What does wisdom have to do with a happy marriage? According to Doug Hinderer on Marriage Unhindered, quite a lot.

Drawing from the wisdom of St. Bernard of Clairvaux, Doug shares three practices that can help spouses grow closer to God and each other.

First, give thanks and praise. St. Bernard teaches us to recognize God’s goodness in the small things. Doug applies that directly to marriage: look deliberately for your spouse’s virtues and express your gratitude. Two of the most powerful things a husband or wife can hear are “thank you” and a sincere compliment.

Second, go to confession. Sin clouds our judgment, while the Sacrament of Reconciliation turns us back toward God, the source of wisdom. Doug regularly encourages Catholic couples he works with to make a good confession, especially when their marriage is struggling.

Finally, practice prudence in your expectations and speech. Don’t demand perfection from your spouse. Instead, Doug encourages couples to “celebrate their virtues” and “joyfully tolerate their defects.” That also means rejecting criticism, contempt, sarcasm, put-downs, and belittling.

Ultimately, St. Bernard’s wisdom points back to love—love of God and love of neighbor. For married couples, that begins with prayer.

As Doug reminds listeners, “The more you pray with your spouse, the more you will love your spouse.”

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