Doug Hinderer tackled a biggie: What to do if your spouse is selfish. 😬 Catch the whole hour here!



Why the Selfishness, Though? 🤔



Before you start fuming, Doug suggests realizing that selfishness has roots:



Bad modeling: Maybe they grew up watching selfish parents.



Childhood wounds: Lack of love or security might’ve left scars.



Insecurity or superiority complex: “I’m the only one who gets it, so back off.”



Scarcity mindset: They’re hoarding the last slice of life’s proverbial pizza.



Personality issues: Things like narcissism or other disorders could play a role.



Good news? You don’t need a PhD in psychology to work on this. (Phew.)



Step 1: Empathy ≠ Enabling ❤️



Doug explains: Seek to understand.



Ask curious, empathetic questions: “Help me understand why you think this is okay…” 🤔



Don’t just call them out. Communicate how their actions affect you.



Bonus tip: Be patient. Change takes time. (Breathe deeply...very deeply.)



Step 2: Speak Their Language, Without Starting WWIII 🕊️



Here’s how to address selfish behavior without causing Vesuvius-style eruptions:



Use “I” statements:“I feel unimportant when you make plans without me.”



Focus on specific actions: Keep it about what happened today, not about that thing from 2007.



Avoid labels: Don’t say, “You’re so selfish!” Instead, target the action, not the person.



Step 3: The Big “B” Word: Boundaries 🚧



Sometimes, ya gotta draw a line in the sand. Doug suggests:



Setting clear expectations for acceptable behavior.



Communicating consequences for crossing those lines: kindly but firmly. 



Staying calm, confident, and grounded in what you’re willing to tolerate.



Pro Tip: Don’t Go All Psychologist on Them 🛋️



Doug warns against armchair diagnosing. Don’t throw out phrases like, “This is because of your mommy issues!” Stick to the behavior, not why you think it’s happening. No one wants a lecture: they want solutions.



Prayer Power 🙏



Doug wrapped the episode with a heartfelt Memorare to our Blessed Mother. 💐 He reminded us to lean on grace for strength, and maybe a little divine intervention when things get tough.







The best way to listen to the Best of the Week is on our #1 Free Catholic App. It’s free, and always will be! To get and share the Relevant Radio app, check it out here.

Doug Hinderer tackled a biggie: What to do if your spouse is selfish. 😬 Catch the whole hour <a href="https://relevantradio.com/2024/11/selfishness-in-marriage/">here</a>!
 
Why the Selfishness, Though? 🤔
 
Before you start fuming, Doug suggests realizing that selfishness has roots:
 
Bad modeling: Maybe they grew up watching selfish parents.
 
Childhood wounds: Lack of love or security might’ve left scars.
 
Insecurity or superiority complex: “I’m the only one who gets it, so back off.”
 
Scarcity mindset: They’re hoarding the last slice of life’s proverbial pizza.
 
Personality issues: Things like narcissism or other disorders could play a role.
 
Good news? You don’t need a PhD in psychology to work on this. (Phew.)
 
Step 1: Empathy ≠ Enabling ❤️
 
Doug explains: Seek to understand.
 
Ask curious, empathetic questions: “Help me understand why you think this is okay…” 🤔
 
Don’t just call them out. Communicate how their actions affect you.
 
Bonus tip: Be patient. Change takes time. (Breathe deeply...very deeply.)
 
Step 2: Speak Their Language, Without Starting WWIII 🕊️
 
Here’s how to address selfish behavior without causing Vesuvius-style eruptions:
 
Use “I” statements: “I feel unimportant when you make plans without me.”
 
Focus on specific actions: Keep it about what happened today, not about that thing from 2007.
 
Avoid labels: Don’t say, “You’re so selfish!” Instead, target the action, not the person.
 
Step 3: The Big “B” Word: Boundaries 🚧
 
Sometimes, ya gotta draw a line in the sand. Doug suggests:
 
Setting clear expectations for acceptable behavior.
 
Communicating consequences for crossing those lines: kindly but firmly. 
 
Staying calm, confident, and grounded in what you’re willing to tolerate.
 
Pro Tip: Don’t Go All Psychologist on Them 🛋️
 
Doug warns against armchair diagnosing. Don’t throw out phrases like, “This is because of your mommy issues!” Stick to the behavior, not why you think it’s happening. No one wants a lecture: they want solutions.
 
Prayer Power 🙏
 
Doug wrapped the episode with a heartfelt Memorare to our Blessed Mother. 💐 He reminded us to lean on grace for strength, and maybe a little divine intervention when things get tough.
 
 
 
The best way to listen to the Best of the Week is on our #1 Free Catholic App. It’s free, and always will be! To get and share the Relevant Radio app, check it out <a href="https://relevantradio.com/listen/get-the-app/">here</a>.

Life can get busy, and it's easy to miss out on the captivating moments from your favorite Relevant Radio shows. But now, we've got you covered! "The Best of the Week - Relevant Radio Podcast" brings you the crème de la crème of Relevant Radio's programming. We carefully curate and compile the most engaging and relevant content from the past week, just for you! Get ready to catch up on faith, culture, current events, and personal growth, all in one convenient and easily accessible podcast. It's like having a front-row seat to the most compelling moments from Relevant Radio's diverse range of shows. So, whether you're an active Relevant Radio listener or new to our programming, "The Best of the Week - Relevant Radio Podcast" is your passport to a world of knowledge, growth, and inspiration.

Life can get busy, and it's easy to miss out on the captivating moments from your favorite Relevant Radio shows. But now, we've got you covered! "The Best of the Week - Relevant Radio Podcast" brings you the crème de la crème of Relevant Radio's programming. We carefully curate and compile the most engaging and relevant content from the past week, just for you! Get ready to catch up on faith, culture, current events, and personal growth, all in one convenient and easily accessible podcast. It's like having a front-row seat to the most compelling moments from Relevant Radio's diverse range of shows. So, whether you're an active Relevant Radio listener or new to our programming, "The Best of the Week - Relevant Radio Podcast" is your passport to a world of knowledge, growth, and inspiration.

Advertisement