From UFOs to psychic powers and government conspiracies. History is riddled with unexplained events. You can turn back now or learn the stuff they don't want you to know. A production of I Heart Radio. Hello, welcome back to the show. My name is Matt, my name is Nol. They called me Ben. We're joined as always with our super producer Alexis code named Doc Holiday Jackson. Most importantly, you are you. You are here, and that makes this stuff they don't want you to know. We are recording this at a pivotal time in modern history. We don't know what what the world will look like when today's episode publishes. We're we're recorded it about a week ahead. Uh. So we we looked into some story worries that we thought would surprise each other. Maybe things that are a little bit dare I say, lighter fare for today's strange news. Uh. And hopefully no matter what has happened between the time we record this and the time you hear it, Uh, this will give you a This will give you a series of chuckles, a series of mysteries, and us something else to think about. Right, and not only that, possibly some good information for in the event that an extinction event takes place. Uh you know when when when the issue hits the fan after you know, all of us. Yeah, sure, yeah, do you I'm excited? Yeah. I like that. Um, that foreshadow, and I think it works as a good segue. No, Uh do you wanna Do you want to kick us off with this story about an unusual doomstable? I think I might as well. I think it makes sense because I just want to preface this. This story is both delightful and then ultimately it's going to end in a place that is very, very fascinating and valuable to the human race, especially you know you future people now who have remained in the ashes of civilization that's now surrounds you. One might assume it's it's it's possible, it could, it could go a different way. We don't know. We're just rolling the dice here. I mean we're we're just you know, you know, one can predict the future, but you can make your best guests. So yeah, I'll just get right to it. Uh. You know Nibisco, right, they make all kinds of delightful uh confections, treats, junk food. Um, now, let's not malign it with that term delightful. Cookies and and things um. And one of their most popular brands, um and and and Delightful Confections is Oreos, which I think like Oreos sort of stole it from, like the older version of it that was called Hydros if I'm not mistaken. And then Oreo is just better branding. Um. But you know, we know, we you know what an Oreo is. It's to chalk click cookies sort of U stamped with these cool little kind of filigreed markings. Have they really examined Oreo cookie closely? It's very baroque looking, you know, the outside of the cookie and lots of ridges looks like, I like a weird ancient coin or something. And then talking about the double cross the symbol, Are you serious? Yeah, dude, Nibiscoes Uh, Nibiscoes logo has has the famous double cross on it. Okay, all right, well maybe that's a that's a discussion for a different day. Um. But sandwich between those two chocolate clearly conspiratorial cookies is the white stuff the cream um. As parodied by weird Al in his uh parody of the New Kids in the Blocks on the right Stuff, only he called it the white stuff and either one of those, whether it's the parody or the original, is very easy to get stuck in your head. But um, the social media team has it's kind of become a trend, and even very obvious brands that have been around forever, you kind of gotta get clever and like have like you know, Twitter wars with like other brands and things like that. I think the Kentucky Fried Chicken um social media team is notoriously snarky, and maybe Burger King. There are a few that that that did some pretty good jabs against competition or even just against you know, internet trolls. Um, but the Nabisco social team is no exception. And uh, they were looking around on the internet for things that people were saying about Oreos and apparently somebody tweeted about this potential uh meteor event that's people are referring to as the election day meteor that could potentially come into contact with the Earth on the third Honor around the third of November election day, and uh, someone tweeted like, oh man, there's this medior coming. Who's gonna protect the oreos? What's gonna happen to the oreos? And so this got this social media person thinking, and I was like, huh, well, let me do a little research and UM she went down the rabbit hole of this idea of extinction level events and how do you kind of repopulate the world or you know, recede all of the crops that are annihilated, etcetera. And she happened upon UM a story about this incredible doomsday vault in uh in Norway, in a in a place in Norway, like in the frozen tundra of Norway called Svalbard. And this this place that she found out about was this Valbard Global Seed Vault, which UM is a storage facility. If you look at it, it's like literally coming out of the side of this glacial kind of like wall, and it looks like what you would imagine maybe a James Bond villains layer might look like in the Arctic UM. But inside it's essentially just a very um organized and high capacity seed vault. It's five hundred feet deep and it the idea is that it is is to contain the various seeds clones of the seeds that could reproduce every crop known to man that is currently relied on in the planet. And so it's an international affair where all these other you know, countries are participating and sending along their seeds. And the capacity of the vault is two point five billion seeds um and uh five copies of each seed. And it's the coolest looking place. I couldn't recommend it highly just to check out just the visual of it. It's got these neat kind of you know, glowing like almost like meter kind of lights like you might see in like a server closet, but it's all peeking up above the snow um. And so the Biscoes social teams saw this and okay, well, if they can do that for like seeds, we should be able to do that for like a single type of cookie that we make. And that's just what they did. Um. There's a there's a video about it that they you know, it's obviously, you know, something of a genius marketing ploy because I've seen it written up you know, all over the place, and this video they made it really is has that it's kind of rings true of like almost like a scientific thing. Everyone's talking about it very seriously about protecting the oreos. And so they announced they're going to build this thing called the Global Oreo Vault and it's just down the way from the small Bard Global Seed Vaults. And uh, it apparently was fast tracked. This part kind of threw me and I need to do a little more research. But they say they hired an architect by the name of Marcus Thorland who his his goal and his challenge. I guess it's designed to design and build the vault in just thirty days. UM. The Seed Vault took over two years, so one would assume that they're not. They don't need to store as many oreos as they do seas oreos or larger than seeds. UM. So that's more details on that to follow, hopefully, But this is neat. The oreos are stored in these like really cool space age Milar packages. UM. They make a point in the video of of mentioning that they can withstand temperatures of minus eighty degrees to three degrees fahrenheit and it locks out moisture and air. UM. And each of them come with a test tube of powdered milk, and they have a tweet where it says the Global Oreo Vault contains oreo packs wrapped in protective milar. Talks about the temperature tubes of powdered milk. Uh just adds snow and enjoy secret Oreo recipe. By the way, that's another thing that's going to be contained in. Here's the secret Oreo recipe. Well marketing, marketing genius um a waste of resources. I don't know what do you guys think? Yeah, I think it gives me the opportunity is say snack apocalypse, which is which is wonderful. I do have. I do have a couple of interesting things. So long time listeners. You know that we've earlier done some work on the doomsday vault, which is I think a fantastic idea. You know, doomsday vaults are like hoarding in a useful way, and and we should we should do more of that. We have these repositories as far as Oreo themselves. Yet genius marketing move and this I believe. Noel, correct me if I'm wrong here. This is gonna you said, this is gonna be on the archipelago of Small Bard, right, that's correct. It's very very close to the seed vault, like it just says, it says down the road and Ben it actually has the exact location of the Oreo Doomsday vault in coordinates, and um, I think you're probably gonna do a better job at reading these than I could. Yeah, that's uh, seventy eight degrees eight minutes and fifty eight point one seconds north, sixteen degrees one minute and fifty nine point seven seconds east. So if you wish, and you you want to go on an Oreo adventure, UM, no one's gonna stop you. Presumably someone might stop you. I mean, I'm sure it's now. You can't just knock on the door and get in. It's probably got some sort of time lock on it, or I don't know who has access to actually heard about the story on the NPR quiz show Wait Wait, don't tell me over the weekend, and one of the panelists made the cute joke of, well, surely the Oreo Vault won't open until you've finished all of your vegetables and the vegetables. I do want to say, though, if you want to check out the Seed vault, and if you want to check out the Oreo Vault, if it's extant by the time you hear this, Uh, like a lot of people, without diverting us too far from the story, Like a lot of people. I've been in uh doing some digging into uh migration and where the best places are to live in the coming centuries or so, and then which countries will allow us residents to move without an investor passport vall Bard is a huge loophole. Norway is a tough country to move to unless you want to move to small Bard Islands. And then you could maybe take a stroll and visit the Oreo Vault yourself. Uh. It is a visa free zone. It is one of the only places in all of Europe where you do not need a residence permit to live because it's so inhospitable between like I mean, you can't see it on this map back here, but it's so inhospitable between like Norway and the North Pole that they just they kind of want bodies, They kind of want human beings to live there. Uh. But I don't want to pitch us on it, but guys know that if you're excited. Did about the the Oreo Vaults, Doomsday Vaults? In general? Small Bard maybe the place for us. It was talking with our producer code enamed Doc Holiday about small Bard fairly recently. Uh, it is cold. You gotta like the cold weather but the fact that we have all learned to work remotely during this pandemic means that we could live in small bard and still do this show. I don't know, would you guys move there? Oh, I don't know. If we had a proper, you know, properly outfitted bunker, I could be down. Yeah, maybe if I if I had to, if I had to, I would sure. If we're really some kind of near well yeah, movie theater great. But if we're truly at risk of being impacted by you know, a near Earth object or an asteroid such as UH two thousand eight VP one, which is the reason the marketing campaign was spawned, right then I would be I would be, I'd be into it. But uh, just to jump quickly onto that that asteroid that is supposedly headed our way today actually November two is what I'm reading the day that we are recording this episode. Um, it is it is coming very close to impacting Earth. But there's very is there's a very small likelihood that that will actually occur. But the big thing you need to know if you are worried about this specific object is that it is very, very small. It is roughly two meters in diameter, and if it were to make contact with the Earth's atmosphere, it would in all likelihood burn up on the way down to actually hitting the surface, or at least to the most for the most part, it would not cause anything any anything major to occur on the surface, So everybody can rest easy. But yeah, I think I think they were even saying, like, if you know, they woul think it was like one, two, three chants that it would even graze the atmosphere and if it did, it would be vaporized. Yeah, it would just go poof um. But you know, just remember that there are hundreds and hundreds and then perhaps thousands, actually definitely thousands of near Earth objects that we haven't even mapped yet. We don't even know we're out there. They're flying around us extremely fast, and a lot of them are huge, could potentially cause major damage, slash extinction. Earth's career in space is like being the main character in a jump scare horror film when it comes to near Earth objects, because we don't see them until they're like right there, and then we you know, we have to jump and then we're like, oh, that was a close win, all right, Everybody continue on, uh and We'll just keep playing this terrible brutal cosmic lottery, which is what it is. Did we talk about the size of the asteroid roughly two metersnograss Tyson referred to it as refrigerator sized, which I appreciate gives you kind of a visual there. Um, what would be the worst case scenario for a for a space rock like that. Let's say, like you know, perfect the stars aligned, pun completely intended, um and and it you know, crashed through or what what would happen like it was that size? It would obviously cause a ruckust wherever it hit, but it wouldn't like be a extinction event or anything like that. And a significant amount of a mass on any near Earth object that is entering the atmosphere will burn up like as it's hitting or at least uh, you can never say a proportion of the mass of the object, but a an amount of mass will be stripped from whatever object enters the atmosphere at speed like that. Um. And since it is only refrigerator size, know, that's why the thinking is most of it would just poof into really uh it's chemical makeup. But if you get anything over a forty meters in diameter. That's that's what's considered basically a planet killer or an extinction level object. Again, if it's perfect, like if we walk through the statistics, probably the most dangerous thing. First off, I have to say this non Americans in the crowd, it is hilarious. I've said this before, but it's just hilarious the lengths we will go to in this country to avoid using the metric system. We can't say it's like it's a you know, it's a refrigerator, or it's like it's like a deep freezer that also has a toaster on top. Don't bother thinking in meters. But anyway, Yeah, the so one of the worst things that could happen, and one of the most unlikely things that would happen, is for this to somehow perfectly hit a man made, functioning satellite and knocking that satellite. The odds against that are tremendous just because of the space and the speed involved. But if that happened, it could knock out communications network, it could knock out whatever creepy stuff governments are doing a violation of the u N treaties out there in space. Uh, if it makes it to Earth and like you said, Matt, a lot of it will burn out, So it wouldn't. It wouldn't necessarily make it as a single object. It would make it as uh increasingly particulate. Uh not air ressoult but you know what I mean. It would crumble up maybe buckshot. Yeah, that's a good analogy. It would. The odds are overwhelmingly likely if it's just coming from any point in space around the planet, odds are overwhelmingly likely that it would hit the water, which covers of the planet's surface. So it wouldn't. The odds are good that it wouldn't hit like a mass metropolis. But then once you get past mass point, once you get past that a hundred and forty meters size, then the conversation becomes much different because something of that size if it hit the atmosphere, if it went, if it graduated the atmosphere and uh managed to hit the planet, Uh, it would cause it could potentially cause disastrous effects regardless of where it landed in terms of like natural disaster, in terms of flooding, snobby, loss of life. Uh. But I'm sure there are a lot of us listening today saying damn, this would be the year for it would get those oreos and storage. Yeah. Well, and and think about what it would mean two humans just several hundred years ago, Like what a harbinger this would be to have an asteroid coming over as power is changing, change. This was really interesting. Yeah. And the other Grass Tyson put it real succinctly, as you know you you kind of have to do in a tweet, he said, it's not big enough to cause harm, so if the world ends in it won't be the fault of the universe. Yeah. I mean when it comes to world ending decisions right now, human beings are the honors students and happen for quite a while. Well, I think that's a good place to leave that one. With the word of Dr de Grasse Tyson and uh and Dr Ben bolan Um, both both the giants in their fields. Um, I think we should take a quick break and then come back with some more, hopefully not super depressing news. Hello, welcome back. Now we are turning our attention to Portland, Oregon. This is a cool place, Portland, Oregon, only if you heard anything about it, uh from from a culture perspective within the unit it states. Portland has has been one of those places that kind of is a trend center in a lot of ways. UM. Cities like it in New York and Los Angeles are are places where I I guess just trends are spawned a lot of times. Recently, in the past year or so, Portland, Oregon has been a bit of a flash point for some of the change that is attempting to come into the world socially here within the United States. Across this country, there have been um, there have been outpourings of of support for for the movement uh, you know, Black Lives Matter and the movement to really shine a light on police brutality and killings, and and in a lot of places in the country, support remains for these movements, but the active testing has faded a bit to the background where um, and that's that's not to say in every city, in places like Atlanta and and cities across this country, there are still active protests going on. But in Portland it has really never stopped. It seems the the further remains UH in the fight for change there and very recently, even up until I believe it was mid October, when there was some some heavy movement going on with the protests and with actions taken by law enforcement against some of these protests, and what we're going to talk about today is a specific reaction to I guess too some of this, Um, I don't know. I don't know if you could characterize it as unrest, but I guess just um, I don't know. It's weird. It's almost it's almost like negative vibes. So all of that is to set up our traveling to Portland, Oregon right now to read a story from The Oregonian that we've been going to a lot lately, or Oregon Live. And this was posted on Halloween, October thirty one. Here's the headline, Portland San Francisco archbishops perform exorcisms following protests checks out. Uh huh, you may think so so exorcisms on individuals perhaps, No, no, no, no no. Um, this is an exorcism that was performed essentially on the city or the people as a whole of the city of Portland, Oregon, following these protests that that occurred in I guess that have been occurring for many months now in Portland. So let me just jump down to the meat of this article and tell you what it says. In Portland, Oregon, Archbishop Alexander Sample led a procession of more than two hundred people to a city park on October sevent offered a prayer, then conducted a Latin exorcism right intended to purge the community of evil. The event followed more than four months of racial justice protests in Portland, mostly peaceful but sometimes fueling violence and riots. Again, those are the words of the Oregonian Um. So this is a really interesting concept to me, and it's not something that I have encountered before. We've covered exorcisms on this show many a time, but never the concept of exercising evil within a community in general, or as a whole, rather than an individual who is supposedly affected by an evil spirit that need to be exercised. I guess I think about like maybe a cleansing ritual, or like taking sage or you know, smudging a space, perhaps, but certainly not like an entire city. That's wild. It's certainly new for me. We're gonna get into it a little bit further, but let's let's just let's remember that happening in Portland, Oregon on October sevent We also need to know that on October seventeenth, in San Francisco, California, a different Archbishop, Salvatore uh quarter Leoni. He performed an exorcism outside of a Catholic church in San Rafael where protesters had earlier topple the statue of Father Junipero Sarah. So again, this is this and this one is interesting to compare to the other right because uh, in San Francisco, the right is specifically to exercise the evil out of the people who would who would cause a blasphemous act such as toppling the statue of someone important to the church within that area, and the other one in Portland, Oregon, is to exercise the evil whatever it is that's causing that amount of distress between individuals, between fellow man. I'm assuming, um, And you can read more about it in a couple of places. There's one called Catholic Sentinel where you can you can actually watch the procession that occurred in Portland, Oregon. You can hear brief interviews from people who were there. Um, it's a it's a fascinating, fascinating thing. I just wanted to get your guys opinions on it. I guess what what do you think about this kind of practice and what do you think the what do you think the goal is here with this? Sure? Uh? Well, at the risk of sounding cynical, Uh, there are a couple of things. We would like to think that the goal is to bring some sort of spiritual balance. I would say we have talked about Okay, So exorcism itself, in the Catholic sense is very and name and it has very specific rituals. Uh. But we have to remember multitudes of other faiths practice something very much like this. You may have, in a way, UH, practice something like exorcism when you move into a new house and you burn sage which they call smudging, right, that is you, if you believe in this process, purifying that space. So it's not too dissimilar. But it is incredibly unusual for the Catholic Church to officially co sign this kind of thing. The cynical part would say that all religion is about social control. So this could be a reassuring thing to some some members of the faithful in those respective cities in Portland and San Francisco. Uh. I, I believe it's either the Oregonian or another Maybe the AP report mentions UH an incident that's similar to this in Mexico. Right, Yeah, but that one was different. That was well, I guess it's similar, but it's larger scale that that one was carried out. And I don't know, I don't have the specifics on who carried out that particular exorcism in Mexico, but allegedly it was to expel demons nationwide and they were responding to levels of violence within the country and specifically against crimes of of drug cartels as well as the practice itself of abortion. Um, yikes, Uh, that's interesting stuff. But yeah, I know, I totally hear you with you know, exorcisms are are far, far and wide used. It's a it's a process that is used in many religions, many faiths. Um. I guess it's just the concept of expelling the evil in a massive area. It's almost like a area I'm thinking of I think in terms of yeah, like MMOs or RPGs, Like it's you're you're casting a wide, a wide exorcism, and you know, it's a much higher level than an individual targeted actors that require more like powerful relics or like certain skill set. I'm not mocking here, I'm really wondering, like what what had is. Well, it's interesting because of the same they're very similar rights that are read. And the who was who was the gentleman Archbishop Alexander Sample. Uh he actually conducted it specifically in Latin. So we conducted a traditional exorcism right in Latin, in the language. And he remarked, uh, this is quarter Leoni who who uh did the exorcism in San Francisco. He said, Latin tends to be more effective against the devil because he doesn't like the language of the church. Um. Fascinating stuff. And again that's personal belief. That's personal belief, and it's shared by you know, countless people on this planet right now. Um, it's not our place to say that is right or wrong. It's just a fascinating concept that in this would still be done and this practice would still be done. Um. And then well was the othering. It reminded me of exercising a house rather than exercising a person, right, And like you were talking about cleansing rituals, smudging, using stage or something, but using it using the exorcism right to do that rather than other methods. Isn't that sort of what happened in this is a major right, right, yes, exactly, this house is clear there. So this is a major exorcism, Uh, not a minor exorcism. I think a lot of kind of non Catholics get a little confused there. A minor exorcism is it can be thought of like a purification ritual that you would encounter as a safeguard, maybe like during a baptism. I believe it's it's often about baptismal right, is often refer to as a minor exorcism. But this would be the major form the idea of the expulsion of demons. And to the question about high level exorcisms, the major exorcisms do have to have the green light from the from the Church, from the Vatican. You have to and you have to be a bishop, I think, or you have to have a bishop explicitly grant you as a priest's permission to conduct a major exorcism. But hold on, you might be saying, how does this apply it to cities that are not a percent Catholic? You know what I mean? There are multitudes of faiths in these large areas. The one thing I could find is that the way I understand it, priests are in some extenuating circumstances allowed to conduct exorcisms on people who are Christian but not themselves Catholic. Is that correct? I think it's on a case by case basis when it comes to that. At least my understanding is that you have again you're talking about getting permission from a bishop, and generally it is on a someone of the Catholic faith. But if it is not someone of the Catholic faith, it's almost like an arrangement has to be made and the person probably needs to believe in some denomination of Christianity. Okay, I'm glad Molain based there, because yet, like it was in the extenuating circumstances seem to make it a case by case thing. And even if those folks in question or not themselves Catholic, uh, the Church's position is still uh, still remains the same that someone can only get an exorcism or apply for an exorcism after they've been examined by medical professionals possibly psychiatrists, things of that nature. So you can't just say this house is unclean someone exercised me. You have to prove it. And let's just I mean, maybe this is stating the obvious, but I mean the Vatican holds like conferences to train priests in the right of exorcism. This is like inextricably part of the Catholic faith. This isn't some rogue thing. It is absolutely a part of the tenants of Catholicism, at least at that high level. Well, there there's some weird stuff going on there. And I didn't want to go down this rabbit hole, but I'll let me just tell you a little bit about a place called Pope Leo the thirteen Institute. This is a this is a not for profit five oh one see charitable organization. Um. It is a really strange thing that that's located in Libertyville, Illinois, and you can go there and if you are I believe, there are clergy only classes that they offer, and then there are lay person classes and other classes that they offer. But it is specifically an exorcism curriculum that is taught here at this school. And it's generally done in four four different essentially semesters or classes ten day periods where you go and you learn about certain things. And I was going to read off some of this curriculum really quickly. Oh and by the way, they are registration is closed for a year, so sorry if you're wanting to sign up. But there are four modules apologies for that. There are four modules here. Um, you know, demonology, angelology, UM, foundations of exorcism within canon law, discernment of spirits, fascinating stuff, um, psychological or demonic diagnosis, psychology of demons versus human psychology, demonic counterfeits, a statu Oh what is this? Um? The Blessed Virgin Mary and the exorcist, Satan and the spiritual life. According to St. John of the Cross, there's all kinds of really fact, I mean, like I want to I want to learn all that stuff that sounds exciting to me. Um, But surely there's a prerequisite for even getting in right other than you have to be a priest. Yeah yeah, which just just so everybody knows, and there is not a being on the priesthood it being a priest has some other lifestyle qualifications that are challenging to a lot of people. Everybody knows what I'm talking about. Wearing that white little collar thing that seems like it would be constrictive. Yeah, I think it has something else to do with your pants area. Okay, cohere Yeah, um, so no, I'm not really no no joke here. So there is no such thing as a sexually active priest. It is. It is just part and parcel with I mean there is one, of course, but like if you get found out different show, it's it's bad news. Well there were I mean they're also plenty with illegitimate children. Yeah. Well, and also there are you know, there are some forward thinking sects within the Catholic Church maybe that have split off or slightly on the fringes of the Catholic Church, that have been making changes there. And if you are a member of one of those, uh specific churches that has been forward thinking about some of this stuff, we'd love to hear from you. Um. But one thing that is maybe not so forward thinking is that if you want to take these classes over a two year period, which is gonna equate to about forty days of your time, you have to pay. You have to pay ten thousand, two hundred dollars US. So even ten what's the extra two fo Yeah, it looks like they want to exercise your wallet first. Geez. Yeah, yeah, I know, I know we might be running a little long on this one, but Matt, you know what I have to bring we can't talk about Catholicism and exorcisms without mentually my main man, Gabriel Amor, the former chief exorcists of the Catholic Church, who also conducted some relatively unorthodox exorcisms. I think Harry Potter was evolved at one point. Yeah, for sure, the character, not not the actor, right, No, um, no, it's true. Definitely look up that name and look listen back to our episodes where we recovered him. This is what I want to leave this on and this is it. I promise we'll we'll get out of here. This is a statement from Archbishop Sample, who performed the exorcism on Portland or in Portland, and this is this is coming from the Catholic Sentinel at you can find it at Catholic Sentinel dot org. Here's a quote. The Catholic Church takes the promotion of unity and accordingly peace as belonging to the innermost nature of the Church. For this reason, the Church fosters solidarity among people's and calls peoples and nations to sacrifices of advantages of power and wealth for the sake of solidarity of the human family. Now that is a statement that is broad enough for you know, really anyone to understand and really to agree with. I completely agree with that it's time to make sacrifices where there are advantages and you know, bastions of power for everyone, And how could you, how could you be against that? And the the archbishop in and the church is exercising that belief through this exorcism. And just because I don't understand it doesn't mean it's weird. Well, there's a really neat article that I found as while googling this to while you guys are talking um from vice Fromen and says, these occult exorcists say that Catholic Church makes demons worse. If the person in need of an exorcism isn't a Christian, then why do they have to call a Catholic priest? And and it just talks about like the intent behind an exorcism, how it's just about pointing towards a malevolent force or a force of some kind, acknowledging it and then commanding it, and that it is some you know, this is all assuming that the stuff is real and on any level to begin with. But it's not like Catholic priests run the gamut on being able to exercise malevolent forces or dark forces, and then oftentimes they don't understand or have the knowledge to even properly do it. You know, according to some of the Satanists that are theistic Satanists actually that are interviewed for this piece shape like Satanist theistic Satanists. Interesting article. We cover that on our earlier UM earlier work on Satanism. Uh. And that's it's it's fascinating because technically the Catholic Church does not conduct again as you said earlier, exorcisms all non Christians in a case by case basis, a non Catholic Christian Uh, maybe is subject to an exorcist them. But again, like think, I don't know. The weirdest thing is, years ago we did an episode on whether exorcisms are on the rise inside and outside of the Catholic Church, and what we found is that they are, and the trend continues and it's accelerating today. It's accelerating I think in great part due to widespread social uncertainty. People are scared. Uh. Some of the norms are eroding at like more quickly than glaciers. UH. But what's interesting to about this, uh, is the exorcism in San Francisco and the exorcism in Portland. We're based off We're probably based off the new Exorcism guide that just got published in like uh July. There's there's a brand new book. You have to be a bishop to read it. So I haven't I haven't got there again. Well, you know what they did do just in case something went down, According to the Catholic sentinal, they brought nine burly. That's a quote burly Knights of Columbus to uh with two cs. No, it just means they're like their Knights of Columbus. They protected the procession and the exorcism burly, and that means they're like big boys. Right, well, yeah, they protect them. Man, there knights muscular. H the connotation of hairiness there has suit perhaps, Uh well, I'm glad they were protected. Let's see what happens. You know. I wonder, just to be completely objective, I wonder if there's gonna be a period of time in the next I don't know, two months, three months or so where we can see any notable differences between what's happening in Portland and what's happening in San Francisco and what happens in other cities. I don't know what the differences will be, but it would be interesting to see a follow up from the exorcists themselves about their work in the near to mid future. Well, maybe we can find somebody that can exercise the entire country, just to be safe. Surely there's some malevolent forces out there somewhere. Yes, let's just do it. Let's exercise everything. Let's put let's put some bishops in the I. S S before it goes away and just bless the entire planet from that vantage point. I think that would be smart. Also, also, you know, we're just blessing the podcast here. Uh also uh, you know, I I think that's a brilliant idea. I don't think it's necessarily offensive to anyone, right, we just need to start stockpiling sage. You know, I wonder could they bless holy water? Like could you bless an entire ocean to render it into holy water. I'm not being flipped, I'm genuinely asking. I just don't know how the process works. Let's just become let's become bishops and make it Any bishops out there, priests, junior bishops, former priests. We'd love to we'd love to hear from you. Oh, demons can do Demons use email, especially right to us. If you're a demon, a voicemail would be even better. The Pope, I imagine you are busy, so right to us. If you have personal experience with exorcism, we've asked about this before, uh, and we don't directly mean that you have to have been involved with one, but you are knowledge of it, uh, the process, the history or the future of exorcism, because again, as we've said in previous episodes, exorcisms are provably Catholic and non Catholic, like, are provably on the rise and have been for a number of years. And we'll be right back with some more strange news. And we're back in in this uh, in the uncertain times, with Nibisco hoarding all the oreos they can, preserving them for the future, exorcisms on the rise, entire cities hopefully being cleansed of evil energy. We wanted to leave you a little bit of a little bit of a palate cleanser. Uh. Not sure what to call this segment, but I pitched it to the guy's off air. Finding a lot of stories of people who are somewhere between Darwin Award worthy and somewhere between like unsung very niche heroes or vigilantes. This story falls more on the Darwin Awards side of it. Uh. There is a person named Lisa Landon of New Hampshire. Lisa Landon is kind of brilliant, kind of brilliant, She's certainly got some hotspah. She was going to court uh for drug possession and a stalking case. To be clear, she was the stalker. Lisa Landon was the stalker and she was going to court in Hillsboro County. However, something bizarre happened in November. The prosecutors of Hillsboro County started to get suspicious. They heard back from a state forensic examiner who had been scheduled to perform what's called a competency evaluation on Landing. It's like are you fit to stand trial? Basically? And the examiner called the prosecutors because they said, hey, look, I noticed that you all totally dropped the charges against Lisa Landon for drugs and for stalking? UH? Should I? And they weren't being hyperbolic, they were just like, look, dude, I got other competency evaluations. Should I move on? Or do I need to do this since this person is apparently not going to court the file. This was news to the problem secutors. By the way, Assistant County Attorney Patrice Cassian noticed that apparently their office had failed to drop the charges against Landed, and they were hunting down. Imagine yourself in the office that day. You're hunting down all your colleagues and you're saying, like, hey, who let this alleged stalker just back into the wild. That's crazy that no one told me. Because I'm your boss, I should we should run these things through through the proper channels. Here's what happened. Uh, Lisa Landon impersonated a prosecutor and dropped the criminal charges against herself, which is just chef's kiss. I I we hear all the time about how local government databases and interfaces may not be as secure as they should, and this this person gives proof to it. She basically nineties movie hacker style got into the system posed as a prosecutor. And uh, she is now being charged with one charge of false personation, six charges of falsifying physical evidence. And I think, I think the stalk game is back on his back on the docket. So I wanted to bring this kind of like blodder true crime story, do you guys, because I want your opinion. If someone is smart enough, capable enough to do this, should they let the charges ride? I mean I don't. I mean, have you seen I need everybody to go to Union Leader dot com and search searched for this, find it and look at Lisa's mug shot if you if you look at her, if you look, it's wild faces front and center there. Yet, so the U the thing that's the thing that's interesting about it, I mean, being a little glib. Of course, you shouldn't get off of a drug in stalking charge or drug instalking charges just because, uh, you're clever and have a million dollar smirk. Uh. What she did was exploit the courts electronic filing system. Let's keep in mind also this is happening during the age of COVID, right, so she's not uh, she doesn't have to be in person as much or as often as someone would ordinarily have to be. The question now is whether impersonating a prosecutor itself is a crime in addition to you know, submitting fake papers. And that's where it's kind of interesting, because prosecutors are not explicitly mentioned in the list of people you can be prosecuted for impersonating. So is a prosecutor a law enforcement officer? I mean the answer is probably yes. But if you get a good like Clarence Darrow type in their legal lion in the courtroom, maybe they could make an argument. You know, hey, maybe this will be grounds for a competency evaluation that she'll fail. Who knows, that's amazing, No, you guys, I'm I'm gonna go ahead and call it. This one's going all the way to the Supreme Court for sure. I think you run all the money with the impersonating prosecutors thing. She she just went on their electronic filing system, submitted some documents, and she would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for those pesky other prosecutors and document filers and checkers. You gotta appreciate the hood spot though, you know, just because a lot of times what you see when people do things like this that you think are just impossible. It's just like the opport finding the opportunity and then taking the risk, you know what I mean, and then seeing where the chips fall, uh, And you know it can work, like I don't know. But like I said, I've mentioned I mean then on this show. But I've been watching the Fargo TV series a lot, and there are a lot of criminal masterminds in that show that just coast on their ability to do things that they think no one else is brazen enough to do. And and that's a lot of times a superpower in and of itself. The guy with the masks at the A t M with the with the old man mask, you know, robbing all the A t M s at the at the casino. You know what I mean, It's just so ridiculous that totally worked for a time or or the uh oh god, I learned a lot about bank roppers recently. Uh what I found out that a friend who would unfortunately passed was a career bank robber. And listen to this show, and again I tell you the bank robbing. First off, did the math for brain stuff video. You don't make a lot of money, but it encourages creativity. There was a case here in Georgia where somebody, uh robbed, did an impersonation robbery where you pay a bunch of people to be like extras or background actors, and then you dressed like that you have them all dressed the same, You dressed like them. You robbed the bank and then that guy like another guy. Uh wait, a guy did that and then literally ran to the nearby river where he had an inflatable raft weighty and made his getaway. And he's like he hasn't been caught. Uh, I don't know. We want to We want to hear your stories, folks. What are some of the craziest legal shenanigans? Are most creative crimes that you've heard about? Or if you wish to remain anonymous, the things you got away with per sally, we won't stitch. But if it's a good story, we would like to share it on air, doing as much as we can to preserve your identity. As McGruff always said, take a bite out of crime. Crime doesn't pay unless you are in politics. We're banking. And he also says Scruff McGruff Chicago, Illinois, six oh six five to scruff McGruff, don't take no guff from christ. And that's our show today. Uh, maybe we'll do Maybe we'll do like the we'll figure out a good name for this segment. Florida Man's already taken that's a little bit unfair to the state of Florida. We did an episode on why so check that out. But before we go, just a quick shout out to an absolute mad lad over in Germany who has uh created an electronic means of constantly ordering ice cream from every single McDonald's entirely to see whether or not the ice cream machine is broken. I don't know whether it's the hero we need, but it's a great story. Check it out for yourself. Uh, and let us do what other strange news is happening in your neck of the global woods. We try to be easy to find. You can find us on the internet. We're all over it. Instagram, Facebook, uh, reddits maybe uh, and then also Twitter. That's the one, thank you, Matt, we like to recommend. Here's where it gets crazy. That's our Facebook community page where you can find our favorite part of the show, your fellow listeners, Yes, for sure. And check out YouTube where we are conspiracy stuff YouTube dot com, slash conspiracy stuff. That's my son back there that you can't see, But he he is present right now as I'm saying this, Hey writer, Ah, there he is. Tell them where they tell them where else they can reach US writer and call us. Can't they give us the call? You know the number, You already know what it is. It's S T D W I T K. And if none of that quite stirs your coffee, never fear. We have one more way for you to get in touch with US. Pandemic nonwithstanding. Wherever you are, whatever time it is, you can send us a good old fashioned email. Where we are conspiracy at iHeart radio dot com. Stuff they don't want you to know is a production of I heart Radio. 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