The Kyle & Jackie O Show🤭 Only Lying: Matty Johns gets back at son Cooper!
Cooper Johns is constantly putting his dad Matty on the spot and pranking him. This week was pay back. Matty pulled the ultimate 'Only Lying' on his son. We also chat to Cooper about his girlfriend, family and more. Have a listen for all the hilarious stories!
This morning you Kiss FM. Yeah, the John's in the hot seat in to talk about sports. Thanks for the Maddie John's podcast. I've got to say this, Apparently, Jackie, wherever you get your good podcast from, you will find the Maddie John's podcast.
I'm really looking forward to going on your dad's podcast.
When are you doing that?
I don't know. I don't know it's happened.
Who invited you?
I don't know someone d your dad probably does he personally find or does his producer do it.
I think he thinks she knocked the back eight.
Oh no, I didn't really.
He said something to me yesterday like like insinuating you knocked him back.
To Oh no, I'm not not.
No, maybe Jackie's manager knocked him back.
Oh yeah, it's possible because I did a Stella one and they's spacing it out.
But I'll just do it, like I don't care.
Did a Stellar podcast before you did the Maddi Johns.
Yes, because I did the Stellar cover and part of that is.
Doing their podcast, which I did, so that's coming out.
But I'll just do it like, oh, I just want to go in and see your dad.
Who cares? Skip management. Let's just do it?
Yeah, are you going to be there?
I'll be there.
Well, he usually films it out of home because he's got a little studio down.
There where she got to go.
Where's that Northern Beaches?
Won't going to North Korea for Jackie?
I'll go there.
A new jumper. You got a new jumper.
It's an old jumper. I don't buy new things.
You usually wear the same thing every time. Yeah, he does that puffer one.
You will.
Yeah.
Then someone pointed out that that's got all the holes in it and the anymore, so I ditched it.
I was saying to someone the other day.
I had like a theory that you were like Homer Simpson, when you open up your closet, there's just thirty That's so true.
Pere told me you and I had a some sort of running in the traffic that I'm unaware of.
Yeah, last week, Well what happened.
Well, I was leaving the studio last week and I was doing some stuff. I was driving the limo around and whatnot, and you guys come off air and I was driving in my car and this wanker in this beautiful Rolls Royce was behind me, and I came to the roundabout and this group of school children were walking across.
Was that you?
Yeah, it stopped for all those kids and there's not even a walkway.
What do you want me to do?
Run over?
You stopped and allowed them to walk past? Night I thought, what's this bitch doing?
They were already edging in. They were edging in like they were walking in front of me.
So I stopped. And then I just see this father Christmas and rolls Royce throwing his hands up. I was this bloody idiot, and I was like, who is that?
And there's about fifty kids or something, wasn't there forever?
Yeah, that was a fair few kids.
Yeah, you don't want to know. There's a nightmare of cars behind me.
Laugh.
We haven't a laugh, Like look at this old master going off.
Well I realized it was you. Like after like thirty seconds, as this kid, I was like, who is this? Like like he's making I was.
I'm quick on the horn. The horns there for two reasons, warning dangers about to happen or abuse. Yeah, you're abusing someone the way you use your horn. How do you beat your horn at people? Jackie? If you have to beat someone, that's like, let's say they're sitting at the traffic light, the light that the arrow's gone green?
Yeah, I do it.
What's what's that sound like?
You just put it on there for a second, like, did it?
Is it a double a double beat? The double beats? Friendly? This wasn't a double beat?
Mom was a hand hard on horn?
It was Have you seen the Barbie movie? Okay?
No, no, no, no, nah? I'm not sure. Is Pedro bit of a misogynist?
Yeah?
We think he might be.
Way.
We've never known this until just recently, but this way.
We just found out three weeks ago that when Pedro makes loved his beautiful wife who's only ever slept with one man him? Oh really, Once he blows he gets up, there's no talking allowed, definitely no cuddling, and then he wants to be left alone with his own thoughts. No, no, no chatting is allowed, right.
Pedro, Yes, that's right.
Do you shower yourself? And how long is it no talking last?
I don't know, ten fifteen minutes and back to at all?
That's weird.
Do you do you let her know? Okay you can talk now? Or what do you do?
You know?
She can talk?
That's not like you just won't talk bad. It's like my Space.
Are you the only person? So she's you're the only man she's been with.
Yes?
Is that reciprocal? No, I've done two? There we two done.
Yeah. How a man's too?
What?
Wow? Too?
So I've done them?
Yeah?
She is she jealous your wife that you've entered another woman and she's only allowed one man to enter her, so, she says, I don't think so she's never bought it up. No, she ever asked if the other woman was better lover.
No, okay, Well, how so how long you've been together with?
What age? Umm?
Oh like late like twenty two twenty.
Picked her up? She was at the KFC and you know he's a tight as KFC pants. Yeah, he noticed that and he was He made a beeline. He is there every and the nuggets, won't your brother?
Yes, well that's weird. Yeah, that's a that's a weird love story. Yeah, that makes me very uncomfortable once you all.
Love the story. How did you meet your girlfriend?
I just seen her on Instagram.
I've seen like one of my mates in the Sunshine Coast post a picture with us.
What was he rooting? By the way, is it true? I was telling Jackie. This the other day, and this might relate to your story. When you see your photo of a beautiful woman in bikinis on on your iPhone, what do we all do? We zoom straight into the veadge right, yeah, that's just that's that's that's just what happens. And then the face comes last.
You think, yeah, I don't even notice the face.
Guys, I'm just telling you the truth.
So you know, you make sure downstairs all clipped up and everything. YEA worried about your contouring in your face? Tune that the last.
Yeah about that starts at the starts low and then right, okay, you might not even reach it.
We might not even notice the face. Yeah, like, who was that you?
But that's what men do. It's not it's not bad. It's not predatory.
No, no, it's not weird. It's not weird.
Your box looks like.
So did you then? What happened? Did you slide into her?
D M?
Yeah?
Message you did?
Whatd you message?
Her?
Dad is.
A carrot?
Not anymore? No, I can't remember what I just said. Oh, hey, how did I get.
Lost in here?
Or something like that?
How did I get lost in here?
Lost?
No?
I didn't take it. Let me read it all the way back?
How far back? It's ages?
Right, it's a year, year and a half.
But you wouldn't message each other on Instagram that much, so there wouldn't be that much in there.
He doesn't want to, I don't like. I don't want to scroll.
That'll take too long to scroll back through. I'll bring it on next.
Is it worth the way to the scroll? Though?
It wouldn't be. It'd be hay and then she would have just instantly fallen.
Is there? It was there? Naughty photos? Yeah? You guys send each other or are you not the photo types?
No?
No, I've sent I've sent a couple on like Snapchat, but then they delete, just like me.
There laying chocolates over my package.
Really like a box of bloody Ferrero.
Have you ever seen any?
Have I?
No?
Are you kidding? What would I? How would I take photos?
You just sort of slip it out of the jeans. You wouldn't make it.
I've never taken a photo of my own junk. I was in that, yes, Peter, what do you want?
My timing was wrong? Sorry, I've just been out of way.
You can search really quickly for your first messages to coeps if you want to check that.
Whatever I find, how do you do it?
Good on the flow of the chat, Brooklyn, Yeah, we were just talking about we will look at each other's penises.
No, sorry, not penises. We will look zoom to a girl's badge area. Pick what do you zoom into?
Yeah, if there's a bit of if there's a bit of a bulge there, we're definitely zooming in on that.
So it's the same thing.
Would you all gather around like a like a flock of seat walking.
We send it to a friend.
Look, so it's not for your eyes only. All that stuff, you'll share them around the community.
If it's on someone's Instagram, Oh you go look at this year whoever.
And the guys then they will judge and bitch about the other.
Dude, usually bitching and admiring.
Yeah, Peter, how are you going over there? What's going on? I can't hear Peter? You when you're a microphone? Can't you just allow Coops to go through his own messages?
And Josh is in here trying to film it.
To his girlfriend. I still can't hear Peter because I don't know you're only knew here Sorry, you need a microphone to be able to be hurt.
You keep going and I'll just chiming when I get there.
Okay, it's not going to be exciting to think I think I'm just I'm not. I'm not a he's sort of sex pest. No, I'm not disgusting.
How do you do you have a romance like pattern, a menu, like a recipe? Do you just go with the flow? What do you mean some guys go.
You know, like a formula of like a way, a sure far away to win a girl over based off what you say.
On a tip.
I just ride the wave. Every wave is different. You've got to ride that wave, you know what I'm saying.
Yeah, No, I just just feel it.
I feel it.
I don't have like a set criteria. No, I don't have a process that I go through or anything like that.
You know.
Do you have like a do you have like an imaginary thing in your mind where you think, oh, you tick the right box. Oh that's a negative box. Is there something that turns you off?
A red flag or something?
Yeah, I wouldn't pursue, not really. What if they've got an only fans.
Oh yeah, not doing it? Only fans I would never pursue that.
Really, that's too much sharing for your liking. You want someone just for yourself.
Yeah, I wouldn't want that unless she's made.
Can big band? Yeah? How much money is big bank? Oh? Good question? How much money after in a year for you to accept the only fans lifestyle?
I would say over like it's about maybe, like she made like ten million dollars on only fans Jesus Christ.
Yeah, I would allow it, even years aliens only flicking the bean to the tune of three point four million?
Is she?
Yeah, it doesn't seem like enough for eight years?
It doesn't.
Yeah, she was pretty big there.
I forgot about what I say.
You said how many people said step brothers? So you must have been replying to a story? Okay, actually no one yet, They're all not all there? Any weird movies you get riding?
You know, this is if you can't just pick up in the middle of a conversation.
I remember what she She put a picture on her story saying like any good movies or something like that, and then I played and then I played the good Oh, like, how many weirdos you can eat into your d ms?
That?
Meanwhile, I was the weird you were, and then I sort of befriended her, and then then that sort of just happened.
It worked. Did she say what does she respond with?
She then she started sending me all the weird requests that people had said.
I asked her, like, what sort of filthy things or just odd ball things.
It was just somebody just said, I don't know about the movies, but this picture is amazing because it was just like a picture of her in the mirror.
What was she wearing.
Red, like a bikini or something to look at that. You don't want to see it.
She's allowed to see it, but I'm on Instagram the photo.
You got to get Instagram, Kyle, Yeah, you need Instagram.
So you're saying that I'm not allowed to see it, but every other every other guy around the world is able to see it.
Well not around the world. She's not like what she's not private? Yeah, not anymore.
I think, No, No, you've opened up that.
I've opened up that flower. Yeah, she doesn't do that.
She has not you into blooming.
What's blooming?
I think it's when you get them flowers or something, isn't it.
I don't know. Brooklyn's laughing like it's something else.
Well, we've been talking about the Troye of Varn song called Bloom, which I thought.
It was a beautiful song about flowers. Yeah, I don't think it's about flowers.
Cooper, blooming, you do that. I don't know what it is. I feel like this is a trap.
What do you think it's when you're no, don't worry. Are you into blooming?
Jackie?
No, it's it's like whatever.
Brooklyn go on, Well, I've anal canal is of ours.
I think it's just being at bottom for the first time. Bloom I was pishing, like grooming, like you're sort of grooming.
Something has been around the block there too, have you? You know, the early years of journalists pretty much do anything to get together run with.
You definitely had to bloom for Kyle, your dad, your dad, Maddie played a and only lying on you yesterday. So we're going to play that next. So stick around, coops. I want to hear this was that.
Did he get you?
He did because he caught me up guard.
He waited till I was a training and then I was in the locker room surrounded by all the boys.
And I knew, yeah, you were.
You were bloom with the bloomy with all the boys.
Now, I think you better check for the definition of that blooming. We'll get the only lying on with Cooper John's next, everybody, This is the Kyle and Jackie oshow. Cooper John's is in doing his sports thing. Although we did fail to discuss any sport, do.
We need to?
Not?
Really?
The finals aren't yet when finals come up?
Okay, all right, you've been.
Watching the women's World come yeah Matilda's Yeah, they going very good.
Her just came on for a first game the last ten minutes the other day.
Yeah.
Yeah, they didn't need Kerr. They smashed at these girls. I know it's crazy, don't get me wrong, very very talented, but the rest of the team they shouldn't.
They're going to be unstoppable once she's on though, right, I.
Think this would be they'd be favorites now you think.
And what about the nipple team. The Australian nipball team won some big thing too, didn't they, Brooklyn?
Yeah, but they don't even get any money for winning, just the glory.
Yeah, what's the old days of football?
Who does it for the glory?
Okay?
So your dad got you with an only lying.
Maddie, John's called you yesterday, so your girlfriend's just moved into the family home and.
It's all a bit real. Actually, like, is it an only lying really?
Is my question? Because he actually does. Does he have an issue with you guys being a bit messy in your bedroom?
Well, say messy in the bedroom, but I have an issue. We already had a big family discussion about the state of my room before she moved in.
What's going on in your room?
No, they just say it's They just say it's messy, close everywhere, but not.
You don't have any any order and any any sort of rules in your that room.
Not really, not not for myself. But then again, like your mum cleaned up. That's what I thought that I thought the whole.
Part of me.
But then he used that as a reason to only lying get me. But it was a bit too real to be a prank, because I did think it was.
You were training in the in the locker room, in the room, that's when he rang you.
Yeah, okay, let's have a listen to the only lying that Maddie did on his son keeps.
Hello.
Of course, oh you're no call id.
I did call a couple of punishes yesterday?
Are you training this morning?
Yeah?
Training now?
Not much?
Make not not.
Having a great day as my mum reversed into the bench and broke my tailor last night, which seems to be a weekly occurrence.
And you aren't helping either.
Remember two weeks ago, Trisha and I had an argument regarding the state of your room.
I told her to back off on you.
So I'm coming home from work and your mother calls me, yelling and screaming, telling wait till you get home.
What have I done here?
So I get home and I walk into the house and me the smell coming out of your room is a disgrace. You're shitting on the floor and bearing it unders the floorboards.
Honestly, No, I'm not.
No.
We spoke about it the other day.
Remember we thought something died under there, like a rat or something.
Mate, my kids, you're not. I can smell it from the staircase.
The bed sheets are a disgrace, you do, mate, like a menagerie of colors.
What are you What are you doing in there?
It couldn't be if you pair were painting in bed?
What is it?
What's in there?
Yeah? Right, okay, what's in there?
So mom and I start stripping the sheets under the bottom sheet.
Well, I don't even know what it is. We're not touching it.
What are you doing going into my room and I am stripping the sheets.
Because obviously you're not taking care of your room. Is it back to being like you're a fourteen year old boy and you just bunk it down in your room, flog in your log all day.
What's on the sheets?
What is it?
This little brown and if he's doing shit, gerbils something like that.
Brown like that ship.
Then we discover a cluster of Jimmy's underneath the bedside table.
Use Jimmy's?
No, first of all, who says Jimmy's. You're eighty years old and I don't even use Jimmy.
So that's another problem, isn't it? Mate?
On that your own general cleanliness, your skin, there's always early your here's the same, Like, I don't know if you're showing, as I said, mate, there's dirt on your bed sheets.
So you're showing. Yes, I'm sharing, and you tease even the study of teas. Why all of a.
Sudden you're targeting everything.
Because mate, I'm the full guy. You live like a drifter I caught the crap as it made of fifty two. Mate, I don't want.
To live a life like I've got a fourteen year old boy hiding in his room slog and he's logged to porno magazines or anything like that.
I'm not wanking as much as you think.
I don't know why that the wank, the log and shit keeps coming back up.
It's not like I'm waking every day like.
I don't want to.
You keep bringing that up, for it's got nothing to why my room was like it does. I just think it's weird that you're going through looking for used condoms and shit stained through my bed, like, especially when I'm not home and you guys start ravaging.
Through our room, my house, my room.
You're making shit up now just for the sake of an argument.
Get home. I'll show you the evidence.
Well, when you get back from training, I think the best thing you can probably do. And you've been talking about this a little bit, I think it's time probably pack your bags and find another pig pan sloth around it.
It's going to take time. I'm not going to get a rental in a day.
How soon do you reckon? You can move out? Two weeks, if I can do another two weeks.
Is it really that bad.
Yeah, it's really bad. Like we walked in when I watched in dry Reached. I'll give it to the end of the week. I think that's I think that's more than enough time, four or five days. But I'll even help you try to find a place whatever.
Yeah, yeah, whatever.
On the subject of whatever are you on? Are you on kiss tomorrow?
Yeah?
Yeah, well you can kiss my ass. I'm relying, brother, pay you back to the bitch.
That's not even funny.
Yes, I thought it was very funny.
Daddy knows how to wind you up.
Yeah, he's very good.
There's some surprising stuff that came out there.
A lot of it not true, Carl, Well, it not true.
You're not masturbating every day.
No, that's true.
Kay, I'm talking about ship stains used Jimmy.
I didn't know what he meant by Jimmy. He's talking about condoms.
Yeah, I call him dingers something.
What do you call them?
No, No, I condoms. But I just there's another thing that people called dingers.
What are they?
What else do they called?
Is dinger? Is something else in the world pingers?
I don't do that you don't do it?
Sure, I don't. I really don't.
Don't worry you cap me.
It's true. No, no, even Alan Jones didn't know what it was. Did you allen an ecstasy tablet? Or as young people call it, a PingER PingER?
Have you just got that ready to hear? What the hell?
I'm surprised you got that up so quick.
We've got a wall of Alan here.
We're going to shrine to Alan Alan Jones. By the way, is Alan coming in? Is coming in for canceled run canceled on Monday?
Right?
Yeah, Alan Jones canceled run canceled on Monday.
Dad, Maddie, he's on the phone, got ready to.
Go, Maddie. Brilliant only lying, well.
Executed, Kyle Jackie, no problem. You know what it's I mean, the segment is called only lying. I would say ninety that is, it's not lying.
I thought that.
I thought it was like a lot of truth.
Does his room does it have that putrid? The teenage boys? You know that smell where that even on a school bus, you guys reak on the school bus. You know what I mean?
You know that blade when you're in a store and just smell that cowy sweet.
When you turn around there's a young kids.
Yoard mate, go and get some bres.
They make the mistake many they get the links, but they don't get the anti persponal links. They just do the smell. It was like the teenage girls with the impulse, just spraying.
Yeah, you're masking it, you know the actual problem exactly.
Actually the first ya in over years, I used to use my grandmother's mum.
Yeah, yeah, the mum roll on.
You know, it's actually it's quite good, the mum roll on.
Well, when I went to school, all the girls just to compliment me on how well I smelled.
Smell like their mother.
It's actually that's a that's a really good tip because guys should be using I think women's deodorant because they smell really good when they do, because like using the men's one, it just it's not not really well.
It's like, well, it's like you know, alcohol, like a lot of alcohol doesn't taste good.
So I've actually I'm starting to drink mouthwash. It actually tastes really good.
That sounds like purple drink. And how's that podcast going? Jackie was confu.
Yeah, I was confused that I wasn't doing it, but I want to do it. I'm going to do it. I'll just call you Maddie.
But cooob said that someone's that you thought Jackie had knocked your back.
I don't know.
Everything goes through Trish as Google to I don't I don't own a computer.
And then amongst the screaming, it's hard to figure out what's going on on the podcast with all the domestic problems.
What kind of things do we talk about Maddie, Like, what would we be obviously?
Okay, ye, well it's it's like I'll just she's shaved by the way Maddie helps.
You to start on.
Okay, I'll just eliminate that one. Talk about talk about your careers?
How long does this podcast go through?
And I'll probably go about it now.
Hey, here's one you probably didn't know when she write down this for a question when she was the on pop Stars as a judge on that huge show and it used to rate like four million people in episode. At that show, Jackie didn't even charge them a fee because she no one brought it up, so she just judged the show for free.
She's got a pian and never asked to get paid.
How long we are three years?
Well I got paid the second year, not March, but the first year on you get paid.
It's ridiculous.
And when I got my per diem, you know what a pidm is like When you're on the road, they give you like eighty bucks to cover like food and expenses. They gave me that in cash and an envelope, and I was so excited I hugged all the bosses. You what, I hugged all the bosses because I thought it was a gift.
I thought they were giving me. I didn't know what a padem was.
You were hugging everyone.
Yes, good Jackie.
Yes, that was back in the Sophie Monk bad O days.
God, hell, hell of a what a band?
Oh yeah they were good though.
Yeah shoon too bright, too early.
It was like one of those stars that just snuffed out in space. Yeah, just see that bit of space junk. Maddie fall down in the Tasman Sea in Melbourne last night there was a big astro. Everyone was filming it. They thought it was the end of the earth. Other people thought, what's this? A huge comet lit up all of Melbourne, lit up all of Tasmania and then crashed to the ocean. It was it was a rocket from from Russia, so it was propelling. Yeah, it wasn't like they weren't shooting it at us. It wasn't like a missile. But it was those rockets that are on the they shoot up into space. So I was Russian rocket went up and then you know how they peel off, the little rockets peel off when they go into space. Well one just kept falling down and landed in the water. And then there's that space junk from India on Western Australia. We're not the world's junk yard here. I'm sick of it.
Yeah, well I actually won not. Triciaan and I were.
We're in Western Australia years ago from music festival and I actually thought I saw it at UFA.
Here we go.
I'm keen to find out what's interesting.
Yeah, it wasn't music festival. It might have been could play, said the Pingers.
Yes, what goes on to stays on tour, talk about Pingers and family.
Yeah, well there's been not in this family. In the maybe Dad's brothers family they talk about that.
Don't start with that ship again. The last we want is for these two to be fifty cuffs.
No, no, no.
We even had your giant dicked father on from Sesnok the other day and he couldn't pick who he liked the best.
He was very diplomatic.
Actually, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I've got I've got a series on that.
He's definitely a joey man, is he? Is?
He?
He's definitely a joey man. He used to say all the time.
He said, he's say Andrew, He said, you can do whatever you want in life.
Matthew, you should become a.
Jockey, like a jockey, as in a horse jockey.
Jockey.
Yeah, like one of those little guys on the horses, like speaks like that.
Yeah, I mean, it's never going to happen. I just I don't like I don't like horses.
I just find them unpredictable, especially those race horses.
They're very generate, especially the ones I back.
So are you proud of of young coops here?
Or which do you have a favorite?
Like?
Is it Cooper or is it Jack? A favorite?
The other one?
Got no idea? Who is?
Yeah? It's Jack? You know Jack's your best six three B one hundred. He actually scares me.
The weapon he'll grab me sometimes and squeeze me, and I just realize it's like one.
Of those national geographic shows.
Where you have the kills that that's terrible.
Phips is okay, Coops is okay.
He he rise up at the top of the pops if he just maybe yeah, Clooney's room.
Or what do you think he's like on the field as a football player? Does he? Is he good? Or is he just running in on the family name?
Mate?
Look, be honest, he's tired, lucky, he's getting the media bit of media attention, I think, because.
It's a great segue into this.
He's the I don't want to say what we call you. We call you the bow Ryan of the football fields. We do behind his back, he's the bow Ryan of the football knows that he was never going to be a proper footballer. He was he was mainly from the footage show.
You know, that was his It was his best comedy work.
Absolutely, field God. Jack is really clapping loud.
Yeah.
Love, she loves sports, you she does.
See that's that's the picture of Jack out there for you.
I can yeah, he's got the He's got the whole.
Is that you beside Jack?
Jack?
Jack isn't it, real man?
Easy there, Brooklyn. Sorry, try that mouth up over there, Brooklyn. Don't get jealous.
How much older is he than you?
Two years?
Yeah right, he doesn't seem much younger child compared to that real man.
Jack got all the good Italian jeans and yeah, I got your ones, got all the drinks, twins.
That's what a wonderful family. The John's Family is the podcast there if you to listen to the Maddie John's podcast. He takes all the naming rights fair enough, and all the money.
Yeah, and are you getting no money nothing? I'm like, I'm stars.
He's putting you up. Oh yeah, are you paying board?
That's what I think. That's why do you do.
Anything around the house? Yeah?
Well stuff I.
And he called him three times yesterday.
He's on the improved God, there's a lot of log flogging that you're join. I noticed from all of you here there is I reckon that brother of yours Jack. Like if there was a fire in the kitchen, that's the guy you want jerking off to put that out. That's it would be like the school sprinkler. You know that, you know that one?
Yeah, I know, Thanks for putting in my head, of my brother.
There's The John's, Maddie John's, Cooper John's Thank You Gentlemen. You can check him out on the Maddie John's podcast Wherever you get your favorite PODi
Kyle and Jackie O.
