The Daily Show: Ears EditionDesus Nice on the House Speaker Race | Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez
Desus Nice handles the latest in the news including Taylor Swift's secret handshake with Brittany Mahomes, leaked audio of Sheila Jackson berating staffers, the House Speaker race heating up, and a man faking 20 heart attacks to get out of paying the bill. The die-hard Bronx native then hits the streets of NYC to ask "what makes a true New Yorker?" Is it the hospital you're born in, or is it your go-to bodega order? And Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez stops by to explain the Republican House Speaker mess, the importance of creating an easier path to citizenship for immigrants, and whether she still loves her job.
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From New York City, the only city in America. It's the show that you send you news.
This this is The Daily Show with your host Jesus Nice.
Yo, welcome to The Daily Show. I'm your host Jesus Nice and Sarah Sarah listen the that's it.
And for those of you at home who might be confused, I'm not Charlemagne.
I'm the other black black guy. Oh that's how up? In which case, I am Charlotte Mana.
I'm so excited to be back in my hometown, New York City. Listen, I have a question. Is the Bronx in the building? What about Brooklyn? What about Staten Island?
Thank you? I told security not to let them in. Listen.
We've got a great show for you tonight. So let's get into some headlines. Look, I know there's a lot going on in the world right now, there's so much news.
But it's also my first day.
I'm still getting used to everything, like where the cameras are. So let's ease into the show. Let's ease into everything with some sports news. And by sports news, I mean Taylor Swi America Sweetheart. She did some charity over the weekend by shining the spotlight on a little unknown sport called football. Do we begin with Taylor Swift's secret handshake.
Swift attended another Kansas City Chiefs game to see her rumored boyfriend Travis Kelsey, and here she was sitting with Brittany Mahomes, wife.
The crew back Pastricks Mahomes.
They broke out a celebration handshake after the Chief's touchdown.
Yo, she really nailed that. You could see her concentrating too. She's like slap, slap, turned bump. You got this girl. Also props to Brittany Mahomes. She leveled up. She went for being the quarterback's wife to Taylor Swifts. BFF, that's like the highest level a white woman can get. I will say it's a good thing Taylor is dating someone on a good team. If she was dating someone on the Jets, she wouldn't have like a touchdown handshake. She just had like a reassuring shoulder tap. We'll get them next time. You can't win them all or any of them. But let's move on to another legend. He's not selling out stadiums or dominating headlines, but he's an inspiration to millions of people around the world who want to skip out on the check.
We've heard of.
Dining and dashing, but how about dying and dashing.
Yeah.
This Lithuanian man was arrested in Spain after allegedly faking heart attacks and at least twenty restaurants across the country to avoid paying his bill. Police say he would order food and drinks and then perform a theatrical fake heart attack that fooled at least nineteen restaurants. That was until staff at the twentieth restaurant caught on. The bill he was caught on was thirty seven dollars for some payea and shots of risky.
First of all, look at this legend. Are we sure he's not having a heart attack. He looks like he's dying and being born at the same time. I don't know what's worse that he was acting out with heart attacks or that he was doing it during the actors right.
Stealing is wrong.
Scavving is unforgivable, my guy. My other question is how far did he actually take it?
Did he actually go to the hospital or is he just like I'm dying. I'm dying. It's fine, I'll gravel over, but box that up the bread tool. Please, but you know.
This gam only works in the country universal health care and America healthcare is so bad people pretend they're not having.
Heart attacks to save money.
Not be not bet don't call the hablins, let me cleave honest. All right, doing well so far? All right, Let's get into some real news. Let's talk politics. Shila Jackson Lee is a congresswoman from Texas who's running for mayor of Houston, AH sum although based on some leak audio that just came out, you know who's not voting for her.
Her staff.
To call.
I don't want you to do a goddamn saying. I want you to have a brain. I want you to have read it. I want you to take kind of something. It was such and such state. That's what I want you. That's the kind of staff that I want to have. I need to ensure my every schedule and uh, you know, I if Google did it, shit app did it, they did it, And nobody knows a goddamn thing in my office, saint nothing.
I gave it to you. Your job was to get it on the calendar, not to poke your own hand. Okay, so when I called your own seed on me sitting up there like a fat ass, just an idiot talking about what's the heat of though, thank both y'all.
Off stuff in the app.
It's the worst kick that I could have a hand put together. The two goddamn big ass children an idiot serve no goddamn for people.
Got damn all Listen.
If you got an older black woman to talk like that, you sill all the way up?
Is it the only way you're getting out of this fake a heart attack?
But it's nice to know Democrats can get angry about something because usually they're really.
Meek, like, I guess we won't pay off these student loans? All well? Me watch she's like, hey, what fat ass picked up my calendar?
Damn Jerome, you know what, SESPAN will be the number one channel in America If Congress could talk like this, eh ah, good afternoon and seem colleagues and mother fish, A lot of you dumb ass base shit rags been running your nasty little mouth regarding spending bill HR three three seven. You little shits are really as stupid as you woke.
I yield my time.
But good news for Shila because Congress has way bigger issues to deal with right now, Republicans are trying to figure out a new Speaker of the House, and surprise, surprise, even Republicans don't like other Republicans.
On Friday, House Republicans dropped Jim Jordan of Ohio as the nominee in a secret ballot after his three failed attempts to get elected. At least nine Republicans are now vying to be the Speaker of the House, setting the stage for a new candidate forum tomorrow. Among the contenders Byron Donalds of Florida, retired Marine Corps Lieutenant General Jack Bergman of Michigan, a majority whip, Tom Emmer of Minnesota, who's backed by austed speaker Kevin McCarthy.
That's right, they got nine Republicans running for speaker.
Now.
I'm gonna be honest, I kind of want to root for Byron. I feel like he might be my God.
I mean.
No particular reason, but for real, though, look at this group of contenders. It looks like someone put a bottle of Hershey syrup.
In the mayonnaise owl.
Yo.
All these white dudes look the same.
In fact, three of them are the same guy, and you didn't even notice.
That's how similar they all are.
If you ask me, Biray could win this thing easy. All he has to do is say vote for me, and I'll let you say it. Yeah, you know what I'm talking about. Oh, I'm kidding. You know they already say it. Listen for more on the race for speaker, we go live to the Capitol with Desi laid.
Jackie. What's your take on the situation?
Well, in political science terms, Republicans are all kinds.
Of sucked up right now.
Although to be fair, the situation isn't all bad. When the House doesn't have a speaker. Americans don't have to pay any bills.
I'm al well certain that's not true. You have to pay your bills. No, I don't think so.
You can't pass bills, therefore I don't have to pay bills. It's political science. It's okay, it's your first day.
Cool, cool, all right. Look it's been a few weeks. Now, what can Republicans do to find a speaker?
Well, Republicans can do what women have been doing for centuries.
They can settle.
Look, they're not getting any younger. It's time to accept a speaker who's you know, just good enough. Maybe his resume isn't as tall as you had hoped for. Maybe he sends you weird pictures of his caucus, or I don't know, maybe he's Jim Jordan, well tough.
That is what's settling. Is all about.
Either he's got a job or he's good in bed.
It's never both.
He either has a good relationship with his mom or he's good in bed.
It's never both.
You know, he can either read or he's good in bed.
It's never vote. Why can it ever be both?
Yeah, I'm learning a lot about you, Jesse. Yeah, but they're gonna have to pick someone.
Who do you think they should pick? Oh?
Oh, that's their choice, hesus. I would never tell Republicans what they should do with their legislative body.
Now.
No, all I'm gonna say is time is of the essence and their political clock is ticking. Okay, maybe, just maybe Kevin McCarthy was the one that got away. You know, they had a mediocre thing going and they took it for granted. Look, I know he lies, and he's not good with money, and yeah, he voted to overturn the election. He's also probably terrible, terrible in bed and can't read. But look, it's cuffing season. For the love of God, just turn off the lights and vote.
Don't ride with everybody so good. Listen.
When we come back, I'll meet some real New Yorkers, so stick around.
You're yes, welcome back to the Daily Show.
Now.
If you know anything about me, I am a real New Yorker. Well, I don't know if any of y'all are real New Yorkers.
So hit the street. It's a find out. You're what up? It's your boy, Jesus is nice.
We're here in New York City talking to New Yorkers about what makes them a real New Yorker. We're gonna find out if it's about being born here versus the experience you had here follow me or let's hear some chop cheese stories.
You consider yourself a real New Yorker? Definitely? Yes, we're born here. I was born here for Green Brooklyn Brooklyn Hospital, and that's how you know he's a real New Yorker. He told me the hospital. I did not ask him. Okay, this is what we do. We are noxious like that. Are you a New Yorker? I consider myself in New Yorker? You consider yourself in New Yorker? I moved here from Hong Kong when I was four years old.
Is there like one event that happened and you're like, damn it, I went through that I'm a New Yorker Or is it just the whole experience?
Really the whole experience. I mean even this itself is an experience I would consider. Yeah, what do you feel is the most New York thing you've ever seen? Probably when jay Z brought over the lassit sh boy. As a New Yorker, what borough has the worst guys?
The worst guys?
I would say the Bronx. How do you have to straight? What's wrong with the Bronx? I just feel like the Bronx is dirty, no offense. What about Hoptown and the Bronx? Then I don't freak with the Bronx. Bro even go with the It's just far bro. As far as training ride far, the most crazy I said I seen.
I was on Fordham Road and Grand Concourds and a crackhead went right.
In the middle of the street and just took a ship. That's the most crazyest shot I s so far. To be fair, is that crazy for Fordham Roads?
Nah?
Regular Brons as every New Yorker has one of these. I have to ask you what your your go to order? Chop chopzi. That was the hero road. Here was a morning.
Yeah, let me get a bot mannaise, so type of extra tomato.
You want me to take baking and cheese? I don't. I don't that stereotypical. So you want me to say if you said that, that means you're a transplant or undercover car. We're not falling through. Which is the two ratings? Do you think is a better rating? An A or a C. I'm saying you passed that. A means just clean the rats that were they have benefits that content. Okay, do you know what? To see means?
No, it's supposed to me and the place is disgusting. It's probably right here in the food wrong. It means is probably some of the best food you have.
Succulent. You're gonna eat that chicken off the bone? Which is the best restaurant? Grave? Come on, wow, off the river, Come on off the river. Okay, Amy's clean, baby.
Yeah, you know if they ain't give you no attitude and they ain't got to see in the front.
Door the Chinese spot with the big chicken wings be stands for the best.
Are you a knickdam Oh, come on, baby, doing die in the next I mean, you know we win in a minute, but we think.
We got to see you got it baby? All die Hard's New York clicks all day baby.
That's what I love about New Yorkers are optimists. But when the Knicks winner championship, what are you gonna vandalize me?
Personally?
I'm gonna flip the Christopher Columbus statue of fifty ninth Street. Get him out of here, Get him out of If you have one piece of advice for anyone about to come to New York.
What would you where advice is mind your business, and you won't get mine. Your business. Mind your business, man, just goddamn business. I think you have passed the test. You are a real New Yorker man.
I appreciate you about to go put on a fresh Yankee man. Even though you completely destroyed the Bronx and you called us dirty, you said we're fatherless, I recognize you are.
A true New Yorker. Yes, thank you.
Using the talent that was given to me by Giuliani, I now proclaim you a true New Yorker.
This guy is the real deal right here please may one day. Let's go Baby, Let's go Max, Let's go Niggs. What does it take to be a New Yorker? In your opinion, you have to have.
A lot of grits, and you have to work hardly hard, and also you just have to be opinionated, told your own you.
Know what, using your own standard of definition of a New Yorker. You passed the test, Sammon, Oh, thank you. You are now a true New Yorker.
I want you to walk down the street and bump into someone and not apologize.
There we go, Here we go.
Can't beat that, al right, when we come back, were talking to a real New Yorker. Congress Woman Alexandria Casio court.
Has one of the show go away Welcome back to the Daily Show. My guest tonight represents New York's fourteenth Congressional.
District, which includes parts of the Rocks and Queens.
Please welcome Congresswoman Alexandria Casio Quarte.
Let's see aot.
Always good to see you, Always good to see a Bronx site, Always good to see astruction.
How you've been I've been good.
I mean it's been a little you know, crazy.
And it's been a wild time in Congress. What's in rod been like for you?
Because I see you on social media and you can just be like, hey, it's a sunny day and people are like, I hate you.
You know, it's not that different than the six train at midnight sometimes got you? So you know you get that practice, right, but you still love what you do.
I do.
In fact, I think I love it now more than ever.
Okay, I have to ask you about the House speaker debacle.
Yes, from the outside, I have no idea what's going in Could you just really quickly explain it.
So Republicans kicked out their speaker and now they can't find a new guy to run their group projects. Yes, and they're all like fighting with each other about it.
Got you. Yeah, Now for a local in the Bronx, how does this affect them?
So in terms of how this affects the Bronx, we've got a clock ticking on a government shutdown. And if this gets us to a point of a government shutdown, I mean that's real, right, that's when we start seeing TSA and airports get affected. That's when people could potentially miss their checks. So this is something that's really important for everybody to make sure that we get that pressure on. But also we need to make sure that we don't have people like Jim Jordan or extremists, because whoever takes over the House could potentially put our democracy in danger when it comes to certifying or re certifying an election.
And so on.
Got you Now, you know, people say Congress doesn't really get anything done right now because of the shutdown.
But what were you guys getting done before? Because I know you've been doing something. Okay, that's an excellent question.
I will say from when Republicans took over to now, they provided a lot of meme content.
Yes, But before that, when.
Democrats were in the majority, we passed the largest climate package in American history.
We have.
We cast inkulin at thirty five dollars for people. We made sure that you know, when the pandemic went through, we started the program of child tax credits. Now, we had some folks in the Senate shut that down. But when we take back the Senate, we want to make sure that we re establish and expand those programs back again too.
So okay, we're able to do some things.
They're on the.
Struggle bos a little bit.
Did I put some respect on my name? I feel you.
All right, So we just did a piece about the people running for House Speaker.
Who are you voting for?
None of them?
I can tell you.
I'll be casting my vote for Hakeem Jeffries.
All right, So you know talks about parents, old and parents. Some immigrants are the lifeblood of New York City.
Our mayor Eric Adams, he said, we can't handle anymore in here. You represent one of the most diverse districts in Congress. What can be done at a federal level to help?
Well, here's the thing is that I think, whether from all parts of the political spectrum, one of the biggest issues that we have when it comes to immigration is the fact that we have an undocumented population. Now, you can fix that by trying to build a wall, or you can fix that by trying to document people and create a path to citizenship.
And we'll have folks that.
Might say, look at these systems. You know that our shelter system has weight and things like that. But one of the reasons that our public systems experience weight is because people don't have a documented and reliable path to work and sustain themselves, just like all of our ancestors did and our grandparents and great grandparents. You know. I always love when people talk about like, oh, well, you know, my great grandfather came and he wrote his name wrong on a book, and now he's a citizen. And like, can we put two and two together that that our processes today are so difficult that they make our immigration process difficult. But that doesn't mean that immigrants do not create a positive contribution to our country and our economy and our society. And so the answer should really be, we should make it easier to be legal, documented, and a citizen of the United States.
And I'm right there, right there. What was great talking to you? Thank you for coming. Give it up for Congresswoman Alexander from the want to take a quick breakful, we'll right back half of this.
Yo.
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