Stronger Marriage ConnectionDr. Cameron Staley | A New Perspective on Pornography | #13
In today’s episode, Dr. Staley discusses how to develop purpose in life during and after compulsive sexual behavior usage, AKA pornography. Join us today as we discuss strategies of hope in recovery for spouses, parents and viewers of pornography,
*Trigger warning* Today’s episode dives into a discussion about the harmful effects of pornography on oneself and the marriage connection. We recognize this topic is sensitive for many and can be triggering for some. We also recognize that professional scholars have differing perspectives when it comes to pornography, or even using the term addiction. Our interview with Dr. Staley is one perspective on pornography and we hope today’s episode will provide you with helpful insights on this issue.
Time Stamps:
0:00 –Introduction: Who is Cameron Staley
2:19 –Pornography Addiction: Altering our terminology
4:40 –Finding true connection
6:25 –Are women responsible for managing men’s sexual behavior?
8:45 –Using more appropriate terminology: “Compulsive sexual behavior”
9:30 –Short-term satisfaction vs long-term emotional intelligence with pornography and masturbation
10:52 –The river analogy: kids and pornography
13:16 –Can we control our urge to view pornography?
15:00 –Emotions associated with pornography
17:10 –Managing emotional stress in relationships where one is viewing pornography
19:13 –Focusing on what part of yourself you want to grow
20:47 –Profiles of porn viewers: Are the stereotypes correct?
22:40 –An alternative to shaming your partner who’s struggling with porn
24:48 –At what age does porn viewing typically start?
26:36 –Compulsive sexual behavior as a coping mechanism for underlying mental health concerns, including trauma.
29:00 –Staying aware of your children’s struggles and building a precedent of communication
30:20 –Are phone filters an excuse to avoid having conversations with our kids?
32:33 –How should we react when our kids tell us they saw porn?
33:34 –ACT: Acceptance Commitment Therapy
35:50 –Additional resources: Life After Porn app, The Happiness Trap book, Life After Pornography program, therapy with Dr. Staley
39:05 –Acceptance and Commitment practices
41:26 –Developing a life with meaning and purpose
42:30 –Commitment –behavior in line with values
43:55 –The things that matter most are just on the other side of discomfort
45:40 –Hope and healing is available
46:10 –Feel it but don’t follow it –intentionally choosing to not follow the urge
46:44 –Where to find Dr. Staley and his resources
About Cameron Staley:
Dr. Cameron Staley is a clinical psychologist who is passionate about helping individuals improve their mental and sexual health. In his TEDX talk, Changing the Narrative Around the Addiction Story, Cameron shares details from his research and counseling experience regarding helpful ways to talk about sexuality and how to effectively reduce unwanted pornography viewing through Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). To make these principles more accessible to those who are struggling with pornography, he developed the Life After Pornography online program and the Life After Pornography Coach app. Cameron also provides online counseling services to residents of Utah and Idaho and coaching services for individuals seeking additional support in applying the mental and sexual health principles found in the Life After Series programs.
Links:
https://www.instagram.com/thelifeafterseries/
https://www.facebook.com/Dr.CameronStaley
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-life-after-series-podcast/id1499393371
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mNGg5SMcyhI
Life After Pornography App: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.getyourmarriageon.lap&hl=en_US&gl=US&pli=1
Insights:
Dave: Feel it but don’t follow it –intentionally choosing to not follow the urge. Dave illustrates that pornography users have the ability to overcome the urge and empower themselves to fight harmful behaviors.
Liz: Though compulsive sexual behavior is so prevalent hope for healing is still available.
Cameron: The things that matter most are just on the other side of discomfort. Putting forth the effort to be uncomfortable and progress will lead to a world of happiness.
Invites:
1. For Parents: Open the lines of communication with your children. When you witness pornography in your home open up a conversation with your children immediately about what they say, how it made them feel, and why the producers of that content decided to use that marketing strategy.
2. If you haven’t talked to your partner about pornography, find a time to do so. Sit down and ask about their experience with pornography and how it has affected their lives. Discuss your own experience with pornography.
3. If you are seeking recovery and hope, download the Life After Pornography app or find counseling with Dr. Staley or a professional near you. Hope is available through intentionality, take the time to be intentional by seeking long-term emotional intelligence over short-term satisfaction.
Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:
Facebook: StrongerMarriage.org
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Dr. Dave Schramm:
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU
Facebook Marriage Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579
Facebook Parenting Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642
Dr. Liz Hale: http://www.drlizhale.com/
