Hello everybody, and welcome back to The K Factor Everything k Pop, a podcast hosted by me Bomhan and I am a former K pop trainee slash former idol who uh did tours and performances around the country. And kind of a continuation from last week's episode, this is going to be a episode about mental health, mental health in the industry of K pop, and as promised, we have a very very special guest here today talking about herself and also my very specific situation. I'm going to give a quick intro of our guest today. Our guest, Belinda, is a dual Oh my gosh, these are way bigger words than I am a custom too. This is why I do not have a degree. Our guest today is Belinda, who is a dual Board certified adult and psychiat mental health nurse practitioners specializing in anxiety depression by polar disorder OCD and ADHD. She provides inclusive, patient centered care that integrates psychopharmacology and therapy. Her co owned, rem certified practice offers intrizzle, ketamine and FDA approved ADHD neuropsychological testing.

Hello everybody, and welcome back to The K Factor Everything k Pop, a podcast hosted by me Bomhan and I am a former K pop trainee slash former idol who uh did tours and performances around the country. And kind of a continuation from last week's episode, this is going to be a episode about mental health, mental health in the industry of K pop, and as promised, we have a very very special guest here today talking about herself and also my very specific situation. I'm going to give a quick intro of our guest today. Our guest, Belinda, is a dual Oh my gosh, these are way bigger words than I am a custom too. This is why I do not have a degree. Our guest today is Belinda, who is a dual Board certified adult and psychiat mental health nurse practitioners specializing in anxiety depression by polar disorder OCD and ADHD. She provides inclusive, patient centered care that integrates psychopharmacology and therapy. Her co owned, rem certified practice offers intrizzle, ketamine and FDA approved ADHD neuropsychological testing.

Killed it, killed it, Okay, point.

Killed it, killed it, Okay, point.

Everybody, please welcome Belinda. Thanks you thank you and welcome to the K Factor.

Everybody, please welcome Belinda. Thanks you thank you and welcome to the K Factor.

Thank you pleasure.

Thank you pleasure.

Okay, well, is there anything that you wanted to add to this bio, anything that you wanted the audience to know about you.

Okay, well, is there anything that you wanted to add to this bio, anything that you wanted the audience to know about you.

Well, we also or for services to schizophrenia as well. Okay, it's effective disorder. That's pretty much you covered everything. A lot of people, you know, voweling a lot of anxiety depression by polar disorder now where they have these things going on. So and we also do make sure that with our whole work of any psychiatric disorders that we also include a full organic like medical work up to make sure there's no medical conditions happening. Because a lot of times people think they have ADD or ADHD or anxiety depression and your thyroid function is off, or your farentin levels are off, or your vitamin d's in the toilet and that's why you're having symptoms. So we do a whole service of care when you come to our office and you get all out work done before we even start you on certain things in medications. So we do well visits, integrated psychiatry, holistic psychiatry, and then we really need to tack on real mence. We do that as well.

Well, we also or for services to schizophrenia as well. Okay, it's effective disorder. That's pretty much you covered everything. A lot of people, you know, voweling a lot of anxiety depression by polar disorder now where they have these things going on. So and we also do make sure that with our whole work of any psychiatric disorders that we also include a full organic like medical work up to make sure there's no medical conditions happening. Because a lot of times people think they have ADD or ADHD or anxiety depression and your thyroid function is off, or your farentin levels are off, or your vitamin d's in the toilet and that's why you're having symptoms. So we do a whole service of care when you come to our office and you get all out work done before we even start you on certain things in medications. So we do well visits, integrated psychiatry, holistic psychiatry, and then we really need to tack on real mence. We do that as well.

I think it's cool that you mentioned that, like a lot of people go on with their whole lives like not knowing that they have these things right for sure. Yeah, Like how often does someone come to your session and they just like they just like they're venting and then you're like, oh, wait, this is actually this, this is actually that.

I think it's cool that you mentioned that, like a lot of people go on with their whole lives like not knowing that they have these things right for sure. Yeah, Like how often does someone come to your session and they just like they just like they're venting and then you're like, oh, wait, this is actually this, this is actually that.

A lot of times that happens. Well, unfortunately, you know, stigma plays a lot of roles, and culture plays a lot of roles. So I even have many patients in mind that are like, well, what when you brint the package at the house, is it going to say something that has to do with like psychiatry on it. She happens to be from Nigeria and parents are very anti you know, mental health. Get it. I come from a Caribbean background. They get it too, However they took time for them to get it. Over time, however, what happens is I have a lot of patients that have come to me and say, hey, listen, I've been having the sun on set of like these mood disorders, or I've been having like I've been snapping. I have this I have that you know, you know, I get really really anxious in social situations, and I'll always take it from the top wind to the start because psychiatry is very based on timeframe. So some people vibe I had ADHD since you know, I was a kid. No, you're actually battling anxiety because if you can't concentrate, you know, you could be anxious. If you can't focus, you could be anxious. But it's easy to take on, you know, tackle like add or ADHD, you know, because it's just easier, you know. But you know that's why we do neuropsychological testing. You have add No, you're just anxious. Maybe you know your favorits and levels. You know, the blood work is a little bit off, which can mimic a lot of sign and symptoms of some psychiatric disorders. So a lot of times when especially when you have a sudden onset of symptoms, I have a lot of patients that will come to me and like, you know, all of a sudden, you know, I've had like these weird voices. Now, yeah, well no that's not from childhood. That's something that's really acute, that's kind of happening. So we'll definitely work them up. In a lot of things that are missed, especially in a lot of women of Asian descent or if we have any like how black women or Hispanic. There's a lot of order. Immune diseases play a lot of significant roles in white patients experience her and symptoms. So for a sudden onset and you're having like hearing, you're not supposed to have that A lot of times like a psychiological factors, a lot of on immune diseases, if they manifest and exacerbate, can actually mimic a lot of psychiatric features. There was a big, big story actually on Suffolk County, a young lad named Ape Barrel. It's all over the news, so it's not even like a secret I'm not. There's no hippop combines issue. And she was twenty one. She has a psychotic break. She was catatonic, She wasn't really talking to anyone. She had like hearing voices, seeing things a number and she was institutionalized for ten years. There was a resident actually he was actually from Korea as a matter of fact, that did his medical school rotation. He did it there and then he actually came back after his residency to wonder why she was still institutionalized after ten years. She had what they call order mune and ccephalitis, and it came from lupis, and unfortunately, a lot of lupus and ccephalitis actually mimics a lot of psychotic features. She was on ivy ibu violence, she was on pretizone, she was on an older measuge you would use for someone who has lupus simple, So you have to totally work up your patient before you just jump into a true diagnosis. And that's what we do it all. That's what makes us very different. We have our primary care on site, work things all the way up, and once we get a clear note, then we start intervening.

A lot of times that happens. Well, unfortunately, you know, stigma plays a lot of roles, and culture plays a lot of roles. So I even have many patients in mind that are like, well, what when you brint the package at the house, is it going to say something that has to do with like psychiatry on it. She happens to be from Nigeria and parents are very anti you know, mental health. Get it. I come from a Caribbean background. They get it too, However they took time for them to get it. Over time, however, what happens is I have a lot of patients that have come to me and say, hey, listen, I've been having the sun on set of like these mood disorders, or I've been having like I've been snapping. I have this I have that you know, you know, I get really really anxious in social situations, and I'll always take it from the top wind to the start because psychiatry is very based on timeframe. So some people vibe I had ADHD since you know, I was a kid. No, you're actually battling anxiety because if you can't concentrate, you know, you could be anxious. If you can't focus, you could be anxious. But it's easy to take on, you know, tackle like add or ADHD, you know, because it's just easier, you know. But you know that's why we do neuropsychological testing. You have add No, you're just anxious. Maybe you know your favorits and levels. You know, the blood work is a little bit off, which can mimic a lot of sign and symptoms of some psychiatric disorders. So a lot of times when especially when you have a sudden onset of symptoms, I have a lot of patients that will come to me and like, you know, all of a sudden, you know, I've had like these weird voices. Now, yeah, well no that's not from childhood. That's something that's really acute, that's kind of happening. So we'll definitely work them up. In a lot of things that are missed, especially in a lot of women of Asian descent or if we have any like how black women or Hispanic. There's a lot of order. Immune diseases play a lot of significant roles in white patients experience her and symptoms. So for a sudden onset and you're having like hearing, you're not supposed to have that A lot of times like a psychiological factors, a lot of on immune diseases, if they manifest and exacerbate, can actually mimic a lot of psychiatric features. There was a big, big story actually on Suffolk County, a young lad named Ape Barrel. It's all over the news, so it's not even like a secret I'm not. There's no hippop combines issue. And she was twenty one. She has a psychotic break. She was catatonic, She wasn't really talking to anyone. She had like hearing voices, seeing things a number and she was institutionalized for ten years. There was a resident actually he was actually from Korea as a matter of fact, that did his medical school rotation. He did it there and then he actually came back after his residency to wonder why she was still institutionalized after ten years. She had what they call order mune and ccephalitis, and it came from lupis, and unfortunately, a lot of lupus and ccephalitis actually mimics a lot of psychotic features. She was on ivy ibu violence, she was on pretizone, she was on an older measuge you would use for someone who has lupus simple, So you have to totally work up your patient before you just jump into a true diagnosis. And that's what we do it all. That's what makes us very different. We have our primary care on site, work things all the way up, and once we get a clear note, then we start intervening.

That's super interesting that you say that, because I actually had a really poor experience with like approaching this in the past, which is why I'm kind of like like right now, I'm like terribly nervous, Like I'm like shaking almost.

That's super interesting that you say that, because I actually had a really poor experience with like approaching this in the past, which is why I'm kind of like like right now, I'm like terribly nervous, Like I'm like shaking almost.

You really got a good sugarcoating like this.

You really got a good sugarcoating like this.

Yeah, So it's like I'm glad to see that you put so much care into your practice.

Yeah, So it's like I'm glad to see that you put so much care into your practice.

Congratulations, thank you, thank you. My dad would be proud of you with you because I was the last one. I was the menace. You know, what do you do with yourself? I'm like I don't know, so I wind up being the good one in the end.

Congratulations, thank you, thank you. My dad would be proud of you with you because I was the last one. I was the menace. You know, what do you do with yourself? I'm like I don't know, so I wind up being the good one in the end.

You know, I think a lot of creatives also go through their lives without like really kind of attributing like any of like the things kind of how do I say that's like a I don't want to say there's something wrong with them. But there's a lot of people like creative in the field, like especially in Korea because of the culture and like distigmatism, Like they don't approach the topic of mental health, and they'll go their whole life without like knowing that there's something that could be there absolutely like seeking help. So like, I think your openness to approaching it can like change a lot of things in the future, you know.

You know, I think a lot of creatives also go through their lives without like really kind of attributing like any of like the things kind of how do I say that's like a I don't want to say there's something wrong with them. But there's a lot of people like creative in the field, like especially in Korea because of the culture and like distigmatism, Like they don't approach the topic of mental health, and they'll go their whole life without like knowing that there's something that could be there absolutely like seeking help. So like, I think your openness to approaching it can like change a lot of things in the future, you know.

Yep, myham and I have a lot of different patients that are of all the sense and I have a few from Korea, and I know some get it, some don't. But you know, again, neither one of my parents were educated, you know, they came from the next country. They pushed us all through school. My mother could you know, she be like, oh, can you read this from me? She's like, so I put all you guys through school. So again, but the ignorance is just not there. So sometimes when I approach my mom a certain things that say certain things. They automatically say, it's worst, it's crazy, she's nuts, she's insane. I'm like, no, no, you don't know, don't know that. So sometimes people are balanced certain things because they think, oh, it's demonic or it's this, it's that, and I'm like, no, it's not. She really has a psychiatric disorder, you know, I mean, it really is true. And then you go into family history. And sometimes when I take family history and take from my initial patients, I have to be very mindful because they don't know. If somebody asks me, anybody your household had many you know, mom and dad had anxiety depression. No, their answer, well, you need to work, they're lazy. You don't you have anxiety presion because you don't want work. You know, you don't want to get a job.

Yep, myham and I have a lot of different patients that are of all the sense and I have a few from Korea, and I know some get it, some don't. But you know, again, neither one of my parents were educated, you know, they came from the next country. They pushed us all through school. My mother could you know, she be like, oh, can you read this from me? She's like, so I put all you guys through school. So again, but the ignorance is just not there. So sometimes when I approach my mom a certain things that say certain things. They automatically say, it's worst, it's crazy, she's nuts, she's insane. I'm like, no, no, you don't know, don't know that. So sometimes people are balanced certain things because they think, oh, it's demonic or it's this, it's that, and I'm like, no, it's not. She really has a psychiatric disorder, you know, I mean, it really is true. And then you go into family history. And sometimes when I take family history and take from my initial patients, I have to be very mindful because they don't know. If somebody asks me, anybody your household had many you know, mom and dad had anxiety depression. No, their answer, well, you need to work, they're lazy. You don't you have anxiety presion because you don't want work. You know, you don't want to get a job.

You know.

You know.

That was my parents' response. So sometimes they don't know the family history and family history plays a significant role, especially with you know, and anxiety depression, especially with like bipolar sword and schizophrenia, and they're like no, not really, and suicide you know is major, you know, and a lot of times people think, oh, you're a coward, if you're suicidal. I don't think Miss America was a coward. I don't think the CEO of you know, bed Beth and Beyond was a coward. I don't think Anthony Bourbin Boarding was a coward. Kate Spade wasn't a coward. So that heaviness is internal, you know what I mean? And that's why me as a provider, I try to yeah, yeah, okay. And on top of that, it's not a state. I hate when people say, oh, you're a coward. No, you're not a coward. You are feeling things that people could only internalize what's happening with them. And that's why I always tell my patients, I would rather rather hear your story than attend your funeral, So please open up. And I always create a safe space for all my patients, no matter what color, what you choose to do behind closed doors. And I always say you always analyze the messenger before you analyze the message. People could say things. Do things hurt you? Where's it coming from? Are you transferring aggression? Are you transferring itemssia? Are you dealing with post traumatic stress disorder? Do you have a lot of childhood trauma? I know that some of the ex boyfriends that I've had, Like, you have a lot childhood trauma. That's why you're weird, you know what I mean. But again, I look at the whole picture. But unfortunately you don't have many people that do that, and suicide is our major major. I just went to the Nami Walk on Sunday and South Street Seaport and to hear how many therapists, doctors, nurses lost someone to suicide. And we're talking about professionals. They look like you and I. They're not disheveled, they're not you know, not groomed and not taking showers. Those are the easy ones to pick out because you can help them. They identified Miss America was Miss America. Who would thinks you would leave from the top of the building. No one. That's why I always say check on your happy and healthy friends. And I'm a personal and being completely transparent. I lost my I'm always the one to get everybody together, So I lost my dad. I battled with a lot of significant loaws, feeling like dark and out. I felt like nobody was there to help me, and I felt like I wish I could trade places with him. I was going through that, going with that emotion, that's suicide ideations. I would go to work, mind you. I worked through COVID. I was doing death certificates ten of shift, at twelve hour shifts. I was writing deertificates for coworkers. Had no problem. You're a battle PTSD if you work in the household with SA many deaths that you saw. But when it hits home, it's different. I went to work the whole time, no problem, no issues, and people are like, wow, you were real. Yeah, seven days a week suicidal, just thinking like wow, if I could just help. And I felt like it was my fault. And I think the only reason why you and I having a conversation today is because I have a son because I feel like I couldn't do that to him, so I make sure you have some kids.

That was my parents' response. So sometimes they don't know the family history and family history plays a significant role, especially with you know, and anxiety depression, especially with like bipolar sword and schizophrenia, and they're like no, not really, and suicide you know is major, you know, and a lot of times people think, oh, you're a coward, if you're suicidal. I don't think Miss America was a coward. I don't think the CEO of you know, bed Beth and Beyond was a coward. I don't think Anthony Bourbin Boarding was a coward. Kate Spade wasn't a coward. So that heaviness is internal, you know what I mean? And that's why me as a provider, I try to yeah, yeah, okay. And on top of that, it's not a state. I hate when people say, oh, you're a coward. No, you're not a coward. You are feeling things that people could only internalize what's happening with them. And that's why I always tell my patients, I would rather rather hear your story than attend your funeral, So please open up. And I always create a safe space for all my patients, no matter what color, what you choose to do behind closed doors. And I always say you always analyze the messenger before you analyze the message. People could say things. Do things hurt you? Where's it coming from? Are you transferring aggression? Are you transferring itemssia? Are you dealing with post traumatic stress disorder? Do you have a lot of childhood trauma? I know that some of the ex boyfriends that I've had, Like, you have a lot childhood trauma. That's why you're weird, you know what I mean. But again, I look at the whole picture. But unfortunately you don't have many people that do that, and suicide is our major major. I just went to the Nami Walk on Sunday and South Street Seaport and to hear how many therapists, doctors, nurses lost someone to suicide. And we're talking about professionals. They look like you and I. They're not disheveled, they're not you know, not groomed and not taking showers. Those are the easy ones to pick out because you can help them. They identified Miss America was Miss America. Who would thinks you would leave from the top of the building. No one. That's why I always say check on your happy and healthy friends. And I'm a personal and being completely transparent. I lost my I'm always the one to get everybody together, So I lost my dad. I battled with a lot of significant loaws, feeling like dark and out. I felt like nobody was there to help me, and I felt like I wish I could trade places with him. I was going through that, going with that emotion, that's suicide ideations. I would go to work, mind you. I worked through COVID. I was doing death certificates ten of shift, at twelve hour shifts. I was writing deertificates for coworkers. Had no problem. You're a battle PTSD if you work in the household with SA many deaths that you saw. But when it hits home, it's different. I went to work the whole time, no problem, no issues, and people are like, wow, you were real. Yeah, seven days a week suicidal, just thinking like wow, if I could just help. And I felt like it was my fault. And I think the only reason why you and I having a conversation today is because I have a son because I feel like I couldn't do that to him, so I make sure you have some kids.

Okay.

Okay.

But I felt like it was my fault, and I felt like things were my fault. And you're newer transmitted in your brain just go all over the place. They stop working after a while when you have a significant impact, no what it no matter what it was. It could be. It could be a death, it could be a bad relationship, it could be a financial hardship, it could just be bidy. This morphie. We don't know. Everybody battle things differently, And I always say that I'm glad that I was able to kind of take that grip and something allowed me to be able to sit with you today. But I always say that, don't thank you for being here.

But I felt like it was my fault, and I felt like things were my fault. And you're newer transmitted in your brain just go all over the place. They stop working after a while when you have a significant impact, no what it no matter what it was. It could be. It could be a death, it could be a bad relationship, it could be a financial hardship, it could just be bidy. This morphie. We don't know. Everybody battle things differently, And I always say that I'm glad that I was able to kind of take that grip and something allowed me to be able to sit with you today. But I always say that, don't thank you for being here.

Yeah, yeah, beyond everything, thank you for being here today too.

Yeah, yeah, beyond everything, thank you for being here today too.

You're welcome.

You're welcome.

And like even when you were talking about like oh, like clocking in seven days a week and Algy like she's she's she's killing it right now. But then like actually, like at home, it's like all these thoughts and like like hip hop idols, like like we go through like these schedules that are like twenty hours long, and then it's like, oh okay, then it's just the next day. That is the next day, and you never really know what someone's dealing with. Yep.

And like even when you were talking about like oh, like clocking in seven days a week and Algy like she's she's she's killing it right now. But then like actually, like at home, it's like all these thoughts and like like hip hop idols, like like we go through like these schedules that are like twenty hours long, and then it's like, oh okay, then it's just the next day. That is the next day, and you never really know what someone's dealing with. Yep.

I always say that I'm such a firm belief in that I go to work. I'm like, this person is balance, a little bipolar. This one doesn't know she's getting you straight. This one actually doesn't. She's having bodies more. Everybody's got stuff going on. I get it.

I always say that I'm such a firm belief in that I go to work. I'm like, this person is balance, a little bipolar. This one doesn't know she's getting you straight. This one actually doesn't. She's having bodies more. Everybody's got stuff going on. I get it.

However, just walking around, these red flags are clicking all this time, and.

However, just walking around, these red flags are clicking all this time, and.

I'm like, you know what. But you know, fortunately a lot of times, you know, put it this way. The chief of psychiatry, I believe it. Yeah, I'm not sure if he's still there. Who runs the whole school of medicine. He is a borderline s gets effective disorder. So people who bad in this meltal are very intelligent, especially someone like myself who has ADD. You know, although if I just blame it all, I'm just busy. I'm no, No, you have ADD It's okay, you know what I mean, It's okay, But myself and other people battle ADD or ADHD. We don't have dope mean that brain, so we have less dopening, so we have to create it from somewhere, whether it's from adderall or whether it's from vitamin dB six. We are high functioning, and people think that, well, you have good grades, so you don't have ADD. No, that's not the case. It doesn't manifest like that because we don't. We don't have much dope in our brain, and we have to overcompensate. That's what make us so intelligent.

I'm like, you know what. But you know, fortunately a lot of times, you know, put it this way. The chief of psychiatry, I believe it. Yeah, I'm not sure if he's still there. Who runs the whole school of medicine. He is a borderline s gets effective disorder. So people who bad in this meltal are very intelligent, especially someone like myself who has ADD. You know, although if I just blame it all, I'm just busy. I'm no, No, you have ADD It's okay, you know what I mean, It's okay, But myself and other people battle ADD or ADHD. We don't have dope mean that brain, so we have less dopening, so we have to create it from somewhere, whether it's from adderall or whether it's from vitamin dB six. We are high functioning, and people think that, well, you have good grades, so you don't have ADD. No, that's not the case. It doesn't manifest like that because we don't. We don't have much dope in our brain, and we have to overcompensate. That's what make us so intelligent.

Oh. I remember when I first took medication to kind of like help treat the ADHD a bit, I felt this huge weight that was like lifted off my shoulder. I was like, wait, this is how regular people live, right, Wow, you.

Oh. I remember when I first took medication to kind of like help treat the ADHD a bit, I felt this huge weight that was like lifted off my shoulder. I was like, wait, this is how regular people live, right, Wow, you.

Actually were able to start that on time and finish it on time.

Actually were able to start that on time and finish it on time.

I was like, wait, I can just do it. I have some close family members who kept going with their lives for like a similar reason. And when I found myself like a couple of years ago, like I was at like the edge of a building and like things are just like so autopilot and going on and on and on until I was like, Okay, this doesn't matter, and then this doesn't matter, and then like I kind of reached my last doesn't matter. And when I woke up in that moment, I was at the edge of the building and then like what there was like a kind of like a battle, like a tug of war. At that moment, it was like okay, if I go right now, who cares? And in my head, like it was so deranged that I was like no one because I was going through like a whole bunch of internet bullying at that time, where like I had like a yeah, it's like like all like the negative thoughts I had about myself were like confirmed for the first time, and like an outside source you know, gotcha. And then I was dealing with like a death of a family member.

I was like, wait, I can just do it. I have some close family members who kept going with their lives for like a similar reason. And when I found myself like a couple of years ago, like I was at like the edge of a building and like things are just like so autopilot and going on and on and on until I was like, Okay, this doesn't matter, and then this doesn't matter, and then like I kind of reached my last doesn't matter. And when I woke up in that moment, I was at the edge of the building and then like what there was like a kind of like a battle, like a tug of war. At that moment, it was like okay, if I go right now, who cares? And in my head, like it was so deranged that I was like no one because I was going through like a whole bunch of internet bullying at that time, where like I had like a yeah, it's like like all like the negative thoughts I had about myself were like confirmed for the first time, and like an outside source you know, gotcha. And then I was dealing with like a death of a family member.

That's so heavy because death is finalsclan, and you don't mean just shut them off, block them. You know, it's very easy, but you know this, this will be the mom but just do this, just turn it off, this match, ny, but death is final. You know, certain things are just final. And I always tell people that my son was believed that a lot in high school and unfortunately due to the fact of you know, complexion of skin is unfortunate. But okay, fine, whatever, He's totally fine. Now he goes Then while he's great, he's doing well, he's worried about his curls and his hair stupid stuff. But again, he was going through that. No one would understand that, but you. So when people try to come to you or come at you from the outside, always remember that's why they're outside. They need to stay there. They're not in your inner circle. They're not in your unitary human being. They're not inside. And honestly tell you to you know, thank god you were unsuccessful, because we've gonna have this conversation right now. You want to be as awesome as you are, and thank god, you know, I mean your parents, you know what I mean. I always look at what we leave behind, and we always say they're going to suffer, you know, but sometimes when you're in that moment, and statistics have shown that a lot of patients who have attempted to take their life, unfortunately and if they wanted to change their mind or it's almost within seconds and sometimes they're able to kind of get out that, thank god. Yeah, and then some unfortunately successful they were successful with suicide doesn't go well together. But I'm just trying to make it sound you know what I mean, But you know, unfortunate. That's a very small ratio, and a lot of times show your small ratio.

That's so heavy because death is finalsclan, and you don't mean just shut them off, block them. You know, it's very easy, but you know this, this will be the mom but just do this, just turn it off, this match, ny, but death is final. You know, certain things are just final. And I always tell people that my son was believed that a lot in high school and unfortunately due to the fact of you know, complexion of skin is unfortunate. But okay, fine, whatever, He's totally fine. Now he goes Then while he's great, he's doing well, he's worried about his curls and his hair stupid stuff. But again, he was going through that. No one would understand that, but you. So when people try to come to you or come at you from the outside, always remember that's why they're outside. They need to stay there. They're not in your inner circle. They're not in your unitary human being. They're not inside. And honestly tell you to you know, thank god you were unsuccessful, because we've gonna have this conversation right now. You want to be as awesome as you are, and thank god, you know, I mean your parents, you know what I mean. I always look at what we leave behind, and we always say they're going to suffer, you know, but sometimes when you're in that moment, and statistics have shown that a lot of patients who have attempted to take their life, unfortunately and if they wanted to change their mind or it's almost within seconds and sometimes they're able to kind of get out that, thank god. Yeah, and then some unfortunately successful they were successful with suicide doesn't go well together. But I'm just trying to make it sound you know what I mean, But you know, unfortunate. That's a very small ratio, and a lot of times show your small ratio.

Thank you for saying that, because in that moment, it was at an airport, like I was a mid schedule and I just like I stepped away from the group and then like one of the workers like saw me and was like it was a really nice day today. And I looked up and I was like, oh, that's pretty nice, ADHD.

Thank you for saying that, because in that moment, it was at an airport, like I was a mid schedule and I just like I stepped away from the group and then like one of the workers like saw me and was like it was a really nice day today. And I looked up and I was like, oh, that's pretty nice, ADHD.

And I was like, wait, what am I doing?

And I was like, wait, what am I doing?

And then I sat down and then I talked to the person and like we had like a cry, and then like I and then I came back down and I continue with like my life, I guess. But then I was still like calling like hotlines and still all this stuff. But I felt like and validated a little bit because I was like, oh, like, oh, was it fake?

And then I sat down and then I talked to the person and like we had like a cry, and then like I and then I came back down and I continue with like my life, I guess. But then I was still like calling like hotlines and still all this stuff. But I felt like and validated a little bit because I was like, oh, like, oh, was it fake?

Right?

Right?

You know, It's like, oh, I could just get off like that, right, you know, So like you're saying that, like, oh, it could just change at any moment.

You know, It's like, oh, I could just get off like that, right, you know, So like you're saying that, like, oh, it could just change at any moment.

Literally seconds. Patients would be at that point and then before they wanted up like yeah, I'm like, yeah, it happened a lot all the time, and they've done studies on it and it's show them to be proven and a lot of times, especially when you have, unfortunately have patients that have multiple attempts, whether it be for whatever different reasons it is. You know, people have multiple attempts and things of that sort. Some people are battling, they're getting raped at home from family members and stuff, and they're like why are they why do they want to take their life? You don't know what they're battling. That person is like messed up for life, you know, so they'd rather just be on the other side because they feel it's more comfortable. And I always tell patients, you know, have I had a few my patients that unfortunately that was successful, you know, unfortunately taking their life. It bothers me to it today because like why didn't you call me? Why don't you call them like you call them for everything else. We feels on this, We fools on that why don't you call me? And the one just the one time I didn't answer or the one time they didn't reach out is heavy. So I always look at the fact that when they did that, never point anybody as being a coward. It's very painful.

Literally seconds. Patients would be at that point and then before they wanted up like yeah, I'm like, yeah, it happened a lot all the time, and they've done studies on it and it's show them to be proven and a lot of times, especially when you have, unfortunately have patients that have multiple attempts, whether it be for whatever different reasons it is. You know, people have multiple attempts and things of that sort. Some people are battling, they're getting raped at home from family members and stuff, and they're like why are they why do they want to take their life? You don't know what they're battling. That person is like messed up for life, you know, so they'd rather just be on the other side because they feel it's more comfortable. And I always tell patients, you know, have I had a few my patients that unfortunately that was successful, you know, unfortunately taking their life. It bothers me to it today because like why didn't you call me? Why don't you call them like you call them for everything else. We feels on this, We fools on that why don't you call me? And the one just the one time I didn't answer or the one time they didn't reach out is heavy. So I always look at the fact that when they did that, never point anybody as being a coward. It's very painful.

Then, may I ask, what do you what would you say to that to the people, because for me, I wanted help. I wanted help so bad, and like one bad thing that I did was I didn't know where to ask for help or how to ask for help, and I would do it in stupid ways. And like like one thing that happened on the internet was like I would I would self harm and then I would go on live and like intentionally like not show, like like not wear sleeves and all these things, just hoping someone would check on me because I was so alone in like Korea and all these things, and like the schedules were NonStop. I didn't have any time to like ask for help, and then like the people around me like I'll just kind of like drop hints. I'll be like really sucks, you know.

Then, may I ask, what do you what would you say to that to the people, because for me, I wanted help. I wanted help so bad, and like one bad thing that I did was I didn't know where to ask for help or how to ask for help, and I would do it in stupid ways. And like like one thing that happened on the internet was like I would I would self harm and then I would go on live and like intentionally like not show, like like not wear sleeves and all these things, just hoping someone would check on me because I was so alone in like Korea and all these things, and like the schedules were NonStop. I didn't have any time to like ask for help, and then like the people around me like I'll just kind of like drop hints. I'll be like really sucks, you know.

And they're looking at you like yoka, yeah.

And they're looking at you like yoka, yeah.

Right, because like I didn't ask for their permission to like kind of listen to me in that moment, you know. So like for these people who are kind of like they're just acting out or like like people around them are like seeing them as being weird, like what is the best way to be Okay, stop doing this instead, do this so we'll see instead.

Right, because like I didn't ask for their permission to like kind of listen to me in that moment, you know. So like for these people who are kind of like they're just acting out or like like people around them are like seeing them as being weird, like what is the best way to be Okay, stop doing this instead, do this so we'll see instead.

And I always tell they have to be able to understand that barrier. They have to be able to let that guard down. I know, you have to have boundaries, but when it comes to boundaries of harming yourself, of being in a psychotic phase or just having that significant depression, no one could really read minds unfortunately, you know, because you thought someone would probably pay attention, and some people are so caught up in your image that they're just like, oh, no, he's gonna be fine, this is going to be good, no big deal. You have to be able to come to grips with yourself and say, hey, listen, you know I need to go ahead and ask for help for resources because sometimes you just don't know me. I offer resources because my patients come to me. I'm like, hey, guess what if I don't ask my phone you feel this way, call this, this, this, this is this, and then you have four numbers when you have this, this, this is There's so many ways to get in touch with me, my assistant, my business partner, so many people, so many different therapists that I have I communicate, but a lot of different therapists that also have emergency lines on top of everything across the America. That's could cool, Like, you know, so many resources. I mean, I can only be justified for the States because we have so many ways to get in touch with someone. In the event you could just three one one, you call nine one one, you can cool. It's so many ways. It's so many ways to not dial that number. But you're not going to dial that number if you're feeling like embarrassed or you feel you can't. So that's where that therapy kind of comes in, you know, And that's we're talking to you. If you could confide in a friend. Sometimes I believe in that. Sometimes I don't because you're getting a problem with the friend and your business on the street. You know, you get a real dedicated if that was we can't tell your business drink and that's our license, you know. But I always say, try your best even if you can, you know, even do anonymous things are as anonymous things on Facebook. There's things that be to communicate about.

And I always tell they have to be able to understand that barrier. They have to be able to let that guard down. I know, you have to have boundaries, but when it comes to boundaries of harming yourself, of being in a psychotic phase or just having that significant depression, no one could really read minds unfortunately, you know, because you thought someone would probably pay attention, and some people are so caught up in your image that they're just like, oh, no, he's gonna be fine, this is going to be good, no big deal. You have to be able to come to grips with yourself and say, hey, listen, you know I need to go ahead and ask for help for resources because sometimes you just don't know me. I offer resources because my patients come to me. I'm like, hey, guess what if I don't ask my phone you feel this way, call this, this, this, this is this, and then you have four numbers when you have this, this, this is There's so many ways to get in touch with me, my assistant, my business partner, so many people, so many different therapists that I have I communicate, but a lot of different therapists that also have emergency lines on top of everything across the America. That's could cool, Like, you know, so many resources. I mean, I can only be justified for the States because we have so many ways to get in touch with someone. In the event you could just three one one, you call nine one one, you can cool. It's so many ways. It's so many ways to not dial that number. But you're not going to dial that number if you're feeling like embarrassed or you feel you can't. So that's where that therapy kind of comes in, you know, And that's we're talking to you. If you could confide in a friend. Sometimes I believe in that. Sometimes I don't because you're getting a problem with the friend and your business on the street. You know, you get a real dedicated if that was we can't tell your business drink and that's our license, you know. But I always say, try your best even if you can, you know, even do anonymous things are as anonymous things on Facebook. There's things that be to communicate about.

Ye, no seek professional hope. I remember I remember asking my sister and she was just go crash out, dude, and I was like, oh, okay, yeah, I'll do that.

Ye, no seek professional hope. I remember I remember asking my sister and she was just go crash out, dude, and I was like, oh, okay, yeah, I'll do that.

Did you jump yet? You know what I mean?

Did you jump yet? You know what I mean?

Yeah?

Yeah?

Are you still jumping?

Are you still jumping?

You know? No?

You know? No?

No? Sorry? So sometimes.

No? Sorry? So sometimes.

I think I think what's cool? Is uh something that's useful? That was for me was like this isn't the answer, you know, like, before you get to this answer, this ultimate answer, try this, this, this, and that. Here's forty five things in between. You get through all these things and your life still sucks. Here's another forty five because this is not the answer, correct, right, And like I had to build these middle steps from scratch because I was jumping straight. So I was like, oh, I'll just don't kill.

I think I think what's cool? Is uh something that's useful? That was for me was like this isn't the answer, you know, like, before you get to this answer, this ultimate answer, try this, this, this, and that. Here's forty five things in between. You get through all these things and your life still sucks. Here's another forty five because this is not the answer, correct, right, And like I had to build these middle steps from scratch because I was jumping straight. So I was like, oh, I'll just don't kill.

Myself, right exactly. You build a gratitude list. You see how much okay, things that you're like Wow, I actually did this. I did it. I did it. Things to just be grateful for. You don't even realize just the fact they're able to get them and have a conversation, you know. And I'm not telling you to be this whole religious person and believe in God, because everybody's very different with what they believe in. If you want to be spiritual, what have you? Just think about the simplest things, Like you know, some people can't even just feed themselves, and they have their complete faculties, then they're totally alert in oriented times ten they're able to kind of converse with everyone, but they can't even just take a fork and just eat. And we're just worried about the fact that I'm hitting a microphone, so we can't even move their extremities. So I always try myself my best to go ahead and just make a gratitude isst be thankful for things that you have and then give yourself some credit. A lot of us battle a lot of imposter syndrome, which is bad. It's like, you know, why am I hearing up? Because you're awesome. That's why you're here, that's why, That's why you're dope, That's what it is one money. I'm young, and how come I have all these follow because you are who you are that you you didn't get you need any handouts. You did what you did. You you work like you know what I mean. So so hold on to that. You're dope, that's it, That's what it is. I'm just lying, that's it, you know, taking what it is. And that's why once you realize what you've done and what you work hard for, you sacrifice for, you might think twice like you don't really want to end up, keep my life going a little bit longer, enjoy, you know, and then the extend it becomes like a thing in the brain that kind of just also and that positive self talk back talk with you. So I talk to myself in the mirror all the time. My mother's probably this girls, and I know I'm just talking to myself. That's all it is.

Myself, right exactly. You build a gratitude list. You see how much okay, things that you're like Wow, I actually did this. I did it. I did it. Things to just be grateful for. You don't even realize just the fact they're able to get them and have a conversation, you know. And I'm not telling you to be this whole religious person and believe in God, because everybody's very different with what they believe in. If you want to be spiritual, what have you? Just think about the simplest things, Like you know, some people can't even just feed themselves, and they have their complete faculties, then they're totally alert in oriented times ten they're able to kind of converse with everyone, but they can't even just take a fork and just eat. And we're just worried about the fact that I'm hitting a microphone, so we can't even move their extremities. So I always try myself my best to go ahead and just make a gratitude isst be thankful for things that you have and then give yourself some credit. A lot of us battle a lot of imposter syndrome, which is bad. It's like, you know, why am I hearing up? Because you're awesome. That's why you're here, that's why, That's why you're dope, That's what it is one money. I'm young, and how come I have all these follow because you are who you are that you you didn't get you need any handouts. You did what you did. You you work like you know what I mean. So so hold on to that. You're dope, that's it, That's what it is. I'm just lying, that's it, you know, taking what it is. And that's why once you realize what you've done and what you work hard for, you sacrifice for, you might think twice like you don't really want to end up, keep my life going a little bit longer, enjoy, you know, and then the extend it becomes like a thing in the brain that kind of just also and that positive self talk back talk with you. So I talk to myself in the mirror all the time. My mother's probably this girls, and I know I'm just talking to myself. That's all it is.

Mm hmm, just kind of like digesting that like form my current situation. I don't care if I talk about myself of it.

Mm hmm, just kind of like digesting that like form my current situation. I don't care if I talk about myself of it.

You can talk about yourself. This is your show.

You can talk about yourself. This is your show.

This is my show. Wow, Okay, okay, so you guys have problems start a show.

This is my show. Wow, Okay, okay, so you guys have problems start a show.

Yeah, So.

Yeah, So.

I think a lot of that empowerment. That self empowerment were like, Okay, you know what, I did work hard for this. You know, I'm gonna stand up for myself. I don't know where I went wrong in handling that. So these things have have happened along my career like a bunch of times. So the first time I started dealing with like the waves of hate and all this stuff, I was like, oh, okay, time to die because I care about this, you know, and I'm doing this for you and you don't care about it. And like I associate my identity my worth to my job and like all these things, and it's like if that's nothing, then I'm nothing. And if I'm nothing, then I should die, right. And it's like it's like I also like grew up like wanting to be like a good guy and like defeat the bad guys. And you're telling me that I'm the bad guy. So I'm gonna take him out. I'm gonna do this for you guys, you know. And I realized that over the years. This was around twenty twenty twenty one maybe, so it's been like a couple of years now and throughout those years, like like kind of going through that and then trying to build those systems, those in betweens. I realized I was like, Okay, I need to establish my worth outside of my work. I need to go live life. I need to see what I believe and see what I value and all these things. And I fear that I may have gone too far. And it's like it happened again recently, which is why we were kind of just kind of topic that we wanted to talk about, because I had like this huge crash out on the internet because like I felt so justified in the things that I was doing. I was like, Okay, I worked hard to be here. Hello, guys, sorry to interrupt. Is bum behind here. If you guys are enjoying the episode, please tune in next week for the second part.

I think a lot of that empowerment. That self empowerment were like, Okay, you know what, I did work hard for this. You know, I'm gonna stand up for myself. I don't know where I went wrong in handling that. So these things have have happened along my career like a bunch of times. So the first time I started dealing with like the waves of hate and all this stuff, I was like, oh, okay, time to die because I care about this, you know, and I'm doing this for you and you don't care about it. And like I associate my identity my worth to my job and like all these things, and it's like if that's nothing, then I'm nothing. And if I'm nothing, then I should die, right. And it's like it's like I also like grew up like wanting to be like a good guy and like defeat the bad guys. And you're telling me that I'm the bad guy. So I'm gonna take him out. I'm gonna do this for you guys, you know. And I realized that over the years. This was around twenty twenty twenty one maybe, so it's been like a couple of years now and throughout those years, like like kind of going through that and then trying to build those systems, those in betweens. I realized I was like, Okay, I need to establish my worth outside of my work. I need to go live life. I need to see what I believe and see what I value and all these things. And I fear that I may have gone too far. And it's like it happened again recently, which is why we were kind of just kind of topic that we wanted to talk about, because I had like this huge crash out on the internet because like I felt so justified in the things that I was doing. I was like, Okay, I worked hard to be here. Hello, guys, sorry to interrupt. Is bum behind here. If you guys are enjoying the episode, please tune in next week for the second part.

Of this episode where we finish off the top. Thank you.

Of this episode where we finish off the top. Thank you.