On this powerful episode of Marriage Unhindered, Doug Hinderer welcomes Catholic author Leila Miller to discuss a topic most people avoid: divorce and what happens when one spouse wants to stay faithful, but the other walks away. You can listen to the entire episode here.

Leila explains that her mission began after she gathered the voices of adult children of divorce – a group she calls “the invisible ones.” Hearing their lifelong wounds led her to discover another hidden community: abandoned spouses who still believe in the permanence of their vows. These men and women didn’t choose divorce; they were left – but they refuse to “move on.” Instead, they choose to stand for their marriage, to pray, and to live their vow before God, even in loneliness.

Doug and Leila call these faithful ones “standers.” They are the quiet witnesses who say, “I meant what I said on my wedding day. I promised until death, and I will keep that promise.”

Standing for the Vow

Leila and Doug talk about how the Catholic understanding of marriage has changed in modern culture. For nearly 2,000 years, the default expectation was simple: once you married, you stayed married – because a sacramental marriage cannot be undone. Yet in a world shaped by no-fault divorce, Catholics now hear constant pressure to “heal and move on.”

Leila shares that many standers feel isolated and even foolish for holding fast to their vows. Friends and even fellow Catholics might say, “You deserve better” or “Just get an annulment and start over.” But these spouses quietly witness to the truth that love is not a feeling – it’s a choice that endures, even when rejected.

Faithful Until Death

Doug recalls how marriage vows themselves reveal what permanence means: for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health. Half of those words describe hardship – and that’s the point. You don’t need a vow to stay when things are easy. The vow exists for the moments when love feels impossible.

Together, Doug and Leila reflect on how modern Catholics have “inverted” that idea. In past centuries, believers admired someone like Queen Catherine of Aragon, who remained faithful to her vows when her husband, King Henry VIII, abandoned her. Today, most would tell Catherine to “move on.” Yet Leila insists that the Church still calls her example heroic – and every faithful spouse can live that same fidelity.

The Pain of Abandonment

Leila describes the deep pain of being left – it’s not like a death, because rejection adds another layer of suffering. The abandoned spouse often carries shame, confusion, and a sense of failure. Many hide their pain because they feel judged, even in the Church.

Doug adds that standers feel like they’ve let down their families and that they wear a “scarlet letter” as the divorced one. Both agree that the Church needs to see these faithful Catholics, listen to their stories, and support them instead of forgetting them.

What “Standing” Looks Like

Standers don’t live in denial – they know their marriage may never be restored. But they believe that faithfulness has value even when unseen. They continue to pray for their spouse, raise their children in peace, and keep their promise to God.

Leila calls this witness “radically countercultural,” because it reveals the heart of the Gospel: love that endures the cross. These Catholics remind the world what Jesus meant when He said, “What God has joined together, let no man separate.”

Hope and Healing

Doug shares that not every story ends with reunion, but some do. Leila’s book Impossible Marriages Redeemed collects fifteen stories of marriages that were legally over – but later healed. Others never reconciled, yet the faithful spouse found peace in honoring the vow. Either way, they didn’t end the story in the middle.

For couples preparing for marriage, Doug encourages a hard but honest conversation: “Is there any condition under which you would feel free to leave?” He reminds you that Catholic vows mean no escape clause. They are a promise to love “until death,” no matter what storms come.

For those already wounded by divorce, Leila offers compassion and truth: you are not forgotten. Your perseverance is not wasted – it’s a living sign of God’s own faithful love.

The best way to listen to the Best of the Week is on our #1 Free Catholic App. It’s free and always will be! To get and share the Relevant Radio app, check it out here.

On this powerful episode of&nbsp;Marriage Unhindered, Doug Hinderer welcomes Catholic author Leila Miller to discuss a topic most people avoid:&nbsp;divorce and what happens when one spouse wants to stay faithful, but the other walks away. You can listen to the entire episode <a href="https://relevantradio.com/2025/10/till-death-do-us-part-means-forever/">here</a>.
Leila explains that her mission began after she gathered the voices of adult children of divorce &ndash; a group she calls &ldquo;the invisible ones.&rdquo; Hearing their lifelong wounds led her to discover another hidden community: abandoned spouses who still believe in the permanence of their vows. These men and women didn&rsquo;t choose divorce; they were left &ndash; but they refuse to &ldquo;move on.&rdquo; Instead, they choose to&nbsp;stand for their marriage, to pray, and to live their vow before God, even in loneliness.
Doug and Leila call these faithful ones &ldquo;standers.&rdquo; They are the quiet witnesses who say, &ldquo;I meant what I said on my wedding day. I promised until death, and I will keep that promise.&rdquo;
<hr data-start="1827" data-end="1830">
Standing for the Vow
Leila and Doug talk about how the Catholic understanding of marriage has changed in modern culture. For nearly 2,000 years, the default expectation was simple: once you married, you stayed married &ndash; because&nbsp;a sacramental marriage cannot be undone. Yet in a world shaped by no-fault divorce, Catholics now hear constant pressure to &ldquo;heal and move on.&rdquo;
Leila shares that many standers feel isolated and even foolish for holding fast to their vows. Friends and even fellow Catholics might say, &ldquo;You deserve better&rdquo; or &ldquo;Just get an annulment and start over.&rdquo; But these spouses quietly witness to the truth that love is not a feeling &ndash; it&rsquo;s a choice that endures, even when rejected.
<hr data-start="2550" data-end="2553">
Faithful Until Death
Doug recalls how marriage vows themselves reveal what permanence means: for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health. Half of those words describe hardship &ndash; and that&rsquo;s the point. You don&rsquo;t need a vow to stay when things are easy. The vow exists for the moments when love feels impossible.
Together, Doug and Leila reflect on how modern Catholics have &ldquo;inverted&rdquo; that idea. In past centuries, believers admired someone like Queen Catherine of Aragon, who remained faithful to her vows when her husband, King Henry VIII, abandoned her. Today, most would tell Catherine to &ldquo;move on.&rdquo; Yet Leila insists that the Church still calls her example heroic &ndash; and every faithful spouse can live that same fidelity.
<hr data-start="3316" data-end="3319">
The Pain of Abandonment
Leila describes the deep pain of being left &ndash; it&rsquo;s not like a death, because rejection adds another layer of suffering. The abandoned spouse often carries shame, confusion, and a sense of failure. Many hide their pain because they feel judged, even in the Church.
Doug adds that standers feel like they&rsquo;ve let down their families and that they wear a &ldquo;scarlet letter&rdquo; as the divorced one. Both agree that the Church needs to see these faithful Catholics, listen to their stories, and support them instead of forgetting them.
<hr data-start="3883" data-end="3886">
What &ldquo;Standing&rdquo; Looks Like
Standers don&rsquo;t live in denial &ndash; they know their marriage may never be restored. But they believe that&nbsp;faithfulness has value even when unseen. They continue to pray for their spouse, raise their children in peace, and keep their promise to God.
Leila calls this witness &ldquo;radically countercultural,&rdquo; because it reveals the heart of the Gospel: love that endures the cross. These Catholics remind the world what Jesus meant when He said, &ldquo;What God has joined together, let no man separate.&rdquo;
<hr data-start="4418" data-end="4421">
Hope and Healing
Doug shares that not every story ends with reunion, but some do. Leila&rsquo;s book <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Impossible-Marriages-Redeemed-Didnt-Middle/dp/0997989327">Impossible Marriages Redeemed</a> collects fifteen stories of marriages that were legally over &ndash; but later healed. Others never reconciled, yet the faithful spouse found peace in honoring the vow. Either way,&nbsp;they didn&rsquo;t end the story in the middle.
<hr data-start="4775" data-end="4778">
For couples preparing for marriage, Doug encourages a hard but honest conversation:&nbsp;&ldquo;Is there any condition under which you would feel free to leave?&rdquo; He reminds you that Catholic vows mean no escape clause. They are a promise to love &ldquo;until death,&rdquo; no matter what storms come.
For those already wounded by divorce, Leila offers compassion and truth: you are not forgotten. Your perseverance is not wasted &ndash; it&rsquo;s a living sign of God&rsquo;s own faithful love.
<hr>
The&nbsp;best way to listen to the Best of the Week is on our #1 Free Catholic App. It&rsquo;s free and always will be! To get and share the Relevant Radio app, check it out <a href="https://relevantradio.com/listen/get-the-app/">here</a>.

Life can get busy, and it's easy to miss out on the captivating moments from your favorite Relevant Radio shows. But now, we've got you covered! "The Best of the Week - Relevant Radio Podcast" brings you the crème de la crème of Relevant Radio's programming. We carefully curate and compile the most engaging and relevant content from the past week, just for you! Get ready to catch up on faith, culture, current events, and personal growth, all in one convenient and easily accessible podcast. It's like having a front-row seat to the most compelling moments from Relevant Radio's diverse range of shows. So, whether you're an active Relevant Radio listener or new to our programming, "The Best of the Week - Relevant Radio Podcast" is your passport to a world of knowledge, growth, and inspiration.

Life can get busy, and it's easy to miss out on the captivating moments from your favorite Relevant Radio shows. But now, we've got you covered! "The Best of the Week - Relevant Radio Podcast" brings you the crème de la crème of Relevant Radio's programming. We carefully curate and compile the most engaging and relevant content from the past week, just for you! Get ready to catch up on faith, culture, current events, and personal growth, all in one convenient and easily accessible podcast. It's like having a front-row seat to the most compelling moments from Relevant Radio's diverse range of shows. So, whether you're an active Relevant Radio listener or new to our programming, "The Best of the Week - Relevant Radio Podcast" is your passport to a world of knowledge, growth, and inspiration.

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