The specter of sports and sport-like activities has haunted StraightioLab HQ for years. This week, we finally attempt a unified theory of which sports are gay and which sports are straight with the help of our dear friend and Tiny Desk superfan Jaboukie Young-White. Plus: How much are you allowed to lie in a trauma-based memoir? What would Jesus' job be if he were alive today? And finally, is it ethical to be 29 years old?

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