This week, Liz and Dave interview Dr. Steven Stosny – author, educator, researcher, and one of the top marriage experts in the world. Dr. Stosny explains the underlying causes of disconnection, anger, and emotional abuse and how compassion – the “lifeblood of intimate relationships” - has the power to overcome their detrimental effects in marriage. Join us to learn how to create a deeper marital connection today. 



2:00 - Dave’s Fave: “How to Improve your Marriage Without Talking about It”

3:20 - Communication is a function of connection.

4:35 - Communication isn’t about information in a love relationship.

5:50 – Connection is a mental state and a choice.

6:13 – Connecting with your man – touch first.

7:16 – Criticism is not an aphrodisiac.

7:30 – The underlying cause of disconnection: blame, denial, and avoidance

8:35 – Focus on what you want, not on what you don’t want

9:35 – Resentment – the root of inter partner violence (IPV)

10:00 - Act on your values, not your feelings

10:30 – Overcoming feelings of resentment with compassion

11:20 – Compassionate assertiveness

13:10 – It’s not your driving, it’s my anxiety

13:50 – People cannot be compassionate when they are defensive

14:47 – Compassion is the lifeblood of intimate relationships.

16:11 – Resentment and the laws of reciprocity and negativity

18:21 – Every couple is different – test the research hypotheses to see if they apply to you

21:16 – The core value skill

22:11 – Improve, connect, appreciate, protect

25:45 – Toddler brain vs the adult brain

26:04 – Abuse is the misuse of the power inherent in attachment

26:21 – The fuel of anger: vulnerability + threat

28:33 – Motivation for emotion: approach, avoid, attack

29:14 – Guilt in relationship is a distance regulator

29:51 – The core value approach to relationship improvement

33:19 – Dr. Stosny’s book, “Empowered Love”

35:01 – Attachment: the secure base

37:26 – Dr. Stosny’s website and resources (relationship bootcamps)

39:05 – Signs of emotional abuse – the failure of compassion

41:55 – How to have a deeper marital connection? Be true to your own values.

43:35 – Takeaways of the day



About [Podcast Guest]:

 Steven Stosny, Ph.D., is the founder of CompassionPower. His current book is Empowered Love. Among his previous books include, Soar Above: How to Use the Most Profound Part of Your Brain under Any Kind of Stress, Living and Loving after Betrayal, How to Improve your Marriage without Talking about It: Finding Love beyond Words, Love without Hurt, The Powerful Self, and Treating Attachment Abuse. He has treated over 6,000 clients for various forms of anger, abuse, and violence. He is an advisor Prince Georges County Circuit and District courts on domestic violence. He has appeared on “The Oprah Winfrey Show,” “The Today Show,” “CBS Sunday Morning,” many CNN shows, and in the New York Times, Washington Post, U.S. News & World Report, WSJ, Esquire, Cosmopolitan, O, Psychology Today, USA Today. He has taught at the University of Maryland and at St. Mary’s College of Maryland. His blog on Psychologytoday.com has over 20 million views. 

Dr. Stosny currently offers boot camps for chronic resentment, anger, emotional abuse and monthly workshops on various self-healing and relationship topics. 



Dr. Steve Stosny:

https://compassionpower.com



Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:

podcast.strongermarriage.org

https://www.facebook.com/strongermarriage



Dr. Dave Schramm:

https://drdaveschramm.com

https://drdavespeaks.com

Facebook:

https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU

Facebook Marriage Group:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579

Facebook Parenting Group:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642



Dr. Liz Hale:

http://www.drlizhale.com/



The information provided by the Stronger Marriage Connection Podcast is intended for general information and educational purposes only. The content of the Podcast is not a substitute for professional advice, marriage counseling, or therapy and no content should be construed as personalized advice. The Stronger Marriage Connection Podcast makes no representation or warranty, either express or implied, regarding its content or outcomes derived as a result of listening to the Podcast.

This week, Liz and Dave interview Dr. Steven Stosny – author, educator, researcher, and one of the top marriage experts in the world. Dr. Stosny explains the underlying causes of disconnection, anger, and emotional abuse and how compassion – the “lifeblood of intimate relationships” - has the power to overcome their detrimental effects in marriage. Join us to learn how to create a deeper marital connection today. 
 
2:00 - Dave’s Fave: “How to Improve your Marriage Without Talking about It”
3:20 - Communication is a function of connection.
4:35 - Communication isn’t about information in a love relationship.
5:50 – Connection is a mental state and a choice.
6:13 – Connecting with your man – touch first.
7:16 – Criticism is not an aphrodisiac.
7:30 – The underlying cause of disconnection: blame, denial, and avoidance
8:35 – Focus on what you want, not on what you don’t want
9:35 – Resentment – the root of inter partner violence (IPV)
10:00 - Act on your values, not your feelings
10:30 – Overcoming feelings of resentment with compassion
11:20 – Compassionate assertiveness
13:10 – It’s not your driving, it’s my anxiety
13:50 – People cannot be compassionate when they are defensive
14:47 – Compassion is the lifeblood of intimate relationships.
16:11 – Resentment and the laws of reciprocity and negativity
18:21 – Every couple is different – test the research hypotheses to see if they apply to you
21:16 – The core value skill
22:11 – Improve, connect, appreciate, protect
25:45 – Toddler brain vs the adult brain
26:04 – Abuse is the misuse of the power inherent in attachment
26:21 – The fuel of anger: vulnerability + threat
28:33 – Motivation for emotion: approach, avoid, attack
29:14 – Guilt in relationship is a distance regulator
29:51 – The core value approach to relationship improvement
33:19 – Dr. Stosny’s book, “Empowered Love”
35:01 – Attachment: the secure base
37:26 – Dr. Stosny’s website and resources (relationship bootcamps)
39:05 – Signs of emotional abuse – the failure of compassion
41:55 – How to have a deeper marital connection? Be true to your own values.
43:35 – Takeaways of the day
 
About [Podcast Guest]: 
 Steven Stosny, Ph.D., is the founder of CompassionPower. His current book is Empowered Love. Among his previous books include, Soar Above: How to Use the Most Profound Part of Your Brain under Any Kind of Stress, Living and Loving after Betrayal, How to Improve your Marriage without Talking about It: Finding Love beyond Words, Love without Hurt, The Powerful Self, and Treating Attachment Abuse. He has treated over 6,000 clients for various forms of anger, abuse, and violence. He is an advisor Prince Georges County Circuit and District courts on domestic violence. He has appeared on “The Oprah Winfrey Show,” “The Today Show,” “CBS Sunday Morning,” many CNN shows, and in the New York Times, Washington Post, U.S. News &amp; World Report, WSJ, Esquire, Cosmopolitan, O, Psychology Today, USA Today. He has taught at the University of Maryland and at St. Mary’s College of Maryland. His blog on Psychologytoday.com has over 20 million views. 
Dr. Stosny currently offers boot camps for chronic resentment, anger, emotional abuse and monthly workshops on various self-healing and relationship topics. 
 
Dr. Steve Stosny:
<a href="https://compassionpower.com">https://compassionpower.com</a>
 
Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:
<a href="https://extension.usu.edu/strongermarriage/podcast/">podcast.strongermarriage.org</a>
<a href="https://www.facebook.com/strongermarriage">https://www.facebook.com/strongermarriage</a>
 
Dr. Dave Schramm:
<a href="https://drdaveschramm.com">https://drdaveschramm.com</a>
<a href="https://drdavespeaks.com">https://drdavespeaks.com</a>
Facebook:
<a href="https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU">https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU</a><a href="https://www.facebook.com/strongermarriage"></a>
Facebook Marriage Group:
<a href="https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579">https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579</a>
Facebook Parenting Group:
<a href="https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642">https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642</a>
 
Dr. Liz Hale:
<a href="http://www.drlizhale.com/">http://www.drlizhale.com/</a>
 
The information provided by the Stronger Marriage Connection Podcast is intended for general information and educational purposes only. The content of the Podcast is not a substitute for professional advice, marriage counseling, or therapy and no content should be construed as personalized advice. The Stronger Marriage Connection Podcast makes no representation or warranty, either express or implied, regarding its content or outcomes derived as a result of listening to the Podcast.

It's often said that marriage takes work. The Stronger Marriage Connection podcast wants to help because a happy marriage is worth the effort. USU Family Life Professor Dr. Dave Schramm and Clinical Psychologist Dr. Liz Hale talk with experts about the principles and practices that will enhance your commitment, compassion, and emotional connection. 

More than ever before, marriages face obstacles, from the busyness of work and daily hassles to disagreements and digital distractions. It's no wonder couples sometimes drift apart, growing resentful, lonely, and isolated.

The Utah Marriage Commission invites you to listen and discover new ways to strengthen and protect your marriage connection today!

It's often said that marriage takes work. The Stronger Marriage Connection podcast wants to help because a happy marriage is worth the effort. USU Family Life Professor Dr. Dave Schramm and Clinical Psychologist Dr. Liz Hale talk with experts about the principles and practices that will enhance your commitment, compassion, and emotional connection. 
More than ever before, marriages face obstacles, from the busyness of work and daily hassles to disagreements and digital distractions. It's no wonder couples sometimes drift apart, growing resentful, lonely, and isolated.
The Utah Marriage Commission invites you to listen and discover new ways to strengthen and protect your marriage connection today!

Stronger Marriage Connection

It's often said that marriage takes work. The Stronger Marriage Connection podcast wants to help because a happy marriage is worth the effort. USU Family Life Professor Dr. Dave Schramm and psychologist Dr. Liz Hale talk with experts about the principles and practices that will grow your commitment, compassion, and emotional connection. 

More than ever before, marriages face obstacles, from the busyness of work and daily hassles to disagreements and digital distractions. It's no wonder why couples sometimes drift apart, becoming resentful, lonely, and isolated.

The Utah Marriage Commission invites you to listen and discover new ways to strengthen and protect your marriage connection today!

It's often said that marriage takes work. The Stronger Marriage Connection podcast wants to help because a happy marriage is worth the effort. USU Family Life Professor Dr. Dave Schramm and psychologist Dr. Liz Hale talk with experts about the principles and practices that will grow your commitment, compassion, and emotional connection. 
More than ever before, marriages face obstacles, from the busyness of work and daily hassles to disagreements and digital distractions. It's no wonder why couples sometimes drift apart, becoming resentful, lonely, and isolated.
The Utah Marriage Commission invites you to listen and discover new ways to strengthen and protect your marriage connection today!

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