#101 High Off My Own Supply

Published Sep 14, 2021, 1:00 AM

Between you and Nikki, don't be ashamed of your feet, never settle and watch Buzz Aldrin's cameo on 30 Rock. Andrew is dressed like a self proclaimed "crayon" and Nikki is wearing her laundry day outfit. This prompts a conversation about complements. You Heard It Here First, contracts and relationships,Nikki's epiphany, anxiety is maybe attractive and enough of JLo and Ben please. In their Top1 Bottom1 they discuss guilty pleasures. In the Final Thought they talk about individual stories of 9/11 victims and the video that everyone needs to watch to be a better human.

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The Nicky Glazer Podcast. Yes here I am. Hey guys, welcome to the show Fresh Week of the Nicki Glazer Podcast. For you guys, it's Monday. You know, you get a little discombobulated when there was a week. Uh, last Monday was a holiday, and then this Sunday felt like we should be raging tonight. Last night I was like, I really got used to last week being Sunday being God, I love a Sunday that's a Saturday. Oh it feels good. It's like the adult version of a snow day. Um. Yeah, I I had a great weekend. I worked all weekend, but it doesn't feel like work, you know. Um, I've said that before about this podcast. I've made it so that it never feels like a burden or like um. And this week weekend I was in Charlotte or I'm sorry. I was in Orlando on on Friday and then Charlotte on Saturday. One show Orlando, two shows in Charlotte, Orlando. I was at the hard Rock Live, which was just a giant venue. Um, and the crowd was just so excited and drunk, and they were blowing up the condoms that we hand out and like, you know, tossing them in the air like it was you were at like a I don't know a b C Boys concert. I don't know who does the That was just just a show that I picked in my head. I'm sure at BC Boys shows they've blown up beach balls and pass them around. That's a gentle fun thing at a at a concert, and it is embarrassing to get hit on the head with a beach ball. You don't know what's coming. So but there's no harm, Like, no one gets hurt with that. Um. But it was really fun. Uh, it was you know me Anya, Anya does the theme song for the show of course on your Marina Uh, Andrew Emil Joachim, Uh, my assistant Gen and my uh tour manager Matt, and we just had it was just fun. Even though we traveled on Saturday and then had two shows on Saturday night. Charlotte was like so beautiful and the shows there were so fun and two shows my feet hurt so bad though. It's weird, like my feet are numb on stage, I can't feel them, and then as soon as I walk off stage, it's like, oh my god, I have numbness in one of my toes from heels, but that's the price you gotta pay. And for heels it is like, oh, for sure, Yeah, I mean my feet are all jacked up, but if I'm not wearing heels, they're fine, you know, Like I'm never gonna get bunion surgery because I think it would just be purely for esthetic reasons. But yeah, I mean, you know the pain of heels, Noah, and you don't have bunions, Like heels are fucking awful. Do you remember when you first started wearing heels and why it was? I think it was when I did um the MTV show you know, Nikki and Sarah Alive. Was the first time that I was regularly in heels for extended amounts of time. I guess what about you, like, do you remember? Because I don't think I. I was always doing stand up. It seemed foolish to wear heels because I didn't know what they would even go with. It seemed like it just I never maybe I put on a little like kitten heel for like a funeral after if my mom was like taking us to pay Less to get something to wear two grandma's funeral or something. But no, never like a over an inch ever before um, before I was on TV, what about you? I I was always kind of like a tomboy. But I guess the first heel that I remember wearing is a jelly Do you remember those? Yes, yes, a chunky jelly heel. I was gonna say that that's probably my first heel as well. But to me, those don't cause the pain because there's such a sturdy base, you know, the chunkier the the heel. This is for men that don't know, um, the the less foot pain because you have more support on that heel. But when you have a tiny little um, you know, just a little rod that your whole heel is being put on your body puts all the weight into your toes too, because it's you know, I don't know. I don't know the you know, physics of it or the physics of anything, to be honest with you, but that's when it starts to hurt. Is the tinier the um the heel, and it's you know, I don't know if I thought of this originally or someone else said it, but men have never had to call it a night early or not stay somewhere that was fun because their feet hurt, you know, And and maybe you know if you have plan or fasciitis or you broke your foot, that's aside from the thing. But you know, footwear for women in order to look and they do look good. They make look good. Like when I wear a heel, my leg is flexed. It looks fantastic in a heel and boots really like step up an outfit. They can take it an outfit that would otherwise be you know, kind of plain and boring, and they make it like pop and they're fun. You know. I used to really hate them and be like, why does anyone do it? But it's because it It makes you look cool and great and and it gives me confidence. When I'm really tall, I think I feel more like Um confident, and I feel dressed up and you know, you dressed for the job that you want. And I want to be Um, a child bride in the Ming dynasty. Apparently because my feet, my toes. No, do you have a hammer toes? I have? Um? No, I do not have hammer toes. I do have like a small little bunyan that is from people always think bunyans are genetic, Like I probably know more about bunyans than most podiatrists too. I have probably researched them. I'm close to ten thousand hours. I'm looking Bunyan footage, looking at surgery methods. I could probably you know, I could probably surgically take out a Bunyon because I've watched all like the instructional videos that people in med school watch, like they're on YouTube. Um, I know pretty much everything about them. And they're not genetic. Do you know what is genetic? Everyone goes their hereditary, which I don't know the difference between genetic and hereditary. That's why I probably shouldn't be a surgeon at any point. But they're not passed down. The thing that's passed down it might be the structure of your foot, which lends itself to be more prone to bone modification. Like maybe you have a wide foot that um, you now your dad has bunyans, and my dad and I have the same feet. My dad has bunyans, I have bunyans. We have the same legs, everything. But what causes bunyans is footwear. If your foot, your foot is taking the shape of shoes that you wear. So my dad wore UM had a lift in his shoe for most of his life because one of his legs was longer than the other, and some doctor was like, yeah, you gotta get a lift in your foot in your shoe. And then it came out that it was like he didn't need it, but his lift and his foot and his shoe caused his foot to slam harder into the toe bed, which made it into eight. And you know he worked for years wearing those shoes that men wore, like the that make your feet into a triangle. And so I have the hammer toes. So can I see your bunyon? No? Yeah, sure, I'm actually on the photo of us from Mexico. Someone had to very conveniently pointed out, Oh really, can you see it? Is it on your Is it on your wait? No, no, no, well you do it a little bit towards your Yeah, there we go. Oh so it's on that side. I can't get a good look at it from my perspective, but I know that all our foot guys are enjoying that video if if it ever surfaces. Um, yeah, it's only going to get worse unless you make sure to You can do exercises, you can do different things to help it. But bunyans are not from It's it's because of your foot wear, you guys. I got bunyans. On one trip. My feet took a different shape. After one trip to New York two thousand six, I wore flats from Old Navy that were too small because I was trying to slip into smaller shoes because it's probably, you know, made me feel daintier. And my feet just took the shape of this little ballet flat. And so I have hammer toes, which makes your toe normally lays straight, and mine are now clawed and they look like they're just curled up like a little scared snail um, and there's nothing you can do about them. And I'm I'm so grateful now though, that I have no shame about my feet. I was recently talking to someone about bunyans, and I was like, you know, Megan Marcole has bunyans, Oprah has bunyans, Paras Shilton has bunyans. Um, I don't feel bad about it. I'm just gonna wear it. And I think Carrie Washington like, there you know a lots, even Jennifer Hanston I think has a little bit of a bun. But then I went and googled Megan Markle's onion to show someone, and the bitch got it fixed. She got it fixed. And I don't think it was for medical reasons, like it's I think it was probably for ascetic reasons. It's like, girls, who cares about your feet? That is such an intense surgery. You gotta be off your feet for twelve weeks if you get them both done. I think it's six for each, and you can't do them both at the same time. And don't write to me about lap of lasty and all the different kinds that you can get that are less invasive. And when you mess with your feet, you mess with everything, so you're taking a huge risk. I've heard just a lot of horror stories, but I like mine now, and I'm like, if someone is grossed out by them, I'm just like, that's your problem, not mine. I love my bunyan, so I'm gonna let him. I'm gonna let him breathe. But you know, there are times where I like like a guy, or like I'm around a guy that I'm like attracted to, and there's a little bit of me hiding my feet, um just in case he like is he doesn't love me enough yet? To see that side of me, because some people aren't just like grossed out by feet, and you know you, I could argue, like, I don't want to be with a guy that wouldn't be turned off by my feet, but like people off their things, like I don't like mayonnaise, and if a guy is like eating a mayonnaise sandwich, I would on a first date I would be like, you're disgusting, I'll never love you. But if I already love that person he likes mayonnaise, then and he keeps that thing from me until I love him, I can accept it. You know what I'm saying, thoughts Um, Yes, I think so. I used to pay a lot of attention to my feet as well, which is why I stopped wearing heels, because I wanted the bunyon to not get any worse. And I realized that unless guys are really into feet, and even if they are into feet, they like all the you know, like weird shapes and forms and stuff, so it really just didn't matter when I can't. I love the pain that I get from my feet that I can let later have massaged out. So I enjoy the pain like I'm thinking about going to get a foot rub like or a you know, foot leg kind of massage. Later and I go, you know what, I gotta go for a run in some shitty shoes because I really want my shins wants to be raging when I go get it because I wanted to be painful. It's just like so fucked, but I love I like pain. I don't know what's the problem with me? Um, Let's talk about your cat. Does it have a name yet? Yes? Do you want like the story with my dad or do you want me just tell you the name? No, let's get the story because you were hesitant to name the cat and you wanted your dad to name the cat and tell me why. Okay, So my dad, um, as I told you, is the least creative person that I know he has. And what is that mean? It means that he's just like very simple and he's very regimented. He's like a product on an assembly line. Nothing in his day ever changes. He's very plain and Okay, what brings him joy his job? That's a great question. I don't know, Like does he do things for fun? Does he have guilty pleasures? He likes to uh buy a lot of crap, like like mechanical things, which is him. He's very mechanical. He likes buying himself, yes, physical representations of himself, thank you, Yes exactly. But sometimes like he's so like not creative that he has these like strokes of like creative genius. So, um, you know. So we get this little black kitten and I'm like, Dad, we're taking suggestions for names, um, and I want you to name the cat. And also I want to let everyone know that my English is my dad's third language. And he goes, yeah, um, Romanian first, then Hebrew, and he learned English like thirty years ago when he came to this country. Very cool. Yeah, okay, so you and him learned it to other like English together. Um no, I learned it in school and he like, I'm not sure how he learned it. I think he was just forced to learn it on the job. Do you speak to him in English now? Yeah? And I always did. Do you speak Romanian at all? I understand Romanian. I speak a little bit of it, but it's go understand. Clean your room? And I got a new machine today, yes, And work makes me feel good about myself as I'm going to work early and coming home very late. So you'll never see me. Oh did we just learn everything we need to know? Okay, everything that Noah was tiptoeing around in the description of her father just came out in that sentence. All right, So your dad's a hard working man. English is his third language. He's the least creative person, you know, which is a hilarious way to describe someone. Um, all right, and you said name this cat, yes, and he goes, Ah, I don't know, why don't you call him blackie? I was just gonna say blackie, but like that sounds I know, I'm like, Dad, I have I can I cannot call my dad my my cat that, Like, no, no, I don't think it's it's not that citically incorrect. And he but he had no idea. Like I literally was going to say, did he say blackie? But I didn't even want to say that to even put the you know, but you know the cat is black and it's it's like it's cute and you add any to things that are cute. Yes, So I was so I like explained to him, like why we're not we're not calling the cat that. But what we did decide to call him. He purs so much you start petting him and he purs like a little motor. So we're calling him Buzzy because he buzzes when he's good. That's a great name, Buzzy. I love it. That's a great I mean, honestly, did you come up with that though, or did your dad? No, No, we came up with it because we're like, we have to name something. We have to name him something around his purse because it's just so cute. I love Buzzy. I was thinking you about to call him purry or persian or per um per capita. Uh No, that's so cute Buzzy. I've never heard that for and it reminds you of buzz Aldrin, who was you know, was he the second person? Yeah, Neil arms Strung and then buzz Aldron he was the second man on the moon. Yeah. And buzz Aldren is a little cookie, which is just like the cat, a little cookie. But he's a little cook. Is he a cook buzz Aldrin? Yeah? Oh yeah, yeah, he's like known for that. He's a little off. But I mean, the guy has been an outer space and then he's come back to earth, so oh damn. You know, he made a cameo on thirty Rock that I have to play because it was so funny. I put it on my story. The other day, buzz Aldrin was on thirty Rock. I did not remember this episode, but um uh Tina Phay's character is talking about She's like, you know, thirty two in the show, and everyone's saying like you need to be married, like you're an old maid, and she's just like feeling so sad about it, and she's like, you know, I'm just waiting for my astronaut, like I want to marry a guy who's she has this like vision of what her man is and then you're like, that's never gonna happen. And then she's talking to her mom who comes to visit, who was kind of giving her ship, and she finds out her. She's like, well, you mom, you found the man of your dreams and she's like I did, and she's like, and you love dad and she goes, it's not your dad. It was a man that I met that we couldn't be together. It turns out her mom could have been with buzz Aldren, but she settled for someone else, and Liz doesn't know how to handle that, so she goes to visit buzz Aldren and he's in this weird kind of like, um uh, what's the movie where the guy murders people and everything's white in that loft American Psycho. He's in like one of those like kind of lofts in New York. And she walks in to meet him. And I don't really know the context of her going to meet him, but she finds out a way to meet him, and he I wondered if you've got the fact that he's Kookie from this kind of representation of him on thirty Rocks. So she walks in, Dr Aldrin, I'm sorry there wasn't a door. So I just I don't believe in barriers because I always break them. About my mother, Margaret Lemon, well, you would have known her as Margaret Freeman, Maggie Freeman, of course I remember her. Well. I'm sorry to bother you, but I can't help but wonder what my mom lost by giving up on you her perfect man perfect Sure, I'm a famous astronaut, decorated fighter pilot. It looks good too. He's a good actor. I see you now, Okay, So this is he goes, sir, I'm all these great things and then all of a sudden, he looks to the side. He gets distracted, and he looks out the window. I see what you're doing, and he starts screaming at the window. Return to the night. Are you yelling at the moon? I'm sorry? She and I just okay, I get mad. Sometimes he starts shouting at the moon, returned to the night. I think one of the funniest lines I've ever heard, though, that I boasted on my story was, um, I'm I'm the breaking barriers line. What. I don't even know how he said that, But it's just seeing someone who's not meant to do comedy like doing a joke like that makes me laugh so hard. I think that's why Martha Stewart always really got me on the roast. She had great delivery. Um, wasn't trying to be anything other than what she was like. Wasn't trying to be a comic, you know. Um yeah that I I talked about that on stage a lot, about the settling thing, um about you know how everyone goes never settle, don't just like, you know, if this guy is not good enough, don't put up with it and and look for someone better. Um, you know, never settle like keep going. The book that you know I talked about a lot called Getting Too I Do, says that if a guy is fifty one percent good, keep him, do anything you can to make it work before you give up, unless he's physically abusive, which that even he shouldn't be fifty one. Um. However, people always go I found my soul mate, and I tell the audience, I go, you all have settled, by the way, don't tell me you didn't, and everyone goes no, and I see them all kind of reach for each other's hands, like I didn't settle, that's not that's not us, and I go, yes, you did settling. Settling it gets a bad connotation. But no matter what who you're with, you settled because guess what, you didn't meet everyone you could have been with, and you could have kept going. But at some point you just go, this is probably as good as it's gonna get. And for me, I feel like I just I never want to I always want to leave the option open for something better. And I think that's why Bumble and all these apps are like there's an endless supply and so no one wants to like actually choose someone and stick to it um. But I also feel like even if you choose someone and you do find someone better, you could go be with that person if the person you're with doesn't keep up their end of the bargain. I don't know, that's just my thought. Let's get into the Yello yellow, Hello, yellow, mellow yellow. We got a Neon sign up in this bitch. That is the when we go to video, you'll see it. But Andrew, your shirt is just as bright as the yellow sign. I honestly don't. I didn't know they could get cotton to pop this much, you know what I mean, when you wash it a little bit, but maybe in an um dark dark black light. Well, I think we're both wearing badass outfits. You got the Cheetah, I got the It was so annoyed that you made a comment on my office today, And I didn't need to be, but I do. I'm wearing like a romper that's like has a snake skin print, and it's just like I'm only wearing this because I ran out of T shirts, Like I just had to grab up a rumber. It's it's the thing that annoys me when when you're a girl and you run your laundry goes like you run out of things to wear that you normally you have to pick a dress and people go, oh, someone's dressed up. It's like no, someone's depressed and um can't do their laundry and it's all enough, you know, mess on my bed and it's kind of half wet and smells like well because I left it in the start. You start to get into the walk of shame category of your of your closet. You're like, oh, funk, this is gonna look like I wore it last night and I got fucked and I haven't showered yet. No, it's just it's people a tribute. I mean, I know what you're saying, but like people a tribute you wearing a dress to like do you like someone in the office? Oh, do you have a date later today? And it's like no, it's like I just have a dress on and and you and the effort. That's why I don't like wearing makeup and like doing my hair and looking like better than usual because people go oh, and then it makes me feel God, I must look like ship all the other times. And also the effort that went into this was like nothing like I resent when they credit my effort. Actually, I like when when I put a lot of effort in and I get attention for it, because then I go, it makes sense I put an effort. But when I just put on something that is easier honestly than putting on two separates and you go, okay, someone, it's like, my my thing is like like it's an innocuous comment, you know what I mean, Like I'm just seeing it. I come out of my room and you're in Cheetah and usually you're in Lulu Lemon or some kind of workout outfit or like something like it's something different. It's going to catch my eye. Maybe I shouldn't mention it. But you know what, there's a cheating in my living room. I say something that's a good one. Um, but you were in your room and I just wanted company while I eat my breakfast, and I wanted to like talk about like stuff that we don't talk about on the podcast and stuff. So, um, you like sneaking in your room and I go, are you are you going to take a ship? And you go no, And I go what's going? Can you come out here? And you were just like um, and I go, what are you doing, and I don't want to have to be like, are you masturbating or whatever? Jerk off in the morning. And I knew that too, Like I just I know your sketch for some reason on that and did a minute. I just know you're not a morning jerk off. Guy. It just doesn't strike me as someone the thing you do a morning person would jerk off in the morning. You were just kind of peeking in your room and like it was because you were hiding this this the highlighter shirt. See, I you like getting attention of very close. I hate it, and that's why I never liked getting attention for my clothes. Would why would you hide it? Last time I dressed like a crayon? I dressed. I had a green hat and a purple shirt. Yeah, you mentioned it, so I thought it would be fun to come in with this thing, which is by far the highest colored thing I've ever worn in my life. Like you, like like you cut your hair something, you'll kind of like kind of hover around me, like kind of like giggle a little bit, like waiting for me to say something. And I'm always just like, you did something different with your looks? What is it? Or you'll be like, but when you're digging for it, it's just I don't dig get Addie here, Oh Andrew, you're a digger. No, I'm not. Now, I'm not. I don't dig it all. I really don't like I I don't you dig at night when you want to look good, you want to look good? No, but I don't. I don't go like like guys, like, when are you gonna say something like I don't do that and that's not me because I'm better than you or something that's not that's not what it's about. Like, I, um, and I'm into. Maybe I want a compliment, but I would never ask for it because I would feel like it would be forcing someone to give me one. You know what I mean. I don't think I've ever asked for a compliment. Oh my god, you did? I have? I have one? When do you mind? I don't care. We went. I love that you have one ready to go. But it was just so cute because it was like it just it was really just well, this is why I never wanted to go see you go golfing, because I just knew that I wasn't going to give you the amount of compliments that you wanted for your golfing, like you keep going, like come to the come to the range, come see me. Maybe I have come out of my room a few times and ask you. But you're the only friend I have in St. Louis. No, no, no, you go. So I run. I run in Forest Park, I run, and sometimes we go out at the same time at night, and he goes to the golf rage and Forest Park is gigantic, and I'll sometimes go run to the range and meet him on my third mile and then we drive home and go to Whole Foods. So I ran up and and I was watching his swing and like trying to be like, wow, that's far, Like I don't know what, like you look strong when you do that, Like I don't know anything about golf, so I don't know what I could like. I don't have any thing to base it off of. Really, So I don't like you looking for any kind of feedback from me. I don't know what you're looking to get. And I I'm not saying that like what do you want? I just I actually want to know, Like what could I say that you would feel like, oh, she knows what she's talking because I don't know what. No, it's not about how you're dressed so that we're driving home, and I tried to compliment him as much as possible. But I also really hate when people are waiting for you to say something like I know that I do it with guitar, like with your dad. You do it with your dad with guitar. But I tell my dad, why don't you ever say anything? I just want to know the reason. And I'm telling you, I don't say anything because I don't know anything about golf. That's why I don't say anything about your swing, and because the I am it's an ugly part of myself. But me and my friend Robin, she has this to where she feels like sometimes uh, someone that she knows will be looking for like we'll do something kind of wait for them to say like thank you or like like you're the best, and she's just like, God, I would say it, but the fact that they want it makes me not want to say it. It's like, what do you relate to that at all? Like when people want something, you don't want to give it to them as much as if you just like yeah. It's like when a comic gets off stage and they do well, but they have this look like, who's gonna say, I supposed to just like walk normally, and we know you want it, But there's a way to not look so desperate. Here's the thing I've I've worked very hard on my golf, like a ton. You've never seen me hit a golf ball ever, I think, and I, and I don't know, part of me was like, wow, look at this work I've done. And I value your opinion even though you don't know about it. You could say, hey, wow, it looks like you've worked without it's not even like no, But I do that all the time when you come and tell me, like scores, so I can understand scores like I went from this to this, Yeah, whoa, that ball just fucking explode off my club like a like a rocket. But the only golf I've seen is professional golf, so that just looks like it looks professional. I could say that that's and I gave you some of those like I was like whoa, like damn, like I would give you like holy sh it. And then I don't have good eyes, so I don't know where and I don't know where you're aiming, so I don't know if it's and I don't know how close you're supposed to get to it that is going to be successful. So like, if it's so, I don't, I don't know that kind of and oh, admit I used to have that energy getting off stage or that, and I honestly feel like and it's not just because it's just like it's maturing and I really don't like I could go and serf on my own without having someone yeah, you did good, you did good boy, Although it does feel nice like there's nothing wrong with like wanting compliments, are wanting to be reassured what you're doing. That's why people pay trainers, That's why they pay coaches, that's why you pay a guitar teacher, because you need someone to lie to you. I was talking to someone about going back for my I know, well, not lie to you. I hate when people lie to me. But yes, I know, but but you're you're right though, like I there's nothing I mean, I did a special about it. Like I love compliments. They they direct me in every course of my life, but they have to come from someone who's opinion I actually value. Where I just didn't know that. I just it it didn't make sense to me that you wanted my validation for golf because I don't know anything about golf, but I could have. I did say the things that I thought I could give you, and then we were driving to pull foods and you go, so I'm getting pretty good, aren't I? Like you said something like that that I was just like, oh, like, I guess I didn't give enough like you need. Maybe it just felt good because how many people watch me. I have my friend Jordan's and I have a golf pro sometimes and at the time, I was any feel less good when you've asked for it, like I would never like. There are a lot of comics I was talking at least a last week where comics when I worked with her, I would never go, will you watch my set? Because the comics aren't looking for criticism, They're looking for you to say you're great this, I love this. There's something. I would never ask a comic to do that because I would feel That's why I don't look people in the eyes, because I it's tricking them into laughing when they don't want to laugh. But you do like when people say you're great because when they do it without me asking, because if I ask, then they're doing it because I asked, and then you get the upset. Sometimes people say that I'm good in front of you. Oh, everyone hates that, every every comic case that we talked about that all the time. But do you like it when someone goes to you about a meal, like I think it was great? I honestly would take no offense to it. If he walked right past me and said a meal you were fantastic, it wouldn't hurt you at all. You're a stronger person than I'm not trying to I'm not trying to like, I'm just saying, it's like interesting because compliments, I don't know, compliments are weird. I I do like I remember like that, not because they like you or I'm like I'm not as good as him. It's that's so rude because you know I'm standing right here and you could do that in a way where I don't have to hear it, and it's not done. It's done to hurt me. And I hate when people do it. It's not like I'm like, that's what I'm saying. So you hate it, so you acknowledge that it's a rude thing. No, No, I hate when people say it to me and know exactly, so you know my feelings. I tell him to blog about it later though, but it's just it's just as it makes me disappointed in humans. I think because I used to think I took took it personally. Now I take it probably ten percent personally, and I'm like, I suck. I should be more like Andrew to get that person to like me. And then the other nine percent of me has all the other reasonings for it, like they're just a rude person. Something I said triggered them they wanted to it off. Often happens with women where they're like, there there's something they didn't like about me, and they go like this girl this weekend. She goes, can I be honest? Can I be like? She goes, I'm just gonna tell the truth. I'm just gonna Can I just tell the truth. It was one of the girls we met in UM Orlando, and she was like lovely to us up into this point. She was like, I stayed for your show. I'm a huge fan. I was like, oh my god, I found ot Nicky Glaisher was going to be here. I'm staying for the show. She works there. If you're listening, z shout out you were beautiful, and I wanted to approval so much, falling apart. Who knows how long you'll be here? Yeah, that's and she was like very lovely, and she was like, you know, I work at this venue. I never stay for shows, but when I found out Nicky Glacier was here, I was like, I love her. I'm staying. She was very complimentary, and then she said to a meal in the elevator like you were Oh, he was great, And I thought that was kind of rude because you were there, and I was like, that sucks, but I don't think you heard it because you were talking to someone. Then we get to the meet and greet and she's standing there too, and then she kind of goes, wait, can I just be honest? Can I just like, no, lie, like you were? She says to me, like you were great, but like you And then she pointed out she was like he was funny, Like he was funny, and it was like, why we don't need that, Like why can't everyone be I think I feel empathy, Like if you were in a position where you were, like, you know, your co workers, and someone said that to you, like people just don't think It's just like with accepting compliments, humility has something to do with it. Um well, the recipient is kind of like, not a part of this complaint that I have, Like, it's it doesn't it's what do you say? So I'm sorry? So, going back to receiving compliments and giving compliments, a person who's humble would not be expecting the compliment but would probably receive it well. And then a person like the person that you interacted with at the show is someone also who could use a little bit more humility to not say something like that. Mm hmmm. I think it's I don't because I gave her compliments too, because I was like, you look like Jamie Lindzigler. Do you ever get that meadow from the Sopranos? And she was like, I do get that. It hasn't happened in a while. Then she revealed to us that she was like, I actually I got to get home to my She was like, I have kids, and she goes, I have a twenty four year old, and I go boyfriend, she goes son and I was like, what the fox did you have a baby when you were too? And then we joked that she tells everyone that so because everyone has that reaction yeah, I mean old. Yeah, I think we started being like my son is older than me, my son died of old age. And because this woman was so young looking that it is no one would ever respond to her having a two year old son and go, oh that makes sense. They don't go what because she was beautiful. But it's more about just have empathy, like do unto others. I guess, like, how would you feel if you imagine that you were in and maybe you can't imagine being a commune what it is. Honestly, I do think that I just didn't get it from my parents at all growing up, like when I did well in sports because they weren't at the game or whatever. I remember, like in like ninth grade, I I made a great hit on it. There was a punt return and I destroyed this kid, like destroyed, like unbelievable hit. And one of my friends dad's was driving us home and he goes, hey, man, hey, Andrew, I saw that hit. That was great, And it just felt so amazing to get like a parent to say I was good. And so then the whole car ride, I kept having him explain how it looks like yeah, like I was like, so what did he look like? How did I hit him? Like? How did he fly? Did he fly? Like? Far did he fly? I know? But that's like that, so I think I obviously still have that because I want someone to say I'm good. Yeah. I love compliments too, and I got too many of them from my parents and I didn't didn't think deserve well. My therapist Donna, when I was like felt really ugly, my dad would always say it was like beautiful, breathtaking, Oh my god. The thing I hated more about myself than anything was that my hair was frizzy and BacT when you know, straight sleek Jennifer Aniston like bone straight hair was in Like I hated having cow licks and like when I put up my hair, I just wanted to be all slick like Kursten's. I didn't want these like little pieces that never grow to be coming out like I hated it. And my dad was always just like, you're so beautiful, you could be a model, and I just it just wasn't it wasn't on. Yeah. My my Therapistona was like, you just you were lied to. You weren't cute, and like your parents lied to you so you don't trust anyone when they actually give you compliments because you think it's just they're they're trying to be nice or or they The thing is, my dad did think I was beautiful, but it's because I was his daughter. You know. It's like it you and you can go, no, Nikki, you were beautiful, but it's like not in the way. My feelings weren't validated that I felt ugly, and like you can tell a child they're beautiful at the time, but if a child feels ugly, you don't need to say, yeah, you're ugly, that's valid, but you can say I've you know, it's it's so sad to feel that way about yourself. Let's talk about it as opposed to like, just stop it. You're beautiful, and it's just like that doesn't that doesn't change when people feel like I feel like, they take it in and they go they go through life thinking they're beautiful because everyone is beautiful. As a great joke about it that her parents told her she was so beautiful, and then she went into kindergarten and she was like, hey, guys, and she liked, like everyone get in line to meet me, and she had like curly bangs and the cats the musical sweatshirt and she's like you're welcome, I'm here, and they're like gross, and it was like yeah, like it can it can go either way. I just want to say, like there's no judgment of the cheetah outfit, like if you want to rock you know, Leopard tomorrow or like there's never like I don't want to I don't judgment I look amazing, but it's like it just I just think it's a funny thing when guys compliment the thing that you're doing because you ran out of underwear. Like it feel like if I was wearing a batsuit and you're like hello, and I'm like no, I ship and everything else, Like it doesn't mean that I'm not like a fancier woman today. I'm actually, ironically so much more gross than you think I am because I'm wearing a ballgount. It's all I have laughed. Because it's fashion week. Yeah, oh my god. Fashion Let's get to the news. I had so much more to get to, but um, I feel like that was a good segment talking about um, let's get to the newsstt you boy, I hope you had a great weekend out there. Apparently we did. If you look at our pictures on Instagram there, uh, we took a lot of um, there's a lot of on Instagram. There's a lot of jugs of water. Yeah, pictures, pictures. I think you said callix. I think he said calix wrong. Calx. How do you say it calix? How do you say noah? Oh? I think I say colic cox. Yeah. I think it could be pronounced that way too. I think it's like caramel and caramel. How do you say you have caramel in your hair those days? I say cow cowlic? How do you say caramel, caramel, carmel? Really? Yeah, I say carmela, caramel, caramel corn weird, You're gonna have bad carmel for How you say that? Okay, so here we go the way. This one's really small, alright. A twenty one year old creates a seventeen page relationship contract for her boyfriend to weeks after the first date. How did she get him to be your boyfriend? Cont did he sign it? How did this get us? She say? He brought it up. According to the article, he said he wanted to he wanted a contract. No, they wanted he wanted to be boyfriend and girlfriends. She was the one. Okay, well no, well no, she got burnt a lot in her past relationship. I'm sure she told the guy he said, I want to be your boyfriend. She goes, okay, well, now you're gonna have to let's hear let's hear what this one year old um hasn't her contract? Well, it came with four objectives honesty, awareness of your partner's needs, clear communication, and alignment in both parties and tentions. I mean, no, uh, these these these little gen z e ars, what's up? I mean, this girl, I'm not I don't disagree with any of this yet, go on. I mean, essentially, she wants her boyfriend to be romantic, give romantic jesters at least once every two weeks, not crazy, and to work out at least five times. And then you're asking for the compliment. You're asking for the thing if you ask for it, If you tell your boyfriend you're not being romantic enough, and then he comes home with flowers that day, there's a little bit of you that's like, you only do this because I told you too, And there's like, I don't you know it's that Jennifer Anderston line in the breakup or it's like he's like, I'll do the dishes. I'll do the dishes. And she's like, I want you to want to do the dishes. And he's like, why would I want to do the dishes? And it's like, because you think of me beyond, you think of what might make me happy before Like, it's not about wanting to do the dishes, not about wanting to get flowers. Like he likes buying flowers, he likes making doing something that will make me feel good. I do think, though, if you get a lot of compliments in your life, you tend to stop needing them, or some people still need. You know, sometimes models are the most insecure people ever, and a lot of times models don't get any compliments because people think they get compliments all the time. It's the bystander effect, which someone had written to me, The Kitty Genevie story is completely um false and like not what but it was, but you know the Kitty genev story, that girl that was all the people witnessed, apparently all or the old story goes all these people witnessed it. No one called the cops because everyone said someone else is doing it. It happens to me all the time. When I that's a good point, she was very yeah, but um she uh know. Whenever I'm on TV for something, and sometimes it's the things air that I don't know are on, or someone will bring me up, like you know, Rogan will talk about me on a podcast, or Bert Chryser, someone will mention me to say something nice. I get one person going, I'm sure a million people have written to you about this, but you were on blah blah blah, and I go, you're the only one because everyone else thought that everyone was bothering me about it. So I get so. So just if you do see me on something, please tell me because I will. But she's not asking. No, I am asking otherwise. And it's not about a compliment. You don't have to say I looked pretty. Just tell me I'm on it so I can post about it. You know, Now, do you think this contract a mean romance should not have I mean, granted, when you get married, you get the government involved. It is a contract eventually, but this early on it just feels like it takes away that. That's what I'm saying. It's like that, So you leave the business at home. At word, the word contract does suck some of the romance out of it. But let me say, like, these are things that you need. You need to actually have these things figured out before you enter into a relationship, and you should. You should know that a relationship is a lot to ask of both parties. You're going to close yourself off to other opportunities, shut down a portion of your life where you could be open to meeting someone. If you're looking to get married and have kids. You know, time is of the essence, especially as a woman, and if you're going to devote your time to one person in cultivating a relationship, you better know for damn sure that that person at least has the things in mind that are going to make you happy. So having a contract is a little much, But I think it's more for clicks than anything. And I think that you know, the fact that we know about this means this person knows how to work social media in a in a way that it makes things sticky and pages. I mean, I hope it was courier new and yeah, I mean that that's but all the things she's asking for, like I don't know when I go on dates now or or look into dat someone. I want to know what are they? What are their thoughts on marriage? What are there? Uh? Do you have five five questions that you would what are your top five or top three? I really like asking someone if I asked your ex girlfriends what would be the number one thing that they would complain about you in a relationship? And I'll share mine too, as honestly as I can and write down their number for references. UM, I like to um. You know, you can't really ask someone do you lie? But you can get a sense of their how honest they are? Um, just by kind of observing how um. Like I was out with someone recently and they had told a story and this is just like a friend, but it just showed me who they told a story where they lied to someone just to get out of a thing that they didn't want to do with this person. But it was just an innocuous like I'm not feeling well, But it was really about they didn't want to go, and I'm like, just say you don't want to go, like you don't have to. Now you lied and said you're sick, So then they're going to follow up and ask how you're feeling and then this and the person eventually revealed to me. I got busted up for lying like about it, Like later on it came back this thing that I thought they'd never check up on, it came back that I lied. And it's just you're entitled to not want to go do something like it doesn't mean that you hate the person. The person if they take it personally, that's their problem, and you could say it in a gentle way. So things like that I test for, like honesty, kids, Do you want kids? Is a deal break up for you? Because I'm not sure? Now. That's when I kind of push because I feel, yeah, I feel scared that I get so scared, Like well, it's it wouldn't be if you really knew you wanted kids death, Like for sure, you should know that a girl that you are seeing doesn't want that. Ever, No, I feel bad too, because I want someone to be inquisitive and ask me questions and try to figure out like what they're kind of getting into. But at the same time, you just don't want to feel like there's a there's a like a checklist going on of like you know what you're doing, how well are you doing it? It just feels very like what do you think about the kids question? Because for me, I am on the fence about it, which is a perfect answer because I could go either way someone doesn't want them or wants them. However, I am thirty seven. Yeah, I think it's cool to be totally fluid with that, and you know, to not even have a set answer because I was always like, I don't want kids. I don't want kids, and then I met a person who I really love and care about, and then I was like, oh, okay, I think I really wanted kids. Know this is weird, So I think it's however, that's you. Though there are some people that know they don't want kids, like very defendant, I didn't. I didn't want kids up until like, okay, that's a good point, all right. Did it change too when you moved to I'm not like from Arizona from New York. I feel like when people live in New York, the feeling of wanting it's like dad to get yeah, get him in school. I gotta paid nine million just so they get one of those women like on the train who like, if you're not cute enough, no one will help you with your fucking baby. Thing and then the baby's crying and everyone hates you and like, oh god, yeah, how am I going to get through the turnstile with the baby carriage everything? It's just times a million in a big city. Yeah, that's a good point. Did it change for you, Noah, moving out to the West. I think it definitely encouraged me to m absolutely. Yeah. I couldn't imagine having dogs when I was in l A. I mean, I don't mean to make it, but it was just so it was a non starter. I mean it was not a non start, it was a it was a no brainer. Was like, of course, get a dog. I want a dog. I have a yard, it's nice outside all the time. And then moving to New York, I was like, this is fucking hell you lived. Transportation is when Nikki lives in that five flight walk up and having to take Mary and it was brutal and it and it never occurred to me in getting a dog out West that that would ever be there would be a scenario where the dog would be such a burden. But now that's my husbitancy with kids is like I don't with COVID, no one knew, no parents knew that they would have to be around their kids twenty four hours a day, like we didn't know that. They're sure they were like war and like apocalyptic things that could happen, but nothing like COVID. No parents signed up for having to do that. And I really my heart goes out to so many parents that had to homeschool their kids and be around them so much, especially moms that you know, the dad was able to be out and like, you know, just working from home with kids. It's I mean, no one knew that when they signed up for kids and that was me moving to New York. Was my COVID kind of like shit? My brother I asked him about that. I was like, does it suck that you can't go to the and he actually, I don't know. I mean, who knows if he's lying or not, but no, I'm just kidding. But like he said, he liked the fact that he got to spend more time like some people but they have names, but they have names. Yeah, yeah, but a lot of people have nanny's that you still have to be with the kids. I understand that, but yes, if you don't have any help and you live in a two better room apartment and you have three kids, and you have a husband, you're already making a minimum wage and now you're both out of work, Like fuck, dude. The kids are supposed to usually be in school, all Like school is a huge it's a babysitter school. Um so yeah, I I don't know, um, but deal breakers in terms of stuff, there's it's it's interesting. I I'm you know, in dating and realizing like is it worth it to me to put up with the stuff that I don't want to put up with in order to have someone who will be around and be like my person? Like relationships? Is it worth it? Because it's a huge sacrifice to be in a relationship. There's you lose so much, you have to give so much. There's kids are just no in a relationship. I think it's just everyone thinks I always just wanted a boyfriend and thought that's an your life. But it isn't always. I really now going into it realized, I am, I've been fine single most of my life. I'm really happy, and so you really got to make my life better in order for me to put up with all the bullshit that comes along with a relationship. Because no relationships are going to be perfect. You're gonna hate that person. At times, you're gonna want to scream and yell at that person. You're not gonna want to go to the thing that that person has to bring their spouse or their partner to, because you want to go do your thing, but you have to put them first. It's like there's a lot of sacrifice to regularly fuck someone and have someone be there to like call the electrician or whatever you need a partner for. You could always add an addendum to the contract. I guess yeah, you know, like, Oh, I didn't even know I was gonna hate this about you. I bet that girl is going to add some stuff. What's the next story. Research reveals that anxiety makes people more attractive because anxious individuals appear nicer, more engaging, more interesting, more conversational, having a learned royal royal tone, all of which increased desirability. What does that word? Oh yeah, left like a idiot? Um, okay, that makes sense. Like, but I would say that stupid people are more attracted to people with anxiety because if you're anxious and a people pleaser and like want everyone to like you, and you're like constantly like worried about things, so you're like, I'm more engaging and I'll tell a funny story and ask you about your day because I'm so nervous about this and you it's done from a place if you don't like yourself, and the people that are just like can keep to themselves and just know that they're okay. Alone are maybe less attractive because they seem standoffish, but it's because they don't desperately need approval from others or you know, they're complete already. A partner might like increase their life, but like they're not going to attract as many people. I would guess because I think, I mean, we know the general public is easily duped. We'veing it with like you know politics, uh, just you know social media, how it's made people like people can Fox news, people can be brainwashed so easily. So of course, someone who suffers with anxiety and has learned to put on a mask um and and kind of mask mask their anxiety with friendliness is going to be more attractive. I guess it is nice to know, Like if I'm going out on a first date, I don't go because I'm too nervous. I get too nervous, Like it's a negative thing, Like it is kind of nice to see it as a positive, you know, you kind of flip the script. It's like when I have a d D and you read a book on a d D and you're like, well, you're not good at this, but this is good. Or like when you have anxiety before you go on the stage, and maybe it makes you more magnetic because there's more energy inside of you. So if you go to dinner, just like, essentially, I hope this article you'll read it and you won't avoid things because you get nervous, you know what I mean? Right, Like I don't know. That's the thing about dating that you know, most people will suffer with anxiety. It's like more common than not having anxiety. Anxious about the end of the date. I was, I am. I'm anxious the whole thing because like it's just I feel like I um, I will want to get away from that person and I will feel I will start resenting them because now they've wasted my time and I'm sitting across from this person who duped me into being here and I could be doing anything else and now I have to be like and then I get mad at them, and then at the end, I feel like they want to do something physically with me that I don't want to do, but they bought me dinner, so they'll be mad at me and they'll think I'm a tease and that's just it. So I just wouldn't go on dates. And then I watched that show Dating Around, which I've ret ferenced before on this show, and that the show really changed my perception of dating. Of like the thing I've said before, you're not unique, Nikki, that you don't like dating. It's awkward, it's not fun. It's like it's nerve wracking, it's it's scary less. So I just don't. I'm I'm tired of telling myself this narrative, like you're special, you don't like dating. I don't like dating, so I'm not gonna do it. It's like you're not special. Stop it with this, Like, no, it's not for me. I'm like different than most people. I can't dat. No, everyone doesn't like it. Just do it, bitch. It's like it's and and find something you like about it? Yeah, you know, do you find doing it more though? That you find that you you can? Oh? Yeah, Whenever I go on one, I go I could do this again and again and against. It's on so many things. It's many things. I will say now that, like I, what you just said has completely changed how I've um yesterday an epiphany that I want to share. Um. I uh so I've been wanting to, like, I quit smoking pot about a month a little over a month ago, and there's times where I just like have this voice that's like, goes, I want to smoke pot, like, I just like, oh, I want to feel something. I want to feel high like I like, and I don't do it. Last night I said it to you. I would go, god, I want to smoke pot, and you go, don't do it, and I go, no, I'm not gonna do it. I just want to say that that feeling. I need to mark those feelings when it goes, Nikki, go grab a bowl, like, because that that used to happen to me, you know, a hundred times a day, and I would like smoke take a hundred hits a day, probably sometimes on a bad day, sometimes a good day. Um. But so I'm verbalizing it now. It happened on Saturday night too, after the second show, I was just like, I want to smoke pot now, and I used to think that feeling was truly like I want to feel high, like I want to get I want to like loosen enough, I want to feel good like it was me desiring feeling a fun feeling right which there's something to that, but what it really is And I realized this yesterday. Even though I have dealt with so many addictions, read so many things about recovery, I've never put this these two together, is that the I'm I know that it's trying to escape a feeling. I've always known that, but I really yesterday when I said it and you go, don't but don't, and I go, no, I'm not going to. I just want to acknowledge that there's something about this moment that makes I'm feeling something right now that I want to get away from. What am I feeling? What is it? So I kind of like sat with it and I'm like, holy sh it, wait a second. What what if being high like the excitement of being high? Of like, what's this gonna be like? Am I gonna like feel paranoid? Am I gonna like our sound's gonna sound cooler? Is it gonna like when you get high? You kind of don't know what's going to happen, And that's kind of the fun of it. It's like, yeah, so I thought about that for whatever feeling that was coming through, I'm like, wait a second, get high off this feeling, Like, get excited about the mystery that is this feeling that you're trying to subdue. So get high off your own supply. Like I've never gotten high on my feelings. I think that feelings for me are like a d m T, like a drug that I want to try but I'm too scared to do, or like coke or like drugs i've avoid. Yeah, I've just been like I don't want to try that drug, like and not for me yet, I'm too scared. Like d m T. I might like meet the devil and he'll like tell me that, you know, Like I just don't want to feel like whatever Megan Fox said about doing d m T, like she died and was being tortured for eternity, but then it was like freed her. I'm like that sounds great, but I don't I'm scared of it even though I want to do it. So anyway, I've decided now that like the feeling is my drug, and I have never done those drugs before. I've never like gone on the roller coaster. That might be like a wave of sadness or a wave of anxiety, or a wave of like fuck. And so I just like went in this room and like played some songs that would help me like get into those feelings. And I kind of just like I just like felt it, and I didn't get I didn't like get high, but I like micro dose that feeling. So now I'm very excited about when I want to get stoned. Those things come up to not do it, because then I get to try the Now I get to I'm restructuring it in my brain where it's like my feelings are the drug. Now that I've never done that drug, I get a new drug that I've never done. Would you get to see what's behind that door that you've been closing with we? And it could be an awesome fucking drug or cable and it might be both. You know, some people do llest and they have the worst trip and sometimes they have great ones. So like the feelings might lead to something so cool. So now I'm getting high off my own supply, Like I I'm not sober, Like I don't like the idea of being like I do nothing, Like my feelings can take me on a fucking trip if I let them. And I want to try to do those drugs now. So if that helps anyone out there when you want to grab the bag of food, or you want to uh cut yourself, or you want to go take a nap to avoid your feelings or whatever you do to escape, like, maybe look at the feeling as the drug or the exciting unknown and and maybe that'll work for you too, because it worked for me yesterday. Let's take a quick break and we'll get back to why do I care? Why do I care? All right, Andrew? Why do I care? I asked myself that every day, even when we don't do the show. Know you asked me, Am I getting pretty good at golf? Nick, Look, it was one time. Okay. Billie Eilish apparently shades Jennifer Lopez at MS and a disc caught on camera as Jenny from the Block made an appearance at Sunday Nights VM as she received cheers and claps from the audience. As Billie Eilis sat still, Billy was in her own head. Billy is very anxious. There's no way Billy is thrown shade at anyone if you saw her documentary. She is a sweet girl. She is a huge Justin Bieber from She doesn't think she's cooler than anyone we heard nightmares about. Um uh, we've heard that she can know. I've heard both great things and bad things, so I don't trust either of them. And I'm guessing she's just a person that has different sides to herself. But I've heard she can be really lovely to people, and likely they've met each other before. So what happened with everyone's clapping and Billy just goes like this, Yeah, I mean, I mean, it's obviously ridiculous that we're even talking about it, but it's no I mean, I actually do care about this. Okay. So it's a reaction shot and she's not applauding. Um, I can't really see it that well, smiling, very stiff. You know, when you're when you got a camera in your face for a two and a half three hour show and your reaction is being recorded to everything, there comes a point where you are exhausted from clapping and smiling and you're maybe thinking about the fact that you didn't just win an award. Or the fact that you just perfore and you forgot one of the lines, like that's the face you make. There's a there's a story about a comedian. It's just I mean, what if it comes out that j Lo, like, you know, talk shit or like what's mean to her in the past, well then good she should sit there stoically. But I just don't think that that was what was happening. And I think people want to read into stuff. Um. I do think though that there's this to give you an example of when this has happened before. There Um there's uh like with not even within the common community. I just know about it as a roaster that I learned. When you get done with your set, no matter how it goes, be animated the rest of the show, because they're gonna edit your set to look like you killed no matter what. So just look like you killed, like, have a good time afterwards you're sitting there, you're still on stage, have good reactions. Because there's someone who bombed their set and you would never know it because they made it look like this person killed. So but you can tell that they bombed because the rest of the show you can see them in the background. Just like this, you look so much like the person that I already know you're talking about. And that's why it's such a good impression. Is darting around, um, you know, leg the leg shaking, all the things you do when you're filling out, and and I've been that person. I when I did I would always go first on the roads on the Alcalde Rods. I forgot two of the jokes that I wanted to do so badly, and I was sobbing after the show. But during the show, I tucked that away and I looked like I was having the best time. But there were moments where I did catch myself. I do it on to tell the truth that TV show. Sometimes I'll see that and I'll forget there's I'll forget I'm on camera and I'll just look like my face like it's been like that where I'm just like thinking about like what am I gonna eat later? Or like, oh, I wonder if I'm going to get out of here in time to like go to that set, and like you know, your mind wonders. You forget there's a camera on you. It's reality TV almost because you just you no matter how much you know what cameras on you. You can't keep it up. It's exhausting to there's her behavior of being like okay, like um, I don't need to give it up fifty times, where she doesn't need the compliments that maybe I need, you know what I mean, Like, listen, she's getting a lot more pressed today because she didn't clap than if she did, so. I will say I am so over j Lo and Ben Affleck. I. I think it is when they like appeared together at whatever the funk they got on the crowd for and there's slow motion like you know, drone shots of them embracing and it's like they're back together, and just her walking down a hallway thinking she looks like badass before there's a video today of her like looking just amazing and she's just like kind of cat walking backstage. It's just like, I'm so tired of people thinking they're cool, Like, I know, you look amazing, and it's hard not to like walk like that when you're wearing these shoes with this amazing outfit and and sometimes I feel that way to where I'm like I look fucking great. It's it'd be embarrassing to walk like a normal person. But just I think j Loo's care. Yeah, I think everyone's. When you see the outfits what everyone's wearing, they're the most absurd outfits ever me. So that's fighter, that's fun. But if you think you're cool and you like have this air of like per slip and like you're better than people and you're so serious, you're wearing an outfit that was made for you because you're famous, and because that person not because they like you, but because you are famous, and that person wants to be famous too. It's all based on bullshit. And I'm just like I'm as much as I you know, and the things Jo's care, Yeah, well maybe she's right. And by the way, Jaylo's ben Affleckska. Everyone who thinks they're sweet because they're famous is and I have been I have been that person before too. I have been cut too. But celebrities are not more special than you. They just aren't. They were talented at a thing that they just have one talent and some of them don't even have that. They're just beautiful and it's like it's just this. The met Gala is my biggest, my biggest people. No, we would never I'll never get to go. Um, I would go. If I got invited and I do the whole thing on the red carpet, I would like, you know, look like very like serious and like my lips would be puckered like I was, like, you know, I would look I would take it very seriously and stand in a way that's like I'm I. You know, we all act like we're like sucking a mall clooney when we put on an outfit that's tight, it's like you've done nothing for the world. Angeline Jolie, she's actually done stuff that she deserves to stand on a red carpet and we should all praise her. She does. She does meet movies just for the money, do you know that? Which I actually respect, just so that she can do more work with on refugee missions and go to places and like get the word out. She just wrote a book, like she's actually a good fucking person. And everyone else in Hollywood, including myself, at times you're all sad and what what's important to you unless is mostly yourself And I still worship celebrities, but the j LO thing, it kind of that really all I could think of was, like, why does anyone care about this? Do you? And the things I do. I do. I care because it's bullshit and I see it so clearly now. But I'm still if I met Ben and jay Loo would be like it was amazing and I would give them everything they wanted. So I take I'm a hypocrite through and through. But they just aren't better than us. I know that, even though they just have better um doctors that give them, you know, things that you and I cannot. Okay, let's get to our Monday segment. It's top one, bottom one. Today's category is guilty Pleasures. Guilty pleasures, your favorite guilty pleasure and your least favorite. I'm reluctant to even share my least favorite because I don't believe that you should be guilty about anything that brings you pleasure unless it hurts someone. Um. But you know, let's let's go in Andrew, Do you have yours ready? I mean, mine's pretty simple. And your least favorite guilty pleasure, I know it's it's almost hack this point, biting my nails. I'm forty one, it's I've done it for thirty thirty years. Probably I just need to stop. And every time I get done, and I don't even know where I'm in a trance, said that HI have not doing it, which I did feel when COVID first came out, I didn't buy my nails, and I was so proud of when cod first dropped you, when COVID came out of the closet and said hey, I'm yeah, Oh my god. Okay. So so when came out, why why you weren't biting your nails? Because I was in Brooklyn, people were like there was there was drive up truck Morgues. I was worried were gonna get it. Yeah, So I didn't buy my nails because they said, it's on your hands. Tell me the feeling you have right before you go for a bite, like it's it's anxiety for sure. A lot of times I'll bite three fingers and still didn't even know I bad them. So I look at them and they're bleeding, and I'm like, what the funk am I doing? Yeah? When I see you doing it, the thing is going on, um like you're trying and you catch me picking like that's I mean, I'll do my note right now to my guilty pleasure is picking at this thing on my knee, which I've been picking out all day today. Because it just and the other day Andrew goes, you're picking and I go, I know, and he goes, do you want to be? And I go, yeah, I do want to be, Like I need to do this, Like why don't we try this this week? No picking the knee, no biting, and we'll check in next week and see how we do. I need to put a band aid on it. Then I got I got maderna maderma. It's not I got the maderna. No, I got the maderma, which is the scar because I have a huge scar from this picking this. But it just there's something about taking away and my my cuticles too, dude, I read this one is just when they get dry. I want to just peeling, peeling them off when they're dry. I hate blood. I don't want to make blood. I always just wanted to be dry underneath. And it's you know, on redd it. I just came across the thing about this girl posted it before and after she stopped picking her face, and she said that she was able to do it by um not looking in the mirror, getting rid of all her picking tools. Um, so you need to get rid of your teeth, uh, trying there's Um, there's a lot of there's a supplement that you can take that will help you with your picking problems. And um, I'll say I'll save it for Reddit dump tomorrow, but I screenshot at it to send it to Carlisle because Carlos talked about her tricky to Lamania, which is you pull out your hair and you twist it and you like do different things with it, and so many people have that. Soval Miley Cyrus is headlining trickt to Lemania two one. It's where would it be underneath? Yeah? Um, oh my god Ham Group. Okay, so yeah, that's my guilty pleasure is picking things I love. Um, I love picking dry so let's try. Yeah, I'll do it. If you do, okay, besties busties who pickstick bite nails or when you want to go do it, Like if you catch yourself doing it, it's okay, but just see what happens if you try to stop, or you like put gloves on, do something that will because I gotta I'm gonna put a band aid on this, because if I have a band aid on it or pants, I don't. I can't. You know. However, I do think that is just putting a band aid on the problem literally and figuratively, like it's it's more than that, but it is going to feel the feeling that comes up. What what is it your clear nail polish to put on? You have clear nail polish. I would love to paint your nails, not clear nail polish. Oh my god, maybe I will. Maybe that will make me not bite them. Okay, surely. Savorite guilty pleasure. Uh well, I don't know if I would say it's Miley's favorite guilty pleasure, but it's very like a misunderstood guilty pleasure. And it's my love of wrestling and watching wrestling. That's what sounds like? Yeah that does That's so funny. Just trick each other. So your love of wrestling um like um like wwww. There's other like organizations that have just like the like sports entertainment theater. I love it so much, it makes me so happy. Who in your life doesn't understand? Like is it something you you feel like embarrassed about, because it's just like this is why she moved. It's yeah, isolating does like it. He doesn't mind it, but he doesn't get as excited. I mean, I'm like jumping up and down on the couch like I I get really really into it. Yeah, I love that though. I love that like finding someone the thing that you love so much that brings out a childlike enthusiasm and you that you know, most adults don't enjoy as much as you like. And I started watching thirty five like age thirty five. Whoa, oh my god, I didn't know that. So you got into it late? So late. I just what got you into it? I think it was just like um So there was this tag team or actually it was like a three like three guys called UM You Day, and they were all about like the power of positivity and they did like these dances and everything. I just I love the whole gimmick. And I was watching Summer Slam. There was this like romantic storyline and I was just like, this is so entertaining. I need to find out what happens next. So I just watched it. I kept watching and I got so into it. And then going to wrestling shows, there's just this like very welcoming and accepting environment of all sorts of people, and UM love it. What's what's different than UM watching? Like being into going to see musicals or any kind of live traumatic. I would similar violence. I would is people try to say it's real, and then people don't. Don't people do. I don't think people do. See Okay, that's what irks me. That's that's the rob is that everyone thinks that they are claiming it to be real when no one's ever claimed it. People that don't know don't assume that the people that like it think it's real. But the people that like it know that. These people are children think it's real just like children think. I think we put a poll. I think more adults go. They might not say it's real fighting, but they'll say the pain's real because it is real. But as much as Kiana really reeves is really neo like. He does train and does know how to do a lot of things that most people don't know how to do, stunts wise, but he's not neo like, and I think you know what you're This is the thing about wrestling that I always rolled my eyes at is I assumed wrestling fans thought it was real. The truth is, people who aren't wrestling fans think that the wrestling fans think it's real. They are in on the joke too. Is that correct? Yes, I mean, for me personally, I just appreciate the fact that they can um like last for these matches for like almost an hour. They have to be like funny on the fly and like or like or like improvise these promos and stuff. So it's just like I just appreciate the effort that it takes to be UM a good wrestler, and it's a lot more than a script. I would almost go back to the j Lo thing and say that like that is theatrical as well, Like this person is clearly like a mom who wears sweatpants and works out to have that body, and there's so much behind the scenes that you don't see, and then she's on a red carpet and it's all like, you know, it's it's it's improvising that you're a queen, and we don't We can say she's a queen, but she's not royalty, but we're treating these people Ben and her like. And I don't even think that, you know, royalty is really anything. It's just a but every ms act. I feel the same way, like I really almost everyone. They're all wearing like the most absurd things. Fun though that's why them know, But I'm saying, is doing that same if she wasn't doing anything absurd, or to me at least, it wasn't. It's not about her outfits, about the way she walks, and like just the like there's just the just the way that they move where it's just like you think you're a princess, like you're just a person. Yeah, persona and you know what, I take on that as well sometimes, but I just want you to admit it, you know, Like it's like the comedians we talked about that they'll be off stage and they're talking normally, and then they get on stage and they're doing this voice, and it's just like, just admit you do a voice. It's okay, it's you're performing. But j Lo, you admit don't. Maybe she would admit it if you talk to her. I don't know. I'm just saying I'm not trying to play Devil's out, but maybe she's aware. I mean a lot of these people, remember we were talking about on Instagram, when they make these the most cheesy, most absurd Instagram posts where they're squatting down and they're looking and then if you ask them, they go, yeah, I know, I look like a dickhead. But this is I Yeah, but that to me playing off of people. But you're putting that out there because you think that people are going to perceive that as your cool. So that's whereas if you just go, I'm doing this thing because it obviously makes my leg look better. That's why you know, Bo Burnham is the anti you know, like and I I kind of float more into his direction, where like, if I do something self serving, I need to call it out. I need to be like, guys, my legs are painted tonight, that's why they look good. I have to tell you, like I have makeup on, That's why I look hot. I learned to stand this way that like I'm not actually anything that you think. Uh you know I have way Island season two. That doesn't make you the compliment. Yeah, but I want to tell them you take away the smoking mirrors, but they're still but you look hot, like you know what I mean. It's a weird balance. That's like telling me that a mask I'm wearing is hot, Like I just want to I take it away from myself. I need to still get compliments for the mask, I know, but I wouldn't a compliment on my mask would never I bought a mask. It was like, it's a compliment on good job picking out that mask, as opposed to this is who you are. Whereas when people write into the podcast and say, you made it so I could go on a boat in my bikini in front of girls whose bodies I envied and I didn't care how I looked that ship that I don't have to Oh, you only did that because I lied to you. That ship you did because I was I was me, and I can let that. Those compliments in much easier than oh my god, you're waste. Well, I'm sucking in so much and I'm dehydrated. That's why my waist looks like that. Yeah, let's talk about the real facts. Okay. So Number one guilty pleasure your favorite thing you never want to give up you're not embarrassed about. Uh, I guess my obsession with high school football, Like it just feels like laying in the dark at one am watching a bunch of high schoolers play sports. If it makes you feel good, Oh, I love it. I love it, But I could see how it could be something like that. That's why I want to like sports. Someone wrote in wrote into the to our podcast to the Instagram saying, you know, Andrew would think this is cud. But pro athletes if they go what college did you go to? And people start saying they're high school instead of our college? And she thought that I would think that's kuld. But I think that's cool. I love the high school shout out. I love high school sports because it's not tainted yet. Also, the kid that isn't the best athlete can maybe get on the field and there's just a pureness to it that just goes as far as you went. I mean that might have something to do with it, for sure, Like I didn't experience heird if I loved high school musical theater, you know what I mean? No, No, they're they're trash. They're not good. I mean some of them are good, but like their standouts, but most of it is bad. And there's some I guess humor in that. But um, but don't you like that. Don't you think about the fact that, like, oh wow, this person got to be the understudy or tree number nine or whatever who people didn't believe in. And I want to know that, like in retrospect, I don't want to know it in the moment because I'm not going to be paying attention to Twishtown's person. I'm gonna be at tainting attention to the lead and going, God, she's probably gonna get everything in life, and like I'm gonna be I would be too jealous of watching Younger. There's just something pureness about it, I think with with drama and stuff. Yeah, if you get on Broadway, I mean that's a whole another that's the pros, right, but anything in between that, it's just the higher up you go, the more it's done just for money. And and I can't wrap my head around these people carrying I just don't think I've talked to We talked to our friend Joe Buck and he's like, you know, baseball players, they'll go over five and then they're in the locker room like laughing, like they made a hundred million dollars, Like, yeah, we could take out to it. Yeah, no, we don't need to. I think he would be fine saying that. Um. I love Choe Buck. We it's so nice to be friends with someone who's voice here here, I wanted to do a meditation app. Yeah. I love his voice. It's so confident. He just he just has a swagger. I'm just like, I hate to say, I'm like horny for his voice. I said that Andrew was watching football in his room yesterday and I wanted company, and I go, you can watch in the living room, and I go with this Joe Buck because I was listening and I was like, God, it's just like I love it. Maybe it's because it's just familiar, but I was just like, I want this on because I just love hearing someone who's so good and comfortable at doing something that to me is he's so good at not having like announcer voice and not having two series of a voice where it's like, I don't know St. Louis man STI was friendly, like real, I don't know. I just love it. Okay, let's go into a final thought. Um, and no, what is your your number one is? Wait? What's your number one one? Nikki? My number one is obviously Taylor Swift. Like I, I used to have a lot of guilt around it, and there's still a little bit of that for me because it people areca and think that she isn't as great as she is. But um, I just you know. I I said it on Busy Phillips podcast and I posted a quote that they like kind of highlighted her kid Bertie, Um, they love Taylor Swift as much as I do. And she was like, you would really get along with Bertie and I was like, Bertie and I are so I feel so lucky that I love something that so many people are just like, why do you like that? And that's why I like to hear about wrestling and about your high school football thing like imagining you in your room, like loving watching this thing that like brings you so much joy and you're not there's nothing, you don't have anything writing on it, you know, like like Taylor Swift, Like I'm there was something that someone sent me recently that said, um, like sometimes I want to kill myself. It was like a really dark thing, but it was like sometimes I want to kill myself. And then I realized, like I might miss Taylor's like next album, and I truly I did a joke about it, and um, the show that we shot where I was I was going to do this E show called Obsessed with Nicki Glazer and it was like all things I'm obsessed with in our pilot episode was about Taylor Swift, and I made the joke but this was inspired by real events where I was crossing the street and I saw my life flash like like a car almost hit me a truck like like seconds, and I was like, my first thought was, thank god I didn't miss like lover is coming out this week or something like I don't want to miss the ten minute version of um all too Well, because it's gonna be it's just gonna feel so good. It's gonna feel like it's got so many people had feeling with the Beatles or like so many bands that just stopped performing together. Oh, when John Lennon died, like I can't imagine the sorrow people felt, and like I understand now, like if something happens to her, it will be it'll be just as bad as losing a friend to me, and people might like joke and be like, you know, if something ever does happen to her, and like people should reach out to me, like it will be like a very bad time. And you know I was affected by sucking Anthony Bourdaine dying or like there's there's a lot of people that could die and I would be very petty got me pretty good even though he was older, but he wasn't old enough, you know, Yeah, No, it's just it makes you so sad. Um No, what is your number one? All right? Well, I am a sucker for a good pep talk, so like all those like videos of like motivational speakers and you know, so funny you say that because Nikki just started doing it before that we go on stage. Yeah, I started doing like a circle where we just like hold hands, well not COVID, we watch elbows and we just kind of do a pep talk of like awesome before we start performing. You know, they kind of do it on every music documentary I've seen, like you know usually remember Amy used to do it before her like theater shows when she started just like getting everyone on the same page, like reminding everyone nothing matters and like just have fun kind of thing. What kind of um? Who's your favorite pep talker? You're you Goggins girl? I don't mind Goggins, I do. I do really like him. I like that guy Ed my Let. I didn't know him until you were on his podcast. Yes, Ed's great. And then there's a guy he's like very New York. He's from like a New York hardcore band. His name is John Joseph. He does these like pep talks and like the Bronx or something where he lives when he's walking his dog, and they're always like so like motivating, and he's just like, go out there and do something, and it's just put a little pep in my step. Do you like it when you're already in the mood to be pep talk or do you like it any of you're feeling like I okay, because sometimes I don't in a pep talk when I'm feeling low, like that's the last thing I want. I was reading a lot about Oh I should have said nine eleven is my guilty pleasure that I'm ashamed of. I love nine. I don't love nine eleven, but I like every nine eleven, especially on these big you know, the five year, ten year, fifteen year, twenty I got I go hard, and I gotta say, there is a there is an article in the Atlantic that you've got to read about nine eleven and um it's uh I posted on my story yesterday. Um it's it's not gonna be available by the time you get this, but I just want to direct you guys to it. Um that you know. I sent it to Ony and she goes, I don't want to read this because I'm I'm not in the mood to read something sad. But it's like it's like a set. It's like reading the best documentary you've ever read, and it's um, it's The Atlantic. You can go on their Instagram and it's uh, it's called What eleven, nine eleven Did to One Family, and it's it took me a half hour to read. It's a really long read, but it's made me cry of happiness, sadness. It's beautiful. So watching footage of nine eleven watching the Waving Woman, if you've ever seen that footage, that's a new one to me. There's always something new that's like, oh my cons something the thing that I love about nine eleven and I say love being like why I'm fascinated by and Sam Harris did at the No, maybe it wasn't Sam Harris. Someone was talking about how where I read that. Um, we don't as much as we know about it, we don't know the individual struggle of people who died, Like we'll never know what they saw, what they witnessed, will never all those people died. We don't know what what killed them, what they what they thought what they felt like. There was no survivors really that have the story of standing next to someone who died next to them, like you either died or you did it. There was no one between really. On sixty minutes, there was a nine eleven phone call. So I've heard them all. Oh my god, there's one that you listen to and he's just like, we're in the tower and then it cuts out and it's like the worst thing you've ever heard. But I don't know why. I I don't like that stuff, but I why you like murder documentary or why people do it's morbidity video. I watched the the the other thing you posted. Oh yeah, that was amazing right with the Eventsio in Virginia and Mike Attendant. Oh how good was that video? I really choked up. I did think of a really funny thing though. We gotta we gotta post it on our story. We should try to that video. Yeah, let's talk about it tomorrow. Go watch that video. It is something that I think if they made mandatory in schools to watch or like man, mandatory for human beings to watch it once a year. It just made me be so much nicer to strangers. Yesterday, and to have so much more empathy for a situation that I normally be like funk, like annoyed. It's just it was we should all be like Mike, Mike. Yeah, when he was like, what can we do to help you? It was like that that question he goes, you don't need to say sorry to me. Yeah, but I hate to tell you, but Mike lost his life. And when he was at the age of like fifty something, I know he's gone. We don't know what he died of. It was a reddit like I read the reddit thread and it was like Mike's Mike's dad. But what a lovely man when he was around. And I'm so glad we have that memory of him. And like I want to asseminate. I want to put it out there. I want everyone to see it. Spread this video, go watch it, and we'll talk about it tomorrow. See you on the podcast. What a fun show today, even though we went to some dark places at the end. I have a good one out there to be kind to each other. And I mean that not in an Ellen way. Um and uh, we'll see tomorrow, don't And

The Nikki Glaser Podcast

Every Monday through Thursday, comedian and infamous roaster Nikki Glaser provides a fun, fast-paced 
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