Dating can come with plenty of excitement, attraction, and strong emotions. But Doug Hinderer says there is a bigger question to ask before considering marriage: Is this person actually marriageable?

On Marriage Unhindered, Doug reflected on advice from Dr. Harry Benson, who encourages singles to date people with whom they could realistically imagine a future.

“If you can’t see any kind of future with them, then you are wasting your time or probably setting yourself up for heartache,” Benson wrote.

Doug explained that attraction and infatuation cannot carry a lifelong marriage. Marriage requires taking the long view and paying attention to the virtues a potential spouse possesses.

Research discussed by Benson found that qualities such as honesty, kindness, friendship, interest, politeness, and empathy rank highly when young adults consider what they want in a spouse.

“In a word, virtue,” Doug said. “If you wanna become a marriageable person, become a person of virtue.”

And that discernment works both ways. Rather than focusing exclusively on finding the right person, singles should work on becoming someone capable of giving themselves faithfully in marriage.

For Doug, three qualities stand out: kindness, friendship, and sacrifice.

Kindness means treating the person you love with care, especially during conflict. Friendship means genuinely enjoying one another, sharing life, and creating the safety to be yourself. Sacrifice means developing a spirit of service that places your spouse’s needs before your own.

“Marriage is a matter of service,” Doug explained. “My life is one spent in service to you.”

Chemistry may begin a relationship, but virtue helps prepare a couple for a lifelong covenant.

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