This episode of Marriage Unhindered is a must-listen for any parent who has criticized their kid a little too harshly. Doug Hinderer is joined by his therapist daughter, Monica Hinderer, to tackle the BIG question:

 

👉 How do we correct our kids’ bad behavior without damaging their self-esteem?

 

Catch the whole hour here!

 

🤦‍♂️ Why Criticism Backfires (BIG TIME)

 

Kids who grow up hearing constant negativity don’t just “brush it off.” Instead, that critical voice from Mom or Dad becomes their own inner critic: the voice that follows them into adulthood whispering:

 

“You’re not good enough.”

 

“You’ll never get it right.”

 

“You have to be perfect or you’re a failure.”

 

YIKES. 😬

 

Doug and Monica explain how this manifests in adulthood as:


✅ Low self-esteem


✅ Perfectionism 


✅ Negative self-talk


✅ Struggles accepting compliments (No, I swear this dress is actually hideous!)


✅ Being overly critical of others (your spouse will LOVE this trait… not)


✅ Hyper-defensiveness: the feeling that you're always under attack and need to defend, defend, DEFEND!

 

👀 “I’m Not That Critical… Am I?”

 

Parents, consider this: Sometimes what we intend as teaching, our kids hear as criticism. 😲

 

Ever asked your child, “Why’d you do it like that?” or “What were you thinking?” even with the purest heart? They might still perceive it as judgment rather than guidance.

 

And if you have multiple kids, you know that some will shrug off correction, and others will melt into a puddle of self-doubt. (Sensitive kiddos, we see you. 👀)

 

🛠️ The Fix: Critique the Behavior, Not the Child

 

Doug shares an example: Instead of: “What’s WRONG with you?! You broke the window!”


Try: “Oops, the window broke. We need to be more careful where we throw the ball.

 But wow, you’ve got a strong arm: you might be a future MLB pitcher!”

 

See the difference? One shames the child, the other corrects the action while affirming their worth. 🙌

 

💔 What If I’ve Already Messed Up? (We All Have.)

 

The good news? The repair matters MORE than the mistake.

 

If you overreacted, don’t double down: apologize! Doug and Monica say parents sometimes resist this because they think it will make them seem weak. Wrong!

 

💡 Apologizing teaches your child:

 

It’s okay to make mistakes.

 

It’s okay to own up and make amends.

 

Authority figures aren’t perfect (which will help them navigate life later!).

 

We expect our kids to go to confession, right? 🧐 Why not model seeking forgiveness ourselves?

 

🙌 Breaking the Cycle: A Message for Adults Who Grew Up With Constant Criticism

 

If you grew up in a hypercritical home, you might struggle to accept feedback, feel constantly on the defensive, or find it hard to see your own worth. Doug and Monica talk about healing from this:

 

✅ Recognizing the negative self-talk and replacing it with truth


✅ Taking it to prayer: asking God to show you your true worth


✅ Seeking therapy if needed (because Jesus + a good therapist = unstoppable healing)

 

Doug says this those still wrestling with their childhood wounds: "The final chapter of your story isn’t written yet." You can rewrite the script. 🙏

 

🚨 Parents, take this episode as a challenge: Build your kids up, so they don’t have to spend their adulthood recovering from their childhood. ❤️

 

 

 

The best way to listen to the Best of the Week is on our #1 Free Catholic App. It’s free and always will be! To get and share the Relevant Radio app, check it out here.

This episode of Marriage Unhindered is a must-listen for any parent who has&nbsp;criticized their kid a little too harshly. Doug Hinderer is joined by his therapist daughter, Monica Hinderer, to tackle the BIG question:
&nbsp;
👉 How do we correct our kids&rsquo; bad behavior without damaging their self-esteem?
&nbsp;
Catch the whole hour <a href="https://relevantradio.com/2025/01/hyper-defensive-children/">here</a>!
&nbsp;
🤦&zwj;♂️ Why Criticism Backfires (BIG TIME)
&nbsp;
Kids who grow up hearing constant negativity don&rsquo;t just &ldquo;brush it off.&rdquo; Instead, that critical voice from Mom or Dad becomes their own inner critic: the voice that follows them into adulthood whispering:
&nbsp;
&ldquo;You&rsquo;re not good enough.&rdquo;
&nbsp;
&ldquo;You&rsquo;ll never get it right.&rdquo;
&nbsp;
&ldquo;You have to be perfect or you&rsquo;re a failure.&rdquo;
&nbsp;
YIKES. 😬
&nbsp;
Doug and Monica explain how this manifests in adulthood as:
 ✅ Low self-esteem
 ✅ Perfectionism&nbsp;
 ✅ Negative self-talk
 ✅ Struggles accepting compliments (No, I swear this dress is actually hideous!)
 ✅ Being overly critical of others (your spouse will LOVE this trait&hellip; not)
 ✅ Hyper-defensiveness: the feeling that you're always under attack and need to defend, defend, DEFEND!
&nbsp;
👀 &ldquo;I&rsquo;m Not That Critical&hellip; Am I?&rdquo;
&nbsp;
Parents, consider this: Sometimes what we&nbsp;intend as teaching, our kids hear as criticism. 😲
&nbsp;
Ever asked your child, &ldquo;Why&rsquo;d you do it like that?&rdquo; or &ldquo;What were you thinking?&rdquo; even with the purest heart? They might still perceive it as judgment rather than guidance.
&nbsp;
And if you have multiple kids, you know that some will shrug off correction, and others will melt into a puddle of self-doubt. (Sensitive kiddos, we see you. 👀)
&nbsp;
🛠️ The Fix: Critique the Behavior, Not the Child
&nbsp;
Doug shares an example: Instead of:&nbsp;&ldquo;What&rsquo;s WRONG with you?! You broke the window!&rdquo;
 Try: &ldquo;Oops, the window broke. We need to be more careful where we throw the ball.
&nbsp;But wow, you&rsquo;ve got a strong arm: you might be a future MLB pitcher!&rdquo;
&nbsp;
See the difference? One shames the child, the other corrects the action while affirming their worth. 🙌
&nbsp;
💔 What If I&rsquo;ve Already Messed Up? (We All Have.)
&nbsp;
The good news? The repair matters MORE than the mistake.
&nbsp;
If you overreacted, don&rsquo;t double down: apologize! Doug and Monica say parents sometimes resist this because they think it will make them seem weak.&nbsp;Wrong!
&nbsp;
💡 Apologizing teaches your child:
&nbsp;
It&rsquo;s okay to make mistakes.
&nbsp;
It&rsquo;s okay to own up and make amends.
&nbsp;
Authority figures aren&rsquo;t perfect (which will help them navigate life later!).
&nbsp;
We expect our kids to go to confession, right? 🧐 Why not model seeking forgiveness ourselves?
&nbsp;
🙌 Breaking the Cycle: A Message for Adults Who Grew Up With Constant Criticism
&nbsp;
If you grew up in a hypercritical home, you might struggle to accept feedback, feel constantly on the defensive, or find it hard to see your own worth. Doug and Monica talk about healing from this:
&nbsp;
✅ Recognizing the negative self-talk and replacing it with truth
 ✅ Taking it to prayer: asking God to show you your true worth
 ✅ Seeking therapy if needed (because Jesus + a good therapist = unstoppable healing)
&nbsp;
Doug says this those still wrestling with their childhood wounds: "The final chapter of your story isn&rsquo;t written yet." You can rewrite the script. 🙏
&nbsp;
🚨 Parents, take this episode as a challenge: Build your kids up, so they don&rsquo;t have to spend their adulthood recovering from their childhood. ❤️
&nbsp;
&nbsp;
&nbsp;
The&nbsp;best way to listen to the Best of the Week is on our #1 Free Catholic App. It&rsquo;s free and always will be! To get and share the Relevant Radio app, check it out <a href="https://relevantradio.com/listen/get-the-app/">here</a>.

Life can get busy, and it's easy to miss out on the captivating moments from your favorite Relevant Radio shows. But now, we've got you covered! "The Best of the Week - Relevant Radio Podcast" brings you the crème de la crème of Relevant Radio's programming. We carefully curate and compile the most engaging and relevant content from the past week, just for you! Get ready to catch up on faith, culture, current events, and personal growth, all in one convenient and easily accessible podcast. It's like having a front-row seat to the most compelling moments from Relevant Radio's diverse range of shows. So, whether you're an active Relevant Radio listener or new to our programming, "The Best of the Week - Relevant Radio Podcast" is your passport to a world of knowledge, growth, and inspiration.

Life can get busy, and it's easy to miss out on the captivating moments from your favorite Relevant Radio shows. But now, we've got you covered! "The Best of the Week - Relevant Radio Podcast" brings you the crème de la crème of Relevant Radio's programming. We carefully curate and compile the most engaging and relevant content from the past week, just for you! Get ready to catch up on faith, culture, current events, and personal growth, all in one convenient and easily accessible podcast. It's like having a front-row seat to the most compelling moments from Relevant Radio's diverse range of shows. So, whether you're an active Relevant Radio listener or new to our programming, "The Best of the Week - Relevant Radio Podcast" is your passport to a world of knowledge, growth, and inspiration.

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