Today, our conversation with actor and writer Abbi Jacobson! We sat with Abbi last summer around the release of her latest series, A League of Their Own (5:35), to discuss the legacy of the 1992 film (10:35), her earliest comedic influences (15:05), moving to New York City post-college (21:04), falling in love with improv at UCB (25:08), the night she met Ilana Glazer (32:40), and a handful of memories creating Broad City (37:20).
On the back-half, Abbi tells the story behind her book I Might Regret This (43:33), how heartbreak brought her to Los Angeles (46:22), what she hopes her sixty-year-old self looks like (50:42), and why she wants to continue making ‘inviting work’ (54:12). To close, she tells us a love story (1:03:16).
You can watch the first season of A League of Their Own on Amazon Prime.
To learn more about Abbi and her work visit our site.
Pushkin. This is talk Easy.
I'm student forgo SOO. Welcome to the show.
Today, we're returning to our conversation with actor, writer, and comedian Abby Jacubson. In twenty fourteen, Abby created broad City with friend and collaborator Alana Glazer. The show, of course, revolved around two women in their twenties trying to make it in New York's It ran for five seasons on Comedy Central, but near the end of that chapter, showrunner and producer Will Graham approached Jacobson with a new idea to make a TV version of the nineteen ninety two film A League of their Own. Like the iconic movie itself, the show charts the creation of a women's professional baseball team in Rockford, Illinois, but that's about where the similarities end. Instead, in this reimagining, Jacobson and the show at large are more interested in the role of queerness, race, and gender. The groundbreaking series arrived last summer back in twenty twenty two, when Abby and I first sat down to talk. In the years since, Amazon had decided to green light an abbreviated second season. However, recently, as studios continue to complain that the strikes they caused are hurting their bottom line. Amazon has elected to reverse that prior decision, leaving the last chapter of this story untold. A League of their Own is not the first casualty of this dual labor strike, but I imagine it's not a coincidence that many of the initiatives being abandoned or the shows being canceled often focus on stories told by black, brown and folks from the LGBTQ plus communities. As this historic strike in Hollywood continues on, we wanted to celebrate the one year anniversary of the show and of course, the family that made it. If you haven't checked out A League of their Own, I highly recommend you do so. You can find a link to watch it on our website or in the description of this episode. For today, my conversation with Abby, which unpacks her early comedic influences, her years striking out in New York after college, finding her way at UCB, the whirlwind of broad City, across country road trip fueled by heartbreak, and a whole lot more. This is Abbi Jacobson, Abby Jacobson, how are you feeling?
I feel good, I do feel nervous.
Why's up?
I love this podcast? And I think you're one of the best.
Interviewers, and that makes you nervous kind.
Of to be the one being interviewed. Yeah, a little bit.
Is this how you thought it would go?
It's a really nice space. I hadn't like visualized it. I like the setting. I like this.
We have wine beautiful.
Yeah, we're doing a late night talk easy.
This is the.
New category.
I would be happy to do this at any time.
I'm very happy to be here.
Where to begin. You have this new show called A League of Their Own. It's less of a recreation of the nineteen ninety two movie and more of a reimagining of the story, as you say, opening up the lens of women in the nineteen forties who wanted to play baseball. So why don't we start here? Why did you want to tell this story in twenty twenty two?
So I loved this film. It was one of those films. It was probably like that and The Mighty Ducks and Sister Act, The TRIFACTA Yeah, yeah, where I was like, I see something in here that is me. This is like mind blowing in whatever way. And I was still making Broad City when Will Graham, who's the co creator with me, asked me. We were just acquaintances. First time we went to dinner, and he asked me if I wanted to do this with him. We're in New York and I was in season four of Broad City, and I we were not like ending it necessarily yet, and I was like, I don't know, like if I can manage book of these, but yes I must. I think that first conversation really defines why we wanted to do this, which is the film is over here and will forever be over here as one of the like nineties classics that people love. It's so nostalgic and so much of the spirit and the joy that film holds true when you watch it.
Now and can't be remade.
No, can't be.
And we were never trying to be like, let's redo that. And so while you know the spirit and the joy, I just spoke of, that's the thing we're really trying to do in ours as well. But Penny Marshall had limitations in ninety two when she was making it and like, what, like what kind of stories you can tell? Listen, We're still up against it now, but I think we're able to tell a much wider scope of different kinds of stories right now, and so that's why Will and I really wanted to dive into the stories that we're missing in the movie, and so that ends up being a lot of characters that were not featured in the film. Like the film really focuses on this one league, the All American Girls Professional Baseball League, which is what are the Peaches are? And was a door that opened for some women, all white women or white passing women, straight seeming women. And our show is really diving into a lot of different kinds of women. So that happens to be queer women, that happens to be Black women, that happens to be LATINX women, that happens. I just think that was like a big intention of like really showing a range of women in the nineteen forties that the two hour film couldn't do in that two hour real estate. Hopefully we'll get to do more, but yeah, I think it was really exciting. Like, you know, we got a chance to talk to Penny Marshall before she died, which.
Is like, what did her voice sound like?
Like, I was like wow, kind of like micro oh. I was trying to though, Bryana thalas Thorium, These women I couldn't do everything. She kind of talked a little bit about that because we had been developing the show. You know, we pitched the show in twenty seventeen, so this has been a pretty long process. You know. We always sort of had these two worlds and the hinge of the show. So the character I play Carson, and the character that Chante Adams play is Max. The pilot is the biggest homage of the film, and it's sort of those worlds are defined by the scene in the film where there's a foul ball and a black woman picks up the full ball and chucks it back to Geena Davis and she doesn't say anything, but like, you know, like that was a hard throw and that woman is really good and is not allowed to be in this space because she's black.
And then nothing.
That's the one bit that you get of why there's only white women on the team. And we asked Penny about that, and that's when she said, you know, I was really trying to tell this story about this league, and that was my opportunity to nod to some of the flaws of the league. And we really wanted to not just nod to all those things. You know, I think the film is somehow this like iconic queer film as well, and there's like no one queer, But you know, we really wanted to focus on those characters that were not in the film.
You said in a recent interview, there are two hands in the show. The one we're used to seeing the white woman who wants to play baseball, and the other is Max, played by Chante Adams. When Will came to you in twenty seventeen and pitched the show at dinner, were you initially interested because of the black and queer stories you could tell in the modern age?
We didn't specifically say that at dinner. I think it was more recognizing that that film was really just so white and that film felt very exclusionary in that way, and like what about the other stories? And that was like the beginning of like, if we're going to do this, we're going to go in all the other directions. And then the more research we did, and we had full time researchers, that's so not my wheelhouse, I believe it or not. Broad City we did not have a researcher on staff the whole time.
You didn't have someone researching how to properly smoke a joint on screen.
It was listen.
It was one of the hats I wore so many hats I wore.
You took that for the team? Did did someself free labor?
Yeah?
Comedy Central didn't want to pay for the research.
They did not, And you can leave that in.
Oh the editors are just marking this. They're bowling. This is actually this is a social breakoup ye.
Yeah, yeah, Oh, it's going to be this is tweetable. They did not pay me. No, the you know, there's so m many stories and so many important stories that I felt very honored to be telling about like a great responsibility to try our best to really tell what their lives would have been like. And so our researchers like brought materials and like sort of researching all aspects of life at the time. So it's like to be a woman, was like to be a black one, what it was like to be a Mexican American woman, and then like trying to play baseball, and then the war and then there's just like endless things. And so the more we started researching, the more that started to define the stories we wanted to tell.
One of the women that was an influence for you. Her name is Mabel Blair. She's ninety five years old. She was a gay woman at the time closeted. Closet was that an influence for your character.
Maybell was a very broad influence in a lot of the queer characters on the show that especially in the League, but also just in sort of what it was like to be queer at the time, and her stories a little bit later than we were in nineteen forty three in the beginning of the story, and so talking to Maybell, I mean and I can tell her story now because a month ago at our screening at Tribeca, we're doing a panel after and she sits there and publicly came out for the first time at ninety.
Five, which was like unbelievable.
I have chills right now. It was unbelieve It was a really special night, and she'd come out to us, but that experience of hers was very private to us. So she's been a consultant on the show, but like we were very careful to share whose inside look into that world we were using and we're using a lot of other historical references to showcase what it was like to be closeted. In like the spaces that were safe and not for her, you know. Finding the league was probably the first time where she and she said, this was the first time where she was like, I'm not the only one. And it was this little bubble where she found other queer women and then would go and go to like gay bars and be like, it's not even just us. It's like the world is way bigger than what I thought. And Carson, the character I play, is married to man and has been for a long time, sort of childhood sweetheart who she loves and finds herself in this league and is sort of like cracked open by this person she meets, and the world is revealed to be way bigger in the same way that I think it was for me. Abel. So like that feeling and that experience is very much Carson's. I mean, I think that's like the arc of my character and the season is really knowing who she is in a way bigger way. I think that Max's character that Chante Adams plays, I mean, she's based on three women who Tony Stone made me Johnson and Connie Morgan who were not allowed to try out in this league and ended up playing in the neager leagues with men, which is a story I did not know until like right around when Will and I were talking about this, And how do we not.
Know that you've done such a good job telling other people's stories in this show. And since you know our show so well, you know that we have to try to tell your story now. Oh I know?
Okay?
Are you okay? Yeah, we'll see you bummed out.
I'm gonna know, we'll see what happens. I'm gonna just keep sitting in my wine.
Okay. So, growing up in Wayne, Pennsylvania, I want to pinpoint the first comedic bit that you took part in, and I believe it had to do with your grandfather Harry.
Oh yeah, So in my family we called our grim not none of my grandparents are alive anymore, but we called them Mum and pop up. So my pup up Jack and my pupa Parry. They were both really funny and I do think a lot of my sense of humor comes from the two of them. My Papa Parry was always about like pranks and he would like I think you're referring to this story where we would go down the shore, which is what Philly people call the South Jersey Shore kind of around Atlantic City area, and so we had just eaten dinner and you like pull me into the kitchen and he was like, Okay, we have dessert. I'm gonna smash your face into it. And that was like just something like we would just do that public ruin dessert.
What was a dessert?
Oh man, it was some pie with cream on it, but it was I feel like we would do that a lot, like the willingness to ruin it, like no one's eating that of course, or the laugh sort of ingrained in me, like the laugh is important, more important, more important than the food. Yeah, And I feel like I was probably like four or fives like early on, just sort of like that that joy, that getting that reaction is worth the ruining dessert, Like we'll find something else, you know, for everybody. And then like my other grandfather was just like the funniest guy. I don't know if you my pop up jack, Like, do you remember in the nineties guys would wear their jeans like super low and like show their boxers.
Did that end in the nineties And it's kind of coming.
Back around, but like it was very like low hanging jeans and like I don't know, like my brother was doing it, and so like I just remember my grandfather just walking like nonchalantly like that just to like fuck with my brother, who thought he was like the coolest. I don't know. It was like so subtle things, this little like what could we do to get them? Was how I felt with my grandparents a little bit.
Well, it's funny you mentioned your brother you made a bet with him at age ten that by the time you were twenty, you'd be on us.
And now, yeah, I did.
And I'm not saying that you owe him money, but I think you owe money.
I ow them one hundred dollars.
Okay.
I was really into SNL. It was on reruns on Comedy Central. Comedy Central was also like a very popular channel in my household, which is like so cool later in my life.
And but you were so obsessed with it that you started writing a letter. What did ten year old Abbey write in a letter to the head of SNL.
It was like, not aggressive, but kind of a little aggressive. It was like you better watch out because I'm gonna be but like as a kid, it was more like you better watch out because I'm coming. But in text it could read like you better watch out, because I'm gonna fucking come.
Through that door like it like it could have read definitely got.
To be aggressive. How else were you gonna go?
I know, and I was very I was definitely more confident then than I think I am now. I think my confidence I was talking about this today. I can be super confident, and I think you have to have a certain level of confidence to like do this stuff. But then there's like such cycles of doubt and insecurity. Whereas that ten year old was sort of watching that show just so in awe of the characters and feeling like, well, I'm gonna write him a letter and let him know that by the time I'm twenty, I'm gonna be on that show. I was just really into it. I was mostly into the first couple seasons. Gilda was my girl, like I would really watch those early days. But actually the person that was most significant was Mike Myers.
For a long time, I believe you liked Mike Myers so much that in eighth grade as a student council representative. Yeah, you reported the monthly issues doing a Mike Myers character. Yeah, the floor is yours.
Oh yeah, Oh my god. So long Hello and welcome to Corfee Talk. My name is Linda Richmond. I'm here with Sammy f talking on the turk Easy. We don't have coffee, we have wine.
To walk ammixt your selves. I have not done that in a really long time.
How do you feel?
Only for you? But I'm like, I gotta tell you, it's like riding a bike.
That was great. You know, I'm honored that you would do it.
I can't believe I did it for this show.
Of course, I also like needed to prove that I could. So I was like student council representative from my homeroom, which means like once a month you go to the meetings. They tell you what's going on in school, and you come back and you tell the class. And I again like I hadn't ever really performed. I was like I was an athlete as a kid. I played like every sport my older brother played. But I kind of had this itch of like that's what I wanted to do, And so I did coffee talk to tell them that there was like a dance on Sunday and they ate it up and I think getting the reaction from the adults, you can tell if it's fake I think it was where I was like, this is working, Like I can get the laughs that I'm like where I wrote the laughs I got, which was so new to me, and I would do that every month and then we like went on a field trip and I did it at this campfire there. But I don't think that growing up, I was ever the kid that you would be like, she's gonna be an actor, like except for that little piece.
Except that's exactly what you wanted to be and that confidence. It didn't get you on SNL, but it did bring you to New York in August of two thousand and six and in that first week wanting to be an actor. Yeah, you find yourself at the Atlantic Theater Conservatory. Yeah, how did you feel about those classes? Yeah?
So I went to undergrad at the school called Micah in Baltimore, which is fine Art, which is hilarious, Like to be a fine artist is not an easier route than doing this, but I was. It's so it's more tangible, like I could draw and you can see like I can draw, and no one I knew does this or this is just like what are.
You doing by this? You mean acting?
Acting, writing, like any film TV, like that is just sort of like this wild dream, Like I just didn't know anyone that went and did that as a career. And so while I was in MICA, i minored in video, which allowed me to like experiment with characters and things like that, and I sort of realized that I'd always thought about being an actor and never really allowed myself to do it. And then so when I was graduating, I applied to Atlantic. It was Dramatic Conservatory and it was legit, and I auditioned and got into your program, moved to New York. Dream I mean, I worked at the Anthropology at Rockefeller Center, still holding out, which is where SNL is. It sucked, It's ass, It's just not how my brain works. It really is interesting to think about how people learn and process and can feel confident, and that place for me was like the stripping away of all those things.
How did you know that it wasn't for you?
I think a lot of people have different opinions about art school. I feel very privileged that I got to go to a place that was like all about exploration and it felt like a space that was very improvisational and open, and this was like so closed and like looking at a sentence of dialogue, analyt like it was like this deep micro analysis. My brain like just shut off. It was like turning off the blinds, and I couldn't function in the classes and it was devastating, and I'm like, move to New York. Everyone knew I was doing this, and I had like this breakdown because I would lose my deposit if I didn't make the choice quickly to quit.
So you're on the northeast corner of fifteenth Street in Eighth Avenue.
Yeah, kind of mental brain fully crying. Which if you've ever been to New York, there's you've seen someone doing that.
I've been someone doing that.
Yeah. I think anyone that has lived in New York has had that. And I think it was just like I'm the first person in my family to like leave Philadelphia, and I felt like I was like going after this big thing and then I'm like, I can't do it.
When you look at that twenty two year old that moved there with huge dreams and rose colored glasses and within a week had to redefine what they wanted. What do you see?
My first thought is I'm so happy that that happened, and that that twenty two year old went through that and had to then like slosh through the messiness. And I've thought about that quite a bit, because I mean, that's fully what broad Cities about, that feeling of moving there, that specific city, and what the highs and lows feel like. There was so much about what we were trying to do on broad City, and like, I feel like I would never have known it at the time, where I was like so devastated with that was a big failure, and like, but all the little mini ones and all the little mini wins, I didn't know at the time that that was sort of building this inventory for me, Like I didn't even know I wanted to be a writer then.
So I want to figure out how you got to making Broad City because after that happens, you're in a kind of depressed days in what you've called the quickly Quitting My Dreams movement of two thousand and six, And in that a roommate of yours suggests that you go to UCP and watch a show. Yeah, when the lights go down and you're sitting there by yourself, what happens in that experience.
Yeah, my roommate Jess, who I had gone to Mic go with to undergrad with. So I had done video work at Mike, and I was like really scrambling, just like what am I doing here? And we were at home and she's like, I really, have you ever heard of the Upright Citizens Brigade? And I had not, Like I didn't know the show. She's like, I just really think you'd like it based on your videos at school, which were just character studies kind of but projected on gallery walls, which is kind of hilarious to me now. And so I went and I went alone, and I was fully blown away by what was going on. It was just like, you know, six seven people on stage just playing. You could feel how much fun they were having in like how smart and quick, and the energy in the room was palpable. And from that point on I was I had I had signed up for the Atlantic part time program after I quit to like hang on, and it was torturous. It was such a good part time thing, and I was like, let this end. And from that time on, I signed up for all the classes I could afford. I was obsessed with going there and getting to be one of those people that got to perform on that stage. So darky but I will say, anyone that you talked to about that place, I think taps into this because it is a little cultish you were kind of fully in or not. It made me think differently after being at the Atlantic, which where I felt so small and like numb. I don't know if I'd ever felt like so not myself or unable to speak or express. And then I walk into a place that is all about learning this muscle to be able to not think and trust other people and rely on other people and like play and collaborate like so many of those pillars of improv I feel like I use now. So I'm happily at dork about it.
It was an improv that you finally felt a lot in some way.
Yeah, and it sort of was how I felt in my homeroom. I mean, listen, I was very insecure at UCB, but I knew it was in there, and it was just about getting past that fear because it is also very scary. There's no script. You're like walking out and all you have is like you're listening to somebody and like trying to find the game of the scene, and you need confidence like the audience like reads it. When there's not and so it's like I found it there.
But it's also where you found Alana, right.
I didn't find her at UCB, but in improvising. In improvising, you kind of had to create a practice team and we would perform at like little theaters all around town, because you like, all you want is to get at UCB stage, but very difficult. So I showed up to this practice team and there was this new girl and her brother, and I fully thought that Alana was maybe from Arrested Development shock at and I didn't know her name, so I was like, yeah, it's Alana, like Alana Glazer plays maybe. And then we went to a bar, went to McManus, which is like an Irish pub that everybody went to from the theater, and we're talking more and it became really clear. I was like, this is not her.
I was going to ask you to dive more into that scene, but you've done such a good job describing it in this book that I thought maybe you'd want to read it.
Oh yeah, okay, I haven't read this in a little while. It feels false to look back on a moment, a conversation and see an inciting incident of your own life's movie like a formula, a Hollywood script, broken down beat by beat in a screenwriting handbook. But those handbooks sell so many copies for a reason. It was right there at the corner of the bar at McManus that my life changed completely. Alana was so refreshing, this brassy girl with big opinions, bold animated, and who seemed to know exactly who she was, and me shy and insecure, pulling awkwardly at my clothes outgoing only after a few drinks. There was a spark, a dynamic between us I had never experienced with another person, like she could see my potential self sitting at the bar, and I hers, Oh, man, I'm not going to let myself be emotional while reading.
You're allowed to be emotional on here?
I know I will. I'll let myself.
You're saving that for the back off.
Yes, now, then I have that permission.
Here we go now, I'm kidding.
Abbay's like I've listened to a lot of episodes. It usually happened later on.
Yeah, yeah, usually have it later on. I think it's so rare to meet someone and know that this person is going to one bee in your life. I really felt that way about her and I had never met anyone like her once. I mean also was like, this is not the person on the TV show and we just started talking and it was just someone who was so as I right in there just felt like they knew who they were, or even if they didn't know who they were, they were okay presently expressing who they were right then and there. And I was not why. I don't know. I think I just didn't know where I was going or I didn't feel like steady in really anything. I think I was so excited. It was a very exciting time, the energy of finding a community, and that again is like also like how often does that happen? Not a lot where you walk into this new space in your life and you're like I want to be a part of this, and they're like welcoming me in and it's full of people that are like me in this way, that are dorking out about yes, anding I don't know. I just was like, this is so different than any of my friends from home, any of my friends from college, which are different communities, but this felt like where I wanted to go, And I don't know, it's like it really feels like a very special time in my life.
So it's with all of that anxiety, that kind of rudderlessness that you come to a pizza place on thirtieth and seventh Avenue where the two of you devise a plan to make what would become Bronze City. How did you describe your smiling at me as I'm saying this, I know.
Because I love that you know that.
Yeah, well, I'm mostly like read, I haven't. I haven't talked about this in a second. It's like a warming part of my life.
So how did you two describe the show to each other in that pizza parlor?
Yeah, I think both of us were This was two thousand and nine. Yeah, we were so frustrated at the time, you know, just do an improv. Alana was doing a lot of stand up and I was doing more characters and just like trying to perform, trying to get on on stage U SEB and the teams and what you think the journey to like do anything in this industry is is to like get on that stage. I think we're just like falling short, like couldn't find the groove that would make the machine run. But Alana and I we just really cracked each other up and were really similar in a lot of ways and then really different, like a Venn diagram.
What's in the middle of that.
I think in the middle is like a lot of our core stuff, Like we both grew up with older brothers, our parents were like so supportive of us Jewish, even though Alana, like from the show, her not believing I'm Jewish is like was just from reality. I think it is also like that's a similarity and a difference because we're very different kinds of Jews. And I think the similarity was the yearning to do this, Like we both early on figured out that laugh that if you get the laugh, that's worth it. I think early on she I mean it was more her and her brother versus like me and my grandfather or whatever. But like I think she was exposed really early to like what it feels like when you can make someone laugh, and we just really clicked on that. And the differences were there's anxiety in both places. Mine was like outward, hers is internal a little bit more like all the things that we amplify on the show, or sort of the differences, Like the difference is she has this like bravado and this confidence that there's definitely an insecurity and undercurrent, but like the Bravado is forefront and it's almost overcompensates for everything else whereas like mine is like.
I don't know if we have to go, like maybe we don't.
Go, like I don't have to go out, and Alana is like, let's be anxious about it tomorrow, if that makes sense. Like all the things I kind of wish I could let go of or have tried to take medication for, are actually the best things when it comes to my creator activity. If I'm using myself, they end up being the things that I identify with the character most, so they're okay, Well, no, what are you bringing out? I don't Sam just pulled out a remote control.
You mentioned all this creativity. Why don't we look at the first broad City sketch that you two filmed. This is called making change.
I don't don't know if I want to have a cocktail, look, but I couldn't at the morning. I don't have any cash, man, I'm sorry. I actually I have a ten If you could give me eight back or we're good.
That's perfect, Thank you so much.
Yes, have a good day.
Okay, And this is for the bagel.
Thank you the make cash the holes.
I just said thank you for the bagel, and you say, yeah, I didn't.
You don't do that.
That's don't know how I don't see that. That's disrespectful.
First of all, it isn't disrespectful.
I employed him momentarily disrespectful.
I don't know you understand.
That I gave me two dollars.
Okay, great? Did you not hear you don't have any cash?
No, you give me cash in front of He's watching me, right.
He's watching you. Make me a liar?
A liar?
Were you a Christian who cares?
No?
Not Christian?
You know I'm not Christian?
But he seeing he's still watching me.
You know, you're all stretched out about what strangers think of you. What does that guy care? You made him a promise like a You have guilt that isn't planted in reality.
Going, yo, let me do it.
Just let me.
You did it to me in a situation.
I'm gonna do it.
So yeah, walk ahead of me.
I haven't seen them in so long. Wow, these title cards too. Wow? Last in the past. Man, How do you feel I forgot? How we used to be a little bit more antagonistic? So interesting to see. I haven't watched the web series, and a lot of it was taken down because we used whatever music we wanted and then they you know, you can't do that. But that kind of moment was what we brainstormed in the pizza shop. I still have this, you know, like the black and white composition notebooks. I still have the one where we wrote all these ideas which were making change.
You know.
The other one was like how you can't get so dumb, Like it's just so dumb. How this what I'm about to say is like an idea that was on a whiteboard for so for years, for like six years, was that in New York and a lot of places, you can't get eggs after eleven, Like they won't make you an egg sandwich, let's say.
And you know this because you're asking for eggs for dinner.
No, I think you're like in my earlier days, wake up late and kind of want one at one, can't get it, and like what's with that? And listen, now you're gonna want one later and you're gonna be upset.
Oh, I'll be upset anyway. I don't worry about that.
But you know, it was all about like stuff that we had talked about just as our friendship, and we were like that's that's one. We're like this is one, and sometimes we got like really heightened.
And really weird.
But it all was kind of stemming from just like this little thing that we were noticing and like in a way like a stand up would talk about, like isn't it crazy you don't get egg you know?
But ours was is that your Seinfeld?
That she really was?
But that's in the notebook. And then we used that storyline in like season four of the TV show. I love that that stuff like never change, like we evolved I think as people, but as like the show. I think if you watch the web version, you're like, oh, this is like the seed or this is like a little bit, and then you the TV version like expanded a lot, like an episode is like every episode is a day, but those little moments are still there throughout. That's wild to watch that.
Does it feel like a lifetime ago?
Yeah, it feels like a lifetime ago. And then also like I'm so excited about this new show and telling these new stories, and when I watched that, it was like the first time of my life where I was like this, this is what I want to do. It's a really good reminder because I'm doing what i want to do. But lately, in the middle of this big new it's like massive, competitive brod City. It's just like you get caught up and you get swept up a little bit in this industry, and that is like so simple. It's like a friendship. I will never forget the feeling of us realizing that that could be something like Alana, and that show is very much much like falling love. It's like very much like my first love in this so it'll always have that for me.
We'll be right back after a quick break. Before the break, you were talking about falling in love with Ilana. I just want to go to something here, because in twenty fourteen, broad City gets picked up by Comedy Central. Through the first few seasons, you and Ilana seem to be breathlessly working to make this show possible. It demands everything of you both, and yet come season four, I believe you fall in love for the first time. Yeah, and then in the process of falling in love and falling out of it, you find yourself doing a scene in a closet on a sound stage for season four, it.
Was a closet that Alana had like covered in tinfoil to act like a sad lamp.
What happened in then in a.
Great way, like broad City was very much for my life. And I also was so lucky that I was working with my best friends, you know, Alana and then Paul w Downs and Luccia and Yellow and Jenstatsky. It felt so much like a family that I wasn't so much like where's my balance because I was like always with my friends, but there was always this piece of like I had never been in love. So when that happened, it was incredible, as it is for everybody, and it enlivened me. And I was fill doing the show at the time, and it was like this whole new thing. And then when it ended, I had ever experienced heartbreak like that either. And it was just like one season after the other, like for a while, it was like very back to back, and I was just really depressed and really numb, and really thankful I had the show because I could like snap into Abby, like it was like thank God that I have Abby Abrams to be for the day, who was like full of energy. But when we were not shooting. I was just really holding it together. I could thrive in the work because I could be somewhere else. And so that night it was so late, Alanna was working at a restaurant. The closet at the restaurant, we were shooting on a sound stage, and I was standing outside. I had to like enter the closet and talk to Alana and I'm standing outside the soundstage and I'm like about to break down, and then they called action and I listen. I would crumble every night when I went home. It was like really a bad time. I mean, I just said it, but I just was very thankful to have had that alternate version of myself that got to be freaking out about their mom in a restaurant asking them how many men they had sex with. I think that's the episode. You know, like the stakes of like my life and her life at the time were like just as high.
But really about different things, you know, And it was like so.
It was like a relief that I had that show, these things that I've made let me really try to share who I am and what my experience is being a human being, and that I felt very lucky to have that because it helped me learn who I was, and I felt seen in many ways.
It seems like you were using work as a crutch and a life raf Maybe.
You needed both, yeah, definitely, but.
Also perhaps also an escape from how you out and in that escape knowing yourself. As a fourth season wraps in the edit, you decided to do a cross country expedition and write this book that I'm holding in my hand. I have a passage from it, if that's.
All right, Oh yeah, for me to read. As a certifiable workaholic. I knew the only way I'd be able to get away and process this transformative relationship and the frustration I was still carrying around, was if I created a project. So I made a plan. We were scheduled to finish editing on the last day in June, Friday, the thirteenth, and from then on I had three weeks until I needed to be on the West Coast. I would leave Sunday, July second, at the butt crack of dawn and drive across the country to Los Angeles alone. That was what I would do when my main distraction was set to end, I'd skip down and cook up another. This type of situation was exactly what Horizons were there for to drive right into.
That cross country trip. How do you understand it now?
I don't think I wrote about it in the book, but I decided to do the road trip. But in order to do it, I like sold the book because I was like, I have to create a project to then force me to do the thing I know I need to do. And what was that like go away and like really have to think about it, because working that much while I was so devastated was a crutch and a life raft and all those things. But it also was like it like shoved the processing to like the three am hour, the sleepless night, and not the processing I really needed. And I think a lot of it was also just feeling so late in life sort of figuring out one sexuality, but like I felt really stunted, and really that was also the processing of sort of like, oh am I overreacting to this and I just needed to be alone and I'd never driven across the country. I didn't know what else to do. I kind of was like, that's it, Like what else I don't know?
With the destination being Los Angeles at the end of July.
Yeah, I was I am a voice on this show. Disenchantment with Matt Greenig. I'd been zooming for this show and that it was a really big opportunity for me to get to work with him. But I had the opportunity to go to LA for a little bit and be in person with Matt, and I was like, I'm going to take this opportunity. And so we had recordings where we had comic con. I had spent a little bit of time in La just pitching Bread City and that's kind of it. And a lot of my friends had moved out here, So yeah, there.
Was something you had to be in La for. And that is a Q and A at the Santa Monica in New Art of the film Person to Person, in which I moderated a conversation between the two of us at the end of July. Wait oh twenty seventeen.
Wait wait, why have you? You're burying the lead right now? Hold on a second. I just didn't didn't associate you with this, It was just us. Was I different? I feel like I was not as con like. That really scared me. I also moderated at the New Art. Oh that was so I was very I'm not comfortable as a moderator yet. I get asked to do it and do it, but I did Jenixa and Brett for Lemon and I was terrifying. But I guess I associate that with the new art. Wait, what did okay?
Tell me what happened? Did I make a fool of myself?
No?
I love that film.
But imagine this, you, after making four seasons of show, pitch a book to do a cross country trip because you can't possibly do a cross country trip without a deadline. Your heart's just been broken for the first time. You make your way to Los Angeles and at the end of that month, I remember us on stage doing this Q and A.
That's wild, that's wild.
And despite it all, by the way, you were funny and confident, and I do remember some kind of sad.
That's interesting.
You did feel that, yeah, but I didn't know what it meant.
Yeah, yeah, I do feel like that chunk there. I feel so different even if we were to do this, because you were doing this then, if we were to have done this, then I just feel so much more able to talk about myself, like more yearning for more communication and connection with other human beings in an open way. But it's just there's a lot I don't know. I can't like put it into words.
At the end of the book, the twenty seventeen version of you wrote a list of things they want for their future self. I thought maybe you'd read it and then we can offer a revised version.
Okay, I'm going to actually preface this read So.
This is a preface before the epilogue.
It's a preface before the end of it. I don't even think it is epilogue, it's just the part of it. But it's a preface because it's at the end of a chapter Palm Springs, where I'm watching a woman, an older woman, swim laps through a very crowded pool of like young people partying at the Ace hotel at the a hotel, and I'm hanging on one side just it's so hot, and I watch this woman with a swim cap and goggles step into this pool and like completely disregard in the most breath taking way, what anyone else is doing in the pool, as if it's empty. And this is at the end I sort of equate myself to her because no one seems to notice her swimming through the pool. I sort of reminate on whether or not she's me and I am her, and this is I'm the only one witnessing her.
You see some part of yourself in.
Her in the swimmer, the lone swimmer.
Especially in thinking of yourself as like a sixty year old woman alone.
Yes, and I'll just okay, So let's just say for a moment, she is me. I couldn't really see her face with the goggles and the swim cap covering her slash my hair, but let's just think of her as me. I'm the courageous swimmer daring to do laps in the middle of a chaotic world pool. If that is me in thirty years. I hope these things are true. I hope that I'm content, that there is an anger within those freestyle strokes. I hope I'm swimming for pleasure and health and not for some societal norm I'm trying to keep up with, like pant size. I hope my life is full of joy, full of adventure, full of love. I hope I'm able to share my life with someone with others. I hope I'm comfortable in that bathing suit. Good ones are hard to find. I hope I like myself, my choices, my gut, instincts. I hope I'm a member of the community and take part in making the world I and others live in better. I hope I'm fulfilled creatively. I hope I still have a voice, a platform, a medium in which to express myself. I hope I'm fucking a ton of people or one person a ton. I hope I don't care what other people think of me. It's so cool to like revisit the yearning of a younger version of yourself and then find yourself sort of where you'd hope you'd be. It's a good feeling.
Now that you are where you are. What's to yearn for?
I mean, I think it's still a lot of the same things, but maybe I'm yearning to go a little deeper in all the ways. I still do feel like I'm kind of always in the middle of figuring myself out in a different way or sort of feeling a little untethered. And I don't know if that's just sort of part of my programming because it seems to never go away. But I think leaning into that and sort of accepting that kind of constant untethered feeling and that it might just be part of it for me, and I'm sure a lot of other people feel that way, but I guess I still do have that yearning that Alana and I had, and that is just sort of like there are things I wanna do, and most of them now and I think they were then are just like trying to do stuff that feels challenging and new. I'm truly un trained at everything I actually am successful at, maybe except when I but like eating illustrations in that, like my art teachers would be like what the fuck, Like it's like I've gone down to be like, I'm gonna show you how I suck at drawing. It gets a bare minimum where I guess I'm really interested in. It's what I did in this book, And like any illustrations I've done is like I sort of like showing the flaws, like I like showing where I messed up. I don't know where I'm going exactly in this thought or generally, and that's okay. But I feel like, because I kind of have this insecurity of not being trained at the things I do professionally, I really rely on my gut and I feel like that's kind of all I have, and so for as long as someone will let me share that. I'm like, we'll always kind of be yearning to do that.
I wonder, is what you've done and what you continue to do not just in line with what your grandfather did back in the day. We've started this conversation talking about Harry who introduced you to the face and the pie bit that started everything. And this was a man who was one of eleven kids, came up in a poor household. This is a man who would take day old newspapers and sell them to people. This was a man who fought, searched, hustled for everything he wanted, everything he yearned for. And in some ways, I wonder if you see yourself in that long line of people hustling for the things they want.
Yeah, I definitely do, and I definitely come from a very different I was so privileged growing up that I would never have had to go to those lengths to eat. But that hustle feels in my bones and that I think that that is the thing that like Alana and I, it is that like this over everything, we will make this work somehow, in some way. But even when you said the maybe it all starts with the pie, where he was like, come in here. He sort of brought me in to this joint thing. And when you first started that, it made me think, like I didn't realize that Alana and I were really trying to do that with bron City. I think it was it started with just like this is about us, We're telling a story, and then it shifted to be like, we actually feel like this is about us. The relatability of the stories we were trying to tell started to feel very palpable, of like the experience of what it's like to be hustling in New York in your twenties, the related ability of the yearning with that. I keep saying that tone the book and then everything after and the things that I really like have a hand in. It's sort of shifted to be like I want you to feel like I'm like, come in here, come on, Like I really want you to feel like we're in it together somehow, and like it's why I love your show, because at least for me, I'm always looking for something that is like I feel that way, or like I felt that way and they did that, or fuck I wish I had known that they felt that way when they were a kid or there. That's my experience in you, Like, I'm always searching for that, and so now I'm just that's always at the tip of my tongue, is like just sharing, just like that harryism of like come on in, You're like, let's do this together. What if we got them together? What if I told this story and you actually really felt like it was yours too? Is always there?
I don't know, well, I don't know. I feel like I've kind of felt like that in this conversation, even though it's your story. I think people listening can identify parts of themselves in it.
You know, it's really crazy. Actually, so I've been I've been thinking a lot about that cross country trip I took in twenty seventeen, because I just did it again.
The same trip you did in twenty seventeen.
I mean a little bit of a different route. I went a little bit north, but I yeah, I was with my dog. I was with this in the same Mini Cooper that I drove then, but I was with my partner who I'm now engaged to. So it was a.
Very wait, wait, now, who's bearing the lead of this?
Well, it's like it's very difficult for me to say fiance because that's such like a specific word.
Why is it hard?
I don't know, it's so I feel like I have to like start a blog with the word fiance. But I thought about that a lot on that trip. I mean, it's wild that I was. I still can't believe I was coming to you in LA the first time, but I kind of feel like I'm coming to you again right now, like literally this week we just landed, and that Mini Cooper broke down halfway through this time. But I mean, I was with my best friends now and yeah, it's nuts, and I'm gonna get married to her.
So it almost sounds like you're asking me to officiate the wedding. Sam, Is this an invitation?
This is a audio international invitation?
Okay, it's a really good idea.
Now I'm gonna go home and talk.
To her about you work.
Yeah, you workshop that. Okay, let's hold on doing this trip again with the woman that's going to become your wife. How did that feel? In contrast with the solo twenty seventeen journey.
It's so lovely when you unintentionally do a thing again and realize I'm in the same space, and then to be in such a different space in your life. I just feel so grounded and like I've come to this whole new sort of appreciation and love of life now that I guess I'm gonna just forever keep driving back and forth across the country milestones in my life.
This is a strange question, but was getting married something you always wanted to do?
I think it was always something I would do. It's like in this country and in the content you see, it's just sort of seems like the thing you do. I mean, when I was a kid, I always thought I would be marrying a man. And then that really like went away. It started to go away more just when I moved to New York and I was like, people live differently, and maybe I my friends in New York and La sort of get married a little bit, and it started moving a little bit away from what I thought my future would be. And then it moved farther and farther away.
I think, as you were making broad setting.
Kind of yeah, I just those personal celebrations and those personal milestone sort of felt like more blurry and not as clear, and I started to sort of feel like maybe that was okay. And I listen where we are right now? Where gay marriage seems to be back on the table as something that might be taken away. I feel really different. I'm going all over the place, but I'm just.
Sort of like, no, but that's the backdrop.
That is the backdrop where I just like the union of marriage and where it comes from is something I started to be like, what is this, You're like your property given away and all that. But I think with Jody, I mean that's not how I feel about it. I feel like it's just I love a wedding. I love a celebration of love and seeing a partnerships sort of like take that next step into whatever they want to do together, whatever marriage means to them, And so that's kind of how I feel about it. To be honest, I don't think I ever really thought I would get married, and now I'm very excited to do.
So. The juxtaposition of the joy you're feeling with the current political climate, it's kind of overwhelming in a way.
Yeah, I mean, with row too being overturned, I think you're it's shocking and also not at the same time where you're like, right, Okay, the world is what it is and sort of always has been to a certain extent, and you feel like you're you know, I'm surrounded by people that feel the same way as I do. And then you're like, wait, but this country is just sort of was built on a lot of the oppositional feelings. So I don't know, I kind of just got to lean into the joy of it.
I think we do have to lean into the joy of it, because otherwise it's so profoundly depressed.
I saw this quote, this Mary Oliver quote. It was about even if there's a crumb of joy, savor it, even if there is the littlest crumb, like, do not waste that crumb. And it's infuriating right now. We could go through the day being fully angry and terrified and infuriated and all of that, but there still are a lot of crumbs that we have to hold on to.
So let's leave on a crumb. Then you've dated a fair bit of people in your life. I so thousands, thousands, it's gonna be the headline for this podcast.
You know what. I almost said hundreds, and then I was like, go for the gold, and what have.
You found in Jody that you didn't find elsewhere?
I think it's ultimately about finding someone who really sees you. So I think we really see each other and want to see each other, and like continually want to hear each other and see each other and know each other in all the ways. I think I found someone who's really excited to do that work, to really uncovering who we are, and that's like a journey. I mean, I hope that's always going to be part of the journey, because we're both going to change and everyone does. And I think that that's I think I found a partner who's in it with me to sort of keep uncovering stuff, and also someone who is always always looking for those crumbs with me. So I mean, I feel really lucky.
Okay, here's my last question. Okay, because you sprung this on me. Okay, this is not this is not planned, this is not in my notes. Who proposed and how?
Oh man do I want it to?
Oh?
That part?
Is it? Why is it bad? No?
It's so good. Okay, I'll tell we were in London and i'd been carrying around this is so right on the money of what I've talked about myself. I'd been carrying around a little watch ring that I used to wear as a kid, a little plastic ring, but it's a teeny little like watch buckle. For whatever reason, I kept it in my room to remind myself of, like, I love that kid that wore that, because that's like a rad little kid, and I didn't want to get her a ring ring yet. I wasn't sure what. I don't know. I just thought that felt very significant. I carried the ring around the whole time I was in London visiting her, and then knowing that I was gonna do it. One day, I did it. I was so nervous. I'm not gonna say exactly how because I'm gonna keep that for us, but I will say I did it. And we're both crying, and she she goes, you little shit. I been caring around a fucking ring this whole time too.
She had a real one.
Informationn't give me her childhood watchering. Oh yeah, I was so. I was not expecting that, like we both had been thinking about that and wanting to do that the same exact times. Really really nuts.
It was meant to be.
It's meant to be.
Earlier. You mentioned when making broad City or writing this book, or even just having this conversation with me that you wanted to create an invitation to those watching, to those listening, and even in this story of proposing, You've offered an invitation, and I said, thank you for doing that. I will officiate the wedding for free.
I was just going to say, the invitation is yours.
I've so enjoyed this. Thank you for coming here and sitting with me.
Thank you so much. What a full honor. You know how I feel about you. You know I feel about this podcast. I feel really it is my joy and my complete pleasure to come on here and get to spill my guts.
Have a Jacobson anytime, and that's our show. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to leave us five stars on Spotify, Apple, wherever you do your listening. I want to give a special thanks today the Lindsay krue Kate Rosenfeld, and of course our guest Abby Chickubson to order her book I might regret this, or to watch the first season of A League of their Own. Be sure to visit our website at talk easypod dot com for more conversations. I'd recommend our episodes with Natasha Leone, Bill Hayter, Quinta Brunson, John Apatow, Sarah Silverman, Jenny slat and Bob Odunkirk. To hear those and more Pushkin podcasts, listen on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you like to listen. You can also follow us on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram at talk Easypod. If you want to purchase whatever mugs they come in, cream or navy, or our vinyl record with writer fran Lebowitz, you can do so at talk easypod dot com slash shop. That's talk easypod dot com slash shop. Talk easy is produced by Caroline Reebokketed producer is Janick Sa Bravo. Our associate producer is Caitlyn Dryden. Our research and production assistant is Paulina Suarez. Today's talk was edited by Clarice Gavara with assistance from Caitlin Dryden, and mixed by Andrew Bastola, who was engineered by Tim Moore out of York Recording Special thanks to iHeart Studios. Our music is by Dylan Peck, illustrations by Christian Schenoi, photographed by Julius Cheu, Video and graphics by Ian Chang, Derek gamberzak Ian Jones and Ethan Seneca. I also want to thank our team at Pushkin Industries, Justin Richmond, Julia Barton, John Snars, Kerrie Brody, David Glover, Heather Fine, Eric Sandler, Jordan McMillan, Isabella Narvaez, Kira Posy, Tara Machado, Maya Kanig, Jason Gambrell, Justine Lang, Letal Malade, Malcolm Gladwell, and Jacob Weisberg. I'm Saan fragroso thank you for listening to Talk Easy. I'll see you back here on Sunday with St Hyam until the Stay Safe and so on. PA at the SA