Shocking Split?! What Went Wrong...

Published Jan 21, 2021, 4:12 AM

Breaking Bachelor Break-Ups.


Ben and Ashley discuss the breaking news of Clare and Dale’s split! Did they see this coming? What REALLY happened? 


And we try to get to the bottom of why there have been so many Bachelor Nation break-ups recently.

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This is the Benn and Ashley I Almost Famous podcast with her radio Wow Ashley. It is nine thirty at night where I'm at in Orlando, Florida. I'm here for the Dim Resorts Golf tournament, and we felt like it was time to have a special almost famous podcast with the huge Bachelor news that came up this week. Yep, so Claire and Dale broke up. And if you guys are looking at the post on social media, doesn't seem like anybody is surprised. That is kind of sad to say, but I would say that there's been signs. Last week we were talking about how there was a report that there was some tension going on, because actually it wasn't even last week. It was a couple of days ago. Um. She was holding her mom's hand, talking about how it was an emotional day. She wasn't showing off her wedding ring. Claire and Dale hadn't been up, hadn't been seen together on social media for I guess a little over a week. And Dale had also posted a Bible passage, so people were just thinking that they were going through a rough time at the same time. So it put up red flags for the fandom. And just yesterday they confirmed that they broke up. It was kind of interesting the way it unraveled though. So first there was a report from E News that Claire and Dale were taking time apart. They said that they've been fighting a lot recently, that the main disagreement was over lifestyle differences, lifestyle preferences, and that Dale wanted to live in a lively, big city focus on his career and Claire wanted to stay in Sacramento and helped take care of for mom. Bottom line is it was very tense between them. Um. And then there was also an insider who said that Dale felt like he was rushing into something that he was unsure about that were still trying it to know each other, figuring it all out. So the whole BottomLine, like earlier in the day, was that taking some time apart was the theme. But it wasn't that long after that report came out that Dale posted a breakup announcement and this was not a time apart type situation that he was a painting a picture of. He was telling everybody it's done now. Ben. My theory on this. My theory on this is that Claire and Dale felt like they needed to acknowledge all the rumors. So they put out or she put out, this is just speculation that they were taking time apart, and she in her head was thinking, maybe, um, we can reconcile, maybe we can figure this out. I don't want to announce anything like a definitive breakup yet. And then I think that that Dale was like, I'm over it. No, this is a breakup. This isn't time apart, And that's why he went on Instagram and just addressed it himself. I hope not like, I really hope that's not how that's played out. So there's a lot to uncover here. Obviously, we have a whole podcast to talk about it. Actually, just gave you the headlines and everything going on. Actually, I wanted to dissect a little bit of what you said. One of the things is you kind of started out by saying, it doesn't seem like many people were surprised by this. Well, I think there's a few reasons for that, right. One is, the rumors have been swirling for the last week and a half that something was going on, right, so like the surprise had been taken away. I know when you and I first saw the headlines, Uh, that there is trouble and paradise. We both in a sense of this mystic, like there's always these type of rumors with bachelor couples. And then second, as they continued and we started to read why people were assuming this, we were shocked at first as well. But the shock we're off when it just kept happed, like when the headline just kept coming out every day that something was going on. So that's one reason why I don't think it was shocked. The second reason is obviously the storeline that this couple has with fascination. We've never seen anything like this before. You know, they came on a show. A few weeks later, they leave together. Like when they left together, our hope as somebody that like Claire a lot, was like, Hey, I hope she's throwing all of rigs into this basket because she knows that's the right thing. That's why I then, and I want to throw it to you for a second. That's why Then when the comment is made, uh that somebody said Dale felt like they're rushing into something, Well, yes, but he agreed to that, Like you know what, he knew where Claire was at, he knew where she stood, She knew her where her intentions were. He knew that by her saying, Dale, if you're into this thing, like we're going to leave together, Like he knew the risk that she was taking and so like did he just not like a what? Like why now is he gonna over rushing? Like back then there rushing. I feel like I'm going to say something that I don't know for sure, but I think that a lot of people listening will agree with me on I feel like there are a lot of signs from the start. Then he was in it for the fame and his Instagram. It was a little bit worrisome early on, just like the vibes you got from it just seemed like a guy who like wanted the limelight, right, And I think, if I'm going to be super honest, there were a lot of signs during that sit down with Chris Harrison, like I really didn't want to believe it, and especially when I was watching her four weeks of the episodes, I was like, yeah, like I'm into it. I'm just gonna like try not to be so cautious because this is a little bit bizarre, you know, Like I don't think love at first sight is bizarre, but like I do think that it was an unconventional way of like going through your season and leaving really and not really like getting to know the guy completely. But I get it. I get it. I totally get it. And you guys know, like how many times I explained like how you were Actually I was like drawing fully, Yeah, exactly, I was, but not at first. You You Dale won you over because you finally said, I'm gonna shoot, like, I'm liking him because of the way he's speaking to Claire and the way he's reaffirming Claire and the way that he's processing like the quick movement of this relationship. You won his team because you thought he had Claire's best interest in Yeah. So, like I was really hesitant at first, and then I was like, Okay, I'm just going to be who I am truly, which is the internal optimist. And then and I bought it, Like I was totally like all in felt it felt felt it until that sit down with Chris Harrison, and I just thought there was like a lot of bi language things, like I just felt like he was like trying to he was forcing a smile. I think when she said babies, it's wild that stood out like everyone everyone so clearly like yes it's TV, and yes we watch this and a lot of times like did it really happen that way? But live TV doesn't lie. And when we all saw that, we went something's wrong here, Yeah, we all did. And like I think some of us try to laugh it off, be like, oh my god, she went straight for the babies and he said marriage. But if you rewatch that clip like I did this week, it's like all over his face that he's kind of like, oh God, what have I gotten myself into? I wonder if that's a moment to hit like one of the moments to hit him, But you know, it's what Okay, So if you know that your opinion, um, what you're intelli to is like hey, using it for the fame, I wouldn't disagree with you. I think, like a lot of people are. I think he came onto this excited. I mean his Instagram profile said that he wanted to be a host. Is that the career now? Like you think he's focusing on do we know, like is that kind of is the modeling and hosting the career path he's going down? And he was maybe at first going on the show, like a lot of people do to say, hey, this is going to help that career, and now he found himself in a relationship and now he's like, well, crap, I don't know what to do, which just like, seriously, no shame to that. Like I've been very honest that, like I had those sorts of intentions as well going on the show. But I also, like I've said a ba jillion times, I knew that my number one priority in life was finding love, was having a family and all that, and Claire just made it so clear that like marriage and children were her priority in this that I think it was a little bit I don't know what the right word is, Well, certainly unfortunate that I don't think that Dale was ready for that. And I say that because that is one of the things that the insiders are saying. I don't even know if it's an insider. I think it actually might be Dale himself, um who says that he just isn't ready for kids in marriage right now, which is fine, But then you don't go on Claire Crawleys season. You don't do that. You can go on you can you could go on somebody else's season and then be like okay, and then we're gonna we're gonna date and we're gonna be engaged and we're gonna enjoy that for like two years. But you know that Claire wanted that immediately and definitely. Well, actually, uh, let's take a break here. When we came back, I want to talk to you about some headlines leading up to, you know, their breakup that confused me and I need your clarity on we'll be back with the almost furna this podcast. All right, Ashley, I don't think it was any more than a week here, maybe two episodes ago that we had read a headline that Dale had gone onto the bachelorette. He was obviously asked on, but he only went on because Claire Crawley was the bachelorette, like and he and this obviously was a recent article. So he was speaking about this and and saying it with you know, positive with positive words about Claire not more than two weeks ago. So do you think this breakup kind of like when do you think it ended? Um? Because I remember the headline that came out this said he only went on this season for Claire also was kind of coming out alongside the headlines that were saying, hey, there, this isn't going well for Dale and Claire. Okay, I actually feel like some sort of back alleyway I know when it happened, because you know that beach house that they spent some time at a couple of weeks ago, maybe like a month or so ago, it's called it's called Lahoya Beach House. Um, well, they reached out to us to see if we wanted to have a little stay there as well. So I was going back and forth with the owner and they were like, Claire and Dale are right are there right now? Um, they just can't get enough of it there. And that was a week ago, last Friday, So that was like okay, so maybe almost two weeks ago. Okay, So I feel like that was I'm totally speculating here, but that really aligns with the meaning at those Instagram posts. So I think that that was like their last trip together, like the last extended period of time I had together. Yeah. Well, uh, I mean, I know there's there's a lot of speculation going on here, and I know having a kind of like a rush podcast about a breakup seems and sensitive. But let's stop here and just say, like we're just trying to talk about something it's obviously bigger in Bachelor Nation. And really this whole podcast is to go through a lot of the recent breakups and bachelation because there has been a tome quarantine has been hard on people, and it's it's left some couples kind of looking for answers. Uh, breakup suck, um, and they really suck when you're there. They're talked about publicly, but they're gonna be talked about publicly as part of going on the show. We're invested into the love stories of these couples. Uh. I do want to stop here though and say, Ashley, I really feel for Claire just so much, Like she really wanted this opportunity. We've been always speak to her privately a few months back, and like being the Bachelor was a big deal to her. She was very excited for it. Um, she thought this was her chance that love. Remember Chris Harrison telling her like this big chance that love, and she felt like she got that second opportunity. And now she finds herself it sounds like single again. Um. I mean it just sucks. Like it's just hard to it's hard to process. Yeah, it's just hard to process. Where Claire is sitting, because we all know Claire was very invested in this. Where does this leave Claire? Actually, you know Claire fairly well, Like what where does this leave her? Um? I mean, I just hope that she finds somebody like right away and it's a big laughing the in Dale's face, because she'll end up getting her happily ever after. And maybe if it's like the way that you did, maybe this guy sees her on the show, or like she's led to this person because of her involvement in the show. I don't know, And I just want to clarify what I said earlier about Dale not being ready for marriage and kids. That was from the source. Um, he's the source says he did have feelings for Claire, but just wasn't on the same page as her. He was hoping it would grow, um and he would come around to this, but just no, Well it's heartbreaking. Ben. Do you remember how excited I was, like so so excited when Claire was announced as the bachelorette, And I was like, nobody is more deserving than this, And I hate using that we're deserving in this situation because I think everybody truly deserves love. But everything that she went through and like the way she carries herself, I just really felt like it was her time. Well, her time might not be up, actually be as there's a recent turn of events. Uh, Dispatch nations very Spencer Robinson, if you remember, I think he received as like first impression resume. We've never really heard from him again. Um, he has already shot his shot with Clear on Instagram publicly. Is it too soon to do that? It's not too soon for Spencer to do that, That's cute. It would be too soon for Claire to accept via Twitter or Instagram? Okay, what do you Yeah? You agree? Yeah, I mean we've we've talked about any times on the podcast. How soon is too soon? I don't know if you can answer that, Like, I don't know if there is a good answer. We've asked everybody. Um, it's whenever Claire feels like she's ready. And but yes, Spencer has reached out to her. Um, he's obviously interested. Uh. You know, I think we could probably assume that he went on to the season expecting Claire to be the bachelor at Yeah, so he you know, we know he has intrigued there. Uh not against it. I'm glad he kind of did it. Maybe a little too soon for him, like maybe he should have just take a step back if he's really interested in this and said, Okay, let me give her some time to heal. But then again, like what if she is to find somebody, you know, Prince Charming in the corner, he would miss a shot. So hey, I can't hate the guy for it. Um Now, Ashley to kind of close this thought about Dale and Claire, uh, we we have heard that they're trying to work through this. This is came in from a couple of sources that yes, they're taking time apart. Yes they you know this isn't going well, but they are trying to work through it. Do you believe they're working through it? Do you believe the Claire and Dale story is over? If you had to guess, no, I think it's over. I think that's why he put kind of like the bullet through it yesterday when he posted that Instagram, because she hasn't said anything yet, so I think he was like, this is over. Don't want anybody to think that there's hope. And I think it's so sad, Like it's so sad. I know, like, there were just so many breakups this year that we'll go into. But like this one deaf when really ranks as far as the heart ranch goes, it really does what it has actually just mentioned. There has been a couple of breakups in Bachelor Nation this year. Some hurt really bad. Most of them hurt really bad. Breakups just hurt in every way. Uh, we're gonna talk about all these breakups kind of run through the list. Um and when we come back with almost Fanas podcast, Well we're back. We're gonna talk about the breakups this uh, well within the last like twelve months in Bachelor Nation. Uh. This list is surprising because there's a lot of people here we know, we love. Uh, it's just not ideal. And obviously with the recent news of Dale and Claire, which is huge news and Bachelor Nation, it's a it's a lead and and their partner breaking up. We have to talk about it this week because we didn't get to it on the last episode this week because it hadn't happened yet. Well, Ashley, let me read through this list. There's another big breakup that was announced and this one, this one really hurts too. It's Brees styles and Chris Watson announced their breakup in January. This January, I mean that one's really hard. They're they're from Listen to Your Heart. That one sucks. And then um, JP and Ashley obviously that was the one that shocked that donation. The next one is one that I know you have a heart tied to Carly and Evan. Yeah. Um, Crystal and Chris, Now that's one that's like really was hard to hear. You know. We like when it happened, We're like, man, we were there at the wedding, We're excited for them. But then it looks like Crystal has like found her perfect match, and so what do you do? Do you sell? You know, it was hard at first, but now we celebrate her. Um. Becca and Garrett, Now that's one, Yeah that like, you know, I was with him on a bus and there was no signs at the time. I could have never told you that. And then it ended and they've both got their separate ways. Garrett, you know, I think it's still dating the girl that he moved on to after Becca. Becca's in l A. Now, Um, that one was wild. And then Peter and Kelly, Uh, that one, I would say it feels most like Clarendale. It was like, what's really going on here? This seems wild, this seems crazy. Nobody can keep up with it. So like, but I mean, that's a wild list. And and the one that I don't want to dismiss and I want to hear your thoughts on is the one Breathe and Chris from Listen to Your Heart. I mean I watched that show for the podcast, and not a lot of people in Batchel Nation watched that show, but we watched that show because we covered it. And that was a couple that you're like, this is magical, Like this this show is gonna work for at least one couple and it's all been worth it. That one's tough. Yeah. I felt it between them too. I guess I feel like for them, it like probably was a distance thing. I just don't know if they ever really like decided to move closer to each other. But then you know, there's the age old. If you really need to be with somebody, you figure that out. So they probably weren't meant to be. Yeah, Well, a lot of breakups and Batchel Nation this year. Hey, somebody's been there. I'm sorry. This sucks. It's not fun. It's not fun to have to listen to a podcast that people talk about it. It's not fun to see that on TV. But I mean, it is what you sign up for. Um. You know you sign up to find love. You also sign up for with the risk that that love is gonna work and that everybody is going to talk about your breakup. And here's the truth. Um, the hope I guess, because I know from my experience too, is uh that you're better for it, that you find the love of your life. That Claire finds love of for life. We want Dale to find that as well, and all these other couples that we just talked about. Um, but until you can do that, there is some grieving that's going to take place, I know from experience. In and in just a second, we're gonna have one of our favorite guests, Dr Hillary Goldscher. She came on to a past episode just a few months ago. She is a licensed clinical psychologist with a private practice in Beverly Hills and specializes in treatment of couples, relationships, depression, anxiety, trauma, grief, and eating disorders. We're going to just dig into what it's like to go through a breakup how do you process best, and then how do you speak to somebody? I think, um, who is within that trauma and who has been hurt? Dodger. Why has more bachelor couples broken up this year than any other year in the past. Well, I don't think that we can ignore that that we are in a pandemic and all of the restrictions and intimacy requirements that that bestows upon couples. And so whether it's a distance challenged or a um distance challenge from the standpoint of being away from each other or together too much, I think it certainly can bring to the forefront issues that can get diluted, and particularly in the bachelor world by all the outside noise and stuff, um, the fame and the excitement of the activity and attention, I think can dilute some of the core issues that perhaps more easily and painfully reveal themselves in a pandemic setting. You know, it's so it's interesting, It's always helpful talk to you because obviously we sit and we just had we've had a whole podcast talking about breakups, and you know, Astley I were texting before this was like, hey, does this feel insensitive? And obviously we have to cover the news, and we have to cover what's going on in bachelination. But just like last weeks with you, how do you talk to somebody that's like just fresh out of into a breakup, like they're just starting to like recon this new season a lot? How do you become a friend to them? How do you speak to them? Yeah? I love that you asked that question. I think it's so important because I think people have go to tactics in these kind of scenarios, sensitive scenarios that may not be useful. Either they want to move people off of the like painful difficult feeling, or they want to avoid it so as not to provoke the painful difficult feeling. And I think, as we talked about last time, UM though in a different context, that empathy is the best place to start. Empathy and acknowledgement, that being able to say, I know you're going through a tough time, I'm so sorry. That has to be so hard, and not being able, not trying to push them to another spot, not trying to use like platitudes are hyperbole, like you're gonna be okay, there's so many great guys out there for you, um or whatever, folks might say as as meaning to be of support, but um disallowing the person to kind of linger um this difficult season of life that they're experiencing. Nobody likes to go to go to someone and say I'm really suffering and have someone else say some version of like, you're gonna be okay? Right? That is so annoying. But is it bad that I just said, Like, my greatest hope for her is that she finds a guy right away and can show him well, look, I think things can coexist, right, and we can we can we can have these things all co exist. We can both say to someone I'm so sorry you're in pain. I'm I'm so available to sit with you in it. We don't have to fix it in this moment. You can just be in the messiness of it. And we can also hold out hopes and wishes for them right that. I hope you find love. I hope it happens quickly. I hope that the suffering um doesn't last as long as um one might imagine. Right, those things can co exist, and I think it's okay to allow them to. After you've spent enough time lingering in the difficult parts with someone it's it's really important to linger in difficult spaces with people and not um try to move over them too quickly. People can feel abandoned or not seen or heard if we do that, even if we have the best of intentions. How common is it in relationships to have one person to have the breakup be over the speed of the relationship, like I want to have kids and get married right now, and the other person being like, WHOA, I'm not in that place of life. I think that's a regular theme that emerges for folks, and it can be a heartbreaking one because people can have a lot of love for each other and be compatible in so many critical ways, but if that lifestyle piece is misaligned, um, reasonable reasonable people will decide that they probably shouldn't say together. Do you know that if people have different ideas about what their timelines are uncritical life stuff like marriage and kids, religion, et cetera, that it makes sense I'll be at quite painful decisions to make. It makes sense to decide to part ways if those those differences can't be bridge and that happens a lot for people on those are the sources of some of the biggest heartbreaks is when there's love there, but you can't um um find a way to to bridge that gap. Well, it brings us into kind of a question that I think so many people ask, and right now it feels like a good time to ask you if you were to give your high level I don't know if there is one on when a relationship is no longer healthy and when it does need to end? What are the signs? Um? If anybody's out there listening in a relationship but they're like, hey, I just don't know where this is going, I don't know if this is right or wrong, how would you guide them? How would you counsel them? Yeah? I mean I mean starting from the general and maybe breaking down to the more specific. I mean, if if there is pain more often than pleasure, a conflict more often than peace, if the rhythm of the relationship is intervening with you know, daily functioning, your relationships with your family, being effective at work, your sense of your own self concept um, those are our times that we really need to do some deep reflection whether or not a relationship is serving us, you know. So I think that's a more general answer, but a really critical one that when it becomes um uh, invasive in our daily functioning and in the critical areas of our life that we want to be UM content and peaceful is when we really need to do deep assessment and deep evaluation. And one of the things that we were just talking about is is having conflict or misalignment around critical issues. And of course UM communication styles and ability to navigate conflict is critical. I'm a couple of therapist with couples all the time on on managing conflict UM and building intimacy and navigating difficult topics. So it's not that if you have trouble in these areas you should just you know, break up. That's that's a mark of of any couple really is to struggle on some of these critical issues. But if UM you find no way through even with UM uh professional help or deep support from family or friends or pastors or um you know, other areas of support and you can't find your way through UM, it's it's important to do that that deep reflection whether or not the relationship is serving you. So we saw with Chris and Crystal, she moved on real quick, UM, like really quick. Is there such thing as moving on too soon? I Mean, it's such a tough one. I I don't think, UM, you know, one size fits all and UM we I'm sure everyone I'm in your audience knows someone who's moved down too quickly and it didn't serve them. And I'm sure everyone in the audience knows someone who moved on quote too quickly and it did serve them that it worked out. So I don't think we can we can come up with sort of one approach UM that makes the most sense. But to the extent that UM, one needs to self reflect on what didn't work in a relationship and how UM their own contribution to the dynamics that were dysfunctional, UM, how it showed up, how it emerged, how they managed it, where it comes from. Those sorts of self evaluations and analysis are critical not just to be in a relationship, but critical to one one's own personal sort of sense of groundedness and happiness. So I think post a relationship, it's a good time to do a deeper dive into some of those issues. But how we move through the world, how we move through the relationship. I would always recommend UM, to the extent possible, take time to to have a post relationship like UM analysis you know, to understand what worked and what didn't work, what we want moving forward, what we don't UM. But sometimes timing um is a funny thing, and someone shows up in our life UM at a time that arguably is an ideal, But somehow we can find a way to to merge. So UM, I'm saying two things that could be considered conflictual. But in the in the world of love, it it can be. Um. It's not always linear. Mm hmm. It's a It's such a great note for me that I'm writing down here is the self awareness, the analysis, taking time afterwards to be honest with yourself and be honest with the situation and learn from it. Like I mean, how great a teacher than pain? And it's uh, there's obviously a lot of couples going through a lot of painful things right now, and uh learning from that feel special. So you know, to kind of close here, um, just because we're on the topic. Oftentimes, Uh, you know, the breakup brings people into a place of anxiety or or depression or there's a lot of trauma involved. How do you how are we to be good friends? And then how do we also notice the signs of those things after a breakup. Yeah, I mean, I think people sometimes fear that mentioning sadness or asking about someone's grieving period will somehow make the grieving worse or bring up something uncomfortable that the person wasn't UM currently thinking of. But that's not really how it goes people, UH sort of. Studies show UM areas in arenas around this that UM when people bring up feelings that are suppressed or already inside of us at a make the feeling worse. It in fact helps it to come up and out of us, rather than living inside of us and becoming UM toxic or creating symptoms, you know, like anxiety or depression or isolation. So all of this to say that asking you know, how how are you doing, or noticing you still seem really sad, you really seem like you're struggling, how can I help? And if you notice that someone's really struggling, UM, you know that symptoms are impeding daily functioning that you help guide them to UM the notion of UM outside professional interventions. As you said, the aftermath of a of a breakup can be really traumatic and cause a lot of brief and depression anxiety. UM sort of uh, an interruption of oneself concepts, and those can be really big critical things and so sometimes a friend and familiar support is enough and sometimes outside UH support is required. So I would say like acknowledging and noticing out loud and not avoiding the dis comfort of that well as always, Dr gold Shirt's so great to have you on. Thank you once again for coming and talking to us about some tough topics. UH. This really helps summarize and put everything that we've talked about before into a helpful place. DOCKR Gould Scher, thank you, thank you. That'sua. Thanks for having me. Guys by. Okay, well, weird episode because you know, it feels weird for us to talk about people's breakups, but you know, this is sort of like a huge headline, and that's what we do here on the Almost As podcast. We have to talk about huge headlines and Bachelor Nation. So our hearts go out to Claren Dale. Um. Oh, it's sad, it's really sad. Um, but we hope the best for them. And until next week we have better news and we try to find Matt James a wife. I've been actually and I've been been. We'll talk to you later. Guy followed the Bennon Ashley I Almost Famous podcast on iHeart Radio or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts. M

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Fan Favorite and one of the most popular Bachelors Ben Higgins and Ashley Iaconetti, the notorious c 
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