In this week’s episode, our expert guest, John Howard, talks about his book, More Than Words: The Science of Deepening Love and Connection in Any Relationship, and shares what neuroscience is teaching us about emphasizing connection over communication. With tips for parents and couples, John’s insights help the listener refocus on connection for the benefit of ourselves, our marriages, families, and society. Join us for the conversation and learn how to create a deeper connection in your marriage today. 

0:00 – Introduction: Who is John Howard?
2:37 – Brain science in couple’s therapy
3:37 – Communication is out and connection is in
6:12 – Connecting through vulnerability: Why won’t he talk to me? 
8:08 – Connection Hacks AKA the language of the nervous system
9:30 – Our non-verbal communication speaks louder than words
9:55 – When NOT to have sensitive conversations?
11:35 – Moving beyond “I” statements to “we” statements 
14:30 – Skills matter more than compatibility
17:55 – Simple strategies to connect with your partner 
19:45 – Altering verbal communication into nonverbal connection
22:33 – Getting on the same level with my children
24:00 – Connect, direct, and then correct 
24:45 – Bridging marital blind spots with my partner 
25:54 – Having the humility to constantly be learning
27:20 – The personal strength that comes from healthily digesting feedback
29:33 – Is bad intent inherent in bad behavior?
32:45 – Seeing the world through your partner’s eyes: Merging societal polarization
35:34 – Introduction to John’s book More than Words.
39:29 – Refocusing your attention towards building connection
41:20 – Refrain from assigning intent to your partner
42:16 – How accepting diverse influences in life will benefit our connection
43:31 – The key to a stronger marriage connection



About:

John is a Cuban-American who grew up in New York City speaking Spanish. He didn't live with his parents as a kid and eventually left home at 15. After years of traveling and studying native traditions, John discovered the science of relationships as a powerful way to heal his own attachment wounds. He has taught the neuroscience of couples therapy at leading conferences, has trained thousands of therapists, and led a relationship wellness program for Google, Inc. He is the Founder of the Ready Set Love® line of courses for couples, the Founder of Presence Wellness, and teaches at the Dell Medical School in Austin, TX. In 2022, John released his book, More than Words that is high grossing on BookTok and expands on the principles John has taught in his lectures and in therapy for the entirety of his career.

Links:

getmorethanwords.com – Order John’s book here to receive bonus content (free chapter on attachment) and connect with John personally.

readysetlove.com

John Howard’s Podcast about his book More than Words


Insights:

John reminds us to be intentional with our attention –putting away our devices and distractions and really focusing on our partners. He indicates that one of the best ways to do this is by “stepping in the shoes” of our partner and practicing humility. Byrefraining from making assumptions about our partner, John illustrates that couples will grow stronger bonds that are focused on simple forms of connection and affirmations that will make all the difference to one’s relational satisfaction.

Invites:

  •  Practice nonverbal, primitive connection with your partner 
       o    Sit with your partner and take turns holding each other in your lap without talking for 2 minutes.
       o    Sit across from each other and look into each other’s eyes without speaking
  •  Merge your marriage by taking the RELATE assessment with your partner. Have a discussion together after taking the assessment and learn how “to see it from your partner’s point of view.” Though how you view things, or do things, may be different, practice validating your partner’s point of view and discover a new way you can develop your relationship going forward. 
  •  Practice skills-based connection
        o    Discuss with your partner what you view as “bad behavior” and why. Establish ways you can remedy this kind of behavior together.
        o    Write in a journal entry what makes you compatible with your partner. What do you love about them? Also, highlight your differences. List five ways you can connect with your partner that illustrate your differences and will help you grow together. 
       o     Have a conversation with your partner about how to approach challenges in your relationship with greater intentionality and commitment. Develop strategies that will lead to conflict resolution and connection. For lots of great conflict resolution strategies and tools, take the ePREP course offered free to Utah residents by the Utah Marriage Commission or visit UMC’s Tiktok for quick conflict resolution tips.



Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:

https://StrongerMarriage.org

https://podcast.strongermarriage.org

Facebook: https://facebook.com/StrongerMarriage

Instagram: @strongermarriagelife

Dr. Dave Schramm:

https://drdaveschramm.com

https://drdavespeaks.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU

Facebook Marriage Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579

Facebook Parenting Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642

Dr. LizHale: http://www.drlizhale.com/

In this week’s episode, our expert guest, John Howard, talks about his book, More Than Words: The Science of Deepening Love and Connection in Any Relationship, and shares what neuroscience is teaching us about emphasizing connection over communication. With tips for parents and couples, John’s insights help the listener refocus on connection for the benefit of ourselves, our marriages, families, and society. Join us for the conversation and learn how to create a deeper connection in your marriage today. 
0:00 – Introduction: Who is John Howard? 2:37 – Brain science in couple’s therapy 3:37 – Communication is out and connection is in 6:12 – Connecting through vulnerability: Why won’t he talk to me? 8:08 – Connection Hacks AKA the language of the nervous system 9:30 – Our non-verbal communication speaks louder than words 9:55 – When NOT to have sensitive conversations? 11:35 – Moving beyond “I” statements to “we” statements 14:30 – Skills matter more than compatibility 17:55 – Simple strategies to connect with your partner 19:45 – Altering verbal communication into nonverbal connection 22:33 – Getting on the same level with my children 24:00 – Connect, direct, and then correct 24:45 – Bridging marital blind spots with my partner 25:54 – Having the humility to constantly be learning 27:20 – The personal strength that comes from healthily digesting feedback 29:33 – Is bad intent inherent in bad behavior? 32:45 – Seeing the world through your partner’s eyes: Merging societal polarization 35:34 – Introduction to John’s book More than Words. 39:29 – Refocusing your attention towards building connection 41:20 – Refrain from assigning intent to your partner 42:16 – How accepting diverse influences in life will benefit our connection 43:31 – The key to a stronger marriage connection 
About:
John is a Cuban-American who grew up in New York City speaking Spanish. He didn't live with his parents as a kid and eventually left home at 15. After years of traveling and studying native traditions, John discovered the science of relationships as a powerful way to heal his own attachment wounds. He has taught the neuroscience of couples therapy at leading conferences, has trained thousands of therapists, and led a relationship wellness program for Google, Inc. He is the Founder of the Ready Set Love® line of courses for couples, the Founder of Presence Wellness, and teaches at the Dell Medical School in Austin, TX. In 2022, John released his book, More than Words that is high grossing on BookTok and expands on the principles John has taught in his lectures and in therapy for the entirety of his career.
Links: <a href="https://getmorethanwords.com/">getmorethanwords.com</a> – Order John’s book here to receive bonus content (free chapter on attachment) and connect with John personally.
<a href="https://readysetlove.com/">readysetlove.com</a>
<a href="https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/62-new-book-more-than-words/id1346852560?i=1000549768916&amp;l=ru">John Howard’s Podcast</a> about his book More than Words <a href="https://getmorethanwords.com"></a><a href="https://www.readysetlove.com"></a>
Insights:
John reminds us to be intentional with our attention –putting away our devices and distractions and really focusing on our partners. He indicates that one of the best ways to do this is by “stepping in the shoes” of our partner and practicing humility. Byrefraining from making assumptions about our partner, John illustrates that couples will grow stronger bonds that are focused on simple forms of connection and affirmations that will make all the difference to one’s relational satisfaction.
Invites:
  •  Practice nonverbal, primitive connection with your partner        o    Sit with your partner and take turns holding each other in your lap without talking for 2 minutes.        o    Sit across from each other and look into each other’s eyes without speaking   •  Merge your marriage by taking the RELATE assessment with your partner. Have a discussion together after taking the assessment and learn how “to see it from your partner’s point of view.” Though how you view things, or do things, may be different, practice validating your partner’s point of view and discover a new way you can develop your relationship going forward.    •  Practice skills-based connection         o    Discuss with your partner what you view as “bad behavior” and why. Establish ways you can remedy this kind of behavior together.         o    Write in a journal entry what makes you compatible with your partner. What do you love about them? Also, highlight your differences. List five ways you can connect with your partner that illustrate your differences and will help you grow together.         o     Have a conversation with your partner about how to approach challenges in your relationship with greater intentionality and commitment. Develop strategies that will lead to conflict resolution and connection. For lots of great conflict resolution strategies and tools, take the <a href="https://extension.usu.edu/strongermarriage/eprep">ePREP</a> course offered free to Utah residents by the Utah Marriage Commission or visit UMC’s <a href="https://www.tiktok.com/@strongermarriagelife">Tiktok</a> for quick conflict resolution tips. 
Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:
<a href="https://StrongerMarriage.org">https://StrongerMarriage.org</a>
<a href="https://podcast.strongermarriage.org">https://podcast.strongermarriage.org</a>
Facebook: <a href="https://facebook.com/StrongerMarriage">https://facebook.com/StrongerMarriage</a>
Instagram: @strongermarriagelife
Dr. Dave Schramm:
<a href="https://drdaveschramm.com">https://drdaveschramm.com</a>
<a href="https://drdavespeaks.com">https://drdavespeaks.com</a>
Facebook: <a href="https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU">https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU</a><a href="https://getmorethanwords.com/"></a><a href="https://readysetlove.com/"></a><a href="https://extension.usu.edu/strongermarriage/relate-assessment"></a><a href="https://extension.usu.edu/strongermarriage/"></a><a href="https://extension.usu.edu/strongermarriage/podcast/"></a><a href="https://www.facebook.com/strongermarriage"></a><a href="https://www.instagram.com/strongermarriagelife/"></a><a href="https://drdaveschramm.com/"></a><a href="https://drdavespeaks.com/"></a><a href="https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU"></a>
Facebook Marriage Group: <a href="https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579">https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579</a>
Facebook Parenting Group: <a href="https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642">https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642</a>
Dr. LizHale: <a href="http://www.drlizhale.com/">http://www.drlizhale.com/</a>

It's often said that marriage takes work. The Stronger Marriage Connection podcast wants to help because a happy marriage is worth the effort. USU Family Life Professor Dr. Dave Schramm and Clinical Psychologist Dr. Liz Hale talk with experts about the principles and practices that will enhance your commitment, compassion, and emotional connection. 

More than ever before, marriages face obstacles, from the busyness of work and daily hassles to disagreements and digital distractions. It's no wonder couples sometimes drift apart, growing resentful, lonely, and isolated.

The Utah Marriage Commission invites you to listen and discover new ways to strengthen and protect your marriage connection today!

It's often said that marriage takes work. The Stronger Marriage Connection podcast wants to help because a happy marriage is worth the effort. USU Family Life Professor Dr. Dave Schramm and Clinical Psychologist Dr. Liz Hale talk with experts about the principles and practices that will enhance your commitment, compassion, and emotional connection. 
More than ever before, marriages face obstacles, from the busyness of work and daily hassles to disagreements and digital distractions. It's no wonder couples sometimes drift apart, growing resentful, lonely, and isolated.
The Utah Marriage Commission invites you to listen and discover new ways to strengthen and protect your marriage connection today!

Stronger Marriage Connection

It's often said that marriage takes work. The Stronger Marriage Connection podcast wants to help because a happy marriage is worth the effort. USU Family Life Professor Dr. Dave Schramm and psychologist Dr. Liz Hale talk with experts about the principles and practices that will grow your commitment, compassion, and emotional connection. 

More than ever before, marriages face obstacles, from the busyness of work and daily hassles to disagreements and digital distractions. It's no wonder why couples sometimes drift apart, becoming resentful, lonely, and isolated.

The Utah Marriage Commission invites you to listen and discover new ways to strengthen and protect your marriage connection today!

It's often said that marriage takes work. The Stronger Marriage Connection podcast wants to help because a happy marriage is worth the effort. USU Family Life Professor Dr. Dave Schramm and psychologist Dr. Liz Hale talk with experts about the principles and practices that will grow your commitment, compassion, and emotional connection. 
More than ever before, marriages face obstacles, from the busyness of work and daily hassles to disagreements and digital distractions. It's no wonder why couples sometimes drift apart, becoming resentful, lonely, and isolated.
The Utah Marriage Commission invites you to listen and discover new ways to strengthen and protect your marriage connection today!

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