Doug Hinderer has some practical advice for singles looking for their spouse: Don’t just ask yourself whether you’re attracted to someone. Pay attention to the qualities that could make them a good spouse.

On Marriage Unhindered, Doug shares three signs from relationship researcher Dr. John Gottman.

1. Does the person take a genuine interest in you, asking questions and listening to your answers?
2. Do they treat people well even when there is nothing to gain from it?
3. And are they reliable? Do they do what they say they will do?

Doug adds another essential quality: virtue. Look for someone who is not only striving to be a good person but recognizes that growth is lifelong. Marriage will offer countless opportunities to change, mature, sacrifice, and become more virtuous.

And for Catholics, there is another crucial consideration: being aligned in the Faith. Sharing a commitment to God can provide a strong foundation for building a life and family together.

But how do you actually get to know someone? Doug recommends moving beyond small talk with questions such as: What sparks your curiosity? What are your hobbies? Who do you surround yourself with? What do you spend most of your time thinking about?

Perhaps the most revealing question is: “What does a life well-lived look like to you?”

The answer can reveal someone’s values, hopes, and vision for the future – and whether that future might be one you could build together.

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