for like I don't know, I don't even know how long it was. Some people think it was a week, some people said it was a month. I don't remember. I don't even remember, um. Which is really funny because I was reading that September eleventh article that I was obsessed with in the Atlantic and they were talking about how each person remembers something of how long this girlfriend stayed with the family of the guy who died. She was dating the guy who died in the towers, and she aid with his family because her family and some of them thought she stayed for six months. She thought she stayed for a week. Others thought she stayed for a month. Like it was all over the fucking map. So um. But anyway, this cabinet smelled exactly like that hospital, and I've never smelled it before or since. But it was actually like it just brought me back to it in a there were some good things that happened in that hospital for me that I was just that only eye witness, only I will ever I'm not I don't I'm not friends with anyone that I met in there, even though I made friends, and so it's just almost like this, it's almost like a thing that's dead, Like I got to remember a thing that died to me, it's really cool. But then I sold it, so I gotta find that again. I wonder what it was. It's interesting that you say that, because, like, how do you know when people go on the stand there like where were you on Tuesday? January? It just makes me think like if they went through something crazy, like they're not going to even they could put a memory is completely unreliable. Have you seen have you heard of like how they'll have a talk like, uh, They'll have a bunch of witnesses witness a um, a robbery, a woman's purse, set it up, and then they interview everyone of what they saw and every It's like people think for sure that they remember things correctly and they don't. So whenever we get in a fight where I'm like I know it's that, I'm always in the back of my head like no, you don't. You can be totally wrong. So I'm like, she needs to go to a psych words getting that cabinet, getting that credenza. All right, let's take a quick break and we'll be back with why do I care? All right, why do I care? I'm guessing this is going to be related to the Emmy's. The Emmys came and went and I did not even know we had a show that night. But still, I know I thought about that. I was like, everyone at this show didn't watch the Emmys, and so I like them. Not only did not everyone at the show not watch the Emmy's, No one watch them? Do you have to do? Why do I care? Why do I care? Okay, why do I care? Uh so at the Emmys? No? No, Chelsea Handler. Oh I know she's dating Joe KOI. Everybody get up. Oh my god, I'm so happy for her and him. I mean, I don't know them at all, so I can saw this last night and I was like, holy sh it doesn't make sense to you. No, No, read what she said though, Yeah I know what she said. She was like, I just am taking this Moe. She looks beautiful in this picture she posted on Instagram. I'm taking this moment to reflect on how important everyone is in my life and how many amazing people I have in my life. And I also want to say that I am in love and the best kind of guy there is. Yeah, there's hope for everyone. That kind of stuff. It honestly gave me hope. I'm like Chelsea was so um, you know, what's the word for it, cynical about Latif and and yeah, jaded when it came to finding a partner and just you know, a dated guy's in the past. But she never really I mean just based on reading that one her latest book was just like it's not for me, and uh, I might not ever find it and I don't even know that I'm like looking for it. She just seemed like over it and not needing it, which is exactly how I've been feeling recently of like my life is pretty fucking good without a partner. I mean, unless someone is truly incredible and making my life so much better, I just don't need it. Like there's I'm not waiting for my life to take off when I find a partner, Like it's already taken off. If I died tomorrow, no one would be like Nicky never had a love. No one would say that, Honestly, I don't think anyone would be Nikky never had a husband or one true love. And when I realized that, I was like, yeah, that's it's not a part of my life. That's really people are like poor Nikki. I mean, at least I don't think they are, and if they are, it's always inspired by me being like I want a boyfriend, but I'm not saying that ship anymore because I don't feel it. But Chelsea and Joe Koy, she's noticed since Students and five. He was on our TV show on the panel night after night. I mean, he was one of the fixtures of it. That's when I was going with him on the road and he was coying. He was one of her most popular panelists. And that's why he was able to coy and and have fans is because she put him on Chelsea lately. She would always tease him and they were like I think he was maybe even married at the time, um, but she was, you know, she would do the dead Band Chelsea thing of just like making fun of him, and he was like take her ship, and like, uh and I don't know, I want I can't wait to find out how they got together and like what happened? But they I think it's so sweet because then he was spot they were together canoodling at some football game yeah or yeah, Dodger's game, And then TMZ asked him afterwards, like, what's with you and Chelsea and He's like, she's just how beautiful is she? She's the most beautiful woman? And they were like, are you dating? He's like, I don't know, but the way he described her, like I was just like, oh man, this guy's in love. And you know, I hadn't seen that footage prior to the story coming out, but it just made me so happy for both of them, and um, yeah, I just like I want to I want to Coy for their relationship. I COI this weekend of Bunch. He got very famous, like recently. I wonder if, like how much of it is seeing him on like an equal playing field as opposed to like when she like when he worked for her, you know what I mean, Like and then they separated. Yeah, I think he's been famous for a while now. Though. It's so funny. The other day, Sarah Lena, my good friend UM was on. We were on WhatsApps sharing stuff and she was like, have you ever heard of um this Joe Coy Nikki you might have heard of him? And I was like, that's so ironic that I was just talking about coining today. Of course I know Joe Coy. She's like, I don't know, girl, I just like was listening to him, and it just made me feel so much less alone because he talks about, you know, having a like Asian parents and how strict they are and how they'll never be proud of you, and how they you know, they don't love you enough and and all the like emotional abuse. And she was like it made me feel like, oh my god, I didn't have It's not like I'm unlovable, that's just the culture. And I was like, how wonderful that she was able to feel that way about him, like his comedy award yea, she has a perfect voice for she talks like this and she's not from She's from California City, California. She's my friend. That's a model, and she talks like this because she grew up watching like old movies and she does. I don't know, girl, that's I'm I'm worried. But it was just delightful that I was all cynical about Joe Koig, you know, asking for a standing ovation by standing up, and which I will say it again and again. He deserved it. I mean, he put on a show that I watched being like I'll never be able to perform that way, and like have people that fucking pump to see me and you got this weekend. But that's what I said. I got to that. Wait, I did get some standing os, and um one could argue that I was coing because I did stay up there to address them, because I was bringing you guys out. Yeah, I don't think you did raise the roof a little bit. Oh god, you guys, I want to I want to show you so bad. The person that does that coin is brought to a new level by the person that does this subconsciously when she's he and this is just like raising your hand up and down for the people. Yeah, sorry for the people listening. This is the most subtle raising. Okay, walking out on stage, this is it. Oh my gosh, thank you, waving and just upside down like upset like waving and then just doing a sleep of like up and you're in the audience and you go. You wouldn't even notice it, but there's it's it's it's it's a subconscious way to get people to stand up. And I don't even think this person I said, she alright, I don't even think she knows she's doing it. But it works because sometimes you do things and it's almost like evolution, Like you, this is getting a result and you don't even know that that was the behavior that got the result. But now you're going to do it all the time subconsciously and you're probably pass it on, like when you start talking with an accent without on purpose. But it's because it's giving you. It's making these people respond to you in a better way, and so you adapt. So I'm not accusing someone of being manipulative, but uh, but they should stop doing that. Alrighty, this is your redit karaoke mode. Alright, so I got some good ones, um today, I want to get to the ones that I saved a little bit ago, because there's one that's oh wait, no, that one was so funny fun Okay, hold on, there is one that oh where is it? It said like, oh it was one if you if you heard this song and depends on what uh man, I didn't save it. I sucked. But it was one of those like a blue dress, you know, purple? What was the dress? It was either gold, that's right, Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was one of those. Um, and it was like brain storm or grain storm or green Beret, like it was like whatever word you're reading is what you hear is really creepy. Okay. Um. This is from Dating Advice subredit Dating Advice. It says, shout out to women who communicate about sex. I met a gal a few weeks ago and have been texting and getting to know each other. Um, I'm reading this. This is obviously written not correctly. Things have been escalating and we made plans for this weekend pretty standard. This last weekend, she told me that since it looks like sex is on the table for this weekend, we should chat a bit to make sure we are on the same page. Whoa. She asked me to provide her with proof I am clean. She did the same, and we did a quick rundown of preferences and expectations and boundaries to make sure we are on the same page. She told me how to handle her orgasm and shut so on. I was so impressed by this. It wasn't awkward, but it eliminated so much uncertainty. It was really nice to talk like an adult rather than assuming and just going for it. I wanted to say how nice this is. Well, what do we think about that? I mean, yeah, that is something to ask for test results or you know, to make sure someone's clean, like have all their teeth and everything. No, but I think like you the test, Like I talk about the test acide. Okay, that's obviously important and we all know that, and none of us do it. I'm talking about the preferences. And this is how I this is how I come. This is uh, this is what I like. This is what I don't like. Those things that we all kind of just enter into the bedroom and we start just like trying things out, and there's something about trial and error that's fun. But I would argue that it's honestly not that fun, and it's really awkward and it makes four like I was saying on the pod the other day, when a guy's going down on you or guy's doing something to you and it's not what you want. I'm someone who has no problem telling people what I want, you know that. But there's something about sex that makes me feel like I don't want to ruin the mood by being too demanding about like this isn't good. I don't want to make him feel insecure that he's doing a bad thing, so I can nudge him in the right direction and say, oh, that's good. That's but saying like that's not working because sometimes you're like, oh, just only positive affirmation. Well what if we're doing nothing positive? Okay, so let's say let's say, let's say before you even Yeah, so you don't do it while you're fucking or while he's going down on you. You gotta do it beforehand. So what what would the guidelines be that watch my special banging banging? I cannot believe how many people I've hooked up with who have literally have everything. But that's true. No, I mean I would say, what would I say it? Girl? What I'm saying? Well, yeah, like, what would your guidelines be? How specifically? I have a feeling we're going First of all, I don't have sex outside of relationships, so that wouldn't happen to me. But I have a feeling we're going to get down in dirty pretty soon. And um, I just want to let you know, I really like finger stuff. I really like more than one finger in me as many as you can fit. Um. I like, um, and this isn't by the way, I really like just like yeah, some uh text cliffs, then go back into the end notes the bibliography. You more fingers? Um. However, let me just start with four play like you should not go down there until I want until I ask you to. Um. I like a lot of over the pants stuff. I think, Um, you can go down there when I sell my jeans on like outside stuff. But I'll guide you when I'm ready for you to go in. UM no, absolutely if I put if um, I uh. Once once we are, once I'm being penetrated by anything, UM, that's a good time for you to like hold me down in any way possible and try to make me come. Just try my My thing is, I mean, if I can tell the guy exactly here we go, try to make me come as hard as you can without, but like ease into it because a lot of times guys just like start fingering you, like so hard, and it's just like we just got started. Like that's for when I'm like about to come, not let's like twenty minutes in and I know this is a long time, but like you know, I would say, Um, the goal for me is always try to make me come, but don't let say I can't until you tell me I can. That's and whatever you glean from that in terms of like holding me down, telling me not to move all those things. I like that, But I would My biggest thing would be do not do anything unless I But how specific do you get about like the way you finger me? Because I feel like that's a thing with guys is we will do either the wrong way or like you've talked about this before where like oh I like it like that and then like say that, No the second you say like that, they change it. Yeah, And I think we all do that in bed. I think women do that too, Like you'll be getting a bow job and you like keep doing that and you just hear that and you're like that means faster or something, and so like you just shift as soon as you get some validation. But I think that's, um that's a big one too, the fingering style. I mean, just try whatever you like and then I'll eventually hold your hand and be like like this and like or all like demonstrate. But um but also I if I don't like something, I will I will stop it if it's something that's really not enjoyable and I'm not going to fake an orgasm, So you don't have to worry about like that. Um. I guess the only thing about like getting an instructional manual, uh, because it kind of takes this sexiness out of it when you're reading it, like where to like how to put together a dresser? But um, no, I think there's a sexiness. To my point is is like I want to know, maybe there's a way to put together to dress a different way that you haven't experienced yet. I'm just saying that there isn't. I've like, you know what I'm saying, I get it, But guys always do this where they're like, no, I got it. It's just like there's been moves I've been put on me, or a certain kind of blow job, or a certain kind of way we're fucking that I've never experienced before that if I gave you a manual, the manual would have changed. I'm saying, no, in your right, I'm saying, take this manual and then work within that and put your own. Like I like pizza, so I like these ingredients. Now I can give those ingredients too many different people, and I'm going to get a different kind of pizza each time with spices stuff. Yeah, like show me what you're what you interpret, what you're gonna do with all of this, and um and I would also so what would you say just to a girl leading up to it. Um in regards to what I like, like, yeah, you're about to have sex, Like, hey, here's some things that I like. Here's something that I don't like, anything like that. Um I love a blow job where you let the penis breathe a little bit, like just constant uh mouth on penis doesn't work as well. I like hand with the mouth. Um, I like it. At about pressure in terms of pressure, do you like a lot of like a harder pressure, harder pressure, hard pressure. Every guy likes harder girls. We are going way too soft. You can beat the ship out of a penis. But Matail Lane, gay guy Matail Lane, who knows a lot about sucking dick and receiving, said that don't start with like your ten, like your performance level. Start with the three and but up to a five, go back to three, then take it up to a nine. Don't go say at nine, go back to a three five ted like what also depends on whether or not you want to have sex or not, because if you stay at a nine, then most likely I'm gonna have an orgasm and then we're not gonna be having sex. Or as much as or as there's a less likelihood you know what I mean, because but yeah, and then sex wise, just reverse cow girls fun, right, okay with my dude. This move I learned it imporn and it feels very Yeah, tell us I'll do reverse cow cow girl and my legs will be outside her her her legs, so my legs will be I'll be spread open and her legs will be inside my legs, right, and it's just it's it works good. That's a good move. I actually kind of did something like that yeah before. It feels very to come up with. Sometimes times when you're doing it where you're like, no, I need to call someone and let them know that this is a thing. Someone needs to diagram this because we just invented a new one, you know, but they had to have all been done before I got to say though, when I described the blow job where you're laying on your back with your head off the bed, people do not know about that. Well, it's a it's a strange position to get into. Something makes sense to make your throat if you want a deep throat, it makes all the sense. I mean, there's still people out there that like have to put the covers over them and then fun missionary and stay within three. Yeah, okay, Well here's one that made me think of you. This is also from dating Underscore advice. Am I being immature for not wanting to date a girl I really liked after I found out one of my friends sucked her? So I was talking to this girl for a while and I got to really liking her. We haven't been very physical, as she wants to wait until we're actually boyfriend and girlfriend before we go too far. She must have read getting to I do so. She posted a picture of me with on her Instagram story and one of my friends ended up seeing it. Later that week we were hanging out. He mentioned it and asked what was going on with us? I said, we've just been hanging I'm assuming my friend thought I meant we were just friends because he told me this. Me and her used to chill together. We hooked up a few times, and she is crazy in bed, he said. I of course didn't want to hear this, but now I have, and I don't really like her as much anymore. Am I being immature? Or am I just or am I justified in not wanting anything to do with her anymore? I would say, Andrew, you would feel Yeah, I'm sure. I'm sure people would say, is it because this girl is gonna be? It's too easy? Now you realize she's easy. And I think when I was younger, I would feel that way. I think it's just like a level of just connection. And you're like, funk, I can't believe he one got the connection before I did too. He'll know about that connection all the time that I'm now experiencing, like those kind of thoughts and and is the connection like what her pussy feels like? Is that what you're talking about? Could this happened to me? What can I tell you? So? Um? I'm I was friends with someone that I was also hooking up with them between relationships, and when I got to a new one, I brought my boyfriend around and my friend goes, she's a wild one in bed. And I didn't know that my friend said that to my ex until we had an argument like way down the road and he had it's stored. I'm sure, yeah, he brought it up like he never really liked my like the friend that said that, And I was always like, why why do you always get some like tense when he's around? And you know, like what what's the deal with that like, why can't I just hang out with him? And um, I don't know. I guess I never really got down to the bottom of what it was. But I don't even think it was me hooking up with my friend. I think it was more of like a macho thing. It's definitely could be a macho thing. But if you're if you have a close girlfriend, right like one of your top five girlfriends, and she slept with the guy that you're now going to maybe date, you wouldn't think about I'm with him now, I got him, and like, but what about when they like together, like whatever, Like it wouldn't affect you at all. You don't think honestly, no, because he'd be with her if he wanted to. It's not like and and and you might argue, like what if she rejected him? I wouldn't be with someone who I thought wasn't like good enough for like is was someone that I was like, oh he's not that good, like she rejected him, Like I would just feel like, God, she doesn't know what good is like. And I don't think it affect your friendship with her? Um No, I mean I don't. I mean maybe it might like for her make it weird. I'd or for the guy, but I I just don't. I've had boyfriends who are friends with girls that they've hooked up with, and I've asked about it and they didn't tell me because or they were reluctant to tell me because they thought it was gonna be a thing. But it just like if he wanted to be with her, he'd be with her or she'd be with him. And so I just kind of feel like I won because whoever I'm with I always feels like a prize anyway. So it just is more confirmation and of that, like in the end find out more specifics though, if you're like if your girlfriend was like before me was like, man, he fucked me for forty five minute and he went down on me for like he did all this ship and he wasn't doing it with you, then it would be you know what I mean, Like there could be issues there like oh, she's a freaking bed and then you're she's not doing anything and that's probably this guy's problem is because he can't sleep with her yet because she's waiting until they're more official. But this girl probably just probably drank a lot. I mean that was in the past, Like, there are guys that I hooked up with that I would never hook up with now. But the person I am now is such a better person that you're getting than the one that hooked up with them. But I get like being like, oh, I don't want this car because someone else drove it, but I just it's like, get over it. Final thought. This one is from uh the subreddit AskMen man, what is the best decision you have ever made in your life? This guy says Stereo food said, learned to say no to big decisions, even under immense pressure. You don't have to agree to anything that's not fair to you, even if it makes the other person mad. Yes, that's right. I mean that's what I say all the times, Like, don't do things just because you feel bad. Don't do things just because you feel bad. That is not what anyone what went from you? Like you wouldn't want someone to do something for you just because they feel bad, so and if you do, then you're a weird person. Like I guess, yeah, I think, well, circumstances, context is, I don't know. I think like there's times where it's harder to make a decision selfishly. If if there's other things to lose from it, but I understand doing something selfishly, Like, for instance, yesterday you took a later flight because I made us late for the airport we couldn't check our bags in time. I took the later the earlier flight because I just went on without bags. You stayed behind for a later flight that got in way more late, so inconvenient, just because I put us in that position. You may have done that because you probably didn't want to do that. Who would want to do that? But you did it because you were a good friend, and I hopefully was like gracious enough to you to make you feel like, Okay, she's not just like it's she's not being an asshole to me by doing this. So there's there's a part part of doing things as a favor and being like, oh, this will make my friend happy and make her life easier. And then there's one thing of doing it just because you feel bad. I mean, I think, I mean, I think it was less about friendship and more about like, on the weekend, I work for you. If I'm going to be completely honest, if it was just straight up friendship, I would be very upset. So I need so with our our we we just have a weird relationship like that. I mean, but I look at it like you know, if you're in the army and your boss tells you to do something that's that is inconvenient, you do it because the greater good is I made good money this weekend. I had great shows, and there was a lot of positive and I want to keep doing that. Right, right, that makes sense. But I do think that, like in certain circumstances, Let's say we were traveling as friends and I had to get back for a thing that I had early, that you might do that just out of the goodness of being a friend. Yes, you've done something for me like that before, of course, of course, but saying you'd be you could be more furious at me. But you could have been furious at me yesterday too. It was completely would have been fine. I mean, I was furious at myself, But I feel like for you to say I would have been fucking furious is not like that I would. I don't know if you go back, I don't think I said fun. I think I said I'd be more upset. Maybe I said, did I think you said something like which was very angry? Well, I would have been upset because like if because I made us late and then you have to stay behind because of my thing. Yes, but in sometimes in life you even know what you're would be upset if that if I did that to you, I absolutely would. But what I'm saying, if if I knew you had to get back for something and you were like, I'm so sorry, fuck this, I really fucked it up, Like I'm sorry, that there might be a world in which I would go, yeah, you did suck it up, but okay, I can do this and then like next time, you'll get me when something like this happens. And I think I was I'm not saying that. That's why I was saying that was maybe a little bit of that too, because I feel like I was apologetic in the best way I could be and took ownership of it. Yes, and I think I was understanding the best I could be. Yeah, you totally. You were so cool about it. I was like, so it was so nice. Okay. Some other people said on this thing, um the best decision they made long term investing. My only regret was not starting much earlier in life. Okay, that's a common one. Once I found someone said once I found three pounds of meth working at ups I was using at the meth I was using at the meth at the time, and decided that would ruined me. I turned it in. Oh that was the best decision they made. That's cool. That's a great found three pounds of meth. He was on math at the time. And yeah, because first of all, he probably loses his job. Not only is a methodic four pounds I've heard. Uh, this one was good. Dropping everything to pick up my son before his mother could move six hours away with him. She went down a bad path for a few years, and when I got the text that she was moving and taking him with her, I dropped everything and went to go get him before she could. Thank god, my boss at the time was a good dude. I told him the situation and he told me to drop everything and go. I didn't even have to ask, he just said, go get your son. Ten years later and my son is doing well. It hasn't been perfect, but the ups and downs. Uh, he's turned. Despite the downs, he's turned to do a great young man. Oh that's cute. That's a good one. Are there any what's your best decision you ever made? As a man when steaks were high like something like that. I just looking like you look by it on your life. It doesn't have to be the us one. What's a good decision that maybe other men could learn from My toughest decision. Well, I've quit a lot of things which I think looks a lot of people look at it negatively. And I think we've talked, we talked about this last week about how quitting is could be the strongest thing you've done. Um, quitting the job that I was working for my older brother, uh, where money was good, but I was not doing what I wanted to do. I was having insane panic attacks and instead of sticking with it and manning it out, I've ran with my tail between my legs back to Florida and uh and it caused arguments between me and my brother and uh, yeah, it was really tough decision to make at the time. And uh yeah, I don't know. Yeah, I summoned biles. I chose my mental health first. But probably in the future you would want to catch it before you would just like abandon the shop like you're The decision overall was good, but like the way you executed it could be a so many like where I've quit, you could quit. Quitting can be strong, but how you quit you can do it in a way with a little bit more tact, but at the time you just can't because you feel like everything on your shop. Yeah, it's like ghosting like you. Sometimes I just stopped showing up for work, or like one time this I quit and the woman was like calling me, being like, you have a paycheck here, like come get it, and I was like too embarrassed to like show my face back there. So like I didn't get paid for like my last two weeks of work because I just was like you, that was my first job. So sorry to where in Vogue Salon and Depair. Sorry Mary, you were really sweet to me. Why did you though? Because it was just I was I was really bad at it, and I cried on the job and I at the time that we didn't have computers keeping our schedule, so it was like all pen on paper and I was crying because I overcharged this woman like five dollars accidentally by pushing next to zero and I was tried and my my tears. The woman that was my boss was over my shoulder comfort me crying at her business for and she and my tear drop smeared like five appointments because it dropped down and like it was just wiped out. We had no we had no way of getting them back. So thank God for us. You know, we got to go over every job we've quit on here at some point, I've quit so many things. All right, guys, I gotta quit this show today because we're out of time. We'll see you tomorrow in the show Don't be cut and Jack

The Nikki Glaser Podcast

Every Monday through Thursday, comedian and infamous roaster Nikki Glaser provides a fun, fast-paced 
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