Okay, they're some of the most important relationships in our lives, but navigating a friendship that has turned toxic can be challenging. Knowing how to spot the warning signs and when to step away isn't something that comes naturally to most.

Okay, they're some of the most important relationships in our lives, but navigating a friendship that has turned toxic can be challenging. Knowing how to spot the warning signs and when to step away isn't something that comes naturally to most.

Researchers found that relationships between women can be particularly fraught, and with shows like The White Lotus bringing female friendships to the four why what should we do when we sent something isn't quite right? And how do we confront issues without damaging ourselves or our loved ones when it's a rush? Or is a workplace psychologist and author and she joins us, Now, Hi, Vanessa, love this, see you, Oh, thank.

Researchers found that relationships between women can be particularly fraught, and with shows like The White Lotus bringing female friendships to the four why what should we do when we sent something isn't quite right? And how do we confront issues without damaging ourselves or our loved ones when it's a rush? Or is a workplace psychologist and author and she joins us, Now, Hi, Vanessa, love this, see you, Oh, thank.

You so much for having me on the show this morning.

You so much for having me on the show this morning.

Your new book, Let's talk about it. It's called the Sisterhood Paradox. We saw a great example of women having complex relationships with one another. That was in the latest season of The White Lotus. Can you explain the sisterhood paradox and why maybe females struggle a little bit more than then, Yes.

Your new book, Let's talk about it. It's called the Sisterhood Paradox. We saw a great example of women having complex relationships with one another. That was in the latest season of The White Lotus. Can you explain the sisterhood paradox and why maybe females struggle a little bit more than then, Yes.

Certainly so.

Certainly so.

Look, given what I do for a cracker, I probably see the best and worst of human nature. And so that was kind of the inspiration behind the systemhood paradox, which is simply this. You know, we expect women to be kind, good natured, supportive, to lift other women in life and work, and that's not always the case.

Look, given what I do for a cracker, I probably see the best and worst of human nature. And so that was kind of the inspiration behind the systemhood paradox, which is simply this. You know, we expect women to be kind, good natured, supportive, to lift other women in life and work, and that's not always the case.

In fact, all of the.

In fact, all of the.

Research shows us that actually we are at a breaking point in our relationships with one another, where incivility between women has risen by fifty nine percent in Australia, and the toxicity between women in the workplace is extending even to bullying relationships. In fact, bullying relationships are seventy percent more likely to be women bullying women at work.

Research shows us that actually we are at a breaking point in our relationships with one another, where incivility between women has risen by fifty nine percent in Australia, and the toxicity between women in the workplace is extending even to bullying relationships. In fact, bullying relationships are seventy percent more likely to be women bullying women at work.

So learning how to deal with toxic.

So learning how to deal with toxic.

Relationships in your friendships is probably a good place to start to be able to then better manage your working life as well, which can become a little more complicated.

Relationships in your friendships is probably a good place to start to be able to then better manage your working life as well, which can become a little more complicated.

Okay, now you've got four steps for people to take if they are in a toxic relationship, with step one being acknowledged the reality. How can people identify if it is in fact time to walk away?

Okay, now you've got four steps for people to take if they are in a toxic relationship, with step one being acknowledged the reality. How can people identify if it is in fact time to walk away?

Yeah, no, great question.

Yeah, no, great question.

So you've really got to be able to recognize the signs. And obviously, if the thought of seeing one of your female friends is causing you to feel dread or anxiety, or dressed, it's probably an indication that it's not really working for you.

So you've really got to be able to recognize the signs. And obviously, if the thought of seeing one of your female friends is causing you to feel dread or anxiety, or dressed, it's probably an indication that it's not really working for you.

So the first thing is to really figure.

So the first thing is to really figure.

Out how does this relationship make me feel? And why am I staying in it? So that's really the first one. The second one is choose your approach. So you know, some relationships require kind of a direct breakup conversation and that's really quite important, which doesn't always happen. Others might benefit from a gradual distancing. But anyway you slice it, you've actually got to really step in and deal with it, because sometimes we're prone to ghosting people rather than deal with the situation, and ghosting is a form.

Out how does this relationship make me feel? And why am I staying in it? So that's really the first one. The second one is choose your approach. So you know, some relationships require kind of a direct breakup conversation and that's really quite important, which doesn't always happen. Others might benefit from a gradual distancing. But anyway you slice it, you've actually got to really step in and deal with it, because sometimes we're prone to ghosting people rather than deal with the situation, and ghosting is a form.

Of bullying, also known as the silent treatment.

Of bullying, also known as the silent treatment.

So be really careful about the approach that you use and make sure that it is respectful. It is with the intent to respectfully and the friendship, and it doesn't leave you actually becoming the person that you're trying to get away from.

So be really careful about the approach that you use and make sure that it is respectful. It is with the intent to respectfully and the friendship, and it doesn't leave you actually becoming the person that you're trying to get away from.

Yeah, setting boundaries is important in many aspects of our lives. What about this step three to friendships, and that's supplying boundaries.

Yeah, setting boundaries is important in many aspects of our lives. What about this step three to friendships, and that's supplying boundaries.

I think boundaries are absolutely critical irrespective of whether it be male or female, but particularly with these types of relationships. You've got to be firm and honest and let people know how you're feeling and why, and that you're just not getting the same feeling from the friendship anymore. Give some of the examples, and that you really need to move on, but always be respectful and kind in dealing with the situations.

I think boundaries are absolutely critical irrespective of whether it be male or female, but particularly with these types of relationships. You've got to be firm and honest and let people know how you're feeling and why, and that you're just not getting the same feeling from the friendship anymore. Give some of the examples, and that you really need to move on, but always be respectful and kind in dealing with the situations.

Okay, Now, finally for us, a lot of people might feel sort of stuck in a relationship because they don't want to hurt the other person. So how do we tiptoe around that?

Okay, Now, finally for us, a lot of people might feel sort of stuck in a relationship because they don't want to hurt the other person. So how do we tiptoe around that?

Yeah, and this is kind of the final point, which is about you've got to kind of bury you guilt. There's a lot of guilt about leaving these relationships, and they come from, you know, either a sense of obligation. Think about high school friends that we've still got hanging around and they did the dirty on us in high school for example, you know, thinking about trying to play it nice or also avoiding having those conversations.

Yeah, and this is kind of the final point, which is about you've got to kind of bury you guilt. There's a lot of guilt about leaving these relationships, and they come from, you know, either a sense of obligation. Think about high school friends that we've still got hanging around and they did the dirty on us in high school for example, you know, thinking about trying to play it nice or also avoiding having those conversations.

But your piece is paramount.

But your piece is paramount.

So sometimes you've got to put yourself first for your own protection and survival. And that is a tough thing for many women, is to prioritize their own health and well being. They tend to put other people first and be the sacrificial lamb, and in this case, in toxic relationships, please prioritize yourself and move away from that relationship that is actually causing you harm and stress.

So sometimes you've got to put yourself first for your own protection and survival. And that is a tough thing for many women, is to prioritize their own health and well being. They tend to put other people first and be the sacrificial lamb, and in this case, in toxic relationships, please prioritize yourself and move away from that relationship that is actually causing you harm and stress.

Terrific ess, I reckon every single person watching this can relate to all of that. Thanks very much for.

Terrific ess, I reckon every single person watching this can relate to all of that. Thanks very much for.

Hell, Thanks so much for having me on this sy this morning.

Hell, Thanks so much for having me on this sy this morning.

Thanks Missa. Vanessa a Vershaw's book is called The Sisterhood Paradox and it's out now

Thanks Missa. Vanessa a Vershaw's book is called The Sisterhood Paradox and it's out now