The Daily Show: Ears EditionJon Stewart and Jordan Klepper React to the Presidential Debate | ICYMI
Jon Stewart gives his live reaction to Donald Trump and Kamala Harris’s first presidential debate. He unpacks the candidates’ takes on immigration and abortion access, and outlines what this means for the election. Plus, Jordan Klepper covers Trump’s insistence that he won the debate, Taylor Swift’s endorsement of Harris, and JD Vance’s defense of the claim that immigrants are eating cats and dogs.
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Miname is John Sir.
The second presidential debate has just wrapped up. We are live, well technically technically, I guess this is the second president will be the first presidential debate of this matchup. I can't wait to see who the winner will take on next.
I think.
We'll come to your live, ladies and gentlemen. The stakes couldn't be higher as we all try and figure out who will be the next president of Paul winev.
MIAs Gang.
It's an exciting night for citizens of that esteemed nation as the rest of us watch with great interest from the neighboring country of no one.
Gives a shit. A stand by the way, if you have.
Any friends in Paul, would be as again. Can you see if they can do anything about congestion pricing? All right, forget it, but so far it seems like this presidential race is going to be a tight one.
The election now a dead heat, separated by razor thin margins.
Neck and neck.
Feels like a jump all race right now for.
All intensive purposes, horseshoes and angrenades.
It's a coin fla, the tightest race in a generation.
As tight as it can get as tight as a tick, as.
Tight as a two tight bathing suit and a too long car ride home from the beach.
That seems very tight.
It's as tight as a teenage boys pants during a.
Sydney sweeney Film festival.
That oh, it's tighter than Sydney's Sweeney's scheduling windows, given how busy she is with projects in demand as a producer, to say nothing of the anyway, she's very talented. Of course, with an election this tight, it is important to build out a more diverse coalition, and recently Donald Trump has picked up the unexpected support of former Democrats RFK Junior and Telsey Gabbert, and might even have picked up one of Jeffrey Epstein's most esteemed former lawyers.
I am no longer a Democrat.
I am no longer a member of the Democratic Party.
This was not my party.
I just felt appalled when I watched the Democratic National Convention.
I can't associate myself with the party itself.
No, wait, don't go, oh, you're no longer the Democratic Party, Alan Derschwitz.
Guess what.
Democrats don't want you anyway, because the.
Democratic Party has standards.
Okay, we don't week former Vice President Dick Cheney endorsed Vice President Harris.
Would you excuse me?
What's mhmm?
I don't know what came over me anyway, Going into the debate, one thing was I'm sorry, you know what, Dick Cheney, can you meet me over by camera?
One?
Fuck off?
Sarah thought, fuck off.
You gave this close to destroying the entire world.
We were this close, closer than a teenage boy's pants.
And now I'm not gonna have any fun with this. And by the way, who in God's name is that endorsement?
Gonna? Sway?
Well, I like the Democrats policy on child tax credits, but are they bombing enough Middle Eastern countries. There's still some buildings standing. Someone should really do something. I'm fine, it's fine. Seriously though, fuck that guy now, obviously, oh please, But in aero dyte takedown. Obviously, each candidate was going to have their goals and strategies. For Kamala Harris, it was going to be quite a needle to thread.
She really wants to make sure that Americans know her backstory, walk away understanding her policy stances, to make sure she needles Donald Trump him to lash out, explose the flaws that she sees in him to states calm.
Be ready for all attack. She's god like two minutes. Is there anything else?
There are some people who are worried that she might be over prepared.
Really after doing all that, you know, Trump was encouraged to take a simpler approach. They expect some goading remarks from Harris. They have stressed to him over and over again, do not respond, if you're going to respond at all, to use facial expressions, not to actually go out there and say anything.
Kamala say everything, some say nothing.
But here's what you do, mister former president. If Kamala says something that surprises you, you just go. And if Kamala says something that makes you angry, you just go. And if Kamala says something that makes you feel sexy, time, you go. Oh yeah, So those were the goals.
Both candidates have now entered the arena.
Biden and Trump did not greet each other, and Kamala, oh wait, did you go?
She went for the handshake. Ladies and gentlemen, What.
An incredible display of the awkward tension happens when your son is dating a biracial girl and you meet her parents for the first time, do I.
Whoda you are?
As per tradition in American politics, the first question is always asked by the most handsome person in a ten to fifteen mile radius.
When it comes to the economy, do you believe Americans are better off than they were four years ago?
Ooh?
First, Yausa, Hey yeah.
Second answer the question.
As vice president, I imagine and have actually a plan to build what I call an opportunity economy. My plan is to give a fifty thousand dollars tax deduction to start up small businesses. I intend on extending a tax cut for those families of six thousand dollars.
Holy shit, we're one question and we're all millionaires. Oh my god, Donald, your response to.
The question, is the economy better now than it was four years ago?
We have millions of people pouring into our country from prisons and jails, from mental institutions and insane asylums. They're dangerous, They're at the highest level of criminality. They are taking over the towns, they're taking over buildings, They're going in violently.
Ladies and gentlemen, I just want to say, after surviving the PTSD of the last presidential debate.
How unbelievably refreshing.
It is to go back to the same old nobody's gonna answer any fucking question.
This is unbelievable.
We're back, America comes back.
Yeah, yeah, that's gonna question. They just turned the time and answer whatever they want to answer.
And now that we're returning to the cliches the standards of American political theater, I think it's only fair if someone would do the honors of the first baseless at hominem.
She's a Marxist. Everybody knows she's a Marxist. Her father's a Marxist professor in economics, and he taught her well. But when you look at what she's done to our country.
Oh shit, she's about to be like, motherfucker, let's just do this.
I'm gonna she's about up a Marxist. She's about to open up a can of ass capital on Donald Trump. Lindsay Davis, you better change the subject before the fingers on Kamala's hand.
Unite.
I want to turn to the issue of abortion.
Oh boy, I'm not superstitious, but this is where the wheels fell off for Biden. He was asked about abortion, then he somehow spun it into wire, immigrants, raping people, and he ended with the classic phrase, We'll never forget. And that's when we finally beat Medicare. They're feeling it too, ladies and gentlemen. As before President Trump, you have the first crack at answering why you killed Rov Wade.
We've gotten what everybody wanted.
Democrats, Republicans, and everybody else, and every legal scholar wanted it to be brought back into the States, and the States are voting, and I did something that nobody thought was possible.
John Stewart from me, I was watching this live timespicking what you just said. Yeah, that's actually insanely false. The majority of people. You know what, Kamala Harris, Kamala Harris, can you address this with a bit more eloquence.
I have talked with women around our country. You want to talk about. This is what people wanted. Pregnant women who want to carry a pregnancy to term, suffering from a miscarriage, being denied care in an emergency room because the healthcare providers are afraid they might go to jail. And she's bleeding out in a car in the parking lot. She didn't want that, Oh, she crashed that.
This is like this is like.
What this is like one of those crowdhog Day movies where you get to go back and fix the bad way that something happened earlier to the good way. And then you learn Italian and the piano, and then you get sad and then despondent, and then you learn how to love yourself. Trump will now finally have to answer to his abortion policy.
You know what, it reminds me of when they said they're going to get student loans terminated and it ended up being a total catastrophe.
Ah, you don't have student loan smoke bomb. But we're suddenly into a rhythm here, nice back and forth. I got to give it to Trump. He's sticking to his guns and he's not letting Kamala Harris get under his skin. I actually think she's not going to be able to need a them.
I'm going to invite you to attend one of Donald Trump's rallies. He will talk about win mills cause cancer. And what you will also notice is that people start leaving his rallies early out of exhaustion and boredom.
Old shit, He's just gonna start taking off his ear okayle id sake, motherfucker.
Let's go, folks. The eagle has landed. She has attacked.
What is Donald Trump's most cherished family member is rally crowds.
Donald, remember your training.
The question is about why you killed the bipartisan immigration bill.
You don't need to think.
About you prisoner.
Myresponders to the rallies, she said, people start leaving.
People don't go to.
Her rallies, Son of the pits.
People don't leave my rallies.
We have the biggest rallies, the most incredible rallies in the history of politics. Our country is being lost. We're a failing nation. In Springfield, they're eating the dogs the people that came in. They're eating the cats, they're eating they're eating the pets of the people that live there.
What the fuck just happened?
Because these unbelievable around if people.
Don't leave them eating dogs, the string feel the immigrants are eating people's dogs.
Which reminds me, if I may, for just a quick moment, a quick.
Reminder of all the pet owners out there, always remember to leash your dogs. It's an important way to keep your dogs from fighting other dogs, or being hit by a car, or being eaten by your immigrant neighbors. Oh, I'm sorry. Also, fuck off, Dick Cheney.
I'm sorry.
You were saying.
I just want to clarify here. You bring up Springfield, Ohio, and ABCDWS did reach out to the city manager there. He told us there have been no credible reports of specific claims of pets being harmed, injured, or abused by individuals within the immigrant community.
All I've seen.
People intelligen let me just say, this is the people on television.
So my dog was taken and used for food.
So maybe he said that, and maybe that's a good thing to say for a city manager.
I'm not taking this from people on television.
Dog was eaten by the people that went there.
Again, the Springfield city manager says there's no evidence of that.
Having spent some time in Springfield myself, I believe I know what's happening here. I believe Trump himself may be becoming one of Springfield's most famous residents.
And I believe we have some footage.
It's right and being all, no one listens to.
Someone ain't my dad.
I Finally, no debate with the former president would be complete without addressing the former president's closing number of the Trump Show's first.
Term, mister president, on January sixth, you told your supporters to march to the Capitol. You said you would be right there with them. Is there anything you regret about what you did on that day?
It wasn't done by me. It was done by others. It would have never happened if Nancy Pelosi and the mayor of Washington did the jobs. I wasn't responsible for security. Nancy Pelosi was responsible. She didn't do her job. I had nothing to do with that other than they asked me to make a speech.
I showed up for a speech.
You spent two months riling up your base that our country had literally been stolen from them through fraudulent means that you could never even get a whiff of in a court of law, and let yourself just abuse them. You pressed on, you abused their trust. You showed up for a speech. You fucking tweeted, join me on January sixth, it will be wild.
But suddenly now I would use the hired magician.
Did it, Bay Midside?
I didn't do anything. I showed up with a hat and a rabbit. And then the whole party went out of control.
And this is it, Ladies and gentlemen, I don't know if this debate is going to change anything.
I really don't.
People are awfully set in the manner that they view these proceedings. What I think is a home run answer for one candidate, someone else views as a dodge or a lie or any of those other things. In some ways, it doesn't matter what they say anymore. But one thing will always be true, and it is the quality of the former president.
I respect the least.
Whenever he is cornered and forced to face even the smallest of consequences for his own mendacity and scheming, he reverts to the greatest refuge of scoundrels.
As Shaggy would say, it wasn't me. I did nothing wrong.
I just showed up. They're the ones who went crazy.
This man who constantly professes to be your champion, who says they're going to have to go through him to get to you, will always when the boat is going down, be the first into the lifeboats, because in that moment he will always say the same thing.
I didn't know anything about it.
I was just told to show up for a cruise, even though everybody knows he was the fucking captain of the ship in any other country, that lad in any other country, in any other country, that lack of accountability would be disqualifying.
Last night, Kamala Harris and Donald Trump took to the debate stage to make their cases to Taylor, Allison Swift and whoever else happened to be watching. It was not a good night for Trump in terms of personal tragedies for him. I'd put it somewhere between losing the twenty twenty election and the day fox Knews started letting female anchors wear paints, somewhere in there. And there was one moment that was probably the best example of just how badly Trump did at the debate in Springfield.
They're eating the dogs the people that came in.
They're eating the cats, They're eating they're eating the pets of the people that lived there.
Sir.
The question was state your name.
Now.
If you were one of the many people last night wondering why Trump was shouting.
They're eating the dogs, let me explain.
It started with a random Facebook post where someone accused a Haitian immigrant of stealing and eating their neighbor's daughter's friend's cat. And if there's one thing we know about Facebook posts, it's that they're always rigorously fact checked. But as with any unfounded rumor on Facebook, obviously this got picked up by the right wing establishment and spread across the Internet.
Even jd.
Vance promoted it while simultaneously acknowledging it was completely unfounded. You might say he jumped in the misinformation pool but kept his shirt on, which brings us to last night. If there's one thing we know about a racist conspiracy theory, it's that Donald Trump's brain will swallow it whole, like a hungry immigrant at pat Co's. And that's how a random Facebook post turn into Donald Trump's campaign slogan.
They're eating kats of dogs.
So it seemed like Trump had a rough performance, But you know what, that's just my opinion. You can also tell that Donald Trump was the loser because he did all the things losers do when they lose. Number one, complaining about the refs.
I thought they were very unfair, the moderators, everybody did.
I thought it was terrible. From the standpoint of ABC, it was three to one. It was a rigged deal, as I assumed it would be, because when you looked at the fact that they were correcting everything and not correcting with her yeah.
Man, they were correcting you because of the things you were saying.
That's barely fact checking.
The moderators were reacting like normal human beings react when you hear the craziest shit you've ever heard. Like if you were at a cocktail party and your friend said trans immigrants are eating dogs in Ohio, you would say, what there you talking about, Stu, No, they aren't. You wouldn't be like, Okay, thank you for that. Let's move on to foreign policy. You know what, it wasn't just blaming the refs. Another way you know Trump lost is that he was accusing his opponent of cheating.
They had a rig show with somebody that maybe even had the answers. I mean, I'll be honest.
I watched her talk and I said, you know, she seems awfully familiar with the questions.
Okay, you think she was cheating because she seemed familiar with the questions. It's a presidential debate. They always asked the same questions. It's like being suspicious that someone knows all the words to take me out to the ballgame. How will you fix the economy? What's your stance on abortion? Do you promise not to overthrow the government standard.
Boilerplate debate questions.
Meanwhile, Trump seemed awfully familiar with the questions that nobody asked, like who's eating all the cats in Springfield, Ohio? But maybe the best way you know Trump lost the debate is that he repeatedly insisted he won.
I think it was the best debate I've ever personalated that I had.
We're getting polls that showed ninety two to six, eighty eight to eleven.
Every single poll last night had me winning, like ninety to ten. We had c spand at one point was it eighty to twenty.
And we looked at one pole it was ninety two to seven.
We had a ninety two percent rating.
In one pole we had an eighty six percent rating, and another we had seventy seven percent, ninety percent, sixty percent, seventy two percent, seventy one.
Wow, those certainly were numbers. Is this what Trump did during his debate prep memorize all the numbers between seventy and ninety eight. In fact, every moment since the debate ended last night, Trump has.
Been spinning and spinning and spinning.
I mean, just listen to his response after Taylor Swift announced she is endorsing Kamala Harris.
Well, I actually like missus. I actually like Missus Mahomes much better if you want at home the trip. She's a big Trump fan. I was not a Taylor Swift fan.
Really, really, Donald, you prefer Britney Mahomes. What's your top five Britney Mahomes songs? This is really his angle.
Well, I don't.
Care, Taylor, because I like your boyfriend's coworker's wife better. This has just been a day of pathetic, desperate spinning. I mean, imagine if Donald Trump spent all that energy on doing things correctly instead of pretending he did things correctly. I mean, if he had worked harder preparing for the debate, maybe he wouldn't have had to pretend he won the debate. If he had worked harder to win in twenty twenty, maybe he wouldn't have to pretend the election was rigged. And if he had worked harder on January sixth, maybe he could have overthrown the government and wouldn't have to be debating in the first place. It's called work ethic, Donald, Come on. Of course, Donald Trump wasn't the only one spinning his performance last night. As aforementioned Vice President jd Vance was asked about why Donald Trump ranted about illegal immigrants eating pets, and his response was illuminating.
Why push something that's not true.
Well, first of all, city officials have not said it's not true. They said they don't have all the evidence, no evidence. We've heard from a number of constituents on the ground, Caitlin, who both first hand and second hand reports saying this stuff is happening. So they very clearly meaning the people on the ground dealing with this, think that it is happening.
And I think that it's important.
For journalists to actually get on the ground and uncover this stuff for themselves.
Okay, I'm sorry, this is not my main takeaway from the story. But someone's cat went missing, so they called their senator. I mean, were they like, Hm, should I go right to the President of the United States or should.
I start with my senator?
You gotta update those emergency numbers on your fridge, Berry, come on.
But perhaps perhaps jd Vance has a point. If a story.
Bubbles up from the right wing sewer, and it's our obligation, nay, our duty in the mainstream media to investigate it the cost, and that is exactly we have done here at the Daily Show, I sent Ronnie Chang undercover to Springfields to find out if the legal migrants are really gobbling up our small town cats. Let's go live to him now, Ronnie, Ronnie, Ronnie, how's the investigation going?
Well, Jordan, I mean, Ohio in a cat costume, trying to get migrants to eat me.
So it's not great.
Also, it's not working, Okay. I even tender toize myself with a jerk rob and whent arou I'm saying now meow, I'm so tasty nothing, okay.
Yeah, well, obviously you're not going to fool anyone with a half assed meal like that.
You need to commit to the role. Ronnie.
Hey, hey, don't tell me how to commit.
All right. How many Marvel movies are you in? Okay?
Trust me? Trust me?
Okay, I've tried everything. Shit in a box, I batter around some yard, I play for dead mouse. I found nothing.
Have you been licking your butthole?
I can't reach my butthole.
Did try to reach my butthole?
Okay, I can't.
It's impossible, which I already knew for reasons I don't want to discuss.
Okay, Well, then what are we gonna do about these allegations?
I don't know, Jordan, how about we ignore them? Good journalism doesn't mean we have to take every insane, racist conspiracy theory at face value. Okay, let's just shit on it and move on like I did in a box earlier.
Wow, well, you know what, you know what, Roddie, Maybe you're right. I appreciate you taking journalistic principles. So seriously, you really following in the footsteps of Edward R.
Meauro Roddy, did you hear what I said? I said, Edward R.
Wish you were dead?
All right?
Anyway?
Oh wait, oh oh.
Wait, wait, someone's coming.
Someone's going. Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, they're getting gay ouf dot con.
They're coming for me.
They're coming.
Hey, right right there, right there, Hello, buddy, Yes, I mean oh.
Oh, thank god. Okay, what happened? Were you were you? Were you kidnapped by a hungry immigrants?
No?
No, no, I think I was adopted by a childless cat lady.
Oh all right, okay, hang time, Ronny, hay tight.
We're sending someone to bring you back.
Oh.
Actually, you know what, I'll hold off. She's in the kitchen.
Cooking me some organic chicken right now.
I want to see how this plays out.
How awesome I love these things? Okay, I have fun running Running Chang. Everyone.
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