Most of us hate asking for favors. We worry about being a burden, coming across as needy, or facing rejection for asking too much. But what if our fear of bothering people is stopping us, and the people around us, from becoming happier?

Dr. Laurie explores why our instincts about asking for help are usually wrong. She speaks with psychologist Nicholas Epley about why asking others for help can actually make them like us more. And author and entrepreneur Jia Jiang shares how 100 days of asking for outlandish favors totally transformed his life.

Experts Mentioned:
Nicholas Epley, Professor of Behavioral Science at the University of Chicago Booth School of Business
Jia Jiang, author, entrepreneur, and expert in “rejection therapy”

Resources Mentioned:
Rejection Proof: How I Beat Fear and Became Invincible Through 100 Days of Rejection, by Jia Jiang (2015)
“What I Learned from 100 Days of Rejection,” by Jia Jiang (TED, 2016)
“100 Days of Rejection Therapy,” by Jia Jiang (YouTube series, 2013)
RejectionTherapy.com
“Surprisingly Happy to Have Helped: Underestimating Prosociality Creates a Misplaced Barrier to Asking for Help,” by Xuan Zhao and Nicholas Epley (Psychological Science, 2022)
“Beautiful mess effect: Self–other differences in evaluation of showing vulnerability,” by Anna Bruk, Sabine Scholl, and Herbert Bless (Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 2018)

Related Episodes:
“Treating the Pain of a Broken Heart”
“Forget Small Talk: Go Deep Instead”
“The Surprising Case for Oversharing”

Most of us hate asking for favors. We worry about being a burden, coming across as needy, or facing rejection for asking too much. But what if our fear of bothering people is stopping us, and the people around us, from becoming happier?
Dr. Laurie explores why our instincts about asking for help are usually wrong. She speaks with psychologist <a href="https://www.nicholasepley.com/" data-airgap-id="12">Nicholas Epley</a> about why asking others for help can actually make them like us more. And author and entrepreneur <a href="https://www.jiajiang.com/" data-airgap-id="13">Jia Jiang</a> shares how 100 days of asking for outlandish favors totally transformed his life.
Experts Mentioned:
<ul>
<li><a href="https://www.nicholasepley.com/" data-airgap-id="14">Nicholas Epley</a>, Professor of Behavioral Science at the University of Chicago Booth School of Business</li>
<li><a href="https://www.jiajiang.com/" data-airgap-id="15">Jia Jiang</a>, author, entrepreneur, and expert in &ldquo;rejection therapy&rdquo;</li>
</ul>
Resources Mentioned:
<ul>
<li><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Rejection-Proof-Became-Invincible-Through/dp/080414138X" data-airgap-id="16">Rejection Proof: How I Beat Fear and Became Invincible Through 100 Days of Rejection</a>, by Jia Jiang (2015)</li>
<li>&ldquo;<a href="https://www.ted.com/talks/jia_jiang_what_i_learned_from_100_days_of_rejection" data-airgap-id="17">What I Learned from 100 Days of Rejection</a>,&rdquo; by Jia Jiang (TED, 2016)</li>
<li>&ldquo;<a href="https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLamouX6QxWIuTHuaArIOzdorWoYaF6cU5" data-airgap-id="18">100 Days of Rejection Therapy</a>,&rdquo; by Jia Jiang (YouTube series, 2013)</li>
<li><a href="http://rejectiontherapy.com/" data-airgap-id="19">RejectionTherapy.com</a></li>
<li>&ldquo;<a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/36067802/" data-airgap-id="20">Surprisingly Happy to Have Helped: Underestimating Prosociality Creates a Misplaced Barrier to Asking for Help</a>,&rdquo; by Xuan Zhao and Nicholas Epley (Psychological Science, 2022)</li>
<li>&ldquo;<a href="https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2018-34832-002" data-airgap-id="21">Beautiful mess effect: Self&ndash;other differences in evaluation of showing vulnerability</a>,&rdquo; by Anna Bruk, Sabine Scholl, and Herbert Bless (Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 2018)</li>
</ul>
Related Episodes:
<ul>
<li>&ldquo;<a href="https://www.pushkin.fm/podcasts/the-happiness-lab-with-dr-laurie-santos/treating-the-pain-of-a-broken-heart" data-airgap-id="22">Treating the Pain of a Broken Heart</a>&rdquo;</li>
<li>&ldquo;<a href="https://www.pushkin.fm/podcasts/the-happiness-lab-with-dr-laurie-santos/forget-small-talk-go-deep-instead" data-airgap-id="23">Forget Small Talk: Go Deep Instead</a>&rdquo;</li>
<li>&ldquo;<a href="https://www.pushkin.fm/podcasts/the-happiness-lab-with-dr-laurie-santos/the-surprising-case-for-oversharing" data-airgap-id="24">The Surprising Case for Oversharing</a>&rdquo;</li>
</ul>

The Happiness Lab is serving up scientifically-backed takes this summer that are so hot, even your SPF 50 won’t protect you.

With the help of behavioral scientists, historians, and cultural critics, Yale psychologist Dr. Laurie Santos challenges some of our biggest assumptions about what it takes to live a good life. Dr. Laurie explores topics like why we should forget about TMI and lean into oversharing, how dumping small talk makes for better conversations, why the kids these days are actually doing just fine, and how men can establish strong bromances. Each episode unpacks a bold, counterintuitive claim — using research, data, and expert insight to question the conventional wisdom around happiness and wellbeing.

The Happiness Lab is serving up scientifically-backed takes this summer that are so hot, even your SPF 50 won&rsquo;t protect you.
With the help of behavioral scientists, historians, and cultural critics, Yale psychologist Dr. Laurie Santos challenges some of our biggest assumptions about what it takes to live a good life. Dr. Laurie explores topics like why we should forget about TMI and lean into oversharing, how dumping small talk makes for better conversations, why the kids these days are actually doing just fine, and how men can establish strong bromances. Each episode unpacks a bold, counterintuitive claim &mdash;&nbsp;using research, data, and expert insight to question the conventional wisdom around happiness and wellbeing.

The Happiness Lab with Dr. Laurie Santos

You're Actually Not Bothering People Enough

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/e73c998e-6e60-432f-8610-ae210140c5b1/clips/86ae9ca0-ce93-45ef-b927-b49800eb3103/transcript