The Daily ZeitgeistTDZ's "Stories of the Year" Tournament of Champions 2024, Pt. 2
In this episode, Jack and Miles are joined by writer JM McNab and super producer Victor Wright to pit the top stories of the year against each other for part 2 of TDZ's inaugural "Stories of the Year" Tournament of Champions"!
Hello the Internet, and welcome back to the official twenty twenty four Stories of the Year Tournament of Champions. It's it's getting very exciting over here. I'll tell you one thing, eating up, eating up. Things are decidedly eating up. Yeah. My name is Jack O'Brien. That over there is Miles Gray. We are the most of the Daily Zeitgeist, and we are thrilled to be joined by I.
Like ever, it's talking like we're on a panel.
At a place for you. Hi. So we host the shows like a comedy news podcast, kind of funky.
Uh.
We're thrilled to be joined by one of the producers of the Daily Zeits guys. It is super producer Victor run.
Hello.
Wow, he was doing so much like eating the sound.
Wow. It seemed like I was frozen, but uh technologically but I was actually neurologically frozen.
Okay.
And we are thrilled to be joined by a writer on the Daily Writer the writer us.
Our writer, our writer.
Hm, you're mister our writer, your writer, mister J M McNab j.
Hello, Hey, hold on a second, just getting my bets in on Polly Markets.
Are you taking an action on here? They take an action?
Yeah?
Every one second, I gotta just switch some stuff into doge coin real quick.
So we what in between episodes? Yep, we all compiled our order so that if you haven't listen, this is part two, episode one. We just kind of went through the stories solidified around the sixteen. We had twenty four stories that were kind of made the final, made the committee the tournament. We eliminated eight of them, kind of some of them we just compiled into one big story that are obviously linked for very good reasons, which we'll talk about. Uh, But now we had to seed the stories so that we could do our Tournament of Champions. Tournament of Champions. That champions is a dope the name of the dough Boys season and tournament. So that we could seed our Tournament of Champions. The stories in order are, should we just go strike.
To the first seed, to the sixteen seed? Okay, sorry number one.
Yeah, we just listed them in order, and then Superducer Victor went through and averaged out the like place that they were ranked. And that's why it.
Smell like sweat and cigarettes right now. I've just tallying away all morning.
He had one of those see through green Yeah, I thought that account yeah.
Yeah, and you garter on your arm too.
Yeah, there's two phones to either ear. He's just working the long bye bye. So all right, So I don't think anyone was surprised by this one. Number one overall seed, so the first four are going to be number one seeds because it's sixteen entry tournament. But the number one overall seed is Willy Wanka Glasgy. The story with everything AI slap scammers, amazing visuals, people who just couldn't look more over it, including bartenders than nowhere all around. It's story that got the most votes from our listeners. I say, real quick.
Yeah, three out of four of us name that number one. Wow, so it is a strong contender for such a strong contender.
Yeah, put your bets down, now, put your bets down now. Yeah.
Up next, and this one surprised the hell out of me because I didn't have it this high personally is JD Van's couch Fuck. It's a story that really captivated the spirit of a nation. When he was announced as the VP candidate, I think a lot of people smelled blood in the water were like, wait a second, that's a bad pick. Up to that point, I think everyone was like Trump is a juggernautch he's untouchable. And then he picked JD. Vance and everyone was like, oh man, this guy seems like he fus couches. And so somebody pretended that was written in hillbilly elegy and away we went. I don't know. It seemed more fun at the time to me than it does in retrospect. Personally, that's where I'm at with it. But seems like I was in the minority here. Who wants to make their case?
Oh for saying it's number two.
Yeah, for who you guys had it ranked high?
I mean, I think, i'll, i'll we can articulate those when we actually begin to cross swords with the other stories. But okay, for me personally, yeah, I just thought it just it can. It took up so much oxygen. I think that's kind of how I arrived there, is that it took the consciousness.
I'll say for me, I had this as at number one. This was my favorite story because it was a nothing story.
Here's a sick fuck. I'm told that fucking freak. He's a bad guy.
He's a really bad.
Guy's real bad guy figure, by the way, has like the kindest uh energy of he's a wonderful person for listeners who are just meeting there for the first time.
Did this guy picked jd Vance?
Like that's what's so interesting about him being actually a true dirt bag is like he has Alex Schmidt energy, you know, like just kind person. And then you know he starts doing shit like this. I'm just saying, yeah, he'll surprise you. Let me put it that way. Okay, this guy Victor, he'll surprise you. Yeah. One of the things that I found very charming about it is that it had no basis in the truth, and yet for a show that's purportedly about the national shared consciousness, national shared unconsciousness, something came out of the collective consciousness and just was like, Eh, that's the thing now, this guy Fox couches all right up next RFK Heidi Bear Number three. Overall, I think we had talked about the whale story seems to be the thing that like people settled on more than the bear story. But the bear story really has it all. So this is a vote for the truth, I think, more than anything. Number four and then our final one seed, Kendrick Lamar disassembling Drake's career live in front of all of our eyes. We'll see what.
We'll see how the next album does. We don't really know.
Yeah, it's just a bunch of like it sounds like every one of his albums and it has a bunch of number ones just like every were like, oh yeah, that was wild right. Anyways. Up next, we have our two seeds. Kamala Harris Fashion Week Party, one of my favorites. Just a perfect encapsulation of what went wrong with a campaign too late. We all found out that they were incredibly wrong about how to run a campaign a little too late. Great things like a grab them by the dot dot dot claw machine and a Jenga tower about all the rights you are about to lose under fascism. Anyways, a lot of fun up next, and really like the committee has some explaining to do. This I thought was very clear. I believe this was my number two overall seed. It was definitely a one seed on my list. The Food and Wine AI article six eight weeks. We can get into it a little bit more, but it actually broke the brain of our show. Yeah, it has broken the brain of our show. This one was divisive. I'm sorry, I'm cutting in, but I was looking at all of this but the two hosts loved this story, and the two people behind the scenes dropped this story way way down, so.
I can't explain it.
But that's how that happened.
Yeah, okay, fair, fair, fair.
Fair, all right, and we are you know.
And that's how most people look at things when their rights aren't directly in the crosshairs.
That's right, exactly. And I'm so glad you said that.
It seems like a joke to them, but to some of us, this is this is real life. Is real life, y'all? Yeah? Yeah, but okay, okay, okay.
Interesting, wow, interesting, And I guess we have to start taking a harder look at whether Victor and JM or using AI to perform their tasks.
Miles, I will say about this, I I almost like, kind of like it when they're shitty AI articles because it's a reminder of how shitty they are, right, they're not up to the task of.
Actually, yeah, I'm a big fan of this, yeah, because I thought and this are uh, it brought me a lot of joy this article because I think.
It was was it also this year there's like it was IO nine or someone published it was like Star Wars movies ranked in the order they were released, and it was just the Star Wars.
Movies, like.
First episode four, Yeah, yeah, yeah, could.
You imagine first is episode one? It is truly going in chronologe or just yeah, I guess.
I have an idea that that editorial level and then they just fed to machine. But this one just got so circular in its logic and just like a fucking ball of spaghetti. You can't you can think about the paragraph that this AI spit out all day and we will be reading it later. Up next Raygun from the Olympics, the Olympic Break Dancer. I feel like everything is there. Raygun was just a bit amazing. I don't have much to say about that one. I think that'll probably be bad for Raygun's performance because there's not much to say. It's just an incredible, humiliating, cringey.
Ship for the Olympics.
Yeah, in front to Break Dancing and our final two seed, Mark Robinson porn Shop Regular.
Yeah one, since he didn't win.
Race exactly. The three seeds RFK Whalehead the people's choice for RFK stories, but not actually the best RFK story, although there is a detail from this that I do want to cover when we get to it later. RFK Brainworm at the next three seed, not number ten overall Olympic shooters eleven again like ray Gun, just kind of all vibes, all just like fun, not too much to say, although the fact that he was like aggressively divorced and was like sharing give me my dog back was fun. And then up next we have the combined story cotton candy Burrito, the election, just the election, and then Bridgerton, which was like a Willy Wonka glasgw but in Detroit and for Bridgerton and just like slightly diminished that one's.
That one's I think pretty underrated in terms of its ranking because just this three combo candy cotton Burrito, election, fake Bridgerton is kind of like an omni crisis, yeah, happening in.
Real just like we're undergoing as a nation.
Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah yeah Okay.
And then the four seeds, and we've got some really strong four seeds here, I gotta say. I mean, when you're at the sweet sixteen, you got no sixteen seeds usually left over, and that's certainly true here. Private Equity shrimp Uh, the story about how the Endless shrimp Ball that got published by mainstream media outlets was incorrect and it was actually just private equity bleeding red lobster dry Elmo v. Big Bird completely made up story that we ended up having a lot of fun with where Elmo and Big Bird were both trending and we decided, like, we'll pit them against each other and see who would actually kill who. Olympic poll vaulter who won the gold medal of having a dick as jam put it and that tatted I think a word smith named Jam McNabb once put it and then finally pulling up the rear, we got gymnast Nerd. Now, on the one hand, I get why he's in this position. On the other hand, he's been underestimated before.
He has glasses.
Glasses, this guy you want to punch a man with glasses.
All right? So that is the order We're gonna come back. We're gonna start playing the games. You know the reasons for the season. The reason for the tournament is we're gonna tip off the first game, which is going to be Wanka Glasgow versus gymnast Nerd. And I think some people are going to be a little bit surprise. We actually have no idea how any of these are going to go because we're deciding them live on air. We'll be back to do that in a moment. This episode's brought to you by eBay. Whatever you love, find it on eBay. eBay Things People Love and hey Miles, no night. Well yes, sorry, what were you doing?
I was singing, just singing a thriller Oh okay, you know I'm in It's the Halloween just passed.
I'm feeling I was feeling a little spooky again.
I was singing about the thriller jacket from the music video because that's something I've always wanted as a child.
And you know what I've just been, I've been with a little searching.
I found a couple of thriller jackets that might be fun.
You're able to find the thriller jacket.
There are a lot of thriller jackets in The Funny thing is, though, some pe people on their eBay posting, they'll be posting like a dude will be wearing a regular outfit with the thriller jacket on top, and you're like, this is this is a weird packy cargo short truly right right like mid shin socks, and you're like, oh, Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, I guess this is I guess this is thrilling. I was also looking for a T shirt from Mall Rats that the character Brody War his character were at the entire film. Also found that right there on the eBay, So you know, I got I've got some things that I'm about to bring to life in my collection.
I was looking for some Brody based fashion. I was looking for the short shorts that Chief Brody war in the cinematic masterpiece Jaws too, because you like a good cut. They just were really working for him. They were giving off a beachy vibe. When you search Chief Brody Jaws two shorts, they don't come up on eBay, right, But I was able to just like you know, image search those and then find the pay of shorts that I was looking for. Are we liking what we're seeing? Oh? We happy?
Oh we happy? For Okay, I'm just too in the building. The other thing that I'm like also kind of been looking around for. There was this like volure Anietzsche jacket that Marlon Wayne's were on the Waynes.
Brothers that I've always wanted, oh, that I've been looking around for.
But then I found Valure's back, baby, like there were branded like this is how old I am? I'm like, wait, it's okay to wear Valure again. I don't know if it is with me being forty now, but I also found some wonderful modern vulure suits that I could potentially wear with Timberland boots like I used to in two thousand and two.
Modern velure, old school tyms M. I can see that it's called a bit of high low. Yeah exactly. I mean, look, I like to be swaggy.
I think the kids are still saying that because that's my thing totally, and we all got a thing. Maybe you're swaggy like me, maybe your daddy like Jack with the brody shorts.
But it's all on e Bay.
Maybe it's fashion, car parts, trading cards, retro movie posters, anything you can collect. So go find the thing that keeps you up at night, whatever you love, find it on eBay. eBay things people love, and we're back. We're back back, baby, Roll up the sleeves.
Everyone wedding profusely. The first chain smoking is system cigarette in a row.
Yeah. The way you get it to dangle on your lip is pretty impressive though. Yeah, you could never.
Get he's wearing two visors now and back like Sherlock Holme, stop.
Do we want to Is there anything from Wanka Glasgow that we want to call out uh in advance or like call it that we we feel like we didn't cover on the last one. I mean we got the AI uh slop of catcating live performances, Carchie tons, exarcer day, lollipop, a PASSI dice of sweet treats?
Yeah?
Got? Do we get any of the stage direction? Some of the stage direction was pretty wild.
It was just more fantastic. I don't know if like the details I mean in retelling the story as it happened. I think that was like the funny part. But I think the power is far beyond just getting into the AI generated script of it.
But yeah, they basically suggested and then he like magically, so he takes a bubble out of his ear and firefly like emerges from like just saying impossible things in the stage direction.
Yeah, things that no person without seven million dollars to put towards visual effects could ever achieve.
And six dollars even then, I don't think like the special effects they're imagining are clearly things they could see happening in a movie and they're just like so unseasoned at like live events that there's just like and then like this thing, this cool thing will happen. It's like, no, it won't.
Yeah, it's like a It was like, AI was that guy on cocaine who had an idea and everyone's like yeah, yeah, okay, okay, okay, and then like you actually sit down and trying to be like how do we get a bubble to come out of his ear? And then like the lights float. I don't know, but yeah, they're going up against gymnast Nerd. I don't want to just say it's that's a rap already, but I think this is. I think this is a rap for gymnast Nerds.
I mean, do we want to say anything? Is there anyone who wants to speak on behalf of gymnast Nerd? Probably not, because you assholes all ranked him fucking last. So Gymnast Nerd, to remind people, is the guy who was specifically on the team to do the pommel horse yep, had glasses. Everyone was like, who's this fucking Nerd? Get him out of here? What's he doing? Uh? For most of the thing, he was just cheering, and then the pommel horse thing came up, took off his glasses.
Thank god, and became fucking Superman.
Crushed it and like just kind of did his job. I feel my main issue with this one is I feel like it would be if we were like Good Morning America. It would be like a top story and they'd be like, I liked this guy. He gave me a good you know what I mean.
Like like this would be the story.
Yeah, this would be like a USA Today like story that they would be like, and he's he's on to the next round. We really admire and salute him.
Yeah, Michael Strahan would have something fun to say about a guy with glasses that he knew and he's like, never made a guy in glasses. I might be a straight hand.
I was gonna say. That's why I like about it is that it is a nothing story. I'm gonna I'm gonna defend Gymnast Nerd. You know, I'm defending the underdogs. Gymnast Nerd is a guy with glasses, so he doesn't belong in sports apparently, so I'm defending him.
But it's just nothing.
The Glasgow thing, there would always be something to keep our attention, and even like this week some new shit came out, but the gymnast nerd making national headlines being a guy, yeah right, yeah, for just being a guy. I find that quite charming, you know.
Yeah. Yeah.
He also in addition to the glasses, he also just kind of had the vibe of like a kid everybody went to school with who was always in the cafeteria playing cards, you know, yeah, that kind of yeah exactly. There's something yeah, endearing about him, I think too.
My favorite thing is we barely like, we're not even saying this guy's name.
He doesn't have a name, so weirdly, weirdly in my memory now his legs don't work just because he does the pommel horse, you know, so for some reason, like how I yeah, so how I remember him is he's just somebody whose legs don't work, and that's why he's an underdog. But now it's just he has glasses.
Yeah, it's just the glass. The glass is just doing a lot of the work. And I think that's why maybe it's yeah, I.
Will say the difference between these two stories and why I think it's Wonka Glass. Go on to the next round and we can all vote at the same time in a moment. But the reason I think the difference between them is gymnast Nerd is the story that Americans who watch Good Morning America might believe America deserves like an underdog who like comes through in the clutch, and Wanka Glasgow is the story that America actually deserves. You know, a scammer true believes in AI, gets fooled by AI into doing the dumbest, worst shit and then just like still manages to get famous off of it and then asks everybody to feel sorry for them as they like completely collapse as a human being in front of millions and millions of people. So I all right, So on the count of three, we're all going to vote by just saying the story that we think needs to move on to the next round. Ready, one, two, three, Jim, I'm just showing, all right, great.
Dude, Scott. The Scott's are gonna fuck y'all up for keep saying.
Glasgow, Glasgow. It's Glasgow, Glasgow, Glasgow.
They're gonna get to Ron trying to I'm trying to be good with them.
All right. Up next we have Mark Robinson. Porn norm is what I like to think of it as because he was like the norm from cheers at this weird windowless porn store where grown men came to converse, share pizzas, jack off in rooms next to each other.
Epidemic.
Yeah, so in some ways this was like an endearing thing, the one endearing thing about that we learned about Mark Robinson.
Yeah, he came armed with pizzas, and I think that is that's the true mark of someone who wants to curry favor from others, as you always bring pizza.
Was that a sigh up against Mark Curry? Hanging with Mark of a Curry?
Crazy shit here, I'm just doing some old school like sixth grade vocab lesson ship dude, just crazy favor right now?
Okay, Victor. Victor has a question on this one.
I have a clarification question. Does the Mark Robinson porn does that story also include him saying that he's a black Nazi?
Yeah, okay, because a lot of things were. I think again it's the it is the Mark Robinson of it all, because it was just like it was this everything just came out one after the other, as if his comments out loud were not enough. It's like, well, do you know what the stuff at the porn shop. Oh you hear about his browser history, right, So I think that's in there.
When I was ranking it, I was just thinking of it as an isolated story about some people who just liked porn and we're looking for a community personally. That's okay what I was thinking.
That's a run And I guess this kind of speaks to the you know, when we get to the couch one. But I love like the like this is a story that you know, capture the country's attention, the world's attention, and you know it most of it came from like a dude that wanted his twenty five bucks back and to promote his band on Spotify because he got Yeah, he like was still outs some money from some like bootleg porn tapes.
I don't know, there is something.
The way money.
Yeah.
I do love when like it's just some rando.
Who has a story and it just blows up and becomes this huge thing.
Yeah yeah, yeah. And he was explicitly like, I'm just annoyed at him for because he like took some porn tapes of mine. I feel like.
Yeah, and yes again he said, he clarified this isn't to affect the outcome of his campaign. You just want to promote the band.
Hell yeah. Of the other Mark Robinson scandals, the other one that I found entertaining was that they ordered a badge winning amount of Girl Scout cookies and then refused to pay the Girl Scouts.
He and his wife, which the American way.
Yeah, the American way. All right? Anything else on the porn Mark Robinson porn norm before we get to RFK Junior Whalehead? All right, let's go Whalehead. So one of the details that I just wanted to highlight from this one, I'm just gonna read the quote because this was a story that people knew about RFK for the past decade. It was out there. They just rehighlighted it because his daughter was allegedly fucking Ben Affleck. After Ben Affleck broke up with j Low, people were like, oh, let me find out more about his daughter or just like trying to google more information about RFK junior daughter fucking Ben Affleck and happened upon this quote. The quote said he ran down to the beach with a chainsaw, which that what's the details. But running with the chainsaw is leather face. The only time I've ever heard of anyone running with a chainsaw is leather faced. It's just so crave. Ran down the beach with a chainsaw, cut off the whale's head and then bungee corded it to the roof of the family minivan for the five hour haul back to Mount Kissco, New York. Every time we accelerated on the highway, whale juice would pour into the windows of the car, and it was the rankest thing on the planet. We all had plastic bags over our heads with the mouth holes cut out, and and people on the highway were giving us the finger. But that was just normal day to day stuff for us. Shout out to the drivers of New York who see people with bags on their heads and mouth holes cut out and instead of being fucking terrified as like whale juice and brains are like sloshing into their windows instead of being terrified, or like, hey, fuck you buddy, it's just a fun Yeah, it's just a car, carroly fuck you.
I just yeah. At that point, the idea of running down just hurriedly down the beach with a chainsaw chains over forgot to get out of the way, Get out of the way, get out of the like it's a fucking Black Friday doorbuster deal. Yeah, I gotta be the first one that saw the head off.
Yeah, why does he have a He's going for like a afternoon trip to the beach with his daughter or whatever, and he has a chainsaw, Like.
Why so he has feeling? That was another interesting thing was like it like word reached him that a whale had washed the shore and he had been hoping for this eventuality that a whale was Yeah, exactly, so that he could run down and uh and so it's fucking head off yep. Yeah, Uh that was just the detail I wanted to highlight about the whalehead.
Now I'm just picturing him dancing in like the sunset, like let their face just like twirling around.
Yeah exactly, Like that's yeah. I don't think there's an image that is more. I don't know. Then, I like, I feel like some painter should paint an image of him running with chainsaw to beached whale. And then also family mini van bags overhead, whale juice sloshing in. I don't even what were the plastic bags doing over their heads? Why that I would with mouth holes cut out? What?
Yeah, I think it feels like I'm just trying to think of the artists I would really do that justice, Like you need like one of the Dutch masters to do it. Or is it like a kind of like what's the guy who did Nighthawks, Edward Hooper or Edward Popper. Yeah, it's just that version of of the van with the head on it just very slice of life Norman Rockwell's That's that's the jokey version for sure. I feel like it needs a little more drama, you know.
But anyway, art is I need some time to think about this. We're going to take a quick break and we'll be right back with our vote. This one. This this is gonna be a nail bier. We'll be right back a whale bier and we're back. I don't know how about well, I think I think this might be a three parter, guys, because I have to I literally have to go in fifteen minutes. I gotta go, I gotta.
Go, man, I'm gonna play some bets really quick. Well, the results aren't now. All right, let's make a decision here, Mark Robinson porn versus RFK whalehead.
All right, you want to count us off? One? Two, three.
Oh, we're we have to fight.
Bay producer. Come in, come in the chat and give us the.
Okay, there it is, Mark Robinson. You're on to the elite eight wound of stories. Okay, all right, m damn, that's where do you find those? Damn son? Where do you find those?
All right? Big l for r f K. And is this going to be like an election where you see an early result and you kind of know how the rest of the night is gonna go. Wi. Yeah, I will say, uh, I just picked one at random because I hadn't made up my mind yet. So that's why I've ended Mark Robinson on that one.
That's why I wrote in Fife Dog, I have a fife dog.
He's got something to say.
All right.
Up next we have our FK junior where he's many lives and this this is what I'm talking about. Though. Did the loss of RFK junior whalehead portend something something bad for RFK For the rest of the tournament? We got RFK finding a dead bear on the side of the road, putting it as a car driving into town because he had to have a meeting at Peter Luger's dinner. Runs along everybody gets drunk except him. He's sober and realizes he has to fly out and still has dead bear in his car. He had planned to like strip it for meat and put it in as a meat logger the drunk people he's with, and he had to plan to construct a political cartoon about bike safety in Central Park because he also had a bike in his car, because his car is like a clown car, like an erstwhile clown car that just like no shortage of space in this motherfucker. So he puts the bear in Central Park, puts the bicycle on top of it, manages to resist the urge to put a funny hat on the bear somehow, and it becomes this is like the early twenty ten's late aughts. I forget when when this is, but it was years ago. It's like a long term mystery media mystery. One weird detail is.
That his niece the only weird detail.
Yeah, one weird detail. And this is where it gets weird. Guys, His niece writes the story in The New York Times about it. Yeah, the account that is like, this is a weird mystery, moving along, nothing to see here. Jack Schlosberg's sister is writing for the New York Times of the Ta Tatiana Schlosburg weird, as my friend John at the time said, methinks the Kennedys might have found themselves in the midst of a conspiracy for the first time in their lung family history. And then okay, okay, and then talking to Roseanne, Is that right?
That's where it came. Yeah, when we heard him admitting it to Roseanne, and then that became a meme where everyone started using that like shot of him in her kitchen to be like, RFK is going to admit to some horrible crime.
Yeah. Yeah, So it turns out it wasn't the incredible uh interviewing skills of Roseanne that UH brought brought the story out. It was the New Yorker was about to drop an investigative report that was like, I think it was RFK who put that dead bear in Central Park anyways, wild story wild. Yeah.
For me, the whalehead is more was was the I had more of a personal connection than the bear. I do know that between the two. But again, this is is my time for you know, sour grapes. But I will vote against this, and I'm just saying that I don't care who it is, because the whalehead spoke to me.
All right, Uh, you can't say same, same. You just went on the comments same you.
Just to see Yeah, just just saying I'm back here.
I will say the bear thing has just got so many good details in it, like the part where he's like he blames his drunk friends for doing the like, but he's also like, I wasn't drinking, of course, like oh yeah, of course he didn't impair the laser sharp faculties that led you down this path of decisions where you're planting a dead bear in Central Park. Like so he blames his drunk friends, says that he's completely sober, and also like even just like he has a dead bear in his car he's going.
To the airport that day, Like what what are you thinking?
Like there's just like there's eleven bat ling things that happen before you get to twenty three other baffling Like yeah, it's just it's like a Russian doll of just madness.
The story.
I guess it just strikes me just like a white guy from a dynastic, powerful, influential family where like they don't have anything critical thinking on the road. Put it in my car.
It gives us such a unique insight into that thinking. I feel like, yeah, that's kind of.
What I just like. The the entitlement of saying a whalehead off, you know, for yourself to just look, it's all different flavors of the same thing.
But okay, so sprint go down the beach with a raised over your head uh and whale juice yeah, and then yeah good uh. And then going up against elmover versus big Bird. Big Bird has a long detail social media campaign about somebody shrunk big bird big Can you find big bird big birds like at all these places? But look, he's not big anymore. It was supposed to raise awareness for mental health, we think. And then Elmo comes through and straight up cooks big Bird by being like Elmo feels weird sometimes, and everyone's like, fuck you, Elmo, and get all the attention. Nobody even realizes big Bird is doing this thing, and that, of course leads us to have a long conversation about who would win in a fight, Elmo or big Bird, and we still aren't decided.
I'm go back and forth, I go back and forth. I just think because Elmo is technically a monster, that there are gears within Elmo that we have not seen, that the public has not been exposed to. And I think that's what is That's the mysterious thing for me.
I could see Almo snapping and just going nuts all over you, like a.
Rabbit in Monty. Python's like the Holy Grail right like where just like what the fuck? Yeah, I mean, rip that fucking bird's throat out.
I feel like Elmo snapping and going off would be like being attacked by you know, like a Teddy Bear, Like you just fucking boot that thing, like do you okay?
Oh you think you use them because of the density, Like you're like yeah, yeah, Like wait, you're like I could fucking kick that.
Yeah. Big bird looks like it goes to fifty, you know, like big bird.
And also big birds walking in the ring at three fifty, I think.
Yeah, yeah, big bird is shot. And also like like birds that are built like big bird, like are like the casawary, like a bird that is designed to just open up your guts just real quick.
But I'm looking at those feet.
Yeah, I mean, kid Bro maybe retracted, I don't know, retracted, Okay.
I just think there's an unknown quality about a monster.
Yeah, I don't know. Have you seen Monsters inc? Miles?
No, No, is that then.
That's the picture movie where starring a monster that is like two feet tall, just a big eyeball with feet and like again, you could kick it, like uh, like you could play a game of kickball with Mike the character I think by Billy Crystal. Yeah, I just you're giving a lot of weight, you monster.
But you're saying that Elmo is rooted in the world of monsters, ink that he is that kind.
Of I'm just saying you are taking the word monster and running with it.
I'm from a Japanese background, so a monster is fucking scary as fuck.
Okay, yeah, but there are other sesame street monsters that are two monsters and just living garbage cans.
Yeah, hell garbage ca five miles Yeah, oh hell no, hell no, hell no.
Some kind of Monster by Metallica is written about Elmo. I'm pretty sure.
Yeah.
I'm also was seeing Big Bird work out and he's like slow and weak.
So have you seen Big Bird work out?
Because he has like there was like a running thing and yeah, there's only fans for this.
Victor was in that porn shop with Mark Robinson. Uh, they don't. He has some weird The videos he was watching include Big Bird working out, and.
They're like, hey, I don't remember that title being in the shop. Now I saw my brow from home.
Yeah, I like it.
We're just completely going right back to the l That's it again. That's why it's a powerful story. But now the time comes to the side between r f K Heidie Bear and elmo V Big Bird.
Yeah, all right, on the count of three, let's do it. One, two, three, r f K Heidie.
BIRDMOV Big Bird.
R FK. I say RK Heidie Bird, but I meant to say r FK Heidie You're r f K.
What did you say, jam?
I said, r f k.
Oh another push?
This is down the middle. Producer bab Well, I think we know what Bay is gonna So we're going to the scorecards again.
Going to the tape. What are we saying here, Bay? Are we between r f K Heidi Bear and.
El Brian the editor way in on this one.
Brian too, Brian, Yeah, Brian, Oh, okay, oh ship Brian the editor also, okay, you.
Get this one tip the scale, you get to break the tie here. Elmover's Big Beard, Big Beard, Big Bird.
Soon as we can get this game over with, the better, because I can you guys are around.
It's an hour in dude, RFK and let's come on all right, keep that.
Had RFK scavenged almost corpse, you.
Know, yeah, why don't we just combine them. RFK left the almost body in central.
Park r f K, Elmo.
I could see, like you're really thinking about it. Finding big birds carcass like halv it's definitely funnier.
Yeah, alright, seeing a dead big bird with a bike on it a way better.
Should we get through the this side of the bracket. Let's go to a future conference.
To mister Brian, why are you late? This iss big bird?
Who you got?
And I don't want to hear this monster.
Ship all right? Up next we have the AI story that broke Myles's brain, broke all our brains. Uh six point eight week miles. I think we just need to read the paragraph.
Oh my god, that ship had miles like the lady in total recall, like.
No fucking here. We call the preseasonalto the Milk Chocolate Pumpkin by mnm's the strategy to move that taps into Mars market research. The research indicates that gen Z and millennials plan to celebrate how me by dressing up and planning for the holiday about six point eight weeks beforehand. Well six point eight weeks Memorial Day is the fourth of July, so you still have plenty of time to latch onto a pop culture trend and turn it into a creative cross What.
What are you talking about?
You fucking talk shut up? Six point eight weeks isn't even that there's not the distance between the two.
Sorry, yeah, my face, pop culture trend and turned into a creative costume. What what does that even mean? Exactly? Research in gen Z millennials plan to saliarate howmit or I think I'm all right? So that is how is going? That is like what I don't know, the just a brain malfunctioning in this specific way that our country has.
I mean, this is our future. Yeah, taking facts from AI, I mean facts in scare quotes and presenting them as real and just hoping no one notices.
Yeah.
Yeah, So that's a heavyweight. And that's going up against the Olympic shooters, the man from Turkey and then then the South Korean shooters. That was this one was that was a very vibey one. I know though, Jack, you liked the details about the guy's divorce, going.
Through a divorce a lot he was talking about. Like the first thing we got of him was like, Oh, it's so weird. This guy's just going out there like everybody else had like all this equipment, you know, weird, like black disc over like one of their eyes and like you know, a thing steadying their arm and all sorts to pay child support. I guess, yeah, yeah, and like yeah, all this ship that I'd like never seen before. I'm like, yeah, but okay, that that makes sense to me that, like, you know, the shooting game has advanced since I last saw it. And then he just went out there and straight up looked like a person holding a handgun. Didn't close one of his eyes, just had both of his eyes there, which I think is cheating. I think it's cheating both of his eyes. He has depth perception, and in my memory he had a hoodie on. I don't think that's right, but no, no, he has. He did have his hand in his pocket, like yeah, yeah, Jam is from Canada. So anytime that there is a thing that could be tied back to a lot of more set it's gonna happen.
Okay, so I legally have to put in.
Contents, given up peace sign the iconic time, all right. Yeah. And then I don't know why we're calling Olympic shooters. It's the Olympic shooter anyways. And then he was talking about how people were like, this guy is clearly an assassin. And then he talked about how he got into this when he was going through a difficult divorce and wanted his dog back from his ex wife, like so basically making himself the real world.
John Wick feels like if John Wick was a sitcom. Yeah, that's right.
I got to go to my day job as an Olympian.
All right. Again, this one might come down to the one we want to deserve versus the one that we actually deserve. That's kind of how I feel. But maybe maybe I want to be aspirational in this one. Should we go free?
Yep?
Anyone have anything else to add?
No, for me, it's open to speak.
Now or forever. Hold your piece until the next round when we'll be talking about one of these stories again. Yeah, exactly. It's a little air gun.
That competition level it really fucked up.
Like I feel like the Olympic shooter would be better if the event itself wasn't just like person holding a thing you can't even hell when they pull the trigger and then a dot appears on one of the screens, is.
On the half half of the screen.
Give me a.
Blamer human targets, you know.
Yeah, yeah, that's that's twenty twenty eight. When it when it comes.
To the lad, that's right, don't worry about it, all.
Right, I will say.
But with both of these, though, I feel like there are also other, possibly better examples of sort of the core theme. Like there's other Olympic subjects, there's other AI slop competitors, So I don't know, I.
Just want to hit the brain the hardest, though, I think that's.
Just the Yeah, this one hit us. We never said these were good, okay, we said we're good at our jobs.
Yeah, yeah, we're good at We're good at getting caught up in the minutia of Elmover's Big Bird.
But here we go.
On the count of three, you will then proclaim the winner between AI six point eight weeks and the Olympic shooter one two three.
AI say six shooter. All right, I think we have a quorum.
Some funny AI shooters shooters bro.
All right, well, there it is. We got the first round of the first half of the bracket done. We are going to be back for a part three of this.
Definitely this point, possibly that at this rate.
Yeah, yeah, this is This has been a lot of fun. Thank you guys all for doing it, and we'll be back with the exciting continuation, possibly conclusion of what the top stories are. The top story is of the year twenty twenty four on the dailies, I guess, so more to come. We'll probably do all these in a row, right, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because you're just disjointed this one, just like the third one comes out for the first one, yeah.
The next one is going to come out over spring break, I think, yeah, exactly. Now, we'll put these all up in a row, So tune in tomorrow or whenever the next workdays and we will see you then.
Bye bye bye
