Pushkin.

Pushkin.

What's ubsolvable? Listeners, It's me Ronald Young Junior, and I know it's been a long time, but I'm back with a very special treat in the form of my brand new podcast, Wait for It. That's spelled wei ght. You know that thing that some of us think about constantly. I'm bringing you stories about existing as a fat person in a world not built for you. Today, I have a portion of the first episode, and if you like it, I invite you to subscribe to the show wherever you listen. Wait for It is a show about the way we feel about our bodies. Consequently, each episode may include references to gaining and losing weight, eating disorders, weight loss surgery, and weight stigma. If these topics are triggering to you, please take care while listening. We have links to support resources for anyone who may need them in our show notes.

What's ubsolvable? Listeners, It's me Ronald Young Junior, and I know it's been a long time, but I'm back with a very special treat in the form of my brand new podcast, Wait for It. That's spelled wei ght. You know that thing that some of us think about constantly. I'm bringing you stories about existing as a fat person in a world not built for you. Today, I have a portion of the first episode, and if you like it, I invite you to subscribe to the show wherever you listen. Wait for It is a show about the way we feel about our bodies. Consequently, each episode may include references to gaining and losing weight, eating disorders, weight loss surgery, and weight stigma. If these topics are triggering to you, please take care while listening. We have links to support resources for anyone who may need them in our show notes.

Wait for It.

Wait for It.

I can't remember a time when I wasn't thinking about my weight. I was a kid with a huge appetite, and I remember the other kids and some adults would always say, you keep eating like that, you're gonna get fat. I remember in middle school pe whenever we had to play basketball and the coach would yell out shirts for skins. I immediately hoped to be on the shirt team. Even in college, I remember my friends used to pinch my nipples and then laugh when I would get upset, and at any of these individual times, I was objectively not fat, But with every incident that occurred with my body, it firmly put weight in the forefront of my mind. I wasn't always certain what it was to have a good body, or even an okay body, or most of all, how to be okay with my body. I dreamed of having the ideal physical qualities, muscular arms. I wanted to be tall, I wanted a beard, I wanted abs. I didn't want to be afraid of taking my shirt off. I wanted to be attractive, but I knew that being fat wasn't attractive, so I didn't want to be fat. However, one day I got fat. It happened in the last ten years. It felt inevitable in a way, like the people who said it would happen were profits. They were right about my eating habits. I felt ashamed. I tried to cover it up with the way that I look and dress, even down to the smallest successory anything that draws attention away from my weight. Even my personality feels a lot like a performance. I feel like I have to have a better personality than most people because I'm fat. If I'm mean or rude or get something wrong, I know the first thing folks are going to talk about is my weight. So I try to be funny and kind and always put others at ease. I generally make an effort to be relatable and agreeable, and a lot of that is who I am, whether I was fat or not. But because I'm thinking about my weight constantly, the stakes of every social interaction feel higher to me. I was talking with a good friend of mine, Jessica, and I asked her to describe my personality.

I can't remember a time when I wasn't thinking about my weight. I was a kid with a huge appetite, and I remember the other kids and some adults would always say, you keep eating like that, you're gonna get fat. I remember in middle school pe whenever we had to play basketball and the coach would yell out shirts for skins. I immediately hoped to be on the shirt team. Even in college, I remember my friends used to pinch my nipples and then laugh when I would get upset, and at any of these individual times, I was objectively not fat, But with every incident that occurred with my body, it firmly put weight in the forefront of my mind. I wasn't always certain what it was to have a good body, or even an okay body, or most of all, how to be okay with my body. I dreamed of having the ideal physical qualities, muscular arms. I wanted to be tall, I wanted a beard, I wanted abs. I didn't want to be afraid of taking my shirt off. I wanted to be attractive, but I knew that being fat wasn't attractive, so I didn't want to be fat. However, one day I got fat. It happened in the last ten years. It felt inevitable in a way, like the people who said it would happen were profits. They were right about my eating habits. I felt ashamed. I tried to cover it up with the way that I look and dress, even down to the smallest successory anything that draws attention away from my weight. Even my personality feels a lot like a performance. I feel like I have to have a better personality than most people because I'm fat. If I'm mean or rude or get something wrong, I know the first thing folks are going to talk about is my weight. So I try to be funny and kind and always put others at ease. I generally make an effort to be relatable and agreeable, and a lot of that is who I am, whether I was fat or not. But because I'm thinking about my weight constantly, the stakes of every social interaction feel higher to me. I was talking with a good friend of mine, Jessica, and I asked her to describe my personality.

Good question, really warm, outgoing, funny. I think that you have a really high level of emotional intelligence. But I think that sometimes that can be a blessing and a curse because you have really you have your self awareness? Is it spans why long? And all of that, And with self awareness comes a lot of pain.

Good question, really warm, outgoing, funny. I think that you have a really high level of emotional intelligence. But I think that sometimes that can be a blessing and a curse because you have really you have your self awareness? Is it spans why long? And all of that, And with self awareness comes a lot of pain.

Yeah, with great self awareness comes great responsibility.

Yeah, with great self awareness comes great responsibility.

So you are a soulmate friend, and you are like a lifetalk friend, and you're not afraid to be vulnerable. You not only tolerate the things that are uncomfortable, but you're like, let's get in it.

So you are a soulmate friend, and you are like a lifetalk friend, and you're not afraid to be vulnerable. You not only tolerate the things that are uncomfortable, but you're like, let's get in it.

Just as a friend I met as an adult, not from school, not at work, but working out together at this group fitness gym back in twenty fifteen. We both loved cracking jokes and we hit it off pretty quickly. At the time, we were both trying to lose weight, and we supported each other in our goals. We showed up to work out together at the gym and bonded, sharing details of our lives. Jess is actually a therapist and the type of therapist you'd want to be friends with. We often talked about weight and years ago. During those discussions, I remember I told her my reason for wanting to lose weight. Back then, what I would always obsess about was having a perfect moment. And that's because of like the kind of the way that love and relationships are depicted. Like it's always thin people falling in love, you know what I mean, It's always like getting ripped falling in love. It's about somebody losing one hundred pounds meeting someone falling in love. And I feel like for a long time and even I mean I'm almost a little embarrassed to say, but like to some extent today, it's always about like finding that perfect moment, and the only way I can get there is if I am a certain size.

Just as a friend I met as an adult, not from school, not at work, but working out together at this group fitness gym back in twenty fifteen. We both loved cracking jokes and we hit it off pretty quickly. At the time, we were both trying to lose weight, and we supported each other in our goals. We showed up to work out together at the gym and bonded, sharing details of our lives. Jess is actually a therapist and the type of therapist you'd want to be friends with. We often talked about weight and years ago. During those discussions, I remember I told her my reason for wanting to lose weight. Back then, what I would always obsess about was having a perfect moment. And that's because of like the kind of the way that love and relationships are depicted. Like it's always thin people falling in love, you know what I mean, It's always like getting ripped falling in love. It's about somebody losing one hundred pounds meeting someone falling in love. And I feel like for a long time and even I mean I'm almost a little embarrassed to say, but like to some extent today, it's always about like finding that perfect moment, and the only way I can get there is if I am a certain size.

So what happens in that moment.

So what happens in that moment.

I'm you know, I'm the right size, and you know it's just like a romantic comedy, you know what I mean. I just I meet the right person. I got that slick new promotion at the job, you know, I'm making good money. All of those are aligning, and you know it's a romantic enough setting that I'm meeting this person like I'm the perfect guy. I look the right way.

I'm you know, I'm the right size, and you know it's just like a romantic comedy, you know what I mean. I just I meet the right person. I got that slick new promotion at the job, you know, I'm making good money. All of those are aligning, and you know it's a romantic enough setting that I'm meeting this person like I'm the perfect guy. I look the right way.

So do you feel that where you are with your body and your self image aligns with you finding your person? Those are mutually exclusive to you.

So do you feel that where you are with your body and your self image aligns with you finding your person? Those are mutually exclusive to you.

Yes.

Yes.

In my mind, if I'm thinking about my weight, then obviously others are thinking about my weight too. It's probably working against me when they're assessing whether or not I'm an acceptable person. And that's why I'm always trying to make sure I'm giving good personality. And if I'm working this hard thinking about the stakes of social interaction, then you can probably imagine that for me, the romantic stakes are even higher. After my last breakup, I started spiraling even more about my physical qualities. I truly wondered if this was happening because I'm fat. I think about weight the same way I think about race. In moments of rejection or exclusion, as a black person always comes up in my mind. It's a regular running background anxiety in my head. Did I not get the job because I'm black? Are they staring at me because I'm black? What does it mean that I'm the only black guy here? And after a breakup, the ultimate rejection? There are similar questions, but all about my weight. Would it have happened like this to a smaller person? Did they give me a shot because of my personality and then couldn't get over how fat I was? If I weren't fat, could this have gone the distance? I'm thirty nine now, and it seems like everywhere I look, perfect moments are being had by other people. People are finding the love of their lives, getting married, buying houses, having kids. And I'm realizing I'm not even talking about moments anymore. They look like seemingly perfect lives, And of course I want all of those things. I think I deserve all of those things. But right now I'm really talking about something a little smaller. I remember one time I was sitting in the backyard with some friends and I was eating potato chips or something with crumbs, and I got some in my beard and on my shirt, and I was kind of a mess. My then girlfriend came over, laughing and confirmed, saying, you're kind of a mess. She wiped the crumbs out of my beard. Then she kissed me on the side of my forehead and put her arm around my shoulders. I felt the best I'd felt in a long time, and often I think about that moment. We broke up two months later. I think breaking up marred the perfection of that moment. But at the time I had some hope because at that moment, I felt loved in a way that I don't feel like I often get to feel loved. I wasn't certain that anyone knew would love me again as a fat man. Am I even an eligible bachelor.

In my mind, if I'm thinking about my weight, then obviously others are thinking about my weight too. It's probably working against me when they're assessing whether or not I'm an acceptable person. And that's why I'm always trying to make sure I'm giving good personality. And if I'm working this hard thinking about the stakes of social interaction, then you can probably imagine that for me, the romantic stakes are even higher. After my last breakup, I started spiraling even more about my physical qualities. I truly wondered if this was happening because I'm fat. I think about weight the same way I think about race. In moments of rejection or exclusion, as a black person always comes up in my mind. It's a regular running background anxiety in my head. Did I not get the job because I'm black? Are they staring at me because I'm black? What does it mean that I'm the only black guy here? And after a breakup, the ultimate rejection? There are similar questions, but all about my weight. Would it have happened like this to a smaller person? Did they give me a shot because of my personality and then couldn't get over how fat I was? If I weren't fat, could this have gone the distance? I'm thirty nine now, and it seems like everywhere I look, perfect moments are being had by other people. People are finding the love of their lives, getting married, buying houses, having kids. And I'm realizing I'm not even talking about moments anymore. They look like seemingly perfect lives, And of course I want all of those things. I think I deserve all of those things. But right now I'm really talking about something a little smaller. I remember one time I was sitting in the backyard with some friends and I was eating potato chips or something with crumbs, and I got some in my beard and on my shirt, and I was kind of a mess. My then girlfriend came over, laughing and confirmed, saying, you're kind of a mess. She wiped the crumbs out of my beard. Then she kissed me on the side of my forehead and put her arm around my shoulders. I felt the best I'd felt in a long time, and often I think about that moment. We broke up two months later. I think breaking up marred the perfection of that moment. But at the time I had some hope because at that moment, I felt loved in a way that I don't feel like I often get to feel loved. I wasn't certain that anyone knew would love me again as a fat man. Am I even an eligible bachelor.

Again?

Again?

I don't remember when I started thinking like this. I do see reinforcing evidence all around me. On the TV show The Bachelor, every dude that's selected is either thin or incredibly in shape, and comments are made about how attractive their bodies are on Love is Blind, despite that they're actively taking physical attraction out of the equation. Initially, the contestants are always trying to figure out how hot their potential mate is, or in some cases, how thin their potential mate is. And don't even get me started on The Biggest Loser, a show that spent years sending the message that life didn't even start until you lost the weight. From getting ripped, ads with most issues of Men's Health magazine to video Vixen's swimsuit models, and the countless ads preaching the effectiveness of whatever new weight loss method is that can be imagined up. Nearly every popular piece of media we consume reinforces the message that we're all supposed to be thin at the bare minimum. You could be anything you want to be, just don't be fat. And as a fat person, I hear this messaging loud and clear. Fat folks are seen for their non sexual qualities, hence me trying to have a perfect personality. They don't get to be just hot. And if I don't get to be hot, how will I ever get my moment? How could I ever become the perfect man? Having the perfect moment? A lot of my adult life has been spent waiting, Waiting for everyone not to be paying attention before I take my shirt off and get into the pool, Waiting for the flight attendant to surreptitiously hand me a seatbelt extender, Waiting until I lose a few pounds before I buy new clothes. Just a lot of waiting. It's felt like waiting to be perfect before I truly start to live. This show not only tells the stories of those waiting, but of those who can't keep the weight off their minds. I'm Ronald Young Jr. And this is wait for It, waiting.

I don't remember when I started thinking like this. I do see reinforcing evidence all around me. On the TV show The Bachelor, every dude that's selected is either thin or incredibly in shape, and comments are made about how attractive their bodies are on Love is Blind, despite that they're actively taking physical attraction out of the equation. Initially, the contestants are always trying to figure out how hot their potential mate is, or in some cases, how thin their potential mate is. And don't even get me started on The Biggest Loser, a show that spent years sending the message that life didn't even start until you lost the weight. From getting ripped, ads with most issues of Men's Health magazine to video Vixen's swimsuit models, and the countless ads preaching the effectiveness of whatever new weight loss method is that can be imagined up. Nearly every popular piece of media we consume reinforces the message that we're all supposed to be thin at the bare minimum. You could be anything you want to be, just don't be fat. And as a fat person, I hear this messaging loud and clear. Fat folks are seen for their non sexual qualities, hence me trying to have a perfect personality. They don't get to be just hot. And if I don't get to be hot, how will I ever get my moment? How could I ever become the perfect man? Having the perfect moment? A lot of my adult life has been spent waiting, Waiting for everyone not to be paying attention before I take my shirt off and get into the pool, Waiting for the flight attendant to surreptitiously hand me a seatbelt extender, Waiting until I lose a few pounds before I buy new clothes. Just a lot of waiting. It's felt like waiting to be perfect before I truly start to live. This show not only tells the stories of those waiting, but of those who can't keep the weight off their minds. I'm Ronald Young Jr. And this is wait for It, waiting.

Waiting for it, Wait for it, wait waiting, wait for it.

Waiting for it, Wait for it, wait waiting, wait for it.

All right, folks, if you want to hear the rest of the episode, subscribe to Wait for It. That's w E I g h T. The entire first episode is now available for you to hear, So go subscribe now wherever you listen.

All right, folks, if you want to hear the rest of the episode, subscribe to Wait for It. That's w E I g h T. The entire first episode is now available for you to hear, So go subscribe now wherever you listen.