The Daily Show: Ears EditionTDS Time Machine | Best of Steve Carrell - Part 2
Revisit some of the best from the best: Steve Carrell.
Steve visits a town that has officially banned Satan, educate's Jon on some of the world's most dangerous animals as Crocodile Carrell, and uncovers a world of unexplained phenomena, such as Bob Hope's alien (British) origins.
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While most small towns do their best to fight crime and drugs, the mayor of English, Florida is far more ambitious.
I feel like Satan is everywhere. He's just that type of guy.
As a public servant, Carolyn Rischer knew it was her duty to protect the citizens from Beelzebub.
Our church had a Winnie roast. A light came out in my mind, and I said, I want to do a proclamation, and I want to do it on town letterhead with a town seal banning Satan from our town.
And so Mayor Rischer courageously legislated the Devil out of town Vietnam.
From this day forward, that Satan, ruler of darkness, is not now nor ever again will be a part of this town of Nia's Satan is hereby declared powerless. I proclaim victory over Satan. I take this action in accordance with the words of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, sealed this fifth day of November two thousand and one.
The effects of the Mayor Satan band were immediate and miraculous, but there were some minor issues. Just to play Devil's advocate for a minute. Right, does this proclamation violate the separation of church and state? No, sir, question answer, But how has the town reacted? How has the town reacted?
Wonderful?
Supportive?
Oh, I'm not happy with it at all. It's everyone's right to believe the way they want to believe, and having this proclamation on town letterhead it sort of shoves it down everybody's throat, like it or not.
Why are you in support of Satan coming to town?
I'm not in support of Satan coming to town?
So you would say you are pro Satan. No, So you are pro Satan?
No?
But why do you want Satan in your town?
I don't want Satan in my wad Do you like Satan so much? I don't like Satan.
It was clear I needed to take a different tech in terms of supporting Satan. Why are you? But despite one or two Satan loving dissenters, it seemed like Mayor Risher's biggest challenge was enforcing her band I am Satan. I'm trying to come into your town. What do you say to me?
You have no right to come into Inglas?
Well, I don't care about your proclamation. I'm coming in. I'm all evil and I'm coming in. Looks like a nice town to set up shop.
But we.
Have that power to rebuke Satan coming in. I don't care what you say.
Satan, you are powerless in this town.
Imagine I'm Satan. You take away that proclamation. How are you going to keep me out of English?
We have a lot of god fearing Christian.
Yes.
With Mayor Risher on the case, there will be nowhere for Satan to hide, or will there?
There are over a million species of animals on this earth. Here here to show us a few of the more exotic ones, our own zoological expert, Steve Crocodile Corral. I'm not excited.
That's a good this will be great.
This would be great, Crocodile Corral.
How you doing I'm doing well.
I didn't know that you had a nickname. I'm sorry, Crocodile. I'd never heard that before. I didn't know that was your nickname.
Oh okay, it's actually it's pronounced crockadilay. I was this. I was named after my grandmother.
All right, well, you know what, why don't we just get to the animals and excellent idea.
I think you're going to be very very excited about what we have in store for you today, John, I'm donning these only as a precaution. Now, these animals are used to being in front of people, they're used to being handles. But they're they're animals, right, exotic animals, and they're unpredictable. You really never know, should I No, I mean, I'm I'm a professional at this, So don't be don't be too afraid. But if you see one start to leap at you.
Right, okay, all right, well, let's get to it. I'm excited about it.
Now. This first animal, it's actually of European descent. It's it's called Canis Familiaris. It's from the uh from the last Let's get him out of there right now. Now. Now, I want you to look closely. Now, don't be afraid, John, Okay, I want you to look closely at this animal's teeth and jaw. If we can get a shot, well, I'll have to describe the teeth for you, not being too Oh are we getting that? Are we getting the teeth?
John?
If you can imagine, you know what chicklets are, If you can imagine sharpening chicklets with a file, that's what these teeth are like when they attack their prey and consume it, the prey being either something that they have caught or generally with this variety, something from a can or a bag. This this, you'll notice the coat, the coat, You know what?
I actually I'm noticing something else, superb specimen. Are there others exotically that might I mean, unless you have some other information about this wild beast.
As you can tell, uh, they're prone to seizures. The coat is very thick for urban apartment winters.
Do you have any other Do you have any other?
Yes?
Exotics?
Actually I do, got that Campbell.
Let's get this.
Uh oh, I think I think this is right up your alley. Here we go, we get a shot of this. Take a look right down there, John, look quick quick, Yes you see it? You see it?
Yeah, it's a goldfish.
It's moving around. Ah, yes it is.
Look at that kind of thing. You maybe win it Coney Island.
Well, as a matter of fact, this was one of only five existing fish in my friend's apartment. And even though it is a goldfish, it is not in fact made of gold.
I didn't Yeah it's not.
I had it a praise.
Well do you do? You have anything else, anything exotic, perhaps.
Yes, a Campbell. Could you bring out the other exotic creature?
Could you?
I think you'll enjoy this. This is.
Us, you know it's Steve. I'm sorry. That's that's the same dog that you had before.
That's where the batteries go.
Yeah, that's very nice.
Listen.
Uh, I'm a little disappointed because that's I thought we were doing an exotic animal secon Yea, you.
Told me this morning that I had to do this segment. What do you want me to get a Kmodo dragon?
Is that what you want?
John, I'll bring out a big Komodo dragon. They're not even legal in the United States. Is that what you want? Is that what you want to bring? A Kimodo dragon? Is that what you want?
Want?
Because I can go one for you, Steve Carell, Ladies and gentlemen.
I don't less.
Recently on this program, I had the privilege of visiting with perception expert Mike Russ. During my long long day, I came to realize that Mike Russ sees things other people don't, things like counter rotating magnetic fields. The truth about the alien who masquerades is Donnie Osmond, and even that white T shirts are not always what they see.
The white T shirts can be lizards twelve feet high. These are friendly, some are friendly, some want to eat us.
And now the stunning conclusion of Mike Russ.
The interview, this is one of the reasons why I'm out giving lectures. I want the child missing chill stopped on this planet. I would love it.
What is the correlation between the twelve foot lizards and the missing children?
They eat them.
The lizards eat the missing children. So the children we see on the side of milk containers, some have been eaten by twelve foot lizards.
Yeah, and humans. Bob Hope, that's Bob Hope. He literally runs the child buying and selling.
So when he needed, Bob Hope, what could you tell me about his features that give away the fact that he's an alien.
Well, as I'm using a laser pointer here, he's got pointed ears. Here, his nose is pointed, and his chin is pointed, and all you have to do is exaggerated. He's British. He's here to control a great deal.
So being an alien is bad, But being an alien and being British.
That's why should you have to understand that the British never like the tea party when we dressed up as Indians.
Later, Mike Russ showed me an actual and fully levitating levtron.
Oh that's great. It's an example of how they float their cities on other planets.
See I'm moving that, I'm moving this.
I can't I can't even touch that.
Okay, now how long will that stay?
That? All day long?
By the end of the day, I could hardly contain all that I had learned. And as we broke red together, I was amazed to see that Mike Russ continues to perceive even while eating. Jar jar binks. Is that an actual name or is that just some creation?
There's a lot of things you need to learn. How to reverse I.
Told you so, jar jar binks backward?
Dad?
What skinnib skinneb Just reverse it at one hundred and eighty degrees. It's just a trick, ladies and gentlemen.
Steve Corral, I have to tell you, Steve, to me this story continues to be remarkable but somewhat frightening.
It really is, John, And according to Mike Russ, our world may not be ours alone.
No, No, we have sixteen foot lizard aliens eating children that have been sold into captivity by Bob Hope.
So no, well, John, if you had been listening, the lizards are only twelve feet tall sixteen foot lizards.
Well, twelve foot lizards, sixteen foot lizards whatever that you know. The other thing is Bob Hope is one of the most beloved institutions in America, so you should consider that as well.
Really do you think?
So?
Thank you, thank you, Steve, thank you, Jon Stewart or should I say Trauwitz?
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