You're listening to Comedy Central. What do you think of when you think of the future.

You're listening to Comedy Central. What do you think of when you think of the future.

Is it space travel, robots, trucks with the word cyber in front of them. Whatever your vision, there is one man working to make it a reality.

Is it space travel, robots, trucks with the word cyber in front of them. Whatever your vision, there is one man working to make it a reality.

He's part Thomas Edison, part.

He's part Thomas Edison, part.

Iron man, part annoying dude in the group chat and is anything but your standard CEO.

Iron man, part annoying dude in the group chat and is anything but your standard CEO.

I changed my title to to Techno Kang. And by the way, this is a formal SEC filing. It's I'm legally for whatever Techno kan. I just did that as kind of like a joke.

I changed my title to to Techno Kang. And by the way, this is a formal SEC filing. It's I'm legally for whatever Techno kan. I just did that as kind of like a joke.

Yes, he's the Technic King, but as a joke, and soon we'll all be served that in a funny way, because while he may be an eccentric satellite launching, terminally online billionaire who wants to plug people into computer hooters and build the best network of underground tunnels, it's not like he's some kind of super villain.

Yes, he's the Technic King, but as a joke, and soon we'll all be served that in a funny way, because while he may be an eccentric satellite launching, terminally online billionaire who wants to plug people into computer hooters and build the best network of underground tunnels, it's not like he's some kind of super villain.

And eventually you can transform Mars into an earthlike planet, drop the nuclear weapons over the polls.

And eventually you can transform Mars into an earthlike planet, drop the nuclear weapons over the polls.

Well, maybe a little so strappy turn on the autobotot, but keep your hands on his steering wheel in case of pedestrians, because this is the daily Shiwography.

Well, maybe a little so strappy turn on the autobotot, but keep your hands on his steering wheel in case of pedestrians, because this is the daily Shiwography.

Of Elon Musk visionary future man.

Of Elon Musk visionary future man.

Elon Musk was born in Pretoria, South Africa in Earth year nineteen seventy one. His father made a fortune in construction, and Emerald manulicas Africa's resources.

Elon Musk was born in Pretoria, South Africa in Earth year nineteen seventy one. His father made a fortune in construction, and Emerald manulicas Africa's resources.

Are like free money for white people, I badly believe.

Are like free money for white people, I badly believe.

In school, Elon overcame many hardships, although unlike other South African celebrities, he didn't make his childhood into a whole thing. By age ten, he was learning the program computer. At twelve, he built a video game he called Blastar, which started his lifelong life of inventing things that already exist. Soon after, he South Africa and made his way to a booming Silicon valley, where he launched his first company, zip Too, which he eventually sold a compact computer for three hundred and five million dollars. Like so many tech entrepreneurs, he earned his unimaginable wealth by doing something invaluable for society, selling a startup you've never heard of to a company.

In school, Elon overcame many hardships, although unlike other South African celebrities, he didn't make his childhood into a whole thing. By age ten, he was learning the program computer. At twelve, he built a video game he called Blastar, which started his lifelong life of inventing things that already exist. Soon after, he South Africa and made his way to a booming Silicon valley, where he launched his first company, zip Too, which he eventually sold a compact computer for three hundred and five million dollars. Like so many tech entrepreneurs, he earned his unimaginable wealth by doing something invaluable for society, selling a startup you've never heard of to a company.

That doesn't exist anymore.

That doesn't exist anymore.

Musks celebrated by buying himself a million dollar supercar.

Musks celebrated by buying himself a million dollar supercar.

There are sixty two McLarens in the world, and I will earn one of them.

There are sixty two McLarens in the world, and I will earn one of them.

Yes, Musk is so rich he could afford to have a midlife crisis while he was still in his twenties. Sadly, his new toy wouldn't last long.

Yes, Musk is so rich he could afford to have a midlife crisis while he was still in his twenties. Sadly, his new toy wouldn't last long.

I didn't really know how to drive the McLaren because it's like a difficult cart at dryer, and I flawed it and did a lame change on the back wheels, broke news on the cross fun around, and then we hit the embankment and knocked the car into the air, which continued spinning like a discus, like three feet in the air.

I didn't really know how to drive the McLaren because it's like a difficult cart at dryer, and I flawed it and did a lame change on the back wheels, broke news on the cross fun around, and then we hit the embankment and knocked the car into the air, which continued spinning like a discus, like three feet in the air.

That's right, Musks. McClaren crashed worse than Dodge Coin. After Saturday Night Live. For his next act, Musk created x dot com, which would later become PayPal, the app your uncle had to use because Venmo and cash app won't work and as in Nokia. Musk took the money he made from that business and built an empire of cool ast ship, rocket ships, electric cars, solar farms, artificial intelligence, europtechnology, and underground highways, all while dating celebrities and starting a record label to release his own edm tracks. A banker, all the more impressive considering Musk had clearly never heard music before yes, Elon Musk refuses to stainless lay much like a Tesla on autopiolence.

That's right, Musks. McClaren crashed worse than Dodge Coin. After Saturday Night Live. For his next act, Musk created x dot com, which would later become PayPal, the app your uncle had to use because Venmo and cash app won't work and as in Nokia. Musk took the money he made from that business and built an empire of cool ast ship, rocket ships, electric cars, solar farms, artificial intelligence, europtechnology, and underground highways, all while dating celebrities and starting a record label to release his own edm tracks. A banker, all the more impressive considering Musk had clearly never heard music before yes, Elon Musk refuses to stainless lay much like a Tesla on autopiolence.

Changing lands by itself.

Changing lands by itself.

Tesla's groundbreaking cars ludicrous me God brought unprecedented power, range, and sexuists to electric vehicles, a market previously reserved for nerds who cared about the environment. And Musk even promise the dream of full self driving technology and so feedale thing like promised repeatedly.

Tesla's groundbreaking cars ludicrous me God brought unprecedented power, range, and sexuists to electric vehicles, a market previously reserved for nerds who cared about the environment. And Musk even promise the dream of full self driving technology and so feedale thing like promised repeatedly.

I'm confident that in less than a year you'll be able to go from highway on ramp to highway exit without touching any control.

I'm confident that in less than a year you'll be able to go from highway on ramp to highway exit without touching any control.

Holy shit, it just ran that red light.

Holy shit, it just ran that red light.

Confident in three years the call will be able to take you from a point to point. And I think we're basically less than two years away from complete autonomy.

Confident in three years the call will be able to take you from a point to point. And I think we're basically less than two years away from complete autonomy.

Oh shit, shit.

Oh shit, shit.

We heard that cross country from La to New York by the end of the year, fully autonomous. Extremely confident of achieving full autonomy uh and releasing it to the Tesla customer base next year.

We heard that cross country from La to New York by the end of the year, fully autonomous. Extremely confident of achieving full autonomy uh and releasing it to the Tesla customer base next year.

But must can't stop drinking big even when they probably should, like when SpaceX made history with the world's first reusable rocket technology and then use it to launch the first car into space. Technically the second if you can elon Musk's McLaren must special brand of achievement. It's one of a totally normal and healthy fan days around the world. But success didn't come easy. He had to overcome a lot of doubters, starting with himself.

But must can't stop drinking big even when they probably should, like when SpaceX made history with the world's first reusable rocket technology and then use it to launch the first car into space. Technically the second if you can elon Musk's McLaren must special brand of achievement. It's one of a totally normal and healthy fan days around the world. But success didn't come easy. He had to overcome a lot of doubters, starting with himself.

I don't want to give the impression that I thought Tesla would be successful from the beginning.

I don't want to give the impression that I thought Tesla would be successful from the beginning.

I actually thought we would fail.

I actually thought we would fail.

We were only a few days from bankruptcy. It's literally two days.

We were only a few days from bankruptcy. It's literally two days.

It pushed him to the brink.

It pushed him to the brink.

Musk could have gone from being a multi billionaire all the way down to the very lowest rung of society millionaire. But through the years Musk kept as many benches going with little more than his can.

Musk could have gone from being a multi billionaire all the way down to the very lowest rung of society millionaire. But through the years Musk kept as many benches going with little more than his can.

Do attitude, oh oh, Jesus sorry.

Do attitude, oh oh, Jesus sorry.

And billions of dollars in government subsidies. Today Musk isn't merely the richest man in the world. Is networth is higher than the GDP of most countries. Should Musk be a country, he does have a national anthem.

And billions of dollars in government subsidies. Today Musk isn't merely the richest man in the world. Is networth is higher than the GDP of most countries. Should Musk be a country, he does have a national anthem.

But don't worry. It's not like he's got an army or anything.

But don't worry. It's not like he's got an army or anything.

I went to Russia to look at buying I repoverished ICVM, which is a very trippy experience.

I went to Russia to look at buying I repoverished ICVM, which is a very trippy experience.

Okay, maybe worry a little. And he's not just greet at making money. He's also an.

Okay, maybe worry a little. And he's not just greet at making money. He's also an.

Experus saving it by paying almost nothing in taxes for three years and then actually nothing in twenty eighteen. Of course, there's always haters who like to nitpick musk business methods.

Experus saving it by paying almost nothing in taxes for three years and then actually nothing in twenty eighteen. Of course, there's always haters who like to nitpick musk business methods.

There are charges of unreported injuries, excessive hours, abusive conditions, injuries on the job, breathing toxic fumes, over one hundred ambulance calls.

There are charges of unreported injuries, excessive hours, abusive conditions, injuries on the job, breathing toxic fumes, over one hundred ambulance calls.

I don't think that's correct. I mean I was literally living in the factory. If these, if those like toxic fumes, I'm breathing them.

I don't think that's correct. I mean I was literally living in the factory. If these, if those like toxic fumes, I'm breathing them.

Okay, exactly does Musk seem like a man who is inhaling toxic fumes? But Elon Musk also understands that all work and no play make x ash a twelve a dull boy, and like any well adjusted person, his favorite pastime is spending twelve to fourteen hours a day on Twitter. So it made sense when Musk announced that he would buy the social media platform, and even more sense when the deal spun out of control and crashed into an unbankmund But Musk doesn't only use Twitter for fun. He uses to make the world a better place, or at least promised to him. It's where he promised to solve world hunger and traffic, fight COVID, and fix Flint's water, And when a Thai soccer team was stuck in a cane, Elon even promised to rescue those kids from the guy who rescued. That's why Musk is such a champion of free speech. If you can't randomly accuse someone who was saving people's lives of being a pedo guy, does civil.

Okay, exactly does Musk seem like a man who is inhaling toxic fumes? But Elon Musk also understands that all work and no play make x ash a twelve a dull boy, and like any well adjusted person, his favorite pastime is spending twelve to fourteen hours a day on Twitter. So it made sense when Musk announced that he would buy the social media platform, and even more sense when the deal spun out of control and crashed into an unbankmund But Musk doesn't only use Twitter for fun. He uses to make the world a better place, or at least promised to him. It's where he promised to solve world hunger and traffic, fight COVID, and fix Flint's water, And when a Thai soccer team was stuck in a cane, Elon even promised to rescue those kids from the guy who rescued. That's why Musk is such a champion of free speech. If you can't randomly accuse someone who was saving people's lives of being a pedo guy, does civil.

Discourse even exists.

Discourse even exists.

Elon Musk is dedicated to building a brighter future for old humanity. It's why he backed the most futuristic presidential candidate of twenty twenty. It's why he's so dedicated to turning every aspect of our lives into a platform for his dumb jokes. From robots to cybernetic implants, to AI, to space travel to unfettered social media, Elon Musk is building a future that humanity only imagined in the movies.

Elon Musk is dedicated to building a brighter future for old humanity. It's why he backed the most futuristic presidential candidate of twenty twenty. It's why he's so dedicated to turning every aspect of our lives into a platform for his dumb jokes. From robots to cybernetic implants, to AI, to space travel to unfettered social media, Elon Musk is building a future that humanity only imagined in the movies.

And who wouldn't want to live there?

And who wouldn't want to live there?

You? Basically, I think I have to hate humanity if you don't like that future.

You? Basically, I think I have to hate humanity if you don't like that future.

And that's why Elon Musk fuly is a visionary future man.

And that's why Elon Musk fuly is a visionary future man.

Zuck Bezos, Tim Cook Elon Tictac guy, the Google guy, but six guys who control maybe twenty percent of the world's wealth and one hundred percent of your nudes.

Zuck Bezos, Tim Cook Elon Tictac guy, the Google guy, but six guys who control maybe twenty percent of the world's wealth and one hundred percent of your nudes.

You don't need to pretend with me. I don't know what he's talking about.

You don't need to pretend with me. I don't know what he's talking about.

Delete it.

Delete it.

Populism, ladies and gentlemen. Shouldn't this gathering be happening in a volcanoes layer near Zurich? Or are we just open source Illuminati? Now where's the conspiracy fund in that? Honestly, there is not a useful app of communication not controlled by at least one of these individuals. And you may not be concerned that they've all ponied up a million dollars to be sitting there and are kissing the ass of a president who openly threatens non ass kissers. But trust me, shit's gonna get weird. Even by that afternoon.

Populism, ladies and gentlemen. Shouldn't this gathering be happening in a volcanoes layer near Zurich? Or are we just open source Illuminati? Now where's the conspiracy fund in that? Honestly, there is not a useful app of communication not controlled by at least one of these individuals. And you may not be concerned that they've all ponied up a million dollars to be sitting there and are kissing the ass of a president who openly threatens non ass kissers. But trust me, shit's gonna get weird. Even by that afternoon.

Disappearance of Elon Muscat, an earlier trunk rallies getting loads of attention because of a one armed gesture he made.

Disappearance of Elon Muscat, an earlier trunk rallies getting loads of attention because of a one armed gesture he made.

This one really matters, and I just want to say thank you for making it happen. Thank you.

This one really matters, and I just want to say thank you for making it happen. Thank you.

Okay, charitably, I'm going to say that was just an awkward My heart goes out to you. Yes, sure any of you might have done it like this. You know, even Taylor Swift has done that. You know, my heart, but she almost never does nothing goes down to you like just always stays with But you know, listen, it's nerve wracking day. You're not normally a public speaker. It's one off gesture. Please try not to use it again, some of a bit. I really want to make sure that people in the back seat. I guess I'm just going to be generous and say, maybe that was Elon's attempt at dabbing on the haters.

Okay, charitably, I'm going to say that was just an awkward My heart goes out to you. Yes, sure any of you might have done it like this. You know, even Taylor Swift has done that. You know, my heart, but she almost never does nothing goes down to you like just always stays with But you know, listen, it's nerve wracking day. You're not normally a public speaker. It's one off gesture. Please try not to use it again, some of a bit. I really want to make sure that people in the back seat. I guess I'm just going to be generous and say, maybe that was Elon's attempt at dabbing on the haters.

I don't.

I don't.

By the way, do people still dab on haters? Is that was that a very old man? Okay? Wasn't that a pain at one time?

By the way, do people still dab on haters? Is that was that a very old man? Okay? Wasn't that a pain at one time?

No?

No?

I think I think it's important in these troubled times to continue to dab on the haters.

I think I think it's important in these troubled times to continue to dab on the haters.

We all know Donald Trump isn't a details kind of guy. We elected him to come up with big, brilliant ideas like renaming the Gulf of Mexico. No one else could have thought of that or should have thought of that.

We all know Donald Trump isn't a details kind of guy. We elected him to come up with big, brilliant ideas like renaming the Gulf of Mexico. No one else could have thought of that or should have thought of that.

But it's okay that.

But it's okay that.

He's not big on details, because during the campaign he promised us that he knew a guy.

He's not big on details, because during the campaign he promised us that he knew a guy.

I'm going to appoint Elon Musk, who's fantastic guy, to lead a government efficiency commission tasked with saving trillions of dollars in fraud, waste, and abuse. We have tremendous fed, tremendous feed.

I'm going to appoint Elon Musk, who's fantastic guy, to lead a government efficiency commission tasked with saving trillions of dollars in fraud, waste, and abuse. We have tremendous fed, tremendous feed.

Don't take the bait? Does he don't take the bait? Be the bigger person, Be the bigger person. Okay, that's right. Elon Musk, the world's richest man and guy who cheers in the wrong parts of saving private Ryan Trump promised us that he'd give Elon full access to the federal government, pull it to the side, and get all up in it. And unlike his wedding vows, this is a promise he kept. Elon musk sweeping push to make over the federal government, sparking democratic panic and warnings of a constitutional crisis.

Don't take the bait? Does he don't take the bait? Be the bigger person, Be the bigger person. Okay, that's right. Elon Musk, the world's richest man and guy who cheers in the wrong parts of saving private Ryan Trump promised us that he'd give Elon full access to the federal government, pull it to the side, and get all up in it. And unlike his wedding vows, this is a promise he kept. Elon musk sweeping push to make over the federal government, sparking democratic panic and warnings of a constitutional crisis.

Now we have learned that his team has gained access to something extraordinarily sensitive, the system that the Treasury Department uses to disperse almost every check and expenditure of any kind made by the US government.

Now we have learned that his team has gained access to something extraordinarily sensitive, the system that the Treasury Department uses to disperse almost every check and expenditure of any kind made by the US government.

That is a vast database with millions of americans personal information on it. Yeah. Yeah, Elon Musk has access to your Social Security number. And that is not cool. If you want our personal data, Elon, you go buy it off the dark web like everyone else. Okay, you might be thinking, I don't want white nationalist Tony Stark to have sole control of the inner workings of the federal government. But relax, it's not just Elon. He has a fully equipped team.

That is a vast database with millions of americans personal information on it. Yeah. Yeah, Elon Musk has access to your Social Security number. And that is not cool. If you want our personal data, Elon, you go buy it off the dark web like everyone else. Okay, you might be thinking, I don't want white nationalist Tony Stark to have sole control of the inner workings of the federal government. But relax, it's not just Elon. He has a fully equipped team.

Longtime government employees this week were shocked to find that their new supervisors from Elon Musk's Doge department include recent college and high school graduates between nineteen and twenty four years old. One of the young men is apparently a former Internet Musk's neuralink company who goes by the online handle Big Balls.

Longtime government employees this week were shocked to find that their new supervisors from Elon Musk's Doge department include recent college and high school graduates between nineteen and twenty four years old. One of the young men is apparently a former Internet Musk's neuralink company who goes by the online handle Big Balls.

Great Big Bulls has my Social Security number. Now I feel better. I know we complained about our leaders being too old, but doesn't this go a little too far in the other direction. Surely there must be a middle ground somewhere between crypto bros and crypt keepers. Not only that, Musk has been installing his big bulls in a whole bunch of little known agencies that are crucial and actually running the government, the GSA, THEPM, the OMB, the OC and SVU. And of course, the big question about this takeover, and the question we'll be asking ourselves a lot over the next four years. Is is this legal? Which brings me to our new segment, Is that legal? To help us out, we go to our very own Troy E wata.

Great Big Bulls has my Social Security number. Now I feel better. I know we complained about our leaders being too old, but doesn't this go a little too far in the other direction. Surely there must be a middle ground somewhere between crypto bros and crypt keepers. Not only that, Musk has been installing his big bulls in a whole bunch of little known agencies that are crucial and actually running the government, the GSA, THEPM, the OMB, the OC and SVU. And of course, the big question about this takeover, and the question we'll be asking ourselves a lot over the next four years. Is is this legal? Which brings me to our new segment, Is that legal? To help us out, we go to our very own Troy E wata.

Ty.

Ty.

Thank you for acting as our resident legal expert.

Thank you for acting as our resident legal expert.

You can count on me, DESI, I'm versed in legal statutes, i have access to a network of law professors, and I'm wearing a bow tie.

You can count on me, DESI, I'm versed in legal statutes, i have access to a network of law professors, and I'm wearing a bow tie.

Perfect Can you help us find out if it's legal for Musk and as lost boys to access the sensitive information of the federal government.

Perfect Can you help us find out if it's legal for Musk and as lost boys to access the sensitive information of the federal government.

That is a beautiful question, DESI. It doesn't sound legal, but nothing does anymore.

That is a beautiful question, DESI. It doesn't sound legal, but nothing does anymore.

Let me tell you what.

Let me tell you what.

I'll do some research and I'll get back to you.

I'll do some research and I'll get back to you.

Oh okay, great, Well we'll check back in a minute. Thank you, Troy. Now, Elon Musk isn't just going to get full access to the federal government just to sit back and watch it function like he's some sort of cook. No, he's gonna jump in there and do some cutting.

Oh okay, great, Well we'll check back in a minute. Thank you, Troy. Now, Elon Musk isn't just going to get full access to the federal government just to sit back and watch it function like he's some sort of cook. No, he's gonna jump in there and do some cutting.

This weekend, Musk taking aim at the US Agency for International Development, or us AID, which is in charge of dispensing tens of billions of dollars in foreign aid.

This weekend, Musk taking aim at the US Agency for International Development, or us AID, which is in charge of dispensing tens of billions of dollars in foreign aid.

USAID employees are waking up this morning to an email notice telling them not to show up to work today. As Musk says, he is shutting the agency down.

USAID employees are waking up this morning to an email notice telling them not to show up to work today. As Musk says, he is shutting the agency down.

Yes, the richest man in the world is cutting off aid to poor countries. Why can't you just be a normal billionaire and co host Shark Tank or run an NBA team into the ground. Now, I'm not saying there's not some cuts to be made in foreign aid spending. You just don't want to throw the baby out with the bathwater, or what's the expression I'm looking for.

Yes, the richest man in the world is cutting off aid to poor countries. Why can't you just be a normal billionaire and co host Shark Tank or run an NBA team into the ground. Now, I'm not saying there's not some cuts to be made in foreign aid spending. You just don't want to throw the baby out with the bathwater, or what's the expression I'm looking for.

As we dug into USAID, it became apparent that what we have here is not an apple with a worm in it, but we have actually just a bowl of worms. And so at the point, which you don't really like. If you go to an apple it's got a women, it maybe can take the worm out. But if you've got actually just a ball of worms, it's hopeless.

As we dug into USAID, it became apparent that what we have here is not an apple with a worm in it, but we have actually just a bowl of worms. And so at the point, which you don't really like. If you go to an apple it's got a women, it maybe can take the worm out. But if you've got actually just a ball of worms, it's hopeless.

And us ID is a bowl of worms. There is no apple.

And us ID is a bowl of worms. There is no apple.

And when there is no apple, this you've just got to basically get rid of the whole thing.

And when there is no apple, this you've just got to basically get rid of the whole thing.

Okay, we get it, We get the metaphor. You don't have to keep saying worms over and over again. You know, I have a metaphor too. Elon Musk's charisma reminds me of a ball of worms. Of course, USAID was codified by an Act of Congress, so if Trump thinks he can have Elon Musk kill it, he must have a strong legal reason for why he can do that without an Act of Congress.

Okay, we get it, We get the metaphor. You don't have to keep saying worms over and over again. You know, I have a metaphor too. Elon Musk's charisma reminds me of a ball of worms. Of course, USAID was codified by an Act of Congress, so if Trump thinks he can have Elon Musk kill it, he must have a strong legal reason for why he can do that without an Act of Congress.

Will take an Act of Congress to do away with USA or I.

Will take an Act of Congress to do away with USA or I.

Don't know, I don't think so.

Don't know, I don't think so.

Or not?

Or not?

Why should he know? He's just the president. Fortunately, we have a legal expert who can help answer that question. Let's go back to Troy. You wata what.

Why should he know? He's just the president. Fortunately, we have a legal expert who can help answer that question. Let's go back to Troy. You wata what.

Troy?

Troy?

I got another one for you? Is it legal for the president to shut down USAID without an Act Act of Congress?

I got another one for you? Is it legal for the president to shut down USAID without an Act Act of Congress?

Oh, I'm not done looking at the Treasury Department thing.

Oh, I'm not done looking at the Treasury Department thing.

Well, Toory, we kind of need to know this. Now we have to keep up with Trump.

Well, Toory, we kind of need to know this. Now we have to keep up with Trump.

Okay, okay, So should I do that question first?

Okay, okay, So should I do that question first?

Uh?

Uh?

No?

No?

Do both first?

Do both first?

Okay?

Okay?

Well, this is it's going to take a lot of work, so I have to thank you now. Obviously, Republicans are standing by Musk for the most part. They say that Trump ran on cutting spending and this is all just a part of that. But is there perhaps a senator who could make that point in the weirdest, creepiest way possible.

Well, this is it's going to take a lot of work, so I have to thank you now. Obviously, Republicans are standing by Musk for the most part. They say that Trump ran on cutting spending and this is all just a part of that. But is there perhaps a senator who could make that point in the weirdest, creepiest way possible.

I'm like, hommach. I mean, I'm ruling like homewas I could eat an almlet at every meal. I'm like alm was better than sex. Not really, but you get the point. I'm like homage, you got to make an alms without breaking some eggs?

I'm like, hommach. I mean, I'm ruling like homewas I could eat an almlet at every meal. I'm like alm was better than sex. Not really, but you get the point. I'm like homage, you got to make an alms without breaking some eggs?

Did we really have to learn all of out this guy's sex life just so he could get to a common expression. I can only climbax when someone steps on my balls. Anyway, There's no use crying over spilt milk. Look, I don't know if I understand Senator Kennedy's metaphor, but I definitely understand why he's been banned from Denny's. Anyway. If you're looking for Senator Kennedy's wife, she's the woman in the grocery store yelling at the eggs. You stay away from my husband. You can't praise blood.

Did we really have to learn all of out this guy's sex life just so he could get to a common expression. I can only climbax when someone steps on my balls. Anyway, There's no use crying over spilt milk. Look, I don't know if I understand Senator Kennedy's metaphor, but I definitely understand why he's been banned from Denny's. Anyway. If you're looking for Senator Kennedy's wife, she's the woman in the grocery store yelling at the eggs. You stay away from my husband. You can't praise blood.

Va.

Va.

I'm just kidding. I'm sure she prefers eggs to having sex with him too. But Elon Musk isn't the only one having people finger banging their eggs Florentine with excitement. Donald Trump is also reducing the government workforce, although his interests seemed to be less about cost cutting and more about sweet sweet revenge.

I'm just kidding. I'm sure she prefers eggs to having sex with him too. But Elon Musk isn't the only one having people finger banging their eggs Florentine with excitement. Donald Trump is also reducing the government workforce, although his interests seemed to be less about cost cutting and more about sweet sweet revenge.

I'm tremendous unrest inside the FBI as prosecutors and agents who worked on the January sixth investigation that are being targeted. It looks like a wholesale purge of the FBI. As you know, already, the eight top officials at the Federal Bureau of Investigation have either been fired or forced to resign. Now the FBI is being asked to produce a list of every employee who worked on any case related to January sixth. I am told this is some six thousand FBI employees, all told.

I'm tremendous unrest inside the FBI as prosecutors and agents who worked on the January sixth investigation that are being targeted. It looks like a wholesale purge of the FBI. As you know, already, the eight top officials at the Federal Bureau of Investigation have either been fired or forced to resign. Now the FBI is being asked to produce a list of every employee who worked on any case related to January sixth. I am told this is some six thousand FBI employees, all told.

What the These agents were doing their job enforcing the law, and now they're getting fired. That is not how it works. I cannot believe I have to explain firing to the star of the Apprentice that was your whole fake job. And this is obviously just the beginning, because Trump is going to be targeting everyone that's ever come after him. And I just want to say, I'm not scared, So mister Trump, bring it on. Okay, that's coming from me. Jordan Klepper k L E P P E R. Now, obviously, of course, the big question over Trump's fire. Trump firing the FBI agents? Is is that legal? Troy?

What the These agents were doing their job enforcing the law, and now they're getting fired. That is not how it works. I cannot believe I have to explain firing to the star of the Apprentice that was your whole fake job. And this is obviously just the beginning, because Trump is going to be targeting everyone that's ever come after him. And I just want to say, I'm not scared, So mister Trump, bring it on. Okay, that's coming from me. Jordan Klepper k L E P P E R. Now, obviously, of course, the big question over Trump's fire. Trump firing the FBI agents? Is is that legal? Troy?

What?

What?

Well, I'm still doing the other stuff.

Well, I'm still doing the other stuff.

Don't worry about that stuff, but also finish that stuff and add on this new stuff. Find out if the president's executive powers include the termination of officials ordered by the former attorney general to investigate the criminal actions of his accomplices.

Don't worry about that stuff, but also finish that stuff and add on this new stuff. Find out if the president's executive powers include the termination of officials ordered by the former attorney general to investigate the criminal actions of his accomplices.

I didn't get any of what you just said. Okay, I need to I need to get my notepet.

I didn't get any of what you just said. Okay, I need to I need to get my notepet.

The truth is practically everything Trump is doing these days is in a legal gray zone. Just today, he announced an executive order dismantling the Department of Education. He started a sovereign wealth fund, He's considering deporting US prisoners to El Salvador, And he's ordered billions of gallons of water to be wasted in Central California.

The truth is practically everything Trump is doing these days is in a legal gray zone. Just today, he announced an executive order dismantling the Department of Education. He started a sovereign wealth fund, He's considering deporting US prisoners to El Salvador, And he's ordered billions of gallons of water to be wasted in Central California.

Troy, Oh my god, you can't be serious.

Troy, Oh my god, you can't be serious.

Is the sovereign wealth education citizen deporting water? Wasting? Legal?

Is the sovereign wealth education citizen deporting water? Wasting? Legal?

Hown of our questions?

Hown of our questions?

Are there gonna be eight more every hour for the next four years.

Are there gonna be eight more every hour for the next four years.

You're gonna find out in a second if it's legal for me to blow my brains out on the air well, is it?

You're gonna find out in a second if it's legal for me to blow my brains out on the air well, is it?

I don't know.

I don't know.

Troy.

Troy.

Look, I know, I know this is a hectic pace, but it's important that we find out the answers so we can be as informed as possible about whether this administration's actions are legal. Don't you agree, Troy? Wait?

Look, I know, I know this is a hectic pace, but it's important that we find out the answers so we can be as informed as possible about whether this administration's actions are legal. Don't you agree, Troy? Wait?

Yo, what's up?

Yo, what's up?

Troy got fired by Elon Musk.

Troy got fired by Elon Musk.

What is that legal for Elon Musk to fire one of our employees?

What is that legal for Elon Musk to fire one of our employees?

Of course it is.

Of course it is.

Everything Elon does is legal.

Everything Elon does is legal.

Bro, Wait, who are you? Are you big balls?

Bro, Wait, who are you? Are you big balls?

No, of course not big Balls. Was my fraternity brother. You can call me Floppy taint.

No, of course not big Balls. Was my fraternity brother. You can call me Floppy taint.

God, damn it, floppy taint everyone.

God, damn it, floppy taint everyone.

For weeks, people have been raising alarms about how Trump seems to be handing way too much power over to Elon Musk, and yesterday Trump replied, I hear you.

For weeks, people have been raising alarms about how Trump seems to be handing way too much power over to Elon Musk, and yesterday Trump replied, I hear you.

You want me to give more power to Elon Musk.

You want me to give more power to Elon Musk.

President Trump's setting new guidelines for hiring in the federal work force while giving more power to Elon Musk and his team at the Department of Government Efficiency or DOGE. A new executive order directs government agencies to pursue large scale cuts, saying they now need hiring approval from DOGE.

President Trump's setting new guidelines for hiring in the federal work force while giving more power to Elon Musk and his team at the Department of Government Efficiency or DOGE. A new executive order directs government agencies to pursue large scale cuts, saying they now need hiring approval from DOGE.

Yes, Elon Musk is now in charge of all government highlings, hirants, hirants. Sorry, I didn't say that, right, right, I didn't say right?

Yes, Elon Musk is now in charge of all government highlings, hirants, hirants. Sorry, I didn't say that, right, right, I didn't say right?

Yeah, Okay, okay.

Yeah, Okay, okay.

I don't know why I keep Hitler misspeaking. I don't know why I keep misspeaking. So this was already a pretty unusual thing for president to do, but Trump being Trump, he had to make it even more ridiculous by introducing it with a full on circus act in the Oval Office.

I don't know why I keep Hitler misspeaking. I don't know why I keep misspeaking. So this was already a pretty unusual thing for president to do, but Trump being Trump, he had to make it even more ridiculous by introducing it with a full on circus act in the Oval Office.

And look at this scene.

And look at this scene.

Musk is holding court with his hands tented like a bond villain to stop him from doing a Nazi salute. This with this four year old child in tow I mean, that poor kid. His dad literally runs SpaceX and Elon took him to a meeting on federal spending.

Musk is holding court with his hands tented like a bond villain to stop him from doing a Nazi salute. This with this four year old child in tow I mean, that poor kid. His dad literally runs SpaceX and Elon took him to a meeting on federal spending.

Dad, are we gonna get to see the rockets?

Dad, are we gonna get to see the rockets?

No, sun, We're gonna discuss budgets because I'm a shitty dad.

No, sun, We're gonna discuss budgets because I'm a shitty dad.

I mean, everything about this event was so bizarre.

I mean, everything about this event was so bizarre.

Trump was sitting quietly for half an hour, retreating to his happy place, thinking about Arnold Palmer's giant doze. And I mean, and who thought cloning Stephen Miller was.

Trump was sitting quietly for half an hour, retreating to his happy place, thinking about Arnold Palmer's giant doze. And I mean, and who thought cloning Stephen Miller was.

A good idea? I mean, is it for spare parts?

A good idea? I mean, is it for spare parts?

I mean they look like a before and even more before picture. I mean, okay, all right, leaving aside this renaissance painting done by the dogs playing poker guy, it's good that we have Elon us here because we've been watching them slashing programs and shuddering agencies for a month now, and we can finally ask Elon why are you doing this?

I mean they look like a before and even more before picture. I mean, okay, all right, leaving aside this renaissance painting done by the dogs playing poker guy, it's good that we have Elon us here because we've been watching them slashing programs and shuddering agencies for a month now, and we can finally ask Elon why are you doing this?

If the people cannot vote on hope, they will be decided by their elected representatives in the form of the President and the Senate in the House, then we don't live in a democracy. We live in a bureaucracy. So it's incredibly important that the President of the House and the Senate decide what happens as opposed to a large unelected bureaucracy.

If the people cannot vote on hope, they will be decided by their elected representatives in the form of the President and the Senate in the House, then we don't live in a democracy. We live in a bureaucracy. So it's incredibly important that the President of the House and the Senate decide what happens as opposed to a large unelected bureaucracy.

Wow wow, I mean, you see why this guy's a genius. You don't want an unelected bureaucrat running the country. It makes a lot of sense. No questions here. I do have one question, though, isn't that you?

Wow wow, I mean, you see why this guy's a genius. You don't want an unelected bureaucrat running the country. It makes a lot of sense. No questions here. I do have one question, though, isn't that you?

I mean, am I going crazy because it feels like I'm watching seen Drake saing not like us said carry okay, does.

I mean, am I going crazy because it feels like I'm watching seen Drake saing not like us said carry okay, does.

He not know?

He not know?

Is having this one unaccountable bureaucrat in charge better than having those other unaccountable bureaucrats in charge because because at least the others have to follow transparency laws. The only thing transparent about DOGE is Elon's skin. I mean, his financial disclosure is being kept secret. Doge is exempt from open records laws. And when someone on Twitter merely identified some of the people who work for Doge, Elon suspended their account and said, you have committed a crime, which we tried to fact check with career officials at the FBI, but they're.

Is having this one unaccountable bureaucrat in charge better than having those other unaccountable bureaucrats in charge because because at least the others have to follow transparency laws. The only thing transparent about DOGE is Elon's skin. I mean, his financial disclosure is being kept secret. Doge is exempt from open records laws. And when someone on Twitter merely identified some of the people who work for Doge, Elon suspended their account and said, you have committed a crime, which we tried to fact check with career officials at the FBI, but they're.

All working at a Panera now. So Elon, I gotta tell you, I don't think you're being that transparent.

All working at a Panera now. So Elon, I gotta tell you, I don't think you're being that transparent.

So all of our actions are maximally transparent effect. I don't think there's been I don't know of a case that we're organization's being more transparent than those organizations. And I fully expect to be scrutinized and get you a daily proctology exam.

So all of our actions are maximally transparent effect. I don't think there's been I don't know of a case that we're organization's being more transparent than those organizations. And I fully expect to be scrutinized and get you a daily proctology exam.

Oh well, I did the exam, and what an asshole.

Oh well, I did the exam, and what an asshole.

You know what, I don't want to give you a proctology exam.

You know what, I don't want to give you a proctology exam.

I just want to know what you're doing because another advantage of federal bureaucrats is that they can't have conflicts of interest, whereas you seem to have every conflict of interest. Space X has government contracts, Tesla is under government oversight, X is under government investigation, and as hair plugs are being investigated by the Department of No one's buying this. You're basically a walking conflict of interest. Is that not a huge problem?

I just want to know what you're doing because another advantage of federal bureaucrats is that they can't have conflicts of interest, whereas you seem to have every conflict of interest. Space X has government contracts, Tesla is under government oversight, X is under government investigation, and as hair plugs are being investigated by the Department of No one's buying this. You're basically a walking conflict of interest. Is that not a huge problem?

Well, all of our actions are aren't fully public. So if you see anything you say, wait a second, hey, you know that, doesn't that seems like maybe that's you know, there's a conflict there. It felt like people are going to be shy about saying that. They'll say it immediately, you know.

Well, all of our actions are aren't fully public. So if you see anything you say, wait a second, hey, you know that, doesn't that seems like maybe that's you know, there's a conflict there. It felt like people are going to be shy about saying that. They'll say it immediately, you know.

Oh good, Okay, if we see a conflict, we just need to say something, Hey, Eylon, I know as a conflict, did that work?

Oh good, Okay, if we see a conflict, we just need to say something, Hey, Eylon, I know as a conflict, did that work?

No, No, nothing happened. There's no accountability and nothing matters. Great, perfect system.

No, No, nothing happened. There's no accountability and nothing matters. Great, perfect system.

Well fuck it.

Well fuck it.

He's not going to be transparent and he's riddled with conflicts of interest. But at least he's a genius and the work he's gonna do will be flawless.

He's not going to be transparent and he's riddled with conflicts of interest. But at least he's a genius and the work he's gonna do will be flawless.

And missus must you said on X that an example of the fraud that you have cited was fifty million dollars of condoms was sent to Gaza. How can we make sure that all the statements that you said were correct, so we can't trust what you say.

And missus must you said on X that an example of the fraud that you have cited was fifty million dollars of condoms was sent to Gaza. How can we make sure that all the statements that you said were correct, so we can't trust what you say.

Well, first, well, some of the things that I say will be incorrect and should be corrected. So nobody's going to beat one thousands.

Well, first, well, some of the things that I say will be incorrect and should be corrected. So nobody's going to beat one thousands.

Nobody's going to bat a thousand.

Nobody's going to bat a thousand.

You made up a fifty million dollar conspiracy of sending condoms to Gaza. You're not grounding out to third you're puking into the umpire's mind. Just for the record, of course, the United States didn't send fifty million dollars worth of condoms to Gaza. We sent five million dollars of vibrating sex swings to North Korea, and I believe it stopped nuclear war.

You made up a fifty million dollar conspiracy of sending condoms to Gaza. You're not grounding out to third you're puking into the umpire's mind. Just for the record, of course, the United States didn't send fifty million dollars worth of condoms to Gaza. We sent five million dollars of vibrating sex swings to North Korea, and I believe it stopped nuclear war.

But don't quote me on that. I'm not going to bat a thousand.

But don't quote me on that. I'm not going to bat a thousand.

So to summarize, he's not transparent, he has tons of conflict. He believes any lie he hears, and he spreads false rumors.

So to summarize, he's not transparent, he has tons of conflict. He believes any lie he hears, and he spreads false rumors.

That go global.

That go global.

Honestly, I'd be pretty mad at him right now if he didn't have so much gosh darn charisma.

Honestly, I'd be pretty mad at him right now if he didn't have so much gosh darn charisma.

So you know, this is crazy things like just crossery examination of social security and we've got people in there at one hundred and fifty years old, not you know any want to h one hundred.

So you know, this is crazy things like just crossery examination of social security and we've got people in there at one hundred and fifty years old, not you know any want to h one hundred.

And fifty iron?

And fifty iron?

Okay? They should be on the Guinness Poker World records.

Okay? They should be on the Guinness Poker World records.

They're messing out, So yeah, yeah, held, he's a tough crown top crowd.

They're messing out, So yeah, yeah, held, he's a tough crown top crowd.

Is this thing on? Is this thing on? Anyone here from Washington d C? Anyone know you're all from Washington DC.

Is this thing on? Is this thing on? Anyone here from Washington d C? Anyone know you're all from Washington DC.

Look, if you want to see more of that kind of comedy, then don't worry because there's a new special coming out that's just for.

Look, if you want to see more of that kind of comedy, then don't worry because there's a new special coming out that's just for.

You, Live from the Oval Office. It's the Musk See Comedy special that will have you dozing in your chair. It's Elon Musk Lola Garch not.

You, Live from the Oval Office. It's the Musk See Comedy special that will have you dozing in your chair. It's Elon Musk Lola Garch not.

You know any want to h one hundred and fifty iron? Okay? They should be on the Guinness Poker World records. They're messing out.

You know any want to h one hundred and fifty iron? Okay? They should be on the Guinness Poker World records. They're messing out.

Oh snap, he's the CEO of comedy.

Oh snap, he's the CEO of comedy.

I have detractors.

I have detractors.

Sorry, you'll want to neurolink these jokes straight into your brainstep featuring an opening act by the Balding Brothers. Order now and you'll get even more of Elon's most hilarious bits.

Sorry, you'll want to neurolink these jokes straight into your brainstep featuring an opening act by the Balding Brothers. Order now and you'll get even more of Elon's most hilarious bits.

Blackmailing with money, go yourself.

Blackmailing with money, go yourself.

The one thing he's not cutting is the last.

The one thing he's not cutting is the last.

I am Aspirationally, you know aspirationally funny, So.

I am Aspirationally, you know aspirationally funny, So.

Yeah.

Yeah.

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