The Jenkins & Jonez PodcastJenkins and Jonez - The End Of This Pod Got Off Track
The guys recap Week 10 NFL action, and things get a little bit out of hand during "Dookie Butt of the Week" #volume
The Volume.
Welcome to Jenkison Jones on the Volume podcast. Networking is Sunday, November tenth, and we have got a bunch of fun. I would say this is a good sports nonsense episode. That's a great sports nonsense. This weekend, we're gonna break it all down. We got Dragonfly Jones aka Tyler Legit throw Jenkins aka John I'm GUARDI b.
A ka Mike mother fucking Mikey, fucking Mikey, mother fucking Mikey.
I don't like that. That is always. It's like three people on Earth that call me Mikey. And it said they're all women. Uh, we're producers always by the lovely and talented Jackson Staffron and Josh Rode. All right, let me just read you a series of text messages that we received from our own Tyler per year. We had a We were watching the awesome Lions Texans game. Jared Goffa comes the second third quarterback in NFL history to throw five interceptions in a win. Lions scored nineteen unanswered to come back and win it. We were sitting out here ready to record and Tyler said, we'll be on after they interview. The kicker can't believe I typed that, but I'm really invested in this cheesy ass hometown Houston kids' story. And then two minutes later he texted he gave all credits to Jesus yuck hopping on.
Now that's not what I signed out for. Bro, Like, look the demands story would like they were. I want to give a shout out to the broadcasting because they did a really good job of getting us invested in this kicker, this kicker who ultimately decided the game so right, like it paid off for them and the viewers as well. So you know, they told us the story of this dude who who had abandoned, you know, playing professional football, was selling bricks, and he actual bricks, sell actual bricks, not the geezy bricks.
Talking about weight on the broadcast.
He was selling and he wouldn't be an NFL kicker either, but he was selling.
Fucking Mike Trigo. He was whipping up those bricks, making it.
Bounce back, but wedge.
He was cooking up that Becky.
Chris here.
Me whip game with the But yeah, I was, I was.
I was very much invested in because for one of incredible performance from this kicker where he caps off a nineteen point comeback and he hits a fifty six yard and a fifty two yard and it was both of them were dramatic, and how they both squeaked in, like the fifty six yard literally skimmed the motherfucking upright then bounced in and it was just like I felt, like I said, Bro, I was so I was locked in on the storytelling, and then we get to the interview.
I wanted him to say something like I wanted.
I mean, for one, it's a Houston, Texas dude, I wanted I expected to hear some Texas type of ship talking, some.
Stone cold level type ship.
Right.
I did hear some Texas ship, but not Texic. Yeah, but not the Texas sports ship.
You know what I Yeah, you wanted to hear he got some brisket with his best friend before the game and reminiscing about the Old Times ship. You didn't want to hear?
Yeah, listen, I thought I thought it was just gonna be a really good cap off to an incredible story that they sold us for the whole game. But then Bro got up there and was like, man, I just wanted to give all credit to Jesus, And I was like, that's not what I signed up for.
Television and off like, bro, like I want.
To hear you talk your ship. This is your moment.
You know what I'm saying.
So I mean what you say you saying, Jesus don't funk with the Texans? Like how did this even work? When you bring Jesus the question? I always add, bro, so yeah so so, but hey, jokes on me. I'm the one who's stuck around to hear or talk. You know, you get what you signed up for. So, I mean the last time we heard of kick and talking was that motherfucker and at Kansas City who said that dumb shit right, So you.
Know, motherfucking Nick Dorcas on Love is Blind? You know what I do. But you look like Hannah's little brother when he found out. You know when you heard that all credit to Jesus, you're like, yeah, put the specialist special teams.
Right, that's the surprise church.
I will say this like I'm more lenient to someone giving their testament when they have a testament to give. If I was selling I'm not a religious person, but if I was selling construction material bricks and then got called up by an NFL team and then set a franchise record for the longest kick ever and made two field goals on national television. He might not he might not get. He might not have believed in Jesus before the game started.
Tyler, That's very, very real. Yeah, you know, I will probably talk that if I had not been for the low and if you take me from a brick selling job.
There's some NFL money though, you know what I mean.
I'm imagining myself on TV doing that. And just like everyone who knows me on social media, like Mike is a stone cold atheist. I don't know where this is coming from, but like someone must have spoken to him.
They gotta be a higher power.
Though, during the game today, speaking of you and your beliefs on this, Mike, did you see your boys?
Did you see Debo putting.
Hands on his kicking unit on the long smacked up the long snapper hands and the kicker.
The kicker caught a fucking an incidental contact smack.
No, he did the three stoodents smack.
He said.
On the whole special teams on the loss.
On his long snapper and his kicker because they missed three in a row. And he put hands on the motherfuckers.
He also probably tired of hand all that motherfucking Trump shit in his fucking you know what I'm saying.
Yeah, but he dragon around.
It was it was a lot of funny reactions to the Deebo Samuel shit. Someone pointed out after he choked choke pushed the long snapper, he kind of like walked away real quick, like he was like, knew there was gonna be repercussions. He was like, it was like, deeva, I know you're not afraid the long snapper is gonna hit you back, Bro, this man's job is no human being on Earth points their booty hole higher to the sky than an NFL long snapper.
Alms never such a wild job because it's like, hey, nobody can snap this motherfucker further than out there, like that is your claiming fing and and it's such a unique skill that there's.
A job for it on on thirty two teas.
Yeah, I actually have a homie who That was his whole fucking plan was he raises his kid to be a long snapper, and he made it to the NFL that it was like, hey, it's a college scholarship. There's no one competing for the job, but you're not. You're not allowed to touch him. You literally can't even tap him on top of the head. Is it's the only contact free position in football. Every NCAA team has a scholarship for that position, every NFL team as well. The Chargers had a long snapper that went to LBCC. He was there for like thirteen years, making a league minimum, making a cool three hundred thousand dollars a year to go out there put his booty holes straight to the sky. But am I right? I mean you you're an inverted pyramid. Your your forehead is on the ground.
You do need to have a mean ars to bet you gotta be able to them up. You're fifteen yards.
You know, you gotta get that power from somewhere.
You know. They they have combines, They do long snapper combines now for high school kids and ship It's like can you knock over It's like carnival games. Can you knock over these milk cartons from twenty five yards with your long snap? Like they really they really have contexts for that.
You I'll probably watch about somebody.
Did somebody did the lethal shooter ship where they like spun spun the cap off a bottle with the football snap you yes, that we need to see that. Well, this is I saw this ship like two years ago.
But first that.
Bro as a as a as a sports writer is I don't even have a frame of reference for what is interested so much weird ship these high school kids posting? Now, Bro, I guess yeah, that makes sense. That would be interesting. Professional booty tutors out here fucking taking the caps off of water bottles.
The chad said, lethal snapper. They also said Jackson will hate that ship.
Yeah, for sure, Jackson, Jackson.
About you, jack They're all over me. They sent the video to me.
Talking about like talking about Jackson's gonna hate.
I haven't gotten I haven't gotten this much Twitter response.
I mean because the talent he's displaying, it's undeniable. Bro, who can do that?
Though?
And he's and it's a harmless account like it's that that's I mean, that's the real reason you're a hater is because you're hating someone that should not even enter into the realm of having an opinion about them, and you hate him.
I just think it's corny as hell.
Bro. It's like when people are like I hate I hate partially here's partially he's a.
Trick shot, deposits himself a superstar shooter.
No, you're a trick shot artist, but.
He cold as shooting. He is.
He's a very good shooter.
But now he's a trick shot. He's not doing that anymore.
He's a trick.
Social media. I don't have a problem with trick.
Shot artist, just like, be transparent about the fact that you're like all the good trick shot artists on the internet are like, this took me twelve hundred tries.
This took me six hours because this is hard to do.
And he is trying to tell us all that he's doing it on his second try.
He didn't say that, he just showed us try.
You don't think that's it.
I'm not saying it's a second try. You don't think the implications that he's getting it in like one minute.
No, I don't feel that way at off, like you really put a lot of effort into it. Yeah, I don't feel that way. Do you feel that way when he's doing it?
I don't feel that way. I don't feel like he represented it that way. I don't think that.
I think you're just biased.
Hey, look, bro, John are you cardloading for later, Tyler, what were you gonna say?
Don't ignore that.
During the Gummy Bear water bottle shop, people were pointing to the clouds and like, bro, the clouds are like the same.
There hasn't been a lot of time.
We got cloud cloud notoriously quick moving, we got we got cloud truthers like you, Jackson hater.
Now it's cool. He can do whatever he wants.
I just think it's stupid.
No, no, don't do that now.
That's what That's what it is. Whatever he wants and I just think it's stupid.
But what else is it to do?
Don't act like you haven't said us like fifteen.
He can do it every he wants and I'm a hater.
So just throwing it out there. I used to produce a podcast with Lethal Shooter on it.
I have a relationship with Lethal Shooter and he is a very interesting dude.
You're Jackson's ops.
Josh is a man who understands ball. Okay, that's what Josh is.
I agree, he's he's he's an interesting guy. For he's a good guy. He's he's a great guy, nice guy, very nice. He can shoot, he can shoot.
I just think personally I think he found a niche where like people were commenting on his videos about how crazy is his videos have gotten that he just leaned into it.
That's how I which I respect.
He's an American, like he's he's allowing our internet culture to warp his brain. Like you can't hold that against people, bro, Respectfully.
I respect that he's leaning into the bit.
Actually I do just like you're gonna have to be leaning into this bit of hating him because people are gonna be fucking tweeting us about you every time I know something for the rest of your earthly life.
It was all.
Really, my joker moment was the underwater one time. That's all the emirriage.
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Today, let's talk about someone we all agree that we hate, which is Jerry Jones himself Joan the Dallas Cowboys owner Bill an NFL stadium that was pointed directly at the setting sun. No one is really sure why he did this. For a good portion of every game people are staring at the sun as they're trying to drive. It seems to impact the Cowboys today. Here were his comments, according to John Machoda of The Athletic, when asked about the sun impacting play. Quote. By the way, we know where the sun is going to be when we decide to flip the coin or not. We do not know. We do know where the damn sun is going to be in our own stadium. Someone asks, why not put up curtains over the windows. Jerry, Well, let's tear the damn stadium down and build another water.
Are you kidding me?
Everybody's got the same thing. Every team that comes in here has the same issues. I'm saying, the world knows where the sun is. You get to know that almost a year in advance, someone asked me about the sun? What about the sun? Where's the moon?
I love that?
Yo, He's lost it, like Donald Trump on the campaign trail.
He's absolutely lost it.
Listen, bro, First of all, well, first of all, what is the point of having a dome with curtains if you're not gonna close it? If the Sun's gonna be a fucking problem. And second of all, the motherfucker is saying we know which direction the sun is in when we fit the coin. Why are you navigating around the sun like a fucking fifteenth century fucking world explorer. What type of goddamn Ferdinand Magellan as shit is this?
Bro?
This is football you're talking about. Yeah, we know the Sun's gonna be port or starboard, so it's probably who's the goddamn curtains? Like, why the fuck this? Why does that even need to be something that y'all factor in when you have curtains, Bro, he's trusting Looney, He's trusting.
Mike McCarthy to navigate him to French Polynesia to get him. Fucking sentiment, bro, Like.
You selected for the son to be starboard when it should have been port.
What are you.
Doing a fucking close the curtains, goddamn dog.
We know how to navigate the sun?
What Jerry Jerry Jones before every game, just sitting in the owner's box doing the Mowanna hand thing on the stars, like.
For now magella ass nigga dogs, that's goed to Gamo facs.
We know how to maneuver with the sun.
Maybe maybe there's actually a clue in here as to why Mike McCarthy still has this job. Maybe this is part of Jerry Jones' interview process and Mike McCarthy is the only one to nail the sunlight question.
That might be It might be the Cowboys fall to three and six, there are oh and four at home on the surface of the sun.
Is that out and that?
And I hate that because all my ship tongue goes out the window now because all my cowboy at home and he's a family go only in on Dak's out, and it's not gonna be fun anymore.
I mean, they're negative eighty two on point differential. You know what I mean?
Did you see did you see the reporter who asked him about Dak? About Dak's like value relative to the team. A reporter on the scrump after the game asked Jerry Jones, like, after seeing a game like this, what does that tell you about the value that Dak provides to the team. And Jerry was like, I don't understand the question. She was like, it'swear to god.
He was like, I don't. Can you ask me again? I don't. I don't get it.
And she was like, well, because now you see what it's like when he's not here and he just goes, oh, well, I'm not trying to be sarcastic, but we won three games when he was playing.
I was like, this dude is so angry. He just can't stand this.
Sell the team, brother, sell that team.
Did you see the ship? Michael Parsons said no, All right, hold on, lot, let me pull this. SHCA have to read this.
This makes me very happy that we're having an impromptu Cowboys shit Fast. One of my favorite episodes quite a while.
He basically said he didn't give a fuck about Mike McCarthy, like he's worring, he he feels for like his teammates and shit. I was like, I have never quite heard a player say that before, Like I don't give a fuck about what my coach feel about this.
I just think, okay, go ahead.
Yeah, okay, so yeah, after this game, Michael Parsons, linebacker for the Cowboys, said Mike can leave and go wherever he wants.
Mike McCarthy. That's who he's talking about, the head coach. Guys.
I kind of feel bad for a guys like Zach Martin and guys who might be on the last year or their way out, because that's who I want to hold the trophy for.
That's crazy.
When you described that quote, I thought that it was gonna be some sort of like euphemism for.
I don't care about Mike McCarthy. He literally said, Mike, I.
Don't give a fuck about I can go wherever the fuck he goes.
Eric, grown up Eric cartmon to take his as thirty one other cities.
Call the motherfucker Mike, not coach, not not coach McCarthy. He called the motherfucker Mike. I don't give a fuck about Mike. That's wild, broh, motherfucking Mike.
I just I think it's incredible that like Jerry Jones fired good old Jimmy John, like when he should not have fired him obviously, and then he has spent the like he got so much criticism for that that he's gonna spend the rest of his life hanging on to bad coaches for too long. Yeah, Like he gave Mike McCarthy and Jason Garrett so much more space that he gave a dude who is cashing in super Bowl championships bro Like, and they haven't won ship since then. That is so funny to me.
Yeah, because I mean that's that's the thing about him though, Like him and Jimmy John, like like they were college homies, right, Like, you know, Jimmy wasn't gonna take a ship. Jimmy was gonna be like nah nah, you know, and they it heads a lot, and that's not what That's not what Jerry wants.
He wants do boys. He wants yes man, you know what I mean.
So, yeah, I heard someone told a story about uh oh, I think this was Troy Aigman told a story about about Jerry Jones that was like, uh, someone was complaining to him about like the private jet that they were flying was going to pick someone else up or so it was gonna like it was gonna take him longer to get back because he wanted to like go somewhere else first or something. And they're complaining, and he said, Jerry Jones looked at him and said, well, when you make fifteen billion dollars and buy an NFL team, you can tell the plane to go wherever you want the plane to go.
I got to come back to that sounds like the truth to me, though, you know what I mean.
I don't know.
Brother.
Score one for Soggy, you know what I mean.
You got to put home in his place?
You know what I mean?
I am who I am?
Score one for Soggy cool, all right? Face any other NFL stuff. We talked about the Niners, Deebo Samuels personally bullying the special teams. The Commanders lost a great game. Oh did you see the quote from Mike Tomlin after the game when someone when they asked him about comparing Jayden Daniels and Lamar Jackson.
Tyler No, I didn't see that.
Hold on, I'm gonna get this up so I get the exact exact quote. It was a perfect because the first of all, the Steelers are about to play the Ravens too, so he said. They asked him, They're like, oh, you know, uh, Jalen Daniels, does he remind you of Lamar Jackson? And he said, man, be real slow comparing people to Lamar Jackson. That's a multi time MVP. That's mister Jackson, and we're gonna play mister Jackson in a couple of weeks.
Have you seen Lamar this fucking season?
Crazy?
Have you seen?
It's so wild that a two time MVP is playing the best football of his life and has taken it to an even higher level.
He's faster, it's it's let's listen bro that.
Yeah, the he's he's so much faster, so much shift here in that fucking arm is just so much more ridiculous this season.
Like the passes in rees that he's making this year.
Oh my god.
He has two thy seven hundred yards. He's second in the league in yardage. He's tied for most passing touchdowns with twenty four of twenty four. He's only thrown two interceptions, and he's leading the league and quarterback rating as well.
At this rate, he's almost certainly become a third time MVP, and he will become the only seventh.
Player in the NFL history to win at least three.
MVPs, the other six being Jim Brown, Johnny united, Is, Brett Faire, Peyton Manning, Tom Brady, and Aaron Rodgers.
How did he get faster?
How do you get lost? Wait?
This offseason?
Lost? Wait? He said?
I I.
He said he felt like he overcompensated, put on too much weight to try and deal with the physical stress, and was just like, I gotta be able to embarrass people.
Bro, It's not me got it to get niggas off their feet, you know what I mean?
God from speaking.
Of multi time MVPs who've taken their game to another level. The fucking turnaround on the Nuggets led by Nikola Jokic. Let me just read his stat line tonight, but he's at his average over the last two weeks is like the most preposterous shit ever. Tonight alone thirty seven points, eighteen rebounds, fifteen assists, the first ever thirty five eighteen to fifteen game anyone's ever had thirteen to twenty one shooting three to three from three. They beat the Mavericks by two points and are now after the slow start. That was their one, two, three, four, five, fifth win in a row to get to seven and three, And it does feel like Michael Malone has kind of unlocked something with the lineup they put out there. But Jokic is obviously the most important part of that because he just he's bringing a new definition to lock in with what he's done since the slow start the season.
That Yokic just happens so far.
Bro Like, I think most of us were out on Denver as like being a legit championship contender. I was out on them, and they had a bumpy start this season, and and you know, I think a big reason why a lot of us were out of him is that there's flaws and there's holes in this roster that weren't there on that championship roster, right like, like this is a inferior roster compared to that, and and in in a West where there's fucking four or five teams that can legitimately win that ship and there's no.
Fear compared to last last season. You know what I'm you know what I mean.
Yeah, for sure, But Bro, to see fucking the best player in the world, say, you know what if I become the best.
Assists player in the world. It's just been wild as fuck.
It's it feels like it's and you know, these are the situations that I love the most when we see superstars elevate their ship.
Right where where you see an.
All time, all world, all great player who's on a roster where he knows he's gonna have to do a little bit more because this is a flawed roster and I need to step my ship up to to make sure that that we're you know, legitate like we saw it, you know, like like oh five oh six Coby comes to so to mine off top when you think of that, right, like one of my favorite fucking seasons ever, and Bro, and it's just like like we're seeing a fucking point center lock in on some O five O six Coby shit, Like I have to go out here and be the best fucking version of me every night, and we're seeing it and it's just fucking mind blowing.
And it doesn't look difficult, you know what I'm saying, Like you look at the numbers, and it's like this player didn't look like they did, like work this hard to get here, you know what I'm saying, Like he makes being great looks so easy. I don't know if I've seen how many players that we've seen being great look that easy. I mean, but when I look at him playing, that's how I feel. I'm like, this nigga is like he's going crazy, but it just seems like this is just what he does even in the playoffs when we watch him as well, Like when he's doing his numbers are insane. We're shocked by it, but it's just just crazy gee, Like I didn't think it could get any better, and he just continues to do.
It pretty fucking special, all right, Uh, I want to talk about.
Crazy, you know what I'm saying.
It's like, damn, bro, he did like a fucking fist like a gas station pickle.
You look like a good like a hot like a bag of hots.
You know.
You know what I'm saying out here, gonna explode when you right put a little more here than that motherfucker' gonna.
Burst, you feel me?
And he going crazy crazy, it's just so wild, Like you know what I'm saying, make it look easy, which is crazy. Uh.
I want to talk about Giannis in the Bucks lost to the Celtics tonight. Uh, Jannie went for a high five from Jalen Brown and that did the too cool.
How you that man has taken dad jokes to the physical realm now, like he hit it with that nineteen eighty four ass.
He was so proud of himself when he did his smile is.
Like, guy, yeah, yeah, I I the only Yeah, You're right. He's like, we need to pull the finger, we need to tap on the opposite side of someone's shoulder.
I still put on I'm still a tapper on the opposite side guy right now.
And then he did that ship to me at the baseball game today. What did you guys? What do you guys think? First of all, the utter meltdown that's going on in Milwaukee, obviously I think they're two and eight now, Giannis doing his best. I guess to have fun. But also it kind of reaches that point of like, you don't love, obviously the coaching staff that they brought in, but you do at some point there has to be some ownership of the players of the fact that they are you know two and eight. Giannis obviously had a monster game today. But I don't know, man, it's it's it's looking real. Start selling stuff off over there in Milwaukee.
Bro.
Like I said in the group chat, I'll be surprised if this team makes it out of this month. I'll be surprised of this. If they don't blow this shit up before December. I just do not see them making any But I mean, and at the same time, they're still in a really you know, shitty situation where Dame. You know, twenty twenty four, Dame is not the same fucking Dame that was on the market when Milwaukee first picked them up. You know, you have Yanna Yannis who had that fucking hilarious foreboding court at the top of the season, like, hey, you know, if things don't click, you know, sometimes I know seams have to make big trades.
So they might get me out of here.
They might get me out here. I might be a warrior.
We don't know what a shame if I were to get sent to one of the four following.
Cities, right me going to Miami from Milwaukee in December, that would be tough. But but yeah, it's I don't know. I know it's a shitty situation for them to figure out, but I do think that they know that they just cannot proceed as it is. Bro I want to read, I want to Bucks. I guess that was the moment of silence.
I want to I want to one of the other things. We do have.
To watch a bunch of them just looking at the numbers, and obviously is what it is.
Our guy ty Wendish, who we had on to uh to discuss the Bucks before, has been just seething on his timeline and and and putting a lot of blame on the players also of just like like, at some point you have to say, if it's the same problem with like stagnancy and the ball not moving and Jannis holding a ball for too long, at some point you have to say the same ship we say about Aaron Rodgers, like you can rotate the coach all you want, but if you are part of the problem, you're part of the problem. Is he fo tweeted, KG screamed anything as possible because they won with Doc Rivers as the head coach got his ass.
Yeah, take that, glint.
Doc Rivers is such a cool name for such an underwhelming coach, Brock. It's just it's Doc Rivers. That should be the coolest motherfucking coach of all time. Bro that should be a motherfucker with multiple like game seven wins. Instead he has the most one three three one leads blown like Doc River.
That's a Riverbrooke gambler name bro.
You know what I'm saying.
And he is cool.
Maybe that's why heeps getting jobs, you know what I mean, like and under being underwhelming and still you know what I'm saying, like tripping his way up one of the last time he's seen a black man accidentally get opportunity.
You know what I'm saying.
He might just be the coolest motherfucker on the planet out off court.
You know what I'm saying, Great Dad, I don't know.
Listen, bro, if you were in a fucking if you were if you were in an eighteen eighties saloon at the crap table, right, and a dude walks in and everyone's like, who's that, who's that?
And he's like, it's Doc Rivers, right.
And motherfucker on his nose. You feel what I'm saying.
But then this motherfucker, Doc Rivers, he comes up to the crap table and he rolls God damn straight up snake like three months or some shit like that's who Doc Rivers is.
Bro, cool ass name, but fucking no results.
When your Doc Rivers voice makes him seem pretty cool.
Gee you.
Hey, you know, I mean, you know.
I'd hang with that nigga.
Bro.
That's that's that's like one of your favorite uncles. You feel me? Yeah, wild ass stories.
Every time Doc Rivers comes up in casual conversation, I say, you know, I know my friend makes it does the best Doc Rivers impression of any person on planet Earth, and people are always like I didn't even know there was such a thing as a doc Rivers impressions, Like you hadn't heard my friend Tyler is doc Rivers impression.
That's why.
Let me tell you, buddy, I feel like you're writing that eighteen eighty eight saloon.
All right, John got accidental Bronson's John. We're very proud of you and an old school Twitter.
Account, little honor.
Yeah, yeah, I do. And I think you've both been on there multiple times. But John was on there for tweeting at my baby girls school Halloween party, hiding in the corner stripping chicken wings butt naked that.
I don't know any other way to say that, though, Like you had to.
Kind of like speak, you know what I mean, Like, that's the only way to describe that situation.
Bro.
I was telling Jackson earlier, it was funny, is baby boy was strapped to me, you know what I mean? I had I was whold homie, you feel me? And so I'm cracking that ship in the corner, you know what I mean. I look down, he got crumbs on his head and ship like, I mean crumbs's head, nigg I'm.
On my real savage ship.
Bro.
I know I'm supposed to be talking to these folks. I just didn't have it in me.
Dog. You know that's the that's the that's the second second baby difference right there.
Yeah, bro, I'm not trying to keep it cute.
What's the difference between the first and second baby eating chicken crumbs off your infant's head.
That's the difference in public.
I'm looking at looking at me in my eyes, I'm like, yeah, bitch, this was some sauce on it. I mean, fried chicken like this in front of white people, don't like straight up, that's the second bag.
All right. I believe we've reached the dookie butt of the week portion of the podcast. Do we have a chat dookie butt of the week or or chat as symbol a douky butt of the week, and we'll go first. I'm gonna go first. Anthony Davis is my dookie butt of the week. It's time. This is this is what I tweeted earlier today, Anthony Davis gets poked in the eyes more than the three stooges. It's time to goggle.
Up a hard look.
Goggle up. Do you want to be on the court or not? I don't know the last time I watched the Lakers game, Anthony Davis didn't get poked in the eye. Bro. He literally gets poked in the eye every fucking game. Goggle up, Bro, they make protective they make protective gear for getting poked in the eyes. Bro. Get the kareems, Get the fucking Infinity symbol goggles. Bro. Something he had to lead He was in the locker room from getting poked in the eye. He got poked so hard to night.
BRO.
Sounds like, but should he have to.
Wear goggles on some protective ship instead of some vision ship?
You know what I'm saying?
Like, Yeah, I don't think you're gonna convince someone to take a measure as far as wearing goggles where you're just not gonna look like a cool basketball player.
Bro, you know you just don't.
His brand is having a uni brow. Bro.
Like there's the sunglasses.
There's just feel like you're doing all you're cool out the window if you try to wear goggles, Bro, I don't think you're gonna sell someone on on that they need to make that move for ship that gets done to them and not like some vision issues.
You know, I'm not even talking about selling them. Have you ever been poked in the eye really hard?
Week out?
Bro? Give me yeah, give me all the goggles, Bro, give me the door. I used that I wore fucking respects because I had because my glasses were this fucking thick and I had started wearing them when I was eighteen months old. Dog oh, Bro, I had no other option, John, But after my eyes is looking like blue glop. Bro, they look like that.
Niggas using this respects selic on fire Nigga.
We would being a being a dumb motherfucker myself, we would like I would have you could punch him. The silicon on them was so thick, you could fucking punch right in the middle of the ship and I wouldn't even I wouldn't even feel it. Bro, you do whatever you want to these goggles.
Were you playing with those.
Goggles soccer and basketball?
Okay? So you just walked out there and you'd be like, just let the.
Mother, yeah said repecross.
No mine, set lens crafters because we got the cheap and we got the only ones we could afford it. Just straight up set lens crafters on the.
This nigga had off brand.
I had the Generics. Bro. It was a red strap. It was a bright ass red strapt. Dude. Hey, that's why when I told you, what did they put me in the game to do? They put me in the game to foul people hard.
That's what they put me in. That's what the that's what they in the game to do. Bro checked in with lenz Craft. You six foot two with big ass calves.
And I'm gonna send you a picture. I'm gonna I'm gonna send you a picture. I would say what I got when I when I got older. When I got older, I stopped, I stopped wearing them. But I, to my detriment, because I cannot see ship without my glasses on. But this is I was like, I was like eight, you know, I was like seven, eight years old. I was a little kid doing it. But I would literally just go in and like the kids said something. I was like, you better not be within arms distancing me brother the next time we go down the course, because I am going to.
Did you have one l a gear or something like that, have like the highest high tops? It seemed like those always came together like a nigga had on the David Robinson's and some ship.
You know what I mean?
You feel me? Remember David rob had them big ass.
You said, the highest fucking possible.
I had that one busted pair of Jordan's bro I told you that's pair of shoes though, Yeah, but that was it. That was the one pair of my My my parents and grandparents were like, we're gonna get him. We're gonna get him one pair of.
Definitely heard I stretcheds guys.
The chat, the Chat Wisdom has coined the name Mike Rambis.
Wisdom.
The Chat has never lost except for that.
He's talking about the theater, But other than that, they've never lost.
And also then betting against John and the race. That was a that was a big l for the chat that the race happened, John one by six seconds, Chat, how you feel about that? Ship?
Should have did your science, Niggah Tyler your dookie butt of the week.
Ship, I forgot who the fuck I picked, man, I had somebody.
John your dookie butt of the week. We'll come back here. We'll come back here.
Must y'all see that picture him from the side.
Nigga, that niggas that nigga. That nigga built.
Like like he built like a gult nigga.
He built like the sound your throat makes when you swallowed up. I saw that nigga and heard, Damn ship, bro, he's built like a built like a throat.
Nigga. You look like a thor you know what I'm saying.
God damn you got all that money to walk around looking like this THEMOI, God damn bitch, you're.
The dumbest, richest motherfucker on the planet. So weird a.
Jackson but of the week.
My duky butt of the week is the Atlanta Falcons for losing to an actual dukie butt of the week.
The New Orleans Saints fired their head coach last week.
They have a new head coach, first time ever head coaching a game, pulled off a miraculous win to snap a seven game losing streak. And before the game, apparently he was nervous or maybe not just maybe he's living his life, and he uh clogged the toilet in the coach's locker room and thought to himself, gonna be a crappy day, and then goes out, this is on record.
He said this to a reporter.
And then went out in your beat.
And then you're gonna go be at the Atlanta Falcons.
So the Falcons are actually the dookie, but of the week for losing to to the dookie.
But I haven't clogged the toilet in a long time. Bro. That's a young.
Toilet, like probably three months ago. And my people rather people crib.
You clogged it in lot toilet that's like worth ten that's that's ten o'clock toilet.
Toilet, but trip off this had to ask them, where's your mop that.
You don't worry about it? I got it. It's so weird where you flushy and it like flushes three times and it does that elon musk and when it did, I try to turn the water off.
You feel me.
Didn't making the time, my nigga, you feel me.
There's no moment like we don't live in a world where saber tooth tigers are hunting us anymore, but our brains still have the exact same reaction when that water in the toy it starts coming up, you know what I mean.
Luckilyhes I do the courtesy flush, so there was no feces in the toilet when it went over, you know what I'm saying. So, but if I was, if I was, you know, just sitting in that motherfucking ship for fifteen minutes and then flushing and that happened, Bro.
I couldn't have shown my face no more. It might have ruined our marriage. It would have been crazy.
We used to. I had a friend named Robert Lebue. That's a real name. In middle school, my friend Robert Lebue, who's an airline.
Did y'all call him?
Did y'all call him you lebull?
We called him Bobby Leabue, Bro, Bobby Bobby Lebu, Oh, call him Bobby Labou. He would come over and if he stood up in your house, you would be like, no, take your now, we're gonna get us all in trouble. Bobby, don't do it. You're kidding, go back home.
We at Bob's reputation.
This is a truth. This is a truth. So you can smell the ship in the backyard. Bro.
I mean I I had a homie.
Hold on, hold on, we we we weighed him at my house one time. He was before he went into the bathroom and after he came out, he lost eleven pounds.
Bro.
Come on, he might have been the type of nigga that didn't ship a lot.
Yeah he was. He was shipped like twice a week, bro, but it was someone else twice a week. Yes, and he would do this someone else's house. He lost eleven pounds. Bro.
Do you think twice a week is shitting a lot?
No, I'm saying he doesn't sit. I would say I agree with him.
Yeah, okay, yeah, yeah yeah, because I'm like, i'ma be honest with you. I was the type of nigga I shit every four days when I was younger. You feel me, But I had it's for fucking forty eight minutes. It was I don't know why. It kind of like, you know, I don't know. I think like I was ripping the run and doing shit. I don't know why.
And I ate so much shit too, so it's crazy.
But my nig I had a want. I wanted the players on the team on the squad of college. Jamal, this nigga.
Shit in my toilet, bro.
I smelled that nigga walking down the hall into my room.
I'm like, this nigga in a pipe busting this bitch.
What the fuck is walking that bitch? He on that motherfucker with the door open.
Dog, you nasty ass nigga, Take that shit home. Take that shit home. You and this ship got to go now crazy. I still low key kind of smell it. Twenty years later, Nigga I was nineteen, a sophomore in college.
Nigga Jamal goofy ass man and this.
Is your segment sponsored by Madame Saul.
But he was up. He said he didn't see.
He said, hey, fiber capsules, Brothers.
He said, he shipped like every ten days. He's like Nigga ship like.
When it came to it, when it came, he had his ship because he's about a pop.
Nigga.
That nigga was about to explode. He said, when nature calls, Nigga only called every ten days.
But nigga, that's crazy. I was.
I would go like I would go like a Sunday to a Thursday and not ship and being that motherfucker ever your stomach didn't hurt.
Bro, I would have the urge to ship.
I was a weird nigga, Like I didn't want to ship in public and all that type of ship like because I was in school all the time. Then I'd be at home and like the ship would have went back up and I wouldn't.
Have thought about it. Like I was outside a lot.
I would have done a lot of things to avoid shitting in the public. In the bathroom at Poly High School, I would tell you that I would rather shop. I would rather ship in the back of the bus.
Like remember when you were shipping and a nigga would like see your.
Feet and he gonna they gonna fire your ass, so they're gonna toss.
They might toss some ship into the toilet.
Niggah was wild.
It was in the bathrooms.
To be doing something. I was a nigga that was wild.
And I remember one time, me and the homies, we was in the club.
We was like twenty five, and we seen our homies shoes in the ship stall, and we was looking all home for right and then and then we seen him in the bathroom.
We seen his shoes, his shoes and this little ship star and so I did.
Have no dress shoes, dress shoes.
He ain't have some shoes and recognized. But but we went outside with man. When we stepped outside the bathroom, we called the nigga was like, hey, man, where you been at?
Dog?
And he's like, ship, where y'all at? Man, I'm looking for y'all.
We stepped back in the bathrooms, like, nigga, we see your shoes right another.
And this bitch blowing it up.
Hey, I'm gonna be honest with you.
By the time I was twenty five, though, I guess because I'd known the life of not shipting they got ship anywhere, Nigga.
I didn't give a fuck.
Bro.
Yeah, we ain't get no you know, we all have bad nights. He was lying, was like he was a ship.
So now y'all y'all gonna in front of him.
So he tried to get away with it because he's gonna get fired up anyway. I was I and I used to be the type of nigga that I would always go to the to the handicapped joint because I had the most space, right you feel me. One time I was at Barnes and Noble. I would do my little reading and I go take a little you know what I'm saying. I had to leave afterwards. Bro, it was a nigga in the wheelchair. Look at me, dad and my soul. When I got out of that bitch.
Bro John he.
Wrote his motherfucking ass in that brother, motherfucker and got the goddamn knocking on the door and ship he could.
He was kind of a right like nigga.
I know that you can hear the wheels squeaking back your legs.
I know yours and your wheeling there right right right.
Around your ship.
Ain't no metal, got muscles on your legs.
And ship.
I know was the motherfucker's working good way. Brother, walk down that bitch. He was sitting on that motherfucker with two sticks crossed.
Hey. I used to do Hey. You know, you know I was in a wheelchair for like six months in college. I used to park outside. I used to park outside. I used to park outside the handicap stall and just wait. Just to me, mug people, I don't even need to take a ship. I just want to make someone feel bad about using my fucking stall.
I haven't. I haven't been in a handicaps.
No, stand on your ten toes that you're capable of standing off, Bro.
I know I feel.
I feel. I felt so bad.
John, one time I walked out of them. Listen to Hey, no, this is a true story. I walked out of a handicap stall.
He really needed that, motherfucker.
Hey, as someone who is in a wheelchair and still have my upper body, you could get off the fucking chair into a fucking regular toilet. But I did one time come out of the of the of the toilet the fucking Barnes and Noble at Marina Pacifica, and it was a dude in a handicap and in a wheelchair sitting there and I just looked at him. I said, shit, you know how it is, bro, And.
My worst experience ever. What's the worst place I know this is?
This is devolving like a motherfucker.
I told you all about when I shiped my pants running from the police. I shook a meat ball of ship out my fucking out my out my pants. When I got back to the apartment, cop tried to get me for Jaywalkings and I I had to ship. I was trying to get back. I was trying. We had to park across the street because we went at the student house. I had to run across the street. I was running across the street. I was holding off for dear life. I had a turtle head and a half bro and the fucking copo stay right there. When I was on the bride, I knew he had to go down and make the U turn. I was like, gone, bro, But we were on the second story and by the time I got up there, I was just fucking I walked in and got in the bathroom, stepped into the shower, shut the ship out of my pants. I had a meat ball in there.
Nigga had a fist and ship.
Ain't no way dog.
Once I ship in the Walgreens, Bro, I was, I was moving, and in between moving, you know what I'm saying, I'm like, okay, I could probably make it back to the old crip because the water didn't work at the new spot yet.
We had you know what I'm saying, it was gonna.
Turn on tomorrow.
That type shit.
I'm driving and I'm like, I'm not gonna make it. I'm by the ship myself. Bro, you feel me like I got a ghost. One pull at the Walgreens.
I'm like beads of sweat.
Goddamn, Like y'all need to use restaurants you get they gotta unlock that bitch.
Yeah, you feel what I'm saying. Nigga came in that bitch.
Motherfucker threw my jacket off, shirt off. Niggas jacket and shirt on the ground in the walk.
The walk, I make that bitch ass naked.
Bro, you can see the carlats on the Nigga, you.
Do your locks. Never tryouts.
About the fucking moon, nigga.
Oo man, I thought it was that day, Tyler.
Do you remember your doochie byt of the week?
We actually got to talking about dookie. God damn. Go ahead.
And there's no better prompt when you're hanging out with a group of male friends than someone telling a story about someone else breaking a toilet. Like that's it guaranteed fifteen minutes of laughter with any group of friends.
No matter how old you are.
But yeah, my, I was just thinking about a college There was a story about like one of the baddest chicks on cameras, bloo bloom, my home boys, boom boys, bathroom balls.
Talk to me.
This.
It was I'm going to keep I'm not gonna put any.
Names, but my whole boy was was was really on this chick.
It was one of the baddest chicks. She was.
She was on what we call the Golden Delights, which is like our dance flag team. You know, if you don't think about the HBCU like those are the baddies, like even better than the cheerleaders. Bro, Like, yeah, so and he got this one chick there who who was just yeah, top notch, one of the baddest chicks at campus. And he was talking to her for a minute or whatever, and we was all kind of, you know, locked in because you know, we want to see the homie wins.
She wanted the baddest show. So we was.
Happy for the bro and he was talking to her like a whole semester whatever. She finally came through and you know, they you know, did their growing up whatever. We was happy as hell about that. And and you know, you know when he told us the story was like, nigga, whatever, you know what it was like, you smashed what it was like, Yeah, yeah, niggas.
And he did not seem happy.
He did not seem happy while we celebrated around and we was like, it was like, what's up. He's like, bro, he sat down and he looked at it and he said, yeah, he sat down because he said, she blew my motherfucking bathroom up.
He said, he said she went in.
He said, he said, nick, I heard it.
He said, I heard.
It in that age group.
We don't even want to know you booboo. You know what I'm saying, Like, I don't even want to know a motherfucker like at that age.
You know what I'm saying.
We like I can't even imagine a woman taking the ship and like the baddest ship.
But bad chicks do be having stomach problems though.
That's a fact, bro.
Stress.
A lot of stress associated with it.
Yeah, man, a lot of pressure being a badi.
It's literally a billboard in LA for something for like a stomach and IBS medicine that just says hot girls can have I b s.
Okay, where is this set?
It's near my house.
It's speaking to you know, speaking of life.
Yeah, but back to my dude, Oh yeah, you're yeah, this.
Is all time tangent.
This is a.
Change, did he did? He running back?
Running back after that, I think I him hear the water it's off.
With yeah, he said, coming back. He said he wasn't even on her like that anymore. After that, he said, it just totally turned him off. And it's it's wild because like, you know, she she still pops up you know, here and there, like oh yeah, it's still a bad And I'm.
Like, but bro, I know I know about you from that.
I've heard about.
Yeah, it's just so and it's like, Bro, like I'm someone who wasn't dealing with her at all. And that's always the first thing I think of when I think of imagine what the home we think about.
So it wasn't just the sound. It was the smell.
The smell, he said, the smells of chokees and he heard it. He said, he heard the.
She might have had chromes or something, you know what I mean, Because I think like, if you could avoid that, you would You're gonna go and crack some and then like just comfortably walk in and blow somebody ship up after you just crack, you know what I mean. Damn, that's unfortunate. I feel bad for I know she was in there. I'm blowing this bitch up. I can't even cute boy, this motherfucker nigg. She wanted that motherfucker straight ahead. She didn't look at that nigg in his face.
She marched out that bitch.
Go ahead though anyway, saluted him in.
It was nice knowing you about face ship anywhere.
Go ahead, Yeah, my my, my Dougie was motherfucker Nicki Haley. Did y'all see the motherfucking post Trump made where he that motherfucker made an announcement where he said, I just wanted to be very clear that Nicki Haley will not be on my cabinet.
I enjoyed working with her. Blah blah blah blah blah and bro like.
He announced that she was not getting a position.
He announced the fucking you know five days after the election. You know, I do not fuck with Nikki Haley. And for someone who like Nikki, who.
Just no, she just didn't kiss the ring with enough slobber for his preference.
Yeah, he just he just and I just I don't know.
Every time I'm reminded about how bad Nikki sold out when she tells a story about how her her immigrant family came to South Carolina and black people were the ones who always looked out for her, and and how she just you know, switches up like that and it's you know, just you know, fucking being this this gop person who spreads all the ship that is just just goes. So it's just so counter to that's how she was growing up when you know her life story, it's just you know, I just really can't rock with Niematerira, you know, you know, for the way she moves.
Bro.
So yeah, Josh your dookie buttter of the week.
So Mike go O of the Week is my favorite median.
Bill Bert had an opportunity to go in SNLS over an epic monologue and I think he felt a little bit short, was kind of hope and he ripped into the political climate here, but he didn't do it.
It sucked, bro.
Yeah, it was very disappointing. And I'm a huge billbar fan, don't.
It wasn't even it was just nah, it was weird.
It was like he didn't want to get political and then he did. And you can.
Tell he was trying to be he was like trying to be edgy as opposed to like just being like he It kind of honestly felt to me like some of the Chappelle shit Josh, where it was like, you don't need to try to be anything, you just need to be yourself. That's what people always enjoyed about you. Yeah, it was a bad set.
Bro still got left of Bildo so that love.
Yeah, it was brutal. The Janitors sketch SNL last night was one of the funniest things I've seen in a while. Did you see that? You just watched his monologue.
I just saw the monologue.
They did a sketch called the Janitor that was like a parody of a Goodwill hunting where it was like the janitor went into the MIT classroom and started solving the shit, but the there was like this huge barf on the on the on the floor that he didn't clean up, and he'd been that was why he was in the room, and then he'd been tracking the barf all around the room, and then his supervisors kept coming in and like, did you try and mop up the barf? This is carpet Like it was just like he was he was the dumbest janitor in history, except he happened to be good at calculus, Like it was, Yeah, it was, but it was also said in Boston, and they kept saying AbaF, which I find I say, you in here to clean up a bath?
A bath?
Uh?
Chat? You still watch? You still watch religiously.
Oh, Sean, and I always watch it. Yeah, yeah, that's that's how we get open sesame and and uh and and watch on sat wy.
Do you think he knew it was trash?
Do you think he's like walking away like knowing it wasn't good.
I think he knows that he wasn't saying anything that he actually was interested in. And nobody laughed at it, so you know what I mean. So it's like because there's sometimes you know, a a smart comedian sometimes will have a set where people don't laugh. But they said the ship they wanted.
To say something.
Or then whatever, and it was like it wasn't a I'm not probably not as big of a Bill Bird fans as Josh is, but I I like him. I think he should God writer for sure, and it would just yeah, you could kind of tell he wasn't out please. You could tell he wasn't happy with it just by his fucking face when they were fading out. I feel like he just looked like kind of looked desperate, like like wow, yeah, all right, crazy, that's yeah, yeah, yeah, Uh chats dookie butt of the week. What do we got Jackson.
They had some sort of grab bag suggestions.
There was the commander's defensive tackle who lost in the game by jumping off sides, but they really and settled on, uh, this podcast for all the tangent that we went on. Yeah, they said that Lifetime Members Lifetime Achievement Award for the tangent tonight.
Jesus christ, I can't disagree with the chat. It was a very duky centric back half of the product. Hey we got we got Dukie butted by our own chat brutal. All right, Well, thanks Chat for hanging out with us on Sunday night. Always love hanging out for a late night Jenkins and Jones. We'll be back with a couple more episodes this week. Uh follow the Twitter for the schedule as we put that together and we'll see all that. Bye bye bye.
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