Haley and Ramaswamy Throw Down at the GOP Debate | Judd Apatow

Published Nov 10, 2023, 8:00 AM

Desi Lydic and Dulcé Sloan join Sarah Silverman to recap Trump's rally and the latest GOP debate, including Nikki Haley and Vivek Ramaswamy's on-stage feud, the candidates' shared love of warmongering, and Tim Scott's girlfriend reveal. And what happens when you give birth to a devil child in a country with a terrible healthcare system? "Rosemary's Co-Pay," coming soon to a hospital near you. Plus, Emmy Award-winning writer, director and producer Judd Apatow discusses what he was up to during the strike, producing the new “Please Don’t Destroy” movie, and what photos he might include in his upcoming book, “Comedy Nerd.”

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Wow from New York City, the only city in America. It's the show, the said News. It's The Daily.

Show with your home Sarah Dover Sarah.

It is a big night. The sad strike is over, okay, which means Hollywood can finally get back to what they do best, turning your children gay. Well, we've got a great show for you tonight. So let's get right into the big election news with the Daily Show's democracy for the presidential election is less than a year away. Can you even believe it? I know, I'm so excited. I wish I was dead. And last night was a big night for Republican candidates. First, the front runner, Donald Trump, took a break from his six thousand criminal trials to speak at a rally in Florida, where he made up a very touching moment.

Every time the radical left, Democrats, Marxist communists, and fascists indicte me, they indicted me.

Can you believe my.

Father and mother are looking down son? How did that happen?

We're so proud of your son. How did that happen?

A couple quick corrections. They never said they were proud of him and they were definitely not looking down. By the way, Am I crazy? Or is Donald Trump's face melting and congealing all at once? I mean it was always weird, but now it's so like sweaty and golden, you know, like you know on cartoons, bugs Bunny would be hungry and suddenly someone's face would turn into a chicken leg. He's right there, you know, God, I'm starving. But while Trump was dealing with his daddy issues, the rest of the GOP field was down the road at a primary debate, and things got pretty fiery right off the bat between vi Vaikramaswami and Nikki Helly.

Ramaswamy repeatedly going after Nicki Haley, do you want a leader from.

A different generation who's going to put.

This country first?

Or do you want Dick Cheney in three inch heels?

Yes, I'd first like to say they're five inch heels and I don't wear them unless you can run on them.

When asked whether they would support a ban on TikTok or not be a tax, quickly turned person there.

While her own daughter was actually using the app for a long time. So you might want to take care of your family first. Read if you want one adult bottle. The next generation of Americans are using it. And that's actually the point you have. Her supporters are propping her up. That's fine, here's the truth.

Here's an easy answer. Wow, that was so many petty insults. Donald Trump may not have been there, but I believe he was looking down at them and saying, I am so proud of you. Sure to be fair of Vivake Ramaswami is really annoying. I mean, I have to admit he does have big dick energy, but it's only because he's a huge dick. I mean, Nikki Haley was America's top diplomat at the United Nations. She literally kept her cool with the worst dictators in the world, and eight minutes on stage with Vivake and she's like, you are gone. He is so insufferable. He should just lean into it, you know. He should say, make me president so I can annoy our enemies for America. He'll have one meeting with Vladimir Putin and twenty minutes later Putin will mysteriously kill himself. He'll be like, excuse me, I must accidentally fall out window. Now. Now it wasn't just bickering last night There was also a lot of substance. The candidates disagreed on whether to keep giving aid to Ukraine, on whether abortion should be left up to the States, and on whether it's possible to be forty five years old and still not know how to smile. But one thing that almost all the candidates agreed on is being horny for war.

I would be telling Bbe finish the job once and for all with these butchers Hamas.

The first thing I said to him when it happened was I said, finish them, finish them.

I would tell President Biden with great clarity, you have to strike in Iran.

If we are going to deter China from evading Taiwan. The only way we're going to do it is to make sure that they don't know whether how many nuclear submarines from the United States of America are ready to strike on them if they decide to move on Taiwan.

I am going to send troops to our southern border. If someone in the drug cartels is sneaking.

Fence and all across the border when I'm present, that's going to be the last thing they do. We're going to shoot them stone cold dead.

I wear heels or not for a fashion statement. They're for ammunition. Your heels are ammunition. Where do you buy those things? Foot blocker, whatever, it's my last day. It doesn't feel they're going to applause. It was a terrible joke, but it really seems like these people only know how to do one thing. Their solution is always war. Meanwhile, we need shit fixed here. Do we need to convince you that, like Iran is putting potholes in the streets for you to fix them, Like oh no, North Korea is aiming a missile at affordable healthcare. But look, the debate wasn't all about fighting in war. In fact, it ended with a surprising romantic twist.

One more fun thing and we haven't seen this before. Tim Scott's girlfriend, Mindy was on the stage at the end of the debate. We got to see her for the first time. The reporters asked, is this the girlfriend? He said yes, and they've been dating for about a year, so that mystery is over. And he took her up on stage, took a couple of pictures and there's Mindy, tim Scott's girlfriend.

There you go.

Aw, it's so sweet man. You know you look for love, your whole life and you finally find it with a respectable looking woman just two months before the Iowa Caucus. I mean, what are the odds he should have just he really should have just proposed right there, got down on one knee, like mindy, would you make my campaign manager the happiest man alive. It's just too bad for Tim that he had to get this non union actor to play his girlfriend. I mean, if he had just waited one more day for the strikedown, he could have gotten a professional actor, fake girlfriend. Honestly, why do we make Tim Scott have to do this? Why can't a single guy be president? I mean, are they worried that the Oval office is going to be full of like fight club posters and piss bottles? For more analysis of last night's debate, we sent not one, but two two correspondents to report on it. So let's go to Desi Leidick and do I'll say slum love.

Ian.

Okay, Deasi, you're in the spin room and Duel say, I think we sent you to the debate hall.

Now, why would not go on to all expenses pay Tripsami and then go to the debate. Girl'm all trying to live I was at a bar eating stone crabs doing body shots off a pit bull.

Oh my god, Du'll say that's so funny. I was at a bar doing shots off pit bull.

Are you guys sure it was pitbull?

No?

Twenty percent?

No, but he was born in Cuba ballet.

Yeah.

But we did just watch the debate five minutes ago on double speed, so ask us anything great?

Great? So first question to both of you, who won the debate? Easy?

Wanna Swami to be that annoying on stage without getting punched in the face, that is a win.

Respectfully, I disagree. The real winner last night was Ron de Santis. For this serial killer to go the whole debate without turning someone into a skin suit.

I'm impressed. He is a lot of things, but I do not think he's a serial killer. Oh so that's just him all that. Moving on, thoughts on Tim Scott and his girlfriend.

I don't like it Sarah going official at a presidential debate. It's too much pressure on a girl. I had a guy run for president once just to impress me, and I was like, how about you in an actual state first, then you can take me to red Lobster. Dennis Kucinich.

I don't know who that is. And look, I love seeing this sequel to get out. But I don't care if he is a senator. Any fifty eight year old man who's never been married is not a catch. He's a liability. It's like one of those couches has been left on the car, you know, like it might look good, but he's got bad bugs.

And all kinds of stuff in them.

You gotta think twice before you sit on him.

Okay, so what's the big takeaway from.

Well, Honestly, for me, I was impressed by the diversity on that stage, with all kinds of people coming together to advocate.

For total war.

You know, you had a black man, a South Asian woman, a South Asian man, a short king, and a piece of shit from New Jersey.

Now my takeaway, I'm accustomed to a president of a certain age. You know, none of these candidates were old enough for the job. You know, I could see them climbing stairs, ride the bike. They can probably choose solid food. That's not my president. No, when I look at a president, I want to think, oh, are we.

Going to have to call a priest? Okay, final question, do you think this debate will move the needle for any of these candidates? No, no, no, no, not ain't good at all. No.

No, Their greatest hope is to maybe get a new awful nickname from Donald Trump, because that would prove that he knows who they are, something like I don't know Tricky, Nikky Haley or Gonna die alone, Tim Scott.

Why even have the debate then?

Oh, because the actors were still on strick waited it's something new to watch. I mean it was either this bullshit of the Golden Bachelor. Oh, ain't nobody trying to see that weird ass man talking him?

Funny looking women?

Mm hmm.

Well, great coverage as always, says Eliightick. And do you all say, sloan, Well, look at the hottest movie of the holiday season, Finer Gold. They've been trend these days of reviving old bellow movies means like The Exorcist or Scream or the twenty twenty election. And now a new trailer just dropped for a horror reboot that puts an old classic in modern times.

This winter, too, Evil will be born. Hey nomine vero evilocal.

Let this woman give birth to the devil's son of her top porta infany Oh, hell Satan, hell Satan?

Knock knock, congrass me, mom, welcome baby uh bilsbub oh? Is that Lithuanian? Before we go any further, who do I talk to about insurance?

Leave us woman?

Oh, we have just birthed the son of Satan.

Uh okay, sure, but do you have help insurance because we don't even know if your plan is going to cover this, Like do you have a PPO or an HMO or an EPO.

Or I speak in tongues and I have no idea what you were talking about.

I get that a lot, all right? If you're not paying with insurance. Let's see, the fee is going to be thirty five, two hundred and fifteen dollars.

Jesus Christ, shut that baby up.

Let me take a look at that bill. An Yeah, ninety eight hundred for the O b room, eleven seventy six for the lab feed. Then the pharmacy charges are here, here and here, and we charge you for holding the baby. That's actually something we do. Sixty eight hundred for imaging. Come on, now, who's being evil? You are so bad? Listen until one of you pay? Is this anti crisis property of Saint Joseph's Hospital. Excuse me, I go look at that Iridia's teeth.

Pay Remote Pictures presents Goosberry's cooping.

This is why I wanted to knock up a lady in Toronto. Let me come back, will be joining me on the chef and I'm fellow.

Welcome back to the Dani Show.

My guest tonight is an Emmy winning writer, director, and producer. His latest movie is called Please Don't Destroy the Treasure of Foggy Mountain. Please welcome, Jed appetite, Hello, interviewe.

Good to be here with you.

All right, the strike is over. What have you been doing the last one hundred and ninety one days?

I was exercising and eating, and then I decided to.

Eat without the exercise.

I want to get ozepic and I want to take it and prove you can gain weight on it. And then I was binging. Right, so your home all the time, you watch all the shows, and you binge. And then I thought to myself, these are all terrible. We don't deserve a raise. Oh stop it right, it's not strong enough.

It's not strong enough.

Listen, you directors took the first thing I was thrown at.

That's all we deserve, so please.

Don't destroy it. Yes, this is the comedy group and they've made this move. Did you write it or directly?

I was a producer.

I'm only here because of the strike.

Oh I know.

Yeah, because it's you get the lame guests. You don't get the star, you get the producer. No one wants the producer.

No one wants Darryl Zanik on their show.

Who's that exactly?

But it's a very very funny movie with the guys from Saturday Night Live.

What's it about?

It's about like, okay, there's there's guys, there's a there's like a treasure. The plot doesn't matter, Sarah, it's funny.

It's funny.

That's all trailer. And I found a little kind of Goony's ish.

Yeah, it's very silly and like, you know, it's what we all need.

It's just pure silly.

Yeah.

Oh boy. And these guys, these kids, Yeah, but they met in college. And what were you doing in college?

Well, I went to USC. I went to a USC cinema school.

No applause usually sails and somebody went there and they knew nothing for you zero.

And I was not good. I was very young.

I was seventeen when I When I got there, everyone was much smarter than me. They love movies more than me, so all my little films were the worst ever. Matt Reeves, the guy who did the Batman, he was in my class and his stuff would look amazing and my stuff was embarrassing. So then I'm like not that into it. I win the Dating Game?

Wait stop what so?

Like you know, I auditioned for the Dating Game as you do when you're young, and I win a trip to Acapoco. But when you have to go was during finals, so I had to decide whether or not to get an education or go to Aca Poco.

There you go there.

I am okay, wait, let's go back.

That's my okay.

Yeah right, look what I did, fresh faced, new skinned jib.

There was a picture with the ladies. Let's go back to the ladies.

She gets to bring a friend for like.

Reasons we call it. I think it's a chaperone.

The it's a chaperone and nothing oh as chaperone.

Well then it was right. Kevin Neilan was on the Dating Game.

Yeah, many people.

Steve Martin, pee Wee Herman.

Yeah, they were all fair faucets really.

Yes, that's sorry.

They're going to go on a YouTube search and find all of this later.

So now the strikes over, what are you going to do? What's your plan? What are you? What are you doing now?

Well, I started working on a book because I didn't know how long it would laugh. So I'm putting out a book called Comedy Nerd, which is a scrap book of all my photos.

And memorabilia from my career.

Yeah, so I brought some stuff because I don't know what to put in the book because I literally have like half a million photos in my phone.

So I thought I would show you. You could tell me if it's book worthy.

Oh, this is so funny.

Were we go?

So the first look who it is?

Right?

Do you remember what that is?

Zero recollection of this? I know it's Larry Sanders.

That's the first time I was ever allowed to direct was Larry Sanders Show, and I directed you.

My first scene was you.

And what's interesting is you look exactly the same now and I look like Bernie Sanders.

What else did I bring? I think I got more?

Oh so there's something that was in Gary Shandling's journals. When I did the documentary about Gary Shanling. I was able to read his journals.

Take this and put plant it right into your heart. Give what you give what you didn't get. That's a that's a that's awesome. Yeah, here's what you didn't get.

That's right. Love more.

But on the flip side of that, you know, he had a big corkboard with all these jokes that some of which I don't think he ever tried for obvious reasons.

But this was one joke I.

Just thought was weird that I found on his corkboard. It says, where were you on nine to eleven? What year I've had? Twenty eight bad? Nine eleven. I don't think he ever tried it, but it was on a corkboard.

What else do we have?

Okay, this is my one of my first jobs ever. That's me in the green shorts. Now, that's Paul Simon live in Central Park pregame show for HBO with Dennis Miller right there.

Okay, and yet doesn't know what they're But.

It had one of the first jokes I wrote for someone else, which I've always been very proud of, which is just said, Paul Simon's going to be here pretty soon with the thirty eight musicians from around the world. It took to replace Art's right.

That solid shut out.

But tell everybody please describe.

We can talk to me about the seventeenth and the first four minutes are available on the pachalk and we love Hot Richard Pace.

Now they're taking fourth grade, but you will be right bag of you in my time. Yere as hush, but you can catch me on the SARS podcast. You episode seven Thursday and check out my special someone you Love I'm Max, or you could get the album or if I'm streaming or whatever the fact, stay tuned next week when your host is the amazing Leslie Jones.

Go sparks shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by searching The Daily Show wherever you get your podcasts. Watch The Daily Show weeknights at eleven ten Central on Comedy Central and stream pull episodes anytime on Fairmount Plus.

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